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The Pusher Man
by Josh Pearson (suckitnowbeyatch@yahoo.com)

Rated: R   Genre: Comedy   User Review: ***
A short satire of where our current energy crisis is headed.

This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.


It's summer; hot, humid. The camera zooms in on a mall
parking lot from overhead. There's heat ripples rising from
the cars. The cares look like they're lined up, display for
sale. As the camera zooms in from above, it focuses in on a
black pickup truck driving down the various rows of the lot.
Inside the truck sits Ray and Mark. Ray is driving the
truck. He’s about 23 years old, blonde hair, and he's
wearing some old rock bands t-shirt and jeans. Mark’s
wearing an old wife-beater and some shorts. He's about 25
with brown hair. Oddly, he’s wearing two black rubber
gloves and he’s sweating profusely.
How 'bout this one?
They’re both attentively looking out the drivers side
No too cheap. How 'bout that one?
Mark points to an Escalade. Ray pulls up behind the car and
Mark jumps out. He’s holding a long tube and a gas can. He
runs up to the side of the car and opens the gas lid. He
jams the tube into the hole and starts sucking at the other
end. He sees the gas start coming up the tube so he sticks
the other end into the gas can. He spits out residue from
the gas. The tank starts filling up. When the can is
almost full, he clamps the tube to stop the flow. He screws
the lid back on the can and pours the gas in the tube back
into the car. All the while, Ray is watching out for anyone
coming. Mark runs to the back of the truck and lifts up a
tarp to reveal at least 20 more gas cans. All the full ones
are turned one way while all the empty ones are turned the
other. There’s about 15 full 5 gallon gas cans. He tosses
the can back into its spot, grabs the next empty one and
hops back into the truck.
We're good?
Yeah, stop asking me that. We
have like 5 more to go.
Ray and Mark continue to drive around the parking lot. Ray
points to a Corrolla.


That good?
I told you, nothing under twenty
K, how 'bout that?
Ray points at a Corvette.
That? I think we can deal with
Mark hops out of the car. He grabs his tube and empty gas
can and heads for the Vette. He slowly walks around the
side of the car and peers into the window. Empty, good. The
gas lid will only open from the inside of the car, so he
sticks a screwdriver into the side and pops it open. He
sticks the tube into the tank. Five minutes later, Ray and
Mark are back driving the lot again. Mark sees another
Escalade, black with all tinted windows.
Here we go, payday. Look at this
friggin’ thing. Who the hell
needs that?
Mark jumps out and quickly grabs a second empty can from the
back and heads towards the Escalade. The camera takes his
point of view as he slowly tries to peer into the car. The
windows are tinted pretty darkly, he can’t see if anyone is
inside. He sets both cans down and sets his gloved hands up
against the window to see in. All of a sudden, a pitbull
slams into the other side of the window, barking its lungs
out. Mark slams back into the car behind him, startled.
Mark continues to do his routine as the dog barks away. He
operates quickly as he doesn’t want anyone to take notice of
the dog. He squats down after the first can is done and
puts the lid on it while clamping the tube closed. The dog
stops barking when he does this. After getting the next can
started he stands back up. The dog slams against the window
and starts barking again. He can see the dog pushing its
snout up against the window as if trying to bite Mark
through the window. He cautiously looks around and then


slams the window with his fist right where the dog had his
mouth against it. The dog whimpers and the barking stops.
The second can is done, Mark screws on the top, empties the
tube and throws the two cans into the back of the truck. He
hops into the front.
Friggin’ dog. We got one more,
let’s do this quick. I wanna get
outta here.
They pull away and start driving around again. Quickly,
they stumble across a Mercedes SUV.
      (pointing at the
Ray pulls up behind the Mercedes and Mark hops out. He
begins his same routine. Using the screwdriver to bust open
the gas lid, shoving the tube in. Ray is checking out the
parking lot situation and notices a man walking down the
Mark, yo, someone is coming.
How far?
Like a minute, man.
Mark starts to work faster, the can is slowly filling up.
Ray starts to get paranoid. The man is getting closer.
Hurry up, dude, come on.
Mark waves him off, peering down into the gas can. The can
is almost full. The man is now like 15 seconds away.
Dude, he's right there.
Mark looks up to peer over the car behind him to see who’s
coming. The can starts to overflow and gas pours all over
him. Mark looks down and sees what’s happening.


