Home Screenwriting Products Screenwriter Community Screenwriting Store
ScriptBuddy - Screenwriting Software for the Web

Screenwriter Community

Back to List of Published Screenplays
View/Leave Feedback

Philly Jones
by Matthew Jenkins, Oliver Keels, Eric Keels (matthew.jenkins279@wku.edu)

Rated: PG-13   Genre: Comedy   User Review:

Philly Jones, a hack private eye, encounters a case full of lies, deception and murder.

This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.


Audience hears a gun shot and the screen pans into a large
office space with a man sitting in a chair holding a gunshot
wound. The color is black and white save for the gunshot
would which is a bright red. The camera focuses on his wound
until dialogue it heard. As he speaks the camera moves up to
focus on his face.
Well, how the hell did this
Screen will fade to black as he continues to mutter to
himself. Start credits before the screen is fully black.
The room is plain with nothing spectacular, a simple wooden
desk with a rolling chair behind it. Credentials hang on the
walls; papers are spread out on the desk with a cup of pens
toward the corner of the desk.

Focus on PERSON sitting in office throwing paper wads into
the trash can. The man, early 30’s late 20’s is dressed
professionally for his career. He is wearing dress slacks,
black, with a white shirt all the buttons fastened but the
top and his tie isn’t tied completely, connecting his shirt
and pants are black suspenders. He is wearing dark rimmed
glasses and he is also wearing a black detective’s hat. A
voice over is heard as he is doing so. Dark music is playing
in the background. Camera focusing on a wide room shot, but
closing in on PHILLY JONES as voice-over comes to a close.
      (Voice over)
It was a cold, wet Monday morning;
the kind you feared would happen
on Sunday. I was sitting at my
desk. It has been three weeks
since I moved here, two weeks
since my last case. Money was
running low and they already shut
off my water. Just as I was
contemplating how I was going to
pay the rent, a goddess wearing
almost nothing and way too much
makeup walked through my door.


A woman walks in. The camera follows her into the rooma from
behind and canvases her body just before she is ready to
talk. CASSANDRA is her name and she is in her late 20’s, and
is wearing a very revealing-low cut dress, however the dress
is tasteful. Camera focuses on her as she begins to speak,
but zooms out to cover the entire conversation between the
two characters.
Philly Jones I presume?
You got my number baby, now who’s
Camera focuses on PHILLY as he says this, switches to
CASSANDRA seen shocked at his demeanor.
My name is Cassandra, and I have a
job for you, and I pay very well.
CASSANDRA opens a black briefcase containing a so-called
large amount of money. In actuality only a small amount of
money is in the briefcase. Briefcase is opened away from
camera as money is not to be seen. PHILLY reaches into the
briefcase and pulls out a bundle of money, which is in fact
the only bundle in the briefcase, and looks it over, then
puts it back in. PHILLY surprised, strokes his chin and
leans back in his old style rolling chair.
Hmmm… Now what are your wishes
PHILLY strokes his chin as he says this.
Cause if it’s a murder, ‘cause
it’s been a while since I did one
of those, so I bet I’m a bit
rusty. Actually it's been a while
since I did a case at all.
PHILLY opens a file cabinet. Inside is one case-file reading
“The Case of the Missing Case-files”.



I really need to finish that one,
I’ve had it for a month now.
No I’m afraid it’s nothing like
that. I fear my husband has
another lover and I want you to
keep and eye on him. When can you
Ma’am, I have already begun.
Before you leave, can you direct
me to the best market in town?
There’s a Save-o-Lot down the
street a couple of blocks.
CASSANDRA stands up lays a folder on PHILLY’S desk, walks
away from the camera, and exits the room. PHILLY talks to
himself as she leaves. After she has left he opens the
folder and reads the information.
Man that’s a lot to think about.
What the hell is a Save-o-Lot? How
come a town like this doesn’t at
least have a Kroger?
PHILLY is seen walking throughout town, visiting hang-outs,
among these are a local coffee shop, restaurant, gay bar
(maybe), etc. talking with witnesses, gathering information.
PHILLY’s voice is heard via voice-over through the entire
      (Voice over)
I examined the information
Cassandra had left me, and I went
to work. I scoped out all of his
local hideouts, but I couldn’t
find him anywhere. All the people
that I questioned gave me the same
answer; he disappeared a few days
ago. How did these people know
this abundant information? Why was
one of his hangouts a gay bar,


