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A Man Called Stupid
by Bob (bobthemob@sbcglobal.net)

Rated: PG   Genre: Comedy   User Review: ***
A short about a man who wonders why everyone is calling him stupid.


This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



FADE IN:

INT. BEDROOM - DAY
                                                            
RANDY, a quite large man in his late forties, lays in his
bed snoring loudly with a bag of chips and a STUFFED LOBSTER
suffed under his arm.
                                                            
THE RADIO ALARM CLOCK COMES ON, BLARING COUNTRY MUSIC
THROUGHOUT THE ROOM.
                                                            
Randy awakes.
                                                            
He turns on his side and SMASHES THE ALARM CLOCK INTO A
MILLION PIECES.
                                                            
                       RANDY
Oh man! That's the fifth one this
week!
                                                            
JOSH, Randy's younger room mate, comes into the room holding
a bowl of cereal, dressed in a bathrob.
                                                            
                       JOSH
That's the second one this month
and sixth this semester old man.
What are you, stupid?
                                                            
                       RANDY
Why would I be stupid? I just hit
it a little to hard every now and
then.
                                                            
Josh takes a seat at the computer.
                                                            
                       RANDY (CONT'D)
I just don't think it's very
respectful of you to be calling me
stupid.
                                                            
Josh turns his head to look at Randy and LAUGHS, SPRAYING
RICE CRISPIES ALL OVER.
                                                            
                       JOSH
Not call you stupid!
                                                            
Josh laughs again.
                                                            
                       JOSH (CONT'D)
You're 48 and you're in college!
                                                            
Randy SIGHS.
                                                            

2.

                       RANDY
We've been over this a few times
now Josh. I am in college now,
because I havn't been able to
afford it. Winning the lottery
opened up a whole new world for
me.
                                                            
                       JOSH
Yeah I know, but if I were you,
I'd buy stuff with that money. You
know? Like, a mansion with a pool
that comes with 38 beautiful
ladies.
      (SIGHS)
Yeah.
                                                            
Randy gets out of bed revealing his thunder thighs sticking
out of his breifs.
                                                            
Josh sheilds his eyes.
                                                            
                       JOSH (CONT'D)
Good God Randy! I thought we
agreed on you wearing some sort of
pajama pants to bed!
                                                            
                       RANDY
Sorry. I got home really late
last night.
                                                            
Randy quickly hikes on some pants.
                                                            
                       JOSH
Is the cost clear?
                                                            
                       RANDY
The coast is toast.
                                                            
Randy uncovers his eyes.
                                                            
                       JOSH
I hate it when you say that.
                                                            
Randy heads for the door, but stops.
                                                            
                       RANDY
Derek has dougnuts today right?
The holy saturday doughnuts?
                                                            
                       JOSH
You bet.
                                                            
 

3.

INT. ANOTHER DORM - DAY
                                                            
DEREK, twenty-something jock, sits at the table with a box
of doughnuts in front of him. He's eating one himself.
                                                            
KNOCKING ON THE DOOR.
                                                            
                       DEREK
Come on in Randy.
                                                            
Randy steps into the room and makes his way over to the
table.
                                                            
                       RANDY
Good morning Derek.
                                                            
Derek nods back.
                                                            
Randy takes several doughnuts from the box. He counts them,
and then hands Derek a few dollars.
                                                            
Randy turns to leave.
                                                            
                       DEREK
You're really stupid, you know
that?
                                                            
                       RANDY
Why?
                                                            
Derek holds up the 5 bucks Randy just handed him.
                                                            
                       DEREK
This box of doughnuts cost me 2
bucks. 12 doughnuts for 2 bucks.
You just gave me 5 bucks for five
doughnuts. Do you feel ripped
off?
                                                            
Randy shrugs.
                                                            
                       DEREK
You could just go get them
yourself and save yourself alot of
money. You do this every
saturday.
                                                            
                       RANDY
I'm giving you good business ain't
I?
                                                            
                       DEREK
Yeah, but why?
                                                            

4.

