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Fenduh muh Benduh
by Moratzo007 (moratzo007@aol.com)

Rated: PG-13   Genre: Comedy   User Review: *
A spoof on MTV's PIMP MY RIDE.


This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



FADE IN:

EXT. ANIMATION - DAY
                                                            
In very rad, vibrant colors we have an intro to Fenduh ma
Benduh. Previously finished cars zoom past us at top speed,
making whirring noises.

This intro which includes some of the coolest animation this
side of the world is about a minute long.
                                                            
 
INT. BOB'S DRIVEWAY - DAY
                                                            
It is a very hot day in Connecticut. A shirtless man stands
in front of his bike, clearly looking unhappy. This is Bob,
and he is about to get his bike Fenduhed.
                                                            
                       BOB
Who are you? Get out of my
driveway.
                                                            
                       CAMERA GUY
Sir, if this is going to work,
you're going to have to put your
shirt back on.
                                                            
                       BOB
What? No, go home. This is my
bike.
                                                            
                       CAMERA GUY
Sir, our producers can't allow
contestants to be shirtless on
this show. Please put a shirt on.
                                                            
A white shirt is thrown to Bob from his left. The camera
looks over to see Bob's girlfriend, Renee, looking angry.
                                                            
                       RENEE
Honey, be polite to these men,
Okay? They're here to put you on
the television.
                                                            
                       BOB
Oh don't honey me. You got me into
this! Why don't you do it!
                                                            
                       CAMERA GUY
An angry couple! Great! Keep
going.
                                                            

2.

                       BOB
      (Pissed, to camera)
Ya know what, why don't you shut
your face before I do it for you.
                                                            
                       RENEE
Bobby!
                                                            
                       BOB
You just called me Bobby. That's
it, I'm going out.
                                                            
Our hand held camera gets close the the aruguing couple.
Making them more visibly annoyed.
                                                            
                       BOB
      (Going to his car)
Get away. Stupid camera.
                                                            
Bob gets into his car and closes the door. Before he can
start the engine, Renee comes over to him. The camera
follows very obnoxiously.
                                                            
                       RENEE
Bob! Bob. You better do this. You
hear me? Cuz if you don't I'll
leave you. I'll leave you forever
and never come back. Then you can
see what happens. Who's gonna cook
your oatmeal? Who's gonna make you
pasta? Who's gonna hold your hand
during a scary movie? Because 'ya
know what! If you don't do this, I
won't love you anymore.
                                                            
Bob seems very angry, but gets out of the car.
                                                            
                       RENEE
Roll the damn camera.
                                                            
Cut to:

Bob stands to the left side of his bike. He is fully clothed
and has a cheezy, clearly fake smile upon him.
                                                            
                       BOB
      (Demonstrating)
And look at this, I can't even
move my handelbars to the left,
they just keep moving in a circle.
      (showing gears and
       brakes)
My gears, too. I can't get out of
            (MORE)

3.

                       BOB (cont'd)
my hardest gear. Because I can't
gear down, going up hills I fall
backwards and it doesn't help that
I have no brakes at all to stop
me.
      (moving to seat)
sitting on the bike is a pain in
the butt. I don't have a seat.
      (moving to wheels
       and spokes)
And, here in the back, the wheel
is so wobbly that I nearly fall
off with every pedel I take.
      (moving to pedels)
speaking of the pedels, I had to
duct tape them to keep them on the
bike. They're always coming off.
      (Camera pulling
       back)
So, please Jhunket, Fenduh ma
Benduh!
      (Bob relaxes)
Are we done yet?
                                                            
 
EXT. STREET - DAY
                                                            
We are looking at road that slants down into a downhill
about 200 feet away.

Slowly, the sounds of two rocks being hit together begin to
fade in. As they crecendo, we see the figure of Toucan. He
is dressed in un-godly tight pants, pink converse, a
flamboyent button-down t-shirt and sport a black afro.
Trailing behind him is a hunched-over man in a black cape
knocking two stones together.

