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Twisted Hearts
by matt (darkhunter7070@yahoo.com)

Rated: R   Genre: Drama   User Review: ***
This is currently a work in progress and is very loosely based on a situation im going through where my best friend just got married. I am trying to determine where to take to this. This may very well end up a short film Milton is dealing with his best friends recent marriage and meets Jenna who is cute and sweet and slowly starts to fall for him. But Milton struggles with his love for his best friend as Jenna Struggles to tell Milton a secret and her attraction to Milton. Will Jenna and Milton end up together?


This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



TWISTED HEARTS

FADE IN:

INT. THE BAR - NIGHT
                                                            
Its almost closing time and the weekend crowd disperses out
the door groups of friends heading off to breakfast together
to cure their drunken state while lovers go off to have sex.
Meanwhile a young guy sits alone at the bar nursing a beer
and smoke while a few people sit in the back and chatter
with each other while the bartender wipes down the bar
picking up dirty glasses
                                                            
                       MILTON
      (talks to the
       bartender)
Have you ever met a girl who has
changed you so much that she was
the only one you wanted to spend
the rest of your life with?
                                                            
                       MAX
You wanna another beer bro? i have
to close and to answer your
question i
have had a few in my time. Why do
u ask?
                                                            
                       MILTON
it all started 5 yrs ago when i
met this fantastic girl she was
sweet charming and we had tons of
stuff in common working in a video
store. I had this extremly hot
blonde for a girlfriend and
eventually that bottomed out and
the bond between me and this girl
got stronger
                                                            
                       MAX
      (interrupts the
       story)
Let me tell you something man
Women are like renting a movie.
                                                            
                       MILTON
What do u mean?
                                                            
                       MAX
Alright think of the video store
as society. We go into it as men
and women are like the movies
            (MORE)

2.

                       MAX (cont'd)
thousands to choose from right. We
spend forever looking for the one
that is gonna keep us entertained.
Shes got to have a lot of action
very little drama attached and
sense of humor which is metaphoric
for comedy and definetly cant be
scary looking which would make her
a horror film. We finally find
one we are interested in we take
her home for a few nights and if
she doesnt hold our interest we
dump her just like we would return
a movie go out and get another one
till we finally find one we no
longer want to keep for just a few
nights but we want to own
                                                            
Milton takes a drag off his cigarette and finishes his beer
                                                            
                       MILTON
Wow thats defintely an interesting
perspective
                                                            
                       MAX
      (Smiles)
Fuck Yeah it is. So what i am
sayin man is to hell with this
girl. go to the video store and
find one you want to own. I gotta
close up but come back and see me
and let me know how it all pans
out
                                                            
Milton Stands up and walks to the door and looks back at the
bartender
                                                            
                       MILTON
Hey thanks for the advice whats
your name dude?
                                                            
                       MAX
Its max
                                                            
Milton walks out the door as Max turns the lights off, and
heads down the street
                                                            
 
EXT. STREET - NIGHT
                                                            
as milton walks down the street and the cool night air hits
his face as he watches drunk people stagger out of the

3.

diner and hears the sounds of ambulances and cop cars in the
distance wailing through the city he lights a cigarette and
just as he leans forward to light it a girl bumps into him
                                                            
                       MILTON
Oh shit i am so sorry
                                                            
                       JENNA
no its my fault i should have been
watching where i was going
                                                            
their eyes meet as he takes a drag of his cigarette and he
goes to speak
                                                            
                       MILTON
      (extends his hand
       laughing)
my name is milton i know this is
gonna sound totally crazy but do u
wanna go have breakfast with me
                                                            
                       JENNA
      (she laughs and
       smiles)
shakes his hand and says sure what
the hell by the way im jenna nice
to meet you
                                                            
They run across the street and enter the diner
                                                            
 
INT. DINER - NIGHT
                                                            
The Diner is done in a 50s style with a checkered floor and
Juke Box in the corner and old Happy Days Style booths. They
Take a seat in the back corner
                                                            
A Waitress approaches in her mid 50s wearing black pants a
white grease covered shirt a beanie and black sneakers
                                                            
                       WAITRESS
can i start the 2 of you off with
drinks ?
                                                            
                       MILTON
Diet Coke please
                                                            
                       JENNA
Lemonade thanks
                                                            
                       WAITRESS
ill be right back with them
                                                            

4.

