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Bachelor Pad
by Paul S. Anderson (funkypa@yahoo.com)

Rated: R   Genre: Comedy   User Review: ****
Sex comedy. Main character talks from time to time in dramatic monologues in description of how he gets sexual conquests. Story shifts to a romantic comedy, but is more of a questioning on whether someone can look past your past or not.

This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.


The production and directing credits roll across the black
screen. Moaning sounds can be heard. Cut to bedroom and in a
wide shot show a guy and a girl having sex. Close-up on the
male's face. Lead character Shawn. Cut back to black screen
and have the actor credits come on the screen.
Cut to the two lying next to each other. Then Shawn gets up
out of bed as girl is sleeping.
                       SHAWN (talk to camera)
Oh hi, didn't realize that I had
company or I'd be a little less
naked. Who's the girl? I wouldn't
worry about Lindsey here, she's
pretty tired out. My name is
Shawn in case you were wondering.
Shawn gets up to leave the bedroom area of his aprtment.
                       SHAWN (talk to camera)
Well, since you are here, I guess
I should give you the grand tour
of my wonderful bachelor pad.
Shawn points out the living room area.
                       SHAWN (talk to camera)
Here's the living room. The most
important part of the bachelor
pad. This is the first thing that
the girls see when they get in
here. So it's important for it to
be neat, but not too neat. A
little magazine clutter, or a beer
bottle on the coffee table means
you are a real guy. If you are
too neat, you may give off the
wrong impression, either anal or
Moves to entertainment center in back corner of apartment.
                       SHAWN (talk to camera)
Now, here on my entertainment
center is where I take some of my
biggest ribs from the boys. They
laugh cause I have chick flicks in


                       SHAWN (cont'd)
my collection and don't try to
hide them, but that's one way to
get a girl to your place. But
make sure you have an equal amout
of guy things lying around, action
movies, wrestling, football,
whatever suits you, but you must
keep things in balance. The last
thing you want is for a girl to
see chick flicks and chick flicks
only. Let me save you the
suspense if you do that, there
will be no ass in your future.
You'll be called the sweet,
sensitive guy and we know where
that leads. A first class ticket
to Friendville. Granted,
Friendville is a nice place to
visit, but you do not want to make
it a permanent detination.
Pauses speech to look at the cnadles on the entertainment
                       SHAWN (talk to camera)
The scented candles. I get the
most shit for these things, but
it's worth it. Girls love a place
that smells nice. They feel
comfortable. They don't feel
comfortable in a place that smells
like pizza and stale beer. If you
get them comfortable, you get them
loosened up, which is the whole
purpose of the dating scene. So
remember, no matter what your
friends say to you keep the
candles. They are the key to your
getting laid plans. Take no shame
in being called a fag by your
friends, because you know what,
while they are calling you a fag,
you will be fucking some chick
that they cant get.
Moves toward the kitchen.
      (talk to camera)
Now we come to the kitchen.
Kitchen is simple, just keep the
fucker clean. Nothing says no ass


                       SHAWN (cont'd)
for you than a dirty kitchen.
Back into bedroom. Lindsey's still sleeping.
      (whispering to
Be very, very quiet we have
sleeping girl. Here is the
bedroom, the ultimate goal for all
you bachelors. This is where we
seal the deal. We should start
with the bed. The bed is key.
Depending on your apartment size
the size of your bed will vary. I
personally don't recommend
anything smaller than a queen size
bed, but if you don't have the
space a standard will do. If you
have a twin size bed, either get
rid of it or get the fuck outta my
room. Anyway, remember to have
clean sheets before going out. You
can live without the bed being
made, that won't even be noticed
by a girl once you get them to the
bedroom, but do not have dirty,
smelly, ass sheets. No matter
what, make sure you have clean
sheets, it is very, very,
important. I would go so far as to
say it is critical to your
Move camera in close to Shawn.
                       SHAWN (talk to camera)
Have some sort of night table near
your bed. Put whatever best suits
you on it, but have a hidden space
somewhere to store your rubbers.
Don't have them out in the open,
just looks tacky. It's good to be
prepared to have sex with the
girl, it's another thing to have
it look like it was a foregone
conclusion. Turn off to girls and
could hurt you in the tapping some
ass department. For the rest of
the bedroom, again have it neat,
but not too neat. It's kinda ok


                       SHAWN (cont'd)
to have a shirt or pants lying on
the floor, makes it look like you
were busy or something. It's a
whole other thing to have a weeks
worth of clothes lying on the
floor. And guys, do your fucking
laundry at least once a week. Your
old clothes do smell.
Shawn moves toward the bathroom.
                       SHAWN (talk to camera)
Last but not least, we have the
shitter. Very important room to
your pad. Number one keep the
shitter clean. Yes, we all know
how much fun it is to clean the
shitter, but a shiny bowl is a
friendly bowl, and a friendly bowl
makes the girls comfortable.
Number two, clean the fucking
sink! Nothing is worse than seeing
guys shving remains lying on the
sink. Big no no. It's real easy
guys, what you do is grab a small
handful of tp, and use it to wipe
up your remains. Then all you
have to do is drop the tp in the
shitter and flush. Voila, you have
a clean sink. Step three, make
sure the shower is clean. You may
like to shower in your own filth,
but I'm sure she doesn't want to.
The shitter is the one room of
your pad that you should be anal
about. Oh and lastly, once more
with feeling,say it loud and proud
with me, scented candle! You may
not think your shit stinks, but
trust me it does. She doesn't want
to smell your ass, so light one up
to help counter your foul smell.
Goes back into the bedroom to see Lindsey starting to wake.
                       SHAWN (talk to camera)
Well, gotta go, looks like I have
some business to finish.
Hey, where you been hiding?


Nowhere. You want another round?
If you can handle it, sexy boy.
Oh I know I can handle it baby.
Let's see if you can handle it.
Shawn drops his pants and gets back into the bed with
Lindsey and procedes to have sex again. Fade out of scene
with sounds of Lindsey moaning. Cut to more credits.
Back in Shawn's apartment, it is the following night. Shawn
is getting ready to go out tonight. He is in his bathroom
wearing only a towel as he just got out of the shower. He
speaks to the camera.
      (to camera)
Well, hello again. I see that you
are back for more. You picked a
hell of a time for a visit! You
could've at least let me get
dressed first. Since, you are here
I guess I'll give you some more

Tonight's lesson is fitting. I'll
teach you how to go out. Step
number one, make sure you showere
before you go out and I'm not
talking about the old Axe shower.
Spraying your self down with some
body spray is not good enough.
Take the fifteen minutes to clean
your ass, it'll pay off, trust me.

Step number two make sure you
shave, no 5 o'clock shadow
allowed, unless you already have
some sort of facial hair. If you
are stuck in the nineties and
still wearing the good old goatee,
I would advise you to shave it,
but if you love it as much as your


                       SHAWN (cont'd)
favorite Pearl Jam CD, then here's
some simple tips for you. First,
don't trim it too much, the
shorter it is the rougher it is.
The second thing you can do is
when you are taking a shower wash
your 'tee with shampoo and
conditioner. I know, I know this
sounds too metro for someone who
is sporting the 'tee, but it will
make the facial fur a lot softer
and girls like that. They don't
want to make out with sandpaper.
      (exits bathroom
       and enters
Now as we exit the bathroom, it's
time to get dressed. I'm offering
no tips on undies, you can wear
whatever you want, just make sure
they are not skidmarked and
stained. Could you please give me
a second to put on mine. Now, the
shitty part, I know we all like to
have a sense of individuality with
clothes. However, this does not
work in the club scene. You do not
want to be too flashy, because it
could come across the wrong way,
meaning gay. Not hating, that's
just not an image that you want to
put in a girl's head. A girl
looking for a fling isn't exactly
looking to fall in love with your
amazing personality, it's
basically a casting call and she's
looking for someone to fill the
role. So, go with the tried and
true and either wear a polo shirt
or a nice button down that goes
with your jeans or khakis.
Remember if you are wearing a
belt, then tuck your shirt in. If
you present yourself as smooth and
sophisticated, it's a lot easier
to act that way. Presentation is
everything, because who are we
shitting it really is better to
look good than to feel good.

Another thing, if you are going to
wear cologne make sure it's good
stuff. If the box has a cowboy hat


                       SHAWN (cont'd)
on it and is cheaper than the hat,
then it's shitty. Spend the extra
bucks on a designer brand it works
and it lasts longer because you
don't have to use that much of it.
Just a quick spray on each side of
you neck is all you need. She
should be able to smell it on you
when you are close to each other,
not smell you on the other side of
the bar. And for the love of God,
do not spray your package!! If you
do get action and she's actually
willing to make a southward
journey that ticket will be
cancelled if she gets a taste of
your cologne. It may smell nice,
but it doesn't taste good.

Last lesson, socks and shoes. If
you are wearing jeans, then you
can wear white socks with either
shoes or sneakers, but if you are
going to wear sneakers make sure
they are clean, a scuff or two is
unnoticable, but don't have last
weeks caked on mud still on your
shoes and expect to get anywhere.
Girls notice shoes. They fuckin'
love shoes! Don't be so naive to
think for one second that they
aren't noticing yours. While you
are staring at her boobs trying to
think of something clever to say,
she's checking out your shoes.
Dirty shoes says you are lazy and
lazy in a girl's head can also
mean lazy in bed. Strike three you
are out, no matter how clever you
are. And if you are going to wear
khaki's, then make sure you wear
either brown or black shoes and
the appropriate color socks.

That's your end of the lesson, now
I'm ready to go out.
                                         END SCENE


Shawn heads over to Jeremy and Steve's place. Shawn is
dressed in a long sleeve polo shirt and khaki's with black
shoes. Pushes on the exterior buzzer.
                       JEREMY (OS Voice through speaker)
Who is it?
It's the number one pimp daddy!
Let me the fuck in!
Get your ass in here!
Clicking sound is heard by Shawn and Shawn opens the front
door. Starts walking up steps to get to Jeremy and Steve's
                       SHAWN (to camera)
Well, here I go, another night out
with the boys. Jeremy is cool to
hang with because he has some
game, but poor Steve just bottles
up when talking to a girl. It's
sad. Boy needs to get laid more,
so he'll be happy.
Shawn walks up to their door and knocks.
                       JEREMY (OS)
It's open fucker!
Shawn opens the door and goes inside.
What's up fuckers?
Not much, just getting ready.
Just getting ready to have some
chicks sitting on my face! I feel
the intense desire to fuck
Like tonight would be any
different than any other night.


      (point to Jeremy)
Yeah, all he ever thinks about is
pussy. It's quite disturbing.
Only thing worth thinking about,
roomie, is pussy. You should try
some some night.
      (puts arm around
       Steve's shoulders)
Yeah, maybe if you got laid some
time, you wouldn't be doggin' us
about all the ass we get.
       shrugging Shawn's
       arm off)
Fuck you both. I'll get my ass
when I want it.
Can you get it soon, please?
Yeah, like tonight. I'll help you
out, man. Be my wing tonight and I
guarentee that you get some ass.
That's fine for you guys. But I
don't want some ass, I want the
right ass.
That's noble, naive, but noble.
Let me let you in on a little
secret some ass is the right ass,
ok. There isn't a magic vagina out
there that's going to have
fireworks and music playing from
Really, I thought that happened
for you every night.


