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Everything I Know About Love
by martin boogaard (marty0378@yahoo.com)

Rated: R   Genre: Comedy   User Review: ***1/2
Three best friends help each other through relationship problems.

This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.

MARTY is standing at an oversized kitchen island pouring a
bowl of cereal. There is a living room two steps lower than
the kitchen in the background. Gary comes into kitchen from
the door leading to the formal dining room and pulls a
bottle of Grey Goose from the freezer. Gary adds a few ice
cubes before returning the bottle and closing the freezer
door. Gary gets a gallon of orange juice from the fridge,
adds a splash to his drink, and returns the juice to the
Want some cereal?
I decided not to eat cereal
You're not on some crazy diet or
some shit like that, are ya?
      (taking a large
I'm just not gonna support these
assholes when all they're doin' is
cheating little kids outta their
What are you talkin' about, they
still have prizes.
      (grabbing cereal
No they don't! Look at this, you
have to mail in three coupons, pay
four dollars shipping and
handling, and wait four to six
weeks just for a 25 cent toy.


Why does this bother you?
Because they're cheating these
little kids. Cereal's twice as
expensive as it used to be and
they want us to pay extra for the
one thing that made it worth
eating in the first place?
So you refuse to go out of your
way to help the homeless or
starving or anyone with a terminal
disease, but if some spoiled brat
doesn't get his decoder ring, you
take it upon yourself to boycott
the breakfast industry?
Yeah, well, I like kids.
Where do you get this shit?
T.V. Last night I saw a movie
about aliens coming to Earth to
steal our virgins.
I thought you were smart enough
not to believe in that shit.
What, aliens?
No, virgins.
Now you don't believe in vigins?
What are you, in denial?


Funny. I just happen to believe
everyone is born a whore and it's
only a matter of time before their
nature catches up with them.
And you say you're not bitter.
Look who's talking shit. Do I even
need to say her name?
I'm not bitter; I'm in mourning.
Marty and Gary are drinking when Kurt comes in. A bottle of
Crown Royal is on the table. Kurt is upset and puts ice in a
glass before he sits down at the table.
You'll never guess what happened
to me last night.
You lost your virginity.
Fuck you. Where was I?
You had just lost your virginity.
Even better. Kim told me she
wanted to see other people.
So what. You were finished with
her anyway.


Yeah, but she didn't know that.
Besides, she told me at Madigens.
At a bar? That's ruthless man.
What a sick bitch. Now every time
you go there you'll remember this
shit. She ruined the place for
I know. And what's this see other
people bullshit? You don't say
that unless you already have
someone very specific in mind,
Not only that but all she's doin'
by making it official is telling
you that she's going to fuck
somebody else and you can't do
shit about it. You have to forget
I already did.
      (giving Kurt the
       thumbs up)
Good for you. Well done.
Yeah, but now it's back to jerking
So what? I've been jerking off in
the shower for so long that I get
a hard-on every time it rains.


Gary is passed out, his head resting on the island, hand
still wrapped around his glass. Marty and Kurt are still
drinking, a bucket of ice and a bottle of Crown Royal
between them.
Forget about her. She wasn't
anything special anyway.
That's the point. No matter who
you're with, it sucks to get
dumped. It means that that person,
no matter how imperfect they are,
is telling you,"You're not good
enough for me."
Marty pours another inch of Crown over the melting ice in
his and Kurt's glasses.
      (leaning back in
       his chair)
Let me tell you my stupid whore
theory. It goes like this: every
girl is either stupid or a whore
and usually both. What you have to
do is find one in the middle of
the pack in both categories.
Unless you get lucky, that's the
best you're gonna do.
Do you ever get lonely? I mean, do
you ever want more? Something
that'll last? Love?
Not really. It's not that I'm
running away from it or anything.
But after seeing what you and Gary
went through, I say what's the
rush. I figure I'll know when I'm
in love, until then, I'll have fun


                       KURT (cont'd)
looking for it.
You should come to Mass with me. I
can introduce you to some nice
Catholic girls.
I already know all the Catholic
girls. Biblically. Anyway, Let's
get Gary up and head to the bar.
Mick's is an old New Orleans home converted into a bar.
There is a pool table in the middle of the main room,
flanked by an L-shaped bar that dominates two walls. Two
steps lead to a back room. The decorations and beer signs on
the walls are older than most of the patrons. A poster
advertising a beer and a haircut for ten dollars, Wednesdays
only, has a place of prominence over the table where
customers can help themselves to free hot dogs.

The bar is full of twenty-somethings. Marty leaves the bar
with a pitcher and returns to a table where Gary is sitting
Where's Kurt?
He followed some chick to the back
bar. She's probably ready to have
his kids by now, he's been back
there a whole five minutes.
He sure doesn't waste time.
Is it me or can he pick up anyone?


He's got that whole pretty
boy-asshole thing goin' for him...
Marty is distracted by a girl coming in the door.
Kellan's here.
Great. So much for boy's night
Kellan sits next to Marty and gives him a kiss.
Hey, Gary.
Gary gives Kellan the guy nod and concentrates on his beer.
You want something to drink?
Crown and Seven? Thanks.
Marty squeezes into a two stool opening to order Kellan's
So, got your eyes on anyone
Not really. I'm just here to hang
out with my friends and have a few
C'mon, Gary. You're a good-looking
guy. I bet you could hook up with
anyone here if you tried.
Drop it, okay?


I was just trying to-
I know. It's nice of you, really.
But I don't need a cheerleader, so
why don't you mind your own
business and worry about kissing
Marty's ass more than you already
You're such an asshole.
Gary Gets up and takes an empty stool next to Marty.
Let me guess; Kellan said
something nice and you went into
asshole mode.
Sorry. That chick bugs me. She's
always so happy.
That's because I know how to lay
the pipe.
Well, tell her I'm sorry.
You should tell her yourself.
I'm not that drunk yet.
Just chill, okay?
No problem.


The bartender slides a rocks glass across the bar to Marty.
Marty takes the glass and heads back to Kellan. A beautiful,
slim brunette slips into Marty's empty stool before anyone
else can.
I'm Gary.
I know.
You know? How do you know? We've
never met before, Have we?
Do you believe in fate, Sarah?
Fate? I'm not sure I understand.
Fate. Destiny.
Not really, why?
I didn't believe in any of that
stuff either until a few nights
go. Then I had a conversation that
changed my life.
What happened?


It was late and I was drunk and
kind of lonely, so I decided to
call one of those phone sex lines.
And how does that involve me?
I'm getting to that. As I said, I
was pretty drunk and I misdialed.
Instead of phone sex, I called Ms.
She told me that I was a great guy
but lonely, which is the truth by
the way, so I decided to give her
a shot. That's when she mentioned
She mentioned me by name?
Not exactly. She told me that I
would meet the woman I would spend
the rest of my life with this
week. She said that the woman
would be beautiful, smart, and her
name would start with an 'S'.
And you just figured that I was
the one as soon as I sat down,huh?
Well, I could tell you were
beautiful just by looking. Then
there was the fact that you chose
to sit by me to order your drink,
so I knew you were smart. Two out
of three, I thought the odds were
pretty good that you were the one.


      (starting to enjoy
       Gary's line)
Okay, so here I am. What else
should I know?
Just that we're going to have a
child together soon.
Yep. That's why I figure we should
make plans to see each other
again. We're going to be having
sex and I don't do that with just
Cut to: Marty and Kellan at the table. Marty's back is to
the bar.
Look at that. Gary's been talking
to that girl since you came back
and she hasn't slapped him yet.
Marty turns and looks.
That's good shit, right there.
Why don't you give him your keys
so we can leave?
You sleeping over?
If it doesn't cramp your style.


I might have to call a few girls
up and reschedule, but I think we
can work something out.
That's what I like about you,
Marty, you're a dreamer.
Marty walks to the back bar and finds Kurt holding court,
entertaining a half dozen girls. Marty unobtrusively leans
in to talk to Kurt.
I'm leaving with Kellan; make sure
superboy gets home okay.
He's not going with you?
You'll never believe it, he's
talking to some chick.
You're right: I don't believe it.
Cut to: Gary and Sarah at a table, empty glasses in front of
Let me tell you what I'm trying to
I think I know.
I'm trying to stop you from making
the biggest mistake of your life.
And what would that be?
Leaving here without me.


I'm only in town for the weekend
and I'm not looking for a
one-night stand or a long-distance
relationship. Sorry.
So am I, Now you may never know
true happiness. I wish you luck
Sarah heads for the back bar. Gary orders another beer.
Cut to: Kurt coming from back bar. Gary is back at a table
and has empty bottles and shot glasses covering the table.
I hear you were doing okay, huh?
I thought so but she's only in
town for a few day's. Can't get
involved, all that shit.
Since when don't tourists put out.
Who knows?
Fuck it, let's get some Taco Bell.
Gary is trying to sleep but hears Marty and Kellan having
Gary turns on lamp, pulls a bottle of Jim Beam from his
nightstand drawer, and adds some to Taco Bell cup. Gary
silently toasts the wall he shares with Marty before taking
a sip.


      (wincing with
Ugh, flat Pepsi.
Gary adds more alcohol to cup.
Gary is sleeping tangled in his blanket, still dressed. A
nearly empty bottle of Jim Beam is sitting next to a Taco
Bell cup on Gary's nightstand. The alarm clock says 3
o'clock p.m. when Kurt walks in.
Wake up, sunshine, I've got good
news for you.
      (pulling covers
       over his head)
Let me sleep.
I guess you don't want to know
about the date you have next
What the are you talking about?
I hooked you up with Jane's
Who the fuck is Jane?
The chick I met last night.
You called her already?


Swingers was a great movie, but
this is real life. The sooner I
call, the sooner I fuck.
I'm not going. Call her back and
tell her I can't make it.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say?
I dunno. Tell her I have a date
with your mom; she should believe
No way. Besides, you owe me.
For what?
That time I let you and Amanda use
my parents bed and y'all broke it.
Shit, I'll go. Now get the fuck
Kurt walks out with a smile on his face.
      (throwing blanket
       off himself)
And she better be hot!
Marty and Kellan are watching a movie when Gary comes down
the two steps from the kitchen.
You nervous about tonight?


What's tonight?
Like you're gonna forget your
first date since Amanda.
It's not a date.
Then what is it?
It's a favor for Kurt. Sure, if I
can slip her a stiff one, I will.
Beyond that, I'm not interested.
Then why'd you shave?
Gary can't think of an answer so he leaves the living room.
Marty and Kellan hear the door close when Gary leaves the
house a minute later.
You shouldn't have teased him
tonight. This is a big night. I'm
sure he's nervous.
Maybe, but I don't think it's too
big a deal. Kurt'll be there to
keep everything smooth, and then
we'll be at the bar when they're
done eating. Safety in numbers.
Just try to be more sensitive.
Marty gives Kellan an "are you serious" look. Kellan Laughs.
Forget sensitive, try being quiet.


