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Untitled Screenplay 1
by Josh Lederman

Rated: R   Genre: Drama   User Review: **1/2
This is an unfinished screenplay that I started but never finished. I'm posting it to get feedback on to see if it is worth finishing.

This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.


Inside a small conveniemce store wee see RUSS. He is leaning
on a shelf leafing through a magazine.

Behind the counter is TIM. He is ringing up someone's

There are several CUSTOMERS in the store.

Russ looks up from the magazine and pans his eyes across the

On a CLOSE UP of his waist we can see he has a gun tucked in
his pants.
We see a parked car in front of the store.

Through the store window we can see Russ.

Inside the car is TRENT. He appears to be singing. We canít
hear him.
A cheesy pop song is BLASTING over the car stereo.

Trent is singing along badly. He is absorbed in the song.
A police car pulls up behind Trentís car.

Officer FRANK exits the car, and walks up to the store.
Russ begins to remove his gun from his pants.

Suddenly the store door opens, and Frank enters the store.

Russ quickly puts back his gun.


      (to himself)
Shit. Fuck.
Frank walks up to Tim at the counter.
Godd morinin' Frank. How the hell
are ya?
I'm still kickin'. You?
I'm doin'.
That's good. Good to hear.
So how's your family doin'? How's
She's alright. Still recoverin'
from her mother's death, but
she'll be alright.
No shit. I didn't know her mom
Suprised me too. I didn't think
that old bitch would ever croak.
Yeah well that happens. Happens to
us all.
Yes it does. We all die sooner or
Well how are the kids? Haven't
seen em in here in a while.
Well Jessica was voted her class


Alright. She always was really
Yep. I'm really proud of her. She
gets her brains from my side of
the family.
They both laugh at this comment.
What about Jake? What's he up to?
Well I don't know what to say. I
pretty worried about that boy.
Why, what happened? Did he get
into trouble or somethin'?
No, no, nothin' like that.
Then what is it?
Damn boy got cast in the school
play. He's playin' the lead role.
No shit the lead role. What play
is it?
I ain't got no Goddamn clue.
Oh. But I'm confused. Why are you
worryin' about him? What's wrong
with bein' in a school play?


I'll tell ya what's wrong with it.
Damn boy shouldn't be in plays. He
should be playin' sports or doin'
somethin' that a boy should be
doin', and a boy shouldn't be
doin' no Goddamn play. And Jesus
Christ, the school's encouragin'
this shit. They're turnin' him
into half a fag.
I think you're bein' a little old
fashioned Frank. Boys can act in
plays too. In fact some of those
guys on broadway make a shit load
of money doin' it. A boy actin' in
a play doesn't make him a fag. Its
just as normal as anything else.
Well I guess we just have
different opinions on the subject.
I guess we do.
Hey ya mind if i use your crapper?
Must've had some bad chilli last
night. Its givin' me the shits.
Sure no problem. Be my guest.
Frank walks over to a magazine rack and takes a magazine.
A little reading material.
Hey man, whatever gets you goin'.
I ain't gonna judge.
Frank takes the magazine and walks away into the bathroom.

Russ watches him leave, and instatly WHIPS OUT his gun and
puts it to Tim's skull.

The other costomers see this and become very frightened.


      (to everyone)
Everyone just be cool. Don't say a
fuckin' word. Just stay calm and
you won't get hurt. And don't
anybody try and get that fuckin'
pig out here, cause then I'll have
to kill every single one of you.
Wh... what do you want?
      (to Tim)
I want a back massage. What the
fuck do you think I want? Empty
the register motherfucker.
Okay, okay. Just don't shoot.
I won't if you don't give me a
reason to.
Tim opens the register and hands Russ a pile of bills.

Russ takes them and puts them in his pocket.
Now give me the money in the safe.
I don't have a safe.
Don't give me that bullshit. Do
you want to die? Do ya?
No. No.
Then empty the fuckin' safe before
I execute your sorry ass.
Tim bends down and opens the safe under the counter.

