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by Kyle Garrett (kcalikarate@hotmail.com)
Rated: 
Genre: Comedy
User Review: 
This movie is a dark comedy about the interesting things that can go on in your backyard...literally.
A BBQ is being held by two neighbors who have lived on the street the longest, and feel it is their obligation to welcome anyone who wants to come to it. Watch as not everything goes as planned, and this quiet gettogether becomes one massive conundrium (yes big words are used in this movie too ha ha)
This screenplay was written by Kyle Garrett. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED to me. Any use of my script elsewhere without my consent shall make quite the unhappy person, and I know we all don't want that. Thank you.
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THE VANISHING EFFECT
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FADE IN:
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INT. PARK - DAY |
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Camera fades in and does a wideshot of the park and the
people at it having the BBQ |
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A MAN and WOMAN have put together a BBQ for some of their
neighbors at the local park.
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MAN
(to WOMAN)
This has turned out to be
a really great BBQ |
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WOMAN
Yeah I'm suprised we
got some people
to actually show up!
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MAN
At least they
didn't come with
pitchforks this time. |
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MAN #1 and WOMAN #1 give each other a look of relief. |
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The BBQ continues on while an ENTERTAINER is with some other
guests |
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ENTERTAINER
(to people at BBQ)
This sure beats the last
gig where I had
to watch a 12 year
old schizophrenic dog
named Sparky. |
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Four of the guests are sitting down by the fire. They are
telling ghost stories and one of the guests is PARANOID
about being outside. One of the guests is more BRAVE that
the rest because he is older. |
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PARANOID
(to people at BBQ)
Shouldn't we have some
sort of protection
out here in the woods? |
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BRAVE
(to PARANOID)
Dude, we're in the park.
You were just here yesterday
flying a kite. You’re such a wimp. |
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PARANOID
(to BRAVE)
Well at least I'm a cool wimp! |
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2.
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The BRAVE GUY and the 2 remaining guests give PARANOID a
look of belittlement |
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BRAVE
(pointing to SMART
BLONDE)
Man what I wouldn't give
to be with that girl over there |
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Camera cuts to the SMART BLONDE over watching the
ENTERTAINER |
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SMART BLONDE
(to people at BBQ)
So who else here is glad
to almost be out of
High School? |
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ENTERTAINER
(to SMART BLONDE)
Enjoy it while you can.
I'm sure no one wants
to end up like me... |
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SMART BLONDE
(to ENTERTAINER)
You don't have that
bad of a job.
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ENTERTAINER
(to people at BBQ)
I'm not talking about
my job, I mean you
don't want to have to
constantly use the bathroom
and not being able to when
You’re always caught in some
argument with your mother-in
law who could care less about
talking to you in the first place! |
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SMART BLONDE
Yeah your right, I don't wanna
be like you. |
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The guests around her laugh but it's all in good fun. |
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One more guest is slowly starting to doze off by a tree |
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He is very ACCIDENT PRONED and ends up hitting the tree hard
as he falls back onto it. An acorn falls from the tree and
hits him in the head, startling him and making him jump up.
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ACCIDENT PRONED
Who threw that? Oh nevermind.
I knew it was that the whole
time... |
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He gets up and starts to walk over to the fire, but then he
steps on a rock
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3.
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ACCIDENT PRONED
Oh c'mon now, who
puts rocks on the
ground? |
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The MAN and WOMAN are over sitting down talking to each
other in some chairs. |
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MAN
(to WOMAN)
So, maybe we should
do these more often. |
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WOMAN
All depends on whether
you have that kind of
money to pay for the BBQ.
(thinks to self)
Hmm if only the people here
left their wallets out
where I could reach them... |
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MAN
(to WOMAN)
Now you know you
wouldn't do that |
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WOMAN
(to MAN)
When was the last
time you checked your
pants pocket? |
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MAN reaches into his pocket to, of course, find his wallet
missing |
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MAN
I've been bamboozled! |
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MAN frantically looks around for his wallet. |
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WOMAN
(to MAN)
No no it's right here |
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WOMAN reaches into the MAN's other pants pocket and pulls
out wallet |
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MAN
Well...now I could
have done that... |
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MAN and WOMAN share a look of "no you couldn't have", but at
the same time in good fun. |
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The fire that the PARANOID, BRAVE GUY, and the other 2
guests are sitting at is starting to go out
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BRAVE
(notices this
first)
Hey man, I think the fire
is going to go out soon |
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4.
