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Luck Of The Irish
by Edward Lawler (el20277@students.salisbury.edu)

Rated: R   Genre: Action/Adventure   User Review:

Danny knew that leaving the Irish Mob wasn't going to be easy. When the Irish Mob's son takes over, things get messy, so Danny flees. Trying to clean up his life, he goes off to a university and tries to act like a normal college kid. But his past catches up with him. Must be the Luck of The Irish.

This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.


LUCKY O'BRIEN, an Irish mobster wakes up to find that he is
tied to a chair. HENCHMAN #1, a big muscular man wearing a
black ski mask and dark clothes, continues to break Lucky's
fingers by taking them and bending them to one side. Blood
splatters with each finger, and he does not finish bending
until the bone sticks out of the skin. Then, he moves to
Lucky's next finger. HENCHMAN #2, a skinny man also wearing
a black ski mask and dark clothes, sits laughing in the
background. Lucky screams in pain, but Henchman #1 continues
breaking his fingers.
                       HENCHMAN #2
Nine fingers. You're running out
of fingers there, boy-o. Let's say
we take a different approach. Ya
tell me where your boss is hiding,
and I'll let ya keep that one last
finger. Okay?
      (Irish accent)
I don't know who sent ya, but you
can kiss my shalaylay. I might not
have any fingers left, but I still
have my feet, and I'll make sure
that they find their way up your
                       HENCHMAN #2
Impressive to still have some
fight in ya, but look here, either
ya tell me or ya die. I was just
being polite by keeping ya alive.
I could just easily shot ya when
we caught ya at that whorehouse.
I was at a whorehouse? I thought I
was at your ma's. Go figure, they
both hump the same way.
Henchman #1 laughs, but stops instantly after Henchman #2
gives him a mean look. Henchman #2 motions his head toward a
table in the distance. On the table sits a RADIO, a HAMMER,
a KNIFE, and a SPOON. Henchman #1 heads toward the table,
while Henchman #2 gets out of his chair and makes his way to


                       HENCHMAN #2
Alright, boy, it's time for
desperate measures. My buddy here
is going to rip out your eyes with
that spoon over there and put them
in his pocket. That way ya can
count his change, and I don't
think ya will enjoy it.
Suddenly a PHONE in the back by the table rings. Henchman #2
heads to the phone and picks it up. As he talks on the
phone, Henchman #1 heads over to Lucky carrying a spoon. He
is laughing as he gets closer and closer. Right before he is
able to place a hand on Lucky, a sniper bullet hits him
square in the right eye. Blood squirts from his eye, and it
smacks Lucky in the face. Henchman #1's lifeless body hits
the floor flinging the spoon back towards Henchman #2.
Henchman #2 drops the phone and pushes the table over. The
knife, radio, and hammer hit the floor. The only noises in
the warehouse are the echoing of the sound of the bullet and
the dial tone from the phone. Henchman #2 looks around
                       HENCHMAN #2
Who's there? Look, I have no
problem with ya, man. I just want
a little info from your friend.
How about you put your gun away
and we talk.
A SHADOWY FIGURE can be seen through a second story window
of the warehouse. Henchman #2 reaches behind him to the back
of his pants for his gun. Before he can pull it out, the
Shadowy Figure places a perfect shot in the middle of his
temple. The bullet flies through the head and back towards
the phone. It perfectly hits the zero button on the phone
and now the operator comes on asking how she can help.
Suddenly, the Shadowy Figure enters the warehouse door. The
Shadowy Figure is a teenager carrying a sniper rifle. He
walks over to Lucky, who has a look of awe on his face which
is still stained in blood. He cuts him loose and helps him
from the chair.
Boy, am I lucky. You're a life
saver. I was running out of things
for them to break. Plus, I wanted
to keep my eyes. No point in going
to a whorehouse with no fingers
and no eyes. Right?