Randy shrugs again and leaves the room.
                                                            
Derek puts the five bucks in his pocket and shakes his head.
                                                            
                       DEREK
Stupid.
                                                            
 
INT. CORRIDOR - DAY
                                                            
Randy walks down the hall eating his doughnuts, acknowleging
and being acknowleged by people in the halls.
                                                            
Randy keeps walking until he runs into JILL, 18 and very
attractive, dropping his doughnuts on the floor.
                                                            
                       RANDY
Holy gosh! I'm so sorry Jill!
                                                            
Randy crouches down to pick up his doughnuts. Jill
hesitates before helping him.
                                                            
                       JILL
Were'd you get the doughnuts from?
                                                            
                       RANDY
From Derek. He sells them for a
buck each.
                                                            
They collect the doughnuts and stand up.
                                                            
                       JILL
Well, I have to get over to my
girlfriends. It's saturday, gotta
make the Starbucks run.
                                                            
                       RANDY
Oh, well hope you have a good
time.
                                                            
They both turn to go, but Jill stops suddenly and turns
around.
                                                            
                       JILL
Where are headed?
                                                            
Randy turns back around.
                                                            
                       RANDY
My mother's place. It's her 85th
birthday.
                                                            
Jill laughs.
                                                            

5.

                       JILL
You're really stupid, you know
that?
                                                            
Randy drops a doughnut.
                                                            
                       RANDY
What? Why?
                                                            
                       JILL
Becuase you're still hanging
around your mother! You're almost
50!
                                                            
Randy bends down to pick up his doughnut.
                                                            
                       RANDY
It's her birthday Jill! Don't you
visit your mother on her birthday?
                                                            
                       JILL
Nope. She's dead.
                                                            
Jill walks away.
                                                            
 
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
                                                            
Randy sits in an armchair opposite his MOTHER. She looks as
fragile as glass, thin as a twig with silvery grey hair.
                                                            
His mother is gumming a doughnut. Her denchers sit on the
table next to her.
                                                            
                       RANDY
You think you moght want to put
your denchers in? It's kinda
gross watching you gum that
doughnut to death.
                                                            
His mother puts the slimey doughnut down.
                                                            
                       MOTHER
What are you, stupid? The
doughnut's soft enough!
                                                            
                       RANDY
Mom! I just thought it would be
easier to eat that with your
denchers in, that's all!
                                                            

6.

                       MOTHER
Some son you are! I just want to
eat this doughnut with out someone
telling me how to do it!
                                                            
His mother begins drooling out chocolate and sprinkles all
over the front of her pink dress.
                                                            
                       RANDY
Oh Mom! Your drooling all over
your dress!
                                                            
                       MOTHER
Well, maybe I want to!
                                                            
She begins drooling more.
                                                            
                       RANDY
Mom! You just got that dress last
year!
                                                            
                       MOTHER
So what!?
                                                            
His mother gathers up saliva, with ease, and spits on her
dress. She continues to do this the rest of the scene.
                                                            
                       RANDY
      (Shouting)
Mom! Stopo that! Stop! Stop
that this instant!
                                                            
Randy grabs some tissues from the tissue box next to him and
begins to carefully place tissues under his mothers chin.
                                                            
His mother growls and grabs the tissues.
                                                            
                       RANDY
Mom!
                                                            
She spits on the tissues and rubs them over the slimey
doughnut and throws them at Randy.
                                                            
                       RANDY (CONT'D)
That's it! I'm leaving!
                                                            
Randy gets up and leaves the room.
                                                            
                       MOTHER
You go ahead and leave! You're no
son of mine!
                                                            
His mother pauses and looks around the room.
                                                            

7.