Russ closely watches him, keeping his gun pointed at him.

Just as Tim comes up with the money, the store door opens,
and Officer DAN enters.


Hey Frank, do you know...
What the fuck?
Oh shit.
Dan WHIPS OUT his gun and aims it at Russ.
      (to Russ)
Freeze motherfucker!
      (to Dan)
Help me!
Russ DIVES to the ground as Dan FIRES at him.

The bullets miss.

From the ground Russ FIRES at Dan.

He is HIT in the shoulder.

Dan DROPS his gun and SCREAMS IN PAIN.
      (to Frank in the
Hepl! Frank help! He's got a gun!
Russ SPRINGS UP and SPINS toward Tim.

He SHOOTS him twice.

Tim DROPS to the floor SCREAMING.
      (to Tim)
I told you not to fuckin' do that.
The customer have all TAKEN COVER.

Russ SCOOPS UP the money on the counter.

He runs past Dan, PUSHING him to the ground, and exits the


After he leaves, Frank BURSTS out of the bathroom door,
pants at his ankles, and gun ready.
      (seeing the
What the fuck happened?
Russ runs across the street to the car with Trent in it.

He opens the door and gets in.
Startled, Trent turns off the radio.
What happened?
What happened? You were supposed
to watch for cops. What happened
Trent turns around and sees the police car parked behind
Oh shit.
Yeah, oh shit.
Frank comes BURSTING out of the store.

He starts SHOOTING at the car.
Oh shit. Drive!
CLOSE UP: Trent's foot PUNCHING the gas.


The car TAKES OFF, FLYING down the street.

Frank continues SHOOTING until he runs out of ammo.
Jesus Christ man. All you had to
do was watch for fuckin' cops.
I'm sorry man. Shit, I'm sorry.
The car SPEEDS down the road.

As it approaches a stop sign, the car SLOWS DOWN.

It STOPS at the sign.

The right turn signal BLINKS ON.

The car turns, and SPEEDS OFF SCREEN.

The FRAME is left BLANK.
How bad is it?
                       VOICE ON PHONE
Its pretty fuckin' bad.
Sitting at his desk in his office is crime boss BUDD

The CAMERA is positioned behind him.

He is on the phone talking to his right-hand-man SLICK LOU.


Well how bad? How fuckin' bad?
      (on Phone)
Very bad. It was a massacre.
They're all dead.
Fuck! God dammit!
And the money?
      (on Phone)
Gone. He took it all.
Motherfucker! That piece of shit!
      (On Phone)
Boss there's somethin' else.
What is it? What?
      (on Phone)
Its Sarah. She's gone. He must've
taken her with him.
That litttle prick. Listen to me
Lou. I want that son-of-a-bitch
found. I want him found and I want
him found now. Not tomorrow now.
      (on Phone)
Got it boss. We'll get him.
I want you to slit his fuckin'
throat. I want that cocksucker to
be tortured. I want him to live
out the last moments of his life
in agonizing pain. I don't care
what it takes. I want that fucker


      (on Phone)
Don't worry. We'll take care of
it. He's gonna wish his mom never
got fucked and pushed him out into
this world.
And Lou?
      (on Phone)
Get my fuckin' money.
Budd SLAMS down the phone.

He sits in SILENCE for a few moments.
      (to himself)
Gonna get that motherfucker.
The CAMERA holds for a few more moments.
Russ and Trent's car drives up to a small motel.

The car parks, and they get out of the car.

Russ is carrying a large DUFFEL BAG.

There is a young girl with them. Her name is SARAH.
I wonder if they have cable.
I doubt it.
Maybe we should try someplace
else. One that has cable.
Forget about the damn cable. We're
stayin' here.


