Home Screenwriting Products Screenwriter Community Screenwriting Store
ScriptBuddy - Screenwriting Software for the Web

Screenwriter Community

Back to List of Published Screenplays
View/Leave Feedback

untitled
by Larry White (spiderfreak182@yahoo.com)

Rated: PG-13   Genre: Comedy   User Review: **
A comedy of two guys (one normal, the other crazy) that start off doing something simple but ends up as quite an adventure. The script is incomplete but I would just like to know what i've done wrong before i continue, and what u think. Any more info might ruin the story...


This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



FADE IN:

INT. ZEKES ROOM - DAY
                                                            
The phone rings while ZEKE lays in bed. Eventually he turns
over and picks up the phone.
                                                            
                       LARRY
      (On the phone)
Wake up, i got an idea, meet me at
the bus stop.
                                                            
Then LARRY hangs up. Zeke pauses for a while, then gets up
and starts to change into his clothes (music plays along
with cast & title sequence).
                                                            
 
EXT. SIDEWALK - DAY
                                                            
Cut to Zeke walking on sidewalk dressed up. Then He spots
Larry. Larry looks like his crazy usual self with messy hair
bouncing and punkish styled clothing. Then they finaly meet
at the bus stop.
                                                            
 
EXT. BUS STOP - DAY
                                                            
They sit down on the bench.
                                                            
                       ZEKE
Whats your idea this time larry?
                                                            
                       LARRY
Not yet.
                                                            
                       ZEKE
      (dissapointed)
You son of a bitch, woke me up for
nothin...
                                                            
                       LARRY
Calm down Ezequiel. You'll find
out at the mall.
                                                            
                       ZEKE
You got money Larry? Im not
wasting any money.
                                                            
                       LARRY
CALM DOWN EZEQUIEL, YOU'LL FIND
OUT AT THE MALL.
                                                            

2.

                       ZEKE
      (dissapointed)
ahh....
                                                            
Larry looks at the street far away, then quickly stands up.
                                                            
                       LARRY
Bus!
                                                            
Zeke gets up and the bus stops in front of them.
                                                            
 
INT. BUS - DAY
                                                            
Larry goes in first, showing his ID to the bus driver. Then
zeke is stopped by the bus driver.
                                                            
                       BUS DRIVER
      (Grumpy)
Wheres your student ID?
                                                            
                       ZEKE
I... Dont have it...
                                                            
                       BUS DRIVER
Well next time you better have it
or your ride will cost you an
extra fifty cents.
                                                            
                       ZEKE
OK...
                                                            
                       BUS DRIVER
Remember my face!
                                                            
                       ZEKE
yeah...
                                                            
Zeke then walks away from the driver and sits next to Larry
while the bus starts driving.
                                                            
                       LARRY
Smoothe...
                                                            
                       ZEKE
This idea better be worth it.
                                                            
                       LARRY
      (smiling)
That girl was laughing at you.
                                                            
Larry points at a girl that overhears him and turns away.
                                                            
 

3.

EXT. MALL - DAY
                                                            
Larry and zeke exit the bus.
                                                            
                       BUS DRIVER (inside bus)
      (to zeke)
Remember this face!
                                                            
The bus driver closes the bus door still looking at zeke,
then drives away. Then we enter the mall.
                                                            
 
INT. MALL - DAY
                                                            
                       LARRY
First lets get something to drink.
                                                            
they head towards a vending machine and Larry gets his
drink. Zeke puts his dollar and twenty five cents in the
machine and presses the same drink Larry got, but it starts
to say "vending" a little too long. Zeke begins to worry,
then "vending" dissapears and still no drink comes out.
                                                            
                       LARRY
Ya got gypped.
                                                            
                       ZEKE
      (dissapointed)
damn...
                                                            
Cut to them on an escalater going down.
                                                            
                       ZEKE
So now are you gonna tell me your
idea Larry?
                                                            
                       LARRY
It was more of a plan really.
                                                            
slight pause
                                                            
                       ZEKE
      (getting impatient)
Whats the "plan" Larry?
                                                            
                       LARRY
OK, I found this girl thats
perfect for you and im sure she'll
be interested in you. She told me
she'd be in the mall today.
                                                            

4.

