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by Tim (whitemidget654@gmail.com)

Rated:

Genre: Comedy User Review: NOT YET
RATED
A TV series in production. Limited series, probably only 6-12 episodes. Input is appreciated. This is only the first draft.

COMING AWAY

INT. RESTAURANT - DAY

EPISODE 1

ACT 1

We pan across a diner, bustling with people, isolating
random words of conversations, until we come across Justin
and Gary's table, where they are in a heated debate.

JUSTIN
(hushed and loud)
Dude, so you don't have a problem
with gay people? It's weird. It's
gross. It's unnatural.

GARY
(speaking quickly)
Who cares what other people do?
It's their lives. Is it unnatural
to have a child at 15? No. It's
weird, but not unnatural. What is
unnatural is that you call people
and things "gay". Doesn't that
mean that you yourself are in fact
gay? Well, Justin?

JUSTIN
Whatever dude, whatever.

Chloe sits down next to Gary, and Justin's attention is
turned completely to her.

CHLOE
Hey guys, how are your semester
grades?

            BOTH
      (both picking up
       drinks)
Fine, fine.

CHLOE
Don't lie to me. What's wrong?

FLASH TO:

Justin's room, which is cluttered with footballs and jerseys
and sweaty socks. His report card lay on the table, all F's.
The card looks as though it had been crumpled and burned
many times. Omnious music plays.

BACK

JUSTIN
I didn't do too well. Too many
circles to fill in.

CHLOE
Well, what about you, Gary?

GARY
Uhh..

FLASH TO:

Gary is asleep in front of the TV with an textbook across
his chest, and a binder lain across his face. (Is lain a
word?) The camera angles around to a calender hanging on the
wall. The week marked is Finals Week! Same omnious music.

BACK

GARY
Pffh. Everyone knows the college
degree is becoming less valued in
the job market, so why try?

CHLOE
Well are you going to get jobs,
then? Something?

BOTH
I'm holding out for a management
position..

CHLOE
(laughing)
You two are such like a couple,
it's not even funny. Well, I hope
your parents don't kick you out.

Chloe exits.

JUSTIN
What's Chloe mean about us being a
gay couple?

GARY
Did you hear her say "gay" at all?
No.

Gary pulls a fuzzy out of Justin's hair.

GARY

Now let's get to the problem at
hand. What are we going to do? We
need jobs.

JUSTIN
You really think our parents would
throw us out like that?

GARY
Well, not right away. It's the
sink or swim idea. Let's not worry
about it just yet.

JUSTIN
Let's just give it a couple days.

A COUPLE DAYS LATER...

They're sitting on opposite sides, but wearing suits.

JUSTIN
Didn't get it?

GARY
No. You?

Justin shakes his head.

A COUPLE MORE DAYS LATER..

Sitting on opposite sides again. Wearing suits.

JUSTIN
We're fucked, my friend. I can't
believe the comic shop didn't like
us!

GARY
Maybe it's because you said that
Star Wars was gay. No geek wants
to hear that.

JUSTIN
How do you know?

Gary holds up a Chewbacca figure.

JUSTIN
Queer.

EXT. STREET - DAY

Gary is sitting outside, with all his stuff, toys and things
surrounding him. Justin walks up and sits next to him.

GARY
I've been thrown out.

JUSTIN
Are you really? How absolutely
splendid.

GARY
You know, you're a total asshole,
you know that? You have absolutely
no compassion or foresight.

JUSTIN
What do you mean by "foresight"?

GARY
You're gonna get thrown out too.

JUSTIN
Ah, Gary, my sweet naive Gary. You
tell me that I am lacking in
foresight, when you are completely
wrong.

GARY
You found a job?

JUSTIN
No, I was thrown out yesterday.

Pan right to a pile of Justin's crap sitting outside of the
house next door.

INT. OFFICES - DAY

LANDLORDS
So do you have a job to pay the
rent? Or some cashflow?

Each answer and question is shown individually, because
they're taking their applications seperately at first.

JUSTIN
Uh, well...I'm really hoping for
my street performance to take off.
But other than that..

GARY
I'm actually in the midst of a
novella. It's about people
overcoming their problems.

LANDLORDS
Oh really? What's the title?

GARY
(looking around)
Uhhh.....Alarm Clock..

            JUSTIN
      (acts out each
       genre)
..Drama! Tragedy! Comedy! Hahaha!
So what do you think of my
performance?

