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Food Court: The Musical
by Justin Horn (justin.horn@gmail.com)

Rated: PG   Genre: Musicals   User Review:
NOT YET
RATED



This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



INT. BLANK WALL - DAY
                                                            
BLACK AND WHITE. Cloaked MONK with gong cast silhouettes on
wall. MONK strikes the gong. We pull in on silhouette of
the gong.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
 
INT. FOOD COURT KITCHEN - DAY
                                                            
Burger patty sizzles on grill. A small montage of burger
being made follows. We see that the burger is being
prepared by STU, a young burger cook. He finishes the burger
and turns to the counter. He looks down at the ticket for
this order.
                                                            
                       STU
Susan?
                                                            
A young woman approaches the burger stand and takes the
burger.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
STU clocks out, grabs his jacket, and leaves.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
 
EXT. BACK DOCK - DAY
                                                            
STU walks out past two food court WORKERS on a smoke break.
                                                            
 
INT. STU'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
STU drifts off to sleep.
                                                            
DREAM SEQUENCE - COLOR. Music begins. STU sees MONKS
wielding various kitchen utensils and sparring. A row of
monks leads to a table where the BURGERMASTER, cloaked and
disguised as just another monk is cooking something.
Intercut with montage of BURGERMASTER closeups of
lightning-fast burger prep. STU dollies past monks closer
to BURGERMASTER. BURGERMASTER has completed his work and is
meditating. He raises a delicious-looking, juicy burger: the
Excaliburger. The BURGERMASTER hands the Excaliburger to
STU, who eyes it eagerly. STU takes a large bite, and a
look of sublime ecstasy spreads across his face. As he goes
for a second bite, the Excaliburger vanishes from his hands.
We see the Excaliburger suddenly in the hands of the

2.

cloaked BURGERMASTER. STU goes for the burger, crazed with
burger lust, but the BURGERMASTER slaps his hand away while
MONKS jump out to restrain STU.
                                                            
                       STU
That...that burger...I must have
more... Who are you?
                                                            
BURGERMASTER makes the Excaliburger magically disappear. He
signals MONKS, who release STU. Two monks approach
BURGERMASTER from behind and pull off his cloak, revealing
the full BURGERMASTER costume, consisting of a black and
gold kimono with embroidered dragon over orange silk. He is
wearing a black and red bandana with flames and a long white
headband with a burger in the middle and kanji for "Beef
Sensei" flanking the burger.
                                                            
                       BURGERMASTER
I am the Burgermaster, leader of
the monks of Fry Kwon Do. We
guard the ancient recipe for the
Excaliburger.
                                                            
                       CHORUS (monks)
      (whispered)
Excaliburger!
                                                            
                       STU
I, too, am a burger cook!
                                                            
                       BURGERMASTER
I know. We are well aware of your
techinque and skill. The magic of
Fry Kwon Do has brought you to me.
My time is drawing to a close. You
must take my place. Do you have
what takes to become the
Burgermaster?
                                                            
                       STU
Will you teach me the recipe for
the Excaliburger?
                                                            
                       CHORUS (monks)
      (whispered)
Excaliburger!
                                                            
                       BURGERMASTER
I will teach you...in time. But
you must be willing to leave
everything behind. You will have
great power, but you must dedicate
yourself to the study of Fry Kwon
            (MORE)

3.

                       BURGERMASTER (cont'd)
Do.
                                                            
                       STU
I'll do it! I'd do anything to
get another taste of that burger!
                                                            
BURGERMASTER smiles.
                                                            
                       BURGERMASTER
Good. It is your destiny. Now
it's time for training to begin.
                                                            
 
EXT. NEW ARBORETUM - DAY
                                                            
BURGERMASTER and MONKS train STU in the style of Fry Kwon
Do, in a montage sequence. Montage includes, e.g., STU
breaking through plastic trays, slicing a lime in half,
dancing with the Dancing PANDA, etc.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
BURGERMASTER faces STU on hilltop. MONKS flank them.
                                                            
                       BURGERMASTER
Good work. You are ready to
become the Burgermaster. You must
guard our sacred recipe and wait
for the one whose heart is true.
Someday he will find the temple of
Fry Kwon Do and pass the tests of
the Burgermaster, fulfilling the
ancient prophecy. Now send him
home with magic words of Fry Kwon
Do!
                                                            
                       CHORUS (monks)
Focus Pocus! Dojo mojo!
Abraca-double cheeseburger!
                                                            
 
INT. STU'S BEDROOM - DAY
                                                            
BLACK AND WHITE. STU awakens, realizing that it was all a
dream. He climbs out of bed and opens the door to his
bathroom.
                                                            
 
INT. STU'S BATHROOM - DAY
                                                            
STU sees the headband of the BURGERMASTER hanging from his
mirror. The burger on the headband is in COLOR. STU looks

4.

in the mirror. The camera closes tight on his face. He puts
the headband on. Camera pulls even tighter into the burger
on the headband. Fry Kwon Do music fades in.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
 
EXT. NEW ARBORETUM - DAY
                                                            
COLOR. Camera pulls off of burger on headband, revealing STU
in full Burgermaster costume on hilltop surrounded by monks
who are slowly bowing to him as the sun sets in the
background. He has become the Burgermaster. He punches both
fists into the air and opens them, releasing confetti.
                                                            
 
INT. FOOD COURT - DAY
                                                            
Enter JACK
                                                            
                       JACK
      (sung)
It's high noon again
And here I am
I'm back in the Food Court now.
It's my favorite place
to stuff my face
with various types of chow
What should I try?
What should I buy
to ease the hunger inside?
There's pizza galore
but so much more;
with so many choices
how can I decide?
                                                            
Enter CHORUS
                                                            
                       CHORUS
Time for lunch in the Food Court!
It's the place to be!
You can snack and munch in the
Food Court!
                                                            
                       JACK
So won't you come along with me?
We're putting on a show for free.
We'll maybe have a sandwich or
three at the Food Court!
                                                            
                       CHORUS
At the Food Court!
                                                            

5.