                       SHADOWY FIGURE
Wouldn't know about that. But
don't you need something further
south at a whorehouse?
Well, ya can't just stick it in
wherever ya can. Ya need to do
some research. There, we're even
boy-o. Ya saved my life, and I
gave ya that bit of advice.
                       SHADOWY FIGURE
Whatever. Now I know you didn't
talk but did you get any info on
who they were working for?
Nope. But whoever he was working
for, he was talking to them over
there on the phone. Just star
sixty nine them.
The Shadowy Figure looks over at the phone and listens to
the operator. He heads over to the phone and hangs it up. He
notices the radio on the ground and picks it up. He turns it
on to see if it is still working.
                       REPORTER 1
      (heard on radio)
Casey O'Leary, head of the D.C.
Irish Mob, has been arrested
today. Surprisingly it was not for
any of the major crimes that he
has been suspected to play a part
in, but for importing tiny
sponges, smaller than four inches
in diameter. He reported that he
had grown fond of the sponges from
his trip to Ireland, but it is a
federal crime in the U.S. He will
most likely have to serve all five
years of his sentence. In a
related story, Casey's son, Sonny,
is still being sought for
questioning about his involvement
in the murder of Slade "The Blade"
McDoyle, an alleged local assassin
for a rival mob...
Lucky walks over to Henchman #2's dead body. He leans down
to the head of the body.


That's where he has been hiding.
Jail! Can ya hear that Mother
Fucker. So, ya can piss off ya
dead wanker.
Lucky starts to kick the dead body. The Shadowy Figure has
to restrain Lucky and drag him outside.
The Shadowy Figure throws some keys to Lucky and motions
toward a beat up old car.
How did you know I was here? Casey
being in jail and all, did Sonny
send ya?
                       SHADOWY FIGURE
No, I was at the cafe across the
street from the whore house, when
I saw you get kidnapped. Figured
I'd follow you, since it seemed
like you needed some help.
Well, thanks a bunch, boy-o. By
the way, my name's Lucky, what's
                       SHADOWY FIGURE
The Shadowy Figure makes his way down a dark alley as Lucky
peels off in the car.
Two freshman at Poolestown University in Poolestown
Maryland, sit in their dorm room. TOMMY HUKA is a husky kid
darting back and forth in the room. He is sipping Jack
Daniels out of a Pepsi bottle. BORIS RELWAL, a rough looking
guy, is lying in his bed staring at the ceiling. He is
listening to news from his radio.
Dude. I am so psyched for this
Casino Night, man. We get to meet
new people, and fucking gamble,
man. I am expecting ten Gs
tonight, baby! Dude, have a drink


                       TOMMY (cont'd)
with me, I know it says Pepsi, but
it'll fuck you up like Jack.
You realize that it's not for real
money. By the way, why are you
drinking Jack from a Pepsi bottle?
'Cause no one will know it's Jack.
It disguises it, and you know
being seventeen, I probably ain't
allowed to drink.
Good assumption. Man, this is
bull. Classes don't even start for
three more days. All these
mandatory meetings and events have
me sick to my fucking stomach. We
all have to meet and greet all
these people that act interested
one minute and fucking forget you
the next. Plus, I came to college
for classes not for casinos. If I
wanted to gamble, I'd go to Vegas,
not Poolestown.
Alright, Mr. Vegas, stop being a
downer and let's party!
Tommy quiets down when he hears a knock at the door. He
sneaks over to the door like a ninja. He looks through the
peephole and opens the door. It is FRANKY ADKINS, a fellow
freshman, who lives down the hall. Franky is dressed in a
collared t-shirt and dress slacks. He does a spin as he
enters the room to show off his outfit.
The ladies are going to love me
tonight. I'm going to keep one
hand on the dice, and one hand on
the tit. Know what I'm saying?
Boris, this is Franky. We met
earlier today. Don't mind him, he
just needs to get laid.


