Home Screenwriting Products Screenwriter Community Screenwriting Store
ScriptBuddy - Screenwriting Software for the Web

Screenwriter Community

Back to List of Published Screenplays
View/Leave Feedback

SEX, MURDERS, AND COCAINE DEALS
by Vinnie Heaven (mafia_man66@hotmaill.com)

Rated: R   Genre: Comedy   User Review: *
The is the autobiography of Oswald Papien, one of the most succesful drug dealers of modern history. This screenplay will tell the story of his controversial life. In other words, what happened to him before, during, and after becoming a drug dealer.


This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



FADE IN:

INT. JOHNNY'S CAR - DAY
                                                            
It's your average old, shitty, fucked-up CAR. To get an
idea, when JOHNNY'S CAR drives near a group of young college
girls, they all utter words like 'ew' and 'yuk' and back
away in disgust. Inside the car there are two average
low-life wannabe gansters, OSWALD PAPIEN (OZZIE) and
JONATHAN BLOCK (JOHNNY). JOHNNY, a.k.a. the man that's
always wearing that fuckin' blue cap, is on the wheel,
driving like a 6-year old ought to drive, and OZZIE, who
looks like he just woke up from a life-long sleep, is on the
back seat, sitting in what he calls a 'cool' positon.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Your car is fucked-up, did ya know
that?
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
      (Smiling)
That's not what the girls say.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Oh yeah, you're right. They say
your car is a piece of shit with 4
wheels.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
You're so harsh, damnit. I like
this car and that's what matters.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
What ever, but if you start
complaining again that girls don't
'care' about you, remeber it's all
because of your car.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
You know what, but I ain't
changing my car because of some
bi--
                                                            
Suddenly a fuckin' huge truck honks and JOHNNY quickly turns
his CAR, avoiding a fatal accident.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (Panting)
Jeeeesus Christ! I thought it was
all over for us!
                                                            

2.

                       JOHNNY
Don't worry, I'm a proffesional
driver.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
You don't even have a driver's
license.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Well, neither do you.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Ok, let's not get into this
discusson again. When do we get
there?
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
I don't know, 5 minutes maybe. Why
are you in such a hurry?
                                                            
OZZIE looks left, right, then left again, like a really
paranoid motherfucker.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
I don't know, I'm anxious.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
      (Laughing)
Relax, it's normal. First time I
did a drug deal I felt exactly
what you are feeling right now.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Cool. How much cash are we
getting?
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
70k. 50 for the fat guy and 10 for
each of us.
                                                            
OZZIE was never good in math. He thinks for a while about
how much shit he can buy with 10k, and once he figures out
10k is a crapload of of money, he gives the biggest fuckin'
smile of his life time.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Nice.
                                                            
3 MONTHS AGO...
                                                            
 

3.

INT. TAXI - DAY
                                                            
OZZIE is in a TAXI. It's a little bit old, but not a old as
JOHNNY'S CAR. JOHNNY'S CAR is anciet-fuckin' history. Back
to the TAXI, OZZIE looks a little bit better than he looked
3 MOTHS AGO. You know, nicely combed hair, no facial hair,
all that 'gentlemanly' shit.
                                                            
                       TAXI DRIVER
People say that being a taxi
driver is hard work, boring, not
worth it, ext., but I tell you,
it's the best job in the world.
You get to drive around the city;
and I love driving, and you get to
meet a bunch of different people;
and I love meeting new people.
                                                            
OZZIE practically slept through the the TAXI DRIVER'S boring
speech, so he doesn't really know what to answer.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (Yawning)
Well that's nice.
                                                            
                       TAXI DRIVER
I know. So now that I told you
about my job, why don't you tell
me about yours?
                                                            
                       OZZIE
I eh, ya know, I don't really have
a 'job'.
                                                            
                       TAXI DRIVER
Oh, well hopefully you'll find
one.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Hopefully.
                                                            
OZZIE just wishes the TAXI DRIVER would shut the hell up so
he can sleep, but looks like the bastard is the
talking-type.
                                                            
                       TAXI DRIVER
So what brings you to Detroit?
                                                            
                       OZZIE
I'm comin' to see my sister. She
married some rich guy so hopefully
he can help me out with some cash.
                                                            

4.

                       TAXI DRIVER
So you're basically gonna live off
your brother-in-law?
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (Smiling)
Basically.
                                                            
Just as OZZIE thinks the TAXI DRIVER shut his yapper, the
annoying son of a gun begins talking again.
                                                            
                       TAXI DRIVER
You know, Detroit is full of
crimes. People die all the time
because of the violence here.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
But when I was a kid, there wasn't
so much violence...
                                                            
                       TAXI DRIVER
You're right, but Detroit grew a
lot since you were a kid. Now its
not even safe to go out on the
streets.
                                                            
OZZIE has that 'who gives a shit' look on his face.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Alright.
                                                            
                       TAXI DRIVER
I'm not joking, Detroit is the
second most violent city of the
U.S.A.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Which is the first one?
                                                            
                       TAXI DRIVER
St. Louis, I think.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
That's wierd, I always thought of
St. Louis as a safe city.
                                                            
                       TAXI DRIVER
Me too.
                                                            
OZZIE looks at his watch, which we all know is as fake as
Pamela Anderson's tits, and begins to put his very small
brain to work. He discovers something really, really
fucked-up.
                                                            

5.

                       OZZIE
We've been in this taxi for fourty
minutes already. My uncle's
apartment is only supposed to be
15 minutes from the airport.
                                                            
                       TAXI DRIVER
You gotta calm down, I can't go so
fast.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
You're goin' as slowly as
possible. And plus, we've gone
past this french beauty saloon
three times already.
                                                            
                       TAXI DRIVER
      (Trying to sound
       innocent)
Oh, really?
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Stop this car, I'm goin' by bus.
                                                            
The son-of-a-2-dollar-bitch TAXI DRIVER stops his faggot
car.
                                                            
                       TAXI DRIVER
It'll be 49 dollars and 68 cents.
                                                            
We get a very, very fuckin' close close-up of OZZIE'S
not-so-pretty face.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Fuck.
                                                            
 
INT. OZZIE'S UNCLE'S APARTMENT - DAY
                                                            
LIVING ROOM
                                                            
It's an average apartment. The walls are as white as sperm
and it's full of paintings of naked women; and it also has a
few bottles of Johnny Walker Black Label on the floor. OZZIE
takes a phone and begins dialing a number. SCOTT SHEPERD,
OZZIE'S rich-ass cousin, picks up the phone.
                                                            
                       SCOTT (V.O.)
Hello?
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (On the phone)
What's up Scott, I'm here already.
                                                            

6.

                       SCOTT (V.O.)
Ozzie Osbourne! Long time no see!
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (On the phone)
Don't call me that crap.
                                                            
                       SCOTT (V.O.)
Ok. So where you stayin' at?
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (On the phone)
I'm at your dad's place for now,
but I'll move to a hotel if you
want me to.
                                                            
                       SCOTT (V.O.)
No no, it's cool, you can stay.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (On the phone)
Allrighty then, thanks Scott.
                                                            
OZZIE is starting to get fed-up with his annoying cousin. He
realizes SCOTT has nothing else to say, so...
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (On the phone)
Ok, I'll be seein' you later.
                                                            
                       SCOTT (V.O.)
Ok, bye. Oh, and one more thing:
be carefull when you go out on the
streets. Detroit is really damn
violent, yesterday, these two
criminals tried to steal a car,
but the driver refused to give him
the keys, so they shot the him on
head and ran away. The guy's
family is shocked. Detroit is the
second most dangerous city of
America.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (On the phone)
That's bad. I'll make sure I'm
careful. Bye.
                                                            
                       SCOTT (V.O.)
Bye, man.
                                                            
OZZIE hangs up and jumps on the couch. He turns on the T.V.
and sees an average cheap Japanese horror-porno movie. He

7.

unzips his pants and smiles as he sees a red-headed Japanese
slut-fairy get bittien by a mutant cockroach on her left
nipple.
                                                            
3 MONTHS LATER...
                                                            
 
INT. GAMBLEY PIER - DAY
                                                            
JOHNNY and OZZIE are seen exiting JOHNNY'S fucked-up CAR.
JOHNNY is holding a black suit case, which is holding
cocaine, a.k.a. a white powder which rabbis, politicians and
teachers love to sniff. On the other side of the pier, there
are a shitload of blad, BLACK GUYS with guns; it's like the
whole continent of Africa moved to that very spot.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
      (Whispering)
Careful with these guys, if they
try anything funny, just take out
your gun and nail them, ok?
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (Whispering)
But it's like 10 against 2. We
can't take them all.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
      (Whispering)
Just... just... just follow my
steps, ok?
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (Whispering)
Alright.
                                                            
The BLACK GUYS walk towards OZZIE and JOHNNY, who look like
they just saw that scary bitch from 'The Ring'.
                                                            
                       BLACK GUY #1
Wazzup Johnny, how ya doin'?
                                                            
Deep inside, JOHNNY is a first class pussy, but he's trying
to act like a badass, like always.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
I'm cool, and you?
                                                            
                       BLACK GUY #1
Cool too. Who's that new nigga?
                                                            

8.

