Screenwriter Community |
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by Cindy Raspiller (supercindylou@gmail.com)
Rated: 
Genre: Miscellaneous
User Review: 
A five minute Macbeth, done in ten minutes.
This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.
FIVE MINUTE MACBETH
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INT. ACT I - DAY |
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FIRST WITCH
Hey girlfriends, what's up? |
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SECOND WITCH
Just chillin'. |
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FIRST WITCH
Cool, cool. So when am I gonna
get to see my homegirls again? |
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THIRD WITCH
I'm guessing when some battle's
over at sunset. |
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FIRST WITCH
Aight then, I'll catch ya'll on
the flip side. |
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They all exit. |
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INT. ACT I SCENE II - DAY |
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Enter Malcolm and Captain. |
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MALCOLM
Some soldier from the battle.
(To the soldier)
How'd it go? |
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CAPTAIN
Thanks to Macbeth, we won! |
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CAPTAIN
Then there was another battle...
But we won that one too! |
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2.
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CAPTAIN
My wounds are bleeding all over
your rug. Mind if I go? |
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KING DUNCAN
Sure.
(To Malcolm)
Hey, who's here now? |
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MALCOLM
The Thane of Ross! |
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ROSS
Guess what? The Norweyan Lord
(not to be confused with the King
of Norway) almost kicked our
butts, because the Thane of Cawdor
betrayed us. But Macbeth showed
up and saved us all! |
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KING DUNCAN
Huzzah!
(Pause.)
Now go kill the Thane of Cawdor. |
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INT. ACT I SCENE III - DAY |
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FIRST WITCH
Hey sistas! Where you at? |
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SECOND WITCH
We're killing pigs! |
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THIRD WITCH
Look! Here comes Macbeth!
(To Macbeth)
Holla! |
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Enter Macbeth and Banquo |
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MACBETH
Hey, nice weather we're having. |
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BANQUO
(To witches)
Damn, you're ugly! What ARE you? |
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3.
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ALL WITCHES
(Ignoring Banquo's
comment)
Macbeth, you rock! |
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BANQUO
Hey, I'm cool too! |
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ALL WITCHES
Macbeth AND Banquo rock! |
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SECOND WITCH
Macbeth, you will be the Thane of
Glamis, Thane of Cawdor, and King! |
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THIRD WITCH
Banquo, all your decendents will
be kings! |
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Witches vanish. |
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BANQUO
The witches vanished! |
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Ross and Angus enter. |
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ROSS
Hey Macbeth, the king thinks
you're pretty awesome, and says
thanks for saving our behinds. |
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ANGUS
And he made you the Thane of
Cawdor! |
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BANQUO
Oh my gosh, it's true! |
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INT. ACT I SCENE IV - DAY |
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KING DUNCAN
Did we kill Cawdor yet? |
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4.
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Enter Macbeth, Banquo, Ross and Angus. |
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KING DUNCAN
(To Macbeth)
Hey! I owe you one. |
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MACBETH
Don't worry about it. |
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KING DUNCAN
Ok. I'm so happy, I'm going to
make my oldest son, Malcolm, heir
to the throne! |
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MACBETH
Looks like I'll have to kill him
to fulfill my destiny. |
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MACBETH
Nothing. I have to go.
(Leaves.) |
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KING DUNCAN
Macbeth's so fly. Let's follow
him! |
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Everyone leaves. |
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INT. ACT I SCENE V - DAY |
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Lady Macbeth is reading a letter. |
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LADY MACBETH
(Reading from
letter)
Hey hun! Some withes today told
me I'd be Thane of Glamis, Cawdor,
and King! So far, I'm the Thane
of Cawdor, so we've got some
killing to do. I'll be home in a
bit.
Hugs and kisses,
Macbeth |
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5.
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LADY MACBETH
(To the Gods)
My husband is too weak to commit
murder. Grant me the stregth to
kill all who stand in his way! |
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Enter Macbeth |
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MACBETH
'Ello Chuck! King Duncan's coming
over tomorrow. |
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LADY MACBETH
Ok, we can just kill him then. |
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INT. ACT I SCENE VI - DAY |
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Enter King Duncan, Malcolm, Donalbain, Banquo, Lennox,
Macduff, Ross, Angus, and attendants. |
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KING DUNCAN
It smells good in here. |
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Enter Lady Macbeth. |
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KING DUNCAN
There you are! You're such a
great hostess. |
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LADY MACBETH
Thanks, I try. You're great too. |
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KING DUNCAN
Where's the new Thane of Cawdor? |
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LADY MACBETH
Struggling with his guilt over
having to kill you. |
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ALL WITCHES
Nothing, I'll take you to him. |
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INT. ACT I SCENE VII - DAY |
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MACBETH
I really don't want to kill King
D, he's such a nice guy. But I
have to, those evil chicks said I
(MORE)
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6.