Can't say that I've had that
happen, but if that ever did I
think I would either run away
scared or marry that girl.
      (arm around Steve)
Also, just to let you know some
vaginas will squrit right back at
Dude, you had to go there didn't
you. Boy ain't ready for that just
yet. He needs to get his dick wet,
but that's a whole new playing
But it's a nice playing field.
It's like scoring the game winning
touchdown and being congradulated
by hundreds of naked cheerleaders.
There's an image, I like to think
of it like synchronized swimming!
Oh no you didn't go there, you
sick bastard.
You both are sick bastards!! I
can't believe women flock to you
guys. If those girls heard you
talk like this, you would never
get any.
That's why there is guy talk and
girl talk. There are just some
things that should only be talked
about in the company of men and
should never be spoken of in the
company of women. That's the most


                       SHAWN (cont'd)
important thing that you can
learn, it's a foreign concept to
most men, but it's a little thing
called girlspeak.
Yes, girlspeak. It's a whole
different language, like maletalk.
Jeremy walks into the kitchen.
Maletalk? Are you just talking out
of your ass and making up some
crazy shit as you go?
Not making shit up, my friend, and
not talking out of my ass. Just
listen because if you get anything
out of this it will help you so
much with your inability to talk
to girls.
Jeremy comes back into living room with 3 beers.
Here ya go, we'll be needing these
because this is very valuable.
Forget all the shit you learned in
college my friend, this is going
to be the most important lesson
that you will ever get. For fuck's
sake you're getting it for free!
Shawn could write books on this
shit and make millions.
      (to Jeremy)
Thanks for the vote of confidence.
      (to Steve)
Alright, here's the deal. Women
have their own language. It sounds
a lot like English and it is
rooted in English, but they use
language in a different way. Women
want to talk. They really don't
want to hear us ramble on about
something that they could care
less about, like the football game


                       SHAWN (cont'd)
the night before. See the key to
being good in the game is to use
questions. When you are talking
with a girl and the situation is
right keep your speaking down and
end what you say with a question.
Before you know it, you'll have
them going on and on about their
favorite clothes, movies, hell,
you may even find out about their
childhood pet.
Sounds like a lot of work.
Not really. This is is why you
have two halves of your brain
doing different things. You just
have to listen for the important
key topics that flow out of their
mouths, so you know what they are
talking about, then let your other
half of your brain run through the
football game in your head or
imagine how she's going to look
naked. Or you can do like Jeremy
do and play the game.
Play the game?
Jeremy would you care to take this
No problemo. Steve, me and Shawn
sometimes play a little game with
each other when we are talking to
girls at the bar. The game is
simply that we imagine the girl
that we are trying to get with
naked and try to guess what her
styling is.


You know styling. Bald, diamond,
'70's afro bush, or my personal
favorite, the landing strip.
Steve gets up from his chair visablly disturbed.
You guys are sicker than I
Shawn gets up and puts his hand on Steve's left shoulder.
Easy, this is a bit much I know,
but this helps show an example of
maletalk. These are things we can
talk about while it's just us
guys. We would never say this shit
with girls around. Trust me on
this women do the same fucking
thing. They talk to their female
friends all about the guy they
boned the night before. They don't
shy away from anything, they talk
about dick size, male stylings,
stamina, any flaws that you may
have,unless you satisfy them
better than anyone else ever has.
Then they don't care about any of
that, if you gave them orgasms
that they'll never forget, then
that's all they will talk about
and that is how you get a
reputation and the women do all
the work for you. Seriously, you
could have a 2 inch dick, be
wearing a sweater even though you
are naked, be fat and sloppy, and
they will look past all that shit
if you satisfyied them like no one
else ever has! Can I get an AMEN!!
AMEN, my brother, AMEN!! And I'll
even through in a hallejulah!
Thank you, my brother. But that's
the key, find ways to make them
talk. The less you have to say as
you are trying to pick up a girl
the better shape that you are in.
Let them do the work for you, then


                       SHAWN (cont'd)
when you do bed them don't be a
fucking douchebag and just go out
for yourself. Make sure you give
them the best night of their life.
Believe me, for the most part they
won't try to cling to you, they
know the rules of the game. They
know if they bed you on the first
night that there isn't going to be
anything more than that, but they
will always remember and you will
be the standard that they judge
all their lovers on.
      (pause for a drink
       of beer)
I know that it is a huge burden
and not every guy is cut out for
this, but I have faith in you
Steve. I know that you can do
this. You are a good natured
person, so therefore I know that
you will always be willing to
satisfy the girl you are with and
that's the most important part of
all of this. It isn't about us, we
are doing this for all the women
out there who just need one
magical night so they can believe
that men are good.
That may be the biggest bunch of
bullshit that I ever heard. damn,
now I really know why you are so
lucky with women, you know what to
say at the right moment.
That he does. That's his gift.
Or you can really prove your pimp
status and that's if you do take a
girl out, you take her to place
she would never dream of,
Yeah, I own you there since I did
once score after taking a girl to
a strip club.


That's right daddio, the J-man
took a girl to the strip club and
then took her sweet, sexy ass
home. That's game. She was
absolutely impressed with my
ability to stay focused on her,
even though there were all these
naked women around. Score one for
Jeremy on that, motherfuckers.
He's come so far under my
tutelage, now I have to do the
same for you Stevie boy.
You know I hate it when you call
me Stevie. Just this last thing
before we go, I just have to know
if you guys get tired of spending
your time looking for a strange
girl every time we go out.
Jeremy starts to laugh, but Shawn looks out the window at
this comment, not wanting to show emotion.
Fuck no! The challenge is where
it's at. Like Shawn said, this is
mission that few men can take. We
aren't just going for notches in
our belts; we are doing this to
save women from asshole guys who
just want to bang them and leave
them, not caring about the women
in the scenario. Just stick with
Shawn, he's the fucking A#1 jedi
master at this. He won't fail you!
Alright, enough already I'll give
it a fucking shot.
Alright, now can we get the fuck
out of here and get a fine piece
of ass on top of Steve tonight.


Yeah, let me lock up and we are
outta here.
Jeremy locks the door behind them and they head out.
                                         END SCENE
Jeremy, Shawn, and Steve walk into the Edge, their favorite
club to go and try and find women to hook up with. The Edge
has two different bars in the club; there is a main bar
which is in the center of the club, and a second bar that is
much smaller that is in the back corner. The main bar is in
the center of the dance floor and is circle shaped to make
service easier. There are bar tables set up on the outskirts
of the dance floor, for people to rest or to talk to

Shawn, Jeremy, and Steve grab an open table.
We got to do something different
We can start by you not being an
That ain't happening.
      (flips them the
       middle finger)
This one's for you.
      (same middle
       finger turned
       perpandicular in
       a screwing motion)
This one's for the horse you rode
in on.
That's a good one, jackass.


How long did it take you to come
up with that one?
Fuck y'all. (beat) Now what are we
going to do to have fun, besides
picking up some trim.
I got it. Let's play a game. The
first one of us to get slapped by
a girl gets free drinks all night
from the other two.
Fuck yeah!! I'm all over that. You
guys get ready to spend your
money, cuz there ain't no way I'm
losing that game.
I got to agree with the
neandarthal on that one, there's
no way he's going to lose that
Good sirs, this one is all mine.
As Jeremy finishes saying that a group of three girls walk
by them.
                       SHAWN (to girls)
      (making a come
       here sign with
       his finger)
Here pussy, pussy! Come here
pussy, pussy!
The three girls look at him and sure enough one of the three
girls hauls off and slaps him in the mouth.
                       GIRL #1
Fucking asshole!!
Thank you.


The girls walk off and leave shaking their heads.
You fucking dick! I can't believe
that you beat me in a game that
was designed for me to win.
Aww, don't cry about it, it's not
like I pissed in your cereal.
I can't believe that you did that!
You guys need to stop being so
shocked and need to start buying
me some drinks.
Whatever fuckface. What you want?
I'll start with a Long Island.
Making me buy expensive shit, you
are a fuckface!
Quit your crying, you would be
doing the same thing.
Yeah. Steve get the man a Long
Fuck you, I don't see a sign on my
head that says beer wench.
Look I don't care who buys it, but
somebody better get me my fucking
Long Island, like right fucking
All right, I'll get the first one,
but you are getting the next one


That's fine.
Yeah, run along now beer wench.
      (in a girl's voice)
Yes, good sir, I'll be right back
with that.
While you are there get me a beer.
You can stick that beer straight
up your ass!
At least that would be some action
for you.
You all are so fucking funny.
Yes, we are.
What are you still doing here, get
me my fucking drink!
Alright, alright. I'm going.
Jeremy walks away to the bar area to go get some drinks.
How's your jaw?
Little sore, that bitch got me
good. But it'll be worth it to get
free drinks and to one up Jeremy
on being the more obnoxious.
That's going to bug him for a


Yeah, his little brain is going to
be working overtime to come up
with new ways to get me. I hope
his head doesn't explode.
Jemery comes back with a mixed drink and two beers. Shawn
hands him a dollar.
Here you go, you good little beer
      (taking dollar)
Why don't you wipe your ass with
Jeremy hands Steve his beer and gives Shawn his drink and
the dollar back.
What my tip ain't good enough for
Keep it up. I'm going to lose it
pretty soon.
Oh no, we're all scared!
Enough of this shit, there's some
nice looking girls down by the
Did you stare at them already and
fuck it all up?
No, I didn't stare at them
although it was pretty hard not
Glad to see that you are learning
some subtlety in your game.
Now, if he could only learn that
in other parts of his life.


Fuck you, the other parts of my
life don't matter. Plus, I love
watching you get all pissy when I
do something crazy.
Let's go check out the tail that
you spotted.
The three head towards the bar area to see the girls that
Jeremy had spotted when he was trying to find drinks. When
they get to the bar area, Jeremy nods his head to the right
and Shawn sees 3 girls that are standing by each other, two
blondes and a red head.
Good eye. Alright, I think Steve
you should go for the red head,
because you could use that kind of
What's that mean?
Red heads have a tendency to be
very passionate and you my friend
are in dire need of some passion.
Exactamundo! (beat) Now, Jeremy
and I don't need the passion as
much as you do, so we'll take the
This will be interesting. Six
person action. Steve, just try not
to say too much and follow Shawn's
Ok. I'll just stand here and not
say too much.
Don't listen to him, you are going
to have to talk, because this
going to have to be a divide and
conquer situation.


You sure you want to do the divide
and conquer with a rookie in the
We don't really have very many
options here, now do we? The kid
gloves have to come off at some
Ok, this is your call.
Guys, I'll be alright. If we
seperate and I screw up, then it's
only me that doesn't score. You
guys go off on your own and get
your ass, don't be concerned about
That's the spirit, buddy. Just be
cool for the first couple minutes
til we get the split ups. OK.
Got it.
As Steve finishes that, the three head over towards the
three girls by the bar. They stop about five feet away from
them. Shawn is the one facing the girls, while Steve and
Jeremy have their backs to the girls and the three pretend
to be talking as Shawn tries to get a vibe from the girls.
Any sign yet?
Pull out he rectal floss, it's a
little too tight. It takes a
minute or two even for the best.
      (to Jeremy)
How do you do it, considering how
anxious and over the top you can
Because I actually chill the fuck
out when I'm talking to the girls.
I know enough not to rush a girl.


                       JEREMY (cont'd)
We may make the initial move but
the ball is totally in their
Yes it is.
Camera change angle off the guys and towards the girls. POV
would be Shawn's eyes as if he's looking at the girls. Then
we see the one blonde look at Shawn and smile. Camera cuts
back onto the guys.
Contact. It's on.
You ready?
As I'll ever be.
Shawn leads the way over to the three girls. The one blonde
that was smiled at Shawn smiles again. Her name is KRISTIN.
Hello. How are you tonight?
I'm good. How are you?
I'm doing a whole lot better now.
My name is Shawn and these are my
      (points to)
      (points to)
Hi guys, My name is Kristin and
these are my friends...
      (points to)
      (points to)
It's nice to meet you ladies.