Fine. I was just bringin' the
option to the table.
The three of them start to walk over to the motel lobby.
      (to Sarah)
Would you like to have cable?
I really don't care.
Russ is standing at the front desk talking to the MOTEL

Trent and Sarah stand by the door.
We'd like a room please.
                       MOTEL CLERK
How long will ya be stayin'?
Probably just tonight. Maybe
tomorrow too.
                       MOTEL CLERK
Ya sure didn't pack much.
Excuse me?
                       MOTEL CLERK
Well there's three of ya, and all
ya have is that one bag.
Oh. Yeah well we pack light. Only
the bare necessities.


They walk into their motel room.

Russ puts the duffel bag on one of the beds and sits down.

Sarah sits next to him, while Trent sits on the other bed
and turns on the T.V.
Shit. No cable.
      (to Russ)
Are you okay?
I don't know. This whole thing is
so fucked up. I just can't believe
Mackie would do somethin' this
Well he did as stupid as it was.
I always told him that one day
he'd fuck with the wrong person.
And now he finally has.
Yeah he really did pick the wrong
person to screw over. Budd's not
very civilized when it comes to
his business, if you can call it
I'm really sorry he had to drag
you into this. That pisses me off
the most.
I was in this already. Its my own
No its not. Just because your
father's a dick doesn't make it
your fault.
Step father.


Right. Sorry.
Just then a CELL PHONE starts RINGING.

Sarah takes it out of her pocket.
Oh shit. It must be Mackie.
Sarah hands the phone to Russ.

He answers it.
In a phone booth is MACKIE.

He's very jittery but seems happy.
Hello to you too baby.
Fuck Mackie. What happened?
How are you guys doin'? You
We're fine. How'd it go?
What about Sarah? Is she okay?
She's right here. She's fine.
Christ Mackie what the fuck
Its all good my friend.
It is? You serious?


Yep. Its all taken care of man.
Holy shit. Mutherfuckin' Zeke
pulled through.
I told you he would. The Freak
never lets a friend down.
So what's the plan?
Well for right now we've just
gotta chill. But tomorrow
afternoon we've got four plane
tickets to Jamaica my friend.
Jamaica? Just like we planned?
Yeserie Bob. We'll be on the beach
gettin' hammered and enjoyin' the
rest of our lives.
Holy shit this is fuckin' great.
So you gonna come over to the
motel now right?
No not yet. I wanna run over to my
place real quick and pick up some
Are you sure that's a good idea? I
don't think its safe man. I mean
they wanna fuckin' kill us.
Don't worry. I'll be fine. You
guys and girl just chill. I'll be
over by tonight.
Alright man. Just be careful.
Don't worry I will.


Alright. Peace man. See ya soon.
Cool runnings brother.
Mackie hangs up the phone and leaves the phone booth.
Russ closes the cell phone and breathes a sigh of relief.
What did he say? Is everything
gonna be okay?
Well he went to see Zeke.
Yeah. What did he say?
He told him about everything.
Goddamn you. Tell us already.
He got us four plane tickets for
tomorrow afternoon. He came
Hallelujah. I love that freak.
Yes. Where are we goin'?
Jamaica. Just like you wanted.
Oh my fuckin' God. We're gonna
make. We did it.
We get to live out the rest of our
lives in paradise.
Tomorrow can't come soon enough.


Since we have time right now, I'm
pretty hungry. Could we get
somethin' to eat?
Yeah I'm starved myself. I saw a
diner down the road when we drove
Alright then. Let's go eat. Let's
Is it safe?
It should be. Its just down the
road. I think we'll be okay.
      (pointing to the
What about the... you know?
We'll take it with us. Keep it in
the trunk.
Trent and Sarah open the door and walk out.

Russ picks up the bag and follows them out.

He shuts the door behind him.
In the middle of the FRAME is the front door.

Suddenly, the door BURSTS open.

Through the doorway enter JIMMY and BIG SETH, two of Budd
Holiday's goons.

Their guns are ready to fire.
                       BIG SETH
I don't think the cocksuckers are
here. They must've skipped out.


