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by Justin Hunter (screenstylz@yahoo.com)

Rated: PG-13

Genre: Comedy User Review:

The stress of work is enough by itself. Throw in idiotic customers and a grocery store environment, and you have a pretty crappy job. One grocery store employees finally realizes how dumb customers are and decides to strike. Strike against the customers, not the management.

SERVICE THE CUSTOMER

FADE IN:

INT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-CASH REGISTER - DAY

CREDITS ROLL:

A can of dog food rolls along the conveyor belt at a cash
register.

BEEP, BEEP.

NARRATOR (VO)
I'm going to the market. A
familiar phrase. We've all heard
it, probably even said it. A
familiar yet outdated phrase.

A cashier scans each item as they roll by.

BEEP, BEEP.

A gallon of milk, followed by, a head of lettuce, a jar of
peanut butter, and a bottle of wine.

BEEP, BEEP.

NARRATOR (VO)
Now a days it should probably be,
I'm going to the Super Market.
Everything is super now. Super
Size, Super Centers, everything.

The sound is becoming annoying.

A can of peas rolls by, a bag of chips, Hamburger Helper,
and a package of ground beef.

NARRATOR (VO)
There is an obvious lack of
customer service in Super Markets.
Customers become used to the
treatment they receive at these
Super places. Then they come to
my store. My store isn't super.
We still focus on customer
service. Maybe we shouldn't with
the way customers treat us.

BEEP, BEEP.

INT. JERRY HUNTLY'S HOUSE-BEDROOM - DAY

This is the master bedroom of JERRY HUNTLY. The bedroom is
littered with dirty laundry. Light trickles in through the
small window above the bed.

Jerry lays sideways on his bed sleeping. His blanket only
partially covering him.

We see an alarm clock on the night stand next to the bed.
The alarm clock is a novelty clock shaped like a grocery
cart. Next to the display a small plaque reads: "Employee
of the Year." The time on the clock switches from 11:14 am
to 11:15 am.

The ALARM CLOCK RINGS to life with the familiar BEEP BEEP,
of groceries passing through a cash register.

Jerry shoots up in his bed looking all around his room. He
finally realizes his alarm clock is the source of his sleep
deprivation. He swats at the alarm until it finally shuts
off.

Jerry gets out of bed suddenly happy to be awake. He
quickly gathers some clothes off the ground and walks into
the bathroom.

NARRATOR (VO)
Yep that's me, Jerry Huntly,
handsome fella aren't I?

EXT. JERRY'S HOUSE-DRIVEWAY - DAY

Jerry walks from the his house to the driveway. He is now
wearing his work uniform: A white button up shirt with the
Bashmart Groceries logo stitched into it, and a pair of
black slacks.

He is putting a black apron on over his shirt while
whistling happily as he walks to his car, a 1982 Honda
Accord.

INT. JERRY'S ACCORD - DAY

Jerry guides his car down the streets of his neighborhood,
fiddling with the radio.

The car is littered with trash. Soda can, wrappers, pay
stubs, and napkins are scattered across the passenger side
floor.

"Working at the Car Wash" begins playing on the radio.

Jerry turns it up. He begins tapping on the steering wheel
calm at first. As the song continues Jerry gets more and
more into the song.

Finally the chorus blares out of the radio. Jerry sings
along, but changes some of the words.

JERRY
Workin' at the gorcery store!

Jerry continues dancing around and singing happily

EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY

Jerry pulls his old car into the parking lot. His is the
only car in the parking lot.

He pulls into a spot and shuts off the engine.

EXT. BUILDING-FRONT ENTRANCE - DAY

Jerry walks up to the big steel door leading into the
building. He seems ready to start his day. Not your
typical attitude before starting a work shift. He pulls the
door open.

INT. BAR - DAY

We see Jerry sitting at a bar stool talking to the BARTENDER
behind the bar.

We realize this isn't the grocery store, Jerry has gone to
the bar first!

The bartender slides a beer in Jerry's direction.

NARRATOR (VO)
I know, I know. What self
respecting man drinks this early
in the morning?
(beat)
Well my friends I'll tell you; The
type of self respecting man whom
isn't self respecting at all. I
hate my job, but I love beer.

BARTENDER
Ready for another fun day Jer?

Jerry smiles.

JERRY
Ahh fun indeed.

Jerry drinks his beer slowly, delaying the inevitable of
work.

BARTENDER
You know you really should just
suck it up and go to work every
morning.

NARRATOR (VO)
That's the bartender. I've been
coming here for the past year but
he's never bothered to tell me his
name. Come to think of it, I'm
pretty sure he only knows mine
because of my name tag.

The bartender washes some glasses left over from the night
before.

JERRY
Why? Work sucks.

BARTENDER
Well look at it this way. If you
didn't come here every morning you
could sleep in another hour.

NARRATOR (VO)
He's got a point.

Jerry stops drinking his beer.

JERRY
You're kind of a sucky bartender.
You know that?

BARTENDER
I strive to please.

The bartender finishes his cleaning and walks around the
bar. He sits down next to Jerry.

JERRY
Seriously though, what kind of
bartender tries to turn away his
customers.

BARTENDER
I only try to turn you away.

The bartender smiles.

JERRY
Why? I even dress up for you every
day.

Jerry motions to his work uniform.

BARTENDER
Ha, if that's dressed up I don't
want to see your casual apparel.
(beat)
Look around you Jerry.

We finally get a good look at the rest of the bar. It is
completely empty, not another customer in the bar.

JERRY
Yeah?

BARTENDER
Damnit Jerry I have to open the
bar just for you every morning. Go
to work.

Jerry tips his glass and gulps down the rest of his beer.

JERRY
Fine.

Jerry stands and begins the long walk on his way to work.

BARTENDER
Have fun!

The bartender smiles.

JERRY
See you tomorrow.

The bartender shakes his head, and mumbles to himself.

BARTENDER
Son of a--

EXT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-PARKING LOT - DAY

NARRATOR (VO)
Ahh, Bashmart. The place where
dreams are smashed into the ground
each customer walks upon.
Otherwise known as my employer.
(beat)
This is where our epic tale
begins. So sit back and enjoy. I
do however reserve the right to
stop and narrate at any time so
don't get to comfortable without
me.

There are four cars in the parking lot.

Jerry's car is parked closest to the store. He gets out of
his car, shoulders slumped over, and walks to the front
entrance.

Looming over the automatic doors of the front entrance is
the large "Bashmart" sign, greeting each customer.

INT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-BREAK ROOM - DAY

The break room is small and cramped like a jail cell for
grocery employees. There is a circular table in the middle
of the room. A small microwave sits atop the table, and
lockers line the walls.

The walls are covered with posters related to grocery
information. A minimum wage poster hangs above the time
clock on the wall as if a constant reminder of how under
paid each employee is.

Jerry pulls his time card out of its slot on the wall and
methodically swipes it through the time clock, effectively
"punching in."

The time on the time clock read: 12:32.

Within seconds of Jerry punching in a voice booms over the
intercom.

JAKE (VO)
Jerry to the front office please,
Jerry front office.

Jerry rolls his eyes and exits the break room.

INT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-FRONT OFFICE - DAY

The office is small but less cluttered than the break room.
There is a desk at one side of the room. Next to it is a
file cabinet. behind the desk are two out of date
computers. There are two chairs sitting in front of the
desk.

Jake Bendrik, store director, sits behind the desk smugly.
Jake is a small man with slicked back black hair. It looks
like someone spread grease through his hair with a butter
knife.

Jerry opens the door and walks into the office.

JERRY
Jake, nice to see you. How's your
morning going Jake? What did you
need me for Jake?

JAKE
What the hell? Quit saying my
name.

JERRY
Ok sir, I apologize sir. What did
you need me for sir?

Jake clenches his fist in frustration. He takes a deep
breath, then un-clenches.

JAKE
What time is it Jerry?

Jerry looks at his wrist, which contains no watch. He
shrugs.

JAKE
Sit down Jerry.

Jerry sits down in one of the chairs in front of Jake's
desk.

JERRY
I should probably get to work sir.

JAKE
Jerry its 6:35. Exactly thrity--

Jake stops and sniffs the air.

Jerry looks around to see what Jake is sniffing at.

JAKE
Have you been drinking?

Jake shoots Jerry a disgusted look.

JERRY
Oh no Jake, a lot of people make
that mistake. I actually have
been using a new mouth wash and
its really strong.

Jake's not buying it.

JAKE
Would this be beer flavored mouth
wash?

Jerry knows he's caught but quickly comes up with a new
plan. He scrunches his face up as if remembering a painful
memory.

JERRY
Aw, you caught me sir. I..I
(beat; sadly)
Me and my wife separated last
week, and its killing me.

Jake suddenly gets very angry.

JAKE
Damnit Jerry, you don't have a
wife. You don't even have a
girlfriend. No surprise though.
Your nothing but a drunk slacker.

Jerry pretends Jake's words hurt his feelings.

JERRY
Jake that's really painful. Below
the belt. I don't think I want to
talk to you anymore.

Jerry turns and begins to leave.

JAKE
Just get to work Jerry, and quit
being late.

Jerry smiles to himself as he walks out of the office.

INT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-FRONT LOBBY - DAY

Jerry walks through the front lobby heading to the rear of
the store.

The lobby is covered with displays of juices, chips, sodas,
and assorted condiments.

Right smack in the middle of the lobby forcing every
customer to look at it is the company mascot in cardboard
cut-out form: Basher the Bashmart price basher. It looks
like the character Kirby from the video games with enormous
arms holding a large mallet.

Standing peacefully under Basher's mallet is a small price
tag as if to indicate Basher is going to "bash" the price.

Jerry walks past the cardboard cut-out and shakes his head
in disgust, smacking Basher in the head as he passes.

Suddenly a voice yells from behind him.

Jerry turns to see MR. GREGORY, a long time shopper at
Bashmart. An annoying shopper at that.

Mr. gregory has one foot in the grave, the man looks as if
he is 95. He walks with a hunch and has little hair
covering his wrinkled head. Somehow he manages to see,
apparently not well, without glasses.

10.

MR. GREGORY
Excuse me! I can't seem to find
the milk. Can you tell me where
it son?

Jerry sighs deeply.

JERRY
Sir, you just walked into the
store. I highly doubt you were
able to complete or even begin
your search. But being the
customer service minded gentleman
I am I will direct you toward the
milk as I have directed you every
day before.
(beat)
The milk is on the far wall in the
back of the store under the giant
sign, visible from here, that
reads: Milk.

We pan around to reveal the giant milk sign in the back of
the store visible from the front entrance.

Jerry turns and walks away.

MR. GREGORY
Thank you thank you, you've been
very helpful.

As he walks away Jerry puts on a fake smile.

JERRY
You're welcome, have a great day
sir.

INT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-GROCERY BACK ROOM - DAY

The grocery back room is like many other back rooms
containing an inventory. On the wall opposite the back room
entrance is a group of metal shelves containing what seems
to be an endless supply of product.

To the left of these shelves is a large GREEN BALER. A walk
in milk cooler sits opposite the baler.

To the left of the baler is more product. This product sits
on top of pallets rather than on shelves. Its as if during
the grand idea of placing back stock on shelves the
idealists became lazy and threw the rest onto pallets.

11.

Sitting on a milk crate lazily next to the baler with a six
wheeler of boxes ready to be baled is NATHAN SHERTAN. Nathan
(21) is a produce clerk as evident by the large stack of
apple and orange boxes on his six wheeler.

Nathan has a buzzed head and a thick goatee running all the
way under his chin. He is as always sporting his usual
black apron, complete with produce knife sticking out of the
pocket.

Jerry walks into the back room through the swinging double
doors.

