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I Used To Be Happy
by Nathan Illsley (nillsley@comcast.net)

Rated: R   Genre: Comedy   User Review: ***1/2
Annie Hall for the next generation. Following his most recent breakup, Nate recalls his college dating experiences and gets to the bottom of his lackluster mindset.


This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



FADE IN:

INT. STONEFORGE RESTAURANT - DAY
                                                            
NATE, 25 and BECCA, 25 sit at a table.

Nate picks up a piece of bread, dips it into the oil and
bites into it while reading the menu.

A waitress, STACEY, walks up to the table.
                                                            
                       STACEY
How's it going today? I'm Stacey
and I'll be your server for this
evening. Can I start you guys off
with a couple of drinks?
                                                            
                       BECCA
I'll just have a water.
                                                            
                       STACEY
Okay, and you sir?
                                                            
                       NATE
Do you have Mountain Dew?
                                                            
                       STACEY
No we don't. But we have Dr.
Pepper?
                                                            
                       NATE
Right... Um, I'll just have a
water too... I guess.
                                                            
                       STACEY
Be right back.
                                                            
Stacey walks away.
                                                            
                       NATE
I ask for a lemon lime soda and
she suggests... I don't even know
what Dr. Pepper is. There's 23
flavors and I can't figure out a
single one of them. It's not a
cola and it's not root beer. I
mean...
                                                            
Nate takes a bite of bread.
                                                            
                       BECCA
I think we should break up.
                                                            

2.

Nate stops chewing for a moment. He speaks with a mouth full
of bread.
                                                            
                       NATE
Right now? We didn't even order
yet.
                                                            
                       BECCA
I just think we're going in
different directions and I don't
want this to drag on any longer
than it has to.
                                                            
                       NATE
You really couldn't wait until we
ate? I was looking forward to that
parmesan encrusted chicken but I
guess that's out now.
                                                            
Nate drops the menu on the table.
                                                            
                       BECCA
Are you even listening to me? I'm
trying to break up with you and
all...
                                                            
                       NATE
      (interrupts)
You could've at least waited for
the appetizer or...
                                                            
                       BECCA
      (interrupts)
Nate! We're done. I'm sorry.
                                                            
Nate puts his finger up to Becca.
                                                            
                       NATE
Could you just hold on one second?
Thanks.
                                                            
Nate looks at the camera, breaking the fourth wall.
                                                            
                       NATE
Can you believe this? SHE brought
ME out to dinner. To break up with
me. She didn't even wait until we
got food. Who does that? Now we
have to get up and leave and it's
embarrassing because all I got was
bread so far. And that's free. Do
I still tip? Shit, who cares?
You'll notice I'm more upset over
the food than I am that she just
            (MORE)

3.

                       NATE (cont'd)
broke up with me. That's because I
genuinely don't care. She broke up
with me, that's life. She was
alright I guess, but what does it
even matter? If I cared about
everything that made me sad I'd be
so screwed. War, famine,
homelessness. Holy shit I'd be
messed up. Let me tell you
something, the key to life is
desensitization.
                                                            
Nate leans over to the person behind him, a LADY in her mid
sixties.
                                                            
                       NATE
Excuse me do you have a dictionary
I could borrow?
                                                            
                       LADY
Um, yes I think I do...
                                                            
The lady reaches into her pocketbook.
                                                            
                       LADY
Here you go.
                                                            
                       NATE
Thank you kindly.
                                                            
Nate flips through the pages of the dictionary.
                                                            
                       NATE
Okay, let's see here. Desensitize:
to make someone less likely to
feel shock or distress over scenes
of cruelty, violence, or suffering
by overexposing them to such
images over a prolonged period of
time. There you go. I've been so
overexposed to relationship
bullshit that I genuinely don't
care anymore... You know, I wasn't
always like this you know. I used
to be a very emotional guy
actually, but that was before
everything. Let me show you.
                                                            
 

4.

INT. HOSPITAL - DAY
                                                            
Nate's mom is in a hospital bed. She gives one final push.

The doctor holds Nate up to her and his father.
                                                            
                       NATE
      (narrating)
Here I am getting pushed out of my
mom's womb. The first thing I did
when I got out was piss on my
parents.
                                                            
 
EXT. NATE'S HOUSE - DAY
                                                            
A much younger Nate stands on his front porch wearing a polo
tucked into swooshy pants. He is wearing a backpack and
resists having his picture taken by placing his hands in
front of his face.
                                                            
                       NATE
      (narrating)
Here's me on the first day of
pre-school. Notice my ridiculous
clothing choices.
                                                            
 
INT. NATE’S HOUSE - DAY
                                                            
Nate plays with a cat on the ground. The cat pees.
                                                            
                       NATE
      (Narrating)
This is my first cat, Tigger. I
named him after Tigger from Winnie
the Pooh because they're both
orange-ish. Pre-school logic.
                                                            
 
INT. MIDDLE SCHOOL BUIDLING - DAY
                                                            
Nate stands amid a crowd of students wearing a similar
outfit to that which he wore on his first day of pre-school.
                                                            
                       NATE
      (narrating)
This is me on my first day of
middle school. Again notice the
absolutely ridiculous outfit. Also
notice that I'm now in public
making it way worse.
                                                            
 

5.

INT. AUDITORIUM - DAY
                                                            
Nate stands on a stage in a line with other children. He is
wearing a shirt and tie that is not very put together.
                                                            
                       NATE
      (narrating)
This is DARE graduation. DARE
stood for "drug abuse resistance
education," where they taught us
why drugs and alcohol are bad.
Let's just say I that I threw away
that diploma when I hit college.
                                                            
 
INT. HIGH SCHOOL - DAY
                                                            
Teenage Nate fiddles with the combination lock on his
locker.
                                                            
                       NATE
      (narrating)
This is my first day of high
school. I was more of the ugly
duckling in high school except I
never really had that "turning
into a swan" moment when I walked
into a school dance in slow motion
and all the jocks did a double
take.
                                                            
Nate tries to open his locker but it sticks. He tugs on it
until it swings open and he hits himself in the face,
falling over.
                                                            
 
INT. CHURCH - DAY
                                                            
Nate stands at the altar in a shirt and tie.

The priest puts his hand on Nate's head and makes the sign
of the cross in front of him.
                                                            
                       NATE
      (narrating)
This is my confirmation. Let's
just say it didn't really pay off.
The best gift I got was a shitty
pen set from my uncle, and if
you're wondering, yes, I only went
through with confirmation for the
gifts.
                                                            
 

6.

EXT. NATE'S HOUSE - DAY
                                                            
Nate's Uncle John hands him keys to his first car, a white
Subaru Forrester.

Nate gets inside and turns on the engine.
                                                            
                       NATE
      (narrating)
This was my first car. My uncle
bought it for me as my 18'th
birthday present.
                                                            
 
EXT. STREET - DAY
                                                            
Nate stands next to his car which is crashed into a
telephone pole.

Nate is standing with his hands on his head.
                                                            
                       NATE
      (narrating)
And with my first car, of course,
came my first car accident about
15 minutes later.
                                                            
 
EXT. FOOTBALL FIELD - DAY
                                                            
Nate stands in his cap and gown and walks across the stage
to get his high school diploma.
                                                            
                       NATE
      (narrating)
This is my high school graduation.
See the smile on my face? That's
because I had no clue how insane
my life was about to become.
                                                            
 
INT. BENAGLIA - DAY
                                                            
Nate and his mom are unpacking things in his room.

GERRY, 20, a short darker skinned boy, enters and shakes
Nate's hand. He shakes with one hand and then brings the
other around to fully hold Nate's.
                                                            
                       NATE
      (narrating)
This is me on move-in day of
college. That's Gerry. He'd end up
being my roommate and best friend
            (MORE)

7.

                       NATE (cont'd)
all four years of college but he
scared the shit out of me at first
because he did the two-handed Bill
Clinton handshake and didn't
really let go of me.
                                                            
 
INT. O’HARA - NIGHT
                                                            
Nate and Gerry play beer pong at a dorm room party.

KATH, 19, a tall brunette enters the room and Nate
immediately looks over at her.
                                                            
                       NATE
      (narrating)
Fast forward a little more and
here's when my life got
complicated. The first time I met
Kath. We'd end up dating for a
while and she really screwed me
up.
                                                            
 
INT. STONEFORGE RESTAURANT - DAY
                                                            
The scene cuts back to Nate and Becca at the restaurant.
                                                            
                       NATE
Now this isn't Kath. Kath and I
ended things a looonng time ago.
This is Becca.
      (to Becca)
Say "hello" Becca.
                                                            
Becca turns to the camera.
                                                            
                       BECCA
Hi! How are you? I'm Becca.
                                                            
                       NATE
      (to Faith)
Okay, that's enough Becca.
      (to camera)
I guess I went a little too far
ahead with that. Let's go back to
the beginning of my freshman year
in college.
                                                            
 

8.

INT. BENAGLIA - DAY
                                                            
Nate and Gerry sit in their dorm room watching TV.
                                                            
                       NATE
We've been here a week and I'm
already sick of cafe food. You
wanna go to Subway or something?
                                                            
                       GERRY
Yeah that sounds good. I'll go
grab Dan. You driving?
                                                            
                       NATE
You live a six hour plain flight
away and don't have a car, and you
ask if I'm driving? No you can
drive us this time.
                                                            
Gerry stands up and yells out the door way.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Yo Dan! Come to Subway with us.
                                                            
DAN, 20, walks into the doorway.
                                                            
                       DAN
Yeah I got my wallet. Nate, you
driving?
                                                            
 
INT. SUBWAY - DAY
                                                            
All three guys sit at a table eating their subs.
                                                            
                       GERRY
I don't think they cooked my
meatballs.
                                                            
                       NATE
Mine's fantastic.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Whoa, look at that girl.
                                                            
Gerry motions to a girl walking into the store. She is
blonde and absolutely gorgeous.
                                                            
                       DAN
The things I would do to that
girl.
                                                            

9.

                       NATE
Oh man, she's smoking.
                                                            
                       DAN
Just unforgivable, vile things.
                                                            
                       GERRY
She reminds me of a girl who went
to my high school. I think she
does porn now actually.
                                                            
                       DAN
You ever get with her?
                                                            
                       GERRY
Nah, she was impossible to get
with... unless you paid her.
                                                            
                       NATE
Isn't it weird how prostitution is
illegal but if you pay for sex and
film it, it's fine again because
it's porn?
                                                            
                       GERRY
Democracy in action.
                                                            
A beat where they continue eating.
                                                            
                       NATE
So how many girls have you been
with?
                                                            
                       GERRY
Two... well three if you count
anal.
                                                            
                       DAN
Yeah I'm just at two because I
haven't ever been a situation
where the only option was anal.
                                                            
                       GERRY
It was a weird night.
                                                            
                       DAN
      (to Nate)
What about you?
                                                            
                       NATE
Me? It doesn't even matter.
                                                            

10.

                       GERRY
Ooooh! You've got a few notches on
your belt huh?
                                                            
                       DAN
Go ahead put us to shame. What's
your number?
                                                            
                       NATE
It's... uh... zero.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Get out of here. How many really?
                                                            
                       NATE
No, I'm serious. None.
                                                            
                       DAN
I don't believe that for a second.
You seem like you absolutely slay.
                                                            
                       NATE
Nah, I just never had the chance.
                                                            
                       DAN
Did you go to an all guys school
or something?
                                                            
                       GERRY
Damn, I would've thought you were
in double digits. You hafta get on
that man.
                                                            
                       DAN
Yeah come on, we need some stories
out of you. Your a giant hunk of
man, girls will be all over you.
                                                            
                       NATE
Give me another month and I'll be
on your level.
                                                            
                       DAN
Don't get on Gerry's level. People
go to jail for the things he does.
                                                            
                       NATE
Don't worry, I'll have some good
stories for you. I'll find someone
soon. It's college.
                                                            
 

11.