Well look anyway. They might be
They search the apartment, but come up empty handed.
Shit. They left. They're on the
                       BIG SETH
What'd ya expect? The fuckers
would have to be brain dead to
hang around.
Go into the fridge and see if they
got somethin' to drink. I could
use one.
Big Seth goes into the fridge and takes out two bottles of

He hands one to Jimmy.
                       BIG SETH
Ya know man, I wish that they were
here. I'd like to be the one to
fuck em up. Ya know?
Yeah. I'd like to give the
bastards a few good hits myself.
                       BIG SETH
Remember a few years back when
that one guy, I think he was
Mexican or some shit like that,
stole that brick of coke?
Yeah. I remember that
son-of-a-bitch. They did a pretty
fuckin' good number on him.
                       BIG SETH
Cut off both his thumbs, and then
burned him alive. It was fuckin'
That just goes to show that you
don't fuck with Mr. Holiday. You


                       JIMMY (cont'd)
fuck with him, you gonna get
fucked up.
Just then Jimmy's CELL PHONE starts RINGING.

He answers it.
This is Jimmy.
      (on Phone)
Are they there?
No sir Lou. Place is empty. They
must've high-tailed it outta here
pretty fuckin' fast.
      (on Phone)
Well we have a lead someplace
else. Our boy's car was spotted
outside of a club. Owned by some
guy named Zeke the Freak.
Yeah I know that place.
      (on Phone)
meet us down there. We're gonna
get some fuckin' answers.
Got it. we'll be right over.
Jimmy closes his phone and they walk towards the door.
                       BIG SETH
Where are we goin'?
Through a window we can see Russ and Trent's car parked in
the diner parking lot.


                       TRENT (O.S.)
So we just have to hang around
until tomorrow and then we can get
the fuck outta here?
                       RUSS (O.S.)
Yep that's it.
                       SARAH (O.S.)
So the tickets are gonna be
waiting at the airport for us to
pick up just like he said?
                       RUSS (O.S.)
Yep. They're all paid for. We just
go pick em up and take off.
The camera PULLS BACK revealing Russ, Trent, and Sarah
sitting at a booth in the diner.

Russ and Sarah are sitting next to each other and Trent is
across from them.

They are in the middle of their meal.
God Jamaica. I've always wanted to
go there. Ever since I was a
little girl.
Really? Why?
Well my great-grandmother lived
there for a long time. She would
always tell me stories about how
wonderful it was. Since then I've
just always wanted to go there.
Well now you're finally going to
go there.
I know. I'm so excited.
When I was young, I always wanted
to go to a topless bar.
Well that's nice, I guess.


I just wish it didn't have to be
under these circumstances. I mean
are you sure you want to go with
us? We can still just let you go.
No I'm sure. I want to go with
you. I'm not goin' back to that
life. I'm leavin' it behind. I'm
How was it? I mean bein' Budd
Holiday's daughter?
Right. Step-daughter.
Well things were never good. He
never treated my mom good at all.
I think the only reason she
married him was for his money. I
mean, she didn't know what he did
at the time. But we were doin' so
bad financially, that even when
she found out, she didn't leave
him. She couldn't.
Yeah. That's fucked up though.
Well that's what she chose. So
when she died a few years later, I
was left with Budd. he never
treated me like a daughter though.
I didn't want him to. He's a
piece-of-shit. A horrible human
I think we all knew that. There's
no hidin' it.
But there was nothin' I could do.
I had no other options, So I just
dealt with it.


Did you ever tell anyone who your
father, excuse me, step-father
No, of course not. But people
knew. They always know.
I can see that you were stuck
bein' his step-daughter, but him
makin' you do work for him? That's
just way fucked up.
Yeah well, all he ever thinks
about is his business. I couldn't
defy him, cause then I'd be dead
on the streets. So I just do it.
Well all of that's over now. You
don't have to do that shit
anymore. You're free.
Yeah. In a way Mackie doin' that
dumb shit kinda saved you.
Yeah. I never thought of that.
Well now its just us. All we have
to do it make it till tomorrow and
we're home free.
A WAITRESS walks over to their booth, and stands there.
You guys gonna want anything else?
No thanks. We're good.
Okay then. Here's your check. You
can pay at the register.
She places the check on the table.


