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Quadrant Three
by Joe H (nagyovafan@gmail.com)

Rated: PG-13   Genre: Science Fiction/Fantasy   User Review: *
This is the unpolished first draft of my new Comedy/Fantasy/Drama that involves a teen who finds himself in a very corrupted heaven.


This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



QUADRANT THREE

INT. TOBY'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
TOBY, DAVID, VANESSA, COREY, and LEAH are all sitting in
TOBY'S LIVING ROOM, watching the TV.

TOBY GREEN - 16 years old, tall, good-looking, dark hair -
is holding hands with VANESSA ARLING - 16 years old, normal
height, attractive, very dark hair, tan.

DAVID BAKER - 16, tall, wearing black clothing - LEAH
CUNNINGHAM - 16, dark hair, skinny, attractive - and COREY
EVANS - 16, blond, average height - sit on the other coach
together
                                                            
                       TOBY
Corey, did we have homework?
                                                            
                       COREY
I'm not in all your classes, Toby.
We didn't have any English
homework.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Okay, good.
                                                            
                       COREY
Are you in my Spanish class?
                                                            
                       LEAH
Me and David are in that class.
Toby isn't, though.
                                                            
                       DAVID
What about me, Leah?
                                                            
                       VANESSA
She said she wants your body.
                                                            
                       LEAH
Shut up, Vanessa.
                                                            
                       DAVID
There's enough of me to go around.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Anyone want booze?
                                                            
                       COREY
Toby, we have school tomorrow.
Remember?
                                                            

2.

                       TOBY
Thanks, mom.
                                                            
                       VANESSA
      (to Toby)
Your mom is in the other room,
right?
                                                            
                       LEAH
Yeah, we should watch what we're
saying.
                                                            
Toby feels in his pockets.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Ah, crap.
                                                            
                       COREY
What?
                                                            
                       TOBY
I left my cell phone in my room.
      (gets up)
I'll be right back.
                                                            
                       VANESSA
Do you really need it?
                                                            
                       TOBY
Yes, I do.
                                                            
Toby exits. A few seconds later, Leah gets up.
                                                            
                       LEAH
I have to go to the bathroom. I'll
be right back.
                                                            
                       DAVID
Have fun.
                                                            
 
INT. TOBY'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
Toby walks into his room. He heads toward his dresser and
gets his cell phone out.

Turning around, he sees Leah standing in the doorway.
                                                            
                       TOBY
      (apprehensive)
Leah....
                                                            

3.

Leah closes the door behind her as she slowly and
seductively closes in on Toby.
                                                            
                       LEAH
      (softly)
Shh... don't want Vanessa to hear.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Leah, not right now.
                                                            
                       LEAH
Aww, why not?
                                                            
                       TOBY
I just... I can't. Just, please.
                                                            
Leah starts feeling around Toby's shirt.
                                                            
                       LEAH
We can make it quick.
                                                            
Leah goes in and starts kissing Toby. Toby hesitates at
first, but eventually kisses back. Leah throws him on his
bed.

As she tries to climb on top of him, he pushes her off.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Listen, I can't. I have a
girlfriend.
                                                            
                       LEAH
Yes, and you've been very
unfaithful to her. Why not now?
                                                            
                       TOBY
Because she's in the other room.
                                                            
Toby gets up and leaves his room. Leah sits on his bed for a
few seconds, taking in the rejection.
                                                            
 
INT. TOBY'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
Toby re-enters the room.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Sorry, couldn't find my damn cell
phone.
                                                            
 

4.

INT. TOBY'S LIVING ROOM - DAY
                                                            
It's 7:30 A.M. Toby is lying on the floor, asleep in the
same clothes he was wearing the night before.

TOBY'S MOM - 45, aged, skinny - wanders into the other room.
She sees Toby.
                                                            
                       TOBY'S MOM
TOBY!
      (no response)
Toby! Wake up!
                                                            
TOBY stirs a little bit. He sits up on the floor.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Where am I?
                                                            
                       TOBY'S MOM
You're on your living room floor!
                                                            
                       TOBY
Oh. Hi, mom.
                                                            
His mom walks into the living room, discovering a few Miller
Lite cans on the living room table.
                                                            
                       TOBY'S MOM
What are these?
                                                            
                       TOBY
No, no! I seriously didn't drink
last night.
                                                            
                       TOBY'S MOM
You're lying to me!
                                                            
                       TOBY
I swear, mom!
                                                            
                       TOBY'S MOM
And why should I believe you,
Toby? You lied to me about
cheating on your exam, you lied to
me about getting high in the
bathroom, you lied to me about
getting caught with that slut in
the girls locker room.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Leah is not a slut!
                                                            

5.

                       TOBY'S MOM
Toby, what's happened to you?
                                                            
                       TOBY
What do you mean?
                                                            
                       TOBY'S MOM
I did not raise you to be this,
Toby. I'm a better parent than
that.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Obviously not. You're never even
home! You're always out with your
friends.
                                                            
                       TOBY'S MOM
      (angry)
Oh, do not blame this on me, Toby!
      (calmly)
You're our only child, Toby. If
you go off and get yourself killed
doing something stupid, I don't
know what I'd do.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Wouldn't it be a relief for you?
                                                            
                       TOBY'S MOM
Do not talk to me like that!
                                                            
                       TOBY
Stop being such a frigid bitch and
we'll see.
                                                            
Toby walks out of the room, leaving his mom speechless.
                                                            
                       TOBY'S MOM
You have to leave for school in 10
minutes and I'm not giving you a
ride.
                                                            
                       TOBY
      (off screen)
Whatever, I'll have Vanessa take
me.
                                                            
 
INT. HOMEROOM - DAY
                                                            
In Toby's HOMEROOM CLASS, report cards are being passed out
by the teacher - 40s, female, heavyset.
                                                            

6.

                       TEACHER
If everyone sits down, you'll get
your report cards.
                                                            
The students sit down as the teacher walks throughout the
room, passing out their report carts.

David, who is sitting to Toby's left, leans over.
                                                            
                       DAVID
I have this strange feeling I'm
going to be grounded for a while.
                                                            
                       TOBY
I have a feeling you're right.
                                                            
The teacher stops at Toby's desk.
                                                            
                       TEACHER
Toby Green?
                                                            
                       TOBY
Uh, yeah. That's me.
                                                            
She hands Toby his report card.

INSERT : The report card.

History : 94
English II : 93
Spanish II : 96
Scriptures : 90
Phys Ed : 100
Art II : 92
Algebra II : 91
Quarter Average : 93.7
                                                            
                       DAVID
How'd you do?
                                                            
                       TOBY
Awful. My quarter average is a 78.
                                                            
                       DAVID
Wow, retard.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Thanks.
                                                            
David gets his report card handed to him.
                                                            

7.

                       DAVID
Even I got an 81 quarter average.
      (beat)
What was your lowest grade?
                                                            
                       TOBY
I got a 70 in Scriptures?
                                                            
Vanessa enters the class.
                                                            
                       VANESSA
      (to teacher)
Sorry I'm late. I had to talk to
my History teacher.
                                                            
                       TEACHER
That's fine, Ms. Arling. Here's
your report card.
                                                            
Vanessa looks over her report card for a few seconds and
takes a seat in front of Toby.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Hey, Ness. How was your report
card?
                                                            
                       VANESSA
87.4 average.
                                                            
                       TOBY
That's not bad.
                                                            
                       VANESSA
I guess for not trying, it's
pretty good.
                                                            
                       DAVID
Your retard boyfriend got a 78
average.
                                                            
                       VANESSA
Are you serious? Let me see.
                                                            
Vanessa swipes Toby's report card from his desk before he
can stop her. She looks over it for a few seconds and shoots
a confused look at Toby.
                                                            
                       VANESSA
      (CONT'D)
Wow.
                                                            
 

8.

INT. TOBY'S HOUSE - DAY
                                                            
Toby is doing his homework at his kitchen table. The
DOORBELL rings.
                                                            
                       TOBY
I've got it.
                                                            
Toby gets up and answers the door. It's Vanessa.
                                                            
                       VANESSA
Hello.
                                                            
Toby lets Vanessa in. She takes a seat next to where Toby is
doing his homework.
                                                            
                       TOBY
What's up?
                                                            
                       VANESSA
I didn't know you did your
homework.
                                                            
                       TOBY
What do you mean?
                                                            
                       VANESSA
What, with your 78 average -
                                                            
                       TOBY
Vanessa...
                                                            
Toby's Mom enters the kitchen and sees Toby's report card on
the kitchen counter.
                                                            
                       TOBY'S MOM
Wonderful report card, Toby!
      (sees Vanessa)
Oh, hi, Vanessa.
                                                            
                       VANESSA
Hi, Mrs. Green. How are you?
                                                            
                       TOBY'S MOM
I'm good.
      (beat)
Toby, I'm going to run to the
groceries. Don't make too much of
a mess while I'm gone.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Don't count on it, mom.
                                                            

9.

Toby's Mom exits.
                                                            
                       VANESSA
Why'd you tell David that you had
a 78 average? That's stupid.
                                                            
                       TOBY
I don't know. I guess it's just...
                                                            
                       VANESSA
Cooler to be dumb?
                                                            
                       TOBY
Yeah.
                                                            
                       VANESSA
Since when were you about being
cool?
                                                            
                       TOBY
I don't know.
                                                            
                       VANESSA
What, do you think David would
like you less if he knew you got
good grades?
                                                            
                       TOBY
I guess, yeah.
                                                            
                       VANESSA
You are so frigging shallow.
                                                            
                       TOBY
I really don't care.
                                                            
Vanessa gets up and heads for the door.
                                                            
                       VANESSA
I'm... I'm going to go home.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Bye.
                                                            
                       VANESSA
You're not going to try and stop
me from leaving?
                                                            
                       TOBY
No, was I supposed to?
                                                            
Vanessa rolls her eyes and exits. Toby waits a few seconds
and continues his homework.
                                                            
 

10.

INT. CAFETERIA - DAY
                                                            
It's a CAFETERIA filled with high school students.

There is a table where three people are sitting. Toby is one
of these people. He is now wearing a Ramones sweatshirt.

Corey and David are also sitting here.
                                                            
                       TOBY
I honestly believe in reincartion.
                                                            
                       DAVID
What?
                                                            
                       COREY
That's crazy.
                                                            
                       DAVID
Aren't you catholic?
                                                            
                       TOBY
Uh, yeah, we go to a catholic
school. Remember?
                                                            
                       DAVID
You know the Catholic church
rejects reincarnation?
                                                            
                       TOBY
Well, I don't believe in, like,
the Buddhist or Hindu sort of
reincarnation.
                                                            
                       COREY
What do you mean?
                                                            
                       TOBY
I don't believe that our souls go
through a constant reincarnation
until we reach nirvana or you're
reincarnated if you lived an
imperfect life or whatever.
                                                            
                       DAVID
Well, what do you do believe?
                                                            
                       TOBY
Well, I think that a person has
been someone else in a previous
life. And then you inherit traits
from them and, like, whatever
faults that person had or whatever
            (MORE)

11.

                       TOBY (cont'd)
that person didn't accomplish in
their life, you try and make up
for it.
                                                            
                       DAVID
Are you high?
                                                            
                       TOBY
      (defensive)
No.
                                                            
                       DAVID
Alright, then, Toby... who were
you in a previous life?
                                                            
                       COREY
With all the drugs that he does, I
think he was Janis Joplin.
                                                            
DAVID and COREY both laugh.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Laugh it up.
                                                            
                       COREY
Take a joke.
                                                            
                       DAVID
So... are you going to Leah's
party this Saturday?
                                                            
                       TOBY
Yeah, I think so.
                                                            
                       COREY
That party is going to have more
drugs and beer than ever.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Exactly. And Leah's rich, so she
buys the booze.
                                                            
                       DAVID
You're so ethical, Toby.
                                                            
                       TOBY
I gave up ethical a while ago.
                                                            
                       DAVID
Are you going, Corey?
                                                            

12.

                       COREY
Yes, but I'm going to stay away
from the drugs and the alcohol.
                                                            
                       TOBY
What about the orgies?
                                                            
                       COREY
It depends.
                                                            
                       DAVID
Is Vanessa going?
                                                            
                       TOBY
Nah, she can't. She's going out of
town for some stupid family thing.
                                                            
                       DAVID
Ooh, you and Leah alone... without
Vanessa there?
                                                            
Toby lets out a huge sigh and nods.
                                                            
 
INT. CLASSROOM - DAY
                                                            
In Toby's HISTORY CLASS, the teacher rambles on and on.

As the teacher is doing this, Toby scribbles little drawings
of stick people dying in his notebook.
                                                            
                       HISTORY TEACHER
Okay, this man was a Persian
religious figure, he founded an
ancient religion. Toby?
                                                            
Toby continues scribbling, oblivious to what is going on
around him.
                                                            
                       HISTORY TEACHER
Toby?
                                                            
                       TOBY
Huh, what?
                                                            
                       HISTORY TEACHER
Are you paying attention, Mr.
Green?
                                                            
                       TOBY
Could you repeat the question?
                                                            

13.

                       HISTORY TEACHER
This Persian religious figure
founded an ancient religion around
the 15th century BC.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Umm... God?
                                                            
The class laughs.
                                                            
                       HISTORY TEACHER
Very cute, Mr. Green. The correct
answer, of course, is Zoroaster.
He founded Zoroastrianism....
                                                            
                       TOBY
      (mocking)
Oh, of couse.
                                                            
 
EXT. LEAH'S HOUSE - NIGHT
                                                            
LEAH'S PARTY is very active. People are playing pool,
watching TV, and hanging around by the pool.

In a small group of people sitting around a table outside
are Toby, Leah, and David, among others, smoking pot and
drinking beer.
                                                            
                       TOBY
I can't say this enough, Leah.
Your house is unreal.
                                                            
                       LEAH
I know, right?
                                                            
                       DAVID
And you're so modest!
                                                            
                       LEAH
And you're so gay!
                                                            
                       TOBY
What does your dad do again?
                                                            
                       LEAH
I don't know, he runs some
company. I never talk to the
bastard anyway.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Nice to see you're connected with
your family.
                                                            

14.

