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I was an alter boy once
by Dragan (dragan_tomasevic@hotmail.com)

Rated: R   Genre: Drama   User Review: ****
The trials and tribulations of infamous New Jersey hitman, Richard Stalansky. The story revolves around his rise and fall, working for the mob, as well as his attempt of leaving the life he has learned to abide by. Loosley based on the true story of contract killer Richard "the iceman" Kuklinski This is just a brainstorm of ideas, this just a graze of what this script is. I would just like to see what do you think of the overall theme, plot and mood of the script. It is not in chronillogical order. WARNING IT IS VERY VIOLENT

This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.


A lincoln is parked near an apartment building. There is a
presence within the car due to the cigarette light. We gaze
into the car and notice a lean, rough looking man with a
five o'clock shadow wearing a polyester suit. This is

He has a drag of his cigarrette and gazes at a picture which
he is holding in his hand. It is a picture of a younger man
smiling while at some picnic gathering. Suddenly,
headlights flash by him. Richard notices and takes interest
in the car. A stalky bald man comes from the car, but his
face is hidden by the dark. Richard gets out of the car and
follows the man. Richard hurries to get in the apartment as
almost a speed walk.
The stocky man unlocks the front door and hurries to the
elevator noticing that it is about to close. The locking
door of the apartment is about to shut when suddenly, takes
hold of the door. Richard looks towards the elevator, but
misses the stocky man's face. The elevator is closed and
begins to go up. Richard stares at the floor indicator. He
notices that it stopped on the third floor. Richard Hurries
up the stairs of the apartment.
The stocky man retreats from the elevator and begins to walk
down the hallway. The stocky man halts and looks past both
shoulders. The stocky continues to walk down the hallway,
but drops a few things. He is slow to pick them up. Richard
now has reached the floor and seems slightly out of breath.
Richard gazes down both hallways and cannot see him,
suddenly he hears foot steps down the right hall. Richard
walks down the hall. The stocky man is standing at his door
knocking several times, irritated because no one is
awnsering. Suddenly, Richard takes notice of the man
standing at the door. Richard sneaks a small glimpse of the
piture that he was previously looking at from his pocket.
Richard and the stocky man connect gazes and nod at one
another. It is the man in the picture. Richard begins to
walk slower past the man, but stops short behind him.
Richard places his hand inside his coat pocket.


Exuse me, sir. I think you dropped
The stocky man turns to Richard, when suddenly Richard
reveals a beretta with a silencer. Richard SHOOTS the man in
the head,
plastering the white door behind him and Richards face with
BLOOD and BRAIN particles. Richard slowly walks to the
nearest stairs.
Richard is hurrying down the stairs of the apartment covered
in blood. Suddenly, a blood currdling SCREAM is heard from a
woman from above. The stocky man's wife. Richard leaves the

Richard Enters his car wipes off his gun and face with a
cloth from the backseat. He drives off and places his gun in
the glove compartment. His face is motionless. He stops due
to the red stop light. The RED HUE of the spot light is
beaming off Richard's face.

                       RICHARD (VO)
It was 1962
We notice the same RED HUE beaming off a young, innocent
child's face, while he lays in his bed in the dark. This is
YOUNG RICHARD STALANSKY. We hear in the backgroung a man
yelling and woman screaming because she is being severly
beaten by the man.
                       RICHARD (VO)
I was only ten years old and I
grew up in upper city of New
jersey. My father was from Poland.
A little town in Lubuskie.
Poland's asshole as my mom
reffered to it.