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The SMART BLONDE and ENTERTAINER have also noticed this |
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SMART BLONDE
(to BRAVE)
Yes that's what happens
when chemicals
stop combusting together |
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BRAVE GUY gives SMART BLONDE a look of disgust. |
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BRAVE
(to SMART BLONDE,
sarcastically)
Well aren't you smart |
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SMART BLONDE
Yes, I know. |
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MAN and WOMAN notice some tension rising between the two |
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MAN
(to people at BBQ)
We'll go get some more
firewood. |
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MAN and WOMAN leave the sanctuary of the BBQ and head out in
the opposite direction in hopes of some firewood, and maybe
some moral sanity. |
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INT. PARK - NIGHT |
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Camera fades in with a "20 minutes later" text interval
across the screen. |
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The BRAVE GUY, ENTERTAINER, SMART BLONDE, ACCIDENT PRONED
KID, and PARANOID KID, along with the other remaining guests
are sitting around the burned out fire. The day has turned
to night and it's starting to get very cold. |
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BRAVE
So can someone please tell me why
in the hell all of us are sitting
out here
(boldly)
IN THE DARK. |
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PARANOID
Yeah, I'm with you. I could sure
go for a latte or a cream puff
right about now. |
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BRAVE
(to PARANOID)
Something just ain't right with
you kid. |
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PARANOID
Yeah my parents tell me that all
the time. Guess it means I'm
special. |
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BRAVE
You got that right. |
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5.
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The SMART BLONDE senses some tension between the two and
steps in between them. |
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SMART BLONDE
Now boys if you're going to fight,
at least throw in the other kid
here to make it interesting. |
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ACCIDENT PRONED
Naw, I'd rather find some other
way to end up getting hurt. |
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ENTERTAINER
Aw c'mon, I'll even let one of you
use my inflatable pencil. |
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BRAVE
Hey that sounds cool let me see
th- |
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BRAVE
(cutting off BRAVE)
Enough already. I wonder what's
taking them so long |
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BRAVE
(To BLONDE)
Oh I thought you knew
(sarcastically)
everything. |
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SMART BLONDE
(irrated)
You know what, let me see that
pencil thingie! |
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BRAVE
Ohh I think she likes me. |
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ACCIDENT PRONED
Can't we all just get along? |
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BRAVE
Naw that would be too cliche |
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SMART BLONDE
(agreeing with
BRAVE)
And things like that are
expected... |
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EVERYONE looks at the camera, showing that this movie is the
typical cliche at the time being. |
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The three non-emotion attacted people decide to go check on
the MAN and WOMAN who have now been gone a considerably long
time |
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Each of the remaining is doing something to pass the time,
in hopes someone will come back. |
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The ENTERTAINER is beatboxing to his own beat |
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6.
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The SMART BLONDE is calculating the centripetal force of a
fly taking off from a window. |
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The BRAVE GUY is conspiring to make a move on the SMART
BLONDE and trying to outsmart himself. |
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The PARANOID KID is afraid when he covers up his thumbs on
his hands, that they will disappear and aren't coming back |
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The ACCIDENT PRONED KID sits down in a remote area near the
fire and ends up sitting on a fire-anthill. |
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Camera fades out, zoomed in on the firepit. |
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INT. PARK - NIGHT |
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Camera fades in on EVERYONE sleeping for the night. |
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The MAN, WOMAN, and three guests from eariler, return. The
movement from them wakes EVERYONE up. |
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BRAVE
Where the (hell) **** have you
(startled)
wait a second, I didn't curse!
(angry)
what the fu** mate...errr...ok
ok..where have you been? |
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SMART BLONDE
Yeah, we all thought someone
jumped you or something. |
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PARANOID
Or that maybe someone jumped you! |
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ACCIDENT PRONED
She just said that you moronic
fool. |
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PARANOID
(taunting)
I know I am, but what are you? |
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BRAVE
I sure as hell know I'm smarter
than both of you combined,
(sarcastically)
but never as smart as Ms.
Collateral over here. |
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The SMART BLONDE gives the BRAVE GUY a serious "killer" look
giving the phrase "looks to kill" it's true meaning |
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SMART BLONDE
(to BRAVE)
Ok, I didn't come out
here to get into this
with the likes of you. |
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SMART BLONDE
(To the MAN,
WOMAN, and 3
(MORE)
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7.
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SMART BLONDE (cont'd)
other guests.)
Did you even get any
firewood, or were you
doing something "optional?" |
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MAN and WOMAN are hesitant to answering but finally, |
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MAN
We got back here alive
at least. Doesn't that count
at all? |
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PARANOID
(spooked)
What do you mean
"you got back here alive
at least?" |
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WOMAN
(to PARANOID)
If you don't understand
dear, maybe you should
take some speech classes?