                       PHILLY (cont'd)
when he had CASSANDRA? Why is my
main internal thought always a
voice-over? How come I talk to
myself instead of writing this
information down? But one thing
has more importance than all of
the these. How will I find
CASSANDRA’S husband? The answer to
all of these questions lie in one
man, the Greek?
There is a timer on the screen counting the minutes of the
day, however it stops early in the scene. PHILLY checks his
watch notices that it has stopped.
Damn thing always breaks.
PHILLY chucks the watch and the timer disappears. PHILLY
starts walking through the park again. A man (THE GREEK) is
sitting on a park bench throwing croutons on the ground. He
is wearing a polyester overcoat, with sweatpants and new
balance shoes. His hair looks like he just crawled out of
bed, and he is scruffy looking as if he hadn’t shaved in a
week or two.
      (Voice over)
I was to meet my informant in a
nearby park at 7 am. I had worked
with him before and from what I
remember of him, is that he isn’t
quite right in the head, and he
wasn’t very subtle about his
message in fact he never really
helped during the last
investigation, but he is the only
informant that I have. I was to
give the codeword PIGEON during
the meeting to progress. I didn’t
exactly know why that was the
codeword but the Greek is a crazy
man and I soon learned why it was
PHILLY walks over to park bench, sits down next to THE
GREEK. Camera pans of THE GREEK’s body focusing on the bag
in his hand reading TOP SECRET. THE GREEK is mumbling to
himself and counting the number of croutons thrown to the
invisible pigeons.


I’m sorry but why are you throwing
croutons on the ground?
                       THE GREEK
Frank told me if you throw them
they will come.
PHILLY looks at NICK with a weird look, as if puzzled.
Who is this Frank you speak of?
                       THE GREEK
That is none of your concern.
      (Voice over)
I realize then how out of it he
really was. [End V.O.] Why are you
throwing croutons to pigeons?
                       THE GREEK
I found that croutons work better.
Wanna take a gander? But be
careful theys careful stuffs in
there. Something he told me to
take good care of.
Who? Who told you to talk to me?
                       THE GREEK
Frank, he knows quite a bit about
you Philly Jones, but no worries,
no worries, he gots yo back.
Well that’s good I guess, who is
this Frank man anyway
                       THE GREEK
I already told you, that is of no
concern to you.
So there’s no chance of meeting
him, is there anywhere I can find
                       THE GREEK
You don’t find him, he finds you.
Wait… maybe it’s the other way


                       THE GREEK (cont'd)
around. I dunno, either way he
will find you, or you will find
him, either way you will me and it
will be glorious, angels will sing
Hallelujah on most high.
Okay [drawn out], how ‘bout that
bag, huh any chance of me getting
what ever is in there?
                       THE GREEK
Sure why the hell not.
PHILLY takes the bag labeled “Top Secret” on the side.
PHILLY and THE GREEK nod at each other for a while, and then
PHILLY leaves. After he leaves the camera flashes to another
bench, the camera focuses on a man peering at THE GREEK from
behind a newspaper.
PHILLY is walking down the street walking towards a large
apartment building. He enters the apartment building and
walks up the stairs. When he reaches the top, he finds an
open door. The camera follows PHILLY as he walks into the
room. Strewn across the floor, is a corpse with a single
bullet hole in his back. Blood covers the floor, and the man
is holding card in his hand with 2 large red letters written
on them, the audience doesn’t see them until the next scene
at the diner. PHILLY runs out of the apartment after
grabbing the card out of his hand and calls the police, on
his cell as he runs.
The scene starts with PHILLY in a phone booth on the phone.
A voice over is heard as he is in the phone booth.
      (Voice over)
I was greatly disturbed at what I
saw. I normally didn’t deal with
the dead but the aftermath of the
dead. I don’t even go to
autopsies, in fact blood and guts
freak me out. As far as I could
tell from the body, it matched the
description of Cassandra’s
husband. I needed more
information. I decided to phone


                       PHILLY (cont'd)
Nick. He told me to meet him in a
diner that was close to the local
PHILLY exits the phone booth and starts to walk towards the
diner. As he nears the camera switches to a focus on the
diner sign near the door. PHILLY enters the diner, and sits
as the bar. The diner is a rinkydink kind of place with a
few customers. Standard diner layout, with a bar with grills
and soda fountains. The CHEF is cleaning glasses behind the
counter. He is of Hispanic decent and speaks in broken
Can I get you uhh… som’t’ing?
No thank you, I’m just waiting for
a friend right now. Ask me a
little later [pause] actually I
think I will have some coffee.
Colombian if you have any.
I ‘ate ‘hose freakin’ Colombians.
CHEF shatters the glass in his hand against the counter.
Never mind, I think I’ll have a
As PHILLY drinks his coke, he acts like he is dazed.
What ahh… wrong with you?
I’m a little out of it today. I
saw a dead man today. Kinda
creeped me out a little. He was
holding a card with two letters on
PHILLY shows the CHEF the card with the letters on it away
from the audience. The CHEF nods and PHILLY puts the card
back in his pocket.
Me see, well ‘ats the calling card
of de Crazy Jay.


