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Five Minute Macbeth
by Cindy Raspiller (supercindylou@gmail.com)

Rated: PG   Genre: Miscellaneous   User Review: ****
A five minute Macbeth, done in ten minutes.


This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



FIVE MINUTE MACBETH

INT. ACT I - DAY
                                                            
                       FIRST WITCH
Hey girlfriends, what's up?
                                                            
                       SECOND WITCH
Just chillin'.
                                                            
                       FIRST WITCH
Cool, cool. So when am I gonna
get to see my homegirls again?
                                                            
                       THIRD WITCH
I'm guessing when some battle's
over at sunset.
                                                            
                       FIRST WITCH
Aight then, I'll catch ya'll on
the flip side.
                                                            
They all exit.
                                                            
 
INT. ACT I SCENE II - DAY
                                                            
Enter Malcolm and Captain.
                                                            
                       KING DUNCAN
Who's that?
                                                            
                       MALCOLM
Some soldier from the battle.
      (To the soldier)
How'd it go?
                                                            
                       CAPTAIN
Thanks to Macbeth, we won!
                                                            
                       KING DUNCAN
Huzzah!
                                                            
                       CAPTAIN
Then there was another battle...
But we won that one too!
                                                            
                       KING DUNCAN
Huzzah!
                                                            

2.

                       CAPTAIN
My wounds are bleeding all over
your rug. Mind if I go?
                                                            
                       KING DUNCAN
Sure.
      (To Malcolm)
Hey, who's here now?
                                                            
                       MALCOLM
The Thane of Ross!
                                                            
                       ROSS
Guess what? The Norweyan Lord
(not to be confused with the King
of Norway) almost kicked our
butts, because the Thane of Cawdor
betrayed us. But Macbeth showed
up and saved us all!
                                                            
                       KING DUNCAN
Huzzah!
      (Pause.)
Now go kill the Thane of Cawdor.
                                                            
                       ROSS
Will do.
                                                            
 
INT. ACT I SCENE III - DAY
                                                            
                       FIRST WITCH
Hey sistas! Where you at?
                                                            
                       SECOND WITCH
We're killing pigs!
                                                            
                       THIRD WITCH
Look! Here comes Macbeth!
      (To Macbeth)
Holla!
                                                            
Enter Macbeth and Banquo
                                                            
                       MACBETH
Hey, nice weather we're having.
                                                            
                       BANQUO
      (To witches)
Damn, you're ugly! What ARE you?
                                                            

3.

                       ALL WITCHES
      (Ignoring Banquo's
       comment)
Macbeth, you rock!
                                                            
                       BANQUO
Hey, I'm cool too!
                                                            
                       FIRST WITCH
Oh yeah...
                                                            
                       ALL WITCHES
Macbeth AND Banquo rock!
                                                            
                       SECOND WITCH
Macbeth, you will be the Thane of
Glamis, Thane of Cawdor, and King!
                                                            
                       THIRD WITCH
Banquo, all your decendents will
be kings!
                                                            
                       MACBETH
Cool!
                                                            
Witches vanish.
                                                            
                       BANQUO
The witches vanished!
                                                            
Ross and Angus enter.
                                                            
                       ROSS
Hey Macbeth, the king thinks
you're pretty awesome, and says
thanks for saving our behinds.
                                                            
                       ANGUS
And he made you the Thane of
Cawdor!
                                                            
                       BANQUO
Oh my gosh, it's true!
                                                            
 
INT. ACT I SCENE IV - DAY
                                                            
                       KING DUNCAN
Did we kill Cawdor yet?
                                                            
                       MALCOLM
Yep.
                                                            

4.

Enter Macbeth, Banquo, Ross and Angus.
                                                            
                       KING DUNCAN
      (To Macbeth)
Hey! I owe you one.
                                                            
                       MACBETH
Don't worry about it.
                                                            
                       KING DUNCAN
Ok. I'm so happy, I'm going to
make my oldest son, Malcolm, heir
to the throne!
                                                            
                       MALCOLM
Oh goody!
                                                            
                       MACBETH
Looks like I'll have to kill him
to fulfill my destiny.
                                                            
                       KING DUNCAN
What?
                                                            
                       MACBETH
Nothing. I have to go.
      (Leaves.)
                                                            
                       KING DUNCAN
Macbeth's so fly. Let's follow
him!
                                                            
Everyone leaves.
                                                            
 
INT. ACT I SCENE V - DAY
                                                            
Lady Macbeth is reading a letter.
                                                            
                       LADY MACBETH
      (Reading from
       letter)
Hey hun! Some withes today told
me I'd be Thane of Glamis, Cawdor,
and King! So far, I'm the Thane
of Cawdor, so we've got some
killing to do. I'll be home in a
bit.
Hugs and kisses,
Macbeth
                                                            

5.