Hey, I take offense to that, and I
also hope that comes true tonight.
Yeah. Anyway, me and Tommy met
when Tommy was going door to door
asking who smokes weed. I happily
obliged him in some smoke to smoke
Dude, do me a favor. Listen to
yourself when you fucking talk.
Jesus. You realize college is
supposed to make you smarter.
Well, before a fight breaks out, I
think we need to be heading out.
Let's go gamble, shall we?
Tommy, Franky, and Boris make their way through the crowded
center. There are multi-color flashing lights, tables
everywhere crowded with dozens of people around them and the
loud music fills the center. Franky heads over to a spot
where several girls are dancing. Tommy makes his way
straight to a Black Jack table. Boris stands in the back
taking everything in. He heads over to a Texas Hold'em table
but several football player-sized guys cut in front of him.
He continues to look around for an open spot. He sees Franky
get kneed in the groin by a girl and Tommy getting angry at
a dealer. Finally, he sees an empty spot at a Roulette
Boris continues over and stands next to a pretty blond girl.
Place your bets.
All of it on red.
      (southern accent)
Aren't you supposed to make that
last. If you lose, you won't have
any more play money.


Nah, I have a feeling...
12 black. Winner is black.
...a feeling that I am going to
leave this place. I'm going to
head to get some dinner anyway.
Save the betting for those that
have a gambling problem.
Okay. Well, the name's Mary. If
you want to stay you can and maybe
help me bet my chips.
Nice of you Mary, but I really am
famished from all these mandatory
meetings. If you want, you can
accompany me to get something to
I'd love to...oh, wait, I'm
supposed to meet my roommate here.
She would just be lost without me
and probably worry herself to
death. I'm going to have to take a
rain check. Is that okay, umm...?
Boris. The name is Boris. And
that's fine.
Boris walks out of the crowded center. Mary stares at him as
he goes. Franky walks over to Mary and leans on the table
next to her.
Saw you talking to Boris there.
Did he think he was too good for
you? Don't worry, I'm just right.
Why don't you blow on my dice for
luck, and I'll roll you a hard
eight every time.
Mary turns to Franky smiling. She points down and Franky
puts his head down to see what she is pointing at. Then she
knees him in the face and walks off. Franky walks out the
door clutching his face and crotch in pain.


Boris enters the KFC which is across the street from the Moo
U campus. He enters the line and stares at the menu above
him. In front of him are two IRISH THUGS. The Irish thugs
are messing with the CASHIER.
                       THUG #1
I'd like some spuds and whiskey.
What, ya don't have it here? Well,
how about a steak. Nope, not on
the menu. Well, what is this place
good for? Huh?
                       THUG #2
I'll tell ya what it's good for.
For paying us what he's got in the
register. So, be a good lad and
give us some money.
The two Irish thugs grab pistols from their jackets and
point them at the Cashier. Boris, unfazed by the events in
front of him, starts to walk out of the KFC. The two Irish
thugs see this and go to confront Boris.
                       THUG #1
And where do you think ya are
going, boy-o? We have ourselves a
robbery here, and ya think ya can
just walk out? There are rules in
this situation. Like ya need to
empty your pants of all your
earthly possessions. And ya need
to hit the floor. Got me?
Buzz off. You don't know who
you're dealing with. Do me a
favor. Go home and tell your wife,
but my kids, to have a good night.
That's right, you're shooting
blanks, so I had to give your wife
what she wanted.
Suddenly, the Cashier bolts toward the backdoor. This causes
the Irish thugs to turn, letting Boris quickly run out of
the restaurant. The two Irish thugs walk to the register to
get the money.