                       JOHNNY
He's my firend, Ozzie. He's new to
this business.
                                                            
Scared like shit, and not knowing what to do, OZZIE just
tries to be polite, but ends up sounding like a badly-washed
cunt.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (Smiling)
Hi-- hi
                                                            
                       BLACK GUY #2
He looks like a good nigga.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Th-- thanks.
                                                            
                       BLACK GUY #1
So, are we gonna talk shit, or are
we gonna do this deal once and for
all, nigga?
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Let's do this deal. So, you guys
got the money?
                                                            
                       BLACK GUY #2
Yeah, nigga. You got the coke?
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
      (Smiling)
Sure.
                                                            
JOHNNY gives BLACK GUY #2 the coke and BLACK GUY #2 gives
JOHNNY the money. Now you see, JOHNNY is a suspicious
bastard, so he always wants to double check all kinds of
shit, especially his best friend, money, so he opens up the
suitcase and begins counting the cash. The BLACK GUYS open
the other suitcase and begin sniffin' the living hell outta
the coke to see if its authentic. (That's their excuse for
getting high)
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Are we done yet?
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Wait a second, will ya?
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Sure.
                                                            

9.

A few minutes roll by and JOHNNY is still counting the money
and the BLACK GUYS are still deciding wether the coke is
authentic or not. Meanwhile, OZZIE is thinking about his
three favorite things, sex, porn, naked women, which all add
up to the same thing.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Done.
                                                            
                       BLACK GUY #1
Us too.
                                                            
JOHNNY puts the money back on the suitcase and the BLACK
GUYS put the coke back on the other suitcase.
                                                            
                       BLACK GUY #2
It's been good doin' business with
you. Peace, niggas.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Same with you.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (Smiling)
Y-- Yeah, bye guys.
                                                            
The BLACK GUYS ignore OZZIE and get the fuck out of the
PIER.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
      (Smiling)
Mission accomplished. We got 70
thousand dollars.
                                                            
We get another one of those really cheesy close-ups of
OZZIE'S face.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (Smiling)
Nice.
                                                            
3 MONTHS AGO...
                                                            
 
INT. OZZIE'S UNCLE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
                                                            
LIVING ROOM
                                                            
Our beloved horror-porn movie is over, and OZZIE is sleeping
on the couch like a drunk motherfucker having one hell of a
hangover. We can hear him say a few words such as 'suck me'
and 'fuck yes', but let's just assume his dream is just an
ordinary one. The phone suddenly rings and OZZIE wakes up

10.

and answers it. It truns out to be a cheap bitch, who goes
by the name of CHLOE VERTEX. Her favorite activities are
smoking weed and having anal sex but for now, OZZIE doesn't
know about it.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (On the phone)
Hello?
                                                            
                       CHLOE (V.O.)
Hey there, Ozzie. It's Chloe.
                                                            
OZZIE cracks a smile when he hears CHLOE'S voice. Of course,
his smile will be even bigger when he is in a 2-dollar motel
thrusting his dick up her ass, but let's put that aside for
now.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (On the phone)
Hey, there, CHLOE.
                                                            
                       CHLOE (V.O.)
I heard you were in town, so why
didn't you call me?
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (On the phone)
I only have Scott's number, sorry.
                                                            
                       CHLOE (V.O.)
No problem.
                                                            
OZZIE makes this really faggot voice, kinda like the guy
from Smallvile, trying to sound sweet and shit so he can
garantee he's getting laid this night.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (On the phone)
So Chloe, how you doin'?
                                                            
                       CHLOE (V.O.)
I'm fine.
                                                            
CHLOE sound shy and stuff, but deep inside she's just a
perverted bitch begging to get fucked.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (On the phone)
So, eh... when can we meet? I'm
sure we have alot of catchin' up
to do...
                                                            

11.

                       CHLOE (V.O.)
I don't know... you pick the
place.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (On the phone)
How 'bout Giovanni's? I've always
liked Italian food.
                                                            
                       CHLOE (V.O.)
Sure. But can I bring a special
guest?
                                                            
OZZIE pauses for a while, as we all know his brain is as
slow as slug. He automatically assumes that the 'special
guest' is another hot bitch, so he utters 'group sex' under
his breath.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (Smiling; On the
       phone)
Sure.
                                                            
                       CHLOE (V.O.)
Oh, and one more thing, please be
careful when you go out on the
streets, it's really dangerous
here in Detroit. You know, murders
and robberies are everywhere. Did
you know that Detroit is the
second most dangerous city of
America?
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (On the phone)
Yeah, I know that.
                                                            
                       CHLOE (V.O.)
Well, I wanted to warn you, just
in case.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (On the phone)
Oh, that's so nice of you. See ya
at Giovanni's.
                                                            
                       CHLOE (V.O.)
Ok, see ya.
                                                            
OZZIE hangs up the phone. He then stretches out on the couch
and he's foatin' around in ecstasy, as Freddy Mercury would
say. At this point, OZZIE feels he is a badass pimp, but
soon he will be proven other wise...
                                                            
 

12.

INT. GIOVANNI'S - NIGHT
                                                            
OZZIE enters the restaurant. He walks like the guys in suits
from Reservoir Dogs, thinking he's so 'cool', but deep
inside he's just your average loser. His minuscule brain
realizes CHLOE and her 'special guest' still haven't
arrived, so he sits down alone on a table for 4. A FAT
WAITER, who looks like a German rapist, comes up to him,
with a pedophilic smile on his face..
                                                            
                       FAT WAITER
Are you waiting for someone?
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (Smiling)
Yeah, I'm waiting for my
girlfriends. I mean my future
girlfriends, if you get what I'm
saying...
                                                            
                       FAT WAITER
Oh, I understand. Well, good luck
with them.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
I don't need luck when I got the
looks.
                                                            
Damn. OZZIE just owned that FAT WAITER. Anyway, OZZIE lays
back on his chair and looks around. He sees a pregnant woman
holding hands with a black guy who's wearing some kinda
Indian costume. He ignores them, but realizes they are
coming closer and closer to him, 'till he gets the shock of
a life time.
                                                            
                       CHLOE
Hey there, Ozzie.
                                                            
OZZIE'S smile flips upside-down.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (Backing up)
Chloe, you're ah-- pregant.
That's... ah-- interesting.
                                                            
                       CHLOE
Yes, I know, he's Akamawale, my
boyfriend, and the guy that got me
pregnant. He was the special guest
I was talkin' about.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Hey there, man.
                                                            

13.

