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by Robert Hauke (confedfin@yahoo.com)

Rated: PG-13   Genre: Comedy   User Review: **

This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.

MALE and FEMALE dancers are on stage in a lounge at a
rundown club in West L.A. The CLUB OWNER is holding
auditions for professional dancers. He is an older,
arrogant, nervous guy. The current couple is good, but the
MALE DANCER too often puts his leg in between the legs of
                       CLUB OWNER
      (to female dancer)
Is this guy any good?
                       FEMALE DANCER
Yeah, he is good.
                       CLUB OWNER
Okay thank you, that's enough.
Come to work tomorrow, just keep
your leg out of her crotch!
                       MALE DANCER
But ladies like that!
                       CLUB OWNER
Well maybe at the titty bar they
like it, smartass! Here we play by
different rules. Anyway come here
at 6 pm tomorrow. Next!
Strong guy, tall, country man type about 35 years old called
ANDY ROSS comes along. He walks like somebody from the
country. He is bold, rough and tough and attractive. He
looks depressed. The music starts to play. He grabs the
female dancer and begins to dance. He presses his whole body
against her. The female dancer stops the dance.
                       FEMALE DANCER
      (with sarcasm)
Please tell your pants It's Not
Polite To Point!
They start dancing again. He dances very badly. He has no
style and he often confuses the steps. His movements more
closely resemble country line dancing, which is obviously
not right for the music or the club. His body movements are
very awkward and uncoordinated. He stamps his feet and
misses the beat every time. He generally makes an ass of
himself. His female partner starts to LAUGH.
                       CLUB OWNER
That's enough! Hey it's not
"Beverly Hills Hillbillies"!
                       ANDY ROSS
Sorry Cuz, I forgot that it's not
Beverly Hills but Hollywood around
                       FEMALE DANCER
What a moron! What do you think
boss? I don't think that he can
make it.


                       CLUB OWNER
      (with contempt)
Nah...He can't dance! You have a
very clumsy dancing style and you
have no class. You are just
tripping you are not a dancer, you
are a nobody!
                       FEMALE DANCER
Where did you dance before?
                       ANDY ROSS
I have danced at weddings and
parties; and they liked it too.
                       CLUB OWNER
But where???
                       ANDY ROSS
      (loud with pride)
I have danced in Prairieville,
                       CLUB OWNER
      (with contempt)
Well, this is Los Angeles and not
Prairieville, Alabama. Why don't
you go to East L.A. and work in
some factory; We need professional
dancers for this show, and you are
just making an ass of yourself!
Club owner ignores him and he goes towards the bar. Andy
leaves the building and goes out to the street.
Andy walks aimlessly without having any specific direction.
He sees a messenger riding a bike. The messenger stares at a
curvy, attractive woman while riding a bike. The attractive
woman walks bouncing her hips in a provocative way. She
smiles and she teases the messenger. Suddenly messenger's
bike collapses, he loses his head, he drops bunch of letters
on the street and forgets to pick one of the letters up. The
beautiful woman laughs at him and she completely ignores him
and walks away. Then he is quickly gone. Andy picks the
letter up. He opens it. This is an invitation from the
Governor to the VIP party. There is also name and address of
the CEO of Henderson Industries Tony Henderson. Andy goes
                       ANDY ROSS
      (reads aloud and
       whispers to
"Invitation from State Governor to
join the party". Maybe some "big
shot" will give me a couple of
dollars. In the worst case the
bouncer will kick me out!


His house is a rundown, dirty slum. He shares a room in a 2
bedroom apartment with a prostitute called KELLIE who often
gets on his nerves. His landlord, older guy called EDWARD
sits at the table in the living room with his wife, MARY.
Hey Streetwalker! You owe me $400
rent money. Where is the money?
                       ANDY ROSS
I told you that next week I am
getting a job. You said that you
can wait.
Edward gets angry.
You son of a dirty trailer park
bitch if you don't pay up by next
week then I am going to smash my
baseball bat against your dumb
head. You'll also have to pay me
$100 late charge.
                       ANDY ROSS
You should start bothering that
whore and not me you slumlord! She
is the one who brings all kinds of
"Johns" to this place!
      (with anger)
At least she brings in the
customers and she pays the rent
and you....you don't pay us a
wooden nickel!
                       ANDY ROSS
Yeah...Yeah...get lost you old
Why don't you go back to the
country? This is much easier to
get a job in the country, now. You
said that you have used to work in
a post office. Why don't you work
                       ANDY ROSS
I am sick and tired of that post
office and also I got into a fight
there with the stupid supervisor.
I am going to do some weight
lifting on Venice Beach. The
people always throw a couple of
bucks into the hat.
Don't you have any family where
you live? Can't they send you any


                       ANDY ROSS
They all are dead. I told you that
Remember down here it really
doesn't matter who you are, but
whom you know. If you would have a
Governor as a friend then he could
make you rich just by making one
phone call!
                       ANDY ROSS
That's a great idea! I wanna be a
big shot. I wanna smoke big cuban
cigar in my office, drive a fancy
limo, have two beautiful chicks
sitting on my lap and I wanna
throw a dice in the casino...
      (with contempt)
Dream on...you retard. Why would
some big shot want to talk to you?
                       ANDY ROSS
Down in Alabama you got to know
the mayor to be somebody and he
never liked me.
You are a damn loser you can't
hold a job! You work for a week or
two and then... they fire you!
                       ANDY ROSS
I used to have a handle on life,
but it broke.
What was the name of that trailer
park in Alabama where you came
                       ANDY ROSS
That's "Mudslide Palisades" just
off the freeway.
At least now I know where to find
you, you scrub, if you'll take off
without paying me.
                       ANDY ROSS
You are a scrub! Housing
Department will get you!
Get a life retard!


Andy goes to the big room which he partially shares with the
prostitute KELLIE. KELLIE is an attractive girl in her late
Hey stop looking at me I am
                       ANDY ROSS
You damn whore, I am not looking
at you and I am sick of you!...
and now get the hell out of here!
Who the hell are you...you
bum...you lousy hillbilly mailman!
Kellie SLAMS the door and leaves the building. Andy looks at
the flyer from a pawn shop. Then he looks at the different
items which he considers selling at the pawn shop. He looks
at his silver watch and then at his tuxedo and then he pulls
out of his pocket the invitation letter. He shaves, he puts
the tuxedo and dress shoes on and leaves the house.
Luxurious building. Andy RINGS the intercom to Henderson's
      (in an arrogant
Who is this?
                       ANDY ROSS
I came to see Mr. Henderson. I
want to give him something.
Mr.Henderson is away for few weeks
on a business trip. Call him when
he will come back.
Andy goes away.
Andy arrives at the posh mansion where the event has already
started. The party is being hosted by the State Governor.
The main lobby consists of very exclusive furniture, crystal
chandeliers, paintings, expensive rugs and lot of china. The
guests mingle around the buffet and then move on to the
salad bar. He takes a plate and goes to the salad bar and
puts a variety of different salads, exotic fish and
vegetables on his plate. There are pieces of: langouste,
lobster, caviar. Being very hungry, he packs a lot of food
very quickly. He carefully chooses most exotic delicacies.
Suddenly some fat, stuck up guy bumps into Andy and his
plate falls down and it breaks up on the floor. Food spills
everywhere and the incident creates a large disruption.


                       ANDY ROSS
      (yells viciously)
What the hell do you think are you
doing, you FATASS??!! Do you
always bump into people like
that?!!! You had spilled my food
all over the floor!!!
The guy looks at him very scared. All the guests become
suddenly very quiet. However after a while everything goes
back to normal. The fat, well-dressed guy who had just
caused a little disaster walks up towards Andy.
Well...Sir I am very sorry... I am
very sorry....
                       ANDY ROSS
Hey, now you are sorry??! After
ruining my dinner!
TWO WAITERS come very quickly and move Andy to the table.
They serve him lot of salad, fish and drinks.
                       ANDY ROSS
Thank you very much.
After finishing his big dinner and drinking lot of cocktails
following his old eating habit Andy burps really loud
infront of the waiters and few VIP party male and female
guests. The VIP guests shake their heads with disapproval.
McCowan walks up to another PARTY GUEST, one of his
      (to party guest)
Who is that?
                       PARTY GUEST
I don't know!
You are the damn state attorney!
Find out!
Another gentleman over 40, tall and well-dressed joins Andy.
He makes an impression of a likeable "cool dude" type with
great sense of humor. He constantly smiles and watches him
with great curiosity.
                       DEAN CARSON
My name is Dean Carson. I am
Colonel with the Air Force. I have
really enjoyed how you blew off
that arrogant and irritating
Andy is still little bit shaken by the incident. His
emotions seem to run high this evening.


                       ANDY ROSS
That fatass has no manners! ..He
just bumps into people.
                       DEAN CARSON
      (with an approving
Well, just because he is the
Government's Chief of Staff, he
thinks that he can treat people
like trash! I am glad that you had
taught him a lesson.
                       ANDY ROSS
It was a waste of a good salad. I
spent time in picking it up, I was
almost finished and then, bam!..
That spilled salad was worth more
than that fat dumbass.
                       DEAN CARSON
Ha,ha ,ha you said this right. By
the way I didn't see you here
before. Did you just move to L.A.?
                       ANDY ROSS
Yeah, I lived in "Mudslide
                       DEAN CARSON
Ha, ha, ha...you mean you lived in
the posh suburb near Malibu which
is called Pacific Palisades,
                       ANDY ROSS
There were lot of fences and
trailers but I didn't know that
there was also Pacific.
                       DEAN CARSON
Ha, ha, ha you crack me up. So
what do you do for fun?
                       ANDY ROSS
I do weightlifting on the beach.
Two other older gentlemen, both over 50 come towards Andy
and Carson introduces them to Andy.
                       DEAN CARSON
May I introduce this is Andy Ross,
Secretary of Agriculture Ken
Williams and this is his right
hand Richard Upton. He said that
the salad spilled by McCowan was
worth more than McCowan himself!
                       ANDY ROSS
      (to Secretary)
What's up brah?


Secretary of Agriculture Ken Williams shakes Andy's hand.
Andy has some flu and being a hillbilly he wipes his running
nose using his arm.
                        SEC. OF AGR. KEN WILLIAMS
Congratulations! I saw how you
straightened him out. He thinks
he’s some kind of powerful genius
or something, ‘holier than thou’.
Really, he just follows orders.
What we need in this country are:
strong people, leaders,
independent people.
If you need anything just call us.
We will take care of you.
Carson shakes Andy’s hand and gives him his business card.
They mingle with the crowd.
An older, chubby, bespectacled gentleman watches Andy with a
great curiosity. He has an artificial smile on his face,
sneaky and suspicious eyes trying to size Andy up. He is a
fast talker. His name is AL BEN MCCAY.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
Hello my name is Al Ben McCay I
own the country estate and a
lumber plant. I couldn't help
overhearing your conversation with
Mr. Secretary of Agriculture. He
was shaking your hand. It seems
like he is a good friend of yours.
                       ANDY ROSS
....Well we meet now and then...
Our daughters are on the same
field hockey team. They might
really do it this year.

                       AL BEN MCCAY
Oh really...
                       ANDY ROSS
No, I am joking.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
What kind of car do you drive?
                       ANDY ROSS
Cuz, I have own chauffeur and I
drive a MTA ferrari. It jets off
like a Pershing missile!
                       AL BEN MCCAY
Wowww, I never heard about this
model. It must be some classic
type! Isn't that MTA some bus


                       ANDY ROSS
Yeah..it's very classical! Oh yeah
it is bus company but they also
make ferraris!
                       AL BEN MCCAY
Oh I didn't know that. Well...I
don't know anybody here! By the
way what do you do for living?
McCay sizes him up.
                       ANDY ROSS
Actually I don’t work right
now...I used to work for the, um,
federal government. We were also
dealing with big and small
agricultural businesses...usually
by mail. I know the Feds. I have
been there and I have done that.
But... I’m out of work now.
There is an awkward pause. Mr. McCay looks at Andy smiling,
waiting for him to return the question. Andy doesn’t ask, so
Mr. McCay continues.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
This is a joke he, he. This is a
good one...Why work when you don't
have to do anything! I run a
lumber plant and I hate it. For
example one bureaucrat jerk
harasses us, constantly and
Williams keeps on ignoring me. Do
you think that you could me a
                       ANDY ROSS
      (says with no
Depends on what kind of favor? Why
do I need you, why do you need me?
                       AL BEN MCCAY
Good question. This is already my
fourth time. If I'll not talk to
Williams then I'll sell
everything. Please help me out!
Just say "Mr. Secretary this is my
great friend Al Ben McCay..."
                       ANDY ROSS
      (with indifference)
No! What? Are you not playing with
a full deck? Besides why would I
do that?
                       AL BEN MCCAY
Come on my friend, help me out!