INT. JULIE’S ROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
JULIE, 21, is on top of Nate, screaming at the top of her
lungs. Nate is under her with an absolutely terrified look
on his face.

She lets out one final scream and falls to his side with her
back turned to him.
                                                            
Nate gets out of bed and walks towards the camera.
                                                            
                       NATE
That was the first time I had sex.
Yup, that was my first time. That
is very fucking far from normal.
Did you hear her screaming? It
like she just got stabbed in the
stomach or something. She scared
me... But that was my first time.
That's what I wasted it on. It
could have been romantic and
special but instead I lost my
virginity to one of the sirens.
I'll never understand why I did
that. I'll never understand sex in
general though. If you think about
it, sex is weird. I was just in
her. I was INSIDE of her. Isn't
that weird to think about? Maybe
not, I don't know. You know what
is weird though? I faked it every
time. I'm a guy and I faked an
orgasm. Literally every time. Even
the
18-year-old-almost-still-a-virgin
Nate knew that was weird. I was
too afraid of her to do anything
that I liked. I figured she'd beat
me... She probably would have.
                                                            
 
INT. PHILOSOPHY CLASS - DAY
                                                            
Nate sits in the second row of the class.

PROFESSOR MEKIOS, 40, stands at the front and speaks with an
extremely deep voice.
                                                            
                       PROFESSOR MEKIOS
Now you're all in for a real
treat. We get to talk about how we
don't know what we're talking
about. This is one of the major
paradoxes in philosophy. Although
            (MORE)

12.

                       PROFESSOR MEKIOS (cont'd)
it's completely misquoted, a lot
of people know this phrase,
attributed to Socrates: "I know
one thing, that I know nothing."
Even though it's misquoted, it
sums up a lot of his beliefs. How
can we be certain of anything? Is
there any kind of universal truth?
To know implies that something be
absolute fact, with no shadow of a
doubt behind it. In order to truly
know something, it has to be
unarguable. Is anything really
unarguable?
                                                            
Nate raises his hand.
                                                            
                       NATE
So basically the point of that
quote is that there is no
universal truth?
                                                            
                       PROFESSOR MEKIOS
It's not that there isn't any,
it's more that even if there is,
we can never be certain that it is
universal truth. Therefor we can
never really even know what
universal truth is, if there is
any.
                                                            
                       NATE
Doesn't that philosophy completely
contradict your profession?
                                                            
                       PROFESSOR MEKIOS
Excuse me?
                                                            
                       NATE
Well it would seem to me that if
there is no universal truth, than
we can never be certain as to
whether something is correct or
incorrect. Right?
                                                            
                       PROFESSOR MEKIOS
I suppose so.
                                                            
                       NATE
Well, as such, no matter what we
say from our own perspective,
which in essence is our own
personal "truth," cannot be proven
            (MORE)

13.

                       NATE (cont'd)
incorrect. It can't be proven
correct either, but it certainly
can't be proven incorrect. If we
ourself believe what we say to be
true, it becomes truth to us.
                                                            
                       PROFESSOR MEKIOS
I think you're...
                                                            
                       NATE
      (interrupts)
Now, because there is no universal
perspective from which to look at
such a "truth," we cannot
definitively say whether or not
something is right or wrong.
                                                            
                       PROFESSOR MEKIOS
You're...
                                                            
                       NATE
      (interrupts)
As a professor your job is to give
us grades based on responses that
we make to questions that you
create. No matter how we respond
to that question, you can never
tell us whether we are right or
wrong because there is no
definitive answer to anything.
                                                            
                       PROFESSOR MEKIOS
Please stop...
                                                            
                       NATE
      (interrupts)
That being so, it seems kind of
hypocritical for you to preach
uncertainty and then proceed to
give us grades based on your
interpretation of our work. If
nothing can be proven then isn't a
grade a falsity in itself? I just
don't get how you come to work
every day knowing that it's pretty
much meaningless.
                                                            
A few seconds of silence.
                                                            
                       NATE
That's all I'm saying.
                                                            
 

14.

INT. NATE’S DROM ROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
Nate stands in front of a mirror wearing a button up shirt.
He rolls one of the sleeves up.
                                                            
                       NATE
Okay I need an honest opinion
here. I have a few options with
this shirt. I can either leave the
sleeves down, giving off the more
formal, "I care about my
appearance, I like to look
presentable kind of thing"...
or...
      (Nate rolls up his
       sleeves)
I can roll up the sleeves like
this and give off the whole "I
care about my appearance enough to
wear a nice shirt but I also
embrace that casual aspect of life
by showing off a little forearm"
kind of look.
                                                            
Gerry emerges from his closet wearing just boxers.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Shit, that's a tough one. You want
to look nice but not too serious
but you also don't want to be too
casual or girls will think you
don't give a shit... Roll the
sleeves up. It's like an "I just
got off of a hard days work at the
office and now I'm having casual
drinks with my co-workers before
going home" kind of look.
                                                            
                       NATE
You're completely right. What
about you, what are you wearing?
                                                            
                       GERRY
Okay I have two options. I could
wear this polo with no undershirt
and a rope necklace.
                                                            
Gerry holds up a polo on a hanger.
                                                            
                       NATE
Okay, no undershirt suggests
freedom and comfort while the
necklace emphasizes your laid back
yet adventerous, California,
            (MORE)

15.

                       NATE (cont'd)
surfer side.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Exactly. Or I could wear this
graphic t-shirt with my dog tags.
                                                            
Gerry hold up a t-shirt on a hanger.
                                                            
                       NATE
Okay the t-shirt is from Express
so it says casual but also more
upscale and expensive. The dog
tags suggest a rougher side... but
they also kind of make you look
like you want the appeal of being
an officer but don't have the
balls to enlist. I'd go polo and
rope necklace.
                                                            
                       GERRY
I think so too. Goddammit this is
hard. Girls think they have to go
through so much with their makeup
and hair but we have to do the
same.
                                                            
                       NATE
They put more pressure on us by
looking good. They think we make
them self-consious like they need
to go all out but all they end up
doing is looking way better than
us and then we feel more pressure
to impress them. It's very unfair.
                                                            
Gerry walks over to the same mirror that Nate stands in
front of and checks out his outfit.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Know what man, they can put as
much pressure as they want on us,
but we look pretty damn good right
now.
                                                            
                       NATE
Yeah man, we'll be turning heads
tonight.
                                                            
They give each other a loud high five.
                                                            
 

16.

INT. O’HARA - NIGHT
                                                            
Nate and Gerry enter in in completely different outfits than
what they just had on. CHRIS, 19, answers the door.
                                                            
In the room are JOHN, CHRIS, TIM, JEFF, all 19, and various
other random people playing drinking games.
                                                            
                       NATE
What's up man?
                                                            
                       CHRIS
Wuddup Nate? What's going on
Gerry?
                                                            
                       GERRY
What's up man?
                                                            
                       NATE
Can we sign up for beer pong?
                                                            
                       CHRIS
Yeah absolutely man. The list is
on the dresser.
                                                            
Nate turns to the camera and talks as he makes his way
through the room to sign up for beer pong.
                                                            
                       NATE
See I didn't drink in high school,
so up until yesterday I didn't
even know how to play beer pong. I
went on Wikipedia for about 2...
about 4 hours and did a little
research on drinking games and
whatnot. As it turns out what
these people are playing is not
even called beer pong. They're
playing beiruit, "ruit" for short.
Beer pong is when you use paddles
and... it doesn't even matter. But
I'll pretend it's called beer pong
because that's what they think
it's called and at this point, I
really just want to fit in.
                                                            
Nate and Gerry step up to the table and start to play. Nate
shoots the ball and it goes nowhere near the triangle of
cups.

Nate turns to the camera.
                                                            

17.

                       NATE
As it turns out, looking up how to
play online doesn't prevent you
from sucking at it when you
actually play.
      (Nate points to
       the door and his
       face drops.)
Oh shit, here it comes. I'm about
to meet the girl who's going to
change my life forever.
                                                            
Kath walks into the room just as she did before and the
frame freezes on her.
                                                            
                       NATE
      (narrates)
You know how they say when you
meet the girl of your dreams, time
stops? Well it doesn't. That makes
no sense at all.
      (The frame
       unfreezes and
       action continues.)
Time never stops. Especially in
college. That's absurd. I mean,
time isn't even real. Humans
created time as a way to put a
schedule on when we die. But I
digress. That girl that just
walked in, that's Kath... and
this... this is the beginning of
my downward spiral.
                                                            
Kath walks up behind Nate and taps him on the shoulder.
                                                            
                       KATH
Who has next game?
                                                            
                       NATE
There should be a list somewhere.
Is it there?
                                                            
                       KATH
I can't find it if it is.
                                                            
                       NATE
Well we just won and my partner is
done playing.
                                                            
                       GERRY
I am?
                                                            

18.

                       NATE
      (to Gerry)
Yes you are.
      (to Kath)
Wanna play with me?
                                                            
She smiles a little.
                                                            
                       KATH
Sure.
                                                            
                       NATE
I'm Nate.
                                                            
                       KATH
I'm Katherine.
                                                            
The camera zooms in on them shaking hands and demonic music
plays over it for a split second.
                                                            
The two resume playing ruit. Nate puts his hand on her lower
back and points to a cup.
                                                            
                       NATE
      (narrates)
Did you see that? Playful touching
is key for flirting. It's like
breaking the ice with Thor's
hammer. Anyways, we played for a
little while. It turns out
Wikipedia was a good move because
I impressed the hell out of her
with my bullshit drinking game
knowledge. We ended up having a
really romantic night.
                                                            
 
INT. COURTS PARTY - NIGHT
                                                            
Nate and Kath grind to dance music in a crowded sweaty room.
                                                            
                       NATE
      (narrates)
We talked for hours on end.
                                                            
 
EXT. COURTS HOUSE - NIGHT
                                                            
Nate and Kath stand 5 feet apart from each other, both on
their phones, texting.
                                                            

19.

                       NATE
We finally fell asleep in each
others' arms.
                                                            
 
INT. BENAGLIA - NIGHT
                                                            
Nate and Kath sleep back to back in a small bed. Kath hogs
all of the covers and Nate loudly snores.
                                                            
 
INT. STONEFORGE RESTAURANT - DAY
                                                            
Back to present day.
                                                            
                       NATE
Let me give you some advice; if a
relationship spawns from a drunken
hook up, it wont work. Chances are
it wont work anyways but alcohol
is an even better predictor.
Alcohol, as we all know impedes
your judgement. If you fall in
love when you're drunk, chances
are she's the wrong girl.
                                                            
 
INT. BENAGLIA - DAY
                                                            
Nate and Gerry sit in their room watching TV.

Gerry is typing something on his laptop.
                                                            
                       GERRY
What does "ivocate" mean?
                                                            
                       NATE
Ivocate? I don't think that's a
word.
                                                            
                       GERRY
It has to be a word, it's used in
this article my professor wrote.
                                                            
                       NATE
How do you spell it?
                                                            
                       GERRY
I.V.O.C.A.T.E.
                                                            
                       NATE
That's definitely not a word man.
How does he use it?
                                                            

20.

                       GERRY
"The settlers of the Roanoke
Colony were never found, leading
one to ivocate an answer."
                                                            
A beat.
                                                            
                       NATE
There's no way that's a word. And
that sentence is very poorly
written.
                                                            
                       GERRY
I don't know what he's having us
read an article on Roanoke
anyways. It's for a physics class.
                                                            
                       NATE
Makes sense. How's things with
Ashley? I heard you guys fighting
last night.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Not great. This distance is
killing us. She's back in Cali and
for some reason I decided to come
here. Usually when we fight we end
up having sex after and we kind of
forget we're supposed to be mad. I
can't do that when I'm 3000 miles
away. You can't masturbate a fight
away. There's no end to any of our
fights because we can't get down
to business over the phone.
                                                            
                       NATE
You really rely on sex that much
for your relationship?
                                                            
                       GERRY
Oh god, yeah. If it wasn't for sex
we'd have killed each other by
now.
                                                            
                       NATE
Isn't that unhealthy?
                                                            
                       GERRY
Oh completely, yeah. I put way too
much emphasis on sex but she's
really good at it so it's almost
worth it when I'm back home.
                                                            

21.