                       CHLOE
Akamawale doesn't speak english,
only Tutsi. He's from Rwanda, and
he's very, very shy.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Oh, alright.
                                                            
                       CHLOE
So, what are you gonna eat?
                                                            
OZZIE pauses for a while, as he is trying to think of a way
to say 'fuck off you pregnant bitch' in a more polite way.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Actually, really, nothing. I-- I
remebered I have to go--
somewhere. Ok? Bye then.
                                                            
OZZIE walks towards the exit in a Speedy Gonzalez way, but
just as he exits, a big blob of pure fat a.k.a. the FAT
WAITER, gets in his way, desperate for revenge.
                                                            
                       FAT WAITER
So much for your girlfriend...
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Fuck off.
                                                            
OZZIE officially leaves the restaurant. CHLOE looks like
shit. Literally. She's screaming, crying, basically doin'
everything lame girls do when they're upset. AMAKEWALE or
whatever his name is, in the other hand, is totally confused
and doesn't know what the fuss is all about.
                                                            
! YEAR LATER...
                                                            
 
INT. OZZIE'S MANISON - DAY
                                                            
LIVING ROOM
                                                            
No one knows why, but the tables have turned. Now, OZZIE is
rich like fuckin' hell and wipes his ass with 100 dollar
bills, kinda like Bill Gates (Excuse the pun). OZZIE is
sitting on a gay-yet-extreamly-expensive chair, sniffin'
cocaine. He is as high as a motherfucker can possibly get.
He's talkin' to JOHNNY on the phone.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (Smiling; On the
       phone)
We're rich, man!
                                                            

14.

                       JOHNNY (V.O.)
Yeah, I know, all thanks to me.
And you, of course.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (On the phone)
And thanks to my sister too.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY (V.O.)
Yeah, your sister helped us a
little by lending us the money,
but we did most of the work.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (On the phone)
You're right about that.
                                                            
CHLOE, our beloved whore, who is now OZZIE'S #1 bitch, comes
up to him. She looks just as bitchy as before, but with more
make up. She's either nervous as fuckin' hell or she's had
the orgasm of a life time.
                                                            
                       CHLOE
There's a guy at the door. He
looks like Jimi Hendrix but with
with a shitload of additional fat.
Should I let him in?
                                                            
OZZIE freezes. He doesn't say a word, like a whore ate his
toungue.
                                                            
                       CHLOE
Should I let him in?
                                                            
                       OZZIE
It's Gorodon, shit.
                                                            
                       CHLOE
Do I let Gordon come in?
                                                            
CHLOE is getting on OZZIE'S nerves, and OZZIE ain't up for
games. He explodes. He just fuckin' explodes.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (Yelling)
Of course you don't let him in you
stupid fuckin' bitch! Are you
crazy or just plain stupid? Or
both?
                                                            
                       CHLOE
      (Yelling)
You know, what? I'm fed up with
you! Just cause I'm a bitch
            (MORE)

15.

                       CHLOE (cont'd)
doesn't mean I don't have
feelings!
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (Yelling even
       louder)
You fucking whore. Go sell
yourself on the street like you do
every day!
                                                            
Now CHLOE is really pissed, so she begins to cry rivers of
tears. She wants REVENGE.
                                                            
                       CHLOE
I hate you! You know what? I'm
letting Gordon in!
                                                            
CHLOE leaves for the door.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (Running after
       CHLOE)
No! Chloe! He'll kill us both!
                                                            
MAIN HALL
                                                            
CHLOE stupidly opens the door (That stupid bitch). It turns
out to be GORDON. A big, black guy holding a big, black gun.
He pumps CHLOE'S hot ass with Caliber 9 lead. She just falls
on the ground, dead. OZZIE looks up to GORDON, who looks
back up to OZZIE. Just as the shit is stating to get warmed
up we get a blackout.
                                                            
1 YEAR AGO...
                                                            
 
INT. OZZIE'S UNCLE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
                                                            
LIVING ROOM
                                                            
OZZIE is on the phone crying like a bitch who didn't give a
proper blowjob for a whole week. Apparently, this whole
'flippin' CHLOE off' situation is screwin' up his brain.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (On the phone)
No, what I'm trying to say Scott,
is that she told me we would meet
up and she'd bring a 'special
guest', then when I arrive at the
restaurant I see her, pregnant
with a big black African guy
dressed in some kind a Halloween
            (MORE)

16.

                       OZZIE (cont'd)
costume, whom she claims to be her
boyfriend.
                                                            
SCOTT pauses for like a shitload of time. He is thinking
about all the crap OZZIE just told him, trying to give him a
good answer.
                                                            
                       SCOTT (V.O.)
What the hell are you complainin'
about? It's not like she lied.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (Starting to cry;
       On the phone)
I love her, Scott. I thought I was
gonna meet up with her and--
                                                            
                       SCOTT (V.O.)
Have sex with her?
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (On the phone)
Uhm, no... maybe... ok, yes. What
do you expect? When we were 7 I
gave her her first kiss, and she
just throws me away like this?
                                                            
SCOTT is clearly getting tired of OZZIE'S whining.
                                                            
                       SCOTT (V.O.)
Calm down, Oz, just take it as a
man.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (Yelling; On the
       phone)
As a man? She left me for some
freak that comes from God know
where and doesn't even speak
English! What the fuck!?
                                                            
                       SCOTT (V.O.)
Ozzie, maybe that 'freak' was
meant for her. You just can't
judge people like that!
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (On the phone)
Fuck you, man. You don't give a
damn about me, do you?
                                                            

17.

                       SCOTT (V.O.)
If I didn't care about you, I
wouldn't be here helping you out,
would I?
                                                            
Ouch. SCOTT'S right and OZZIE knows it. But, because OZZIE
is a persistent motherfucker, he'll keep making stupid
comebacks.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (On the phone)
You're just an asshole who
pretends to be my friend!
                                                            
                       SCOTT (V.O.)
Ozzie, I'm your cousin and--
                                                            
OZZIE hangs the phone on SCOTT'S face. OZZIE lies down on
his bed, which is full of sperm, and begins punching the bed
like some faggot with microscopic balls. The phone rings
again and OZZIE answers it.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (On the phone)
Fuck you Scott! I fuckin' hate
you, you son of bitch!
                                                            
                       CHLOE (V.O.)
It's-- it's Chloe.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (On the phone)
Shit! No, Chloe, that wasn't meant
for you!
                                                            
CHLOE, the emotional bitch, begins crying.
                                                            
                       CHLOE (V.O.)
      (Crying)
I-- I just called to see what was
happening-- why you left like that
back at the restaurant-- but now I
know it's cause I'm a pregnant
bitch!
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (On the phone)
No Chloe, you got it all wrong--
                                                            
                       CHLOE (V.O.)
No I don't. Now I know who you
really are, an assshole!
                                                            

18.

CHLOE hangs up. A few seconds later the phone rings again.
OZZIE, who looks like he fucked over 20 girls and counting,
answers the phone.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (On the phone)
Hey there baby, listen, I'm sorry
about everything! I love you!
                                                            
                       SCOTT (V.O.)
Oh my God! Now you turned gay?
                                                            
OZZIE regonizes the mistake he made, and tries to fix it,
like the American President trying to make silly-ass excuses
for the Hiroshima massacre.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (On the phone)
Whoah, you got it all wrong. I was
saying that to Chloe!
                                                            
                       SCOTT (V.O.)
Yeah, yeah. Now get the fuck outta
my dad's place. I can't afford
having a homosexual bastard on my
dad's apartment.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (Pleading; On the
       phone)
But ah--
                                                            
                       SCOTT (V.O.)
I mean it-- get out you homo, or
I'll call the cops.
                                                            
SCOTT hangs up. We get yet another one of those
super-fuckin'-cheesy-yet-pretty-fuckin'-coolish close-ups on
OZZIE'S face.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Fuck.
                                                            
 
EXT. STREETS OF DETROIT - NIGHT
                                                            
We see OZZIE walkin' around the street with all this fuckin'
luggage. He's lookin' left and right like a cockroach who
just took a bath of alcohol. He finally gets in a taxi. The
taxi stops for a while, OZZIE gets in it, then the taxi
accelerates and disappears into the horizon.
                                                            
 

19.

INT. SHITTY HOTEL - NIGHT
                                                            
OZZIE'S ROOM
                                                            
Well well, this Hotel is shitness in the form of a building.
It's leaking, it's fill of rats, it's got not porn on the
T.V., it's basically your average 1 star shit Hotel. OZZIE
is thinking out loud on this scene, so we get an insight to
his fucked-up mind.
                                                            
                       OZZIE (To himself)
      (Whining)
I'm worthless. I lost my best
friend and the girl I love because
of my stupidity! Ahhh, fuck me!
I'm gonna go visit my sister
tomorrow. Let's see what she can
do for me...
                                                            
3 MONTHS LATER...
                                                            
 
INT. JOHNNY'S CAR - DAY
                                                            
Back to where we started, JOHNNY on the wheel and OZZIE just
sitting on the back seat acting 'cool', nothing new.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (Smiling)
We're rich, aren't we?
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
      (Driving)
Not quite.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
What do you mean, not quite? You
said we would have 70k, 50k for
the fat guy and 10k for each of
us.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
It's that... It's that I changed
my mind. You see, I had the work
of driving, I had the work of
talkin' to them, I had the work of
counting the money, so I'm getting
19k. You still get 1k for just
bein' there. Deal?
                                                            

20.