                       ANDY ROSS
      (with irritation)
What part of "No" you don't
McCay gives Andy several $100 bills.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
I know how to do business! How is
that? Would you introduce me now?
Andy opens his eyes very wide.
                       ANDY ROSS
Suddenly the Secretary of Agriculture walks up to them and
makes a small talk to Andy.
                       ANDY ROSS
Hey brah...great to see you again.
                        SEC. OF AGR. KEN WILLIAMS
Are you enjoying the party? How do
you like the food?.
                       ANDY ROSS
That's gooder than grits!
Everybody is laughing.
                       DEAN CARSON
Andy you are a great actor you
really crack me up with your
jokes! You sound so funny when you
play a dumb countryman!
                       ANDY ROSS
      (to Williams)
It's my friend Al Ben McCay...
Andy points his finger at the older man.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
      (talks fast)
Mr. State Secretary I want to say
that I think that you are the
greatest! I am an estate owner and
lumber producer from North
California. May I talk to you now
about a certain business of mine?
Williams looks at McCay with anger and resistance.
                        SEC. OF AGR. KEN WILLIAMS
      (with contempt)
Don't bother me now! I believe
that you know quite well where my
offices are! I can please only one
person per day. Today is not your
day. Tomorrow isn't looking good


He shakes cordially Andy's hand and leaves.
                        SEC. OF AGR. KEN WILLIAMS
      (whispers to
He is friend of that crooked prick
McCay who had a railway lawsuit
few months ago.
                       DEAN CARSON
We better check this guy out!
Older man looks at Andy.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
I may have a very interesting
offer for you! I am looking for an
estate general manager and I
believe that you are a very good
person for this job!
                       ANDY ROSS
What? I can't do that! I wouldn’t
know what the hell to do!
                       AL BEN MCCAY
Of course that you can, you just
play hard to get! How about a
monthly salary of $3500?
                       ANDY ROSS
No...Cuz I know nothing about the
McCay pulls out $3000 from his pocket. McCay smiles.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
How about $5000 monthly and $3000
as an advance? How's that? There
is a big lake and I have a little
boat...You can work and have fun
as well...How does it sound?
Andy takes the money.
                       ANDY ROSS
      (pretends to
Well, okay. okay...I can try...
                       AL BEN MCCAY
Okay we are leaving tomorrow
morning! Meet me at Grand Royal at
8 am.
McCay shakes his hand and leaves.
Andy laughs at the dumbass who gave him all that money and


Andy is all in good spirits and happy. He meets Kellie. She
is on the job.
                       ANDY ROSS
How is the business?
Very bad! I don't have any
customers... I am not turning out
any tricks..today.. I am flat
Kellie walks away.
                       ANDY ROSS
I have some money for you.I can
give you $30.
He takes $30 from out of his wallet and wants to give it to
I don't want it...What are you...
Santa Claus now?
                       ANDY ROSS
Come on take it...
Okay...I'll take it only if you
want...to have a date...
                       ANDY ROSS
Okay we will have a date.
They walk into their rundown home.
They walk into their rundown home. The landlord and his wife
sit at the table in the living room and eat supper.
                       ANDY ROSS
Hello how are you doing!
Well, I see that you are very
happy. I am not happy because I
never see any money from you!
Andy puts a bundle of $20 bills on the table.
                       ANDY ROSS
How about that?
This is more than you owe me!


                       ANDY ROSS
Take it! I got to move on! I got a
new job in the country. I am
moving out tomorrow morning.
I told you ...go to the country
...there you can get a job.
Edward knocks him on his shoulders.
You son of a dirty trailer park
bitch, you made it. Don't forget
me when you get rich and famous!
                       ANDY ROSS
You bet! I will not forget you and
what you said about knowing the
Yeah rrright you airhead! Go to
the governor he will hire you ha,
Kellie smiles from ear to ear. Andy smiles too and they walk
into his shabby bedroom. They go to bed and make love.
Andy wakes up he opens the briefcase and takes out lots of
$100 bills and puts them down on the coffee table. Kellie
wakes up and she is very surprised. She makes "big eyes".
                       ANDY ROSS
So what do you think?
Wowww is this all yours? Dude you
are loaded!!! Did you take care of
                       ANDY ROSS
      (smiles and lies
       to her)
Yes I did!
Did you kill the guy with a knife?
                       ANDY ROSS
Yeah I did him with a knife!
Were you scared? Were you really


                       ANDY ROSS
Nah...but this is why I will have
to leave town for a while!
Andy kisses Kellie and leaves.
                       ANDY ROSS
                       AL BEN MCCAY
Pardon? What do you mean?
                       ANDY ROSS
Holly Molly! That's an awesome
car! You got here a huge bar,
television, home theatre,
entertainment center, little
office, wide couches and a massage
table, jacuzzi.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
It belongs to my wife. It's a
special custommade built model and
we spent of over 50 grand on
                       ANDY ROSS
I had this old pick up truck down
in the South which I converted by
myself to a limo. Then I started a
business, by driving couples to
the weddings. I put some couches
and a stereo in there and even
there was also a small bar with
lot of Kentucky whisky.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
You are a genius. Car producers
need bunch of engineers and you
did it all by yourself. By the way
I never saw your car.
                       ANDY ROSS
Well...um...it's on the
international exhibition in
...Monte Carlo, California.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
Damn...you never stop to amaze me.
I wish that my "stretch" was
there, too.
The car drives on the country road. There are empty fields
with some trees. The road sign shows "Barrington Estate 5
miles". The car drives into the estate. There is variety of
unique trees, further up there is a lake, park and golf
court. The car gets into the driveway of a huge XIX century
mansion. The CHAUFFEUR opens the door. Andy and McCay walk
into the building. The servant opens the main door.


The lobby has a classical style interior. It is full of
expensive mahogany furniture and paintings. The lobby
resembles more Las Vegas Casino interior. There are two
beautiful women in their twenties. One of them is blonde the
other one is a brunette. The blonde woman is very calm and
soft-spoken, she is very expressive in her appearance
however the brunette is very aggressive and has lots of
energy. The blonde called NENA watches Andy with great
interest.The brunette called CATHY looks at him with
distrust and resistance.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
This is Mr. Andy Ross my new
estate manager...this is my wife
Nena and my daughter from my first
marriage, Kathy.
Nena softly gives her hand to Andy.
Cathy aggressively shakes Andy's hand looking him directly
in the eyes. Both of the women look bored and irritated.
      (with the
Dude, this funny, oldfashioned and
baggy suit makes you look like you
just fell off the christmas tree!
                       ANDY ROSS
I worked before cutting down
christmas trees in the South and I
did fall down once. How did you
know that?
Ha, ha, ha. Stay away from me you
are dirty and you smell bad!
      (softly changing
       the subject)
How do you like our sweet home?
                       ANDY ROSS
Wowww, I like it very much, your
place is awesome! You are living
large! It looks just like the old
and glitzy "porch monkey palace"
down in Alabama!
Nena looks disappointed.
      (with anger)
Pardon me which palace? What is a
"porch monkey"? Also it's not in
my taste and that's my husband's
taste Mr. Ross!


McCay gets slightly irritated.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
Now you see how the women are,
thank you! After we got married we
came to Barrington. I busted my
ass trying to make this place look
great and then she made a big deal
about how much she hated what I
      (gets irritated)
Please stop...
I don't understand you, Pop. Why
do you upset Nena? Besides, you
bore Mr. Ross with some lame
stories. You know what? Get a
life, Pop!
                       AL BEN MCCAY
Both of you get a life! I have to
show Mr.Ross the "Barrington
Estate." So your company will no
longer be required.
Al, don't put words in Mr. Ross's
mouth your "wood stories" are
getting old! We will not disturb
you gentlemen!
I am going to meet this guy and
party tonight.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
I am getting confused with all
those guys you meet.
Both women stand up and demonstratively leave.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
      (with resentment)
You see my wife is a dreamer, she
has some fantasies in her
head....She will grow up...and my
daughter...she is just a kid. Both
of them team up against me. But
However I keep my little "harem"
in line!
                       ANDY ROSS
Is that another turkish saying?
                       AL BEN MCCAY
It's my saying.


The car drives on country road next to the wheat fields
around the lumber processing plant. McCay shows him the
fields and the outer plant area.
Andy makes a serious face expression. He wants to play an
                       AL BEN MCCAY
By the way, where did you live
before you moved to L.A. from?
                       ANDY ROSS
I lived in "Mudslide Palisades".
                       AL BEN MCCAY
I love your sense of humor! You
meant that you lived in the
Pacific Palisades! That's a very
upscale L.A. neighborhood! You
make it sound like it's some muddy
trailer park.
                       ANDY ROSS
Something like that. It has lot of
                       AL BEN MCCAY
I'll tell you. You got to see the
great picture. With your
connections we can make real
                       ANDY ROSS
How would we do that? The state
has no money and it's all about
the money!
                       AL BEN MCCAY
You don't need any money. How
about if we can make the state
government store grain? Do you
know what is a bond?
                       ANDY ROSS
When you get to jail then the bail
bond agency will post for you a
bond! I remember when I...
      (bites his tongue)
                       AL BEN MCCAY
You were where?
Mekkai watches Ross with surprise. He thinks that Andy is
kidding. However Andy's face is serious.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
You are kidding again! I mean the
government bond! The state can
print some recycled papers called
bonds and pay for the grain with


                       ANDY ROSS
      (with surprise)
OOOHHH. That's a real trick!
The car arrives at the lumber processing plant. It consists
of a large manufacturing area. There are several production
buildings, small cranes, trucks, machines. The WORKERS are
running around. The works manager KENNY approaches McCay.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
Mr. Kenny say hello...this is your
new Estate General Manager Mr.
Ross! Get to work people! Get to
work! Get to work!
                       ANDY ROSS
There is a new sheriff in town! No
slackers and move your lazy asses.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
I see that your management
technique works.
Works Manager Kenny greets Ross. The go through stacks and
stacks of papers. Andy gets depressed because he does not
have the faintest idea what they are talking about. After
talking for a while McCay and Andy jump into the car and
drive to the mansion.
Suddenly gives him a stack of papers.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
It's all yours!
                       ANDY ROSS
You said it.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
      (with a testing
I'll talk to you later this
evening and maybe you can tell me
about your ideas. That's finally
what I have hired you for! We will
play by ear.
McCay watches him closely as Andy becomes increasingly more
Ross lies down on the couch.
After sleeping for a while he wakes up and goes to the desk.
He picks up several files and folders. Andy starts reading
them. Finally he violently throws the papers to the floor
and stamps his feet on them.


Ross walks along the lake in the park. There are lot of
trees and narrow paths. Then he sits down on the bench.
Suddenly strange guy over 30 comes up to him. Strange guy
watches him with suspicion. He is very nervous and restless.
He stares at him and he constantly blinks his eyes. He is
very hasty when he walks. His name is GEORGE.
      (in a squeaky
Who are you???! What are you doing
                       ANDY ROSS
I am the new General Manager of
the Estate. My name is Andy Ross.
I am detecting a southern accent.
Where are you from?
                       ANDY ROSS
I moved to L.A. from "Mudslide
I happened to drive to New Orleans
and when I was looking for a gas
station near the freeway and there
was this trailer park. Isn't this
a huge, completely rundown trailer
                       ANDY ROSS
      (with resignation)
Yes, it's a trailer park near
Prairieville, Alabama. I was born
Anyway it doesn't matter! If I
were you I wouldn't mention that
trailer park anymore! I heard
about you. I came here to warn you
against my crooked brother-in-law.
                       ANDY ROSS
Who are you talking about?
I am talking about that turkish
thief Ali Bin Mekkai!
                       ANDY ROSS
I don't understand! Who is
This is the rat who brought you


                       ANDY ROSS
Do you mean Mr. McCay?
      (yelling with
It's not McCay! It's not
McCay...His name is Ali Bin Mekkai
don't you dare ever call his name
otherwise in front of me. Now,
Jethro ...repeat...repeat after
me...M-E-K-K-A-I! M-E-K-K-A-I!
Come on M-E-K-K-A-I! Come on
repeat after me!
                       ANDY ROSS
George gets suddenly aggravated.
      (screaming with
That leach stole a good Scottish
name. He stole that name! Do you
understand?! His real name is Ali
Bin Mekkai from Turkey, his mother
was like a laundry woman and no
one even knows who his father was.
So..as you see, the daughter of a
wealthy country estate owner, Miss
Nena Morgan, is actually Mrs.
                       ANDY ROSS
When something is bad then you
say, "that ain't no count."
George sizes Andy carefully up and he contemplates for a
while about what he just said.
Yes....Mekkai is a pig...sorry for
being honest but you are also a
pig...anyway I am also a pig!!!
George watches him closely.
It smells like bacon here!
                       ANDY ROSS
I am not a cop!
      (with sarcasm)
Maybe you are not a cop but you
smell like a pig!
Suddenly George starts LAUGHING very loudly.
What? Do you think... that I am a


                       ANDY ROSS
Geeez...No...not at all...
George start SCREAMING at him.
Don't deny it! Don't deny it! I am
sure that Mekkai has warned you
about me or maybe my sister told
you. She becomes demoralized
living with that skunky pig. Come
on, what did she tell you?!
                       ANDY ROSS
Nobody told me anything!
Do you know that Mekkai will not
let me in the mansion? I’m not
allowed to leave the park, or
Mekkai’s security guards will beat
me up.
                       ANDY ROSS
But why?
Why? Because I make him
uncomfortable.... because my good
manners irritate that asshole, son
of a laundry worker. He can't
stand the fact that I am the
rightful owner of the "Barrington
                       ANDY ROSS
Well what comes around, it goes
George starts crying.
Forgive me...I am a nervous
wreck!...I am starting to like
you. I want to inform you that
Mekkai is a fraud. He has
embezzled from my family the
"Barrington Estate". I am going to
sue him and I am going to take
care of Nena. What time is it?
                       ANDY ROSS
5.30 pm.
I got to go back to the cottage
otherwise they will not give me
any supper tonight. One more thing
don't, ever tell anybody that you
were talking to me! I want you to
He looks Andy carefully in his eyes.