                       RICHARD (cont'd)
My mother grew up in this same
part of Jersey. She built a great
street cred by being the biggest
slut in the district.
Not something to be proud about a
ten year old kid.
What you hear right now is my
mother being brutally beaten by my
father. This would happen
routinley everynight till
he left us. After my mom he'd
naturally ofcourse come after me.
The door to young Richard's room opens wide. We notice the
shadow of a man holding a belt. Young Richard stares at him
with impending doom.
                       RICHARD (VO)
Exuse me for a moment.
Young Richard walks towards the door. The screen goes to
BLACK and we here Richard's father swear at him as he we
here the slash of the belt goes of young Richard's flesh.
We notice young Richard walking down the stairs of his
apartment. There are fresh bruises on his face. He is
wearing torn up shoes and a sweater that is much to large on
him. Richard's back is also falling apart.
                       RICHARD (VO)
Nothing ever motivated me to go to
school, but I went every morning.
I went hungry, but never bothered
me too much.
You take a look at the african
refugees that they show on t.v you
think to yourself your life's not
looking so bad right now.
I always held those cards in my
plan do finish something in


The classroom seems very bleak and colourless. The students
are writing a test and are concetreating. We notice young
Richard sadling glaring at the test with no idea what was
infront of him. He stares at the other children. Suddenly,
young Richard grabs his pen and scribbles incoherent words.
                       RICHARD (VO)
It's too bad.
I don't know why I was never that
good at it. It's not that I didn't
care or I didn't like it.
They told me I had some kind of
learning disablity. My parents
were both uneducated, so I thought
to myself.
The apple doesn't fall far from
the tree.
Richard hands his test in and grabs his bag. Richard leaves
the room, while the teacher glances at the TEST that is
scribbling on. The teacher becomes upset and ashamed.
Young Richard is walking with his head down kicking a stone.
Richard lifts his head and notices the bully boys standing
outside of his apartment. There was one fat, dark haired boy
named TONY BOLTOZZO, who is surrounding by tiny cronies.
Young Richard seems very nervous.
                       RICHARD (VO)
And then there was TONY BOLTOZZO.
Everyone called him "Bolt"
because If they didn't they'd
get the shit kicked out of them.
He loved the mob and thought he
ran the show on our block, but the
fact of the matter is he was just
a prick looking to steal a few
dimes from me and give me a few
We notice Bolt laughing and pushing around his little
friends. He is wearing a leather jacket with slicked back
hair. Young Richard puts his head down and tries to ignore


Bolt, but unfortunetly Bolt see's Richard. Bolt jumps
infront of Richard and slightly pushes Richard away from the
Where the fuck you think your
                       YOUNG RICHARD
Upstairs, Bolt. Where do you
                       RICHARD (VO)

See what everyone knew about me
is that when I got a little scared
my hand started to shake, you know
it would start to convulse. I
stop it. I didn't know what it
was. I couldn't control it
Look at this little fuckin' retard
Bolt and his cronies begin to laugh as young Richard is
quite nervous and paspires down his forehead.
You scared you little bitch?
Bolt pushes young Richard to the ground.
Where is my money you fuck?
                       YOUNG RICHARD
What money?
Bolt kicks Richard in the head.
You wanna play smart!?
Bolt begins to punch Richard.
Give me the fuckin' money!
                       YOUNG RICHARD
What money!?


You piece of shit!
Bolt begins to strangle Richard hard. Bolt's cronies are
laughing as Richard get's tortured. Suddenly, Richard grabs
a few coins from his pocket and hands it to Bolt. Bolt
releases Richard.
What the fuck am I going to do
with this?
Tony places it into his jacket pocket. Richard gets up and
you can see him grabbing his hurt ear. Richard kicks him on
the ass.
Get the fuck out here.
Get the fuck outta here!
Bolt and his cronies kick Richard in the ass as he hurries
in the apartment.
Your fuckin' worthless.
Richard is sitting at the kitchen table quietly with his
arms crossed. Richard is bruised up. RICHARD'S MOTHER is
seen making a sandwich in the kitchen. She is thin with dark
hair, but is very worn out and tired, wearing cheap cloths
and make-up. She gives Richard the sandwich. Richard doesn't
seem to be hungry, but forces himself to eat the sandwich.
                       RICHARD'S MOTHER
The school called.
                       YOUNG RICHARD
Yeah, and what they say?
                       RICHARD'S MOTHER
They say your a dumb shit like