A shot of the both of them individually, a Taratino-style
split screen is shown.

LANDLORDS
Well, unfortunately, I don't think
we can take anyone with little or
no income such as yourself. Have
you considered welfare?

BOTH
Fucking shit.

EXT. STREET - DAY

Gary is leaning against a brick wall, reading a comic book.
Justin sits on the curb.

GARY
How did it go then?

JUSTIN
I told him I was a street
performer. Apparently, I'm a
pretty bad actor. Drama! Trage-

GARY
Shut up. At least you didn't say
you were writing a novella called
"Alarm Clock Drama at the edge of
the Pier".

JUSTIN
Bit of a long title, isn't it?

            GARY
      (Sitting down next
       to him)
I panicked. So any other places to
go?

JUSTIN
Not unless someone just walks by
and offers something.

Aaron, Chloe's older brother, walks by. He notices the two
sitting, and sits next to them.

AARON
Hey, fellas. What's in the hap?

JUSTIN
Our parents threw us out, Aaron.
How's Chloe?

AARON
She's fine. Mom's worried about
her dating situation. Why did they
throw you out?

GARY
We aren't living 'their'
lifestyle.

AARON
You mean...

JUSTIN
Yeah, they kicked us out.

AARON
Aw, I'm sorry. You'd think they'd
support you and all that,
considering they're your parents.

Well, I got some good news.
There's an apartment for guys like
you two. I know the landlord,
she'll house you guys cheap until
you can get on your feet. Come on.

GARY
Great, thanks!

(after Aaron walks away)
Guys like us?

They follow him. The shot lingers for a moment on Justin's
stuff. A small boy walks up and takes a bunch of his stuff,
running away and giggling.

EXT. OUTSIDE BUILDING - DAY

A shot of the three of them looking at a sign, which is not
visible to us.

AARON
Well, here we are. Didn't know
they did this, did you?

JUSTIN
No. I kind of thought it was
illegal to.

AARON
Naw, they take anyone. Not just
people like you.

GARY
People like..us. Tell me, Aaron.
How long have you known about us?
And how long have you been..

AARON
Well, I've been since high school.
I've figured about you two. I see
the way you two interact. It's
obvious. It's clear to someone
with no radar whatsoever, even.

As Aaron walks into the building, the camera turns around to

show the sign - "Joshua Boarding House for those of a
'different' lifestyle". The sign has gay pride stickers and
graffitti all over it.

JUSTIN
(turning to Gary)
So..

GARY
He thinks we're gay.

JUSTIN
Yeah.

GARY
This makes no sense.

FLASH TO:

Assorted snapshots of Aaron with a different girl,
provocative poses, are thrown one by one on a table.

GARY (vo)
Wasn't he with a different girl,
like every month? It was like he
was some guy on a sitcom. I never
understood that.

BACK

JUSTIN
What didn't you understand?

GARY
How some of these guys on TV had a
different woman all the time.
Someone like George Costanza. He's
not exactly pretty, and he's
neurotic. Somehow he landed some
woman most of the time.

JUSTIN
Because it's TV, Gary. They make
ridiculous plots up to entertain.
There's always gonna be someone
asking questions about TV.

They begin to walk away from the sign, which the camera
lingers on with game show music.

INT. APARTMENT BUILDING - DAY

They begin to walk down a hallway, and we see that Aaron is
about five feet ahead of them.

AARON
You guys nervous?

GARY
(uneasily)
Not as nervous as when we..well,
you know.

AARON
Well, of course. That moment will
change every type of nervous
feeling you ever have again.

JUSTIN
(whispering)
So what do we do? Pretend to be
gay? That's so queer and
unnatural.

GARY
Do you even listen to yourself
talk? It looks like we might have
to pretend. Just for a little
while. You gonna be comfortable
with this?

            JUSTIN
      (whispering and
       shouting)
Of course not! I don't wanna have
to grope you just to get housing.

INT. APARTMENT - DAY

A quick POV shot of inside the apartment, scanning it.
Morgan, aka "The Steel Box" stands with them. She's a bit
taller and stockier, 'wears leather gloves' type of girl.

JUSTIN
(grabs Gary's hand)
Don't you love it, honey?

GARY
It's real nice, yeah. So how much?
We only have about 300 dollars
between the two of us.

10.