                       LEAH
What?
                                                            
                       DAVID
Toby tried to get deep on me today
with some shit about
reincarnation.
                                                            
                       LEAH
Reincarnation?
                                                            
                       TOBY
      (defensive)
I didn't bring it up.
                                                            
                       LEAH
Whatever. I skipped school
yesterday.
                                                            
                       TOBY
      (sarcastic)
Ooh, you're such a rebel, Leah.
                                                            
                       LEAH
Shut up, queer.
                                                            
                       TOBY
After you, fatty.
                                                            
Leah and Toby make eye contact for a few seconds. They stare
into each other's eyes with obvious chemistry.
                                                            
                       DAVID
Break it up, you two.
                                                            
                       LEAH
What do you mean?
                                                            
                       DAVID
Oh, please! Toby, you've been
eye-raping Leah all night.
      (to Leah)
And Leah, you sure as hell haven't
been fighting him off.
                                                            
                       LEAH
Whatever, David.
                                                            
                       DAVID
How many drugs are you on right
now, Toby?
                                                            

15.

                       TOBY
Too many.
                                                            
                       LEAH
You're going to overdose, you
retard.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Yeah, probably.
                                                            
 
INT. HALLWAY IN LEAH'S HOUSE - NIGHT
                                                            
Toby is leaving the bathroom. Leah is standing outisde,
waiting for Toby.
                                                            
                       TOBY
What do you want now?
                                                            
                       LEAH
David was right.
                                                            
                       TOBY
About what?
                                                            
                       LEAH
I haven't been pushing you off.
                                                            
                       TOBY
I haven't been going after you,
Leah.
                                                            
                       LEAH
Well, could you?
                                                            
                       TOBY
Listen, Leah. I really like
Vanessa. I don't want to hurt her.
                                                            
Leah leans in for a kiss, Toby puts his hand out.
                                                            
                       LEAH
You won't hurt her. She isn't even
here!
                                                            
                       TOBY
You can't stand to see me with
anyone else! You can't stand to
even think of me with anyone else!
                                                            
                       LEAH
Oh, please.
                                                            

16.

                       TOBY
I threw myself out at you when I
was single. You're such a tease!
                                                            
Toby pushes her aside, leaving Leah by herself again.
                                                            
 
INT. LEAH'S TV ROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
A group of people are watching a movie in Leah's TV ROOM.
Leah enters the room and goes straight to the big couch.

Toby is in the other room, getting himself a drink. As he
looks on, he sees Leah sit on Corey's lap.

Leah is blatantly flirting with Corey, she kisses around his
neck. Toby shoots Corey a look and he shrugs.

Leah starts kissing Corey, who responds.

Toby is obviously angry. He starts fanning himself and heads
to the bathroom. Leah sees him exit, and she is satisfied.
                                                            
 
INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
Toby is now in the BATHROOM, throwing up. Everything around
him is blurry.

He suddenly falls to his knees and his eyes roll to the back
of his head as he falls over.
                                                            
 
INT. WHITE HALLWAY - DAY
                                                            
Toby's eyes open and he finds himself standing in a long,
empty, WHITE HALLWAY.

He looks around, trying to find out where he is.

He starts walking down the hallway. There are a bunch of
doors. Some are marked, others are not.

Toby walks by one that says "ST. MATTHEW", another that says
"ST. IGNATIUS". He tries opening a few.

A bunch of locked doors. He goes to open a door marked "ST.
PETER'S OFFICE" and a MAN walks out of it seconds later. The
man is around 60, with white hair. He is wearing white robed
garments.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Hi. Where the hell am I?
                                                            

17.

                       PETER
Umm... are you Toby?
                                                            
                       TOBY
Yes. How do you know my name? Am I
on LSD, cause I've had these kind
of hallucinations before? I think
I took LSD.... Isn't everything
supposed to be, like, colorful?
                                                            
                       PETER
Toby. You had an overdose. Don't
mix drugs and alcohol, you should
know better.
                                                            
                       TOBY
      (shocked)
What?
                                                            
                       PETER
      (quickly)
Anyway, I'm Peter, welcome to
Heaven, your dream spot for
eternity.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Wait... Peter? Like... Saint
Peter? Like it says on the door?
                                                            
                       PETER
That would be me.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Aren't you supposed to be greeting
people at the Pearly Gates?
                                                            
                       PETER
That's only in jokes. Don't
believe everything you hear, kid.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Am I dreaming?
                                                            
                       PETER
No, you're in a coma. And God
wants to talk to you. His office
is down the hall and to the left.
Follow me.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Wait... God?
                                                            

18.

                       PETER
Did I friggin' stutter? Come on.
                                                            
Peter starts walking. Toby catches up.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Peter, I have a question.
                                                            
                       PETER
OJ was guilty.
                                                            
                       TOBY
No, no.
      (beat)
What's your favorite joke about
people entering heaven and meeting
you at the Pearly Gates?
                                                            
                       PETER
Well, I may be bias, but I like
them all.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Come on, you have to have a
favorite.
                                                            
                       PETER
Alright. Here goes : Ok, so up in
heaven, St. Peter -
                                                            
                       TOBY
- That's you!
                                                            
                       PETER
I'm aware.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Sorry.
                                                            
                       PETER
Okay, so I'm waiting at the Pearly
Gates, and two men and a woman
come up to me. I ask the first
woman, "How did you die?" She
said, "My husband killed me when
he caught me cheating on him." I
go to the second man, "How did you
die, sir?" He said, "I was
suspecting that my wife was
cheating on me. I came home in the
middle of the day when I was
normally at work and find her in
bed with another man. I first
            (MORE)

19.

                       PETER (cont'd)
killed her and then start throwing
things around in my anger. As I'm
throwing the refrigerator out the
window, sending it 30 stories
down, I had a heart attack and,
well, now I'm here." I say, "Wow.
How about you?" The third man
says, "Okay, so I'm hiding in a
refrigerator...."
                                                            
                       TOBY
Ahhh, I get it! That's funny.
                                                            
                       PETER
Yes, it's quite comical.
      (they arrive at a
       door)
Ooh, well, here we are. This is
God's office. Good luck, kid.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Thank you, St. Peter.
                                                            
Toby reaches out and opens the door.
                                                            
 
INT. GOD'S OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
GOD'S OFFICE is like anyone else's office. He has a desk,
with PICTURES OF JESUS on it, a COMPUTER, and some organized
PAPERS.

His desk has a NAMEPLATE which says
'God/Yahweh/Allah/Akal/Jehovah'. GOD, who fits the
stereotypes with a long white beard, a white robe, and a
halo, is currently listening to his iPod and trying to
staple some papers. When the stapler doesn't work....
                                                            
                       GOD
Fuck!
                                                            
God then notices Toby standing at the door.
                                                            
                       GOD
      (happy)
Oh, hi, Toby. Come on in. Sit
down.
                                                            
                       TOBY
God, are you mad at me?
                                                            
                       GOD
Oh, no, Toby! Not at all.
                                                            

20.

                       TOBY
Even though I'm 16 and I'm a total
pothead and I just overdosed?
                                                            
                       GOD
You're forgiven.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Wow, thank you God.
                                                            
                       GOD
Anyway, I need to talk to you
about something.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Okay, Allah. Or do you prefer God?
                                                            
                       GOD
I prefer to be called Him with a
capital H... or, just call me God.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Ok, umm, God.
                                                            
                       GOD
Anyway, I've been watching you
lately, Toby. I heard what you had
to say about reincarnation.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Oh, I'm sorry.
                                                            
                       GOD
No, no, no. You're completely
correct. I don't understand why
all those priests have made it an
abomination to believe in it.
Priests tend to be too uptight.
Your perception of reincarnation
is exactly how it really is in
Catholicism.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Really? Do you have a
reincarnation on Earth right now?
                                                            
                       GOD
I always do. I once was
reincarnated as the inventor of
video porn. But, to answer your
question, yes, I have a
reincarnation on Earth right now.
                                                            

21.

                       TOBY
Who is it?
                                                            
                       GOD
Oh, it's some illegal Mexican
named Jose in San Diego. But
that's not important. What is
important is that I ran a
background check on you. You were
Zoroaster in a previous life.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Who's Zoroaster?
                                                            
                       GOD
Oh, come on! You just learned this
Tuesday in your History class!
                                                            
                       TOBY
Oh, please, Mr. Omnicient. You
know I don't pay attention in that
class.
                                                            
                       GOD
Fair enough. Anyway, Zoroaster is
the founder of the ancient Persian
religion that is aptly named
Zoroastrianism. Their wing in
heaven's headquarters is to the
right of our wing.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Wait, I remember now. But isn't
Zoroastrianism a monotheistic
religion? Wouldn't you be the God
or whatever?
                                                            
                       GOD
Ahura Mazda, their God, and I are
pretty different. But, for the
most part, monotheistic religions
worship me. I run Islam,
Christianity, Sikhism, Judaism.
They all come to me.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Wait... so is there an incorrect
religion?
                                                            
                       GOD
Technically, no. If someone meets
their religion's standards, they
go to heaven, or at least their
            (MORE)

22.

                       GOD (cont'd)
religion's perception of heaven.
It's all pretty much the same
though. But, anyone who is an
Atheist or belongs to a cult
doesn't go to heaven.
                                                            
                       TOBY
They go to hell?
                                                            
                       GOD
No, hell is a totally different
story. Atheists and cult followers
don't go anywhere after they die.
They don't experience the
afterlife.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Wait, so is Scientology...?
                                                            
                       GOD
Cult.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Really?
                                                            
                       GOD
Yep... so what were we talking
about?
                                                            
                       TOBY
Umm... I'm the reincarnation of
Zoroaster.
                                                            
                       GOD
Oh, yes. I did a background check
and you're the reincarnation of
Zoroaster and Lenny Bruce.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Are you serious?
                                                            
                       GOD
Yeah. But I need you to deliver a
message to Earth....
                                                            
                       TOBY
What kind of message?
                                                            
God suddenly becomes serious.
                                                            
                       GOD
Toby, the world is going to end in
69 hours.
                                                            

23.

God waits for Toby to digest that. Toby, instead, tries to
hold in a laugh. He snorts.
                                                            
                       GOD
What's so funny?
                                                            
                       TOBY
You said 69.
                                                            
God starts laughing, too.
                                                            
                       GOD
Oh, I did, didn't I?
                                                            
They chuckle for a few seconds and then God becomes serious
very suddenly.
                                                            
                       GOD
But seriously, Toby. The world is
going to end soon and I need you
to deliver the message to Earth.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Why? Why me? I'm only 16 years
old. And why is the world going to
end?
                                                            
                       GOD
I chose you because you remind me
of myself at that age.
                                                            
                       TOBY
You were a teenager at one point?
                                                            
                       GOD
Well, duh.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Why does the world have to end?
                                                            
                       GOD
Because I don't like the way that
things have been going lately.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Oh, come on, don't you think
you're overreacting a bit?
                                                            
                       GOD
No, I'm not. What I want you to do
is go back down to Earth in one
hour and tell them that the world
will end in 68 hours. Those who
            (MORE)

24.

                       GOD (cont'd)
believe you will enter heaven.
Those that don't...
                                                            
                       TOBY
Go to hell?
                                                            
                       GOD
No, go to purgatory. I'm not THAT
mean.
                                                            
                       TOBY
So purgatory is real?
                                                            
                       GOD
In a sense, yes. For a lot of
people, purgatory is when their
soul isn't ready to enter heaven.
A lot of these people wander Earth
as spiritual beings.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Ghosts?
                                                            
                       GOD
If you wanna call them ghosts,
then... yes.
                                                            
                       TOBY
That's weird.
                                                            
                       GOD
Can I trust you, Toby?
                                                            
                       TOBY
Umm, yes?
                                                            
                       GOD
You're going to wake up in the
hospital bed at 11 PM on Saturday.
You will spend the next 68 hours
gathering faithful people to
prepare for the apocolypse. At 7PM
on Tuesday, the world will end.
                                                            
                       TOBY
How is the world going to end?
                                                            

25.

                       GOD
I'm a creative God. I have some
ideas. Now head off. Good luck.
Peter should be waiting outside...
He will tell you how we're going
to send you back to your Earth
conscience.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Okay.
                                                            
                       GOD
You can get up, now. Bye, Toby.
                                                            
                       TOBY
I have a question.
                                                            
                       GOD
Go right ahead.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Could you direct me to the Baal
and Ashteroth headquarters?
                                                            
                       GOD
      (sarcastic)
Oh, you're quite a comic. Leave.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Bye, Allah.
                                                            
Toby gets up and leaves GOD'S OFFICE.
                                                            
 
INT. WHITE HALLWAY - DAY
                                                            
Toby is back in the WHITE HALLWAY. Peter isn't there.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Peter?
                                                            
Toby starts walking left. He walks down the long hallway
until it comes to an end.

In front of him is a door marked "Hindu Offices". On the
right, he sees a door, marked "Private Access".

He opens the PRIVATE ACCESS door and finds an UNLIT ROOM. He
finds a light switch and turns it on.
                                                            
 

26.

INT. PRIVATE ACCESS ROOM - DAY
                                                            
TOBY walks through the room, which is filled with computers
and monitors. Nobody is in the room, however.
                                                            
 
INT. WHITE HALLWAY - DAY
                                                            
PETER walks out of a room and walks by GOD'S OFFICE. He sees
that TOBY isn't there. He looks at his watch.
                                                            
                       PETER
Oh, God.
                                                            
GOD pokes his head out of his door.
                                                            
                       GOD
Yes, you called?
                                                            
                       PETER
Oh, it's nothing.
                                                            
                       GOD
Where's Toby?
                                                            
                       PETER
Uh, he's in the bathroom.
                                                            
                       GOD
Alright. See ya.
                                                            
                       PETER
Bye.
                                                            
GOD closes his door. PETER waits a few seconds and runs to
the right to a room titled "Security".
                                                            
 
INT. PRIVATE ACCESS ROOM - DAY
                                                            
Back in the PRIVATE ACCESS ROOM, TOBY sits down in front of
one of the computers and turns it on.

