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Emo: A Tragic Comedy
by Vidya Kaipa (konstantinesirises@hotmail.com)

Rated: PG   Genre: Comedy   User Review: ***
Emo- A Tragic Comedy (acts 1 and 2) is a short film about a naive psychologist who loses faith in the teenage generation after moving to LA with the hopes of helping people.


This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



FADE IN:

INT. CHILD THERAPIST - DAY
                                                            
Montage of several people through Therapist's adolescence
telling her she's "the only one [they] can talk to."
Transitions are fluid, fading in and out of one another.
Smooth transitions serve to highlight memories, whereas
gritty The Office-style transitions serve as present time.
                                                            
MONTAGE
                                                            
Mother, rocking newborn child in a clean and cozy room,
looking very melancholy
                                                            
                       MOTHER
      (softly)
Little Natasha... you're the only
one I can talk to.
                                                            
Father, holding a little girl's hand as they walk down a
snowy, fairly empty street.
                                                            
                       FATHER
      (in a deep, but
       caring, voice)
Nattie, you're the only one I can
talk to.
                                                            
Crying Child, with tears and snot covering her face, sitting
on Therapist's (as an 11 year old) bed with a box of tissues
and Therapist's arm around her shoulder
                                                            
                       CRYING CHILD
      (hiccuping, but
       not crying
       anymore)
Thanks, Tasha. You're the only one
I can talk to.
                                                            
Pregnant Girl and Therapist lay on the floor, staring
straight up. Pregnant Girl's stomach is quite large, as she
is six months along.
                                                            
                       PREGNANT GIRL
      (abruptly, tilting
       her head over to
       look at Therapist)
Man, Tash. You're the only one I
can talk to.
                                                            
 

2.

INT. COLLEGE - DAY
                                                            
PRE-COLLEGE, REGISTRATION
                                                            
Excited looking Therapist, opening UCLA catalogue and
running finger down to find Psychology courses. Online,
Googling "psychology major," looking forward to college. She
looks outside to a snowy range with horses roaming then
looks at the picture of the UCLA students in sunny
California.
                                                            
                       THERAPIST
      (Voiceover-
       excited)
Four years ago...
                                                            
Therapist now in LA, muggy and rainy, palm trees swaying
outside her window, bogged down with hundreds of books she
has to read, furrowing her brow as she reads. Walks down the
street and sees every kid wearing black and staring sullenly
at her. Returns to reading, can't reconcile the two. When
did kids get so angry?
                                                            
                       THERAPIST
      (Voiceover-
       sardonic)
I ruined my life. I know how to
help people; I've been doing it
for years. These kids are like
mutants though. It was a bad time
to be a psych-major, because the
way these people were acting was
enough to make you want to hate
the entire human race. We had to
dissect the thought processes of
the Hot Topic Generation and try
to find a way to help them, but it
was like trying to figure out what
dogs were thinking-- you could
guess, but there was no real
answer.
                                                            
Cue the choppy transitions similar to The Office. This is
the present. Therapist is sitting in chair primly, wanting
to give a good impression to her first patient. When the
doorknob turns, she puts on a large fake smile.
                                                            
                       THERAPIST
      (through gritted
       teeth)
Please be a good one, please be a
good one, please be a good one...
                                                            

3.

Handsome surfer boy walks in with a slouch, wearing polo
shirt and baggy Abercrombie shorts. Takes off his iPod and
looks at Therapist with a slightly bewildered look on his
face.
                                                            
                       THERAPIST
      (perky)
Hi! What's on your mind?
                                                            
Freeze frame on Boho Kid's face, begin smooth clip of Boho
Kid and his girlfriend breaking up with him.
                                                            
                       THERAPIST
      (voiceover)
This is who I call Boho Kid. Let's
see what's wrong with him.
                                                            
                       GF TO BOHO KID
      (harshly)
I've found someone else; we're
over.
                                                            
                       BOHO KID
      (desperately)
Nooooo!
                                                            
Later.
                                                            
                       BOHO KID
      (dumbly)
Why're you crying?
                                                            
                       GF TO BOHO KID
      (sobbing)
My boyfriend died!
                                                            
                       BOHO KID
      (awkward)
Oh... I guess we can get back
together then.
                                                            
                       GF TO BOHO KID
      (staring)
...No.
                                                            
Back to choppy direction / the office.
                                                            
                       BOHO KID
      (mellow)
Man, I'm really bummed my
girlfriend ran off with some old
dude.
                                                            

4.

