Screenwriter Community |
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by Vinnie Heaven (mafia_man66@hotmail.com)
Rated: 
Genre: Drama
User Review: 
These are two stories I wrote, but they are crunched up into one screenplay. At the start of every story, I wrote a short plot synopsis, so you know some more about the story. I hope you like them.
P.S. Give me feedback or send me an e-mail please, it would help me a lot.
This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.
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BEN DOESN'T FORGIVE/THE LOADED CHAMBER
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FADE IN:
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INT. BEN DOESN'T FORGIVE - DAY |
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VINNIE HEAVEN
(BEN DOESN'T
FORGIVE)
When Oscar Graves married Ben's
sister, Mia, he knew he was
playing with fire. Things got
worse when Oscar started having an
affair with a young woman, Haley,
behind Mia's back. One day, while
Oscar was having sexual
intercourse with Haley, the
doorbell from Oscar's apartment
rang. Whoever rang the doorbell
will want explanations, and Oscar
isn't ready to give them... |
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INT. OSCAR'S APARTMENT - NIGHT |
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BEDROOM |
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OSCAR and his mistress, HALEY are having sex on OSCAR'S bed.
OSCAR is lying down on the bed and HALEY is on top of him,
moaning like she never moaned before. The room is rather big
and a little bit disorganized. We get a close up of the
table and we see a picture of OSCAR's wife, MIA. |
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OSCAR (V.O.)
(While having sex
with HALEY)
I don't love her. I like the way
she looks at me, with those
innocent eyes. I like the way she
touches me, with her tender hands.
I even like the way she calls my
name, with her soft voice, but I
don't love her. You see, Mia would
never understand me, Ben would
never understand me, even I don't
understand myself: I have a nice,
smart, smokin' hot wife, yet here
I am, commiting adultery with this
17-year-old girl. But I like it,
she gives me guilty pleasure. |
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2.
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HALEY
(Moaning)
Oh my God Oscar! It hurts! No!
Stop! I can't take it! |
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OSCAR
(Stops)
Ok, I stopped.
(Smiles) |
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HALEY
No, no, please keep going! It's
cuz it hurts a lot, but it's a
different kind of pain. It's good
pain. |
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OSCAR (V.O.)
She's so innocent, yet so mature. |
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OSCAR
(Continues
screwing her)
Good pain, I like it. Very poetic. |
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HALEY
(Moans)
Yes! Yes! Yes!
(Reaches orgasm) |
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OSCAR
(Reaches orgasm)
Fuck yes! |
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PAUSE |
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HALEY
(Tenderly)
Can I ask you a question? |
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OSCAR
(Smiles)
Of course you can. You can ask me
as many questions as you want. |
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HALEY
(Kisses Oscar)
I love you Oscar, do you love me
too? |
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3.
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OSCAR (V.O.)
Of course I didn't love her, I
didn't even remeber her name. I
was far from loving her, but what
could I do? |
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HALEY
(Irritated)
Do you love me? Yes or no? |
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HALEY
If you love me then say it. Say:
'I love you'. |
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OSCAR
(Even more guilty)
But -- |
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Doorbell RINGS |
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OSCAR
(Startled)
Jesus Christ! I better go get
that. Get off me! |
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HALEY
(Gets off OSCAR)
Ok honey, calm down.
(Tries to kiss
OSCAR, but OSCAR
backs off) |
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OSCAR
(Leaves bed)
Oh my God! I think it's Mia,
she'll kill me if she finds out
you're here.
(Puts pants back
on) |
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HALEY
(Confused)
Who's Mia? |
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OSCAR
(Puts shirt back
on)
She's my fuckin' wife, that's who
she is! Fuckin' hide!
(MORE)
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4.
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OSCAR (cont'd)
(Combs hair) |
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HALEY
(Looking around)
Where? It's the first time I've
been here! |
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OSCAR
(Walking back and
forth)
I don't fuckin' know... In the
bathroom! Quickly! |
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HALEY
(Leaves bed)
Should I put my clothes back on? |
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OSCAR
(Sarcastic)
No, you look just fine naked. Now
get in the fuckin' bathroom! |
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HALEY
(Enters bathroom)
You don't have to be so rude. |
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OSCAR (V.O.)
(Slams bathroom
door and runs
toward the MAIN
HALL)
I'm aware I'm a sinner, but I
don't deserve this. |
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MAIN HALL |
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OSCAR (V.O.)
(Picks up keys)
If it's Mia or Ben, I'll be on a
dead end. |
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OSCAR
(Opens door, looks
panicked)
Oh, hey there Mia. |
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MIA
(Kisses OSCAR)
Hey there honey, did I miss
anything? |
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5.
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OSCAR
Not really. Hey, you know, you
should get goin'. |
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MIA
(Confused)
Get goin'? Why? I just came here.
I want to... make love with you...
(Unbuttons OSCAR'S
shirt) |
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OSCAR
(Making out with
MIA)
You know, eh, why don't we go to a
motel or something? |
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MIA
(Making out with
OSCAR)
Oscar! |
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OSCAR
(Curious)
Yes baby? |
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MIA
(Smells OSCAR'S
neck)
That perfume you're wearing,
that's women's perfume... and it's
not mine!
(Walks toward
BEDROOM) |
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OSCAR
(Following MIA)
Wait! |
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BEDROOM |
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MIA
(Looks around room)
I know you're hiding something --
or someone! |
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OSCAR (V.O.)
(Worried)
My wife is starting to get
suspicious. If she finds out I'm
hiding a whore on my bathroom,
it's all fuckin' over. |
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6.
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MIA
(Opens bathroom
door, sees HALEY)
Oscar!
(Slaps OSCAR on
the face)
Who is the bitch? And why is she
naked? |
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HALEY
(Angry)
The only bitch here is you! |
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OSCAR
(Starting to sweat)
Ladies -- |
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MIA
(Slaps OSCAR again)
Ladies what? Eh? You fucking
perverted son of a bitch! I bet
this girl is only 16 or 17, you
are commiting adultery, Oscar. And
you know what else? I'm telling
Ben -- |
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OSCAR
(Begging)
Mia, no, don't tell Ben any of
this! |
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MIA
Too fucking bad, I'm telling Ben
everything! And you know Ben, he
doesn't forgive any one for
anything! |
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HALEY
(Confused)
Who's Ben? |
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MIA
Shut up you fucking whore!