Boris takes a few steps outside into the parking lot. He
sees Franky, across the street, wandering around with his
head down.
Hey, Frank...
In the b.g., we see the two Irish thugs exit the KFC with a
greasy bag of money. The two Irish thugs push Boris in the
back. Boris hits the ground and rolls over, so he is facing
the thugs. Franky is now watching from across the street.
                       THUG #2
Now, where were we? Oh, yeah. Your
money or your lucky charms. What
will it be, boy-o?
Thug #2 pulls out a knife holding the handle, so the blade
faces up and heads toward Boris's crotch. Boris quickly
kicks Thug #2's arm up making the knife go right into his
left eye. Boris then spin kicks him, and Thug #2 falls to
the ground screaming. Thug #1 pulls out his gun and goes to
shoot Boris. Boris ducks behind Thug #2 using him as a
shield. Thug #1 aims to hit Boris but accidentally grazes
Thug #2 in the other eye. Boris reaches down and pulls out
Thug #2's gun and fires two bullets into Thug #1 killing him
instantly. Boris gets up and points the gun at Thug #2.
I know you can't see me, but I am
pretty sure you can hear me. Leave
this city tonight and never come
back. Or, next time, I'll take
your mother fucking lucky charms.
You hear me?
Boris ducks down to see if anyone has seen what he has done.
He wipes the gun clean of his fingerprints and throws it at
the dead body of Thug #1. He steps over the body of the
still screaming Thug #2 and notices Franky standing there
motionless with his mouth agape. Boris quickly runs across
the street and forcefully starts to drag Franky back home
with the sound of sirens in the distance.
Tommy sits on his bed watching Queer Eye For The Straight
Guy. Boris and Franky storm into the room, and Boris throws
Franky in a chair. Tommy quickly changes the channel to


ESPN. Boris sits on his bed and stares at Franky. Franky is
not moving, and his mouth is still agape.
Where'd you two go?
Nowhere. Right, Franky?
With that Franky snaps out of his catatonic state and looks
in amazement at Boris. He jumps out of the chair and rushes
to Tommy's bed. He whispers something into Tommy's ear and
now both are sitting staring at Boris.
You fucking killed a guy?
Great. I liked you better when you
weren't moving, Franky. Look,
those two guys tried to rob me, so
I defended myself. Luckily, one of
the creeps had dropped his gun.
When I fired it, I was amazed that
I actually hit anything. First
time I fired a gun and all.
Looked like you knew what you were
doing. It only took you two shots,
and he was dead. Plus, you're
leaving out what you did to the
other guy.
What did you do to the other guy?
Look, it doesn't matter. I grew up
in a tough neighborhood, that's
all. We were taught how to fight
at a young age and spent most of
our time fighting at school. Okay?
So, let's drop it.
Oh, no. I'm telling everyone. Fuck
with me, and my roommate will kill
You tell anyone, and I'll tell
them you were watching Queer Eye
For The Straight Guy. And, if you


                       BORIS (cont'd)
tell anyone, Franky, I'll tell
that you got kicked in the crotch
by a girl.
I don't care. Everyone has kicked
me in the crotch at this school so
far. It's like a new fad.
Whatever. Just promise that we
keep it a secret. Okay?
                       TOMMY AND FRANKY
Boris, sweaty, exits the gym the following morning. He is
walking back towards his dorm. As he walks, the parking lot
is directly next to him. Suddenly a black BMW approaches
Boris. It slows down and the driver's side window rolls
down. It is SONNY O'LEARY. He is a forty year old Irish man.
He is missing his left front tooth and is putting his tongue
in and out through the hole. He is smiling and staring at
Boris. Boris finally notices the slow moving vehicle and
makes eye contact with Sonny. Boris continues to walk down
the side walk, ignoring the car.
So, how's life, Danny? I hear ya
almost lost your potatoes last
night. Man, is it good to see ya,
boy-o. What's it been, over five
I'm sorry I think you're confusing
me with someone. My name is Boris.
Boris, cute name. Maybe I am
confusing ya with someone. Last
time I saw ya, you were just a
runt. Now, y'er are a man. A man
with quite some nerve, killing one
of my boys.
Sonny is getting irritated as Boris continues to ignore him.
Suddenly, Mary exits from Hendrix Hall and makes her way
towards Boris. She sees him and smiles.


