Screenwriter Community |
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by Matt Taylor (yurmat.productions@gmail.com)
Rated: 
Genre: Comedy
User Review: 
A film short that parodizes and spoofs famous scenes from the top 10 films of all time according to AFI.
This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.
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FADE IN:
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EXT. GATED HOUSE - NIGHT |
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We pan up on a gated mansion sitting gloomy in the distance.
There is a "No Trespassing" sign on the gate. As we
continue to pan up, another sign stating "No panning-up
cameras either" appears. There is a light on in a room as
we zoom in on the house. |
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INT. BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER |
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We see the master bedroom. There are several movie posters
around of the greatest films ever created. We see a
snowglobe being held by a man. |
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The snowglobe drops out of his hand! It shatters on the
ground and spills. A woman is seen in the reflection of a
mirror coming in to see what is wrong. She slips on the wet
floor! |
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INT. DINNER CLUB - EVENING |
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Beautiful music is being played at a fancy dinner party.
Newpaper columist Lawrence Blaine, known by everyone as
LARRY, walks in and looking around. A server approaches him
with a drink. |
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SERVER
Pardon me, sir. Are you Lawrence
Blaine? |
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LARRY
(surprised)
Why, yes I am! I take it you read
my articles in the paper? |
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SERVER
Oh no, sir, I don't know you from
Adam. But this drink is for you. |
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LARRY
(confused)
For me? From whom? |
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2.
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SERVER
The gentleman at the table. |
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The server points in the direction of none other than OSCAR
SCHWINDLER, a famous German businessman. Oscar motions for
him to join. |
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LARRY
Oscar Meyer Schwindler. Just the
man I'm looking for. |
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Larry joins Schwindler. They shake hands. |
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SCHWINDLER
Herr Lawrence, I presume? |
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LARRY
Please, call me Larry. It's a
pleasure to meet you. |
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SCHWINDLER
(accent changes)
The pleasure is all mine. |
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LARRY
Your accent. It's quite
interesting. I've never quite
heard a German accent like that. |
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SCHWINDLER
(chuckling)
You Americans. For all you know,
you could have an Irish guy play
the role of a German and EVERYONE
would believe it no matter how
horrible his accent sounds.
Please, join me. |
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Larry joins Schwindler. |
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SCHWINDLER
So, my newspaper friend, how can I
help you? |
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LARRY
Well, sir, as you may have heard
the other night at Charles Niles
Fraiser Crane's house, there was a
huge commotion when he yelled the
words, "Rose Pud." I've been
following Crane's journalism work
for years. But this eludes me. |
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3.
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Schwindler listens carefully. |
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LARRY (cont'd)
Mr. Schwindler, you were a
business partner with Mr. Crane
for years when you ran a factory
together. I thought I could start
with you. Do you know what Rose
Pud is? |
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Schwindler thinks for a moment. |
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SCHWINDLER
Hmm...that is a good question,
yah? I've known Charlie a long
time. He was a man of MANY
secrets, and a collector of many
treasures. There was one treasure
I know he loved more than anything
else, but he never called it by
name. |
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Larry's eyes grow wide when Schwindler says treasure. |
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LARRY
(excited)
This Rose Pud. You think it could
be a long lost treasure of his?! |
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SCHWINDLER
(nervous)
SHHHH! Quiet! |
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He looks around the room. |
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SCHWINDLER
There are eyes and ears everywhere
of Charlie's enemies. Some who
would LOVE to get their hands on a
treasure of such value! |
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They look cautiously. Everyone stares at them, then
simultaneously resumes their meals. Noone seems to notice. |
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SCHWINDLER
I'm sorry, Larry, but I don't have
any clue what Rose Pud is. And
it's too risky for me to get
involved to further help you. But
I know some who might be able to. |
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4.
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Schwindler pulls a piece of paper out from his pocket. It's
a list. Schwindler's Favorite Positions List is the title.
