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by Jonathan Harding (jonnymack02@hotmail.com)

Rated:

Genre: Comedy User Review:

Rumors grow as a group of aquaintances meet and discuss random topics of everyday thinking...

FADE IN:

EXT. THE SEVEN - DAY

The entire short film is one long unmoving shot from
begginning to end. There is no cuts, no breaks, no change
in camera angle, or anything of that nature.
Set outside a mall, Wal*Mart, Target, or something of that
sort right infront of the store entrance. Scene fades into
an empty setting where The voices of Jon, and Jeremy can be
heard off camera.

JEREMY
It's freakin' cold, man.

JON
Yeah, it's a wee bit nippely.

JEREMY
I can see my breath.

Jon, and Jeremy walk on camera still talking. Jeremy leans
up against something while Jon stands with his hands in his
pockets.

JON
Yeah it's cold.

JEREMY
Man, can you beleive that guy?

JON
What?

JEREMY
The yellow submarine (Jon rolls
his eyes) it's a boat.

JON
A boat?

JEREMY
Yeah, like sailing the ocean,
diving deep, firing torpedoes. A
boat.

JON
(laughs)

JEREMY
What?

JON
It's not a boat.

JEREMY
What do you mean it's not a boat?

JON
It's not a boat.

JEREMY
They live on it! It has to be a
boat.

JON
It's not a boat.

JEREMY
OK... Then what is it?

JON
Not a boat.

JEREMY
What ever man. (Jon grins) Hey,
shut up!

JON
I didn't say anything!

JEREMY
You didn't have to you said it
with your face.

JON
(laughs) Shut up.
(pause)
Have you ever thought about how
you want to die?

JEREMY
Sometimes... I always thought
peacefully in my sleep was the
best way to go.

JON
Nah man you gotta die cool. Like
flipping your porsche at 180 miles
an hour down the Northway when
you're 96 years old.

JEREMY
Why?

JON
Well at least your grand-kids
would think you were cool.

JEREMY
True, what about while sky diving?

JON
I don't know you'd know for like
30 seconds you were going to die
before you actually hit the
ground.

JEREMY
But your grand-kids would think it
was a cool way to go.

JON
Yeah, it would make a good story.

JEREMY
What about during sex?

JON
How about during sex with your
misstress?

            JEREMY
      (Both laughing)
Yeah
      (pause)
OK who's hotter Jasmine from
Alladin or Bell from beauty and
the beast?

JON
Umm... It's Mulan.

JEREMY
That wasn't even a choice.

JON
Well she's hotter than both of
them.

JEREMY
OK fine, but between Jasmine, and
Bell who's hotter?

JON
Jasmine.

JEREMY
It's so Bell.

JON
It's can't be Bell.

JEREMY
Why not?

JON
She's to pretty.

JEREMY
What?

JON
She's to pretty to be hott...
She's not hott she's just pretty.

JEREMY
But Jasmine's hott?

JON
Sure.

JEREMY
Uh huh.

JON
What?

JEREMY
You're crazy.

JON
Yeah, and the yellow submarine's a
boat.
(pause)

JEREMY
(after a pause)
Soo...

JON
What?

JEREMY
Emily.

JON
What about her?

JEREMY
Don't try to play this off, I
already know.

JON
How do you know?

JEREMY
AHA. So there is something to
know.

JON
I didn't say that.

JEREMY
Spill it my friend.

JON
There's nothing to spill.

JEREMY
OK...

JON
What?

JEREMY
Nothing...

JON
What?

JEREMY
I'm just saying.

JON
(interupting)
Saying what?

JEREMY
You better make your move quick.

JON
Why?

JEREMY
Just because.

JON
Who said I was making a move?

JEREMY
All I'm saying is if you are, you
should do it soon, or it might be
to late.

JON
Why's that?

JEREMY
Kyle

JON
Kyle?

JEREMY
Kyle.

JON
What's he got to do with this?

JEREMY
He said he was going to ask her
out.

JON
What!? Are you serious!?

JEREMY
That's what he said.

JON
I talked to him last night about
this.

JEREMY
I don't know man.

JON
Damn... Damn.

JEREMY
If you're going to do it, do it
soon.

            JON
... I need some chocolate, I'll
catcha later.
      (Jon walks off
       camera)

JEREMY
See ya.

JON
(coming back)
You're sure?

JEREMY
Yeah.

JON
Damn.
(Leaves)

Jeremy's left standing alone. He bobs his head, and
switches positions trying to pass the time. And begins to
sing "One is the Lonliest Number."

BEAU
(Off camera)
J. Beau!

            JEREMY
      (As Beau enters
       the scene)
Hey, what's up man?

BEAU
(Holding up a bag)
Just getting some stuff

JEREMY
That's not...