Gary and Kurt are finishing beers as they get out of Kurt's
car at Zea's.
If this chick isn't hot, you're
getting corn-holed at the end of
the night.
She's hot, don't worry.
Why would I worry? I'm not even
Then why'd you shave?
You know what? Fuck you and Marty
Kurt laughs as he and Gary walk in restaurant.
Zea is a small restaurant, tastefully decorated, with tables
taking up the center of the floor and booths running along
the exterior walls. Gary sees Jane in a booth, facing the
entrance. As Gary and Kurt near the booth, Gary sees that
the girl waiting on the blind side of the booth is Sarah.
Any good phone calls lately?
Is this some sort of joke?
No, this is Jane's sister.
This is the bitch from Mick's


Let me explain.
      (speaking up)
I'm not a bitch.
You flirt with me pretty
convincingly for a good two hours
and then tell me you can't give me
your number because I'm from here,
which seems to be something we
have in common, and you expect me
not to think you're a bitch?
Let her explain.
Gary nods to Sarah to go ahead and talk.
I'm sorry, really. I talked to you
for two hours because I thought
you were awesome. That's why I'm
here tonight. When Kurt saw me
talking to you and then found out
I was Jane's sister, he set this
whole thing up. As for me blowing
you off, I'm not the kind of girl
that goes home with guys I just
met. Especially when they're as
drunk as you were.
So you think I'm awesome?
Everyone smiles and the tension disappears. Gary and Kurt
slide into the booth.
Since you two already know each
other, Gary, this is Jane and vice


Food is being cleared away from the table.
Everyone is more relaxed as they enjoy some drinks.
Gary didn't want to come tonight.
He thought I'd have him
babysitting some fat chick.
I might be a bitch but at least
I'm thin.
You have to understand, I sorta
had a blind date once and let's
just say it wasn't love at first
What happened?
There was this guy in my P.E.
class in high school and we were
friendly. I used to make fun of
him alot and he decided to get me
So we're sitting in class one day
and he tells me he knows this
chick he thinks I'd like and best
of all, she puts out. Me, being
the romantic I am, immediately
call her up. She tells me she's
about five six, 105 pounds, blond
and blue, and looks like Barbie.
I'm thinking I can't lose when she
tells me she wants to meet me,


                       GARY (cont'd)
Wrong. My friend Marty drives me
out to LaPlace to meet this girl.
We knock on the door and someone
yells come in. We go in and
there's a little troll on the
sofa. I asked her if Missy was
there, she said she was Missy.
Marty started laughing and walked
out. I looked at her, all five
feet, 180 pounds, and followed
Marty right out the door.
You probably hurt her feelings.
Think of what she did to me. An
immpresionable young romantic
suddenly hit with the cold hard
fact of womanly deciet. I could've
been scarred for life.
Imagine how ugly you'd be then.
The Mill is a small wooden building nestled in an industrial
The small parking lot is full and cars are parked in parking
lots of adjacent businesses that are closed. Marty's Land
Rover pulls into a spot across the street from the bar.
Marty and Kellan get out and head toward the Mill.
The Mill is all wood on the inside. A long bar runs down the
left hand wall. Two pool tables occupy the empty space at
the back of the building. The walls are decorated in an
eclectic, kitschy style. Marty, Kellan, Kurt, and Jane are
at a table. Gary and Sarah are at the bar ordering drinks.


      (to Kurt)
So he really likes her, huh?
Pretty amazing, isn't it?
What's so amazing about someone
liking my sister?
The most extensive conversation
Gary's had with a female in the
six months I've known him was when
he told the drive thru girl at
Wendy's that she was too ugly to
touch his food.
He doesn't even talk to his mom?
She died when he was in High
      (to Jane)
Why don't y'all come over to the
house tomorrow? We can barbque or
That sounds like fun.
By all means; I guess we're
celebrating our moving in
Don't be an asshole, Marty.
Sorry, dear. Sometimes I can't
help myself.


I know, but I love you anyway.
The morning call is a 24 hour beignet and coffee shop. It is
a small place with small tables crammed together tightly.
Gary and Sarah are still out together, long after everyone
else has gone home. They are enjoying beignets and hot
chocolate. The shop is about half empty.
I'm telling you, The New Kids On
The Block were good dancers.
Just my luck. I finally meet a
nice girl and our budding romance
is destroyed by a debate on boy
bands. Face it, they sucked.
If they sucked so much, how did
they manage to earn more than a
billion dollars?
The music, I can't explain. The
reason everyone thought they were
good dancers is because they were
synchronized. Anybody can look
good doing anything if he's got
five guys backing him up.
Look, I have no dancing ability at
all so I made up my own dance
called the Honkey Shuffle. I look
absolutely ridiculous doing this
dance but I promise you that if I
had five guys backing me up, I
could dig in my ass and look good
doing it.
Show me.


What, dig in my ass?
No, stupid, do the honkey shuffle.
Here, now?
Unless you're too much of a pussy.
Gary gets up and does the honkey shuffle, the whitest, most
akward dance ever, to bafflement of other customers.
You're right, you looked like an
You shouldn't have doubted me; I
know a lot about dancing.
It shows.
Gary and Sarah are walking hand in hand down the green,
enjoying the deserted, immaculately landscaped privacy of a
nighttime golf course.
This is your favorite place to
come and relax, huh?
Yeah. Me and a friend used to come
here almost every night when we
were in high school.
What happened to your friend?


I wish I knew. We just lost touch.
What are your parents like?
They died.
I'm sorry.
Don't be, it was a long time ago.
Wanna see the lovers' tree?
And what exactly is that?
It's a place where young lovers
are supposed to go to declare
their undying love for one
Then what, they live happily ever
Of course not; but it never fails
to get a guy laid.
Oh, really?
Really. I think we should check
that out.
Gary and Sarah, alone together at the French Market,
shopping. At the Aquarium of the Americas. At the Audubon
Zoo. Picnicking under the giant oak tree at The Fly. Hanging


out with Kurt and Jane at bars. Having dinner parties at
Marty's house with the whole group.
All three couples are sitting at a table, drinking and
Sarah leans over and whispers in Gary's ear.
      (standing up)
I've just been informed that I've
had enough to drink.
He's no good to me unconscious.
Gary formally shakes Kurt and Marty's hands.
Gentlemen, duty calls.
Gary and Sarah leave.
It's about time she gives it up.
That's my sister, asshole.
What I meant was, uh, you see,
when two people really love each
Shut up.
Sarah pulls the blanket from over her and Gary's heads as
they both try to catch their breath.


Where'd you learn that?
Animal planet.
Gary and Kurt are sitting on on open-air second floor
balcony overlooking Magazine Street, with its collection of
upscale boutique shops, rundown neighborhood bars, and
laid-back New Orleans attitude. Gary and Kurt are looking at
beer menus, trying to decide what to drink.
What are you having?
I don't know, everything looks
Well, it's not too often you get
any. Let's try and drink one of
Kurt gets up and walks through the open french doors to the
bar, gets their beer, and comes back to the table without
leaving Gary's sight.
May the beer be cheap and the
women plentiful.
      (returning toast)
And if not, may the women be cheap
and the beer plentiful.
Gary and Kurt both take long pulls on their beers.
God, I feel like a new man.


I've been telling you that jerking
off was no substitute for the real
Like I couldn't tell the
difference. I don't know what was
wrong with me. Half the time all I
want is to be back with Amanda.
The rest of the time I hate her. I
hate myself for hating her. It's
all messed up in my head...
I'll tell you the same thing I
told Marty. If all you dwell on
are the bad things that have
happened to you in the past, you
aren't going too have too many
good things happen to you in the
So you think Marty's not sitting
there, thinking of what might have
Sure he is. He just doesn't let it
stop him from leading a normal
Point taken.
Look, you got a raw deal with your
family. You didn't let that stop
you from doing everything you
could to make yourself happy.
Amanda screws you over and all the
sudden you lay around feeling
sorry for yourself. Forget that. I
mean, how happy are you right now?
You stop feeling sorry for
yourself, get laid, maybe with


                       KURT (cont'd)
someone who'll stick around
awhile, everything's better.
After the performance I gave last
night, you can believe Sarah's
gonna stick around for quite a
      (shaking his head)
Some girls are so easy to impress.
Sarah is stuck at a red light at the corner of Airline and
Central.Sarah sees Kurt's car pull up on the side of the
Sugarbowl Motel, a trashy place known for renting rooms to
prostitutes. Gary gets out of the passenger side door, leans
in to talk to Kurt, then stands, laughing, and shuts the
door. Gary walks around to the front of the building and
disappears into the courtyard. Sarah sits stunned, staring
at the motel. A honk from the car behind her gets Sarah's
attention and she realizes the light is green. Sarah drives
through the intersection, tears in her eyes.
Gary goes into motel with a hooker.
Marty and Sarah are sitting at opposite ends of the sofa,
talking, when Gary comes in. Gary looks surprised to see
Hey. Sarah. I didn't see your car
I'm parked on the side. Where's
Kurt, I thought y'all were out


He dropped me off at the cemetery.
We got to talking and I realized
I hadn't been in a while.
Well, I'm glad you're here. I
don't know how long I could've
resisted Marty's charms.
You wouldn't have lasted another
five minutes.
      (getting up)
Who could?
Sarah hugs Gary and whispers in his ear.
Take a ride with me, I have a
surprise for you?
      (ushering Sarah
       out the room)
I'll be back later.
      (picking up a book)
Have fun.
Sarah is driving down Carrolton Avenue, past gas stations,
restaurants, fast food places, and side streets of
dilapidated shotgun houses. As Sarah turns onto the
interstate, Gary puts his hand on Sarah's shoulder, which
she shrugs off.
Is something wrong?


Why would anything be wrong?
I don't know. You seem upset.
Not at all.
Well, what's the surprise?
      (yelling and
I saw you with that whore on
Airline. Surprise! Was I just so
bad last night that you needed to
go out and get yourself a pro?
You don't know what you're talking
So I'm stupid and bad in bed, huh?
You're not bad in bed.
Just stupid right?
Sarah pulls on shoulder of I-10.
Get out. Get out and don't ever
call me again!
Gary gets out and Sarah pulls off before the door is all the
way closed.
Gary watches her go.


Sarah and Jane are sitting on the sofa, Sarah with her head
buried in Jane's shoulder. Sarah is still crying.
I just don't get it. We dated for
six weeks and he never put any
pressure on me to sleep with him.
Then the day after we spend our
first night together, he gets a
hooker? It just doesn't make any
sense. Do you think there might be
another reason that he was there?
I thought Gary was a good guy,
too, sweetie. But I can't think of
one other reason for a guy to go
to the Sugarbowl. I'm so sorry.
Why does this keep happening to
me? Why can't I meet a good guy?
What's wrong with me?
There is nothing wrong with you,
Sarah. You're smart, beautiful,
talented... you can eat anything
you want without gaining a pound.
Sarah gives Jane a sad but appreciative smile through her
If Gary thinks there's nothing
wrong with paying crackheads for
sex, he's the one with the
problem, not you
What about Kurt?