Nathan quickly jumps up off the milk crate.

            JERRY
      (in a British
       accent)
Hello!

Nathan realizes it's Jerry and sits back down on his milk
crate.

Jerry walks up and leans on the six wheeler.

NATHAN
Jerry you gotta be quicker with
the code. I want to be able to
not have to jump out of my chair
everytime that door opens.

Jerry puts his hands up in fake defense.

JERRY
Sorry, I'll be a little faster
with the accent.

Jerry starts tossing the produce boxes into the baler.

Nathan sees this and out of obligation stands and helps.

NATHAN
Five 'o clock?

JERRY
As always, maybe even three as
well.

NATHAN
We should probably take less
breaks huh?

12.

JERRY
Why? Jake's whole day is one big
break. He's our influence, let's
follow suit.

NATHAN
I like the way you think.

The milk cooler door suddenly opens and ALEX FRANCIS walks
out.

Alex (22) is very young looking, clean shaven face, glasses.
He however does not strike one as nerdy. He has a
confidence about him.

JERRY
Ladies, the milk boy emerges from
the crazy box.

Nathan and Alex both smile.

ALEX
Still sane for now. especially
since I'm out of here.

Nathan and Jerry suddenly get jealous.

NATHAN
Lucky bastard.

ALEX
Yeah you try getting up at four in
the morning then tell me how lucky
I am.

Jerry and Alex both look at each other and nod.

JERRY
Yeah, he's got a point.

Alex pats Jerry and Nathan on the shoulder and walks out
onto the sales floor in his escape.

ALEX
(while walking)
Later guys.

JERRY
Hey poker tomorrow?

Alex stops to answer.

13.

ALEX
Yeah I can actually stay up late.
I'm off on Tuesday.

Alex smiles.

JERRY
Yeah get out of here grandpa.

Alex leaves.

The six wheeler is now empty. Nathan looks at Jerry and
Jerry look back at Nathan.

NATHAN
Back to work?

JERRY
(reluctantly)
Yeah I guess.

Nathan wheels his six wheeler through the back room on his
way to the produce back room.

Jerry grabs an open six wheeler and begins loading it up
with product.

GREG CORTEZ walks into the back room just as Nathan walks
off.

GREG
(mexican accent)
Slacking off as usual I see.

JERRY
What? I keep this place running.

GREG
I saw that you forgot to fill the
bread last night.

JERRY
Damn it Greg. You come in here
every day and tell me that I
forgot to fill something, that I
actually did fill.

GREG
Yeah well, you didn't fill it as
good as Earl.

14.

JERRY
Yeah right I probably filled it
better.

GREG
Oh yeah, I had another complaint
from a cutomer who said you were
rude. She said you told her to
call Edwin Basherton at home and
ask him to lower prices?

JERRY
Man, she wouldn't stop hastling me
about the prices here. We don't
have control over what we charge.
How the hell can these people not
understand that?

GREG
It doesn't matter, you have to
stop pissing off customers. Jake
wants to make a change. I'm
sticking up for you but Jake wants
to make a change.

JERRY
Ah, Jake's famous "make a change."
He's not man enough to say
demote, or fire. He uses the
great phrase "make a change." But
you told him not to right?

GREG
Yeah of course. I'm always
looking out for you.

INT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-FRONT OFFICE - DAY

Greg and Jake are sit in the office. Jake is playing some
sort of computer game while Greg reads the newspaper.

Neither is focusing on what the other says to much.

JAKE
So..uh, you think we should make a
change with Jerry?

GREG
What? Oh...yeah, yeah. Change,
whatever.

15.

JAKE
I'll give him another week.

INT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-GROCERY BACK ROOM - DAY

Jerry begins loading his six wheeler again.

JERRY
Yeah I'm sure you told him.

GREG
Always do.

Greg walks off.

INT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-AISLE 5 - DAY

On one side of aisle 5 the shelves are full of vegetables.
On the other the shelves are full of juices.

Jerry stands in the middle of the aisle with his six wheeler
stocking some apple juice.

A customer approaches Jerry.

CUSTOMER 1
Do you have any more green beans
in the back?

Jerry stops what he is doing to answer the customer.

JERRY
No ma'am, as you can see we even
have a sign clearly posted.

Suddenly we can see the empty shelf spot with a sign printed
on white paper reading: "We are out of green beans, sorry."

MINUTES LATER:

A new customer approaches Jerry.

CUSTOMER 2
Hey you got any of them green
beans?

Jerry now stocking some Gatorade, cocks his head to the side
in disbelief.

JERRY
No sir we are out until tomorrow.

16.

CUSTOMER 2
Uh, well when you gonna have some
more?

JERRY
What? Are you serious, I just
said tomorrow.

CUSTOMER 2
Hey I don't need no attitdue.

Jerry directs his attention back to stocking the shelf.

SECONDS LATER:

A customer whom obviously had to be within hearing distance
of the previous customer approaches Jerry.

CUSTOMER 3
Hey I was wondering if you have
anymore green beans.

Jerry drops his now empty box on the floor and stares at the
customer for a few seconds before answering.

JERRY
You just heard me tell the other
guy we are out.

CUSTOMER 3
I'd feel a lot better if you could
check in the back for me.

Jerry shakes his head in anger and walks to the back room.

INT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-GROCERY BACK ROOM - DAY

Jerry rounds the corner out of sight of the double doors to
the back room and stops. He leans against the wall to the
milk cooler and rests.

BRENT CHVESKI walks into the back room.

            BRENT
      (in a British
       accent)
Hello!

Jerry knows the code and doesn't even move.

Brent (17) walks up to Jerry.

17.

Brent is a small skinny kid with long rock star style blond
hair. He is a skater kid and has a pair of incredibly tight
pants on.

BRENT
What are you doing?

Jerry looks up.

JERRY
Looking for something for a
customer.

BRENT
Ah, gotcha.
(beat)
Hey do we have anymore green
beans?

JERRY
No damn it. Did I write the sign
in a language other than english?

BRENT
I was just messing with you man, I
saw the sign.

Jerry finally decides his search has taken long enough and
walks toward the double doors.

BRENT
God speed.

This draws a chuckle from Jerry right before he exits the
back room back onto the dreaded sales floor.

INT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-PRODUCE BACK ROOM - DAY

The produce back room is much smaller than the grocery back
room.

There is a large walk in cooler on one wall containing all
the cold produce products. Opposite the cooler is a large
sinking for washing veggies and things like that.

Next to the sink is a long table with a plastic wrapping
machine and a weighing machine on it.

Jerry stands next to the table opening a bag of tortilla
chips.

18.

Nathan come in through the produce double doors carrying a
bag of guacamole dip.

Nathan slaps it down on the table next to Jerry and slices
the package open with his handy produce knife.

Jerry looks around and quickly finds a fruit tray. he grabs
it and places it down next to the guacamole.

Nathan pours the contents of the bag onto the fruit tray and
both employees commence dipping their chips.

JERRY
You know this is why everyone says
we're lazy. I blame it on the
customers though.

NATHAN
I know, they're really bad today
huh?

JERRY
If they weren't so dumb I wouldn't
mind being on the floor doing my
job you know.
(beat)
It's like the Great One once said,
"if it wasn't for helping
everyone, I wouldn't mind my job."

NATHAN
Who? Gretzky?

JERRY
No, God

Nathan laughs.

Suddenly the intercom comes to life.

MANAGER (VO)
Nathan dial 101 please, Nathan
101.

Nathan finishes up a chip then picks up the phone hanging on
the wall next to him and dials.

MANAGER (VO)
I have a customer here who is
looking for boxes. Do you have
any?

NATHAN
Uh..

19.

Nathan leans over and looks toward the corner of the room by
the double doors. Sitting in the corner is a stack of eight
boxes.

NATHAN (Cont'd)
No sorry, no boxes back here.

Jerry laughs as Nathan hangs up the phone.

Not five seconds after Nathan hangs up the intercoms roars
to life again.

MANAGER (VO)
Jerry please dial 101, Jerry 101.

JERRY
Damnit, you know its the same
question. Why can't these people
just shell out the cash over there
at U-Haul and buy some boxes.

Jerry pulls the cordless phone he carries off his belt and
dials.

INT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-DAIRY CASE - DAY

Jerry is in one of the doors to the dairy case facing the
product forward, making it look presentable.

The store is busy with customers all around him.

A rather large woman waddles up to Jerry holding a gallon of
milk.

LARGE WOMAN
Do you have a later date than
this?

Jerry stops facing and looks at the date on the milk jug.

JERRY
Later than the 15th?

The woman stares blankly at Jerry.

LARGE WOMAN
Uh, yeah.

JERRY
Ma'am, that's fifteen days away.

20.

LARGE WOMAN
So do you have a later date?

CUT TO:

Jerry gets very angry and grabs the milk out of the woman's
hands. He rears back with the jug and brings it down hard
on her head.

Milk pours out all over the woman's body as she falls to the
ground.

CUT TO:

Jerry is still standing in front of the large woman
pondering his answer.

We realize the previous scene is only what Jerry would have
wanted to do.

JERRY
No, that is actually the ultra
pasteurized milk which allows for
the latest dates possible.

The woman angrily walks back to the milk doors to put the
milk back.

LARGE WOMAN
Well that's just great, who can
honestly drink a whole gallon of
milk in two weeks!

Jerry ignores her and goes back to facing the department.

The woman begins to put the milk back onto the shelf but
stops half way and looks over in Jerry's direction.

Once she realizes he isn't looking the woman lets the milk
teeter on the edge of the shelf before letting it fall to
the ground.

The plastic tears open splashing milk across the floor.

The woman looks shocked and upset.

LARGE WOMAN
Oh, I'm really sorry about that,
it slipped.

Jerry knows what really happened and grits his teeth.

21.

JERRY
Don't worry I'll take care of it.

The woman walks away with a smug smirk on her face.

Jerry pulls the cordless phone from his belt and presses a
few buttons. The intercom beeps to life.

JERRY
(over the intercom)
I need a wet mop clean up in front
of the dairy please, wet mop clean
up in front of the dairy.

Jerry shakes his head in disgust and returns to his job at
hand; facing the dairy.

INT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-BREAK ROOM - DAY

The break room is now cluttered with employees on their
lunch break.

Sitting in the corner of the room on a metal chair reading a
book is BETTY SANFORD. Betty (62) is an elderly cahsier
whom has worked for Bashmart for years. She has gray hair
and is very nice, like a grandmother.

Somehow Jerry and Nathan managed to snag a couple chairs at
the table before the break room got too crowded. They are
both eating Hot Pockets.

Sitting across the table from them is TYLER HANCOCK. Tyler
(21) is cocky and arrogant, but likable somehow at the same
time. His peach fuzz covered face actually makes him look
younger than he actually is.

TYLER
Dude I'm telling you pregnant
women are hot.

NATHAN
You only say that 'cause Tara got
pregnant.

TYLER
No way man. Although she is still
very hot no matter how large she
gets.

Jerry and Nathan both laugh.

22.

JERRY
See.

The break room door opens and TARA TANNER enters the room.
Tara (26) is very, very pregnant, ready to pop pregnant. She
still looks good though for being pregnant.

TARA
Everyday with you guys.

She looks down at the Hot Pocket in front of Jerry and
Nathan as she swipes her time card.

JERRY
What?

TARA
The Hot Pockets. Don't you eat
anything else.

NATHAN
No, we work at a grocery store and
the only good thing to eat are Hot
Pockets. how wrong is that.

Tara turns and faces the table to continue the conversation.

TARA
I'll tell you what's wrong. The
customers. They drive me nuts.
Rude, obnoxious, just all around
not nice people.

Everyone nods agreeing.

Suddenly out of the blue Betty pipes up.