                       RICHARD (VO)
My mom since she was beaten by my
father. Resented me. She believed
that the reason why she was abused
was all my fault.
                       RICHARD'S MOTHER
You're the reason why I live like
this. You're the goddamn reason he
beats me. You're
worth shit. Maybe if you did good
in school he wouldn't he wouldn't
rag on me all the time.
                       RICHARD (VO)
I usually blocked her out.
You see Richard being slapped in the head a few times by his
mother as he stares off, while eating his sandwich.
We notice Richard staring out his window gazing at the
catholic church. The church is well decorated with tin roof
tops and well bricked walls. THE CROSS glimmered in the sun
almost incompusing the power that the religion held over the
world. Richard is hyptontized by the church's presence.
                       RICHARD (VO)

There was always something about
that church. I don't know what it
I never really pictured it as a
place of worship but more a golden
palace where the royalty would
My parents never went to church.
They thought it was another reason
for the church to gain money.
I went whenever I could. It was an

Suddenly, the door of Richard's room slams open as we see
Richard's father a stocky, fit man who seems to be full of
anger. He seems to be also quite drunk. He is beginning to
take his belt off roughly.


                       RICHARD'S FATHER
What's this your mother telling me
that the school says your fucking
Richard ducks down in the fetal position as he begins to be
beaten with the belt.
                       RICHARD'S FATHER
No god damn son of mine is going
to be stupid.
We notice the priest performing his daily preach to the
people in polish. The church is fluttered with people, but
Richard is sitting in the front with a worn out suit, that
seems much too large for him. Most of the people there are
quite wealthy or middle classed.
                       RICHARD (VO)

I went to the church whenever I
could. The church never really
held alot of my class. More of the
upper class came. usually all of
the rich kid from suburban jersey
would help the preist.
Richard stares at the alter boys. The donation plate comes
around and takes everything out of his pocket, which
is only a few dimes.
Young Richard is entering the church and crosses himself.
Suddenly an elderly man rubs Richard's shoulder. He
whisper's something in Richard's ear.
                       RICHARD (VO)
I was an alter boy once. one of
the boys were sick.
A gentleman came up to me and
asked me If I would be interested.
We notice Richard staring at the man and nodding.


                       RICHARD (VO)
Of course I said yes, but I was
too happy say it, so all I could
do was knod.
Show's Richard placing the alter boy vale on. He stares at
himself in the mirror smiling.
                       RICHARD (VO)
I couldn't believe it. It was the
single most important day of my
life. Putting that vail on was
like placing a jeresey of your
home team on your shoulders.
A feeling of belonging.
A feeling of importance once In
my life.
We notice Richard proudly performing the rituals of an alter
                       RICHARD (VO)
The funny thing is the more time I

Richard is being slapped in the face by Richard's father.
                       RICHARD (VO)
The more times my father beat me.
Richard is having his money stolen by Tony Boltozzo.
                       RICHARD (VO)
The more times Boltozzo stole from


Richard's mother is yelling in Richard's ear.
                       RICHARD (VO)
The more my mom yelled in my ear.
Richard revieves his test back and it is all completley
                       RICHARD (VO)
The more times I failed.
Richard is on his bedside praying. He stares up at the
                       RICHARD (VO)
It didn't change anything in my
life. Nothing improved, but that
wasn't the point.
It helped me numb the pain
It was medicine
But ofcourse that prescription
came to an end.
Young Richard is sleeping when suddenly he is awaken by
screams from the street. Richard spurs to the window and
notice the church on FIRE. There are people in the streets
screaming as the fire trucks begin to roar down the streets.
The streets are littered by residents.Richard is motionless
as he stairs at the burning church.
                       RICHARD (VO)
It burnt to the ground. They said
it was electrical but I never
bought it.
Richards face is motionless as the he stares at the burning
church. The flames of the fire illuminates Richard's face of


                       RICHARD (VO)
The days later began to change.
The nearest church was an hour
away atleast. So, I stopped going.