It's nice to meet you guys.
You girls look really beautiful
Close up on Shawn rolling his eyes.
That's nice of you to say.
That's Steve, he's a master of the
Oh, now that's not a nice thing to
say about your friend.
I never said I was nice.
      (to Jeremy)
What about you are you not a nice
I'm whatever I need to be in a
given situation. Sometimes I'm
nice, sometimes I'm a prick. But I
do what I gotta do.
That's a good way to be.
So are you girls still in school?
Yep. We are still lowly colege
There's nothing wrong with that.
You'll be done one day and then
you get to make some money.


That is the plan.
Good plan to have. Just make sure
you enjoy these days of freedom.
Oh, we plan on having our fun.
These are the moments in life to
have fun before we start working
real jobs and getting married and
all that other bullshit.
Yeah the real world can suck. Too
much responsibilities, not enough
Isn't there supposed to be more to
life than fun?
Yeah, but you have to have your
fun mixed in or you'll end up
hating life.
That is true.
I guess you gotta keep everything
in balance.
      (to Angie)
Speaking of having fun, you want
to go dance?
Jemery holds his hand out to Angie. Angie puts her drink
down on the bar and takes Jeremy's hand and they head off to
the dance floor.
Your friend doesn't waste much
time does he?


He's harmless, he just likes to
have a good time when he goes out.
He works hard. He didn't have the
chance to go to college, but he
does quite well working
At least, he's making something of
his life.
Yeah, I kind of envy him, he got
right into life, he doesn't have
to worry about paying back student
loans and shit, he can just start
his life.
I say fuck those loans!
Can't totally fuck them, or Uncle
Sam will fuck you even harder.
Oh yeah. Can't fuck with Sam when
he has his hands out looking for
Guess you're right about that.
      (to Kristin)
You want to go grab a table and
have a drink and talk so we can
get to know each other a little
Hey Steve, keep Heather company,
while Kristin and I get to know
each other a little bit.
It'll be my pleasure to keep this
beautiful young woman company.


Isn't he sweet?
Yeah he is. Cute too.
Shawn and Kristin start to head over to a table. The camera
follows them.
So, I see you are a take charge
kinda guy.
I do what I need to do to take
control of a situation.
In this situation, it was
seperating us, wasn't it?
Well, (beat) it just made sense,
because I wanted to get to know
you and I wouldn't have been able
to really focus on you having a
big group discussion.
I see. You are just a big, sweet
guy after all.
I've been called worse.
I'm sure.
I really just kind of
misunderstood. I'm a normal guy, I
just seem to be very likable to
Well, you are kind of charming.
Camera cuts away from table and the new angle is from
Shawn's POV. First look is towards Jeremy and Angie dancing,
then the movement is to Steve and Heather at the bar. Shawn


is trying to keep an eye on Steve, while appearing to be
focused on Kristin.
You said that you weren't a
student anymore, so what do you do
for a living?
I'm an editor for SportsWorld
Wow! That's sounds like a nice
It pays the bills. What are you
I'm getting my degree in hotel and
restaurant management.
That's cool. Do you like your
Yeah. I can't wait to get done and
get some real world experience
under my belt though.
That's important. Unfortunately,
you need that real world
experience. What's your dream job?
I'd love to be able to run a
five-star hotel, that would be
awesome, but that's a lot of work
and paying dues to get to that
point. I'd really love to run and
own a little bed and breakfast out
in the country. That would be
perfect, but probably not the most
It's cool that you have a dream,
though. I think it's also really
smart of you to have that
practical goal. Unfortunately,


                       SHAWN (cont'd)
unlike Hollywood endings, dreams
don't necessarily come true.
That's so true. (pause) I really
like talking to you. We really
should go someplace quieter.
I'd like that. We should tell our
friends that we are leaving.
Yeah, I'll go tell Heather and you
can tell Steve and then we can
Shawn and Kristin head over to the bar where Steve and
Heather are still talking and drinking.
Hey, how's it going?
It's going good. How are things
for you two?
It's going real good, in fact we
are heading out to talk somewhere
a little more quiet.
Yeah, it's a little too loud in
here, so we're going to head out.
Oh, well have fun.
I will. Tell Angie not to wait up
or worry.
I will. See ya tomorrow.
Still on for lunch tomorrow,


You know it bro, have a good
night. Take care of Jeremy.
I always do.
You ready to go.
Yep, let's get out of here.
Shawn and Kristin head out of the club. As they get out on
the street they start to kiss each other passionately. They
stop kissing.
So how are we doing this?
Doing this?
You know, are we going to your
place or mine?
I was thinking my place, because I
don't have any roommates, so there
is no distractions.
That sounds good. Lead the way.
Shawn and Kristin start walking away from the club as the
scene fades out.
                                         END SCENE
Shawn and Steve are in a restaurant having lunch. It's a
small mom and pop diner. Pretty typical a few tables a
counter with chairs at it seperating the kitchen from the
dining area.
So, what happened did you get some
ass last night?


No, I did end up closing the bar
with her. We talked and I just got
the feeling that she wasn't a girl
who was into one night stands.
Wait a second, you got that sense
that she wasn't a one night kind
of girl. Congrats, my friend you
are ready for the big time. That's
such an important feeling to get,
it saves you a lot of time when
you are trying to score.
Yeah, I guess. That's just it
though, I liked talking with her
and want to enjoy more of her. So,
I got her number.
I guess, but now that means that
you are going to have to spend
money on her in order to get some.
That's the point of what Jeremy
and I do, we try to finish the
deal that night so we don't have
to spend money on the girl.
That's fucking horrible.
It is what it is, but dating can
be expensive. At least for me, I
haven't found that many girls out
there that I'm not completely
fucking bored with after 5
No offense, buddy, but perhaps you
are looking in the wrong places.
I know I'm looking in the wrong
places, but at the moment I don't
feel like I'm going to find
anything else.


That's a shitty way of looking at
I just don't think that I'm the
type of guy who'll be able to
settle down with one girl. We have
to look at the facts, I've never
had a girlfriend. Hell, I've never
had more than two dates with one
Jesus Christ dude. That's fucked
I guess it is, but I don't know
anything other than that. So, I
just deal and move on and enjoy
the life that I'm living.
And you have no desire to see what
dating someone could be like.
I never said that. I just don't
think that it is in the cards for
me. Not everyone gets that happy
I guess so, then again there's
Jeremy. (laughs)
You laugh, but remember even that
prick was once engaged.
True, and their breakup is a big
reason he is the way he is right
now. I don't think he ever got
over her leaving him and he's just
the overbearing person that he is
to mask everything.
Yeah, he's afraid to be the guy we
once knew.


Yep. (beat) So, I got to wait a
few days before calling this girl.
At least 2 or 3 days, just so it
doesn't seem like you got nothing
else going on in your life. Girls
are tricky little fuckers; they
want to be the center of attention
in your eyes, but yet, they can't
think that they are the sole
purpose of your life. It's a
fucking contradiction.
I know what you mean. I hate this
part, but I love the part when you
first start dating someone. It's
electric and exciting.
You want contradiction. Here you
go, when you first start dating
someone, at least for me, you have
a stage what I call the I'm so
happy I'm miserable phase.
What the fuck is that?
It's the craziest shit, you're
happy that you found some amazing
person, but you become so happy
that it affects everything, you
start losing sleep, you start
eating less, everything that is
routine and normal in your life
gets flipped on its fucking head
and you should be upset by it, but
of course your too happy to
Hopeless romantic, I take it.
Something like that. I just love
the beginning of something new.
You know you and Jeremy are the


                       CHRIS (cont'd)
guys out there scoring, but I like
the other parts of dating. I'd
much rather get to know someone
before I sleep with them. I'm just
not that guy.
I can't really say anything
because I've never been there, so
I don't know what you are talking
about. As far as not being that
guy, I think that we are all that
guy. You may be more socially
programmed into buying into
relationships and all that, not
that there is anything wrong with
that. But let me ask you this,
when the club closed and I assume
you walked her home, because you
are that guy, don't tell me that
there wasn't one part of you that
didn't want to rip off her clothes
and have sex with her.
I can't say that, because there
was a big part of me that wanted
to. But where you and I differ is
that I'd rather have more nights
like that then just one.
Right now, that's something that I
can't understand. Steve, my
friend, you overcomplicate things.
We are animals and animals fuck
with just that intention. But us
humans have to go out of our way
to rationalize a purely
animalistic act.
It may be an animalistic act, ut
it can also be a very rewarding
act with meaning and for all your
talk, I'm sure that you will find
someone someday. I'm certain there
is someone out there who'll get to
you on all levels,not just the
body. She'll affect your mind and
your soul and then you'll be
speaking my language. Like you


                       CHRIS (cont'd)
said even Jeremy was once engaged.
And I could end up like is now,
because he gave everything he had
to a girl who one day just decided
she wanted something else. I hope
I do find someone special. I would
like to have the normal life with
a wife and kids and all the shit
that goes with it. But fuck it,
I'm 25 and I'm too young for that
right now.
One day, it'll show up when you
least expect it. Some girl will
come and light a fire inside you
that you'll never want to go out.
Yeah, you're probbaly right. We
should get back to work.
Yeah, back to Hell we go.
Shawn and Steve get up from their table, go up to the
register to pay their bills and leave the diner.
Cut to crowded club, The Edge, where Jeremy and Steve have
beers and Shawn is drinking a mixed drink. All the while
their eyes are looking around the club at the women dancing.
      (pointing to two
       girls dancing)
Dude, check out the ass on the
blonde! Dude, that is fucking
      (smacking Jeremy's
       arm down)
How many times have I told you
don't fucking point. Yes, she has


                       SHAWN (cont'd)
a great ass, but her friend is the
better overall package.
Sorry about pointing, but that ass
got me excited.
Stiff breeze gets you excited.
Good one Steve. You ready, it's
You're taking him on that one?
The boys a main event player and
that right there is the main
event. Now, it's just time for
Steve to live up to his potential.
Even after the other night?
That was my mistake, I sent him
out there inexperienced with a
wild horse like that. It happens.
This time he's with me and I'll
look out for him all the way.
Yeah, this time I won't fuck up.
Well, you didn't totally fuck up,
you got the her number. You just
didn't finish the deal that night.
I guess, now I just have to wait a
few days to call her.
Yep, don't rush it. (beat) Alright
let's go.
Good luck, buddy.


Luck is for fools.
Alright, let's go in for the kill.
Shawn and Steve head over to two girls dancing, one is
blonde and one is brunette. Jeremy waits over by the bar,
still checking out the scene.
Shawn and Steve approach the area of the two girls but stop
near them as if they just wanted to be there talking to each
other not the girls.
      (to Steve)
So did you catch the game last
Yeah, hell of a finish. Still cant
believe that they came back to
Yeah, I know.
While Shawn is talking to Steve he is looking at the
brunette girl, trying to get a response from her. After a
few seconds of eye contact, he gets a signal that it is ok
to approach. The brunette purposefully moves her hair over
her ear and over her shoulder.
She's flirting and gave me the go
ahead. You ready?
Ready as I'll ever be.
Shawn walks past Steve and towards the two girls, as Steve
turns around to face the girls so they can talk.
      (to the girls)
Evening ladies. How are you
We're ok. How are you guys?