BETTY
I hate them, they all suck! All
of them!

Everyone looks over at Betty surprised.

After speaking her mind she quickly goes back to reading her
book.

Suddenly Brent burst into the room. He is holding a
Mountain Dew.

BRENT
(excitedly)
Yeah buddy, I won a free soda!

23.

Brent hold his hand up for a high five.

Nathan stands and high fives him. Both act overly
obnoxious.

BRENT
Word!

NATHAN
Holla!

The finish their celebration and Nathan sits back down.

NATHAN
Hey well why don't you give me a
free swig?

Brent tips the soda up to his mouth and begins chugging. he
outstretches his arm in Nathan's direction holding the cap
that shows his winning fortune.

Brent continues to chug until the soda is 3/4 of the way
gone, all the while holding the cap out in Nathan's
direction.

Nathan realizes the amount of back wash that has probably
floated back into the bottle and changes his mind.

NATHAN
Uh, nevermind.

Brent finishes drinking and caps the bottle.

BRENT
Dude, some lady just now yelled at
me. She yelled man for no reason.

NATHAN
No reason at all?

BRENT
Well she was yelling something
about us being out of something
or...yeah I don't know. I kind of
just walked away while she was
talking.

Jerry suddenly stands up violently knocking his chair over.

Everyone stares at him.

24.

JERRY
That's it! We need to do
something about this. the
customers have no respect and
takes us all for granted.

TYLER
What can we do?

JERRY
Trust me I'll figure something
out. Do you all think you can
help me organize an employee only
meeting for tomorrow morning, no
managers?

Everyone nods.

INT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-FRONT OFFICE - NIGHT

Alone in the office Tara prints off copies of a flyer.

We close on the flyer. It is a memo to all employees
calling for an employee only meeting no managers.

One copy after another spits out of the printer.

INT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-GROCERY BACK ROOM - NIGHT

Jerry tapes a few memos to the walls in the back room.

The memo calls for the meeting to be tomorrow at 8 am.

INT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-PRODUCE BACK ROOM - NIGHT

Nathan tapes copies of the memo to the walls in his
department.

INT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-MEAT DEPARTMENT - NIGHT

The meat department back room is basically a giant cooler.
There are saws, and tables throughout the room. Meat sits
on racks lining the walls.

Tyler tapes the memos up in his respective department.

25.

INT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-BREAK ROOM - NIGHT

Brent tapes copies of the memo up in the break room.

INT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-FRONT OFFICE - NIGHT

Jerry is now in the front office. he sits on top of Jake's
desk next to Tara.

Tara is sitting in the chair of course because she is the
pregnant one. She is on the phone.

TARA
(into phone)
I just wanted to let you know we
are calling a mandatory employee
only meeting tomorrow morning.

On the desk in front of Tara is a schedule. Tara along with
Jerry's help is calling all the employees who won't see the
memo in time, to let them know of the meeting.

INT. JERRY HUNTLY'S HOUSE-LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Jerry's living room has a large leather couch in the center
of the room. In front of the couch is a coffee table. A TV
sits in front of the coffee table. Two end table adjoin
each side of the couch. a lamp sits on top of one a phone
sits on top of the other.

Jerry has a yellow legal pad on the coffee table in front of
him. He is trying to come up with a plan of action for
tomorrow's meeting.

Jerry is struck with an idea and begins writing furiously
into the pad. We can't see what he writes.

INT. ALEX FRANCIS' HOUSE-LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Alex's living room isn't very large. There is a fold-up
type table set up in the center of the living room.

The couch is pushed back to make room for the table.

Sitting around the table are Jerry, Alex, Nathan, Tyler,
Brent, and NEWBIE.

Newbie (19) is a tall skinny kid. He has a shaved head and
is wearing a Nascar shirt.

26.

Everyone has cards in front of them and poker chips.

Jerry picks up his cards as does everyone else.

JERRY
Alright guys I got it.

ALEX
Got what?

Jerry looks at his cards. He is holding two aces.

TYLER
Oh yeah, you weren't there for
Jerry's big revelation.

Jerry smiles and pushes his entire stack of chips into the
pot.

JERRY
All in. Thats right and I now
know what that revelation meant.

Everyone looks at their cards in disgust. Everyone except
for Newbie.

NEWBIE
What the fuck are you talking
about?

Newbie matches Jerry's stack of chips in the pot. Everyone
else folds.

NATHAN
Well what's your plan? We got the
meeting organized.

Alex deals out the cards onto the tble face up. Ace, King,
King, Two, Four.

He looks up confused.

ALEX
What meeting?

Newbie looks excited at the cards.

JERRY
You'll be at work anyways, but we
called and employee only meeting
for tomorrow morning.

27.

ALEX
Why?

JERRY
Let's just say that I don't want
to lay down for the customers
anymore. I'm going to flex my
muscle.

NEWBIE
Flex this!

Newbie lays down his cards. He has a King and a 7.

NEWBIE
Yeah, what!

Jerry lays down his full house, dramatically as if
symbolizing his "muscle flexing."

EXT. COUNTRY HILLSIDE - DAY

Rolling hills spread the entire scene, covered with trees
and grass.

Suddenly on the horizon a group of shadows appear.

Dust is stirred up behind these shadows as they grow closer.

We can now see that they are what looks like medievel
barbarians running and riding horses. They are all carrying
crude weapons such as stakes, clubs, flaming sticks, and
even swords.

The lead barbarian rides his horse ahead of the group. He
is carrying a giant banner that flows behind him. On the
banner is the logo for Bashmart.

EXT. BAR - DAY

The bartender stands looking at his watch wondering whether
Jerry is going to show up.

INT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-GROCERY BACK ROOM - DAY

The back room has been transformed into a meeting room.
Metal chairs are sprawled out across the floor.

Every employee in the store is in the back room, sitting in

28.

the chairs.

By the back door are two of the larger Bashmart employees.
They are acting as bouncers, making sure no manager is
allowed into the meeting.

Standing in his lead position at the front of the crowd
Jerry calls everyone to attention.

JERRY
Alright, I'm sure everyone is
wondering what the reasoning is
behind being called into work so
early on a Monday morning. I'll
tell you.
(beat)
I hate each and every fucking
customer that walks through our
front doors. I know you all
agree.

Everyone seems confused, but most nod.

JERRY
Everyone has experienced the
rudeness of a customer at least
once and probably more than
once...per day. I say why? Why
do we allow ourselves to be
belittled by these self indulgent,
overbearing, condescending,
assholes with a secret agenda for
making our lives miserable.

One of the employees stands up. EARL KITNER (34) is a large
guy with a beer gut. He looks like he may have been a lot
of muscle at one time, but has digressed into a beer
drinking regiment leaving him with a keg instead of a six
pack.

EARL
You're crazy Jerry. I'll tell you
why we allow the customers to do
what they will. We allow it
because that's what we get paid to
do.

Earl sits down.

29.

JERRY
I don't know about you Earl, but I
thought I was getting paid to
makes sure the shelves stay
stocked.

Jerry continues his speech, but we move our focus to the two
"bouncers" by the back door.

SEAN MILIGNIANO (47) is built like a former body builder.
Even for his age he is still a force.

With Sean is MITCH DRAKE (32). Mitch is bigger than Sean
and looks like he is probably stronger. He has tattoos up
and down each arm and wears spiked bracelets on both wrists.
He has a shaved head to top off the look.

At the window to the back room door a face appears. The
face is pudgy with a consistently stupid look.

The face belongs to BLAKE MAYER (25).

Blake tries to open the door but can't seem to budge it.
Sean and Mitch are both holding the door with their feet.

Blake continues to try, thinking it is a joke.

Finally Mitch moves his foot enough for Blakes head to poke
through the swinging door. Mitch presses on the door again,
trapping just Blake's head in the door.

BLAKE
Hey, hey let me out of here!

MITCH
When I let you out, you're just
going to turn around and walk back
up front to your little office and
pretend like you are doing
something productive. Ok?

BLAKE
Hey, I'm technically your boss,
you need to--

Mitch brings one of his spiked bracelets up right next to
Blake's nose.

Blake suddenly rethinks what he is going to say.

SEAN
He don't work for no one.

30.

MITCH
You should listen to the man.

Sean begins pushing Blake's face trying to get him out of
the back room.

BLAKE
Ugh..I just want to know what you
guys are doing.

SEAN
Back up two steps, use your eyes,
and read the sign schmuck.

Sean gives Blake one last push and Blake's head is finally
pushed through the door and he remains on the other side.

MITCH
No managers.

We now rejoin our hero and the rest of the employees in the
meeting. We can see one person acting weird however.

Earl is looking over in the direction of Mitch and Sean,
watching Blake try to get in.

JERRY
Now my friends the time for my
plan has come.

Earl refocuses on Jerry.

EARL
'Bout time.

Jerry holds up his finger.

JERRY
We strike!

Everyone begins to talk amongst themselves. The crowd is
buzzing.

JERRY
Not against management. We strike
in a new way. We will
revolutionize the way people think
about strikes. We are going to
strike against the customers.

Everyone quiets down.

31.

JERRY
What better way to get back at the
customers than denying them their
ability to shop.

Everyone is still silent.

Jerry looks at each and every employee.

JERRY
Come on Laura, how many times has
a customer come through your line
and blamed you for the price of a
product.

We see LAURA think about the question.

INT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-CASH REGISTERS - DAY

Laura is manning her position at her register, scanning
products.

An elderly man is the customer in front of her.

Laura scans a can of soup. It rings up at $3.99.

ELDERLY MAN
$3.99? It's a can of soup. Why
is that so expensive?

Laura shrugs.

ELDERLY MAN
What? You don't know? How can
you not know? Don't you work
here? $3.99 is ridiculous for a
can of soup. I'm sure Food World
wouldn't charge that. You people
are incompetent.

Laura begins to say something back to the customer than
catches her tongue.

INT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-GROCERY BACK ROOM - DAY

Laura nods realizing how bad the customers can be.

32.

JERRY
And you Norman, what about the
customers that want their meat
sliced to a perfect eighth of an
inch?

NORMAN (44) is a short balding man. He is one of the deli
employees. He thinks of all his hated customers.

INT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-DELI - DAY

Norman is behind the counter of the deli. The deli case is
filled with assorted meats and cheeses.

Behind the counter are cutters, sinks, wrappers, and three
employees.

A GRUMPY WOMAN waits at the counter for Norman to finish
slicing her meat.

Norman finishes and shows her the meat.

NORMAN
Ma'am is this thin enough for you?

The woman takes one look at the meat and shakes her head in
disgust. She stomps her foot on the ground violently.

GRUMPY WOMAN
Do you think I can honestly get
that filth down my throat? For
Christ sake do I need to come back
there and cut it? I said an
eighth of an inch thick exactly.
What you have there my hairless
friend is about a sixth of an
inch, Jesus!

Norman turns back to the slicer muttering under his breath.

NORMAN
(under his breath)
I'll get it down you freakin'
throat.

GRUMPY WOMAN
Excuse me?

Norman turn back to her thinking quickly.

33.

NORMAN
I said uh...and eighth of an inch,
about as thick as my coat right?

The woman flashes a rare smile.

GRUMPY WOMAN
Now you're getting it. And to
think it only took you ten
minutes.

Norman shakes his head and puts the already thin meat under
the slicer. He attempts to slice it thinner.

On the blade's very first pass it nicks Norman's finger and
he begins bleeding.

NORMAN
Son of a bit--

INT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-GROCERY BACK ROOM - DAY

Norman nods his head with a newly formed scowl on his face.

NORMAN
Yeah that one got me suspended for
a week.

Jerry walks in between the crowd of employees.