(Slaps HALEY on
the face) |
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OSCAR (V.O.)
(Serious)
She's going to tell Ben. Ben will
kill me if he ever finds out about
this. I have to do something...
something that will silence her
forver.
(Walks up to
(MORE)
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7.
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OSCAR (cont'd)
table, opens
drawer and pulls
out revolver) |
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MIA
(Scared)
Oscar! Put that down! |
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OSCAR (V.O.)
(Shoots MIA two
times, MIA falls
to the ground,
dead)
I don't wanna do this, but I have
to.
(Points gun at
HALEY) |
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OSCAR (V.O.)
(Shoots HALEY
three times, and
all the bullets
hit her perfect
breasts. HALEY
falls dead, next
to MIA)
Ben can't find out about this, no
way I was gonna take such a risk.
(Lowers gun, sits
down on the floor)
Too bad I also had to kill Mandy
or Jackie or whatever her name
was. She was a good girl. I really
liked her -- but I didn't love
her. If I didn't kill her, she'd
tell the cops that I killed Mia,
and Ben would eventually know
about it and I'd be history.
(Lays down
revolver)
Now I'm clear. No one's left to
testify against me. I'm good to
go... |
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Doorbell RINGS |
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8.
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OSCAR (V.O.)
Shit!
(Grabs revolver)
I still have one bullet left. I'll
'take care' of who ever's on the
door.
(Stands up, runs
toward MAIN HALL)
I hope it's only one person, cuz
if it's two people, I don't think
I'll be able to take them both out
with just one bullet. |
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MAIN HALL |
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OSCAR
(Hides gun under
shirt and opens
door, it turns
out to be his
NEIGHBOR)
Yes? |
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NEIGHBOR
(Smiles)
Oh, hello, my name is Bob Creyson
and I live one floor under you, on
the second floor. I heard a few
gun shots, so I came here to check
if everything is allright. |
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OSCAR
(Trying to sound
calm)
Well, of course everything's
allright. I was watching... a
cowboy movie. Have you ever heard
of the movie 'The Good, the Mean
and the Ugly'? |
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NEIGHBOR
(Suspicious)
'The Good, the Mean and the Ugly'?
Are you talkin' about 'The Good,
the bad and the Ugly'? |
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OSCAR
Yeah, that one. Sorry I'm not very
good at memorizing names and movie
titles.
(Smiles) |
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9.
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NEIGHBOR
One more thing... |
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NEIGHBOR
(Smells the air)
The perfume you're wearing is
hooker perfume. If I were you I'd
change it, you know, the girls
might get a bad impression. |
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OSCAR
(Surprised, smiles)
Ok, I got it, now can you go
please? I got some shit to do. |
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NEIGHBOR
(Saddened)
Fine, I'll leave you alone. Just
one more final thing... |
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OSCAR (V.O.)
Can't he just fuckin' leave? |
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NEIGHBOR
(Realizes OSCAR
wants him to
leave)
It's about 'The Good, the Bad and
the Ugly'. The ending is very
good, all the characters get what
they deserve.
(Leaves OSCAR'S
APARTMENT) |
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OSCAR (V.O.)
(Closes door and
takes gun out
from under shirt)
I am one lucky motherfucker, and
I'm pretty sure I won't get as
lucky next time. Now I better go
back to my room, I gotta think of
a way to get rid of the bodies.
(Runs toward
BEDROOM) |
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10.
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BEDROOM |
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OSCAR (V.O.)
(Looks at
telephone)
I gotta call some one. Anyone.
(Picks up phone
and dials DAGAN'S
number) |
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OSCAR
(On phone)
Hello? Hello? Fuckin' answer
Dagan! |
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INTERCUT |
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INT. OSCAR'S APARTMENT - NIGHT |
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INT. DAGAN'S HOUSE - NIGHT |
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DAGAN
(Stops watching a
porn video of
Pamela Anderson
and picks up
telephone)
Hello? |
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OSCAR
(Panicked)
Dagan! Thank God you answered. I'm
in problems man, big problems!
(Walks back and
forth) |
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DAGAN
(Confused)
Problems? |
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OSCAR
(Sits down)
Yeah man, I just killed my wife
and my misstress, and they're just
lying here infront of me, looking
at me with a ghostly look. Dagan,
I really need your help, if we
don't clean this mess up, Ben's
gonna know about this and I'll be
in even deeper shit. |
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11.
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DAGAN
(Worried)
Oscar, listen, never do what you
just did. You can't say things
like these on telephone lines, Ben
is always hearing everything. |
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OSCAR
(Looks down)
Oh come on! Do you think he heard
what I said? |
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DAGAN
(Trying to keep
cool)
I'm not sure about that. Let's
hope he didn't. Now listen, you
wait there and don't fuckin' move.
I'm comin' there as fast as I can. |
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OSCAR
Ok, thanks a lot man. I owe you
one.
(Hangs up phone) |
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OSCAR (V.O.)
(Relaxed)
From now on I owe my life to
Dagan. If I had called any one
else, they would have hung up on
me, but Dagan didn't. Dagan is a
true friend. |
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Telephone RINGS |
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OSCAR
(Picks up
telephone)
Dagan, it's you again? Listen, I
told you I need your help so quit
goofin' around -- |
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BEN (O.S.)
(Serious, cold
voice)
It's not Dagan. It's Ben. |
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OSCAR
(Trying to sound
normal)
Ben? So how's my favorite
brother-in-law doin'? |
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12.
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BEN (O.S.)
Cut the bullshit. I heard
everything, all telephone lines in
this fuckin' country are
monitored. You killed my sister.
Do not expect to live more than
the next few minutes.
(Hangs up) |
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OSCAR
Ben? Ben? Hey, you there?
(Throws phone on
the ground) |
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OSCAR (V.O.)
(Staring blankly
at the wall)
Ben found out. Ben isn't the kind
of guy that gives people second
chances. He's gonna look for me,
he's gonna find me, and he's gonna
kill me. I'm walkin' on thin
ice... |
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INT. OSCAR'S APARTMENT - NIGHT |
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13.
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BEDROOM |
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OSCAR (V.O.)