It asks him for a password, so he turns it off. He looks
around the room and sees a door with "DO NOT ENTER WITHOUT
PERMISSION" plastered all over it.

He looks around to make sure nobody is there. When assured,
TOBY walks slowly towards the door and opens it.
                                                            
 

27.

INT. SECURITY ROOM - DAY
                                                            
PETER bursts the Security door open.

Two SECURITY GUYS sit in a room with computers and many
little screens with labels below them.
                                                            
                       SECURITY GUY # 1
Wow, Peter, calm down.
                                                            
                       PETER
I need you to find somebody for
me.
                                                            
                       SECURITY GUY # 2
Who?
                                                            
                       PETER
It's a 15 or 16 year old boy. He's
wandering these hallways or rooms,
and I'm supposed to have him under
my watch!
                                                            
Both the security guards check all their monitors and type a
few things into their computers.
                                                            
                       SECURITY GUY # 1
I got nothing for ya.
                                                            
                       SECURITY GUY # 2
Me neither.
                                                            
                       SECURITY GUY # 1
Check the bathrooms. We're not
allowed to put cameras or sensors
in there.
                                                            
                       PETER
Okay, thanks.
                                                            
PETER exits the room in a hurry.
                                                            
 
INT. "DO NOT ENTER" ROOM - DAY
                                                            
The HALLWAY that TOBY enters has very little lighting.

The walls are black, the ceiling is a dark red and the floor
is a beige tile. Along the floor, there are red stains. The
hallway is very long and narrow.

At the end, there is a door marked "Quandrant Four".

28.


TOBY looks at it for a few seconds and, slightly spooked,
turns around and leaves the room.
                                                            
 
INT. WHITE HALLWAY - DAY
                                                            
At one end of the hallway, PETER runs into a bathroom door.

Just after he does this, TOBY exits the PRIVATE ACCESS ROOM
and heads into the "Hindu Offices".
                                                            
 
INT. HINDU OFFICES - DAY
                                                            
While the Catholic headquarters were empty, the Hindu
Offices are quite busy. Many PEOPLE are engaged in
conversation or walking busily throughout the room.

TOBY isn't even noticed as he quietly enters.

The Hindu Offices looby is a big room with a SECRETARY'S
DESK, a COUCH, a widescreen TV, and many DOORS leading to
long hallways.

The HINDU SECRETARY (around 25) wears business clothes and
speaks in a heavy Indian accent.
                                                            
                       HINDU SECRETARY
Hi, can I help you? You look lost.
                                                            
                       TOBY
You speak English?
                                                            
                       HINDU SECRETARY
Even in the Hinduism wing, you
learn every langauage.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Oh, cool.
                                                            
                       HINDU SECRETARY
Are you here for Vishnu's dinner?
                                                            
                       TOBY
Yes, actually, I am.
                                                            
                       HINDU SECRETARY
      (across the room)
Rajeev, take him to Vishnu!
                                                            

29.

A short Indian man (RAJEEV) runs over to the desk.

He is a nerdy-looking, bumbling Indian. He wears glasses and
a sweater vest.
                                                            
                       RAJEEV
I am here.
                                                            
                       HINDU SECRETARY
Thank you, Rajeev. Take him.
                                                            
                       RAJEEV
      (to Toby)
This way.
                                                            
RAJEEV takes TOBY through one of the many doors.
                                                            
 
INT. HINDU HALLWAY - DAY
                                                            
RAJEEV and TOBY enter a rather SHORT HALLWAY. RAJEEV walks
in quick, short steps and often gets ahead of TOBY.

They stop at a door guarded by two SECURITY MEN.
                                                            
                       RAJEEV
Here you are.
                                                            
                       TOBY
      (to guard)
I'm here for Vishnu's dinner.
                                                            
One of the security guards looks him up and down and then
lets him in.
                                                            
 
INT. DINNER ROOM - DAY
                                                            
TOBY enters a room with a long table. At the end of the
table is a BLUE MAN with four arms (VISHNU).

To his right are MARILYN MONROE, an older man wearing a
white robe (ARISTOTLE), ABRAHAM LINCOLN, POPE JOHN PAUL II,
and a man wearing a white wig (WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE).

To the BLUE MAN'S left are ALFRED HITCHCOCK, a man wearing
elegant battle attire (NAPOLEON), FRANK SINATRA, and a very
angry-looking Asian man (TIMUR THE LAME).

There is an empty seat at the end of the table.
                                                            
                       VISHNU
Who are you, son?
                                                            

30.

                       TOBY
My name's Toby.
                                                            
                       VISHNU
      (confused)
Were you invited?
                                                            
                       TOBY
No. I'm kind of visiting heaven.
My body on Earth is in a coma
right now.
                                                            
                       VISHNU
Okay. How'd you get back here?
                                                            
                       TOBY
I honestly don't know.
                                                            
VISHNU'S SECURITY GUARD pokes his head into the room.
                                                            
                       VISHNU'S GUARD
Vishnu, Stalin won't be able to
make it tonight, he is too busy.
                                                            
                       VISHNU
Arrogant twit.
      (beat)
Ah, alas, that leaves room for
you, boy. I apologize, what is
your name again?
                                                            
                       TOBY
Toby.
                                                            
                       VISHNU
Have a seat, Toby. I'm Vishnu.
                                                            
TOBY sits down in the empty chair. He seems very
uncomfortable.
                                                            
                       TOBY
I know. I learned about you in my
History class this year.
                                                            
                       VISHNU
      (pleased)
Oh. Well, thank you, I guess.
      (beat)
Toby, this is Marilyn Monroe,
Aristotle, Abraham Lincoln, Pope
John Paul II, William
Shakespeare....
                                                            

31.

                       SHAKESPEARE
Have you read any of my plays,
Tony?
                                                            
                       TOBY
Yes, I had to read Merchant of
Venice.... and my name's Toby.
                                                            
                       SHAKESPEARE
Very well.
                                                            
                       VISHNU
I'd also like to introduce you to
Alfred Hitchcock, Napoleon, Frank
Sinatra, and Timur.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Timur the lame?
                                                            
                       TAMERLANE
I dare you to call me that again.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Dude, how the hell did you get
into heaven? You killed, like
50,000 Indian people.
      (beat, to Vishnu)
And why did you invite him?
                                                            
                       VISHNU
We have our differences, but he's
a nice guy. We've gotten over the
whole him killing a bunch of
Hindus thing.
                                                            
                       TOBY
      (quietly, to
       himself)
I am on LSD.
                                                            
                       VISHNU
Well, let the feast begin!
                                                            
                       TOBY
Dead people can eat?
                                                            
                       ARISTOTLE
Of course.
                                                            
A bunch of WAITERS enter the room giving the dinner party
their first course.
                                                            

32.

                       MARILYN MONROE
Ooh, turkey and dressing, my
favorite!
                                                            
                       JOHN PAUL II
I thought that John F. Kennedy was
your favorite food, Marilyn.
                                                            
                       ABRAHAM LINCOLN
Count it!
                                                            
As the other guests laugh, ABRAHAM LINCOLN and POPE JOHN
PAUL II exhange high fives.

MARILYN MONROE rolls her eyes.
                                                            
                       MARILYN MONROE
Oh, that's really funny. Laugh it
up.
                                                            
                       VISHNU
So, Toby, why are you in a coma?
                                                            
                       TOBY
Well, I kind of mixed alcohol and
pot. I overdosed.
                                                            
                       ABRAHAM LINCOLN
I see. Taking after Marilyn?
                                                            
JOHN PAUL and ABRAHAM go to high five, but MARILYN pulls
JOHN PAUL back.
                                                            
                       MARILYN MONROE
It's always you two picking on me!
I'm sick of it!
                                                            
                       VISHNU
Calm down, Ms. Monroe. It's all in
good fun.
                                                            
MARILYN quietly sulks to herself as everyone else eats in
silence.

NAPOLEON breaks the silence.
                                                            
                       NAPOLEON
Aristotle, I was reading something
about you on the internet the
other night. You were ranked the
4th most influential person in
philosophy ever.
                                                            

33.

                       ARISTOTLE
Who beat me?
                                                            
                       NAPOLEON
Plato was number one.
                                                            
                       ARISTOTLE
That whore.
                                                            
                       NAPOLEON
Immanuel Kant was at number two.
                                                            
                       ARISTOTLE
What the hell?
                                                            
                       NAPOLEON
And Confucius was number three.
                                                            
                       ARISTOTLE
He's overrated.
                                                            
                       TOBY
      (to Aristotle)
Now I remember! Pretty much
everything you said was wrong, but
it was adopted by the church in
the Middle Ages anyway.
                                                            
                       ARISTOTLE
Hey, how about you shut up, you
little bitch?
                                                            
                       SINATRA
Ah, don't pick on the poor kid.
                                                            
                       ARISTOTLE
Who was number five on the list?
                                                            
                       NAPOLEON
Uh, Socrates, I believe.
                                                            
                       ARISTOTLE
Oh, please, half the stuff he
"said" were Plato's philosophies.
                                                            
                       HITCHCOCK
      (changing the
       subject)
This turkey is delicious, Vishnu.
                                                            
                       TAMERLANE
Yes, very good.
                                                            

34.

                       SINATRA
Really Timur? I thought you much
preferred the blood of screaming
Indians.
                                                            
EVERYONE at the table laughs. SHAKESPEARE, who has a very
stiff laugh, laughs especially hard.

TOBY looks on, very confused.
                                                            
                       JOHN PAUL II
Nice, Frankie!
                                                            
                       VISHNU
I didn't find it that amusing.
                                                            
                       HITCHCOCK
      (cheery)
Frank was only kidding, Vishnu.
                                                            
                       SHAKESPEARE
      (to Toby)
Now, Ptolemy, um... how long will
you be in heaven?
                                                            
                       TOBY
My name's Toby.
                                                            
                       SHAKESPEARE
Dearly sorry.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Um, I don't know how long I'm
going to be up here. I'm actually
kind of lost.
                                                            
                       JOHN PAUL II
How are you going to get back?
                                                            
                       TOBY
Well, Saint Peter was supposed to
send me back to earth, but I got
lost, and....
                                                            
                       ARISTOTLE
Well, when one's lost, I suppose
it's good advice that they stay
where they are until someone finds
them.
                                                            

35.

                       ABRAHAM LINCOLN
Well, that doesn't help,
Aristotle. The boy's already over
here!
                                                            
                       ARISTOTLE
I'd trust you to know.
                                                            
                       ABRAHAM LINCOLN
That doesn't even make sense.
                                                            
                       MARILYN MONROE
How'd you end up here anyway, kid?
                                                            
                       TOBY
I honestly don't know.
                                                            
                       NAPOLEON
Shouldn't you be off trying to
find Saint Peter?
                                                            
                       TOBY
Probably.
                                                            
                       VISHNU
No, no, stay. We haven't even
reached the second course yet.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Okay, I'll stay.
      (beat)
So, do you guys meet, like, every
day? You seem to know each other
pretty well.
                                                            
                       VISHNU
We meet every week at a different
place. Last week we had to hike
all the way across heaven to
Marilyn's place.
                                                            
                       MARILYN MONROE
It's not my fault!
                                                            
                       NAPOLEON
You had to buy a house halfway
across this place.
                                                            
                       MARILYN MONROE
Yes, and I'm sure it was a pain in
the ass taking those extra 10
seconds to teleport over there.
                                                            

36.

                       TOBY
How does heaven work?
                                                            
                       VISHNU
Well, these are just the
headquarters. The heaven below
here is huge. It's constantly
growing because people are
constantly dying. Once you reach
heaven, you get to choose to have
an appearance and continue your
life from an age when you were at
your prime. That time in your life
when when, well, it was like
heaven.
                                                            
                       SINATRA
But even heaven isn't perfect.
                                                            
                       TOBY
What do you mean?
                                                            
                       SHAKESPEARE
There's still poverty, there's
still people starving, there's
still riots.
                                                            
                       TOBY
In heaven?
      (beat)
Isn't this supposed to be, like,
paradise?
                                                            
                       ABRAHAM LINCOLN
There's no such thing as paradise.
                                                            
                       VISHNU
Well, we're trying to make things
better up here. It's harder than
it might sound.
                                                            
                       HITCHCOCK
A lot of people who have it well
off just choose to ignore all the
problems.
                                                            
                       MARILYN MONROE
I heard a joke the other day where
a poor person compared heaven to
Quadrant Four.
                                                            
Everyone at the table laughs. TOBY remembers the door in the
hallway.
                                                            

37.

                       TOBY
Wait, Quadrant Four? I've heard of
that.
                                                            
                       NAPOLEON
How have you heard of Quadrant
Four?
                                                            
                       TOBY
Well, I don't know what it is.
      (beat)
What is it?
                                                            
                       ARISTOTLE
Quadrants are states of mind, in a
sense. There are four possible
Quadrants for a soul to
experience. To understand Quadrant
Four, you have to understand
Quadrants One through Three.
Quadrant One is the shortest
Quadrant. It takes place from the
time the sperm and egg unite.
Quadrant One blends into Quadrant
Two when the soul, in the form of
what is usually a toddler, starts
to think for itself, starts to
experience knowledge.
                                                            
                       SINATRA
Quadrant Two ends when the human
part of a soul dies. Quadrant
Three is heaven. It's here.
                                                            
                       TOBY
So, what's Quadrant Four?
                                                            
Nobody wants to answer the question.

Everyone looks around, waiting for someone else to say
something.

Finally, SHAKESPEARE speaks up.
                                                            

38.