We're good. I'm Shawn and this
here is my buddy Steve.
My name is Missy and this is my
friend Tara.
Hello Tara and Missy.
So what are you boys doing
We're just out having a few
drinks, having a good time. Maybe
meet some new people, like you
beautiful ladies.
Thanks for the compliment.
Yeah, that was nice of you to say.
      (putting his arm
       around Steve)
That's my boy, always the nice
guy, but he unfortunately suffers
from the old cliche of nice guys
finishing last.
Nice guys may finish last, but
they end up finishing best.
Yeah, I can see him ending up with
the girl of his dreams in the end.
Thank you ladies, that was really
sweet of you to say.
No problem, myself I know that I
am looking for a nice guy. I'm
tired of all the shit that goes


                       TARA (cont'd)
with meeting guys at the club.
Yeah, I hear that a lot, from
girls in these places.
I don't know, it's fun to be free
and single while in college, but
once you get out in the work
world, a little stability is nice
to have. I kinda want a guy to be
around for longer than one night
these days.
You are so right. I'm definitely
looking for something more than a
one nighter. I'm 25, it's time to
start looking for something more.
Wow, you don't usually here stuff
like that from a guy in a place
like this.
Steve, isn't the usual guy.
What are you looking for?
I don't know, I don't think I'm
ready to settle down, but I am
getting a little tired of the
whole single thing.
You don't have to settle down
today, relationships take time to
What's a relationship?
You know, where you commit to just
one person, didn't you ever have a


      (with Tara)
What? So I never had a girlfriend,
I never needed to, there were
always girls around. I didn't feel
the need to ever settle down with
That's a good point, if you always
have girls around who are willing,
why would you commit to one.
Thanks for the understanding
there, I know a lot of you girls
would find me disgusting for never
having a girlfriend at this point
in my life.
Oh, I think you are disgusting. I
understand your point, but I don't
agree with it. Do you plan on
going your whole life without
having someone special in your
No, I just haven't given it much
thought right now in my life. I've
never found a girl who gets under
my skin. I'm sorry, but I'm
usually bored by most girls after
2 minutes.
You just keep digging a bigger
hole for yourself.
I didn't mean that in a bad way.
It's just that I haven't found
that many girls out there who can
stimulate me on many levels.


More often than not, you're not
going to find that in here.
He's right. Almost every girl you
meet in a place like this is a
slut and you aren't going to get
much satisfaction besides sex from
these girls.
True, but I haven't been really
looking for anything else. I've
just gotten a career started and I
don't really want a new
distraction in my life.
I can understand that, don't
really see how getting a
girlfriend would be a distraction.
I don't know, it's just I've never
had one before and I assume that
there is some work involved.
Anything worthwhile is going to
involve a little work.
Yeah, Shawn maybe it's time to be
the adult now and have a serious
Great now I got you ganging up on
He's not ganging up on you, he's
just being a friend and saying
that there is another way.
Same difference.


Poor Shawn, he came over thinking
he was going to try and hook up
and instead he gets hit by the
relationship bus.
Tell me about it. I thought I was
going to come over and meet a nice
girl, not saying that you aren't
nice girls, and maybe go home and
have a little fun.
Yeah, typical guy. Just wanting
our body for a night and not
wanting anything else.
Guilty. (beat) Look I'm not saying
that I don't want to be in a
relationship at some point, I just
don't think that I can do that
right now.
We're sorry that we are busting
your balls a little bit.
Yeah, we're just busting your
chops a little.
Hey Steve, go fuck yourself.
Now, we get to see male bonding at
its best.
Yep. (beat) So Missy, do you think
I could get your number and we
could go out some night?
Yeah, that sounds great.
Missy moves closer to Steve and gives him her number. Shawn
and Tara stand awkwardly waiting. Shawn doesn't know what to


Thanks, I'll call you Missy.
Night Shawn. Night Steve.
Night Tara. Night Missy.
Night guys. Can't wait to hear
from you Steve.
Shawn and Steve walk away and head back to where Jeremy is.
Are you pissed at me?
Nope. You read the situation.
Nothing was going to happen so you
kind of stepped in and got the
uncomfortable situation over with.
You have a gift in reading people
and situations. I wasn't going to
get anywhere with those two and
you knew it so you kinda saved my
What the fuck! See you went with
Steve and you struck out.
We didn't strike out. Steve got
digits again.
I can't believe what I'm seeing,
Steve scored digits and the great
Shawn Hartings got nothing!
It happens. Not all girls are for
me or are cool with my way of


      (humping a bar
Yeah, you'll be jacking off and
Steve will be fucking!
Hey, I hope so. I've had my
nights. It doesn't bother me that
one girl wasn't interested in me.
I guess, but damn Steve got
numbers again. You are on a roll
now buddy, you got at least two
dates in your future.
Hey the night is still young, I
ain't dead because one girl said
no, it happens.
Yeah, the next time we go in
you'll just have to bring me in
for battle.
You got it. I need a drink.
I hear that.
The three guys head over to the bar to get another round of
drinks. They decide to sit down at some empty seats at the
bar and continue to look around the club for girls.
Man, this place is kinda dead
tonight. Maybe we should go
somewhere else?
And go where? This is our place.
This is where the magic happens
for you guys.
It wouldn't hurt to check some
place else out.


Where the fuck could we go?
We could go to the Slider!
No, no, we are a little too classy
to go slumping there. One girl
said no, that don't mean that I'm
going to a fucking hippie bar. I'm
not down with girls who have more
hair under their armpits than I
Gotta agree with Shawn on that
one. What about the Plymouth?
I'm not that fucking pretentious
to hang out with the snobs that go
Yeah, it is a little stuffy in
there. Let's just chill, it is
early. Just because we are used to
scoring before midnight, doesn't
mean that we are not above rolling
up our sleeves and packing a lunch
and do the work.
That's a good idea. You're right
we have had it too easy, tonight
we have to do some work.
I guess, I'm the only one who
doesn't have to do any work
tonight. I already did my job.
Bullfuckinshit! You got digits,
big deal. You haven't done the
work until you have seen her tits
bouncing up and down as she's
riding your schlong all night


Easy killer, he's still closer to
doing that tonight than we are. At
least he semi-scored, you and I
are batting a big old zero.
I know, just want to get some
action on tonight. No offense, but
if I wanted to get drunk and talk
to you guys all night we could
have stayed at my place.
It'll happen. Look I've never seen
you two leave here without getting
a girl. And I don't see that
happeneing tonight. You guys are
fucking well-dressed and have too
much confidence in yourselves. And
if you two would stop bitching at
each other for a few seconds you
would've looked to your left and
saw that the two hottest girls in
this motherfucking place have been
looking in your general direction
for the last half an hour!! Fuck!
Shawn and Jeremy casually turn their heads to the left and
notice two young co-eds who give the boys a smile when they
make eye contact. Shawn looks away and takes a good long
drink out of his drink and Jeremy chugs down his beer.
      (to Steve)
Nice fucking eyes!! I can't
believe the amatuer notice those
hotties and we were too busy
fucking around.
Yeah, our boy's all growns up!
Let's get another round and go
over and hit that.
Game on!
Shawn orders another round and once the drinks arrive, he
and Jeremy head over towards the two young girls, one is a
blonde the other has jet black hair.


      (to Jeremy)
I want the girl with the black
hair. I haven't had a black haired
girl in a long time.
      (to Shawn)
You got it. I'll take the blonde.
Do you think the curtain matches
the carpet?
      (to Jeremy)
I don't know I'm hoping for some
lineolium if you get what I'm
talking about, but if things go
our way you'll find out in about
an hour.
Damn right.
They approach the two girls who are talking with each other
and smiling and laughing. The blonde girl is named JESS and
she is wearing jeans and a halter revealing clevage. The
black haired girl is named LIZ and she too is wearing a
halter, although she has a black mini-skirt on as well. They
turn and face the guys as the approach and smile at them.
Good evening ladies, how are you
this wonderful evening?
Everything's great. How are you
guys tonight?
Were doing pretty great ourselves.
My name is Jeremy.
      (points to Shawn)
And this is my friend Shawn.
Nice to meet you Jeremy. My name
is Jess.
      (points to Liz)
This is my friend Liz.
It's nice to meet both of you.


We're glad that you guys finally
made your way over, we were about
to give up on you.
Sorry, it took so long. We just
had some guy shit to sort out
before we could give you young
ladies the full attention that you
so rightly deserve.
Good answer. So what was the
important guy shit that you had to
sort out?
Well, we could tell you that, but
then we would have to take you
home and lock you away forever.
Oh really, would there be
handcuffs and chains involved.
      (to Shawn)
So, are you going to lock me up?
Depends on how naughty you are.
I can be very naughty.
Sounds like you might need a
little spanky.
      (to Jess)
Sounds like your friend likes my
      (to Jeremy)
Yeah, hope he can handle it.


I have no doubt about that.
How about you big boy?
I know I can handle it! In fact,
I'm pretty certain I could show
you a few things.
Well, let's go find out. This
place is dead, you two were the
only guys worth hooking up with.
How about you? You ready for some
Ready, willing and able. Just let
me tell my friend over at the bar
that we're leaving and we'll get
out of here.
Make it quick!
      (with Jeremy)
We will!
Jeremy and Shawn head back over to where Steve is sitting
drinking his beer. They are talking with each other on the
Dude, we might get the shit kicked
out of us tonight!!
I ain't got no problem with that!
We might even get freaky deaky
butt sex tonight!
There's a very strong probability
of that happening.
      (to Steve)
Hey buddy, guess what?


Let me see, you guys are leaving
with them.
Jeremy is digging in his wallet and pulls out some cash.
      (to Steve)
Here, there's like 40 some
dollars, get drunk on me.
This is just me saying sorry ahead
of time. Cause there's no telling
what noises you'll be hearing
OK. You guys go have your fun.
See ya tomorrow, buddy.
Jeremy and Shawn head back over to Liz and Jess and proceed
to exit the club, leaving Steve sitting at the bar by
himself drinking a beer.
Shawn and Steve are having lunch in their favorite diner. It
is the following day and neither Steve or Shawn look their
best. Neither of them appear to have shaved and appear to be
So, how drunk did you get last
My stomach is still doing
hula-hoops around my asshole right
Last night was a rough one.


I don't know how the fuck I made
it too work today.
I know. I'd be vomitous as well
except I have no fluids left in
And you didn't even get drunk.
Nope. That girl just wore me out.
I wonder how Jeremy is feeling.
It sounded like he was still
having a good time when I left for
work this morning. I couldn't
sleep for shit with the constant
sound of sex going on.
Really, that prick was still going
this morning?
Yep, I couldn't believe it myself.
I don't think he stopped all
Wow, I'll give him that then, he's
got more stamina than me. It took
all my energy just to get out of
bed and take a shower this
morning. And of course she wanted
to shower with me.
And of course, you did.
Of course. My hips are so fucking
sore right now.
Oh, you poor baby!
Yeah, I know, I shouldn't whine
about it.