Hey, Boris. You mind that I claim
my rain check tonight. They're
watching The Longest Yard at
Trower Hall. I thought it would be
nice for us to go. Plus, that Adam
Sandler cracks me up.
Yeah, Boris, let's go to the
movies tonight. You, me, her, and
Danny. What do ya say about that?
And the best part is ya only need
three chairs. Ain't that right,
Mary looks frightened by Sonny's comments. She looks at
Boris who now has become pale. She walks up to him, but he
motions with his head for her to continue walking. Tommy is
walking towards Hendrix Hall and sees Boris. He waves but
notices that Boris is in a state of shock. He walks over to
Hey, what's up, roomie?
He's just a little lost for words
right now. And who are you?
He's nobody. This is just between
you and me. Not him, not the girl,
but us. Okay, so what do you want?
I just want ya to get in the car,
and we'll go have some breakfast.
Most important meal of the day,
wouldn't ya say? Then, I'll return
ya to these nice people. I just
want us to catch up on old times.
Look mister, I don't know who the
fuck you are, but I do know how to
break a man's jaw with my fist.
Care for me to try it on you?
It's alright, Tommy. I'll you see
you later. Alright?


Yeah, later there jaw breaker. Or
should I say gummy bear. Huh,
Before Tommy can answer, Boris gets in the car and, it darts
away. Tommy, who is visibly shaken, makes his way into
Hendrix Hall to go to class.
Franky and Tommy sit impatiently waiting for Boris to
return. He has been gone for over twelve hours. Finally,
Boris enters the room. He falls into his bed and lies there.
Franky and Tommy quickly hover above him.
Dude, what the fuck? This is
getting kinda scary.
Don't worry, he is a good friend
of the family, and he took me back
to D.C. for a while.
Friend of the family, my ass. The
only friend he has is Satan, and
even Satan is scared of that guy.
Dude, tell us the truth here.
First, you basically killed two
guys the other night. Now, a
mysterious guy shows up and is
making some threats.
Alright. It doesn't matter anyway
because after tomorrow I'll be
dead. Look, my name use to be
Danny Lawler. I was an underaged
killer for the Irish mob in D.C.
My grandfather was a bookie and
got me into the business when both
of my parents were out of work.
What? Why didn't you find a more
legal job?


Because we were living on food
stamps, and we needed a lot of
money fast. I worked as a killer
making good money.
If the money was so good, then why
did you leave, man?
When the Irish Mob leader got
thrown in jail five years ago,
Sonny, that guy you saw, took
over. When he did, it got messy
and disorganized. I wanted out,
but Sonny wanted me to stay. So,
he killed my whole family to make
a point.
Damn, man. I'm sorry.
My last favor was from a member
who changed my identity. He helped
me clear my past, and he even got
me into college. I disappeared and
thought that Sonny wouldn't find
me. Now he has and wants me back.
Why? You been gone for two years.
What the fuck can you do for him
His father is getting out of
prison, and he wants me to show my
loyalty by killing him, so Sonny
can keep control. The mob leader
was like a second father to me. I
can't kill him, but if I don't,
Sonny will kill you two...
Franky slowly creeps towards the door, but Tommy grabs him.
                       BORIS (cont'd)
...and kill my teachers. Pretty
much anyone he sees me talking to.
He'll torture me, and continue to
bully this college for years to
come, just out of principle. It's
just a bad fucking time all the


                       BORIS (cont'd)
way around.
Wait, I don't get it. Underage?
Plus your name is Boris Relwal.
Well, when you are underage it's
harder to identify you because
they don't have your prints on
record yet. Relwal is Lawler
backwards. No one looks at
backwards names. Plus Boris is a
strong Russian name, and with a
lot of Russians in Ocean City, I
Boris rushes over to his desk. From one of the drawers, he
pulls out a PHONEBOOK. He flips through the pages and uses
his finger to scan through the names. Finally, he slams the
book on the desk and smiles.
I got a plan, but I'm going to
need your help.
Why us? We ain't killers, or
criminals. We're just stupid
college kids.
Hey, you wanted to know. Now you
have to get your hands dirty.
Sonny sits watching television in his hangout which is very
dark, having one dim light in the middle of the room.
Suddenly a news report interrupts the show he is watching.
                       REPORTER 2
      (heard over
Moments after being released from
federal state prison, Casey
O'Leary was killed. A sniper
caught him as he exited the
prison. He had three steps of
freedom before being gunned down.
Doctor Oleg Roma declared him dead


