Home Screenwriting Products Screenwriter Community Screenwriting Store
ScriptBuddy - Screenwriting Software for the Web

Screenwriter Community

Back to List of Published Screenplays
View/Leave Feedback

The Dead Prince
by Mike Tempalski (mtguitbox@earthlink.net)

Rated: R   Genre: Drama   User Review: *1/2
The world is fast approaching the end of days and people at large don't realizes it. Terra Lueckenbach, a Harvard college student, is pulled into the wake of the Dead Prince as he attempts to brings Hell to Earth.


This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



THE DEAD PRINCE

FADE IN:

EXT. DESERT - NIGHT
                                                            
The Desert sand flys under to an unknown location. The sun
bares down on the harshness of the surrounding waste.

The cloudless sky is barron of activity just like the
surrounding area, nothing is moving - not even the wind.

The heat is rising from the sand and visible on screen thru
the desert air. A pair of figures stand siloetted in the
sand.
                                                            
                       FIGURE 1 (LD)
      (F1 stands over F2
       his voice is
       everywhere)
Do you know what this place is?
                                                            
                       FIGURE 2
      (On the ground)
Ack...
                                                            
                       FIGURE 1
      (There's a smile
       in his voice)
No? Let me tell you then - it is
your future.
                                                            
FIGURE 1's grip visually tightens on FIGURE 2 and Figure
1's joints crack in anger, his eye's flare in rage and his
face is visible for the first time.
                                                            
                       FIGURE 1
It will be all you can think about
until you die and everything you
see afterwards; oh yes, Iíll make
sure of that.
                                                            
                       FIGURE 2
      (F2 is still
       choking from F1's
       grip)
Mmk..
                                                            
Figure 2 is on the ground - he's shaking uncontrollably.
                                                            

2.

                       FIGURE 1
(i really don't like this)I love
it when they jiggle like that,
itís so cute.
      (F1 drops his grip)
I must be going, I really dispise
this place... and you - brother...
Let me ease your pain
                                                            
Figure 1's arms become surraded, as if a pair of evil knives
come out of each arm.

Figure 1 grabs Figure 2 from the ground and holds his jaw
with one hand slicing at Figure 2's neck with the other. In
one quick motion Figure 2's head is detatched from his body.
                                                            
Figure 1 starts to leave - his back seems to transform into
a pair of large very pristene and beautiful wings. They
shimmer in the arrad sun dazziling with a series of flares.
Figure 1 stands upright from his former hunched position and
flies away, into the sun.
                                                            
Figure 2 is back on the ground laying so that his right hand
is pointing away and his left is seen almost immediately.
                                                            
                       WILLIAM
      (Off screen)
Terra... it's time to wake up...
Terra - Wake Up...
                                                            
INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT
                                                            
The ringing of a telephone starts as the last phrase is
uttered. A woman, TERRA, is jarred from her sleep by the
ringing. She doesn't jump up but is slowly roused - she's
grogy. The clock on her night stand reads 4:13.

She reaches over to the phone and picks it up and she slowly
answers. She raises her hand to her forhead - she now has
her eyes clamped shut as if trying to shake something from
her mind.
                                                            
                       TERRA
      (In bed of her
       apartment)
Mmmm.. hello?
                                                            
                       MAN
      (Over the
       telephone)
Yes I'm calling for Miss Terra
Lueckenbach?
                                                            

3.

                       TERRA
Yes this is Terra Lueckenbach, who
is this?
                                                            
                       MAN (OTP)
Sorry to disturb you Miss
Lueckenbach - but this is
Inspector Mills with the Lincoln
County Maine Shariff's
Department... I'm gonna have to
ask you to come in from Boston to
Youngblood manor as soon as
possible.
                                                            
                       TERRA
      (She blerts this
       out - she's tired)
How did you know I was in Boston?
                                                            
                       INSPECTOR MILLS
One of the servants let us know
were to find you...
                                                            
Terra looks troubled, she doesn't say why to Mills. But she
thinks the next line...
                                                            
                       TERRA
      (To herself)
Who the hell could have known...
                                                            
                       TERRA
      (Rubbing her head
       - she's visibly
       in pain)
I'll start the drive now...
                                                            
                       INSPECTOR MILLS (OTP)
We'll have someone at the
department for you, do you need
directions?
                                                            
                       TERRA
No Inspector... I'll be fine.
                                                            
INT. SHARRIF'S STATION MAIN OFFICE - NIGHT

Terra walks into the office not quite sure what to expect,
her eyes and head move over the room several times before
she approaches one of the officers.