You better believe I'm going to
talk to him. If Gary has a reason
for Kurt dropping him off there,
I'll find out. If he doesn't,
they're both gonna get it from me.
I'm sorry to cause you and Kurt
Don't worry about. We're just
having some fun in bed. It's not
anything that's gonna last anyway.
Now come on, lets go to Baskin
Robbins. My treat, even if I'm the
one that gets a fat ass.
Gary and Marty are sitting at the kitchen island drinking.
The island is covered in empty beer bottles.
You see why I don't believe in
That's where you misunderstand the
situation. God exists, but you
shouldn't think that His purpose
is to stop you from getting a
steady piece of ass. This is more
likely just some more of that good
luck you can't seem to avoid.
Being born to rich and caring
parents, that good luck, right?
Gary and Marty laugh at that as Kurt walks into the kitchen.


      (pissed off)
What the fuck are you laughing
What are you so pissed about?
Sarah's devastated and Jane just
spent an hour chewing my ass up
and down because I dropped you off
at the Sugarbowl and couldn't give
her an innocent reason why you'd
be there.
First of all, who gives a shit
about Jane? Once you're tired of
her, you aren't gonna talk to her
anymore. And if Sarah thinks that
I was with a hooker, then fuck her
Kurt sits in the stool next to Gary's so that they are
facing each other.
That's it? You're gonna throw away
the only thing that's made your
drunk ass happy in I don't know
how long because you don't want to
admit the junkie whore you went to
visit is your mom?
Gary's face contorts with anger and he kicks Kurt's stool
over, sending Kurt tumbling to the floor. Before Kurt has a
chance to get up, Gary storms out of the house.
That was tactful.
      (getting up)
I guess calling his mom a junkie
whore wasn't the best thing to


                       KURT (cont'd)
No, but it was the most accurate.
Gary takes a seat at the empty bar. Other than Chris, the
owner, no one else is in the bar. Chris starts pouring an
Abita Amber draft as soon as Gary sits down.
      (pouring a drink)
Haven't seen you in a couple of
Haven't been going out too much.
Kurt and Marty coming or you
drinking by yourself?
I'm flying solo tonight. Female
problems, you know?
I hear that, if it wasn't for
pussy there'd be a price on their
I'll drink to that.
Wanna talk about it?
Not particularly, that's why I'm
Fair enough.


You better start me a tab, I plan
on being here until I can't
remember her name.
I been there, brother.
Marty comes in the door and sits next to Gary. Chris shakes
Marty's hand and pours a second Abita.
Shit, if y'all are both here to do
some serious drinking, I'll
probably be able to take my cruise
after tonight.
Just keep 'em coming and we'll see
how close you are at closing time.
Chris nods and then goes to the other end of the bar to take
a phone call.
I didn't think you'd find me this
If you were trying to hide, coming
to the Mill was probably a
mistake. Besides, we followed you.
Where's Kurt?
In the car. We thought I should
make sure you're calm before we
stick you with the tab we're about
to run up.
I'll go get him.


Gary gets up, taking both his and Marty's beers with him,
and goes outside.
Kurt is leaning on Marty's SUV when Gary comes outside
carrying two mostly filled Abita drafts. Gary hands one to
I'm sorry, man. Must be the Irish
I should've known better than to
say anything about your mom. I
know how sensitive you Micks are
about that shit.
Are we cool?
Me, yeah. I'm not so sure about
You know what I mean, asshole.
We're cool, just don't try that
shit again or I'll bend you over
and stuff you so full of German
that your kids'll smell like
You're killing me, smalls.
Gary and Kurt come into the bar together. Marty has moved to
a table and has a bottle of Crown, a bucket of ice, and


three rocks glasses on the table. Chris is still on the
phone and just waves to Kurt as he passes. Gary and Kurt
take seats at the table.
You girls finished blowing each
Yep, it's your turn.
After another drink or two.
      (to Gary)
So, what are you gonna tell Sarah?
Not a damn thing, and y'all are
going to do the same thing.
Just tell her the damn truth.
I don't want her sympathy.
It's not just about not wanting
her to feel sorry for you. You
realize that you're about to break
the heart of the only person who's
made you happy since Amanda left?
I don't care. If Sarah really
thinks I'd fuck someone else the
day after we first slept together,
then she never really started to
know me.
Are you sure? You seem pretty
angry. Maybe you should think
about this after you calm down.


Marty's right. You're mad because
she caught you in a lie. An
understandable lie, at that. Would
you be this mad if she'd just
asked you what you were doing?
Maybe not, but it is what it is.
You know this means nothing but
jerking off in your future, right?
It'll be just like old times.
Three Brothers lounge is a small, dark, dirty bar. The
ceiling is low, visibility is provided by a string of
Christmas light strung up behind the bar. The bartender is
an old woman who looks like she couldn't pass muster in a
trailer park. The only other patrons don't look like they
speak English. Gary is drinking alone. The people around
Gary move around and change, but Gary drinking alone stays
Marty and Kellan are laying on the sofa.
Marty's giving her a foot massage while she reads a novel.
      (closing book)
I ran into Jane yesterday.


Did you know Gary was having sex
with prostitutes?
He wasn't.
Sarah saw him.
Sarah saw him visiting his mother.
      (sitting up)
I thought his mom was dead.
Not even close.
Why does he tell everyone that
she's dead?
She reminds him of things he'd
rather forget. And, although he
won't say it, I think he kind of
hates her.
If he hates her enough to tell
everybody she's dead, why does he
visit her?
I dunno. Because she's the only
relative he has, I guess.
What'd she do to him?
Gary's mom used to be the perfect
upper middle class mom. June
Cleaver. Then, when we were
thirteen, Gary's dad and little


                       MARTY (cont'd)
brother died in a car accident.
I didn't even know Gary had a
It's not something he likes to
talk about.
So how'd his mom go from June
Cleaver to selling herself out of
the Sugarbowl?
She started drinking. Then she
stopped doing anything but. By the
time we freshman, she had blown
the life insurance money and had
to sell the house. They moved into
a decent apartment and she kept on
drinking. Then the money from the
house ran out.
She wasn't working, couldn't work.
The only check they had coming in
was Gary's Social Security check.
They moved into a shitty
apartment. Half way through our
senior year, Gary turned eighteen
and the checks stopped coming. His
mom kicked him out and moved to
the Sugarbowl; started charging
money for what she used to give up
for a few drinks.
Gary moved in with you?
Kurt. His mom's a saint. My Dad
was an asshole.


Wow. Now I know why you said Gary
had more reason to feel sorry for
himself than anyone I know.
How many times have I told you I'm
always right? I don't know why you
can't just accept that.
Why don't you just tell Sarah and
save them both a couple months of
Because Gary asked me not to.
That's retarded. I promise you
that if you get him and Sarah back
together, he'll forgive you
I have a few things I refuse to
do, and getting in the middle of
someones relationship is one of
He's not gonna call her and he's
just gonna go back to being a huge
He's a big boy, Kellan. I can't
tell him what to do.
If you're not gonna do something,
I will.
Why are you getting in the middle
of this?


We've been dating for what, six
months? Until Gary started dating
Sarah, he refused to even hold a
civil conversation with me. Since
he's been with her I can actually
see the great person you've been
telling me about all this time.
If you wanna get into this, I'm
not gonna stop you, but don't be
surprised if Gary isn't thrilled.
Gary is the only person in the bar other than the bartender.
Gary is hunched over his drink and doesn't look up as the
door opens and Sarah comes in. Sarah sits on the stool next
to Gary's, finally causing him to look up.
What's a girl like you doing in a
nice place like this?
You can stop trying to be funny
If you're not here for the
entertainment, what do you want? I
seem to remember something about
never wanting to see my lying ass
I found out you're a better class
of liar than I thought. I know
about your mom.
Marty or Kurt?


I can't believe Marty told her.
It's none of her business.
It is her business. She's in love
with your best friend and doesn't
want to put up with your
self-pitying ass. She seems to
think I'm a good influence on you.
What do you think?
I think if you apologize to me, I
might let you take me to dinner.
Why should I apologize, I didn't
do anything wrong.
I hope you don't believe that. You
lied to me from the first night we
met and then got mad at me for
jumping to some very reasonable
conclusions when I saw what I saw.
You fucked up, buddy, and you're
gonna have to kiss a little ass if
you want to leave here with me.
So my options are to stay here
alone or leave with you and kiss
your ass?
That's about it.
Where do you want to eat?


One more thing.
I don't think you should be mad at
Marty for saying anything, but
that's between y'all. I absolutely
forbid you to say anything to
Kellan though.
You forbid me?
I can always leave you here.
You know you love us.
Only you.
Fat Harry's is a spacious bar with a long boot-shaped bar
along one wall, booths along the other and picnic tables
providing seating in the center. Gary, Kurt, and Marty are
sitting at a table having lunch. Through the open doors,
life passes on St. Charles Avenue.
Two years, huh? I can't believe
she put up with you that long.


God bless women who don't know any
You didn't get her another
subscription to Beer across
America, did you?
That was a stroke of genius. I
wish I had thought of that.
Your idea of buying a present for
a girl is paying for the condoms.
I have class on the other hand.
Oh yeah, what'd you get her this
Gary pulls a ring case from his pocket, opens it and puts it
on the table.
What the fuck is that?
I believe it's commonly referred
to as a ring, Einstein.
I know it's a ring, but is it THE
It's the ring. I'm not getting any
younger you know.
Neither am I and I'm not getting
married anytime soon.
Yeah, but you don't like women.


What are you talking about, I love
You love pussy, there's a
Whatever. A toast: May you and
Sarah be as happy as Wally and
June Cleaver.
Marty, explain to boy wonder what
was wrong with his toast while I
secure us some more provisions.
Gary goes to the bar for another pitcher of beer.
Wally was June's son, dick.
You know what I mean. Like I watch
Leave it to Beaver.
And here I thought you knew
everything there was to know about
Kurt and Marty drain what's left of their glasses.
I'm gonna miss the crazy bastard,
that's for sure.
You make it sound like he's gonna
You ever meet a married man that


Gary, Kurt, and Marty are standing on the little front patio
area in front of Fat Harry's, finishing their conversation.
A streetcar slowly ambles past, overtaking joggers, college
kids, and dog walkers. Marty still has a glass of beer.
You nervous?
Not really. We're having dinner
after work and she'll have a few
drinks in her before I ask.
You're proposing the same way Kurt
gets laid; get them liquored up
and take advantage of them before
they know what's going on.
If it works for him...
Well, good luck.
Yeah, man, good luck.
Gary shakes Kurt and Marty's hands and leaves.
What're you doing tonight?
Cooking dinner for Kellan. A
little romance, maybe.
Well, I gotta get back to work,
myself. Unlike some of us, I'm not
so rich I can drink all day.