Anyway I shouldn't let you swear,
Jethro! You sound and you look
like some Mr. Nobody, a simpleton,
hillbilly. You have no honor,no
manners and no class! We will
continue our conversation at 5 pm
George walks slowly towards the cottage.
Andy goes towards the mansion.
Andy shovels the papers nervously. He tries to grasp the
technical information. He studies a stack of folders, reads
He panicks since he doesn't understand all that.
Mekkai knocks on his door.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
Mr Ross please don't work so hard.
This all can wait! The guys who
worked here before left a mess and
I had to let them go.
                       ANDY ROSS
A hectic schedule keeps you
"Busier than a cat covering
doo-doo on a marble floor."
                       AL BEN MCCAY
He, he that's really a good one.
Well I hope that you will start
making me some money! We will play
by ear and we will see what
Mekkai gives Andy a look as if he is trying to read Andy's
mind. Andy waers a fake smile trying to hide his depression.
Andy walks towards the lake contemplating about his
difficult situation. He sits down on the bench. Suddenly he
hears a whisper from behind. George sits on the tree.
      (speaks fast)
Hey Jethro! Are you alone? Was
anybody following you? Did you
tell on me to Mekkai?
He goes from tree down and sits down on the bench next to
What is your name again?


                       ANDY ROSS
Andy Ross...
Whatever... I guess I should tell
you about Mekkai. ...He was a loan
shark who lend some money to my
father. One night my father had
been drinking. That night he made
my father sign the mansion over to
him in order to clear the debt.
Andy looks at George with great curiosity.
                       ANDY ROSS
I understand this part. But why
would your sister marry Mekkai?
To make long story short.Nena
married him out of love for my
father. One thing lead to another.
Mekkai made a deal with my father
that he had cleared the debt once
he had married Nena. So now she
suffers terribly. Because one year
after the wedding our father died
and that scumbag has made her sign
I.O.U notes for some huge amounts
of money. So now he controls the
estate and Nena suffers and he
kicked me out of there so that I
don't get in his way!
                       ANDY ROSS
The wheels are still turning, but
the hamster's dead! What does his
daughter say about all that?
Oh Cathy...She is a bitch! Well
you can't make a whore to a
housewife! But she hates that
scumbag because he was brutally
abusing her mother.
                       ANDY ROSS
Is she dead?
                       ANDY ROSS
The first wife of Mr. Mekkai
Yes she is. But anyway who cares?
As George becomes a little bit more relaxed Andy asks him a
                       ANDY ROSS
Why did they kick you out from the


You know what ...I am going to
need you!
George looks suspiciously around.
                       ANDY ROSS
      (asks with a loud
       and surprised
       tone of voice)
Shut up! Somebody may be listening
to us!
George looks again suspiciously around.
I am going to use you as a tool! I
want you to go to Beverly Hills
and meet my aunt Angela Chester.
She is a very stupid but very well
reputable person. Have you ever
noticed that reputable people
usually are stupid?
George makes a sarcastic smile.
      (cont'd with
You are an exception to the rule.
Because you are stupid and you are
not respectable at all. You are a
nobody! My aunt has great
connections in the upper middle
class and she hates Mekkai.
                       ANDY ROSS
I should see her because of what?
Quiet! Be quiet when I speak, you
white trash! Mekkai made them
declare me a mental case and
dangerous psycho. This way he was
able to remove me from the
mansion. So, my idea is that my
aunt should organize some kind of
jury evaluation which will declare
that I am a normal person.
                       ANDY ROSS
I get it...
I am going to write a letter to my
aunt where I'll describe you as my
close friend from Oxford even if
you look more like a cab driver
and because my aunt wants to
destroy Mekkai then she is going


                       GEORGE (cont'd)
to believe it. Make it look very
bad! Tell her that they locked me
up, they tortured me, they stole
my mail.
                       ANDY ROSS
Okay but...
Okay, I am going to write a letter
before you leave but if you say
one word to Mekkai then I'll kill
you like a rat!
                       ANDY ROSS
With a mouse trap?
Or poison. If you are illiterate
then write for help.
George disappears in the bushes.
                       ANDY ROSS
      (says to the
What a wacko! Maybe if he is right
then I could blackmail the Turk.
Andy walks towards the mansion. The BUTLER is standing
Mr. McCay is coming back tomorrow.
Andy contemplates again about his situation.
The servants serve dinner. Nena and Cathy come to the table.
Andy is confused with the large election of forks and knives
he doesn't know which ones to use. Then when he tries to get
some butter his hand smashes into the china butter cup.Cathy
sees that and she starts to laugh.
      (with sarcasm)
I am positive that you must have
failed your Oxford exam on the
"table manners".
Cathyyy!! please don't be
pathethic! So what exactly did you
do before you came to us Mr. Ross?
                       ANDY ROSS
Well I was in the military.


Lot of important people have
served in the military. Were you
an officer?
                       ANDY ROSS
No, I was just a private. I still
have a rheumatic disease since the
Gulf war.
Were you wounded?
                       ANDY ROSS
No, just lying in the desert for
hours gave me the disease.
So you must've received a lot of
                       ANDY ROSS
A star....
A silver star?
                       ANDY ROSS
He finishes drinking wine and wipes his mouth off with his
arm. Cathy gives him a disapproving look.
Suddenly he touches his stomach.
                       ANDY ROSS
Oh it hurts...I am so
sick...That's the war for you!
Would you please excuse me?
Andy pretends to be sick in order to extend his stay in the
mansion and walks towards his bedroom. Nena gives the sign
to the servant to help him to go to his bedroom.
Andy is in bed and pretends to be sick. Nena knocks on the
How are you feeling? Should I call
a doctor?
                       ANDY ROSS
No...No..that's ok. I am sure that
I'll feel better tomorrow.
May I come in?


                       ANDY ROSS
She walks into his bedroom.
Do you want anything? How about a
                       ANDY ROSS
Oh no thank you I am too weak to
hold a book in my hands.
Do you want me to read you a book?
I have some poetry and classic
books, Hemingway.
                       ANDY ROSS
How about Hemingway?
She starts to read Hemingway.
Andy shows her his hips.
                       ANDY ROSS
It hurts here really bad.
She touches him there.
                       ANDY ROSS
And here it hurts too...
She touches his chest.
She looks at the window.
You know ...I want to get away
from here...I am not happy here...
                       ANDY ROSS
Most important is not worry.
She makes an impression as she is little bit nervous.
Probably she had a fight with Cathy. Suddenly Mekkai comes
straight into the room while Nena touches Andy's hips. She
quickly pulls her hands away.
Mekkai is in a bad mood.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
What is this all about?
Mr. Ross is sick and I am helping
                       AL BEN MCCAY
      (with distrust)


                       AL BEN MCCAY
Perhaps you could leave us alone,
Nena. I have something to discuss
with Mr. Ross.
Nena walks out of the room.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
You know what Mr. Ross? There is
this regional state government
official called Casey. That guy
wants to be a real prick! He
harasses me constantly. Just
because he hates me!
                       ANDY ROSS
As soon as I'll get better then
I'll go to Sacramento and then to
Los Angeles. I'll take care of
that problem.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
"That's great"..Can you really?
Maybe you can make that prick shut
up. May be you can also talk to
the Secretary of Agriculture and
make him to allow us to cut more
trees on the state land.
                       ANDY ROSS
      (pretends to be
I am going to kick that guy's ass!
Mekkai looks at Andy closely trying to determine if he
should fully trust him.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
Just be careful when you are in
Sacramento because the mansion and
the plant are registered in my
wife's name.
                       ANDY ROSS
Done. Now what about the expenses?
                       AL BEN MCCAY
Oh the expenses are nothing! I can
always give you check or cash.
                       ANDY ROSS
So should I represent your wife?
Mekkai hesitates for a while.He looks at Andy with
                       AL BEN MCCAY
Well, you can represent me or my
wife because I have the power of
attorney over my wife. Let's make
it less complicated. Nena will
give you the power of attorney to
represent her in all the business


                       AL BEN MCCAY (cont'd)
                       AL BEN MCCAY
There a turkish saying: A woman’s
property has as much value as a
donkey’s shoe!
                       ANDY ROSS
How do you know that? Are you
turkish? I noticed that you have a
slight accent.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
      (little embarassed)
No, not at all. I just read and I
travel a lot. I speak with a
slight accent because my father
was an ambassador and I used to
live in the foreign countries.
Andy packs his stuff. The chauffeur takes his suitcase and
puts it to the trunk of a great looking Lincoln limousine.
The car drives through the country road. Andy sits inside
and reads newspaper. The car stops at the gas station. When
the Chauffeur leaves, Andy opens up the letter and reads it.
                       ANDY ROSS
"Dear Aunt
I am writing this letter in order
to introduce you to you a dear
friend of mine, Mr. Andrew Ross.
He is the son of a wealthy
southern estate owner. He has
studied with me in Oxford. Mr.
Ross is my ally in a fight against
the despicable creature of Ali Bin
Mekkai. I am pleading that you
will get a judgment declaring that
I am mentally sane against the
previous court judgement so that
we can get Mekkai arrested for
fraud and forgery. We will also
need to get a search warrant and
recover the documents which are
kept in the safe behind the
library located in the east wing
of the mansion."

Best Regards
He contemplates for a while.
The driver comes back. Andy puts the letter into a different
envelope and fakes George's writing.


Where would you like me to take
you in L.A.?
                       ANDY ROSS
Go to Grand Royal Hotel.
Andy wakes up. He makes coffee. Then he makes a call to
Colonel Dean Carson.
                       ANDY ROSS
Hello Colonel how are you doing?
...Great...Just chilling...I will
be in your area today...You want
that I will come over...Cool,
Andy makes another call.
                       ANDY ROSS
Hello...may I speak to the Deputy
State Secretary Upton...he is
busy? I need to make a request in
writing?...just tell him it's Andy
Ross and we met at the party...You
can ? Okay...I will wait...
After 1 minute.
                       ANDY ROSS
Mr. State Secretary , Yes ...we
can meet and have few drinks.
tonight....where? "Excelsior"
Exclusive Club ...there will be
some great babes with some great
Andy hangs up the phone.
Andy's Lincoln drives into Carson's residence. The residence
has a nice and big garden and a small tennis court. The
colonel himself opens the door. He smiles and greets Andy
                       DEAN CARSON
Hey aren't you that McCowan's
chaser? How are you doooing? How
is the life treating you!
                       ANDY ROSS
I just came from the country. I
was told that I'll find you here,
                       DEAN CARSON
Very good, very good, my friend.
Just call me Dean...and now join
me for breakfast. We had a blast
last night. A big party!


                       DEAN CARSON (cont'd)
He is looking tired from last night's event.
                       DEAN CARSON
Thank God, you straightened that
dork, McCowan, out. People start
to joke around in town about that.
                       ANDY ROSS
Oh come on...really?
                       DEAN CARSON
I swear! Williams talks about you
a lot. He says "that guy Ross
doesn't play around". Williams has
a lot of enemies. The unions and
as well agricultural organizations
fight with him all the time.
McCowan and his gang also try to
stab him in the back.
Carson looks at Andy.
                       DEAN CARSON
So I understand that you are a
neighbor or partner of that guy
                       ANDY ROSS
Both. I also represent his wife.
                       DEAN CARSON
Really? She is a very good looking
blonde! In fact she is a knockout!
                       ANDY ROSS
Yes. She is a perfect 10. She is a
                       DEAN CARSON
I heard some rumors that her and
McCay are bumping heads all the
                       ANDY ROSS
Maybe they are bumping heads.
                       DEAN CARSON
Well I am not wondering. He is an
old, boring fart and also a
crook.I always wonder what is she
doing with that old prick? However
you must know more about them than
I do.
                       ANDY ROSS
Well what can you do? He's uglier
than homemade soap."