                       NATE
Almost?
                                                            
                       GERRY
It's definitely still an awful
idea but whatever. I think we...
                                                            
Gerry's phone rings. The ringtone is "Cold Hard Bitch" by
Jet.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Guess who?
                                                            
                       NATE
"Cold Hard Bitch" is the ringtone
you set for your girlfriend?
                                                            
                       GERRY
I'll be right back.
                                                            
                       NATE
No problem man.
                                                            
Gerry stands up and exits his bedroom and walks into the
common room. Dan walks in and sits on Nate's bed.
                                                            
                       DAN
I heard "Cold Hard Bitch" go off.
He talking to Ashley?
                                                            
                       NATE
You guessed it.
                                                            
                       DAN
The distance is killing them. I
feel bad.
                                                            
                       NATE
Yeah, I don't know how much longer
they're gonna last.
                                                            
                       DAN
Nah, they'll make it. Everyone
goes through a rough patch in
their relationship. That's what
makes you stronger.
                                                            
                       NATE
I feel like if you're really meant
for someone you shouldn't have a
rough patch though. I mean
everyone disagrees sometimes but
Gerry and Ashley hate each other
right now. If they were meant to
            (MORE)

22.

                       NATE (cont'd)
be distance shouldn't tear them
apart.
                                                            
                       DAN
The distance will make them
appreciate each other even more
when they see each other in person
again. It helps you take the other
less for granted. They'll be fine.
They're in love.
                                                            
                       GERRY
      (from the common
       room)
Well that's great. You know what,
don't call me again. We're done.
FUCK YOU ASHLEY!
                                                            
They can hear a smash coming from the room. Gerry walks back
into the bedroom.
                                                            
                       GERRY
      (calmly)
Hey Nate, can I borrow your phone
really quick?
                                                            
Nate hands Gerry his phone.
                                                            
                       NATE
Yeah sure. What for?
                                                            
                       GERRY
I got mad at Ashley so I threw
mine against the wall and it
broke. Thanks man.
                                                            
Gerry walks back into the common room.
                                                            
                       NATE
That's not good.
                                                            
                       DAN
Maybe he's just extra passionate
about this. He's an emotional guy
so he gets overly worked up. It's
because he cares.
                                                            
                       NATE
If he smashes shit when he cares I
don't wanna know what he does when
he doesn't give a shit. He
probably kicks puppies or switches
            (MORE)

23.

                       NATE (cont'd)
old people's medicine.
                                                            
Dan looks up in utter confusion.
                                                            
                       DAN
What?
                                                            
We hear another smash from the common room.

Gerry walks back in.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Hey Dan, can I use your cell phone
really quick?
                                                            
                       NATE
What happened to mine?
                                                            
                       GERRY
I'm gonna get you a new one, don't
worry.
                                                            
 
INT. BERTUCCI’S - NIGHT
                                                            
Nate and Kath sit at a table eating rolls.
                                                            
                       NATE
I mean if you listen to the
classics like Bob Dylan and Bruce
Springsteen, those guys, they had
something to say, Their lyrics
meant things. "Thunder Road" is
one of the most beautiful love
songs ever written. Today your
idea of a love song is something
by Lady Gaga. It's throwaway pop
music.
                                                            
                       KATH
Nate, I'm nervous.
                                                            
                       NATE
Me too. I mean our generation has
nothing to show for itself besides
"I Kissed A Girl" and "Party Rock
Anthem."
                                                            
                       KATH
No. About us.
                                                            

24.

                       NATE
Why, what's wrong?
                                                            
                       KATH
I'm afraid of attachment.
                                                            
                       NATE
How so?
                                                            
                       KATH
What if I really start to like
you? What happens if I get
attached to you and you break my
heart?
                                                            
                       NATE
Why would I ever do something like
that?
                                                            
                       KATH
Because that's what happens Nate!
Don't you see?
                                                            
A beat.
                                                            
                       NATE
No.
                                                            
                       KATH
I'm going to end up falling for
you and I'm going to need you in
my life and some day you won't be
there and I'll be devastated. I
don't want to let that happen to
me.
                                                            
                       NATE
So basically you're assuming that
you're going to get hurt so you're
putting up a wall so that you
can't like me enough to care if I
break your heart?
                                                            
                       KATH
What happens if we break up?
                                                            
                       NATE
It's only been a month. Isn't this
kind of heavy for this stage in
our relationship?
                                                            

25.

                       KATH
I'm just warning you Nate. I have
to keep you at a distance so I
don't get hurt. The only way I can
save us is to stay away from you
emotionally.
                                                            
Nate looks to the camera.
                                                            
                       NATE
This is normal for a 19 year old
kid to be dealing with a month
into his first relationship,
right?
      (a beat)
I didn't think so.
                                                            
 
INT. HUMAROCK - NIGHT
                                                            
A subtitle reads "Sophomore Year" at the bottom of the
screen.
                                                            
Nate, Gerry, Chris, John, Jeff, Tim, and Dan all sit in the
common room, talking during a party. The camera shows the
different guys as Nate mentions them.
                                                            
                       NATE
      (narrates)
Let me get you up to speed. It's
now sophomore year and nothing too
eventful happened since you saw me
last. I'm still dating Kath and
just about every dinner we had has
gone the same as the last one you
just saw, and I've made a solid
group of new guy friends. Let me
introduce you. This is Chris. He
is potentially the pickiest guy
I've ever met in my life. No
matter what, he'll find something
wrong with a girl.
                                                            
 
INT. WHITE ROOM - DAY
                                                            
Chris walks along a line of girls. He is wearing a white lab
coat and has a clipboard.

First he approaches Taylor Swift.
                                                            

26.

                       CHRIS
You're way too tall for me. If you
wore heels I'd look like Danny
DeVito next to you.
                                                            
He continues walking and approaches Meagan Fox.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
I have trouble believing that's
your natural hair color.
                                                            
He continues walking and approaches Katy Perry.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
"California Gurls?" Did you really
have to spell girls with a "u?"
                                                            
He shakes his head and walks off.
                                                            
 
INT. HUMAROCK - NIGHT
                                                            
The camera lands on Tim, wearing sweatpants and a plaid
button down shirt that is unbuttoned.
                                                            
                       NATE
      (narrates)
This is my buddy Tim. We all call
him Timmy Walnuts. I have no clue
why. For some reason Tim radiates
confidence and girls seem to take
pretty well to that. He dresses
like he's homeless but he gets
more girls than a Melissa Ethridge
concert.
                                                            
 
INT. PARTY - NIGHT
                                                            
Tim stands by himself surveying the room. His glance lands
on a GIRL AT PARTY, way out of his league.

He walks over to her.
                                                            
                       TIM
Excuse me.
                                                            
                       GIRL AT PARTY
Yeah?
                                                            
                       TIM
I'm Tim and I can do things other
guys can't.
                                                            

27.

                       GIRL AT PARTY
Right, well I have a boyfriend.
                                                            
                       TIM
That's cool. I have a physics exam
on Monday.
                                                            
                       GIRL AT PARTY
What?
                                                            
                       TIM
Oh I'm sorry. I thought we were
talking about things we can cheat
on.
                                                            
                       GIRL AT PARTY
You're awfully cocky huh?
                                                            
                       TIM
Yes I am.
                                                            
He looks down at his groin and winks at the girl.

She bites her lips and gives him a menacing smile.
                                                            
 
INT. HUMAROCK - NIGHT
                                                            
                       NATE
About a week ago Tim started
dating this redhead girl that we
call Ginny Weasley. Spoiler alert,
it doesn't work out.
                                                            
The camera goes to John. He is dressed like a hipster.
                                                            
                       NATE
      (narrates)
Meet John. He used to have a pony
tail but we told him we wouldn't
hang out with him if he didn't cut
it off. John had a girlfriend for
a while but she kind of cheated on
him. I say kind of because she
hadn't actually met the guy in
person.
                                                            
 

28.

INT. JOHN’S HOUSE - DAY
                                                            
John sits down at his computer.

As Nate narrates John's mouth drops and he looks growingly
disgusted.
                                                            
                       NATE
      (narrates)
The last time John used Skype was
during the past summer. He and his
girlfriend Kim logged onto her
account. She accidentally saved
her password onto his Skype so
when he opened it up it
automatically logged onto her
account. As it turns out she was
having cyber sex with a Croatian
dude.
                                                            
                       JOHN
Aw! Fucking whore!
                                                            
 
INT. HUMAROCK - NIGHT
                                                            
                       NATE
      (narrates)
He's doing a lot better and was
somehow able to forgive her. His
rational was that cyber sex
doesn't involve anything physical.
He equated it to going on Chat
Roulette and accidentally seeing a
dick. Definitely not cheating. The
building we're in is a dorm called
Humarock. Its basically a mobile
home on campus and we all live
here.
                                                            
Gerry walks up to Nate.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Kath looks like she's in a pretty
good mood tonight. You guys doing
better?
                                                            
                       NATE
I think she's just drunk. To be
honest I don't know what's good
and bad with us anymore because it
goes back and forth so fast. Our
entire relationship is like a
bipolar race car driver. We're
            (MORE)

29.

                       NATE (cont'd)
going steady and then all of a
sudden she decides to swerve and
crash into a wall and we burst
into flames before we even had
time to enjoy the lead.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Did you really just think of that
comparison off the top of your
head?
                                                            
                       NATE
Of course not. I've had months and
months to ponder this. I came up
with that analogy yesterday.
                                                            
                       GERRY
It's good, I like it.
                                                            
John makes an announcement to the house.
                                                            
                       JOHN
Yo! It's 11:30 right now. Five
minutes and we're heading out to
the dance party.
                                                            
                       NATE
Let's see if I actually make it
there this time.
                                                            
                       GERRY
When was the last time you
actually went?
                                                            
                       NATE
I mean I don't wanna put a date on
it but it was the first night I
met Kath. That's the last time she
wanted to go.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Well she looks better, so
hopefully tonight...
                                                            
A drunk Kath walks up to Nate and interrupts Gerry.
                                                            
                       KATH
Nate can I talk to you for a
minute before we go?
                                                            
                       NATE
Sure.
                                                            

30.

Kath grabs Nate by the hnd and leads him outside to a picnic
bench in front of Humarock.
                                                            
 
EXT. HUMAROCK - NIGHT
                                                            
Kath and Nate sit down on the bench.
                                                            
                       NATE
      (to Kath)
What's up?
      (to the camera)
Just to clarify, I already know
what's up. This is literally the
exact same way every weekend night
has gone since you saw me last.
Just watch.
                                                            
                       KATH
I want to go dance tonight.
                                                            
                       NATE
Really? Are you sure?
                                                            
                       KATH
Well, I don't want to, and I'm
going to feel really uncomfortable
the entire time we're there, but
if you want to go we can go.
                                                            
                       NATE
See this always happens Kath. You
can't tell me you're going to feel
uncomfortable and then suggest we
go. Then if we still go it's
because I want to and it seems
like I'm making you. You're
setting me up to fail.
                                                            
Kath looks blankly at Nate for a moment and then bursts into
tears and smothers her face into Nate's chest.

The rest of the guys and a bunch of other people all exit
the house.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
You guys coming?
                                                            
                       NATE
Go ahead without us.
                                                            

31.