Life at daddy's company can't be
too bad, you just took a two hour
liquid lunch.
And got paid for it.
Call me when you get off, I think
I can squeeze in a few more drinks
before dinner.
Will do.
Marty walks back into Fat Harry's as Kurt leaves.
The Harahan Fire is a small building, half of which is taken
up by two giant bay doors. The bay doors are open, the
trucks facing Hickory Avenue, for anyone to enter. Gary is
playing cards with three other firemen in a small living
area next to the trucks.
He doesn't see Amanda approach.
Gary turns around quickly.
He is obviously shocked speechless.
Can I talk to you?
Gary folds his hand and gets up from table.
He and Amanda walk away from table as game starts over.


      (trying to smile)
Long time, no see, huh?
You could say that.
How have you been?
Living, and you?
I've been okay; finished law
How long you been back?
A few days.
Gary is silent for an uncomfortable period of time.
So, is it everything you wanted?
Being a fireman.
Yeah, yeah, it's great.
That's good.
Gary is silent again until Amanda has to speak.
Okay. I just wanted to say hello.
I'll talk to you later, Gary.


Amanda walks away slowly, looking back.
Gary looks after her, dumbfounded.
Gary is sitting on a lawn chair, on a small fenced in patio,
drinking and staring at his fence, which is the only scenery
in three directions. Kurt comes from inside the apartment
with a beer and sits next to Gary.
You shouldn't leave your front
door unlocked.
Yeah, any asshole off the street
could walk right in.
I stole a beer.
What's wrong? Sarah didn't say no,
did she?
I didn't ask.
Pussied out, huh?
I saw Amanda yesterday.


At the station. She came in after
Looking for you?
What'd you do with the ring?
I still have it. I left work early
and picked up something else. I'm
so fucked.
I agree. It can't be a good sign
when the girl that broke your
heart shows up the same day you're
gonna propose to your new
Aren't you just a ray of optimism.
Gary and Amanda are sitting at an outside table, on a
balcony overlooking Carrolton Avenue. Oak trees line the
median, nice houses populate the busy street. Gary and
Amanda are pushing their food around, but not doing much
So what happened?
On a dark and stormy night ten
years ago. When do you think?


I freaked. We had just finished
our senior year and you were on
your little boys only camping trip
and I found the engagement ring
you bought. I thought, "Oh God,
I've been in a relationship for
over five years and I'm only 22
years old." I knew that I wouldn't
be able to say no, but I wasn't
sure if I wanted to say yes. I
needed time to think.
Three years? Without one word?
Just a shitty little note saying
you were sorry, and that you'd
call me when you knew what you
I never meant to do that to you,
Gary. I just needed space. And
then every day it just got harder
to think of facing you after what
I'd done.
I was so worried about you.
Wondering what was wrong, where
you were, if I had done something
wrong. And, of course, your
parents were no help.
They never did like you, did they?
Where'd you go?
California. Stanford.
Gary shakes his head in disbelief.


You have any boyfriends out there?
A few.
Any serious?
One, but we wanted different
things in the end.
Like what?
Monogamy. What about you, any
Not for over a year, I kept
waiting for you to come back. I
just had my two year anniversary
last week.
Two years, huh? It feels weird
saying this, but congratulations.
So what made you come back now?
No. Lie to me and then kick me in
the nuts.
I came back to work in my dad's
firm. I wasn't even sure I was
gonna see you.


There's an ego boost.
The parking lot is across the street from O'Henry's and also
serves a strip mall. Amanda is sitting in her BMW, talking
with Gary through rolled down window.
I had a good time.
You sound surprised.
I just always thought about seeing
you again and imagined it being a
little more awkward. You know, me
strangling you to death or
something like that.
Since that didn't happen, can I
assume we can do this again?
You know where to find me.
Who knows, maybe you can introduce
me to Sarah one day.
We'll have to see about that one.
Gary and Sarah's apartment is a small two bedroom,
tastefully decorated with a woman's touch. Framed posters
from various South Louisiana festivals take up much of the
wall space, along with photos detailing Gary and Sarah's two
happy years together. Gary and Sarah are watching TV, but
Gary is off in dreamland, a subtle smile on his face.


What're you smiling about?
I'm not smiling.
You've been smiling like a retard
since you got home from work. Are
you cheating on me?
You got me. I've been fucking one
of the ladies from that nursing
home by Winn Dixie. If I had known
senior citizens could be so much
fun, I'd have left you a long time
What does she have that I don't?
She has sex games you couldn't
possibly compete with.
Like what?
Besides playing suck the elastic
titty and lick the varicose vein,
nothing taste quite like pussy
that's been aged seventy years in
white cotton panties.
Is that what I tasted on your
breath? I thought you just had bad
Chinese again.
Gary, Marty, and Kurt are playing basketball with three
other guys on one half of the court. Another half court game


is taking place across the floor. A few random guys are
sitting in the bleachers waiting to jump into the next game.
Gary's cell phone rings and he stops the game to run over to
the bleachers to answer it, much to the chagrin of everyone
else. After a few seconds of private conversation, Gary
hangs up.
I gotta go.
Where? We're not finished.
I got a date with your sister.
She's an animal in bed.
Broke her in good, didn't I?
Gary leaves laughing at Kurt's joke.
      (to Marty)
You believe this shit?
It is what it is. Get somebody to
take his place.
Kurt looks around and points to someone in the bleachers.
      (to player)
Hey! Get over here and take my
friend's spot.
Gary and Amanda hanging out at her apartment and having
dinner in various restaurants.


Marty and Kellan are cuddled up on Marty's sofa when they
hear the front door open. Marty starts to get up to check
who it is when Jennifer, his twin sister, walks through
kitchen door and stops by the kitchen island.
Hey bitch, whatcha doin'?
Marty and Kellan get up and hug her.
You're a week early.
I thought I'd surprise you. Hey,
Hey, Jenn.
So, what do you want to do?
      (To Marty)
Can you pay for the cab, I don't
have any cash on me. And why don't
you get my luggage and bring it
upstairs for me? I need a drink.
Pay for your cab and carry your
luggage upstairs? You must think
you checked into a hotel.
That's right, the one with the
best service in town. Now go; the
meter's running.
Marty, smiling, goes for the luggage. Kellan and Jennifer
take the two steps down to the wet bar.


Jennifer makes herself a drink at the wet bar as Kellan sits
back down on the couch. Jennifer finishes mixing her drink
and takes a seat next to Kellan, patting her on the leg.
How's things been down here? I
miss anything good?
Not too much. Sarah has Gary under
control. Kurt still thinks he's
God's gift to women, and too many
of them still seem to agree. And
Marty; well, Marty doesn't ever
change, does he?
No. Marty never changes.
How've you been?
Busy. Between my residency and my
dad trying to tell me how to live
my life, I never have any peace
and quiet.
Jenn gets up to make herself another drink.
They still not talking to each
other? Marty and your Dad, I mean.
Of course not. If our inheritance
wouldn't have come from our great
grandparents, Marty would've been
disowned long ago.
What's his problem? It's not like
Marty's hasn't done anything with
his life. He's got two masters
degrees, is still in school, and


                       KELLAN (cont'd)
gives a lot to charity.
If you're not a doctor or lawyer
in my dad's family, you don't
really count.
Is that why you decided to be a
No, I was just lucky that what I
wanted to do happens to be what
everyone in the family expects.
Marty comes into the living room and sits next to Kellan on
the sofa.
Go take your shower and get ready,
Jenn. Everyone's coming over for
the welcome home party.
I didn't really want to go out,
Marty. I'm tired.
You should've taken an earlier
flight. Besides, did you expect
anything else?
Of course not. Why should I get to
rest on my vacation?
Rest is for a bunch of yankee
pussies, Jenn. In New Orleans, we
enjoy life.
How well I remember.


Welcome home.
Jennifer raises her glass as she leaves the living room to
go get ready.
Gary and Sarah are pushing two baskets filled with liquor,
beer, chips and dips, and party food through the grocery
It's been awhile since we've done
Done what?
Spent time together. You've been
so busy picking up the slack at
the training center.
Gary and Sarah turn onto new isle and bump into Amanda.
Amanda? Uh... Sarah, this is my
ex, Amanda. Amanda, my girlfriend,
I've heard a lot about you. When'd
you move back?
A few weeks ago.


You should have looked Gary up.
I'm sure you two have some
catching up to do.
I guess we do.
Yeah, we should probably get
Y'all look like y'all are having a
Yeah, it's Marty and Jenn's
Tell them I said hello.
Why don't you come to the party
and tell them yourselves?
If Gary doesn't mind, I'd love to
see everyone again.
Why would I mind?
Great. When and where?
Let me give you the address.
Sarah pulls a pen and scrap of paper from her purse and
writes Marty's address on it. She hands it to Amanda.
I'll see y'all there.


Amanda and Gary give each other an awkward hug before Amanda
pushes her basket past Gary and Sarah. Gary and Sarah move
on, Sarah looking over her shoulder briefly, looking after
She seemed nice.
Not as nice as you.
What's that mean?
It means you were really nice to
my ex-girlfriend.
You think I had ulterior motives
for inviting her?
Just making a statement.
Let me make one: she still loves
I'm a lovable guy.
Do you still feel something for
You shouldn't have invited her if
you're gonna get jealous.
I'm not jealous, I'm curious. Now
quit avoiding the question; do you
still feel something for Amanda?


Yes. I still feel something for
her, mostly down around my zipper.
Be serious, Gary.
I am. She's hotter than any senior
citizen I know.
If you don't give me a serious
answer, you're gonna be fucking
your hand longer than you care to
Of course I still feel something
for her. We were together for five
years. You don't think I'm gonna
stop caring for you when I trade
you in for someone younger, do
You're an asshole.
But a lovable one, right?
That's what I hear. Mostly from
you, but that's what I hear.
Marty's back yard is completely fenced in and cemented. A
built in pool with a small waterfall takes up a third of the
yard space. A few outdoor table sets are spread generously
across the rest of the yard. Marty and Jennifer are sitting
at one of the tables, a pitcher of margaritas between them,
having drinks.


Twenty-Five years old.
And still never had a job. I
couldn't be prouder.
I was born rich for a reason.
You should do something, Marty.
Teach. You'd be great.
I'm not finished learning.
You have to do something grownup,
Marty. Why don't you marry Kellan
and start a family?
I'm not ready yet.
But you always seem ready to drop
anything and anyone at a moments
notice when Toni calls.
That's not fair. Toni's a friend
and she needed me that time.
Fair enough, I'm tired of telling
They both sip their drinks.
You seeing anyone?