                       JACK
At the Food Court!
                                                            
Enter FRYE
                                                            
                       FRYE
Well, hello, my friend
I recommend
Anything in this display.
Salad fresh and green,
Eastern cuisine,
the flavor will blow you away
I just cook the fries
But I realize
my destiny's greater than that.
With recipes I've made
I'll hone my trade
and then maybe someday
I'll wear the chef's hat!
                                                            
                       CHORUS
Cooking fries at the Food Court:
Not a lot of fun.
A chef in disguise at the Food
Court!
                                                            
                       FRYE
My journey's only just begun.
I'll train until the training's
done,
and someday I'll be chef number
one at the Food Court!
                                                            
                       CHORUS
At the Food Court!
                                                            
                       FRYE
At the Food Court!
                                                            
                       CHORUS
At the Food Court!
                                                            
                       JACK
      (spoken)
Hey there pal, the name's Jack,
Jack Cheese.
                                                            
                       FRYE
I'm Frye, Frye Cooke. Nice to meet
you. Have you decided what you
want for lunch today?
                                                            

6.

                       JACK
Well, no, but I'll tell you what I
really want.
                                                            
                       FRYE
What's that?
                                                            
                       JACK
Well, ever since I was a little
kid, It's always been my dream to
be in charge of my very own Food
Court. I'm really good with
business and people skills, but
I'm just no good in the kitchen.
                                                            
                       FRYE
That's incredible! You see I've
always wanted to become the Head
Chef of a Food Court, but I'm
terrible with money!
                                                            
                       BOTH
Are you thinking what I'm
thinking?
                                                            
                       FRYE
      (sung)
By working together
                                                            
                       JACK
We'd discover whether
                                                            
                       BOTH
We have what it takes to fulfill
our dream
                                                            
                       JACK
My greetings and handshakes
                                                            
                       FRYE
My burgers and pancakes
                                                            
                       BOTH
Combining our skills, a fantastic
team.
So we'll make a pact, a bond, an
oath to be honest.
A verbal contract upon which both
of us promise
that we will work side by side,
climb victory's ladder.
We'll serve success deep fat
fried, all covered in batter.
            (MORE)

7.

                       BOTH (cont'd)
We've never been gladder.
                                                            
Enter GREEDO
                                                            
                       GREEDO
Now what's all this chatter?
Get back to work
you stupid jerk
You can rest when you're in your
graves.
In case you didn't know
I run the show
And I treat my employees like
slaves.
McSinister's the name
I feel no shame
in all of the evil I do.
Check out my mustache
I've got a rash
temper when dealing with employees
like you!
                                                            
                       CHORUS
Evil boss of the Food Court,
what an evil glare!
He's so mean and cross at the Food
Court!
                                                            
                       GREEDO
I'll triple prices everywhere.
You'll work without a moment to
spare.
And soon I'll be a millionaire...
                                                            
                       FRYE
Soon I'll have a chef's hat to
wear...
                                                            
                       JACK
Making friends without a care...
                                                            
                       GREEDO
Twirling up my mustache hair...
                                                            
                       FRYE
Serving soup with savoir-faire...
                                                            
                       GREEDO
My tactics are often unfair...
                                                            

8.

                       JACK
We'll make a major music affair at
the Food Court!
                                                            
                       CHORUS
At the Food Court!
                                                            
                       FRYE
At the Food Court!
                                                            
                       CHORUS
At the Food Court!
                                                            
                       GREEDO
At the Food Court!
                                                            
                       CHORUS
At the Food Court!
                                                            
GREEDO and CHORUS exit.
                                                            
 
INT. FOOD COURT - DAY
                                                            
                       JACK
      (spoken)
Who the heck was that guy?
                                                            
                       FRYE
Oh, that's my boss, Greedo
McSinister. He's in charge of the
Food Court - a real jerk. Cares
more about his profit margins than
he does about any of his
employees. Except one.
                                                            
                       JACK
Who's that?
                                                            
FRYE points to JILL who has entered behind JACK. JACK turns
around, bumping into her.
                                                            
                       JACK
Oh, excuse me, I'm so sorry...
                                                            
                       JILL
It's alright...
                                                            
Their eyes lock and for a moment they just look at each
other and smile.
                                                            
                       JACK
I'm Jack.
                                                            

9.

                       JILL
Jill.
                                                            
                       JACK
Nice to meet you.
                                                            
                       JILL
You too...maybe I'll see you
later...
                                                            
                       JACK
Great! I mean, okay...(to FRYE)
Who was that?
                                                            
                       FRYE
She's McSinister's stepdaughter.
She works as a cashier here - and
it looks like she's into you. Tell
you what, I gotta go work on some
recipes for a while. Just be
careful - that stepfather of hers
can be a little overprotective...
                                                            
FRYE exits.
                                                            
                       JACK
      (sung)
This gorgeous woman that I see,
tell me who is she?
I look at her and don't know what
to say...
                                                            
                       JILL
That handsome stranger, who is he?
Tell me can it be?
I think I saw him looking back
this way...
                                                            
                       BOTH
What is this feeling that I feel?
Tell me is it real?
I've never really felt this way
before.
Could this be it, is (s)he the
one?
Is my searching done?
Is (s)he the one that I've been
waiting for.
I never believed in love at first
sight,
but now that I see you, I maybe
just might
'cause I got a feelin' that feels
            (MORE)

10.

                       BOTH (cont'd)
so right.
                                                            
                       JILL
I don't really know what to say...
                                                            
                       JACK
I'm so glad I showered today...
                                                            
                       BOTH
It's almost as if we were in a
musical play...
                                                            
JACK crosses to JILL.
                                                            
                       JACK
As soon as I met you, I got a
feelin' that I can't explain.
And baby, I'll bet you I'm gonna
have you runnin' 'round in my
brain.
I could try to forget you, but I
don't think that I would succeed.
That's why I'm trying to get you
to keep on givin' me the feelin' I
need.