JERRY
See this is what I'm talking
about. We all have our stories
about our worst customer.

Everyone is finally seeing things Jerry's way and begins
shouting out the random names of customers they hate.

JERRY
Now tell me, who's with me? Who
is going to strike against the
idiots?

Everyone jumps up out of their seats and cheers.

They're all with him.

All except for Earl it seems. Earl is the last one to stand
up. He doesn't seem very enthusiastic, but manages to agree
with Jerry.

34.

EARL
I'm with you Jerry!

Jerry slaps his hands together.

JERRY
Earl's with us! Now here's what
we need to do.

EXT. COUNTRY HILLSIDE - DAY

The barbarians rumble across the hillside leaving a wake of
trampled earth in their path.

We can now see where they are heading.

A small village lies in their path. The sign leading into
the village reads: Customerville.

EXT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-FRONT ENTRANCE - DAY

As a group of customers wait for the front doors to be
unlocked and the store to open, all of the employees from
the meeting open the door manually and march out one by one.

The customers just follow them with their eyes curiously.

Jerry is the last one out followed by a hurried Jake and
Blake.

JAKE
What the hell are you doing?

Jerry stops an looks at Jake and Blake. He laughs then
begins walking out into the parking lot again.

JERRY
I'll let you know in about ten
minutes.

EXT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-PARKING LOT - DAY

TEN MINUTES LATER:

Brent SCREECHES into the parking lot in his Volkswagen
Beetle.

After Brent swings the car into a parking spot Jerry runs up
to the passenger side.

35.

Brent gets out carrying plastic bags filled with something.

Jerry opens the passenger door and pulls out more bags.

JERRY
Way to come through in the clutch
buddy.

Brent holds up one of the bags obviously making a fist
beneath the plastic.

BRENT
Word!

Jerry bumps fists with Brent in appreciation.

JERRY
(to everyone)
Alright guys time to start!

Everyone gathers around Jerry and Brent.

Jerry and Brent begin pulling poster board and markers out
of the bags and handing them to each employees.

After each and every employees has their poster and marker,
Jerry goes to work on his poster. He has it propped on the
hood of Brent's car.

Jake and Blake just watch standing with their hands on hips
at the store's front entrance.

We can see everyone feverishly working on their signs.

Jerry finishes his sign and walks it up to Jake and Blake.
We can't see the sign yet.

JERRY
Nothing personal guys but this is
what the hell we're up to.

Jerry flips his sign so they can read it and so can we.

It says: Stupid customers I don't like, that is why I need
to STRIKE!

Jake's face goes blank and Blake laughs.

BLAKE
You can't strike.

JERRY
Why not?

36.

BLAKE
You just can't.

JERRY
Says who?

BLAKE
We're not even unionized.

JERRY
So what?

BLAKE
You can't strike unless you belong
to a union.

JERRY
Are you sure?

BLAKE
Well, no. Not really.

JERRY
That's what I thought.

Jerry turns to rejoin his companions in the parking lot.

JAKE
You'll regret this Jerry!

JERRY
Maybe. Oh yeah and don't bring in
any replacements ok? That'll just
ruin my plans.

Jerry smiles as he walks back to the parking lot.

INT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-CASH REGISTERS - DAY

The customers that were outside waiting for the store to
open are now waiting in line for a cashier that is not going
to come.

EXT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-PARKING LOT - DAY

All the employees are finished with their signs and
displaying them proudly for anyone to see.

It is getting later in the day and customers are beginning
to pour into the parking lot.

37.

Jerry is now sitting in a lawn chair holding his sign up
high.

A young woman walks from her car up to Jerry.

YOUNG WOMAN
What's everyone doing?

Jerry turns his sign in her directions and chants.

JERRY
Idiot customers we don't like,
that is why we must strike!

YOUNG WOMAN
That's a cute chant but you know
you can't strike against the
customers right?

Jerry looks around at all the Bashmart employees.

JERRY
From where I'm sitting it looks
like we can.

YOUNG WOMAN
What did we do to you anyway?

Jerry stands up.

JERRY
I'm glad you asked. You are one
of my favorite examples every
week.

INT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-BACK AISLE - DAY

Jerry pushes a six wheeler full of cases of product. A
woman trails behind him yelling.

YOUNG WOMAN
Excuse me!

Jerry ignores her and continues to push his six wheeler.

YOUNG WOMAN
I need some help!

Jerry still doesn't respond.

Finally the woman catches up to Jerry and grabs his
shoulder.

38.

YOUNG WOMAN
(angrily)
Excuse me! Jesus I have been
trying to get your attention for
five minutes.

Jerry turns to face the woman.

JERRY
Ma'am that offends me very much. I
am partially deaf. You should
think before you degrade people.

YOUNG WOMAN
Listen to me now deaf boy, I don't
care whether you are handicapped
or not. You get paid to help me!
So do it!

Jerry grits his teeth and responds.

JERRY
I would love to help you ma'am,
what can I do for you?

YOUNG WOMAN
You can follow me and help me
understand the pricing system your
people seem to employ.

The woman walks to a cooler end display filled with half and
half.

Jerry follows her reluctantly.

The woman picks up a half and half and also picks up the
smaller size.

            YOUNG WOMAN
      (holding up the
       bigger size)
Look why is this size so much more
expensive?

Jerry looks confused.

JERRY
Um, because it's bigger.

YOUNG WOMAN
Yes I understand that but it's not
big enough to justify being twice
the price as this smaller one.

39.

JERRY
What do you mean? The bigger
bottle is 64 ounces, the smaller
is 32 ounces. The bigger is twice
the price because it is twice the
size.

The young woman looks flustered.

YOUNG WOMAN
There's no way this size has twice
as much as the smaller one. No
way!

JERRY
Would you like me to get us a
couple of cups and we can do some
measuring.

YOUNG WOMAN
Don't patronize me. God I will
never shop here again.
(beat)
After I buy my half and half, I
will never shop here again.

EXT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-PARKING LOT - DAY

The woman looks offended by Jerry's story.

JERRY
You lied about never shopping here
again. You shouldn't get my hopes
up like that.

YOUNG WOMAN
I said it then and I'll say it
now. You get paid to be here so
why don't you just do your job.

JERRY
I get paid to assist you and stock
the shelves, not to field an
onslaught of idiotic questions and
rude comments. Your disrespect
has lead to where we are now so
spread the word tell your friends.
Tell them they will change their
ways or never shop in this town
again!

40.

The young woman turns and marches back to her car. She gets
in and drives off.

JERRY
(to the employees)
One down!

Everyone claps.

Everyone that is except for Earl. Earl is sneaking back
into the grocery store.

EXT. COUNTRY HILLSIDE - DAY

The barbarians are now very close to the village. While
riding atop their horses the barbarians carrying bows and
arrows pull back on the strings of their bows ready to fire
flaming arrows into the village.

INT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-FRONT OFFICE - DAY

Jake and Blake are both in the front office. They are now
joined by the rest of the managers. KIP CALINO, produce
manager, GINA ANTONIA, deli manager, MARGRET JENSEN, bakery
manager, Greg Cortez, grocery manager, and DARRYL MARTIN,
meat manager, are all gathered around Jake's desk.

A slight KNOCK at the DOOR, and Earl lets himself into the
office.

Everyone turns and looks at him.

JAKE
Shouldn't you be out there with
your buddies?

EARL
No sir..

GREG
Earl get the hell out of here. I
went out on a limb to get you a
job here, and this is how you
repay me?

EARL
Listen I'm with you guys, you got
to believe me. I want to help.

Everyone becomes quiet.

41.

Jake thinks for a second.

JAKE
Alright how can you help?

Darryl slaps his hands down on Jake's desk in disgust.

DARRYL
That's it! You people disgust me.
Always back stabbing. Jerry and
the rest of them are right. The
customers have no respect and no
right to treat us the way they do.
I'm with them!

Darryl marches out of the office.

Jake waves him off.

JAKE
Don't worry about him, he's
replaceable. Just tell me what
you know Earl.

EXT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-PARKING LOT - NIGHT

Jerry helps everyone pack up their things. There are no
more customers in the lot only the employees.

JERRY
Alright everyone let's be back
here tomorrow bright and early.

Everyone smiles, nods, and heads off to their respective
vehicles.

42.

EXT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-FRONT ENTRANCE - DAY

The parking lot is empty except for a white panel van parked
at the front entrance to the store.

The sliding door of the van opens and out pops Bashmart's
own mascot, Basher, holding his trusty mallet.

Right behind Bahser is another person in costume. This one
is a small price tag.

They both waddle up to the front door and try to get into
the store. The door is locked.

The van peels out leaving the two mascots at the front
entrance.

EXT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-PARKING LOT - DAY

Jerry pulls into the parking lot followed by a green pick up
truck.

Jerry parks his car and the pick up parks next to him.

While Jerry gathers his things inside his car, Jake gets out
of the truck and walks past Jerry's car glaring at him.

INT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-FRONT ENTRANCE - DAY

Basher and the price tag are now standing in front of the
door patiently waiting for someone to open it.

Jake walks up to the front entrance and slows down confused.

JAKE
What the hell is this?

Bahser and the price tag don't say anything.

Jake looks like he remembers something and continues to walk
to the front door.

JAKE
That's right it's our week for the
mascot. Well guys sorry to tell
you this but the store isn't going
to be open today. So you might as
well leave.

Jake chuckles slightly as he walks past Basher.

43.

Once Jake reaches the front door Basher turns and grabs him.
Bahser shoves Jake hard.

BASHER
Hey butt-munch we only get paid as
long as we're here so guess what.
We ain't leaving.

Jake charges Basher and tries to tackle him.

Basher side steps Jake and throws him to the ground. With
Jake trying to get up Basher stands over him with his mallet
pulled back ready to swing.

Jake cowers in fear.

JAKE
Whatever, OK, do what you want.

Basher puts his mallet down to his side.

Jake quickly gets up and lets himself into the store.

EXT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-PARKING LOT - DAY

Jerry gets out of his car carrying multiple posters. He
walks to the trunk of his car and opens it.

Jerry pulls out a lawn chair and closes the trunk.

Cars begin to pile into the parking lot.

Jerry sets up his lawn chair and sits down.

Alex, who now has a chair also, sets up next to Jerry. Alex
sits down and holds up his sign.

The sign reads: Where's the milk, where's the bread? Kiss
my ass you should be dead!

Jerry reads the sign and laughs. Jerry points at Basher and
the price tag by the front entrance.

JERRY
What's that?

Basher has started his routine, bashing the price tag in the
head with his mallet.

The price tag's legs buckle with each hit.

Alex responds in a "Game Show Host" voice.

44.

ALEX
That's everyone's favorite price
bashing macot, Basher.

Jerry nods.

The rest of the employees begin filing into the parking lot.
Most of them have lawn chairs like Jerry's.

Tara walks up holding her stomach like most pregnant ladies
do for some reason.

TARA
So what's the plan today Jerry?

JERRY
We do the same thing we did
yesterday. The customers can't
shop here if we aren't inside.

TARA
But how are we ever going to end
this strike. Won't the customers
just go to other stores?

Jerry smiles.

JERRY
You let me worry about that. I
made some calls.

Tara walks back to her chair as Mitch approaches.

MITCH
Why don't you just let me beat the
crap out of every customer that
comes to the store?

JERRY
We're not trying to kill them
Mitch. We just want respect
remember?

Mitch shrugs.

Blake walks past Jerry and Mitch on his way into the store.
he glares at them.

Mitch does a fake lunge at Blake to scare him.

It works. Blake flinches and almost trips over his own
feet.

45.

EXT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-FRONT ENTRANCE - DAY

Blake walks to the front door staring at Basher and the
price tag.

With each hit from the mallet, the price tag lets out a
small groan.

