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Who's Peppy?
by Shelly P (readthisscript@yahoo.com)

Rated: R   Genre: Comedy   User Review: *
A flashy, young black man hides out in East LA disguised as a Mexican in order to avoid capture


This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



FADE IN:

INT. SOCIAL SECURITY OFFICE - LOBBY - DAY
                                                            
Seated in the lobby is JAMAL PETERS a 20 something black
man. He's haggered with dirty,torn & mis-buttoned clothing.
He has dreadlocks, numerous gold & silver teeth and reeks of
filth.



The PEOPLE in the lobby WATCH in awe as he argues with
himself
                                                            
                       JAMAL
NO, no, YOU did! I didn't had me
no gas(beat)You needs to kiss my
ass, that's what you need to do
      (Fake cry)
Officer..Officer...He's the one
that stole the chickens
                                                            
Jamal JUMPS UP & takes martial arts stance

He begins home-made KARATE MOVES around the lobby
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Bad Asian accent)
HIYA!! (beat) I gonna kiw you....
                                                            
Jamal gives threatening looks to a 20 something NERDY WHITE
MAN. The NERD is puzzled & feeling uneasy
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Gangsta Dialogue)
Whatchu lookin at nigga?
                                                            
The man LOOKS around nervously to the others in the lobby
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Cont's)
You want summa dis??
                                                            
Nerd MOTIONS no
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Struts to seat)
Better say no... you don't know
who you playin with shit (beat)
trying to get hard wit me... I
don't play that- I'll bust a mutha
up shoot... punk ass mu
                                                            

2.

INTERVIEWER opens lobby door
                                                            
                       SS INTERVIEWER
Jamal Peters (pause)Jamal Peters?
(looks around)
                                                            
RECEPTIONIST walks over to interviewer.

(MOS)She speaks to her & points to JAMAL

Interviewer ROLLS her eyes and walks up to Jamal who is
ROCKING OUT with his 'air drums'
                                                            
                       SS INTERVIEWER
Sir?
                                                            
He ignores her & continues to play his drums
                                                            
                       SS INTERVIEWER
      (Taps his shoulder)
Sir??
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Irritated)
WHAT?!
                                                            
                       SS INTERVIEWER
Come with me please
                                                            
Jamal stands up & begins to follow her
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Talking to self)
No, I won! (beat) Uh uh! I won
punk- I hads me the king a heart
                                                            
Interviewer TURNS AROUND to look at him

Jamal jumps back & covers his head like a frightened child
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Don't hit me PLEASE!- please... I
won't do it again Mama
                                                            
Interviewer ROLLS her eyes and shakes her head side to side
                                                            
 
INT. INTERVIEWERS DESK CUBICLE - DAY
                                                            

3.

S.S. QUALIFICATION INTERVIEW
                                                            
                       SS INTERVIEWER
What kind of work have you done in
the past Mr. Peters?
                                                            
Jamal ignores her & LOOKS around
                                                            
                       SS INTERVIEWER
      (Waves hand at him)
Mr. Peters....
                                                            
He LOOKS at her but doesn't respond
                                                            
                       SS INTERVIEWER
What kind of work do you do?
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Who me??
                                                            
                       SS INTERVIEWER
Yes
                                                            
                       JAMAL
My name aint Peter
                                                            
                       SS INTERVIEWER
Your paperwork lists you as Jamal
Peters
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Oh, yeah, yeah that
      (Leans In)
My REAL name's Bruce Lee...I'm
under cover right now so keep it
on the Down Low
                                                            
                       SS INTERVIEWER
Oh,I see....OK MR.LEE...what do
you know how to do?
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Fixated on her
       jewelry)
DAYUM girl, you BLINGIN
                                                            
                       SS INTERVIEWER
Huh??... blinging?
                                                            

4.

                       JAMAL
Nah, nah, Bling-IN not bling-ING
      (beat)
You know, gold, silver,
diamonds...??
                                                            
                       JAMAL
I got me some bling too
                                                            
He SMILES wide & exposes numerous gold & silver capped teeth
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Boasts proudly)
When I get out the Navy Seals I'm
gonna cash these in & buy me a
Lamborghini
                                                            
                       SS INTERVIEWER
Mmm,hmmm, Anyhow Mr.-
                                                            
Jamal JUMPS up & becomes hysterical trying to shoo away the
invisible bees
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Ahhhh!!!They after me! They're
gonna kill me!!
                                                            
                       SS INTERVIEWER
      (Standing up)
What?! What?!
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Hysterical)
The BEES!!
      (Cries)
Dear Lord help me (beat) I'm gonna
die!
                                                            
Co-workers PEEP around their cubicles to see what's going on

Interviewer MOTIONS to them he's nuts

HAND STAMPS paperwork saying APPROVED- PERMANENTLY DISABLED
                                                            
 
INT. JAMAL'S SUV - DAY
                                                            
WAITING AT A STOP LIGHT WITH MUSIC POUNDING
                                                            
Jamal LOOKS in the rear-view mirror & starts removing gold &
silver foil from his teeth.


5.

He TOSSES the foil scraps onto the passenger seat where they
land next to a bag of HERSHEY'S KISSES
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Laughs)
THANK YOU Hershey's Kisses!! hehe
(makes kissing gesture) MWAAAH!!
                                                            
LIGHT TURNS GREEN- Jamal begins driving again

Cell phone RINGS -CALLER ID says KENNY
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Hits speaker)
What up G?
                                                            
                       KENNY
      (On speaker)
What's up- what happen with your
interview?
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Evil laugh)
Man, I was CRAZY as a muthafucka
HAHA
                                                            
                       KENNY
I know that's right
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Hey... I'm OFFICIALLY disabled now
HAHA!! I'm a get me handicap
plates next nigga!!
                                                            
They both LAUGH
                                                            
                       KENNY
What time ya'll commin by?
                                                            
                       JAMAL
I'ma go take a shower- cuz I smell
like dog shit -then I'ma get Mario
& roll up to your crib about 6
                                                            
                       KENNY
Alright man
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Hits speaker)
Peace
                                                            
 

6.

EXT. MARIO'S HOUSE 5:45 PM - DAY
                                                            
Jamal PULLS UP in front of his good friend MARIO'S house &
HONKS the horn

Mario EXITS the front door & heads towards the car.

MARIO is a pale skinned Latino with dark brown hair & eyes.
He hangs out with a mischievous group but inside he's a
pretty good guy just trying to fit in with the neighborhood.
                                                            
INSIDE JAMAL'S CAR
                                                            
Jamal & Mario PULL UP in front of KENNY'S house & see that
he is POLISHING his new white SUV
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (To Mario)
Check out this nigga
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (LOOKING at SUV)
Nice ride....
                                                            
Jamal & Mario EXIT the car & head over to KENNY

The three greet each other with handshakes

                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Shakes Hand)
Damn nigga, that's how you do-DO!
                                                            
                       KENNY
You know I can't be seen in these
streets without a clean ass ride
man
                                                            
                       MARIO
You guys need to hook me up next,
I'm the only one left on foot
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Alright homie No worries, I got
you
                                                            
                       KENNY
You need to get you some
disability like I did. You be
rollin around in no time.(beat)
Shit..that's an easy lick
                                                            

7.

                       JAMAL
Speaking of money- what's the
latest?
                                                            
                       KENNY
      (Looks around)
Come inside, too many nosey ass
neighbors around here
                                                            
 
INT. KENNY'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
JAMAL & MARIO ARE SEATED ON THE SOFA
                                                            
Kenny HANDS them each a can of beer & SITS down

                                                            
                       KENNY
Alright, check this out- You know
that laundry place over there on
Crenshaw?
                                                            
Jamal & Mario try to recall
                                                            
                       KENNY
Across from that Mike's liquor
store we boosted last year??
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Oh yeah, yeah, ok...
                                                            
                       KENNY
Last night I was helpin my Mama
with her laundry & the owner was
there- a little Chinese dude
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Laughs)
Of course- what don't they own
                                                            
                       KENNY
I know. Anyway, he was emptying
out the machines & there was like
$5000 there(beat) He's only about
five feet tall- we can run in,
swoop up on him & be gone in 10
seconds flat
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Evil laugh)
Sounds good to me
                                                            

8.

                       MARIO
I'm in- when do we hit it?
                                                            
                       KENNY
Well, I'm thinkin he collects his
money every Monday night 'cause
that's when we were there
(beat)Besides, most people do they
laundry on the weekend so it's
probably full of coins by then
                                                            
                       MARIO
It's Monday night football so
there shouldn't be many people
around either
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (To Kenny)
I think we done schooled this
nigga a little too well
                                                            
They all laugh & DRINK up
                                                            
 
INT. JAMAL'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
JAMAL standing in front of dresser & mirror, music BLARES as
he gets ready. He's draped in jewelry, name brand clothing
from head to toe

He SLAPS cologne on his cheeks & checks his look from all
sides
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (In Mirror)
Damn I look good!
                                                            
Jamal's grandmother Adelade Peters, is a caramel toned black
woman in her 60's who walks semi-hunched over due to her
weight & bad hip

ADELADE WALKS in Jamal's room
                                                            
                       ADELADE
Boy- turn off that noise! Give me
a damn headache.... Then bring
your ass Dinner's ready
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Ok, thanks Gramma. What did you
make?
                                                            

9.

                       ADELADE
Chili & cornbread (beat) Where you
goin?
                                                            
                       JAMAL
I'm just going to the club with
the fellas for awhile (beat) Did
Vanessa call?
                                                            
                       ADELADE
No, why? I thought ya'll broke up?
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Yeah we did. I just wanted to make
sure she wasn't bothering you
                                                            
                       ADELADE
Why would she be bothering me?
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Cause she was calling me like
every twenty minutes begging me to
get back with her
                                                            
                       ADELADE
      (Rolls Eyes &
       Walks Away)
Nope... she aint called
                                                            
Jamal STARES at himself in the mirror
                                                            
                       JAMAL
You need to get your shit together
                                                            
 
INT. DARK NIGHT CLUB - NIGHT
                                                            
The music is POUNDING as Jamal, Mario & Kenny ENTER the jam
PACKED club.

The trio hang out at the bar laughing, drinking & trying to
pick up on girls.

Jamal NOTICES his newly EX-GIRLFRIEND Vanessa, chatting &
FLIRTING with a good looking guy
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Oh, HELL TO THE NO! (beat) What
does she think she's doin??
                                                            
                       MARIO
She ain't yours no more man-
forget about it
                                                            

10.

                       JAMAL
Nah, Fuck that! She in MY club
                                                            
                       KENNY
Ahh, let it be (beat) c'mon, let's
finish up the details - ain't
nothing goin on in here
                                                            
THEY'RE HUDDLED AT A TABLE IN A DARK CORNER
                                                            
                       KENNY
Ok- Mario, you're gonna go inside
and pretend to be washing clothes
while the old man empties the
machines. When he gets to the LAST
row of machines you need to roll
out & get the car

(Mario NODS)
                                                            
                       KENNY
      (Turns to Jamal)
That's our signal to swoop in-
Mario your ass better be ready and
waiting for us at the curb-
Understand??
                                                            
                       MARIO
Got it
                                                            
 
EXT. SEEDY NEIGHBORHOOD STREET - NIGHT
                                                            
MARGARET THOMPSON,is a dark skinned,plump black woman in her
early 60's

She has a LIMP & is WALKING to the corner market with her
two small grandchildren
                                                            
                       GRANDKID 1
Can I get some candy Gramma?
                                                            
                       MRS. THOMPSON
We'll see baby...
                                                            
                       GRANDKID 2
Me too??
                                                            
                       MRS. THOMPSON
Unn huh...
                                                            

11.

                       GRANDKID 1
      (Puzzled)
Gramma... What do we'll see mean?
                                                            
                       MRS. THOMPSON
Well... it means MAYBE (beat)
Gramma has to see how much money
is left over
                                                            
Grandkid 2 TUGS on Gramma's sweater & POINTS across the
street
                                                            
                       GRANDKID 2
      (Shocked)
Grandma LOOK!! They got guns over
there!!
                                                            
EXT VIEW THROUGH WINDOW -ACROSS THE STREET INSIDE LAUNDROMAT
                                                            
Jamal & Kenny are holding up Mr.WOO. In the background we
see Mario parked close by
                                                            
                       MRS. THOMPSON
      (Stops & looks)
OH Dear Lord! He's getting ROBBED!
                                                            
Jamal & Kenny RACE OUT of the laundromat & head towards the
getaway CAR carrying pillow cases & guns
                                                            
                       MRS. THOMPSON
      (GASPS)
OOOOOOH!! That ADELADE's boy!
                                                            
MR. WOO, a short, thin, yellow skinned Asian man in his
50's, frantically RUNS outside.

He LOOKS AROUND & notices his long time customer, Mrs.
Thompson, watching from across the street.
                                                            
                       WOO
      (THICK accent)
MZ.TAZON! PREASE CALL PORICE!!...
PREASE!
                                                            
                       MRS. THOMPSON
      (yells across)
Huh? What Mr. Woo??
                                                            
                       WOO
PREASE CALL POR-ECE!!
                                                            

12.

                       MRS. THOMPSON
      (Yells Across)
Ok Mr. Woo! I'll call right now
                                                            
                       WOO
      (Frantic)
They steal me!! (beat) my cew
phone too!
                                                            
                       MRS. THOMPSON
Don't worry Mr. Woo- I saw
EVERYTHING!
                                                            
                       GRANDKID 1
      (Shouts across)
Me too!!
                                                            
Mrs. Thompson rushes towards the pay phone

Mr. Woo's HAND SHAKES as he SMOKES a cigarette while PACING
in front of the laundromat
                                                            
 
EXT. LIQUOR STORE- PAY PHONE - NIGHT
                                                            
Mrs. Thompson is on the pay phone

(OS)RING RING
                                                            
ADELADE PETER'S HOME
                                                            
She mosies over to the phone in her moo moo & nightcap that
is concealing her curlers
                                                            
                       ADELADE
Hello?
                                                            
CONVERSATION SWITCHES OFF LOCATIONS
                                                            
                       MRS. THOMPSON
Hello- Adelade?
                                                            
                       ADELADE
yeah...
                                                            
                       MRS. THOMPSON
This is Margaret Thompson from
church
                                                            
                       ADELADE
Oh HI Margaret, How you doin girl?
                                                            

13.