The plate on his desk says the mans name is OFFICER MARINO.
                                                            

4.

                       OFFICER MARINO
      (Looks up from his
       papers)
Can I help you?
                                                            
                       TERRA
I recieved a call from Inspector
Mills, my name is Terra
Lueckenbach...
                                                            
                       OFFICER MARINO
Yes, of course - this way.
                                                            
Officer Marino leads Terra thru a series of desks to a
seperate office in the back. The frosted glass on the door
reads Ins. Fredrick Mills. It opens after Officer Marino
knocks.

INT. INSPECTOR MILLS OFFICE - NIGHT

Inspector Mills is an unorganized man leaving papers from
multiple cases on his desk and in filing boxes on the floor
of his office stacked several high rather than organized in
cabinates or drawers.

Even though his office is in shambles Mills is very clean
shaven and kempt. His once cheary face has grown old with
the age that witnessing many crime scenes can bring. His
proud appearance begins to falter as a second glance offers
a look at the weight that bares down upon him.
                                                            
                       INSPECTOR MILLS
      (He extends his
       hand for her to
       shake)
Miss Lueckenbach? I'm Inspector
Mills, I'm sorry that brighter
circumstances couldn't bring you
here.
                                                            
                       TERRA
      (She is folded in
       on herself, she
       dosn't accept his
       hand)
Yeah... can we get started? I'm
not really sure why I'm here.
                                                            
                       INSPECTOR MILLS
      (Takes back his
       hand)
Certianly. Please - have a seat.
      (He's silent for a
            (MORE)

5.

                       INSPECTOR MILLS (cont'd)
       moment)
Miss Lueckenbach - brace yourself
I have some bad news for you...
                                                            
                       TERRA
      (She braces
       herself for what
       she knows is
       comming)
I'm ready.(yeah that line - not so
much)
                                                            
                       INSPECTOR MILLS
Your grandfather is dead.
                                                            
                       TERRA
      (She begins to cry
       and she is
       sobbing as she
       talks)
Oh my... God... How? When?
                                                            
                       INSPECTOR MILLS
I'm... I'm sorry...
      (Annoyedly)
It's my job, Miss. You're the
only living relative so we had to
call you in. We found him at his
house after we recieved a call
from the butler yesterday.(stay
away from ED)... identifications,
wallet, hands, face/ head, blood/
DNA, marks...
                                                            
                       TERRA
I'd like to see him, NOW!
                                                            
                       INSPECTOR MILLS
Strictly speaking, Miss
Lueckenbach, I can't let you see
him. We've already IDed the body,
and it's not a pretty sight.
      (Rubs the back of
       his head thinking)
But you can get in for a hundred
dollars. (needs more)
      (Jots down address)
This is were you need to go - the
attendent's a bit of a bastard but
you'll get in without too much
trouble.
                                                            

6.

INT. MORGUE - NIGHT

The morgue is larger than you would think for a city of
Maine. Its sterelity comes across instantly - the gurnies
are awaiting occupants and one wall is covered in
refrigerators for the processed bodies.

The morgue attendent creeps out from behind sickenly clean
work space to greet his visitors.

His narrow frame seems to be skin tightly drawn upon his
skeleton and not much more. He has deep circles under his
sunken eyes and his fine black hair falls carelessly over
his head and his face.