                       MILTON
Soo what should we talk about ?
                                                            
                       JENNA
      (Smiles Deviously)
How about what do u look for in a
girl?
                                                            
                       MILTON
      (looks surprised)
Wow thats a little forward having
known you for all of 15 minutes
but ok..... what do i look for in
a girl hmmm good question?
                                                            
                       MILTON
i would say i want a girl that has
the adventurous spirit of
Catherine Zeta Jones in Entrapment
with the charm of Bridget Jones
cute and nerdy
                                                            
                       JENNA
      (laughing)
where did you come up with that
analogy most guys would have said
tits and ass
                                                            
Waitress comes back with the drinks and her pad and paper
                                                            
                       WAITRESS
Ready to Order?
                                                            
                       MILTON
Ill have Eggs and Toast
                                                            
                       JENNA
Ill have the same
                                                            
                       WAITRESS
      (walks to the
       kitchen)
Ok be back shortly
                                                            
                       MILTON
You see i just found out my best
friend is getting married and i
was at the Bar drinking away my
depression of the news down the
street and the bartender explained
his whole theory to me of how
women are like a video store and
we as men spend forever looking
for the video i.e. woman that we
            (MORE)

5.

                       MILTON (cont'd)
will not just want take out for a
couple nights but find one we want
to own
                                                            
                       JENNA
thats a really cool theory and all
but i never thought i would see
the day when women were reduced to
what sits on the shelves in
blockbuster
                                                            
waitress drops off the food
                                                            
                       MILTON
So how bout you what kind of
movies do u want your guy to be ?
                                                            
                       JENNA
      (thinks for a
       second)
i want a guy who has the romantic
side of Nick Sparks movies like
the Notebook and Walk to Remember
whenever the girl is in trouble he
is always there for her and has a
sense of humor like Clerks vulgar
at times but witty and clever
enough to make you laugh and think
.
                                                            
                       MILTON
      (smiles and
       shovels a fork
       full of eggs in
       his mouth)
interesting choices
                                                            
they eventually finish their breakfast pay and walk out
                                                            
 
EXT. DINER - NIGHT
                                                            
                       JENNA
      (smiles)
Thank you for breakfast that was
tasty
                                                            
                       MILTON
      (smiles in return)
your welcome so what shall we do
now
                                                            

6.

                       JENNA
      (grins)
how bout we go back to my place?
                                                            
                       MILTON
alright lets go
                                                            
they head off to her place
                                                            
 
INT. JENNAS APARTMENT - NIGHT
                                                            
the apartment is kind of messy there are magazines scattered
all over the coffee table and the lamp shines dimly next to
the couch and reaks of chinese
                                                            
                       JENNA
      (smiles shyly and
       heads for the
       bathroom)
make your self comfortable excuse
the mess let me just use the
restroom really quick theres beer
in the fridge if your thirsty
                                                            
milton walks to the fridge and opens it noticing left over
chinese food boxes and various other foods and grabs a beer
kicks it shot and pops it open over the sink and sips it
                                                            
 
INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
jenna stands in the mirror frantically fixing her hair
lifting her boobs applying lipstick
                                                            
                       JENNA
      (talking to
       herself smiling)
alright jenna hes really cute just
be yourself and relax
                                                            
walks out of the bathroom back into the living room where
Milton sits on the couch nursing a beer smiling at him and
walks over and sits next to him on the couch
                                                            
                       MILTON
nice place you have here lived
here long?
                                                            
                       JENNA
      (staring at him)
no not really just a year or so
                                                            

7.

begins to slide her hand btw his legs rubbing leaning
forward to kiss him
                                                            
                       MILTON
      (looking surprised
       moving her hand
       away)
ummmm what are you doing....?
                                                            
                       JENNA
      (smiling beginning
       to kiss him and
       squeezing btw his
       legs)
mmm come on dont you want me baby
                                                            
                       MILTON
      (stands up)
if you are expecting to fuck i
just cant plus we have just met
dont you feel we are moving a
little fast
                                                            