69, The Angry Pirate, The Pearl Dragon, Dolphin Love, etc.
are written. Larry raises a curious eyebrow. |
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SCHWINDLER
Sorry. Wrong list. |
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Schwindler pulls out the correct list and hands it to Larry. |
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SCHWINDLER
It's a list of people from our
factory. They also knew Charlie
well. Perhaps they can help you
find out what Rose Pud is. I only
pray it doesn't end up being
something stupid like a sled. |
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They both laugh. Larry gets up to leave. They shake hands. |
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LARRY
Thank you, Mr. Schwindler, for
your list. I'll use it well. And
I'll find out what Rose Pud is. |
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SCHWINDLER
Good man. Auf Wiedersehen. |
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Larry exits the restaurant. As he leaves, he passes a
server, LACKEY, who turns slowly to watch him exit. Music
from The Godfather begins to play. |
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INT. GODFATHERS OFFICE - DAY |
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Lackey is in the office of the Godfather. Godfather is
sitting at his desk, appearing to be petting a cat. They
talk of what Lackey heard. |
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GODFATHER
Rose Pud hmm? It's a treasure? |
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LACKEY
That's what the German guy thinks,
Godfather. |
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GODFATHER
That is interesting. |
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Camera pulls out to reveal Godfather is actually grating
cheese onto spaghetti. He stands up and goes to his window. |
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5.
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GODFATHER
Oh, Charlie. What have you got
hiding from me. After all the
good times we had together. |
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Turns to Lackey. |
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LACKEY
What are you thinking, Godfather? |
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GODFATHER
You know, never once did he invite
me over for cake, cookies,
Wrestlemania. Any of that
would've been such a sweet
gesture. |
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LACKEY
Getting his precious Rose Pud
would be a nice way of putting it
to him, Godfather. |
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GODFATHER
Indeed. What do you know about
this Lawrence Blaine fellow? |
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LACKEY
Just that he's some has-been
off-the-beat writer for the papers
who still might be secretly
obsessing over the woman of his
dreams who left him for no reason
all of a sudden. |
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GODFATHER
Hmm. Sounds like a hell of a plot
point. And this list? |
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LACKEY
Didn't see it. Apparently it has
names of people who used to work
for Crane that might know what
Rose Pud is. |
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Godfather turns back around. |
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GODFATHER
Go get me that list, Lackey.
Remember, ask nicely. If he
refuses, then do it the way we
always do. |
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6.
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LACKEY
(excited)
By making him an offer he can't
refuse? |
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Godfather walks over and slaps him. |
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GODFATHER
No, you idiot. By threats and
force! Honestly! I make an offer
once. JUST ONCE. Next thing you
know PETA and other animal rights
people are trying to put me up for
cruelty to horses. You know I'm
not the first guy to put a horse's
head in someone else's bed. |
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LACKEY
Sorry, Godfather. OK, one list
coming up! |
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Godfather grabs him by the arms. |
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GODFATHER
Don't let me down, Lackey, or I'm
going to make YOU an offer YOU
can't refuse. |
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Godfather kisses Lackey on the cheeks and walks away! Lackey
wipes lipstick off his cheeks! |
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LACKEY
Damn it. We have got to find a
better way to adjurn these
meetings. |
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INT. GYMNASIUM - DAY |
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Larry looks at his list. First is JAKE, boxer and owner of
local boxing gym. Larry enters the gym. Men and women
working out. One guy is boxing meat! Larry looks and finds
it to be Jake. He's a bandage over his nose and a black eye.
His partner, JOEY, is holding the steaks. |
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JAKE
(to himself)
I'm the boss. I'm the boss! |
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Larry approaches. |
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LARRY
Excuse me. Are you Jake? |
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7.
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Jake continues throwing punches. |
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JAKE
Yeah. I'm the boss. Who're you? |
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LARRY
I'm Larry Blaine. From the paper. |
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JAKE
Oh yeah, yeah. Paper guy. |
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Jake keeps boxing the steaks. Larry looks awkwardly on. |
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LARRY
I came down because I'm looking
for information. Got from a
reliable source that you might
know something. |
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JAKE
I hear things. I hear things all
the time. |
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LARRY
Um...OK? Did you hear about
Charles Niles Fraiser Crane? |
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Jake stops boxing. The steaks look well cooked! Joey rolls
his eyes. |
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JOEY
Aw, shit. You did it now. Here
we go. |
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LARRY
The other night something
happened. We don't know what yet.
All we know is he was overheard
shouting "Rose Pud." Do you have
any idea what it was? Did he ever
tell you about it when you worked
at his factory? |
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JAKE
Let me tell you something. I only
know ONE thing about that bum
Crane. And that is he's A BUM!
Throwing his money around like
he's King Midas or some shit! The
son of a bitch screwed my wife! |
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8.
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Larry slowly backs away as Jake rants. |
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JOEY
Hey Jake! Come on, back off man!