He smiles a crooked smile and wrinkels fill his cheeks.
                                                            
                       MORGUE ATTENDENT
      (Thru his smile)
Goodevening, late for a field
trip...
                                                            
                       TERRA
I need to see my grandfather -
William Lueckenbach.
                                                            
                       MORGUE ATTENDENT
And I NEED to see papers little
miss, didn't the inspector tell
you that there are proticals to
follow? And I have my supervisor
asking lots of questions...
                                                            
                       TERRA
      (Hands him a
       crumpled hundered
       dollar bill)
Hows that for your paper? Think
we can skip proticals?
                                                            
                       MORGUE ATTENDENT
      (Almost singing)
This way...
      (Morbid, after he
       finishes he
       smiles to himself)
I must warn you it's not a lovely
sight... that is what's left to
see...
                                                            
The morgue attendent slinks past some gurneys towards the
refigreators. Terra follows closely not wanting to get left

7.

behind alone in the eerie emptiness of the room.

The attendent motions towards a refigerator door and steps
back.
                                                            
                       MORGUE ATTENDENT
IN there... you understand if I
don't stay... busy night.
                                                            
The morgue attendent skulks away to his own devices.
                                                            
                       TERRA
      (In her mind)
You don't have to go thru with
this...
                                                            
                       TERRA
      (Out loud)
I'm Fine.
                                                            
After a pause and without a word Terra reaches over and
opens the door. She proceedes to slide out the shelf
containing her dead Grandfather under a spotless white
sheet.

Terra pauses for a moment before she reachers over to take
away the sheet, her hand falters, but she slowly pulls the
sheet away to his waist.

She once again starts to cry as his broken body is revealed.
His face is barely recognizable with deep gashes and large
chuncks of skin missing. His mouth has lasurations on the
courners.

His torso is not much better than his face, his ribs are
exposed and most of his major organs missing. Terra turns
away to the empty room and cries into her hands.
                                                            
                       TERRA
      (Muffled from her
       hands)
MY God...
                                                            
                       MORGUE ATTENDENT
      (Apears from the
       shadows)
Yes? Oh, are you finished? He
needs to stay fresh.
                                                            

8.

                       TERRA
      (Steps back from
       open door she's
       still teary)
Yeah, I'm done... Can you tell me
what happened?
                                                            
He Steps over to close the door. She dosn't turn to watch.
                                                            
                       MORGUE ATTENDENT
      (Blankly)
At this point, it's all
speculation - really there was
nothing found at the scene that
matches these marks.
                                                            
                       TERRA
I see...
                                                            
                       MORGUE ATTENDENT
      (Smiles that same
       smile)
But that dosn't mean that you
can't find it for yourself, back
at the house...
                                                            
                       TERRA
I... what are you saying?
                                                            
                       MORGUE ATTENDENT
      (Still smiling)
I'm sure that you know that house
better than those lay about
cops... You could find something
that they missed. I called you a
cab.
                                                            
                       TERRA
Thanks.
                                                            
INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT

After ariving at her Hotel room Terra picks up her cell
phone and speed dials her friend JOHN. Even though it's
late he answers knowing that something must be up.
                                                            
                       JOHN
Hey you. What's up?
                                                            
                       TERRA
John - I... it's William, William
- he's dead.
                                                            

9.

Terra gets ready for sleep, she showers and settles in bed
to cry herself to sleep.

INT, HOTEL ROOM - DAY

After only seconds and a really cool fast motion effect it's
day, Terra wakes up after a restless sleep.

The signs are minimal, but it is slowly showing that Terra
has lost sleep. She gets up to answer a knock at her hotel
room door. She answers it and finds her good friend John
(how did he know?) at the door. She embraces him ready for
comfort.
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (Being carful not
       to spill the
       coffee that he
       has in his hand)
Sorry I couldn't be here earlier -
I can't even begin to know how you
feel.
      (Hands her a cup)
Figured that you could use some
coffee.
                                                            
                       TERRA
      (She goes to sit
       on the bed)
Thanks... (thrilling isn't it?)
                                                            
                       WILLIAM (VO)
My dearest Terra - wondering for
so long in darkness has left me
wanting so much for the future,
and for you. Unfortunately I have
run out of time on this earth and
was unable to aptly prepare for
your return. However I know that
you will be fine in the upcoming
endevor that you have to endure. I
shall forever be watching over
you, keep safe. The key enclosed
shall lead you to the enheritance
that I was able to prepare.
Remember... (clues)
                                                            
rework... at the mansion to John - she dosen't know where he
was - note in Dinning room - clean or no?
(move this section - keep description, no cops)
Outside the Lueckenbach estate - Youngblood Manor. It's a
large mansion that sits on a lonely hill. There are no

10.

nearby houses or neighbors.