                       JENNA
what the fuck!!! here i am
throwing myself at you and you
dont even want me what are you
gay??
                                                            
                       MILTON
      (screams)
im in love with my best friend and
she just got married
                                                            
                       JENNA
      (screams)
hey dumbass she is married she
obviously is not in love with
you!!!
                                                            
                       MILTON
      (throws his beer
       against the wall
       shattering the
       glass)
fuck you!!! you dont know what im
going through
                                                            
                       JENNA
      (cries)
just get the fuck out of here
                                                            

8.

swings open the door walks out and slams it behind him
                                                            
 
INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT
                                                            
Milton is leaning outside against the wall next to her door
and pulls out a cigarette and lights it
                                                            
                       MILTON
      (talking to
       himself)
what the fuck am i doing i just
had a beautiful woman throw
herself at me. I love my best
friend too much fuck it
                                                            
Walks down the hallway and down the stairs
                                                            
 
INT. JENNAS APARTMENT - NIGHT
                                                            
Jenna is sitting on the couch crying staring at the floor
just then her cell phone rings and she picks it up
                                                            
                       JENNA
Hello?
                                                            
                       MAX
Hey baby how are you? i know its
late you want me to come over?
                                                            
                       JENNA
      (smiles)
yeah i could use a pair of manly
arms to hold me
                                                            
                       MAX
ill be right over
                                                            
                       JENNA
Sounds good ill be waiting for you
heheheheheeh
                                                            
25 MINUTES LATER
                                                            
There is a knock at the door and Jenna walks over to the
door and opens it and there stands max wearing his punk
tshirt and faded jeans and skater shoes
                                                            
                       MAX
      (leans forward and
       french kisses her)
hey baby
                                                            

9.

                       JENNA
      (she reaches down
       and undoes his
       pants as she
       french kisses him
       and pulls him
       inside)
*breathing heavily* hi
                                                            
they move onto the couch frantically taking each others
clothes off breathing heavily kissing wildly as he begins to
penetrate her when there is a knock at the door. Max slips
on his boxers and runs to the door and opens it where Milton
is standing.
                                                            
                       MAX
      (looking surprised)
hey bro whats up
                                                            
                       MILTON
      (eyes wide
       noticing jenna on
       the couch naked)

What the fuck are you doing here?
                                                            
                       MAX
      (smiles smuggly
       and looks toward
       jenna on the
       couch)
aint it obvious?
                                                            
Milton pushes past him and walks toward the coffee table to
get his wallet and jenna stands up covering herself quickly
                                                            
                       MILTON
      (lights a
       cigarette)
Your fuckin her!!! Holy shit aint
this a night of soap opera
proportions. Not even a fucking
hour ago she was trying to fuck me
                                                            
                       MAX
Is this true baby??
                                                            
                       JENNA
      (looking surprised)
no baby i would never do that to
you i love you!! Milton Get the
Fuck Out of here
                                                            

10.

                       MILTON
      (takes a drag of
       cigarette grabs
       his wallet and
       turns before
       walking out the
       door)
your a lying whore hes gonna find
out eventually
                                                            
                       MAX
      (pushes the door
       closed)
have a good night
                                                            
they go back to having sex as max sits on the curb outside
taking another drag of his smoke staring at the tiny shining
stars in the sky
                                                            
 
INT. MILTONS APARTMENT - DAY
                                                            
The apartment is only lit by the sun poking through the
dusty window shedding light on the coffee table littered
with magazines and a pizza box and the bed of sheets strewn
about and wrinkled where Milton sleeps in his boxers
shirtless laying face down when there is a knock on the door
and milton awakes half asleep hair all over the place and
heavy five o clock shadow walks to the door and opens it
where his best friend Lena stands
                                                            
                       LENA
      (smiling)
hey buddy!!!
                                                            
                       MILTON
      (half asleep
       looking surprised)
Holy shit haven't seen you since
the wedding how have you been?
                                                            
                       LENA
im doing ok i guess John is good
we have a house now a couple of
dogs and im pregnant
                                                            
                       MILTON
      (reaches on the
       coffee table for
       his last
       cigarette and his
       lighter looking
       surprised and
       lights it and
            (MORE)

11.