I began to feel
the pain again.
Richard is walking from school sumberly and upset. Boltozzo
is standing near the apartment with his cronies again. They
begin to laugh, Richard doesn't notice.
Hey, retard!
Richard turns to Boltozzo.
I heard a few stories about your
I heard you were the cum that she
was supposed to swallow.
They all begin to laugh as Richard continues to walk.
Boltozzo comes from behind and punches Richard. Richard is
being severly beat by Boltozzo punching him several times in
the face. Making him bleed and stealing his money. He begins
to get kicked. We see Richard's face turn from tears to
Richard is staring at the mirror. Richard's face is covered
in Blood. He begins to wipe it away. Richard stare's with
eerie almost distant eyes into the mirror.
Richard is searching through the crowded closet. Richard
grabs and object and closes shuts the door.


Boltozzo is standing by himself, while the sun has just went
down. The street is absent with people and Boltozzo is
counting the dimes from his pocket. Suddenly, we notice
Richard appear from the darkness with a BLUNT OBJECT. He
smashes Boltozzo in the head causing him to be knocked out
automatically all of Boltozzo's change start flying
everywhere. Richard continues SMASH Boltozzo in the head
till he is covered with BLOOD. He BASHES Boltozzo's head
in. The pipe breaks. Richard stares at the brutalized body
and runs upstairs to the apartment.
Richard races his into his apartment, shuts the door and
lucks it. He stands next to the door covered in blood. He is
an absolute shock, but suddenly he becomes motionless.
                       RICHARD (VO)
I didn't noticed the amount of
trouble I could be in, or the
amount of blood I was covered in
or even the fact that
I brutally beat an innocent child.

All I noticed is that my hand
stopped shaking.
I found another medicine.
Richard stares at his blood covered hand as it aswell is
Young Richard is in the shower clensing himself from the
blood. The tub water as it goes down the drain is all of
blood. Young Richard is scrubbing himself hard.
Plenty of people are inside the bar. It is very loud and
smokey from all the cigarettes. It's almost segmented in the
bar where all the tough mobsters are at one side and a
younger group of people at the other. We notice young
Richard who seems much more mature, good looking and sly.
Richard is sitting down out a table with his lengthy,


smart-mouthed friend PETE and with two girls. Young Richard
notices the girl next to him who is absolutley beautiful,
with perfectly cwoft blonde hair and blue ice eyes. She was
You're Richy right?
                       YOUNG RICHARD
I remember you. You used to go to
You know before it got burned
                       YOUNG RICHARD
Yeah, but I don't remember you
Oh, thanks. You're a real
gentleman you know that?
They begin to laugh as Richard take a hit of his cigarette.
Hey Rich, when the fuck you start
                       YOUNG RICHARD
When you stopped minding you're
own business.
I tell this guy all the time.
Rich, don't smoke. Bad for the
lungs, bad for the heart.
I'm know doctor but,
                       YOUNG RICHARD
Because i'm pretty sure Burger
Kind is offering MIT scholorships
Everyone laughs except for Pete.


You know what, fuck you. You're
right, smoke up. Cigarettes are
defintley good for you.
                       YOUNG RICHARD
Pardon his french ladies, but he
just got off the boat.
Young Richard stares at Barbra next him. Richard places his
cigarette down.
                       YOUNG RICHARD
You used to sing in the choir.
I thought you said you didn't know
                       YOUNG RICHARD
I say alot of things.
You were good. You were a good
Thanks Rich.
                       YOUNG RICHARD
Maybe one time you can sing a
little something for me.
                       YOUNG RICHARD
You want something to drink?
Barbra hesitates to awnser as they gaze at one another.
Get me what your getting.
                       YOUNG RICHARD
Alright, but I'm mot carrying out
of here.
Barbra laughs as Richard walks towards the bar. The bar is
swarming with people ordering drinks. Young Richard can
barley get to the bar. Suddenly, Richard gets his way