No time until after my residency,
if then.
Then why do it? You don't need the
It's not about the money. It's
what I want to do. I can't sit
around and read all day, I'd be
bored to death. Besides, you
already have that market cornered.
Speaking of corners, hold that
Marty gets up and hurries inside. He comes back in a few
seconds with a long, thin package, wrapped in festive paper.
Happy birthday.
Jenn unwraps the present, a street sign with her name on it.
Please tell me you bought this.
What fun is life if you don't do
something illegal every now and
You're still retarded.
Let's have a birthday toast. To
mom, for always being there when
we needed her, may she rest in


To the family that disowned you
and the father that approves. Fuck
How can I not drink to that?
About thirty people are in Marty's back yard, having drinks,
mingling. One of Marty's patio tables has been taken over
and covered with party food and snacks. Another table is
covered in liquor bottles, mixers, and plastic cups. A few
ice chests are on the ground next to the the beverage table.
Kurt and Marty are standing by themselves when Amanda walks
through the open side gate. Kurt and Marty just stare as
Amanda walks up to them.
Y'all can close your mouths now.
You're about the last person we
expected to see.
I know how you feel, this is the
last place I expected to be.
How've you been, stranger?
Pretty good, birthday boy, how
about you?
Can't complain, no one will
You've got it bad, huh?


He just likes to bitch.
I remember. Hey, where's Jenn?
Check the kitchen.
I'll talk to you two later.
Amanda walks off to find Jenn.
Gary walks up when she leaves.
What the fuck just happened?
We ran into her at Winn Dixie and
Sarah invited her.
This could turn into some Jerry
Springer shit real easy.
Jenn and Amanda are standing at the kitchen island, snacking
on party food and catching up. They are alone in the
Our little group turned out pretty
good, huh? You're gonna be a
doctor. Kurt has his family
You're a lawyer.
Gary's a fireman.


                       AMANDA AND JENNIFER
And Marty still doesn't have a
Amanda and Jennifer laugh.
What about Toni?
She's an engineer in Phoenix.
Is Marty still...
Yep. We got into it about her
earlier today.
Such a shame.
We better go back to the party. If
we start talking about all the
stupid shit Marty's done we might
never get leave the kitchen.
Sarah and Amanda are sitting at the table furthest from the
back door, having drinks alone.
So how'd you meet Gary?
You don't know?
I think it makes him uncomfortable
to talk about you to me.


It's a pretty funny story, really.
We were sixteen and Kurt was
dating my cousin Jamie, mostly
just having sex with her, if you
know Kurt.
Well, Kurt was Jamie's escort to
her sweet sixteen and they decided
to set me up with Gary as a
surprise to him. He went and got
another date without telling
anyone so when they picked me and
Jamie up, my date already had
another date. I felt like such a
We get to the hall and I just sat
on the corner of the stage and
watched everyone dance. I guess it
showed how miserable I was because
Gary asked me to dance. I was so
relieved. Then we get on the dance
floor and Gary starts telling me
about wearing girls underwear and
how good he sounded in the shower
because he wasn't inhibited by
clothes. I thought he was crazy.
Something made you change your
Jamie and Kurt were always
together. I was always with Jamie,
Gary was always with Kurt. We just
started talking one day and never
wanted to stop.
                                         CUT TO:
Marty and Gary are standing away from the table, watching
the girls talk.


Sarah's pissing me off, man. She
thinks I don't realize she's over
there interrogating Amanda.
Want some help breaking them up?
Divide and conquer, brother.
Gary and Marty join the girls at the table.
Which one of you wants to make out
with the birthday boy?
I wouldn't mind. Gary passes out
every year and I go to bed
Exactly the answer I was hoping
for. Take a walk with me and let
me show you how a birthday boy is
supposed to act.
Gary and Amanda watch Sarah and Marty go inside the house.
What's the damage?
I didn't volunteer anything, only
answered questions.
Besides, she loves you too much to
pay attention to anything I said.
That's very reassuring.


The room has one wall of books, another is dominated by a
fireplace flanked by two windows. The front wall is one
giant window. The room is comfortably furnished and is a
peaceful place. Marty and Sarah are sitting opposite each
other on matching sofas.
So what's going on out there?
What do you mean?
C'mon. You're obviously sucking up
to Amanda. Why?
I don't know. We've been together
for two years and I still don't
know much about him. He never
talks about himself.
You know more about him than
Amanda. Hearing about shit that
happened to him five, seven, or
ten years ago isn't gonna teach
you anything you don't know.
If it doesn't matter why all the
Nobody wants to dwell on bad
memories. Gary's got alot he'd
like to forget.
You don't think I have to worry
about Amanda, do you?


You have more to worry about from
Amanda said you were pretty wild
back in the day, but she didn't
say anything about you chugging
Sometimes it's easier than dealing
with you damn females.
You're happy with Kellan, aren't
I've been happy before.
You ever think of settling down,
getting married?
Do you know much about mythology?
No, why?
Venus, a beautiful lady, was the
goddess of love. Juno, a terrible
shrew, was the goddess of
marriage. The two were mortal
I hate to hear you talk like that,
you deserve to be happy.
Who knows. Let's get back to the
party. Remember, though, that Gary
doesn't really want to shut you
out. It's just that he'd rather


                       MARTY (cont'd)
not have to think about some
Gary is laying on the sofa, drinking and watching
Sarah is wearing a very nice casual outfit, getting ready to
go out.
You're going with me tomorrow,
Do you know where we're going?
I was trying to find out if you
still planned on going to my
parent's house with me tomorrow.
If I said I'd go, then I'm going.
Okay. Do you think I should see if
Amanda wants to come hang out?
No. I do not think you should
invite Amanda out.
I thought you liked the idea of us
being friends.


Friendly. I like the idea of y'all
being friendly.
What's the difference?
There's a world of difference
between you two shooting the shit
at a party and you taking her out
just to play twenty questions.
She's back in town and I don't
want her to feel like she can't
hang out with her old friends
because of me.
Maybe, but that's not the only
You know what I think? I think
you're just an insecure little
      (pulling his lower
       eye lid with his
       middle finger)
Wanna check my care meter?
Fuck you, too!
Sarah grabs her purse and storms out of the apartment,
slamming the door.
Fucking women.
Gary watches the game for a second, then grabs his keys and
phone and leaves.


Gary and Kurt are doing shots at the bar. There are only a
few other patrons in the bar.
I don't know what to do. It's hard
enough staying away from Amanda as
it is and now Sarah thinks she's
found a new best friend. If I keep
seeing Amanda, something's gonna
happen. The other night at the
party, I felt it there between us.
Shit, man, I thought you were
already hitting it. I know you've
been seeing her.
What makes you say that?
C'mon. I saw you two at the party.
After all the shit that went down
there's no way you'd be that
comfortable around each other
after one little run in at the
fire station.
We've been hanging out lately.
Nothing's happened, but I don't
know for how long. When I'm with
her I forget Sarah even exists.
Then I go home and look at Sarah
and realize how much I love her
and I don't know how I could
forget about her for even one
second of any day.
Like I said when you first saw
her: you're fucked. Just remember,
I'm the pimp in this outfit. You
stick to monogamy, it's what


                       KURT (cont'd)
you're good at.
Three guys walk through the door. They spot Gary and Kurt
and head over to drink with them.
The Daiquiri stop is a small, glass fronted bar in a strip
mall. Other than the bar, pool table, and a few video poker
machines, there isn't too much to the place. Sarah, Jane,
Jennifer, and Kellan are having girls night out.
I can't believe Gary's being such
an asshole about Amanda. I thought
he'd want us to be friends.
If you ask me, I'd say it's a good
thing that Gary's uncomfortable
around his ex.
Jane's right. Gary loves you and
I'm sure he wouldn't do anything
to to mess that up, but why tempt
What do you think, Kellan?
I don't know if you should be
asking me. I don't really know
what happened between Gary and
Just pretend one of Marty's ex's
started coming back around. Would
you want him telling you that you
were forbidden to talk to her?


No, but I think you're all missing
the point. It's not whether you
can be friends with Amanda or even
whether Gary'll cheat on you. If
seeing Amanda makes Gary
uncomfortable or sad, you should
respect that. I mean, why cause
the guy you love grief?
You might be too smart for Marty.
I'm a woman; I don't need to be
smarter. I'm wiser.
Maybe I am wrong. I think I'm
going to go home, do a little
kissin' and makin' up.
Gary and Kurt are drinking at a table with the three guys
who approached earlier, Billy, Ricky, and an unidentified
I remember one time after a dance
we were all partying at the
lakefront and Kurt got caught
pissing in the lake. The cop
says,"What are you doing pissing
in my lake?" Kurt said,"I didn't
know it was your lake."
That was Marty.
Oh, hey, Gary, I saw Amanda the
other day. She's hot, dude. You
still hitting that?


You know, Ricky, you were stupid
in high school and you're still
stupid. The only reason I ever
tolerated you is because Kurt used
to fuck your sister.
Ricky looks at Kurt, confused.
It's true. She loves the cock.
Amanda is watching TV when someone starts knocking at her
door. Amanda gets off the sofa and opens the door, to
discover Gary, beat up and bleeding, needing her help.
      (letting Gary in)
What the hell happened to you?
Kurt and I ran into some old
Y'all always were popular.
                                         CUT TO:
Gary sitting on Amanda's couch with an ice pack over his
rapidly swelling eye.
Let's go have a drink.
You've had enough.


You'd be surprised how fast
getting your ass beat sobers you
Gary and Amanda are sitting by a pond, holding hands.
I remember when we used to spend
half our lives here.
I miss being here with you, it was
always so perfect.
Not always. Remember when you
overdosed on V.C.R. head cleaner?
I just passed out for a few
minutes. The only scary part for
me was seeing how worried you
I was scared to death. I thought I
was gonna have to watch the guy I
love die.
I'm sorry. For that and everything
They sit still for a few seconds. Gary leans over and kisses
Amanda. She pulls away after a few seconds.
Not here Gary. Let's not do
anything to take away from from
this place. Take me home.


Amanda's rooms is charmingly appealing in the early morning
light streaming through the bedroom window. Amanda stretches
and opens her eyes when she doesn't feel Gary next to her.
Waking, she spots Gary, with a black eye and split lip,
sitting in her accent chair.
I thought you left.
I want to stay forever.
Don't make promises you can't
I was only saying how I felt.
I know.
Amanda gets up and walks to bathroom door.
I'm gonna take a shower.
Gary is lost in thought and doesn't say anything.
Are you just gonna sit there?
A shower. Right.
Gary and Amanda are standing by the front door, both still
wet from the shower.


I know. You're going back to
I don't want to.
You don't know what you want. It's
my fault for waiting so long to
come back for you.
Give me a little time to sort
things out. I want to come back
and be with you.
Take your time. I'll be here
waiting. Just make sure you know
what you really want before you
tell Sarah.
I never stopped loving you.
Me too.
Gary and Amanda kiss passionately
I'll be back.
Gary opens the door and leaves, shutting it behind himself.
Amanda rests her head on the closed door.
      (to herself)
I love you.
Gary finds Sarah sitting on the bed, hugging her knees.
She won't look at Gary as he walks into the room.