In the front of the estate there are a number of state cop
cars and several cops as well. Terra is shown approaching
the scene. INSPECTOR MILLS comes out of the house to meet
her in the large front enterence.
                                                            
                       TERRA
It's the mansion - it carries
somre very unhappy memories...
      (Under her breath)
And none of them are mine...
                                                            
INT. YOUNGBLOOD MANOR - NIGHT

The two walk in thru the ornate double doors at the front of
the house and move towards the right and down the hall for
the Dining Room.
                                                            
                       INSPECTOR MILLS
      (While walking)
We arrived after we recieved the
phone call from one of the
servents. We found your
grandfather in the Dining room
when we got to the scene - but it
appears that he was dragged
here...
      (Stops just short
       of the Dining
       room door)
Other than the drag trail of blood
we have no clues...
                                                            
Inspector Mills leads Terra towards the dinning room door
which is propped open towards the inside of the room.
Inspector Mills stands on the far side and motions Terra
inside the Dining Room.

There is a body on the floor covered in a sheet that has
large blood stains on it, a hand with a large blue ring on
the index finger portrudes from the sheet. There is a close
up on the hand and the ring. The other hand (unseen) is
pointing at the fireplace.
                                                            
                       INSPECTOR MILLS
      (As she's walking
       in)
Miss Lueckenbach is that your
Grandfather?
                                                            
                       TERRA
      (Darkly)
Well you better find out who did
            (MORE)

11.

                       TERRA (cont'd)
this, because I'm not leaving this
house or Maine until you do. I
want some answers...
                                                            
                       INSPECTOR MILLS
      (Looking at her
       shaking his head
       in earnest)
I wish I could give you some...
                                                            
thru this - rework this too

THREE WEEKS LATER...

There is a cut back to the entry of the mansion. Terra is
pacing in front of a clock on a table next to the stair case
to the second floor. The clock is stopped at 4:13. A man,
JOHN, is sitting on the stairs, he's watching her pace.
(rework as marked)
                                                            
                       JOHN
Do you want to talk about it?
                                                            
                       TERRA
      (Looking away -
       she stops pacing)
There's not much to say... I saw
him laying on the floor of the
house I grew up in. The blood
trail leading from the hall is
gone and the blood spotted piece
of linnin was for my benefit-
shariff said he was in pretty bad
shape...
      (She starts to
       tear up)
I don't really want to talk about
it... It was hard enough to see it
in person...
                                                            
                       JOHN
It can seem impossible - but I
know you - you're the strongest
person I have ever met...
                                                            
                       TERRA
I don't know why you say things
like that when they're not true...
I've never been strong - I had to
run away to college to get out of
this house -
      (Under her breath)
away from the hell...
            (MORE)

12.

                       TERRA (cont'd)
      (Out Loud)
I could never talk to my
grandfather when he was arround.
I'm not old enough to remember my
parents death - but when I was
young I tried to run away to find
them...
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (Amused)
How far did you get?
                                                            
                       TERRA
About 6 blocks before I was picked
up by a cop - I've been running my
whole life, but i don't know from
what...
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (Looking away)
Terra, how long have we been
friends?
                                                            
                       TERRA
      (Distant)
All my life.
                                                            
                       JOHN
All your life - did you think that
for all that time I didn't know
what you've been thru?
                                                            
                       TERRA
No, I know that you've been with
me - when it was hard... but you
don't know this house like I do...
                                                            
                       JOHN
What is it about this house?
                                                            
                       TERRA
You know when something is so old
people say that it has its own
memory? Other people have another
word for it - haunted. Most
memories are harmless, some can be
painful, others can kill you...
                                                            
                       JOHN
And you can see these memories -
is that what you're saying?
                                                            

13.