                       MILTON (cont'd)
       takes a drag
       smoke billowing
       through the air)
No fuckin way!!! how many months?
                                                            
                       LENA
      (turns her head
       away)
3 months but......
                                                            
                       MILTON
      (takes another
       drag)
but what....
                                                            
                       LENA
its not Johns... remember the
night we went out to the bar that
night before a couple days before
the wedding me you and john and a
bunch of our other friends and i
told you i had to use the
bathroom? well i was seeing Max on
the side and that night in the
stock room...
                                                            
Flashback
                                                            
 
INT. STOCK ROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
she is pinned against the wall wearing a tank top and short
skirt while he wears jeans a t shirt and skater shoes
kissing her neck her hands all over his back while he works
her panties down her legs
                                                            
fade back to reality
                                                            
                       MILTON
      (looks shocked)
holy shit
                                                            
                       LENA
      (looks at the
       floor)
yep its maxs baby
                                                            
                       MILTON
so you gonna tell him or what...?
                                                            

12.

                       LENA
      (her eyes begin to
       water)
how can i? i love john and that
night with max was a mistake we
were drinking and everything
                                                            
milton wraps his arms around her
                                                            
                       MILTON
ill go with you to the bar you
need to break the news to him
sweetheart its gonna hurt more if
you keep it a secret
                                                            
                       LENA
      (smiles through
       her tears)
this is why we have always been
best friends your so supportive.
Your right this is something i
need to do lets go
                                                            
 
INT. THE BAR - DAY
                                                            
Lena and Milton walk into the bar where the chairs are
flipped on the tables bottles behind the bar glisten from
the sunlight and max still wearing the same clothes from
last night sweeps the floor and is setting up for a party
thats happening tonight
                                                            
                       MAX
      (Smiles drops the
       broom and walks
       toward her with
       open arms)
LENNAAAA
                                                            
                       LENA
      (half smiling and
       wrapping her arms
       around him)
maxx
                                                            
                       MAX
Hows married life treating you
girl god it feels like its been
forever
                                                            

13.

                       LENA
      (shyly grins)
its ok i guess look max theres
something i need to tell you and..
                                                            
The Backroom door opens and Jenna walks in wearing beige
shorts and a tank top and sandals carrying a box of party
favors
                                                            
                       JENNA
      (looks shocked)
Max where do u want these? hey
girl whats up? how you been?
                                                            
                       LENA
      (turns back to max)
im alright i guess .... look max i
don't know how to tell you this
                                                            
his cell phone rings
                                                            
                       MAX
hold on one second i have to take
this call and them i am all yours
                                                            
                       LENA
      (Screams)
I am pregnant with your fucking
child you asshole
                                                            
Jenna turns white and drops the box of party favors Max's
mouth falls to the floor and his cell phone hits the ground
and the band managers voice can be heard "Hello,Hello, Max?
and Milton just takes a step back
                                                            
                       JENNA
      (in shock and awe)
what the fuck max? when the fuck?
how....
                                                            
                       MAX
      (at a total loss
       for words
       stutters)
uh uh uh... Milton u gotta a
cigarette bro
                                                            
                       MILTON
      (looks at him with
       disapproval)
yeah lets go outside
                                                            

14.

                       LENA
NOBODY IS FUCKING GOING ANYWHERE
                                                            
Everyone freezes
                                                            
                       JENNA
      (walks up to max
       and knees him in
       the balls)
start explaining mutherfucker
                                                            
                       MAX
      (keeled over in
       pain)
it was a few nights before the
wedding when john and milton and
lena and you and their friends
were around we got really drunk
that night Lena was walking to the
bathroom and i was coming out of
the storeroom we both caught each
others eye and the rest well you
know..
                                                            
                       JENNA
      (kicks him again)
you low down son of a bitch!!! u
wanna tell Lena that you have been
fucking me while she was gone
                                                            
                       MILTON
      (stands by the
       door taking a
       drag off his
       smoke grinning
       nervously)
oh man this is gonna be an
interesting visit
                                                            
                       LENA
      (tears well up in
       her eyes she
       kicks him as well)
you motherfucking son of a
bitch!!! how could you? i need to
get out of here
                                                            
Lena Runs out the door pushing past Milton as Jenna follows
                                                            
                       MILTON
Lena wait!!!
                                                            

15.