                       MRS. THOMPSON
Well, I seen better days...I hate
to call like this but, you know
what your grandson just done did??
                                                            
                       ADELADE
      (Sighs- Rolls eyes)
Dear Lord...What's that boy done
now?
                                                            
                       MRS. THOMPSON
Girl, he done robbed Mr. Woo over
at the laundromat!
                                                            
                       ADELADE
WHAT?!! You're lyin!!
                                                            
                       MRS. THOMPSON
Wish I was....I saw it with my OWN
eyes!!
                                                            
                       ADELADE
You sure it was Jamal? How do you
know?
                                                            
                       MRS. THOMPSON
yes... I know his car- and he was
with 2 other mens
                                                            
                       ADELADE
      (Exhausted)
I'm so tired of that boys mess....
                                                            
                       MRS. THOMPSON
I'm sorry Adelade, but I had to
tell the police it was Jamal
(beat)we're Christian women- you
know I can't lie
                                                            
                       MRS. THOMPSON
I know Margaret. I wouldn't expect
anything less. He done made this
mess by himself and his ass needs
to clean it up himself(beat) I'm
DONE bailing him out of trouble!
                                                            
 
INT. KENNY'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
THE TRIO OF BANDITS ARE SEATED & DIVIDING UP THE MONEY
                                                            
Jamal is STACKING three piles
                                                            

14.

                       JAMAL
MAN....Five thousand my ass!! This
is more like five hundred! Where
the hell did you come up with five
thousand??
                                                            
They each GRAB their stack & SKIM through the money
                                                            
                       MARIO
Fool... Quit playin! What the fuck
is this??
                                                            
                       JAMAL
You believe this shit?
      (Looks around)
Is there a bag missing or
somethin?
                                                            
                       KENNY
Quit whining man. At least we came
up- what else you want??
                                                            
                       JAMAL
What do I want? Nigga let's start
with the five thousand you said we
was gonna get- how bout that??
                                                            
                       MARIO
For real though Kenny- This is
it?? Where'd you get -
                                                            
Jamal's cell phone RINGS (OS)
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Talk to me baby
                                                            
CONVERSATION SWITCHES OFF
                                                            
                       ADELADE (VO)
      (Yelling)
Boy I'ma WHOOP yo ass when you get
home!!
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Sits up confused)
WHOA WHOA WHOA! What's the matter
Gramma?
                                                            
                       ADELADE
Mrs. Thompson just called & told
me what your STUPID ass just done
did!
                                                            

15.

                       JAMAL
      (Plays it off)
What?? (beat)What did I do now?
                                                            
                       ADELADE
BOY DON'T PLAY STUPID WITH ME!!
                                                            
                       JAMAL
I...
                                                            
                       ADELADE
AND she already done told the
police WHO YOU IS!
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Jumps to feet)
WHAT???!!
                                                            
                       ADELADE
AND what kind of car you have &
whatever else!!
                                                            
                       JAMAL
I don't BELIEVE this shit!
                                                            
                       ADELADE
Me neither! How DARE you do
something like this! I didn't
raise you up to be no thief Jamal!
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Damn Gramma- why cant your friends
ever just mind their own business
                                                            
                       ADELADE
And when the police arrest your
STUPID PIMP DADDY ASS- you better
LOSE my number cause I ain't
helpin you NO MORE Jamal!
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Awww, how you gonna do me like
that Gramma?
                                                            
                       ADELADE
Uhn huhn... you done did this shit
to yourself....
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Have I told you lately how much I
love you?
                                                            
Adelade ROLLS her eyes
                                                            

16.

                       JAMAL
Me n the guys were just talking
about what a beautiful-
                                                            
Jamal hears the sound of Adelade hang up - CLICK
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Gramma? Gramma! DAMN!!
      (Slams phone down)
Fuck! One of her stupid ass nosey
friends seen us!
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Distressed)
WHAT?!!
                                                            
                       KENNY
Who is it?! How do she know it's
us??
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Man-I be taken my Gram mama
everywhere cause she don't drive &
one of her bitch ass friends
recognized me & my car AND the
bitch already told the police
EVERYTHING
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Distraught)
We've had it...This is it...I'm
goin to jail-Oh my God!
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Yells at Kenny)
I TOLD you to use your ride
nigga!!
                                                            
                       KENNY
      (Yells back)
Don't be putting this shit-
                                                            
                       JAMAL
It IS your fault! Everybody around
here knows my mutha fuckin car
man!
                                                            
                       KENNY
Why'd you agree to it if you were
so-
                                                            

17.

                       JAMAL
And then all for some LOUSY ASS
$500!?!!
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (GETS IN BETWEEN)
HEY!HEY! FORGET that shit! Kenny-
if they catch Jamal we're all
fucked (beat) so you fools need to
knock this shit off. We need to
figure out what we're gonna do, we
don't have much time
                                                            
Jamal & Kenny continue to STARE each other down and then SIT
back down
                                                            
                       KENNY
So what do we do?
                                                            
                       JAMAL
I gotta roll out of here, I know
that....
                                                            
                       MARIO
Yeah but where?
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Maybe I can kick it at my sister's
for awhile
                                                            
                       KENNY
Nah man, forget that. The first
place they're gonna look is at
your family's place
                                                            
They sit in silence for a few seconds

Mario SNAPS his fingers & PERKS up with revelation
                                                            
                       MARIO
I got it! We'll stay at my uncle's
pad! They know who YOU are, but
they don't know who I am. (beat)
So there's no reason for the
police to be looking for me
                                                            
                       KENNY
That'll work- Where do he stay at?
                                                            
                       MARIO
East LA- They'll-
                                                            

18.

                       JAMAL
      (Jumps Up)
WHAT?!? Are you crazy?? It's
SUICIDE for a nigga to be out
there- you know that!
                                                            
                       MARIO
EXACTLY! The're looking for a
BLACK man- they'll NEVER look in
East LA!!
                                                            
                       JAMAL
I know I need to go underground
but I'm not trying to go SIX FEET
under ground
      (To Kenny)
Can you help me out here? He don't
get it
                                                            
                       KENNY
He do got a point though
      (To Mario)
How do you know your uncle gonna
be cool with it?
                                                            
                       MARIO
He won't say no-my dad paid for my
uncle & his wife to cross the
border
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Stands frustrated)
Ya'll ain't LISTENING to me....I'M
A BLACK MAN- It's all Messican!!
(beat) They will kill my ass out
there!
                                                            
                       KENNY
      (Smirks)
Well, you better blend in then
nigga
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Oh,HA-HA! You black- I don't see
your ass volunteering to go
                                                            
                       MARIO
That's it!! We'll make you look
like a Mexican!
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Is anybody home?? huh? (beat) Take
a GOOD mutha fuckin look at
me(beat)Let's go over a few
            (MORE)

19.

                       JAMAL (cont'd)
details that you may have
overlooked- aside from the fact
that I'm darker than any Messican
I ever seen, I have a black man's
nose- my hair aint-
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Interrupts)
My sister is a hair parlor girl
                                                            
                       KENNY
Hair parlor girl??
                                                            
                       MARIO
Yeah, you know (motions with
hands) the hair stuff. She went to
school for that- she does make up
n stuff too
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Angry)
Make Up!? What the fuck you trying
to say punk!
                                                            
                       MARIO
To lighten up your skin dummy
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Dummy!?
                                                            
                       KENNY
Hey bro- I've seen me some Puerto
Ricans so dark, they make YOU look
like an albino. For real though, I
ain't even trying to bullshit
                                                            
Jamal stressfully contemplates the idea
                                                            
                       MARIO
Once we ditch those clothes,
you'll be alright
                                                            
Kenny LAUGHS
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Nah! Ya'll niggas can forget it
                                                            
                       KENNY
      (Stands up angry)
HEY! It's not just YOUR ass on the
line Homeboy! If you go down, we
ALL go down- Not to mention, thats
            (MORE)

20.

                       KENNY (cont'd)
strike TWO for you nigga!
                                                            
                       MARIO
Don't be stupid bro(beat)Anyways
I'm gonna be with you, don't even
trip fool
                                                            
 
EXT. PARKING LOT- SEEDY MOTEL - NIGHT
                                                            
Jamal & Mario EXIT Kenny's car

Jamal leans in the window & hands Kenny his cell phone
                                                            
                       JAMAL
I almost forgot- ditch this with
my car. I'll hit you up from a
payphone
                                                            
                       KENNY
Alright
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Leans in)
REMEMBER- We're in Seattle if
anybody asks for us (beat)ANYBODY
                                                            
                       KENNY
Yeah man. Ya'll just keep cool &
stay out of trouble- I'll let you
know when it's safe to come up for
air
                                                            
They SHAKE hands & walk toward motel lobby
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Walking backwards)
Hey! And don't be trying to get at
my ladies nigga! I know how you do
                                                            
They all LAUGH & Kenny DRIVES off
                                                            
 
INT. MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
Mario is sitting on a bed talking on the phone with his
uncle while Jamal sits on the other bed watching TV


                                                            
SPANISH SUBTITLED PHONE CALL- MARIO'S SIDE
                                                            

21.

                       MARIO
Si Tio, I've known him for a long
time, we're like brothers.
(pause)Only for a couple of weeks
until we save enough money
(pause)Tell my Aunt thank you & I
love her- Thank you so much Tio.
When can we come?(pause)Ok Tio,
we'll see you then
                                                            
Mario HANGS UP & reaches out to SHAKE Jamal's hand
                                                            
                       MARIO
What did I tell you
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Stressed)
I can't believe I let ya'll talk
me into this...
                                                            
KNOCK AT THE DOOR

Mario SIGNALS to be quiet & TIP TOES to the door

He LOOKS through the PEEP hole & sees his older sister
Angela chomping her gum while she waits

Angela is in her 20's, somewhat tall, big boned and chunky.

Mario lets out a SIGH of relief when he sees her & OPENS the
door quickly
                                                            
                       ANGELA
      (Enters with bags)
It's about time!

(places bags on bed)
                                                            
                       MARIO
Sorry - I couldn't see who it was
(beat) This is my boy Jamal
                                                            
                       JAMAL
How you doin Angela?
                                                            
                       ANGELA
      (Unimpressed)
Hello...
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Kisses her cheek)
Thanks for getting us the stuff.
How much money do I have left?
                                                            

22.

                       ANGELA
      (Pulls out change)
Oh, here- it's about ten bucks I
think
                                                            
                       MARIO
Ten bucks?? We're supposed to be
low key- not ballers!!
                                                            
                       ANGELA
      (Sassy)
Hey! Kick back-I bought what was
necessary for your make overs-
O K....
      (Rolls eyes)
                                                            
Jamal sits up against the headboard with his ARMS CROSSED &
his eyebrows FURROWED staring at the TV
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Uh huh...
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Scanning receipts)
What's this?? A HUNDRED & FIFTY
DOLLARS at Victoria's Secret??
                                                            
Jamal jumps up & UNCROSSES his arms
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Oh HELL NO! I aint-
                                                            
                       ANGELA
Actually... those are for ME baby
brother
      (Big grin)
Thanks fellas
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (GLARING at Mario)
Handle your business homie
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Yells)
Uh uh- we got all the secrets we
need right now. You need to take
that shit back & get me my money.
We didn't go through all this crap
so you could go on a shopping
spree at some foo foo store!
                                                            

23.

                       JAMAL
And THEN leave us with TEN mutha
fuckin dollas on top of that!!
                                                            
                       ANGELA
      (Gasps angrily)
AHHH!! I can't believe you
hermano- how dare you speak to me
like that! That's the LEAST you
IDIOTS could do!!
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Who you callin idiot girl??!
                                                            
                       ANGELA
You know what? Fuck you both- I
don't need this shit
                                                            
She GRABS her purse & HEADS for the door
                                                            
                       MARIO
Where you going?
                                                            
                       ANGELA
Take care of your own problems
Mario- I'm out of here
                                                            
Mario runs up & grabs her arm, stopping her at the door
                                                            
                       MARIO
WAIT! Please don't go. I need, WE
need you-I'm sorry, we're just
under a lot of pressure right now
      (He looks at Jamal)
You're right- You come running to
our rescue, no questions asked &
we acts like assholes. (beat)That
is the LEAST we could do for you
      (Jamal ROLLS eyes)
                                                            
LATER- THEY'RE GOING THROUGH MAKEOVER ITEMS
                                                            
Jamal heads towards the bathroom with the clothes Angela
bought him
                                                            
                       ANGELA
Wait- here, these are yours too

                                                            
She HOLDS out a pair of CHEAP, white generic shoes
                                                            

24.

                       JAMAL
      (Totally disgusted)
Oh Hell to the mutha fuckin no!
These clothes are bad enough- you
think I'm about to wear them cheap
ass, plastic ass shoes too??
                                                            
                       MARIO
Ahhh! Quit whining- it's those or
government issued 'jellies'
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Throws clothes)
Sorry man, I can't do this. I'll
take my chances
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Exasperated)
Whatever bro- I'm not gonna sit
here & babysit- I got my own
problems to deal with- YOU'RE the
one they're looking for, not me...
                                                            
                       FEMALE NEWS ANCHOR (OS)
.... topping our news tonight is a
BRUTAL robbery that happened
earlier this evening in Lynwood-
Our Jeff Danson is standing by
LIVE at the scene with more
information- Jeff?
                                                            
They all three STOP & FOCUS on the news
                                                            
ON TV SCREEN
                                                            
                       MALE NEWSCASTER
Thanks Paula-Police have just
released the name of the suspect.
His name is JAMAL PETERS of
Compton.
                                                            
BAD MUG SHOT PHOTO DISPLAYED
                                                            
                       REPORTER DANSON
Peters is a 26yr old African
American male approximately 5'9
165lbs with a medium to dark
complexion and believed to be
wearing dreadlocks.

