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by E-man (whattodo@verizon.net)
Rated: 
Genre: Comedy
User Review:  
This is more a scene than a full screenplay. It's dedicated to all the Ronalds of the world.
This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.
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FADE IN:
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EXT. ADAM'S HOUSE - DAY |
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Early morning. A standard suburban house.
The front door opens just enough to allow ADAM (16), a
"special" teenager, to squeeze through the opening with the
help of a shove. He's dressed in a black trench coat. A
feminine hand quickly retracts inside and the door closes. |
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The door opens. The hand tosses a sack lunch on the ground
and the door shuts.
Adam picks up his lunch. Crosses to the front yard and
waits. His neighbor, NATHAN (17), and his friends, JACK (16)
and MARCUS (17) walk past. They all wear letterman jackets. |
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Nathan nods. |
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MARCUS
Hey, Adam, have you gotten any ass
yet? |
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Adam looks at him, dumbfounded. |
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This doesn't clear anything up for Adam. He's still
confused. |
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NATHAN
Guys, leave him alone. |
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MARCUS
Have you gotten a girl to ride on
top of you while you grab her
tits? |
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NATHAN
Goddammit guys, leave him alone. |
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2.
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JACK
In a minute. Adam, when you get a
girl to ride you, you officially
become a man. |
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MARCUS
You got a girl to ride you? |
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JACK
Then you're not a man, retard. |
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NATHAN
What do you know about being a
man? There's a reason your parents
named you Jack. |
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Marcus laughs. Makes a masturbating motion. Jack is unsure
how to respond. The guys continue walking down the street. |
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A short yellow bus for "special kids" pulls up. The door
opens. The BUS DRIVER (46) is a short, fat woman who
wouldn't look out of place as a passenger. |
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BUS DRIVER
Get in, Adam! I'm late. |
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Adam strolls in. |
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INT. BUS - CONTINUOUS |
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Adam strolls to the back of the bus. Takes his time. The
other kids stare at him in wonder. It's clear, here, he's
"The Man". The bus driver watches him in the mirror,
annoyed. |
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BUS DRIVER
Adam, hurry up and sit down! |
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Adam pays her no attention. He high-fives a few of the kids.
Finally, sits. The bus pulls away. |
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3.
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BUS DRIVER
(grumbles)
Damn idiot... now I'm late for the
new pickup. |
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SMARTS (15), a kid with thick, giant glasses, leans over his
seat to talk to Adam. |
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SMARTS
Did you do your homework, Adam? |
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ADAM
Of course. It's probably the best
poem ever. |
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Adam pulls a crumbled wad of paper from his pocket.
Uncrumples it. RONALD (16), a short fat kid, like a ball
with arms and legs, and an idiot by retard standards, sits
up to listen, as do all the other children. |
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ADAM
(reading)
Red and Blue make green. Green and
black make brown. Brown and Green
make me happy. Ronald sucks. |
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All the kids giggle, except for Ronald. |
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RONALD
I don't get it. I can't picture it
in my head. I don't think you
could sell that for a penny. |
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ADAM
Shut-up, Ronald. You're just mad
'cause your not a poetic wizard
like me. |
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RONALD
I don't have to be. When I grow up
I'm gonna be a world famous poem
judge. And I'm gonna tell everyone
your poems are stupid because
there's no picture in my head. |
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SMARTS
Shut-up, Ronald! Adam's a wizard
and he'll make you disappear! |
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RONALD
He is not. And his poem sucks. He
needs to elabser... he needs to
elabserate. |
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4.
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SMARTS
It's ELABORATE, stupid. |
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RONALD
I'm a poem judge. I know how to
say 'elabsorates'. |
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SMARTS
Adam, make Ronald disappear.
Everyone hates him. No one will
care when he's gone anyway. |
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RONALD
He can't. He's a fake. My dad's a
real magician. To do magic you
have to take your clothes off. |
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ADAM
Stupid, you don't take off your
clothes to do magic. |
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RONALD
Yes, you do. My dad takes off his
clothes and stands behind me. And
I can feel his magic wand and
everything. And when he lets me
turn around, the wand's gone! He's
not very good yet. He can only do
it once. He tells me not to tell
my mom. I guess he wants to wait
until he gets better to show her. |
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SMARTS
Show him your magic, Adam. |
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Adam puts up his coat collar. Rolls up his sleeves. Holds
his hands out at his sides. Trembles as he gathers power.
Clenches his eyes. He's really shaking now.
All the kids dive down in their seats, cowering, especially
Ronald. They close their eyes and brace themselves for
Adam's wrath. |
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ADAM
(chanting)
I am the darkness that comes in
the night. I summon you to the
Dark World. |
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SMARTS
(near tears)
Bring me back, Adam! I'm afraid of
the dark! |
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5.