                       LENA
      (as she runs she
       yells back)
just leave me alone right now
milton
                                                            
                       JENNA
      (stops and looks
       at Milton through
       the smoke)
u were there last night and you
didn't say shit to her today?
                                                            
                       MILTON
How the fuck was i supposed to
know she was gonna come back and
visit!!!
                                                            
                       JENNA
this is a big mess and you better
figure out how to clean this up
                                                            
Milton flicks his cigarette turns around and walks over to
pick up Max
                                                            
                       MILTON
      (looks down at him
       and picks him up)
women are like video stores huh?
well i think you have rented one
too many this time sir
                                                            
                       MAX
      (stands up dusts
       himself off
       looking out the
       door)
wanna a beer?
                                                            
                       MILTON
yeah
                                                            
 
EXT. PARK - DAY
                                                            
on a chipped green painted bench surrounded by bright leave
covered trees kids flying kites and runners running by to
the songs on there Ipods sits Lena and Jenna as the wind
cuts through the air and the grass
                                                            
                       LENA
      (looks at jenna
       with red eyes)
how could i have been so fucking
            (MORE)

16.

                       LENA (cont'd)
stupid
                                                            
                       JENNA
      (rubs Lenas back)
hey he got me too. i am telling
you girl when it comes to women
men are so monomeniachal all they
see us for is sex thats it
                                                            
                       LENA
      (wipes her eyes
       with the back of
       her hand)
what am i supposed to do about the
baby jenna? what the hell am i
gonna tell john?
                                                            
                       JENNA
      (leans back and
       looks at the sky)
this is a pretty fucked up mess
but look at this way at least you
have me and Milton hes been your
best friend since you guys were
knee high to a duck
                                                            
                       LENA
dammitt jenna that does not answer
my question
                                                            
                       JENNA
      (looks at lena
       with sympathy)
i do not know you either tell John
accept the consequences, have this
baby or get an abortion
                                                            
                       LENA
Fuck Abortion
                                                            
Lena's cell phone rings shes pulls it out of her pocket and
looks at the caller ID
                                                            
                       LENA
      (looks at Jenna
       scared)
shit its john!! what the fuck do i
do?
                                                            
                       JENNA
answer it!! answer it!!
                                                            

17.

                       LENA
      (picks up the
       phone)
Hello?
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (voice on cell
       phone)
Hey baby hows my girl?
                                                            
                       LENA
      (sniffles)
i am good thanks
                                                            
                       JOHN
you ok? you sound like you have
been crying. are you sure
everything is alright?
                                                            
                       LENA
just allergies
                                                            
                       JOHN
oh sorry to hear that u need to
get medicine. Anyway the reason i
called was because i may get done
with my business trip early and i
figured i would come back to town
and see everyone and we could
break the news about our child.
                                                            
                       LENA
      (feels her stomach
       tighten and eyes
       welling again)
oh uh sure that would be great
                                                            
                       JOHN
great!! then ill see you in two
weeks hunny love you!!
                                                            
                       LENA
love you too
                                                            
                       LENA
      (hangs up the
       phone)
fuckkkkkk hes coming in two weeks
                                                            
                       JENNA
      (looks shocked)
oh boy
                                                            
 

18.

INT. THE BAR - DAY
                                                            
Max Stands behind the bar nursing a beer looking out the
window while Milton sits on a stool slowly taking drags off
his smoke nursing a beer
                                                            
                       MILTON
      (takes a slow drag
       from his
       cigarette and
       runs a hand
       through his hair
       looking at the
       ceiling then
       tilting the
       bottle to his
       lips)
how is it women are so......
                                                            
                       MAX
      (takes a sip from
       his bottle)
bitchy
                                                            
                       MILTON
      (looking puzzled)
i was gonna say confusing. i mean
they wanna us to be supportive and
shit and when we try to be they
push us away
                                                            
                       MILTON
      (takes a final
       drag and grinds
       it into the
       ashtray)
so what kind of party you having
tonight?
                                                            
                       MAX
shitttt.... i only have a couple
hrs will you give me a hand?
                                                            
                       MILTON
      (stands up walks
       across the room
       and picks up the
       box of party
       favors)
sure what else am i gonna do ? I
am worried about the girls i don't
know what to do. Where do we start
                                                            
 

19.