What was so different about this
girl that you are like this? I've
never seen you look this bad after
a night of sexcapades.
She was so much freer than any
girl I've ever picked up. It was
anything goes last night.
And you're acting like it was a
bad thing?
No, it wasn't a bad thing. Just a
little worn out. You try having
sex seven times in a six hour
span. I don't think you'll be a
100% either.
Seven times! Jesus, I think I
would've taken a sick day.
I should have done that. Course,
I'd probably be still fucking if I
did that.
Good point. I doubt Jeremy went to
work today. He's probably still
banging away right now.
That's pretty crazy if he is. Hope
he takes a second to look at
himself, because I could see that
girl was fucking perfect for him.
When we were coming over to you to
tell you that we were leaving he
seemed genuinely excited and not
the getting laid excitement that
he normally has. I think I saw him
have a real smile on his face for
the first time in a long time.
Maybe so. (beat) What about you
though? You must have had some
kind of connection. I assume you
don't have sex with a girl seven


                       CHRIS (cont'd)
times every time you score.
I sure don't. Liz was just a
machine. I couldn't wear her out.
And of course, I couldn't show any
signs of weakness. But again, I
just met the girl and we fucked
our brains out. It's the rules you
never get involved with a one
night stand.
Which is why Jeremy won't either.
Yeah. I should've said something
to him to stop him from doing
that. But I didn't. I guess if we
find someone, we do it at our own
No offense, but that's bullshit.
You never know when it's going to
happen. And it almost always
happens when you aren't looking
for it. Relationships are not
something you can force to happen,
they just do. Two people connect
with one another at some level and
then they take the time to see if
that connection is something that
is worth pursuing.
Sounds like a lot of risk
There's a shitload of risk
involved. It's all risk. It's
about being emotionally naked with
someone and being scared out of
your mind, but even though you are
scared shitless you still want to
be there. It's about giving parts
of yourself that you never dreamed
you would and it has nothing to do
with sex. Although, sex is
important. But it's all about
finding someone that you can just
be yourself with and feel


                       CHRIS (cont'd)
You sound like a chick, dude.
Maybe, but it's true. For all of
your talk of understanding women,
you don't really understand them
at all. Are there some of them
that will meet a guy and sleep
with them that night, sure we both
know that to be truth. But the
overwhelming majority of them
aren't like that at all. Truth be
told, you and Jeremy basically hit
on drunk college girls who aren't
in a relationship place and
looking for a good time and
wanting life experiences.
And what's so wrong about
supplying that need for them?
Nothing, but there comes a time
when that stops and you should
look towards a future. You don't
want to be 30 and not married or
worse never been in love.
I hadn't really thought about it
that much. I assumed that I'd just
be able to meet someone the same
way I meet a girl at the club and
just do things slower.
Verbal skills aside, you will need
help in making a relationship work
other than slowing down the
sleeping with them process. It's
seeing everything in the person,
the stuff you like, the stuff you
love and the stuff you hate and
through all of that you're still
there with them. It's occasionally
taking a long walk in that other
person's shoes in an attempt to
see what you are doing right or
wrong. You have to stop thinking


                       CHRIS (cont'd)
about yourself and start thinking
in terms of two. Sometimes you
have to do things that you
absolutely despise and never
thought you'd do, but you do it
with a smile because you know that
the person you are with will enjoy
I understand that concept, I do,
but again I'm not there. And
there's one imprtant factor to all
of this, I have to find someone
that I would be interested in to
do all that stuff with.
True. You do need to find someone
that you find interesting, but if
you just fuck them and leave them
you aint never going to know if
you would be interested or not.
It's not like I'm scared of
finding someone, it's just never
I'm sorry. I guess it's just he
nice guy in me. It's not like I
have a relationship to talk about.
But at least you have the chance
to start dating someone. You have
two girls that you can call and
have the chance to see what
happens from there.
Yeah, hopefully one of them works
out. I'm kinda tired of being
single and wouldn't mind being
involved with someone for a little
I can see you thinking that way.
The hopeless romantic that you


Yeah, I guess that is me in a
      (looks at his
Shit, we need to get back to the
Yeah. Let's get out of here.
Shawn and Steve get up and pull out their wallets and leave
a tip on the table and head out of the diner.
Shawn, Jeremy, and Steve are in their favorite club. Out
having a couple drinks and looking for girls. A normal night
for them when they go out. They are standing on a platform
above the dance floor to look at who is dancing. Shawn
notices an incrediblely sexy woman dancing. Her name is
Krystal. She is built and moves as if she was a professional
Holy shit! Look at that girl move!
Yeah, she's mine. I'm going in.
I don't know, man, that may be out
of your league, fuckface.
Nonsense. She's just another girl
and if I do my thing I'll have her
Go get her, if you think you can.
I don't think. I know.
Shawn walks down the stairs towards the little bar that is
right next to the dance floor. He orders himself a drink and
is patiently waiting for his moment. His time is upon him


because she is walking up toward the bar. She walks right
beside Shawn and orders a drink from the bar.
      (close up)
Let me get that for you.
That's ok, you don't have to.
It's ok, I want to.
Alright, if you really want to.
I do.
The bartender comes back with Krystal's drink and Shawn
gives the bartender money for the drink.
No problem. (beat) I couldn't help
but notice you dancing out there.
You are amazing.
Why thank you that's nice of you
to say.
I have to be honest, but damn you
have a body to go with that
dancing. I couldn't take my eyes
off you.
You are far too kind, and you are
kinda cute.
Kinda cute, isn't that like kinda
No, that's not what I mean.


What do you mean then?
You are a cute guy, I was just
trying to play it cool. That's
Ok, I'll let you off the hook on
that one, but you have to give me
one dance.
Really, a guy that's willing to go
out there and shake it with me?
Yes, I'm very willing to make an
ass out of myself.
Let's go see how big of an ass you
can be.
Krystal reaches out her hand and Shawn takes it. They
proceed to go to the dance floor. Krystal turns around so
that her ass is even with Shawn's crotch. Then Krystal
starts to move and Shawn puts one arm around her waist and
starts to move with her. They dance through the course of a
song. There should be camera moves from the two of them
dancing to shots of Steve and Jeremy watching them from on
top of the platform. When the song is over Shawn and Krystal
go back to the bar.
Not bad. I could feel you getting
into it.
It's hard to not get into it when
you are dancing with someone like
Again, you flatter me too much.
I'm not that great of a dancer.


You are that great of a dancer and
you are so hot as well. How the
hell you don't have a guy, I can't
understand it.
Maybe I don't want a guy at this
point in my life. I just want to
have a little freedom and fun
while I'm still young and can get
away with it.
Fair enough. (beat) You want to
get out of here and have some of
that fun.
You move fast.
Don't see the point in waiting. I
like you, you like me, we might as
well have some fun.
That is a good point. Do you want
to go to your place or mine?
Wherever you feel more comfortable
going to?
Is your place close?
Let's go then.
Krystal and Shawn head out of the club. Shawn turns back and
looks at Jeremy and Steve and smiles. Cut to Jeremy and
That motherfucker! I can't believe
he is leaving here with her.


I knew he was good, but damn he's
the fucking man now.
I ain't never doubting him again.
Me neither.
Cut to Shawn's apartment.
Camera cuts on Shawn and Krystal in Shawn's bed kissing and
having sex. Camera angle should be from the back and from
the ceiling. Have a few closeups of the kissing, but most of
the shots to be from the back. Only have this run for about
30 seconds. Cut back and see Krystal sleeping and Shawn
getting up.
      (to camera)
WOW! That was a lot of fun. It
doesn't happen that you end up
getting a girl that hot into bed
with you, but when it does it is
special. I don't think that I
could ever bed another girl as hot
as she is, it is pretty much going
to be all downhill from here. That
girl was hotter than hot and the
sex was amazing. It took all my
will to not blow my load within
the first second. I'm sure she
gets that often, but see she'll
remember me because I didn't. Guys
take my advice, do whatever you
have to do to not premature
ejaculate. The longer that you can
go the more the girl is going to
enjoy it. Now, I'm not saying you
should take an hour to blow the
top, but it shouldn't be a minute
either. But the secret is getting
the girl off, you'll never be
anything if you get known as a
selfish lover. Girls talk and the
last thing you want is a
reputation going around that you
don't satisfy. I know that I have


                       SHAWN (cont'd)
a good rep going that I please the
ladies and that's half the battle
when I go out to pick up a lady.
If you got a good rep with the
ladies then it is easy to hook up,
because guys, girls want to be
pleased just as much as you do.
Shawn gets up and goes into the living room to light up a
      (to camera)
Now take Jemery for example, he
talks a lot of shit and he does
get laid quite a bit, but I've
heard around the block that he
doesn't satisfy as well as he
should. Jeremy's problem is that
he is quick. He's very aggressive.
Now I'm not saying that being
aggressive is bad, it's not, but
you have to mix it up a little,
it's ok to go fast then slow down,
then speed up again. The bottom
line is get the girl off. You
expect it, so you should deliver.
I'm letting you know this becuase
I think that I may be retiring
after tonight. After getting a
girl that hot, it's not going to
be the same. I needed her so that
I can move forward to a new phase
in my life. It's time for me to
try dating and relationship. The
bachelor life is done. Now I can't
start this phase with Krystal, I
mean she slept with me and only
knew me for like 20 minutes.
That's not the way I want to start
this relationship thing. I want
someone who is going to be a
challenge and stimulate more than
my dick. I want to be fully
stimulated, body, mind and spirit.
      (put out
Now, I'm going to go to sleep and
in the morning I'll bang Krystal
one more time so that can send me
on my way towards this new era of
my life. I hope you all took


                       SHAWN (cont'd)
notes. This lecture is over
Shawn walks back to his bedroom and closes the door behind
him. Fade out of scene.
Cut to another club. We see Shawn, Jeremy, and Steve
standing by the bar trying not to look to hard at the
females that are in the club. They are having a few drinks
and waiting for that opportunity to find a girl for the
I don't know about tonight, boyos,
I'm not seeing anything that is
really catching my eye.
Yeah, if we want to score tonight
we may have to slum it.
That's awful guys.
Oh, quit being such a fucking
pussy. Didn't you get some ass the
other night? You should be all set
for this. It'll be easier for you
now that you don't reek of
Easy, man. Sometimes it's better
to go home alone, than to lower
your standards.
Fuck that, you act like I gots
standards. With the exception of
still being alive and being
female, that's the end of my


You are such a man.
Fucking right, I'm a man. And
unlike you two fucks, I'm getting
some pussy tonight.
Go right ahead.
Just watch me.
Jeremy walks away and in the general direction of two girls
standing on the edge of the dance floor area. Cut back to
Shawn and Steve.
He gets so annoying sometimes.
I'm glad that I don't live with
the fucker.
Go fuck yourself!
That's looking like my best
option. I'm pretty sure I could
satisfy myself better than....
Cut to a girl walking in to the club and sitting down at the
bar about 10 ft away from the two guys. It's a girl named
ASHLEIGH whom Shawn is going to try and pick up. She's
dressed in a mini skirt and a halter.
Holy shit, who is that?
I'm going to have to find out. You
okay here by yourself?
Yeah, I'm sure Jeremy will be back
any minute now.


Shawn walks over towards Ashleigh full of confidence. He's
expecting to score. He has no doubts that he will hook up
with this girl. He approaches her.
Hi, how are you tonight?
I'm fine, how about yourself?
I'm good. (beat) My name's Shawn.
Hi, Shawn. I'm Ashleigh.
So, what's a pretty girl like you
doing here alone?
Oh, here comes the bar talk. I was
wondering how long it would take
for you to throw out a line.
I wasn't throwing out a line. I
meant it. I'm just curious about
how a pretty girl like yourself,
would be doing in a place like
this alone.
Shawn, I think you have some bad
taste in girls.
Why would you say that?
I don't know, I just don't think
I'm that pretty. At least not as
pretty as some of these sluts that
are out here.
Shawn takes a moment to look around the club at the other


I got to tell you, I think you
have all these vapid twats beat.
Vapid? That's a big word for the
pick up game.
Most of these girls are though.
You're different. I don't know how
to explain it, but you light up
the room.
That's a nice thing to say. Look,
I don't mean to be a bitch, well,
I actually do mean to be a bitch,
but if you thought that just
because I came in here alone that
I was going to be easy, you are
wrong. I don't go home with random
That's good. Like I said before,
you are different from these vapid
You don't know me.
You're right, I don't know you,
but these few moments talking to
you, I can tell that you are
different and I'm interested. I'd
like to get to know you.
You just want to get me in the
If I just wanted to get you into
bed, I would have already quit
talking to you.