                       SHAKESPEARE
Well, it's hard to sum up Quadrant
Four. It's not only a state of
mind, but it is also a physical
place where you can go. Just like
Quadrant Two was your life on
Earth and Quadrant Three is
heaven. It's almost impossible to
define Quadrant Four... It's only
used in extreme circumstances.
                                                            
SHAKESPEARE stops talking. Nobody else wants to continue.
                                                            
                       TAMERLANE
Some people call Quadrant Four
hell.
                                                            
                       ARISTOTLE
      (defiant)
That can't be, Timur. Quadrant
Four is accessible through heaven.
                                                            
                       TAMERLANE
What if heaven really is hell?
                                                            
                       SHAKESPEARE
      (to Toby)
Quadrant Four is accessible in
only ten places throughout the
Universe.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Where are the ten... portals?
                                                            
                       JOHN PAUL II
Two are in heaven. Four are in
hell. Two are in the United
States.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Where in the US?
                                                            
                       SINATRA
One's in Los Angeles and the other
is in the Appalachians somewhere
around West Virginia.
                                                            
                       JOHN PAUL II
One is on Mars and there is one
more in Africa.
                                                            

39.

                       TOBY
What does Quadrant Four do? Is it,
like, being high? Cause I think
that's a state of mind.
                                                            
                       MARILYN MONROE
Some people call that Quadrant
Five.
                                                            
                       ABRAHAM LINCOLN
And I'm sure, Marilyn, that you
know Quadrant Five quite well,
now?
                                                            
Everyone at the table laughs, especially POPE JOHN PAUL II.
                                                            
                       MARILYN MONROE
It's getting really old, Abe.
                                                            
                       VISHNU
You shouldn't worry about it until
you get to heaven, son.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Well that's going to be soon.
                                                            
                       HITCHCOCK
What do you mean?
                                                            
                       TOBY
Well, the world's going to end
soon.
                                                            
                       NAPOLEON
And by soon, you mean....?
                                                            
                       TOBY
Tuesday.
      (beat, confused)
You didn't know this?
                                                            
                       VISHNU
Who told you this, Toby?
                                                            
                       TOBY
      (nervous)
Nevermind.
      (beat)
I should really be going. Thanks
for the meal, though.
                                                            
                       VISHNU
Wait!
                                                            

40.

TOBY gets up and leaves the room quickly.
                                                            
 
INT. HINDU OFFICES - DAY
                                                            
TOBY is leaving the HINDU OFFICES, walking rather quickly.
He sees RAJEEV talking to the SECRETARY.
                                                            
                       TOBY
See ya, Rajeev.
                                                            
                       RAJEEV
      (confused)
Bye?
                                                            
 
INT. WHITE HALLWAY - DAY
                                                            
TOBY enters the WHITE HALLWAYS of the Catholic headquarters
again.

He looks around, making sure nobody sees him as he enters
the PRIVATE ACCESS ROOMS.
                                                            
 
INT. PRIVATE ACCESS ROOM - DAY
                                                            
TOBY enters the Private Access room.

He, again, turns on the lights. He slowly walks towards the
DO NOT ENTER WITHOUT PERMISSION door.

As he reaches out for the knob, the door from the other side
of the room starts to open.

TOBY quickly hides under a desk, barely escaping being
caught.

The two SECURITY GUYS enter the room.
                                                            
                       SECURITY GUY # 1
Did you hear about this?
                                                            
                       SECURITY GUY # 2
Umm, no.
                                                            
                       SECURITY GUY # 1
Well, Peter was going to send a
message over the intercom, but God
thinks that the kid's back on
Earth.
                                                            

41.

                       SECURITY GUY # 2
Dude, what God's trying to do,
is...
                                                            
                       SECURITY GUY # 1
... crazy?
                                                            
As they walk through the room slowly, they randomly check
under desks and in closets.

They don't check the DESK that TOBY is under.
                                                            
                       SECURITY GUY # 2
Yeah, really ballsy. Has he even
thought about the consequences?
                                                            
                       SECURITY GUY # 1
I'm sure he has. God isn't dumb.
                                                            
SECURITY GUY # 1 reaches for the DO NOT ENTER door.
                                                            
                       SECURITY GUY # 2
Don't.
                                                            
                       SECURITY GUY # 1
I don't think the kid's in here.
                                                            
                       SECURITY GUY # 2
Me neither.
                                                            
They look around the room one last time.
                                                            
                       SECURITY GUY # 1
Well, onwards and upwards.
                                                            
Both SECURITY GUYS leave the room. TOBY waits a few seconds
and gets out from under the desk.

He slowly walks to the DO NOT ENTER WITHOUT PERMISSION door.


He checks around him again and enters the hallway.
                                                            
 
INT. "DO NOT ENTER" ROOM - DAY
                                                            
TOBY slowly walks down the hallway. He finally reaches the
door marked "Quadrant Four".

Time seems to stand still as he reaches out for the KNOB.

He takes a deep breath and enters.
                                                            
 

42.

INT. QUADRANT FOUR - DAY
                                                            
TOBY enters what is initially an EMPTY WHITE ROOM.

This immediately transfers into a huge, never-ending BLACK
SPACE. TOBY stands on a platform, perfectly still, with the
door open behind him.

In front of him materializes the shape of the continental
United States of America. It's red and it pulsates like a
heart.
                                                            
 
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY
                                                            
Back on Earth, in TOBY'S HOSPITAL ROOM, TOBY lies on his bed
in a coma. COREY and TOBY'S PARENTS sit in the room with
him.

Suddenly, TOBY'S head head starts twitching.
                                                            
                       COREY
I think he's moving.
                                                            
ALL THREE get up and move closer to TOBY, who starts
twitching in other parts of his body.

Twitches turn into violent shaking.
                                                            
                       TOBY'S MOM
      (screaming)
Oh my God!
                                                            
TOBY continually shakes, but his face remains expressionless
throughout this burst.

TOBY'S ARMS are flailing, knocking things over. This shaking
goes on for a little while and finally stops abruptly.

Beeeeeeeeeep. The EKG stops. For thirty seconds, Toby
appears dead.

YELLS from down the hallway can be heart as TOBY'S MOM cries
into his FATHER'S shoulder.
                                                            
 
INT. "DO NOT ENTER" ROOM - DAY
                                                            
TOBY stumbles out of QUADRANT FOUR.

He falls over and hits the wall, finally catching a breath.
                                                            
 

43.

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY
                                                            
Beep. Beep. Beep.

TOBY'S heart starts beating again.

TOBY'S MOM stops crying and COREY'S draw drops. There are a
few moments of silence in the room.

A few NURSES and a DOCTOR come running in. They stop when
they see the heart beating.
                                                            
                       DOCTOR
Umm, was... our computers told us
that he wasn't getting a heart
beat.
                                                            
                       COREY
He wasn't.
                                                            
                       DOCTOR
Do you mean...?
                                                            
TOBY'S MOM, DAD, and COREY all shake their heads
affirmatively. The DOCTOR stands there in awe.
                                                            
                       DOCTOR
How long was he out?
                                                            
                       COREY
Like, a minute.
                                                            
                       DOCTOR
      (to nurses)
Run some tests on him, see what
happenned....
                                                            
COREY looks at TOBY, very confused.
                                                            
                       COREY
      (to himself)
What the hell?
                                                            
 
INT. "DO NOT ENTER" ROOM - DAY
                                                            
TOBY stumbles, trying to get up. He can't find a balance and
struggles to get himself up a few times.

Finally, he finds his balance. He starts walking towards the
door leading back to the PRIVATE ACCESS ROOM.


44.

As his walk slowly becomes a run, the hallway gets longer
and longer. It's like running on a treadmill - he isn't
moving anywhere.

He finally reaches out for the DOOR KNOB and gets it.
                                                            
 
INT. PRIVATE ACCESS ROOM - DAY
                                                            
TOBY bursts the door open and falls to the floor.

Leaning against a DESK, he buries his face in his hands. He
starts crying. At first very slow, his crying turns into
sobbing. It's nonstop.
                                                            
 
INT. WHITE HALLWAY - DAY
                                                            
PETER is searching through the hallway, trying to find TOBY,
when he hears him crying in the distance.

He starts moving towards the PRIVATE ACCESS ROOM.
                                                            
 
INT. PRIVATE ACCESS ROOM - DAY
                                                            
TOBY is still having an emotional breakdown. In the doorway
we see SAINT PETER.
                                                            
                       PETER
Toby, where did you go? I've been
looking for you.
                                                            
TOBY doesn't give a response. He just remains there, crying
loudly. PETER takes a step toward him.
                                                            
                       PETER
What happened?
                                                            
PETER moves in closer to TOBY. He reaches out to help TOBY
up, but TOBY swats away PETER'S ARM.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Don't touch me, dad.
                                                            
                       PETER
What? Toby. Come on, come with me.
                                                            
PETER eventually grabs TOBY and forces him up.
                                                            
                       TOBY
      (screaming
       repeatedly)
GET OFF ME!
                                                            

45.

PETER leads TOBY into the hallway.
                                                            
 
INT. WHITE HALLWAY - DAY
                                                            
PETER is quickly pulling TOBY down the WHITE HALLWAY, trying
to go unseen. TOBY is screaming the whole way.
                                                            
                       TOBY
      (still screaming)
GET OFF ME! DON'T TOUCH ME!
                                                            
PEOPLE open their doors to see what is making all the noise.

Once they come up on GOD'S OFFICE, GOD peeks out to see
where all the ruckus is coming from.

When he sees who it is, he grabs PETER and TOBY, pulling
them into his office and slamming the door.
                                                            
 
INT. GOD'S OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
                       GOD
Peter, what the hell is he still
doing up here? You were supposed
to send him back to Earth a long
time ago.
                                                            
                       PETER
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. He got away,
he got lost....
                                                            
TOBY is sitting down in the chair opposite GOD'S DESK. GOD
sits down behind his desk and looks at TOBY, who is still
crying and has been the whole time.
                                                            
                       GOD
Toby, why aren't you down on
Earth?
                                                            
No response. TOBY continually cries.
                                                            
                       GOD
      (forcefully)
Toby, stop crying!
                                                            
TOBY calms down and stops crying.
                                                            
                       TOBY
What do you want?
                                                            

46.

                       GOD
Why aren't you down on Earth? You
were supposed to be there almost
an hour ago!
                                                            
                       TOBY
I got lost.
                                                            
                       PETER
Where'd you go?
                                                            
                       GOD
Peter, let me handle this.
                                                            
                       PETER
Sorry.
                                                            
                       GOD
      (to Toby)
Why were you such a wreck?
                                                            
                       TOBY
I don't know.
                                                            
At this point, there is a knock on the door. GOD signals for
PETER to answer it. PETER slightly opens the door, peering
out.

Outside of the door is VISHNU, a purple man with three eyes
(SHIVA), and a bearded man with four heads and four arms
(BRAHMA).
                                                            
                       PETER
Hi. God's busy right now.
                                                            
                       SHIVA
We don't care.
                                                            
SHIVA pushes the door open and walks into GOD'S OFFICE.
BRAHMA and VISHNU follow.
                                                            
                       GOD
      (cheery)
Hi Shiva, Brahma, Vishnu. Can I
help you?
                                                            
VISHNU notices TOBY sitting before GOD.
                                                            
                       VISHNU
Toby?
                                                            

47.

                       GOD
      (shocked)
Toby?
      (beat, slowly)
Have you met Vishnu?
                                                            
                       VISHNU
Yes, we have met. And Toby here
told me something about the
apocolypse being soon. We wanted
to know if you knew anything about
this?
                                                            
                       GOD
I don't know what Toby was talking
about.
      (beat)
Did he mention that he was a
pothead?
                                                            
                       BRAHMA
Let's not resort to name-calling,
Allah.
                                                            
                       GOD
I apologize, Brahma.
                                                            
                       SHIVA
Don't try and pull anything, God.
Do you remember the meeting when
we founded heaven? It was a long
time ago...
                                                            
                       GOD
Yes, Shiva, I remember. And I
assure you that-
                                                            
                       SHIVA
Good. And if you break the rules,
you know the consequences.
                                                            
                       GOD
Why would you even think that I
would break the rules?
                                                            
                       VISHNU
Toby, where did you hear about the
world ending?
                                                            
GOD stares down TOBY.
                                                            

48.

                       TOBY
      (nervous)
I don't know.
                                                            
                       VISHNU
It was rude of you to leave our
dinner party before the second
course, and it's even more rude of
you to lie to my face. Where did
you -
                                                            
                       GOD
Don't harass the poor kid, Vishnu.
                                                            
                       VISHNU
I'm not harrassing him, he's lying
to me!
                                                            
                       BRAHMA
Come on, let's go before this
escalates.
                                                            
                       VISHNU
Fine.
                                                            
VISHNU, BRAHMA, and SHIVA exit the room.
                                                            
                       GOD
      (faux cheery)
Have a nice day, you guys.
                                                            
Once the three HINDU GODS have left the room, TOBY turns to
GOD.
                                                            
                       GOD
What were you doing talking to the
Hindu gods?
                                                            
                       TOBY
I got lost and accidentally
wandered into their offices.
                                                            
                       GOD
Yeah, but how'd you get access to
Shiva? You have to be really high
up to do that.
                                                            
                       TOBY
I've only met Vishnu.
                                                            
                       GOD
But still... how'd you do that?
                                                            

49.

                       TOBY
I don't know.
                                                            
                       GOD
And why the hell did you tell them
about the world ending?
                                                            
                       TOBY
Well, isn't it?
                                                            
                       GOD
Yes.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Then how come they don't know
about it?
                                                            
                       GOD
It's more complicated than that,
Toby.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Well, what the hell kind of show
are you running up here?
                                                            
                       GOD
What do you mean?
                                                            
                       TOBY
You lied to me, God.
                                                            
                       GOD
Oh, I did, didn't I?
                                                            
                       TOBY
Uh, yeah. What are you trying to
do?
                                                            
                       GOD
That's none of your business. What
you need to do now hurry up and
head back down -
                                                            
                       TOBY
- Yes, it is my business.
                                                            
                       GOD
Toby -
                                                            

50.