Boy, JOHNNY just messed with OZZIE'S weak point, money. You
see, OZZIE'S grandparents came straight from Israel, so he's
got some Jewish blood in him. And we both know a very simple
rule: never fuck around with a Jew's money. OZZIE is pissed.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (Yelling)
Fuck you man! You said it would be
10k for each of us, now you're
takin' 19k all for yourself?
That's not fair! I'm gonna kill
you, you son of a bitch! I want my
money!
                                                            
JOHNNY pauses for a second, then begins to laugh his ass
off, like a kindegartener who just learned how babies are
made.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
What are you laughing at, eh punk?
                                                            
JOHNNY is still laughing. He finally stops laughing.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Man, you really are Jewish! I was
just messin' with ya, of course
it'll be 10k each.
                                                            
OZZIE is relieved.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (Smiling)
Oh, thanks God. You nearly got me
there, man.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
      (Smiling)
I know, you should've seen your
face. You looked like you was
gonna die!
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Ok, but... just don't do that
again, ok? I'm sensitive about
money issues.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Relax man, its cool. Actually,
it's more than cool, it's stone
cold.
                                                            
Both OZZIE and JOHNNY stay temporarily mute, then JOHNNY
starts a conversation.
                                                            

21.

                       JOHNNY
Now we just gotta go to Gordon to
give him the cash.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Gordon? Really? We're gonna meet
Gordon?
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
      (Smiling)
Yeah.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Whoah, damn cool! Is he cool?
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Yeah, he's cool, just don't fuck
with him. If you do anything wrong
to him, he'll tear your skinny
white ass into pieces.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Allright, I won't. Should I call
him sir or something?
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Yeah, call him sir, or Mr. Gordon.
Just don't call him sumokid or
fatboy of heavyshit or any of
that, ok?
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Alright, alright.
                                                            
JOHNNY stops the car infront of a fuckin' huge mansion. It's
like Bill Gates's mansion. It just... just fuckin' huge, I
can't explain it.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (Widening his eyes)
Is this the place?
                                                            
We get a cheesy close up of JOHNNY'S face.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
      (Smiling)
Yeah.
                                                            
3 MONTHS AGO...
                                                            
 

22.

EXT. STREETS OF DETROIT - DAY
                                                            
OZZIE gets out of a TAXI and realizes he's on the rich part
of Detroit, where all the rich people (a.k.a. drug dealers)
live. He's just searching around aimlessly for SIMON REID'S
MANSION. He finally finds it, and man, he's never seen a
mansion as big as this one. He calls the intercom, and
SIMON'S SLAVE answers it.
                                                            
                       SIMON'S SLAVE (V.O.)
      (Through intercom)
Hello?
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (Speaking to
       intercom)
Yeah, I'm Oswald Papien, and my
sister's Samantha Papien, but I
guess her name now is Samantha
Reid cause she's married and--
                                                            
SIMON'S SLAVE doesn't have a shitload of patience to hear
OZZIE all the way throguh, so he just opens the gate. OZZIE
enters the MANSION.
                                                            
 
EXT. SIMON'S MANSION - DAY
                                                            
MAIN ENTRACE
                                                            
Damn, SIMON'S MANSION is some big fuckin' shit, but GORDON'S
MANSION is bigger. SAMANTHA REID, OZZIE'S sister, comes
running through the main entrance on her tight Brazilian
bikini and gives OZZIE the hug of a lifetime. OZZIE gets a
boner when he sees his sister, but then he remembers
brothers and sisters aren't supposed to have sex, so he just
forgets it ever happened. SIMON REID comes walking behind
SAMANTHA.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (Smiling)
What's up, Sis?
                                                            
SAMANTHA stops hugging OZZIE and gives him a big wet kiss on
the cheek. OZZIE didn't expect such a warm welcome.
                                                            
                       SAMANTHA
I'm so glad you came! Let me
introduce you to someone...
                                                            
SMANTHA walks up to SIMON, a pale white motherfucker who
must be at least 90 years of age. The bastard is pale
fuckin' white. He's so white his name should've been Milky

23.

instead of SIMON. It is clear that SAMANTHA, the young bitch
on her late 20's only married the old fart for his money.
                                                            
                       SAMANTHA
This is Simon, my husband, and I
love him.
                                                            
She'll love him more when he's dead and she gets to keep all
his money.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Hey there, sir. How are you doing?
                                                            
                       SIMON
I'm fine, and you?
                                                            
                       OZZIE
I'm fine too.
                                                            
                       SAMANTHA
So bro, what do you want? Money?
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (Smiling)
Nah...
                                                            
SAMANTHA realizes that her brother needs a loan. SAMANTHA
may look like those bitches that give Hugh Hefner blowjobs,
but she's damn smart.
                                                            
                       SAMANTHA
It's ok, you don't have to lie.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Ok, I'll be honest. I told my best
friend, Scott, and the girl of my
life, Chloe, that they should go
fuck themselves, and now the hate
me. Scott kicked me out of his
father's apartment, so I went to
stay at this shitty hotel, but it
turns out I'm outta cash to pay
the Hotel owner so know I'm stuck
on this debt and I need your help.
                                                            
                       SIMON
It's ok, kid. I won't lend you
money, but I'll introduce you to
this kid, who goes by the name of
Johnny, and you can do a few drug
deals with him.
                                                            
OZZIE craps his pants at the thought of being a drug dealer.
                                                            

24.

                       OZZIE
I-- I can't be a drug dealer.
                                                            
                       SIMON
Well then, you'll have to keep on
living in your shitty Hotel.
                                                            
                       SAMANTHA
      (Smiling)
Come on, Ozzie, it'll be cool.
                                                            
OZZIE puts his A-cup-boob-sized brain to work.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Well, ok. But when I get rich I'm
outta this for good.
                                                            
SIMON gives OZZIE a big smile. We can even see his
yellowish-brownish-shittyish teeth. SIMON is so damn ugly
OZZIE just wants to puke, but OZZIE knows he can't do that
so he contains himself.
                                                            
                       SIMON
Exellent. Come with me, I'll take
you to Johnny's place.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Alright.
                                                            
                       SAMANTHA
Good luck bro.
                                                            
SAMANTHA kisses OZZIE on the cheek.
                                                            
                       SAMANTHA
Bye, honey.
                                                            
SAMANTHA kisses SIMON on the lips. After kissing SIMON,
SAMANTHA leaves the area running like hell. She's probably
gonna puke, 'cause after all, she just kissed the yukiest
son of a bitch alive, SIMON. OZZIE and SIMON just walk
toward the MANSION'S EXIT.
                                                            
3 MONTHS LATER...
                                                            
 
INT. GORDON'S MANSION - DAY
                                                            

25.

LIVING ROOM
                                                            
OZZIE and JOHNNY are sitting on a couch waiting for the big
blob of fat, GORDON. Suddenly they hear heavy footsteps and
realizes GORDON has arrived. GORDON is pretty much how CHLOE
described him, Jimi Hendrix with a shitload of fat. GORDON
sits on a chair, nearly breaking it.
                                                            
                       GORDON
Good afternoon, gentlemen.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Good afternoon, sir.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (Smiling)
Afternoon, Mr. Gordon.
                                                            
                       GORDON
Who's the new kid?
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
He's Ozzie Pepien. He's cool.
                                                            
GORDON pauses for a while, thinking whether he should trust
OZZIE or not. He finally decides OZZIE is too stupid to rat
them out.
                                                            
                       GORDON
Ok. Now where the fuck is my
money?
                                                            
JOHNNY wishes he could just say 'up your ass', but he knows
that if he does, he won't be comin' out alive.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
It's right here.
                                                            
JOHNNY opens up the suit case and takes out all the cash.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
So... ah-- we got 70k. That means
it's 50k for you and 20k for me
and Oz, right?
                                                            
                       GORDON
No. It's 70k for me and 0k for you
and 'Oz'.
                                                            
GORDON puts the money back in the suit case and puts it
away.
                                                            

26.