INT. THE BAR (THE PARTY) - NIGHT
                                                            
Tons of people standing around drinking as the camera zooms
in on the lead singer who has has greasy black hair and
sweat pours down his face as strobe lights dance behind him
and he screams the lyrics to a Guns and Song and the camera
then pans the room where max is frantically serving drinks
to hundreds of drunken coeds and as Milton stands to the
side smoking and talking to some people and then it focuses
on the door where Lena Shows up wearing Jeans and a tank top
and sandals looking around the room pushing her way through
drunks and clouds of smoke and approaches Milton
                                                            
                       LENA
      (taps milton on
       the shoulder)
We need to talk
                                                            
                       MILTON
      (turns around and
       screams)
Whattttt i cant hear you
                                                            
                       LENA
      (takes him by the
       arm)
come with me
                                                            
she takes him by the hand and they go out the back door into
the alley behind the bar. The walls are covered with
Grafitti and the dumpster is filled with trash
                                                            
                       MILTON
      (looks frustrated)
what is it now Lena? you know i
was in the process of possibly not
going home alone tonight
                                                            
                       LENA
      (looks at Milton
       with frustration)
hes coming in 2 weeks!!
                                                            
                       MILTON
who Jesus?? I knew the world is on
the way to ending but i did not
know it was in 2 weeks
                                                            
                       LENA
don't be a wise ass its John he is
finishing his business trip early
and wants to come here and break
the news about us having a kid in
2 weeks. He called today and i
            (MORE)

20.

                       LENA (cont'd)
could not tell him a damn thing
                                                            
                       MILTON
      (rolls his eyes
       and pulls his
       pack out of his
       pocket and pulls
       a smoke btw his
       teeth and fiddles
       for his lighter
       finds it and
       lights his smoke)
oh thats great!!! let me ask you a
question Lena. Did you think
things would never change and that
we would not have to grow up? did
you notice the coffee shop we used
to hang at is closed? my 2nd job
where i met you and we became
closer than ever is gone? we are
older the world sucks and things
are moving faster if you have not
noticed... you have to grow up
babe and make a choice your not
gonna walk out of this clean you
damn well know that. Why the hell
did you fuck Max?
                                                            
                       LENA
      (looks at him her
       eyes beginning to
       water and lets
       loose)
I don't know!! i don't fucking
know!! is that what you wanna
hear!! i was scared at the thought
of sharing my life with someone
forever i loved having the option
of playing the field
                                                            
steps forward looking up at him with anger in her face and
tears in her eyes grabs his smoke and takes a puff and then
steps back and looks at the sky
                                                            
                       LENA
      (mascara begins to
       run down her face)
Jesus Christ why did things have
to be so fucking complicated. I
loved it when you were always
around and we would always hang
out and get together with Jenna
            (MORE)

21.

                       LENA (cont'd)
and Max on the weekends and drink
                                                            
                       MILTON
      (looks her still
       frustrated but
       grinning a little)
your mascara is running it looks
like i kicked your ass out here.
                                                            
walks up to her and wipes her face with the the tip of his
shirt looks deep in her eyes and leans forwards puts his
hands on the side of her face and gives her a deep
passionate kiss. She steps back and slaps him
                                                            
                       LENA
what the fuck!! we are best
friends and have been nothing more
since day one i told you i do not
feel that way about you.Besides i
am three months pregnant with
Max's fucking child have a husband
coming in 2 weeks who thinks it
his and your gonna try and
complicate things more?
                                                            
                       MILTON
i am sorry i just felt it.
                                                            
                       LENA
      (looks at him)
well i guess we better get back
inside
                                                            
the wind blows and a cop car wails flying he puts his arm
around her and they go back inside
                                                            
 
INT. THE BAR - NIGHT
                                                            
The 2 walk back inside as the band continues to play jenna
comes stumbling towards through a crowd of people with a
smirnoff ice in her hand and arms in the air
                                                            
                       JENNA
      (totally drunk and
       wobbly)
wooooooooooooooooo partayyyy!!
where have you 2 lovebirds been?
                                                            

22.