You think EVERYONE screwed your
wife. |
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Jake turns to Joey. |
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JAKE
What's that supposed to mean? |
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JOEY
Nothin. It means nothin! |
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JAKE
Did you screw my wife? |
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JAKE
I'll ask you again. Did you screw
my wife? |
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JOEY
That's a stupid question! I'm not
answering it! |
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JAKE
Did you screw my mother? |
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JOEY
Jake, we're brothers! |
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JAKE
Come on, tough guy! You think
you're somethin sleepin with
everyone? Wanna take a shot?!
Come on, hit me! |
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JOEY
I'm not gonna do it ya loon! |
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Joey slugs Jake in slow motion! Jake falls hard. Larry
watches in horror. |
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JOEY
Sorry bout that. He wouldn't be
any help to ya anyways. He made a
couple bad decisions over the
(MORE)
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9.
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JOEY (cont'd)
years that really affected his
brain. Like being in that Rocky
movie. |
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JOEY
No. This was Rocky and
Bullwinkle. |
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LARRY
Ugh. I heard about that.
Fortunately noone else I know went
through that torture. Thanks for
your help. |
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Larry leaves. Joey looks down at Jake. |
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EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY |
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Larry exits the gym and is walking to the parking lot. |
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LARRY
Well, that was a waste. Who's
next? |
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Larry pulls out the list. He sees the name "Elise" and her
number. |
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LARRY
(confused)
Elise? Hmm...well, it couldn't
POSSIBLY be her. |
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Lackey walks up behind him. |
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LARRY
Nah. Just setting up interviews. |
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LACKEY
Wait a minute...aren't you
Lawrence Blaine from the paper?! I
love your column! |
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10.
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LARRY
(surprised)
Why, yes I am! But please, call
me Larry! How the hell did you
know it was me though? They never
show my face when I write my
articles. |
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LACKEY
Umm...friends on facebook? |
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LARRY
Ah. Ok. What can I do for you? |
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LACKEY
Well, I'm really trying to get
into journalism. I see you're
trying to set up interviews with
that list.. I was wondering if I
could join you for a few? You
know, get to know the biz and
everything. |
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LARRY
Oooh. I'm sorry, sir. Normally
I'd love to teach, but this case
I'm working on is kind of top
secret. |
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LACKEY
Aw come on! It'd be great. Since
when does a paper ever keep
ANYTHING secret? Let me help!
Hand me that list and I'll set
everything up for you! |
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LACKEY
(frustrated)
What? Give me the list! |
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LARRY
Sir! This is MY business! GOOD
DAY! |
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Larry walks away, infuriated. Lackey watches. He takes out
his phone to call. |
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11.
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LACKEY
Yeah, Godfather. I was nice. No
list. NOW can I be more
persuasive? Thank you! |
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Lackey smiles. |
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INT. GIN JOINT - NIGHT |
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Nighttime at the local bar, The Gin Joint. Piano is
playing. Larry, wearing a trenchcoat and fedora, is looking
around the place as he walks in. |
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SERVER
Welcome to The Gin Joint, sir. Can
I get you something? |
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LARRY
I'm waiting for a lady. Anyone
named Elise walk in yet? |
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SERVER
Not that I know. Having a drink? |
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LARRY
Scotch on the rocks. |
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Server leaves. Larry takes a seat at a table. A beautiful
woman who's face we don't see approaches the piano player.
He stops while she hands him a dollar. He starts to play "A
Hunting We Will Go." Larry looks up, mortified. |
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LARRY
I know that song. It was our
song! |
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The woman turns, smiling. It's ELISE, Larry's ex-fiance.
She smiles, happy to see Larry and walks to him. Larry is
shocked, then angry. |
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LARRY
Elise! You're...Elise? |
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ELISE
It's good to see you again, Larry. |
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Elise sits. Larry turns away. |
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ELISE
I see you're still mad. I was
hoping time would've healed all
wounds. |
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12.
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LARRY
You knew it was me you were going
to see. Why did you come? |
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ELISE
I was hoping we could finally
finish and resolve this. |
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Larry bangs his fist on the table in frustration. |
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LARRY
Why did it have to be you coming
here? Of all the gin joints in
all the world, you had to come
crawling into THIS Gin Joint. |
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ELISE
Larry. I'm sorry. I know I
should've called. Should've said
something instead of just not
showing up on our wedding day. |
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LARRY
Why, Elise? Why didn't you show
up? |
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ELISE
Because...I forgot I was already
married. |
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LARRY
(shocked)
Come again? |
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ELISE
I forgot I was married already.