Have a good day.
You too.
The waitress walks away.
So what about you guys? What's
your story?
Well there's really not much to
Aw come on. There has to be
somethin'. Do you have
Naw. I think females find me
Yeah. Even your mother found you
Shut up.
What about you Russ?
I had a girlfriend once, a while
back. She was an older woman.
Really? What happened?
Her husband found out.
They all laugh.

Russ and Trent bump fists.
So what about your uh, line of
work? There has to be a story
behind you you got into it.


Not really. We're just two dime
store hoods. Nothin' exciting.
Just two guys who have nothin'
Well how did you get into your
life of crime?
I wouldn't call it a life of
We're just two high school
drop-outs who never amounted to
anythin'. This was just a quick
way to make cash so we just went
with it. Flash forward a few years
and here we are.
You just became criminals? That's
I wouldn't go so far as to call us
criminals. We're not bad guys. I
mean we don't kill people.
We were old friends. Then we
didn't see him for a while. He was
like us, but then he started
gettin' involved with real
unsavory types, like drug dealers
and shit like that.
So that's how he got involved with
And that's how you got involved in
this mess.
You hit the nail right on the


Boy that really sucks.
Yeah but that's life. Tryin' to
plan it out perfectly will only
make you crazy. You just gotta go
with the flow.
Is everyone finished?
I'm done.
Alrighty then. I'll go pay the
bill and you leave a tip. then
we'll head back to the room and
wait for Mackie.
Okie dokie smokey.
They get up from the table.

Russ walks OFF SCREEN to pay the bill.

Trent puts some money on the table, then he follows Sarah
A car is parked in front of the club.

Next to the car stand Slick Lou and VINCENT.

Another car drives up and parks behind the other car.

Jimmy and Big Seth come out of the car.
Its about fuckin' time you got
                       BIG SETH
Sorry sir. We hit traffic.


Save it for when you're fuckin'
your mothers tonight. We've got
work to do.
The trunk of the car POPS OPEN.

The four men reach inside the trunk.

Jimmy and Big Seth each take a shotgun.

Slick Lou and Vincent each take a handgun.

We're gonna go in there and find
out what this son-of-a-bitch
Got it.
No fuckin' around here. This is
serious business. We ain't gonna
take any shit from this
Let's do this like fuckin'
professionals. Oh and boys?
Let's have some fun.
Big Seth cocks his shotgun.

Slick Lou SLAMS the trunk CLOSED.
We TRACK along with the four men as they cross the street to
the club.

They open the door and go inside.


There is TECHNO music BLASTING throughout the club.

There are FLASHING LIGHTS everywhere.

People are DANCING and having a good time.

We TRACK along as the four gangsters work their way to the
back of the club.

No one seems to notice them or their guns.

When they reach the back of the club they go through a
The four men enter Zeke's private office.

Sitting on a couch is the man himself, ZEKE THE FREAK.

Well hello there dudes. Come on
in. Make yourselves at home.
Jimmy and Big Seth go and stand behind the couch.

Vincent hangs back while Slick Lou approaches Zeke.
You must be Zeke the Freak.
Hey man, just call me Zeke. But
yes, that is who I am. In the
flesh. And might I ask who you
Well Zeke, to most in my business
I'm known as Slick Lou. But to
you, its just Lou.
Okay then Lou. Please, pull up a
seat. Its okay, I don't bite.


Well maybe I do.
Zeke and Lou laugh a little.
This is quite an establishment
you've got yourself here. It has
Yeah. I'm very proud of thus place
man. I like to call it home.
Your patrons also seem to greatly
enjoy your little establishment.
Yeah they do. Everyon eloves to
party. What about you dude? I'm
sure you like to party.
Actually this isn't really my
scene. I'm not a club kind of guy.
Aw. That's too bad man. So hows
about you introduce me to your
friends here man?
How rude of me. The two gentlemen
behind you are Jimmy and Big Seth.
      (to Jimmy and Big
Sup dudes.
And this here is Vincent.
What's up Vincent? How's it
hangin' man?
Its uh, alright.
Cool man. That's awesome.