MORGAN
Well, consider it a down payment,
but you must promise to me that
you will each have work within the
month. I'll even refer you two.

JUSTIN
What happens if we can't find
work?

MORGAN
Well, the landlord tells me to
throw you out, usually. Unless you
work out a deal or something.

AARON
Wait, what? You're telling me
there's some sort of mafia
operation or something?

Morgan gives an evil grin.

JUSTIN
We'll take it!

INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT

ACT 2

Justin lies on the couch, while Gary sits on the floor,
reading a book. The TV's blaring, and Justin doesn't seem to
be interested.

JUSTIN
God, this was such a bad idea.
(looks to Gary)
Are you even listening?

GARY
To you bitching and moaning? It's
exciting. The aural equivalent of
running over a cat with a zamboni.

JUSTIN
That doesn't make sense. But it
makes more sense than us
pretending to be gay.

GARY
Find a job, and we won't have to
pretend for too long, okay, sugar?

11.

            JUSTIN
      (not noticing the
       previous comment)
You're right. I'm blowing this out
of proportion.

Shouldn't we unpack?

GARY
Everything was all strewn about
outside, and it took real long
bringing it in. I assumed we would
do it tomorrow.

A knock at their door, and they both shoot worried glances
to each other.

JUSTIN
Five bucks says it's Morgan.

GARY
(Getting up)
You're on.

Gary opens the door, and it's Aaron. He's carrying two six
packs of beer, one under his arm.

AARON
Kevin, he lives down the hall,
he's having a party. Told me to
bring people. I don't really feel
like going, so do you feel like
coming? Keep me company?

            JUSTIN
      (handing five
       bucks to Gary)
Why don't you just not go?

AARON
Well, he's an ex. We still talk.
You know what I mean?

GARY
Uh...yeah.. Totally. Speaking of
dating, what did you mean about
Chloe's dating situation before?

12.

            AARON
Oh, she didn't tell you? She's
going back with Mark.
      (noticiing Gary's
       reaction)
Yeah, I know.

GARY
That guy is a fucking douchebag,
and I still hate him for what he
did.

            JUSTIN
      (cuddling up to
       Gary)
You know, I'm still not clear on
what exactly happened there.

Gary's eyes stare off into the distance, and sounds of a
bike smashing into a car are heard. SQUEAL, SMASH, DROP!

            JUSTIN
      (Jolting him from
       his dream)
Come on!

INT. KEVIN'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

The party is fairly kicking, and Kevin's apartment is
noticeably bigger than Gary and Justin's. Mostly guys are at
the party, a few girls. Music is playing, and three people
are playing a game, gathered around a cardtable. Kevin
approaches Justin, Gary, and Aaron. He's more conservatively
dressed than Aaron. Aaron greets him with a friendly hug.

            KEVIN
      (speaking
       extremely quick)
Aaron! It's great to see you! How
long has it been? Like a month,
two, three, four, ninety seven?
Gaaaawwwwwd!

AARON
Kev! Hey! Well, these are my
sister's friends, Justin and Gary.
They just got together officially
recently.

Gary forces a smile towards Kevin. Justin doesn't seem to
really care.

13.

KEVIN
Aw, that's great! How long have
you two known?

JUSTIN
(interrupting Gary)
Well, approximately a year ago, I
knew I wanted Gary, or as I call
him -

            GARY
      (stopping Justin,
       laughing)
Are you trying to embrass me?

Kevin and Aaron exchange a glance, that suggests they've
seen this before, and they lead our heroes into the party
further. Justin notices the game the three are playing, and
heads toward them.

CUT TO: GAMING AREA.

As Justin walks to the table, we see that it's the standard
drinking card game - Texas Hold'Em. Justin looks pleased,
and leans in to speak to one of the players.

JUSTIN
Hey, can I get in?

The man he addresses, Lupe, regards him with a look of
contempt. He takes the cigarette out of his mouth. He's
kind of a gay toughguy, like noticeably gay, but not a
fairy.

LUPE
For you - 5 dollar buy-in. Only
because you're cute.

Justin looks unsure how to react, and begins digging through
his pockets. Obviously no cash could be found, so he
frantically runs off screen.

CUT TO: GARY AND TRISH AT MINI-BAR.

Gary holds a drink, and looks as though he's had at least a
few in him. Trish doesn't seem to notice, seems to be
enjoying herself, as Gary speaks to her.