Basher looks up at Blake.

BASHER
What?

EXT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-PARKING LOT - DAY

The day's first customer arrives. It is a middle aged
woman.

She walks up to where Jerry and Alex are sitting, talking on
her cell phone.

            MIDDLE AGED WOMAN
      (into phone)
Is there anything oozing?
      (beat)
It just itches? Well I'm no
doctor but stay away from me with
that!

She hangs up and looks at all of the employees in the
parking lot.

MIDDLE AGED WOMAN
Now what the hell is this? Slacker
convention?

Jerry looks up at the woman.

JERRY
No but thank you for helping prove
my point of why we need to do
this.

ALEX
Hey I remember you.

MIDDLE AGED WOMAN
Good for you. One gold star for
Mr. Memory.

46.

ALEX
Yeah you're the lady that makes
baggers cry. I remember when I
was a bagger I would avoid you and
send other baggers to bag for you.
(beat)
You're a bitch.

INT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-CASH REGISTERS - DAY

A somewhat younger looking Alex bags groceries for a
cutsomer checking out at one of the cash registers.

He looks up and notices the middle aged woman next in line.

Alex quickly finishes bagging for his current customer and
hustles over to the next bagger at the cash register next to
his.

ALEX
Hey can you take the next customer
over there. I got to take a piss.

The bagger walks over unsuspectingly and begins bagging for
the middle aged woman.

BAGGER
Plastic ok for you?

The woman shoots the bagger a glare.

MIDDLE AGED WOMAN
What happened to the times when a
nice young man would ask if I
would like paper or plastic? Now
all I get the option for is
plastic. I'll tell you what I
want. I want paper inside of
plastic.

The bagger sighs and begins trying to put a paper bag inside
of a plastic one. As he does this the groceries needing
bagging begin piling up.

Finally the bagger gets the bags set up. He begins placing
the groceries in the bags quickly because he is behind now.

The middle aged woman sees the bagger make a fatal mistake.
He put meat in with a loaf of bread.

47.

MIDDLE AGED WOMAN
WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH
YOU!

The bagger stops, shocked that the woman would yell at him.

Everyone at the front end of the store looks at her.

MIDDLE AGED WOMAN
You idiotic baggers couldn't bag
your own penis! I might as well
bag my own groceries. Who taught
you that is was ok to put meat
with bread. What if the blood
leaks on my bread? I think I'll
come back and shove it down your
throat. See if you like it! Get
out of my way I can do it myself!

The bagger suddenly breaks down and begins crying. He runs
out of the store crying.

EXT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-PARKING LOT - DAY

The woman is surprised someone has actually told her of her
flaws.

ALEX
Oh yeah, glad I'm not here to
serve you today.

MIDDLE AGED WOMAN
So what, you're all on strike
against us?

JERRY
Bingo.

MIDDLE AGED WOMAN
Idiots!

The woman walks off.

As the woman walks away Jake strolls up to Jerry.

JAKE
We've all seen the movies that
promote laziness under a false
pretence of some injustice done to
the employees. Your blatant
disregard for company policy and
the service part of the phrase
(MORE)

48.

JAKE (cont'd)
customer service is enough to make
Kevin Smith himself stand up and
applaud.

Suddenly a man off on the far end of the parking lot stands
up out of his lawn chair and begins clapping. The man looks
a lot like the familiar Kevin Smith.

JERRY
Who's that?

Jake and Alex look over at the man.

ALEX
That's just crazy George, our
local homeless guy. He's always
here.
(beat)
And he's got my other lawn chair.
That bastard!

Alex jumps up out of his chair and runs full speed toward
crazy George.

Crazy George sees him coming and tries to run away with the
chair.

It's too late Alex is there already. Alex dives forward and
tackles crazy George like an all-pro linebacker.

JAKE
Anyways, I am going to make a
phone call and I think this little
game of yours will be over very
soon.

JERRY
Who you gonna call?

Suddenly Nathan pipes up from off screen.

NATHAN
Ghost Busters!

Jake shakes his head.

JAKE
If you must know I am going to
call Edwin Basherton himself.

Jerry pretends to be frightened for a second.

49.

JERRY
Actually that's good. I want him
to see this. It will be funny to
see his reaction.

JAKE
Yeah we'll see how funny it is
when you get all you friends
fired.

EXT. COUNTRY HILLSIDE - DAY

Suddenly all of the barbarians stop. Dust is stirred up by
the quick stop.

Each of the barbarians look at one another. The lead
barbarian shrugs.

The rest follow his lead and shrug.

All of the barbarians again begin running toward the village
with a murderous look in their eyes.

EXT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-PARKING LOT - DAY

A white news van pulls into the all but vacant Bashmart
parking lot.

The employees all stare at the news van curiously.

A news crew jumps out of the van. A REPORTER, a CAMERA MAN
and a PRODUCER all approach the group of employees.

REPORTER
Who is the organizer of this?

Jerry stands.

JERRY
That would be me.

REPORTER
(to the news crew)
Ok guys, over here.

The news crew gathers around Jerry.

PRODUCER
Get the camera ready.

50.

JERRY
I figured you would be here sooner
or later.

REPORTER
Well you did call us.

JERRY
Yeah so you're here sooner.

REPORTER
Ok are we ready?

The producer nods.

            REPORTER
This is..
      (beat)
Um....
      (beat)
This would be where you say your
name.

JERRY
Oh sorry, Jerry Huntly.

REPORTER
This is Jerry Huntly, representing
Bashmart Grocery Store. Jerry let
me ask you the question that has
to be on all of your customers'
minds, what are you doing?

JERRY
Well as it probably appears, we
are on strike.

Alex run right in front of the camera screaming.

ALEX
Kiss my ass!

Jerry chuckles.

REPORTER
You all seem to be a very mature
bunch.

JERRY
We were mature enough to organize
a store wide strike weren't we?

51.

REPORTER
Ok then why?

JERRY
Why what?

The reporter sighs.

REPORTER
Why are you on strike?

JERRY
Oh well you of all people should
know why we are doing this.

REPORTER
What do you mean?

JERRY
Come on you don't remember?

REPORTER
No?

JERRY
You're a clasic bump and runner.

REPORTER
Me? A what?

JERRY
A bump and runner.

INT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-AISLE 2 - DAY

Aisle two is the baking aisle, shelves packes with flours,
sugars, spices, and oils. There are stacks of product on
display throughout the floor.

Jerry is casually stocking some olive oil while the reporter
shops with her shopping cart.

Not paying attention the reporter pushes her cart right into
an aisle display of glass bottles of vegetable oil.

Four bottles of the vegetable oil fall to the ground
splashing all over. The reporter acts as if nothing
happened and hurries down the aisle trying to escape.

Jerry looks over at the mess and shakes his head.

52.

As the reporter nears the end of the aisle she bumps into
another aisle stack. This one of boxes of powdered sugar.

The powdered sugar spills all over the floor.

Again the reporter acts like she didn't do anything and
leaves the aisle.

EXT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-PARKING LOT - DAY

The reporter is looking a little uneasy now.

REPORTER
Accidents happen.

JERRY
Accidents, ha! I have kept a
running tab of your quote unquote
accidents. One hundred and forty
seven...
(beat)
In six months!!!

The reporter turns to the camera man.

REPORTER
That's it cut it.

PRODUCER
No, no this is good stuff Ms.
Clumsy.

The reporter gets very angry.

REPORTER
(angrily)
Cut it!

The camera man looks over to the producer.

PRODUCER
Alright cut it. We're airing this
though.

REPORTER
Aghh!

The reporter storms off toward the news van.

The producer shakes hands with Jerry then strolls over to
the news van.

While walking away the producer laughs to himself.

53.

PRODUCER
Bump and runner.

Nathan walks up to Jerry.

NATHAN
Was that the bump and runner?

JERRY
Oh yeah a very angry bump and
runner.

NATHAN
What was she interviewing you for?

JERRY
Let's just say phase two is now
underway.

INT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-FRONT OFFICE - DAY

Earl burst into the office to find Jake and Blake playing
paper football.

Jake quickly sits up in his chair and adjusts his tie.

Earl has a stack of papers in his hands.

JAKE
What's this?

EARL
Your answer to our problem.

Earl slaps the papers down on the desk.

BLAKE
Why exactly are you helping us end
this?

Earl laughs.

EARL
Corporate back stabbing, dirty
attacks and employee sabotage.
What do you think?
(beat)
Duh, I want to be promoted.

Blake nods.

54.

JAKE
So explain.

EARL
I did some checking and we can of
course bring in replacements, but
if the strike continues we can
have them all fired. Unless they
are unionized they cannot legally
strike against their employeer.

JAKE
I like the way you think. If this
works consider yourself the new
fourth highest manager.

BLAKE
Hey that's my position.

JAKE
Shut up you!

EXT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-FRONT ENTRANCE - NIGHT

Basher is laboring,but still bashing the price tag on the
head.

Jerry walks up to Basher.

JERRY
Hey we're pretty close to calling
it a night, you should probably
think about packing it up too.

BASHER
You don't tell me what to do...

Basher swings his mallet at Jerry narrowly missing his head.

BASHER
But you're right, I think my buddy
the price tag is getting tired.

55.

Jerry walks away back into the parking lot.

Basher stops bashing the price tag, but the price tag
doesn't move. Basher pushes the price tag and it falls
over.

The price tag doesn't move as it lays on the ground.

Basher looks around quickly then grabs the price tag's feet.
He pulls the price tag off screen quickly.

INT. ALEX FRANCIS' HOUSE-LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Alex, Jerry, Nathan, and Tyler are sitting on Alex's couch
drinking beers, watching TV.

ALEX
So I got a kind of serious
question about your plan.

Jerry continues watching TV as he responds.

JERRY
What's that?

ALEX
What if they bring in
replacements?

Jerry looks over to Alex.

JERRY
We can't be replaced. Read my
lips there won't be any
replacements.

EXT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-PARKING LOT - DAY

Jerry and the other employees gather in a circle in the
parking lot.

There are plenty of cars in the parking lot, not belonging
to employees. The store looks like it is up and
functioning.

Jake strolls up to Jerry with a cocky smile on his face.

JERRY
What the hell is going on?

56.

JAKE
We hired replacements, have fun
with your..
(does air quotes)
..strike.

Jake walks off laughing.

Suddenly Jake is hit in the back of the head with a soda
can. He grabs his head,looks back at the employees who all
look guilty, then continues walking back to the store.

Alex pushes Jerry.

ALEX
What the crap man?

JERRY
Don't worry we'll..

Everyone glares at Jerry.

JERRY
I'll figure it out. Phase two is
about to get under way.

Two cars pull into the parking lot. A man wearing a Harry's
Market shirt gets out of the first car. His name tag say
his name is BURT.

A woman wearing a Home Fix-Up Store uniform gets out of the
second car. Her name is PHILIS.

They both walk up to Jerry.

JERRY
What's up guys?

BURT
I don't know about here, but I'm
here to strike with you fine
folks.

PHILIS
That's why I'm here too. The rest
of my store's employees are on
their way too.

BURT
Mine too.

JERRY
This is great.

57.

Jerry shakes both Burt and Philis' hand as Tyler walks up to
him.

TYLER
What's this?

JERRY
Harry's is in, and so is Home
Fix-Up.

Tyler looks surprised.

TYLER
They're going to strike with us?

Jerry nods.

TYLER
Sweet!

Suddenly lines of cars begin filing into the parking lot.
All the employees from Harry's Market and Home Fix-Up have
arrived.

JERRY
The more stores we get involved,
the less places for the customers
to shop. Alright now I just have
to get rid of these replacements.

Mitch and Sean walk up to Jerry.