                       THERAPIST
      (concerned)
What? How old? Mid 30s, 40s?
                                                            
                       BOHO KID
      (nonchalant)
Nah, man. He was like...
eighty-two.
                                                            
                       THERAPIST
      (incredulous)
...Did you ever meet this guy?
                                                            
                       BOHO KID
Yeah, once.
                                                            
                       THERAPIST
Where?
                                                            
                       BOHO KID
      (shrugging)
At his funeral.
                                                            
                       THERAPIST
      (completely
       surprised)
What?! He's dead?!
                                                            
                       BOHO KID
      (impassioned)
Yeah! And she's STILL talking
about him! What's up with that?
This totally sucks.
                                                            
                       THERAPIST
      (trying to hold
       back relieved
       laughter)
Yeah, that really... sucks.
                                                            
                       BOHO KID
      (contemplative)
Dude, maybe I should be dead too,
and then maybe she'd love me more.
                                                            
                       THERAPIST
      (slowly)
No, I don't think that'd work.
                                                            

5.

                       THERAPIST
      (voiceover)
But I wanted to say "YES, do it!"
Hurry up before I do the deed
myself.
                                                            
                       THERAPIST
      (motherly)
Don't kill yourself.
                                                            
                       BOHO KID
      (taken back)
When did I ever say I was gonna do
it myself? Nahh, man, who knows?
Ninjas could fall from the sky and
beat me up or... or... fat people
could give me a hug and suffocate
me.
                                                            
                       THERAPIST
Ahh...
                                                            
 
INT. COMMENTARY - DAY
                                                            
Slip stream of clients coming in and out of the room,
Therapist gets more and more disillusioned, haggard and
tired of listening.
                                                            

6.

                       THERAPIST
      (voiceover)
I was expecting that maybe these
kids had more problems than that,
maybe that one of their parents
had died or they got kicked out of
the house and had to eat rotten
food from supermarket dumpsters.
But no, they were spoiled little
brats living in million dollar
mansions, complaining because they
didn't get another pony or party
boat. And that's why I don't deal
with patients my own age; if I saw
someone acting like that, I'd haul
off and punch them in the face.
"Do it already, you wuss!" But I
can't say that to my patients,
because I'd lose my job. So I went
in the opposite direction, trying
to sympathize with them and act
like their friend. I'm only trying
to help. I'm not telling them what
I really think, and I should get a
freakin' Nobel Prize for that.
                                                            
Emo Kid in all black, with tight pants, small zip up hoodie,
My Chemical Romance shirt, and thick black eyeliner, walks
in. She's wearing thick rimmed Rivers Cuomo glasses and has
short skater boy hair that's dyed black and swept over one
eye.
                                                            
                       THERAPIST
      (voiceover)
Another one. This one I like to
call Emo Kid, for obvious reasons.
...you'll see.
                                                            
Freeze frame on Emo Kid's face, then smooth transition to
memory sequence. Emo Kid and friend are in the corner of
what looks like a very fancy dance (Prom), staring out into
the mob.
                                                            
                       EMO KID
      (hysterical)
OMG! Becky has the same exact Prom
dress as me! She totally ruins
everything!!
                                                            
Cut to: Emo Kid pacing from dark room strewn with band
posters and black walls and messy floors and stacks of CDs
to a living room that looks straight out of an IKEA
catalogue, all the while talking on the phone.
                                                            

7.

                       EMO KID
      (nervous)
Why didn't you guys call me?
...No, I know I couldn't have
gone. ...No, I know. Wait! You're
just trying to get rid of me! No
one loves me!
                                                            
Cut back to office. Therapist looks bored and Emo Kid is
laying on the floor with her arms outstretched, staring at
the ceiling and crying.
                                                            
                       EMO KID
      (crying)
I'm so depressed; I'm going to
kill myself!
                                                            
                       THERAPIST
      (reaching into
       drawer)
If this is going to take long, do
you mind if I have lunch?
                                                            
                       EMO KID
      (oblivious)
I'm so depressed; I'm going to
kill myself!
                                                            
                       THERAPIST
      (sighing, robotic)
Oh, don't do that.
                                                            
Therapist bites into sandwich and chews.
                                                            
                       THERAPIST
      (chewing)
You're too good for that; everyone
will be so sad.
                                                            
                       EMO KID
I'm so de-- ...are you listening
to me?
                                                            
Therapist stops chewing, but still has food in mouth that
muffles words. As she speaks, she shakes her sandwich around
in her hand.
                                                            
                       THERAPIST
      (muffled)
What makes you think I'm not
listening to you?
                                                            

8.

                       EMO KID
      (increasing
       hysteria)
I'm so depressed; I'm going to
kill myself!
                                                            
                       THERAPIST
      (chews)
Hold that thought.
                                                            
Therapist holds one finger up... finishes chewing.
                                                            
                       THERAPIST
      (points to cabinet)
See there? There're some bananas
and rat poison; make yourself a
smoothie.
                                                            
 
INT. COMMENTARY #2 - DAY
                                                            
Slipstream of more emo patients, but then slows down to see
real depressed people. This is symbolized by serious
conversation between the therapist and the patient, she has
her prescription pad out and writes prescriptions for the
real depressed people, talking it over with them
extensively. Interspersed are emo cases, but there are
surely actually depressed and troubled people.
                                                            
                       THERAPIST
      (voiceover)
I went from consoling them, to
ignoring them, to loathing them. I
obviously encountered some who
were actually depressed, seriously
suicidal, and if you put the two
side by side, you'll notice a big
difference.
                                                            
Split screen between emo patients and depressed patients,
one with prescriptions and one with rolling eyes.
                                                            
                       THERAPIST
      (voiceover)
Difference #1: The real depressed
kids don't feel the need to wear
all black, ALL THE TIME. This may
not SEEM important, but believe
me, that's just number one on a
long list. Difference #2: Real
depressed kids actually wash their
face every now and then and don't
have rivers of streaming mascara
            (MORE)

9.