through from the other side of the bar where the several
older mobsters lurk. Young Richard minds his business as he
gets the attention of the bartender who's name is DINO.
                       YOUNG RICHARD
Hey, bartender! Two rum and cokes
The bartender knods to Richard. Sudennly, a stocky,
loudmouted man with dyed slick black hair glares at young
                       MAN AT BAR
Wooh! Look at this fucking kid!
Richard ignores the man.
                       MAN AT BAR
Dino you let anybody in now adays.
Holy shit!
How old are you kid? Like twelve?
Young Richard stares at the man and notices several of his
friends stand behind glaring at Richard.
                       MAN AT BAR
Dino, the people that you have in
here really hurts the status!
Young Richard noticebly becomes angry as he clinches his
jaw, but still refuses to look at the man.
                       MAN AT BAR
Look kid heres a few bucks go buy
a comic book or something
You're emabarrasing us!
The bar eerily becomes quiet as they notice the loud mouth
man at the bar laughing with his friends as his gives young
Richard a friendly, soft slap in the face. Richard becomes
furious and stands in the man' face. It becomes silently
serious in the bar as the man stares at Richard.
                       YOUNG RICHARD
What kid? What the fuck are you
going to do? I would love for you
to touch me.
The tension in the bar is high as people stare, but Richard
decides to stand down.


                       MAN AT BAR
Holy shit this kids has a shot not
only does he think he grew hair on
his just but he think he grew some
balls too.
Holy shit!
The people begin to converse again and the bar becomes loud
again. Richard leaves the bar as Barbra reaches for Richard.
We then see the man who was threatening Richard come out
of the bar. He seems quite drunk. He enters his car behind
the bar and sits there.He begins to doze off. We then see
someone peak from the ally. It's Richard. He has
a bottle with him and a cloth stuck in the bottle. He walks
next to car and lights the cloth. It is a MOLOTOV COCKTAIL.
He THROWS it in the mans car and the car INGULPHS with
FLAMES. Richard begins to walk away hearing the man
SCREAMING in the car.

                       RICHARD (VO)
If it was one thing I hated.
It was people that couldn't shut
their mouths.
Richard wakes up. He is seems to be having trouble sleeping.
Richard sits up on his bed and notices the house across the
street. Richard looks back towards his wife who is sound
Richard is on his front porch having a cigarette.We can hear
the house across the street from Richard a woman is being
beaten by her husband.
                       MAN (os)
You stupid bitch! Get up!
She is crying hysterically. Richard listens with no emotion.
He finishes his cigarette and puts the butt out.


Richard is placing his jacket on and grabing something from
the kitchen drawer. Richard closes the drawer and turns off
the light.
He walks across the street to the house. He can hear the
wife crying. Richard knocks on the door. The man only
slighlty opens the door.
Richard slams the door open with his foot.
Richard enters the home and the whole living room is a mess.
The wife is the corner crying and bruised up while holding
her unconcous child. Richard is KICKING the man in the head
severly.He then grabs his head and SMASHES of the ground
several times.The wife cries for him to stop. Richard
pulls out a KNIFE and begins to STAB the man. Covering him
in BLOOD. The women is stunned and afraid of Richard.

Don't move!
Richard leaves the home. The wife is almost paralyzed in
fear as she stair at her husband convulsing body, yet she is
not crying.
Richard is covered in blood. He searches through a few of
the lower cabinets and grabs a pail and a few cleaning
supplies. Richard leaves the kitchen.
It shows Richard cleaning up the scene. The woman helps
Richard wrap his body up with a heavy table cloth. The woman


finally begins to break down in tears.