GARY
So she decides to go back with
Mark! What a bitch, just now, more
than before, I realized -

14.

TRISH
How happy you're gay?

GARY
Well, I'm gay, but I'm openminded,
dear. I haven't been with a woman
to this day, and -

Justin runs in from off-screen.

            JUSTIN
      (heaving)
Dude..I need the five you gave
me..Texas Hold'Em..
      (notices Trish,
       stops heaving.
       Begins to turn
       noticeably red
       for the remainder
       of the scene,
       like he's holding
       his breath.)
Hi, how are you, you're quite
cute. I'm Gary's friend Justin,
call me sometime.
      (taking the five
       from Gary)
I love you, dear. Bye!

Justin gives him a peck on the cheek and runs off.

            GARY
      (nervously
       laughing)
Uh, he's straight. Have I got
stories about this guy, hahaha!

CUT TO: POKER TABLE.

Justin sits down at the open seat, releasing a huge breath.
His color returns, and places his money on the table. Music
reminiscent of the film "The Sting" begins to play.

            JUSTIN
Let's play, Lupe.
      (realizes his
       rhyme)
I'm sorry.

            LUPE
      (glancing to
       dealer)
            (MORE)

15.

LUPE (cont'd)
It's okay, it happens all of the
time. But you're going down.

The dealer begins to pass around cards, to only four other
players, someone got up and left before Justin decided to
play.

CUT TO: GARY AND TRISH

Gary is a little bit more tipsy now, and Trish is laughing,
as Gary is in the middle of a story.

GARY
- so I told Justin, "What are you
doing? It's Gary, not Chloe!"

It's not clear to us why this is funny, but Trish laughs
anyway, nearly falling from the stool she sits in. She gives
Gary a sexy drunken look, and they walk off camera to the
left.

INT. GAMING TABLE - NIGHT

ACT 3

The camera slowly circles the table, which has become
particularly smoky. We find out why - Justin has borrowed a
Virgnia Slim from someone and lit up. He doesn't smoke. Two
people fold in the course of the camera spins. Only Lupe and
Justin remain. The community cards on the table have no
relevance to the win.

            LUPE
      (tough voice)
Whaddya got? Hopefully not two
kings.
      (throwing his
       cards in the
       middle)

Eastwood-esque close up on Justin's eyes. A honky-tonky
piano begins playing, and the rumble in the room becomes
more pronounced, like a Western saloon.

            JUSTIN
      (imitiating Lupe's
       tough voice)
I don't know, maybe I do.

16.

CLOSE UP ON HIS HAND: TWO ACES.

            LUPE
      (tough voice,
       flicks cigarette
       ash)
Well, then put them out.

            JUSTIN
      (tough voice. In
       mid line, he
       hacks and coughs.
       Spitting out the
       cigarette, he
       goes back to his
       normal voice.)
Maybe- hack cough- Maybe I will,
Lupe.

Justin throws out his cards, and they slow-motion on the
table. BOOM! A close up on Lupe, who looks like he had just
been shot. Everyone cheers for some reason, and Justin
begins to rake in the chips.

            JUSTIN
      (rising from the
       table)
Well, gentlemen, I -

Record scratch. The Western elements are gone, and the
people at the table eye Justin confusedly.

LUPE
That was only the first hand,
Justin.

            JUSTIN
      (Western elements
       roll back in. He
       does the tough
       voice)
I knew that.
      (he sits back down)

CUT TO: GARY AND TRISH IN A BEDROOM

Trish is kissing Gary, who seems preoccupied with undoing
her bra. The camera slowly pulls in on Gary.

GARY'S INNER MONOLOGUE
Hello? Gary!!!

17.

GARY
(mumbling to self)
What? I'm fucking busy.

GARY'S INNER MONOLOGUE
Aren't you forgetting something?
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE GAY!

GARY
I don't care. She's hot.

Trish notices and stops kissing him. She gives him an odd
look.

TRISH
You okay?

            GARY
      (blinks, as if
       from a trance)
Oh. Yeah! Of course!

They slowly resume what they were doing, Gary succeeds in
getting the bra off, which Trish shucks out the sleeve of
her shirt, like girls can do.

GARY'S INNER MONOLOGUE
Remember the deal - Justin is
acting more like a gay person than
you are. Why aren't you loyal to
your dear friend?

GARY
Is this really important right
now?

