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So I Work @ the Gym (Short)
by Brian-Paco (paco_bond@yahoo.com)

Rated: PG-13   Genre: Mockumentary   User Review: **1/2
This short film screenplay is written for the IFS' One Day Shoot Projects. The basis for "So I Work @ the Gym" comes from the fact that IFS member Jesse Fresco works at a gym. The pitch for this narrative is that a gym worker complains in the style of Clerks meets Office Space about killing time, the bad music, and the patronizing costumers. Within these guidelines, I decided to keep Jesse in mind as my target audience. Therefore, I tried to add some juvenile wit, so enjoy.


This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



SO I WORK @ THE GYM (SHORT)

FADE IN:

EXT. GYM ENTRANCE FROM THE PARKING LOT - DAY
                                                            
[STILL A WORK IN PROGRESS]
                                                            
The front of a strip mall gym is viewed from a low angle.
This could be any of the hundreds, or even thousands, of
workout spots across the country.
                                                            
                       GYM WORKER (VO)
I work at the mall gym. Yeah, I
know glorious, right? Well, it
gets even better.
                                                            
 
INT. CU TILE FLOOR - DAY
                                                            
A mop wipes across the floor. Eventually, the view TRUCKS
BACK to reveal a GYM WORKER holding the mop handle. He dunks
the mop into a bucket, and then continues the dialogue
directly to the CAMERA.
                                                            
                       GYM WORKER
My job at the gym is to clean it.
                                                            
LAUNDRY ROOM
                                                            
Gym Worker is tossing a stack of towels into a basket. While
picking up the laundry, he does not miss a beat in his
monologue.
                                                            
                       GYM WORKER
It's a job alright. Bottom rung,
which means there isn't much of a
lifestyle.
                                                            
MONTAGE OF THINGS HIS LIFESTYLE DOES NOT INCLUDE
                                                            
This montage can be series of still photographs, filmed
sequences, stock footage, or a mixture thereof.
                                                            
                       GYM WORKER
No bling.
                                                            
A big gold necklace is raised by hands with gold rings on
more than two fingers.
                                                            

2.

                       GYM WORKER
No Fast Cars.
                                                            
A "pimp-ed" out car is taking a corner.
                                                            
                       GYM WORKER
And definitely no hot babes.
                                                            
A set of attractive babes is walking on a beach in their
swimming suits.
                                                            
TILE FLOOR
                                                            
Gym Worker is once again scrubbing the floor.
                                                            
                       GYM WORKER
Just a lot of scrubbing...
                                                            
He squats down as there are a couple of items on the ground.
Gym Worker holds them up with a disgusted grimace. In his
right hand, he holds a hair ball and his left pinches at a
pair of used elastic shorts.
                                                            
                       GYM WORKER
...scrubbing, hair and sweaty
people.
                                                            
BIG GUY WORKOUT
                                                            
A perspiring middle aged and overweight FAT MAN has exerted
too much energy as beads of water drip down from his
forehead. The FAT MAN stops the exercise and walks away
leaving a pool of sweat where he was resting.
                                                            
                       GYM WORKER
Sweaty People. You might think
this is the worst part.
                                                            
WORKER LEANING ON MOP HANDLE
                                                            
Gym Worker is relaxed with the mop supporting his weight. He
seamlessly continues his monologue.
                                                            
                       GYM WORKER
But, after awhile, you can learn
to deal with this stuff. It's part
of the job. I figured it is what I
get paid for anyway...
                                                            
An announcement over the LOUD SPEAKER interrupts Gym Worker.
Gym Worker looks OFF-SCREEN at the loud speaker.
                                                            

3.

                       LOUD SPEAKER (OS)
      (robotic)
Cleaning Staff please report to
the Men's locker room for
assistance. You are badly needed
in the locker room...
      (greatly decreases
       in volume as Gym
       Worker looks away)
...Fresh towels are needed in the
main workout station. Fresh towels
to the main workout station. That
is all.
                                                            
With a slight shuttering at the first command, Gym Worker
turns away from the interruption, and resumes his
conversation over the other concerns of the loud speaker.
                                                            
                       GYM WORKER
      (leaning back onto
       mop handle)
As I was saying, the pleasant side
of what my meager paycheck is for.
      (rolls eyes and
       gestures toward
       the loud speaker)
The little meaning to my gym
existence. Aah. But some things,
the worst parts of the job are
entirely on a different level of
torture.
                                                            
AT A CHAIR AGAINST A WALL OF BACKROOM
                                                            
Gym Worker is bored. He taps his wristwatch before looking
up to speak.
                                                            
                       GYM WORKER
Sometimes, there are hours between
the "sweat mopping," and yet I
have to stay right here, waiting.
Waiting with joy...
      (gives a fake
       smile)
...to clean up some disgusting
by-product of a lackluster three
minute: 'I just want to get into
shape for vacation next month, but
will not continue much more after
this single painfully sweaty
experience of a workout, where I
leave about twenty gallons of
human excretions in a pool for
            (MORE)

4.