                       MILTON
      (looks at Lena)
someone has had a little much
tonight
                                                            
Jena stumbles and Lena and Milton catch her by her arms
                                                            
                       MILTON
i think i am gonna take her home
                                                            
As Milton is carrying her there standing at the bar is John
and Milton catches his eyes and he begins to walk toward him
and Miltons Jaw Hits the floor and drops Jenna on her face
                                                            
                       MILTON
      (grabs lenas arm
       as she turns to
       look at the band)
Lena Lena Lena Fuckkkkk
                                                            
                       LENA
      (looks and eyes
       bug out of her
       head)
OH FUCK!!!!!
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (waves at her)
baby!!!!
                                                            
Lena and Milton begin to walk the other direction leaving
Jenna on the floor passed out but John Catches her arm
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (kisses her and
       smiles)
why are you running from me baby
aren't you happy to see me
                                                            
                       LENA
What the hell are you doing
here!!! you told me two weeks
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (grins)
did not wanna ruin the surprise
                                                            
                       LENA
      (looks with
       nervousness)
oh its a surprise alright
                                                            

23.

                       JOHN
i am so happy to see you i am
gonna break our news right now
                                                            
walks up to the stage and talks to the leader singer and he
hands him the microphone
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (taps the mic)
is this on testing testing
                                                            
Everyone in the bar stops and turns looking at John on Stage
                                                            
                       JOHN
It was this bar where i met my
wife . Can we please put the
spotlight on her. Say Hi sweetie
                                                            
                       LENA
      (hiding her face
       feeling her hands
       shake)
h hh i
                                                            
                       JOHN
it was this bar that i proposed to
her and tonight i am happy to
announce that we are expecting our
first child
                                                            
everyone claps and cheers in honor of their news
                                                            
Lena walks up to the stage feeling her insides going cold
and takes the mic from him and looks into his eyes
                                                            
                       LENA
I have not been sure how to tell
you this and i have thought about
this long and hard. Honey its not
your baby it belongs to Max
                                                            
Max looks up at the sound of his name and drops the bottle
of liquor all over the floor and John looks at him with rage
and heads for him
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (reaches over the
       bar and grabs him
       by the shirt and
       slides him down
       the bar through
       glasses)
When the fuck did this happen!!!!!
                                                            

24.

                       LENA
      (crying)
a couple nights before we were
gonna get married
                                                            
throws max out on the sidewalk picks him up drops continuous
punches in his face and then begins to kick him
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (looks down at max
       while he bleeds
       sweat pouring off
       his face shirt
       open)
You fucking prick how could
you!!!!
                                                            
                       LENA
      (grabs his arm)
stoppppppppp it
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (slaps her and
       knocks her to the
       ground)
you stay the fuck out of this you
little whore!!! how could you i
fucking loved you and you went and
did this. I am gonna deal with you
later
                                                            


FADE OUT.


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From Jennifer Goss Date 5/29/2007 *1/2
Wow, where to start. Kudos for the pacing and the plotline is moderately interesting, but there are some major things that stick out. Capitalize, please. No director or producer is going to take your script seriously if you do not capitalize your sentences! Also, watch grammer, although that is not as much of a deal breaker. Also your diologue and certain plot elements I find very unrealistic. People do not talk in monologues usually, they use short and often incomplete sentances with many interjections from the other person. Girls (usually) would not announce in front of a *crowd* that the baby is not the man's, especially if the guy is prone to temper flares. Unless she wanted Max killed, or just has an IQ of 2. Max has no defining character beyond being incredible emotional. Jenna is also an unbelievable character -in the sense that none of her actions logically make sense from the previous ones. Suspension of disbelief will only get you so far. Basically, you have a nice outline and some good description, but need to really focus on making the characters, diologue, and plot events seem natural. And capitalize!

From Starlette Merkson Date 4/4/2007 ***1/2
I like it. The scene description is very realistic. Please read and review my screenplay.

From Joe Date 3/19/2007 ****
cool...i like it. can you give me a few tips for dialouge and realistic scene depiction? my e-mail: theidiotperson@hotmail.com


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