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by John Eicher (johneicherbuisness@gmail.com)
Rated: 
Genre: Comedy
User Review: NOT YET
RATED
Robbie gives John a merciless lesson in Martial arts while the relationship between Nico and Kasey intensifies.
This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.
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FADE IN:
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INT. ROBBIE'S BASEMENT - DAY |
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John and Rob are seen in fighting stance both wearing work
out clothes and boxing gloves |
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JOHN
(confused)
Why are we doing this? |
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ROBBIE
Well do to the fact that you grew
up a lonely child, and pretty much
had no friends, I take it you
never even threw an actual punch
before. |
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JOHN
(solemn)
I threw a punch before. |
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Rob punches John straight in the chest and floors him. |
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JOHN
(coughing)
What was that for? |
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John begins to stand up and Rob kicks him back down. |
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JOHN
(mad)
Hey! cut it out! |
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John gets on his knees Rob kicks his stomach. |
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JOHN
(yelling)
Fucking stop! |
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John jumps up and charges Rob and begins throwing a flurry
of punches, which Rob easily blocks. Rob punches John in the
gut and John grabs his stomach. |
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ROBBIE
You are such a pussy. |
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Rob bops John in the head while he clenches his stomach.
John yells and begins punching again. Rob punches his side
hard, but John keeps punching. Rob hits him two more times
and John yelps, but keeps tossing flurries. After a square
hit to John's chest, John screams and gives a right cross
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2.
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straight to Robbie's temple, flooring him. John stands
there, breathing heavy with his fist down, confused on what
just happened. Rob begins laughing and lays out. |
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JOHN
(panting)
Are you insane? |
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ROBBIE
A little. When have you ever
fought for something as hard as
you did right now. |
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John reaches out his hand and starts to pick up Rob. |
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ROBBIE
Oh yes you are. You just don't
know how? This is more than
physical. |
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JOHN
I've never even been in a fight
before. |
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ROBBIE
Every day is. (Pokes John's Heart)
In here you are. |
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JOHN
(sarcastic)
That hasn't been said about a
million times. (Rob hooks John in
the face). MY FUCKING LIP! |
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ROBBIE
(laughing)
Here, here, here. Free punch. Go
ahead. |
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John throws a hard punch, and Rob grabs his arm and throws
him over his shoulder, and holds him in submission. |
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ROBBIE
You have to earn everything you
get, John! |
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JOHN
(struggling)
You're the Devil! |
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3.
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JOHN
(struggling)
Not a chance you dick licker. (Rob
pulls back more and John howls in
pain) Tap! Tap! Tap! |
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Rob lets go and they both pick themselves up. |
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ROBBIE
Dob't get mad. You're only a
beginner. Here I'll teach you the
move. |
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Rob walks up behind John and throws his arm over John's
shoulder. |
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ROBBIE
Don't be a Homophobe. If someone
grabs you from the back, hold on
to there arm and lounge them over
your shoulder, going into a
kneeling position. Take it slow.
(John begins slowly doing the move
in a clumsy fashion). Not that
slow. Forward! Forward. |
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John goes too his knee and Rob is still on his back. |
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JOHN
I fucked up, didn't I? |
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ROBBIE
You weren't even close. |
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They both stand up. |
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ROBBIE
Here, let's give it another shot.
Had some momentum to it this time. |
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Rob wraps his arm around John again, and John quickly tries
to flip him but trips over himself, hurting his shoulder. |
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4.
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ROBBIE
You have to get out of your head
with this stuff dude. It can't be
thought out. It has to be a
reaction. |
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JOHN
Well maybe I just won't throw a
punch in the first place. |
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ROBBIE
That not be a choice you get make. |
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JOHN
It's been eighteen years. What are
the odds I'll get in a fight now? |
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There is a pause of silence, and John quickly tries to throw
a surprise punch at Robbie, but he Rob get's him in the nose
before John's punch can land. |
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INT. NATALIE'S ROOM - DAY |
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Natalie, Miranda, Erin, and Kasey all sit together in
Natalie's room talking to each other. |
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MIRANDA
You know how come it's always
"suck my dick"? |
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NATALIE
What do you mean? |
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MIRANDA
I mean everyone always says "suck
my dick" when they get pissed,
including the woman. What I'm
saying is "lick my clit"! You
know. Start a movement. |
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ERIN
Because knowing a man he might
take it literally. |
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5.