MITCH
You want us to beat the crap out
of them?

JERRY
No, damn it. You guys go stand
over there.

Jerry glances around the parking lot looking for a solution.
He notices all of the replacements cars and gets an idea.

Jerry grabs Tyler's shoulder.

JERRY
Hey does that cousin of yours
still live near here?

TYLER
Who? Manuel?

58.

JERRY
Yeah.

TYLER
No he died.

Jerry looks kind of shocked.

JERRY
Oh god I'm sorry.

TYLER
Yeah, yeah very upsetting. His
brother, my other cousin is still
alive and kicking though.

JERRY
Well is he into the same things as
Manuel was?

TYLER
Not so much the balet, but the
stealing and beating the crap out
of people, very much into that.

JERRY
Alright good, you think he'll help
us?

TYLER
Do you have a churo?

JERRY
Um, I could get one.

TYLER
Then he'll help us.

EXT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-PARKING LOT - NIGHT

Jerry and the rest of the employees are comfortably sitting
in their lawn chairs, trying to divert customers from
shopping.

The replacements walk out into the parking lot, done with
their shifts.

They look around the parking lot confused.

Every single replacement workers' car is gone.

They look over at Jerry and he just shrugs.

59.

NATHAN
So you think this will work?

JERRY
We'll see tomorrow. The customers
don't deserve help and hopefully
they won't have any tomorrow.

EXT. COUNTRY HILLSIDE - DAY

The barbarians are now at the entrance to the village,
rushing toward the customers of Customerville whom have all
come out to see what the commotion is about.

EXT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-PARKING LOT - DAY

Jerry arrives later than the rest of his co workers. he
joins them in the parking lot.

The store is dark and there are no extra cars in the lot.

Everyone is smiling.

JERRY
Hey hey, we did it!

Everyone claps.

The first customer of the day arrives and walks up to the
group of employees.

The customer is a young banker, wearing a suit.

YOUNG BANKER
I thought it was safe to shop here
again.

JERRY
You thought wrong suit boy. Tell
all your idiot friends to show us
respect or never shop again. You
can't beat us!

EXT. COUNTRY HILLSIDE - DAY

The barbarians are now in the village. They attack the
villagers.

The barbarians with clubs smack the villagers in the head as

60.

they ride and run by.

The archers launch their flaiming arrows into roof tops and
torsos alike.

The villagers try to run but there is nowhere to go.

The battle is on.

EXT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-PARKING LOT - DAY

The parking lot is still filled with the regular Bashmart
employees but is now also filled with employees from varius
other retailers.

A very upset Jake, along with EDWIN BASEHRTON, the big man
himself, walks up to Jerry and his loyal band of followers.

ALEX
Holy shit, that's Edwin. They
look pretty pissed.

TYLER
You don't think they'll fire us
will they? They can't right?

Jake pokes Jerry in the arm violently.

JERRY
What? Upset 'cause we won? Nice
to meet you Mr. Basherton.

Edwin crosses his arms in anger. He doesn't speak but
glares at Jake, signalling him to speak on his behalf.

JAKE
Ha! Won? Try lost miserably.
You're all fired.

Jake looks at Edwin. Edwin nods agreeingly.

Jerry's face goes white.

All the employees are shocked.

Hearing this, all of the employees not belonging to Bashmart
run away.

JERRY
Shit.

Jake turns to walk away.

61.

JAKE
You have ten minutes to get out of
here. You're all loitering.

Tara comes waddling quickly up to Jerry. She grabs him by
the collar.

            TARA
      (pointing to
       stomach)
Jerry! You see this?
      (beat)
It's not bread in the oven. A
baby is going to pop out of here.
I can't lose my job!

Jerry shakes himself free and runs his hand through his
hair, thinking.

Everyone begins yelling at Jerry agreeing with Tara.

JERRY
I'll figure something out.

Everyone packs up their sign, lawn chairs, and all other
belonging and head to their cars.

JERRY
I will I promise!

The only people left with Jerry are his friends, Nathan,
Alex, and Tyler.

While everyone is leaving Brent's Beetle comes flying into
the parking lot.

Brent gets out of his car and runs to meet Jerry.

BRENT
What'd I miss?

Nathan shakes his head.

JERRY
Listen, I already have my first
idea.

INT. BAR - DAY

Jerry, Nathan, Alex, Tyler, and Brent are all highly drunk
by now.

62.

Jerry puts his arms around Alex and Tyler and sings a
drunken tune.

JERRY
(singing)
We have no job, maybe we should
rob, something not too far,
perhaps even this stinking bar!

The bartender doesn't think its very funny.

BARTENDER
Stinking? Why's my bar gotta be
stinking? I let your underage
buddy drink in here and this is is
how you repay me? Call my bar
stinky, I think it smells good.

The bartender motion toward Brent.

Jerry slurs his words.

JERRY
Underage? That's Pancho
Ranchito...
(beat)
...from, uh, Spain, no wait,
Mexico!

BARTENDER
I know the ID's fake. I just felt
bad for you guys, losing your jobs
and all.

ALEX
We lost our jobs?

Alex looks up quickly, a little too quick. He falls
backwards off his bar stool.

BARTENDER
Alright that's it, I'm calling you
guys a cab. You're done. Wait
outside. I don't want you puking
in here.

Jerry helps Alex up from the floor and everyone stumbles
toward the door.

Alex looks drunkenly at Jerry.

ALEX
I was fired?

63.

They all open the door and head outside.

As they are about to leave the bar Alex turns back to the
Bartender.

ALEX
Can I have a job here?

Jerry pulls Alex through the door.

The Bartender shakes his head.

EXT. BAR - DAY

The group stubles drunkly onto the sidewalk outside the bar.
The ground is littered like any other sidewalk in front of
a bar.

Tyler gathers everyone around.

TYLER
Hey you..you guys. We should show
those bastards who's boss.

NATHAN
Yeah show them they can't fire us!

Alex looks up at Nathan in a drunken daze.

ALEX
You got fired? I'm sorry buddy.

Alex promptly leans over and pukes.

JERRY
I'm in!

BRENT
Yeah me too...

Brent falls over and leans his back against the wall to the
bar.

BRENT
Nevermind.

Alex picks up an empty beer bottle from the ground.

ALEX
Let's bust some shit!

64.

Jerry, Nathan, and Tyler pick up bottles too. Brent passes
out on the wall.

TYLER
Let's go!

EXT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-FRONT ENTRANCE - NIGHT

Jerry, Alex, Nathan, and Tyler all stumble up to the
Bashmart front entrance.

Newbie walks up to the entrance from a different direction
carrying handfull of rocks.

JERRY
Hey! It's Newbie! Whatcha doing
man?

Newbie throws a rock at the front door.

NEWBIE
Throwing rocks!

Everyone yells excitedly and drunkenly.

Jerry, Nathan, Alex,, and Tyler all rear back and throw the
beer bottles at the same time.

The bottles smash on the sliding glass front door to the
store.

TYLER
Yeah, you like that? I got some
more where that came from.

The door slides open to reveal Earl standing in the doorway.
He has his hands on his hips.

JERRY
What the hell? Earl?

EARL
That's right vagrants. I'm going
to have to ask you to leave the
premises. No loitering.

Earl points to a sign that says no loitering, no
skateboarding, and no bikes.

Right in front of the sign is a skateboarder doing tricks
and a guy on a bike doing "wheelies."

65.

ALEX
What about those guys?

EARL
They're cool, you suck. You need
to leave.

JERRY
You were supposed to be on our
side. What are you doing?

EARL
Getting promoted, that's what.

As soon as Earl finishes his sentence, Blake, now wearing a
janitor's jumpsuit, walks across the store behind Earl,
pushing a mop and bucket.

Earl looks back at Blake for a split second. Blake just
hangs his head.

JERRY
You sold us out to get Blake's
job?

EARL
That's why you're there and I'm
here. You don't know the know the
infrastructure of a retail
management system. There are no
real good workers. It's a matter
of who you screw and when you do
it. Back stabbing and shit
talking just happen to be my
specialty, so I'm here.

JERRY
So all the time we worked
together, you've been plotting
against me?

The corners of Earl's lips curl into a sinister smile.

INT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-GROCERY BACK ROOM - DAY

Jerry loads a six wheeler with cases of product.

Earl walks up.

EARL
Hey Jer, what do you think of
Jake, just between me and you?

66.

Jerry stops and thinks for a second.

JERRY
Between you and me, I think he is
the laziest guy I have ever known.
He thinks he has earned a
position in which he doesn't have
to do anything. What he doesn't
realize is that he was supposed to
have earned a position of more
responsibility and more pay. Pure
laziness.

Earl nods and smiles.

INT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-FRONT OFFICE - DAY

Jake sits at his desk looking at the lap top screen in front
of him.

Earl burst into the room and Jake quickly shuts the lap top.

JAKE
What's up Earl?

EARL
Just thought you might want to
know what Jerry thinks of you.

JAKE
Ok let's hear it.

INT. JERRY HUNTLY'S HOUSE-BEDROOM - DAY

Jerry is under the blankets on his bed. Used tissues are
scattered across the bed. Juice rest on his night stand. A
bottle of cough medicine lay on the bed next to his pillow.

Jerry is on the phone and looks really sick.

JERRY
Earl, I'm not going to make it in
today man. I'm really sick.

INT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-GROCERY BACK ROOM - DAY

Earl hangs up the cordless phone. Next to him is Greg
Cortez.

67.

EARL
Hey Greg, Jerry just called in. He
says he's sick, but he not. He's
probably just hung over or
something.
(beat)
Uh, yeah actually I think I saw
him out at the bar last night.

Greg looks pissed but jut nods.

EARL (VO)
Hey!
(beat)
Hey drunk guy!

EXT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-FRONT ENTRANCE - NIGHT

Jerry shakes his head and comes out of his daze.

EARL
What the hell are you doing?
Anyway I forgot to tell you guys.
I called the cops before I came
out here.

Everyone shrugs Earl off thinking he is making it up.

RED ad BLUE FLASHING LIGHTS light up the parking lot. Police
SIRENS WAIL.

Jerry and everyone turns around to see police cars speeding
into the parking lot.

Tyler takes one look at the police cars and books it off the
other direction.

Alex tries to run but trips over his own feet.

Nathan runs...right into a police car.

Newbie tries to take one of the police cars vacated by an
officer chasing Alex. He doesn't succeed and is arrested.

Jerry doesn't run. He turns casually and punches Earl right
in the nose.

Earl falls to the ground as blood gushes out of his nose.

Jerry is grabbed from behind by a police officer and hand
cuffed.

68.

NARRATOR (VO)
Hmmm, maybe I screwed up. maybe
the reason I hated my job wasn't
the customers. Maybe it was the
managment?

EXT. CUSTOMER VILLAGE - DAY

The barbarians stops beating the villagers.

They all help the villagers up from the ground and dust them
off.

Each barbarian can be heard saying: "Sorry, so sorry, our
bad."

The barbarians retreat from the village.

LEAD BARBARIAN
Let's attack Manager Island!!!

INT. JAIL CELL - NIGHT

The jail cell is dark and damp. A toilet sits alone in the
corner.

Jerry sits huddled up on his cot afraid of something.

Across the cell sitting on the other cot are three large
men. One is a BALD HILLBILLY, and the other two are TWIN
BLACK MEN. The twins are huge. All three are smiling.

BALD HILLBILLY
(southern accent)
You got pretty arms.

Jerry quivers.

TWIN ONE
I like his small body. I like 'em
small.

TWIN TWO
I like 'em quiet so I think I'm
gonna have to knock him out first.

All three men stand up and walk to Jerry's cot hovering over
him.

Jerry screams.

69.