I did you a god damn favour.
A little gratitude would be nice.
Richard stares at her and reveals a wrap of cash to her.
I want you to leave. Get out of
this place. Lay low and find a new
place to live.
The woman knods and grabs the wrap of cash.
You mention me and I swear to god.
I'll make sure your in a ditch
next to him.
Richard props the body on his shoulder and carries it from
the house. The woman stares from her window as Richard
places the body in his trunk. Richard stares back the woman
in the window and goes back into his house.
Richard is at the kitchen table while his little daughter is
eating cereal. Richard's wife is glaring out her front
window noticing that the woman and child are moving that
live across the street.
                       DONNA (os)
Hey, Richard?
                       DONNA (os)
Looks like the neighbours across
us are moving.
Richard becomes silent and looks to her daughter.
Which ones?


The ones across the street.
I don't know why.
It's such a peaceful area.
Donna enters back in the kitchen and they smile at each
Yeah, sure.
Donna walks towards the kettle.
How did you sleep?
Like an angel.
Richard's daughter laughs as well as Donna. Richard smiles
and gives a kiss on his daughters cheek.
Richard sits quietly in the car as the rain is comming down
prefusly. Donny looks towards Richard as he stares out the
I remember the first time I was
sent to do this.
It was a whop by the name of Vito
Ciotti. He was a good man, but you
know a little bit of a cowboy
He tried to convince me that it's
the most horrific and worst thing
your ever going to go through
with, but if your still there. If
your still listening
He would try to convince you that
it wasn't that bad.
Richard and Donny stare at each others eyes.


It doesn't take much to kill a
man. Your heart and reasoning is
out the window.
Just have a plan and stick to it.
And never, ever hesitate.
That's not only the key of
succesfully killing someone, but
its the key to life.
You can hesitate, but the other
guy won't.
What happened to Vito?
They found him laying in a hedge
near the jersey turnpike.
How did he die?
I shot him.
Richard and Donny both become silent. Donny pulls over to a
parking lot and waits. He takes a gun from his side door and
places it in Richard's hand. A car pulls up next to Donny's
car, but it is hard to see due to the rain. Richard stares
back down at the gun.
Make sure he dies.
Richard places the gun in his side pocket.
The rain is comming down hard as Richard makes his way to
the card. The drug dealer exits from the car and seems to be
old, with glasses and a balding hairline.
                       DRUG DEALER
The stuff's in the trunk, kid.
Let's make this quick, it's
raining like a mother fucker.
The drug dealer opens his trunk and sorts through a few
things. The drug dealer hand the cocaine to Richard.


                       DRUG DEALER
You look like a good kid. You from
jersey city?
Richard takes out the GUN and SHOOTS the man in the CHEST.
It is very dark and stormy and can't see much BLOOD. You can
only see the FLASH of the gun. Richard SHOOTS the man
a couple more times. Donny gets out halfway through the car.
We notice Richard carrying the body of the man to the car.
Donny is slightly shocked due to such brtual actions from
such a young man. Donny toughens up again.

Put him in the trunk and don't
fuckin' break anything!
Richard places the body in the trunk. He stares at the body
and shuts the trunk. Richard enters the car.

Richard enters the car dretched of rain and blood. Donny
stares at Richard.
Did he give you the shit?
Richard hands the cocaine to Donny. Richard also attempts to
hand the gun over to Donny.
That's now yours kid. Consider
that your welcoming present.
Richard places the gun in his coat. His face is motionless.
That wasn't so bad, now was it?

Richard then whipes his face and stares at his hand covered
in blood.


Richard takes the man from the trunk. He is SCREAMING, but
it is muffled by the duct tape. Richard enters a very damp
forest. He thens carries the man inside a very dark cave. He
places the man down and begins to TIE him up. He then takes
out a BAT and begins to BREAK his LEGS. The man is
SCREAMING. Richard just stands there. Richard flashes a
FLASHLIGHT into his face. He crouches down to the man.