Sarah, baby, you okay?
Don't baby me. Not after spending
the night with Amanda.
What are you talking about?
I'm not stupid, Gary. I talked to
Marty and Kurt after you turned
your phone off. You weren't with
either of them.
Gary touches her shoulder, trying to get her to look at him.
Don't touch me. You lost that
right last night.
This is exactly the same as when
you saw me with my mom and thought
something was going on. You were
wrong then too, remember?
Visiting your mom and spending the
night at your ex's house are not
the same thing, even if your mom
was a whore.
Sarah raises her head to look at Gary, realizing she may
have went too far.
I didn't mean...
What happened to your face?
Nothing I didn't deserve. Now
would you listen to me a minute?


I did sleep at Amanda's last
night. Nothing happened, Sarah. I
slept on her sofa.
How can I believe that?
Because I'm not telling you as
your boyfriend, who just fucked up
big time, but as your best friend,
who would never do anything to
hurt you.
My best friend was at Amanda's
last night, too.
You know how we talked about trust
after the thing with my mom? Now's
the time you have to prove it was
more than talk. I can't prove what
didn't happen. I'm sorry to put
you in this situation, but here we
I love you, Gary, but I don't
think you can make this right.
Give me a chance. Go take a shower
and when you get out I'll do my
best to show you that I love you
too much for anything to have


You'll see soon enough.
Sarah gets up without a word and heads into the bathroom,
closing the door behind her. Gary waits until he hears the
shower running, then digs her engagement ring from a pair of
socks in his dresser drawer and calls Kurt.
Kurt, I need a favor.
Yeah, I know, I'm already home.
Listen, this is what I need from
you and you have to hurry...
Gary leads Sarah, blindfolded, to a table in the shade of a
giant oak tree.
Kurt leaves when he and Gary see each other.
Two carry-out platters are on the table with a bottle of
champagne and glasses.
You can look now.
      (taking off
This is really nice, Gary, but we
have bigger problems than a picnic
can settle.
They sit down.
I know.
I don't think you do know. I love
you and if we were having some
other problem, I would fight as
hard as I know how to make us
What I will not do is compete. If
you've got to think about who you


                       SARAH (cont'd)
want then you don't really want me
and I damn sure don't want you. I
won't have you stay with me for a
few months or even years and then
blame me when you regret not being
with Amanda. I will not play that
There never was any choice, it was
always you.
Before you make your decision,
there's something I have to tell
Wait. I'm the one who fucked up,
let me go first.
Fair enough.
You've meant more to me than
you'll ever know. I love you and
I'm ashamed it took me a night at
Amanda's to make me realize how
much, but it did. I'll never be
able to make you forget this but
I'd like to spend the rest of my
life trying. I've been too scared
to give you this ring for over a
month now, but not anymore. I'm
ready to be your husband, if
you're willing to be my wife.
Sarah hides her face in her hands as Gary holds the ring
across the table.
Is that a no?


No, it's a yes.
Gary comes around the table and hugs Sarah.
You had something to tell me?
Remember what you told me the
night we met? About why we had to
get to know each other better?
You mean about you having a ...
Gary pulls back to make sure she's serious, then hugs her
Gary and Marty are sitting on lawn chairs in the back of
Gary's truck, which is parked on the top level of the
parking garage of the Doubletree hotel, overlooking Lake
Pontrachain. They have an ice chest full of beer at their
Okay. Just you and me, what's up?
I don't know, man. I love Sarah,
you know I do, but being with
Amanda feels so right. When I'm
not with her, I'm thinking about
You hit it, didn't you?
Like a ton of bricks.


Be careful. Sarah's wearing your
ring and having your baby.
I know. In my head, I know; in my
heart, I can't decide. Your heart
leads you to some pretty fucked up
places. Places where there can't
be a happy ending. That's where
I'm at now. Nothing I do is gonna
make me completely happy. What
should I do?
You're asking the wrong person.
I'm still in love with a girl that
that turned me down seven years
ago. My life is held hostage by a
girl I never even fucked, much
less dated, and you want advice
from me?
I think that sometimes that's the
hardest thing about being an
adult: accepting that some
questions don't have answers, some
problems don't have solutions, and
no matter how hard you try, you're
never gonna be completely happy.
Look at me. Everyone thinks I have
a perfect life because I have
money but that's not true. I have
one less thing to worry about, but
my life is far from perfect. Happy
is harder than money. Anyone who
says money can buy happiness has
never had any.
Remember when you said you loved
Toni so much that you'd drag your
balls through seven acres of
broken glass just to eat the
peanuts out of her shit?


How could I forget?
I always remembered that because I
felt the same way about Amanda.
Congratulations. Call Hallmark,
they'll probably want to put that
on a card.
You know what I hate? Hollywood. I
hate Hollywood. I've seen a
million movies and every one of
them makes it seem like everyone
falls in love in high school and
lives happily ever after. I mean
what the does anyone know at
seventeen anyway. It's all a
farce. If Hollywood didn't pump
everyone so full of this fairy
tale ending bullshit, then maybe
people wouldn't go around
expecting to meet the love of
their lives in high school.
Relationships are hard enough
without the unrealistic
expectations that are shoved down
our throats from the time we're in
diapers watching Disney movies.
Everything I know about love I
learned from movies and it's
ruined my life.
You done?
No. You know who had it right?
Shakesphere. That motherfucker hit
the nail on the head. Two people
fall in love, a bunch of shit goes
wrong, and everybody dies


Aren't you full of sunshine? I bet
your beer is half empty, huh?
Actually, it's completely empty.
Beer me.
      (Handing Gary a
       beer from the
Sometimes I wonder why we even
bother to fall in love.
Because romance suspends logic. If
it didn't; we probably wouldn't
risk it.
That's pretty deep.
Yeah. I saw it on an episode of
Joan of Arcadia.
You watched Joan of Arcadia?
What? You gonna tell me I'm a fag?
No. I watched it, too
Yeah. I guess I missed that


Jenn and Kellan come in with shopping bags. Jenn checks the
answering machine.
      (on answering
Marty, it's Toni. I tried calling
you on your birthday but no one
answered. I just wanted to let you
know that Andy and I are finally
calling it quits. We just can't
make it work. I'm coming back
home, maybe for good. I'll give
you a call so we can get together.
I love you, bye.
Who's Toni, an ex-girlfriend?
You don't know?
Her and Marty never dated, but
that's a technicality as far as
Marty's concerned. I hate to be
the one to tell you, but Marty's
gonna run to her.
Why? Who is she?
They met in high school and fell
in love. All she talked about to
her friends at Chapppelle was
Marty. When he asked her out
though, she said no. Marty thought
she just needed time so he
resigned himself to just be her
friend. He watched her date every
guy that asked her but him. She


                       JENNIFER (cont'd)
always dated the biggest losers
and Marty was convinced that she'd
realize it and finally get with
him but she never did. He's asked
her out a couple more times and
she keeps saying no. If she
decides she wants him, she'll get
Is she just leading him on?
No, she loves him. It's obvious
when you see them together. For
some reason though, she can't
bring herself to be with him. I
personally think it's because
Marty doesn't want to do anything
with his life but lay around
reading every book he can get his
hands on.
Doesn't he get tired of waiting?
Doesn't he realize that if a girl
is gonna be with someone, it
doesn't take her seven or eight
years to say yes?
We've all tried telling him, but
it doesn't do any good.
Why not?
I'll give you a perfect example.
Two New Years ago, we were all at
Madigens, partying. Toni shows up
with a group of friends,
completely trashed. When she sees
Marty, she runs, jumps in his arms
and starts giving him some not
very platonic kisses. She's


                       JENNIFER (cont'd)
telling him and anyone who'll
listen that she loves him more
than life itself.
So she's hanging all over Marty
for a few hours and he's happier
than he's ever been. He thought it
was finally gonna happen for him.
Then, while she's got her arms
around Marty, she leans over and
kisses one of the guys she showed
up with. When they wanted to leave
and Marty asked her to stay, she
left. The next day she claimed she
couldn't remember anything. It
destroyed Marty. He wasn't sober
for five minutes in the next three
I'm gonna get dumped for this
'Fraid so.
Fuck that.
Kellan erases Toni's answering machine message.
You might last after all.
Gary and Amanda are sitting down, talking.
It is very awkward.
You know I love you, Mandy. But
she's having my baby. I can't just
walk away from that.


I get it, Gary. I do have a right
to be a little disappointed
though, don't I?
Of course. I'm not as happy as I
should be, either. I'm having a
baby with a girl I love and all I
can think about is you.
I wish you could stay.
Me too. But I'd feel like a piece
of shit if I left Sarah with my
baby on the way.
I know you would. That's one of
the things I love about you: you
always do the right thing.
Not always.
Don't feel bad about the other
night, Gary. I don't want to think
that anything between us can be
Tell me what it is then.
A great good-bye.
      (nodding agreement)
I gotta go.
Gary stands and leans over Amanda.
He kisses her softly on the lips then the forehead.


I'll be here if you change your
Gary leaves without saying anything.
Amanda starts to cry after the door closes.
Gary, Kurt, and Marty are drinking at a table.
So where're all the females
At my place. I think they're
already planning the wedding or
So Amanda was cool about it?
I think so. I don't know if I can
stay away though.
Just tell me you used rubbers when
you fucked her.
No, she was on the pill.
Oh God! I fell for that a couple
of times and ended up crossing my
You should learn not to share so
much. Really.


Gary goes inside to piss.
You think he can stay away?
Right now, I don't know. Once
Sarah squeezes out the puppy, I
think he'll be cool.
      (coming back
You know, sometimes I think we
were wrong for not doing what
Kurt's been doing all these years.
What's that?
Fuck every hot chick possible and
not worry about relationships.
I highly recommend it.
It's too late for you to think
about that anyway. I, on the other
hand, am still a free man.
Bitch, please. You're worse than
he is with all this love shit,
you're just quieter about it. Face
it, neither of you are cut out for
what I do. It takes a special
breed of man.
Like what, an N'Sync look-a-like?
Blow me.


Marty's cell phone rings and Marty answers it.
      (voice changes
       after hello)
Hey! You're in town?
Marty walks into yard for privacy.
I know who that is.
Too bad, I really liked Kellan.
Jenn and Kurt are having lunch.
Thanks for coming.
Just because I won't fuck you
doesn't mean we aren't friends.
I know that. It's just new to me.
So what's the big deal?
Toni called Marty last night,
She's in town, and going through a
I know. Kellan erased a message
from Marty's answering machine a
few nights ago.


She's still toast. They're having
dinner together tomorrow night.
You've got to talk to him.
Why me? I haven't come close
enough to love to know what it
looks like.
That's why you're perfect. You can
approach him in a practical way
instead of an emotional one.
Besides, if you were thinking
about getting me to do it, I tried
last week.
Fuck it. What do I say?
Kurt and Marty are sitting at the bar.
So, you're having dinner with Toni
      (shaking head)
Jesus. Do we always have to have
this conversation?
How do you know what I'm going to
You're gonna say the same thing as
always, right?