Well Zeke, now that we've gotten
the introductions out of the way,
I think its time we get down to
the brass taxes of the situation
at hand.
Okay dude. What is the situation
at hand?
You mean you don't know why we're
I gotta be honest with you man. I
have no fuckin' clue why you're
Well that's not good. I don't
wanna leave you in the dark. Allow
me to fill you in and get you up
to speed.
Go ahead dude. Fill me in.
Well, we represent a very wealthy
an dpowerful man for whom I'm sure
you've heard of. His name is Budd
Holiday. You've heard of Budd
Holiday haven't you?
Have I heard of Budd Holiday? I
don't live under a fuckin' rock
man. Everyone has heard of him.
Well that's good. Now that that's
out of the way, we can move on.
Do you mind if I have that seat
Go right ahead man. Sit.


Slick Lou takes a chair and places it in front of Zeke.

He sits in the chair.
Now where were we?
You were tellin' me why you're
here. Somethin' to do with Budd
Ah yes. Now, like most wealthy and
powerful men, Mr. Holiday doesn't
like to be fucked with. He doesn't
like it when people fuck him over.
And he especially doesn't like it
when people steal from him.
Especially his money.
Hey man, I ain't never stolen shit
from anyone. This is fucked up
No, no. Please don't get the wrong
idea. I know you didn't steal from
Mr. Holiday. But the fact of the
matter is somebody did. Somebody
stole a large sum of money from
How much money?
Five hundred thousand dollars.
Holy shit.
Yes indeed. And as one would
expect, Mr. Holiday is very...
pissed off by this. He is goin' to
do whatever it takes to get his
money back and catch the little
cocksucker who stole it.


Okay I undertand all of this man,
but that doesn't explain why
you're here. What does this shit
have to do with the Freak?
Well, this is where the story gets
ugly for you. You see, we know who
stole the money. That's a big
plus. We have been tryin' to find
since he took it. And we were
given a tip that in fact, he was
A lot of people come here man.
That don't mean jack shit.
Now come on Zeke. You in fact know
the person in question. Does the
name Mackie mean anythin' to you?
Yes it does. I believe I know who
you're talkin' about.
Well, Mackie is the son-of-a-bitch
who stole Mr. Holiday's money. It
was a massacre, a fuckin' blood
bath. But it gets worse. He not
only ran off with five hundred
grand in cash, but he also
kidnapped Mr. Holiday's
step-daughter. Then we know he
hooked up with two of his dumbass
frinds, and are plannin' on
gettin' away with the money.
No fuckin' shit?
I shit you not. Now, we were given
a tip that Mackie himself was seen
here, at your club, not too long
Well yes he was. I know him. I
guess you could say we're good


                       ZEKE (cont'd)
friends. he comes here a lot to
visit the Freak.
Good, good. I'm glad to see that
we're on the same page here. Now
Zeke, we need for you to tell us
everything that he told you when
he was here. Don't leave anythin'
Well man, I'm sorry but when he
was here, he didn't mention any of
this shit. The Freak didn't know
about any of it until you just
told me. Sorry though.
Oh boy. Don't you lie to me Zeke.
Don't lie to me.
                       BIG SETH
You want us to fuck him up boss?
No no. There's no need for that
yet. Let's be civilized here.
Listen dude, I'm really sorry
about what happened. But I don't
know shit. I don't know fuckin'
shit man.
Lies, lies, lies. Now you listen
to me. I know that Mackie stole
the money. I know that he was
here. I know that he talked to
you. I know that you helped him. I
know all of this. This is all
fact. But what I need is for you
to tell me what he told you, and
how you're helpin' him. That's
all. We can do this the easy way
or we can do this the hard way.
And trust me Zeke, for your sake,
I suggest that you choose the easy
They sit in silence for a few moments.