                       JOHN
      (mouthing)
Again?
                                                            
Nate shakes his head affirmatively.
                                                            
                       GERRY
      (mouthing)
Why?
                                                            
                       NATE
      (mouthing)
I DON'T KNOW!
                                                            
                       JEFF
Yo Nate! You coming!?
                                                            
Chris smacks him in the chest.
                                                            
                       JEFF
What the fuck man?
                                                            
Chris points to Nate and Kath.
                                                            
                       JEFF
Oh shit! Is Kath crying again?
                                                            
                       JOHN
Come with us you dumbass.
                                                            
Chris and John drag Jeff away.
                                                            
                       GERRY
      (mouthing)
Good luck.
                                                            
Gerry and the rest of the group walk away.
                                                            
                       JEFF
      (in the distance)
Mom and Dad are fighting again!
                                                            
                       KATH
I'm sorry I'm such a mess right
now Nate. I don't mean to be this
emotional. I'm just trying so hard
to get through this.
                                                            
                       NATE
I understand Kath. Whatever you
need I'm here for you. Don't push
it unless you're ready.
                                                            

32.

Kath stops crying and her head jolts up from Nate's chest.
                                                            
                       KATH
      (angrily)
Nate!
                                                            
                       NATE
What's wrong?
                                                            
                       KATH
Stop agreeing with me!
                                                            
                       NATE
What?
                                                            
                       KATH
You're being overly agreeable and
it's manipulating!
                                                            
                       NATE
What the hell are you talking
about?
                                                            
                       KATH
You're trying to get me to do what
you want by pretending you agree
with me! Stop trying to control
me!
                                                            
                       NATE
I'm not trying to control you.
What are you talking about?
                                                            
Kath shakes her head angrily.
                                                            
                       KATH
I'm cold. Come back to my room.
                                                            
                       NATE
Fine.
                                                            
They stand up and begin to walk to her dorm.

Nate pauses for a minute and looks down the path to his
friends that are all shouting and having a great time.
                                                            
 
INT. KATH'S ROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
Nate sits down on Kath's bed.

She locks the door behind them and sits down next to him.
                                                            

33.

                       KATH
Nate, I did it again, didn't I?
                                                            
                       NATE
Did what?
                                                            
                       KATH
I had a freak out and I ruined the
night.
                                                            
                       NATE
No, you didn't. It's fine.
                                                            
                       KATH
Nate, I'm so sorry. I ruined
everything. You're so nice and
understanding and I'm awful to
you. Can you forgive me?
                                                            
                       NATE
Of course Kath.
                                                            
They hug for a moment and then she moves her head up and
begins to passionately kiss him. They kiss for a moment and
she pushes him down so they both lay vertically.

After a moment, she abruptly stops kissing him.
                                                            
                       KATH
Nate!
                                                            
                       NATE
What? What's wrong?
                                                            
                       KATH
What the hell are you doing!?
                                                            
                       NATE
I thought we we're hooking up.
                                                            
                       KATH
Nate! Didn't you listen to
anything I said earlier?
                                                            
                       NATE
We never said anything about
hooking up.
                                                            
                       KATH
About control Nate!
                                                            
A beat.
                                                            

34.

                       NATE
What?
                                                            
                       KATH
Listen to me Nate. I'm not playing
this game. If I do something that
gives you pleasure then I'm giving
you control over me.
                                                            
                       NATE
What about something we both like?
I can do something to you?
                                                            
                       KATH
No Nate! If you're doing something
to me then I'm putting myself in a
vulnerable position and letting my
guard down. That gives you
control!
                                                            
                       NATE
I'm sorry if this is just me or
something, but that makes no sense
whatsoever.
                                                            
Kath jumps off of the bed and walks towards the door.
                                                            
                       KATH
Hold on.
                                                            
She unlocks the door and brings in DR. RUTH.
                                                            
                       KATH
Can you explain this to him better
than I can?
                                                            
                       DR. RUTH
You see, Katherine had a very bad
relationship with her father when
she was younger. Although not
physically abusive, he was very
emotionally neglectful. He was
never someone she could talk to
and was the main reason for the
deterioration of his marriage to
Katherine's mother. Because her
first, and most dominant male
relationship was so negative, she
now has an overall poor attitude
regarding men and as a result has
control issues with you. You
haven't done anything wrong but
the fact that you are a male
creates a wall for her. Sex is the
            (MORE)

35.

                       DR. RUTH (cont'd)
ultimate form of control and as a
result she has a hard time letting
her guard down enough to be
intimate with you.
                                                            
                       KATH
Do you get it now?
                                                            
                       NATE
So her relationship with her
father has been projected onto
every other male she interacts
with?
                                                            
                       DR. RUTH
Unfortunately yes.
                                                            
                       NATE
I guess it makes sense.
                                                            
                       KATH
Thank you Dr. Ruth. That's all we
need for now.
                                                            
                       DR. RUTH
No problem at all dear.
                                                            
Dr. Ruth smiles wide and exits the room.
                                                            
                       KATH
You see Nate? We can't hook up or
else I'll hold it against you.
                                                            
                       NATE
So what do we do? We just don't do
anything sexual anymore?
                                                            
                       KATH
If we want this to work I need to
take that off the table for now. I
just can't deal with it and I'll
tear us apart if I have to think
about it.
                                                            
                       NATE
Okay.
                                                            
                       KATH
Okay?
                                                            
                       NATE
You're worth it to me.
                                                            

36.

She smiles and hugs Nate tightly.
                                                            
 
INT. CAFETERIA - DAY
                                                            
Nate, John, Gerry, and Chris sit at a dinner table eating.
                                                            
                       NATE
So... That is where we're at.
                                                            
There is a moment before anyone says anything.
                                                            
                       GERRY
No sex?
                                                            
                       NATE
Nope.
                                                            
                       JOHN
Blow jobs?
                                                            
                       NATE
No.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
Hand jobs?
                                                            
                       NATE
No.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
Well, that's probably good. Nobody
likes a hand job anyways. Look,
stick out your finger.
                                                            
Nate sticks out his index finger and Chris tugs on it.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
Does that feel good?
                                                            
                       NATE
Nope.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
Didn't think so. You don't want
that anyways.
                                                            
                       GERRY
I don't want to be the 400 pound
gorilla in the room but what she
said makes no sense.
                                                            

37.

                       JOHN
Yeah, I'm with Gerry. Except for
the hand jobs. Literally nobody
likes hand jobs.
                                                            
                       NATE
It's not that bad.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
Hand jobs?
                                                            
                       NATE
No. No, not hand jobs. Me and
Kath. It's not that bad. I kind of
get it.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
So basically the situation is that
you and Kath can't hook up or do
anything sexual, if you're nice
she thinks you're manipulating
her, and if you try to do anything
she doesn't agree with then you're
being controlling? Right?
                                                            
Nate pauses, thinking for a moment.
                                                            
                       NATE
Well, I mean if you put it like
that and you cram it all
together...
                                                            
                       GERRY
      (interrupts)
So that's exactly what it is.
                                                            
                       JOHN
Can I ask something without you
getting offended?
                                                            
                       NATE
See I hate when people start
sentences like that, with "no
offense" or "don't take this the
wrong way" or something. If you
have to preface something with "no
offense" then chances are it's
going to offend me.
                                                            
Nate takes a bite of his meal and there is a brief pause.
                                                            
                       JOHN
Soooo... can I ask?
                                                            

38.

                       NATE
      (immediately)
Yes!
                                                            
                       JOHN
Why do you like her?
                                                            
                       NATE
See, I knew it! You said "not to
offend you" and then you asked me
why I like my girlfriend.
                                                            
                       JOHN
It's an honest question.
Relationships are part physical
and part emotional. She took out
all the physical stuff and she
borders on being emotionally
abusive with the way she calls you
controlling so I'm legitimately
asking you why you like her.
                                                            
                       NATE
That's where I run into a problem.
At this point I don't like her.
                                                            
                       JOHN
Okay then.
                                                            
                       NATE
I love her.
                                                            
Nate takes another bite of his food without looking up.
Gerry, Chris, and John all give each other looks.
                                                            
                       NATE
      (narrates)
Over the next seven or eight
months things got progressively
worse for all of us.
                                                            
 
INT. CHRIS'S ROOM - DAY
                                                            
Chris is on his laptop on Facebook looking at the page of
somebody named Rebecca Rossi. He reads through her comments
and looks through her pictures with a sad look on his face.

As Nate narrates, Chris walks through his room and removes
pictures of himself and Rebecca and throws them in the
trash.
                                                            

39.

                       NATE
      (narrates)
After two years of searching for
the perfect girl Chris finally
stopped being so picky and settled
for a girl named Rebecca Rossi. We
called her saucy Rossi. As it
turned out, that sauce was made of
venom. After only a month of two
she told him she loved him, she
wanted to marry him, have kids
with him, and then stopped talking
to him and got back with her old
boyfriend without notice. He was
devastated. It was the first time
he'd ever said "I love you" and
meant it and it was the first time
he'd ever cried over a girl.
                                                            
 
INT. JOHN'S HOUSE - DAY
                                                            
John sits on his house computer with his arms crossed,
chewing on his fingernails. He goes to click on Skype
several times but doesn't.

After several short stops, he opens it up. He looks shocked
and angry.
                                                            
                       NATE
      (narrates)
As it turns out, Kim wasn't just
having cyber sex. She was having
real sex. And not just real sex,
but she visited the Croatian guy a
few times... in Croatia. She went
on vacation with him and his
family. Yup, John was 19 years
old... and his girlfriend had an
affair. The type of thing that
happens to middle aged men when
they work too much happened to a
19 year old Poli-Sci major. That
screwed him up a little bit.
                                                            
                       JOHN
Fucking whore!
                                                            
                       NATE
      (narrates)
The biggest thing we couldn't
figure out is why she used the
same Skype account to talk about
going on vacation with the guy.
            (MORE)

40.

                       NATE (cont'd)
Maybe she wanted him to know... no
that's definitely not it, she was
just really stupid.
                                                            
 
INT. GERRY’S ROOM - DAY
                                                            
Gerry is in his room on the phone. He is yelling at first
but then he gets visibly saddened and tries to fight back
tears.
                                                            
                       NATE
      (narrates)
And Gerry. Dear God, poor Gerry.
After things finally started to
get better between him and his
girl from home she absolutely
destroyed him. For the first time
in two years he thought things
were going to be okay when she
called him up and said that she
had run into an old flame. In a
phone call that lasted less than
four minutes she broke up with him
and told him that she was getting
back together with her old boy
back in California.
                                                            
                       GERRY
      (mouths)
Please don't do this to me.
Please... Ashley? Ashley?
                                                            
Gerry sobs hysterically and winds up to throw his phone.
Instead he drops his arm and puts his face into his hands.
                                                            
                       NATE
      (narrates)
I've known Gerry for about 8 years
now and I know him better than
just about anyone else does. I can
honestly say that this was rock
bottom for him. I don't think I'd
ever see someone that low
before... And me? Some things
happened to me too.
                                                            
 
INT. BARRET’S ALE HOUSE - NIGHT
                                                            
Nate and Kath sit at a table in the restaurant.


41.

They both have empty plates in front of them and they sit
looking around in an awkward silence for a few seconds
before speaking.
                                                            
                       NATE
So... How did you like your meal?
                                                            
                       KATH
It wasn't bad. What about you?
                                                            
                       NATE
It wasn't bad. I'm full now
though.
                                                            
                       KATH
Oh, me too.
                                                            
They look around the restaurant again for a few seconds.
                                                            
                       NATE
Where's that waitress?
                                                            
                       KATH
Yeah, I wish she'd bring us the
check.
                                                            
Nate calls out to a waitress, ALLISON, walking by.
                                                            
                       NATE
Excuse me? Can we have the check
please?
                                                            
                       ALLISON
No room for desert?
                                                            
                       NATE
No, not tonight.
                                                            
                       ALLISON
Did you guys enjoy your meals?
                                                            
                       NATE
It was great, thank you.
                                                            
Nate gives the waitress a fake smile as she takes their
plates.

He looks over at Kath who is looking down and his fake smile
leaves his face.
                                                            

42.