                       DEAN CARSON
Sounds like a redneck expression.
I get it. Business is business.
Let me get ready and we are on our
way to L.A.
After few minutes the colonel came out dressed in his dark
blue Air Force uniform. They go to the car.
                       DEAN CARSON
Great toy. I love this little bar
inside. You must have spent a
pretty penny on it.
                       ANDY ROSS
      (answers jokingly)
A pretty penny with lots of
The car drives away towards L.A.
The colonel gets off in the downtown L.A. and the car
continues to drive to Beverly Hills to Aunt Angela's condo.
Andy goes into the condo building and knocks to Angela's
Apartment. An older sloppily dressed lady opens the door.
This is AUNT ANGELA. She is angry.
                       ANDY ROSS
I came to see Mrs. Chester.
                       AUNT ANGELA
What the hell do you want?!
                       ANDY ROSS
I am here on business. I came to
see Mrs. Chester! Can you please
call her.
                       AUNT ANGELA
What is it?
                       ANDY ROSS
I want to talk business. Please
tell her that her nephew's friend
has arrived.
                       AUNT ANGELA
Which nephew?
                       ANDY ROSS
George Morgan!
Suddenly she becomes very aggressive and starts screaming
                       AUNT ANGELA
I am not paying for any of his
debts!! You should not have lend
him any money! Why don't you go to


                       AUNT ANGELA (cont'd)
his brother-in-law!..And now
Andy fires back.
                       ANDY ROSS
Shut up you "drama queen"! Why the
hell are you yelling at me?! I did
not come to take any money from
you, I came here to give you
Aunt Angela gets very surprised.
                       AUNT ANGELA
Let me change and I will be right
with you. I really apologize.
She gives him her hand.
                       AUNT ANGELA
Would you please come in.
Andy walks in. The apartment is huge and exclusive however
it is sloppy. It contains 4 different rooms and big living
room. There are things laying around.
                       ANDY ROSS
      (whispering to
She is a bigger nut than her
The aunt serves him a cup of coffee. Andy gives her George's
letter. She started reading it. She gets very impressed
while she is reading the letter. She becomes very cordial
and friendly.
                       AUNT ANGELA
I am very impressed based on what
George wrote about you Mr. Ross.
What do you think about our
problem with Mekkai?
                       ANDY ROSS
I guess you should get an
                       AUNT ANGELA
It's a good idea, good idea.
However before we will do that we
should talk to Mr. Tenner. Do you
know Mr. Tenner?
                       ANDY ROSS
No, who is that?
                       AUNT ANGELA
This is a very talented young man.
He is coming tomorrow for dinner.
Would you care to join us?


                       ANDY ROSS
What time?
                       AUNT ANGELA
We will have dinner at 5 pm.
                       ANDY ROSS
                       AUNT ANGELA
Please forgive me for being rude.
                       ANDY ROSS
Don't mention it.
Andy leaves her condo.
Andy and deputy Secretary of Agriculture Upton party in the
club. There are some beautiful women who join them. Upton
and Andy drink a lot of alcohol. The women take them to
dance. They start dancing. Then all of them sit down. Upton
and Andy become increasingly more drunk. The TWO EXOTIC
DANCERS sit down on their laps.
      (with excitement)
It's time for the booootyy caaall!
Upton starts betouching the exotic dancer who sits on his
                       ANDY ROSS
      (in a slurred
I tell you.....Mr. State
Secretary....aaahhh...you got to
do....the new agricultural
law....new proposition....
      (in a drunken
...aaahhh....new law....?? What
kind of law?
                       ANDY ROSS
You got to pass law about storing
Upton is all drunk and he starts kissing the exotic dancer's
                       EXOTIC DANCER
      (with a silly
Honey why don't you make them pass
a law so they will let us show our
boobs on the television?! Then I
wouldn't need any of you guys
because I would be a TV Star!


      (with drunken
That's a damn good idea...We will
pass Andy's law and then we will
also pass the "boobs law".
After saying that Upton puts his head between stripper's
Andy meets Angela and Alex Tenner. They shake hands. Tenner
is a tall, well-dressed man over 30. He has sharp,
intrusive, piercing eyes. Tenner makes an impression of
being extremely sharp, intelligent, yet tough and
analytical. He watches Andy intensely as he is trying to
read him which makes Andy uncomfortable. The servants bring
dinner. All three of them sit down and eat.
                       ALEX TENNER
I am pleased to meet you. I've
heard a lot about you.
Andy hesitates a little. That guy makes him feel very
insecure. He is too bright and he makes an impression of
being a very sharp, dishonest and sneaky person. Tenner
watches Andy, carefully with caution. He studies closely his
every move.
                       AUNT ANGELA
People like to talk a lot however
this was Mr. Tenner who told me
that you were a great politician.
                       ALEX TENNER
Oh let's don't blow it out of
The servants bring a dinner. All three sit down and eat.
                       AUNT ANGELA
I am only worried if Nena will
agree with our plans.
                       ALEX TENNER
She doesn't have to agree! We can
do everything quietly. ...All we
need to do is to get some
connections with the State's
Attorney General. But we don't
have to worry about that because
we found you, my dear friend Andy.
You can take care of that.
                       AUNT ANGELA
Thank God.
                       ALEX TENNER
I did a short background check!
His name is Ali Bin Mekkai, 66
years old, he is a Turk, son of a
laundry lady Fatima born in


                       ALEX TENNER (cont'd)
Istanbul. He was investigated by
NYPD for fraud, then he used to be
a loan shark and this is how he
has embezzled and extorted funds
from the Morgan family.
                       ANDY ROSS
Mrs. McCay says that he has
embezzled the family fortune by
setting her up.
                       ALEX TENNER
Everybody knows about Mekkai and
this fake railroad contract. The
corrupt bureaucrat who signed it
has disappeared and also all the
paperwork. We can dig all this
dirt up and put Mekkai in jail.
                       AUNT ANGELA
Of course!
Tenner looks at Andy, suspiciously. Tenner constantly and
nervously shakes his cheeks.
                       ANDY ROSS
I agree with you.
                       ALEX TENNER
We got to take back take back the
"Barrington Estate". Nena is the
owner of the "Barrington Estate"
and she is not going to press
charges against Mekkai.
                       ANDY ROSS
No, she is not going to do that...
                       ALEX TENNER
George has to press charges
against Mekkai that he is forcing
his sister to lie.
Alex drinks glass of water. He gets all excited.
                       ALEX TENNER
It will only work if George will
be declared mentally sane. So
somebody from the family has to
make a petition...
                       AUNT ANGELA
That will certainly not be
me...not me!! No way! I had enough
of these problems. I don't need
the press to give me a bad name.
                       ALEX TENNER
      (gets irritated)
George doesn't have any other


Alex gives Aunt Angela an irritated and angry look.
                       ALEX TENNER
Then you can forget the $100,000
which George owes you and me.
They all become silent.
                       ALEX TENNER
I just feel sorry that we had to
bother Mr. Ross with this story.
                       AUNT ANGELA
But I really can't do that!
                       ANDY ROSS
Hey don't panic there is no rush!
It doesn't have to be done
                       ALEX TENNER
There is no rush but I need the
money. I am in a hole!
                       AUNT ANGELA
I will get you something.
                       ALEX TENNER
What? Again some $1000 or $500?
Alex waves his hand in an ignorant way.
Aunt Angela gets red-faced.
                       AUNT ANGELA
We can discuss it later. I don't
think that Mr. Ross wants to hear
it. Mr. Ross maybe you can
influence Nena?
                       ALEX TENNER
So Andy what's your cut?
                       AUNT ANGELA
Alex! Mr. Ross is good friends
with George.
                       ALEX TENNER
Oh come on I don't believe in some
great friendship. So what did
George promise to pay you?
                       ANDY ROSS
He didn't promise me anything!
                       ALEX TENNER
You are not talking to some stupid
kid! What are you getting out of


                       AUNT ANGELA
Please don't get upset Mr. Ross.
By the way, we have a bridge club
event next week on tuesday. There
will be lot of important people
like: Mr. Williams, his deputy Mr.
Upton, bank chairman Wesley and
                       ANDY ROSS
What about Colonel Dean Carson?
                       AUNT ANGELA
Do you know him? We can invite him
as well. I know that he is a good
friend of the D.A. Weightley.
                       ALEX TENNER
Well... and Weightley can put some
weight on our case he, he.
They all laugh.
                       ANDY ROSS
      (finally he gets
       the joke)
Oh, cause his name is Weightley.
Andy says goodbye to Angela and leaves the building with
They go towards Andy's car.
                       ALEX TENNER
Hey that's a nice "stretch" limo.
It must have cost a pretty penny.
                       ANDY ROSS
A pretty penny and some change.
Tenner goes to his car.
I know that gentleman. He used to
own a horse race track...It didn't
work out.
                       ANDY ROSS
He seems a little shifty.
You wouldn't believe how tricky he
The office of the State Secretary of Agriculture is
decorated with old-fashioned and elegant oak
furniture. There is a large library full of books about


economy and politics. The floor is covered with an expensive
handmade oriental carpet. The State Secretary has just
finished a consultation with one of his officials. It must
have been some bad news because he doesn't look too happy.
His deputy Richard Upton comes into his office.
What the hell are you doing?
Travelling all over, getting
wasted? Aren't you getting it?!
We're going down! Few more stunts
like that and we will go down to
the city sewer.
                        SEC. OF AGR. KEN WILLIAMS
First of all, you could say "Good
Good Morning.
                        SEC. OF AGR. KEN WILLIAMS
Congratulations, you signed that
contract with the union the way we
wanted it.
Don't thank me. Because this is
going to be the second to the last
document which I sign.
                        SEC. OF AGR. KEN WILLIAMS
How come the second to the last?
Because the last one will be my
                        SEC. OF AGR. KEN WILLIAMS
Whatever you do, don't leave me
Upton continues to talk with passion.
I was partying with that guy who
yelled at McCowan!
                        SEC. OF AGR. KEN WILLIAMS
You are the one who does party and
gets wasted. If I'll down then
you'll down with me.
Upton gets excited.
This is good! Do you know what
that guy says? He says that we
should store wheat.


                        SEC. OF AGR. KEN WILLIAMS
That's bullshit. The state has no
money. How would we pay for the
damn garners to store all that
We don't need any money!
                        SEC. OF AGR. KEN WILLIAMS
How come?
Pay with bonds! Print some more
recycled papers. That's all.
                        SEC. OF AGR. KEN WILLIAMS
It's not a such bad idea.
It's not a bad idea? It's a one
billion dollar idea! That guy Ross
he is a brain. Money talks
bullshit walks!
                        SEC. OF AGR. KEN WILLIAMS
And what's most important, he is
our man! ...He can also help us to
get rid of McCowan and his "gang"
Upton tells his secretary to call Ross and ask him to come
to his office as soon as possible.
After a short while Ross comes to Williams's office. Upton
and Williams greet him cordially.
                        SEC. OF AGR. KEN WILLIAMS
You are not exactly great public
speaker but you have some good
ideas. We can't store wheat but we
will find a way. So are you going
to work with us?
                       ANDY ROSS
I am your man Mr. State Secretary.
There is one little favor which I
want to ask if you could do for
me, Mr. State Secretary.
                        SEC. OF AGR. KEN WILLIAMS
Of course. I am listening.
                       ANDY ROSS
We have a problem with the
regional manager of the forestry
department-Casey. He hates McCay
and he keeps on harassing us he
wants to stop us from producing.
                        SEC. OF AGR. KEN WILLIAMS
Yes I have heard some complaints
but that McCay is a very shady
character! Are you related to him?


                       ANDY ROSS
Not at all.Just business!
                        SEC. OF AGR. KEN WILLIAMS
I'll be perfectly honest with you.
I don't want to change any of the
decisions made by Casey. Besides
McCay is seen as a crook and liar.
Would the increase lumber
production create an advantage to
the state?
                       ANDY ROSS
                        SEC. OF AGR. KEN WILLIAMS
Does Director Casey harass McCay's
wood processing plants for no
                       ANDY ROSS
He does!
                        SEC. OF AGR. KEN WILLIAMS
Okay it's taken care of. I believe
that leadership is based on the
ability to make fast decisions.
The Secretary of Agriculture takes one of his business cards
and he writes a few lines on the back.
                        SEC. OF AGR. KEN WILLIAMS
This is a little ticket to Casey.
I am going to send him a fax. I'll
meet you tomorrow at Mrs.
Chester's condo.
Andy leaves his office. He looks at the back of the business
card. It says " please make a favorable decision in McCay's
case. State Secretary of Agriculture Ken Williams".
                       ANDY ROSS
      (talks to himself)
So....all what it takes is a
little ticket with his name on it.
The car is driving on Wilshire Blvd. The traffic is
unbearable. Andy opens the window and watches people on the
street. Suddenly he notices somebody watching him
constantly. That's his ex-roommate Kellie. He tries to cover
his face so that she will not see him however it is too
late. She keeps on waving her hand and comes towards his
Hey Player, don't you recognize
me, anymore?
                       ANDY ROSS
Psst...I will come tomorrow...