It's all about when I feel That
Way,
and I know I'll never feel the way
that I feel today,
so I guess I'll just relax and
maybe enjoy the view,
and I hope you'll let me know if
you feel That Way too, That Way...
                                                            
                       JILL
So you're kind of appealin', but
it doesn't matter what you say.
I caught you stealin' - you stole
my heart away.
It really left me reelin', but the
thing that's gonna blow your mind
is your unexplainable feelin' is
turnin' out to be two of a kind.

It's all about when I feel That
Way,
and I know I'll never feel the way
that I feel today,
so I guess I'll just relax and
maybe enjoy the view,
and I'm glad you let me know that
            (MORE)

11.

                       JILL (cont'd)
you feel That Way too, That Way...
                                                            
                       JACK
I hear what you told me, and I'm
glad you got the feelin' too.
                                                            
                       JILL
I'll let your arms enfold me,
because I know I want to be with
you.
                                                            
                       JACK
My mama would scold me if she knew
what I was thinkin' of.
                                                            
                       JILL
I really want you to hold me
because I think that this might be
love!
                                                            
                       BOTH
It's all about when I feel
That Way,
and I know I'll never
feel the way that I feel today,
so I guess I'll just relax and
maybe enjoy the view,
and I love it 'cause I know that
you feel That Way too, That Way...
It's all about when I feel That
Way,
and I know I'll never feel the way
that I feel today, so I guess I'll
just relax and maybe enjoy the
view,
and I love it 'cause I know that
you feel That Way too, That Way...

It's all about when I feel That
Way!
                                                            
 
INT. FOOD COURT - DAY
                                                            
Enter GREEDO. JACK and JILL freeze.
                                                            
                       GREEDO
      (spoken)
So...this young chap here seems to
think he's good enough to be with
my beautiful stepdaughter. Well,
I don't like the look of him.
Perhaps it's time for one of
            (MORE)

12.

                       GREEDO (cont'd)
Greedo McSinister's patented evil
schemes... hmmm, yes... I think I
have just the thing...
                                                            
JACK and JILL unfreeze.
                                                            
                       GREEDO
      (sung)
Hey there, young man, pay
attention to what I say.
I might make you my new
supervising protege.
So you want to run a Food Court of
your own someday...
just don't cross me, or I'll be
the first one to make you pay.
      (aside)
But even though I might seem
friendly and charming,
behind the smile I'm a very bad,
bad boy.
If he knew what I was up to, he'd
find it alarming.
It's a good thing that he doesn't
have a clue about my evil ploy,

'cause I'm an Evil Man...
with an evil plan...
so catch me if you can...
'cause I'm a lowdown, dirty,
no-good Evil Man.
      (to JACK)
Since I like you, tell you what,
I'll make you one great deal.
I will give you a 5% discount on
your whole meal.
After lunchtime, we'll talk more
about your futures in food,
But first have lunch - when you're
full, we'll have you interviewed.
                                                            
JACK exits.
                                                            
                       GREEDO
      (aside)
I'm an oxymoron: I'm frankly
disingenuous,
because I don't intend to help
him, not one bit.
When I'm through, he'll never want
to return again to us.
He'll shake his fist in anger,
calling me a piece of...work.
            (MORE)

13.

                       GREEDO (cont'd)

I'm an Evil Man...
with an evil plan...
so catch me if you can...
'cause I'm a lowdown, dirty,
no-good Evil Man.

It's time for me to take action to
advance the plot.
I will frame him; when he checks
out, that's when I'll have him
caught.
I'll go plant this cookie in the
pocket of his jeans.
You won't see me, 'cause my
misdeeds take place behind the
scenes.

But before I go there's one thing
you might be wondering:
What makes me think I'll get away
with acting completely brash?
Well, a villain of my credentials
isn't prone to blundering.
I've got the Bad Boy Scout demerit
badge of Evil: the handlebar
mustache!

I'm an Evil Man...
with an evil plan...
so catch me if you can...
'cause I'm a lowdown, dirty,
no-good Evil Man.
I'm an Evil Man...
with an evil plan...
so catch me if you can...
'cause I'm a lowdown, dirty,
rotten, nasty, filthy, frightful
fiendish, foul, cruel, vicious,
brutal, pernicious,
mephistophelean, no-good,
son-of-a-bitch, Evil Man!
                                                            
GREEDO exits.
                                                            
Enter JACK. He is carrying a tray full of food, and has a
large cookie stuffed in his back pocket.
                                                            
                       JACK
      (spoken)
You know, that Greedo McSinister
doesn't seem like such a bad guy.
I can't believe he's really going
            (MORE)

14.

                       JACK (cont'd)
to train me to be a manager here
at the Food Court! And I met you
in the same day! What a lucky guy
I am.
                                                            
                       JILL
Yeah, I'm surprised at how well
Greedo's treating you. Usually he
won't even let guys talk to me.
So, decided on the Greedo Burrito,
did you?
                                                            
                       JACK
Yeah...Frye whipped it up special
for me.
                                                            
                       JILL
Well with your 5% discount that
comes to $8.95. And I get off
work in about half an hour. Do
you want to pick me up?
                                                            
JACK pays her for the food.
                                                            
                       JACK
Sure, I'll come down right after
my meeting with Mr. McSinister.
                                                            
Enter GREEDO and CHORUS, behind JACK and JILL.
                                                            
                       JILL
Great. I can't wait to see you!
                                                            
                       JACK
See you soon...
                                                            
JACK begins to cross to the Food Court floor.
                                                            
                       GREEDO
Hold it right there, young man.
                                                            
GREEDO approaches JACK.
                                                            
                       GREEDO
      (sung)
What have you got right there?
                                                            
                       CHORUS
Lookie lookie! Lookie lookie!
                                                            
                       GREEDO
In the pocket of your derriere!
                                                            

15.