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NATALIE
Well maybe we're not being direct
enough, which is why I'm saying at
the party, no flirting. |
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KASEY
But what about Lane? |
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NATALIE
If he really cares about you he
should be able to handle the cold
shoulder for a night. |
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NATALIE
That's exactly why we're doing
this. Kasey, what would you do if
Lane dumped you today? |
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KASEY
I would eat Ben and Jerry's until
I died of obesity and sadness. |
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NATALIE
(saracastic)
Really? |
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NATALIE
It doesn't bother me that you're
dating Lane. It really doesn't.
What bothers me is how dependent
your happiness is on him. You have
to be strong enough to stand on
your own. And even if you guys
broke up, you wouldn't have to,
because I'm here for you, and
isn't that enough. |
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ERIN
Our periods are synced so we'll
all be crying together anyways. |
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6.
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KASEY
Thanks girls. I needed the
support. |
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Miranda looks down and sees she got a text on her phone. |
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MIRANDA
Jimmy is getting drinks and wants
us to know what we want. |
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KASEY
Just because we have integrity
doesn't mean we lost taste buds. |
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NATALIE
Well you're gonna have to woman up
because this is our stand. |
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MIRANDA
But we just finished finals and
I've been tearing my hair out all
week. I wanna cut loose. |
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ERIN
That's more outrageous than
drinking water! |
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NATALIE
Just one night. No bitching out.
We're drinking beer. |
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MIRANDA
(texting)
I'll tell him we're getting bud
light. |
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NATALIE
No, nothing lite. Budweiser. |
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MIRANDA
(texting)
Oh lick my clit! |
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7.
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EXT. BRIAN'S BACK YARD. - DAY |
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John and Jimmy sit outside of Brian's back yard waiting by
John's car. |
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JIMMY
They said they want beer. That's
strange. |
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JOHN
You're still getting my Mike's
right? |
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JIMMY
Most little girls actually OPEN a
lemonade stand. |
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JOHN
Oh suck my dick. You sure these
guys are cool. |
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JIMMY
Yeah there cool. There just a
little more southern then us.
There parents own a liquor store
though, making them great people
in my book. |
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Brian and Andrew walk out in flannel out of there house and
approach Jimmy and John. Both have intense southern accents. |
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BRIAN
Howdy! What I can I do for the
pleasure of these too gentlemans. |
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JIMMY
Hi Brian. This is John. John, this
is Brian and Andrew. |
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BRIAN
Hey how are you doing? |
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ANDREW
Weren't you that fella who took
that girl Natalie out to the
pasture if you know what I'm
saying. |
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8.
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BRIAN
You are a lucky man. That girl
could give me a dick so hard it
would smash a cheerio. |
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ANDREW
You'll have to excuse my brother,
he's not one for anal logies. |
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JIMMY
Do you mean "analogies" |
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ANDREW
I'm not one to read a thesaurus
either. |
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BRIAN
Well fellas, what be your poison. |
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JIMMY
A six of Mike's Hard and two
thirty packs of Bud. |
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ANDREW
That's a lot more beer than usual. |
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JIMMY
Yeah, well apparently the ladies
want to get a little manly. It's
some kind of feminism bull shit. |
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BRIAN
Well than who ordered the Mike's. |
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John awkwardly raises his hand. |
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BRIAN
That's alright partner we all
can't be perfect. Just the other
day I caught Andrew gettin' off to
Betty White in an adult diaper
commercial. |
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ANDREW
She's an amazing woman. |
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BRIAN
Jesus makes us funny, we all can't
help it. |
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JOHN
(awkward)
Thanks I appreciate it. |
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9.