As Toucan's full body is visible, the rock noise siezes and
we launch into a dance segment which profiles Toucan as he
inches nearer and nearer to us. When he's standing in front
of us, he points at the camera and "TOUCAN" appears on the
buttom of the screen.
                                                            
 
EXT. BOB'S DRIVEWAY - DAY
                                                            
Toucan is coming up the driveway, his rock man, Igof,
trailing behind him.
                                                            
                       TOUCAN
Yo homies and chicks. I'm Toucan.
I'm the host. I sport an afro.
      (Inching closer to
            (MORE)

4.

                       TOUCAN (cont'd)
       bike)
Let's take a look at we've got
today.
                                                            
Igof gets uncomfertably close to Toucan.
                                                            
                       TOUCAN
Oh ho ho! This is a piece of---
you can go now Igof.
                                                            
                       IGOF
Right-o
                                                            
Cut to:
                                                            
Toucan looks over the bike, starting with handlebars.
                                                            
                       TOUCAN
He he. Look at 'em handelbars.
Keep you going in a circle, I tell
'ya. Fun and games is all till
you're lying out in the middle of
da road. HE HE.
                                                            
Toucan now moves down to the seat.
                                                            
                       TOUCAN
Awww man, no seat? Come on, man.
Any thing would be better than no
seat.
                                                            
Toucan finds a twig on the ground and picks it up.
                                                            
                       TOUCAN
Even dis would betta!
                                                            
Toucan puts the twig where the seat would be.
                                                            
                       TOUCAN
Actually, I take that back. HE HE.
                                                            
With his twig, he moves down to the pedels and notices the
duct tape.
                                                            
                       TOUCAN
Duct tape. My favorite. The key to
the universe, I tell ya.
Unbreakable piece of miracle work.
                                                            
Just as he says this, he jabs his twig into the duct tape
and the pedel falls off.
                                                            

5.

                       TOUCAN
OPP! Just kidding. HE HE.
      (to camera man)
take care of that.
                                                            
The pedel hits the camera. Toucan moves to the back of the
bike.
                                                            
                       TOUCAN
And here comes the worst of it.
The wheel! HE HE. Look at that. We
can fix that up good. Put some
nice decoration on 'em spokes. HO
HO!
                                                            
Cut to:

Toucan is walking toward the door.
                                                            
                       TOUCAN
Before today, Bob rode his bike in
pain. Mental pain. Physical pain.
But, this afternoon I'm gonna ride
this junk pile down to East Coast
Customs and we're gonna give it a
fixin'. Now, Bob is gonna be up
for a great surprise.
                                                            
Cut to:

Toucan rings the doorbell. After doing that, he gives a pump
fist of great excitment. Bubbling with excitement, he turns
to the camera again.
                                                            
                       TOUCAN
Aww he's gonna be so excited. Oh i
gotta see his face!
                                                            
The camera man visibly points to the window to the right of
the door. Bob is in the window, shouting and shooeing with
his hand for Toucan to get away.

Toucan shruggs and Bob yells "GET AWAY." Toucan shruggs
again and rings the doorbell.

Bob exits the window. But, a few seconds later, he is at a
nearer window with a megaphone shouting "GET AWAY" at the
top of his lungs. Various insults follow this command.

After a while of Toucan looking a little taken aback, the
door opens up to Bob's girlfriend.
                                                            

6.

                       RENEE
      (throwing his arms
       around toucan)
OH TOUCAN! YOU CAME!
                                                            
                       TOUCAN
watch the fro. Are you the lucky
Bob?
                                                            
                       RENEE
I'll get him!
                                                            
                       TOUCAN
      (to camera)
You're gonna have to cut that up,
ya hear?
                                                            
Bob is being pushed out very reluctantly by Renee.
                                                            
                       TOUCAN
heyyy! Bobby! Are you excited? I'm
here to FENDUH YO BENDUH!
                                                            
                       BOB
fuck you. I can't believe you
actually came.
                                                            
Renee and Toucan gasp. Toucan looks at the camera, chuckles,
shakes his head and walks away. In the background, for a
long, sustained amount of time, Renee slaps Bob non-stop.