                       MOTHER (CONT'D)
Randy! I have to go potty!
                                                            
 
INT. PSYCHOLOGIST'S OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
Randy is laying down on a couch. DR. CHERRY, an old man
with giant glasses, is sitting next to him in a comfy arm
chair.
                                                            
                       RANDY
It's been a really tough day
today.
                                                            
                       DR. CHERRY
And why is that?
                                                            
                       RANDY
Well, it started out when I
crushed my alarm clock again...
                                                            
Dr. Cherry nods in approval and write something down.
                                                            
                       RANDY (CONT'D)
And then I...
      (Pause)
Can I cut to the chase?
                                                            
                       DR. CHERRY
If you would like to, but I think
that would be rather stupid of
you.
                                                            
Randy jumps up.
                                                            
                       RANDY
That's it!
                                                            
                       DR. CHERRY
What's "it"?
                                                            
                       RANDY
Everyone I've interacted with
today has found a way to call me
stupid!
                                                            
                       DR. CHERRY
Everyone?
                                                            
                       RANDY
Everyone!
                                                            
Dr. Cherry write something down again.
                                                            

8.

                       DR. CHERRY
Tell me more.
                                                            
                       RANDY
There isn't really any more. It's
simply that every single person
I've talked to has told me that
I'm stupid.
                                                            
                       DR. CHERRY
Why do you think this is?
                                                            
                       RANDY
I'm not quite sure...
                                                            
                       DR. CHERRY
Do you think it could be about you
still being in school?
                                                            
                       RANDY
I don't think so. I'm pretty sure
everone that I know knows that I
was too poor to go to school
untill I won the lottery.
                                                            
                       DR. CHERRY
Right.
                                                            
                       RANDY
Also, I'm getting good grades in
every single one of my classes. A
stupid person can't get bad
grades, can they?
                                                            
                       DR. CHERRY
I don't think so.
                                                            
Randy sits back down on the couch.
                                                            
                       RANDY
So why Dr. Cherry? Why are they
calling me stupid?
                                                            
Dr. Cherry puts down his notebook.
                                                            
                       DR. CHERRY
I don't know Randy, but I think
that you should go BACK to the
begining.
                                                            
Randy looks over toward Dr. Cherry.
                                                            

9.

                       RANDY
Why'd you just do that?
                                                            
                       DR. CHERRY
Do what?
                                                            
                       RANDY
Emphesise the word "back".
                                                            
                       DR. CHERRY
I did not.
                                                            
Randy sits up on the couch.
                                                            
                       RANDY
Yes you did! I heard you!
                                                            
                       DR. CHERRY
I did nothing of the sort!
                                                            
                       RANDY
Yes you did! Why?
                                                            
Dr. Cherry stands up angrily.
                                                            
                       DR. CHERRY
      (Shouting)
I don't do nothing!
                                                            
THERE IS A SILENCE.
                                                            
                       RANDY
Is there something on my back?
                                                            
                       DR. CHERRY
      (Shouting)
NO!
                                                            
                       RANDY
Are you sure?
                                                            
                       DR. CHERRY
I am absouluyely positive.
                                                            
                       RANDY
For some reason, I think you are
lying.
                                                            
Randy beings reaching for his back.
                                                            
Dr. Cherry quickly does a hand stand.
                                                            

10.

                       DR. CHERRY
Hey! Yoo-hoo! Look what I can
do!
                                                            
                       RANDY
That's quite impressive.
                                                            
Dr. Cherry comes out of his hand stand.
                                                            
                       DR. CHERRY
Ta da!
                                                            
                       RANDY
Why did you do that?
                                                            
                       DR. CHERRY
I don't know.
                                                            
Randy reaches for his back again.
                                                            
                       DR. CHERRY
OH! Look what else I can do!
                                                            
Dr. Cherry does 2 BACK HAND SPRINGS FOLLOWED OFF BY A
BACKFLIP.
                                                            
                       RANDY
Holy gosh!
                                                            
Randy CLAPS.
                                                            
                       DR. CHERRY
You like that?
                                                            
                       RANDY
Yes! That was amazing, but why
did you do that?
                                                            
                       DR. CHERRY
Well, uh...
                                                            
Randy reaches for his back again.
                                                            
                       DR. CHERRY
AHH!! LOOK WHAT ELSE!
                                                            
A STRIP TEASE SONG COMES ON.
                                                            
Dr. Cherry begins dancing suggestivly toward Randy.
                                                            
                       RANDY
What are you doing?
                                                            

11.