GARY'S INNER MONOLOGUE
Yes, it is, particularly. Remember
the time you and Justin broke the
neighbor's window with a Frisbee?

GARY
Yeah, that was last week. Why?

GARY'S INNER MONOLOGUE
Well, it was really you who broke
it, but Justin covered for you and
paid for the window. That's
friendship.

GARY
(standing)
No! Shut up!

18.

Trish looks worried and walks out.

GARY
This is wrong! I know it is! We're
playing a major card to obtain a
home! It's ridiculous and fucking
stupid! For years, people have
been playing the gay card, the
race card, and the gender card to
obtain their own rights. It's
unfair that people can use their
lifestyle to their advantage, but
homosexuals in the US are not
given the fair treatment they
should! Gay men cannot get married
in most states!

Why is there ALWAYS a class
struggle? Hmm? Communism,
capitalism, racism. It's stupid!
I'm gonna tell the truth now!

Gary bursts out of the door.

GARY
(shouting proudly)
I'm not gay!

The room falls silent. Camera pans around and everyone
stares.

KEVIN
Denial!! Denial syndrome,
everyone.

The room murmurs again. No one believed him. Justin
approaches Gary, who has a look of despair on his face. He
pulls his arm around his waist.

JUSTIN
Get any?

GARY
(small voice)
No. Did you win in poker?

JUSTIN
(holds up a 10)
I doubled my entry.

They begin to leave the party together, arm in arm.

19.

GARY
That's terrible, dude! The point
of playing was to make us some
money, not fucking lose every
hand.

JUSTIN
Well, no, I did great on the first
hand, though.

INT. APARTMENT - THE NEXT DAY

Justin and Gary sit around playing videogames.

JUSTIN
So what's next, now?

GARY
I dunno- find jobs, I suppose.
Want Chinese food?

JUSTIN
Okay.

            GARY
      (picking up the
       phone to order)
Did I ever tell you about the
conspiracy?

JUSTIN
What conspiracy?

FADE OUT.

INT. APARTMENT BUILDING - DAY

EPISODE 2

ACT 1

The camera pans across the apartment, where we see Gary
sitting on the floor, using the coffee table. He's eating
Chinese food. When Justin enters the room, it is obvious
that it is morning.

JUSTIN
Don't you eat healthy food?
Remember that thing called
"fruit"?

20.

            GARY
      (looking at him
       darkly)
Fruit is just a falsity.

JUSTIN
A what?

            GARY
      (suddenly
       brightening)
Falsity. It's a word.
      (thrusts a
       dictionary toward
       him)

JUSTIN
(reading aloud)
"The condition or quality of being
false". How is being false a
quality?

GARY
I dunno. You tell me.

JUSTIN
Also, why are you still eating
last night's chinese food?

GARY
Because I didn't finish it. Duh.

There's a knock at the door.

JUSTIN
Well, don't come crying to me when
you die of a heart attack.
(opening the door)
I won't go to your funeral,
either. Rather, when they cast
your 400 pound corpse into the
fire. To Latin techno. I guess
that's what you would call a
funeral.

Aaron is standing there, staring at Justin.

AARON
Am I interrupting anything?

21.

            GARY
      (standing up,
       brushing rice off
       himself)
Oh, just about how I'm gonna die
from MSG. General Tso's Chicken?
      (without waiting
       for an answer)
Did I ever tell you about the
conspiracy?

AARON
(walking in)
What conspiracy?

JUSTIN
(interrupting Gary)
The Chinese food conspiracy.
Although Chinese food here is
really Chinese-American food, Gary
maintains that it is indeed run by
Communists. Which is why there's
so many Chinese places.

Justin grabs a water from the fridge.

            AARON
      (shaking his head
       at Gary)
I'm going to the grocery store,
you guys want anything?

            JUSTIN
      (nods, the last
       part is directed
       to Gary)
Actually, I got some extra cash
last night, so I can get us some
FRUIT!

Gary grunts angrily.

AARON
Well, hurry up and get changed.

Justin runs into the bedroom.

AARON
So, how was sharing a bed with
Justin for the first time in this
apartment like?

22.

            GARY
      (looks away, then
       back at Aaron)
Not bad.

FLASH

Overhead shot of their bed. Justin is taking up 80% of the
bed, his arm is flopped over Gary's face. The 10 he won in
Episode 1 is in his hand still, and he's murmuring on and
on. Close on Gary, who looks pissed.