                       TERRA
Yeah - sleeping and awake...
                                                            
                       JOHN
How long have you seen them?
                                                            
                       TERRA
When I moved in with my
Grandfather - after my parents
died, but he's never seen them...
                                                            
rework after this break - don't know where to go with it
                                                            
                       JOHN
I think we should start in the
dining room - isn't that were he
was found?
                                                            
INT. YOUNGBLOOD DINING ROOM - NIGHT

John and Terra are in the dining room where Terra's
Grandfather, WILLIAM, was found. There is a blood trail
away from the door and towards the center of the room and
next to the fireplace. How is it marked?

There is a flash of William lying on the ground pointing
towards the firplace - he's missing his head, and a good
portion of his ribcage is exposed to the bone and bloodied.

The flash ends and we return to the current time Terra falls
to her knees and is visually in pain - she's crying.
                                                            
                       TERRA
      (She pauses and
       cries thru her
       speach)
Oh.. God...
                                                            
keep this next section - but relocate to a more appropo
section how does John know this?(from here)
                                                            
                       TERRA
What is he?
                                                            
                       JOHN
Hate, fear, corruption,
self-loathing, he is full of
pride, it cost him his life - and
ours. He has many names. In
heaven he was named Morningstar
because of his beauty in communion
with the father.
                                                            

14.

                       TERRA
      (Looking at him)
I don't know if I can do this John
- what right have I to see these
things?
                                                            
                       JOHN
It's your blood Terra, you can't
change that - whether you like it
or not this is a part of you.
                                                            
                       TERRA
      (Under her breath)
We'll see about that
      (Out loud)
I should try and get some sleep
                                                            
                       JOHN
Goodnight Terra, sweet dreams...
                                                            
                       TERRA
      (Laying down)
I don't know why you say that -
they never come.
                                                            
She slowly falls asleep - don't know if you show this if you
do it's the end of the first act, fill in with transition to
the next scene...
                                                            
TO HERE
                                                            
 
EXT. ASYLEM AND CEMETARY - NIGHT
                                                            
rework not sure where to have this.

A house sits precariously on a hill it's long since been
abandoned by the owners and preprietors. The signs of age
are showing on the house, along with the lack of upkeep. The
harsh East coast weather continually eats away at the
outside.

There is a flash of lightning and we go back in time and
into black and white (maybe)

We see a barred window - one of several on this side of the
house, as the camera approaches the house cries of maddness
fill the air. They seem to be coming from all the rooms
except from the one we are approaching.

(not sure how to change this) The camera goes into a cell
thru the window a man is on the floor banging his head on
the steel door.
                                                            

15.

INT. ASYLEM - NIGHT
                                                            
way too close to ed - YOUNGBLOOD lays on the floor of his
cell, he's ranting to himself as he often does. He is in a
strait jacket as he talks into the door he continually bangs
his head on it, sometimes it's more frantic than others.

When he's whispering or talking slow his movements are
controlled and less frantic - his yealling is faster but
still discrenable over the howls of his neighbors.
                                                            
                       YOUNGBLOOD
He's taking me - he's comming. The
Dead Prince comes for his kingdom.
All shall fail - the covenent of
man is for naught because man
desires evil - NOT GOD! Fools! ALL
OF YOU ARE FOOLS, CAN'T YOU SEE
THE DEAD LURKING IN THE SHADOWS?!
HAS HE BLINDED YOU?!
      (He stands by
       pushing his head
       into the door and
       starts to walk
       arround the cell)
The... Dead Prince... DAMN YOU ALL
FOR BRINGING ME TO THIS - THE NAME
ARTUR YOUNBLOOD SHALL LIVE, NOT TO
BE HELD BY MERE BARS AND CELLS!
I'VE BEEN ASSURED BY HIM THE DEAD
PRINCE IS COMING!
                                                            
An Asylum GUARD is walking up to the cell Youngblood dosn't
seem to notice the next part is split in outside the cell
and inside it, as he comes closer he shows more concern for
the cell occupant.