What do you think I'm going to
To give up on her. Move on. Get
over it. If I can't be with the
one I love, love the one I'm with.
That shit. Why would you say
anything different, you hate her.
How can someone so smart be so
full of shit?
You don't treat her like shit?
Well, yeah. But I don't hate her,
I hate how she makes you feel.
Just because Toni won't go out
with you doesn't mean that you're
a worthless person. That's how you
act everytime you think about her.
If I'm so great, why won't she go
out with me?
I can't speak for her, but she's
just one person. You've been with
some of the smartest, most
beautiful girls I've ever seen.
Forget about Toni; worry about
I don't know. Toni's just always
been my idea of real happiness,
Toni is not perfect.


She's the best person I know.
Eight years and I've never seen
her go out of her way to hurt
anyone. She hasn't ever lied to me
and she's been so great when she
caught me lying to her. I just, I
Answer me this: why are you still
so hung up on this chick?
Honestly? Because I feel cheated.
You remember how in love with me
she was in high school. I feel
like she cheated us both out of
something that could've made us
really happy.
I'm not gonna sit here and tell
you not to go after her if that's
what you really want. I just think
you maybe shouldn't break Kellan's
heart until you know for sure that
Toni's changed her mind.
You mean this isn't about not
going after Toni, it's about
Kellan's feelings? Is Kurt really
worried about a girl's feelings?
Maybe all that love shit going
around lately is a bad influence
on me. Don't worry though, it's
not gonna happen too often.
I wouldn't have it any other way.


Guest are seated and the wedding party is walking down the
isle, toward Father Casey. Jane, the Maid of Honor, starts
to walk with Marty. Once the entire wedding party has joined
Gary and Father Casey on the dais, the wedding music starts
and Sarah, accompanied by her dad, starts down the isle.
When Sarah is standing next to Gary, Father Casey nods for
Gary to start.
In the name of God, I, Gary
Hopkins, take you, Sarah Reeves,
to be my lawfully wedded wife. To
have and to hold from this day
forward, for better or worse, for
richer or poorer, in sickness and
in health, to love and cherish,
until we are parted by death. This
is my solemn vow.
Gary takes Sarah's hand and slips a ring on her finger.
In the name of God, I, Sarah
Reeves, take you, Gary Hopkins, to
be my lawfully wedded husband. To
have and to hold from this day
forward, for better or worse, for
richer or poorer, in sickness and
in health, to love and cherish,
until we are parted by death. This
is my solemn vow.
Sarah takes Gary's hand and slips a ring on his finger.
                       FATHER CASEY
Now you will feel no rain, for
each of you will be shelter for
the other. Now you will feel no
cold, for each of you will be
warmth to the other. Now there
will be no loneliness, for each of
you will be a companion for the
other. Now you are two persons,
but there is one life before you.
May beauty surround you both in


                       FATHER CASEY (cont'd)
the journey ahead and through all
the years. May happiness be your
companion and your days together
be good and long upon the Earth.

Treat yourselves and each other
with respect, and remind
yourselves often of what brought
you together. Give the highest
priority to the tenderness,
gentleness, and kindness that your
connection deserves. When
frustration, difficulty, and fear
assail your relationship - as they
threaten all relationships at one
time or another - remember to
focus on what is right between
you, not only the part that seems
wrong. In this way, you can ride
out the storms when clouds hide
the face of the sun in your life.
Remember that even if you lose
sight of it for a moment, the sun
is still there. And if each of you
takes responsibility for the
quality of your life together, it
will be marked by abundance and
Gary and Sarah kiss and then walk down the isle, followed by
the wedding party.
Everyone from the wedding are mingling in an elegantly
appointed great room. There are waiters and waitresses
circulating with champagne and hor'dourves. Marty is talking
to Father Casey. Sarah and Gary are being mobbed by friends
and family offering best wishes. Jennifer and Kellan are
talking, Kellan looking nervously across the room to where
Toni is sitting alone. Kurt interrupts Marty's conversation
and hands him a microphone.


Time to make the toast, brother.
Marty walks over to stand next to Gary and Sarah, tapping to
microphone to get everyone's attention. When the crowd
quiets, Marty starts his speech.
So it's my job to give a toast.
Here we go. A few weeks ago, a
friend asked me how I felt about
marriage. I asked her if she knew
much about mythology. When she
said she didn't, I explained to
her that Venus, a beautiful lady,
was the goddess of love. Juno, a
terrible shrew, was the goddess of
marriage. The two were mortal
I didn't see anything wrong with
that point of view, but after
listening to those beautiful vows
and seeing how Gary and Sarah were
looking at each other during the
ceremony, I've come to the
conclusion that maybe this once
the Romans were full of shit. So
raise your glasses to Gary and
Sarah and wish them the luck they
Everyone drinks to Gary and Sarah.
Gary and Sarah dance their first dance to "I'm in love with
While Gary and Sarah dance, Marty grabs a bottle of
champaign and goes outside. TONI follows. Kellan sees this.
I don't know why she's even here.
Because she's an old friend of
Gary's, and because Marty wanted
her to be here. But you don't have
to worry, she's not going to
change her mind.


Toni comes out to the parking lot to find Marty leaning on
the hood of his car, drinking out of the bottle of champagne
he took from inside.
The party's inside.
I just needed some fresh air.
Toni leans next to Marty and takes the bottle when Marty
offers it to her. Toni takes a pull and passes the bottle
You're girlfriend's scared of me.
She thinks you're gonna steal me
Could I?
You know damn well you could,
Just like that? You'd go in there
and break up with her in the
middle of the reception?
I wouldn't think twice.
What makes me so special?
Fuck me if I know. I just know
that everytime you walk into a
room I fall in love all over
again. Everytime I hear your
voice, my heart stops. You're so


                       MARTY (cont'd)
beautiful that looking at you
literally hurts me. And because no
one's ever looked at me the way
you do and I'm scared that no one
ever will.
I don't know what to say, Marty.
Don't say anything, we both know
that we're never gonna get
together. That's probably not a
bad thing.
You just said-
I know what I said and I meant it.
But as much as I want to be with
you, and I wouldn't pass up the
chance, I don't think it would
work out.
Why not?
It would be too awkward after
everything that's happened. As
great as I think you are, even you
couldn't live up to the image I
have of you in my mind. Besides,
we're different people than we
were and that's who I'm really in
love with, the girl whose front
porch I spent every day on.
I know we don't keep in touch like
we used to, but I want you to know
something. Not a day goes by that
I don't think about you and smile.
No matter who I end up with, you,
Marty, are always gonna be my


                       TONI (cont'd)
first love. I'm sorry things
didn't work out with us, but
you're still a big part of who I
am and I want to thank you for
that because I like who I am.
A day late and a dollar short,
huh? I guess we better go back
Toni grabs Marty and gives him a very long, passionate kiss.
What was that for?
I just wanted to do that once,
something to smile about every
once in a while. Now let's go back
The band is playing a slow song and the dance floor is full
of couples dancing, including Kurt and Jane, who are making
Me and Gary are about to leave if
you want to go say bye to him.
      (letting go of
Yeah, thanks. Listen, you take
care, huh?
Kurt hugs Sarah before heading off to find Gary.


Y'all looked pretty friendly.
We decided to give it one more
No, But it wouldn't be a wedding
if the Maid of Honor didn't get
her brains fucked out.
So you're just going along with
Of course.
      (Hugging Sarah)
I can't believe my baby sister's
married. You be careful and have
fun. I love you.
I love you too.
Kurt and Marty are sitting at the end of the bar drinking
Abita draft.
I saw Amanda today.
Where at?
Her apartment.


What're the odds?
She's moving back to California.
They both take a few sips of their beers, thinking about
what was just said.
Are you happy?
You know what, I am happy.
Marty works on his beer some more.
I was just thinking, you're the
happiest person I know and you've
never been in love and don't want
to be.
I saw you and Toni leave the
reception with a bottle. Anything
That's a negative, Ghost Rider.
Kurt signals the bartender for two more beers.
You don't seem too worried about
Not too much, I guess. I have to
get over her sometime. And I
figure that she deserves more than
a self-loathing drunk, anyway.


And Kellan?
      (draining his beer)
One hell of a consolation prize.
      (Finishing his own
I'll tell her you said that.
Kurt stands up as he takes his fresh beer from the
C'mon, it's time for me to kick
your ass in some pool.
      (walking with Kurt)
Always talking shit.
Bitch, who won the last seven
games we played?
Fuck you.


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From Ron Amaral Date 2/23/2016 ****
Hey thank you for sharing, great writing but you already knew that! Character dialog flows naturally. Think language got toned down cause didn't get an over usage as others have commented. This is surely a Guy’s flick which the market could use more of. Maybe Netflix would pick this up! Finger’s crossed. Agree with a couple of commenters that character’s feel identical just probably cause no character descriptions were available. The other comment is about Amanda's appearance at the fire station just feels implausible. If could would like to suggest two possible scenes that Amanda could be introduced losing the HARAHAN FIRE STATION scene. Honestly didn’t get the vibe that Gary was a fireman. Two possible scenes Amanda could be introduced: First at FAT HARRY’S when Gary leaves could walk right in front of Amanda. Than adjust some of the dialog from HARAHAN FIRE STATION scene to EXT FAT HARRY’S scene. This would probably make for less rewriting and dialog additions. Second would cause a couple of scene deletions and lots of shifting and rewriting. Amanda could be at WINN DIXIE scene Gary and Sarah meets Amanda there. This floors Gary hard by Amanda being back while with Sarah. Gary completely ignores Sarah for several seconds. Sarah waits patiently for Gary to introduce her to Amanda. After several more seconds Amanda can see Sarah and introduce herself to Sarah. Feel this would make Sarah's character more curious of Amanda. This leads to Sarah inviting Amanda to the party which would still fit Sarah’s character. Use the HARAHAN FIRE STATION dialog with WINDD DIXIE scene with some new dialog that would make for great female banter. Which you surely have the knack for. Use dialog of FAT HARRY’S scene with some rewrite added to MARTY’S BACK PATIO scene to just before Marty’s divides and conquers for Gary. Great fun read hope this gets more attention, thanks again.

From Alexander Pacillas Date 2/21/2016 *
Props to you for keeping interested in this, because you lost me about 2 scenes in. I didn't find any of it funny, and there's just too much dialogue right from the start. Very unnatural conversations between characters.

From Jae Date 12/28/2015 ****
I am new to the site, and this was the first Screenplay I read. And I have to say, this took me back to my days when I was in the military running the streets with my two buddies. Two of us were single and 1 was married, about to go thru a divorce. This brought ALL those memories back. DAMN the good times! Great Screenplay!