BACK

Justin walks back in, wearing the same clothes, and throws a
green army style jacket on. Aaron regards his outfit with a
critical eye.

            AARON
Well, at least you have each
other.
      (gives Gary a "how
       do you live with
       it" look)
Oh, that reminds me.
      (to Gary)
Chloe was looking for you, said
she had something important to
talk about.

            GARY
      (tries fixing his
       hair)
Did she say anything about it?
Besides the vague description you
gave me?

Aaron shakes his head, and Justin and he leave arm-in-arm,
playfully.

            GARY
      (closing the door,
       makes his way
       across the room
       while he speaks)
God, this is still so wrong. Let's
pretend to be gay! No one will
ever find out. Especially when the
girl -

23.

            CHLOE
      (sitting at the
       table)
The girl what?

Gary is startled, and looks at her questioningly.

GARY
How much have you heard?

CHLOE
Oh, please, Gary, I knew you two
were faking it. Do I need to
remind you of my 'end of semester'
party?

GARY
(grins)
Yeah, I was pretty good, wasn't I?

CHLOE
Yeah..sure. Listen, I need a
friend.

GARY
What about Mark?

CHLOE
I need someone secure in their
sexuality to come with me, not
Mark. More like someone who can
pretend to be -

The door slams open. It's Morgan, clearly disheveled. She
bears a cardboard container of Chinese food.

INT. GROCERY STORE - DAY

The store is small. Not 'corner store' small, but like,
'small business' small. The camera pans up to a intercom
speaker, which is now piping out bluesy piano music. The
camera swings down, like a fly, and moves to Aaron and
Justin, who have grabbed a cart. Close-up on Justin, looking
annoyed. Cut to the front left wheel, which is wiggling
worringly.

AARON
What's wrong with you? Is it
something I said earlier?

JUSTIN
(looks away)

24.

FLASH

Aaron is yacking on and on and on. Justin looks calm, but
the camera slowly contrazooms on him. Videogame music plays,
drowning out Aaron's words.

BACK

JUSTIN
(looks to Aaron)
No, of course not. It's the
fucking wheel. I always get these
carts; it's like a curse.

Note: for the remainder of the dialogue (until noted), they
are filling the cart up. Justin puts three things in the
cart, Aaron fills the majority.

AARON
That's America, I guess. Always
doomed to the bad shopping cart,
always doomed to grab the last bag
of fruit, all bruised and gross.
Always doomed to be rejected.

JUSTIN
That's a nice perky discussion.
Want to buy some Valium, then
maybe shoot me in the face? No,
really, what's wrong?

AARON
I just hate this store.

JUSTIN
Well, why? It's not like it smells
bad or someone poops on you when
you enter.

AARON
Over-the-top description noted,
it's because of Miss Amanda. The
head cashier.

JUSTIN
Is she a bitch?

            AARON
Oh, beyond that. You'll find out
soon enough. Do you need money for
actual food besides -
      (glancing at the
       cart)
            (MORE)

25.

AARON (cont'd)
A bag of apples, crackers, and
peanut butter?

JUSTIN
No, no, no, I can't take anything
more from you. I'm independent.

AARON
If it helps, I owe you money.

            JUSTIN
      (beat)
Ok, then.
      (quickly grabs
       different things
       and tosses them
       into the cart)
So, what do you do now, anyway?

AARON
Nothing. Settlement money.

JUSTIN
What from?

Aaron opens his mouth to speak, when they walk up to the
checkout lines, which are all fucking long except for one -
Aisle 5, which has a paper lantern hanging from the sign.

JUSTIN
Oh, well, what luck for us, then?
Only one lane open!

AARON
Justin, NO!

INT. APARTMENT BUILDING - DAY

Gary flops down on the couch, looking a little confused.
Morgan is passed out on the couch, they speak in whispers.

CHLOE
I know it's a lot to ask, but I
know Mark would never do it.

GARY
Just because I pretend to be gay
doesn't mean I'm open to
suggestions like this. Who's gonna
be there?

26.

            CHLOE
      (closing one eye
       in thought)
Um, all my work friends, and their
boyfriends, and this girl is
bringing a friend..I forget her
name.

GARY
Well, as long as we can man it up
a bit somehow, then I don't care.

CHLOE
There's no real way to man it up.