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The bus driver glances in the mirror. Sees--Adam performing
his "magic". |
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BUS DRIVER
Adam, knock it off! |
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ADAM
I command you! Come back! |
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The kids open their eyes, grateful to be out of the Dark
World. |
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ADAM
(gazing at Ronald)
I can send you to the Dark World
anytime I want. And I could leave
you there, too. |
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Ronald settles back into his seat, fearful of Adam's power.
He looks down at himself. His pants are wet.
The bus pulls over. |
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EXT. DESIREE'S HOUSE - DAY |
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The bus driver exits the bus. Introduces herself to a
moderately attractive woman. Hiding behind her is Desiree
(16), a "special girl" with an immense posterior.
Desiree's clothing is covered with rhinestones and metal
studs. She's bedazzling. She's wearing a bead necklace
looped around three times and enough makeup for several
whores. |
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INT. BUS - DAY |
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Adam stands. Through the window, he sees--Desiree. He's
transfixed on her backside. He's in love.
The bus driver and Desiree enter the bus. Desiree takes a
seat at the front. The bus pulls away. Desiree waves to the
woman.
Adam stares intensely at Desiree's breasts as they flap
around while she waves. |
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INT/EXT. BUS/WASHINGTON HIGH SCHOOL |
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The bus pulls up to the front of the school. Desiree exits.
Adam races out of the bus in pursuit of Desiree. |
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6.
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EXT. WASHINGTON HIGH SCHOOL - CONTINUOUS |
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Desiree walks with another "special" girl. Adam catches up
to them. |
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ADAM
I'm Adam, the poet wizard. |
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Desiree and the other girl pay him no attention. Adam taps
on Desiree's shoulder. His finger gets caught on her
necklace. It rips. Beads bounce in all directions.
Desiree faces Adam. Lets out a GUTTURAL SCREAM. Tackles him.
Sits on top of him. Starts pummeling Adam's face.
Kids, "normal" and "special" alike, gather around. They
begin to chant: |
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CROWD
Fight! Fight! Fight! |
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SMARTS
Adam, disappear! Disappear, Adam! |
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Even as Adam is being pummeled, he's smiles. |
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ADAM (V.O.)
I'm a man! Wait, I gotta grab her
tits. |
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Adam reaches up and grabs one of Desiree's breasts. |
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ADAM (V.O.)
Am I supposed to grab them both? |
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Adam grabs Desiree's other breast. He has them both! A
security guard breaks through the crowd. Yanks Desiree off
of Adam.
Adam stands. Holds his hands up victorious. He is a man! In
his mind anyway. Another security guard grabs Adam and drags
him away. |
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EXT. ADAM'S HOUSE - DAY |
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A Toyota Corolla comes to a SCREECHING HALT in the driveway.
ADAM'S MOTHER (36), a hot blond, exits the car. She's
pissed. She crosses to the front door. Enters. SLAMS the
door behind her. The CLANK of the deadbolt.
Adam exits the car. Morosely crosses to the front door.
Tries to go inside. Realizes it's locked. He slumps down on
the steps. |
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7.
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EXT. ADAM'S HOUSE - NIGHT |
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The house is completely dark.
A car pulls up in front of the house next door. Nathan
exits. The car pulls away. Nathan starts for his front door.
Out of the darkness... |
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ADAM
(sullen)
Hi, Nathan. |
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Adam's voice is cracked like he's been crying. Nathan
crosses closer to the sound of Adam's voice. |
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Adam pops out of the dark. He crosses to Nathan. |
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NATHAN
What's wrong? If it's about the
guys this morning, I'm sorry. |
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ADAM
My mom's mad because I became a
man. She must not like men. |
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NATHAN
You became a man? With who? |
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ADAM
With a girl from my bus. She rode
me and I grabbed her tits. |
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NATHAN
Wait. That was you in front of the
school? |
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NATHAN
I heard about a fight between
two... but that's not how... I
didn't realize it was you. So what
happened? |
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8.
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ADAM
I got thrown out of school. My
mom's sending me to live with my
dad. |
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Adam starts to SQUEAL. He is crying. |
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NATHAN
Hey, calm down, buddy. It'll be
alright. |
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ADAM
I hate being a man. I can't go to
school. My mom hates me. And
Ronald said my poem sucks. |
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NATHAN
Hey, you'll go to a new, better
school. And you're mom will come
around. And this Ronald guy is an
idiot. |
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ADAM
(coming around)
You think so? |
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NATHAN
Yeah. You'll probably be the
coolest man in your new school.
C'mon, you can watch Pokemon with
me. |
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ADAM
(crossing over to
Nathan's)
You know what? |
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ADAM
Ronald is an idiot. He can't see
pictures in his head, he can't say
or probably spell elaborate, no
one likes him, he thinks his
opinions matter and...
(laughs)
his dad fucks him in the ass. |
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FADE OUT. |
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