                       JOHNNY
But sir, I thought we had a
deal...
                                                            
                       GORDON
      (Laughing)
You thought we had a deal? Well,
guess what, you can stick our deal
up your ass.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
But that's not fair, sir. 20k
makes no difference for you,
you're rich, but it makes a huge
difference for me and my friend...
                                                            
                       GORDON
Stop complaining before I change
my mind. You two should be happy
I'm lettin' you guys leave alive.
                                                            
JOHNNY accept his fate. OZZIE, in the other hand, decides to
get bitchy about the whole situation.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Ok.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
But, sir, that's--
                                                            
                       GORDON
      (Yelling)
No buts you motherfucker! Get the
fuck outta my house right now!
                                                            
OZZIE and JOHNNY are 'thunderstruck', as that guy who
drowned on his own vomit form ACDC would say. They leave
GORDON'S MANSION in a breeze.
                                                            
 
INT. JOHNNY'S CAR - DAY
                                                            
OZZIE and JOHNNY are just so fuckin' emo right now. GORDON
took their money, and they want revenge.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Man, Gordon's an asshole...
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
      (Yelling)
Of course that motherfucker's an
asshole! He took our money and
we're gonna kill him and his whole
fuckin' family too! I'm so fuckin'
            (MORE)

27.

                       JOHNNY (cont'd)
pissed!
                                                            
OZZIE suddenly shifts to his pussy side.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
We-- we're gonna kill him?
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
You bet we will, but it's gonna
take time. It'll take us about 6
months to one year.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
But is it really worth killing
him? I mean, he took our money,
but we shouldn't just kill him.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
If we don't kill him, he's gonna
kill us. Which do you prefer to
die, us or him?
                                                            
The question is and ABC question, yet OZZIE, our 'genious'
takes a while to answer.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Him.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Good. Now listen, I have a plan.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
What plan are you talking about?
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
      (Smiling)
My plan to nail Gordon, what else?
You see, right below his mansion,
there's a subway station. We get
some bombs, place them on the
subway station, and everything
goes flyin' away-- including
Gordon.
                                                            
OZZIE gets a shock. He's never killed any one before.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Jesus Christ, you're gonna kill
Gorodon, but you're also gonna
kill everyone in his mansion and
all those innocent people who'll
be on the subway! Innocents can't
            (MORE)

28.

                       OZZIE (cont'd)
die...
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
There's less people on the subway
on Sundays.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Still, if you kill less people,
you're still killing innocent
people.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
You know what? Fuck you, you're a
chicken!
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (Yelling)
Oh yeah, well I prefer to be a
chicken then a murderer.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Ok, you win. I wasn't gonna have
the money to buy the bombs anyway.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
We should just forget about this,
move outta Detroit.
                                                            
JOHNNY thinks for a while, and realizes OZZIE'S idea is gay.
And stupid. JOHNNY lived in Detroit all his fuckin' life, he
ain't leavin' like that.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Your sister and that old guy could
give us some help, couldn't they?
                                                            
                       OZZIE
The old guy, Simon, is dead.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Shit. Really?
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Yeah. He was just having hot sex
with my sister, then his heart
just... stopped. Now my sister's
the richest bitch on this city.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
      (Smiling)
That's great-- I mean not the old
guy's death, but the part where
your sister's rich. We can ask her
            (MORE)

29.

                       JOHNNY (cont'd)
for 'financial aid'.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Fuck yeah.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
      (Smiles
       pervertedly)
And I could give her some 'sexual
aid'.
                                                            
OZZIE freezes. He is clearly angry at JOHNNY'S comment. Ever
since childhood, OZZIE was super-protective when some jerk,
in this case JOHNNY, tried to hit on his sister. JOHNNY
realizes this and his perverted smile vanishes in thin air.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Ok, maybe not.
                                                            
3 MONTHS AGO...
                                                            
 
INT. SIMON'S CAR - DAY
                                                            
SIMON and OZZIE are in SIMON'S CAR, a really hot n' sexy,
yellow Ferrari F430. OZZIE loves the car so much that he'd
trade he's own girlfried (If he had one) for the car. I mean
it, SIMON'S CAR is literally steaming-- it's on fire.
Anyway, SIMON is driving, and OZZIE is just looking at the
prostitues on the street.
                                                            
                       SIMON
You know I love your sister, don't
you?
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Yeah, I love her too, but in the
brother-sister way.
                                                            
                       SIMON
No, I'm not joking. It's not
because she's got those big tits
of hers or those irresistible
legs, it's because of her
personality. She likes me for who
I am, I can feel she's not in it
for the money.
                                                            
OZZIE realizes SIMON is a stupid fuck that still hasn't
realized that SAMANTHA, OZZIE'S sister is using him.
                                                            

30.

                       OZZIE
You know, you're perfectly right.
She's not in it for the money.
                                                            
OZZIE can't help it and laughs.
                                                            
                       SIMON
      (Angrily)
What's so funny?
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Oh, ah--
                                                            
OZZIE doesn't know what to say, so he invents some shit.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
It's that I saw a... two... dogs
fucking each other... and I
thought it was funny.
                                                            
                       SIMON
      (Laughing)
Too bad I missed it.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Yeah.
                                                            
                       SIMON
You know, Aussie, I think--
                                                            
OZZIE realizes SIMON'S stupid mistake.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
It's Ozzie, not Aussie.
                                                            
                       SIMON
Oh, sorry Aussie, I mean Ozzie. As
I was sayin' Aussie, we will be
great in-laws.
                                                            
OZZIE hates being called Aussie. He thinks it's just gay,
but since SIMON is older than OZZIE'S great grandfather,
he'll let it pass. After all, SiIMON is his sister's
husband.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (Smiling)
Yeah, I agree with you.
                                                            
                       SIMON
So, back to our original talk, I
was thinking... you think me and
your sister could have... sex?
                                                            

31.

                       OZZIE
Well, that dependes. How old are
you?
                                                            
                       SIMON
97.
                                                            
OZZIE utters 'shit' under his breath.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Well, then I think your... sausage
doesn't... stand up any more.
                                                            
                       SIMON
But I did 13 penile operations. My
doctor said that if I take his
special viagra imported from
Japan, there might be a chance
that... you know.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Well then, you should take that
viagra.
                                                            
                       SIMON
It's too expensive. I'll just
stick to licking your sister's
juicy, wet pussy and sucking her
big, round tits.
                                                            
OZZIE is about to punch SIMON for fucking around with his
sister, but then OZZIE sees all the money he'll lose if he
did that. SIMON would divorce OZZIE'S sister-- and OZZIE
would be broke for the rest of his life.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (Smiling falsely)
Good plan.
                                                            
1 YEAR LATER...
                                                            
 
EXT. OZZIE'S MANSION - DAY
                                                            
GARDEN
                                                            
OZZIE is outside his mansion, lying down on the grass and
holding a telephone. He seems to have been shot, 'cause his
back is covered in blood. He's also whining like a little
girl, which means he's either in a lot of pain, or he's just
a first class pussy. JOHNNY'S CAR stops by and JOHNNY comes
running out of the car.
                                                            

32.

                       JOHNNY
      (Running and
       yelling)
Ozzie! Shit! Ozzie, you ok?
                                                            
JOHNNY runs up to OZZIE and realizes he has a bullet
somewhere on his back.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (Moaning)
That fat bastard, Gordon, he shot
me. And he killed Chloe.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Oh, shit man. Dude, c'mon, I'll
take you to the car, then you can
tell me exactly what happened.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Ok.
                                                            
JOHNNY lifts OZZIE up and carries him up to his CAR. JOHNNY
places OZZIE lying face down on the back seats, and then he
enters the CAR, sits on the driver's seat and accelrates.
                                                            
 
INT. JOHNNY'S CAR - DAY
                                                            
Once more, we are in JOHNNY'S beloved car. Exept the gasolne
meter is slowly running out, and JOHNNY doesn't seem to
realize this... uh-oh...
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Geez man, tell me what happened,
in details.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Well, it was just a normal day, I
had just finished eating my
breakfast, then I called you, to
have another one of our talks.
Everyting was as usual.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Right. Then what?
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Then Chloe just comes up to me and
says Gordon's at the door. She
asks me if she should let him in
or not. I told her 'no', but she
kept insisting, so I called her a
bitch, or something like that. She
got offended then she opened the
            (MORE)

33.

