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James Bond Making an Appointment
by Christine Nordyk (nordyk12@yahoo.com)

Rated: PG   Genre: Comedy   User Review: **
Just James Bond making a doctors appointment.


This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



JAMES BOND MAKING AN APPOINTMENT

INT. THE PHONE CALL - DAY
                                                            
A nurse is sitting at the desk and the phone rings.
                                                            
                       NURSE (on phone)
      (in hospital)
Hello. 'The Very Big, All Purpose
Hospital', how can I help you?
                                                            
                       JAMES BOND (on phone)
      (at his place)
Yes, can I make an appointment for
Doctor Locktor.
                                                            
                       NURSE (on phone)
      (in hospital)
Okay, may I ask who this is?
                                                            
                       JAMES BOND (on phone)
      (at his place)
Bond... James Bond.
                                                            
                       NURSE (on phone)
      (at hospital)
Funny Sir. But who is this?
                                                            
                       JAMES BOND (on phone)
      (at his place)
This is James Bond...
                                                            
                       NURSE (on phone)
      (in hospital)
From the movie?
                                                            
                       JAMES BOND (on phone)
      (at his place)
Excuse me?
                                                            
                       NURSE (on phone)
      (in hospital)
So, let me guess... Pierce
Brosnan, George Lazenby, Roger
Moore,... please tell me if I'm
getting close.
                                                            
                       JAMES BOND (on phone)
      (at his place)
I don't understand...
                                                            

2.

                       NURSE (on phone)
      (in hospital)
You probably an old actor who
played in a 007 movie and forgot
who you really are and now you
think you are "James Bond"...
      (pause)
SEAN CONNERY!!
                                                            
                       JAMES BOND (on phone)
      (at his place)
No, no, no, I AM James Bond...
                                                            
NURSE says nothing
                                                            
                       JAMES BOND (on phone)
      (at his place)
My name IS James Bond! My parents
gave me that name...
                                                            
                       NURSE (on phone)
      (in hospital)
Have you been in this hospital
before, sir?
                                                            
                       JAMES BOND (on phone)
      (at his place)
YES! All the time! My doctor IS
Doctor Loctor! Please check the
files...
                                                            
                       NURSE (on phone)
      (in hospital)
Okay, hold please...
                                                            
NURSE on the computer, looks around for JAMES BOND's file.
NURSE finds the file.
                                                            
                       NURSE (on phone)
      (in hospital)
I found your file Sir, and I'm so
sorry for me not believing you. I-
I- just thought that...
                                                            
                       JAMES BOND (on phone)
      (at his place)
It's okay. That always happens...
                                                            
                       NURSE (on phone)
      (in hospital)
So, is 2 o'clock good for you, Mr.
Bond!?!
                                                            

3.

                       JAMES BOND (on phone)
      (at his place)
Yes, that's fine...
                                                            
                       NURSE (on phone)
      (in hospital)
Okay, 2 o'clock it is. And I would
like to apologize one more time, I
just thought, I mean, well, you
souned kind of...
                                                            
JAMES BOND hangs up the phone, cutting the NURSE off.
                                                            
                       JAMES BOND
      (at his place)
Damn movies. People think you have
the same name as a secret agent
from a movie, means that you ...
                                                            
A woman, with a gun in her hand, comes into the room
interrupting JAMES BOND.
                                                            
                       DOMINO
James... They found where Blofeld
was hiding... We got to go...
                                                            
                       JAMES BOND
All right, go ahead I'll be there
in a minute...
                                                            
DOMINO leaves. JAMES BOND (taking his time) pulls a gun from
under the table and loads it. Then begins to walk to the
door. He stops, looks at the camera (you) and shoots the
camera (you) three times and walks away.
                                                            


FADE OUT.


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From Joe Date 3/19/2007 *
Interesting. not very funny, though, but who am i to judge? my script that i'm working on has to many "He"s at the beginning of every sentence! nice effort.

From Christine Nordyk Date 2/4/2006 ***1/2
I thought it was very creative... but it could use alittle more work...

From Jacob Takahata Date 1/12/2006 *
It has potential, but it didn't make me laugh. The premise is good, but the jokes are too obvious.

From Ainsley Date 1/7/2006 **1/2
would be better if it was extended but not bad its not haha funny but it made me smile

From Zach Shevich Date 1/1/2006 *
Adam North is right in saying this would be a nice skit for SNL. However, I happen to think that SNL nowadays is a piece of crap.

From Nick Date 12/25/2005 ****
I thought it was very humorous with a good ending. Adam North was right, good SNL skit.

From Greg Baldwin Date 12/24/2005 *1/2
You could have had something along the lines of "Who's on First" by Abbot and Costello, but in the end you didn't really have much of anything. The ending where Bond is going to kill someone, gets his gun, shoots the camera--it could have been so much more. You can't really extend this beyond 10 pages, but you can fix it so it's more humorous.

From Adam North Date 12/17/2005 *
It is funny, but a one note kinda thing. It might be a good skit for SNL, though.

From Daniel Date 12/16/2005 1/2
This really wasn't funny. It may be better if you extend it a little. Maybe have James say what is wrong with him, no venereal diseases though, that is too obvious. Just make him seem more normal. And 'The Very Big, All Purpose Hospital'? Change that. Have the conversation last long enough to make people really believe that he isn't James Bond. Something that could help with that, take out the Bond James Bond line. The ending may be at least a little funny that way. And take out that bit with shooting the camera, it was just too much. To be honest, I donít think you can fix this script. It is just not a very good idea.


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