And it's kind of against the law
to be in a polygamous marraige. |
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Larry looks away, shocked. |
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ELISE (cont'd)
Now that I'm divorced, I thought,
maybe we could try again. |
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She goes to hold his hand. He grabs hers. |
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LARRY
You did huh? Thought you could
just come crawling back, and I'd
take you as if nothing ever
happened? What do you think I am?
Some off-the-beat writer still
obsessing over the woman of my
(MORE)
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13.
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LARRY (cont'd)
dreams who left me suddenly for
absolutely no reason?! |
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ELISE
Well, it does make a hell of a
plot point. |
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LARRY
Sorry sweetheart. The paper is my
only love now, and I've got the
story of a lifetime. You're
nothing more to me than a lead. |
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Elise starts to tear up, holding her head in shame. |
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LARRY
Now, Ms. Elise, your name was on
this list. Which means you had a
connection to Charles Crane. He
screamed Rose Pud a few nights
ago? What do you know about this? |
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ELISE
All I know is that I love you. And
that's why I'm here, to help you
and protect you. |
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LARRY
(confused)
What are you talking about? |
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ELISE
Larry, it's not safe to continue
this story. Whatever Rose Pud is,
the mafia wants it. You're not
safe. You've got to stop, and
you've got to run. They have
people EVERYWHERE. |
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LARRY
Please. I'm an investigative
reporter. I can sniff out any mob
guy before he gets a mile of me.
I'll be fine. |
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Lackey comes up with menus, wearing a fake mustache. Guns
are poking out from his server apron. |
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LACKEY
Can I get you two anything? |
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14.
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LARRY
No thanks. I think I've had
enough bull for one night. |
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Elises eyes grow wide. She motions with her head. |
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LARRY
What? Did you want something? A
salad maybe? Your butt sure looks
like it could use one. |
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Elise rips off Lackey's mustache! He yells in pain. |
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LARRY
You! You're that guy that wanted
the list! |
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Lackey pauses, holds a finger on his upper lip with a
mustache drawn on it. |
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EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT |
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Larry takes off out of the restaurant. Lackey smacks Elise
and gives chase. He pulls out one of his guns. People
scream and chaos ensues. Larry hides in an ally. Lackey
looks around, kicking a can in frustration. |
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LACKEY
You can't hide forever Blaine! We
have eyes and ears everywhere. We
can see into you soul! You can't
hide from me! You are going to be
found! |
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Lackey pulls out a phone. |
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LACKEY
Godfather, we lost him. |
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INT. GODFATHERS OFFICE - EVENING |
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Godfather is getting a massage while on the phone. |
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15.
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GODFATHER
What do you mean lost him?! |
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LACKEY
The broad helped him escape. Don't
worry though, he couldn't have
gotten far. |
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GODFATHER
Lackey, I'm VERY disappointed. Do
you know how much stress I'm under
right now? |
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The massaging gets deeper. |
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GODFATHER
(quietly)
Oh yes, right there. PLEASE. |
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LACKEY
What was that Godfather? |
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GODFATHER
My HEART. You hurt me right
there. I want that list! |
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LACKEY
You will have it, Godfather. |
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GODFATHER
Because you're my godson, you may
not want to take any roads with a
toll or tollbooth on the way home
because of this failure. |
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Godfather hangs up. Lackey looks terrified at phone. He
hears a noise, looks up to see Elise looking around. |
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He follows her. |
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EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT |
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Larry emerges from his hiding spot. Looks around. Coast is
clear. |
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LARRY
Think I'm hiding? You don't
realize how hard you just pushed
me. |
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16.
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Larry pulls list from coat. |
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LARRY
I swear I'll get to the bottom of
this before they ever lay a finger
on me. |
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Larry crosses out the first 2 names. He looks. Mayor
Robert Thomas is next on the list. |
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LARRY
(excited)
Mayor Thomas?! Seriously?! Now
we're on to something. |
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He looks towards the alley. |
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LARRY
Alright, you bastards. You want
me? Come and get me. I think
this is going to be the beginning
of a beautiful friendship. |
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Larry takes off. |
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INT. MAYOR HOUSE - DAY |
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Larry arrives at the Mayor's house. He sees a note on the
door to come through the house to the back for the
interview. Larry goes inside. |
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Larry goes to the back door and opens it to a beautiful
garden in color! |
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EXT. MAYOR GARDEN - DAY |
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Larry steps outside into a world of color. He looks in
astonishment at the beauty. He also looks at himself in
full color! |
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LARRY
(amazed)
Wow. I've a feeling I'm not in
Kansas anymore, or my neighborhood
for that matter. |
|
|
|
|
Larry walks through the garden, amazed at the beauty. |
|
|
| |
MAYOR
(from behind)
Hey, paper boy! If you're done
soaking it in we can get this
(MORE)
|
|
17.
