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Firing Johnson
by Steven Lerner (strong325@comcast.net)

Rated: PG   Genre: Comedy   User Review: **1/2
A spoof on the business world.

This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.


Following the opening credits, recent newspaper headlines
are shown. Some of these headlines include at the top of the
paper: "Weak economy forces industry leaders to fire
employees" and towards the bottom of the paper: “Adam
Johnson named Employee of the Month”.
A shot of the outside of a tall corperate building is shown.
The scene fades to the inside of the building, in front of
the secretary's desk. The secretary, JANET, is typing on a
computer while JOHNSON, a younger worker dressed in a simple
work attire, approaches her. JANET peaks away from her
computer and gazes at him.
Excuse me, mame, sorry to bother
you, but I was told to see the
Boss today.
You must be the new employee of
the month. Johnson, right?
JANET shakes his hand.
Yep, Johnson. Adam Johnson. Can I
please see the Boss right now? I
have a lot of work to finish
I'm sorry young man, but the Boss
is really preoccupied with work.
The stress of his job has made him
mentally incompetent and he keeps
forgetting to wear his glasses.
Yesterday he accidentally mixed up
his vitamins with viagra. That was
a nasty day. If you have a seat
over there, I'm sure he'll see you
in a few minutes.
JOHNSONS smiles politely at JANET, and sits down in the
waiting section. The camera pans over to two big golden


door. The camera zooms into a sign on one of the doors, that
reads: "Welcome to the Boss's Office...Now Get the Hell
The scene fades to the inside of the BOSS's HUGE office. The
BOSS is standing behind his desk with his velvet jacket and
silk dress shirt. He is jovently laughing while holding a
cigar from his hand.
It's great to be the boss!
The BOSS takes a long piece of paper out of his upper right
drawer. This paper is so long, it rolls onto the ground. The
title at the top of the page reads: "The Shit List". The
camera pans down the list until the Boss points his right
middle finger at one of the names: "Aaron Johnson". The BOSS
peaks down at the name and squints his eyes in the process.
Then he whispers under his breath: "Johnson". The BOSS makes
his way over to a his cabinent drawers. Each cabinent has
different name tags on them, including: "A-E", "F-Ji" and
"Johnson". The BOSS opens up that file cabinet, and reveals
the hundreds of files inside with the last name "Johnson".
The BOSS reaches in for the "Aaron Johnson" folder, but
accidently grabs the "Adam Johnson" folder instead. He takes
a quick look inside the folder until his his secretary,
JANET, interupts him through the intercom.
                       JANET (V.O.)
Sir, an employee named Johnson is
here to see you.
Good timing. Janet, send in
On that cue, the two large golden doors of the BOSS's office
open. JOHNSON confidently enters the office.
Johnson, you old son-of-a-gun,
have a seat. How have you been?
JOHNSON seats himself in front of the BOSS's desk. Before
JOHNSON can answer, The BOSS interupts.
Johnson, I surpose you know why
you're here?


I sure do, sir. Let me start off
by saying that I deserve whatever
is coming to me.
Johnson, you're taking this better
than I thought. Let me continue.
We live in hard economic times
Johnson, and I'm a businessmen
looking for ways to downsize our
company. I need to, "trim off the
fat" if you will. Do you
understand what I am trying to
say, Johnson?
                       JOHNSON (confused)
You just lost me there, sir.
The BOSS peaks through the file.
According to this report Johnson,
you have been late to work 30
times this year.
That's not true. My supervisor
gave me 30 days worth of excused
abscences. It's because I am
adjusting to public
transportation. Last month my car
crashed into a tree. I guess you
can say I found out how the
Mercedez bends.
The BOSS looks through the folder and interupts JOHNSON.
It also says in your folder
Johnson, that one of your fellow
co-workers, Bernie Baxter, has
pressed sexual harrassment charges
against you. Explain?
No, it's the other way away. I
filed the charges against him.
Everyday at work, Bernie sexually
harasses me. He spies on my phone
calls, he stalks me when I'm in
the john and he touches my
buttocks. What should I do sir?


I don't know- touch him back.
Johnson, do you remember what you
brought to the company picnic last
Yes Boss, I brought potato salad.
That's my point Johnson. (Looks in
the folder) You have worked here
for 15 months, and that's the best
food you could find?
                       JOHNSON (Nervously)
You've miss-read my file sir. I've
been here for 15 years.
15 years and the best you can give
us is potato salad!? Even the
janitors brought baby-back ribs to
the picnic. You better be
sorry...Johnson, you know what we
make here at the company?
Teletubbies. And according to your
folder you have been mixing up the
different color teletubbies for
the shipments.
Thats inaccurate. I used to work
in shipping. Now I work in
Well why did you leave the
shipping department?
I've been meaning to tell you sir,
I'm color blind.
Color blind, eh? Alright, let's
put it to the test.
The BOSS walks towards JOHNSON with the camera still focused
on the upper part of his body.


Johnson, what color pants am I
You're not wearing any pants sir.
The camera looks down and reveals that The BOSS is indeed
wearing no pants.
Kudos Johnson, Kudos. Alright
Johnson what I am about to do to
you is going to hurt me alot more
than it is going to hurt you...who
am I kidding this is my favorite
part of being the boss. Johnson
(in a Donald Trump-like manner)
Suddenly JOHNSON begins to cry as he runs his way over to
the door.
This isn't the last you've heard
of Adam Johnson.
JOHNSON exits the office and slams the door on his way out.
The BOSS looks back at the long sheet of paper on his desk.
Adam Johnson? Oh no, I fired the
wrong Johnson.
The BOSS buzzes in his seceretary JANET through the
Janet, why the hell did you send
Adam Johnson into my office?
                       JANET (V.O.)
He wanted to recieve his plaque
for employee of the month. Don't
tell me you fired the wrong
employee again?
I picked up the wrong file. Where
the hell are my glasses?
                       JANET (V.O.)
They're in your pants pocket sir.


The BOSS looks down. Once again, he's not wearing pants.
Ok, now where the hell are my
                       JANET (V.O.)
They're at the drycleaners. You
want me to pick them up and put
them on you, again.
Yes Janet. Oh, and Janet, one more
                       JANET (V.O.)
Yes sir?


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From Zach Shevich Date 10/19/2005 **
Average short. It might be a nice over-the-top animation short for some channel like Comedy Central, but it's not amazing.

From Justin Leon Date 10/18/2005 ***
Hehe, I liked it. Perfect for a short two-person skit actually. You capitalize the names everytime though. I never like when people do that, but in this case, it's okay.

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