INT. JAIL CELL - DAY

Jerry wakes up screaming.

JERRY
AHHHHHHHH!

It was just a dream.

Jerry's real cell mate, a skinny white guy with a mullet,
jumps up and against the wall at the sound of Jerry
screaming. This is JOBO. jobo has a southern accent and is
100% redneck at heart.

JOBO
Man shut the hell up, what are you
doing?

Jerry sits up in the cot and looks around quickly. Once he
realizes the three men aren't in the room he feels his ass
just to make sure.

Once he figures out he was just dreaming he lets out a big
sigh.

JERRY
Oh God, how long have I been
sleeping?

JOBO
All damn night. And boy was I
glad. You didn't even put up a
fight.

Jerry suddenly looks horrified.

Jobo tries to keep a straight face but he can't. He busts
up laughing.

JOBO
Man you should have seen your
face. Come on I was joking. You
rookies don't know what really
goes on in here. For the most
part the jail butt sex is nothing
more than an urban legend. You'll
get the occasionally idiot who
thinks he has to come in here and
do a guy in the butt his first day
to be a bad ass, but that's rare.

JERRY
God quit talking about butt sex.

70.

JOBO
You brought it up.

JERRY
No I didn't.

JOBO
You kind of did. But anyways my
name's Jorgen Boober.
(beat)
Yeah I said Boober. That's why I
go by Jobo.

Jerry laughs and shakes Jobo's hand.

JERRY
So how long am I going to be in
here?

JOBO
This is just the drunk tank,
you'll be out in a couple hours.
They just want you to be sober.

A GUARD walks up to the cell.

GUARD
Jerry Huntly?

JERRY
Yeah.

GUARD
Store's pressing charges on you
boy. You ain't getting out of
here for a long time.

The guard walks off.

JOBO
And sometimes I'm wrong. Looks
like you're S-O-L man.

Jerry lays back on his cot thinking to himself.

JOBO
Why don't you tell your story.

JERRY
The whole thing.

71.

JOBO
Unless you want to talk about butt
sex again.

Jerry quickly responds, obviously not wanting the
alternative.

JERRY
So I work at this grocery store...

EXT. TARA'S HOUSE-FRONT YARD - DAY

A now sober Tyler creeps through the grass toward the front
door to Tara's house.

He reaches the door and looks around before KNOCKING.

Tara opens the door.

Tyler quickly forces his way in, to Tara's surprise.

INT. TARA'S HOUSE-LIVING ROOM - DAY

The living room is large but covered with new baby things,
like a crib, toys, diapers, changing table.

Tyler looks at the stuff then looks at Tara who is still
pregnant.

TARA
Baby shower.

Tyler nods.

TARA
What the hell are you doing Tyler?

TYLER
I need your help, they all got
arrested.

TARA
What? Who?

TYLER
Jerry, Nathan, Alex, and Newbie.

TARA
How? Here sit down.

They both sit down on Tara's couch.

72.

TYLER
We were drunk and threw bottles at
the front door to Bashmart. Earl
is a big sell out and the cops
came and now I'm a fugitive.

TARA
Calm down they probably don't even
know who you are and probably
don't care so you can stop
worrying about that. We need to
get them out though.

TYLER
Hey where's your man?

TARA
Kicked him out for good he's a
piece of shit.

Tyler raises his eyebrow.

TYLER
Oh really?

They both gaze into each other's eyes for a long while.

TARA
Not now Tyler, we have to help
your friends.

INT. JAIL - DAY

Tara and Tyler run up to Jerry's cell.

JOBO
Hey baby!

Jerry punches Jobo in the arm.

JERRY
Not this one, she's my friend.

TYLER
Jerry we're going to get you guys
out.

JOBO
Really? Hey thanks that's really
nice of you.

73.

TARA
Not you.

JOBO
Damnit.

TYLER
We'll be right back, you'll be out
of here in no time.

Tara and Tyler run off.

INT. JAIL CELL - DAY

Jobo sits up straight on his cot and looks at Jerry.

JOBO
Listen you were trying to help
your friends and fellow employees,
that's more than most would do.
I'm going to help you out here.

JERRY
How?

JOBO
Ever heard of Johnson Bradley and
Boober?

JERRY
No?

JOBO
Yeah it was probably mostly the
name that hosed us out. But
anyway I used to be a lawyer
before I became a drunk. Which
surprisingly aren't too different
from each other. Both lead to
long nights of hating yourself.
That's not the point though.

JERRY
Well what is the point?

JOBO
Ever heard any of our state's
superior court rulings within the
past ten years?

74.

JERRY
No that kind of thing bores me.

JOBO
Boring maybe, but definitely
important in your current
situation.

JERRY
Well I'm not bored now.

JOBO
That's mostly my striking
personality though. I'm a very
interesting fellow. Anyway you
said they fired all of you after
you went on strike right?

JERRY
Yeah, they hired replacements
first, but we took care of them.

Jerry laughs to himself.

Jobo gets up quickly and looks around in a paranoid fashion.

JOBO
You can't be saying stuff like
that in here. The fuzz is
probably listening.

JERRY
The fuzz? Who calls them the
fuzz?

JOBO
Boy, would you please pay
attention for two seconds. JH
Christ!

JERRY
Alright tell me what you know.

JOBO
Alright in 1997 the Superior Court
ruled on a case very similar to
the one you find yourself in. Now
with this ruling comes your
salvation my friend.

Jerry stands up, very interested now.

75.

JERRY
Go on.

JOBO
The court ruled that a unionized
group could not be fired--

JERRY
But we aren't unionized.

Jerry sits down dejected.

JOBO
God damnit, man, dang, do you
listen like ever? Shut up and let
me finish.

JERRY
Ok ok my bad.

JOBO
In 1998 another case arose, also
very similar to yours. This case
however very more to your benefit.
The court ruled that any group of
employees from any establishment
is automatically considered a
union. That is as long as they
collectively band together in
their action.

JERRY
So since we were all as one when
we went on strike we were actually
a union?

JOBO
Exactly and you were fired
illegaly. I smell a law suit.

Jerry runs to Jobo and hugs him, lifting him off the ground
happily.

JERRY
Jobo, you are the man. Thank you.

Jobo struggles uncomfortably in Jerry's arms until he
wriggles free.

JOBO
Man what the hell are you doing. I
am not comfortable sharing my
emotions with men. All that stuff
(MORE)

76.

JOBO (cont'd)
about jails and it being an urban
legend. I was lying, that crap
happens all the time. I don't
like it. I don't like it at all.

Jobo crouches in the corner of the cell, facing the wall. He
pulls his knees to his chest and leans his head down.

Jerry slowly walks away from Jobo toward the cell door just
as Tyler and Tara return.

JERRY
Hey, uh, thanks Jobo.

TYLER
Hey you're out buddy!

The guard walks up and opens the cell.

Jerry walks out.

INT. JAIL - DAY

Jerry, Tyler and Tara, are now joined by Nathan, Alex, and
Newbie.

JERRY
So how'd you get us out?

TYLER
My girl Tara has connection man.
She is the one who did it.

Tara looks at Tyler.

TARA
No we did it.

Tyler gazes back at Tara. They lean in toward each other.

Closer....closer.

They kiss.

From the background we hear Alex.

ALEX (OS)
Get a room!

77.

INT. DINER - DAY

The diner is fifties style with lots of metal and old style
jukeboxes.

Jerry, Alex, Nathan, Tyler, Newbie, and Tara are all sitting
at a booth.

Tyler has his arm around Tara as they both obviously are
into each other now.

NATHAN
Hey, you got your pregnant chick.

Tyler punches Nathan in the arm as Nathan laughs.

JERRY
Ok listen up. We need to get
everyone together. I know how we
can get our jobs back.

Everyone looks over surprised.

NEWBIE
How?

JERRY
My boy Jobo in the cell told me.
We were fired illegally.

TARA
Really?

JERRY
Yeah I guess there was this court
case that says we were actually a
union once we organized to strike.
And a union can't be fired.

ALEX
How do you know he wasn't lying?

JERRY
Um..
(beat)
I don't.

NATHAN
Hey my Dad works in a law office.
I'll call him.

Nathan pulls out his cell phone and dials.

78.

            NATHAN
      (into phone)
Hey Dad, I got a question for you.
Was there a court case saying
that any group of employees that
organize a srike automatically
become a union?
      (beat)
Yeah
      (beat)
Ok
      (beat)
Uh huh.
      (beat)
Alright good.
      (beat)
Great, thanks Dad, talk to you
later.

Nathan hangs up the phone.

NATHAN
Yeah, that dude was totally lying.
There was no court case and we
weren't a union.

Jerry's eyes go wide.

JERRY
What!!!???

Nathan laughs.

NATHAN
No, I'm messing with you man. It's
true we were fired illegaly.

Everyone except Jerry laughs.

JERRY
Jerk!

Jerry punches Nathan in the arm.

NATHAN
Ouch! Man I was just joking. Stop
hitting me in the arm.

JERRY
Alright we need to get a hold of
everyone and then the fun part
begins.

79.

TYLER
The fun part?

Jerry smiles.

JERRY
Telling Jake's dumb-ass he fired
us illegaly.

INT. JERRY HUNTLY'S HOUSE-LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Jerry sits at his couch with his cell phone ready. Alex
sits next to him also with his cell phone.

On the coffee table is a paper with a list of phone numbers.

Jerry dials.

Alex dials.

INT. NATHAN SHERTAN'S HOUSE-LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Nathan's apartment living room is small but big enough for
him. He has two reclining leather chairs and a love seat. A
small TV sits alone on a small entertainment stand.

Nathan sits in one of the leather chairs stretched out. He
has a cup filled with Jim and Coke in one hand and his cell
phone in the other.

He looks down at a piece of paper on his lap with phone
numbers. Nathan dials.

INT. NEWBIE'S HOUSE-KITCHEN - NIGHT

Newbie's kitchen is large with a dining area combined. There
is a tall counter with bar stools beneath it.

Newbie and Brent are sitting at the bar stools eating
sandwiches.

Newbie grabs the cordless house phone from the counter and
looks down at a paper on the counter.

Brent is already on his cell phone.

NEWBIE'S MOM walks into the kitchen and smacks Newbie in the
head, then promptly walks off.

Newbie rubs his head confused.

80.

INT. TYLER'S HOUSE-LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Tyler has a large L-shaped couch in his living room and a
big screen TV. Other than that the living room is pretty
much empty.

Tyler sits on his couch next to Tara. Tyler is holding a
piece of paper with phone numbers on it.

Tara looks at Tyler. Tyler looks back.

Tyler throws the paper and leans in for a kiss.

They begin rolling around the couch, as Tyler struggles to
make out with Tara. Her belly keeps getting in his way.

INT. JERRY HUNTLY'S HOUSE-LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Jerry finishes up his final call and hangs up the phone.

Alex is already done, watching TV.

JERRY
Alright, I hope everyone else got
their calls done.

ALEX
What's our next move? We meet
everyone tomorrow morning in the
store parking lot, then what?

JERRY
Then we get our jobs back.

ALEX
No law suit?

JERRY
Not unless douche-bag refuses to
give us our jobs back.

ALEX
What about Earl? That two faced,
back stabbing, piece of shit
doesn't deserve to be a manager.

JERRY
Don't worry, he won't be once we
are done.

Jerry smirks.

81.

EXT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-PARKING LOT - DAY

Jerry pulls his old Accord into the virtually empty parking
lot. He is the first one there.

Jerry gets out and leans against his car.

The other employees start to file in.

Nathan meets Jerry next to his car, followed by Alex and
Newbie.

Tyler pulls his car into the parking lot. He gets out and
walks around to open the passenger side door.

Tara jumps out of Tyler's car and they both meet Jerry.