|
| |
MAYOR (cont'd)
interview underway |
|
|
|
Larry turns to see MAYOR Robert Thomas in a munchkin outfit!
A man of very short stature wearing sunglasses and smoking
a cigar. |
|
|
| |
LARRY
(surprised)
Mr. Mayor! Is that you?! |
|
|
|
| |
MAYOR
(sarcastic)
Oh, good. A paper guy who doesn't
know his own mayor he writes
about. |
|
|
|
| |
LARRY
I apologize, sir. The interviews
make you look so much
more...different? |
|
|
|
| |
MAYOR
Yeah, it's amazing what apple
boxes will do. |
|
|
|
| |
LARRY
I am curious, sir. What's with
all the colors all of a sudden? |
|
|
|
| |
MAYOR
Well unfortunately,our
neighborhoods are still segregated
because we are colored folks.
Working on new legislation to fix
that. Come on. Let's get this
interview over with. Got a very
important business meeting to
attend to. |
|
|
|
He snaps his fingers. A beautiful woman in very revealing
clothing brings him a lounge chair. Mayor sits in the chair
and the woman starts to fan him with a broom. |
|
|
| |
MAYOR
This is my bitch from the West. |
|
|
|
| |
LARRY
Um...how do you do? |
|
|
|
|
She nods, smiling, content with fanning Mayor. |
|
|
18.
|
| |
MAYOR
So, my paper friend, what is it
you want to know? |
|
|
|
| |
LARRY
Well, sir, as you know you and
Charles Crane go way back. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
LARRY
(avoids eye
contact)
Well, sir, the other night someone
heard him scream "Rose Blood." I
was told you might know what it
means? Rumor has it that it's a
secret treasure. |
|
|
|
| |
MAYOR
You want to look me in the eye
when you ask me questions, son? |
|
|
|
| |
LARRY
Y..yes sir. I'm trying to figure
out what this Rose Blood is. Do
you have any ideas? |
|
|
|
| |
MAYOR
What the hell is your problem? I
said LOOK ME IN THE EYE. |
|
|
|
| |
LARRY
Please forgive me sir. Not used
to interviewing a man of your
stature...I MEAN of your height in
town...I MEAN... |
|
|
|
| |
MAYOR
(rolls eyes)
Aw shit. Here we go. Listen
asshole. Who do you think reads
your stupid columns? Us, the
"little people." Who do you think
votes for the leaders? The
"little people." I am so sick of
this crap. Yeah, I know. I'm a
LITTLE PERSON. Big deal! Can I
not hold office?! |
|
|
|
19.
|
| |
LARRY
(nervous)
Of course you can, sir! I voted
for you! |
|
|
|
| |
MAYOR
(frustrated)
Alright then! Jesus! I swear
when it comes to you people it's
like I'm expected to do nothing
more than provide entertainment.
What the hell am I supposed to
do?! Just stand next to a
comedian and make jokes? Or
better yet, just show up to be the
entertainment at some kids
birthday party?! Is that what you
think of us?! |
|
|
|
Suddenly, Rich, one of the mayor's aids, comes from behind.
Also a little person, he is dressed in a leprechaun outfit. |
|
|
| |
RICH
Hey Bobby. Nice suit! Alright,
I'm ready for this kids birthday
party. Are we goin or not? |
|
|
|
|
Mayor doesn't look back. |
|
|
| |
MAYOR
Get the hell out of here, paper
boy. |
|
|
|
Larry quickly grabs his notes and gets out of there. He
pulls out the list and crosses out Mayor Thomas. He looks
and sees next on the list is "Don and Gene Dance Studio." |
|
|
| |
LARRY
Hmm...well, I guess since I'm
already on their side of town
wouldn't hurt to stop by. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
|
INT. DON AND GENE DANCE STUDIO - DAY |
|
|
Gene and Don, tap dance teachers, listen while Larry
explains himself. |
|
|
| |
LARRY
...And that,gentlemen, is why I've
sought you out today. I need to
find out what Rose Pud is. Do any
(MORE)
|
|
20.