Incredibly Police were fortunate
enough to find an eyewitness at
the scene who ACTUALLY KNEW the
suspect! Police are now reporting
            (MORE)

25.

                       REPORTER DANSON (cont'd)
that there was in fact, a second
suspect. He is also described as
an African American male roughly
23-28 yrs old, with a stalky build
& dark complexion. There was a
third suspect involved in the
armed robbery and vicious assault
at the laundromat here on Crenshaw
& Pacific however Police do not
have a description of that 3rd
suspect at this time.
                                                            
                       FEMALE NEWS ANCHOR
Jeff- Do you know if police have a
description of the third suspect &
are not releasing that information
to the public at this time or was
the witness simply unable to see
the suspect clearly?
                                                            
                       MALE NEWSCASTER
The only information we have at
this time is that the two men
previously described were the
assailants that held a gun to the
head of the business owner Henry
Woo and robbed him. The third
suspect was waiting outside in a
getaway car. (beat) I'm standing
here with the eyewitness so let's
see what else we can find out
      (Turns to Thompson)
Ma'am can you please tell us what
you saw this evening?
                                                            
                       JAMAL
There go that bitch...
                                                            
                       MRS. THOMPSON
Well, I couldn't believe my eyes
when I saw Jamal and that other
fella beating the daylights out of
that itty bitty poor old chinese
man
                                                            
                       JAMAL
WHAT THE FUCK?? We didn't touch
his ass
                                                            
                       MALE NEWSCASTER
What did you do when you saw Mr.
Woo's head being bashed in?
                                                            

26.

                       JAMAL
      (Irate)
I'm gonna kill that bitch!
                                                            
                       MARIO
SHHHH!!
                                                            
                       MRS. THOMPSON
Well I'm slow cuz I gots me a
wooden leg. Them boys was too
fast- but I called the police for
Mr. Woo & then I called his
grammama Adelade (beat) poor old
woman
                                                            
                       MALE NEWSCASTER
What was her reaction? Did she say
where Peters might be?
                                                            
                       MRS. THOMPSON
Oh, she was real upset you know.
She don't need this chaos in her
life
      (Into Camera)
Jamal- you oughts to be ashamed of
yourself doin your grammama like
this! That poor woman is gonna
have a heart attack- you SHO DO
need yo ass whooped!
                                                            
                       MALE NEWSCASTER
      (Nervously laughs)
Ok- and back to you in the studio
                                                            
                       FEMALE NEWS ANCHOR (OS)
If you have ANY information please
contact.....Fade out sound
                                                            
Jamal, Mario & Angela STARE silently at eachother as the
newscaster fades out

Jamal WALKS over to thr "Hair Chair" and sits down
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Alright go ahead, let's do this
                                                            
                       ANGELA
      (Sarcastic)
Are you SURE this time?? I don't
have time to play games with you
                                                            
                       JAMAL
YES, let's go!
                                                            

27.

                       ANGELA
Ok then, one more thing
                                                            
SHE PULLS OUT A CONTAINER OF BLEACHING CREAM
                                                            
                       ANGELA
C'mon Mario, help me put this on
his hair
                                                            
                       JAMAL
What's that?
                                                            
                       ANGELA
Don't worry about it- I got you
                                                            
COMICAL SCENES OF JAMAL WITH VARIOUS HAIR STYLES
                                                            
Angela is CUTTING off the last of Jamals dreadlocks
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Solemn trance)
Six years....Six years to grow
these dreads...
                                                            
Angela finishes up Jamal's typical Mexican haircut by
combing it straight back with LOTS of Pomade
                                                            
                       ANGELA
Ok, you're done
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (To Mario)
How do it look man?
                                                            
Mario just smiles & holds in his laughter
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Forget you then
                                                            
                       ANGELA
      (Elbows Mario)
Ahhh!! It looks good!!
      (Tosses him a bag)
Go try on your clothes while I do
Mario's hair
                                                            
Angela FIDDLES with Mario's hair
                                                            
                       ANGELA
Now for you I was thinkin-
                                                            

28.

                       JAMAL (OS)
      (Shouts out)
What the FUCK did you do to my
hair?!?!
                                                            
Angela & Mario SNICKER quietly
                                                            
Jamal EXITS bathroom wearing tan khakis, CHEAP white shoes,
a long sleeve,thermal underwear shirt underneath a short
sleeve, checkered shirt and his usual jewelry

He STANDS SLUMPED over in disgust
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Go ahead Laugh - I'ma put my foot
all up in your ass
                                                            
Mario holds in his laugh & looks away
                                                            
                       ANGELA
Uhhh...you're gonna have to dump
all of that jewelry, in case you
didn't know
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Why's that??
                                                            
                       ANGELA
Mexicans don't run around dripped
in fake jewelry- Duh...
                                                            
                       JAMAL
FAKE?? What the...
      (Grabs necklace)
this shit is fourteen karat-
better get you a can of 'act
right'
                                                            
                       MARIO
She's right, it's not like our
hood- my uncle lives right in the
middle of little mexico with the
cowboy hats and all that- straight
paisas
                                                            
                       JAMAL
What's a paisas?
                                                            
                       MARIO
P I S A - it's a nice name for
'wet backs'
                                                            

29.

Jamal growls as he TAKES OFF his jewelry- watch, bracelets,
chains, rings. He leaves on an oversized crucifix
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Happy now??
                                                            
                       ANGELA
No, take off the cross too
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Are you crazy?! A nigga can't hit
East LA without the Lord!! - I'm
keeping it
                                                            
                       ANGELA
Dude- it's gotta go
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Hell no- that's sac-religious.
                                                            
Angela sighs & removes her necklace (with a small
crucifix)from around her neck & hands it to Jamal
                                                            
                       ANGELA
Here- where this one then since
you're don't know how to listen!
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Examines it)
This is real gold right?
                                                            
                       ANGELA
      (Angry)
Go to hell
                                                            
                       JAMAL
I'm just askin DAMN! I ain't tryin
to run around here with my neck
turnin green n shit(beat) This
nigga don't roll like that- just
for the record
                                                            
                       ANGELA
You're so ungrateful! gimme back
my necklace!
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Nah, nah- this will work
      (puts it on)
Calm your sac- religeous ass
down..
                                                            

30.

                       ANGELA
Nothing better happen to my
necklace or you're gonna be REAl
sorry- it's only on LOAN to you
                                                            
Angela WALKS across the room & sits on the bed
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Angela
      (Holds up cross)
Thanks...
                                                            
She grins & nods

She reaches into a small bag lying on the bed, pulls out a
book & hands it to Jamal
                                                            
                       ANGELA
I got this for you too
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Now what?
                                                            
                       ANGELA
It's a Spanish-English dictionary
to help you learn some Spanish
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Jumps up Anxious)
Shit! That reminds me!! You gotta
learn some Spanish or it won't
work!
                                                            
                       JAMAL
How I'ma learn Spanish by mornin
man....?
                                                            
                       ANGELA
You can't- so just stay away from
everybody as much as possible
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Frustrated)
I just know I'ma get caught up
with this shit...
                                                            
                       ANGELA
Well when I first learned English
I just smiled alot & nodded my
head like I understood what they
were saying
                                                            

31.

                       MARIO
That's it! Listen- when someone
talks to you & they are laughing
or smiling- do the same thing-
just smile & nod your head like
this (demonstrates)
                                                            
Jamal looks at Mario like he's nuts
                                                            
                       MARIO
If they look all serious- just
shrug your shoulders & say 'No se'
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Uh huh, and what do that mean?
                                                            
                       MARIO
I don't know
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Hold up- how the hell you gonna
tell me to say somethin, then
don't know what it mean?
                                                            
                       MARIO
I DON'T KNOW
                                                            
                       JAMAL
What?! Then why the hell you
tellin ME to say it?? You tryin to
make me look like a retard, talkin
out my ass or somethin
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Frustrated)
Man! I told you- I DON'T KNOW!!
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Is anybody home? Huh? You're
startin to worry me now. You're
gonna blow our cover right out the
gate with this kinda shit
                                                            
MARIO PULLS HIS HAIR AND GROWLS
                                                            
                       ANGELA
      (Laughing)
Jamal- 'No Se' MEANS 'I don't
know'
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Well why the hell didn't you
simply say that then?? God Damn!
About to make me have a stroke
            (MORE)

32.

                       JAMAL (cont'd)
with all your madness....
                                                            
                       MARIO
Ah shut up homes-the rest of the
time just say 'Simone' & 'Otale' &
try to walk away- got it?
                                                            
                       JAMAL
I ain't even gonna ask what that
shit means
      (practices)
Simmon & Olaa...
                                                            
                       MARIO
Simone... Si MOAN....
                                                            
                       JAMAL
That's what I said - SI moon!
                                                            
Mario & Angela LOOK AT EACHOTHER knowing it's going to be a
LONG night
                                                            
Angela stares intensly at Jamal- studying him
                                                            
                       JAMAL
What??
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (To Mario)
What's up with her??
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Shrugs)
What's wrong?
                                                            
                       ANGELA
It's not gonna work... even with
his makeover- he still looks like
a black guy
                                                            
                       JAMAL
You hear that?? You can't disguise
perfection
                                                            
                       MARIO
Yeah- well that's not a good thing
right now is it??(beat) maybe if
you kept your damn mouth SHUT for
more than 2 seconds we could get
by with it!
                                                            
They sit in silence for a few seconds
                                                            

33.

                       MARIO
Hey- what's Ray Ray & them?
                                                            
                       ANGELA
Cuban why?
                                                            
                       MARIO
That WHOLE family looks black
                                                            
                       ANGELA
Yeah! you're right!(beat) You
could even tell people he's
related to Ray-Ray
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Ya'll need to brief me on this
RAY-RAY before I go claimin him n
shit. I wanna know who he run
with, where he's been and-
                                                            
                       MARIO
Shut up fool
                                                            
                       ANGELA
Don't you have another way to do
this? There's SO many ways you can
get caught up
                                                            
                       MARIO
Nope, the safest place for us
right now is at Tio Lupe's
                                                            
 
INT. RIDING IN ANGELA'S BEAT UP CAR - DAY
                                                            
Jamal looks out his window in the back seat of Angela's
TINY, old, banged up car. He is thoroughly disgusted as they
pass through DIRTY neighborhoods littered with trash &
graffitti.

They pass through gang infested areas and then on to
hispanic immigrants hanging out all over drinking, smoking &
listening to Mexican music

the houses are BRIGHT shades of aqua and pink and third
world looking
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Mutters to self)
I just done died & gone to hell...
                                                            
 

34.

EXT. SIDEWALK OUTSIDE OF UNCLES HOUSE - DAY
                                                            
Angela's car pulls away leaving Mario & Jamal on the
sidewalk holding their plastic bags

Jamal stands in shock & silence as he observes the broken
down house

                                                            
                       MARIO
Well, this is it- C'mon
                                                            
Jamal follows him up the walkway in horror- the yard is full
of overgrown weeds & grass.

The BRIGHT Aqua green paint is old & chipped. One of the
front windows is BOARDED up & the other has a SHEET hanging
as a curtain

All of the windows & doors are open & Mexican music is
BLARING from the house
                                                            
FROM THE DOORSTEP Mario PEEKS inside & sees his
UNCLE,COUSINS & a few FRIENDS sitting around the living room
half drunk

His uncle SEES them & MOTIONS for them to come in
                                                            
 
INT. TIO'S LIVING ROOM - DAY
                                                            
Tio is an overweight Mexican man in his late 40's and he is
an alcholic.
                                                            
(Dialog in Spanish with English Subtitles)
                                                            
                       TIO
Come in, come in! How are you
mijo?
                                                            
The rest of the family & friends continue talking at the
same time saying hello etc, some laughing, some singing
while the uncle continues to converse with Mario & Jamal

Jamal takes in the scenery as they talk- noticing the ghetto
decor & Guadalupe is EVERYWHERE
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (They Enter)
Good Tio, how are you?
                                                            

35.

                       TIO
      (Sluring)
Ahh, very good cavrone!!
      (Hands him a beer)
Drink!
                                                            
                       MARIO
No, no thanks Tio
                                                            
                       TIO
      (Hands to Jamal)
you want one?
                                                            
Jamal panics & LOOKS at Mario
                                                            
                       MARIO
Oh no Tio, Gracias. We were
drinking all night!
                                                            
                       TIO
      (Laughs)
Ok Cavrone- so this is your friend
huh?
                                                            
                       MARIO
Oh sorry, Yes Tio, this is uhh...
this is uh.. Peppy!
                                                            
Jamal GIVES MARIO A DIRTY LOOK
                                                            
TIA ENTERS ROOM & GREETS MARIO & JAMAL
                                                            
Tia is a typical looking Mexican woman in her mid 40's with
modest old world clothing
                                                            
                       TIA
Hola mijo, it's been so long since
we've seen you!
                                                            
                       MARIO
I know Tia, I've missed you. This
is my good friend Peppy
                                                            
                       TIA
Hola Peppy! Its nice to meet you.
You must be hungry, come and eat!
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Lost)
Uh, hola Tia..
                                                            

36.