From Joe Motacek Date 4/26/2013 ***1/2
Hilarious... although I get a little bored in the middle. I hope you get this made into a movie. OHHH and to all the people who didn't like the swearing part F--- YOU! (this will probably get this moderated... even though I inserted the -'s) Grow up. The language makes the characters more raw and relatable. Just because you don't swear in you daily language doesn't mean that other people don't. Some of the jokes made me die laughing. Also my girlfriend would probably hate the part about the guy hittin' that and lying to his future wife about it... but you know what... with out the lie you don't get the happy ending so what are you gonna do right? Great story!

From Crystal Roby Date 10/2/2012 ****
I laugh my a** off all the way through. You should write another screenplay

From Lynda Date 8/5/2012 ****
Very funny screenplay, I liked it very much. I believe it would make a great comedic movie.

From Kelly Engel Date 3/22/2012 0 stars
What? Please show me the nearest exit.

From SE Date 4/14/2011 ***1/2
Like Rachel, first script I have ever completed reading, so well done. Yes there are a lot of bar scenes but that is what creates the characters and personalties. I am an amateur, but your direction and dialogue are great, that alone makes it a very good script and a good reference for beginners like me. Everyone is going to have different opinions and preferences but it will always be a script that is far harder to dislike than to like. Keep it up.

From Ronald Ford III Date 4/9/2011 ***
This is the first script I ever read all the way through....about a year ago...I found it interesting...especially the first ten pages....after that...as far as plot concerns...not the best. However, I'm sure by now...you get that..lol. Anyways, good dialogue and characters...just needed a better story to tell..in my opinion.

From Willem Date 2/7/2011 ***1/2
Maybe this has been asked much earlier but, are you Dutch?

From lana glennie Date 2/6/2011 **1/2
I thought it was clever and realistic, there are some parts that kind of repeated itself with both of the ex's coming back but other then that very well writen.

From abe casarez Date 1/23/2011 **
Just seems like there is a lot of work to be done on the structure. I noticed you started a "Montage" on page 24 continued onto 25 but never ended it with an "End Montage". Stuff like that. Maybe if it was written to Hollywood standards the story would do a better job of getting me interested right away and wanting more but it just didn't.

From Eliezer lopez Date 1/9/2011 ****
there is an awful lot of talking and too many bar scenes..

From Paul Rothbart Date 12/11/2010 *
You have a good premise, and I think your characters speak in a very believable fashion, but there are just too many scenes where people just sit around and talk. It doesn't have a movie feel to it. It also seems like every other scene takes place in a bar. I understand that your characters are parting twenty-somethings, and people like that spend a lot of time in bars, but this would make the film visually redundant. I really like the theme here. I happen to agree completely with your views on love and relationships.

From Renone Montanez Date 11/24/2010 ****
Very rich, and is very humorous. Though some of the characters are developed enough, and the story isn't as flowing as other comedies I've read, this is probably the best screenplay I've ever read. You keep everyone thinking of each other, and you have relationships flow greatly, I would love to see this turn into a film. 4 out of 4 stars.

From Matthew French Date 11/9/2010 **
Solid first draft, still needs quite a bit of retooling. Do not listen to the self-proclaimed English masters, not everyone speaks the same and in reality people swear, a lot. It gives the script a much more natural feel to it but may be a bit excessive and unrealistic at certain points. I agree with one commenter that it has a Kevin Smith feel to it, sort of a "Now You Know" movie. In comparison what I think it could use is a more solid sub-story to distract, it seems that it is very black and white, the characters do not grow in anyway or have any personality outside of their relationships. Replace some of the bar scene conversations with Gary talking to the other fireman and add in something driving the story from his perhaps, just a thought.

From Jake Williams Date 7/24/2010 ***1/2
You have the Kevin Smith feel to it. As an avid user of profanity in my screenplays, I like the way you blend yours in. The dialogue kept me in. It wasn't perfect but very seldom is any screenplay a perfect one. I am impressed immensely.

From tionne Date 7/6/2010 **1/2
Well it's not a bad script thats for sure and there was a few things I think that was missing but as a screenwriter/director I wouldn't mind giving this script a shot keep up the good work.

From Richard Date 5/16/2010 ***1/2
I really enjoyed this, a mix of swearing and non swearing would be a slight better in the long run.Rule in thumb, try not to be Quinton Tarintino.

From Jeffrey Date 2/11/2010 **1/2
I like what I read. I like how the main characters play off each other. That's very important to me is reading a script that I can imagine how the film would turn out with the characters playing off each other. You should read my script "Different brothers from the same mother".

From Reed Coverdale Date 1/12/2010 *
I have no idea why this is rated so highly. It is very boring, and I feel that when a movie is really supposed to be a comedy, it should be hilarious. This isn't absolutely funny, and also the swearing just shows you have nothing to write about. My father is an English teacher who has been teacher of the year twice. I have read many scripts, written a few, written books and have had a higher than 100 average in English for years. i know an excellent script when I read one, and this is not.

From Jason Date 1/4/2010 *
Get rid of the language. This isn't very interesting either. Try to find some more interesting plot.

From Paul Drexler Date 12/29/2009 ****
Great fun. It really is like a romantic comedy for guys. I'd get this on DVD.

From Randall Avilez Date 12/22/2009 ****
this was pretty entertaining. very much like a Judd Apatow film. i would like to see the characters fleshed out a little more, Marty and Gary seemed a little too alike in voice. it was very funny, but i think it could be tons better. i could picture Bradley Cooper as Kurt for sure haha. i liked the story and setting. even though the story has been done before i think the characters and their unique world make it interesting. you shouldn't let people get you down about the swearing though it seems as if you've toned it down or something cuase i don't think it's much a problem. Apatow has proven that the audience can identify with slightly vulgar characters so no big deal. good luck with this, i hope you can get it made it's a very good script. cheers friend.

From Vincent Vasquez Date 12/16/2009 ****
I liked it. Kind of a romantic comedy for guys. I couldn't stop reading. I'd watch this movie.

From Jericha Garcia Date 11/23/2009 ***1/2
I really liked it and the curse words added to my liking it. It made the characters more real. Nice job

From Charles Hayes Date 7/24/2009 ***1/2
Hilarious! It's not too often when you laugh as much at a script as you do at some films. That being said, this is not just a comedy IMO. Some great serious moments and dialouge. I'd pay to see this.

From Gregory Thompson Date 7/22/2009 ****
Absoluetly briliant. The dialogue flows very well. One of the best pieces of work I have read. Your script should really be turned into a movie.

From Shannon Date 6/20/2009 ****
I would definitely pay to see this in theaters! Good Luck, Martin!

From Stefania Brandner Date 6/10/2009 ****
I really liked this. Its got humour that id love to see on a big screen!

From jiggy Date 6/2/2009 ***1/2
I liked it, it was funny. Everyone well almost everyone commented on the profanity, and the truth is people really do curse like that. Especially funny people.

From Lynnmarie Johnson Date 5/30/2009 ***
I didn't read into this script that far, but you need more white space. It's like a Quintin Tarantino film, but not really. Good luck.

From J Russell Slack Date 4/18/2009 ****
I forgot that I had commented before on this script, the end of last year, in reference to the profanity. Did you change it (tone it down) at all? Because this time it didn't seem so bad. J Russell Slack

From alexander beck Date 4/10/2009 ***1/2
I think this is just terrific. I laughed the whole way through. As for it not being a typical rom-com: thank God! I just got through watching Made Of Honor with my girlfriend. It wasn't bad and I enjoyed it, but I knew exactly what was going to happen before hand because the same thing always happens. Think Best Friends Wedding or Sweet Home Alabama. Not everyone in this screenplay gets the fairy tale ending and this screenplay is better for it.

From Adam Green Date 4/2/2009 ***1/2
Awesome screenplay! Hilarious! Its refreshing to see funny dialogue and witty exchanges between realistic characters as opposed to just idiots and eccentrics getting in ridiculous slapstick situations. Good title too.

From Daniel Date 3/4/2009 **
Can't figure out how this script ever made it to #1. It has its moments but overall its pretty mediocre. Some of the dialogue is funny but that's about it.

From Don Rice Date 1/17/2009 **1/2
Gratuitous profanity isn't a problem here. The subject matter doesn't concern or appeal to anyone who couldn't laugh at the over-the-top language, so there's no need to cut back on it. However, I feel like the comedic timing is off, and the script seems to be split, from what I've read, between a romance at one time and a comedy at another, but never a romantic-comedy. The laughs are pretty much all reserved for exchanges between characters not interested in each other sexually, and are limited to one liners and short, curse laden rants. The transition between humor and romance should be seamless, and it doesn't seem to be here. There are some good one liners, but they're all sex related and some are more miss than hit. Formatting and story are good, but it needs a polish via a re-write or two.

From rockstarquan94@gmail.com Date 12/13/2008 ***1/2
That script was amazing

From J Russell Slack Date 11/22/2008 ****
I can see that your script is popular. Unfortunately, the gratuitous profanity was too off-putting--kept me from getting past the first page. I think your story will have a much wider potential audience if you tone that aspect down, at least to sparse/occasional rather than plentiful/often offerings.

From Tyler Date 11/2/2008 ***1/2
I thought it was really funny... loved most of it. The exception being the vulgarity. A bit is okay, but when it hits excessive it can be distracting from the comedy part of it and the overall feel of it. But it was brilliant, nonetheless.

From Travis Watters Date 10/3/2008 **
Not bad

From Yvette Date 9/17/2008 ***
Good script! I saw the whole thing in front of me. I saw Josh Radnor as Marty, don't know where that came from ;) It's really good, but I think it'll work better as a sitcom That's the way I see it...

From larry landry Date 8/3/2008 ****
Damn funny! With the exception of the male stripper standing in the wedding, perfect! Can't wait for your next effort.

From Andrew Garza Date 7/27/2008 ****
I enjoyed your script very much. All these people complaining about the language are stupid. I used just as much language, or even more, in my script "The Greenhouse". I liked your dialogue and some of your jokes were very original. Kudos to you. Great script.

From ralph keefer Date 7/22/2008 ****
Love it! Perfect. Its hillarious.

From Pascal Teeuwen Date 7/16/2008 ****
Hi. i can see that your screenplay is very very good! first i wanna know if you can speek dutch. i'm dutch and i wanna make a movie from your screenplay. a lot of greetz, pascal teeuwen

From Robert Casterline Date 7/4/2008 ****
Very good script. I enjoyed reading it. I think this would make a very good movie.

From Eddie Rando Date 5/26/2008 ****
The most entertaining script I've read on here. You also seem to understand the format better than most. Don't worry about the language, a lot of people curse that much. Very Funny, keep up the good work.

From Edgar R. Villasenor Date 5/25/2008 ***
I liked it, didn't mind the profanity, though the sexual jokes were a bit much at times. I can see this as a top independant film. Great job.

From jacobb Date 3/22/2008 **
It's okay I guess. Needs improvement.

From Josh Date 3/17/2008