                       LADY MACBETH
      (To the Gods)
My husband is too weak to commit
murder. Grant me the stregth to
kill all who stand in his way!
                                                            
Enter Macbeth
                                                            
                       MACBETH
'Ello Chuck! King Duncan's coming
over tomorrow.
                                                            
                       LADY MACBETH
Ok, we can just kill him then.
                                                            
 
INT. ACT I SCENE VI - DAY
                                                            
Enter King Duncan, Malcolm, Donalbain, Banquo, Lennox,
Macduff, Ross, Angus, and attendants.
                                                            
                       KING DUNCAN
It smells good in here.
                                                            
Enter Lady Macbeth.
                                                            
                       KING DUNCAN
There you are! You're such a
great hostess.
                                                            
                       LADY MACBETH
Thanks, I try. You're great too.
                                                            
                       KING DUNCAN
Where's the new Thane of Cawdor?
                                                            
                       LADY MACBETH
Struggling with his guilt over
having to kill you.
                                                            
                       KING DUNCAN
What?
                                                            
                       ALL WITCHES
Nothing, I'll take you to him.
                                                            
 
INT. ACT I SCENE VII - DAY
                                                            
                       MACBETH
I really don't want to kill King
D, he's such a nice guy. But I
have to, those evil chicks said I
            (MORE)

6.

                       MACBETH (cont'd)
was to be king, and the only way
to be king is to kill the current
one. Oh woe is me!
                                                            
Enter Lady Macbeth.
                                                            
                       LADY MACBETH
The king's looking for you.
                                                            
                       MACBETH
Oh woe is me! I can't kill such a
nice guy!
                                                            
                       LADY MACBETH
Oh, don't be such a wuss. Look,
if you don't murder the king I
won't love you anymore!
                                                            
                       MACBETH
      (Pouting.)
Fine, be that way!
                                                            
                       LADY MACBETH
Fine. Then we'll murder him in
his sleep.
                                                            
 
INT. ACT II SCENE I - DAY
                                                            
Enter Banquo and his son, Fleance.
                                                            
                       BANQUO
Hi son.
                                                            
                       FLEANCE
Hi Dad.
                                                            
Enter Macbeth
                                                            
                       MACBETH
Hi Banquo.
                                                            
                       BANQUO
Hi Macbeth.
                                                            
Awkward silence.
                                                            
                       BANQUO
Hey Macbeth... I'm a little
troubled by those crazy witches
and their prophecies. Do you
think they're tricking us?
                                                            

7.

                       MACBETH
Silly Banquo, tricks are for kids.
                                                            
Awkward silence.
                                                            
                       MACBETH
Yes. Yes, they're tricking us.
                                                            
                       BANQUO
Oh, good. I wouldn't want you to
kill me to get your way or
anything, you know?
                                                            
                       MACBETH
      (Laughs)
Oh Banquo, you crack me up!
                                                            
 
INT. ACT II SCENE II - DAY
                                                            
Enter Lady Macbeth
                                                            
                       LADY MACBETH
      (To Macbeth)
Did you kill King D?
                                                            
                       MACBETH
I followed an imaginary dagger to
his room. He's dead now.
                                                            
                       LADY MACBETH
Good. I was going to, but he
looked like my dad.
                                                            
                       MACBETH
It's all good, don't worry about
it.
      (Looks at hands)
Oh no! I left the daggers there!
                                                            
                       LADY MACBETH
You idiot!
      (Leaves, returns
       with daggers.)
What would you do without me?
                                                            
A knock at the door.
                                                            
 
INT. ACT II SCENE III - DAY
                                                            
Enter Porter, Macduff and Lennox.
                                                            

8.

                       MACDUFF
Did the king wake up yet?
                                                            
                       MACBETH
Nope.
                                                            
                       MACDUFF
How about now?
                                                            
                       MACBETH
Nope.
                                                            
                       MACDUFF
I'll go get him.
      (Goes to get king.)
                                                            
                       MACBETH
      (To Lennox.)
Boy, it's been a rough night.
                                                            
                       LENNOX
Tell me about it.
                                                            
Enter Macduff.
                                                            
                       MACDUFF
Ahh! The king's dead!
                                                            
Enter Lady Macbeth.
                                                            
                       LADY MACBETH
What's wrong?
                                                            
                       MACDUFF
I can't tell you, it will crush
your gentle womanly spirit.
                                                            
Enter Banquo.
                                                            
                       BANQUO
What's wrong?
                                                            
                       MACDUFF
The king's dead!
                                                            
Enter Malcolm and Donalbain.
                                                            
                       DONALBAIN
What's wrong?
                                                            
                       MACDUFF
Your dad's been murdered by his
servants!
                                                            

9.