            GARY
Of course there is.
      (begins rooting
       through a box.
       Finds something.)
Ah, here it is.

Close up of Chloe.

CHLOE
Ok, but like I said...

INT. TEA PARTY - DAY

The camera pulls back from Chloe's face, to reveal a
fruity-ass tea party. Gary is next to Trish, with a look of
irritation.

CHLOE
There's no way to man it up.

            GARY
      (leans in to Chloe)
I feel like I'm watching the View.
I'm an openminded guy, but
seriously, people. This is really
boring. All the hens clucking,
Jesus.
      (dawning
       realization)
So why exactly did Mark have to go
to this? No one else brought a
guy. Not even a video game for me
to play or something.

27.

CHLOE
(smiles)
I don't know, I assumed they were
all going.
At least you're not like Mark
would be, nervous.

GARY
Is this some sort of evil revenge
plot? Am I being punished for
something I'm sure I never did,
but am being blamed for?

CHLOE
(pats his cheek)
Of course not. So how's your plan
to man it up going?

Overhead view of the tea cups. Gary's has a Spiderman plate
as a saucer.

GARY
Spiderriffic.

QUICK PAN LEFT TO:

INT. GROCERY STORE - DAY

Aaron is pulling on Justin's arm. He looks confused.

JUSTIN
Dude, what the hell is your
problem? The line is WIDE open.

AARON
That line is NOT what we want.
That's Amanda's line.

JUSTIN
Yeah? So what?

Shots of Amanda, her name tag, the paper lantern, and wide
shots. She paints her nails.

AARON (VO)
Amanda is the enemy of this store.
She's worked here for like five
years, but no one has ever seen
her ring up a customer. Anyone who
does try to get in her line will
pay.

28.

AARON (cont)
So, you see, we can't get in her
line, because we would never get
rung up.

Justin isn't paying attention, he reads a magazine and
pushes the cart toward Amanda's line.

AARON
Shit.

INT. TEA PARTY - DAY

We return to see an overhead shot of a round tea-table. Fly
down to Gary, close up on his expression, probably annoyed
or dead.

GARY'S INNER MONOLOGUE
Ok, don't freak out. You're only
sitting next to Trish, a girl you
lied about being gay to, then
nearly had..something with. Then,
there's Chloe, who's pretending to
like me so I'll help her out and
she saves herself.

Ok, let's try pretending some
more. They are talking about stuff
you care about. Go!

CHLOE
..so then I was sitting there,
next to that creepy girl on the
bus, she was always painting her
nails! I was watching her, I
thought I was getting stoned off
of all those fumes!!
(laughs)

GARY
(laughing along)
Yeah, like the one time me and
Justin were tagging the billboard
of that dude, I think his name was
Frank something -

TRISH
That was YOU who tagged Frankie's
billboard!?

29.

GARY
(beat, suttering)
No. This was a..skateboard that
our friend Frank Gray owned. He
wanted us to make it all butch,
but we couldn't do nothing of that
sort.

CHLOE
Frank Gray doesn't skate. In fact,
he just broke his leg playing
football, didn't he?

GARY
Now, now, now, that's neither here
nor there, Chloe.

            TRISH
Poor Frankie... Heaven's too good
for-
      (drowned out by
       white noise)

The chattering starts again, and we close in on Gary.

GARY'S INNER MONOLOGUE
Cancer, take me now.

SAME CLOSE UP ON
AMANDA.

INT. GROCERY STORE - DAY

Justin and Aaron are standing at the register, Aaron is
staring down Amanda, who seems to be cleaning her nails now.
Justin flips idly through a magazine as if nothing is wrong.

JUSTIN
(looks up to Aaron)
Wait a second, if she's worked
here five years, then how the hell
is she still working here?

Amanda seems to pay attention. She gives Aaron a "go ahead"
gesture. Aaron doesn't break his stare.

AARON
Simple. Her husband owns the
store. Isn't that right, Amanda?

30.

AMANDA
(perks up)
Oh, of course there, Stanley! I
ahlways work with my husband.

AARON
Don't call me Stanley.

AMANDA
Well, Stanley, what do you need
from me today? I'm always willing
to help.

AARON
Except when you need to help me.
Ring us up, please, my dear lady.

AMANDA
(laughs)

Her laugh echoes throughout the store. Pull back to show the
other lanes working.

FADE OUT.

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