Dr. Cherry SHUSHES him and begins removing his jacket.
                                                            
                       RANDY
GOOD GOD!
                                                            
Randy runs from the room.
                                                            
 
INT. HALLWAY - DAY
                                                            
Randy shuts the door to Dr. Cherry's office, the MUSIC CAN
STILL BE HEARD.
                                                            
Randy reaches for his back and pulls off a piece of paper
with tape on it.
                                                            
Randy turns it over to see the messege it holds.
                                                            
It says, "DON'T FORGET!"
                                                            
Randy drops the paper in disbeliefe.
                                                            
The music from the office STOPS and the door to the office
opens slowly and Dr. Cherry comes out of his office with his
shirt off.
                                                            
                       RANDY
What does this mean?
                                                            
                       DR. CHERRY
Are you ready for the truth?
                                                            
                       RANDY
Who did this?
                                                            
                       DR. CHERRY
I did. It was an experiment to
see what would happen if enough
people called a man stupid.
                                                            
                       RANDY
How?
                                                            
                       DR. CHERRY
Last night, I put this piece of
paper on your back. I then told
all of your friends and you're
mother to find ways to call you
stupid some how. To be creative.
                                                            
Randy looks at the piece of paper again.
                                                            

12.

                       RANDY
So this is the reminder?
                                                            
                       DR. CHERRY
Yes.
                                                            
                       RANDY
What were you hoping to
accomplish?
                                                            
                       DR. CHERRY
Well, I wanted to see you go
crazy.
                                                            
                       RANDY
And why me?
                                                            
Dr. Cherry opens his mouth to speak, but stops.
                                                            
                       RANDY
What?
                                                            
                       DR. CHERRY
Because I knew you were the one.
                                                            
Randy gets up to leave.
                                                            
                       DR. CHERRY
Wait!
                                                            
Randy turns.
                                                            
                       DR. CHERRY (CONT'D)
Do you want to see the rest of
that dance?
                                                            
                       RANDY
You are one sick and twisted man.
                                                            
Randy walks down the empty hallway.
                                                            
Dr. Cherry goes back into his offce and the MUSIC STARTS
AGAIN.
                                                            


FADE OUT.


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From Frederick Stevenson Date 7/8/2006 ****
HAHAHAHA! This script is awesome! I can sure picture it as a movie. I think you should expound more on it. I think you could make a full lenth feature out of this. Go a little more into detail with each charecter. Maybe, he falls in love with "JILL", and his mother dies and she haunts him, or something. Everyone would laugh. Who cares what Brian Bara Says, he's just jealose (If that;s how to spell it), that he can't write a killer screenplay like this. Why was the doctor stripping? You could exound on that too.

From Danielle Date 5/11/2006 ***1/2
I agree with J.J., I can't picture it as movie, and I don't understand Dr. Cherry's reasons, but it's hilarious as a script! I really did enjoy it!

From Brian Bara Date 5/9/2006 0 stars
Does no one know how to spell, conjugate or punctuate anymore? "Denchers?" I think the author meant "Dentures." Was there a reason for capitalizing portions of stage direction? This script made little sense and seemed pointless. Why was the psychiatrist doing a striptease? Why is a college student in his late 40's living on campus? What was the point of the Doctor's experiment? I was confused by every character's motive - if, in fact, they had motives at all.

From Jackson Date 5/5/2006 ****
Very funny. Good story format was good. Just a great script.

From J.J Date 5/5/2006 ***
This was pretty good. I laughed at a few parts. I don't know. It just didn't really feel like a movie to me. I can't see it as a short film, but it works as a script.


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