ACKWARD PAUSE WHILE TIA WAITS FOR JAMAL'S RESPONSE
                                                            
                       MARIO
Oh SIII Tia! We're starving!
                                                            
 
INT. KITCHEN TABLE - DAY
                                                            
Mario & Jamal are eating

Tia PLACES a bowl of chiles on the table
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Whispers)
Have some chiles
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Hell no! You know I don't play
with that shit
                                                            
                       MARIO
You gotta eat SOME of them
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Why??
                                                            
                       MARIO
ALL Mexicans eat chile-They'll
know somethings up
                                                            
Jamal is aggravated & attempts to eat one
                                                            
                       JAMAL
What is this we're eating anyway?
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Shrugs)
Tia, what is this?
                                                            
                       TIA
Ayy mijo, has it been that long?
it's cabesa and lung tacos of
course!
                                                            
MARIO STAYS QUIET
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Whispers)
Well, what is it?
                                                            
                       MARIO
It's cow head tacos...
                                                            

37.

JAMAL STOPS CHEWING
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Chuckles)
Oh, and lungs
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Spits out food)
You foul man, I'm tired of this
shit already
                                                            
 
INT. LIVING ROOM- SOFA - NIGHT
                                                            
Jamal,Mario & two small kids are watching TV in the dark
                                                            
                       JAMAL
I gotta go to the bathroom bad man
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Puzzled)
So go ahead- you know where its at
                                                            
Jamal holds his stomach & groans
                                                            
                       MARIO
What are you waitin for?
                                                            
                       JAMAL
I'm scared... it burns REAL bad
when I go. I don't know what's
wrong
                                                            
Mario ROARS with laughter
                                                            
                       JAMAL
How's that funny?? I'm serious- It
feels like a dragon's shootin fire
out my ass
                                                            
He SLOWLY WALKS to the bathroom while Mario & the kids
continue to laugh
                                                            
                       UNCLE (OS)
      (From Bedroom)
Mario!!
                                                            
                       MARIO
Yes Tio?
                                                            
                       UNCLE (OS)
Come Here!
                                                            
 

38.

INT. BATHROOM- ON TOILET - NIGHT
                                                            
Jamal sits with pants around his ankles. His eyes are watery
& he is sitting up straight in distress
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Owww, Owww...(groan) Oh my God
      (Holds forehead)
Lord please help me (beat) I swear
im gonna kill him
                                                            
 
INT. UNCLE'S HOUSE -END OF HALLWAY - NIGHT
                                                            
Jamal WALKS out of the bathroom very STIFF & SLOWLY because
his butt burns from the chiles
                                                            
 
INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (To Kids)
Hey- where's Beto?
                                                            
Kids turn, shrug their shoulders & continue watching TV
                                                            
                       MARIO
Dude- You sure you was alone in
there man? You look like you-
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Fuck you man!! You AND yo mutha
fuckin chiles
      (Sits on sofa)
What did your uncle want?
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Timid & Nervous)
Oh... he said it's cool for us to
kick it here & everything, but he
wants us to pay $300 a month each,
for food & rent
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Holding his butt)
Shit I got less than a hundred
bucks right now
                                                            
                       MARIO
Me too (beat) It's ok though- he's
gonna drop us off tomorrow at this
place where we can get work AND we
get paid the same day
                                                            

39.

                       JAMAL
      (Surprised)
For real? where's that at?
                                                            
                       MARIO
I don't know- but he said alotta
dudes from over the border get
work right away
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Alright! That's what I'm talkin
bout!
      (Hand Shake)
I need me some money right NOW!
                                                            
Mario SCOOTS closer to Jamal & leans in to talk quietly
                                                            
                       MARIO
Listen, there's one more thing I
gotta talk to you about
                                                            
                       JAMAL
What's that?
                                                            
                       MARIO
My tio really has FOUR kids- not
three
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Perks up)
Oooh! Do yo tia know??
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Rolls eyes)
Yeah man- it's her kid too
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Loses excitement)
Oh.....
                                                            
                       MARIO
ANYWAYS... he's only been able to
get three of the kids over here
because the coyotes are so
expensive
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Confused)
What the hell?? coyotes??
                                                            
                       MARIO
NO, that's what they call guys
that smuggle people over the
border- Coyotes
            (MORE)

40.

                       MARIO (cont'd)
      (Holds hand up)
Don't ask....
                                                            
                       JAMAL
ohhh, ok (sits up as if he's
involved in espionage)
Continue...
                                                            
                       MARIO
The last one is his 9 year old son
Carlitos
      (Starts fidgeting)
And...kids cross the border all
the time with their parents or
with relatives who are legal here
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Uhh huhnn...
                                                            
                       MARIO
Well.... It's a Mexican tradition
to help eachother get to America
                                                            
Jamal STARES with a hell NO expression
                                                            
                       MARIO
Since we're legal here- he's asked
us to go & pick him up
                                                            
                       JAMAL
UH-UH ... NO WAY!!
                                                            
                       MARIO
Jam- Peppy -I can't refuse
                                                            
                       JAMAL
You're not- I AM!
                                                            
                       MARIO
Look man! We don't have anywhere
else to go- THIS is it! (beat) How
am I gonna say NO when we're
staying at his house?? and WE are
citizens??
                                                            
Jamal GLARES in silence
                                                            
                       MARIO
Trust me - it's a 1,2,3 thing. We
pick him up, put him in the car &
drive across. (beat) He's a little
kid- they arent't gonna ask for
his papers cuz he's with US (waits
            (MORE)

41.

                       MARIO (cont'd)
for answer)
C'mon man...
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (SIGHS in defeat)
1, 2, 3....?
                                                            
                       MARIO
I promise- 1, 2, 3... (beat)Oh
yeah, I almost forgot- he's gonna
let us stay here free this month
since we're bringing his son over
for him
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Well that parts cool...WHOA WAIT A
MINUTE! Hold up- what do you mean
"Since we're bringing his son"?
                                                            
Mario shrugs & sits silently
                                                            
                       JAMAL
You already told him I'd do it??
                                                            
                       MARIO
What did you want me to do? I told
you, it's tradition...
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Well I ain't no Messican! Remember
that, the next time you go
volunteerin me for shit
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Annoyed)
Hey- PEPPY, as long as you're in
East Los- you ARE MEHICANO,
recuerdas??
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Don't be talkin that jibberish
shit to me (beat) if anything goes
wrong down there, I'ma beat your
ass like a red headed
stepchild(beat)WITH freckles!!
                                                            
                       MARIO
Ahhh, shut up!! It's a piece of
cake
                                                            
Mario stands up & starts putting pillows & blankets on the
floor
                                                            

42.

                       JAMAL
When are we supposed to do it?
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Lays down)
Friday- C'mon, let's go to bed. We
gotta be at that work place at 5
tomorrow
                                                            
                       JAMAL
FIVE??! Five what?? Tell me it's
5PM
                                                            
                       MARIO
Don't be stupid! Of course it's AM
                                                            
 
INT. TIO'S TRUCK-5:30AM - DAY
                                                            
HOME DEPOT PARKING LOT
                                                            
There are 30+ Mexican men- day laborers waiting for someone
to pick them up

Mario's cousin "Primo" exits truck.

Mario & Jamal take in the surroundings & are unsure if they
want to participate
                                                            
                       TIO
Ondale! Ondale! I'm gonna be late
for work
                                                            
                       MARIO
Who's supposed to be picking us
up?
                                                            
                       TIO
      (Shrugs)
I don't know
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Irritated)
You don't KNOW??
                                                            
                       TIO
      (Broken English)
Just wait for somebody to come by
& then you run to the car & say
'ME! Me' & then you go
                                                            
Mario & Jamal STARE at eachother with buldging eyes
                                                            

43.

                       JAMAL
What the hell...?
                                                            
                       TIO
Ok bete- I have to go
                                                            
THEY STAND PARALIZED AS THEY WATCH HIM DRIVE AWAY...
                                                            
 
EXT. HOME DEPOT PARKING LOT 5:30AM - DAY
                                                            
MARIO & JAMAL STAND SHIVERING ON A CURB
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Everytime I go along with you on
some shit I wind up-
                                                            
PRIMO is Mario's 30 something cousin caught between the
cultures of USA & Mexico
                                                            
                       PRIMO
      (Walks up)
You guys ever done this before?
                                                            
Mario shakes his head no
                                                            
                       JAMAL
NO!
                                                            
                       PRIMO
It's easy- specially cuz you spick
inglis. Just make sure you hold
your hand up high so they see you
                                                            
                       MARIO
Ok
                                                            
A work TRUCK pulls up- all the guys run over

Mario & Jamal follow suit. They are in the back of the CROWD
being pushed around. Jamal JUMPS up trying to see.

The other men murmur negatively & walk back to their spots

Mario & Jamal are left STANDING there & see the truck DRIVE
off

They start walking back to primo
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Those Mutha fuckas pushed me out
the way man!
                                                            

44.

                       MARIO
Me too!
                                                            
                       PRIMO
You gotta be faster & PUSH your
way through (beat) don't let these
Chingasos push you around
                                                            
Mario nods while Jamal just mad dogs everyone

Another truck pulls up- they ALL RUN

This time they're in the CENTER of the crowd yelling along
with everyone else "ME"! "ME"!

They continue to be shoved- Jamal ELBOWS a guy in the face,
then turns and ELBOWS the guy pushing on his left

Man bends over & grabs his eye

Jamal LOOKS at him like it was an accident
                                                            
                       JAMAL

Oh- sorry man (continues to yell
out with hand raised up)
Right here man!!
                                                            
Driver doesn't see him

Jamal & Mario JUMP up & down trying to be seen
                                                            
                       JAMAL
HEY!....HEY!....
                                                            
3-4 men RUN around and hop in the bed of the truck- 1 of
them is PRIMO
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Yells To Driver)
PUNK!!
      (To Mario)
That Mutha Fucka wouldn't even
LOOK at me man(beat)this shit is
really startin to piss me off
                                                            
                       MARIO
STARTIN? I'm about to kick
somebody's ass - these fools
better step back
                                                            

45.

                       JAMAL
      (Cracks knuckles)
I'm right witcha (beat) I need me
a good work out anyway
      (Points at men)
Ya'll niggas need to back off &
gimme some space damn!(beat) can't
even BREATHE cuz ya'll up on me

                                                            
Men look back & forth at eachother as they don't understand
what Jamal is saying
                                                            
                       JAMAL
And the next Mutha Fucka that get
in my face better be ready to get
they ass whooped cuz I ain't
playin with ya'll no mo
                                                            
JamalWAITS FOR RESPONSE- the men continue to act dumbfounded
& STARE BLANKLY at him
                                                            
                       JAMAL
HELLO??? Ya'll understand what I'm
sayin?? (beat) Huh?! IN Ten
Nendez??!
                                                            
They speak to eachother in Spanish inaudably & laugh
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Oh I see... ya'll can laugh now
(beat) let's see how funny it is
when you picken your teeth up off
the ground
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Taps Jamal)
Forget them man- most of them
don't even understand what you're
sayin'
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Yeah well...these (looks at
men)PUNKS need to learn some
RESPECK!
                                                            
                       MARIO
Hey! I feel like bustin heads too
but we're already hot- don't
forget that- I'm not tryin to have
the police hem me up over these
            (MORE)

46.

                       MARIO (cont'd)
lames
                                                            
(OS)They're interrupted by LOUD Ranchera music approching
from a distance

They both TURN around- Jamal's jaw DROPS as he see's the
dark purple semi- metallic small pick up truck.It's atleast
20 yrs old complete with black TASSLES hanging from the
ceiling, numerous antennas,large extended chrome mirrors,
Mexican flags on both sides of truck, dark tinted windows
with vinyl writing (several ad on's)

Mario & Jamal look at eachother & then run over to the truck
"Me"! "HEY! Pick Me"

Jamal looks behind him & notices that the other men are
still standing in their spots, laughing & talking amongst
eachother

Mario looks at Jamal somewhat puzzled, then shrugs it off
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Stands cocky)
That's RIGHT! don't nobody wanna
mess with this
                                                            
THE DRIVER MOTIONS TO THEM
                                                            
He is in his 50's, overweight,tan skin, blue contacts,short,
greased back hair that is concealed by a cheap, straw cowboy
hat. His western style clothes are dirty & stained with food
                                                            
                       RANCHERA DRIVER
      (Turns down music)
Ju wanna work?
                                                            
                       MARIO
Yeah, of course
                                                            
Jamal struts by the other men as they WALK around the truck
to get in
                                                            
                       JAMAL
You see how easy that was?? (beat)
you respeck me & I'ma respeck you-
it's all good....
                                                            
Men laugh & nod

Mario holds door open for Jamal to get

47.


Jamal starts to dart in- then backs out when he SEES all the
SMOKE AND BUTTS overflowing the ashtray
                                                            
                       JAMAL
You get in man- he's gonna kill me
with all them cigarettes
                                                            
Mario motions- No way
                                                            
                       RANCHERA DRIVER
      (Leans over)
Come on! Let's go!
                                                            
MARIO SHOVES JAMAL IN
                                                            
 
INT. PURPLE TRUCK - DAY
                                                            
                       RANCHERA DRIVER
      (Shakes head)
I hope you're not this slow when
you work
                                                            
They look at eachother & roll their eyes

Jamal covers his mouth & nose with his shirt & starts
rolling down the window for fresh air
                                                            
                       RANCHERA DRIVER
      (Puffs out smoke)
Estas loco?? You crazy?? It's cold
as ice outside! Leave it up
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Fans himself)
I'm HOT, I got high blood pressure
                                                            
                       RANCHERA DRIVER
At your age??
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Yeah & ummm
      (Points to Mario)
He got azzma
                                                            
Driver pulls into a REALLY bad part of dowtown L.A.

As they drive by they SEE numerous HOMELESS people with
cardboard houses etc


                                                            

48.