BEAU
It sure is.

JEREMY
Sweet. (pound) Can I see?

BEAU
No way man, it's a surprise.

JEREMY
(Shakes his head)
OK... The yellow submarine, it's a
boat right?

BEAU
Sure, dude.

JEREMY
It is right?

BEAU
Yeah man it's definatley a boat.

JEREMY
Seriously, what else could it be?

BEAU
Nothing, they have to live on it.

JEREMY
That's what I said. It's a boat.

BEAU
I know.

JEREMY
It's a boat.

BEAU
I hear ya.

JEREMY
So did you hear about Kyle and Em?

BEAU
Nah man. Isn't she Jon's girl?

JEREMY
I hear they hooked up.

BEAU
No way.

JEREMY
Yeah.

BEAU
Damn.

JEREMY
Yeah.

BEAU
Does he know?

JEREMY
Jon?

BEAU
Yeah.

JEREMY
I don't know.

BEAU
Geez.

Two girls walk by.

JEREMY
Hello-o.

Jeremy follows the two girls off camera. Beau just watches
him leaves and takes his spot leaning. Jon comes back on
camera standing next to Beau with pretzels, coke, candy,
chocolate, etc.

JON
What's up?

BEAU
Nadda.

JON
Cool...

BEAU
You?

JON
Nothing... Hey, that's not what I
think it is, is it?

BEAU
Oh it sure is.

JON
Let me see it.

BEAU
No way man.

JON
Fine, be that way.

(pause)
Have you seen that movie
"carbone?"

BEAU
No.

JON
Dude it was awesome, Ben Affleck
got decapitated, Orlando Bloom got
his face ripped off and Nicole
Petrovich was as hott as Princess
Leia in Return of the Jedi.

10.

BEAU
Really?

JON
Yeah.

BEAU
Dude, no one's as hott as princess
Leia in Return of the Jedi. Except
maybe Jessica Alba in just about
anything she does.

JON
Natalie Portman?

BEAU
Maria Sharapova.

JON
Yeah, and she can play tennis
which just doubles your hottness
on the spot. What about Denis
Richards?

BEAU
Yeah, but her hottness level took
a dive bomb when she married
what's his face.

JON
Charlie Sheen?

BEAU
Yeah, cause you know I really
needed another reason not to like
him.

JON
Yeah...
(pause)
What?

BEAU
(Shrugs)
Nothin'

JON
What!?

BEAU
Just...

11.

JON
Just what?

BEAU
I heard about Em.

JON
What about Em?

BEAU
And Kyle.

JON
What about them?

BEAU
I heard they hooked up.

JON
Cheeky bastard.

Jon storms away leaving Beau alone again.

            JAKE
      (walking on the
       scene)
Dude, this kid just tried to tell
me that the yellow submarine is a
boat.

BEAU
Yeah I was talking to him too.

JAKE
What the hell man?

BEAU
It's not a boat.

JAKE
Who was that?

BEAU
J. Beau.

            JAKE
      (Laughs)
Man.
      (Silence)

BEAU
So, did you hear about Kyle and
Em?

12.

JAKE
Em, Jon's girl?

BEAU
Yeah.

JAKE
No, what's up?

BEAU
Guess they hooked up.

JAKE
No way man, Kyle?

BEAU
Yeah.

JAKE
He and Jon are tight. I don't
think he'd do that.

BEAU
Just what I heard.

JAKE
Wow... sucks man.

BEAU
Just stole her from under his
nose.

JAKE
That's not cool.

BEAU
You know what is cool? The
French.

JAKE
What?

BEAU
French fries, French toast, French
kissing...

JAKE
Really?

BEAU
Yeah man.

13.

JAKE
Umm.. They're not from France.

BEAU
What?

JAKE
They're not French.

BEAU
What aren't French?

JAKE
French toast is from Belgium.
French fries are American, and
French kissing... come on man.

BEAU
They're not French?

JAKE
No.

BEAU
What the hell?

JAKE
Sorry man.

BEAU
You're serious?

Car pulls up and Billy gets out.

JAKE
I am.

BILLY
Are what?

JAKE
Serious?

BILLY
'Bout what?

JAKE
French fries.

BILLY
What?

14.

BEAU
They're not from France.

BILLY
Neither is French toast.

BEAU
What about French kissing?

BILLY
Personally I think it's Greek.

BEAU
Dude, whatever I'm outa here.

Beau leaves

JAKE
Later

BILLY
Cya.

JAKE
Have you ever stopped and wondered
if you were gay?

BILLY
No, I don't think I have.

JAKE
Not like seriously contemplated
it, but just stopped for a second
like "hmm am I gay?... nooo."

BILLY
Still don't think I have.

JAKE
Really? How do you know you're not
gay?