|
| |
LARRY (cont'd)
of you have any idea what it might
be? |
|
|
|
| |
GENE
Hmm...I suppose the rose could be
anything. |
|
|
|
| |
DON
But I supposes the roses are
bling! |
|
|
|
| |
GENE
Hey, I think you've got something
there, Donnie! |
|
|
|
| |
BOTH
Noses, supposes, roses smell
sweet. But roses, supposes, mean
things like bling. ROSES! |
|
|
|
The men do an amazing tap dance routine while Larry watches
in frustration. |
|
|
| |
|
EXT. STUDIO PARKING LOT - DAY |
|
|
Larry gets out of studio. Anger on his face. It is
raining. The familiar bars of "Singin' In The Rain" begin
to play. |
|
|
| |
LARRY
(to the sky)
Oh HELL no! I am in NO mood to
start singin. |
|
|
|
The music suddenly stops! The rain stops as well. Larry
pulls out his list. He crosses out Gene and Don. There's
noone else left on the list! |
|
|
| |
LARRY
That's it?! Does ANYONE know what
Rose Pud is?! |
|
|
|
|
Larry rips up list and throws to the wind in anger. |
|
|
| |
LARRY
There! It's gone with the wind
now. |
|
|
|
|
He goes to the car. Elise is there! |
|
|
21.
|
| |
LARRY
(surprised)
Elise! What are you doing here?! |
|
|
|
| |
ELISE
(scared)
I'm so sorry, Larry. |
|
|
|
|
Lackey attacks Larry from behind and knocks him out! |
|
|
| |
|
EXT. BEACH - DAY |
|
|
Larry comes to. He finds himself in the sand next to the
ocean. He crawls weakly to the feet of Lackey. He's
holding Elise by the arm. |
|
|
| |
LACKEY
That wasn't smart to rip up that
list. That only tells me only YOU
have the information I need,
LAWRENCE! |
|
|
|
| |
LARRY
What are you talking about? Those
people on that list were about as
helpful as a window on a boat. |
|
|
|
|
Lackey kicks Larry hard! |
|
|
| |
LACKEY
It's useless as a screendoor on a
submarine you idiot! God, I hate
when people screw up metaphors. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
LACKEY
Same thing you want! I wanna know
what Rose Pud is and take it back
to Godfather so I can safely drive
by a tollbooth knowing I'll make
it to the other side! |
|
|
|
| |
LARRY
I never found out. Those people
on the list let me down lower than
a bow-legged caterpillar. |
|
|
|
|
Lackey pulls out a gun. |
|
|
22.
|
| |
LARRY
Oh come on! That was a correct
metaphor! |
|
|
|
| |
LACKEY
Yeah, I know. Really good one
too. No, this is to give you a
last chance. One... |
|
|
|
Suddenly two Jawas come running by and look at the men.
Lackey looks at them and aims his gun for them. |
|
|
| |
LACKEY
HEY, DUMBASSES! YOUR MOVIE IS NOT
IN THE TOP 10! YOU'RE IN THE NEXT
10! GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE! |
|
|
|
The Jawas freak out and run off! Lackey rolls his eyes and
shakes his head. |
|
|
| |
LACKEY
Disgusting creatures. So where
were we? Oh yeah! One, two... |
|
|
|
|
Lackey cocks the gun. Larry closes his eyes. |
|
|
| |
ELISE
I know what Rose Pud is! |
|
|
|
|
Both men look at her in surpise. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
ELISE
But I can't tell you. It's too
embarrassing. |
|
|
|
| |
LACKEY
Well, what do you know? Come on,
doll face, let's go over there to
that tower and see if I can get
you to tell me. |
|
|
|
| |
ELISE
I can't! It's not a treasure
anyone can just have. |
|
|
|
|
Lackey points his gun back at Larry again. |
|
|
23.