When a person is faced with a
life-or-death situation, the only
thing that person thinks about is
if he or she will or will make it
through alive. In my case, I know
I won't make it through alive, yet
I keep fantasizing I will.
(Opens drawer,
takes out a pack
of cocaine, opens
it up and sniffs
it)
Cocaine is good in these
situations. It gets you pumped-up
and ready for action.
(Sniffs some more)
My chances of surviving this
fucked-up situation are thinner
than an average shoelace, but I
don't quit. I never quit. There's
something, something big, not
letting me quit. Maybe it's cuz I
still have a lot of people to
kill, or maybe because I still
have a lot of women to fuck, or
even better, maybe I'm just
fuckin' paranoid, and all the coke
I sniffed right now is taking
control of my brain. |
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Doorbell RINGS |
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OSCAR (V.O.)
(Jumps up)
About fuckin' time you came!
(Runs toward MAIN
HALL) |
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MAIN HALL |
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OSCAR (V.O.)
(Gets keys)
I knew Dagan wouldn't let me down.
(Opens door, it
turns out to be
DAGAN) |
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14.
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OSCAR
Dagan! How you doin'?
(Tries to hug
DAGAN) |
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DAGAN
(Backs off)
Have you been sniffin' cocaine
again? |
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OSCAR
(Trying not to
sound too obvious)
Uh, no man... maybe I did, maybe I
didn't... ok, I might have sniffed
a bit, but I'm cool.
(Pretends he's
cool) |
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DAGAN
How many times do I need to tell
you this, Oscar? Smokin' coke in
dangerous situations leads to
nothing. |
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OSCAR
(Grunts)
Dagan's always tellin' me what to
do and what not to do. |
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OSCAR
(Laugh)
But what's wrong with coke,
damnit? |
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DAGAN
(Explaining)
Nothin's wrong with coke, man,
even I like it. But there's a time
to sniff, and a time not to sniff. |
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OSCAR
(Worried)
Ok, I understand. Now let's focus
on getting rid of the bodies, I'm
startin' to get worried here. |
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DAGAN
(Relaxed)
Relax, will you Oscar? I have a
plan. You see, first we get the
bodies and throw them off your
front verandah -- |
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15.
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OSCAR
(Laughs)
Throw them off my verandah?
They'll land on the floor and then
it's gonna be blood everywhere. |
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DAGAN
(Irritated)
I've checked the place, they'll
land on a local dumpster, and all
the trash around the area will act
like a bed for the bodies,
therefore they won't be damaged.
Then all we do is go down there,
put the bodies in my car, drive,
drive, drive, and dump them on the
river. Understand? |
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OSCAR (V.O.)
I didn't get a thing he said. |
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OSCAR
(Confused)
All right, I got it. What about
all the blood here in my
apartment? |
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DAGAN
Well, first we gotta focus on
getting rid of the bodies. Then,
after we got rid of the bodies, we
clean up your apartment and go get
ourselves a cup of beer or two.
(Gets out a
cigarette and
smokes it) |
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OSCAR
(Stressed out)
Ok, you have a good plan. Now
what? |
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DAGAN
(Relaxed)
Now we go see the bodies. To be
honest, I never met your wife in
person; now would be a great time
to meet her.
(Laughs) |
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OSCAR
(Gives a faint
smile)
This way.
(MORE)
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16.
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OSCAR (cont'd)
(Walks toward
BEDROOM) |
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OSCAR (V.O.)
(Walking)
Dagan is your typical cool guy:
Always calm no matter what, and
always likes to help his friends,
but some times he says the wrong
jokes, at the wrong times. |
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BEDROOM |
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DAGAN
(Smiles and looks
at MIA)
Well, your wife was hot. You
could've still fucked her a few
times, too bad you had to nail her
so early.
(Smokes cigarette) |
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OSCAR
(Looks at MIA)
Yeah, I know. She was a good lay. |
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DAGAN
(Looks at HALEY)
Damn, this one's even hotter, and
she had nice tits. In my opinion,
she beats Pamela Anderson.
(Smokes cigarette) |
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OSCAR
(Surprised)
Pamela Anderson? Pamela Aderson is
like 40 right now. I'm not even
sure if she's fuckable any more. |
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DAGAN
(Realizes his
mistake)
I meant Pamela Anderson when she
was like 20. Well, my point is
your misstress was hot. Agree?
(Smokes cigarette) |
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OSCAR
(Looks at HALEY)
Yeah, you're right. |
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17.
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OSCAR (V.O.)
Why the fuck does he have to be
constantly reminding me of how
fuckin' hot my wife and my
misstress were? |
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DAGAN
(Smokes cigarette,
then throws it
away)
Now help me out with the bodies,
will you?
(Grabs HALEY'S
body)
Get the other one, please. |
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OSCAR
(Grabs MIA'S body)
Now what? |
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DAGAN
Now you follow me and do exactly
what I do.
(Drags HALEY'S
body until
VERANDAH) |
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OSCAR (V.O.)
(Drags MIA'S body
until VERANDAH)
When I married Mia, 5 years ago, I
never expected it to end like
this. I actually loved her... |
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VERANDAH |
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DAGAN
Now we throw them down there.
(Throws HALEY'S
body off the
VERANDAH) |
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PAUSE |
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OSCAR
(Feeling guilty)
Dagan... I can't do this. |
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DAGAN
(Sarcastic)
You can't throw her off the
verandah? Dude, you already killed
her. Think of her as an old carpet
you want to get rid of, it'll make
(MORE)
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18.
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DAGAN (cont'd)
you feel less guilty. |
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OSCAR
(Thinks for a
while)
All right, I got nothin' to lose
anyway.
(Throws MIA'S body
off the VERANDAH) |
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DAGAN
(Looks down at
dumpster)
There we go. |
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PAUSE |
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DAGAN
(Looks at OSCAR'S
guilty face)
Come on? You gonna cry now? |
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OSCAR
(Regretful)
I just killed my wife. I married
her for 5 years, and now she's
gone... You know how bad I feel
right now? |
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DAGAN
Oscar, the moment you started
cheating on your wife with that
girl, I warned you this wasn't
going to end up well for either of
you. You should have stopped
fuckin' that girl when you still
could. |
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| |
OSCAR
(Angry)
I know man, I did shit... |
|
|
|
| |
DAGAN
(Trying to cheer
OSCAR up)
Listen, why don't we go to the
kitchen to fix ourselves a lunch?