The Guard is wearing a small cage over his head to protect
himself, even though all the inmates are in strait jackets.
                                                            
                       GUARD
You ok in there Youngblood?
                                                            
                       YOUNGBLOOD (OUT)
And in her was found the blood of
prophets, and of saints, and of
all that were slain upon the
earth... IN HER IS OUR DAMNNATION
- TERRA DAMN YOU YOU'VE CURSED US
ALL! Cursed... saints and prophets
betrayer of the world...
                                                            

16.

                       GUARD
(ranting) again Doctor? You had
better calm yourself down in there
- or I'll have to use force.
                                                            
                       YOUNGBLOOD (IN)
      (He walks back to
       the door, he
       resumes banging)
HIS VENGENCE SHALL BE SWIFT TO
THOSE WHO STRAY FROM THE LIGHT!
The Dead Prince shall forever
stalk you... WHORE OF THE AGES
LISTEN TO ME - DARKNESS WILL BE
YOUR GROOM... phornicaded in sin
his son shall be born mighty and
horrible. DEATH TO ALL BECAUSE OF
YOU... whore, witch, betrayer of
men... damnable woman - TERRA
LUECKENBACH, I WISH YOU ETERNAL
HELL AND FIRE! The darkness shall
have you, in the darkness wed,
darkness shall take you, to the
darkness bed.
                                                            
                       GUARD
Calm down Youngblood, I don't want
to have to do something that
you're gonna regret...
                                                            
                       YOUNGBLOOD
Telling the truth - to stop is not
so easy, he dosn't understand...
TRUTH IS YOUR SALVATION - THE
TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE!
                                                            
                       GUARD
Well you're not going anywhere for
a long time so settle down before
I anesticize you with my [billy
club].
                                                            
                       YOUNGBLOOD
      (He falls to the
       ground slowly
       leaning against
       the door - he's
       bleeding alot
       from his head)
He comes to take me... forgive me
- I've failed, death to us all -
forgive me...
                                                            

17.

Youngblood quietly dies against the door in a pool of his
own blood. The screaming from neighboring cells has
stopped... the other members of the Asylem seem to know what
has happened. The Guard appears clueless.
                                                            
                       GUARD
So long as your quiet... Crazy
bastard.
                                                            
Lightning crashes and the hill is briefly lit and the rain
redoubles its effort on the side and roof of the Asylem -
the noise grows and there's a flash fade to white.

Time goes further back and Youngblood in his own house, he's
finely dressed in the modern 1770's style - it's appearant
that he is well off, rich even.
                                                            
INT. YOUNGBLOOD HOUSE - NIGHT

Youngblood is paunch and about 45. He has a beard and is
wearing a powdered wig as was the style. He looks as if he
has been losing sleep, his voice is shaky when he speaks.

The inside of Youngblood's house is very opulent - the most
modern conveniences, indoor toilets, a basement, 21 rooms
and Arthur Youngblood lives alone with his servents.
                                                            
                       YOUNGBLOOD (VO)
It has been near a month since the
death of my parents. It has
finally come to me to look over
the family mansion. I am truly
alone, and being forced to start a
new life here in this budding
Maine community makes me uneasy
and I've often lost sleep in this
new endevor. My dreams have grown
darker as of late. They trouble me
as I make the mansion mine - these
dreams... I intend to live in
mansion as my forefathers have, to
continue the growing family
traditon. The mansion has its
secrets, of this I am sure. In my
time here, I have to make them my
own...
                                                            
                       YOUNGBLOOD (OL)
      (move to where
       appropreate -
       after he goes
       insane and
       rewrite)
            (MORE)

18.