                       OZZIE (cont'd)
door. I ran after her, but it was
too late, Gordon had already shot
her dead.
                                                            
JOHNNY gets shocked when he hears about CHLOE'S death.
Alright, CHLOE was a whore, but she didn't deserve to die
like that.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Shit, Chloe's dead? She could
still be alive--
                                                            
                       OZZIE
No, she's dead. A bullet went
through her left right eye brow--
no way she could've escaped that
one. So back to me, I just stood
there, lookin' at Gordon. I
thought it would be over right
thtere, but then I ran my ass
away. Gordon, who was probably on
drugs, began shooting in my
direction. He fired two times and
missed, but on the thrid time he
hit me on that part between my
back and my butt.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Your waist?
                                                            
OZZIE thinks for while.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Yeah.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
So, when I realized got shot, I
entered my room and locked the
door. Then I grabbed my cell
phone, jumped off the window-- my
room was in the first floor so I
wouldn't get hurt-- and then I
called you. Luckily, you were in
that strip club which was close to
my house, then you saved me, and
that's it.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
But what happened to Gordon?
                                                            

34.

                       OZZIE
No idea. He must be comin' after
us.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Well, what car does he drive?
                                                            
                       OZZIE
A Black Sedan.
                                                            
JOHNNY suddenly freezes in shock. Something must be
fucked-up.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
A Black Sedan?
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Yeah, a Black Sedan.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Kinda like the one that's
following us?
                                                            
OZZIE turns around and looks outside the window. He sees a
BLACK SEDAN whith a fat, black guy in it-- GORDON.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Shit, he's after us! I knew we
shouldn't have robbed that bank
with all his cash!
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Dude, if we hadn't robbed that
bank, we wouldn't have been rich.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Still, now he wants his revenge--
killing us. We gotta get outta
this country.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
      (Laughing)
Get out of U.S.A.? And leave
behind our mansions? Now way! I'm
takin' you to the hospital.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
If we go to the hospital, GORDON's
coming after us. It's not saf--
                                                            
GORDON'S BLACK SEDAN hits JOHNNY'S CAR. JOHNNY'S CAR, as
weak as it is, goes flying into a construction site. The CAR
doesn't hit anything, so JOHHNY and OZZIE don't really get

35.

hurt. JOHNNY tries to accelerate, but realizes the gasoline
meter is too low. JOHNNY looks behind him and sees GODON
getting out of his car, with a gun.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Shit, he's comin' for me.
                                                            
JOHNNY opens the CAR'S drawer and takes a pistol out.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
No he's not. I'm takin' this
fucker down.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (Moaning)
You sure you can do that?
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Fuck yeah. For you, for me, and
for Chloe.
                                                            
JOHNNY exits his CAR and OZZIE closes his eyes in fear. We
hear a few gun shots, but no one knows who was victorious.
Was it GORDON who killed JOHNNY, or did JOHNNY kick GORDON'S
ass?
                                                            
1 YEAR AGO...
                                                            
 
INT. SIMON'S BAR - NIGHT
                                                            
SIMON and OZZIE are sitting down on some chairs, apperently
waiting for someone. And apparently, that someone is JOHNNY.
JOHNNY comes in the bar and sits next to SIMON and OZZIE.
                                                            
                       SIMON
So Jimmy, how you doin'?
                                                            
SIMON, that old fart, loves fucking up people's names.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
I'm doin' fine and my name is
actually Johnny.
                                                            
                       SIMON
Ok, Jimmy. I got some one to
introduce to you. His name's
Aussie.
                                                            
JOHNNY pauses and realizes how gay the name 'Aussie' is.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Aussie?
                                                            

36.

                       OZZIE
      (Smiling)
No, ah, actually it's Ozzie. You
know, short for Oswald.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Oh, allright. So, 'Ozzie', what
brings you here?
                                                            
                       SIMON
Aussie's here to be your
associate. You know, I told him
you'd do a few drug deals with
him.
                                                            
JOHNNY laughs.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Are you sure this kid can take the
heat of the situation?
                                                            
OZZIE gets red in anger. He desn't like to be referred to as
a 'kid'.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
I'm not a kid, I bet I'm older
than you.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
How old are you?
                                                            
OZZIE is as dumb as a rock. He has to think for a shitload
of time to remember things, even his age.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Uh, 23.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
      (Smiling)
Well, I'm 26. Looks like I'm
older.
                                                            
                       SIMON
Geez, who cares who's older. What
I'm saying is Ozzie could help you
out with some drug deals.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Alright, I was just fuckin'
around. I was needing a partner
anyway.
                                                            

37.

                       OZZIE
      (Smiling)
Cool, so when do we start... with
the, ah-- drug deals?
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
I'll call you tomorrow. Then I'll
tell you where our first drug deal
will be, ok?
                                                            
OZZIE pictures rivers and rivers of money coming down his
direction. Even knowing the risks of being a drug dealer, he
proudly accepts JOHNNY'S offer.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Sure as fuckin' hell.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Good then. I'm sure we'll be great
associates.
                                                            
5 MONTHS LATER...
                                                            
 
INT. SAMANTHA'S MANSION - DAY
                                                            
LIVING ROOM
                                                            
SAMANTHA'S MANSION is what used to be SIMON'S MANSION, but
now that the old man died, the materialist bitch stayed with
all his cash. That lucky whore. Now, OZZIE, JOHNNY and
SAMANTHA are sitting on a couch, having oral sex. Haha!
Fooled you! They're actually having some kinda discussion.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Sam, me and Johnny decided to take
out Gordon, that fucker's been
takin' too much of our money for
too fuckin' long.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Yeah, we wanna kill him, make him
suffer, the usual shit.
                                                            
                       SAMANTHA
      (Smiling
       sarcastically)
That's wonderfull. So what do you
need me for? You two are big
enough to take care of your own
asses.
                                                            

38.

Now's the hard part, so OZZIE'S gonna try to sound as sweet
as possible.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
You're my sister, right?
                                                            
                       SAMANTHA
Yeah?
                                                            
                       OZZIE
And you love, me don't you?
                                                            
SAMANTHA realizes OZZIE'S sweet-talking her.
                                                            
                       SAMANTHA
Oz, just cut all the cheesiness
and get to the point.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Ok, Sammy, I'll get to the point.
Simon died, and he left you all
that cash, so I was wondering if
you could lend me and Johnny some
money, so we can have our revenge
on Gordon.
                                                            
                       SAMANTHA
The fat guy that looks like Jimi
Hendrix?
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (Smiling)
Yeah.
                                                            
SAMANTHA already knows what she's gonna say, but thinks the
whole sitution of over, just to double check.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
And?
                                                            
                       SAMANTHA
I'll lend you 50 thousand.
                                                            
JOHNNY and OZZIE suddenly have these fuckin' huge smiles on
their faces.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Exellent, thanks sis.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
      (Smiling
       innocently)
Yeah, thanks.
                                                            

39.

                       SAMANTHA
Ok now tell you're cute friend to
get outta here. And you can leave
as well. I'd like some privacy.
                                                            
Somebody's gonna masturbate today...
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Sure, bye Sammy.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Bye.
                                                            
OZZIE and JOHNNY leave SAMNTHA'S MANSION.
                                                            
 
INT. JOHNNY'S CAR - DAY
                                                            
OZZIE and JOHNNY are just on ther usual spots. Nothing new
here.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
      (Smiling)
She said I'm cute!
                                                            
                       OZZIE
My sister thinks every guy is
cute. I don't even take it
seriously.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
No, but this time, I know she
really meant it.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
What ever you say. Let's just plan
how we're gonna take Gordon down.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
I changed my mind. We're gonna use
your sister's cash to buy
ourselves AK-47's and we're gonna
rob a bank. The bank that stores
all of Gordon's cash, and we'll be
dead rich.
                                                            
OZZIE loves the idea, both OZZIE and JOHHNY laugh their
asses off. Another fuckin' huge truck comes their way, and
JOHNNY is busy laughing his ass off. Luckily, OZZIE realizes
the truck is coming and turns the CAR, avoiding another
stupid accident.
                                                            

40.