He pinches the tube shut and sets the can down. He’s
working very quickly. He shuts the lid on the can and pours
the rest of the gas down back into the tank. Slamming the
gas lid shut, he runs for the car. Just as he’s rounding
the car, the man walks to the Mercedes right where Mark was
standing. He sees the gas on the ground and his gas tank
lid all messed up and realizes what happened. As he’s
turning around, the truck peels away and he chases it. We
see him chasing the car from behind as the car the drives
away. Mark and Ray are laughing.
Damn, that was close, dude!
Dude, that was crazy. Let's get
the hell out of here.
Ten minutes later, Mark and Ray are driving down the
freeway. Mark’s phone starts to ring. He answers it.
Hello?… Yo dude, what’s up… Yeah,
I got some… no, I just picked up…
I’m on the friggin’ highway dude…
Dude, I can’t help it if you need
to be at work, I’ll be back in
like 20 minutes… Well, if you can
wait, you can meet me at my house…
Alright, calm yourself, I’ll see
you in like 17 minutes.
Mark hangs up the phone.
Who was that?
What’s his name… ahhh, Julian.
Dude, that kid can wait, he
doesn’t have to be at work, he
works for his father. He owns
some dealership.
Friggin’ punk. Whatever, I want
to get off the road anyways, just
book it.
The car flies down the highway.


Twenty minutes later, the truck arrives back at Mark's
house. There’s a Mercedes sitting out in front of the
house. In the driveway stands Julian. He’s tall and kind
of lanky. He's wearing glasses and a button down shirt and
a tie. He looks annoyed. The truck pulls in, right in
front of him. Mark gets out of the car.
Hey man, what took you so long?
Calm down dude, I’m here, you’ll
be alright. What do ya need?
How 'bout 10.
You know the price went up?
Yeah, it's one-seventy-five now.
Hey dude, I don’t make these
prices up, that’s what my guy
charges me.
What guy!?
      (serious and
       pointing at
That’s none of your business, man.
Fine, I just gotta get to work.
Mark grabs two cans from the back of the truck and walks
over to the Mercedes parked in the front of his house. He
unscrews the first can and pours it into the car. He
empties it and pours the second can in. Mark walks over to
Julian after finishing. He sets the cans down.
That'll be 17.50.


You got change for a twenty?
Sure do.
Mark takes out some money from his pocket and gives Julian
the change.
Thanks man.
      (with a smirk)
Hey, no problem, and tell your
friends about me. The first
gallon’s free, the rest you have
to pay for.
Sure, whatever man.
Julian walks to his car and gets in and speeds away. Ray
has been standing there the whole time just observing.
Seventeen fifty eh?
Oh shut up, you'll get your share
Ray and Mark are sit down on Mark's couch, in his basement,
drinking beers. They both have their feet on the coffee
table and they’re watching TV. They sit there for a second
and watch as the news comes on.
…and a strange incident today.
Local shoppers at the Short Hills
mall were treated to an unpleasant
surprise today as they finished
their shopping.


We see Julian pull into a Mercedes dealership.
Authorities have said that while
unsuspecting shoppers were inside
shopping, several men were outside
helping themselves… to the
shoppers gas.
Julian gets out of his car and locks it. He walks up to the
front door of the dealer ship.
It appears that two, unidentified
males were seen siphoning the gas
out of cars while the cars owners
were totally unaware.
I came outside after I was done
shopping, and my car wouldn’t
start. I had just put $15 dollars
in so I knew that it couldn’t be
the gas. But then I got out of my
car and saw other people standing
outside their cars wondering too.
Authorities said the theft
happened around 3:00 when the mall
was at its busiest.
Julian walks in and we see the man who owned the Mercedes
SUV that almost caught Ray and Mark.
Hey Dad.
      (angry, watching
       tv in his office)
Those little fucks!
He slams his fist down on his desk and points back up at the
TV which is showing the news broadcast.
They stole my gas and fucked up my
car. There’s scratch marks all
over it from a screwdriver or


                       DAD (cont'd)
something. If I ever get those
little shits, I’ll kill them, mock
my words. I’ll rip their fucking
arms off.
While his Dad's yelling obcenities in the background we zoom
in on Julian’s eyes as he realizes what is going on and that
he's involved. We sit there for a moment. Cut to black.


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From Ezeanyi Date 9/7/2005 ***
A little slow at the beginning, but it came around in the end.

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