So, you don't want to get me into
Damn, you are good. No matter how
I answer that question it sounds
That's not true.
Ok, obviously I'm talking to you
and I'm interested in you and yes
I would like to sleep with you,
but not tonight and not just for
one night.
Good answer. I like your Bill
Clinton stradling the fence answer
Clinton was a great orator, so
I'll take that as a compliment.
I'll give you credit, you at least
have a brain.
We all have brains.
True. You just actually use yours.
(beat) You get some bonus points
for looking me in the eyes and
talking to me like a person and
not having a conversation with my
Breasts are nice, but I find that
they don't talk back too often.
Plus, you have great eyes.


You're good. I've been trying to
get you into breaking this act of
the decent guy in the bar.
It's not an act. I am a decent
guy. I'm not going to lie, though,
I have gone home with some vapid
twats in my time.
With your line, I can see that.
Can't blame you for turning down
free sex, if they are dumb enough
to put out on the first night,
then they deserve to be used.
I guess so. It does get kind of
boring though. Although I would
never say that to my guy friends.
Of course not. Are you really
bored with the whole pick up game?
Yeah. It's nice for that moment,
but in the end it's not a
sustained happiness. In all
honesty, it's gotten to be too
easy to go out and find a girl to
be with that night. I'm just
looking for something different.
Like what?
I don't know. (beat) I can't
believe that I'm saying all this
shit to you.
I have a bad habit of getting
people to open up to me.
That's not a bad habit.


It can be.
Ashleigh, I was hoping that I
could get your number and we could
go out some night.
I'd like that. You have a cell
Of course.
Shawn pulls out his cell and Ashleigh tells him her number.
Thanks. I'll give you a call.
Ok. Talk to you later.
You will. Take care and have a
good night.
You too. Try to stay away from the
I will.
Shawn walks away and heads back to where he left Steve.
Jeremy has come back empty handed and is talking with Steve.
Looks like a shitty night. We both
struck out.
I didn't strike out. I just got
her number. Could tell she wasn't
going to be into the one night
thing. Also, I think she's kinda
Are you turning into a fucking
pussy on us?


Let it go, man. You'll feel better
when you let go of this act.
Fuck you talking about act. This
ain't no act. You and me are the
pussy machines!
Maybe I'm looking to retire from
that. It's about that time to
start looking for something
serious or life will just pass by
and I may never find someone to be
Jesus Christ!! You get shut down
by one girl and you are talking
about getting serious and shit.
What the fuck did that bitch do to
Watch it, just because I'm looking
to grow up a little doesn't mean
you have to go after that girl.
Fuck this, I'm outta here. How
long you know me and you are going
to stand there and take a bitch's
side over me. That's fucking
Dude, you need to relax. I ain't
taking sides, but I don't expect
to hear shit from anyone just
because I may have had enough of
the whole single life.
I think you need to hear some
shit, because you know what you
think that you might have found
someone, but watch it in the end
she'll leave you, they always do
and then you'll be right back here
where you belong.


I don't think that's true, but
even if things don't work out with
this girl there's always another
one to take a chance on. I don't
want to be 40 and out here in
clubs trying to meet college
girls, man that would be fucking
Maybe for you, but I would
disagree on that, I hope that's my
If that's what you want then go
for it, but don't get in my shit
about wanting to make a change.
Guys, let's just get out of here
and forget about this. We'll all
think better once the drink wears
Good point.
Yeah, let's go, fucking place is
dead anyway.
The three guys head out of the club, but on the way out
Shawn makes eye contact with Ashleigh and smiles at her and
she smiles back.
Cut to new scene, back in Shawn's apartment. He is sitting
on his couch, watching some TV. He's waiting for the right
moment to call Ashleigh so they can make plans. He then sits
up and grabs his cell phone and looks for her number, he
finds it and makes the call.
      (through phone)


Is this Ashleigh?
      (through phone)
Yes, who is this?
It's Shawn, the guy you met in the
club the other night.
      (through phone)
And which guy is that?
You know the old, bald, toothless,
fat guy that came over to you.
                                         CUT TO
Oh that guy, I was waiting for you
to call me. You were everything
that I was looking for in a man
and more.
Screen goes to a split screen so that both characters are on
the screen at the same time.
I thought I turned you on baby!
Oh yeah, I creamed my pants.
I'm sure you did. (beat) Ash, I
was calling to see if you still
wanted to do something with me
some time.
What did you have in mind?
I just thought maybe we could
start with the basics and go to
dinner some night.


Dinner would be good.
Ok, how's Friday night?
Friday night sounds good.
Ok. I'll pick you up at 6. Where
do you live?
616 Maple St. Do you know where
that is?
I'm sure I'll be able to find it.
I'll see you Friday at 6 o'clock.
See ya Friday. Good night Shawn.
Night Ashleigh.
Shawn hangs up his cell phone and lets out a deep breath. He
smiles as the scene ends and we fade to black.
Fade into new scene, with Shawn and Ashleigh sitting at a
table in a relatively busy restaurant. They each have a
glass of red wine in front of them.
I'm sorry, I should have told you
earlier that you look amazing
Did you just think of that?


No. I just forgot to say it
earlier, I'm stupid like that
Ok, I'll forgive you. (takes a sip
of wine) You look great yourself.
Thanks. I showered.
That's good.
Figured I should at least make an
effort to be respectable.
So, what do you do?
And so the date begins. (sipping
his wine) I'm an editor for
SportsWorld Weekly.
That's nice.
I can't complain so far. What do
you do Ashleigh?
Nothing right now. I'm a lowly
Master's student. My work comes in
the form of Teacher's Assistant.
Nothing wrong with that. What are
you getting your degree in?
Nice. What do you hope to do with


I hope to go on and get my Ph. D.
and be a professor somewhere and
do research to help with problems
in society.
What do you want to do your
research in?
      (sips her wine)
I like to look at equality within
our society between all people. I
would love to see a world where we
could all be seen for who we are
and not judged by our gender,
race, or our sexual orientation.
It would be nice if the world
could work that way, but I doubt
we can get all of society educated
enough to look past all of that.
So, are you somewhat of a
If that's what you want to call
it. I just don't look at people
like that; I really don't. I try
and get to know people and see who
they truly are I find that's a
much better way to find out the
people that I want to be a part of
my life.
It would be nice if all people
thought like that. Unfortunately,
most people just look at the
exterior of a person and never
take the time to see the heart of
a person.
I guess so. For better or worse,
our society as a whole is just
fixated on the exterior of a
person. I know myself that I
sometimes fall victim to that, but


                       SHAWN (cont'd)
I do try to find the good in
people. Although, I do admit that
you really dont find that too
often in a bar setting. I'm kinda
surprised that I found you the
other night. Pleasantly surprised.
I'm truthfully surprised that I
met you the other night. I agree,
that it's tough to find someone
that you might like to get to know
in a loud club. Especially for a
girl, because you guys don't make
it that easy on us. That common
misconception that you guys have
that just because you buy us a
drink, that we are obligated to
you is just bullshit.
That's why I try not to buy any
drinks or whatever when I talk to
a girl.
You've got a line for everything
don't you?
I have been told that I have a way
with words. I know that it comes
out that I'm just spitting out a
line and from time to time that is
true, but again I try to be as
honest and straightforward as
I didn't mean anyhting by that
comment. But you are right
sometimes in certain situations,
you do have to shoot a line out
there. Whether to get into or out
of a given situation.
That is true. There's always a
role for everyone to play in any
given social setting. Mine, more
often than not, is the role of the
grand communicator. I always seem
to have the play the part of the


                       SHAWN (cont'd)
initiator of the communication
flow in a social setting. Again,
you don't have the time or the
ability to get to know all people
that you come in contact with. You
have to choose the people that you
feel strong enough about to let
them into your messed up life.
Are you saying that your life is
messed up?
I think all of our lives are
messed up at least a little bit.
You certainly have a way with
words. (beat) And you still
haven't looked at my tits instead
of my eyes.
Yes, I have. You just didn't see
If that bullshit is true, then you
really are good.
Shawn smiles and Ashleigh smiles back at him. Their meals
come to them. Cut to post dinner and Shawn and Ashleigh
walking on the sidewalk.
Shawn and Ashleigh had left the restaurant and Shawn walked
Ashleigh home. They arrived at her place which is an older
brickhouse apartment building. It might hold 7 or 8
apartments for single living.
Here we are back at my place.
I hope everything was ok with your


I have no complaints.
That's all I could hope for.
You did good. I had a good time
with you tonight.
That's good. I hope that we can do
it again.
I would definitely like that.
I'll give you a call Sunday night.
(beat) Unless you wanted to do
something tomorrow?
I would love to go out tomorrow,
but I already have plans with the
girls. I'll be home Sunday night.
I'll call you then, good night.
Good night, Shawn.
Shawn moves closer to Ashleigh in an attempt to give her a
good night kiss. Ashleigh closes her eyes and moves closer
to Shawn and they have a brief good night kiss. Typical
first date kiss, nothing prolonged or spectacular, just a
nice kiss. It lasts about 10 seconds. They pull away from
one another and Ashleigh gets her keys out of her purse and
heads inside. Shawn stands at the foot of the stairs and
waits until she gets inside and then he procedes to go home.
It is the day after Shawn and Ashleigh's first date. Shawn
is over Steve and Jeremy's place. They are hanging out
having a few beers.


So, since someone has to ask I
guess I'll do it, how was the date
last night?
Oh shit, I was wondering when this
was going to come up. It was nice.
I had a good time. She's a pretty
amazing person.
From that statement, I take it you
didn't fuck her yet.
Let it go. That's all I'm asking
of you let it go.
Yeah, just be cool for once.
Alright, alright. So, you like
this girl?
You want my advice?
Sure. What's your advice Jeremy?
It's real simple. Don't fuck it
That's pretty simple, but pretty
true. It is in your hands right
now, if she likes you then you can
only do things to make her not
like you.
Like what?
Like fucking clinging on to her.
You have to be a little mysterious
and act like you don't need her
around and that's what gets them


                       JEREMY (cont'd)
running after you.
But you do have to be around
enough to make plans with her.
It's tricky shit, you have to
resurface every now and then to
show that you are interested, but
not be there every second or
she'll get spooked. Every now and
again when she calls, blow her off
or act like you are busy doing
something else. Don't make her
think that you are going to be
there at her beck and call.
That's true. You may suck at
picking up girls at the bar, but
you do know what you are talking
about when you are dating them.
      (giving him the
Very funny douchebag.
You guys aren't telling me
anything that I don't really know.
Don't disregard this. It's one
thing to say that you know what's
going on, but it's another thing
to actually do it. You start off
slow and hang out or whatever and
the next thing you find yourself
calling her or texting her for no
other reason then thinking you are
being cute and sweet and all of a
sudden she's going to pull away
because you just became clingy.
Even if you don't do that there
will be a moment when you feel
that you are getting close to this
person and that you can feel
vulnerable and show a different
side of yourself and boom she's
gone. There's a timetable that you
have to figure out with her. Of
course, every girl is psycho in
their own way and there is no


                       JEREMY (cont'd)
formula for success. You're stuck
playing it by ear with your dick
and balls hanging in the wind,
because one mistake and it's no
pussy for you.
Hate to say it, but he's right.
You have to resist the thought of
being a nice guy. There's a time
for that and it's not right now.
I get playing this by ear, but I
do believe that Ashleigh is
different from most girls.
That's your first mistake. They
are all the same. Some do things
differently, but they all want the
same thing from a guy. They want
someone who's going to kiss their
ass, yet have the good sense to
leave when they aren't wanted.
I don't believe that for one
You may be the man when it comes
to scoring at the bar, but this is
a different game my friend. You'll
find yourself feeling things for
her and you won't know what to do
and you'll be left confused,
doubting every move that you make
and in the end most likely be
Well, I would expect a dark view
of relationships from you. I just
have to believe that all
relationships are different
because every person is different.
You may want to believe that but
in the end the odds of it not
working out are far greater
against you then the odds of it


                       CHRIS (cont'd)
working out are for you. Most
relationships end sadly. It's
going to be even harder for you
considering that this is the first
time that you are even considering
making this leap. I hope that for
one second that you think that
just because you feel Ashleigh is
didfferent or special to you that
it will be enough to make it work,
because it won't. You are going to
have to put in the work and even
then it may not be enough.
Look guys, I like her and she
likes me. That's all you need for
the start. The rest will fall into
place around that.
That still don't mean shit. I
liked Amanda and she liked me at
the start and we fell in love and
almost got married and all that
shit fell in line, but in the end
it didn't matter because we
couldn't stand each other. People
change and you have to adapt to
that or get the fuck out of the
way and let that person go.
It's all nice and happy right now,
but the closer you two become the
more things will change. Will it
all be shitty? No. Will it all be
amazing? No. Heather and I are in
the same situation. Am I excited
about the beginings? Hell yeah,
but I'm not foolish enough to
believe that just because we like
each other and things are going
good so far that there is just as
good of a chance of it turing to
shit as there is of it working
out. I'm not really looking for it
to work out right now. I'm just
trying to enjoy the moment and see
where the moment takes us.