                       MARIO
What kind of work IS this??
                                                            
                       RANCHERA DRIVER
You're gonna sell some stuff to
the people that work around here
                                                            
They remain silent & continue to SCAN the area
                                                            
                       RANCHERA DRIVER
It's easy, DON'T WORRY about it
                                                            
 
EXT. STREET CORNER DOWNTOWN L.A. SKID ROW AREA - DAY
                                                            
Mario & Jamal are standing on the grungy corner with crates
and holding bags of oranges in each hand
                                                            
                       JAMAL
It just don't stop with you do
it?? (beat) I can't BELIEVE I
listened to you and Kenny's
DUMBASS about coming out here
                                                            
                       MARIO
When are you gonna man up & quit
WHINING all the time?!
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Whining-
                                                            
Notices HOMELESS men dipping in the crates
                                                            
                       JAMAL
HEY!! What the
                                                            
Men run off as Mario & Jamal chase behind
                                                            
 
EXT. GRUNGY AREA-STREET CORNER - DAY
                                                            
the next day they come home & it is covered in chile
see page 36 add 37
mario explains that peppi has lived in the us since he was
little & has forgotten some spanish

hot water not working- parents tell how they bathed in river
in mexico
                                                            
Jamal & mario sleep on floor in living room- every morning
it is freezing cold & they are awken at 5am by ranchera
music blaring from the kitchen


49.

the men get up for work- the women start cooking

mario has cart selling duros w lime & chile, bags sway back
& forth while he pushes cart

jamal cant wait to get home
                                                            
 
EXT. STREET OUTSIDE CARL'S JR - DAY
                                                            
FIRST PAYDAY
                                                            
Jamal RUNS to Carl's Jr & rips through the doors
                                                            
 
INT. CARL'S JR - DAY
                                                            
Jamal rushes in through the doors in haste. There's only one
register open & he hurries to get in line

His mouth waters as he reviews the menu

There is a severely overweight white woman in her 40's ahead
of him in line finishing up her order


                                                            
                       CARL'S JR PATRON
Ok & TWO of those are with extra
cheese & one WITHOUT lettuce
                                                            
                       C.J. CLERK
and the other burger is just
regular right?
                                                            
                       CARL'S JR PATRON
Yes
                                                            
                       C.J. CLERK
Would you like to add any side
orders with that? Fried
zuccini?...
                                                            
                       CARL'S JR PATRON
      (Contemplating)
Well...(looking at
menu)hmmm...yeah, go ahead & add
one shortcake
      (Very giddy smile)
That sounds SO good!
                                                            

50.

IMPATIENT Jamal starts SIGHING & twitches legs back & forth
                                                            
                       C.J. CLERK
Do you want that with or without
whipped cream?
                                                            
                       CARL'S JR PATRON
      (Giggles)
Oh, WITH! Are you kidding me??
                                                            
                       C.J. CLERK
      (Giggles)
Ok, will that be all then?
                                                            
                       CARL'S JR PATRON
Yes
                                                            
Patron pulls wallet out of her purse while clerk begins to
tally up her order
                                                            
                       CARL'S JR PATRON
Oh,WAIT!
      (Clerk stops)
I just saw that your Western
cheeseburgers have onion rings-
SOOO I want to switch one of those
burgers with extra cheese to a
WESTERN cheeseburger with EXTRA
cheese
                                                            
Clerk changes order & proceeds to tally her order again
                                                            
Jamal starts SIGHING very loudly to make it obvious he's
irritated

Patron TURNS around & gives him a dirty look
                                                            
                       C.J. CLERK
Ok, got it
                                                            
                       CARL'S JR PATRON
Have you tried those?
                                                            
                       C.J. CLERK
Oh yes- they're REAL good
                                                            
                       CARL'S JR PATRON
      (Giddy)
I thought it would be. Is that
flame-broiled or-
                                                            

51.

                       JAMAL
      (Yells at woman)
OH COME ON LADY!! I aint got all
day!!
                                                            
                       CARL'S JR PATRON
      (Gasps in shock)
Well- I NEVER!
                                                            
                       JAMAL
yeah well- now you do- you
seriously need to hurry that ass
or step aside and let some of us
put in an order before they close!
Damn!
                                                            
                       CARL'S JR PATRON
      (Rolls Eyes)
Some people....
                                                            
Clerk stands uncomfortably with the situation & LOOKS at her
boss
                                                            
                       C.J. CLERK
Ok, so -
                                                            
                       CARL'S JR PATRON
Oh SHOOT!! I'm sorry I forgot- I
also need a #5 WELL done
                                                            
                       JAMAL
This is some BULLSHIT!
                                                            
                       CARL'S JR PATRON
      (Yells back)
Well it's YOUR fault!! With all
your harrassment, I forgot what I
needed to order!
                                                            
                       JAMAL
OH! I made you forget?? Bitch you
done ordered two of everything!
                                                            
                       CARL'S JR PATRON
You are one of THE most OBNOXIOUS
people I've ever had the
DISPLEASURE of intermingling
with!!
                                                            
                       JAMAL
You about to see how obnoxious I
can get if you don't start movin
your ass out the way
                                                            

52.

                       C.J. MANAGER
      (Nervously opens
       register)
SIR- I can help you over here
                                                            
Jamal STRUTS over towards register & looks at woman
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Loudly)
THANK YOU! You just done saved the
whales...
                                                            
                       CARL'S JR PATRON
      (Rolls eyes & Cont)
Anyways...
                                                            
ORDERING AT REGISTER
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Ok- I need me TWO of them six
dollar burgers with everything
                                                            
                       C.J. MANAGER
Everything?
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Everything... Double it! I want
double EVERYTHANG
                                                            
                       C.J. MANAGER
Ok- anything else sir?
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Yeah- gimme the largest french
fries you got & a extra large
rootbeer
                                                            
MARIO ENTERS CARL'S JR & WALKS TOWARDS JAMAL
                                                            
Jamal is getting condiments & notices Mario approaching
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Damn nigga- what took you so
long?!
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Looks around)
SHHH!!
      (Talks low)
Lose the nigga shit & start
talking like a Mexican
                                                            

53.

                       JAMAL
OTALE! Yeah, you right. I'ma
practice more
                                                            
                                         SITTING AT TABLE
                                                            
                       MARIO
What did you do- take the express
train over here?
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Laughs)
Sorry about that homeboy- Too many
tortillas & beans will make a
nigga crazy!
      (Starts Eating)
I just HAD to get me a juicy ass
burger or somethin
                                                            
Mario walks towards Jamal's table carrying his tray of food

He sits down & hands Jamal ANOTHER burger
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Thanks Bro
                                                            
He tears off the wrapper quickly & starts devouring it. He
rolls eyes & moans as if he's getting a massage
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Mouth FULL)
Oh my God this is GOOD!! Mmmm...
moans & groans throughout meal
                                                            
Mario starts eating & laughs at Jamal
                                                            
                       MARIO
Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you-
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Shakes head no)
Uh Uh! SHHHH!
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Looks around
       puzzled)
What??
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Shhh.... (puts finger to his
mouth) Don't speak - I need to
make a memory of this (beat) I
don't know when I'm gonna get REAL
            (MORE)

54.

                       JAMAL (cont'd)
food again
                                                            
They want to go to town

they borrow lowrider bikes from his cousins

Jamal can barely ride it

Back to cart sales

Some people pay extra some walk away

Jamal- ok, ok- gimme dollar din

after #142 they come home & park the bikes against the wall
on the right side of the house & start walking up the
entryway to the front door

mario notices the house is dark & everyone must be asleep
                                                            
mario uses key to quietly unlock the door not to wake anyone

they hear huimming and inaudable chanting

they smell incense burning & look straight ahead & see red
candles flickering

tia is sitting on the floorin front of candles clutching
something with her eyes closed chanting

various intimidating items in front of her including- dead
chicken, bowl of blood, knife, oils, bottles of powder &
voodoo doll

Jamal jumps back & whispers
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Jumps & whispers)
What the hell is she doing??
                                                            
Mario stands in shock with mouth wide open & shrugs with
eyes glued on her
                                                            
                       MARIO
I don't know
                                                            
They lean in and try to listen to what she's saying

she is chanting inaudably

they cant figure it out- jamal says something funny- sounds
like that bitch from the exorcists
                                                            

55.

                       MARIO
      (Whispers)
i think she's a bruja
                                                            
                       JAMAL
What's that?
                                                            
Jamal freaks out & racves off the steps & onto the lawn. He
clutches his crucifix & drops to his knees

                                                            
                       JAMAL
Dear Lord, have mercy on me
                                                            
He kisses his cross & looks up to the heavens
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Why?! Why?!...Why I came here??!
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (In doorway)
Shhh!! Keep it down
                                                            
                       JAMAL
YOU shush!! I'm talkin wit Jesus!
      (Looks to the sky)
I... I know I done wrong...Ok-alot
wrong, but don't you think I been
through enough already? (beat)
First, I got dropped off in the
middle of hell wit some CRAZIES &
got SEVEN tired ass dollas- ooops,
forgive me for cussing Lord
      (Looks down)
I'm just upset and not thinking
clearly right now (beat) THEN, I
tried to help my amigo over there
- (Looks back to sky & points to
Mario)
                                                            
Mario STARES at Jamal & listens to him speak
                                                            
                       JAMAL
And almost went to a Messican jail
& that was AFTER I had to sleep in
a MUD house & had to go to the
bafroom outside & a snake tried to
eat me
      (Holds forehead)
Dear Lord, it go ON & ON....some
scary lookin homosessual dude keep
tryin to get at me & now I'm over
here with this voodoo lady (beat)
            (MORE)

56.

                       JAMAL (cont'd)
What I'm gonna do?? Please help me
Lord- please make this madness end
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Loud whisper)
Jamal- Shut up!
                                                            
tia walks up behind Mario & starts talking in spanish

she is dressed in a black gown with pale white face make up,
heavy black eyeliner & lip liner, bright red lipstick- her
long hair is down- she is holding a candle & a knife thing

she tells them to come in
                                                            
see page 43 & 44
                                                            
 
EXT. UNCLE'S HOUSE- DOORSTEP - NIGHT
                                                            
 
EXT. TIJUANA DRIVING AROUND TOWN - DAY
                                                            
                       MARIO
Let's order some tacos
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Nah, nah, I'm SICK to death of
tacos & beans shit
      (Looking around)
I want some REAL food (beat) Where
the fried chicken at?
                                                            
                       MARIO
I don't think we'll find any out
here, but we can look
                                                            
After circling around for several blocks they see nothing
but taco stands around

Jamal gives into his hunger & agrees to eat tacos
                                                            
 
EXT. STANDING IN FRONT OF TACO STAND - DAY
                                                            
As they wait in line- Jamal looks around to see what kind of
tacos they sell & sees they only sell soft tacos
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Damn! A nigga can't even get a
crunchy taco niether! I want
something greezy
                                                            

57.

                       MARIO
      (To Taco Vendor)
Dame ocho de asada por favor
                                                            
                       TACO VENDOR
Con todo?
                                                            
                       MARIO
Si
                                                            
Jamal tugs on Mario's shirt from behind & whispers
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Hey man- check what kinda meat
that is
                                                            
                       MARIO
It's asada
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Yeah, but what KIND of meat??
      (Looks at grill)
You don't know if he usin
dog..cat..zebra..
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Chuckles)
Asada is BEEF
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Look it- just axe him so I can eat
in peace alright? I need to know
fo sho
                                                            
                       MARIO
Alright--
      (To Vendor)
Oye, what kind of meat is that?
                                                            
                       TACO VENDOR
Asada
                                                            
                       MARIO
Si, pero what KIND? Beef or what?
                                                            
                       TACO VENDOR
      (Insulted)
It ain't no bienche gato if that's
what you think!
                                                            
                       MARIO
No, no, it's cool. My friend is
allergic to pork is all
      (Turns to Jamal)
            (MORE)

58.

                       MARIO (cont'd)
See I TOLD you it was beef- now
he's all pissed off
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Well, watch him then- Make sure he
don't spit in our food or somethin
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Flustered)
What do you want to drink?
Horchata?
                                                            
                       JAMAL
What's that?? (beat) Nevermind-
I'll play it safe, just order me a
lemonade
                                                            
 
EXT. OUTSIDE STORES ALONG STREET - DAY
                                                            
Mario & Jamal find a wood platform to set there plates on
and eat standing up

Jamal makes faces as he drinks his lemonade
                                                            
                       JAMAL
This taste like dirt
                                                            
                       MARIO
It's cuz the water down here ain't
cleaned like ours
                                                            
                       JAMAL
WHAT??! What you mean??
      (Spits)
They don't clean this shit?
                                                            
                       MARIO
They filter it, but it his hardly
anything compared to US standards
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Pissed)
Well THANK YOU very Fuckin
Much!!Why the hell you didn't say
somethin??!
                                                            
                       MARIO
I forgot... Anyway, everybody
knows not to drink the water in
Mexico
                                                            

59.

                       JAMAL
Not EVERYBODY! (beat) Anything
else I need to know while we're at
it?? Huh? They Pepsi bad too? huh?
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Smirks)
Nope- I think that's about it..
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Gee thanks, I feel better now
knowing
                                                            
They are interrupted by the sound of loud pounding music
coming from inside a bar closeby them.

                                                            
IN FRONT OF BAR
                                                            
There is a man dressed in a suit dancing in the doorway
passing out flyers to passerbyers.

He motions to Mario & Jamal to come over- They look at
eachother and then continue eating. The man approaches them
                                                            
                       CLUB OWNER
Gentlemen, how are we doing today?
                                                            
They both look up & nod as their mouths are full
                                                            
                       CLUB OWNER
Here are some coupons for free
drinks(beat) I want you to come
check out my club alright?
                                                            
Jamal raises his eybrow curiously & looks to Mario
                                                            
                       CLUB OWNER
We got dancing (starts to dance)
we got LOTS of beautiful girls,
Tequila.... Whatever you want
                                                            
                       MARIO
We'll see - if we have time
                                                            
                       CLUB OWNER
You guys from California?
                                                            
They both answer - 'Yeah'
                                                            

60.