Well Zeke? What's it gonna be?
Well dude, let me tell you. I say
you can take all of the shit you
know, and you can take your goons
here, and you can go fuck yourself
silly. Fuck you asshole. Fuck you.
Slick Lou shakes his head and sighs.

Then he looks at Jimmy and Big Seth and gives them a nod.

Jimmy DROPS his shotgun and GRABS Zeke, holding him down.

Big Seth cocks his shotgun and aims it right at Zeke's head.

Lou pulls his chair closer to Zeke.
Fine Zeke. We'll do this your way.
What the fuck man?
Vincent walks up and hands Lou a POCKET KNIFE.

Lou opens the knife and holds it in front of Zeke's face, in
a threatening way.
Now Zeke, I'm no monster. I'm just
doin' my job. Mr. Holiday is goin'
to do whatever it takes to get his
money back. You have information
about his money. Now I have to do
whatever it takes to get that
information. So you see I'm not a
monster Zeke. I'm just doin' what
I have to do.
What are you gonna do with that
thing man?
Let me tell you what I'm gonna do.
Seein' as you're not gonna tell me
what I need to know, I'm gonna
have to force it out of you. So
I'm gonna take this knife and cut
your dick off. Then, I'm gonna


                       LOU (cont'd)
super glue it to your forehead.
Then, maybe after you become an
actual dick head, you'll tell me
what I need to know.
Lou brings the knife to Zeke's crotch.

He prepares to perform the sinister deed.
Okay, okay. Fuck man I'll tell.
Christ. I'll tell you.
Lou stops, and sits back in his chair.
I'm glad you see things my way
now. Please, tell me what the fuck
is goin' on.
Okay. Mackie came to me and told
about the money and shit. He said
that he needed help. So I got him,
his two friends, and the girl
plane tickets to Jamaca. They
leave tomorrow. Until then,
they're stayin' at some motel
downtown, I don't know what one.
Then he said he was gonna go back
to his place to get some shit, and
meet the others at the motel.
Is that everything?
Yes that's all I know. i swear to
fuckin' God. That's everything.
Alright. Boys, let em go.
Jimmy lets go of Zeke and Big Seth stops pointing his
shotgun at him.

Lou gets up from the chair.
I thank you very much Zeke. Now we
have all of the information we
need to properly handle the
situation. We can get Mr.


                       LOU (cont'd)
Holiday's money back now, and
that's very good. I truly am
thankful for that. But
unfortunately for you, you are no
longer needed.
Hey man wait. What?
Zeke you've told us all we need to
know. And seein' that you know
everything about everything, we
can't let you go.
Hey man, but you said...
Oh Zeke. If only you would've had
more time to really get to know
me, you would've come to see that
I say a lot of things.
No. Wait. No...
Slick Lou WHIPS OUT his gun, and FIRES into Zeke three

Zeke sits slumped over on the couch, dead.
Okay boys, its go time. Jimmy,
Seth, you two and I will go to
that fuckers place and surprise
him when he gets there. Vincent,
you find out what motel they're
stayin' in, and get Sarah, get the
fuckin' money, and kill those two
bastards. Let's go. Chop, chop.
The three men leave the office to go take care of business.

Lou takes one last look at Zeke's dead body.

He shakes his head, spits, and then leaves the room.


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From Jeroen Doornbos Date 1/12/2005 **1/2
It is pretty decent, but I don't like the part in the diner. Dialogue is not interesting during that part. It feels 'forced', like it is there to explain background of the characters. Try showing their characters through pictures. Action is character. But the rest of the dialogue is ok to read, with some pretty funny lines.

From Crazy J Date 1/5/2005 **1/2
I give it a two point five cause its only half done but considering what I rate completly finished scripts, this is excellent. Overall, from the intro to the point where you end, it seems very interesting and i would most definatly like to know how it ends. Not much else to really say, only that i strongly urge you to finish it. best of luck!

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