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MACBETH (cont'd)
was to be king, and the only way
to be king is to kill the current
one. Oh woe is me! |
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Enter Lady Macbeth. |
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LADY MACBETH
The king's looking for you. |
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MACBETH
Oh woe is me! I can't kill such a
nice guy! |
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LADY MACBETH
Oh, don't be such a wuss. Look,
if you don't murder the king I
won't love you anymore! |
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MACBETH
(Pouting.)
Fine, be that way! |
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LADY MACBETH
Fine. Then we'll murder him in
his sleep. |
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INT. ACT II SCENE I - DAY |
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Enter Banquo and his son, Fleance. |
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Enter Macbeth |
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Awkward silence. |
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BANQUO
Hey Macbeth... I'm a little
troubled by those crazy witches
and their prophecies. Do you
think they're tricking us? |
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7.
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MACBETH
Silly Banquo, tricks are for kids. |
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Awkward silence. |
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MACBETH
Yes. Yes, they're tricking us. |
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BANQUO
Oh, good. I wouldn't want you to
kill me to get your way or
anything, you know? |
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MACBETH
(Laughs)
Oh Banquo, you crack me up! |
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INT. ACT II SCENE II - DAY |
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Enter Lady Macbeth |
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LADY MACBETH
(To Macbeth)
Did you kill King D? |
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MACBETH
I followed an imaginary dagger to
his room. He's dead now. |
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LADY MACBETH
Good. I was going to, but he
looked like my dad. |
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MACBETH
It's all good, don't worry about
it.
(Looks at hands)
Oh no! I left the daggers there! |
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LADY MACBETH
You idiot!
(Leaves, returns
with daggers.)
What would you do without me? |
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A knock at the door. |
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INT. ACT II SCENE III - DAY |
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Enter Porter, Macduff and Lennox. |
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8.
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MACDUFF
Did the king wake up yet? |
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MACDUFF
I'll go get him.
(Goes to get king.) |
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MACBETH
(To Lennox.)
Boy, it's been a rough night. |
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Enter Macduff. |
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MACDUFF
Ahh! The king's dead! |
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Enter Lady Macbeth. |
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LADY MACBETH
What's wrong? |
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MACDUFF
I can't tell you, it will crush
your gentle womanly spirit. |
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Enter Banquo. |
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Enter Malcolm and Donalbain. |
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MACDUFF
Your dad's been murdered by his
servants! |
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9.
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Lady Macbeth faints. |
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MACDUFF
Will someone take care of her? |
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MACBETH
It's all my fault! |
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MACDUFF
Oh, pish posh. His servants
killed him. |
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Everyone leaves. |
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INT. ACT II SCENE IV - DAY |
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Ross and some old guy are outside Macbeth's castle. |
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OLD MAN
I've seen lots of things in my
day. |
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ROSS
I bet, you're pretty old. |
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Enter Macduff. |
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ROSS
Hey Macduff. What's up? |
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MACDUFF
Malcolm and Donalbain ran away. |
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ROSS
Oh darn. I guess that means
Macbeth is king now. |
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MACDUFF
Yeah. So I'll catch you later. |
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Ross and Macduff leave. |
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10.
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INT. ACT III SCENE I - DAY |
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BANQUO
Macbeth's king, but according to
those witches I should be.
Someting foul's afoot... |
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Enter Macbeth, Lady Macbeth, Lennox, Ross, Lords and
attendants. |
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MACBETH
Hey Banquo! Want to join us for
dinner? |
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BANQUO
Sure, but I'm going to go for a
horsey ride first. |
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Everyone but Macbeth leaves. The two murderers join him. |
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MACBETH
Kill Banquo for me? |
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INT. ACT III SCENE II - DAY |
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MACBETH
I feel so guilty! I can't believe
I'm doing this! |
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LADY MACBETH
What are you doing? |
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MACBETH
I can't tell you, you're too girly
my dearest chuck. |
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INT. ACT III SCENE III - DAY |
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Enter three murderers and Banquo and Fleance. |
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MURDERER 1
Look! It's Banquo and his son! |
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11.
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FLeance runs away. |
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The murderers kill Banquo |
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Banquo dies. |
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INT. ACT III SCENE IV - DAY |
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Paaaartay! |
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MURDERER 1
Hey Macbeth, we killed Banquo, but
his son got away. |
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RANDOM DUDE
(From across the
room)
Hey Macbeth!! Come sit next to me! |
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MACBETH
(Seeing that the
seat is taken)
I can't, someone's sitting there.
(Sudden
realization.)
Oh no! It's the ghost of Banquo!
Ahhhhh! |
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LADY MACBETH
(To everyone.)
Ignore him. He's insane. But
don't worry, he isn't insane all
the time. Ok, go home now. |
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RANDOM DUDE
Damn, I was hungry too. |
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12.