All this situation is makin' me
hungry. And plus, a good luch will
cheer you up. |
|
|
|
19.
|
| |
OSCAR
Fine, lets go.
(Walks toward
KITCHEN) |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR (V.O.)
(While walking)
Geez, Dagan is a helpful chap, but
sometimes he's too damn lazy. He
wants to eat while I'm on the
verge of gettin' killed by Ben. |
|
|
|
|
KITCHEN |
|
|
| |
DAGAN
(Looks around
KITCHEN)
Dude, where's the bread? |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR
(Sits down)
Bottom-right drawer.
(Points at
bottom-right
drawer) |
|
|
|
| |
DAGAN
(Gets bread)
What about the peanut butter? |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR
I don't have any peanut butter.
I'm allergic to it. |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR
(Saddened)
Allergic? Oh, fuck you man.
Whatever, I'll just have regular
butter.
(Gets regular
butter and makes
a sandwich) |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR
(Gets an apple)
So how are things goin' between
you and Emma?
(Bites apple) |
|
|
|
| |
DAGAN
(Sits down)
It's all over. Turns out she was a
firts-class lesbo. One day, when I
had just finished a major drug
(MORE)
|
|
20.
|
| |
DAGAN (cont'd)
deal, I caught her doin' 69 with
some other girl.
(Eats sandwich) |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR
(Laughs)
If I was in your shoes I would
have said: 'Can I join?'
(Bites apple) |
|
|
|
| |
DAGAN
(Bites sandwich)
I did ask her that, but she said:
'Sorry Dagan, I only like women,
and you're not a woman, so I don't
like you'. After that I pulled out
my pistol and popped both of them.
Bang bang, bitches! Now they're
lickin' each other's pussies in
hell.
(Laughs, takes out
his pistol with
silencer)
As long as I have this baby, I
don't need no women.
(Holsters pistol) |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR
(Takes out his
revolver)
Well I'm more into revolvers.
(Bites apple) |
|
|
|
| |
DAGAN
(Eats sandwich)
You gotta be fuckin' kiddin' me.
You killed your wife and the other
girl with that little shit?
(Points at
revolver) |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR
(Confused)
Yeah, what's the matter?
(Eats sandwich) |
|
|
|
| |
DAGAN
(Worried)
That's a fuckin' Colt .45. When
you fire that crap it makes a
shitload of noise. I bet the whole
fuckin' neighborhood heard you. |
|
|
|
21.
|
| |
OSCAR
(Holsters revolver)
Well not the whole neighborhood,
just some guy called Bob. He lives
on the second floor. |
|
|
|
| |
DAGAN
(Stands up)
Fuck! He's gonna tell the cops,
he's a witness! We gotta kill him. |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR
(Stands up)
I'm tired of killin' people for
today.
(Bites apple and
throws it away) |
|
|
|
| |
DAGAN
(Throws sandwich
away)
Yeah, whatever, I'll handle him.
Now lets go before this Bob guy
tells the cops.
(Walks toward MAIN
HALL) |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR (V.O.)
(Follows DAGAN)
Dagan is gonna get graphic, and
when Dagan gets graphic, someone's
gonna die. |
|
|
|
|
MAIN HALL |
|
|
| |
DAGAN
Open the bloody door, please. |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR
(Opens door)
Come on, this way.
(Enters elevator) |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
ELEVATOR |
|
|
| |
OSCAR
(Presses '2nd
floor' button)
Dagan, just... just don't make a
mess. |
|
|
|
22.
|
| |
DAGAN
(Laughs)
Make a mess? Of course I'll make a
fuckin' mess. In this world, the
only ones that survive, are the
ones that kill without mercy. And
to kill without mercy, you gotta
be stone cold So I call it
'Survival of the coldest'.
(Leaves ELEVATOR) |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR
(Sarcastic)
Sure.
(Leaves ELEVATOR) |
|
|
|
| |
|
INT. NEIGHBOR'S APARTMENT - NIGHT |
|
|
|
ENTRANCE |
|
|
| |
DAGAN
(Rings doorbell
and gets out his
pistol with
silencer) |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR
(Gets out revolver) |
|
|
|
| |
DAGAN
(Whispering)
What the fuck are you doing?
You're not using that piece of
utter crapness to kill this guy,
it makes too much fuckin' noise.
Let me handle this. |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR
(Whispering)
Ok, do your thing.
(Holsters revolver) |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR (V.O.)
Dagan's favorite thing is killin'
people, and he likes to do it
alone, cuz after all there's no
better way to show off then two
tell your friends you killed some
guy by yourself. |
|
|
|
23.
|
| |
NEIGHBOR
(Open's door)
Hello -- |
|
|
|
| |
DAGAN
(Shoots NEIGHBOR
on the head, then
shoots him 6 more
times)
Done.
(Holsters gun) |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR
(Looking at the
dead NEIGHBOR)
Did you have to waste a whole clip
on him? |
|
|
|
| |
DAGAN
(Sarcastic)
I just wanted to make sure the
bastard was dead.
(Laughs) |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR
(Laughs)
That explains it. Now let's get
goin' before Ben comes after us.
(Enters elevator) |
|
|
|
|
ELEVATOR |
|
|
| |
OSCAR
(Presses 'Garage'
button)
Dagan? |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR
(Looks at OSCAR)
Yeah? |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR
Don't you feel bad for killin'
that guy? I mean, he never did
anything wrong to you. |
|
|
|
| |
DAGAN
(Surprised by
OSCAR'S question)
Well, I don't realy feel bad. Some
people are just unlucky to be in
the wrong place at the wrong time.
(Smiles and turns
around. Just as
(MORE)
|
|
24.
|
| |
DAGAN (cont'd)
the ELEVATOR door
opens, Dagan gets
shot on the head
by a HITMAN and
falls DEAD on the
floor) |
|
|
|
|
INT. GARAGE - NIGHT |
|
|
| |
OSCAR
(Shocked)
Fuck! Dagan!
(Looks up and sees
a HITMAN) |
|
|
|
| |
HITMAN
(Pointing pistol
at OSCAR)
You're coming with me. Ben wants
to 'talk' to you. |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR (V.O.)
I knew this was coming. I fuckin'
knew this was coming.