What time?
However he ignores her question.
                       ANDY ROSS
      (whispers with
I don't want to see you
anymore...get lost...quit
bothering me!!!
Car drives away towards Beverly Hills and approaches the
condo building.
Andy arrives at Casey's regional office. There is some
BUREAUCRAT over fifty sitting behind his desk and he is
typing. He doesn't notice Andy and he ignores him.
                       ANDY ROSS
I came to see Mr. Casey!
The bureaucrat continues to type and he doesn't even look at
You are coming after the office
hours. You will have to come back
Andy gets irritated. He yells at the bureaucrat.
                       ANDY ROSS
Listen, maybe you have to be here
during office hours, but I don't!
Also, you better watch it and be
polite. Because you don't know
whom you are talking to..jerk off!
The official slowly raises his head.
But I had been very polite.
                       ANDY ROSS
Okay, then now run to Casey and
say that Mr. Ross came here with
some instructions from the State
Secretary Williams.
I'll call Mr. Casey at home.
The bureaucrat takes Andy to Casey's office. Andy sits down
behind Casey's desk and puts his feet on it.
After half an hour CASEY arrives. He is a short guy over 50
conservatively dressed, he has tired looking face.
It's my pleasure to meet you, sir.


                       ANDY ROSS
I don't know if it is such a
pleasure for you...Bozo!
Of course that this is my
pleasure. I received the fax from
State Secretary Williams this
                       ANDY ROSS
You should thank god that he
didn't fire you.
I have always worked very hard and
I was always very precise in doing
my job. I have never even slightly
broken any rules.
                       ANDY ROSS
      (screaming at him)
So what?! You break the rules all
the time when you stop the
production! Believe me I can kick
your fat ass like you wouldn't
believe it!
Casey started defending himself showing Andy different law
books, state regulations, manuals, directives and government
                       ANDY ROSS
Listen Pal! Leadership is based on
the ability of making quick
Andy takes Williams's business card and gives it to Casey.
Casey is shaking nervously and he is looking for glasses.
From now on whatever you say Mr.
Ross will be like an order to us.
                       ANDY ROSS
Good, this time you are lucky,
Casey. I saved your ass! You
pissed off some pretty powerful
Andy pretends to be more relaxed. He stands up and points
his finger closely at Casey. He speaks with a mildly
threatening tone of voice.
                       ANDY ROSS
Okay bra, just don't start with
me. Because, it may not be very
healthy for you.


Andy turns to leave, impressed by himself for being so
intimidating. As he turns, he SLAMS his face into the edge
of the open door, he was expecting the door to be closed. He
stumbles for a moment, looks back at Casey angry and leaves.
Nena is very well dressed, wearing a chic dress and
expensive jewellery necklace and awaits Andy's arrival.
Cathy argues with Nena.
      (with anger)
You should stop kissing this guy's
ass! I can't believe that you are
wearing your most expensive dress,
almost showing your boobs, just to
show off when he gets here!
Cathy, you are insulting me!
I have no respect for women who
get down on their knees for
men!They are bitches...do you
understand bitches!
Nena starts to cry. Her eyes are full of tears. Cathy is
angry and she makes a fist.
      (with anger)
You make me feel sick, when you
try to come on to him like that!!
You have fallen for that guy!
Cathy rapidly stands up from her chair. She is ready to
Yes I did!
He is just a bold, primitive and
very gross low life, some stupid
      (screams red-faced
       and excited)
So what? He is gross, he is a
strong man, he is a winner, he is
a leader type of a man. Why do you
always say that I am a perfect
woman. I have believed you and
now... I have met a perfect man!
You met Jethro, an idiot


He is not a primitive low life. He
is strong and he is kind of cute.
You are just jealous because you
are too shallow to see his strengh
and powerful, manly charm!
Why do you say all that BS. Why
don't you just say that you want
to have this guy in bed?
You are heartless Cathy, you are
Nena starts to cry. Cathy gives her glass of water.
Nena sweetheart stop crying, stop
Go away, go away, leave me alone.
Drink some water.
Cathy starts to cuddle Nena.
Somebody knocks on the door.Mekkai comes in. He is stunned.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
What the hell are you doing?
What's wrong with both of you?
Come on down for supper! Andy Ross
came back. What a great guy you
wouldn't believe what kind of
results did he get. I have asked
him to wait and tell the story to
the both you.
Get hell out of this room!!!
                       AL BEN MCCAY
Get the hell out of here right
Yeah! Out!!!
Mekkai freezes and stands still he looks at them with great
hate in his eyes and finally he swears and leaves the room.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
...Damn broads.....


                       ANDY ROSS
      (to butler)
What's going on?
      (smiling with
Probably Miss had kicked Mr. McCay
out of her room. It happens here
quite often.
Mekkai pretends as if nothing has happened, trying to mask
his anger.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
I am sorry to tell you Mr. Ross.
My wife is sick and she can't come
down for supper. Well we can have
supper without any female company.
They sit down at the table.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
      (in good spirits)
Do you know that this will
increase the income of the
"Barrington Estate" of up to 500
thousands dollars. Therefore your
salary will be increased over
20000 dollars. So what do you
think? Was it worth your trouble?
                       ANDY ROSS
I don't know.... maybe it was
worth the trouble.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
      (gets irritated)
What do you mean "maybe"?
                       ANDY ROSS
I spent lot of cash on this trip
so I was hoping that also my
salary had increased as well.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
Okay, I'll give you a monthly
salary of $5500.
                       ANDY ROSS
That's not enough! I want $7000.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
Wouldn't this be a little bit too
                       ANDY ROSS
So who the hell do you think that
I am?!If $7000 is too much then I
want $8000!
Mekkai tries to smile and joke around. He becomes


                       AL BEN MCCAY
Okay then, $8000.
Since you are making so much money
now, you could do me a little
You haven't happened to know any
guys from the Department of
Transportation and the railways?
                       ANDY ROSS
Maybe I can find some contacts.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
Perhaps you could get me some
business for railrway ties. That's
a great business, that's real
                       ANDY ROSS
Weren't you already in that line
of business before?
Mekkai becomes a little uncomfortable.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
Yes, I was and I was sued.
However the case was dismissed and
they couldn't prove anything. I
don't need any enemies. I had
strong evidence in my hands.
He looks at Andy with uncertainty in his eyes.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
Do you think that that lawsuit
could keep us from getting new
                       ANDY ROSS
Certainly, it won't help! First
let's catch the fish and then we
will think how to bake the fish!
                       AL BEN MCCAY
I completely agree with you on
that! I can prove everything and
I am squeaky clean!
Mekkai notices that Andy is tired.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
Well you are very tired why don't
you go to sleep. Don't sweat over
this. Of course I would be very
grateful if you will keep an eye
on things.
                       ANDY ROSS
AAhhh... Thanks.


                       AL BEN MCCAY
Whenever you have time spend some
time with my wife. She gets really
bored and Cathy makes her nervous.
Andy is confused thinking that McCay wants him to make his
wife pregnant. McCay talks about wood impregnation.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
...and since I am paying you more
now. You are an expert so you can
start impregnation!
Andy is confused thinking that impregnation means making
Mekkai's wife preganant. Mekkai thinks about wood
                       ANDY ROSS
Are you sure?
                       AL BEN MCCAY
Of course there is time for that!
                       ANDY ROSS
What if your wife doesn't like
this idea??
                       AL BEN MCCAY
She doesn't have anything to say.
I am the boss here and it's my
plant! Anyway what does she have
to do with that?
                       ANDY ROSS
I will start the impregnation.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
Andy goes to his room.
Andy lies down. He contemplates again.
                       ANDY ROSS
      (whispers to the
That guy is such a trip. That
broad wants me so bad and she
comes on to me and he pushes her
even more.
Somebody opens his door. It's Cathy. She wears sexy, silky
"see it through" night gown.
Am I bothering you?


                       ANDY ROSS
No... not at all.
I ran out of cigarettes.
                       ANDY ROSS
And I thought...
And you thought what?
                       ANDY ROSS
I thought that you want something
from me.
Actually, yes. I do.
She looks Andy, carefully in his eyes.
I want to talk to you. What are
your intentions towards Nena?
                       ANDY ROSS
What? I don't know what are you
talking about?
Don't play dumb… you stupid idiot
hillbilly! You can’t deny that
you were coming on to her!
Andy shrugs his shoulders.
You are barking at the wrong tree.
She is off the market! Are you
phantasizing that Nena is going to
leave her husband for you?! Just
because she is infatuated with
you, it doesn't mean anything.
                       ANDY ROSS
What do you mean that she is
infatuated with me?
It doesn't matter! I came here
because I want to find out if you
are a gentleman or just some dirty
pig who wants to take advantage of
a weak woman.
Cathy is furious and her tone of voice is harsh.
                       ANDY ROSS
But why the hell are you bothering


So I understand that you want to
be a pig. I would just love to
take a metal stick or something
and smash it into your ugly,
rectangled face!
                       ANDY ROSS
Andy is angry. Suddenly she jumps and grabs his hand.
                       ANDY ROSS
I am going to do whatever I feel
like to do. Do you understand? Who
the hell are you to tell me what
to do?!
She comes to the window.
But you are not telling me to
                       ANDY ROSS
      (with indifference)
It's time to sleep.
Andy gets embarassed and he adjusts his pants.
Suddenly she laughs and sits down on the edge of his bed.
She speaks softly.
Do you always spend every night so
lonely? Here in the country you
are so much by yourself! I
understand why you are doing that.
                       ANDY ROSS
Doing what?
Hitting on Nena.
She laughs again.
Andy I understand that you want to
have a woman, but why do you want
to have Nena? Don't you like me?
Okay, how big is it?
She looks him straight in his eyes.
                       ANDY ROSS
What do you mean? How big is what?
Nevermind. I am younger than Nena
and I am just as pretty as her. Oh


Quickly, she unties her nightgown. Then she takes it off and
suddenly she is all naked. Andy opens his eyes and his mouth
hangs wide open. He loses his head and he can't say
                       ANDY ROSS
Come on...now ... do you like what
you see? Go ahead...Do me!
Cathy starts laughing very loud. Andy opens his mouth and
makes "big eyes" and just watches her. He can't move or say
a word.
So...Come on...Do me now!
Andy looks scared at her with his eyes wide open.
So maybe do you think I am a slut?
What are you waiting for?..Don't
be shy...Come on!..
She takes his head puts it between her breasts.
      (in an excited
Well...Come on...Do me Jethro! Do
me you fucking village idiot!
                       ANDY ROSS
Hell! Somebody called me like that
He aggressivelly jumps and gets on top of Cathy. They make
love. After having sex for a while she tries to free herself
from his tight grip. She is disguisted and she looks down at
him. She tries again to push him away. She tries to push his
big hands away. She keeps on wrestling him. He is stronger
and she is not able to push him away.
Let me go you pig!...Go away...You
are disguisting.
Then after having sex she becomes free and pushes his arms
away. She puts her night gown on.
                       ANDY ROSS
Hey Babe you were really good! You
are doing it so well!
Cathy looks at him with hate and disgust.
      (speaks with hate)
You are a disgusting, filthy pig.


Andy makes a stunned face as he doesn't really understand
what does she really wants. She runs off and leaves the
room. He contemplates about the whole situation.
He goes to sleep.
Cathy and Nena undress then they kiss and snuggle each other
and make out. They are slowly undressing.
Mekkai, Nena and Andy meet in the dining room for supper.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
So what's new in Sacramento?
                       ANDY ROSS
Well I had talked with Williams
and Upton and I got some great
                       AL BEN MCCAY
      (talks to Nena)
Psstt. That's a state secret. Mr.
Ross is preparing a project of
grain storage. Mr. Ross! They
should treat you like gold. I am
so curious! So Andy what is this
all about?
Andy keeps his cool and speaks slowly.
                       ANDY ROSS
We are planning to print state
bonds and pay for the grain with
                       AL BEN MCCAY
That's an amazing...that's an
amazing idea...You got some
Nena looks at Andy as she is very impressed. She gives him a
discreet smile.
                       ANDY ROSS
However the state doesn't have any
money to build those "big things"
to store...."storers".
                       AL BEN MCCAY
      (corrects him)
You mean garners.
Mekkai speaks with excitement.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
That's a setback ...But...How
about if the state lends the money
to the farmer but the farmer has
to store the grain! Why would some


                       AL BEN MCCAY (cont'd)
farmer care about setting up an
extra garner!
Andy is very surprised with old man's fast thinking.
                       ANDY ROSS
Well we have discussed it as
well...may be this is a way...
The butler comes in.
The production manager has called
and says that there is some
                       AL BEN MCCAY
Would you please excuse me? It's
one of those days.
Mekkai runs to his car.
You know so much about the world's
economy. Where did you study?
                       ANDY ROSS
I have studied it in Axe Fort.
Axe Fort...Axe Fort..I am not sure
if I know that university. Is this
out of the country?
                       ANDY ROSS
Yes it is out of the country. They
got also a lumberyard there and a
lot of axes, so they call it Axe
Maybe it is in Oxford?
                       ANDY ROSS
Yes it is Oxford.
Nena laughs out loud.
I guess I heard it wrong. It's
funny how you pronounce it.
                       ANDY ROSS
It's so called my "Axe Fort
English". They are teaching it
Then you must have known my
brother George Morgan. He used to
study in Oxford.