                       TOBY
- If I'm going to go to earth and
be your modern day prophet, I want
to know what kind of plan you have
here.
                                                            
                       GOD
It's not what -
                                                            
                       TOBY
- How come the Hindu gods hadn't
heard about the apocolypse?
                                                            
GOD waits this time. TOBY doesn't interrupt him.
                                                            
                       GOD
      (calmly)
Toby, what I am doing is bigger
than you can imagine. What you
have to do is trust me and follow
my word. I am your God.
                                                            
                       TOBY
You're breaking the rules!
                                                            
                       GOD
Toby, if you cooperate with me, I
won't be breaking the rules.
                                                            
                       TOBY
      (defiant)
I'm not going to deliver your
message until you tell what you're
really in this for.
                                                            
                       GOD
Toby, if you don't behave, I can
turn your coma into a death....
And you won't be entering heaven.
                                                            
TOBY laughs.
                                                            
                       TOBY
You're blackmailing me?
                                                            
                       GOD
Toby, I wouldn't try and mess with
me. In case you forgot, I'm God.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Will you just tell me what your
plan is and I promise to fill out
your command.
                                                            

51.

                       GOD
Fine.
                                                            
                       PETER
God, are you sure?
                                                            
                       GOD
Yes, I am, Peter. Thank you.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Well...?
                                                            
                       GOD
Well, where to start?
                                                            
                       TOBY
How come only people in this
section of the headquarters seem
to know about the world ending?
                                                            
GOD sits in silence for a few seconds, his hand on his chin.
Finally, he talks.
                                                            
                       GOD
Toby, the people over at the Hindu
offices aren't being filled in
because their people broke a lot
of rules on September 11th.
                                                            
PETER buries his hand in his face.
                                                            
                       TOBY
That was radical Islam.
                                                            
                       GOD
Oh, shit, it was.
                                                            
                       TOBY
You're lying to me!
                                                            
                       GOD
I know, I know -
                                                            
                       TOBY
Will you please just tell me the
truth?
                                                            
                       GOD
Okay, okay. The truth, and this is
the truth, is that I don't have
enough power in heaven. Toby, my
religions take up more than 3.4
billion of the people on Earth. In
            (MORE)

52.

                       GOD (cont'd)
the beginning of heaven, all the
religions were about equal. New
ones would come in from time to
time. But my religions have more
power than you can imagine. I have
more power than anyone else in
heaven.
                                                            
                       TOBY
So?
                                                            
                       GOD
So, Toby, why should Hinduism,
Pure Land Buddhism, Zoroastrianism
get as much power as I? I am above
the other religions, Toby. To make
this apparent, I need to make a
move without their permission. I
need to end life on Earth. Not
only will the other religions be
so busy managing their people
entering heaven, I will show them
that, in the end, I have all the
power.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Wow, you sound like Hitler.
                                                            
                       GOD
Hitler was a smart man, Toby.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Can't you just compromise with the
other religions?
                                                            
                       GOD
That's harder than you would
think.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Why?
                                                            
                       GOD
Because, first of all, the other
religions are into the whole
equality of religions thing.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Well, that's a given.
                                                            

53.

                       GOD
And, second of all, in case you
didn't notice, the Hindu folk and
I don't get along.... at all.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Why not?
                                                            
                       GOD
As you know, our religions are
really different... so there's
always been that tension there.
Four or five years ago, however,
there was a really big dispute
between us.
                                                            
                       TOBY
What happened?
                                                            
                       GOD
Well, we have meetings twice a
week. It was a pretty normal
meeting at first, but then Vishnu
muttered something about my
corrupt religions. He denied
saying it later, but everyone in
the room heard him. Name-calling
ensued, and heaven became divided.
      (beat)
As sad as it is to say, unlike
popular belief, heaven isn't a
perfect place, Toby.
                                                            
                       TOBY
So I've heard.
                                                            
                       GOD
It made me even angrier when
Vishnu started recruiting people
from my religions and had them as
his friends. They're basically his
bitches. The man... or thing, for
that matter... he has serious
nerve.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Oh, like Hitchcock?
                                                            
                       GOD
Don't even remind me.
                                                            

54.

                       TOBY
But even so... you can't just end
the world and say, "heaven is
mine!"
                                                            
                       GOD
I'm not stupid, Toby.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Well, what are you going to do?
                                                            
                       GOD
They have a person who's kind of
the President of heaven. He just
makes sure that all the religions
are getting along well and
oversees the meetings. They had a
French guy named Jacques Matthieu
in that position until last month,
when he resigned because of all of
the fighting. They hired a new
guy, a Russian man named Marat
Sromov. He is a spineless twit.
When nobody is looking, I will go
to his office and demand complete
control over heaven. When the
world ends, the other religions
will be too busy with heaven
entries to care about Sromov. It's
the perfect diversion.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Wow, you're evil.
                                                            
                       GOD
Well, you promised that if I told
you the truth, and I did, then you
would fulfill my commands.
                                                            
TOBY sits in silence for a really long time, looking down.

Finally, he talks.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Does Jesus know about this?
                                                            
                       GOD
No, he doesn't.
                                                            
                       TOBY
But the two security guards know?
                                                            

55.

                       GOD
How the hell did they find out?
                                                            
TOBY shrugs. PETER winces.

GOD notices PETER'S reaction.
                                                            
                       PETER
Oh... um....
                                                            
                       GOD
Peter, are you serious?
                                                            
                       PETER
      (nervous)
I'm sorry, God.
                                                            
                       GOD
When I told you, you promised that
it would stay between us. You
can't trust those people. They
talk!
                                                            
                       PETER
I know, I know -
                                                            
                       GOD
But that isn't important right
now. Toby, we need to send you
back to your human body. You
promise to fill out my wishes?
                                                            
                       TOBY
Well, I can't break my promise.
                                                            
                       GOD
Good. Well let's send him back.
And Peter?
                                                            
                       PETER
Yes?
                                                            
                       GOD
I'm going to make sure he gets
back this time.
                                                            
PETER hangs his head in shame as they exit GOD'S OFFICE.
                                                            
 
INT. WHITE HALLWAY - DAY
                                                            
GOD, TOBY, and SAINT PETER exit GOD'S OFFICE. GOD guides

56.

TOBY towards the right. TOBY has a very solemn face the
whole time GOD leads him down the really long WHITE HALLWAY.

They finally get to a room marked "TRANSPORTATION ROOM". GOD
goes to open the door, but it's locked. ST. PETER reaches in
his pocket and gets out the keys.

As GOD unlocks the door, TOBY looks down the hallway. Like
usual, nobody is wandering the halls, which seem to go on
forever.

GOD is having trouble with the key. TOBY makes a break for
it. ST. PETER immediately starts chasing after him, but TOBY
is obviously faster.
                                                            
                       GOD
      (yelling)
Someone get him!
                                                            
A MAN down the hall hears GOD'S persistent screaming and
opens the door. He grabs TOBY'S arm and bring him flat on
his back.

ST. PETER catches up with TOBY, who tries to break free with
every last bit of energy left in him.

TOBY is unsuccessful. ST. PETER forces TOBY up and violently
pulls him by the arm back to GOD, who is standing outside
the TRANSPORTATION ROOM, which he has now unlocked. TOBY
holds his head low.

Once they get back, GOD pins TOBY to the wall.
                                                            
                       GOD
      (quietly, but
       intense)
I've been nice enough to let you
off after you tried to get away
once. You tried it again, and I'm
pissed. If you try and pull that
shit again, the consequences will
be serious.
                                                            
TOBY doesn't flinch.
                                                            
                       GOD
Do you understand?
                                                            
TOBY just glares at GOD, no answer.
                                                            
                       GOD
      (louder)
Do you understand?
                                                            

57.

                       TOBY
      (quietly)
Yes.
                                                            
GOD let's go of TOBY, throwing him against the wall. He
looks down the hallway and sees the MAN who caught TOBY
still watching.
                                                            
                       GOD
Get back to your office. This is
none of your business.
                                                            
The MAN hurries back to his office, embarrassed to be
caught.

PETER, GOD, and TOBY enter the TRANSPORTATION ROOM.
                                                            
 
INT. TRANSPORTION ROOM - DAY
                                                            
PETER enters the TRANSPORTATION ROOM first and turns on the
lights, revealing a complex room.

On the right side of the room is a GLASS BOX with the words
"PORTAL" printed on the front.

The walls are lined with small TVs, levers, and videotapes.

On the left side of the room is a CONTROL PANEL facing the
glass box. There are lots of nobs and buttoms. PETER presses
the power button at the top and fools around with a few
buttons.

TOBY is watching PETER closely.
                                                            
                       TOBY
What does this whole thing do?
                                                            
                       PETER
It transports you from one
Quadrant to another.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Oh.
                                                            
                       GOD
A Quadrant, Toby, is a -
                                                            
                       TOBY
A state of mind, I know.
                                                            
                       GOD
How the hell do you know that?
                                                            

58.

Before TOBY can answer, there is a knock on the door. GOD
answers it.

It's a MAN dressed in a white robe, very similar to Peter's,
except the man is younger.
                                                            
                       GOD
Hi, Matthew. How did you know we
were in here?
                                                            
                       MATTHEW
I saw you enter. I need to talk to
you and Peter.
                                                            
PETER quits messing around with the control board and walks
over to MATTHEW, who pulls the two out into the hallway to
talk.

TOBY looks at the control panel. Under DESTINATION, the
panel has a light above the text "Quadrant Two".

Making sure that PETER and GOD can't see him, TOBY presses
"Quadrant Three". He waits around for a few seconds.

Finally, GOD and PETER re-enter the room.
                                                            
                       GOD
Alright, Toby, get into the glass
thing.
                                                            
TOBY walks over to the glass box, opens it up and enters.
                                                            
                       PETER
Everything's ready to go.
                                                            
                       GOD
OK. Toby, are you ready? It's
going to feel weird. But once
you're transported back to your
human body, everything will be
fine.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Cool.
                                                            
                       PETER
Ok. Countdown time. Five. Four.
                                                            
TOBY closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.
                                                            
                       PETER
Three. Two. One.
                                                            

59.

PETER presses a button. With this, TOBY slowly materializes
from thin air in the box. PETER and GOD wait a few seconds.

PETER turns off the control panel and the two leave the room
in silence, not knowing that they sent TOBY to Quadrant
Three.
                                                            
 
EXT. STREET - DAY
                                                            
TOBY materializes out of thin air onto a street.

He finds that he can't move too much, and this is because
the street is jam packed with PEOPLE. TOBY is being pushed
around.

He finally makes his way to a more clear area where he has
space to move.
                                                            
                       TOBY
      (to himself)
So this is heaven?
                                                            
TOBY looks around for help. He sees an attractive uoung man
(PARIS BRASWELL), probably 25 years old, who is leaning
against a wall watching the crowd. TOBY approaches him.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Is there some kind of rally or
festival?
                                                            
                       PARIS
No. Are you new to this area of
heaven or what?
                                                            
                       TOBY
Well, I'm kind of new to heaven.
                                                            
                       PARIS
Oh, I'm sorry to hear.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Oh, no. My body on heaven is in a
state of coma. I should be
returning soon.
                                                            
                       PARIS
Oh, okay. I'm Paris Braswell, by
the way.
                                                            

60.

                       TOBY
Oh, cool. I'm Toby Green. Nice to
meet you, Paris.... so, what's all
this crowd doing here?
                                                            
                       PARIS
Oh, it's like this everyday.
Heaven's way overcrowded.
Actually, today isn't that bad.
We're lucky to be in a clear spot
right now.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Why is it like this?
                                                            
                       PARIS
It's like this in a lot of places
over heaven. If you leave your
body on earth poor, you're going
to enter this heaven. I was born
in 1890 on a farm in Iowa. We were
always poor. I continued the life
my dad set up for me. I died in
1951.
                                                            
                       TOBY
You were only 61?
                                                            
                       PARIS
I had cancer, and I knew I was
going to die. I was so ready to
enter heaven. Our monetary
situation was shot down by the
Great Depression and never
recovered. I barely ate. My life
was terrible, so I was ready to
live a happy life for once. As it
turns out, heaven's just as bad,
if not worse. And now I'm stuck
here for eternity.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Wow. So you stay in heaven for
eternity?
                                                            
                       PARIS
Sad thought, isn't it?
                                                            
                       TOBY
Yeah. Why is everything so
crowded?
                                                            

61.

                       PARIS
Well, they extend the borders for
the rich peopl. But the people up
in heaven's headquarters haven't
done enough for the poor people.
They brainwash us by telling us,
"You're in paradise!" People get
all psyched because they're in
heaven, but they don't realize the
fact that there is still poverty
and discrimination.
                                                            
                       TOBY
How come nobody is standing up for
you guys?
                                                            
                       PARIS
There have been people who say,
"Do you realize what's happening?"
But the upper class just ignore
the fact that we have these
problems. They have their mansions
and high society crap. Some lower
class people work as butlers just
so they can experience that part
of heaven. It's sad. Nobody should
have to work in heaven.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Do you have to work in heaven?
                                                            
                       PARIS
No, everything's electronic up
here. You just say what you want
and it comes up from the machine.
They've got an endless supply,
it's heaven. However, most of the
machines in these ghettos are
broken.
                                                            
TOBY and PARIS stand in silence for a few seconds, watching
the crowd.

A MAN, around 35, falls over and gets stepped on repeatedly.
Nobody seems to even notice. He finally disappears amongst
the crowd.
                                                            
                       PARIS
Welcome to Heaven.
                                                            
                       TOBY
This is unreal.
                                                            

62.