                       CHORUS
It's a cookie! It's a cookie!
                                                            
                       GREEDO
Did you think that I wasn't aware?
                                                            
                       CHORUS
That you tookie! That you tookie!
                                                            
                       GREEDO
This man is a crook, I declare!
                                                            
                       CHORUS
He's a crookie! Cookie crookie!
                                                            
                       GREEDO
To think that I showed you the
utmost generosity.
                                                            
                       JACK
      (spoken)
I didn't do it!
                                                            
                       GREEDO
      (sung)
Please my boy, save me your hollow
denial.
And now you repay me with blatant
animosity.
There's only one solution: He must
stand trial!
                                                            
                       JACK
      (spoken)
Trial?
                                                            
                       GREEDO
Trial!
                                                            
                       JILL
Trial?
                                                            
                       GREEDO
Trial!
                                                            
                       CHORUS
      (sung)
Trial!
                                                            
                       GREEDO
      (spoken)
He must stand trial...at FOOD
COURT!
                                                            

16.

The CHORUS runs frantically around, transforming the Food
Court into a Courtroom. They take up position as a jury.
                                                            
 
INT. COURTROOM - DAY
                                                            
                       JACK
      (sung)
Framed! I've been framed!
They're tryin' to put a stain on
my good name!
Framed! I've been framed!
They're lookin' for someone to
blame.
                                                            
One CHORUS member crosses to front.
                                                            
                       CHORUS
      (spoken)
All rise, the Honorable Judge
Fudge presiding.
                                                            
Enter JUDGE.
                                                            
                       CHORUS
Be seated.
                                                            
                       JUDGE
      (sung)
What are the charges brought
against this man?
                                                            
                       GREEDO
      (aside)
Everything's going perfect for my
evil plan!
      (to the Court)
He took a cookie from the cookie
jar!
                                                            
                       JACK
I'm not a criminal!
                                                            
                       GREEDO
Yes you are!
                                                            
                       JUDGE
It's time we got this trial
underway.
Let's hear what the prosecution
has to say.
                                                            

17.

                       GREEDO
After you hear my testimony,
there won't be any doubt that the
boy's a phony.
                                                            
                       JUDGE
Do you swear to tell the truth,
the whole truth and nothing but
the truth?
                                                            
                       GREEDO
So help me God, it's true I swear!
His deeds were awful beyond
compare!
      (angelically)
I kindly took this young man under
my wing...
                                                            
                       CHORUS
Under his wing...
                                                            
                       GREEDO
I offered him a job and discount
on his meal...
                                                            
                       CHORUS
Five percent...
                                                            
                       GREEDO
And then he went and did a
terrible thing...
                                                            
                       CHORUS
A terrible, awful thing...
                                                            
                       GREEDO
He saw a tasty treat and decided
that he would steal...
                                                            
                       CHORUS
With bad intent!
                                                            
                       GREEDO
I tell you I treated him just like
a saint,
but that is the one thing he
really just ain't.
When I realized it, I started to
faint...

Right over here is Exhibit A: A
single burrito upon his tray.
Next, I present Exhibit B: Jack's
receipt, with a discount from me.
            (MORE)

18.

                       GREEDO (cont'd)
Last but not least, Exhibit C.
                                                            
Two CHORUS members stand.
                                                            
                       CHORUS
      (spoken)
C is for cookie!
                                                            
                       CHORUS
That's good enough for me.
                                                            
                       GREEDO
      (sung)
The evidence makes it all too
clear.
I think we ought to lock him up
for a year.
The guilt is written across his
face.
You must convict him!
                                                            
                       CHORUS
We'll convict him!
                                                            
                       GREEDO
How I tricked him!
                                                            
                       CHORUS
We'll convict him!
                                                            
                       JACK
I'm the victim!
                                                            
                       GREEDO
I rest my case!
                                                            
                       JACK
Framed! I've been framed!
They're tryin' to put a stain on
my good name!
Framed! I've been framed!
They're lookin' for someone to
blame.
                                                            
                       CHORUS
This trial's getting quite
intense.
                                                            
                       JUDGE
It's time to hear from the
defense!
                                                            

19.

                       JILL
How could you do this?!? It makes
me sad!
                                                            
                       JACK
      (spoken)
I don't have a lawyer!
                                                            
                       JUDGE
Well, that's just too bad. I
guess you'll just have to go it
alone...
                                                            
                       JACK
How did I end up all alone? That
jury doesn't look very
sympathetic...
                                                            
                       CHORUS
I'm eager to say I find you quite
pathetic.
                                                            
                       JUDGE
Do you swear to tell the truth,
the whole truth, and nothing but
the truth?
                                                            
                       JACK
I swear it, I swear it, it wasn't
me!
                                                            
                       GREEDO
If it wasn't him, then who could
it be?
                                                            
                       JACK
      (angelically)
I can honestly say that I don't
have a clue...
                                                            
                       CHORUS
Get a clue...
                                                            
                       JACK
I've honestly no idea how the
cookie got in my pants...
                                                            
                       CHORUS
Sure you don't...
                                                            
                       JACK
It's not the sort of thing that
I'm inclined to do...
                                                            

20.

                       CHORUS
That's hardly true...
                                                            
                       JACK
Please have mercy on me, for I
just found true romance...
                                                            
                       CHORUS
No, we won't!
                                                            
                       JILL
It's hard to believe on this very
day,
that I let a criminal lead me
astray.
You must do the right thing...
                                                            
                       CHORUS
We'll put him away!
                                                            
                       JACK
      (spoken)
No! No! Nooooooooooooo!
                                                            
                       JUDGE
Order! Order in the court!
                                                            
One CHORUS member stands.
                                                            
                       CHORUS
I'll have a double bacon
cheeseburger with fries and a
medium drink.
                                                            
ALL groan.
                                                            
                       JILL
I can't believe that this is true!
What's a girl to do? I guess I
was mistaken...
                                                            
                       CHORUS
The evidence makes it all to
clear.
I think we oughtta lock him up for
a year.
We don't need time for
deliberations -
this courtroom has already tried
our patience.
                                                            

21.