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BRIAN
So the ladies want to try some
beer they said. |
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JIMMY
Yeah. There trying to prove a
point. |
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BRIAN
I can get behind that. |
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JOHN
I didn't take you as that kinda
guy. |
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BRIAN
Believe it or not me and Andy are
Demographs. |
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ANDREW
He means democrats. |
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BRIAN
What ever. The one with the
Donkey. We're on the side of
progress. A woman wants to be
treated like a lady with the
respect of a man, there's nothing
wrong with that. |
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ANDREW
Emancipation initiation. |
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BRIAN
You're God Dam'n right. |
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ANDREW
I'll go get the beverages while
you all sort out the finances. |
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Andrew walks back in the house while John and Jimmy both
pull out money and hand it to Brian. |
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BRIAN
Will me and Andy be invited to
this shin dig of yours. |
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JIMMY
Of course you are. Why didn't you
guys come last time. |
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BRIAN
I went and blew my head gasket. |
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10.
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BRIAN
You must not know a whole lot
about cars. |
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JIMMY
Jesus made him all kinda messed
up. |
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BRIAN
That's why the lord made helmets. |
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Andrew came out with the drinks on a cart and rolled it out
to John's car. |
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BRIAN
Well fellas, enjoy getting shit
faced. I will see you there. |
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ANDREW
Are we getting stupid tonight? |
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BRIAN
You bet your Grandma loving ass we
are. |
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INT. SIDEWALK - DAY |
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Kasey is seen walking on the sidewalk looking down. Nico
drives up beside her with his car window down. |
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KASEY
I can make it home by myself. |
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NICO
Yeah but you don't have to. |
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Kasey looks at him and starts walking around the car and
begins to get in. |
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KASEY
I guess it couldn't hurt. |
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11.
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They begin driving and Collide by Howie Day is playing on
the car radio. |
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NICO
How was failing your scale exam? |
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KASEY
(smiling)
You're the one who was supposed to
help me, ass hole. |
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NICO
I failed my exam too. |
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KASEY
Then why did you ask to help? |
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NICO
I'd say just about anything to get
you to talk to me. |
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Kasey blushes. |
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KASEY
For you information I didn't fail
actually. I got a sixty-seven. |
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NICO
Your a modern Picasso. |
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KASEY
(laughing)
That's a painter you idiot. |
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NICO
(joking)
I thought he was the puppet. |
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KASEY
You just can't take anything
serious, can you? |
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NICO
Why should I? Life gives us so
much serious I like to imagine
things are sillier than they seem. |
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KASEY
We can either laugh or we can cry. |
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NICO
I just like to giggle at how the
pain feels. |
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12.
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KASEY
That was pretty serious right
there. |
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NICO
Would it help if i made a joke? |
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Nico suddenly breaks the car hard and scares the hell out of
Kasey. They both start laughing hysterically. |
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KASEY
(laughing)
You ass-hole! You almost slammed
my face into the dash. |
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NICO
(laughing)
I'm sorry. That braked a lot
harder than I intended. |
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KASEY
I would have made you feel guilty
for the rest of your life. |
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NICO
Well i might just do it to keep
you around. |
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There is a silence and they both look deeply into each
others eyes. Suddenly, Lanes truck pulls up besides him. |
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NICO
(awkward)
Just giving Kasey a ride. |
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LANE
Thanks dude but I'll take it here.
You going to be at the party
tonight? |
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Kasey looks deeply at Nico for a second, and leaves the car
sad and enters Lane's truck. |
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NICO
Yeah. I take it you're going. |
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13.
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LANE
Oh hell yeah. Is John going to be
there? |
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LANE
Well not to be disrespectful to
your friend or anything, but he's
kinda a faggot. |
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NICO
I think you're just a little
jealous because he tapped Natalie. |
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Lane get's a little embarrassed and red faced. |
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LANE
No sir. I'm happily taken, and if
you want to avoid some trouble I
advise you best watch what you're
saying. |
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NICO
I'll be sure to but there's one
thing you got wrong. |
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LANE
And what would that be? |
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NICO
He's family. Nico drives off
irritated. |
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FADE OUT. |
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