                       CLUB OWNER
Oh, well then you MUST come in!!
You can't go to Tijuana & not have
any fun- That's a sin!
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Yeah, he right Mario- we ain't had
fun in DAYS
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Shrugs)
I guess we can hit it for a bit,
then we gotta roll out
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Alright my man, we be there in a
few
                                                            
                       CLUB OWNER
GOOD!! See you shortly then (Walks
back to doorway)
                                                            
 
INT. CLUB ENTRANCE - DAY
                                                            
Mario & Jamal enter the dark club. Jamal struts & bounces
with the pulsating music. He thinks he's HOTT but he forgot
that he's not wearing his 'Pimp' clothes.

Mario walks up to the bar to order while Jamal dances behind
him, flirting & smiling at all of the girls along the way

Mario hits his shoulder interrupting his game
                                                            
                       MARIO
C'mon let's order- what do you
want?
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Still flirting)
Yeah....
                                                            
                       BARTENDER
What would you like Seniores?
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Staring at girls)
What I want- you can't give me...
mmmm mmm
                                                            

61.

Bartender unamused

Girls giggle amongst eachother
                                                            
                       MARIO
I'll have a Corona with extra salt
                                                            
                       BARTENDER
      (To Jamal)
And for you Senior?
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Uh huh, yeah...
                                                            
Bartender sets down drinks

Mario grabs his & nudges Jamal on the back
                                                            
                       MARIO
Let's get a table man (starts
walking away)
                                                            
Jamal struts behind him- of course making a scene of himself
as if he is Mr.GQ
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Sits down)
These Mama's can't take they eyes
off me man (beat) they want some a
this!
                                                            
                       MARIO
AHHHH!! Them ho's prolly come on
to everybody- trust me
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Don't hate niggaaaaa (laughs) I be
pimpin WHEREVER I go- You know how
I do!!
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Shakes hands with
       Jamal)
Go on playa
                                                            
Two girls approach the table
                                                            
                       DANCER 1
      (To Jamal)
You wanna dance Papi?
                                                            

62.

                       JAMAL
Oooh yeah - Daddy's commin
                                                            
they hold hands & head for the dance floor
                                                            
                       DANCER 2
Y tu, Suavecito?
                                                            
                       MARIO
uhhh, no thanks-- I'm kinda tired
                                                            
                       DANCER 2
Awww, you sure??
      (Flirty smile)
I can wake you up
                                                            
Mario notices Jamal dancing in the background & motioning to
him to go with the girl
                                                            
                       MARIO
Nah, I'm alright. Maybe later
                                                            
                       DANCER 2
Ok (shrugs & walks away)
                                                            
DANCE FLOOR
                                                            
Jamal is frak dancing with girl 1 & making various comments

Jamal motions to Mario about the girl being into him

Mario laughs & cint to watch him make a fool of himself

after songs- Jamal walks back to table out of breathe from
dancing- girl 1 follows behind

                                                            
BACK AT TABLE
                                                            
Jamal PLOPS in chair, girl 1 remains standing- Jamal motions
to her to sit down
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Have a seat baby
                                                            
                       DANCER 1
Uh.. no, that's ok- I just need my
money
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Puzzled)
What money?
                                                            

63.

                       DANCER 1
      (Holds hand out)
Ten dollars
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Ten dollars? I ain't got yo money
(looks at Mario confused)
                                                            
Girl is getting flustered & puts hands on her hips
                                                            
                       DANCER 1
I danced with you for two songs &
it's five dollars a song
      (Holds hand out)
So you OWE ME Ten Dollars!
                                                            
Mario bursts out in LAUGHTER
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (To Mario)
Ain't that about a bitch... This
ho think I'ma pay her to dance wit
me
      (Hits chest)
With ME!! Pimp Daddy!!
                                                            
                       DANCER 1
I want my money you bienche feo
perro malito!!
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (To Jamal)
What did she call me?
                                                            
                       MARIO
She said that you're an ugly,
disgusting dog(continues laughing)
                                                            
                       JAMAL
WHAT?! Oh hell no! UGLY?? Bitch,
look at yo busted ass in the
mirror then you see ugly
                                                            
She just rolls her eyes & stares angrily
                                                            
                       JAMAL
This Grade A TOP QUALITY Prime
Rib! I'm lobster- you crawdads!
(beat) Pay you... you done lost yo
mind
      (Stands up)
Now move yo trifflin ass out my
way
      (To Mario)
            (MORE)

64.

                       JAMAL (cont'd)
C'mon man, let's roll
                                                            
As Mario & Jamal are exiting the club- the girl grabs a
Margarita glass & throws it at Jamal but it hits the door as
it's closing behind them
                                                            
 
EXT. UNPAVED BACKROADS- MOVING SCENE - DAY
                                                            
THEY'RE DRIVING IN TIO'S TRUCK LOOKING FOR THE HOUSE
                                                            
They hits numerous potholes causing the old truck to bounce
up & down violently

Jamal grabs onto the side of the door
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Slow down man. I'ma get whiplash
(beat) You sure we goin the right
way?
                                                            
Mario looks at the paper in his hand
                                                            
                       MARIO
That's what the directions say
                                                            
                       JAMAL
You don't KNOW?!
                                                            
                       MARIO
I ain't been to my grandpa's since
I was little
                                                            
Jamal looking around at all the deserted land
                                                            
                       JAMAL
You sure we in Messico? (beat) I
ain't tryin to see Bin Ladin's ass
pop out a hole
                                                            
Mario laughs & points to a homemade street sign
                                                            
                       MARIO
Ok- There's Via Del Lago
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Veeya Dale LagOO... What that
mean?
                                                            
                       MARIO
It means 'view of the lake'
                                                            

65.

                       JAMAL
What?! Oh you GOT to be kiddin me
      (Laughs & looks
       around)
I ain't seen water since we got
here
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Finds the house)
FINALLY!
                                                            
MARIO PARKS TRUCK IN FRONT OF HOUSE
                                                            
The house is very small & primitive looking. It has a mud
like exterior, a round hole in the front as a window & a
SHEET hanging in the entry way as there is no front door

Jamal's mouth hangs open wide in shock

                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Gets out)
Ok, let's go
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Eyes buldged out)
This is it??
                                                            
                       MARIO
Yeah....
                                                            
                       JAMAL
This yo granddaddy crib??
                                                            
                       MARIO
Yeah- C'MON!!
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Gets out
       horrified)
Is that the garage??
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Walks to house)
It's the house man- c'mon
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Walks slowly)
I should've brought my camera-
NOBODY would believe this shit
                                                            
 

66.

EXT. ABUELITO'S DOORWAY- DUSK - DAY
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Opens sheet)
Abuelito?
                                                            
                       ABUELITO (OS)
Quien es?
                                                            
                       MARIO
Soy Mario, su nieto
                                                            
A VERY elderly man, somewhat hunched over & using a cane,
walks out to the entryway
                                                            
                       ABUELITO
Aye MARIO! Como estas Mijo?
                                                            
 
INT. ABUELITO'S HOUSE-DUSK - DAY
                                                            
Mario steps inside & gives him a hug
                                                            
                       MARIO
Bien Abuelito, y Usted?
                                                            
Abuelito has Alzheimer's & thinks jamal is also his grandson
& reaches out for a hug

Jamal looks at mario uneasy & gives him a hug

small convo in spanish- Jamal checks out the place while
they talk- the floor is dirt, very old furniture, primitive
sink, stove & refrigerator - or ice box in kitchen

Carlos 10 yrs old, returns from the market with beer & few
other items, tortillas

carlos looks at them
                                                            
                       CARLOS
      (Broken English)
Hola- who of you is Mario?
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Surprised)
You speak English?
                                                            
                       CARLOS
Si. I'm learn for I go to United
STA (long 'A' sound)
                                                            

67.

                       MARIO
      (Shakes hand)
Otale- soy tu primo Mario
                                                            
                       CARLOS
Mucho gusto
      (To Jamal)
You me primo too?
                                                            
Jamal looks nervously to Mario then back to Carlos
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Uh, no.
      (Hits chest)
Me homeboy
                                                            
Carlos looks puzzled
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Me good friend... Amigo
                                                            
                       CARLOS
      (Smiles & shakes)
Ohhh, good for meet you
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Good to meet you too homie
                                                            
                       CARLOS
      (Puzzled)
Yomi?
                                                            
Jamal looks to Mario for help
                                                            
                       MARIO
Como Carnal
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Tired of
       miscommunication)
Yeah, otale...
                                                            
                       CARLOS
      (Smiles at Jamal)
Ohhhh, otale
                                                            
Grandpa laughs & asks if they want to eat

Jamal sees opposum run across floor

they say no

grandpa insists its too late and they should sleep there

68.


mario explains its better to cross the border at night etc

they wait for darkness & leave
                                                            
 
INT. TRUCK WAITING IN BORDER LINE - NIGHT
                                                            
Carlos is seated in the center. Several vendors walk up to
the truck as they wait in the LONG line. They buy a few
small things
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (To Carlos)
Ok remember, you're my brother.
Recuerdas que tu eres mi hermano
                                                            
                       CARLOS
Si, claro
                                                            
                       MARIO
If they ask you something, you
need to answer in ENGLISH... but
don't speak unless THEY talk to
YOU
                                                            
                       CARLOS
Ok
                                                            
                       MARIO
You too Jamal...
                                                            
                       JAMAL
I know, I know- YOU just do what
you gotta do & don't screw it up
                                                            
                       MARIO
Kids are easy to pass(beat)
everything should be cool
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Man yo granddaddy pad toe
UP!(laughs) For REAL
though(beat)Oooh wee! I don't
NEVER want to see that shit again
                                                            
                       MARIO
Yeah well, be grateful you don't
live like that
                                                            

69.

                       JAMAL
I don't know how ya'll can get
down like that (beat) I'd commit
suicide man
                                                            
                       MARIO
They're used to it. They don't
know any different
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Well, I could never live like that
Jack- Mutha fuckers be commin in &
out yo house cuz you ain't got no
door
                                                            
                       MARIO
Nah, it ain't like that. That's
Cali bullshit. Out there you need
to be worried about the snakes &
coyotes commin in
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Yo granddaddy got some balls boy
                                                            
They both laugh

Mario pulls up & notices they are next in line
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Breaks Out in
       sweat)
Alright, remember what I said... &
don't look nervous
      (Wipes brow)
Damn it's hot in here(beat) Be
sure to look at him but don't LOOK
at him
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Puzzled)
You wanna rewind that Jack? It's
hard enough tryin to keep up with
ya'll's Spanish...
                                                            
Light turns GREEN- Mario pulls forward
                                                            
                       MARIO
I can't- SHHH..just keep quiet
                                                            
AT IMMIGRATION BOOTH
                                                            
Mario smiles & hands the agent their ID's
                                                            

70.

                       MARIO
Here you go sir
                                                            
The stern agent is an older white man with an unfriendly
disposition. He looks around the truck
                                                            
                       BORDER AGENT 1
What did you come here for?
                                                            
                       MARIO
We came to visit my grandfather...
he is very sick
                                                            
                       MARIO
We came to visit my grandfather...
he is very sick
                                                            
Agent looks inside the cab & notices Jamal has been staring
out the passenger window

He LOOKS at the ID's then gestures to Mario about Carlos
                                                            
                       BORDER AGENT 1
Who's this?
                                                            
                       MARIO
He's my little brother
                                                            
                       BORDER AGENT 1
      (To Carlos)
What's your name?
                                                            
                       CARLOS
Carlos
                                                            
                       BORDER AGENT 1
Where were you born?
                                                            
                       CARLOS
      (Speaks Slowly)
I born, in... United...
STA..Cale..forn..ya
                                                            
Jamal SQUINTS his eyes & lip syncs out the passenger window
'SHIT' when he hears Carlos's accent

Agent cocks his eyebrow & gives Mario a dirty look
                                                            
                       BORDER AGENT 1
uh, huh... Where's his birth
certificate?
                                                            
Jamal turns around to watch conversation
                                                            

71.

                       MARIO
      (Sweating
       profusely)
Well, I didn't know I needed it
                                                            
                       BORDER AGENT 1
Yes,we need it (beat) You don't
have it?
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Wipes Forehead)
Uh- uh, we come all the time &
we've never needed it
                                                            
                       BORDER AGENT 1
Yeah well... the rules have
changed
      (Shitty grin)
We need it
                                                            
                       MARIO
Can't you just let us through &
we'll make sure to bring it next
time?
                                                            
                       BORDER AGENT 1
Nope, sorry. You'll have to turn
around. The boy cannot go through
without it
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Upset)
Well... well, what am I supposed
to do with him?
                                                            
                       BORDER AGENT 1
      (Shrugs & smirks)
Guess you gotta go back to
'Abuelitos' until you get it
                                                            
 
INT. TRUCK- MOVING SCENE - NIGHT
                                                            
They're driving back to Abuelto's house for the night. The
cab is filled with silence as they're all three deep in
thought
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Stressed Out)
I can't take this shit no more
man...I NEED to get back to Cali-
maybe I'll even turn myself in, I
don't know
                                                            

72.