                       ZEKE
So thats why we've been going in
circles for an hour?
                                                            
                       LARRY
      (looking crazy)
Exactly!
                                                            
                       ZEKE
What if she couldnt make it?
                                                            
                       LARRY
      (looking
       contemplative)
hmm... I didnt think of tha...
                                                            
Larry spots the girl
                                                            
                       LARRY (continued)
      (looking at the
       girl)
There she is!
                                                            
Zeke looks and see's the girl sitting on a mall bench.
                                                            
                       LARRY
      (nudges zeke)
Go talk to her.
                                                            
                       ZEKE
If she's so good, why dont you
talk to her, it's not like your in
some relationship.
                                                            
                       LARRY
Think about what you just said.
                                                            
Cut to a flashback...
                                                            
Theres a girl standing by her locker when out of nowhere
Larry jumps in.
                                                            
                       LARRY
Hey!
                                                            
The girl is already scared and looks at me like she's a
little freaked out.
                                                            
                       LARRY
      (pointing)
i had to get passed those jesus
freaks...
                                                            

5.

The girl turns a little and Larry see's a cross on her
necklace.
                                                            
                       LARRY
      (worried look)
oh...
                                                            
Larry starts reaching for the nacklace.
                                                            
                       LARRY
Your religious...
                                                            
Meanwhile the girl thinks he's reaching for her chest and
starts to back off, causing Larry to break the cross off the
necklace.
                                                            
                       LARRY
      (worried look)
cheap...
                                                            
End of flashback. Cut to zeke.
                                                            
                       ZEKE
Good point.
                                                            
                       LARRY
Plus, like I said, she's perfect
for you.
                                                            
Meanwhile on the second floor of the mall...
                                                            
                       KARLA
I'm telling you I know i'm ready.
                                                            
                       JONATHAN
Alright, how about a test, pick a
guy in the escalator.
                                                            
                       KARLA
      (spots zeke)
Him!
                                                            
                       JONATHAN
Alright, your test is to get to
know him, and eventualy take his
money, including from his credit
card. If you do this, then you can
start to really work for me.
                                                            
                       KARLA
no problem.
                                                            
Back to Larry and Zeke on the first floor.
                                                            

6.

                       LARRY
So go talk to her.
                                                            
                       ZEKE
Fine
                                                            
So, Zeke starts walking towards her way, but then he crashes
into Karla and Karlas stuff falls on the floor.
                                                            
                       ZEKE
Sorry, let me help you with that.
                                                            
                       KARLA
      (Talking like an
       airhead)
Thanks.
                                                            
Meanwhile, Larry hadnt noticed Zekes crash with Karla and
kept walking to the girl.
                                                            
                       ENGIE
Hi?
                                                            
                       LARRY
      (looking around
       for Zeke)
uh...
                                                            
                       LARRY
      (weird smile)
Hey...
                                                            
Cut back to Zeke and Karla. Theyre flirting with each other.
                                                            
                       ZEKE
I'm serious
                                                            
                       KARLA
      (Laughing)
I know, that happens to me too.
                                                            
Then Larry gets back.
                                                            
                       LARRY
What happened?
                                                            
                       ZEKE
I crashed into her on the way,
turns out she went to our
elementary.
                                                            

7.

                       LARRY
Well isnt that nice, can we get
back to...
                                                            
Larry turns and Engie is no longer there.
                                                            
                       KARLA
Well anyways, heres my number,
call me later OK?
                                                            
                       ZEKE
Sure.
                                                            
                       KARLA
OK, bye.
                                                            
Zeke waits for her to leave, then raises the phone number in
the air and laughs like a lunatic.
                                                            
                       LARRY
Damn it ezequiel, now she's gone.
                                                            
                       ZEKE
Whatever, I got a date, isnt that
what you wanted in the first
place?
                                                            
                       LARRY
Yeah... but I dont trust her...
                                                            
Zeke is only paying attention to the phone number.
                                                            
Meanwhile back at the second floor of the mall...
                                                            
                       JONATHAN
So?
                                                            
                       KARLA
I'm telling you im ready, this is
gonna be so easy, exept for that
suspicious friend of his.
                                                            
                       JONATHAN
What friend?
                                                            
                       KARLA
He was right next to him giving me
suspicious looks.
                                                            
                       JONATHAN
Nope, didn't catch him.
                                                            

8.

                       KARLA
Well, this is gonna be easy money.
                                                            


FADE OUT.


Back to Top of Page
Leave Feedback
Feedback
From Christopher D. Haynes Date 1/27/2005 **
You need to add more direction. You could also develop your characters a little more. It's better to get this in near the start because it helps grabs the audiences attention and keep them interested. I'm looking forward to reading this when it's finished to see how it works out.


Back to Top of Page
Leave Feedback
You must be logged in to leave feedback.
Home    My Account    Products    Screenwriter Community    Screenwriter's Corner    Help
Forgot Your Password?    Privacy Policy    Copyright 2018, ScriptBuddy LLC.    Email help@scriptbuddy.com