|
| |
ELISE
Ok! Ok! I'll go with you. Just
don't hurt him! I love him! Let
him go! Please. |
|
|
|
Larry looks up when he hears her. He smiles. Lackey thinks
about it. He kicks Larry hard one more time. |
|
|
| |
LACKEY
Alright! Let's do it your way. |
|
|
|
|
Lackey picks up Elise. |
|
|
| |
LACKEY
(to Larry)
Looks like you get a break on this
one. Goodbye, Lawrence! |
|
|
|
Lackey and Elise get in the car and drive off towards the
tower. Larry musters his strength. He stands. |
|
|
| |
LARRY
You still love me? Then, I'm
coming Elise. |
|
|
|
Larry looks across the sand as if it were a desert. Lawrence
of Arabia overture begins to play. |
|
|
| |
LARRY
Gonna need the right wardrobe to
cross THESE sands. |
|
|
|
Larry rips off his clothes, revealing desert clothes just
like Lawrence! |
|
|
| |
LARRY
Alright, Lawrence, let's get
going! |
|
|
|
Title card reads: 4 incredibly boring hours of desert
crossing and fighting the Turkish later... |
|
|
| |
|
INT. BELL TOWER - DAY |
|
|
Larry rushes into the tower. Elise and Lackey are at top
near open window. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
24.
|
Larry begins to rush up the stairs. Suddenly, he looks
down. He sees the height like it is growing. Larry looks
at camera. |
|
|
| |
LARRY
(to himself)
Not vertigo!!! |
|
|
|
Larry struggles to just look up and continue to try and get
to the top. Lackey taunts him. |
|
|
Larry crawls up last steps, holding onto the stair rail for
dear life. Lackey grabs Elise and holds her near open
window. |
|
|
| |
LACKEY
(To Larry)
Somebody had better tell me NOW
WHAT Rose Pud is. I really don't
think you're going to make an
attempt to save her. Going once. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
An auctioneer bangs his gavel in the corner! |
|
|
|
|
|
|
The three look at auctioneer, who awkwardly walks away.
Lackey turns attention back to Larry. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
LARRY
(scared)
It's...IT'S... |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Both men again looked shocked at her. |
|
|
| |
ELISE
Larry, remember how I said I used
to be married? I was married to
Charlie! |
|
|
|
25.
|
| |
LARRY
My god. Elise...you're...you're
the great treasure?! |
|
|
|
| |
ELISE
Well, not ME exactly... |
|
|
|
|
Elise glances down at her crotch. The men's jaws drop. |
|
|
| |
LACKEY
You've got to be joking. He named
your va...va...OK cut. I'm not
doing this. |
|
|
|
| |
DIRECTOR
Come on, it's one line! |
|
|
|
The director walks on set to Lackey, who has a script in
hand! |
|
|
| |
LACKEY
It's GROSS! I'm not saying it! |
|
|
|
| |
DIRECTOR
Alright it's fine! Just
substitute the line. |
|
|
|
| |
LACKEY
I swear I'm gonna walk off this
project if I see another one. Got
it? |
|
|
|
| |
DIRECTOR
Alright it's cool man. Quiet
please! ACTION! |
|
|
|
| |
LACKEY
You've got to be joking! He named
your...Francis Ford Coppola...Rose
Pud? |
|
|
|
| |
LARRY
THAT is the great treasure? |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Lackey starts to laugh uncontrollably. He doesn't pay
attention and he falls out the window! Larry and Elise
watch in horror! Elise grabs Larrys hand. |
|
|
26.
|
| |
ELISE
We have to get out of here Larry!
The mafia will hear of this
quickly and come after us! We
have to get out of this town! |
|
|
|
| |
LARRY
You're right. Now that I know
what Rose Pud is no point in
pursuing anymore. |
|
|
|
| |
ELISE
Larry! I'm not Rose Pud. I made
that up to throw him off! |
|
|
|
| |
LARRY
You...you're not? It's not?! |
|
|
|
| |
ELISE
No, my love. Who'd ever name
someone's parts something like
that anyways?! Now come on, let's
get out of here before some nun
shows up and scares us out the
window too! |
|
|
|
| |
LARRY
Alright, let's do this. I know a
guy on the black and white side of
town who can get us out of here. |
|
|
|
They take off. Lackeys hands grab the window sill. He's
holding on and pulls himself up. |
|
|
| |
LACKEY
Seriously. You were going to
expect me to say "Va-Jay-Jay?!" |
|
|
|
A nun walks up. That word is not allowed. She steps on
Lackey's hands. He falls. |
|
|
| |
|
EXT. HELICOPTER PAD - NIGHT |
|
|
Larry and Elise run up to a helicopter as it's getting ready
to take off. LOU, the pilot meets them. |
|
|
| |
LOU
Hey Larry! Engines fired up and
ready to get her out of here! |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
27.
|
|
Elise looks in shock! |
|
|
| |
ELISE
Just me?! No Larry, you've got to
come with me! |
|
|
|
| |
LARRY
No, we both know I can't come with
you. You belong on that chopper
and you need to get to safety. |
|
|
|
| |
ELISE
What about you, Larry?! I love
you! Do you not love me?! |
|
|
|
| |
LARRY
Of course I do, Elise! But we
both know that if you don't get
out of here now, you'll regret it.