                       MARIO
That dude was an ASSHOLE. People
take their kids across the border
ALL the time -WITHOUT papers(beat)
he was just fuckin prejudice
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Nah man, it's cuz all these
terrorist's & their crazy ass
ideas
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Mad)
Well it didn't HELP anything
having your ass GLUED to the
freaken window the WHOLE time!!
OH, that wasn't OBVIOUS!
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Oh HELL to the NO! I KNOW you
ain't tryin-
                                                            
                       CARLOS
      (Interrupts)
I sorry primo (beat) I'm say bad?
                                                            
                       MARIO
Nah, no. Estas bien, solo ellos
quieren papeles
                                                            
                       CARLOS
      (Sad)
Oh...
                                                            
Jamal puts hand on Carlos's shoulder to console him
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Sorry little man
                                                            
Carlos continues looking down upset
                                                            
                       JAMAL
You just gonna have to wait awhile
longer to see California- that's
all
                                                            
                       CARLOS
      (Tearing up)
What's are you mean for me?
                                                            

73.

                       JAMAL
Don't worry-
      (To Mario)
How you say 'Don't Worry'?
                                                            
                       MARIO
says in spanish
                                                            
                       JAMAL
repeats in bad spanish
                                                            
                       CARLOS
      (crying)
I no go for california primo? you
no take it?
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Sad-cant leave
       him)
No llores mijo (in spanish) I'm
not leaving you here
      (To Jamal)
We're gonna have to try again
Jamal
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Sits up straight)
You kiddin right? (beat) right??
                                                            
                       CARLOS
      (Cries in Spanish)
I'm never going to see my family
again!
                                                            
                       MARIO
Si mijo, you will, no llores
      (To Jamal)
I'm dead serious man. I ain't
leavin him here
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Are you crazy??! The only other
way to bring him is to hide him &
I ain't about to smuggle NOBODY!!
                                                            
Carlos looks back & forth between them as they argue
                                                            
                       MARIO
My grandfather is 90 years old
man!! Carlos is the last of my
uncle's kids in Mexico. I CAN'T
leave him here! Can't you
understand that?!
                                                            

74.

                       JAMAL
Uh-Uh! I ALREADY got the law after
me.I don't need to top it off with
smuggling charges!
                                                            
                       MARIO
He's small & easy to hide. It'll
work
                                                            
                       JAMAL
That's what you said LAST TIME!!
(beat) Alright listen, I got an
idea...
                                                            
Mario listens intently
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Check this out... Carlos goes back
to yo grandpappy pad & hangs tight
over there... you with me?
                                                            
                       MARIO
Yeah
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Alright... then, me n you, go BACK
to LA - you drop my ass off at the
club, cuz Lord KNOWS I need a
drink...
                                                            
                       MARIO
Can you be serious?!
                                                            
                       JAMAL
I AM. In the meantime, you go BACK
to yo uncle's house
      (Leans in serious)
Ok, now pay attention cuz this is
the most important part of my plan
                                                            
Mario nods & gives Jamal full attention
                                                            
                       JAMAL
You pick up some other Mutha Fucka
& YA'LL come down here & try this
shit again!
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Mad & Yells)
Knock off the STUPID shit man!!
                                                            

75.

                       JAMAL
      (Smirks)
What??!
                                                            
                       MARIO
You seen how this kid is
livin!It's bad enough that I have
to leave my abuelito in that hell
hole(beat)YOU even said that you
couldn't take livin like that
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Yeah, but that's ME! You said it
YOSELF that they don't know any
better
                                                            
                       MARIO
You're really fucked up man, you
know that??(beat)I was there for
you when YOU needed me & you can't
be there for me now that I need
YOU??
                                                            
Jamal looks out his window in defeat. He knows Mario is
right

Carlos weeps quietly, sniffling & wiping his tears
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Speaks quietly)
Alright man, you right.
                                                            
Mario lets out a huge SIGH of relief. He NODS his head
'thanks' & shakes hands with Jamal

Jamal smiles & holds out his fist in front of Carlos

Carlos wipes his tears, smiles & hits the top of Jamal's
fist with his fist
                                                            
                       CARLOS
Thanks you Peppy
                                                            
                       MARIO
This time you're gonna need to
look at the agent
      (Points at him)
But DON'T stare though
                                                            
Jamal leans back & puts feet on the dash board
                                                            

76.

                       JAMAL
You best know what you doin this
time(beat)I ain't tryin to end up
in no Messican jail. No tellin
what that shit is like
                                                            
 
INT. ABUELITO'S HOUSE - NIGHT
                                                            
Grandpa has them share the couch & gives them 1 blanket to
share. he apologizes for not having more

grandpa & carlos head to bed

Carlos comes back to turn off lights
                                                            
                       MARIO
Gracias carnal....
      (In Spanish)
You can speak in Spanish if you
want to Carlitos
                                                            
                       CARLOS
No esta bien- I want for learn me
Englis
                                                            
                       MARIO
Otale
                                                            
Jamal & Mario struggle to get comfortable on the
love seat

After getting comfortable, Jamal sees a large IGUANA a few
feet away

Jamal JUMPS up & shakes Mario awake
                                                            
                       JAMAL
MARIO!! Wake up man! There's
a...a...THING in the livin room!!
                                                            
                       MARIO
What?! Where?
      (Sees Iguana)
Awww that's just a lizard dude,
nothing to get blasted about damn
                                                            
Mario snuggles back in to sleep
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Nah nah nah, I ain't down with
reptiles, you need to get it outta
here
                                                            

77.

                       MARIO
But I thought you was a hard mo
fo??
      (Chuckles)
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Nevrmind all that- just get that
shit outta here man
                                                            
Mario GRABS a shoe & THROWS it at the Iguana

The Iguana RUNS off
                                                            
                       JAMAL
You happy now? huh? can I get some
sleep now Peppy?
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Nigga, you know how I feel about
that name...
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Laughs & lays
       down)
Go to BED!!... Peppy
                                                            
Jamal KICKS him under the blanket

Mario continues laughing & Jamal SETTLES back in to sleep
                                                            
Cam over quiet house - Everyone is SLEEPING

A truck with a LOUD engine DRIVES past the house with the
radio BLARING Mariachi music

Several drunk men are in the bed of the truck laughing &
singing

Jamal is AWAKENED by the noise & LOOKS at his watch- it is
3AM
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (To himself)
I need to go to the bathroom
                                                            
Jamal GETS up & to find the bathroom. He is FREEZING. he
only sees 1 BEDROOM - where Carlos & Abuelito are SLEEPING

He TURNS around puzzled
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (To himself)
Where the hell the bathroom at??
                                                            

78.

Frustrated, Jamal WALKS over & SHAKES Mario awake again
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Mario...
      (No response)
Hey MARIO!
                                                            
Mario TURNS over with 1 eye open
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Shivering)
Where the bathroom at?
                                                            
                       MARIO
What?!!
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Resumes sleep)
You gotta go outside
                                                            
                       JAMAL
WHAT?! Oh hell no- what are you
talking bout man? (beat) One of
them outhouse things??
                                                            
                       MARIO
Uh uh, just find a place in the
back & go
                                                            
                       JAMAL
MARIO!! Get up man, I'm not
getting this
                                                            
Mario turns over & sits up aggravated because he can't get
any sleep
                                                            
                       MARIO
Man, I'ma kick yo ass.... LOOK!
      (Points at curtain)
You see that curtain??
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Turns to see it)
Yeah?
                                                            
                       MARIO
OK... WALK through it- make a
LEFT- then make another LEFT &
you're THERE
                                                            
Mario THROWS his body back down on the sofa
                                                            

79.

                       JAMAL
      (Sighs & WALKS)
I hope there's a lock atleast...
                                                            
Jamal follows the directions & suddenly realizes he's
outside ALONE where it's pitch BLACK & no bathroom in sight

Jamal RACES back to the house
                                                            
                       JAMAL
WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT WAS THAT??!!
                                                            
Mario ROARS with laughter
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Angry)
I gotta go doo doo!! Where's the
bathroom man?!
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Laughing harder)
You were just in it!
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Hands on hips)
You lyin
                                                            
                       MARIO
Nope
                                                            
                       JAMAL
I don't believe this...You lyin! I
gotta do doo doo in the desert?
with all the snakes & shit??
                                                            
                       MARIO
Yup
                                                            
                       JAMAL
What I'm supposed to wipe my ass
with?? (beat) A rock?
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Laughing)
Nah, you can probably finds some
leaves out there
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Phony Laugh)
You're hilarious
                                                            

80.

                       MARIO
I'm going back to sleep- don't let
the bugs bite - oops I mean
snakes!!
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Kiss my ass!
                                                            
Jamal hesitantly WALKS back, slowly OPENS the curtain &
begins to STEP outside.

He STOPS suddenly & WALKS back to Mario
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Get up man, you goin with me
                                                            
                       MARIO
What?? you don't need a babysitter
                                                            
                       JAMAL
You brought me out here, so you
responsible for my safety. (beat)
What if a alligator come up on me?
Huh?? Then what??
                                                            
Mario PRETENDS to be asleep

Jamal RIPS blanket off of him
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Grabs For Blanket)
HEY!!
                                                            
                       JAMAL
LET'S GO!! I'm about to shit my
pants!
                                                            
Mario GETS up & starts walking out followed by Jamal
                                                            
                       MARIO
Wus
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Better never tell nobody niether
                                                            
 
EXT. OUTSIDE HOUSE - NIGHT
                                                            
PITCH BLACK- WOLVES HOWL & CRICKETS CREEK
                                                            
Jamal is SQUATTING down with his pants around his knees

He makes a few GRUNTS & DISTORTED faces
                                                            

81.

                       JAMAL
I shoulda never come out here
(beat) I knew
      (Grunts & pushes)
                                                            
                       MARIO
SHHHH!!
                                                            
                       JAMAL
I can't help it (grunts)
                                                            
(OS)COYOTES HOWL
                                                            
                       MARIO
Shhh! Quiet!!
      (Listens harder)
You hear that??
                                                            
                       JAMAL
What? Them coyotes?
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Whispers)
NO!! It's something on the
ground...
                                                            
Mario crouches over & tries to find it
                                                            
Jamal FEELS something touching his butt
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Get your hand outta my ass! What
the hell do you think you're doin!
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (5 Feet Away)
What??! I aint touching you man
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Then what is??
                                                            
Jamal jumps up quickly (holding his pants up) and sees a
SNAKE hissing at him

Jamal starts SCREAMING
                                                            
                       MARIO
SHHH!! Stand still...
                                                            
Mario slowly creeps up... He quickly grabs the snake by the
tail & THROWS it far away
                                                            

82.

                       MARIO
COME ON!!
                                                            
They both RUN back to the house. Jamal struggles to hold his
pants up while he runs.
                                                            
 
INT. ABUELITOS LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
They both PLOP down on the sofa & try to catch their breath
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Panting)
Thanks bro
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Panting)
Yeah
                                                            
                       JAMAL
I gotta get back to LA
                                                            
Mario still panting nods 'yes'
                                                            
 
INT. SELF SERVE CAR WASH - DAY
                                                            
EARLY THE NEXT MORNING
                                                            
Mario pulls into a stall & gets out
                                                            
                       MARIO
Ok, get out - Carlitos vamenos
                                                            
They HOP OUT & watch as Mario PULLS the seat back
                                                            
                       MARIO
Ven aqui
                                                            
                       JAMAL
What are you doin?
                                                            
                       MARIO
Hold on
      (To Carlitos)
(In spanish) ok, you have to lay
down behind the seat until we get
through the border. DONT move or
we'll all go to jail. Do you
understand??
                                                            
                       CARLOS
Si
                                                            

83.

                       JAMAL
Yo, yo- what's going on? what are
you doin man?
                                                            
                       MARIO
HANG ON. I'll tell you in a
minute. I don't have time right
now
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Mumbling)
Well, I don't know why you can't
speak English all of a sudden. I
don't appreciate all the jibberish
shit.
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (LOOKS around)
Alright go! Hurry, hurry!
                                                            
Carlos CLIMBS in behind the seat & tries to get comfortable
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Grabs head)
OH MY GOD! (beat) What the HELL
are you doing?!
                                                            
                       MARIO
SHHH! SHUT UP! The whole fucken
town can hear you!
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Starts pacing)
What are you doing? you're gonna
get us arrested!
      (Sweating)
Oh my God, I CANNOT believe this
shit!
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Settles Carlos In)
We already talked about this.
Don't start freaking out on me now
      (Closes seat)
Are you ok?
                                                            
                       CARLOS (OS)
Si
                                                            
                       MARIO
Can you breath ok?
                                                            

84.

                       CARLOS (OS)
Si
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Oh my God, you're gonna kill him!
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Gets in truck)
Nah! He's ok. Get in let's go!
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Slowly gets in)
I'm sorry little man- this is yo
crazy ass cousin. If you
suffocate, be sure to tell God it
wasn't me
                                                            
WAITING IN LINE AT THE BORDER
                                                            
Vendor WALKS UP showing dolls

They NOD no
                                                            
                       CHICKLEE VENDOR
      (WALKS Up)
Chicklee??
      (They nod No)
Chicklee??
                                                            
                       MARIO
NO
                                                            
                       JAMAL
What's a Chicklee??
                                                            
                       MARIO
Mexican gums
                                                            
                       CHICKLEE VENDOR
      (To Jamal)
Chicklee??
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Don't you understand NO?? (beat)
NO- No CHICKLEES Ok??
                                                            
Vendor rolls eyes and WALKS away
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Damn, it's like he retarded or
somethin... shit
                                                            

85.

Looks up and sees a woman with a dirty rag & spray bottle
trying to wash the window
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Jaw hanging open)
What the??
                                                            
                       MARIO
No, no, no
                                                            
                       WINDOW WASHER
Car wash?
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Motions arms no)
No- no gracias
                                                            
                       WINDOW WASHER
Car Wash?
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Aggravated)
Here we go- NO!! Damn!
                                                            
                       WINDOW WASHER
      (Begging)
Car Wash?
      (Starts washing)
                                                            
                       JAMAL
I know she DIDN'T!
                                                            
Jamal sits in awe watching her continue to spray the
windshield
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Yells through
       window)
UH-UH! Didn't we tell you NO?!!
                                                            
She continues as if she didn't hear him
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Tell that bitch something! How you
say stop in Spanish??
                                                            
                       MARIO
Estate
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Leans head out)
Hey! Tate bitch!!
                                                            

86.