                       OZZIE
Pay attention to the road, man. I
don't wanna die poor.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Me neither. Come on, let's stop by
the bank to get your sister's
money then we'll go get the
weapons.
                                                            
We get a closeup of OZZIE'S face, for the millionth time.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (Smiling)
Nice.
                                                            
4 MONTHS AGO...
                                                            
 
INT. HOSPITAL - NIGHT
                                                            
MAIN HALL
                                                            
OZZIE is running around the HOSPITAL like a fuckin' madman.
Something must have happened-- or someone must have died. He
enters SIMON'S ROOM in a fuckin' hurry, almost running over
this whoreish-looking nurse.
                                                            
SIMON'S ROOM
                                                            
Inside SIMON'S ROOM, OZZIE sees a SIMON, lying on the bed,
motionless. SAMANTHA is standing in front of SIMON, we can't
see her facial expression. All we can see is her back and
her hot ass. OZZIE walks up to his sister, and pats her on
the shoulder. She turns around and has a sad expression on
her face.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
I'm sorry for your loss. Simon was
a good man.
                                                            
                       SAMANTHA
No he wasn't, he was an assassin,
and he treated me like shit. And
worst of all, he was a lousy fuck.
He died fucking me.
                                                            
OZZIE is susprised as fuck to hear his sister saying
something like that about SIMON.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
But I'm sure he had a good side.
                                                            

41.

                       SAMANTHA
      (Smiling)
You bet he had a good side. He's
rich as fuck and now all his money
goes to me.
                                                            
OZZIE cracks a smile.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
So that means we're rich?
                                                            
                       SAMANTHA
That means I'm rich.
                                                            
OZZIE'S smile flips upside down, one more time.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
But you're my sister.
                                                            
                       SAMANTHA
So?
                                                            
                       OZZIE
So you gotta gimme some money. I'm
poor, I don't have shit!
                                                            
                       SAMANTHA
What about all the drug deals you
and Johnny are doing?
                                                            
                       OZZIE
They're ok, but all I get is like
1 or 2 thousand dollars per deal.
It's hard work, and plus, I'm
risking myself too much.
                                                            
                       SAMANTHA
      (Smiling
       sarcastically)
Well that's just bad.
                                                            
OZZIE realizes his sister is a selfish Jewish bitch and that
she won't give him any cash. OZZIE starts to walk away.
                                                            
                       SAMANTHA
Hey! Ozzie, I was just joking. I
won't give you all my money, but
whenever you need help, just come
find me, ok?
                                                            
OZZIE turns around to SAMANTHA.
                                                            

42.

                       OZZIE
      (Smiling)
Alright.
                                                            
10 MONTHS LATER...
                                                            
 
EXT. RSF BANK - DAY
                                                            
Outside there are two figures, OZZIE and JOHNNY, both
carrying guitar cases. We both know what lies inside the
guitar cases (2 virgin AK-47's). They're dressed in black
track suits and they have hockey masks on their faces. We
can tell who's JOHNNY and who's OZZIE 'cause JOHNNY's a bit
taller than OZZIE.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Man, your sister was very nice to
lend us all that cash.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (Smiling)
Yeah, some times she acts like a
bitch, but deep inside she loves
me.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
So, are you sure we gonna do this?
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Sure. What's the worse that could
happen?
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
We could be caught and go to jail
forever. Or, if we do this robbery
succesfully, Gordon will know it
was us, and he'll come to us for
revenge, putting Chloe in danger.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Nothing's gonna happen to Chloe.
I'll protect her.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Remember she has the kid too.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Well, I'll protect the kid too.
                                                            
JOHNNY thinks for a while, then takes a deep breath. He's
not afraid about robbing the bank-- he's afraid about
what'll come after he robs the bank.
                                                            

43.

                       JOHNNY
      (Smiling)
Well, since you're so... positive
about this, let's get goin'.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Sure as fuckin' hell.
                                                            
OZZIE and JOHNNY enter the BANK. We can hear a few yells
from the outside.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY (O.S.)
      (Yelling)
Freeze motherfuckers!
                                                            
                       OZZIE (O.S.)
      (Yelling)
If any of you try anything stupid,
this bitch is going straight to
fuckin' hell!
                                                            
A FEW MINUTES LATER...
                                                            
 
INT. JOHNNY'S CAR - DAY
                                                            
Same as always, except now JOHNNY'S car is filled with bags
of money.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
      (Yelling)
We're rich! We're fuckin' rich!
                                                            
                       OZZIE
How much cash we got?
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
I don't fuckin' know, must be
about 5, 6 million.
                                                            
OZZIE is proud of himself. At least now he did something
useful.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Man, we executed the robbery
perfectly. And the best part is no
one got hurt.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
      (Laughing)
No one except Gordon!
                                                            

44.

                       OZZIE
That blob of fat deserved it.
That'll teach him not to fuck
around with our money.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Yeah man. You know, when I first
met you, I thought you was some
kinda pussy or some shit, but now,
you're a fuckin' ace man.
                                                            
At first, OZZIE acts wierdly at JOHNNY'S comment, but then
he smiles. OZZIE was never called an 'ace' before on his
life. All his life, OZZIE was treated like shit by everyone,
but now, he can prove the whole world what he's worth.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Thanks man, you too.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
So what you gonna do now, now that
we got the money?
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (Smiling)
I'm gonna buy all the sex toys in
the world and I'm gonna fuck Chloe
'till the end of the world.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
That's nice, but how exactly did
you win her back?
                                                            
                       OZZIE
It was-- it was like 2 months
ago...
                                                            
We suddenly get that lame flashback effect, where the screen
starts goin' all wavy and shit, and before we know it, we're
back in time.
                                                            
2 MONTHS AGO...
                                                            
 
INT. CHLOE'S HOUSE - NIGHT
                                                            
LVING ROOM
                                                            
CHLOE'S HOUSE is your average shithole. Acutally, it looks
more like a crapper than a house. Anyway, OZZIE, our
favorite wannabe gangster, is sitting next to CHLOE. It's
supposed to be 'romantic', but actually it's just plain gay.
Neither of them talk, 'cause they're both shy motherfuckers.
                                                            

45.

                       OZZIE
I-- I just came to say I'm sorry,
Chloe.
                                                            
                       CHLOE
But what you did to me, was
just-- just mean.
                                                            
OZZIE moves up to CHLOE and touches her soft face. They both
look like first class emos.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
I know, but I had time to think it
over, and I realized my place is
here, next to you.
                                                            
                       CHLOE
      (Starting to cry)
Really? Or are you just saying
this 'cause you wanna have sex
with me.
                                                            
If any of CHLOE'S brain cells were alive, she'd realizes
OZZIE is only in it for the sex. But hey, she's a stupid
bitch, what were you expecting?
                                                            
                       OZZIE
No, I just-- wanna give all of my
love to you. I think you're a
great person, and that's the
truth.
                                                            
                       CHLOE
But do you really love me? I mean,
my boyfriend left me and now I
have this kid I have to carry
around for all of my life--
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Speak no more. Of course I love
you. Ever since I first saw you
when I was seven. You looked like
an angel, and you still look like
an angel.
                                                            
                       CHLOE
      (Cryining)
Oh, that's so sweet...
                                                            
Here comes the really cheesy part.
                                                            

46.