                       YOUNGBLOOD (cont'd)
I tried... I tried to tell
them... But they wouldn't
listen... Damn them! DAMN THEIR
DOUBTS!! They didn't believe
me... the world in peril from the
Dead Prince... the death...
      (There is a shot
       of the cell floor
       - there are rats
       everywhere - even
       eating each other)
Instead they jeered and threw me
into this forsaken hell... a
place of soulless screams and evil
thoughts... reeking of fecies and
decay! Thinking me mad!
      (Chuckle)
The fools cast away their hopes of
salvation by locking me in this
damned asylum!!
      (He looks thru the
       window in the
       door)
MAY THE DEAD EAT YOUR FACES!! I
am now lost to your cause!!
      (Sobbing)
The Dead Prince comes!! HE WILL
DAMN US ALL!!
                                                            
Youngblood cries into the door of his cell - Terra is jerked
from her sleep...
                                                            
 
INT. AT THE HELLPOINT - DAY
                                                            
BOINK!
                                                            
 
INT. ENDING - YOUNGBLOOD MANOR, WHAT ROOM? - DAY
                                                            
The phrase "I DID IT" covers the once pristinely white walls
in crimson blood over and over.
                                                            
                       INSPECTOR MILLS
There's your confession - signed
in blood. We found Leuckenbach in
this room covered up to her elbows
with blood, most importantly on
her hands. She was over ____'s
body - it doesn't get any easier
than that Lou. Terra Lueckenbach
killed ___.
                                                            

19.

                       TERRA
      (As she's being
       carted away)
Murder? What the fuck are you
talking about? I saved the
world... where are you taking me?
                                                            
                       OFFICER MARINO
Yeah Fred, just like you said -
what'll happen to her?
                                                            
                       INSPECTOR MILLS
She's off to the Asylem up North a
ways. Damn shame that she could
go so off kilter like that, never
seen it happen.
                                                            
                       OFFICER MARINO
Nor have I... (more)
                                                            
                       INSPECTOR MILLS
Imagine Hell crossin over to the
end of days and Lucifer himself
coming thru...
      (Chuckel)
Poor little girl, the worlds not
goin to end...
                                                            
                       MAN
      (Over the radio)
Unit 57 what's your twenty?
                                                            
                       INSPECTOR MILLS
      (Into the radio)
This is 57, we're out closing down
the Lueckenbach Estate - is there
a situation?
                                                            
                       MAN
We have a Code 14 reported in the
financial distrect.
                                                            
                       INSPECTOR MILLS
On our way...
                                                            
                       OFFICER MARINO
Same shit diffrent day...
                                                            
                       INSPECTOR MILLS
      (To Officer Marino)
Yep - let's get goin Lou.
                                                            

20.

needs a transition scene - and i don't know if i like her
lines right here, rework and add "the darkness", don't know
how to change them

INT. ASYLEM - NOT SURE
                                                            
                       TERRA
I did it. You ungreatful fucks! I
saved you all! I DID IT! BY
MYSLEF! Let me out of here - this
is how you treat your savior -
locking her in a cell? DAMN YOU
ALL FOR THIS!
                                                            


FADE OUT.


Back to Top of Page
Leave Feedback
Feedback
From Gary Hornbeek Date 8/10/2005 *1/2
Ugh. I agree with the first feedback. Just too many errors in spelling and grammar. Plus way too much direction. Leave that to the shooting script. Spec scripts should never tell the production companies what type of song to lead in with, etc. Needs tons of work to clean it up.

From Chad Hager Date 7/11/2005 *1/2
This at this point is a disaster. You are writing more like it is a shooting script. It is terribly hard to read and that is not something you want when you try to market a script. The dialogue works mostly but there are some questions. It may be explained later but there is no way to identify a body without a head and it is illogical for the cops to bring her into the scene of the crime. Family identies bodies at the morgue. The family crest would not be an identifying feature. It has potential but take out the directions and your thoughts. It would make it a whole lot easier to read and enjoy.


Back to Top of Page
Leave Feedback
You must be logged in to leave feedback.
Home    My Account    Products    Screenwriter Community    Screenwriter's Corner    Help
Forgot Your Password?    Privacy Policy    Copyright 2014, ScriptBuddy LLC.    Email help@scriptbuddy.com