Maybe not today, and maybe not
tomorrow, but SOON and for the
rest of your life. Do you have
any idea what would happen if you
stayed? |
|
|
|
Elise kisses Larry passionately! Larry smiles, looks over
her shoulder. |
|
|
| |
LARRY
Here's looking at you, kid. |
|
|
|
Random child looks awkwardly at Larry. Larry holds up
Elise's chin. She looks to the chopper and gets inside. It
takes off. Larry walks away. |
|
|
| |
|
EXT. GATED HOUSE - NIGHT |
|
|
|
Larry walks by Crane's mansion and looks through the gate. |
|
|
| |
LARRY
Well, you old bastard, you're the
one who got me into this mess. |
|
|
|
|
Larry turns to walk away, and stops. |
|
|
| |
LARRY
(Yelling)
Why can't anyone tell me what Rose
Pud is?!!! |
|
|
|
A mansion window opens. Charlie Crane sticks his head out
the window! |
|
|
28.
|
| |
CHARLIE
(yelling)
Hey, moron! I never yelled "Rose
Pud." I yelled "NOSE BLOOD!" I've
had bad sinus infections all week!
Now quit yelling and get the hell
off my property! |
|
|
|
| |
LARRY
Nose blood? NOSE BLOOD?! I've
the mafia after me because someone
misheard you?! Now I've to leave
town and I've no where to go
because of NOSE BLOOD?! |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Charlie slams the window. |
|
|
|
Larry finds a bench and sits down, his head hung low. |
|
|
| |
LARRY
I've nowhere to go. What can I
do? |
|
|
|
Voices in his head tell him to go home to Tara, his southern
home. |
|
|
| |
LARRY
(excited)
That's it! I'll go home to Tara! |
|
|
|
| |
|
EXT. TARA FARM - DAY |
|
|
Gone With The Wind music plays! Larry walks down a road to
his old home. He sees Elise in a southern dress by a tree! |
|
|
| |
LARRY
Elise! What are you doing here?! |
|
|
|
| |
ELISE
I figured you would come back
home. I had no home since I left
Charlie. I figured I would try it
here with you. |
|
|
|
|
Larry runs and picks her up in his arms. |
|
|
| |
LARRY
Oh Elise! Let's leave this place.
Let's start over. See the world! |
|
|
|
29.
|
| |
ELISE
Not now, my love. We can do it
tomorrow. |
|
|
|
| |
LARRY
(confused)
But why tomorrow? |
|
|
|
| |
ELISE
Because, after all, tomorrow is
another day! |
|
|
|
|
Larry smiles goes to kiss Elise. Stops. Looks at camera. |
|
|
| |
LARRY
(to camera)
Oh, come on. You KNEW she was
going to say that. |
|
|
|
They kiss passionately as camera zooms out. Gone with the
Wind music continues. Suddenly we see a sign that says "No
Zooming Out Cameras!" |
|
|
|
Camera operator looks to director for what to do. |
|
|
| |
DIRECTOR
Frankly, my friend, I don't give a
damn what the sign says. You get
that shot. |
|
|
|
Camera guys smiles. Shot finishes zooming on Larry and
Elise. |
|
|
FADE OUT. |
|
|
|
|
|
| Feedback |
| From Brian Lundson |
Date 5/28/2015 |
|
| Probably the best comedy piece I've read on here so far. And I normally hate parodies so that's saying something. Very clever and funny. This needs to be made and one thing I would say to improve your chances of that. THINK MORE VISUALLY. Show don't tell, remember you're creating a series of images for a camera to capture. For example the Schwindler's Favourite Position List - great gag but the script should SHOW it to the audience with say a "POV SHOT" or "CLOSE UP". Think in those terms and I'm sure this could get made because it's excellent. Look forward to reading what you do next. |
| From Tania |
Date 11/6/2014 |
 |
| Funny stuff! Reminds me of the Naked Gun movies and Top Secret! |
|
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| Leave Feedback |
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