                       PARIS
Listen, I should really be heading
off. It was nice talking to you.
Good luck with the whole coma
thing.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Thanks.
                                                            
PARIS emerges into the crowd and disappears. TOBY watches,
still leaning against the wall.
                                                            
 
INT. GOD'S OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
GOD and SAINT PETER enter his office. GOD motions for PETER
to sit down.
                                                            
                       GOD
Sit down. We need to talk.
                                                            
                       PETER
I know. I'm sorry.
                                                            
                       GOD
Stop apologizing. Get a back
bone... How in the hell did you
let Toby go? You put me in one
hell of a pickle.
                                                            
                       PETER
I know. I lost track of time.
                                                            
                       GOD
You can't afford to let that
happen. Do you understand?
                                                            
                       PETER
Yes, sir.
                                                            
GOD gets up and walks over to a cabinet.
                                                            
                       GOD
Why was Toby crying so bad? I
really had to work to get him out
of that.
                                                            
                       PETER
I really don't know.
                                                            
                       GOD
Where'd you find him?
                                                            

63.

PETER waits a few seconds, trying to think up a lie.
                                                            
                       PETER
He was in a bathroom stall. I
heard him crying.
                                                            
                       GOD
Why didn't you just tell me that
he was gone? I could've located
him easily.
                                                            
GOD grabs a stack of papers and sits back down at his desk.
                                                            
                       PETER
I'm sorry, sir.
                                                            
                       GOD
Are you afraid of me, Peter?
                                                            
                       PETER
No.
                                                            
                       GOD
We're friends right?
                                                            
                       PETER
Of course.
                                                            
                       GOD
You've been acting weird.
                                                            
 
INT. COFFEE SHOP - DAY
                                                            
TOBY walks into a coffee shop. The room is absolutely
packed. He watches the antics in the shop: when a chair
opens, fight for it.

TOBY struggles through the crowd, trying to find an empty
spot.

He seems somebody getting up and dives for the chair. An
OLDER MAN (55) tries to get it, but TOBY sits in the chair
before he can.

The WOMAN now sitting across from TOBY laughs. The WOMAN is
around 25 years old. She's blonde, pretty, and wearing a
vintage t-shirt.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Hi. My name's Toby.
                                                            
The WOMAN speaks in a French accent.
                                                            

64.

                       MARIE
My name is Marie.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Wow, cool accent. Is it...?
                                                            
                       MARIE
French.
                                                            
TOBY speaks in very Americanized French.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Oh. J'etudie francais. Tu veux
parler en francais?
                                                            
                       MARIE
      (laughing)
No. English is fine.
                                                            
TOBY now tries to get a coffee out of the table. There is a
little screen and buttons to the left.

He touches the button rext to frappuccino. Nothing comes up.
He tries again and again.

MARIE laughs.
                                                            
                       MARIE
Are you used to the expensive
ones?
                                                            
                       TOBY
I'm not used to any.
                                                            
                       MARIE
Oh? You're new to heaven?
                                                            
                       TOBY
Yeah, you could say that.
                                                            
                       MARIE
You have to enter your name on the
left and then put your thumb print
on the pad below that. They need
to keep a tab of who drinks how
much.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Oh. Will it cost me?
                                                            
                       MARIE
Of course not.
                                                            

65.

TOBY types in "Toby Green" on the pad and then presses his
thumb against a pad. He waits.

A green light goes off under it.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Does that mean -
                                                            
                       MARIE
You're good to order.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Cool.
                                                            
TOBY presses the frappaccino button. Seconds later, a
frappaccino appears under a glass door in a plastic cup.

TOBY slides the glass door and gets his coffee out. He takes
a few sips and looks up at MARIE, who is now reading a book.
                                                            
                       TOBY
So, where in France did you live?
                                                            
                       MARIE
I only lived in France through
high school. I moved to the United
States for college around 1970. I
moved because I was fixated with
the whole rock and roll thing, if
you couldn't tell by my shirt. I
went to NYU and stayed in New York
City my whole life.
                                                            
                       TOBY
How'd you die?
                                                            
                       MARIE
I was working in the World Trade
Center on the second floor from
the top on September 11th, 2001. I
was in the first building to get
hit. I died when the building
collapsed.
                                                            
                       TOBY
I'm sorry.
                                                            
                       MARIE
Don't be. It's not your fault.
                                                            
                       TOBY
So you were only 50 when you died?
                                                            

66.

                       MARIE
      (solemnly)
Yes.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Why'd you choose to be this age?
                                                            
                       MARIE
      (nostalgic)
When I was 22, I was just getting
out of NYU. I didn't really have a
consistent job, but I didn't care.
I was such a hippie. I would go to
concerts on the weekends. It was
heaven. It was better than real
heaven, sadly enough.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Why is heaven such a dump?
                                                            
                       MARIE
It isn't for everyone. If you were
poor on earth, then heaven is
hell. If that makes sense.
      (beat)
How'd you die?
                                                            
                       TOBY
I didn't. My body's in a state of
coma and I'm having an out of body
experience, as crazy as that
sounds.
                                                            
                       MARIE
When are they going to send you
back?
                                                            
                       TOBY
I don't know yet.
                                                            
                       MARIE
Oh.
      (long beat)
Well, I should head off. I
promised a friend I would meet him
in ten minutes and the crowd
outside looks pretty big. It was
nice meeting you, Toby.
                                                            
                       TOBY
You too, Marie.
                                                            

67.

MARIE gets up and exits. TOBY drinks his coffee as he
watches two WOMEN (20 and 35) fight over the seat.
                                                            
 
INT. GOD'S OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
GOD and SAINT PETER are sitting in GOD'S OFFICE.
                                                            
                       PETER
Why did you tell Toby your plan?
                                                            
                       GOD
Because I'm a bad liar and you
know that.
                                                            
                       PETER
Well, you didn't tell him the
whole thing.
                                                            
                       GOD
      (laughing)
Did you expect me to?
                                                            
                       PETER
Well, you kind of lied to him.
                                                            
                       GOD
Peter, come on. It's pretty
obvious that I'm not playing a
fair game, isn't it?
                                                            
                       PETER
Fair enough.
                                                            
God looks down at his papers for a few seconds and then back
up at Peter.
                                                            
                       GOD
Do me a favor.
                                                            
                       PETER
Sure.
                                                            
                       GOD
Go and run to the EarthVision
department to check and make sure
that Toby returned to his human
body. Also, make sure that he is
doing what I told him to do. I
don't trust him anymore.
                                                            
                       PETER
Okay.
                                                            
 

68.

INT. UNIVERSEVISION HEADQUARTERS - DAY
                                                            
PETR enters a wide baby blue HALLWAY with a big sign saying
"Welcome to UniverseVision!" hanging from the entrance
doorway.

EMPLOYEES wearing blue polo shirts are walking around the
facilities with clipboards, papers, etc.

PETER greets a few people as he enters a double-door with a
huge "EarthVision" logo plastered on the front.

Across the hallway from EarthVision is a similar double-door
with a "HeavenVision" logo.
                                                            
 
INT. EARTHVISION OFFICES - DAY
                                                            
PETER enters the EarthVision offices, a huge room with
hundreds of busy workers. The ROOM is dark, with GRAPHS and
TV SCREENS all across the room on the upper part of the
walls.

COMPUTERS line the walls with workers who are occupied in
front of them.

In the middle of the room, is a HUGE TABLE with a DIGITAL
MAP of Earth on it. Many PEOPLE are working around the map.

PETER approaches a YOUNG WORKER, an attractive, yet nerdy,
young man, who is sitting at a computer along the back wall.

Above his computer is a nameplate :

KEVIN WOLFE
MIDWEST AMERICA - PEOPLE
EARTHVISION RANK FOUR
                                                            
                       PETER
Hi, Kevin.
                                                            
KEVIN turns around from his desk.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
St. Peter, what's up!? I read the
best joke about you on the inter-
                                                            
                       PETER
I'd love to chat, but I can't
right now. I need you to run a
search for me.
                                                            

69.

                       KEVIN
Sure thing. Just give me a name
and a location.
                                                            
                       PETER
Toby Green... and he should be
somewhere in the Columbus, Ohio
area. Probably in a hospital.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
One second.
                                                            
As KEVIN types, PETER notices his nameplate.
                                                            
                       PETER
Hey, look at you. Rank four!
                                                            
                       KEVIN
I know. I got it last week.
                                                            
                       PETER
One more upgrade and you'll be on
administration.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
Exciting, right?
      (beat)
I found him. Here's video.
                                                            
On KEVIN'S computer screen, we see video inside of the
hospital room. TOBY is still lying on a bed in a coma. COREY
and TOBY'S PARENTS are also still in the room.
                                                            
                       PETER
Son of a bitch!
                                                            
                       KEVIN
What's the matter?
                                                            
                       PETER
He's not where he's supposed to
be!
                                                            
                       KEVIN
Is there any way that I can help?
                                                            
                       PETER
Kevin, I need you to find Toby
Green.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
Can you give me an idea as to
where he might be?
                                                            

70.

                       PETER
Well, he isn't in his human body.
Talk to the people over at
HeavenVision. Either way, you're
on assignment. I'll be in my
office. Contact me as soon as you
find him.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
Yes, sir.
                                                            
 
EXT. STREET - DAY
                                                            
TOBY exits the COFFEE SHOP and finds himself presented with
a crowd bigger than last time. He looks for a way around,
but can't find one.

TOBY enters the crowd, pushing and shoving his way through.
He is knocked into many times.

After a while, the crowd starts to thin out. TOBY eventually
finds himself in a comfortable walking area. He walks out
into the distance, where we see endless buildings.
                                                            
 
INT. ST. PETER'S OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
ST. PETER is sitting in his office, sweating with
anticipation. He stares at the phone with the determination
of an athlete.

He looks around his office, as if he's expecting something
to pop up out of nowhere. Breathing heavily, he airs out his
robe.

A few moments of silence. The phone rings. PETER jumps on
the phone.
                                                            
                       PETER
      (very quickly)
This is St. Peter.
                                                            
                       MATTHEW
Hi, Peter.
                                                            
                       PETER
Kevin? Is this Kevin?
                                                            
                       MATTHEW
No... this is Matthew.
                                                            

71.

                       PETER
      (unenthusiastic)
Oh, hi Matt.
                                                            
                       MATTHEW
Yeah, umm... did you see my ID? I
can't find it and I don't know if
I left in the transportation room
when I was talking to you and God
or something.
                                                            
                       PETER
      (very dry)
No, I haven't seen it, Matthew.
                                                            
MATTHEW lets out a long sigh.

PETER holds the phone away from his head and looks at the
ceiling.
                                                            
                       MATTHEW
Ok, sorry to bother you.
                                                            
                       PETER
Bye, Matt.
                                                            
                       MATTHEW
See ya, Peter.
                                                            
PETER violently hangs up the phone and leans back in his
chair.
                                                            
                       PETER
      (to himself)
Just because he wrote a book of
the Bible, he thinks he's so
frigging important.
                                                            
The phone rings again and PETER pounces on it.
                                                            
                       PETER
      (quickly)
This is St. Peter.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
Hi, Peter, this is Kevin.
                                                            
                       PETER
Kevin! What'd you find out?
                                                            
                       KEVIN
Well, you'll have to come over
here and I'll explain.
                                                            

72.

                       PETER
Could you at least tell me where
he is?
                                                            
                       KEVIN
He's in Quadrant Two. Now get over
here fast.
                                                            
PETER slams the phone into the holder and darts out of the
room.
                                                            
 
INT. UNIVERSEVISION HEADQUARTERS - DAY
                                                            
PETER comes bursting through the door. He's sweating like a
pig. He bends over, panting.

KEVIN, who's waiting in the hallway for him, walks quickly
over to ST. PETER.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
Follow me.
                                                            
KEVIN walks towards the HeavenVision doors and goes through.
                                                            
                       PETER
      (quietly, to
       himself)
HeavenVision?
                                                            
 
INT. HEAVENVISION OFFICES - DAY
                                                            
KEVIN and PETER enter the HeavenVision headquarters. It's
very similar to the EarthVision headquarters.

The room is brighter than EarthVision's room, with COMPUTERS
lined up against the back wall. TVs line the upper part of
the walls across the whole room.

On the side wall to the right is a CABINET filled with BOOKS
and FILES.

On the side wall to the left is a LARGE POSTER with "Heaven"
on it and a collage of pictures with happy people on it.
Above this poster is a large HeavenVision logo.

In the center of the room is a table with a digital map of
heaven on it. This is where KEVIN leads SAINT PETER.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
OK, we've located Toby Green. The
teenager from Columbus, Ohio?
                                                            

73.

                       PETER
Yes.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
He is here.
                                                            
KEVIN points to a small area on the map marked "Over the
Rhine". He taps on the digital map three times and it zooms
very far in.

There is a small red dot in the middle of Over the Rhine.
                                                            
                       PETER
Is the red dot where Toby is right
now?
                                                            
                       KEVIN
No, it's where we last spotted
him. Over here.
                                                            
KEVIN walks over to an unoccupied computer along the back
wall.

He turns on the moniter, types in a few things, and opens up
a video.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
We got video of Toby in a coffee
house with a young woman
identified as Marie Phillippe.
      (points to Toby)
There he is. He ordered a
frappuccino and left the
facilities forty-five minutes ago.
We got video of him leaving, but
we lost him in the crowd.
                                                            
KEVIN brings up a video of TOBY walking into the street.
PETER watches silently.

TOBY enters the crowd of people, which (as far as the camera
can show) goes on forever.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
It's impossible to say where he
went. He either stayed in that
area, headed south to an even
poorer part of Over the Rhine, or
headed north to The Victorians,
one of the richest communities in
heaven.
                                                            

74.