                       ANDY ROSS
Yes I did. He is a good friend of
And do you know what happened to
                       ANDY ROSS
      (biting his tongue)
Not at all. Does he have a screw
lose or something?
He used to drink, party, take
drugs, fight and finally he became
mentally sick. He used to have
fury attacks and Al has evicted
him from the mansion and he has
stayed in a mental hospital for 2
years. He doesn't get the attacks
anymore, so he lives with his
nurse in the cottage. Would you
come with me to visit him,
                       ANDY ROSS
Okay let's visit him.
Nena holds his hand and they walk out of the building.
Nena and Andy meet George. George sits in the garden. He
looks at them with suspicion.
Hello, George how are you doing? I
brought here your friend from
Oxford. Do you still recognize
Would you excuse us, Nena? We
haven't seen each other for a long
time. We have a lot of things to
discuss and would like to be
alone. Do you mind staying here
while we take a walk?
Nena walks into the cottage. As soon they are out of her
sight George grabs Andy viciously by the collar.
What the hell are you doing you
dirtbag? I have a sharp knife in
my pocket and I am going to cut
your throat on the spot! You told
everything to Nena. Maybe that
scumbag Mekkai knows everything as


                       ANDY ROSS
I haven't told anything to anybody
I swear!
George let's him go.
Lucky you! So how come that she
knows that I have introduced you
to Aunt Angela as a friend from
                       ANDY ROSS
Chill dude! She doesn't know, I
just told her.
You are not only a crook but a
moron. You don't know anything
about England, you’ve never been
there, you can't even fake the
accent. Everybody will find out
that you’re full of shit.
George calms down and relaxes for while.
What about Aunt Angela didn't she
kick you out of her home?
                       ANDY ROSS
Why would she do that?
George sits down on the park bench.Andy want to sit down
next to George but he stops him.
Stand back! I don't want any of
such low class people like you to
sit next to me! Just tell me
clearly what has happened in
Beverly Hills.
                       ANDY ROSS
Well I met her and that guy Alex.
he said that we should help you
and then there was a bridge party
and all the important "big shot"
guys came in.
You tell the story like somebody
who completely lacks any
intelligence. Are you a high
school drop out?
Andy doesn't say anything. They walk back to the cottage.
Did both of you remember the good
old times?


      (with sarcasm)
We were talking about the times
when we were in Oxford and London,
when we used to drink all the
time, we remembered the girls and
late nights. I haven't heard such
perfect queens "Oxford English" in
George laughs out loud.
George knocks Andy on his shoulders.
How about it southern boy?
Andy and Nena leave George and keep walking towards the
It's better if you don't visit
him. The doctors recommend that he
doesn't see anybody because he
gets anxious when he meets people.
                       ANDY ROSS
Whatever you say.
She puts her head on his shoulder and they keep walking.
After 2 days. Andy is sitting in the living room alone. He
is bored. Suddenly he finds a photo album. He starts to look
at the pictures. Many of them are pictures of Nena and Cathy
posing naked in different ways. Cathy walks in.
Give that back right away!
                       ANDY ROSS
Watch it!
Cathy snatches the photo album out of Andy's hands. She is
furious and starts to yell.
That's sick! You are a pervert!
You broke into my father's house
to steal his wife! I am ordering
you to leave! I don't care if you
know the Pope. You may impress my
father but you are just another
hillbilly "loser" to me. Get hell
out of this house, now!
Her tone of voice becomes increasingly higher. Andy is
surprised. Mekkai comes in. He becomes very angry with her.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
      (says silently)
Cathy...get out.


Cathy doesn't budge.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
      (he whispers
       through his teeth)
Cathy go to my office.
She shruggs her shoulders but she doesn't leave.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
What has happened here?
                       ANDY ROSS
Well this had happened that your
daughter has insulted me and she
has ordered me to leave your
house. Well you can forget that
railway contract because I
Mekkai grabs his hand. He looks him in the eyes.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
Mr. Ross please forgive me. I am
very sorry about my daughter's
behavior. Would you feel better if
Cathy left today? I’ll send her to
Costa Rica… or something.
                       ANDY ROSS
Should I feel better? She called
me names.
Mekkai is very irritated but he is calm on the outside.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
Are we friends again?
He shakes Andy's hand.
After few hours Cathy takes her bags and drives away.
The servant brings a fax.
                       ANDY ROSS
"The Governor requests your
presence at the board meeting at
10 am on Tuesday in reference to
the matter as discussed. Signed
Mekkai walks up to Andy. Andy shows him the fax message.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
That's incredible. Is this the
grain storage thing?
                       ANDY ROSS
Yes that's right.


                       AL BEN MCCAY
So then the Secretary of
Transportation will probably be
                       ANDY ROSS
Yes I am quite sure.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
How about if you would have a
little chat with him about the
railway contract? Please...
                       ANDY ROSS
Well it would be kind of awkward
to talk him now about it there.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
Would you just do some small
Andy shrugs.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
Let's go and look at some
Mekkai moves a bookcase to reveal a safe. He opens the safe.
He takes a briefcase and gives Andy some papers.He takes
them out of the green folder.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
That should be everything you need
to get started.
                       ANDY ROSS
Okay, I’ll see what I can do.
Mekkai gives a sharp, proving, continuous look while Andy
tries to avoid it and quickly leaves the room.
After receiving the documents Andy goes downstairs. Mekkai
goes to his room. Nena waits for Andy. They go to on the
balcony. They start kissing.
You are my knight in shining
                       ANDY ROSS
What are you talking about? I have
a grey suit on and I never was a
knight and I never wear any
"shining armour. Didn't those
knights live in middle ages or


You are part of my dream!
                       ANDY ROSS
Come with me to my room..and then
we can dream in my bed!
You are too forward!I want to keep
this strictly pure and platonic!
Nena kisses him and she leaves.
                       ANDY ROSS
      (whispers to the
Hell with all that platonic crap
and her weird dreams. I want sex.
Crazy broad!
The State Secretaries and other government officials with
the State Governor sit in the boardroom. Andy feels like an
equal. They read some reports and some government
statistics. Then they talk a little bit about Mekkai's
The governor makes a small talk to Andy. The governor has a
very strange, foreign accent.
I hear that you are a bodybuilder
like me.
                       ANDY ROSS
I usually go to do weightlifting
on a certain beach.
       with hard foreign
Just like in my old days when I
came to "Calyfornyen" I used to do
the weightlifting in Venice Beach
and I always used to carry a big
"tiroler" hat with a fake bottom
with me.
William interrupts their conversation.
                        SEC. OF AGR. KEN WILLIAMS
Gentlemen we would like to discuss
now our little "Pawn Shop"
Everybody starts to laugh. After a while one of the board
members walks up to Andy.
                        SEC. OF AGR. KEN WILLIAMS
We have decided that the state
government will finance the
Investment Bankers Group. But


                        SEC. OF AGR. KEN WILLIAMS (cont'd)
please let me introduce my friend,
Bank Owner, Mr. Roy Carrington.
                       BANK OWNER CARRINGTON
As most of you know, I am the
owner of several banks in
California. The governor has told
me about you Mr. Ross, I am very
impressed. Would you accept a
position as a Bank Chairman?
Andy tries to hide his nervous excitement.
                       ANDY ROSS
Well it's certainly worth a
thought or two...If something is
hard to do, it's "like trying to
herd cats."
                       BANK OWNER CARRINGTON
      (confused in
Did you just say "herd cats"?
The board members look confused trying to understand Andy's
                        SEC. OF AGR. KEN WILLIAMS
      (not so sure cuts
It's a very good point! Very good
answer! Banking is like herding
cats! Herding money, herding cats!
The board members still look confused.
      (with sarcasm)
It seems Andy like you are little
bit worried if you can "herd all
those cats".
Williams gives Andy a silent "Just take it" nodding sign.
                       ANDY ROSS
I am very lucky to be here with
all of you "big shot guys" and I
never really learned how to count
and about this job I don't know if
would know what I am doing
                        SEC. OF AGR. KEN WILLIAMS
      (cuts in)
In other words you are saying that
you accept?!
                       BANK OWNER CARRINGTON
You accept the position then I am
going to assign Mr. Hollis as the
Managing Director.


The state officials try to convince and influence him to
accept the position. Finally he agrees. Andy laughs.
      (with evil sarcasm)
Congratulations Andy! I guess it's
a great career turning point for
such a COUNTRYMAN like you to
become a bank chairman!
                       ANDY ROSS
Thank you.
      (with slight
Also whenever you have a chance to
show me your "Axefort" diplomas I
would really like to look closely
at them.
Andy gets very nervous and uncomfortable. Seeing that
Williams quickly cuts into conversation.
                        SEC. OF AGR. KEN WILLIAMS
That's really just a formality,
Andy. We will have a lot of time
on some other day to get into
details. Congratulations!
McCowan talks to one of the officials.
Let our Super-duper Cocker Spaniel
check this guy out!
Who the hell is that?
The Police Chief Davis, of course!
After a while a group of journalists come and ask him lots
of questions.
                       ANDY ROSS
Hey all of you gentlemen let's go
to the bar and have drink. All the
drinks are on me!
Andy and the journalists leave the government building.
Andy wakes up. He calls the service and orders few local and
national business papers. He has hangover after yesterday's
party with journalists. He picks up the national edition of
the business paper. His picture is on the cover page. He
reads loud the article.
                       ANDY ROSS
"Andy Ross new great economic
leader! ...Oxford graduate...


                       ANDY ROSS
Oh...that's how you spell Oxford!
                       ANDY ROSS
Andy Ross a genius...army
lieutenant hero from Persian
                       ANDY ROSS
      (whispering to the
Damn I was drunk but I didn't tell
them anything like that! Now
everybody knows me! What about
clerks from Alabama. I am so
stupid I will not last one week.
How about an assistant? An
assistant, somebody sly, sneaky,
like ....like...Tenner!!!
He makes a phone call to Aunt Angela.
                       ANDY ROSS
There is something very important.
I would like to see you and Mr.
Tenner tonight!
The door of the condo is wide open. As Andy is approaching
it he can hear loud screaming.
                       ALEX TENNER
You got to give me one grand!
                       AUNT ANGELA
You piece of trash, you lazy
bastard! I am not going to give
you a penny!
Aunt Angela and Tenner are sitting at the table. Tenner
looks tired and irritated. Andy sits down.
                       AUNT ANGELA
We read the newspapers. We have to
congratulate you, Mr. Ross.
                       ANDY ROSS
How is the job search going Mr.
                       ALEX TENNER
Very badly. My finances are
looking depressing as well.
                       ANDY ROSS
What if I would offer you an
interesting job, Mr. Tenner? Would
you be interested in hearing more
about it?


                       AUNT ANGELA
Of course!
                       ANDY ROSS
You see I am looking for an
executive assistant. I guess an
executive assistant of the
Chairman is somebody important,
don't you agree?
Tenner looks at him as if he doesn't care at all.
                       ALEX TENNER
Thank you very much Mr. Chairman
but I don't know if am any good
for this job. There are steady
office hours, and coming early.
                       ANDY ROSS
Don't worry. You will not have any
steady office hours. You'll be in
the office whenever I'll be in the
office. Do you think that the
Chairman has to sit there all
the time?...That's what the
Managing Director is for.
Alex shakes his hand.
                       ALEX TENNER
Thank you very much Mr. Chairman.
                       ANDY ROSS
How much do you want?
                       ALEX TENNER
I don't know...it depends on how
much are you going to give me,
Mr. Chairman.
Everybody starts to LAUGH.
                       AUNT ANGELA
At least 50 grand a year.
                       ALEX TENNER
      (speaks loud)
                       ANDY ROSS
What? Sixty? I'll give you 80!
Aunt Angela opens a bottle of champagne.
                       ANDY ROSS
Just under one condition! Whatever
we talk about, should never leave
my office.
                       ALEX TENNER


Takes the glass with champagne.
                       ANDY ROSS
The skill to be a leader is based
on the ability to make fast
                       ALEX TENNER
Didn't I hear somebody tell this
to me before?
Andy and Tenner walk into the new office. It contains
artistic woodwork, few paintings, expensive wooden
furniture, personalized desk, color patterned carpet and
crystal chandelier. One of the paintings presents the
english fox hunting event.
                       ALEX TENNER
Welcome to your new office Mr.
Chairman. I have personally
selected the interior.
                       ANDY ROSS
Looks very nice. These are strange
                       ALEX TENNER
That's Picasso.
Alex points few Picasso paintings.
                       ANDY ROSS
I wonder why those women have 3
heads! I have never seen any women
like that.
                       ALEX TENNER
That's called abstract art Mr.
Chairman. I have also brought a
painting which may remind you on
your "Oxford times" which is the
"Fox hunting in Ascot".
Alex points at the "Foxhunting" picture.
                       ANDY ROSS
Oh yeah in that Axe Fort.
Alex gives him a careful look.
                       ALEX TENNER
So today we have a speech and new
staff meeting, then we will take
care of all the urgent stuff.
                       ANDY ROSS
Would that speech "thing" be
really necessary? All the speeches
always really stress me out!