                       MALCOLM
Oh, is that all?
                                                            
Lady Macbeth faints.
                                                            
                       MACDUFF
Will someone take care of her?
                                                            
                       MACBETH
It's all my fault!
                                                            
                       MACDUFF
Oh, pish posh. His servants
killed him.
                                                            
Everyone leaves.
                                                            
 
INT. ACT II SCENE IV - DAY
                                                            
Ross and some old guy are outside Macbeth's castle.
                                                            
                       OLD MAN
I've seen lots of things in my
day.
                                                            
                       ROSS
I bet, you're pretty old.
                                                            
Enter Macduff.
                                                            
                       ROSS
Hey Macduff. What's up?
                                                            
                       MACDUFF
Malcolm and Donalbain ran away.
                                                            
                       ROSS
Oh darn. I guess that means
Macbeth is king now.
                                                            
                       MACDUFF
Yeah. So I'll catch you later.
                                                            
                       ROSS
Okie doke.
                                                            
Ross and Macduff leave.
                                                            
                       OLD MAN
Bye!
                                                            
 

10.

INT. ACT III SCENE I - DAY
                                                            
                       BANQUO
Macbeth's king, but according to
those witches I should be.
Someting foul's afoot...
                                                            
Enter Macbeth, Lady Macbeth, Lennox, Ross, Lords and
attendants.
                                                            
                       MACBETH
Hey Banquo! Want to join us for
dinner?
                                                            
                       BANQUO
Sure, but I'm going to go for a
horsey ride first.
                                                            
                       MACBETH
Okie doke.
                                                            
Everyone but Macbeth leaves. The two murderers join him.
                                                            
                       MACBETH
Kill Banquo for me?
                                                            
                       BOTH MURDERERS
Yes sir.
                                                            
 
INT. ACT III SCENE II - DAY
                                                            
                       MACBETH
I feel so guilty! I can't believe
I'm doing this!
                                                            
                       LADY MACBETH
What are you doing?
                                                            
                       MACBETH
I can't tell you, you're too girly
my dearest chuck.
                                                            
 
INT. ACT III SCENE III - DAY
                                                            
Enter three murderers and Banquo and Fleance.
                                                            
                       MURDERER 1
Look! It's Banquo and his son!
                                                            
                       BANQUO
Run away Fleance!
                                                            

11.

FLeance runs away.
                                                            
                       MURDERER 2
Kill Banquo!
                                                            
The murderers kill Banquo
                                                            
                       BANQUO
Gah!
                                                            
Banquo dies.
                                                            
 
INT. ACT III SCENE IV - DAY
                                                            
Paaaartay!
                                                            
                       MURDERER 1
Hey Macbeth, we killed Banquo, but
his son got away.
                                                            
                       MACBETH
Ok, thanks.
                                                            
                       RANDOM DUDE
      (From across the
       room)
Hey Macbeth!! Come sit next to me!
                                                            
                       MACBETH
      (Seeing that the
       seat is taken)
I can't, someone's sitting there.
      (Sudden
       realization.)
Oh no! It's the ghost of Banquo!
Ahhhhh!
                                                            
                       RANDOM DUDE
What?!?!?
                                                            
                       LADY MACBETH
      (To everyone.)
Ignore him. He's insane. But
don't worry, he isn't insane all
the time. Ok, go home now.
                                                            
                       EVERYONE
Ok, bye!
                                                            
                       RANDOM DUDE
Damn, I was hungry too.
                                                            
 

12.

INT. ACT III SCENE V - DAY
                                                            
Hecate and the witches are all gathered.
                                                            
                       HECATE
Why are you helping Macbeth? He
never did anything for you.
                                                            
                       FIRST WITCH
We're sorry.
                                                            
                       HECATE
Good. Now make some bad
prophesies for him or something.
                                                            
                       SECOND WITCH
Will do.
                                                            
 
INT. ACT III SCENE VI - DAY
                                                            
                       LENNOX
There's an army in England that's
going to come fight Macbeth.
      (Does an Irish
       jig.)
                                                            
 
INT. ACT IV SCENE I - DAY
                                                            
Macbeth and the three witches are gathered around a
cauldron.
                                                            
                       MACBETH
Can you tell me more prophesies
about myself?
                                                            
                       THIRD WITCH
Sure. Look into the cauldron.
                                                            
                       MACBETH
Whoa, groovy...
                                                            
Macbeth looks into the cauldron and three aparitions appear.
                                                            
                       APPARITION 1
Beware Macduff!
                                                            
                       APPARITION 2
No one born naturally will harm
you!
                                                            

13.