Jerry looks at the two of them.

JERRY
You guys didn't? You couldn't..

TYLER
No way, I could hardly get around
this thing to kiss her.

Tyler pats Tara's stomach softly.

Brent skids his car into the parking lot and parks right
next to Jerry's car. He gets out and greets everyone with
high fives.

The rest of the employees walk up to Jerry. They still seem
skeptical.

TYLER
Oh shit, Jerry. I never called
the numbers on my list. I was
kind of busy.

JERRY
I knew you wouldn't. Me and Alex
handled it.

Earl walks up to the group.

EARL
What the hell is going on here?
You all were fired. No loitering.

JERRY
Don't worry about us Earl. We
just need to talk with Jake.

82.

EARL
Don't worry, I'll be calling him.

Earl turns to walk away.

JERRY
Oh yeah, Earl you got something on
your nose.

Earl keeps walking but rubs his nose just in case.

JERRY
Alex you remember what to do
right?

ALEX
Got it.

JERRY
Alright go now.

Alex runs to the front entrance and enters the store.

INT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-FRONT LOBBY - DAY

Alex sneaks into the store looking out for Earl.

He grabs a red hand basket and begins grabbing product from
the displays in the lobby. He grabs anything he can find to
put into the basket.

Earl walks out of the front office.

Alex dives behind one of the displays.

EXT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-PARKING LOT - DAY

A customer pulls into the parking lot. The customer gets
out of her car.

It is the reporter. She walks up to Jerry.

REPORTER
I thought you all got fired?

JERRY
We did.

REPORTER
Oh, well that sucks. Anyways you
should know, I am going to try to
(MORE)

83.

REPORTER (cont'd)
be a little more...
(beat; sighs)
courtious while shopping.

JERRY
That's good, I'm sure it will be
appreciated.

BRENT
Yeah no more clean ups for me.

The reporter actually cracks a smile before walking into the
store.

NEWBIE
Hey so what is Alex doing?

JERRY
You'll see. I want it to be a
surprise.

INT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-CASH REGISTERS - DAY

Alex, still holding the red basket full of grocery products,
hides at a register while Earl walks away from the front
desk toward the bathrooms.

Alex makes his move. He runs up to the front desk and
sneaks into the front office.

INT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-FRONT OFFICE - DAY

Alex looks around the office. He notices the stapler on the
desk and throws it into the basket.

He opens the drawer to Jake's desk and grabs everything. He
puts it all in the basket.

Alex takes one more look around the office and stops when he
sees the picture of Jake's wife.

He smiles.

EXT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-PARKING LOT - DAY

Mitch walks up to Jerry.

JERRY
Hey Mitch, I haven't seen you in a
while.

84.

MITCH
Jerry, you're lucky I didn't kick
your ass when you got me fired.
You better be for real this time.
How are you going to prove to Jake
that he couldn't fire us?

As Mitch finishes an old brown van pulls into the parking
lot. Everyone looks at the van.

Jobo jumps out of his van. He looks clean, with a nice
suit. His mullet is slicked back nicely.

Jobo walks up to Jerry.

JOBO
Jerry thank you.

They shake hands.

TYLER
How the hell?

JERRY
I pulled some strings.

Jobo reaches into his suit pocket and pulls out on envelope
of papers. He hands it to Jerry.

JOBO
There you go buddy.

JERRY
So did you get your old job back?

JOBO
Not exactly. I'm a go-for now.
And right now I have to go for
coffee.

JERRY
Alright thanks again Jobo.

Jobo runs back to his van and leaves.

Alex comes running out of the store carrying the full
basket. He runs to Earl's red Cavalier.

ALEX
Hey someone get this open for me.

Brent runs to Earl's car.

85.

BRENT
Don't worry I got this.

Brent pulls a slim jim from his pants.

ALEX
I don't even want to know.

Brent slides the slim jim into the door and pulls up
quickly. the door unlocks with a loud POP.

Before opening the door, Brent hold up one finger, pausing.

BRENT
And.....
(beat)
We cue the applauce.

Brent gives himself golf claps.

ALEX
Alright back up, let me put this
stuff in there.

Brent moves and Alex opens Earl's door. He tosses the
contents of the basket into the passenger seat, then locks
and closes the door.

Alex and Brent run back to the group just as Jake pulls into
the parking lot.

JERRY
Alright showtime.

Jake walks fast paced up to Jerry. He is very angry.

JAKE
What the fuck are you doing here
damn it? You are fired, don't you
get that concept? That means you
don't come back here bugging the
crap out of me.

JERRY
Actually none of us are fired
Jake.

JAKE
Quit being a dumb-ass and get out
of here. We can have you arrested
again.

86.

JERRY
Is that a threat Jake? You don't
want to add threats to your law
suit.

JAKE
My what?

NEWBIE
Your law suit, you deaf bastard!

JERRY
Alright Newb, calm down.

JAKE
Law suit for what?

JERRY
Wrongful termination.

Jake is now curious.

JAKE
Ha, I fired you legitimately. We
went through the steps.

JERRY
Well our boy Earl hosed you out on
those steps. He made them up or
something, cause they are bull.

JAKE
Don't try to bluff me. I have been
bluffing people my entire life.
Lying is what my career is built
on, and guess what. I can spot a
bluff a mile away.

JERRY
Well you aren't a mile away Jake.
Maybe your vision is blurred
because I'm not bluffing. You
can't fire a union.

JAKE
Now I know you're full of shit.
Bashmart is non-unionized.

Jake regains his confidence and begins to walk away.

JERRY
1998 the Superior Court ruled that
any group of employees coming
(MORE)

87.

JERRY (cont'd)
together for the purpose of a
strike was to be considered
unionized in this state.

Jake stops, turns around, and walks right up to Jerry. He
grabs Jerry by the collar.

JERRY
Hey uh, Mitch, you want to handle
this?

Mitch grabs Jake from behind and lift him clear off the
ground. He turns and sets Jake down a good five feet away
from Jerry.

JAKE
How do I know you aren't making
this all up.

JERRY
You can read about it right here.

Jerry hands Jake the folder containing the Court ruling
documents.

Jake opens the folder and reads for a minute.

Finally he looks up no longer confident or cocky.

JAKE
What exactly do you want?

JERRY
Well my guess is that Mr. Edwin
Basherton would be very upset with
you if he found out about this
blunder. So these are our
demands.
(beat)
Everyone gets their old jobs back,
plus a one dollar raise.
Management must respect the work
of each employee. Promotions will
come by means of testing for the
most qualified person, not by ass
kissing and screwing the guy next
to you. And finally this demand
is for me. Earl gets fired.

JAKE
No way. I can probably swing your
demands, but Earl is too good a
worker.

88.

Most of the employees in the parking lot laugh.

JERRY
Yeah when you're around he seems
perfect huh? Well he's not. He
is a thief for one and he sucks at
his job.

JAKE
A thief?

JERRY
Yeah I bet if you take a look at
his car you'll see

JAKE
I think I will.

Jake and Jerry walk over to Earl's car. Jake leans up to
the passenger side window and peers in.

Jake sees all the stolen goods and spots something more
disturbing. The picture of his wife is lying on Earl's
driver seat.

Jake leans back in shock.

Earl comes jogging out of the store.

EARL
Thank God you're here Jake. We
need to get rid of these people.

JAKE
Earl, explain this now!

Jake points at the passenger seat of Earl's car.

Earl looks inside. His eyes become wide.

            EARL
That's not...
      (beat)
How? Who did...
      (beat)
I didn't do it. I swear.

JAKE
Why do you have a picture of my
wife you bastard?

Jake rears back and clocks Earl in the side of the face.

89.

Earl falls to the ground, blood coming out of his
nostrils...again

JERRY
Damn that looked like it hurt.

The employees all cheer.

JAKE
Earl, you are fucking fired!

Off screen we hear a loud yell.

BLAKE (OS)
Yes!!

Blake is standing at the store entrance holding a mop.

JAKE
What are you so happy about. get
back to mopping booger.

JERRY
Booger? I like that.
(beat; seriously)
I still don't like you though. So
do we have a deal.

JAKE
Yeah we have a deal. I want
everyone to get their stuff
together and be here tomorrow
morning. I want this place
running like normal.

Jake storms off toward the store.

Everyone runs up to Jerry and hugs him. They all cheer and
yell happily.

TARA
Jerry you did it! Thank you so
much.

Tara kisses Jerry on the cheek.

TYLER
Whoa, back up. That's my pregnant
lady.

Jerry laughs.

90.

NATHAN
Good job Jer. You ready to get
your job back?

Jerry stares at the giant Bashmart sign for a moment.

JERRY
No, I don't think I am.

Everyone looks shocked.

NATHAN
What are you talking about?

JERRY
I think I'm done dealing with the
stupidity of management here. Not
to mention the customers. It's
time for something new.

ALEX
Where are you going to go man?

JERRY
I don't know yet. Maybe somewhere
with less customers or less
management. I don't know.

INT. BASHMART GROCERY STORE-CASH REGISTER - DAY

Jerry finishes checking out and is greeted by Nathan, Tyler,
and Alex.

JERRY
So has anything changed?

A bagger drops a jar of pickles.

They all look over.

LADY
Damn you! Idiots I tell you. All
of you are idiots. Now I have to
get another jar of pickles. You
get it for me! Don't drop this
one you little piggy!

JERRY
Guess not.

They laugh.

91.

TYLER
So how's your new job?

JERRY
My first day is today. All I know
is I get to wear regular clothes,
so bonus points for that.

ALEX
Yeah unless they are just letting
you wear whatever to take your
mind of the suckiness of the job.

JERRY
Thank you for your confidence, and
on that note I will be off.

NATHAN
Good luck man.

JERRY
Thanks. Hopefully it will be
different from here.

INT. COMPUTER CUSTOMER CALL CENTER - DAY

The call center is large and noisy. Desks are surrounded by
the paper thin walls of cubicles. Each cubicle has its own
person.

Jerry is sitting in one of the cubicles. He has a computer
on his desk, a telephone and a few pencils.

On the computer screen is Solitaire. Jerry is playing
Solitaire, badly.

Jerry is wearing a telephone headset.

He gets a call and answers.

JERRY
(into phone)
Benter Computers customer service,
how may I service you today?

TELEPHONE CUSTOMER (VO)
Well you can take the sexual
undertones out of your voice
because I am a guy. A very
staright guy.

92.

JERRY
(into phone)
Sexual undertones? Uh, alright.
How may I help you sir?

TELEPHONE CUSTOMER (VO)
You can tell me what the hell is
wrong with my computer. The damn
thing doesn't work. You people
sent me a shitty computer that
doesn't even turn on. What the
hell is wrong with this place?

JERRY
(into phone)
Sir, have you checked if it is
plugged in?

TELEPHONE CUSTOMER
What do you think I am? Some kind
of idiot? You're the idiot. Of
course it's plugged--
(beat)
Shit.

Jerry hangs up on the man.

NARRATOR (VO)
Well it's official. All jobs
suck. Enjoy what little bit of
fun you may have at your job
because you may never see that
moment again. If you aren't at
work right now, never go back. If
you are at work, escape now. Take
back your life.
(beat)
Never mind, it's easier just to go
with the flow, no matter how
crappy the flow is.

FADE OUT.

Feedback

From Nicole S. Porter	Date 3/7/2005
I like some of the cracks. However, some of the dialogue is misspelled and/or stilted. Example: "I have been bluffing people my whole life." A lot of lines come across as stilted because you're not using contractions enough; people aren't given real enough dialogue. I enjoy the visuals in Bashmart, however, sometimes there's too much description going on. Less is more here. Overall, it works, it just needs some fine tuning. Good luck.

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