                       JUDGE
In the case of Jack Cheese how do
you find?
                                                            
                       CHORUS
We, the jury of sound body and
mind
find the defendant guilty of
theft.
Now take him away, post haste, to
stage left!
                                                            
                       JACK
Framed! I've been framed!
They're tryin' to put a stain on
my good name!
Framed! I've been framed!
They're lookin' for someone to
blame.
                                                            
                       JUDGE
      (spoken)
Jack Cheese, you have been found
guilty of theft from the Food
Court by a jury of your peers. I
sentence you to one year in the
cooler without possibility of
parole.
                                                            
JUDGE bangs gavel.
                                                            
                       JUDGE
      (sung)
And may God have mercy on your
soul!
                                                            
GREEDO drags JACK off to the cooler.
                                                            
                       CHORUS
Lock him up at the Food Court!
Throw the key away!
Lock him up at the Food Court!
                                                            
                       JACK
I guess this just isn't my day.
                                                            
                       JILL
We'd really love you all to
stay...
                                                            
                       JUDGE
And catch the second half of the
play, at the Food Court!
                                                            

22.

                       CHORUS
At the Food Court!
                                                            
                       JUDGE
At he Food Court!
                                                            
                       CHORUS
At the Food Court!
                                                            
INTERMISSION
                                                            
 
INT. FOOD COURT - DAY
                                                            
                       FRYE
In Case You Missed It, if you're
kinda confused and you don't have
a clue now...
In Case You Missed It, if you just
got outta class and missed Act
One...
In Case You Missed It...you should
really stick around and watch Act
Two now...
In Case You Missed It, I'll fill
you in on the story, the story's
only just begun.

There was a young man named Jack
Cheese at the Food Court.
The two of us met and now he's my
best friend.
Turns out we both want to run our
very own Food Court.
So we're gonna work together up
until the very end.

Then young Jack Cheese met a
beautiful maiden - it happened
here today!
He fell in love at first sight,
and she also felt That Way,
but then it all went wrong, he was
accused of stealing, they put
young Jack away,
in case you missed the first half
of the play!
                                                            
                       GREEDO
In Case You Missed It, I'm the
evil boss of the local Food
Court...
In Case You Missed It, if you just
got outta class and missed Act
            (MORE)

23.

                       GREEDO (cont'd)
One...
In Case You Missed It, I'm a
scandalous scoundrel, the real
rude sort...
In Case You Missed It, I'll let
you in on my evil, 'cause being
evil's so much fun.

I saw young Jack chatting with my
beautiful stepdaughter.
I didn't like the look of him, not
at all.
He gazed into her eyes far longer
than he oughtta,
That's when I decided I had to see
him fall.

So I pretended to be nice to him,
I offered him a job.
I said I'd make him supervisor,
yeah right, that worthless slob!
But then I framed young Jack and
called him a thief; we put the boy
on trial!
Now he'll have to cool off for
awhile!
                                                            
                       FRYE
In Case You Missed It, did you
hear what I heard, I can't believe
it...
In Case You Missed It, Greedo
McSinister, I should have known...
In Case You Missed It, my friend
is freezing, I've gotta relieve
it...
In Case You Missed It, nobody
believed him, I've gotta help him
on my own!

First I've got to break Jack out
of the cooler,
but then somehow we've got to beat
my evil boss.
He lied to his stepdaughter and
managed to fool her,
but as for how we'll beat him, I'm
at a loss.
But I just remembered an ancient
legend,
a story from the past
about the monks of Fry Kwon Do led
by the Burgermaster;
            (MORE)

24.

                       FRYE (cont'd)
you see they're waiting for a man
to come, the one whose heart is
true,
and then he
will get the magic recipe
and everybody soon will see
that Jack's no misfit.
Now you know,
and we can get on with the show.
You're up to speed,
so there's no need
to further repeat my creed:
In Case You Missed It!
      (spoken)
Alright, time to break Jack out of
the cooler!
                                                            
FRYE sneaks over to the cooler and lets JACK out. JACK is
covered in frost.
                                                            
                       JACK
Thanks, Frye. Gee, it's cold in
there.
                                                            
                       FRYE
Listen, Jack, there's not much
time. You have to go to the
Himalayas and find the temple of
Fry Kwon Do. It is said that the
monks there have a recipe for a
magic burger so delicious it could
clear your name.
                                                            
                       JACK
A burger?
                                                            
                       FRYE
Not just any burger. The
Excaliburger. You need to go get
that recipe and bring it back to
me. I'll take your place in the
cooler while you're gone. It's
our only chance.
                                                            
                       JACK
Alright, I'll do it. I'll get
that recipe, no matter what it
takes.
                                                            
                       FRYE
Have a safe trip.
                                                            

25.

JACK "boards" a cardboard cutout airplane and flies around
the room while CHORUS brings in mountain and temple set
pieces.
                                                            
 
INT. TEMPLE OF FRY KWON DO - DAY
                                                            
                       JACK
      (spoken)
Wow, what a trip! What a climb.
Hey there, I think I see it just
up ahead. What is this place?
                                                            
Enter CHORUS and BURGERMASTER, dressed as the monks of Fry
Kwon Do.
                                                            
                       BURGERMASTER
      (sung)
You seek the Burgermaster;
none can cook a burger faster.
He guards the ancient secrets of
the monks of Fry Kwon Do.
Many more have come before you.
They all failed, I can assure you.
You may have come a long way, but
you've got a way to go!
                                                            
                       JACK
I have heard a wondrous story
'bout a man of pow'r and glory.
He leads a sect of monks who hold
a magic recipe.
                                                            
                       BURGERMASTER
I can only give it to you
if your heart is pure and true
blue.
Before you prove your innocence,
you'll prove yourself to me!
                                                            
                       JACK
Are you the Burgermaster?
                                                            
                       CHORUS
Is he the Burgermaster?
                                                            
                       BURGERMASTER
Yes, I am he!
                                                            
BURGERMASTER throws off cloak to reveal garish Burgermaster
costume.
                                                            

26.