Mario starts laughing- she gives dirty look through
windshield but continues to wash it
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Ok, now she really done pissed me
off
                                                            
Jamal REACHES across Mario & turns the windshield wipers on

The wipers HIT her hand as she tries to wash the window

She gives Jamal a dirty look

Mario shuts the wipers off
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Leave them on her- that's what she
get
                                                            
                       WINDOW WASHER
      (Walks up to Mario)
Un Dolar?
                                                            
                       JAMAL
WHAT?? Oh My God! Does the madness
ever end out here??!!
                                                            
                       WINDOW WASHER
      (Puts hand out)
Un Dolar?
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Laughing)
NO SHIT! They're scandalous man
                                                            
                       JAMAL
How many times did we say NO??!!
Huh?? (beat) You just washed that
window for free
                                                            
She tries to stare down Jamal with dirty looks
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Don't be tryin to throw looks at
me troll. You need to take that
dirty ass rag & clean out your
ears, that's what you NEED to do
                                                            
Mario pulls forward in line
                                                            

87.

                       JAMAL
      (To Mario)
These bitches are somethin else
out here man!
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Laughing)
Yup, they don't take 'No' for an
answer
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Laughs)
She's like a fucken Duracell Bunny
man (beat) I still can't believe
that bitch had the NERVE to ask
for UN dolar...and look- the
windshield is dirtier now than it
was before she attacked it
                                                            
Jamal LOOKS in his side mirror & sees her WALKING back up to
the truck
                                                            
                       JAMAL
She commin back man- roll up your
window on that ho
                                                            
Mario watches her in his mirror while he ROLLS up his window
                                                            
                       MARIO
She's got bigger balls than me!!
                                                            
Mario PULLS forward in line

Border agent on foot patrol sees her & MOTIONS to her to go
back

Jamal LEANS out his window & POINTS at her
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Laughing Loudly)
AHAHAHAHA, that's what you get
TROLL!! Ahaahaa...
                                                            
Mario notices Border patrol agent unamused with Jamal
                                                            
                       MARIO
Jamal! get in here man, the agent
is watching you
                                                            
Jamal LOOKS over at the agent who is giving him a DIRTY LOOK
and SITS back down inside the cab
                                                            

88.

NEXT IN LINE AT THE PATROL BOOTH, WAITING AT STOPLIGHT
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Panicked)
OH NO!!
                                                            
                       JAMAL
What??
                                                            
                       MARIO
It's the SAME dude!! (beat) FUCK!
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Yelling)
You said they change shifts!!
                                                            
                       MARIO
They DO!! I don't why this punk is
here!
      (To Carlos)
Carlitos listen carefully- it's
gonna hurt for a minute but you
CANNOT MAKE A SOUND! NOTHING AT
ALL- intiendes?
                                                            
                       CARLOS (OS)
Si..
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Maybe he won't remember us...
                                                            
Light turns green & Mario PULLS forward
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Talks through
       teeth)
Sit back as far as you can
                                                            
They both LEAN back on the seat
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Sweating)
Don't act nervous
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Smiling at agent)
Right...
                                                            
                       BORDER AGENT 1
      (Chomping gum)
Back again huh?
                                                            

89.

                       MARIO
      (Smiling)
Yeah, I couldn't get ahold of
anyone so my little brother is
going to stay at my grandfather's
while we go back for his birth
certificate
                                                            
Agent continues chomping his gum while suspiciously sizing
them up.

He uses his flashlight to look around the interior of the
truck

Mario WIPES his sweaty palms while the agent is searching
the cab
                                                            
                       BORDER AGENT 1
You have anything to declare?
                                                            
                       MARIO
Nope
                                                            
                       BORDER AGENT 1
You mind stepping out?
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Freaked out)
Okay...
      (LOOKS at Jamal)
Is there a problem sir?
                                                            
                       BORDER AGENT 1
      (Cocky smile)
Well, we'll see - Won't we?
                                                            
Jamal LEANS back his hardest against the seat

Agent LOOKS UNDER the seat & at the TOP opening of the back
seat with his flash light

Agent STANDS back up & HANDS Mario the ID's
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Grabs ID's)
Can we go?
                                                            
Unfriendly agent CHOMPS gum & NODS 'Yes'

                                                            
                       MARIO
Ok, thank you sir
                                                            

90.

Mario's hands are TREMBLING as he pulls away from the booth

                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Wipes brow)
Thank you Jesus
                                                            
                       MARIO
Help me find the exit, I want to
get the hell out of here man
                                                            
There are cars everywhere & going in several different
directions

They both look around puzzled. Mario decides to follow a
blue sedan that just PASSED them
                                                            
                       MARIO
He's got California plates, I'm
just gonna follow him out of here
                                                            
Shortly, they're in a brisk moving line

When they approach the front of the line they see 2 border
patrol agents MOTIONING them to pull inside the parking
structure

They notice several agents RIPPING out seats, people in
handcuffs & numerous interrogations
                                                            
                       MARIO
FUCK!!
                                                            
                       JAMAL
What the hell is this??!!
                                                            
Mario hits the BREAKS & tries to back out

A border agent RUNS up to the truck & SIGNALS the other
agents
                                                            
                       BORDER AGENT 2
      (Yells)
MOVE FORWARD!
                                                            
                       MARIO
Is this the exit?
                                                            
                       BORDER AGENT 2
      (Grabs holster)
MOVE FORWARD!!
                                                            

91.

Another agent RUNS up to Jamal's side of the truck

Mario looks ahead & sees people being HANDCUFFED
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Panicked)
I think I went the wrong way sir
                                                            
                       BORDER AGENT 2
      (Points to garage)
PULL FORWARD- you need to go
through inspection
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Sweating)
The other agent already passed us
through. We were just trying to
find the exit & must've got lost
                                                            
                       MARIO
Yeah, I got in this line by
mistake
                                                            
                       BORDER AGENT 2
Sorry- Once you get in my line you
have to go through inspection
                                                            
                       BORDER AGENT 3
      (Stern- Walks up)
What's the problem here?
                                                            
                       JAMAL
We drove over here by mistake & he
won't let us back out
                                                            
                       BORDER AGENT 2
      (To agent 3)
They already passed C point sarg
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Points to agent 1)
You can axe that man over there
with the gum. He already checked
us
                                                            
                       BORDER AGENT 3
Why are you getting so upset about
it? Do you have something to hide?
                                                            

92.

                       MARIO
No. Of course not, but I will be
late for work if I get stuck here
(beat) I'll get fired if I'm late
one more time
                                                            
                       BORDER AGENT 2
You can talk to the agents inside
about it
                                                            
                       BORDER AGENT 3
      (Stern)
You're holding up the line- I'm
not going to ask you again to pull
forward
                                                            
MARIO PULLS INTO PARKING STRUCTURE
                                                            
                       MARIO
Are you ok Carlitos?
                                                            
                       CARLOS (OS)
      (In Pain)
Si primo, pero it hurts
                                                            
                       MARIO
I'm sorry primito. There's a
problem but I'll get you out of
here as soon as I can(beat) dont
move or we'll go to jail. Just
stay quiet, you're doing really
good
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Man, what the FUCK were you
thinking??!!
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Frustrated)
I ,
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Yelling)
How the hell you gonna drive into
inspection??!!
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Yells back)
There were too many cars & lines-
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Oh, so you go and pick the ONE
Mutha Fucken line that's gonna get
us pinched!!
            (MORE)

93.

                       JAMAL (cont'd)
      (Mario stays quiet)
I TOLD you I didn't want to come!
(beat) I could've stayed home if I
wanted to go to jail! Atleast I
would've been comfortable with 3
meals & TV- but NOOOO, I had to
come all the FUCK way down to
Tiwanna so I can have the
privledge of going to a MESSICAN
jail! (beat) Who knows what the
fuck they do to black folks over
here
      (Wipes brow)
THANKS Homie!!
                                                            
 
INT. INSPECTION - DAY
                                                            
MARIO PULLS INTO A PARKING SPACE
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Yelling)
I didn't hear you shouting out
which way to go!! I TOLD you to
help me find the exit didn't I??
(beat) but NO, you just sit on
your ass as USUAL & let ME do
EVERYTHING!! No wonder Becky
dumped your punk ass!

                                                            
                       JAMAL
Atleast I ain't stupid enough to
drive through inspection with a
fuckin illegal! Why didn't you
just get out & confess?? It
would’ve saved a lot of time &
trouble

                                                            
Agent KNOCKS of window

They immediately stop argueing & give big SMILES to agent
                                                            
                       BORDER AGENT 4
What's going on?
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Stutters)
He forgot the souvenirs I bought
for my gramma at the restraunt so
            (MORE)

94.

                       JAMAL (cont'd)
I was a lil mad...
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Shrugs to agent)
Nothing I can do now....
                                                            
                       BORDER AGENT 4
What did you buy?
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Uhh... what did I buy?
      (Agent NODS)
Oh, it was a, uh, one of them big
red velvet hats & uhhh
                                                            
                       MARIO
Some Tequila
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Uhh huh & a belt
                                                            
                       BORDER AGENT 4
      (Holds up hand to
       stop talking)
ok, ok- so you have nothing to
declare then. I need you guys to
exit the vehicle
                                                            
                       MARIO
Oh officer, the agent at the front
said to let you know that we
pulled in here by accident
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Yeah, he said we didn't need to go
through inspection all over again
since they cleared us at the front
                                                            
                       BORDER AGENT 4
Gentleman, please exit the vehicle
                                                            
They both slowly get out of the truck

Jamal is TREMBLING- he sees a man behind him SMOKING
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Hey bro, can I get a smoke?
                                                            
                       SMOKER
      (Holds Up
       Cigarettes)
Ju want smoking?
                                                            

95.

Jamal imitates holding a cigarette to his mouth
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Si, smoking, please
                                                            
                       SMOKER
      (Holds out pack)
Oh si mi amigo. Taking two, es ok
                                                            
Jamal TAKES two & puts one behind his ear

The man is holding out a lighter for him
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Shakes hands)
hey, gracias Carnal
                                                            
Jamal's hand SHAKES as he smokes. He watches agent as he
INSPECTS the truck

Jamal notices several people CRYING, pulling out paperwork,
being ARRESTED or interrogated

Agent OPENS passenger door & starts looking under seats &
through glovebox
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (Jokes)
Watch out for them eyeballs in the
glovebox
                                                            
Jamal & Mario fake LAUGH

The agent STANDS back up & LOOKS at Jamal unamused- Jamal
drops his smile

The agent tries to pull the seat forward but it appears to
be stuck - the agent MOTIONS with his flashlight to Jamal
                                                            
                       BORDER AGENT 4
Open it
                                                            
                       JAMAL
      (LOOKS at Mario
       then agent)
Uhh.. I can't
                                                            
                       BORDER AGENT 4
      (Annoyed)
What??
                                                            
                       JAMAL
I mean it don't open
                                                            

96.

                       BORDER AGENT 4
Open it
                                                            
                       JAMAL
For real though. Don't nothin work
on this old truck
      (Agent angry)
See look
                                                            
Jamal pretends to give effort to pull the seat forward. He
then tries to ROLL UP the window
                                                            
                       JAMAL
The damn window don't roll up
niether (beat) and if you REALLY
wanna laugh, you gots to reach
your hand out the window & open
the door from the OUTSIDE!!
                                                            
Agent nods & shrugs somewhat convinced by his story. He
KNOCKS on the metal above the tire to listen for drugs
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Can you believe he invited me down
here for my birfday, then showed
up in this piece of shit?!! (beat)
NO air, NO heater, I don't know
why the I even agreed to go
anywhere in this hell on wheels
jalopy
                                                            
Jamal LOOKS to Mario, POINTS finger & raises his voice
                                                            
                       JAMAL
And you better NEVER, EVER, invite
me somewhere & then show up in
some junkyard reject Boy!!
                                                            
                       MARIO
      (Yells back)
It got us here didn't it??
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Barely! Now let's see if it get us
back, that's the real question now
ain't it?!
                                                            
                       MARIO
Hey! You don't have to-
                                                            
Agent interrupts & holds up hands to stop argueing
                                                            

97.

                       BORDER AGENT 4
Alright, alright. Don't start
argueing again
                                                            
Agent JOTS down something on a small piece of paper & HANDS
it to Mario
                                                            
                       BORDER AGENT 4
Give this to the agent at the gate
                                                            
                       MARIO
Oh, ok. Thanks
                                                            
Jamal TURNS his back, ROLLS his eyes & BREATHES a sigh of
relief. He THROWS down his cigarette & HOPS in the truck
                                                            
                       JAMAL
Let's bounce outta here before
some other mo fo roll up & want to
strip search us
                                                            


FADE OUT.


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From Mark J. Clark Date 1/19/2006 *
Structure needs work and there is almost no punctuation. Action sequences shouldn't be included within dialogue. Capitalized words are for first time speaking character entrances and sounds. Characters don't "begin to" do anything. They either do it or they don't. I didn't enjoy the story at all and didn't find it very funny. I did laugh at a few of Mario's quips, however.

From S.M. Krause Date 1/5/2006 *
I'll give you a star for trying. Doing a "ghetto" movie is tough, the slang has to be there and it seems so out there, you don't know if your characters are talking slang or "Seseme Street" gibberish. What is the essential plot? I see this as a wannabe rip off to the urban movies while not really making anyone laugh or make me interested. It was a boring read (and unlike many who just post reviews just to post, I read every script word for word).


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