                       ALLISON
I'll just leave this here for you
guys. There's no rush so take your
time.
                                                            
She places the check in the middle of the table. She walks
away and Nate reaches for it.
                                                            
                       KATH
Can I pay?
                                                            
                       NATE
Don't be silly Kath.
                                                            
                       KATH
How is that silly? You always pay.
                                                            
                       NATE
I'm taking you out on a date. I
want to pay.
                                                            
                       KATH
Why can't I take you out on a
date?
                                                            
                       NATE
You can sometime.
                                                            
                       KATH
Then let me pay.
                                                            
                       NATE
Kath come on.
                                                            
                       KATH
Come on what? Why do you always do
this?
                                                            
                       NATE
Do what?
                                                            
                       KATH
You make me feel like I don't
matter.
                                                            
                       NATE
What are you talking about?
                                                            
                       KATH
You make me feel like you don't
take me seriously. Why can't I pay
every once in a while? You make it
seem like you always take me out
and I never do anything for you. I
            (MORE)

43.

                       KATH (cont'd)
want to feel like I contribute
too.
                                                            
                       NATE
Kath, I'm paying for your dinner.
It's just money, it doesn't
matter. You're not a...
                                                            
                       KATH
      (interrupts)
How can you say it doesn't matter?
I don't matter as a girlfriend?
What I want doesn't matter?
                                                            
                       NATE
Kath, you're reading too much into
this. I'm trying to be a good guy
and buy you a meal. Why can't you
just say "thank you" and
appreciate that?
                                                            
                       KATH
So that's why you're doing this?
You just want appreciation? Why do
you always need to get something
out of me?
                                                            
                       NATE
Get something out of you? What?
All I'm saying is that I'm trying
to do something nice and you're
turning it against me.
                                                            
Kath starts to cry.
                                                            
                       KATH
      (softly)
I can't do this anymore.
                                                            
                       NATE
Kath, I can't hear you.
                                                            
                       KATH
I said I can't do this anymore.
                                                            
A beat.
                                                            
                       NATE
What do you mean? What can't you
do?
                                                            

44.

                       KATH
We don't work Nate. I don't know
why, but we don't. I know in my
heart we don't. I want to so bad,
I swear to God I do, but we don't
work.
                                                            
                       NATE
Kath, please stop.
                                                            
                       KATH
Look at us Nate! We're fighting
over a dinner check. We can't keep
doing this. I'm picking us apart
because I know we don't work. I
know you know it too. When was the
last time we actually laughed
together? When was the last time
you said you were happy with me
and meant it?
                                                            
                       NATE
Kath I love you.
                                                            
                       KATH
Nate I... Just because you love
someone doesn't mean you should be
together. Look at us. Look at what
we've become. I can't do this
anymore. WE can't.
                                                            
Kath stands up from the table and walks off. Nate remains.
                                                            
                       KATH
We just can't.
                                                            
Nate looks around, completely dumbfounded by what just
happened. He turns to the booth behind him.
                                                            
                       NATE
Did that... did that really just
happen? Like the way I thought it
happened?
                                                            
 
INT. HUMAROCK - NIGHT
                                                            
Nate sits in Humarock with Gerry, Chris, and John. Nate is
drinking a beer.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Wait seriously?
                                                            

45.

                       NATE
      (scoffs)
Yeah. That's literally exactly how
it happened.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
Over a check?
                                                            
                       NATE
I think so?
                                                            
                       JOHN
I'm... sorry?
                                                            
                       GERRY
It's not your fault man. You did
what you could, you just got off
ten stops too late.
                                                            
                       NATE
I don't think I really give a
shit. I honestly don't care.
      (he laughs)
I honestly don't care! Like think
about that. We broke up over a
check. That makes no fucking
sense!
                                                            
                       CHRIS
You're taking this pretty well
man.
                                                            
                       NATE
Think about it though. How can you
not laugh? That makes no sense
whatsoever. Is that even logical?
She turned me paying for the check
into me trying to get something
out of her.
                                                            
Nate bursts out laughing.
                                                            
                       GERRY
You're kind of scaring me dude.
                                                            
                       NATE
Oh so it scares you that I think
this situation is funny, but it
never scared you when I spent two
years dating someone who wouldn't
even kiss me because that would be
controlling? What the fuck!?
                                                            

46.

                       CHRIS
I guess that's good, I just hope
this isn't some kind of denial.
                                                            
                       JOHN
No, it's the numbness factor.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
The what?
                                                            
                       JOHN
The numbness factor. You checked
out of that relationship a while
ago. You knew it was going sour
and you knew how miserable it made
you every day so you were detached
anyways. You just didn't know any
better.
                                                            
                       NATE
That actually kind of makes sense.
You guys know how sucky this has
been. I think you're right. I
haven't cared in a while.
                                                            
                       JOHN
Can I ask you something?
                                                            
                       NATE
Be my guest.
                                                            
                       JOHN
Was that your first serious
relationship?
                                                            
                       NATE
Yeah, why?
                                                            
                       JOHN
Like nothing in high school or
anything?
                                                            
                       NATE
Nope.
                                                            
Gerry, John, and Chris all exchange worried looks.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Oh shit.
                                                            
                       NATE
What?
                                                            

47.

In unison.
                                                            
                       JOHN
Freud.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Freud.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
Freud.
                                                            
                       NATE
What?
                                                            
                       JOHN
Freud! Sigmund Freud?
                                                            
                       NATE
Yes, I know who he is.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
Obviously you've heard the theory
that history repeats itself.
                                                            
                       NATE
Of course.
                                                            
                       JOHN
Well Freud had a similar theory
only it was about relationships.
He said that your first
relationship is destined to become
the relationship that defines all
of your future relationships.
                                                            
                       GERRY
You subconsciously use it as a
framework to shape your
interactions with all girls in the
future.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
You go into everything with
expectations based on what
happened in the first big
relationship.
                                                            
                       GERRY
You're cursed.
                                                            
                       NATE
Oh, come on!
                                                            

48.

                       JOHN
I'm serious man. It happens to
everyone.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
That's what happened with me and
Saucy. I thought it was more
serious than it was because of my
girlfriend in high school. I went
too fast and I got too attached
and when she didn't care as much
as I did I wasn't ready for it. I
used to be happy man. And then
Freud came full circle.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Dude, look at me and Ashley. I
used to be happy with her and now
I'm a complete shell of a man. I
refuse to even look at other girls
because I know the same thing will
happen.
                                                            
                       NATE
You guys are absolutely off your
ass. Off your ass. Like so far off
your ass.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Just wait man.
                                                            
                       JOHN
Just remember what we said. We
used to be happy. Freud is never
wrong. Never.
                                                            
 
INT. NATE’S CAR - DAY
                                                            
A subtitle reads "Two Months Later."
                                                            
Nate sits in his car in a parking lot. He is wearing a polo.

Gerry walks over from the side, opens the car door, and gets
in.
                                                            
                       NATE
So where are we going, Panera,
Owen's, or Mario's?
                                                            

49.

                       GERRY
I'm kind of feeling Panera. The
lobster roll is in season right
now.
                                                            
                       NATE
That's like 16 bucks.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Who cares? I'm in that kind of
mood. I'm in a $16 lobster roll
mood.
                                                            
                       NATE
What's making you so happy today?
                                                            
                       GERRY
Remember Lindsay?
                                                            
                       NATE
Yeah...
                                                            
Gerry raises his hands in the air in confidence. Both guys
scream in joy.
                                                            
                       NATE
No you didn't!
                                                            
                       GERRY
I did! Dude, I'm telling you, I
had the best night of my life.
                                                            
                       NATE
You greasy little shit. I can't
believe you pulled that off with
that tiny little Tic Tac you have
down there.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Don't knock the Tic Tac, the Tic
Tac has done quite well for what
it is.
                                                            
                       NATE
Well good for the Tic Tac.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Speaking of which.
                                                            
Gerry undoes his belt and fiddles around with his pants.
                                                            

50.

                       NATE
Whoa, whoa, what the hell are you
doing? Don't whip it out in my
car.
                                                            
                       GERRY
I'm just checking when the last
time I...
                                                            
Nate looks over and both guys scream.
                                                            
                       NATE
Goddammit, when was the last time
you shaved?
                                                            
                       GERRY
Holy Christ, I didn't even
realize. Poor Lindsay.
                                                            
                       NATE
Dude, put that shit away.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Oh God, it's like a wooly mammoth.
                                                            
                       NATE
Come on man, put it away before it
sheds on my car.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Goddamn man, I love being single!
                                                            
                       NATE
I'm not sure if I like you being
single.
                                                            
                       GERRY
You know you love it too! We're
free men.
                                                            
                       NATE
You're right man. I've never felt
this good.
                                                            
                       GERRY
I don't want to screw us over, but
we're better off without them.
They were toxic.
                                                            
                       NATE
Completely. It's so much easier to
justify being in a bad
relationship when you're in it
then when you finally get out and
            (MORE)

51.

                       NATE (cont'd)
take a step back. I couldn't see
it when I was dating Kath, but now
I see it.
                                                            
                       GERRY
We were miserable man. We hated
everything about our lives but we
wouldn't see past their faces.
                                                            
                       NATE
But we're out now and we're living
this shit up.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Amen, brother. Amen.
                                                            
A beat.
                                                            
                       NATE
Is it possible that Freud was
wrong?
                                                            
                       GERRY
Oh, absolutely not. We're screwed
in the long run, but for now we're
living it up.
                                                            
                       NATE
Wait seriously?
                                                            
                       GERRY
Oh yeah, most definitely. We're
doomed to repeat that shit in
every relationship we have from
now on, but for right now we're
not in relationships, so were
happy as pigs in shit.
                                                            
                       NATE
Wait, so you still think we're in
trouble in the end?
                                                            
                       GERRY
Most definitely. Even if we find
something to distract us from it
at the moment, Freud's never
wrong.
                                                            
                       NATE
That's incredibly pessimistic.
                                                            

52.

                       GERRY
Whether it's pessimistic or
optimistic doesn't matter much.
It's a reality. It sucks but it's
a reality. We're going to end up
miserable, so we might as well
have fun now, right?
                                                            
A beat.
                                                            
                       NATE
That is so fucked up.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Hey, freud never said his theories
were pretty.
                                                            
 
INT. HUMAROCK - NIGHT
                                                            
John, Nate, Tim, Chris, and Gerry are all in the Humarock
common room getting ready for the night.

Nate is wearing a white button up with dark jeans.
                                                            
                       NATE
Is this shirt good with the dark
jeans?
                                                            
                       CHRIS
You look fine man.
                                                            
                       NATE
Are you sure? I have lighter ones
too that i can...
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (interrupts)
Nate. You look great.
                                                            
                       NATE
Seriously?
                                                            
                       JOHN
Nate, I'd do you in a heartbeat,
and only because of the dark
jeans.
                                                            
                       NATE
If I don't get laid tonight it's
your fault.
                                                            

53.

                       TIM
Where are we going tonight?
                                                            
                       CHRIS
Do the trifecta? Mariachi's,
Hoy-Yon, then Owen's?
                                                            
                       JOHN
Can we skip Hoy-Yon?
                                                            
                       NATE
Nah come on let's go. I've never
had a scorpion bowl from them
before.
                                                            
                       TIM
Those things do kind of suck
though. They're like 8 bucks and
they taste like wood.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Fine, let's just do Mariachi's and
Owen's then.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
Five dude's getting house
Margarita's in a Mexican cantina.
Nothing screams hetero more than
that.
                                                            
                       NATE
Jesus Christ, do you want to skip
Mariachi's too?
                                                            
                       CHRIS
No I don't. I was to go there and
get a frozen strawberry margarita
with a little umbrella and a
toothpick with cherries on it and
then I want to circle jerk it with
you guys at the bar.
                                                            
                       TIM
Owen's it is.
                                                            
                       NATE
Look what you started John. Hope
you're happy.
                                                            
John smiles.
                                                            
                       JOHN
I used to be happy?
                                                            

54.

                       NATE
I'll drive if it gets us out of
here any faster.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
Beautiful, leggo.
                                                            
 
INT. OWEN'S - NIGHT
                                                            
Nate, John, Chris, Tim, and Gerry walk into the bar. It's
mildly crowded.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
I got the first pitcher.
                                                            
Chris walks up to the bar, money in hand. JOEY, the
bartender points at Chris.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
Pitcher of beer?
                                                            
                       JOEY
How many glasses?
                                                            
                       CHRIS
Five.
                                                            
Joey begins to pour the pitcher.

