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Peter Answers
by Annie (purplepipecleaner@gmail.com)

Rated: R   Genre: Comedy   User Review: **1/2

This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.

It is evening after a Wednesday school day, mid-October. A
public high school with decent facilities is abandoned after
drama rehearsal and football practice. Only the janitor and
the security guard remain.
A young, awkward PETER stands at his unadorned locker. He
removes the books he needs and returns others to their
carefully planned places. All of his binders are filled to
brimming. He has AP Computer Science and Engineering
textbooks. All of his school supplies are used, but handled
with extreme care.
A bulky, abrasive JERK saunters up to Peter from down the
      (as he grabs Peter)
Thanks for correcting my test.
Jerk slams Peter against his locker. Peter's feet dangle
and he struggles to breath.
      (Close to Peters
       face, in a
I told you. I needed an "A" to be
able to play this Friday. Who
gave you the right to decide if I
deserve to play or not? I told you
to make sure I got an "A". What
did I get? A "D". You'd better
fix this, Peter, or I'm going to
make your life a living hell.
Peter continues to gasp for air, not saying a word. Jerk
shoves him once more against the locker, punctuating his
point. Then Jerk drops Peter and walks off with confidence.
Peter, half crumpled on the floor, slowly checks himself
over, stands and opens his locker again. Motionless, he
explores the blow to his pride.
He grabs a notebook from his back pocket. He flips to the
next unused page, about halfway through the book. He places
his back against the locker he was just slammed against, and
slides down to sit on the floor. Peter begins drawing and
scribbling furiously.


It is the middle of the night. A white, simple bedroom,
with only a mattress and sheet, a computer desk, chair and
very expensive high-tech computer. Clothes are thrown
everywhere, along with opened math and science textbooks.
The blue glow of the computer screen is the only light in
the room.
The glow lights up Peter's face. He sits at the desk in a
white tee-shirt and boxers. He frantically types, then
deletes, and types more. Once, he pulls a textbook near him
over, flips two pages, reads, smiles, and continues typing.
An English classroom. The walls are covered with many
posters, mostly of celebrities encouraging children to READ.
Jerk sits on the top of one of the desks. He swings his
leg impatiently.
Peter enters through the classroom door. Jerks jumps up.
Did you get me back into Friday's
I talked with Mr. Morris, and he
said that there is nothing I...
You mean me.
Right. That you can do to raise
your grade by Friday's game. So I
made you a present, instead. To
make up for it.
You did....what?
I made you a website. It's
psychic. You go to the website,
type in your question, and the
website will give you the correct
answer. You can use it to...I
don't know...show off?


Peter reaches into his pocket, and hands Jerk a slip of
paper while he is speaking. Jerk stares at the offering,
opens it, reads the web address on it. Then he stares at
You are so damn gay.
Jerk pushes his way past Peter and hurries out the door. As
he enters the hallway, he looks around to see if anyone saw
him. Peter just smiles.
A messy room. It is small, with a bed frame, mattress and
dark blue comforter. There is a huge stereo system. The
walls are covered with alternating pictures of football
stars and half naked "chicks" in sexual positions. The most
sexual poster is above the bed.
Jerk sits on the floor with his black, average lap top in
front of him. He logs on while he speaks on his cell phone
with a friend from the football team. He wears a white
wifebeater, and navy basketball shorts. He appears sweaty.
      (Into the phone)
Yeah man, the kids at our school,
what idiots! Did I tell you what
shit Peter, that gay dork, tried
to pull on me today? To make up
for screwing me over and getting
me kicked out of the game this
Friday? He made me some "psychic
website" that will answer all my
Jerk laughs, and listens to his friend respond. The answer
provokes more laughter.
Alright, whatever. I'm gunna
check this thing out, then I'm
gunna go to bed. Practice was
ridiculous today. Yeah...see ya.
Jerk flips his cellphone closed. He pulls out the crumpled
piece of paper from his pant pocket, reads it, and types it
into the computer.
INSERT: Peter's Answers website. Nothing typed in.


Alright geek, let's see how dumb
you are.
Jerk reads the directions, then types in "Peter, please
answer the following question:". He thinks for a moment,
then types "What is my name?"
INSERT: Peter's Answers website. It shows the petition,
question, and the answer, "Peter answers: You are Boris
Jerk clicks new question, then types the petition again. He
thinks, then types, "What car do I drive?"
INSERT: Peter's Answers website. It answers, "You drive a
Jerk snorts with laughter.
No way, man! What is this?
Jerk clicks "New question". He thinks, then pulls down his
gym shorts to reveal plaid boxers. He then types, "What
underwear am I wearing?"
Insert: Peter's Answers website. It answers, " You are
wearing tighty whities."
Jerk laughs louder.
God, this thing is so wrong. What
the hell was that idiot talking
about? It's just random answers.
Enjoying Peter's apparent failure, Jerk tries again. This
time he types, "What shirt am I wearing?"
INSERT: Peter's Answers website. It answers, "You are
wearing a Care Bears shirt."
Jerk laughs again. He now wears a pink, extremely small
Care Bears teeshirt. He does not notice.
This is giving me all the answers
for Peter! This is great, man! I
can find out all about his


                       JERK (cont'd)
pathetic little life.
Jerk has a plan now. He types in, "Where am I?"
INSERT: Peter's Answers website. It says, "You are in
Jerk sits now the middle of a dark, red, gothic place. He
still wears his Care Bear shirt and has his computer. He
focuses entirely on its answer.
Jerk looks confused, then rolls his eyes.
I knew that kid was creepy.
Souls of the damned begin wailing in the background. Jerk
hears and becomes aware of things besides the computer. He
sees the Care Bears shirt, and pulls it out to look at it.
What the hell?
His movement makes him aware of how tight his pants suddenly
feel. Jerk looks down and sees he now only wears extremely
flamboyant tighty whities. The wailing of the damned grows
Oh my god.
Now Jerk looks around and sees his surroundings. He is
standing in a dark cavern, surrounded by only blackness and
the screams of others.
Out of the darkness, four pale hands emerge, two on each
side. They are all right hands. They grab Jerk and haul
him into the blackness. Jerk screams and fights against
them, but is eventually pulled into nothingness.
That same night. Peter sits calmly at his desk, working
steadly on his computer. He begins to type an formal essay
entitled, "Justice vs. Mercy".
Sitting next to him on the desk is an open copy of Dante's


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From S.M. Krause Date 4/1/2007 **1/2
Good idea for a screen play. Some of the dialog doesn't make much sense, but I love the alliteration to Dante's Inferno.

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