(Looks at DAGAN)
I'm sorry, Dagan. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
INT. GARAGE - NIGHT |
|
|
| |
HITMAN
(Pointing pistol
at OSCAR)
What exactly are you waiting for? |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR (V.O.)
(Looking at HITMAN)
Ok, I still have one bullet on my
revolver. If only I could -- |
|
|
|
| |
HITMAN
(Getting
increasingly
angry)
Get out of the fucking elevator
right now, or you're a dead man! |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR
Ok, I'm comin' out.
(Leaves ELEVATOR)
Now what? |
|
|
|
25.
|
| |
HITMAN
(Gets behind OSCAR
and handcuffs him)
Now I'll make sure you don't try
anything stupid.
(Pushes OSCAR)
Come on, walk. It's the black
sedan. |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR (V.O.)
(Enters CAR, sits
on back seat)
I gotta think of something. I've
come too far to blow it all away. |
|
|
|
| |
HITMAN
(Enters CAR, sits
on driver's seat,
and accelerates) |
|
|
|
| |
|
INT. HITMAN'S CAR - NIGHT |
|
|
| |
OSCAR (V.O.)
(Tries to free
himself form
handcuffs, but
fails)
Damned handcuffs, if only I could
get myself out of them -- |
|
|
|
| |
HITMAN
(While driving)
How pathetic. No matter how hard
you try, you can't free yourself
from those handcuffs. It's all
over for you. |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR
(Sarcastic)
Well ain't you funny? How about
you go fuck yourself? |
|
|
|
| |
HITMAN
You're laughing for now, but when
I hand you over to Ben, you'll be
stone serious. And when he begins
torturing you, you'll cry like a
bitch.
(Grins) |
|
|
|
26.
|
| |
OSCAR
(Laughs)
Tell me something, why do you do
this? |
|
|
|
| |
HITMAN
(Grunts)
You don't know why? I do it for
the money. What I do is just like
any other job, except it involves
killing people. |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR
(Looking down)
This isn't right... You killed
Dagan... |
|
|
|
| |
HITMAN
(Laughs)
I killed Dagan? What about you?
You killed Ben's sister and some
other girl that had nothing to do
with any if this. You killed two
innocent women, that's cowardice.
I killed a man, and he was
carrying a fuckin' gun. For all I
know he could have shot me. |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR (V.O.)
Shit, he's right. |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR
(Trying to run
away from the
truth)
Well, I had no choice but to kill
them. If I let them live, they'd
tell Ben, and it would all be over
for me. |
|
|
|
| |
HITMAN
You're trying to make excuses for
yourself. I'm just a cold-blooded
contract killer, but I'll tell you
something: The only bad guy in
this story is you. And I'll tell
you something else, you're trying
to blame it all on Ben. You gotta
understand that the only reason
Ben wants to kill you is to defend
his sister's honor. |
|
|
|
27.
|
| |
OSCAR (V.O.)
Fuck, may be should just kill
myself. |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR
(Guilty)
I know, I didn't think well, I was
drunk... and high... |
|
|
|
| |
HITMAN
We all do shit, but what you did
was hell. And now you're
responsible for the death of your
friend. |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR
(Angry)
No! You're the one that killed
him! |
|
|
|
| |
HITMAN
(Laughs)
You're right, but if you hadn't
killed Ben's sister, you wouldn't
have called Dagan to come and help
you clean up, and Ben wouldn't
have hired me to kill Dagan and
arrest you. Therefore, you're
indirectly responsible for Dagan's
death. |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR
(Realizes that
HITMAN is right)
Fuck you, I said I'm sorry.
Listen, why don't you just kill
me? |
|
|
|
| |
HITMAN
Ben was clear -- he said to me:
'You bring him alive, you get
600k. You bring him dead, you get
a bullet hole right in the middle
of your forehead'. |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR (V.O.)
(Trying to think)
It's gonna be hard to convince
this guy to let me go. I gotta
show him I can be his friend. |
|
|
|
28.
|
| |
OSCAR
(Trying to sound
friendly)
Dude? |
|
|
|
| |
HITMAN
(Irritated)
Now what? |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR
I just wanna know your name. |
|
|
|
| |
HITMAN
(Laughs)
Oscar, you're fucking retarded,
it's almost like someone stuck a
banana through your brain. You
think I'm telling you my real
name? It's top-fuckin'-secret, no
one can know my identity. |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR (V.O.)
(Worried)
This ain't workin'... |
|
|
|
|
SILENCE |
|
|
| |
OSCAR
(Curious)
How much does Ben pay you? You
said he'd give you 600k if you
brought me to him alive. Well,
what if I pay you more than that?
Will you let me go? |
|
|
|
| |
HITMAN
(Smiles)
You're seriously saying that you
can pay me better than Ben can? A
little bit hard to believe -- |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR
(Trying to
negotiate)
Listen, I have 1.2 million dollars
on my bank account. I'll give you
one million if you let me go.
Deal? |
|
|
|
| |
HITMAN
(Laughs)
You have 1.2 million dollars in
your bank account? You're just
some low-life drug dealing peice
(MORE)
|
|
29.
|
|
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR
Low-life? I'm a successful drug
dealer, and poor is the last thing
I'll ever be. I've done many drug
deals in my life. I'm
filthy-fuckin'-rich, and I would
pay you anything if you let me go. |
|
|
|
| |
HITMAN
(Thinking)
Anything? Well how bout you pay me
your wife? Oh, sorry I forgot you
killed her.
(Laughs, then gets
really serious)
No, seriously, I can't take that
risk. For all I know you want to
kill me to avenge your friend's
death. |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR (V.O.)
(Breaks free of
handcuffs using
the paper
clip-like part of
his watch)
Exellent, now I'll teach this
whacko a very valuable lesson. |
|
|
|
| |
HITMAN
(Curious)
What was that noise? |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR
(Sarcastic)
You know, as a veteran hitman, you
sure are fuckin' dumb.
(Taks out his
revolver) |
|
|
|
| |
HITMAN
(Stops car, turns
around)
Eh? |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR
(Shoots the HITMAN
on the head. The
HITMAN falls on
the streering
wheel, DEAD)
(MORE)
|
|
30.
|
| |
OSCAR (cont'd)
I bet you didn't see that one
coming, you cocksucking son of a
big, filthy, 2 dollar whore?