                       GYM WORKER (cont'd)
someone else (i.e. me) to clean
up!'
                                                            
Gym Worker calms back down after the rage peaks in his
voice. He crouches in the chair and taps the side of his
face gently.
                                                            
                       GYM WORKER
      (rationalizing his
       pain)
The cleaning is enough, but I
normally can handle that...
      (sits up with his
       clearer vision)
...it's just the waiting, the
sitting here that gets me. Like I
am anticipating the lottery
drawing any minute. Only to find
that my luck numbers hit the
jackpot. However, this week's
prize has suddenly been exchanged,
and I win the reminders of some
anonymous fat man's overactive
sweat glands. Yeah, me.
                                                            
WORKER MOPPING TILE LOBBY
                                                            
Gym Worker is mopping some more tile floor of the gym.
                                                            
                       GYM WORKER
It is not always bad. Sometimes,
you get a peaceful break, like
after you clean out the men's
locker room. You know, the one
commonly dirty area that your
co-worker's left for you all week
long. Clean it and then you can
finally lean back for a moments of
well earned rest.
                                                            
Gym Worker releases a tired grunt, stretches and leans back
against a wall. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a burst of loud,
BAD MUSIC is heard. The MUSIC of some pump-up-the-beats
variety startles Gym Worker.
                                                            
                       GYM WORKER
Of course, then you are
reintroduced to the blaring music
of the gym.
                                                            
To the side of the Gym Worker, a couple of 'stretchy pants'
people are bobbing along to the beat of the music.
                                                            

5.

ENTRANCE WAY
                                                            
A costumer with a workout bag slowly enters the lobby
                                                            
                       GYM WORKER
Right about the time, you have had
'a'-[e]nough. In comes, the
wonderful appreciation of the
costumers.
                                                            
Gym Worker is standing still holding the mop handle in two
hands, while the mop rest in the bucket at his feet.
                                                            
                       GYM WORKER
You know, the comments from the
regular workout guys, who spend
way too much time at the gym. The
ones that have all the employee's
names down, even yours...
      (puzzled look)
Which is strange because you never
wear a name tag or say anything
beyond the required, canned
greeting. Yet, they all seem to
think they know you,
                                                            
A SLOW MOTION MS of costumer follows along as he smiles at
and passes Gym Worker.
                                                            
                       GYM WORKER
as they give you a Ted Baxter
smile with their exaggerated
compliments that violate your
ears.
                                                            
The costumer's voice is MUTED as he mouths the compliments.
                                                            
                       GYM WORKER (MIMICING)
This place couldn't run without
you, buddy. You keep us steady.
      (AS SELF)
OR
                                                            
The costumer's position is reset, so he can make another
compliment at the same passing point.
                                                            
                       GYM WORKER (MIMICING)
You're doing good work, fellow.
Swab them decks, and make our gym
shine.
      (AS SELF)
OR
                                                            

6.

Again, the costumer is reset.
                                                            
                       GYM WORKER (MIMICING)
You the man.
                                                            
The costumer winks with this final compliment. Gym Worker
stands clenching the mop handle with a fierce tension in his
body.
                                                            
FOCUS MOP BUCKET
                                                            
Gym Worker's face is right beside the mop bucket as he
speaks.
                                                            
                       GYM WORKER
Most of time, as the man in charge
of cleaning the gym, that over
titled and glorious position of
gym janitor, you have to simply
smile and nod.
      (smiles and nods
       like on the verge
       of a mental
       meltdown)
Smile and nod back at these
fools...
                                                            
People walk by the mop bucket.
                                                            
                       GYM WORKER
...but one of these days...
                                                            
A loud SNAPPING sound is heard.
                                                            
                       GYM WORKER
...I'm going to snap!
                                                            
Gym Worker comes storming up with GUN directly out of the
liquid of his mop bucket. In a single action, he directs
them upward pulling the trigger and laughing manically. The
underlying music of the gym is distorted, and a stream of
panicked screams from OFF SCREEN becomes muffled by the
raging laughter of the Gym Worker.
                                                            
As fast as the scene erupted, another SNAPPING sound is
heard. The worker brings down his raised arms, and in his
hands are only holding SQUIRT BOTTLES of cleaning solution.
In his embarrassment, Gym Worker puts the bottles down
behind the mop bucket. Avoiding any eye contact, he leaves
the area.
                                                            

7.

GYM WORKER STANDS IN BACKROOM
                                                            
Gym Worker is calmly explaining his inability to act, while
standing in front of his "waiting chair."
                                                            
                       GYM WORKER
But, I can't do that. Besides, the
immense legal trouble and the
difficulty in obtaining vast
amounts of illegal firearms, I
need the money from this job.
                                                            
Gym Worker walks away from the chair and is facing the wall
with his back to the CAMERA. The mop buck is centered at his
feet, in between his body and the wall.
                                                            
                       GYM WORKER (VO)
I guess sometimes you have to
settle for the little things in
life.
                                                            
He adjust his pants and gets into a pee stance. The SOUNDS
of liquid dropping into the bucket are heard.
                                                            
FADE OUT:
                                                            


THE END


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From Travis Snell Date 7/20/2006 ***
awesome! I didn't quite get what it was all about until the end. But i'm glad I waited until then. rock on!

From Steve Date 7/20/2006 **
A mildly amusing quickie that ultimately comes up short. Why should we care about this character? I'm not sure. Needs a little work, and some meat on its bones. The last little bit where he pees in the bucket was a good way to top it off, though.


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