Chris turns around and looks around. His face suddenly
drops.

SAUCY is standing across the way. She is with her boyfriend,
TONY, a guy of small stature with poorly grown facial hair.
His hand is on her lower back.
                                                            
                       NATE
      (narrates)
And of course as soon as Chris was
ready to have fun again, Saucy
shows up. And of course she was
with her boyfriend. And of course
he had his hand on her lower back.
And of course, Chris saw every bit
of it.
                                                            
Joey returns with the pitcher and glasses.
                                                            
                       JOEY
$8.50... Hey! $8.50.
                                                            
Chris turns back around to Joey.
                                                            

55.

                       CHRIS
What? Oh, sorry, thanks.
                                                            
Chris hands Joey a ten dollar bill and walks back towards
the table with the guys. He puts it down on the table with
the glasses.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
Enjoy guys. I'm taking off.
                                                            
He turns and walks away, out of the bar.
                                                            
                       TIM
Whoa what?
                                                            
                       NATE
Where you going?
                                                            
                       JOHN
Chris?
                                                            
                       GERRY
What the hell was that?
                                                            
                       JOHN
Is he really leaving?
                                                            
Nate looks across the way and sees Saucy.
                                                            
                       NATE
Oh there we go.
                                                            
Nate points at Saucy.
                                                            
                       JOHN
Oh for Christ sake.
                                                            
                       GERRY
What do we do?
                                                            
                       NATE
Well we have to go follow him.
                                                            
                       TIM
Can we finish the pitcher first?
                                                            
                       NATE
You guys finish it. I have some
things to say to that bitch.
                                                            
Nate gets up from the table and walks up to Saucy.
                                                            

56.

                       NATE
Hey, what the fuck is wrong with
you?
                                                            
                       SAUCY
What?
                                                            
                       NATE
Do you have any idea what you did
to Chris? You broke his goddamn
heart.
                                                            
                       SAUCY
He's still hung up on that? Tell
him to get over me. Give me a
break.
                                                            
                       NATE
Give you a break? Give you a
break!? Are you fucking kidding
me? You took my best friend,
promised him the world, made him
fall in love with you, and then
dumped him to get back together
with this scrawny little sack of
shit.
                                                            
He points to Tony.
                                                            
                       TONY
What the hell is your...
                                                            
                       NATE
      (interrupts)
Pee Wee Herman, shut the fuck up
before I step on you.
                                                            
He closes his mouth.
                                                            
                       NATE
Now you listen to me you soul
eating, scum sucking, devil woman,
you stay the hell away from Chris
from now on. Even if you
accidentally show up to a place
where he's at, we will make your
life a living hell. I'm talking
fire and brimstone lightning
reining down on your fat fucking
ass.
                                                            
                       SAUCY
B...
                                                            

57.

                       NATE
      (interrupts)
If you ruin even another second of
his life I will destroy everything
you have ever loved. Including
this pock-faced little bitch.
                                                            
He points to Tony.
                                                            
                       NATE
From now on, you're a ghost. And
if you're not...
                                                            
Nate grits his teeth and shakes his head in anger.
                                                            
                       NATE
Dont. Fucking. Test me.
                                                            
                       TONY
We won't! We're leaving now. Come
on Becca.
                                                            
                       SAUCY
But...
                                                            
                       TONY
No we're leaving. Now!
                                                            
They both turn and exit the bar.

People around him all start clapping. He smiles
triumphantly.
                                                            
                       NATE
      (narrates)
But of course, that's not at all
how it happened. See I have this
problem where I think that I'm a
lot tougher than I actually am. As
it turns out, I'm actually a
scared little boy trapped in a
man's body who avoids
confrontation at every turn.
                                                            
The scene cuts back to right as Nate was getting up from the
table to talk to Saucy.

He walks towards her. As he gets within a couple feet of
her, she turns and notices him.
                                                            
                       SAUCY
Oh, hey Nate!
                                                            

58.

                       NATE
Hi Becca!
                                                            
Nate continues past her and walks out the front door.
                                                            
                       NATE
      (narrates)
Like I said, scared little boy
trapped in a man's body.
                                                            
 
INT. HUMAROCK - NIGHT
                                                            
Chris is moving items around in the freezer.

After a couple of moments he pulls out a bottle of Crown
Royale.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
      (to the bottle)
There you are, you little shit.
                                                            
Nate, Tim, Gerry, and John walk in the house.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
Oh hey guys! I was just about to
drown myself is whiskey. Anyone
care to join?
                                                            
                       NATE
I'm not a big whiskey guy.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
Right right.
                                                            
Chris opens up the fridge and tosses Nate a beer.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
Here you go.
                                                            
Nate catches the beer and looks at the other guys quietly.
                                                            
                       NATE
You guys mind giving us a minute?
                                                            
                       TIM
Yeah, I have to take a call real
quick anyways.
                                                            
John points to his door.
                                                            
                       JOHN
E-mail.
                                                            

59.

                       GERRY
I have to.. uh... I'm gonna take a
shit.
                                                            
They all leave.
                                                            
                       NATE
You alright man?
                                                            
Chris pours a shot and laughs.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
My dude, I am fantastic.
                                                            
he takes the shot and cringes a little
                                                            
                       NATE
She's not worth it man.
                                                            
Chris pours another shot as he talks.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
Believe me I know. But isn't that
the bitch of it? You know, I know
how much she sucks but I can't get
over it because I know she's
happy. And I'm not.
                                                            
He pauses for a moment, staring off at nothing and then
takes the shot, cringing much less this time.
                                                            
Nate looks down at his beer and cracks it open.
                                                            
                       NATE
You're better off man. Take a look
at her. I mean you don't want to
be with someone who treats people
like that.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
You're right, I don't. But the
thing I can't get passed is that
she wasn't like this when she was
with me. She wasn't. I mean... I
mean it was like a switch just got
flipped. Like, like something
possessed her all of a sudden. She
turned into such a bitch over
night.
                                                            
                       NATE
That happens with some people man.
Sometimes people change. Or
sometimes people don't change and
            (MORE)

60.

                       NATE (cont'd)
they just hide the truth for a
little while.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
So she either never cared about me
and just needed something to do
for a little while, or I wasn't
enough to keep her interested and
her heart died overnight. Awesome
options.
                                                            
He goes to take a shot but the glass is empty.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
Well, fuck me.
                                                            
He pours another shot. Nate takes a sip of his beer.
                                                            
                       NATE
You don't need her. Just have fun
man. It's college. Just go out and
do your thing. You don't need to
be talking about marriage and kids
and shit yet. You have your whole
life for that.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
Nate, I love you to death but you
wont be thinking like that soon. I
know you're in this whole single
free mode now but that won't last.
We have our whole life to talk
about marriage and everything but
one day, you're gonna wake up and
realize you're forty and that
while everyone else was having
that talk you were ignoring it and
now there's nobody left.
                                                            
                       NATE
Thanks for the optimism.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
I'm literally dripping with
optimism.
                                                            
                       NATE
I can see that.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
Listen, listen, no disrespect but
you don't know what I'm going
through with this. I've been
            (MORE)

61.

                       CHRIS (cont'd)
single man, I have been fucking
single. And then I decided I
needed something more stable. I
got it and then she tore it out
from under me. Being single is
fun, but it wears off. And when it
does...
                                                            
He puts the shot close to his mouth.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
You feel it... Man, do yo feel it.
                                                            
Chris takes the shot and barely even blinks.

Nate doesn't say anything and takes a big sip of beer.
                                                            
 
INT. NATE’S ROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
Nate walks into his room. Gerry is sitting on his laptop.
When Nate walks in Gerry turns around.
                                                            
                       GERRY
How's he doing?
                                                            
                       NATE
Not great man. He's pretty down.
                                                            
                       GERRY
I fucking hate girls. They make
you think everything's perfect and
then they toss you out like
garbage. It's bullshit.
                                                            
                       NATE
I don't know man. They moved so
fast at first and then she just
killed him. If she didn't want
anything she should've said so.
                                                            
Nate takes a sip of beer.
                                                            
                       GERRY
I know what he's going through
man. That's the same shit Ashley
pulled with me. At least she's
3000 miles away so I don't have to
worry about seeing her every time
I go out.
                                                            

62.

                       NATE
I can't even imagine.
                                                            
Gerry picks up a beer and puts it in the air towards Nate.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Here's to avoiding relationships
for the rest of our lives.
                                                            
They clink cans.
                                                            
                       NATE
Cheers man.
                                                            
They both take a sip and pause for a beat.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Our attitudes suck!
                                                            
They both burst out laughing.
                                                            
                       NATE
Christ I know! I wish we could
just sit around like this and have
fun forever. Like jobs? I don't
want that shit.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Oh my God, me either man. Like we
complain about being stressed out
right now, we have no idea.
                                                            
                       NATE
Oh we're screwed. I have no clue
what I want to do with my life.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Isn't it sad to think that a
couple years from now if we have
jobs...
                                                            
                       NATE
      (interrupts)
And that's a big if.
                                                            
                       GERRY
If we have jobs we're going to be
working in a cubicle for 40 hours
a week doing something we hate,
only to make someone who's already
rich even richer? Like think about
that.
                                                            

63.

                       NATE
We'll work 9-5 five days a week,
we'll get home and be too tired to
do anything else so we'll watch TV
and fall asleep.
                                                            
                       GERRY
And when the weekend comes we can
either do nothing and be miserable
or we can go to a bar and get shit
looks from everyone who thinks
we're too old to be there.
                                                            
                       NATE
I want to be 21 forever man. I'm
serious we live the fucking life.
We have like ten hours of class a
week, we drink all we want, we
live 5 feet away from out best
friends... it doesn't get much
better than this.
                                                            
                       GERRY
All downhill from here man.
                                                            
They both laugh a little and take a drink but their faces
get slightly more serious as if they realize that the future
holds very little prospect.
                                                            
                       NATE
That really does suck doesn't it?
                                                            
                       GERRY
It kind of does. We don't have a
lot to look forward to.
                                                            
                       NATE
I mean if we find something we
actually like doing we'll be fine.
                                                            
                       GERRY
There is nothing that I like doing
enough to do forty hours a week
and get no recognition for.
                                                            
                       NATE
Nothing?
                                                            
                       GERRY
Think about it man. What do you
like doing? You like playing
guitar, you like writing... you
like hooking up with people.
Realistically are you gonna get
            (MORE)

64.

                       GERRY (cont'd)
paid to do that 40 hours a week?
                                                            
                       NATE
I hope so man!
                                                            
                       GERRY
      (he laughs)
You hope so, but realistically
that's never going to happen.
We're going to end up doing
something we don't mind most of
the time.
                                                            
                       NATE
I can live with that.
                                                            
                       GERRY
If doing something you don't mind
is the peak of your job
enjoyment... that sucks.
                                                            
                       NATE
It pays the bills though.
                                                            
                       GERRY
If I had a choice between doing
something I love and being dirt
poor or doing something I can live
with and being kind of okay, I'd
choose being poor any day. If I
could live here for the rest of my
life and work at McDonalds I
would. No question in my mind.
                                                            
                       NATE
I probably would too.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Like I said man, this is the peak
of our lives... and it's not gonna
last forever.
                                                            
Gerry turns back around to his computer. Nate looks off with
a blank stare and takes another sip of beer.
                                                            
 
INT. STONEFORGE RESTAURANT - DAY
                                                            
Back to the present. Nate looks at the camera.
                                                            

65.