                       ALEX TENNER
Yes it will be necessary....
Alex gives him a long gaze again.
The bank staff is gathered in the large conference hall.
Andy walks up to the podium. Tenner and HOLLIS stand next to
Andy. Hollis is a nervous guy over 50, who seems to be very
accurate and well organized.
                       ANDY ROSS
      (speaks loud)
Ya'll Welcome to the State Bank of
Agriculture! I just want to say
that you guys got to work very
hard. Whatever Mr. Tenner says is
like I am saying it. Your boss is
Mr. Hollis. There is a new sheriff
in town. I don't want to have any
slackers here or I am going to
kick your ass. Get to work!
Alex and Andy walk out of the conference room.
Andy works with Tenner.
Andy segregates business cards and letters of all kinds of
VIPs. They read: State Governor, Chairman of the Stock
Exchange, State Senators and others.
Tenner and Hollis walk into his office.
                       ALEX TENNER
Mr. Chairman we got to take care
of these matters right away!
We should set up a board meeting
and talk about this stuff.
Andy looks the files quickly over. He is confused. There are
all kinds of numbers and bank procedures which he doesn't
                       ANDY ROSS
This...approve, that...approve.
All the rest...reject, reject,
Are you sure? Usually we....
                       ANDY ROSS
Don't tell me what you usually do!
Do what I tell you to do!


I will do as you say Mr. Chairman.
After few hours Andy hears somebody screaming. Andy opens
the door.
                       ANDY ROSS
      (screams at Tenner)
Who is making all that noise here?
Hollis walks in.
There is some guy called Wiley who
demands to talk to you
immediatelly. I told him that you
are busy but....
Suddenly a little chubby guy called WILEY barges in. He
looks like a country guy. He pushes his way into Andy's
      (speaks with
       strong southern
Mr. Chairman that's me.
Andy gets red-faced. He keeps his cool.
                       ANDY ROSS
You may come in.
Andy closes the door and shows Wiley and empty seat.
                       ANDY ROSS
What the hell do you want Wiley?
Now Wiley is intimidated by Andy.
I came here as an old friend, as a
co-worker from the Prairieville
post office. I read in the
newspaper all about you.
                       ANDY ROSS
So what can I do for you?
Well I am kind of unemployed now.
I came here so that perhaps you
can help me. I have wife and
                       ANDY ROSS
Were you fired from the Post
      (speaks quietly)
They have sent some new manager, a
real prick. He was looking for
trouble from day one. He got
together with the inspector


                       WILEY (cont'd)
Hensley and suddenly they were
jumping all over me!
      (cont'd screams
He found some illegal stuff in
your log book. There were lots of
checks and money orders missing!!
                       ANDY ROSS
      (with anger)
Why the hell are you yelling?!
Don't raise your voice! So what
the hell do you want?
I am asking you, Mr. Chairman to
give me a job.
                       ANDY ROSS
There are no jobs here. It's all
Are you kidding me? You just say
one word and there will be 10
                       ANDY ROSS
Why should I do anything for you?
You used to treat me like a piece
of garbage, belittle me, call me
names...and now you want me to
help you? Get out of my face!
Andy makes an elbow sign.
Wiley gets mad and looks at Andy with hate.
                       ANDY ROSS
I am not going to give you a damn
thing. You used to play a big shot
and now you kiss my ass.
Andy gets so mad that he stamps his foot.
                       ANDY ROSS
Do you know whom are you dealing
with? You are dealing with a
chairman, governor's friend, you
moron! Stand up when I am talking
to you!
I can tell the State Secretary
that you were stealing people's
mail and money orders from our
post office! I'll put a damper on
that big career of yours!


Wiley hesitates and stands up.
                       ANDY ROSS
Shut up!! I can push you out the
window. Get hell out of my office
before I will throw you out. And
quit talking about your stupid,
shitty post office. Out!!
Wiley doesn't move. He looks down to the floor.
Okay I will leave but I just want
to tell you that you can't just
push me out the window. There is
some justice in this world... If
the newspapers had written that
you threw your ex-supervisor out
the window...if they found out who
you really were...and I can kick
your ass!
                       ANDY ROSS
Whaaat??? You Punk!!!
Why are you yelling, Mr. Chairman?
Do you think that you can make me
shut up? You think you call the
shots now, but we'll see. I'll
kick your ass!!! Goodbye!!
Wiley goes to the door.
                       ANDY ROSS
Wiley has a somber look on his face.
I am waiting.
                       ANDY ROSS
What are you going to do?
Well what can I do?
                       ANDY ROSS
You Punk!
Andy spits on the floor. He picks up the phone and makes a
                       ANDY ROSS
Good Morning Mr. General Manager.
How are you doing?...Do you have a
job in your factory for one guy?
Speaks after a while.


                       ANDY ROSS
Yeah I care.
Speaks to the phone after a little while.
                       ANDY ROSS
Yeah he.. he.. works well. His
name is Wiley. So does it mean
yes? Does it mean that this can be
done? Great. Bye.
Wiley smiles.
                       ANDY ROSS
Well you are a little lucky
bastard. Hell with you! I got you
a job.
Thank you Mr. Chairman.
He wants to give Andy a hand shake but Andy doesn't shake
his hand. Hollis leaves his office.
Tenner walks in.
                       ALEX TENNER
Mr. Chairman you are invited to
the Horse race track on Saturday
morning. There will be a lot of
VIPs there, including well-known
industrialist, Gina Warren.
Tenner and Aunt Angela sit and drink coffee.
                       ALEX TENNER
You know sometimes I wonder about
                       AUNT ANGELA
Why is that?
                       ALEX TENNER
Sometimes he is such an idiot. He
can't understand the simplest of
matters and he can't make any
simple decisions, he completely
doesn't know what the hell he is
doing...I wonder how did he get
this job?
                       AUNT ANGELA
You have a top, well-paying job!
What the hell do you care about
what he does?
                       ALEX TENNER
Like always you are right.


The group of VIPs is gathered at the Horse Race Track. There
is Aunt Angela, Col. Dean Carson, GINA WARREN, CHIEF OF
POLICE DAVIS and others.
                       CHIEF OF POLICE
      (speaks while he
       is watching Andy)
That guy Ross, he is a very
strange person. He just came out
of the blue. Nobody knows any damn
thing about that guy....
                       DEAN CARSON
He is a cool guy! But he doesn’t
let people slip anything past him.
                       AUNT ANGELA
He has studied with George Morgan
in Oxford and he also has the
power-of-attorney over George's
sister, Nena. He represents her in
all business matters.
                       CHIEF OF POLICE
I have checked in our records and
we don't have any information
about him.
                       AUNT ANGELA
Did you also check our records
Chief Davis?
Mrs. Warren is well dressed lady over 50. She smiles at
                       MRS. WARREN
You must be Mr. Ross I have heard
so many stories about you. I
really would like to get better
acquainted with you.
                       ANDY ROSS
Sure why not!
                       DEAN CARSON
You must've done a lot of fox
hunting when you were in England.
                       ANDY ROSS
Not really.
                       DEAN CARSON
Oh come on, don't be so modest. I
am sure that you went every
weekend to do fox hunting in
                       MRS. WARREN
Oh really did you study there?


                       ANDY ROSS
Yes, I have used to study in Axe
Fort, New England.
                       MRS. WARREN
That's quite extraordinary. I know
every little corner of New England
and I don't know any university or
place with that name....
                       DEAN CARSON
Andy is a great joker. He has
studied in Oxford, England.
                       MRS. WARREN
Oh ...what a great sense of humor
Mr. Ross! You were trying to give
me clues....
                       ALEX TENNER
I am betting $2000 on "Red Devil".
                       MRS. WARREN
I am also betting on "Red Devil".
                       DEAN CARSON
"Red Devil" as well. I am sure
that this horse is going to win. I
read a lot of information as how
many prizes he won.
                       ALEX TENNER
What about you Mr. Chairman? Which
horse are you betting on?
                       ANDY ROSS
I am not betting!
                       DEAN CARSON
What do you mean that you are not
betting? You got to bet on a
                       ANDY ROSS
Okay then I am betting on
                       ALEX TENNER
But Mr. Chairman that's the worst
horse. Nobody is betting on that
horse. I am quite sure that you
are going to lose!
                       DEAN CARSON
That horse was on every race
always the last one.
                       ANDY ROSS
Well, but I am betting $500 on
that horse.
What kind of odds?


                       ANDY ROSS
The odds are.....1-7-4.
The BOOKIE approaches Andy. Andy hands over $500 to the
The horses start to race. The speaker shouts over megaphone.
People watch the horses with great emotions.
Ladies and gentlemen, we begin the
race! "Red Devil"..."Red Devil" is
in the lead, but now..."Windblow"
passes..."Red Devil"..."Windblow"
takes charge...yes that was quite
unexpected "Windblow" had won this
race. That's a miracle, the worst
horse had won the race!
Tenner looking gloomy shakes Andy's hand.
                       ALEX TENNER
                       DEAN CARSON
You never end to surprise me. How
did you know that this horse will
                       ANDY ROSS
How do they call it...int...int...
                       MRS. WARREN
                       ALEX TENNER
Right that's intuition.
                       MRS. WARREN
You are a very interesting man and
I want to get to know you!
The odds are 7-4-1.
                       ALEX TENNER
You have just won $50000!
                       DEAN CARSON
Let's all get some champagne. I'm
inviting, but... Andy pays!
How did you know that the odds
will be 1-7-4?
                       ANDY ROSS
One, because this is my first time
here. Seven, because today is
Sunday. And four, because I was
born in April.


Suddenly McCowan walks up to Andy. He stands next to the
Chief of police.
      (with sarcasm)
Congratulations again! You are an
awesome and lucky guy. I guess you
are very much like that "Windblow"
horse. The worst horse is winning
the race!
                       ANDY ROSS
I am glad that you think that I am
a winner!
Mrs. Warren talks to him one on one.
                       MRS. WARREN
Mr. Ross, you've really impressed
me today. I'm sure that you can
please women just as well as you
can bet on horses.
                       ANDY ROSS
I love to please and especially
those mature women.
                       MRS. WARREN
We shall see....
Tenner walks into his office. He is dead serious. He watches
Andy, carefully.
                       ALEX TENNER
Who is Wiley???!
                       ANDY ROSS
That's one guy I know.
                       ALEX TENNER
Mr. Chairman we have a certain
problem! There is this guy Wiley
who keeps on coming here and
making scenes.
                       ANDY ROSS
What did he say? What did he say?
                       ALEX TENNER
He is an idiot. He was making
threats against you and he has
demanded to see you. We were
looking for some excuses. He
always just barges in. Who is that
guy? Is he an acquaintance of


                       ANDY ROSS
Once born a goof is always a
goof!You know what, when you see
him again then let him in, I want
to talk to him.
Suddenly there is some noise coming from the hallway. Wiley
opens the door.
                       ALEX TENNER
      (shouts with anger)
Here he comes.
Alex leaves his office. Wiley sits down.
                       ANDY ROSS
How can I help you?
Wiley knocks him on the shoulder.
                       ANDY ROSS
Get hell out of here you Punk!
Look at you...Big shot! You will
remember me! I am going to make a
"Big Stink".What about you
stealing people's checks and money
orders from the post office, Mr.
                       ANDY ROSS
Shut up you prick!!! Shut the fuck
Andy gets red face he gets increasingly more angry.
                       ANDY ROSS
What do you want from me you
schmuck? Do you want money? Here
is money!
Ross puts a bunch of $100 bills on his desk.
Money always helps.
                       ANDY ROSS
You Punk!
Why do you get mad at me "Mr.
                       ANDY ROSS
Why the hell do you open your
mouth in front of my assistant?
Why don't we live in peace Andy.
You help me and I'll not bother


                       ANDY ROSS
Didn't I find you a job?
I don't like that job. It's a lot
of hard work. The machines are
very loud, and the pay is lousy.
That's not a job for me...
                       ANDY ROSS
So what kind of a job should I get
you? May be you want to become a
deputy governor?
You are making fun of me. ...Why
did they exactly give you a job as
a bank chairman? I mean, I used to
be your supervisor.
                       ANDY ROSS
Because I'm smart. Do you
understand, you moron?
I think that's screwed up that
you're a bank chairman. I used to
be your superior, and I don't even
get $750 a week.
                       ANDY ROSS
Are you crazy, Wiley? Who is gonna
give you that?
Oh come on Andy, don't pull my
leg. I know that if you just said
one word there would be lots of
guys who would give me $750… Or I
could call a newspaper or two.
Maybe a TV station.
Andy looks at him with lots of hatred.
                       ANDY ROSS
How about a job as a production
manager for a brewery? The salary
is $3500.
Well now you are talking! We are
both Southern countrymen, and we
should help each other. Other
people in town hated you. They
were calling you a "bastard" and
they were always joking "who's
your daddy?", your mother was the
"trailer park queen". I have
always helped you and I have


                       WILEY (cont'd)
opened all the doors for you.
                       ANDY ROSS
Bring all the references with you!
I will meet you at 11 am.
Tenner opens the door. He is surprised he stars at Wiley
then he stars at Andy.
                       ANDY ROSS
Okay Wiley get out of my face now!
Andy walks in to his regular old bar. The BARTENDER welcomes
                       ANDY ROSS
Does that musician Jim Edwards
still work in your place?
      (gets suspicious)
Why are you asking?
                       ANDY ROSS
I am also a musician and I want to
meet with that guy.
Tough guy walks into the bar. It's JIMMY EDWARDS.
This is Edwards. Do you guys know
each other?
                       ANDY ROSS
How are you doing Jimmy?
Not bad... up and down.
                       ANDY ROSS
I have a business.
What kind of business?
                       ANDY ROSS
I need four brave men who work
Do you want to get rid of some
                       ANDY ROSS
There is this guy who keeps on
bugging me a lot.