                       REPORTER 2 (cont'd)
on the scene...
Boris, carrying a sniper rifle, enters the room with two of
Sonny's henchmen. Sonny motions toward the henchman, who
grab the sniper rifle from Boris and head outside. Boris
sits in a chair adjacent to Sonny. Sonny is smiling as he
gets up and pats Boris on the back.
Good job, good job. I am proud of
ya. I know how much it took to do
that, so I'll make sure y'er
rewarded fully.
Sonny spins around and flings a wad of cash at Boris. While
Boris is focusing on the money, Sonny whips out a pistol
from behind the television and points it at Boris. In the
b.g., we can hear commotion outside of the room.
Look, boy-o, ya did a good job,
but I have to kill ya. I mean ya
left me five years ago. Ya
abandoned me in my time of need.
What would happen to my reputation
if I let ya get away with that? I
appreciate ya killing my pa, but
for you, it's over.
Suddenly there is loud knocking at the door.
Look, can ya keep it down out
there? I'm trying to conduct some
business. I'm telling ya, these
Irish boys, ya get them drunk and
they get antsy. I feel like I
should just throw them in the park
and let them run it out, like a
good Setter.
The knocking continues.
Fine, come in.
Three RUSSIANS carrying AK 47s enter the room. One shoots at
Sonny's arm, knocking the gun out of his hand. Sonny falls
to the floor in pain. He looks up at the closest Russian.


Hey, you're the doctor fellow who
looked at my pa. What are ya doing
      (Russian accent)
Don't mind him. Over here. Maybe
you remember me? Does Viktor
Eltsin ring any bells?
Well, I knew a Stepan Eltsin. Why,
were ya two related?
Yeah, he was my son. You killed
him on one of your coke highs. He
was my only son and was supposed
to take over the mob for me when I
die. But no, you had to kill him.
What is it with you, so much
violence, so much blood. This
isn't the Roaring Twenties. Things
are more civil now in the
Twenty-first century, even crime.
Well, killing all your men out
there is payback enough for me.
I'm going to go back to Ocean City
now. Later, Boris.
Boris tosses the wad of money that Sonny had given to him,
to Viktor and waves goodbye. The three Russians leave the
room and then CASEY O'LEARY enters carrying a pistol.
Oh, my green clovers, and blue
stars. My father, the ghost has
come to claim me.
No, ya dumb shit, I ain't dead. Ya
think Danny, I mean Boris over
there could kill me. Shit, I did a
better job raising him than you.
Wait, what?
Look, I know about the plot to
kill me five years ago, trying to
beat the info from poor Lucky
O'Brien. He was too stubborn to


                       CASEY (cont'd)
tell anyone anything. Then,
yesterday ya send Boris over. He
tipped me off. Sent two of his
chums over and they gave me a
bullet proof vest and a blood
packet. It was all a ruse, Sonny
boy. That Russian fellow acted
like a doctor and declared me
dead. I have to admit ya did me a
favor. Now the cops won't be
looking for me for future crimes,
'cause I'm dead. Now, Sonny boy,
the piper, piper, is a playing.
And this tune sounds a lot like
Casey shoots Sonny through the chest. Sonny fights for air,
takes one last breath, and dies. Casey points the gun over
at Boris.
If I find out ya are back into
this type of business, I'll kill
ya. Go be a normal boy, not a
killer. In the past, ya got your
hands dirty, now go clean them.
An alarm goes off. Boris reaches his hand over and turns it
off. He gets up to find Tommy and Franky sitting huddled
around a table. Boris makes his way toward the table.
What the hell are you two doing?
Mary gave me this note to give to
you. Look how lovey dovey it is.
She really wants to sex you up.
Boys, back away from the fucking
note, unless it has your name on
Well, it does have Franky's name
on it.


      (reading off the
Please don't let Franky read this
note, love Mary.
Ohhhh, she loves you, and you love
her. And you know what comes from
The three guys share a laugh and go off to enjoy their
normal lives.


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