(Takes HITMAN'S
pistol and gets
out of CAR) |
|
|
|
| |
|
EXT. WASTELAND - NIGHT |
|
|
| |
OSCAR (V.O.)
(Looks around
WASTELAND, but
since it's
nighttime, he
can't see where
he is)
Shit, where am I?
(OSCAR starts
getting dizzy and
begins
hallucinating
things that
aren't real) |
|
|
|
| |
MIA'S GHOST
(Looking
diabolically at
OSCAR)
You're in hell, Oscar. You're
paying for all your sins. |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR
(Panicked)
No, no, no. I don't belong here.
(Turns around) |
|
|
|
| |
HALEY'S GHOST
(Laughs)
Yes you do. Why did you kill me? I
was an innocent girl of 17. I
never did anything wrong to you. |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR
(Guilty)
I had to... I fuckin' had to!
(Turns around) |
|
|
|
| |
MIA'S GHOST
(Touches OSCAR'S
face)
What about me? I was your wife. I
loved you. If you hadn't shot me,
(MORE)
|
|
31.
|
| |
MIA'S GHOST (cont'd)
I would have forgiven you and our
lives would have been the same
again. |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR
(Backs away from
MIA'S GHOST)
No, no you wouldn't! You would
tell Ben, and Ben wouldn't forgive
me.
(Turns around) |
|
|
|
| |
DAGAN'S GHOST
(Angry)
And me? After all those drug deals
we did together, after all those
jokes we told one another, you let
me die like that? I though we were
pals, and pals should watch each
other's backs... |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR
(Backs away from
DAGAN'S GHOST)
Dagan, I'm sorry it's not my
fault, I -- |
|
|
|
| |
DAGAN'S GHOST
(Laughs)
Not your fault? You're reponsible
for the death of your wife, your
misstress, and your best friend.
Oscar, you deserve to burn in hell
eternally.
(Punshes OSCAR,
OSCAR falls on
the ground) |
|
|
|
| |
MIA'S GHOST
(Approaches OSCAR)
Yes Oscar, when I married you, I
thought you were a decent man, but
now I know you're not even worth a
fuckin' dime. You're trash!
(Kicks OSCAR) |
|
|
|
| |
HALEY'S GHOST
(Approaches OSCAR)
When we began seeing each other, I
knew I made the biggest mistake of
my life. I'll never forget what
you did to me. Never.
(MORE)
|
|
32.
|
| |
HALEY'S GHOST (cont'd)
(Kicks OSCAR) |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR
(Tries to get up,
but he is too
weak)
You know what? Fuck you all! Damn
you all to hell! |
|
|
|
| |
HITMAN'S GHOST
(Laughs)
You're the one that's going to
hell. |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR
(Points pistol at
HITMAN'S GHOST)
You! It's all your fault!
(Fires the pistol,
but all bullets
pass through the
HITMAN, not
damaging him) |
|
|
|
| |
HITMAN'S GHOST
(Sarcastic)
My fault? You're the one who's
responsible for all your
suffering. If you were a civilized
person, your wife, your mistress,
your best friend and I would still
be alive! But no, you had to be so
fucking selfish! Now suffer the
consequences!
(All ghosts
dissapear) |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR (V.O.)
(Lying down)
I'm trashed, I'm fuckin' finished.
No one knows what I'm feeling.
It's a mixture of deception,
anger, guilt and disgust. It's all
over for me. I have to kill
myself, or else they won't stop
haunting me. They're everywhere.
(Takes out the
HITMAN'S pistol)
If only I could turn back time --
I'd go back and do all the right
things. I would've told Mia about
my mistress, I would've apologized
to Ben, and I would never have
(MORE)
|
|
33.
|
| |
OSCAR (cont'd)
gotten my friend, Dagan, involved
in all this mess.
(Cocks pistol)
Now, there is nothing left. The
few people who loved me are all
gone, all because of me and my
selfishness. If I keep on living,
tomorrow the cops will come after
me and they'll arrest me. Ben
would tell them everything, he has
proof that links me to the murder
of his sister. I would get the
death sentence sooner or later.
It's not worth it.
(Points gun at
head)
When I die, people will remeber me
as a good-for-nothing, murdering
bastard. The parents would tell
their kids: 'Hey son, don't be
like Oscar, don't be a murderer'.
The world will spit in disgust
whenever my name is heard. That's
what you get for makin' the wrong
choices...
(Pulls trigger) |
|
|
|
|
FLASHBACK |
|
|
| |
|
INT. BUCK'S BAR - DAY |
|
|
OSCAR and HALEY are sitting next to each other on a table in
a traditional Irish bar, each with a beer. The bar is big
and has many chairs and tables, but it's empty. OSCAR and
HALEY are pretty much the only ones around. |
|
|
| |
HALEY
(Leans closer to
OSCAR)
So, when and where can we meet? |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR (V.O.)
(Looks at HALEY,
and examines her)
Now I gotta do what's right. No! I
gotta fuck her, I need to fuck
her. |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR
(Comes closer to
HALEY, and is
about to kiss her)
(MORE)
|
|
34.
|
| |
OSCAR (cont'd)
How bout we meet at my apart --
(Pauses, thinks
for a while)
You know what? No thanks, I'm not
meeting you anymore. I can't live
like this, it's over.
(Stands up) |
|
|
|
| |
HALEY
(Stands up)
But we just met! Let's know each
other better... |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR (V.O.)
(Looks at HALEY)
Oh my God, turning her down will
be one hell of a loss, but it'll
be a bigger loss if I cheat on my
wife. |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR
(Trying to avoid
HALEY)
Listen, I'm married. I love my
life, and I don't need a misstress
to make it better.
(Starts to leave) |
|
|
|
| |
HALEY
(Following OSCAR)
Oscar! |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR
(Turns around)
What? |
|
|
|
| |
HALEY
(Thinks for a
while)
You're right about the whole
misstress thing. I just -- I just
hope you have a good life. |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR
(Calms down)
Thanks, you too. And find yourself
a decent man, some one your age,
not like me. I could be your dad
for all I know.
(Laughs)
I have a cousin who's about your
age. I'll introduce you to him
(MORE)
|
|
35.
|
| |
OSCAR (cont'd)
sometime, ok? |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR
(Smiles)
Bye, Haley.