Who's Crazy Jay?
‘e’s the biggest crime lord in ‘is
her’ town.
Ohhh, I see I see.
      (Voice over)
Suddenly it all made since; the
disappearance, the letters, math.
It all made since to me. [End
Where can I find this Crazy Jay?
You don’’ find ‘im, ‘e finds you.
Or is it the other way ‘round. I
confused. No Matter.
PHILLY stands up, walks toward the door.
‘ave a nice day, ‘ome again soon.
Don't forget to tip.
PHILLY walks out the door with a voice over as he walks out
the door.
      (Non hispanic)
Again everyone forgets to tip.
      (Voice over)
It just donned on me, Nick was a
no show, what could have happened
to him? I decided to hit up a
local bar to see if I could gather
some info.
                                         FADE OUT.
THE GREEK is walking down the street, counting to himself
the steps he takes. The Camera flashes to two men following


THE GREEK. He notices them, and begins to walk faster. Chase
music is being played in the background and the tempo picks
up the faster he moves. THE GREEK runs into an alley, to
escape, loses them only to find two more one with a gun
pointed to his head. Screen fades, and during the black
screen a gun shot is heard.
The bar is full of people and live band in on the stage
playing music. All the tables are full, and the only seats
available are at the counter. PHILLY enters the bar, and a
voice over is heard.
      (Voice over)
The bar was wild, so I slipped in
unnoticed, I was able to bypass
some men I owed money too…
Flash to people in corner grinding their fists.
      (Voice over
I walked strait to the bar, for
what I wanted more than anything
else in the world. [End V.O]
I would like a cup of your
strongest Colombian coffee.
Comin’ right up sir.
      (Voice over)
Finally, a person who didn’t try
to hurt me when I asked for one.
BARTENDER pours PHILLY’s coffee sits back and watches PHILLY
drink it in one swallow.
      (Voice over)
I looked over my shoulder to have
a look around the bar. In the far
corner was a man whom I took to be
the big cheese.
Focus on man sitting in corner in an odd position drinking a
cup of coffee, with a whiskey flask nearby. He slowly picks


up the flask and pours some of the amber liquid into his
coffee. He is well dressed, wearing a pressed suit, and his
gaze is focused on PHILLY.
Who is that man over there?
Oh, that be the owner, Crazy Jay.
I heard he’s the craziest crime
lord in ‘s here town.
How many crime lords are there in
‘s here town?
I don’t know. One maybe two. I do
know his rival is diner's owner
rival and they sure are involved
in quite a quarrel.
Well, I would like to meet with
this Crazy Jay.
He don’t meet with nobodies like
A man walks up to the counter, and
whispers in the bartender’s ear.
After he says it, he walks off and
the BARTENDER chuckles to himself.
He's a dead man.
PHILLY gets up and walks over to the table where CRAZY JAY
is sitting.
                       CRAZY JAY
Welcome to my fine establishment
Philly Jones. I trust it has been
an eventful one.
How do you know me?


                       CRAZY JAY
I know everything that goes on in
this town especially that of what
interests me Philly Jones.
      (Voice over)
His confidence was unbearable, and
his breath smelled of cheap
liquor, the kind you would get at
a corner store from a Mexican. His
knowledge of me creeped me out,
put me at an edge. I decided to go
through his web of lies and
confront the truth, but first I
needed to know who killed
Cassandra’s husband. I needed to
be as discrete as possible. [End
V.O.] So I was in the 34th street
apartments the other day and… DID
[Voice over continues] Damn it, I
should have been more subtle,
maybe my approach may work anyway.
                       CRAZY JAY
I'm not going to tell you.
CRAZY JAY writes something on a napkin, passes it across the
table to PHILLY. PHILLY opens it and on the napkin in big
letters it reads YES I DID. PHILLY looks at him confused.
His attempts to incriminate
himself made me confused. Why
would he do this to himself? Even
though he confessed it, I felt
that there was more to this
investigation, I decided to gather
more evidence before continuing
this talk. [End V.O.] Will I be
able to contact you again?
PHILLY stands up and looks at CRAZY JAY.
                       CRAZY JAY
That all depends on how much you
get on me.
PHILLY walks out of the bar.