                       BURGERMASTER
You gotta focus if you want to be
the best,
You gotta show that you're better
than the rest,
If you're worthy, then you will
pass the test
of the Burgermaster!
If you truly think that you can
win,
Then it's time for training to
begin,
Just make sure your heart is free
of sin,
or you'll meet disaster.
                                                            
                       JACK
Bring it on, I know I'm ready,
my resolve is true and steady,
It is time to prove that I'm
the one you've waited for!
                                                            
                       BURGERMASTER
Well, my boy, you've made your
choice now,
Listen well, and heed my voice
now:
To begin your training, just walk
through that magic door!
                                                            
BURGERMASTER tosses JACK a hooded sweatshirt, a la "Rocky".
JACK begins putting it on, looking hesitantly at the magic
door.
                                                            
                       BURGERMASTER
No time for hesitating,
Whatcha waiting for?
                                                            
JACK exits through the magic door.
                                                            
                       CHORUS
Fry Kwon Do, Fry Kwon Do, Fry Kwon
Do!
Fry Kwon Do, Fry Kwon Do, Fry Kwon
Do!
                                                            
JACK magically appears on the other side of the stage
dressed in his training hoodie. Two Monks (CHORUS) are
standing near him with a deep fryer.
                                                            
                       BURGERMASTER
The first task will test your
bravery
And free your mind from slavery to
            (MORE)

27.

                       BURGERMASTER (cont'd)
desire.
So plunge your hand in deep
and see if you can keep it in the
fire.
It is not an easy task,
but see if you can pass the Trial
by Fryer...
                                                            
JACK plunges his hand into the deep fryer and holds a pose
for a few seconds. He grimaces with pain.
                                                            
                       BURGERMASTER
You passed the test!
                                                            
JACK advances to the next trial.
                                                            
                       CHORUS
Fry Kwon Do, Fry Kwon Do, Fry Kwon
Do!
Fry Kwon Do, Fry Kwon Do, Fry Kwon
Do!
                                                            
                       BURGERMASTER
The next task will test your
power,
You've reached the hour to put
your fears away.
You've got to focus your will
and use your skill to try and save
the day.
Now see if you've got what it
takes
to break right through this
plastic tray...
                                                            
Two monks (CHORUS) hold a plastic Food Court tray in front
of JACK. JACK uppercuts the tray, breaking it in half,
again striking a freeze-frame pose.
                                                            
                       BURGERMASTER
You passed the test!
                                                            
JACK advances to the next trial.
                                                            
                       CHORUS
Fry Kwon Do, Fry Kwon Do, Fry Kwon
Do!
Fry Kwon Do, Fry Kwon Do, Fry Kwon
Do!
                                                            

28.

                       BURGERMASTER
The next task will test your aim
And if you claim your heart is
truly true
You must complete your mission,
Use your vision - you'll know just
what to do!
You'll have to clear your mind
To slow down time and slice this
lime in two...
                                                            
Two Monks (CHORUS) hurl a giant lime (braced on two poles)
into the air in slow motion. JACK slices the lime in half,
hitting a freeze frame, and the two lime slices fall away in
slow motion.
                                                            
                       BURGERMASTER
You passed the test!
                                                            
JACK advances to the final trial.
                                                            
                       CHORUS
Fry Kwon Do, Fry Kwon Do, Fry Kwon
Do!
Fry Kwon Do, Fry Kwon Do, Fry Kwon
Do!
                                                            
                       BURGERMASTER
Good work! You're almost done,
we've had some fun, but here's the
one that proves:
You'll face the Dancing Panda
Try as hard as you can to match
his moves!
You'll get the recipe
if we can see you dancin' in the
groove!
                                                            
PANDA enters. JACK and PANDA do a synchronized dance
routine.
                                                            
                       BURGERMASTER
You passed the test!
                                                            
                       CHORUS
Fry Kwon Do, Fry Kwon Do, Fry Kwon
Do!
Fry Kwon Do, Fry Kwon Do, Fry Kwon
Do!
                                                            
                       BURGERMASTER
Now I'll teach you the secret of
my seasoning...
You've gotta put a little
            (MORE)

29.

                       BURGERMASTER (cont'd)
somethin' special in the sauce!
You're gonna need a little more
than your reasoning,
but if you cook the meat,
you can defeat
the evil Food Court Boss!
                                                            
BURGRMASTER hands JACK the recipe for the Excaliburger.
                                                            
                       BURGERMASTER
You have passed the tests I gave
you.
Now this recipe will save you.
Time to send you home with magic
words of Fry Kwon Do...
      (spoken)
Focus Pocus! Dojo Mojo!
Abraca-double cheeseburger!
                                                            
CHORUS and BURGERMASTER, overtaken by magic, twirl offstage,
taking mountain/temple setpieces with them as they exit.
JACK twirls offstage as well.
                                                            
 
INT. FOOD COURT - DAY
                                                            
JACK magically reappears in the Food Court.
                                                            
                       JACK
      (spoken)
Wow! That was wild! Okay, I'd
better get Frye out of the cooler
so he can cook up the
Excaliburger.
                                                            
JACK sneaks to cooler and unlocks it. FRYE emerges, covered
in frost.
                                                            
                       FRYE
Wow. That was actually pretty
quick, for a trip to the
Himalayas.
                                                            
                       JACK
I did it! I did it! I found the
temple of Fry Kwon Do. I passed
the Burgermaster's tests, and he
gave me the recipe for the
Excaliburger.
                                                            
JACK gives the recipe to FRYE. FRYE examines the recipe.
                                                            

30.

                       FRYE
This is the most difficult recipe
I've ever seen! It will take at
least two people to make it, maybe
more, and even then...
                                                            
Enter GREEDO.
                                                            
                       JACK
Don't worry, Frye, I believe in
you. I'm not really that good in
the kitchen, but you are, and if
you tell me what to do, I could
help you! Together, if we focus,
I just know we could...
                                                            
                       GREEDO
      (interrupting)
Hold it right there, you two. Frye
Cooke, what are you doing away
from your fryer?!? Aren't you
supposed to be working? Why are
you covered in frost?
                                                            
                       FRYE
Uh, I just had to get some more
fries from the freezer.
                                                            
                       GREEDO
Sure. And you just ran into this
escaped convict by happenstance? I
don't think so. I should fire
you...but then you'd never learn
your lesson. Hmm...I've got it.
Frye Cooke, tonight, you will
work...overtime! In...the
dishroom!
                                                            
                       FRYE
No!
                                                            
                       GREEDO
Oh yes...now get out of my sight
before I transfer you there
permanently.
                                                            
FRYE exits.
                                                            
                       GREEDO
      (to JACK)
Now, as for you my boy...you are
in a heap of trouble.
                                                            

31.