(Leaves BUCK'S BAR) |
|
|
|
|
EXT. OUTSIDE BUCK'S BAR - DAY |
|
|
| |
OSCAR (V.O.)
(Walking)
Life is a tricky game, you get
tempted to do things you know you
shouldn't. When a person does
what's wrong, like what I was
about to do, they up getting
killed or committin' suicide or
something. When you do what's
right, all you get in change is a
long, beautiful life. |
|
|
|
| |
MIA
(Comes up form
behind OSCAR)
Oscar! |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR
(Gets scared and
jump up. Turns
around and sees
MIA)
Hey, Mia.
(Hugs her, then
looks up and
notices that BEN
is watching him) |
|
|
|
| |
BEN
(Gives OSCAR
thumbs up) |
|
|
|
| |
OSCAR
(Kisses MIA)
I never told you this, but now I
finally have the guts to say it. I
love you, Mia. |
|
|
|
36.
|
| |
MIA
(Smiles at OSCAR)
I love you too, honey.
(They kiss again,
then both OSCAR
and MIA turn
around and walk
hand in hand
around the city) |
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INT. THE LOADED CHAMBER - DAY |
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VINNIE HEAVEN
(THE LOADED
CHAMBER)
'Russian Roulette was first
invented in the early 19th
century, where Russian prisoners
were forced to play the game while
the prison guards bet on the
outcome'- Wikipedia.
Now that you know a little bit
about Russian Roulette, discover
what happens when two average UK
citizens, Basil Riverton and
Daniel Rino, are forced to play
this lethal game by a psychopathic
madman and his loyal assistant.
The odds of either one succeeding
is 50/50, so place your bets and
hope for the best! |
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INT. DR. LEVI'S EXPERIMENTS CENTER - DAY |
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Two prisoners, BASIL and DANIEL, are sitting down on chairs,
facing each other, separated by a table. On the other side
of the room there is an empty chair with a table and a
bulletproof, see-through glass wall separating the room in
half. BASIL is awake, but DANIEL is fast asleep. |
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DANIEL
(Wakes up, shaking
his head, to
BASIL)
Where am I? And who the hell are
you? And what am I doin' here? |
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37.
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BASIL
(Calmly)
That's EXACTLY what I've been
asking myself. |
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ENTER DR. LEVI |
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DR. LEVI
(Smiles)
Ah! My lab rats have arrived!
(Places a revolver
on table between
BASIL and DANIEL) |
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DANIEL
(Confused)
Who the fuck are you? And what's
that gun for? |
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DR. LEVI
(Walks away and
sits behind
bulletproof glass)
Please, Mr. Rino, don't use that
kind of innapropriate language
here in my experiments center. |
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DANIEL
Ok, I won't say fuck anymore. Now
where's my explanation? |
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DR. LEVI
(Laughs)
That's what I'm talking about,
nice and quiet. Now let me
introduce myself. I'm Dr. Levi,
and I'm currently doing an
experiment about human
characteristics. |
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DANIEL
Yeah ok, human experiment, now can
you tell me what that gun is for? |
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DR. LEVI
Of course I can. You see, I'm a
man that likes gambling, and
gambling comes in many colors,
shapes and forms. Russian
Roulette, to me, is the ULTIMATE
form of gambling, where you gamble
with your own LIFE. Since I'm not
brave enough to do this myself,
who better to get than two, young,
(MORE)
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38.
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DR. LEVI (cont'd)
energetic males? |
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DANIEL
(Scared)
Jesus Christ! You're a madman! |
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BASIL
(Calmly, to DANIEL)
Listen, whatever your name is, you
gotta calm down. Let the maniac
say whatever he wants to say, then
we'll get over it. |
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DR. LEVI
Exellent behaviour Mr. Riverton.
Now I must continue. To sum it all
up, you are here to play a small
game with me: Rusian Roulette. As
you all know, the rules are: Six
chambers, two players, one bullet.
My assitant will load the revolver
with a single bullet, and the two
of you will take turns pulling the
trigger. Who ever is unlucky
enough to catch the live round
will die, thus losing. Who ever is
fortunate enough to catch the
empty chambers shall be freed.
What more can I say? |
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ENTER JASON (DR.LEVI'S ASSISTANT) |
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JASON
(Puts a bullet
inside revolver,
spins the
chambers and lays
gun down on table)
Objective complete, sir. |
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DR. LEVI
(Smiles)
Exellent Jason, you may leave now. |
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EXIT JASON |
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DANIEL
(Angry)
You're goin' to hell for this! |
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39.
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DR. LEVI
(Laughs)
I know I am, but who cares? Before
we start this experiment, I'd like
to say one more thing: Do not try
to shoot me, for there is a
bulletproof glass wall protecting
me, and if any of you try anything
funny, I'm sending both of you
straight to hell. |
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DR. LEVI
(Angry)
But what, Mr. Riverton? What do
you have to say? |
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BASIL
Do you promise that you'll let the
survivor go? |
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DR. LEVI
(Nervous)
Yes, yes, haven't you been paying
attention Mr. Riverton? I said:
The one who is lucky enough to get
the empty chambers will be freed.
Really, I'm not lying. You must
trust me. |
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DANIEL
(Worried)
I'm not trusting this freak. |
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BASIL
Me neither, but what else can we
do? |
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DR. LEVI
(Irritanted)
Start the fucking game! That's
what you can do!
(Hits the table)
I'm starting to get irritated with
you two. START! |
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BASIL
Ok, who goes first? |
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40.
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DANIEL
(Leans away from
table)
Not me! I'm not crazy! I don't
wanna d-- |
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BASIL
Ok, ok, ok. I'll go first.
(Takes a deep
breath) |
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DR. LEVI
(Nervous)
What EXACTLY are you waiting for? |
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BASIL
(Whispering)
I love you Stacy.
(Gets gun, points
it at his head
and pulls the
trigger. It was
an empty camber)
Oh my God, YES!
(Puts gun back at
table) |
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DANIEL
(Saddened)
FUCK!
(Looks down) |
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DR. LEVI
(Amused)
Your turn, Mr. Rino. |
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DANIEL
(Whispering, to
BASIL)
We gotta find a way out of this
place. |
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BASIL
(Whispering, to
DANIEL)
But this shit hole is filled with
security, just look around you.