                       PETER
Is it really that bad?
                                                            
                       KEVIN
What do you mean?
                                                            
                       PETER
I mean, is it really that crowded
down there?
                                                            
                       KEVIN
Yeah, it's pretty bad. I haven't
been down there in a while, but
it's insanely over-populated in
the poor communities.
                                                            
PETER stands in awe for a few seconds, watching the video
play out on the screen.
                                                            
                       PETER
That's unbelievable.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
What do you want to do about Toby?
                                                            
                       PETER
      (beat)
I want you to have security guards
question Marie Phillippe about
Toby and I want you to have as
many troops as you can get to
search Over the Rhine for Toby.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
I'll be right on it, sir.
                                                            
                       PETER
Thank you, Kevin.
                                                            
After a few seconds, PETER turns around and quickly walks
out of the HeavenVision headquarters.
                                                            
 
INT. MARIE'S APARTMENT - DAY
                                                            
MARIE'S APARTMENT is a very small living space. In one room,
she has a refrigerator, bed, table, and computer desk.

Right now, MARIE is surfing the internet on her lap top. She
is looking at a French news sight.

Suddenly, the door to her apartment is knocked down. MARIE

75.

screams and ducks.

TWO MEN wearing "HEAVEN SECURITY" outfits enter the room.
MARIE slowly looks up and sees them.
                                                            
                       MARIE
Can I help you?
                                                            
                       OFFICER # 1
We need to talk to you about Toby
Green.
                                                            
MARIE stares at them with a blank look of fear on her face.
                                                            
                       MARIE
      (shocked)
Umm, okay.
                                                            
                       OFFICER # 2
And, um, yeah. Sorry about the,
uh, the door.
                                                            
 
INT. QUESTIONING ROOM - DAY
                                                            
MARIE is escorted into a questioning room by the same two
SECURITY OFFICERS as earlier.

They gesture for her to sit down at a table. She sits and
they sit across from her. There are a few moments of silence
where MARIE looks very confused.
                                                            
                       OFFICER # 2
We have video of you talking to a
Toby Green at a coffee shop in
Over the Rhine earlier today.
                                                            
                       MARIE
Yeah. That was, like, an hour ago.
                                                            
                       OFFICER # 1
Do you know Toby Green?
                                                            
                       MARIE
No. Well, I mean, yeah. But I met
him for the first time in that
coffee shop. He sat down across
from me and we talked for five or
so minutes.
                                                            
                       OFFICER # 1
Marie, you know that if you lie to
us, we are subjected -
                                                            

76.

                       MARIE
I know, I know.
      (beat)
And you guys don't have to be such
hard-asses because you work for
Heaven Security.
                                                            
The OFFICERS sit in silence across from her, speechless for
a few moments as they digest what MARIE just said.

OFFICER # 2 breaks the silence.
                                                            
                       OFFICER # 2
      (politely)
What did you and Toby talk about?
                                                            
                       MARIE
We talked about how I died and how
he was in a coma.
                                                            
                       OFFICER # 1
What did he tell you about
himself?
                                                            
                       MARIE
He told me he was in a coma and
that he was having an out of body
experience. He told me that he
didn't know when he would return
to his body on Earth.
                                                            
                       OFFICER # 2
And you've told me everything that
you two talked about?
                                                            
                       MARIE
Yes.
                                                            
The OFFICERS exchange glances. They both nod.
                                                            
                       OFFICER # 1
You're free to go. Thank you, Ms.
Phillippe.
                                                            
                       MARIE
Yeah, whatever.
                                                            
MARIE gets up and angrily exits the room.
                                                            
 

77.

EXT. ROAD - DAY
                                                            
TOBY is still walking on the same long road he was before.
This time, he finds himself walking up a HILL.

He comes up on a sign that says "Welcome to The Victorians".

An OLDER MAN walks by him wearing elegant clothing. He
speaks in a British accent.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Excuse me, what is "The
Victorians"?
                                                            
                       OLDER MAN
The Victorians is one of the
finest apartment complexes in
Heaven. Are you new?
                                                            
                       TOBY
Yes. Thank you.
                                                            
                       OLDER MAN
Have a nice day.
                                                            
TOBY continues up the hill, where he comes closer on
fancy-looking apartment buildings. They are an older style
and they are very large.

He enters a BUILDING with the name "The Crystal Palace" on
the front.
                                                            
 
INT. CRYSTAL PALACE LOBBY - DAY
                                                            
TOBY enters the lobby of what seems like a five-star hotel.
Around the room are MANY PEOPLE dressed in elegant clothes.

Many of the WOMEN wear very exaggerated dresses with large
hats.

Large GROUPS OF PEOPLE are sitting around tables, chatting
and having coffee or tea. Everyone talks in a British
accent.

A BUTLER, who is African American, walks up to TOBY.
                                                            
                       BUTLER
Can I help you, sir?
                                                            
                       TOBY
Umm, no thank you.
                                                            

78.

TOBY walks further into the room, examining everything.

Many groups stare and point at him. They make quiet remarks
about his clothing.
                                                            
                       SIR DAVID
      (off screen)
Come, sit with us, boy!
                                                            
TOBY turns around to see a table with TWO MEN and TWO WOMEN.
The women are dressed in ridiculously extravagant clothing
and the men wear stiff suits.

One of the WOMEN (COUNTESS ANN) gestures towards an empty
chair. TOBY sits.
                                                            
                       COUNTESS REGINA
Hello, boy. What's thy name?
                                                            
                       TOBY
My name's Toby.
                                                            
                       COUNTESS REGINA
I'm Countess Regina Longbottom.
Call me Countess Regina.
                                                            
                       TOBY
      (weirded)
Okay.
                                                            
                       SIR DAVID
I'm Sir David Twiddledem and this
is Sir Frank Lennon and Countess
Ann Alsiks.
                                                            
TOBY points at COUNTESS ANN ALSIKS.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Wait, what's your name?
                                                            
                       COUNTESS ANN
Countess Ann Alsiks. But you can
call me Countess Ann.
                                                            
                       COUNTESS REGINA
Have some wine.
                                                            
                       TOBY
I don't see any wine.
                                                            
                       COUNTESS REGINA
There isn't any.
                                                            

79.

The OTHER FOUR laugh a very stiff, hollow laugh. TOBY looks
very confused.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Okay....
                                                            
                       SIR FRANK
I do say, why does thou come to
The Crystal Palace? You don't seem
like the people who are normally
here.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Not at all. I was just kind of
walking around and came here. It's
very... nice.
                                                            
                       SIR DAVID
Yes, 'tis quite splendid.
                                                            
                       COUNTESS ANN
Gergeous place.
                                                            
                       TOBY
You guys have it really good.
                                                            
                       COUNTESS REGINA
And what do you mean by this?
                                                            
                       TOBY
Like, the way you live.... you are
lucky to have all this.
                                                            
                       SIR FRANK
Oh, you're jesting, surely. This
is poor living! Have you seen The
Gilded Towers? That's fine living.
                                                            
                       COUNTESS REGINA
Yes, we are quite poor.
                                                            
The OTHER THREE shake their heads in agreement.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Are you being sarcastic?
                                                            
                       COUNTESS REGINA
Of course not, child.
                                                            
SIR DAVID looks out and shouts across the lobby.
                                                            
                       SIR DAVID
Butler! Butler, over here!
                                                            

80.

The BUTLER quickly walks over to the table.
                                                            
                       BUTLER
How may I assist you?
                                                            
                       SIR DAVID
Could we please have more tea?
We're quite short on tea.
                                                            
                       BUTLER
Very well.
                                                            
                       SIR DAVID
Thank you.
                                                            
As the BUTLER walks away, TOBY gets up out of his chair.
                                                            
                       TOBY
I'll be right back.
                                                            
                       SIR DAVID
Of course.
                                                            
TOBY chases after the BUTLER. He touches his shoulder.
                                                            
                       BUTLER
Can I help you, sir?
                                                            
                       TOBY
Why do you do this to yourself?
                                                            
                       BUTLER
What do you mean by this?
                                                            
                       TOBY
First of all, quit with the
accent.
                                                            
The BUTLER doesn't talk with a British accent anymore.
                                                            
                       BUTLER
What do you want, anyway?
                                                            
                       TOBY
Why do you put yourself up to
being these stuck-up rich people's
servant?
                                                            
                       BUTLER
What's it to you?
                                                            

81.

                       TOBY
It makes me sick seing people
working their asses off in heaven!
                                                            
                       BUTLER
Yeah, well, I'd rather work my ass
off and live in a large room than
do nothing all day and live in a
crappy apartment in Over the
Rhine. That's where I used to be.
It sucked. I had to get out of
there. I get free food here, a
nice room...
                                                            
                       TOBY
I don't understand this.
                                                            
                       BUTLER
Well, obviously, you don't
understand what it's like to be
poor. I'd suggest you try and live
in a crowded city up here. It's
hell.
                                                            
The BUTLER, very angry, walks away. TOBY stands there
speechless for a few seconds and then returns to his seat at
the table.
                                                            
                       SIR DAVID
Welcome back, Toby.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Yeah, thanks.
                                                            
                       COUNTESS REGINA
Toby, we were just chatting about
thous. What generation are you
from? Thoust seem quite fresh.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Yes, I'm very new to heaven.
                                                            
                       COUNTESS ANN
Oh, and what do you think of
heaven? Quite rum, isn't it?
                                                            
                       TOBY
No, not really.
                                                            
                       COUNTESS REGINA
What do you mean?
                                                            

82.

                       TOBY
This place is depressing.
                                                            
                       SIR FRANK
In what ways, child?
                                                            
TOBY is interrupted by the BUTLER returning with the tea. He
sets it down on the table.
                                                            
                       BUTLER
Enjoy.
                                                            
                       SIR DAVID
Thank you.
      (to Toby)
Would you like more tea?
                                                            
As the BUTLER exits, he gives TOBY a mean look.
                                                            
                       TOBY
I haven't had any yet, I can't
really have more.
                                                            
                       COUNTESS REGINA
Don't you mean that you can't
really have any less?
                                                            
                       SIR FRANK
Yes. You can always have more than
nothing.
                                                            
                       TOBY
      (confused)
What?
                                                            
COUNTESS ANN pours tea into a cup and hands it to TOBY.
                                                            
                       COUNTESS ANN
Here you are.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Thank you.
                                                            
                       SIR DAVID
Why, what were we talking about?
                                                            
                       COUNTESS REGINA
Toby was remarking about how much
he disliked heaven.
                                                            
                       SIR DAVID
Yes, why is that so, Toby?
                                                            

83.

                       TOBY
Because it's way too crowded.
                                                            
                       SIR FRANK
No, it isn't.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Uhh, yeah, it is.
                                                            
                       COUNTESS ANN
I find it quite spaceous,
actually.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Well, it may be spaceous here or
to you, but there are streets that
are packed from wall to wall with
people. And they live in tiny
apartments. They hate their life.
                                                            
                       COUNTESS REGINA
I've never heard of such a place.
                                                            
                       SIR FRANK
It sounds like you're describing
hell, child.
                                                            
                       TOBY
You don't know about the poor
neighborhoods in heaven?
                                                            
                       SIR DAVID
Poor areas? There's no such thing!
It's heaven.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Are you serious? I've been in
heaven three or so hours and I've
been in a destitute community. You
guys don't know about the
over-populated areas?
                                                            
                       SIR FRANK
Toby, that's one of the most
absurd things I've ever heard.
                                                            
                       TOBY
I was just there an hour ago.
                                                            
                       SIR DAVID
Toby, no such thing exists. Not in
heaven, at least.
                                                            

84.

TOBY is slowly becoming angry.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Yes, it does. It's right out
there! It's right down the road!
Do you want me to take you out of
Stepford so you can see this?
                                                            
                       COUNTESS REGINA
Toby, you're quite crazy. Maybe
you should be on your way.
                                                            
This notion is met with affirmative nods from the other
three.
                                                            
                       TOBY
      (calmly)
Okay, then. Thank you for the tea.
It was nice meeting you all.
                                                            
                       SIR DAVID
Farewell, Toby.
                                                            
TOBY gets up and walks out of the Crystal Palace while the
four continue their tea-party.
                                                            
 
EXT. THE VICTORIAN - DAY
                                                            
TOBYS exits the Crystal Palace and starts walking back on
the road that leads to Over the Rhine.

In the distance, we see endless buildings.
                                                            
 
INT. PETER'S OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
PETER is sitting behind his desk quietly, looking over a
binder.

In the binder, we see a record of Toby Green. It has his
height, weight, shoe size, favorite color, etc.

PETER flips through a few pages and comes to a page entitled
"Major Sins (for God's consideration)". The page is filled
with TOBY'S wrong-doings and the date on which the sin was
commited.

On the list, we see heroin, PCP, LSD, crack cocaine, and a
wide array of other drugs. Half the page is drugs he has
done.


85.

Below that, we see "Cheated on girlfriend with Leah
Cunningham".

The phone rings. PETER sets the binder aside and answers the
phone.
                                                            
                       PETER
Hi, this is Saint Peter. How may I
help you?
                                                            
                       GOD
Oh, so you are in your office.
                                                            
                       PETER
God?
                                                            
                       GOD
This is he. Why haven't you
reported back to my office, Peter?
I've been waiting for you.
                                                            
PETER has this blank look of fear on his face.
                                                            
                       PETER
Oh yeah.
                                                            
                       GOD
Did you forget, Peter?
                                                            
                       PETER
Yes.
                                                            
                       GOD
That's total bullshit. Get down
here right now.
                                                            
GOD hangs up. PETER slowly hangs up his phone. Once he has
set it down, he slowly leans forward and buries his face in
his arms.
                                                            
                       PETER
      (crying)
Why am I so stupid!?
                                                            
 
INT. GOD'S OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
PETER slowly enters GOD'S OFFICE. He stands by the doorway
as GOD stares him down. There are a few moments of painfully
brutal silence.

Finally, GOD gestures for PETER to sit down.


86.