                       JACK
I know that you framed me!
                                                            
Enter JILL, who is eavesdropping, partially concealed.
                                                            
                       JACK
Frye saw the whole thing! You
planted that cookie in my jeans!
                                                            
                       GREEDO
      (laughing)
You know what? I did plant that
cookie on you! But there's
nothing you can do about it now!
You already had your trial!
                                                            
                       JACK
I'll make an appeal!
                                                            
                       GREEDO
You won't be a-peelin' so much as
a banana so long as I'm in charge
here! Who are they going to
believe? A fry cook and a
convicted thief, or the
well-respected manager of the
local food court?
                                                            
                       JACK
I can't believe I trusted you!
You'll never get away with this
                                                            
                       GREEDO
Actually, I have gotten away with
it. That'll teach you to lust
after my beautiful step-daughter.
I plan to make a pretty penny
selling her as a mail-order bride
next year, and I can't have you
tainting the goods.
                                                            
                       JACK
You scoundrel! You rapscallion!
You monster! You're so...
                                                            
                       GREEDO
...evil? Most assuredly. But
I've wasted enough time on you.
There are profits to be made! Back
into the cooler with you!
                                                            
GREEDO drags JACK back to the cooler. GREEDO exits. JILL
comes forward.
                                                            

32.

                       JILL
Oh my goodness! Oh my goodness! He
WAS framed! What do I do? I've
got to find Frye!
                                                            
Jill crosses. Enter FRYE.
                                                            
                       JILL
Frye! Frye! Jack was framed! It
was Greedo!
                                                            
                       FRYE
I know, I know. I saw the whole
thing!
                                                            
                       JILL
What are we going to do?
                                                            
                       FRYE
Well, Jack managed to get me the
recipe for the Excaliburger.
                                                            
                       JILL
Excaliburger?
                                                            
                       FRYE
It's a magical burger that tastes
so good that anyone who has even
one bite will do anything to get
another taste!
                                                            
                       JILL
So if we get him to try it, we can
force him to admit the truth and
clear Jack's name!
                                                            
                       FRYE
Exactly. The trouble is, the
recipe is extremely demanding. It
must be followed exactly, and I
can't cook it alone, and now
Jack's stuck back in the cooler.
                                                            
                       JILL
Well, I can help you! And I think
I know a few people who can help
out.
                                                            
                       FRYE
Well, let's get to work then - we
don't have a moment to lose!
                                                            

33.

                       JILL
Come on gang! Let's rock and roll!
                                                            
Enter CHORUS
                                                            
                       FRYE
Um, actually, we can't rock and
roll. That'll spoil the recipe.
Apparently, the recipe was
originally created hundreds of
years ago in Brazil...it needs a
little bit of Latin flavor.
                                                            
                       JILL
Well, in that case...let's get
things shakin'?
                                                            
                       FRYE
Now you've got it!
      (sung)
Says here we'll need a crispy
green leaf of lettuce
and a side of ground beef, so get
us
both of these things and I'll get
started on the Excaliburger.
                                                            
                       JILL
I guess we'll have to ask the
chorus
if they'll obtain a few things for
us.
Hopefully they'll score us
the lettuce leaf and beef to make
a magical burger.
                                                            
CHORUS crosses to audience members who have lettuce and beef
planted under their chairs.
                                                            
                       CHORUS
You there, do you have what I
need?
Look underneath your seat
and see if you have got an
ingredient for my recipe
because if you have what I need,
you got to give it to me,
so we can meld a meaty mix and
make a magical burger!
Ah...Recipe Samba, Recipe Samba...
Recipe Samba, Recipe Samba...
Recipe Samba, Recipe Samba...
Recipe Samba, Recipe Samba!
                                                            

34.

                       FRYE
Now we need a crisp tomato
and an oversized potato
so get us both of these things and
I'll keep cookin' up the
Excaliburger.
                                                            
                       JILL
I guess we'll have to ask the
chorus
if they'll obtain a few things for
us.
Hopefully they'll score us
tomato and potato to make a
magical burger.
                                                            
CHORUS crosses to audience members who have tomato and
potato planted under their chairs.
                                                            
                       CHORUS
You there, do you have what I
need?
Look underneath your seat
and see if you have got an
ingredient for my recipe
because if you have what I need,
you got to give it to me,
so we can meld a meaty mix and
make a magical burger!
Ah...Recipe Samba, Recipe Samba...
Recipe Samba, Recipe Samba...
Recipe Samba, Recipe Samba...
Recipe Samba, Recipe Samba!
                                                            
                       FRYE
Now we throw some chocolate cake
in,
mix it with a fresh cut
snakeskin?!? Whatever.
Get us these things and I'll keep
cookin' up the Excaliburger.
                                                            
                       JILL
I guess we'll have to ask the
chorus
if they'll obtain a few things for
us.
Hopefully they'll score us
the cake and snake it takes to
make a magical burger.
                                                            
CHROUS crosse to audience members who have cake and snake
planted under their chairs.
                                                            

35.

                       CHORUS
You there, do you have what I
need?
Look underneath your seat
and see if you have got an
ingredient for my recipe
because if you have what I need,
you got to give it to me,
so we can meld a meaty mix and
make a magical burger!
Ah...Recipe Samba, Recipe Samba...
Recipe Samba, Recipe Samba...
Recipe Samba, Recipe Samba...
Recipe Samba, Recipe Samba!