Look what you did to yourself.
The man begins to cry.
You fucked up.
Richard flashes a light in the corner of the cave where
there are HUNDRED'S of RATS, they begin to inch closer to
the man. The man is SCREAMING again
Atleast, you won't be lonley.
Richard turns off the flashlight and you can hear the RATS
NIBBLING on the man. The man is SCREAMING.
You did this to yourself.
Richard leaves the gave as the man SCREAMS to death as the
rats EAT him away,
Richard enters the quickstop. He looks very depressed and
sick. He hasn't shaven for a while and he is wearing an old,
thrown together suit. It is eerily silent in the place and
there only seems to be a few people working. He notices
charlie and sitting at a table with an older man. Richard
walks towards and they begin to shake hands. Richard takes a
seat across from them.
I haven't seen you forever.
Welcome back.


                       CHARLIE (cont'd)
Charlie slowly slips Richard a napkin. Richard is thinking
hard. He stares at charlie. Charlie looks out the window. He
turns the napkin a written address on the napkin.

You got to go to the washroom or
Well, go for fuck's sakes your
making me nervous.
Richard fakes a chuckle as charlie and the oldman laugh.
Richard gets up and begins to walk away. He stops next to
the entrance door. He stares at the doors, contemplating his
escape from this life. He looks back at Charlie.
                       RICHARD (VO)
Don't change the plan and never,
ever hesitate.
Richard takes a slight step forward towards the doorway but
walks to the washroom.
Richard is splashing his face with water. Richard stares at
the mirror.
                       RICHARD (VO)
One more hit, Rich. One more, hit.
I'm goddamn sick and theres
I could do about it. There was no
way I could fix this. I'm no
better then
crack head at the laying on the
street. I'm broke, I'm homeless,
I've switched sides
and I've lost my family. I'm
worthless to say the least. I'm a
goddamn liabilty.


                       RICHARD (cont'd)
Here I was thinking i was the
hero. I'm a fuckin crony.
One more hit will make it better,

Suddenly while Richard dries his face. Someone from the
stalls comes out. It's Donny. Richard knows he's out to kill
You fuck.
Richard is SHOT and his BLOOD SPLATTER against the mirror.
He is SHOT again in the CHEST. Richard
has his GUN out and SHOOTS Donny in the CHEST and then in
the HEAD. Donny DIES instanlty. BLOOD
is all over the WALLS in the washroom. Richard tries to
CRAWL to the washroom door, but stops short and sits
back on a wall. Charlie and the old man enter the washroom
locking the door. They check Donny and take things from his
WALLET. Charlie stands staring at Richard. He is saying
something too him but it is un-audible.
                       RICHARD (vo)
I never noticed the amount of pain
I was in, or the amount of blood
that was comming out of me or even
the fact that I was going to die.
All I noticed is that
my hand started to shake again
We noticed Richard's HAND begin to SHAKE. Charlie pulls out
a GUN in Richards face. The screen turns BLACK as the
TRIGGER goes off.
                       RICHARD (OS)
Did I tell you I was an alter boy


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From Boris Novak Date 1/31/2007 ****
Intriguing. If it's believable, then it'sch da good schtuff! I enjoyed this one. Only real problem I had was in action sequences. They were way overly-verbose in direction. Remember the rule of screenplays: try to keep direction/action to 5 lines (or less), 6 lines if very necessary. Seven lines or more and you're pushin' it. By breaking up such long paragraphs, it makes for a faster-paced read and is more likely to get an agent's script-reader's attention and hold it. With some luck, the script may make it to an agent, and with a bit more luck, into the hands of a producer hungry for a story idea like yours. Write on!

From milan Date 1/15/2007 ****
This script is really good. It really gives a solid grittiness and truthfulness to this type of story. Almost, scorses-esk atmosphere. It's really violent too, there is great sympathy for the character. Don't stop, head in this direction for sure. Great mood! Take it easy

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