PHILLY is walking throughout the town until he sees CRAZY
JAY emerge from an apartment building. He goes inside and
walks up to an open door at the top of the stairs.
      (Voice over)
This Crazy Jay is a man of class,
mahogany furniture, books galore,
can’t say much for his movie
PHILLY walks over to his movie collection. It includes the
titles, Loggjammin and The Best of Carl Hungus. PHILLY walks
over to the book shelf, pulls a book of the shelf opens it
up and a letter that is being used as a book mark falls out.
      (Voice over)
I read the letter that fell out.
It made me sick. To see Crazy Jay
as a love sick man seemed a little
unnerving. Even more unnerving was
that the letter was addressed to
my employer.
Door slammed off screen, PHILLY ducks under a table. CRAZY
JAY emerges from the doorway wobbling as if drunk. He is
holding a gun. CRAZY JAY stumbles towards the bathroom walks
in and locks the door.
      (Voice over)
There he was, Crazy Jay, and he
was as drunk as a drunk lemur as
he walked into the bathroom. I
knew it was time to escape.
PHILLY runs out the door and the scene fades.
The camera fades in, focusing on a large round table in the
middle of a room. One by one, people start walking in and
sitting at the table, the last person to walk in is CRAZY
JAY. Once he sits down the meeting is called to order.
                       CRAZY JAY
Damn my head hurts. What happened
last night?


                       MOB 2
Well sir, you got smashed drunk
and passed out on the bathroom
floor with you head resting on
toilet seat. We went in there to
check on you and for some reason
you were naked covered in shaving
                       CRAZY JAY
Yeah sorry about that, let’s never
speak of this incident okay. I
will now call to order meeting 101
of the evil council. Let us take a
look at last week’s business.
                       MOB 1
I would like to know about the
business, with the man on Second
Street went.
MOB 3 stands up.
                       MOB 3
It wasn’t easy sir, I had planned
on sinking it in the lake but it
wouldn’t sink so I had to fill his
pockets with rocks and try again,
and low and behold it still
wouldn’t sink. So I asked myself
how do you sink a body and well I
came to many conclusions on how to
finish the process…
                       CRAZY JAY
Is it done?
MOB 3 continues.
                       MOB 3
. . . burning the corpse, but
where would I dispose of the ashes
and again it would be traced back
to you, plus accelerant is
expensive. Cannibalism popped into
my head, but that’s just gross.
Finally I just . . .
                       CRAZY JAY


                       MOB 3
Ye yes, it’s done.
                       CRAZY JAY
Good. I don’t care how as long as
it is done.
MOB 3 sits down.
                       CRAZY JAY
Now let’s get to more serious
matters. Have you all assembled
group for killing Mr. Jones?
                       MOB 2
Yes sir and we all agree that this
team will do the trick.
He hands CRAZY JAY a piece of paper that reads: Nixon,
Hitler, Stewart, and Satan.
                       CRAZY JAY
You idiots, these men are either
dead or out of town.
                       MOB 2
Sorry sir but that’s the best we
could do.
                       CRAZY JAY
Best you could do huh. [Sighs]
Well maybe I’m being a little too
hard on you. Tell you what, how
‘bout I go a little easier on you,
my underling.
MOB 2 grins and chuckles.
                       CRAZY JAY
Oh and another thing.
MOBSTER II turns to see CRAZY JAY pointing his gun in his
face. Crazy Jay fires his gun.
                       CRAZY JAY
Let that be a lesson to the rest
of you. What do I look like a
dumbass, do the rest of you think
this a damn joke, do you seen me
grinning and laughing. That
insolent shit Jones is on to us
and you get a rag tag group of
softies, get Corduroy crew they


                       CRAZY JAY (cont'd)
always seem to get the job done.
Might be bloody, but at least it
will be his blood and none of you
CRAZY JAY holsters his gun after pointing it in everyone
                       MOB 1
How are they goin’ to get Philly?
                       CRAZY JAY
They will give him an offer he has
to accept.
All laugh.
Flashes throughout the scene of a group of men dressed on
Corduroy walking down the street in slow motion. At the end
they get into a van, all to the song "Damn it Feels Good to
be a Gangster".
PHILLY walks into the same diner as before, the same people
are still there.
      (Voice over)
Something told me that Nick was
gone, I couldn’t put my finger on
it. Was it that he wasn’t showing
up for the meetings, that he
wouldn’t return my calls, or was
it the reports on the television
saying that a large Greek man was
shot and killed and that his body
lie in a gutter? If only I could
get a solid answer to tell that my
friend was dead.
PHILLY sits down at the bar.
‘ey, you know ‘at your Greek
fr’end is dead.