I hear Hooked On Phonics
is starting a new program |
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BRAVE
I think he meant,
see I can be smart too,
that why were
our lives ever in danger? |
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MAN
They weren't. I just thought
maybe if I made it sound
suspenseful, this night would
be worth it after all. |
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MAN laughs his head off while EVERYONE else just stares. |
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MAN
(sighs)
Well, that was refreshing |
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WOMAN
Ok ok we'll actually go get
some wood this time. Just
let me get my lighter first. I
might want to smoke on the way
back. |
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BRAVE
(to WOMAN)
Wait, you've had a lighter
this whole time? Why are
you going to get wood then? |
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WOMAN
(to BRAVE)
Because its helpful to nature
not to pollute the air with smoke. |
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8.
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BRAVE
(boldly and loudly)
Then what is the point
of even having a fire? |
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WOMAN
Well, you can't expect us
to all freeze now, do you? |
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EVERYONE but the MAN and WOMAN have a dumbfounded look on
their face. Nonetheless, the MAN and WOMAN start out once
again in search of some "firewood" and whatever else sort of
spiritual connection with the world. |
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Just as soon as the MAN and WOMAN disappear from sight, a
muffled scream is heard coming from the WOMAN |
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The three non-emotional guests, since they really didn't
connect with anyone else, run after where the voice was
coming from, never to be seen again. At least for the time
being or until I get sick of typing this script. |
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PARANOID
Oh great, now someone
is trying to take my screams
of fear away from me. |
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BRAVE
No, you idiot, that
was a real scream. |
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ACCIDENT PRONED
Ohh yea I know what
that sounds like. |
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The ACCIDENT PRONED KID notices everyone looking at him odd. |
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ACCIDENT PRONED
Wait...
don't go thinking anything
dirty, you sickos |
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SMART BLONDE
Enough of this! Let's go see what
happened. |
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BRAVE
I think we should split up! |
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PARANOID
(to EVERYONE)
Ok, now I know I've seen a
movie like this before, and
splitting up would cause us
to lose the complete
bonding experience
we have going tonight |
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The SMART BLONDE, BRAVE GUY, ACCIDENT PRONDED GUY, and the
ENTERTAINER, who has stayed silent through this whole thing,
are just not feeling the whole "bonding experience". but
then finally, |
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9.
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PARANOID
Plus the fact that one of
us most likely will die. |
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ACCIDENT PRONED
And don't think that just
cuz I have a tenancy to have
the crappiest luck that I'm going
to volunteer to die first! |
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The ENTERTAINER finally has some imput into the situation |
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ENTERTAINER
No one is going to die. All we
have to do is do what I usually
do in a time of crisis. Call
home to the family you have
and beg for $100 in printed cash
just to get you out of the state.
(Pause)
What? It always
worked for me... |
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BRAVE
Yeah...well I think the best bet
would be to look for clues |
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SMART BLONDE
(excited)
Jumping jello bits, look!
footprints
in the grass! |
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BRAVE
I think for the first time
tonight, I'm finally the
smart one. You can't
have footprints in the gr- |
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The BRAVE GUY looks down only to find in complete shame
actual footprints embedded into the grass. |
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ENTERTAINER
I think someone might
want some time alone.
(Pause)
Excuse me. |
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ENTERTAINER takes a plastic cup used for drinks and goes
behind the tree. Use your imagination for what he did there |
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10.
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BRAVE
Ok. we have wasted
enough time already.
Let's start looking for
something else around
here that could
help us find everyone
even though we don't
know them all that
well, except for the people
that put on this BBQ, and even
then we never really knew
their names.
(Pause) |
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BRAVE GUY points to SMART BLONDE and PARANOID KID |
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BRAVE
You and you go check out the path
leading that way. |
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BRAVE GUY points to ENTERTAINER and ACCIDENT PRONED KID |
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You and you don't do anything at all.
No just kidding. Actually, no,
just sit here and keep watch
in case someone comes back. |
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BRAVE GUY points to himself |
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BRAVE
And I shall go about on my own
because I'm cool like that
(Pause)
Yeah. |
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INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT |
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Camera fades in on two people sitting on a couch watching
TV.
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TELEVISION
Tune in next week to
find out what exactly
the 'entertainer' did
behind that tree. |
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Camera reveals it's the MAN and WOMAN sitting on the couch
and they turn the TV off. |
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MAN
Funny how life works out.
(Pause)
You think your safe
in the real world, then
people like us come
along and ruin everything. |
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WOMAN
(holding wallets)
But at least we still
got their wallets!
(MORE)
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11.
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WOMAN (cont'd)
(Pause)
Those people were
cheap AND easy! |
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MAN AND WOMAN
Mwhahahah...mwhaha
*cough...hack*...ok it's all
over with, for now. |
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TO BE CONTINUED. |
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FADE OUT. |
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