                       THERAPIST (cont'd)
rolling down their cheeks.
Difference #3: Real depressed kids
don't feel the need to tell
everyone about their sadness and
their burning desire to jump off a
tower block.
                                                            
Shot of Emo Kid in room, then arc to the computer screen,
with a Myspace bulletin form open.
                                                            
                       EMO KID
      (typing)
Subject: OMG i'm going to kill
myself!!!!

Body: ...If you don't comment my
new picture.
                                                            
Montage of different emo Myspace pictures and profiles, with
bulletins and comments enlarged.
                                                            
                       THERAPIST
      (voiceover)
Myspace.com... the emo kid
headquarters. Their main page
should just a giant sign saying
                                                            
                       THERAPIST
      (hick voice)
"Don't suicide yourself!"
                                                            
                       THERAPIST
      (voiceover)
basically summarizing the
intelligence levels of 80% of its
users. The tipping point came when
I received a phone call from a
slightly confused girl. You see,
our clinic deals with patients
both in person and on the phone,
and I offered to cover the Suicide
Hotline for a friend one night. I
had just finished an appointment
with a patient who... ugh. Watch
and learn.
                                                            
                       CHATTERBOX
      (laid-back)
No, I don't mind. I don't have
anything else to do. The only
thing on my list says "kill self,"
but I can always do that later.
                                                            

10.

Chatterbox laughs. Therapist is leaning forward, very
concerned.
                                                            
                       CHATTERBOX
Oh right! You're the therapist. I
should probably tell you; I'm
going to commit suicide!
                                                            
                       THERAPIST
      (very worried)
Really?
                                                            
                       CHATTERBOX
Nope, just making conversation.
                                                            
                       THERAPIST
      (annoyed)
That's not something you joke
about.
                                                            
                       CHATTERBOX
      (apologetic)
Oh, alright. I only became
suicidal in the last two hours
waiting out front there.
                                                            
                       THERAPIST
Oh. ...Then why are you here
again?
                                                            
Split screen of concerned Therapist on one line and Ditz on
the other.
                                                            
                       THERAPIST
      (voiceover)
I almost stop popping my own pills
when I hear...
                                                            
                       DITZ
      (upbeat)
Hello, is this the Suicide
Operater Number?
                                                            
                       THERAPIST
Yes, can I help you?
                                                            
                       THERAPIST
Yeah... I was thinking about
killing myself this morning, in
the shower, ya know? The shower's
where all the best ideas come
from!
                                                            

11.

                       THERAPIST
      (grits teeth)
Yeah, I totally agree.
                                                            
                       DITZ
Uh... so I don't know how. Do you
have any suggestions?
                                                            
                       THERAPIST
      (choking back
       insults)
Have you--... have you tri--...
                                                            
Therapist coughs and tries to be professional.
                                                            
                       THERAPIST
I think you misunderstood what we
do here. Maybe you should try the
internet.
                                                            
                       DITZ
      (energetic)
OK, thanks!
                                                            
Ditz puts down the phone, and split screen merges to one of
the Therapist shouting 'ARGGHHHH' into the phone and
spazzing out.
                                                            
                       THERAPIST
      (voiceover)
And all of my patients are like
THAT! It makes me want to put a
gun barrel in my mouth and lead by
example, that's all I'm saying.
But it's not only the emo kids. I
have no idea what's in the water
here, but it seems like everyone
goes on webmd.com with the sole
purpose of FINDING a lovely
disorder they could call their
own.
                                                            


FADE OUT.


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From Shannon Date 12/8/2009 ***1/2
I enjoyed this. It was funny and I can assure you, emo kids do not stay in LA, they're in NY too. lol. Can't wait to read more.

From Anthony Date 6/19/2007 ***
Good idea and keep it up, I like the relevance of the subject but like the previous reader suggested maybe tweek some characters dialect a little. Besides that keep up the creativity, and I would love to hear what you think of my screenplay as well! http://www.scriptbuddy.com/community/?p=4291531122&t=&pg=4

From Erzsebet Date 6/13/2007 **1/2
Is this quite finished? If not, you should put 'WIP' somewhere. But it's pretty funny. Not a lot of adults use the terminology your Therapist does, though - I've rarely heard any adult but my mom use the word 'emo'. But aside from that, not bad at all.


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