(Points at
security doors) |
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DR. LEVI
(Irritated)
Hey, hey, hey, what's all this
whispering? Continue with the game
(MORE)
|
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41.
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DR. LEVI (cont'd)
or I'll call my assistant and
he'll teach the two of you a
lesson you won't forget. |
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DANIEL
(Thinks for a
while)
I've had enough of this shit.
(Pulls gun and
begins firing
empty chambers at
the bulletproof
glass) |
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DR. LEVI
(Picks up phone)
Jason! Come here fast!
(Hangs up phone) |
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ENTER JASON |
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JASON
(Grabs DANIEL,
revolver falls on
the ground.
Punches DANIEL
five times on the
stomach) |
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DANIEL
(Down on the
ground,
frightened)
Fuck you! I'll fuckin' kill you! |
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JASON
(Sarcastic)
Well that's REALLY intimidating.
(Pulls out pistol
and cocks it) |
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DR. LEVI
ENOUGH! Don't kill him. If you
kill him you'll destroy my
experiment! |
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JASON
(Holsters gun)
Sorry sir, you are right. Should I
load the revolver again? |
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42.
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DR. LEVI
(Smiles)
Of course, the experiment still
continues. |
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JASON
(Puts a bullet
inside revolver,
spins the
chambers, lays
gun down on table)
Objective complete, sir.
(Starts to leave) |
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DR. LEVI
What are you doing? Stay here!
Point your gun at Mr. Rino. If he
refuses to pull the trigger you
have my authorization to shoot
him. |
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JASON
Yes sir.
(Pulls out pistol
and aims it at
DANIEL) |
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DR. LEVI
(Sarcastic)
Get up Mr. Rino. When I caught you
I never though you'd be a lazy old
scum bag.
(Laughs) |
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DANIEL
(Gets up and sits
down on chair)
Ok, I'm a man, that's what I am,
and I'm gonna do this, and I'm
gonna catch the empty chamber.
(Gets revolver)
If I die tell my girlfriend I love
her. Tell my mother I'm sorry for
everything I ever did to her,
and-- |
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DR. LEVI
(Irritated)
Just fucking GO! |
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DANIEL
(Points gun at
head)
Let's do this shit.
(MORE)
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43.
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DANIEL (cont'd)
(Pulls trigger,
and it turns out
to be an empty
chamber)
Take that you little blonde
fucker. What you gonna say now,
eh?
(Puts gun back at
table) |
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BASIL
(Whipering)
Damn it!
(Hits table) |
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DR. LEVI
(Smiles)
Your turn, Mr. Riverton. |
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BASIL
(Gets gun)
What difference does it make if I
get the bullet or if I get the
empty chamber? So what if die? Big
deal, I'm just one person in a
world of 6.6 billion people.
(Points gun at
head)
Stacy will probably find a better
husband, one that doesn't go
around traveling and risking
himself on deserted places.
(Takes a deep
breath)
I'm gettin' tired of bein' alive
anyway.
(Pulls trigger and
it turns out to
be an empty
chamber. He
smiles and lays
the gun down on
the table) |
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DANIEL
(Amazed)
Oh, come on! That's impossible!
(Lays back on
chair) |
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44.
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BASIL
(Calmly)
Not really, you pulled the trigger
one time after Jason reloaded the
revolver, and this same revolver
has six chambers. I had a 1 in 5
chance of hitting the bullet, but
I didn't, so it's not impossible.
Go ahead, it's your turn. |
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DANIEL
(Sarcastic)
Well aren't you a smart fucker?
Just wait 'till a bullets goes
through your bain, and then I'll
be laughing at your pathetic dead
body!
(Gets gun, points
it at his head
and pulls the
trigger. It turns
out to be a live
round and DANIEL
falls to the
ground) |
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BASIL
(Shocked)
Shit!
(Leans down on the
floor to see
DANIEL) |
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DR. LEVI
(Laughs)
Beautiful! A work of art!
(Stands up, goes
to the other end
of the room and
looks at DANIEL'S
dead body) |
|
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| |
BASIL
(Looks at DR. LEVI
in disgust)
How can you say this is a work of
art? You KILLED that a man! |
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DR. LEVI
(Sarcastic)
I killed that man? You have got to
be kidding me.
(Laughs)
He's the one that pulled the
(MORE)
|
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45.
|
| |
DR. LEVI (cont'd)
trigger. And plus, it was either
YOU or HIM. You should be happy it
wasn't YOU who died first. |
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BASIL
(Stands up)
What do you mean, 'died first'? I
thought that after your 'game' of
Russian Roulette the last man
standing would be freed. |
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DR. LEVI
(Laughs)
Honestly, Mr. Riverton, I already
had all the work of going to your
house, kidnapping you, and making
you do all this. What makes you
think that I'll let you go now and
risk being ratted out to the
authorities?
(Takes a deep
breath)
I never promised anything, kid.
Sorry it had to end up like this.
(Pats BASIL on the
shoulder) |
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BASIL
(Scared)
So, are you gonna kill me now? In
cold blood? I have kids. |
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DR. LEVI
(Laughs)
I also have kids. |
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BASIL
(Begging)
Well, imagine how they would be
with out a father? |
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DR. LEVI
(Serious)
I'm not wasting any more of my
time with you. Turn around, cuz
Jason's got a little present for
you. |
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BASIL
(Turns around and
gets shot on the
head by Jason.
BASIL falls to
(MORE)
|
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46.
|
| |
BASIL (cont'd)
the ground next
to DANIEL) |
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DR. LEVI
(Looks at the dead
bodies)
Today's experiment was a sucess.
I'm gonna go rest for a while and
tomorrow we do the same thing.
Meanwhile Jason, I'll need you to
clean this mess up |
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JASON
(Carries around
DANIEL'S body)
Yes sir. |
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EXIT DR. LEVI |
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JASON
I'm always the one that has to do
ALL the cleaning... |
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FADE OUT. |
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| Feedback |
| From Andy Carbon |
Date 8/19/2007 |
|
| This is really good. I can see you're new to screenwriting because of your play format, but not problem, you still get a 4/4. |
| From Tony Starling |
Date 8/11/2007 |
|
| Both stories are awesome. I usually donīt like violent screenplays but I really liked this one. Good job. |
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| Leave Feedback |
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