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Don't Smoke the Don
by Andrew (ajbennin@indiana.edu)

Rated: PG   Genre: Miscellaneous   User Review: *1/2
A short commercial spot explaining why one should not smoke.

This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.


A decrepit Cadillac drives by Calzone's, an italian
restaurant in a shaddy part of town, while puffing smoke out
of its muffler. MR. JONES, carrying a black briefcase, walks
towards the restaurant's entrance.
Several cigarettes relax in the restaurant. Some are getting
drinks at the bar while others are either playing cards or
making negotiations. Thick smoke permiates the air, making
it difficult to breath in without inhaling a gulp of
tobacco. Noises of clinging glasses and muffled insults also
fill the air.
One cigarette at an oak table lifts a briefcase from the
floor and presents it to the cigarette across the table.
The bartender cigarette cleans an ash tray while the
cigarette at the bar slams down a shot.
Three cigarettes sitting at a table in the corner play a
sweaty game of poker. Packets of cigarettes rest next to
each player.
The front door opens with the gentle chime of bells.
Everyone's attention in the bar turns towards MR. JONES, who
enters the restaurant. MR. JONES then slowly marches towards
the back of the restaurant as every eye in the joint follows
his walk. Upon reaching the back of the room, he opens the
back door with the briefcase still in hand.
MR. JONES steps forward and pauses as he gazes upon DON
CIGAR and his henchmen sitting at the long table in front of
                       DON CIGAR
      (Motioning MR.
       JONES in.)
Come in, come in.
MR. JONES steps towards the table with a nervous twitch in
his eye.


                       DON CIGAR
I see that you have brought a gift
that I have so rightly been
waiting for. Please, please, have
a seat.
MR. JONES pulls back a chair at the end of the table and
sits down.
                       DON CIGAR
I would like you to be acquainted
with my loyal friends; Cam Elle
and Mal Boros.
The two henchmen pull out packets of cigarettes representing
their own names.
                       DON CIGAR
Do take a load off. Relax for a
                       MR. JONES
Of course Don Cigar. Here’s what
you wanted.
MR. JONES opens the briefcase and shows it to DON CIGAR.
                       DON CIGAR
A half case, of lights. You come
into my home, and insult me with
half of a case of lights?
                       MR. JONES
No Don Cigar, I swear, there was a
full case this mourning!
                       DON CIGAR
Enough! I will not be insulted by
this, this lack of trust. And of
all days; the day of my daughter’s
weddin’. Boys, please escort Mr.
Jones to the side room.
DON CIGAR snaps his fingers and his two henchmen stand. CAM
ELLE and MAL BOROS walk over to MR. JONES.
                       MR. JONES
No Don Cigar! I swear… I swear
I’ll have the cases by Sunday! I
will! No!
MR. JONES looks to both sides as DON CIGAR's henchmen grab a
hold of him and begin to carry him off.


                       DON CIGAR
I bore with your ramblings.
                       MR. JONES
Please, Don Cigar!
DON CIGAR's henchmen drag MR. JONES into the side room. The
sound of the door opening and closing echos through the room
while DON CIGAR reaches for a smoke.
                       DON CIGAR
I do enjoy… a good smoke.
Loud, traumatic coughs are heard OSV followed by gasps and
then silence.
                                         FADE TO BLACK.
The words "Smoking Kills..." fade in.
                                         FADE TO BLACK.
The "no smoking" sign fades in with the words "Please, Don't


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From Geo Date 12/16/2006 *
A nice try but ultimately doesnt have any wit or humor for that matter. I dont even see this as an SNL or MADTV skit. Keep trying though, your dialogue is fine and everything else seems okay, but this particular short just doesnt work.

From Zach Shevich Date 12/8/2006 **
It's all right. As far as Godfather parodies go, there have been many that are better. But this would serve as an okay SNL/MadTV-type skit.

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