                       NATE
That conversation was a turning
point for me. I realized how
desolate things seemed and I
didn't want to be alone anymore. I
had gone almost 3 years without
being in a single good
relationship. I decided that I
needed to make a change. I don't
mean I went out looking for love
but I wasn't in that closed off
mindset any more. What happened
would happen and I'd enjoy it... I
thought. As it turns out if you
enter a relationship just because
you're afraid of the future, it
scares you even more. Nothing
against the other person, but if
you aren't ready, you aren't
ready.
                                                            
 
INT. HUMAROCK - DAY
                                                            
Nate and John sit in the common room of Humarock watching
"Annie Hall" on TV.
                                                            
                       NATE
Can I tell you something?
                                                            
                       JOHN
Aw, I love you too Nate.
                                                            
                       NATE
Shut up. For real though, I've had
a revelation.
                                                            
                       JOHN
This sounds bad.
                                                            
                       NATE
I think I'm ready to date again.
                                                            
                       JOHN
And what makes you think that.
                                                            
                       NATE
I'm just bored being single. I
don't know, me and Gerry we...
                                                            
                       JOHN
Gerry and I.
                                                            

66.

                       NATE
What?
                                                            
                       JOHN
You said "me and Gerry." The
proper way to say it is "Gerry and
I."
                                                            
                       NATE
Right, but we were talking, and I
realized that I have nothing to
look forward to in life.
                                                            
                       JOHN
So what does that have to do with
dating? If you have nothing to
look forward to why would you
date?
                                                            
                       NATE
If I'm going to be miserable I
might as well share it with
someone.
                                                            
                       JOHN
That's really your attitude? If
you're going to have a bad life
you should drag someone down with
you?
                                                            
                       NATE
That's a bad way of explaining it.
I'm just saying if life is going
to suck I should have someone to
make me even the slightest bit
happy.
                                                            
                       JOHN
That's such a bad reason to date
someone.
                                                            
                       NATE
Self-preservation?
                                                            
                       JOHN
That's not self-preservation,
that's using someone to cure
monotony.
                                                            
                       NATE
Yeah that's what I said.
                                                            

67.

                       JOHN
Freud man. I can already tell.
                                                            
                       NATE
What do you mean?
                                                            
                       JOHN
Kath used you because she was
insecure about herself and she
wanted to feel like someone cared
about her. You're about to do the
same to someone else.
                                                            
                       NATE
I don't think that's the same
thing at all.
                                                            
                       JOHN
No, that's literally the exact
same thing. You're just using this
poor girl.
                                                            
                       NATE
This girl doesn't even exist yet.
                                                            
                       JOHN
She exists as an idea and that
means that that idea can someday
come to fruition in the form of a
real person. This real person is
going to be used to deal with the
fact that you're not satisfied
enough with yourself to be on your
own. All you're going to do is put
this girl through hell so that you
don't have to do it alone.
                                                            
A beat.
                                                            
                       NATE
See when you say it all like that
it sounds so much worse than it
actually is.
                                                            
                       JOHN
No it sounds exactly the way it
is. You have no soul.
                                                            
                       NATE
That may be true.
                                                            

68.

                       JOHN
It's Freud. You're destined to
repeat the misery. Whether you
bring someone else into that it
your choice.
                                                            
A beat.
                                                            
                       NATE
Can't you just lie and say I'll be
okay?
                                                            
A beat.
                                                            
                       JOHN
No.
                                                            
 
INT. STONEFORGE RESTAURANT - DAY
                                                            
Back to present day.
                                                            
                       NATE
For time reasons I'll skip the
next 4 weeks of my life. I'll
leave it up to your imagination
but I met a new girl, thought I
fell in love, and went way too
fast for my own good.
                                                            
Nate holds up a picture of Izzy.
                                                            
                       NATE
This is Izzy. Her real name is
Elisabeth but everyone called her
Izzy. She was great. We had 400
mutual friends and for some reason
we'd never met before. She really
was an absolute sweetheart and I
wish things had worked out. But
John was right. Freud completely
fucked me over.
                                                            
Nate looks away from the camera.
                                                            
                       NATE
Psychoanalytical asshole.
                                                            
A beat.

He looks back at the camera.
                                                            

69.

                       NATE
Anyways, we had an intense few
months before things unravelled. I
can't say I regret them but I
almost wish for her sake they
never happened. Almost.
                                                            
 
EXT. QUAD - DAY
                                                            
Montage. The song "So Happy Together" by the Turtles plays
over the scene.
                                                            
Nate and Izzy walk hand in hand laughing on the quad.
                                                            
 
EXT. ICE CREAM STAND - DAY
                                                            
Izzy bumps her cone on Nate's nose and gets ice cream on it.
                                                            
                       NATE
      (narrates)
This montage and music is supposed
to give you a sense of how happy
we were.
                                                            
 
INT. MOVIE THEATRE - DAY
                                                            
Nate and Izzy go for popcorn at the same time and then end
up throwing it at each other while laughing.
                                                            
                       NATE
      (narrates)
That's the whole point of a
montage right? To show a lot of
stuff at once to give you the gist
of everything that happened during
that time.
                                                            
 
INT. STONEFORGE RESTAURANT - NIGHT
                                                            
Nate points behind Izzy and when she looks away he reachers
over and steals a piece of pasta. She looks back quickly and
catches him. They both laugh.
                                                            
                       NATE
      (narrates)
Wouldn't that be great if we could
live in a montage? Just skip all
the shit and only live through the
good moments?
                                                            
 

70.

EXT. MINI GOLD COURSE - DAY
                                                            
Izzy gets a hole in one and she and Nate both jump in the
air and hug. He twirls her around.
                                                            
                       NATE
      (narrates)
Sadly that's not the case. In
between the montages we have to go
through the stomach aches, the
fights, the deaths, the 9-5's, the
bills, the car problems.
                                                            
 
INT. DORM ROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
Nate and Izzy cuddle under a blanket with the lights off.

Her head rests on his shoulder and she looks like she's
about to fall asleep.
                                                            
                       NATE
      (narrates)
A montage represents everything
that we want life to be. I wish
life was a montage but it's not.
Life goes by much slower and the
happy moments are fewer and
farther between.
                                                            
 
INT. STONEFORGE RESTAURANT - DAY
                                                            
Back to present day.
                                                            
                       NATE
You know originally, I was going
to show you a scene where Izzy and
I talk about how we love each
other and how we've never felt
this incredible about someone else
every before. But now I'm not
going to. She's too good for that.
Everything you would have heard us
say you can infer from the
montage. We were happy, we cared a
lot about each other... and then
the montage ended. It wasn't her
fault and there wasn't anything
she could've done to stop it. It
was just something inside me that
died. I can't explain it but
things started to change for me.
                                                            
 

71.

INT. HUMAROCK - DAY
                                                            
Nate, Gerry, and John sit in the common room watching TV.
                                                            
                       NATE
I think you were right about Freud
man.
                                                            
                       JOHN
Shit. What happened.
                                                            
                       NATE
For some reason all of a sudden I
don't care about being with Izzy.
                                                            
                       GERRY
What do you mean you don't care?
                                                            
                       NATE
I don't care. I just don't have
any feelings anymore. I'm...
I'm...
                                                            
                       JOHN
Numb?
                                                            
A beat.
                                                            
                       NATE
Yeah. I'm numb.
                                                            
                       JOHN
I told you man. Everything comes
full circle.
                                                            
                       NATE
What do I do?
                                                            
                       GERRY
What do you mean?
                                                            
                       NATE
How does this just turn off? I was
in love and now I'm in nothing.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Did she do anything wrong? Did you
guys fight?
                                                            
                       JOHN
She didn't have to do anything
wrong. It's inevitable. You're
destined to repeat your first
relationship. Unless you date one
            (MORE)

72.

                       JOHN (cont'd)
person and it goes perfectly then
you're always going to repeat the
first relationship that didn't end
well. There's nothing you can do
about it.
                                                            
                       GERRY
I think he needs a little more
hopeful advice right now John.
                                                            
                       NATE
No. John's right. There is no
hopeful advice for this. I am not
capable of love right now and
there's absolutely no reason why.
I'm not even sad about it. I feel
like my soul just got injected
with fucking morphene.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Have you considered a therapist?
                                                            
 
INT. THERAPIST’S OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
The therapist's office is clad with hundreds of leather
bound books on various wooden shelves. Any remaining space
on the walls is covered in framed awards and certificates of
achievement.

The THERAPIST has a big bushy mustache and thick brimmed
glasses. He is wearing dockers, and a button up shirt with
no tie under a sweater vest and chews on an unlit pipe. He
legs are crossed and he has a paper and pen resting on his
knee.

He briefly removes the pipe from his mouth to speak to Nate.
                                                            
                       THERAPIST
So, what seems to be the nature of
your problems?
                                                            
                       NATE
I'm dead inside and life seems
completely meaningless.
                                                            
The Therapist briefly removes his pipe again.
                                                            
                       THERAPIST
Can you go into a little more
detail please?
                                                            

73.

                       NATE
Sure. Here's how I see life in a
nutshell. You grow up, your
parents give you either
unconditional love or they beat
you and screw you up from an early
age. Let's assume they give you
love, you end up resenting them
anyways. They put you through
school so you can get a degree
only to get a low paying job that
you hate at a business who's sole
goal is to make the rich richer.
Then you go home to your wife who
you don't even really love but you
married because you're afraid of
dying alone. You have kids of your
own who end up resenting you no
matter what you did to help them,
the same way you treated your
parents who are now dead. Then
your kids move out and you get
excitement out of going to Chile's
once a week, then you probably get
divorced because theres over a 51%
divorce rate in the country. You
grow old alone, only finding
solace in Scotch and watching CNN
and then your kids put you in a
nursing home. Then you die among
strangers. Then they bury you and
you become nothing more than dirt.
Two generations later nobody even
knows that you existed.
                                                            
The therapist's jaw drops and his pipe falls out of his
mouth.
                                                            
                       THERAPIST
Oh my God.
                                                            
                       NATE
That's another thing.
                                                            
 
INT. CONFESSIONAL - DAY
                                                            
Nate sits in a dim lit confessional and a PRIEST sits in the
next booth over.
                                                            
                       NATE
How can you be so certain about an
all-loving God?
                                                            

74.

                       PRIEST
He has shown himself to me in many
ways. What makes you doubt the
existence of God?
                                                            
                       NATE
What ways has He shown Himself to
you?
                                                            
                       PRIEST
Well, for instance, recently I was
sent to Honduras to do missionary
work. A group of students from
this very school joined me and
provided aid to the area which was
ravaged by poverty and famine.
                                                            
                       NATE
You say God is all-loving right?
                                                            
                       PRIEST
Yes my son. God loves all of his
creations equally.
                                                            
                       NATE
Then why did God deal those people
in Honduras such shitty cards?
                                                            
                       PRIEST
Well, um, my son...
                                                            
                       NATE
      (interrupts)
If God loves all of his creations
equally then why does it seems
like he hates certain groups of
people? You say God showed his
love by sending compassion their
way but why did he screw them over
so bad in the first place? Instead
of sending students over to help
them out why doesn't he just help
them himself? We wouldn't need
charity if things weren't so bad
in the first place.
                                                            
                       PRIEST
You see...
                                                            
                       NATE
      (interrupts)
Famine, poverty, war...
                                                            

75.

                       PRIEST
Well...
                                                            
                       NATE
... anger, hate, genocide,
murder...
                                                            
                       PRIEST
Please, my son...
                                                            
                       NATE
...rape, disease, divorce,
racism...
                                                            
                       PRIEST
      (interrupts)
SHUT UP!
                                                            
A beat.
                                                            
                       NATE
I just don't understand how there
can be an all-loving God when
there's so much crap going on.
That's all I'm saying. Just seems
like God is a coping mechanism.
                                                            
                       PRIEST
Please leave.
                                                            
                       NATE
You got it Padre.
                                                            
Nate stands up and leaves the confession booth. The priest
watches him leave and blesses himself once he exits.
                                                            
 
INT. NATE’S CAR - DAY
                                                            
Nate drives with the camera facing him. The only sound is
Nate's narration.
                                                            
                       NATE
      (narrates)
That entire summer was a blur. I
wen't though the motions but I
wasn't really there.
                                                            
 
INT. 99 RESTAURANT - NIGHT
                                                            
Nate waits on a table looking extremely melancholy. He shows
very little emotion and doesn't smile.
                                                            

76.