      (Voice over)
I almost died inside. [End V.O]
Damn shame.
Corduroy crew enters diner.
‘ou know, Philly, t’ word on the
street ‘s dat Crazy Jay is out for
your blood.
Yeah well, put this out on the
CHEF pulls out a piece of paper and a pencil.
This is to Crazy Jay, Crazy Jay,
is not really Italian, his mom is
from Sweden. OK that’s it.
CHEF takes that paper and walks out the door and places it
down on the street and walks back in.
You know PHILLY, you’re playing a
dangerous gam…
Corderoy crew approach the counter, along with MOB 1.
                       MOB 1
Frank, Frank, Frank, you know we
were considering releasing you of
your debt, but to see you involved
with this shit, no offense Philly.
None taken.
                       MOB 1
Anyway, Crazy Jay was lenient on
you and I am afraid he is tired of
dealing with the both of you.
MOBSTER I takes out his gun right as PHILLY hits the floor,
Gunshots are heard all aimed at the chef.


      (Voice over)
After saving my life I saw the
Chef taking the bullets with
zealous delight.
CHEF laughing as each bullet hits him.
I eata yo’ bullets, I eata yo’
bullets. YUM, YUM, Yo quiero Colt
      (Voice over)
My friend was truly insane, but
yet another opportunity to escape.
PHILLY escapes. Screen fades as CHEF falls.
PHILLY walks down the street, shaken up.
      (Voice over)
First Nick and now my Chef
informant. This case was becoming
more and more dangerous as it
continued. Plus on top of that my
pool of informants was running
dry. With the Corduroy Crew on my
ass I needed to find a place to
lay low for a while. I knew of one
such place.
Screen Fades, flash to PHILLY sitting in Library, reading a
Teen People magazine. Zoom in on PHILLY.
PHILLY gets up to check out his magazine, a MAN in line
starts to talk to him.
Ya know what I know, you, your
Philly Jones. I’ve heard of your
situation and all I gots to say is
are you goin’ to buck out like a
crazy varmit, or are you goin’ to
take it like a man.


      (Voice over)
That statement made me think a
PHILLY leaves the Library, fade out.
PHILLY is walking throughout town.
      (Voice over)
I decided to take the man’s
advice. I left the library and
decided to go back to my office to
review the case.
PHILLY walks down the street and behind follows a white van,
the same as the one in Scene 10. The Corduroy Crew
intercepts him and captures him. Philly struggles as the
scene fades.
PHILLY awakes in an abandoned church surrounded by the
Corduroy Crew, CRAZY JAY and his escorts are also there.
      (Voice over)
I awoke in an abandoned church,
and I was surrounded by Corduroy
Crew. I looked over to the
entrance and there was Crazy Jay
with his escort.
                       CRAZY JAY
Did you really think you could
hide from me, Philly Jones? I told
you before; I know everything that
happens in this town.
You’ll never get away with this
Crazy Jay.
Actually I think I will. I have a
gun here and my escort here has a
gun. Plus my assload of Corduroy


                       PHILLY (cont'd)
Crew have guns, so you’re
outnumbered by a lot of guns. And
now you die Philly Jones, but
first I am Italian, my dad was
from Florence. So now you die.
CRAZY JAY points gun at PHILLY.
                       CRAZY JAY
Damn it, who got in, I told you
guys to lock the door.
Enter “dead” CHEF and cohorts.
                       CRAZY JAY
We gonna mess you up ‘razy Jay.
                       CRAZY JAY
How the hell?
CHEF moves toward CRAZY JAY. A gunfight insues, with Opera
in the background, Corduroy Crew start to die, and cohorts
start to die, then the screen fades as PHILLY escapes.
      (Voice over)
I have had enough of this crazy
ass little town, and I got to get
PHILLY starts to pack his bags and unloads his cabinets. A
knock on the door is heard and CASSANDRA walks in.
I heard you were leaving town, so
I thought I would pay you what you
I was just doing my job. By the
way what was your last name, I
never caught it before


Johns. Why?
PHILLY’S mind flashes to the card with CJ written on it and
he flashes to the love letters. Cassandra turns and walks
Why didn’t I catch it before?
CASSANDRA stops turns and shoots PHILLY with a gun concealed
in her trench coat. She walks over, picks up the brief case
and walks out the door.


Back to Top of Page
Leave Feedback
There is currently no feedback for this screenplay.

Back to Top of Page
Leave Feedback
You must be logged in to leave feedback.
Home    My Account    Products    Screenwriter Community    Screenwriter's Corner    Help
Forgot Your Password?    Privacy Policy    Copyright 2024, ScriptBuddy LLC.    Email help@scriptbuddy.com