                       OZZIE
You know, Chloe, to show you all
of my love, I made a poem for you.
I made all by myself. Here it is:
Roses are red, violets are blue,
sugar is sweet; and so are you.
                                                            
Hell, that poem OZZIE got form the internet is really
working out. Women fall for all kinds of crap.
                                                            
                       CHLOE
Oz, I got it all wrong. you're a
wonderful person.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Really? So, will you marry me?
                                                            
                       CHLOE
      (Smiling)
Of course.
                                                            
Now CHLOE jumps on top of OZZIE and they begin making out
heavily. Then comes my favorite part, they have anal sex,
and CHLOE is screaming like whore. Then comes the orgasm
then they're just like 'fuck, I'm tired'. Cheesy movies all
end like that, the hero gets the girl, they have sex, yaddy
yaddy yaddy, but the shit is, this isn't and will never be a
cheesy movie. There's a few scenes left, so buckle up your
fuckin' seat belt and get ready for some serious shit.
                                                            
3 MONTHS LATER... - THE GRAND FINALE
                                                            
 
INT. JOHNNY'S CAR - DAY
                                                            
We're back to where we were, inside JOHNNY"S CAR, just
before the final shootout.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (Moaning)
You sure you can take this fucker
down?
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Fuck yeah. For you, for me, and
for Chloe.
                                                            
 
INT. CONTRUCTION SITE - DAY
                                                            
JOHNNY exits his CAR and OZZIE closes his eyes in fear.
GORDON aims his gun at JOHNNY and fires it, hitting JOHNNY
on his left gut. JOHNNY falls on his knees and stares at

47.

OZZIE. OZZIE whispers silently 'kill this fucker', and
JOHNNY, motivated by OZZIE'S words, gets up and shoots
GORDON on the stomach. GORDON steps back, holding his wound
and shoots JOHNNY on his left lung. Just before JOHNNY dies,
he raises his gun and sends a bullet through GORDON'S
forehead, killing him instantly. JOHNNY falls to the ground,
and cop cars begin storming the area. OZZIE loses
consciousness due to the wound on his waist and...
                                                            
A FEW DAYS LATER...
                                                            
 
INT. HOSPITAL - DAY
                                                            
OZZIE'S ROOM
                                                            
OZZIE wakes up, and sees his beloved sister, SAMANTHA,
sitting on a chair, next to him. He slowly turns to
SAMANTHA, and asks her a very fuckin' important question.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (Moaning)
Where the fuck is Johnny?
                                                            
SAMANTHA takes a while to answer.
                                                            
                       SAMANTHA
Johnny-- Johnny's dead. That
bastard Gordon shot him on his
left lung. He lost too much air,
and before they could take him to
the hospital, Johnny died. I'm
sorry.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (Yelling)
Fuck! Johnny's dead? Johnny can't
be fuckin' dead! Johnny doesn't
die like that!
                                                            
                       SAMANTHA
Oz, Johnny's dead.
                                                            
OZZIE calms down.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Johnny was my only friend. When I
came to Detroit, he was the only
one that treated me right.
                                                            
                       SAMANTHA
I treated you right.
                                                            

48.

                       OZZIE
      (Yelling)
Fuck you, you whore! You treated
me right by not giving me money
when I needed it! If you had given
us money, Johnny and I wouldn't
have robbed Gordon, and therefore
Johnny would stil be alive! And
don't tell me 'Oh, I gave you
50k', 'cause 50k ain't shit! You
should have given us a few
millions! You materialist whore!
                                                            
                       SAMANTHA
Don't call me a whore.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (Yelling)
Oh yeah, why not!? You married
some old motherfucker just so that
you could keep his money. What
does that make you!?
                                                            
                       SAMANTHA
      (Yelling)
I've had it with you, Ozzie. I'm
turning you in, to the cops. I'm
telling them you robbed the RSF
Bank, so I'll be seein' your
skinny ass in jail!
                                                            
SMANTHA leaves the ROOM. OZZIE rols his eyes and says
something that is very true.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (Yelling)
Bitch!
                                                            
The screen fades to black, and we see the following things
written on it:

OSWALD PAPIEN went to jail for 9 years and 7 months for the
RSF Bank robbery. Those were the toughest years of his life.
He is now as poor as horse shit, the government took away
all his money and gave it to a the America President, who is
now wasting it on bombing innocent Iraquis. What a shame.

SAMANTHA REID married a Cuban male stripper, and was found
dead 5 years after, poisoned. Her Husband, the Cuban
stripper, kept all her money and is now a fuckin'
millionare.

CHLOE'S SON, AKAMAWALE JR., went to a local orphanage in his

49.

homeland, Rwanda. He is a pretty good soccer player, so he
might have some kinda bright future ahead of him.

SCOTT SHEPERD, OSWALD'S asshole cousin turned out to be gay
and married MICHAEL JACKSON'S brother, BILLY JACKSON. They
are now being tried in court for molesting a four-year-old
pig, Daisy.

The TAXI DRIVER, who took OZZIE'S money, kept doing his
dirty deeds until, one day, he tried stealing a Bruce
Lee-looking guy and got his ass kicked. He never did that
kinda shit again.

The FAT WAITER, who got owned by OZZIE at the Italian
restaurant, stated workin' out and became musculous. Now he
is also a part-time pimp, so he probably fucks a different
girl each day.

Wait! Before you think it's over, there's a final scene.
Just for the heck of it.
                                                            
9 YEARS AND 7 MONTHS LATER...
                                                            
 
INT. PARK - DAY
                                                            
OZZIE was freed from jail, just this afternoon. Instead of
fuckin' a slut, or fillin' his ass with beer to celeberate,
he spends a pleasant evening at the park. He's looking at
everybody, reflecting about his life. He sees a beautiful
girl of-- let's say-- 25 coming closer and closer to him.
She finally sits next him.
                                                            
                       JENNY
      (Smiling)
Hey there.
                                                            
OZZIE freezes for a while before he answers, he's too
concentrated looking at her tits.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
      (Smiling back at
       her)
H-- hi.
                                                            
                       JENNY
I've never seen you in this park
before. Are you from around here?
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Yeah, it's just that-- I never
really liked parks. But now I'll
make sure I come here every day.
There's something here that makes
            (MORE)

50.

                       OZZIE (cont'd)
me feel good.
                                                            
                       JENNY
Cool. I also think that way.
                                                            
There's a pause for a while, the OZZIE begins to loosen up.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
What about you? You're from
Detroit aren't you?
                                                            
                       JENNY
Yeah, but my parents are from New
York.
                                                            
                       OZZIE
Cool. So... what do you say we go
to the local library to check out
some cool books?
                                                            
                       JENNY
      (Smiling)
Sure.
                                                            
OZZIE and JENNY stand up and start to walk away. OZZIE has a
smile on his face, but it's a different kind of smile. It's
a happy smile-- not a greedy one. For the first time on his
life, we can say that OZZIE is truly happy.
                                                            
                                         THE END :)
                                                            


FADE OUT.


Back to Top of Page
Leave Feedback
Feedback
From nick Date 1/21/2013 1/2
I felt like the screen directions told to much of a story and not really what should be seen through the camera. Also, never use the word you in a script. It makes it seem like there is a person this should be being told to.

From Jason Date 1/16/2010 0 stars
This is absolutely terrible

From Reed Coverdale Date 1/13/2010 0 stars
You have written the worst script I've ever read. This is nothing but porn. Get something worth writing about. How the Hell could anyone rate this four stars? This is total crap, and you obviously need to rewrite it. It has a bland plot, and it's not funny. Why the Hell do you think sex is so funny? There's nothing hilarious about it! You're also ruining young men's lives when you write crap like this. You don't know how many divorces there are from pornography addicted men. Get a life!

From Nick Hanks Date 9/19/2009 *
This is a heap of over-ambitious self indulgence. I couldn't get past the first scene. This wasn't written with the heart, it came from a need for attention. It has to come from your heart because that's what people relate to. It's one thing to string a bunch of profanity together and call it script but quite another to tell rich, heatfelt, coherent story. Sorry buddy. Keep writing and if you need any tips let me know.

From Benjamin Anderson Date 9/18/2007 ****
A great script, all in all, that could be made into a great movie with a few minor adjustments (e.g. length, character development, etc...). Vinnie is a truly talented and intelligent 19-year-old young man who, I'm sure, will see both attributes grow as his years and experience do. Any aspiring director would do well to option such work. I look forward to reading more of his work. (Also loved "BEN DOESN'T FORGET" & "DOWNTOWN HELL", by the way!)


Back to Top of Page
Leave Feedback
You must be logged in to leave feedback.
Home    My Account    Products    Screenwriter Community    Screenwriter's Corner    Help
Forgot Your Password?    Privacy Policy    Copyright 2018, ScriptBuddy LLC.    Email help@scriptbuddy.com