That's how I feel. You guys are
busting my balls. I'm not looking
to marry this girl tomorrow..
The fact that you just said that
word already is trouble. You are
looking for something that this
girl may not be able to give you
right now. It's easy to get a girl
home for a night, fuck, you don't
even need to be yourself to do
that. But now, you have to be
yourself and you have to make
yourself seem worthwhile to this
Her name is Ashleigh..
I don't give a shit what her name
is. She doesn't mean anyhting to
me right now. If you guys make it
work, then I'll be fucking happy
for you and Ashleigh. But right
now, she's just the girl that will
most likely fuck you up, my
I'm not going to get fucked up. If
it doesn't work then so be it.
I'll find someone else. If that
doesn't work, then I'll find
someone else. Eventually, I'll
find someone that will stick
around. Right now, I just want to
get to know Ashleigh a lot better
and see where the wave takes us.
You make it sound so easy.
      (to Steve)
He'll learn that it's never easy,
especially once feelings get
involved. Maybe he just might get
it right the first time, or maybe
he'll get to understand what I
feel like.


Just because you got fucked over
and let it change you doesn't mean
it's going to happen to me.
That's true. It may not affect you
at all, but then again it may
destroy you. The greatest pain a
guy will ever feel is when the
girl he loves breaks his heart.
And you never know how you are
going to be until it happens.
Look, I appriciate all the advice
but if we're not going out
tonight, then I'm just going to
head home.
Oh, we're going out bitch. I at
least can get a warm, moist box on
my schlong tonight.
Well said, sir. Let's go drink our
body weight.
The three put their bottles of beer away and head out of the
It is a Saturday afternoon and Shawn and Ashleigh are
sitting on Shawn's couch watching a movie. Shawn has his arm
around Ashleigh and she is sitting with her head on his
chest. They are cuddled close together.
I'm glad that we got to spend the
night together last night.


Yeah, it was nice to just be able
to lay next to you and sleep
comfortably with you and not have
to worry about you trying to make
a move on me.
For the record, it wasn't easy to
not try and make a move on you.
I'm sure it wasn't, because it
wasn't easy for me. I respect your
self-control. I know that you know
that I don't want to rush into
things. I want to have a strong
bond with you before we become
I understand that and I respect
you and your decision to do that.
I think that's pretty smart. Plus,
we had a little too much wine last
night and I wouldn't want our
first time together to happen when
we were drunk.
That's really good to hear. Most
guys wouldn't say that.
I know. (laughs) I can't believe I
just said that, but I kinda like
you so I'm doing things that I
normally wouldn't do.
I understand that. I feel the same
Shawn, Jeremy and Steve are at Jeremy and Steve's apartment.
Shawn stopped over before going over to Ashleigh's.


So, you've been seeing this chick
for a month now? That some kind of
record for you.
I guess so. It's kind of nice
having a girl to go out with or
hang with.
The sex must be fucking amazing if
you are staying with her this
No comment.
Wait a second. You are fucking her
right? Please tell me that after a
whole month of buying this chick
shit you have at least hit it.
Dude, I don't think he's with her
just for the sex.
Thanks Steve. But back to your
previous question, asshole. No we
haven't slept together yet, not
that it was any of your fucking
Wow! Never thought I'd see the day
when the pimp daddy couldn't get
It's not about that. If I wanted
to get some, I could go out to the
club and pick up any bitch I
wanted and you fucking know that!
So, is she domesticating you yet?
You really are an asshole. We all
get domesticated eventually.


Not me. I ain't ever settling
Just because one bitch screwed you
over doesn't mean you are done
with that. Me, I was ready for a
change and Ashleigh's everything I
wanted in a girl.
You can't say that til you fuck
Christ, why is that all that
matters to you. Yes, it's an
important part to a relationship,
but it's not the most important
part. FUCK! She gets me. She knows
that I'm independent, plus this is
one girl who doesn't need me!
She's strong willed and knows that
she can go on without a man. And I
fucking like that! I can be me!
Cuz that's the guy she wants, and
I hope one day you have that.
I don't know. I still like banging
college girls.
Yeah, you get older they stay the
Fucking A right!
What do you do when you are 35 and
those girls are laughing at you?
Then I'll move on to high school
Jesus! I hope you are fucking


A little bit. Hey, if I move on to
30 year olds, then so be it.
There'll be a few that aren't
married. Or I'll get bitches after
their divorce, but there is always
options. To limit yourself to one
broad is just fucking crazy.
I'm not limiting. I'm getting the
best of 100 girls in one package.
I get the whole deal and that's
what is important.
I'd rather have the 100 girls.
Been there, fucked that. This is
the time to move on. Christ, I'm
25, I want to be married before
I'm 30.
Let me get this straight, you've
been with this girl for a month
and you think you want to marry
I'm not saying that, but it's time
to open up that possibility.
It's important to do that.
Oh shut up, you pussy-whipped
bitch! I knew you were going to be
that way once you got someone, but
I never expected this jackass to
quit being the man!
I'm still the man, just changing
my definitions.
You have a gift. And you are going
to be wasting that gift.


I've used my gift, now it's time
to retire and enjoy something new.
Retire. Good word. Meaning you are
close to death.
Let me spare you the suspense.
You'll continue to see this girl
and I'm sure that one day you'll
actually fuck her. Then you are
going to get really comfortable
and complacent and then it's over.
No more excitement.
There's more to it than excitement
and I hope that I do grow
comfortable with her. And I'm
going to give you your last
lesson, there's girls out there
that will only be good to you for
one night and after that night you
discard them. It's not that they
are bad girls, its just they don't
fit for you in the long run and
you know it. So, yes you use those
girls until you find the one that
pushes all your buttons and that's
the one you don't let go of,
because that's the one that's
going to make you feel good for a
As the only one of us here, that's
actually been in a significant
relationship, let me give you a
lesson. It ain't a fucking
Hollywood romantic comedy, where
you are happy and shit all the
time. It's a lot of work, it's
giving of yourself and
compromising and the next thing
you know you are sharing the
bathroom with this person. That's
when you know you've been with
someone for too long; when you're
brushing your teeth and she's


                       JEREMY (cont'd)
taking a shit at the same time and
it seems normal.
That's your baggage. Deal with it.
Move on. I ain't worried about any
of that.
Well, when you get bored and tired
and leave her or whoever, just
remember what I said, cause I told
you once. I ain't going to sit
around and watch you cry in your
Good to see you're a good friend.
I am. I'm giving you advance
notice, but you are choosing not
to listen, so there you go, when
all of this ends you'll know that
for once I was right.
I hope that doesn't happen.
No shit, we'll never hear the end
of it.
Fuck you both!
I better get over to Ashleigh's.
Go run to your future.
Hope so. Later guys.


Shawn leaves the apartment.
Shawn is outside Ashleigh's apartment house. He pushes the
buzzer to her apartment on the talk box.
                       ASHLEIGH (OS)
Who is it?
Delivery. One extra sausage pizza.
                       ASHLEIGH (OS)
Sounds delicious. Come on up, you
sexy motherfucker!
Shawn goes inside once he hears the clicking sound of the
lock on the door being released. Shawn has with him a bottle
of red wine. He walks up a flight of stairs and walks down a
short hallway to Ashleigh's door which she has left open.
What your other boyfriend have to
run out real fast?
You know it. It's tough juggling
so many guys in and out.
I bet.
Shawn closes the door.
Brought a bottle of wine. I was
thinking that maybe we stay in
tonight and watch a movie or
Sounds cool. What kind did you
Pinot Noir.


Nice. Let me go get some wine
Ashleigh heads into the kitchen to get 2 wine glasses and
her bottle opener. Shawn follows her into the kitchen.
So, you're trying to get me drunk
Not really.
What, you don't want to try and
take advantage of me?
Now why would I try something like
Oh, I don't know to try and get me
into bed.
Well, that's an interesting
thought. You have to know that I
do want you, but you also know
that I'm willing to wait til you
are ready for that.
Damn, you always have a good
You're always keeping me on my
Shawn takes the wine opener from Ashleigh and proceeds to
open the bottle. He pours Ashleigh a glass first then


Thanks. Cheers.
They both take a drink of wine.
So, what do you want to watch?
Whatever you want is fine with me.
I feel like laughing tonight.
Comedy work for you?
Comedy is great.
Ashleigh grabs her glass of wine and heads back into her
living room. Shawn takes his glass and the bottle and
follows her. Ashleigh is looking through her video
collection and finally grabs a DVD.
We're going to watch my favorite
movie, "Chasing Amy".
Is there something that you are
trying to tell me by picking that
Ok, just thought for a second that
you were going to tell me that you
were gay.
Only on Sunday's.
That's good to know. I'll try not
to ask you into a threesome with
one of my guy friends.


That would be wise.
They sit down on her couch and proceed to watch the film.
They laugh and drink. At the end Ashleigh even cries.
This movie always makes me cry.
You are so gay.
Why is that what you want?
No, but I'm allowed to bust your
chops over you pulling out that
A little bit.
      (looks at watch)
I guess, I should get going.
You sure you want to go.
I really don't want to go.
Then maybe you should stay
Are you sure?
Shawn moves in and kisses Ashleigh. They kiss for awhile.
They are still kissing as they get up and head to the
bedroom. Cut to an unrevealing sex scene (want the sex scene
to be different from the other sex scenes, because this is
different for Shawn). Have the camera on long enough, so the


audience can tell that they are having sex, but not showing
anything. No nudity. Cut to afterwards with Ashleigh and
Shawn lying in bed together spooning.
This is going to sound really
cheesy, but that was worth waiting
Yeah it was. (beat) Sorry, I made
you wait so long, I just wanted to
be sure and know that you were
I'm falling in love with you.
That's good because I am in love
with you.
You sound surprised.
I am. No one has ever said that to
me before.
Now you sound surprised.
Very much.
It's just that I never had a
relationship with a girl before.
I was always too busy, in high
school it was sports, in college
it was school and baseball, so it
just never felt right, until now.