PETER slowly takes his seat and GOD continues to stare down
PETER. PETER uncomfortably squirms in his chair, trying to
avoid eye contact with GOD.
                                                            
                       GOD
So? What's the update on Toby?
                                                            
                       PETER
      (bumbling)
He's back on earth and recovering
from his coma.
                                                            
                       GOD
Wow, Peter. You're a terrible
liar.
      (beat)
I called the people over at
EarthVision and they told me what
was really going on. How in the
hell did Toby end up down there
instead of back to Quadrant Two?
                                                            
                       PETER
I don't know. That's what I've
been trying to figure out.
                                                            
                       GOD
I don't think it was an accident,
Peter. Obviously, the kid's
smarter than we anticipated. I
think we have to get someone else
to do it for us. As for Toby,
we're going to have to turn his
coma into an unfortunate death.
                                                            
                       PETER
Do you want me to go do that now?
                                                            
                       GOD
No. I want him up here first. I
want to talk to him before we end
his life on earth.
                                                            
PETER sits there in silence, taking in what GOD just said.
                                                            
                       PETER
Do you want me to issue a report
that Toby be sent up here as soon
as he is found?
                                                            
                       GOD
Already did it.
                                                            

87.

                       PETER
Oh... okay.
                                                            
                       GOD
      (beat)
It's all so sad.
                                                            
                       PETER
What is?
                                                            
                       GOD
Me having to kill Toby. I liked
him.
                                                            
                       PETER
You don't have to kill him.
                                                            
                       GOD
Yes, I do, Peter. He's too smart
for his own good. I thought he
would do what others told him to
do. Fold into peer pressure, like
he'd done before in his life. But
he's a really bright kid. Sadly
enough, he's standing in the way
of my power and I can't afford to
let that happen.
                                                            
 
EXT. OVER THE RHINE - DAY
                                                            
In Over the Rhine, five or six OFFICERS are pushing their
way through crowds, trying to get everything seperated.
                                                            
                       OFFICER # 3
Everyone, move towards a wall.
                                                            
                       OFFICER # 2
Does anybody here know the
whereabouts of Toby Green?
                                                            
The CROWD complies with the officers, but nobody answers the
question.

In the horizon, we see TOBY walking toward the area that's
under control by the officers. He looks on with curiosity.
                                                            
                       OFFICER # 1
Please cooperate!
                                                            
TOBY finally is within ten yards of the scene. One of the
OFFICERS recognizes Toby and slowly walks toward him.
                                                            

88.

                       OFFICER # 2
Are you Toby Green?
                                                            
                       TOBY
Yes, why?
                                                            
The OFFICER forcefully grabs TOBY'S arm and pulls him
through the crowd.
                                                            
                       OFFICER # 2
Come with me.
                                                            
The OFFICER carries him through the split area as onlookers
watch with interest.
                                                            
 
INT. GOD'S OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
PETER and GOD are sitting in the office. GOD is looking over
some papers and PETER is looking around.

The phone rings and GOD answers it.
                                                            
                       GOD
Hello?
                                                            
                       SECURITY GUY # 1
God, they found Toby. He's being
sent up right now.
                                                            
                       GOD
Thank you.
                                                            
GOD hangs up.
                                                            
                       PETER
Did they find Toby?
                                                            
                       GOD
Yes, they did.
                                                            
PETER lets out a huge sight of relief.
                                                            
 
EXT. OUTSIDE OF OFFICES - DAY
                                                            
TOBY is being escorted by two of the OFFICERS down the
street and into a BUILDING with the title "Heaven
Administration" on the front.

Above the building, an extremely tall, thin tower reaches up
above the clowds.
                                                            
 

89.

INT. HEAVEN ADMINISTRATION - DAY
                                                            
As TOBY is escorted in, a YOUNGER MAN (26) recognizes him
and walks towards the two security guards.

The YOUNGER MAN is thin, handsome, and he wears glasses. His
nametag reads "Jack - Administration Director".
                                                            
                       JACK
I'll take it from here.
                                                            
                       OFFICER # 2
Thanks.
                                                            
JACK looks at TOBY for a few seconds and then motions toward
the elevator further back in the room.
                                                            
                       JACK
      (to Toby)
Follow me.
                                                            
JACK opens the elevator and they both enter.
                                                            
 
INT. ELEVATOR - DAY
                                                            
TOBY and JACK enter the elevator in silence. JACK presses
the button "A", which is the only button on the panel.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Where does this elevator go?
                                                            
                       JACK
Up.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Where is up?
                                                            
                       JACK
To the offices. Apparently, you've
been their before.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Yes, I have.
                                                            
                       JACK
I've heard what you did. Don't try
anything funny. I'm faster and
stronger than you.
                                                            
                       TOBY
I wouldn't bet on that.
                                                            

90.

                       JACK
Ooh, I've caught me an arrogant
one.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Right back at ya'.
                                                            
JACK laughs to himself. TOBY remains calm. The elevator
seems to be taking forever.
                                                            
                       JACK
So, how'd you end up here anyway?
You're not dead, right?
                                                            
                       TOBY
Well, I was on LSD, so at first I
thought this all was one big
hallucination. I've had these
before.
      (beat)
But, apparently, my body on earth
is in a coma and I'm having an out
of body experience.
                                                            
                       JACK
Sounds like fun.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Oh, loads of fun.
                                                            
They wait in silence for the rest of the elevator ride,
which seems like forever. TOBY looks at the same spot on the
elevator while JACK can't stand still to save his life.

Finally, they reach the top, the door opens.
                                                            
 
INT. CIRCULAR ROOM - DAY
                                                            
TOBY and JACK exit the elevator and enter a rather small,
CIRCULAR ROOM with many doors marked with the religious
headquarters that they lead to..

JACK opens the "Christianity/Islam/Sikhism/etc." door and
follows TOBY in.
                                                            
                       JACK
After you.
                                                            
 

91.

INT. WHITE HALLWAY - DAY
                                                            
JACK and TOBY enter the all-too-familiar WHITE HALLWAY of
the Christianity offices. The hallway extends as far as the
eye can see in both directions.

JACK points TOBY to their right. They start walking and walk
for a while.

They finally reach GOD'S OFFICE.
                                                            
                       JACK
Well, my job was to get you here
in one piece.
                                                            
                       TOBY
What a hard job.
                                                            
                       JACK
Good luck, kid.
                                                            
JACK opens the door for TOBY, and TOBY walks in.
                                                            
 
INT. GOD'S OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
TOBY slowly enters GOD'S OFFICE. He shows no signs of
nervousness.
                                                            
                       GOD
Ah, speaking of the devil! Hello,
Toby.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Hi, God.
                                                            
                       GOD
Pull up a chair. We need to chat.
                                                            
TOBY pulls a chair up next to PETER. He isn't showing any
signs of emotion.
                                                            
                       TOBY
How did you know where I was?
                                                            
                       PETER
I ran a search for you on
HeavenVision after I found out you
weren't back on earth yet.
                                                            
                       TOBY
HeavenVision?
                                                            

92.

                       PETER
HeavenVision is our way of keeping
track of everyone in Heaven. There
are cameras in every place in
heaven. EarthVision is the same,
except it's on heaven.
                                                            
                       TOBY
You have cameras on earth?
                                                            
                       PETER
In a sense, yes.
                                                            
PETER doesn't talk anymore and neither does TOBY.

TOBY and GOD make eye contact, and they look each other down
for a few seconds. GOD looks like he's trying to figure TOBY
out.
                                                            
                       GOD
Toby, you're a very smart kid.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Thank you.
                                                            
                       GOD
I underestimated you, Toby. You'r
e very intelligent, you have a lot
of common sense, and you have a
voice.
                                                            
                       TOBY
If you could write me a reference
letter, that would be great. I
really want to get into Harvard.
                                                            
                       GOD
And you're quite the comedian.
      (beat)
Toby, you're intelligence will
lead to your demise.
                                                            
                       TOBY
What do you mean?
                                                            
                       GOD
Toby, I'm going to have to end
your life on earth in a few
minutes. When this does happen,
you will be standing right next to
me, watching.
                                                            

93.

                       TOBY
You're an asshole.
                                                            
                       GOD
When you die, I will deny you
entry into heaven. I can't have
someone as smart as you running
around heaven. Especially after I
gain control.
                                                            
                       TOBY
But you can't. You don't have a
prophet.
                                                            
                       GOD
Toby, I'm resourcful. I can get
someone else. Somebody who will be
more obedient.
                                                            
TOBY sits in silence for a few seconds, the anger building
up inside of him.
                                                            
                       TOBY
I went down there. I went to Over
the Rhine.
                                                            
                       GOD
So I heard.
                                                            
TOBY'S voice is slowly raising.
                                                            
                       TOBY
It's so crowded there, you can
barely walk down a street. And
yet, you're sitting here, getting
everything you want! Remember your
prophets? They put themselves in
uncomfortable situations to help
themselves grow. You've probably
never felt uncomfortable! You're
worrying about taking over heaven.
What about Jesus? What about the
kind and loving God he spoke of?
You're sure as hell not loving or
compassionate. You're an asshole!
      (screaming)
And it makes me sick thinking of
how many people have died for you!
                                                            

94.

TOBY stands up and PETER forcefully pushes him back in his
chair.

TOBY sits in his chair, fuming. GOD just gives him a very
blank look for a few seconds.
                                                            
                       GOD
Very good, Toby.
                                                            
                       TOBY
What? Very good?
                                                            
                       GOD
You're right. I am an asshole.
      (beat)
But I have spent far too many days
planning this out. And I will not
let an arrogant teenager get in
the way of my power.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Oh my God, you're insane.
                                                            
                       GOD
Yes.
      (chuckles)
I am your God.
                                                            
                       TOBY
I can't believe this.
                                                            
GOD stands up.
                                                            
                       GOD
Toby, follow me.
                                                            
GOD exits the room. TOBY gets up in silence. PETER grabs his
arm and whispers in his ear.
                                                            
                       PETER
Don't try anything.
                                                            
PETER and TOBY leave the room.
                                                            
 
INT. WHITE HALLWAY - DAY
                                                            
GOD waits for TOBY and PETER in the hallway. Once they get
out, he starts walking right.

They walk for a minute or two in silence, with PETER holding
an uncomfortable, squirming TOBY.

95.


GOD then reaches a room with no label on the door. The only
thing it has is an ID swiper to the right of the door.

GOD reaches down his robes and pulls out an ID card. He
swipes it through and enters the room.
                                                            
 
INT. CONTROL ROOM - DAY
                                                            
GOD, TOBY, and PETER enter a small room. After GOD turns the
lights on, it reveals a computer against a wall. GOD turns
it on.
                                                            
                       GOD
Toby, this is what I call my
Control Room. I've only had to use
it a handfull of times, but it's
here for emergency situations.
                                                            
GOD sits down in front of the computer and types in 'Toby
Green'.

A profile of TOBY pops up complete with a picture of TOBY.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Where'd you get that picture?
                                                            
                       GOD
That's no matter. What does matter
is this.
                                                            
GOD clicks on 'Options' below TOBY'S PICTURE.

A new screen comes up with a menu of things, including
"Change Info", "Add Info", "Talk To", and "Put to Death",
among others.

GOD clicks on "Put to Death".
                                                            
                       TOBY
No!
                                                            
TOBY jumps towards GOD, but PETER holds him back.

A new screen comes up, saying "Are you sure you want to put
Toby Green to death?"

GOD turns around and faces TOBY, who is being wrestled back
by PETER.
                                                            
                       GOD
Toby, in a few seconds, I am going
to click the 'Yes' button and you
            (MORE)

96.

                       GOD (cont'd)
will evaporate from thin air. This
machine automatically has it set
so that you are denied entry into
heaven.
                                                            
                       TOBY
This is torture.
                                                            
                       GOD
Yes, Toby, it is torture. But I
can't afford to let you live.
                                                            
                       TOBY
      (crying)
Yes, you can! I promise I won't
say a thing! I swear to God!
                                                            
                       GOD
Oh, you're swearing in my name
now.
                                                            
                       TOBY
Please!
                                                            
                       GOD
I'm sorry, Toby.
                                                            
TOBY starts sobbing as GOD turns around towards the
computer.

GOD clicks 'Yes'. Within seconds, TOBY evaporates from
PETER'S ARMS.
                                                            
 
INT. HOPSITAL ROOM - DAY
                                                            
In the HOPSITAL ROOM, TOBY'S BODY has tears running down his
face.

His heart beat stops. COREY and TOBY'S PARENTS both close in
on TOBY'S BODY.

TOBY'S MOM is in histerics.
                                                            
                       TOBY'S MOM
      (sobbing)
No! Don't go, Toby!
                                                            
 
INT. WHITE HALLWAY - DAY
                                                            
In heaven, GOD and PETER exit the CONTROL ROOM. PETER shakes

97.

his head and goes the opposite way of GOD, who is showing no
sign of remorse.

GOD walks down the hallway toward his office.
                                                            


FADE OUT.


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From Jay Williams Date 1/13/2009 **1/2
You've got a lot of story to work with. But what is your "main theme"? And it seems to be pretty heavy with going against traditional belief of Heaven and God. Are you trying to make that seem funny? Because I honestly don't think you funny is something you should aim for in this script is you're going to start and end it on serious notes. And remember, "Writing is Rewriting"!

From Lily Star Date 3/27/2006 1/2
I agree with Alex, somewhat. Your stpry idea is great, but you need to work on dialogue, and it is very rushed. You do need more character development. Who is this boy? all we know is that he does drugs and has friends and goes o a catholic school. That doesn't tell us who he really is. And his friends are white paper people, blank and flat and only there to move the main character on. Like cardboard cutouts. it needs to be more detailed, more character-driven. you have a great idea, but it needs a lot of work. If you don't hate me too much after this, you can email me and I will give you some help in fixing it up.

From Matt Allen Date 3/26/2006 **
The dialogue needs work. But i like the story.

From Alex Date 3/23/2006 1/2
Awful. The entire thing is rushed, there's no character development, you immediately went for topical references, and your dialogue sounds completely unnatural. "More illegal substances than imaginable"? Who, praytell, talks like this?

From Glenn Date 3/15/2006 0 stars
Distasteful and nothing but dribble. If anyone shoudl teach heresy its u.


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