Turn up the heat
with a samba beat.
Gonna cook the meat and
make a burger that's one in a
million!
It's almost done,
put it on the bun,
gonna have some fun and
make a burger just like a
Brazilian!
Ah...Recipe Samba, Recipe Samba...
Recipe Samba, Recipe Samba...
Recipe Samba, Recipe Samba...
Recipe Samba, Recipe Samba!
                                                            
FRYE puts finishing touches on the Excaliburger and removes
it from giant stewpot. As he brings it to the front, CHORUS
surrounds him and starts to lift it to the sky in slow
motion.
                                                            
                       CHORUS
Ah...Ah...Excaliburger...Ah!
                                                            
FRYE gives Excaliburger to JILL.
                                                            
                       FRYE
      (spoken)
Now go and get Greedo to take a
bite of this. I'll go get Judge
Fudge.
                                                            
FRYE and CHORUS exit, JILL crosses Food Court floor to where
GREEDO is entering.
                                                            
                       GREEDO
What are you doing with that
burger? I thought I put you on a
diet!
                                                            

36.

                       JILL
I brought it for you. You must be
hungry after such a long day at
work.
                                                            
                       GREEDO
And how! That burger smells
sinfully scrumptious...
                                                            
GREEDO takes the Excaliburger from JILL and takes a huge
bite. JILL immediately snatches the burger away from
GREEDO. GREEDO lunges at JILL, but CHORUS members appear to
restrain him.
                                                            
                       GREEDO
Give me that burger! I must have
more! It's so delicious!
                                                            
FRYE enters, leading JUDGE in behind GREEDO.
                                                            
                       GREEDO
Just one more bite! I'll do
anything!
                                                            
                       JILL
Then tell the truth: Did you
frame Jack Cheese?
                                                            
                       GREEDO
Of course I framed him, I'm evil!
He did nothing wrong, I planted
the cookie in his jeans. I was
behind it all! There! Are you
happy now? Just give me that
sweet, sweet burger...
                                                            
                       JILL
You lied to me!
                                                            
                       JUDGE
And you lied to me. Release Jack
Cheese from the cooler at once!
                                                            
ALL cheer. A few CHORUS members release JACK from the
cooler
                                                            
 
INT. FOOD COURT - DAY
                                                            
                       JUDGE
Mr. Cheese, we have done an
injustice to you and I intend to
right it. Greedo McSinister, you
are hereby stripped of your title
            (MORE)

37.

                       JUDGE (cont'd)
as Food Court Boss. For the next
year you will work double shifts
in the dishroom.
                                                            
                       GREEDO
No!!!
                                                            
                       JILL
So now who's in charge of the Food
Court?
                                                            
                       JUDGE
Well, my dear, you are. By long
standing tradition the Food Court
mantle must be passed to a
relative. It is the way of the
Food Court.
                                                            
                       JILL
But I don't want to be in charge!
Can't Jack take over the Food
Court?
                                                            
                       JUDGE
Not unless he is a member of your
family. It is the way of the Food
Court.
                                                            
                       JILL
What if he were my husband? What
if we got married right now?
                                                            
                       JACK
Jill! Are you sure about this?
                                                            
                       JILL
Oh Jack, let's do it! I love you,
and I want to make your dreams
come true!
                                                            
                       JUDGE
Married?!? Well, I suppose it is
in accordance with the law...
                                                            
                       JACK
Can I make Frye the Head Chef?
                                                            
                       JUDGE
Certainly. The Food Court would
be yours to run as you please.
                                                            

38.

                       FRYE
Yes!
                                                            
JACK and FRYE do a high five.
                                                            
                       JACK
Will you marry us, Judge Fudge?
Well, not me and Frye, but...
                                                            
                       JUDGE
Yes, I will marry you. But you'd
better go get ready; we haven't
got much time...
                                                            
JACK and JILL exit.
                                                            
                       JUDGE
      (sung)
Dearly beloved, we are gathered
today
for the lunchtime of a lifetime
I'd say.
We hope you've enjoyed it, but
before we are through,
we couldn't avoid it, we gotta
marry these two.
                                                            
JACK and JILL reenter, in tuxedo and wedding dress.
                                                            
                       GREEDO
Hold the wedding, for I feel in my
heart
that I've done the wrong thing
right from the start.
I want to correct it, so I'll do
this one thing,
you wouldn't expect it, but I'll
give you this ring...
                                                            
GREEDO gives ring to JACK.
                                                            
                       JUDGE
Do you, do you take her now to
have, to hold and cherish 'til the
end of time?
                                                            
                       JACK
I do want to be true!
                                                            
                       JUDGE
Do you, do you take him now to
have to hold and cherish 'til the
end of time?
                                                            

39.

                       JILL
I do want to be true!
                                                            
                       JACK
I'm so excited to be with you.
                                                            
                       JILL
I couldn't hide it, 'cause I feel
that way too.
                                                            
                       JUDGE
Now you have made your vows and
promised here to love and cherish
one another until the end of your
life.
So by the power vested in me by
the Food Court Corporation, I
pronounce you...man and wife!
                                                            
                       JUDGE
Now it is time to kiss the bride.
Go on and kiss her, kiss the
bride!
                                                            
JACK and JILL kiss. Confetti is released from the
balconies.
                                                            
                       CHORUS
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
                                                            
JACK and JILL run off together, hand in hand. Just before
exiting, JACK turns back to FRYE.
                                                            
                       JACK
      (spoken)
Frye, you're in charge until we
get back from my honeymoon!
                                                            
                       FRYE
You got it, boss! Have a great
time!
                                                            
JACK and JILL exit.
                                                            
                       CHORUS
      (sung)
Happy end at the Food Court!
Evil boss converts!
Happy end at the Food Court!
                                                            
                       GREEDO
Evil deeds can often hurt,
So listen to me when I assert:
Everybody gets their just dessert
            (MORE)

40.

                       GREEDO (cont'd)
at the Food Court!
                                                            
                       CHORUS
At the Food Court!
                                                            
                       GREEDO
At the Food Court!
                                                            
                       CHORUS
At the Food Court!
                                                            
                       GREEDO
At the Food Court!
                                                            
                       CHORUS
At the Food Court!
                                                            


FADE OUT.


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