Once Renee is done, they both walk over with Toucan. Igof is
still there, breathing heavily.
                                                            
Cut to:

Bob is just about done with showing Toucan his bike.
                                                            
                       BOB
... and see, I can't even turn to
the left.
                                                            
                       TOUCAN
      (slowly coming to
       camera, blocking
       Bob)
Well, don't worry about that,
because I'm gonna ride this down
to ECC. East Coast Customs for a
make-ova. You just sit back, relax
and... relax.
                                                            
Toucan turns around to see Bob walking into the house.
                                                            

7.

                       TOUCAN
Well, alright then.
                                                            
Toucan mounts the bike very awkwardly and as he pulls out,
Renee is still watching blowing kisses at him.

He gets down the driveway, the camera man's panting very
audible. Toucan rolls his eyes and exits the driveway.
                                                            
 
EXT. STREET - DAY
                                                            
We first see Toucan moving in a circle to the right. He is
struggling.
                                                            
                       TOUCAN
Uh-oh. HE HE HE.
                                                            
Eventually, he gets it moving in the right direction and
he's off.
                                                            
                       TOUCAN
Finally, HERE WE GO!
                                                            
 
EXT. STREET - DAY
                                                            
Toucan rides with the cars. Many people in the cars stare at
him very wierdly. This montage lasts about 10 seconds.
                                                            
 
EXT. STREET - DAY
                                                            
                       TOUCAN
We're close. I can feel it. HE HE
HE.
                                                            
In the foreground on the road, Igof stands looking head on.
Perplexed by Toucan, he cocks his head to the right.
                                                            
                       IGOF
Master?
                                                            
                       TOUCAN
Igof! I got no breaks!
                                                            
Toucan crashes head on into Igof, they both fall onto the
side of the road.

Toucan gets up quickly and bikes off without Igof. Igof
trails in the back.
                                                            
 

8.

EXT. EAST COAST CUSTOMS - DAY
                                                            
Toucan rolls into the driveway of East Coast Customs.
Sitting on the grass, is SUNFLOWER, meditating. He is
dressed in hippee suit.

Toucan goes over to Sunflower and says "HELLO." They rejoice
in a nice handshake.

Then, they both go to the garage.
                                                            
 
INT. EAST COAST CUSTOMS GARAGE - DAY
                                                            
Toucan rolls into the garage and is surrounded by a big
table with people sitting around it. Immediatly, they get up
and look at the bike.
                                                            
                       TOUCAN
      (after a little
       looking)
Okay, East Coast, I trust you to
do your business. Do it well. I
will see you when you're done.
Peace.
                                                            
Toucan exits, the garage door closes.
                                                            
Dissolve to:

The men are still looking on, studying the car to the last
inch.
                                                            
Dissolve to:

The head woman. "Sasha the Queen" is sharpening her nails. A
make-up kit lays in front of her. The U-shaped table is
sprawled out with very odd-looking people.
                                                            
                       SARAH THE QUEEN
      (No glancing up
       from her nails)
Okay, so what do we got?
                                                            
The next section of the movie will be improv by the six
masterminds from ECC.

SUNFLOWER-WHEELS/RIMS.

Don Sonny Lorenzo Micahel Mario Vito Emelio Francis Virgil
Corleone- accesories


9.

Sushi Nagaska Waki- Electronics

Ruslan Edic- Interior

One eyed Jack- Paint



In this sectoin, the major "fenduhing happens"
                                                            
 
EXT. ECC - DAY
                                                            
Outside ECC is Bob and his girlfriend, Renee. As well as
Toucan.
                                                            
                       TOUCAN
Okay, man I wanna see a nice
reaction. ECC spent a ton a money
making this ride real trippin. And
I don't want no o' 'ya sour faced
crap. 'Ya hear? Just be nice.
                                                            
                       RENEE
OKay, Robert? Ya hear what Afroman
has to say?
                                                            
                       BOB
I never wanted my bike fenduhed.
                                                            
Renee slaps him.
                                                            
                       RENEE
I want a good reaction.
                                                            
 
INT. ECC - DAY
                                                            
Toucan walks with Bob and Renee in the background.
                                                            
                       TOUCAN
When I brought John's bike---
Bob's bike to ECC, I almost died
out on the road. There was no
seat, there was no gearing nor was
there any breaks. I couldn't stop,
going down hills was a tragedy.
HEHE. But, now, ECC has done a
very special thing to this bike
and made it A plus plus plus. This
bike is so trippin' I gotta take
of my shirt!
                                                            

10.