                       NATE
      (narrates)
I knew in the back of my mind that
things with me and Izzy were going
to end and there was nothing I
could do about it.
                                                            
 
INT. NATE’S HOUSE - DAY
                                                            
Nate sits watching TV on his couch. His cat jumps up on his
lap and they stare at each other.
                                                            
                       NATE
      (narrates)
Something in me wasn't right and
it wasn't fair to drag her through
it while I figured myself out.
                                                            
 
INT. NATE’S ROOM - DAY
                                                            
Nate and Izzy sit on his bed, still inaudible. Izzy looks
concerned as Nate talks.

After a few seconds her face drops and she begins to cry.
She looks as if she's begging him not to break up.
                                                            
                       NATE
      (narrates)
Remember what I said about
montages? This is my real montage.
The way life really was. No music,
no laughing, just silence on top
of desolation. That's how I was
all summer. I'm not trying to make
myself into a victim, because I'm
not. I broke Izzy's heart and
that's on me. But my life went
from happy to nothing overnight
and I couldn't explain it. I was
lost.
                                                            
 
INT. STONEFORGE RESTAURANT - DAY
                                                            
Back to present day. Nate talks to the camera.
                                                            
                       NATE
Have you ever heard that joke
about the goldfish? A girl tells
her friend, "Guess what? I have a
new boyfriend." The friend
replies, "Oh. Well, I have a
            (MORE)

77.

                       NATE (cont'd)
goldfish." She doesn't understand.
The friend says, "Oh, I thought
they were both talking about
things that wouldn't last the
year." That was us. We were the
goldfish. In a year I knew I
wouldn't care at all. Call it a
pre-emptive flush. I had to get
rid of the goldfish before it had
the chance to realize how little
it mattered to her owner. Call me
an asshole, which I am, but I
saved Izzy the torment that I went
through with Kath. Rather than
faking it, I saved her the
trouble. I think I did the right
thing. I hope I did.
                                                            
 
INT. REHOBOTH - NIGHT
                                                            
A caption reads "Senior Year."

Nate, Chris, Tim, John, Gerry, and Jeff are all in Rehoboth
getting ready for the night.

They each walk in and out of the common room repeatedly,
fixing their hair, rolling up their sleeves, putting on
overshirts, ect.
                                                            
                       JEFF
You done in the bathroom?
                                                            
                       JOHN
Nah, I'm still in there.
                                                            
                       GERRY
So who are we going for tonight?
                                                            
                       JOHN
No plans. Just going where the
night takes me.
                                                            
                       GERRY
I'm going for Amy I think.
                                                            
The guys all stop for a moment and then burst out laughing.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
Dude come on really?
                                                            

78.

                       GERRY
What the hell?
                                                            
                       NATE
You can do better man.
                                                            
                       GERRY
What do you mean? She's cute!
                                                            
                       JOHN
She's painfully pale man.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
Her skin is pasty. It's like her
entire body just came out of a
cast.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Whatever man, I think she's cute.
                                                            
                       JOHN
None of that matter though,
because tonight is about Nate
being reintegrated back into
single life.
                                                            
                       NATE
I've been single for a month!
                                                            
                       CHRIS
Right, but you've refused to look
at another girl since you broke up
with Izzy.
                                                            
                       NATE
Oh come on, not this again.
                                                            
                       GERRY
All we're saying is that since
this whole "death of your heart
thing" you've seemed to care more
about her feelings than you did
before.
                                                            
                       NATE
Holy shit, I feel bad! I'm pretty
sure I ruined her senior year
before it even started.
                                                            
                       JEFF
Nate, I have to be real with you.
We all loved Izzy, but if it
wasn't right it wasn't right.
People break up every day and it's
            (MORE)

79.

                       JEFF (cont'd)
not always someone's fault.
                                                            
                       GERRY
He's right man. I've known you for
four years and I know you're not a
dick. You're going through some
shit and sitting around killing
yourself about it isn't gonna
help.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
Yeah man, you did this because you
needed some time to yourself. Take
the time to yourself.
                                                            
                       NATE
I am.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
Let me rephrase. Take some time
for yourself to HAVE FUN.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Just let loose man. You'll figure
things out naturally. Don't try to
fix yourself, just let it happen.
                                                            
Nate's blank face turns to a grin.
                                                            
                       NATE
Fine. Fine! Let's take a shot.
                                                            
The guys all emphatically agree.

John goes to the cabinet and takes out shot glasses.

Chris goes into the fridge and takes out a bottle of
Goldschlager.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
We're going gold tonight guys.
                                                            
Chris pours out shots for everyone.
                                                            
                       JOHN
Hey. To Nate being happy.
                                                            
                       NATE
Trying to be happy. No promises.
                                                            

80.

                       JOHN
Whatever, that's a good enough
start. To Nate trying to be happy.
                                                            
They all put their shot glasses in and clink them together.
                                                            
                       NATE
Cheers guys.
                                                            
They all take the shot and cringe a little.

Chris puts his arm around Nate.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
You ready to try to have fun
buddy?
                                                            
                       NATE
Here goes nothing.
                                                            
The guys all cheer.
                                                            
 
INT. PARTY - NIGHT
                                                            
Nate, Chris, Tim, John, Gerry, and Jeff arrive at a
townhouse party.

A guy named JAKE opens the door with a beer.
                                                            
                       JAKE
Hey! What's up guys? Come on in.
                                                            
Nate leans over to Chris.
                                                            
                       NATE
Do we even know him?
                                                            
                       CHRIS
I had intermediate accounting with
him sophomore year. Social
climber. But stay close because he
always gives out free shots to try
to make friends.
                                                            
                       NATE
Got it.
                                                            
People crowd the house playing various drinking games,
dancing, and talking.

Chris and John play beer pong, Jeff talks to a girl in a
corner, Gerry dances on the windowsill in sunglasses, Tim

81.

takes shots with a crowd, and Nate talks in a hallway with a
tall, blonde girl, with big breasts and a low cut skirt.
                                                            
                       NATE
      (narrates)
Sometimes you have to live in the
moment, even if you end up
regretting it the next morning.
You have to make mistakes before
you can learn from them.
                                                            
She grabs Nate by the hand and whispers something into his
ear.

He grins slightly and says something inaudible to her.

She pulls him down the hall into a room and the door closes.
                                                            
                       NATE
      (narrates)
Woody Allen once said, "Sex
without love is a meaningless
experience... but as far as
meaningless experiences go, it's a
pretty damn good one." Smart man.
                                                            
 
INT. CAFETERIA - DAY
                                                            
Nate, Tim, Gerry, John, Chris, and Jeff sit at a table with
breakfast in front of them. They're all wearing shabby
clothing and are not put together.
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (menacingly)
So how was everyone's night?
                                                            
                       GERRY
Can't complain. Woke up with my
shirt on backwards and some very
angry text messages from Amy so
that's probably good.
                                                            
                       JEFF
Fought with Becca then had some
really good angry make up sex.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
Got a solid DFMO.
                                                            
                       JEFF
A what?
                                                            

82.

                       CHRIS
Dance floor make out. Did the
trick.
                                                            
                       TIM
I puked. Everywhere. I should
probably clean it soon actually.
                                                            
                       JOHN
Well how about you Nate? How was
your night?
                                                            
Nate leans on his hands.
                                                            
                       NATE
Fuck off.
                                                            
                       JOHN
Oh come on, we all know what
happened. Let's hear the details.
                                                            
                       NATE
Seriously, stop. I feel awful.
                                                            
                       GERRY
What the hell do you feel awful
about? You got laid. Cheer up!
                                                            
Gerry reaches over and pinches Nate by the cheek. Nate slaps
his hand away.
                                                            
                       NATE
What if Izzy finds out?
                                                            
                       JOHN
Jesus Christ, you're single! You
can do this shit now!
                                                            
                       NATE
No, I feel awful. I'm a shitty
person. I have this fucking void
in my heart and instead of filling
it with anything meaningful I fill
I'm filling it with beer and sex.
                                                            
                       TIM
You have a void in your heart?
                                                            
                       NATE
Yes.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
And what is this void from?
                                                            

83.

                       NATE
It's from the fact that I
literally can't have any kind of
meaningful relationship right now
and I hate myself for it.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Why can't you have a meaningful
relationship?
                                                            
                       NATE
Because I suck so I couldn't trust
anyone who loves me.
                                                            
                       JEFF
You're the cockiest kid alive.
That's bullshit.
                                                            
                       NATE
I don't want to depend on anyone
else for my own happiness. And
that's why I can't date.
                                                            
                       GERRY
So you don't think you're capable
of a meaningful relationship right
now?
                                                            
                       NATE
That's what I said.
                                                            
                       JOHN
What do you think we are?
                                                            
                       NATE
What do you mean?
                                                            
                       JOHN
No homo, but we're in a
relationship. Friendship is a
relationship. Just because you
don't want to date right now
doesn't mean you're dead inside
dumbass. It has nothing to do with
depending on someone else. We
depend on each other every day.
That's human nature. We rely on
each other to get by.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
Haven't you ever seen "Into The
Wild?" Happiness is only real when
its shared.
                                                            

84.

                       GERRY
Good movie.
                                                            
                       JEFF
Speaking of sharing, you and Gerry
are eskimo brothers now!
                                                            
The guys continue to joke around with each other except for
Nate who is in deep though and realization.
                                                            
                       NATE
      (narrates)
That's when it clicked. As I sat
there eating my eggs and shitty
home fries I realized it. It
wasn't that I was dead inside, it
was just that I didn't want a
serious relationship with a girl
because right now I liked my guy
friends better. I wanted to sit
around and drink and bullshit. I
wasn't afraid of a starting a new
relationship, I was afraid of
losing my old ones. Don't get me
wrong, I love girls, but sometimes
talking about farts is funner than
snuggling. I didn't want to lose
that. I had my whole life to find
a girl, but senior year was only
another couple of months. Girls
would come and go… but these guys…
I had these guys behind me for
life. That was more important, and
right now it still is.
                                                            
 
INT. STONEFORGE RESTAURANT - DAY
                                                            
Back to present day.
                                                            
                       NATE
Becca just broke up with me. I
could care less. You know, I said
earlier that desensitization was
the key to getting by. I think I
need to amend that. Desensitizing
yourself to things that don't
matter is the key. A year from now
I wont even remember much about
her.
                                                            
Nate stands up from the table with Becca and begins walking
through the restaurant.

85.


He makes his way over to the bar area where Chris, Tim,
Gerry, John, Jeff, and Dan are all sitting at a cocktail
table eating wings, drinking beers, and laughing their asses
off.
                                                            
                       NATE
But a year from now, I'll still be
sitting around with these guys,
having a cookout, talking about
the same shit as always. Life may
seem pointless when you look at as
a whole. You lead a strange life
and then you die. You cant escape
death. But in between birth and
death, there are a million smaller
experiences like this. And when
you look back, that's what you're
going to remember. You're gonna
remember that time your buddy hit
on a girl and got mercilessly
rejected. You're gonna remember
the time you stole a stop sign
even though you had nowhere to put
it. You're gonna remember that
dumb thing you said that everyone
repeated for 5 years after the
fact... You know, for me,
happiness isn't about the big
picture anymore. It's about the
little moments that in the long
run don't mean much, but at the
time they make you smile and
laugh. It's a really good way to
distract you from the monotony of
life. Because once you get over
life, it's all gravy. I did used
to be happy, thats true. But you
know what? For the most part, I
still am.
                                                            
Nate sits down with his friends, picks up a wing and bites
into it.

He looks to the camera one final time and winks.
                                                            
THE END
                                                            


FADE OUT.


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From steve Date 6/16/2012 ***1/2
I like this script. Its different, in a good way.

From Shawn Smith Date 6/1/2012 ***1/2
Great screenplay!!! I fell in love with Nate's character in seconds.


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