BILLY
What?

JAKE
If you've never stopped and
considered it, how do you know
you're not?

BILLY
I'm pretty sure I'm not gay.

15.

JAKE
But you can't be positive because
you've never considered the
possibility that you might be.

            BILLY
Ok hold on... hmmm, am I gay? I
don't know. Jake, let me hug you.
      (Billy and Jake
       hug)
No, I don't think I am.

JAKE
Alright, but now you're positive.

BILLY
Positivly straight... Though that
was a good hug.

JAKE
Thank you.

BILLY
No problem.

JAKE
Oh man, J. Beau tried to tell me
that the yellow submarine's a
boat.

BILLY
A boat?

JAKE
Yeah. Know what else he said?

BILLY
What?

JAKE
Kyle stole Em from Jon.

BILLY
Oh?

JAKE
Yeah, what a jerk. Seriously
that's not cool at all.

BILLY
Nope.

16.

            JAKE
What kinda bastard
      (Emily can be seen
       walking up to
       them)
would steal his best friends girl?

EMILY
What?

            JAKE
UHHH.
      (Billy grins)
Nothing.. I gotta run.
      (speeds outa the
       scene)

EMILY
What was that all about?

BILLY
You and Kyle.

EMILY
What?

BILLY
Just what I heard

KYLE
(Walking on camera)
What'd you hear?

BILLY
You and Em.

KYLE
Sweet.

EMILY
No.

BILLY
I'll just leave you two love birds
alone
(exits)

KYLE
So us huh?

EMILY
That's what I hear.

17.

KYLE
I could go for that.

EMILY
No you couldn't.

KYLE
Why not?

EMILY
No.

KYLE
Please?

EMILY
No.

KYLE
Am I ugly?

EMILY
No.

KYLE
I'm in a band.

EMILY
No.

Yell from off camera cresendos until Jon can be seen and
tackles Kyle to the pavement off camera. The two boys fight
and Emily slowly moves away and off camera. A bunch of
yelling and comments can be heard until Kyle finally says:

KYLE
Dude, stop!

JON
What's your problem?

KYLE
My problem? You tackled me!

JON
You're making moves on my woman!

KYLE
She's not your woman, and I wasn't
making moves.

18.

JON
That's not what I heard.

KYLE
I'm not.

JON
Promise?

KYLE
Promise.

JON
Fine
(pause)
You punch like a girl.

KYLE
You scream like one.

JON
You're crazy.

KYLE
You're lopsided.

JON
You're nuts don't like each other.
(pause)

KYLE
It's chilly.

JON
Sure is.

KYLE
Little bit nippy.

JON
Yep.
(pause)
OK... Who's the hottest disney
princess?

KYLE
Arielle.

JON
From the little mermaid... I can
see that, but it's still Mulan.

19.

KYLE
Mulan? Why?

JON
Not only is she attractive, but
she kills like 1000 huns at a
time.

KYLE
Have you seen how Arielle moves?
She's got the like hip giration,
body undulation thing down pat.

JON
You got me there.

KYLE
That's right, it's Arielle.

JON
So... J. Beau tried to tell me
today that the yellow submarine is
a boat.

KYLE
Really?

JON
Yeah.

KYLE
A boat?

JON
Yep.

KYLE
Did he say anything else?

JON
Ehhh.. Uhhhh

JEREMY
(From off camera)
Guys!

JON
That you were making a move on
Emily.

JEREMY
(off camera)
Guys!

20.

KYLE
He said that?

            JAKE
      (Entering the
       scene)
Guys!
      (Realizing that
       both Jon and Kyle
       are giving him
       looks of death
       Jeremy gets
       frightened)
What?

INT. END TITLES - DAY

Just plain white titles against a black back ground

TITLES
Jon and Kyle did indeed beat up
Jeremy

TITLES
Jeremy screamed like a little girl

TITLES
and he never found out what the
yellow submarine was

TITLES
Jon and Emily lived happily ever
after

TITLES
Until she broke up with him five
months later.

TITLES
for Kyle.

FADE OUT.

Feedback

From Fish Stark	Date 4/16/2008
Very good....hard to get sometimes but funny....

From Joe	Date 3/19/2007
dies laughing awesome, man! XDDDDD

From martin boogaard	Date 12/27/2005
I agree with Patrick. A little erratic sometimes but a very decent Clerks imitation. Great material for a short.

From Patrick Cullen	Date 12/2/2005
Very amusing and entertaining. I like the use of pure dialogue to drive the short narrative here. I think that the characters were incredible, The topics were funny, and i loved how quickly the dialogue moved. However I think that at times with the quickness of the dialogue it became hard to follow and a bit choppy and the ending was weak sauce. Other than that man, good job!

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