Toucan rips off his shirt. Renee gasps because she's so
impressed.
                                                            
The cover comes off the bike and we see the brand new bike.
                                                            
                       BOB
      (completly
       insincere and
       fake)
OH MY GOD! THIS IS THE COOLEST
THING I HAVE EVER SEEN! OH MY
GOD... YOU ADDED A SEAT! AND LOOK
AT THIS... HOLY SHIT! THEY PAINTED
IT A NEW COLOR. AND... AND...
SPOKE RIDERS! MY FAVORITE. MAN YOU
GUYS ARE MY FAVORITE! I NEVER
WOULDA THOUGHT THAT ANY CRACK
HEADS LIKE YOU WOULDA DONE
SOMETHING SO... SMART. YOU'RE EVEN
BETTER THAN WEST COAST CUSTOMS!
                                                            
There is a loud gasp and everyone freezes.
                                                            
                       DON SONNY LORENZO MICAHEL MARIO VITO EMELIO FRANCIS VIRGIL CORLEONE
Kill 'im.
                                                            
One of his hitmen run at Bob, but Toucan is there to stop
them.
                                                            
                       TOUCAN
Hey no fightin' now... this is
happy moment. HEHE!
                                                            
All the people from ECC now, unhappily, show what they did
to the bike. No one is happy.

At the end the section, Bob stands in front of the bike with
Toucan.
                                                            
                       TOUCAN
ALright, now, Bob. There are two
things I need to give you now,
here is your bike lock. And you're
key.
                                                            
Now, Toucan runs his hand all over Bob's chest.
                                                            
                       TOUCAN
You've officialy been molested! HE
HE.
                                                            
 

11.

EXT. BOB'S DRIVEWAY - DAY
                                                            
Bob comes rolling into the driveway, there awaiting him is
some of his friends.
                                                            
                       BOB'S MOM
Bob's had the bike ever since I
potty trained him at age twelve.
And now, for twelve more years
I've watched that bike be excluded
and become rusty and just all....
eww... I don't wanna think about
it. But, now, with his new bike
it's like I've got a new son in
exchange for the crappy one I had
before!
                                                            
                       IGOF
I just think that the new bike is
really great... it gives me a warm
feeling inside that I can just
feel... really well. It just makes
me wanna bang these two rocks
together. I need a crabcake.
                                                            
                       BOB'S BROTHER
Honestly, I hate this bike. This
bike is the biggest piece of shit
I've ever seen. I would rather
ride around on a canoe. I wouldn't
care if I got ran over. Just keep
me away from the fucking piece of
crap.
                                                            
                       CAMERA GUY
please, no swearing.
                                                            
                       BOB'S BROTHER
fuck you!
                                                            
                       RENEE
I was gonna leave BOb for his
sister before but now that he got
his bike fenduhed... I'm gonna
leave him for Toucan instead!
                                                            
Toucan magically appears and gives the thumbs-up.
                                                            
 
EXT. STREET - DAY
                                                            
The credits are rolling below. Bob is riding down the street
on his new bike.
                                                            

12.

                       SARAH THE QUEEN
      (giving the finger)
Fuck you Fenduh muh Benduh! You
ruined my life!
                                                            
Bob finds a tree in the disatnce and purposly runs his bike
into it.
                                                            


FADE OUT.


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From KAR Catacomb Date 8/23/2005 **
it's ok, nothing special

From Frank Jasper Date 8/19/2005 0 stars
This shouldn't be called "comedy", there is nothing funny in it. It's not a "spoof", it's not a satire, it is nothing good. Don't bother fixing it, just write something different, hopefully better.


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