      (gets curious)
Is he connected?
                       ANDY ROSS
No, not at all. He is just a
little punk.
Do you want us to shoot that guy?
                       ANDY ROSS
No, just whack him over the head
and make him shut up, so that he
doesn't open his mouth again.
Is he from L.A.? Is he strong?
Does he have any contacts in town?
                       ANDY ROSS
Not at all. Not at all. He's a fat
little country redneck.
Okay done. But who are you anyway,
It's none of your business,
Some new guests walk into the bar. There are new 3 tough
looking guys.
I want two grand.
                       ANDY ROSS
Okay that's a deal.
Andy gives few hundred dollars advance to Edwards. They walk
out of the bar.
Early morning. Wiley goes on the street. 3 tough men are
Hey dude have you got a lighter.
While Wiley looks for a lighter while the 3 men grab him and
drag him into the slum.
Help...!!! Somebody help me!!!Why
are you doing this to me?!!


Because you MOTHERFUCKER never
shut up!
Edwards punches Wiley's face. Wiley falls down. He SCREAMS.
Then, one of the other thugs kicks Wiley in the face. The
blood streams. They kick him in the stomach.
Hey Frankie, somebody is coming.
We have to cut him.
He pulls his knife and kills Wiley. They take his wallet out
of the pocket and run.
After 2 hours TWO COPS walk the street.
                       COP 1
Hey look some guy is lying down
                       COP 2
Probably some drunk.
                       COP 1
Damn! It's a DOA! He looks like a
slaughtered pig! He is all covered
with blood!
                       COP 2
Check his pulse!
                       COP 1
Damn I hate all that ghetto scum
down here. That's the fifth one
this week on that street!
                       ANDY ROSS
      (reading the
"Hollywood police has discovered
the dead body of an unknown male
victim killed with a knife at the
intersection of Las Palmas and
Selma. The death was caused by the
extensive bleeding. Anybody who
has any information about the
murder should contact the LAPD".
Alex Tenner walks in. He smiles mysteriously.
                       ALEX TENNER
Mr. Chairman! Would you be
interested to see a well known
client and acquaintance of yours?
Andy gets very nervous and bleak.


                       ANDY ROSS
Who is that?
                       ALEX TENNER
This is your friend Al Ben McCay.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
How are you doing my dear friend?
Congratulations! Wouldn't you like
to come to "Barrington Estate" for
a few days? You could relax a
little bit and Nena is so lonely.
                       ANDY ROSS
That's possible. May be next week.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
Well you know...Andy...I am coming
here because I want to talk to you
about the railway contract...may
be you can have a cheet-chat with
the Secretary of Transportation?
We could perhaps work out a
handsome profit for you.
Tenner walks in. The conversation breaks up. Mekkai is ready
to leave. Tenner looks down at him with contempt. Mekkai
leaves Andy's office.
                       ALEX TENNER
What a slimeball!
                       ANDY ROSS
Slimeball slash thief from
                       ALEX TENNER
But there is no crook out there
who can take you Mr. Chairman for
a ride.
                       ANDY ROSS
      (talks jokingly)
What kind of scheme are you trying
to pull off, now?
                       ALEX TENNER
I am not trying to pull off any
scheme at all!
Andy calls Williams.
Williams picks up the phone.
                       ANDY ROSS
Hello Mr. State Secretary here is
Andy Ross. How are you?


                        SEC. OF AGR. KEN WILLIAMS
I am fine Andy. I really like the
help you are giving me. We are
getting popuuulaaar again.
                       ANDY ROSS
Actually, Ken I am calling you
because we want to do the bidding
for the railway contracts. I know
that you work together with the
Department of Transportation.
                        SEC. OF AGR. KEN WILLIAMS
Well it's not my resort but I will
make sure that the matter gets to
the right person. Send it to me by
mail and don't worry it will all
be taken care of.
                       ANDY ROSS
Thank you Ken. I know that I can
always count on you.
Andy reads letters. One of the letters reads:
"Power-of-Attorney for Andrew Ross to represent Nena Morgan
in any business matters". There is another letter which has
a " I miss you" love note.
Andy walks in. Tenner greets him. Andy shows to Tenner
Nena's "Power-of-Attorney".
                       ALEX TENNER
That's perfect.
                       ANDY ROSS
Which guy in the Dept. of
Transportation is in charge of the
railway contracts?
                       ALEX TENNER
That's some guy called Phyllis.
                       ALEX TENNER
If the Secretary of Agriculture
gave this case to Phyllis so it
means that this case will be
Mekkai walks in.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
How are you doing my dear friend?
                       ANDY ROSS
Great. I am doing fine Mr. McCay.


                       AL BEN MCCAY
I know that you are now a bank
chairman and I have a proposition
for you!
                       ANDY ROSS
I really can't get involved into
anything now. You understand.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
How about if you will make a good
money on the side. You can be a
bank chairman and you can continue
to be my Estate General Manager.
                       ANDY ROSS
No, no I can't accept that.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
Who is going to know? Besides bank
belongs to the government but this
is a private enterprise you are
not a state official.
                       ANDY ROSS
Okay! Under one condition!
                       AL BEN MCCAY
What's that?
                       ANDY ROSS
That you will keep it quiet as a
secret and you will not even open
your mouth and say a word that I
work for you as Estate General
Manager. Otherwise the deal is
                       AL BEN MCCAY
Of course. Trust me!
                       ANDY ROSS
I also have some good news for
                       AL BEN MCCAY
What are the news, what are the
news I am so curious?
                       ANDY ROSS
I have talked yesterday to the
Secretary of Transportation...
                       AL BEN MCCAY
And....???What did he say??
                       ANDY ROSS
It was kind of tough.
                       ANDY ROSS
It will require a lot of meetings
and discussions but I might get
lucky and just might get you a
railroad contract.


                       AL BEN MCCAY
What are your expenses I can take
care of them right away.
                       ANDY ROSS
Ten thousand dollars will do.
Mekkai writes a check for $10000 and gives it to Andy.
                       ANDY ROSS
You can come later on in the
evening and I can tell you more.
Mekkai shakes his hand. He is all excited. He makes a "thumb
up" sign. Mekkai leaves his office. Andy picks up the phone.
                       ANDY ROSS
      (into the phone)
Hello, hello is this Director
PHYLLIS....? I see... so Mr. State
Secretary told you everything
about it. I can meet you for lunch
in one hour at "Casa Bella". Okay.
                       ANDY ROSS
      (talks with
       laughter to the
Boy I have milked out that old
Andy walks out of his office.
Phyllis is a nervous and tired guy over 40 wearing 3 piece
                       ANDY ROSS
How are you doing? It's a great
job you have.
It's not so great, actually. As a
matter of fact, I work too hard
and I don't make any money. I can
make much more money if I will run
a business.
                       ANDY ROSS
What if I can make your wish come
What do you mean?
                       ANDY ROSS
I can offer you a job as a General
Manager of the "Barrington
Estate".You will manage the estate
and the lumber production.


Is this for real?
                       ANDY ROSS
Sure, I can make it happen in a
New York minute.
Well I don't know how I can thank
                       ANDY ROSS
Don't thank me. Just do me a
little favor.
Of course.
                       ANDY ROSS
When a guy called Al Ben McCay
will visit you talk make his case
look as it is very difficult.
I understand Mr. Chairman! I'll
give this guy a runaround. We do
that to our clients all the time.
Just for the fun of it!
                       ANDY ROSS
After 3 days, you'll tell this guy
that he'll be invited to meet with
the Secretary of Transportation,
(beat) Are you getting

Yes, Mr. Chairman.
                       ANDY ROSS
On thursday morning you will tell
him that. You will let him go at
11 am and at 1 pm you will call me
at the bank. McCay will be there.
You will ask him to talk over the
phone and you will say that State
Secretary found out about some of
his court cases. Therefore he has
to produce some court documents
otherwise he can forget it.
Was there a court case?
                       ANDY ROSS
Say that State Secretary leaves
the town for a vacation and
because of Mekkai's court case he
has to see all the court papers or
the deal is off. Then you will
say that the State Secretary wants
to talk to him today about a


                       ANDY ROSS (cont'd)
business matter. Are you getting
Yes Mr. Chairman.
                       ANDY ROSS
We have to do it this way so that
McCay will have to send somebody
to pick up the documents and then
he will not try to pick them up
Well I can do everything for you
Mr. Chairman.
                       ANDY ROSS
You will get lot of candy and
other "trick and treat" goodies
and that will come even before the
Andy looks at his watch. It's 1 pm. Andy and Mekkai sit on
the sofa. The phone rings. Andy pretends to be irritated.
                       ANDY ROSS
Damn phone keeps on disrupting!
You "bureaucrats" son of the
bitches how do you dare to bother
me! Hello...If I know the phone
number of McCay? He happens to be
                       ANDY ROSS
That's for you Mr. McCay.
Andy hands the phone to Mekkai.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
Hello...here is Al Ben
McCay..yes...yes... I'll
try...I'll get them... I
Mekkai hangs up the phone.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
Andy pretends that he doesn't know anything and that he is
                       ANDY ROSS
Is something wrong?
                       AL BEN MCCAY
Damn...I don't know what to do, I
don't know what to do...


Andy plays stupid
                       ANDY ROSS
What do you have to do?
                       AL BEN MCCAY
They want the court papers
otherwise the deal is off! I don't
know what to do! Please help me
Andy, help me out!
                       ANDY ROSS
That's very simple. Send a fax to
the "Barrington Estate" and tell
them to pick up the papers and
send them by overnight delivery to
                       AL BEN MCCAY
I wish that it was so simple. The
court papers are in the fireproof
safe and I have the keys here.
                       ANDY ROSS
Then you should send somebody. You
have your own chauffeur.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
I can't...how can I give the safe
keys to the chauffeur? There is
money, there are diamonds and
jewelry there are stocks and bonds
and all the other important
documents. What should I do, what
should I do?
Andy pretends that he is thinking.
                       ANDY ROSS
Don't you have anybody here who is
                       AL BEN MCCAY
No I don't have anybody like that!
                       ANDY ROSS
Well then let's forget about the
                       AL BEN MCCAY
      (gets irritated)
But we are talking about millions
of dollars, millions of dollars!!
I am so dumb why didn't I take
that green folder with me.
Mekkai wants to say something but he bites his lips.
                       ANDY ROSS
      (says slowly)
Yes I remember the green folder.


                       AL BEN MCCAY
There is one way...one way...
Mekkai watches Andy's face , carefully with suspicion.
Andy plays dumb.
                       ANDY ROSS
Which way?
Mekkai keeps on looking Andy in the eyes but Andy looks down
so that he can't read him.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
I wouldn't even dare to ask
you...but... you understand how
important this is for me...
                       ANDY ROSS
      (playing dumb)
Me?? You want me to do something?
                       AL BEN MCCAY
Please, please say yes.
                       ANDY ROSS
Say yes to what?
                       AL BEN MCCAY
I guess you will get tired, but
you are still young. Why don't you
take a hike to the "Barrington
Estate". Help me.
He takes out of his pocket a little bag with some keys.
                       ANDY ROSS
Nah, I don't like to shovel around
in somebody else's stuff!
                       AL BEN MCCAY
Pleeease... my dear friend...
Andy pretends that he is thinking.
                       ANDY ROSS
Besides I have to drive all night
long I'll be like dead in the
morning...There is no freeway just
a crooked mountain road leading to
your place.
                       AL BEN MCCAY
What am I going to do? What am I
going to do??