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INT. ACT III SCENE V - DAY |
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Hecate and the witches are all gathered. |
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HECATE
Why are you helping Macbeth? He
never did anything for you. |
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HECATE
Good. Now make some bad
prophesies for him or something. |
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INT. ACT III SCENE VI - DAY |
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LENNOX
There's an army in England that's
going to come fight Macbeth.
(Does an Irish
jig.) |
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INT. ACT IV SCENE I - DAY |
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Macbeth and the three witches are gathered around a
cauldron. |
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MACBETH
Can you tell me more prophesies
about myself? |
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THIRD WITCH
Sure. Look into the cauldron. |
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Macbeth looks into the cauldron and three aparitions appear. |
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APPARITION 1
Beware Macduff! |
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APPARITION 2
No one born naturally will harm
you! |
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13.
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APPARITION 3
You have nothing to fear until
Birnam Wood walks to your castle. |
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MACBETH
Well then I guess I'll have to
kill Macduff. |
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MACBETH
Nothing. So has anything changed
about Banquo? |
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FIRST WITCH
Nope. His decendents will still
all be kings and stuff. |
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FIRST WITCH
Oh, and if the thought ever
crossed your mind, you can't kill
Macduff, aight? |
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INT. ACT IV SCENE II - DAY |
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Macduff's family is killed. |
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INT. ACT IV SCENE III - DAY |
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A battle scene. |
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MALCOLM
Scotland really stinks now that
Macbeth's ruling it. |
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MALCOLM
You think you'd make a good king? |
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MACDUFF
I don't know. Sure. |
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14.
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MALCOLM
I'd make a horrible king. I'm
just disgusting. I mean, I'm all
greedy and lusty and ew. I'm
disgusting. |
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MACDUFF
That's really disgusting. I don't
think I'd make a good king either. |
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MALCOLM
Ha ha!! I fooled you! I'm really
not that disgusting, I was just
testing your integrity. |
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MACDUFF
Oh... Um... How did that test my
integrity? |
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INT. ACT V SCENE I - DAY |
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Lady Macbeth and her nurse and a doctor are gathered in Lady
Macbeth's room. |
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NURSE THING
So what's the verdict Doc? |
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LADY MACBETH
I can't wash my hands of the guilt
or the blood! Oh no!
(Scrubs hands.) |
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INT. ACT V SCENE II - DAY |
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MACBETH
Seyton! My enemies are coming,
fetch me my armor! |
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MACBETH
(In a singsong
voice)
My enemies can't kill me until
(MORE)
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15.
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MACBETH (cont'd)
Birnam Wood moves!Not to mention I can't be killed
by a man because all men are born
naturally! |
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INT. ACT V SCENE III - DAY |
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MALCOLM
Ok loyal troops, why don't we cut
down branches from Birnam Wood and
carry them to disguise ourselves
as we advace on Macbeth? |
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LOYAL TROOPS
Good idea! He'll never notice a
whole forest moving! |
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INT. ACT V SCENE IV - DAY |
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A woman's scream is heard. |
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SEYTON
Sir! Macbeth! Chuck has died! |
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SEYTON
You know, you're beloved wife? |
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MACBETH
Oh... Well, we all die sometime,
right? |
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SEYTON
Oh no! Birnam Wood is moving
towards our castle! |
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MACBETH
Great Scot (That's me) it is! I
must fulfill my destiny. |
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INT. ACT V SCENE V - DAY |
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Malcolm's army lose their "disguises" and the battle begins. |
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Now Macbeth and Macduff have to fight. |
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16.
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MACBETH
Guess what!! I'm not going to
fight you, because no naturally
born man can kill me. So ha! |
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MACDUFF
Guess what! I was born by
ceasarian section, so I'm going to
kill you. So ha! |
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Macduff kills Macbeth. |
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MACDUFF
I'm the king of Scotland! |
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THE END |
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| Feedback |
| From Angela |
Date 7/10/2013 |
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| Funny. There were a few name-switchy-things (you put Banquo where Macbeth should have been; also, Malcolm becomes king, not Macduff) but still funny. |
| From Alex |
Date 5/28/2006 |
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| Hillarious! I understood it, and haven't read the full play. Excellently shortened. |
| From Alexi |
Date 3/24/2005 |
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| Haha, that was pretty hilarious, even if a little underwritten. Ever think of writing modern Shakespeare? |
| From Matt Sebben |
Date 1/18/2005 |
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| You so get four stars for this screen play. It was entertaining to no end on this very cold day. You know what would be really cool for you to do is to "rewrite the entire story of mcbeth" the exact same way. Sure it would be a hundred or so pages but it would be worth it. One thing add onto the old man more, he is really funny in the book and here is just sort of there. |
| From Rex Macaroe |
Date 1/10/2005 |
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| Finally! A play with the cajones to put the "genius" of Shakespeare into its true context. I offer you immense kudos for your triumphant masterpiece. You not only lived up to the tradition of Shakespeare, but also surpassed him on every front. |
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