                       APPARITION 3
You have nothing to fear until
Birnam Wood walks to your castle.
                                                            
                       MACBETH
Well then I guess I'll have to
kill Macduff.
                                                            
                       SECOND WITCH
What?
                                                            
                       MACBETH
Nothing. So has anything changed
about Banquo?
                                                            
                       FIRST WITCH
Nope. His decendents will still
all be kings and stuff.
                                                            
                       BANQUO
Shoot!
                                                            
                       FIRST WITCH
Oh, and if the thought ever
crossed your mind, you can't kill
Macduff, aight?
                                                            
                       MACBETH
Double shoot!
                                                            
 
INT. ACT IV SCENE II - DAY
                                                            
Macduff's family is killed.
                                                            
 
INT. ACT IV SCENE III - DAY
                                                            
A battle scene.
                                                            
                       MALCOLM
Scotland really stinks now that
Macbeth's ruling it.
                                                            
                       MACDUFF
True that.
                                                            
                       MALCOLM
You think you'd make a good king?
                                                            
                       MACDUFF
I don't know. Sure.
                                                            

14.

                       MALCOLM
I'd make a horrible king. I'm
just disgusting. I mean, I'm all
greedy and lusty and ew. I'm
disgusting.
                                                            
                       MACDUFF
That's really disgusting. I don't
think I'd make a good king either.
                                                            
                       MALCOLM
Ha ha!! I fooled you! I'm really
not that disgusting, I was just
testing your integrity.
                                                            
                       MACDUFF
Oh... Um... How did that test my
integrity?
                                                            
 
INT. ACT V SCENE I - DAY
                                                            
Lady Macbeth and her nurse and a doctor are gathered in Lady
Macbeth's room.
                                                            
                       NURSE THING
So what's the verdict Doc?
                                                            
                       DOCTOR
She's crazy.
                                                            
                       LADY MACBETH
I can't wash my hands of the guilt
or the blood! Oh no!
      (Scrubs hands.)
                                                            
                       DOCTOR
Yeah. Crazy.
                                                            
 
INT. ACT V SCENE II - DAY
                                                            
                       MACBETH
Seyton! My enemies are coming,
fetch me my armor!
                                                            
                       SEYTON
Yes sir!
                                                            
                       MACBETH
      (In a singsong
       voice)
My enemies can't kill me until
            (MORE)

15.

                       MACBETH (cont'd)
Birnam Wood moves!Not to mention I can't be killed
by a man because all men are born
naturally!
                                                            
 
INT. ACT V SCENE III - DAY
                                                            
                       MALCOLM
Ok loyal troops, why don't we cut
down branches from Birnam Wood and
carry them to disguise ourselves
as we advace on Macbeth?
                                                            
                       LOYAL TROOPS
Good idea! He'll never notice a
whole forest moving!
                                                            
 
INT. ACT V SCENE IV - DAY
                                                            
A woman's scream is heard.
                                                            
                       SEYTON
Sir! Macbeth! Chuck has died!
                                                            
                       MACBETH
Chuck?
                                                            
                       SEYTON
You know, you're beloved wife?
                                                            
                       MACBETH
Oh... Well, we all die sometime,
right?
                                                            
                       SEYTON
Oh no! Birnam Wood is moving
towards our castle!
                                                            
                       MACBETH
Great Scot (That's me) it is! I
must fulfill my destiny.
                                                            
 
INT. ACT V SCENE V - DAY
                                                            
Malcolm's army lose their "disguises" and the battle begins.
                                                            
Now Macbeth and Macduff have to fight.
                                                            

16.

                       MACBETH
Guess what!! I'm not going to
fight you, because no naturally
born man can kill me. So ha!
                                                            
                       MACDUFF
Guess what! I was born by
ceasarian section, so I'm going to
kill you. So ha!
                                                            
Macduff kills Macbeth.
                                                            
                       MACDUFF
I'm the king of Scotland!
                                                            


THE END


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From Angela Date 7/10/2013 ***1/2
Funny. There were a few name-switchy-things (you put Banquo where Macbeth should have been; also, Malcolm becomes king, not Macduff) but still funny.

From Alex Date 5/28/2006 ****
Hillarious! I understood it, and haven't read the full play. Excellently shortened.

From Alexi Date 3/24/2005 ***
Haha, that was pretty hilarious, even if a little underwritten. Ever think of writing modern Shakespeare?

From Matt Sebben Date 1/18/2005 ****
You so get four stars for this screen play. It was entertaining to no end on this very cold day. You know what would be really cool for you to do is to "rewrite the entire story of mcbeth" the exact same way. Sure it would be a hundred or so pages but it would be worth it. One thing add onto the old man more, he is really funny in the book and here is just sort of there.

From Rex Macaroe Date 1/10/2005 ****
Finally! A play with the cajones to put the "genius" of Shakespeare into its true context. I offer you immense kudos for your triumphant masterpiece. You not only lived up to the tradition of Shakespeare, but also surpassed him on every front.


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