WOW! So I changed the bachelor.
Don't know if you changed me. I
think it was always a part of me,
just never the right girl to go
along with the other stuff. I just
never met someone as amazing as
you before.
I'm lucky to have found you.
No, I'm the lucky one. I'm the
luckiest guy in the world right
now because I get to lay here and
hold you.
You are way too sweet.
As Ashleigh says that she turns to face Shawn and they kiss
Let's get some sleep.
It's about 2 months since the night that Ashleigh and Shawn
first had sex. They've been a typical couple, always around
each other. Show this in a 30 second or so montage clips.
Ashleigh is over Shawn's and they are lying in bed together.
I have to say you have the
cleanest place for a guy that I've
ever seen.


Is this where you dragged all your
sexual conquests Mr. I don't get
Yeah, I guess.
There is a slight pause for the awkwardness of the moment,
that is visible on Ashleigh's face, Shawn is unaware of the
How many conquests did you bring
back here?
Is this the point where we dish
out all the dirt in our pasts?
Maybe. You're dodging the
No, I'm not. I really don't
Give me a ballpark.
Why are you asking this?
Why are you not telling me?
Ok. My best guess, I'd have to say
between 50 or 60.
Sorry. Did you want me to lie?


No, but damn you got around.
It happened. I was never meeting
any girls that I really liked, but
there were always girls willing to
sleep with me.
      (sitting up)
That's disgusting. I think I'm
going to be sick.
Why'd you ask for? You didn't hear
me asking you?
What if I said 50 or 60 men!
Truthfully, as long as you didn't
have a kid or a disease it
wouldn't matter to me, because I
love you and your past is your
past. I'm more concerned about our
Don't give me your bullshit lines!
You always have an answer for
everything don't you. You played
me, I was just another conquest to
you. What did you stick around
because you wanted to see how long
it would take to fuck me!
NO! I'm here with you because I
want to be with you!
I have to go Shawn. I need a
little time to think over this.
Ash, don't....
Shawn grabs Ashleigh's arm, but not in a violent way. He
just wants her to stay so they can talk.


Please let me go. I need to be
alone right now.
Shawn lets go of Ashleigh. Ashleigh gets dressed and leaves.
Shawn just sits in his bed not sure what to think and
finally his eyes fill up and he starts to cry.
Shawn and Steve are having lunch together in a little
restaurant. They both have sandwichs and fries in front of
them. It's the second day since Ashleigh left Shawn's place
after the revelation of his past.
Thanks for coming.
What are friends for?
You'll be a better friend if you
don't say anything to Jeremy until
this shit clears up.
I ain't telling him. Christ, I'll
hear it more than you. He'll be
like I told him, but did he listen
to me...blah, blah, blah.
I'm sure. I just can't believe
she's making a big deal of this.
You probably should have lied.
I did lie. I couldn't tell her
that I've been with over 200
different women. So, I dropped the
number down.


Should've went lower.
I realize that now. (beat) Here's
the crazy part, I'd give up all
those women from my past if I
could just have her.
Maybe you should tell her that.
I will if I get the chance.
Did she tell you how many guys she
had been with?
No, and I never asked.
I don't understand why people ask
that fucking question. It always
leads to problems, what's the
right amount of girls for a guy to
have been with and vice versa.
It's all bullshit. If you are a
guy and you haven't had a lot of
partners you'll be considered
inexperienced and undesirable; but
if you've had too many partners,
you're disgusting and undesirable.
I don't fucking get it. What's the
magic number that gets girls?
Couldn't tell you. Definitely not
50 or 60.
Guess not. Heather and I have
never asked each other about that.
I really don't care because the
past is the past.
She's probably been a good girl.
You can tell. If they don't sleep
with you upon first meeting them,
that means they haven't slept
around, or they really like you.
She may have had a one nighter or


                       SHAWN (cont'd)
two in her past, but she's
definitely not the town whore.
Yeah. Ashleigh was probably the
I know.
Women suck.
Jeremy would have a different
response to that. They may suck,
but we can't live without them
unless you want to be a cowboy in
the mountains.
Fuck that shit!
Agreed. So, I now have to wait and
deal with whatever she has to say
about this decision. I'll have to
accept it either way.
Afraid so. Unfortunately, all the
power in a relationship lies
between a girl's legs. I don't
meant to be crude like Jeremy, but
that is definitely true. Once they
give us a taste they own us,
becasue we are like a junke,
looking for that first fix. They
also own us if they don't give it
up, because we're dying to get in
there and they know it. Either way
they have the final say.
Yep. Guys are so stupid. We think
that we control women, nope they
totally control us. They make us
think that we have control, but we


They are the true masters. No
offense to you, but there isn't
many women that you were with who
weren't there because they didn't
want to be.
I know. I'm not Jeremy who gets
them completely smashed in order
to fuck them.
That's how the prick did it!
For the most part.
That's dangerous, the girl could
always come back and say rape.
She could, but that prick is
smarter than you think. He used to
make up names from time to time.
Plus, he would go back to their
place, so they wouldn't know where
he lived.
That's disgusting.
That's Jeremy. Those are things
that I didn't teach him.
      (looking at watch)
I got to get back to the office.
Yeah, me too. Let's get out of
Let me know what Ashleigh says.
I will.


They get up from their table, leave some money for a tip and
go to pay their bills. Then they head their seperate ways
back to work.
Shawn is sitting in his apartment drinking a beer and
watching TV. There's a knock on his door. Shawn gets up to
answer the door. He opens the door and sees Ashleigh
standing there.
HI. You got a minute.
Absolutely. Come on in, have a
Ashleigh comes in and sits down on the couch. Shawn closes
the door and sits in a chair that is off to the side of the
I'm sorry, did you need something
to drink?
No thnaks.
I assume you're here to talk about
the other night.
Yeah, sorry I freaked out on you.
It's ok, I guess it would be quite
a shock.
I just don't know if I can get
past that.


Don't say that; it was a different
time for me.
I realize that, but that's a lot
of past to look past. I mean, you
were are a man whore.
Look, those girls don't mean
anything to me. I'd give it all up
to be with you again. I never felt
so happy as I was when I was when
I was in your arms.
That's nice to say, but if those
girls didn't mean that much, then
why did you do it?
Partly because I could, partly
because I was young and not
looking for commitment, but again
I was young and made mistakes.
I just have a hard time being with
someone who could use that many
Hey, they used me too. They didn't
have to say yes.
True. And I could understand that
if it was once or twice, but 50 or
60! Christ you don't even know the
exact number! That's so gross.
I'm really sorry you feel tht way,
but all of that shouldn't change
the way you feel about me.
It shouldn't, but it does.


C'mon Ash, just give it a little
time. I'm sure you can look past
Things have changed between us
now, and I don't see you as the
same person anymore.
I am the same exact person. I
never lied to you about anything.
You asked, I told you.
Yeah, you have some integrity with
me, but it's just all those women.
Just try and forget about it. Up
until 3 nights ago, you loved me
for who I am. You know there's
nothing wrong with me. I don't
have any fucking diseases.
That's not the issue. The issue is
that you say you love me, but you
have no respect for women!
Now, hold on there. I respected
every woman I was with. I'm not
fucking Jeremy who just uses them
for his own ya-yas. I made sure
every woman I was with was
Oh, how noble of you! So, where
does that leave me when you say
It leaves you as the one I want to
hold afterwards. You're the one
that I want to watch sleep. You're
the one that I want to see first
thing in the morning. And you are
the one that I do not want to let
go of.


Don't say that to me.
It's all true.
Shawn moves closer to Ashleigh in an attempt to console her.
In his heart he's hoping that this is the end, but as he
goes to put an arm around Ashleigh, she slaps it away.
You can't touch me again. I will
imagine you touching all those
other girls and it'll never be the
same for me. I'm sorry, but for me
it's over.
Shawn backs away.
Well, if that's what you want. I
tried to fight for us, but if
you're willing to throw it all
away so easily, then I guess we
had nothing at all.
Goodbye Shawn.
Goodbye Ashleigh.
Ashleigh grabs her things and starts to leave; she takes one
last glance at Shawn before she closes the door.
      (to no one)
I'll never forget you.
Shawn and Steve are at Shawn's place having a couple beers.
It's been a week since the break-up. Shawn is looking a
little scruffy, unshaven.


So, in the end she just couldn't
handle it.
That sucks.
Guess everyone has to have one
heartbreak in their life.
Better to have loved and lost then
never to have loved at all.
I finally understand that line. As
shitty as I feel now, I wouldn't
give up any of those wonderful
moments that I had with her, even
if it meant that I would feel a
lot better right now.
Damn, this is going to be tough
for you considering it was your
first real relationship.
I guess. Don't really know what's
the normal way to react to this.
You're holding up better than most
people I've seen.
That's good to know. I know I'll
get past this. I don't want to be,
because I'd rather have her, but
I'll get past it.
I know you will.
You know what, tell Jeremy when
you get home that the three of us
are going out tomorrow. Guys night


That sounds cool. Jeremy will
fucking love that. He's been lone
wolfing it lately since you and
Yeah, I'm sure he was having a
good time making an ass out of
I'm sure he did. Although, he
didn't come home a lot of nights
that he went out.
Good for him.
      (looks at watch)
Yeah, well I got to go see
Heather. Make sure that it's cool
to go out with you guys tomorrow.
But I'll be sure to tell Jeremy
that the three of us are going out
Cool. Thanks for stopping by.
Not a problem.
Steve grabs his coat and heads out the door.
Shawn, Jeremy, and Steve are at the Edge, the club they love
to frequent. Shawn has cleaned himself up from last night.
Man, this is like old times. I
can't remember the last time just
the three of us went out together.


It's been awhile. Tonight,
however, is a trip to the past. We
goin old school!
      (looking confused)
Fuck you talking about, you're
married and shit.
Not anymore.
You can count me out on the
hooking up, I'm just out for fun.
I know you weren't going to
hook-up, but goddamn the pimp
daddy is back.
      (hugs Shawn)
Ok, we gots to celebrate. What you
Long Island.
Alrighty, one Long Island coming
Jeremy runs off to the bar.
Knew he'd be excited.
Yeah, like a kid in a fucking
candy store.
So, are you really going to go
back to your old ways?
I doubt it, but it could be fun
tonight. Shake off the crappy
feeling of being dumped.


Yeah, that's a good point.
Jeremy comes back with a Long Island in one hand and 2
bottles of beer in the other hand.
Here ya go, boyos.
Yeah, thanks beer wench.
Fuck you! Hold on I'll be back.
Jeremy runs back to the bar.
Now, what the fuck is he doing?
I have no clue.
Jeremy comes back from the bar with shot glasses in his
Alright, let's get fucked up
What the hell is this?
It's Snakebite time. We need to
celebrate Shawn's return to
bachelor hood (coughs) manhood.
Cool. Let's shoot 'em up!
Jeremy gives Shawn and Steve a shot glass.
Here's to old friends and never
forgetting who you are! Cheers!


      (with Steve)
The bring their glasses in to touch each others for the
toast nad then they each slam down their shot.
Ooooooh yeah that's some good shit
there! Love that Canadian liquor.
That is good shit.
Notice any action while you were
at the bar?
Not yet, there's some decent
broads, but not in your league.
I am out of practice. A
slumpbuster might not be a bad
idea to warm up with.
Fuck that! No way am I letting you
do a slumpbuster. It's old school
tonight and you are going to walk
out of here with the hottest piece
of tail and I'm getting the second
hottest. Steve don't count because
he's already got some hot pussy
waiting for him.