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Ghetto Man: The 10th Anniversery
by S.M. Krause (openeyestudios@gmail.com)

Rated: R   Genre: Comedy   User Review:

From S.M. Krause, the host/writer of thedailybs.com, is the original script, "Ghetto Man", which is one of the most popular scripts here. With a few new scenes, I hope you enjoy the new version. Every year, we consistently add new content, and with the 10th Anniversary Edition, we aim to please.

(C)1997-2007 S.M. Krause. GHETTO MAN, it's characters, settings, etc. are the property of OPENeye Studios, a division of REALedge Entertainment. No part of this script may be reproduced without express written permission of S.M. Krause.



                       NARRATOR (VO)
Statistics are a fact or piece of
data from a study of a large
quantity of numerical data, such
as the percentage of those
murdered in the year, the
percentage raped within the last
six months, or the percentage of
gang violence affecting our
communities. These are statistics
that we cannot ignore, yet the
justice system cannot end the
ruthless rein of crime among our
cities. When the police can't
protect it's own citizens, what is
one to do?
A HOMELESS MAN is seen sitting on the porch, drinking a 40
OUNCE. A YOUNG MAN walks with his GIRLFRIEND, as they walk
past the Homeless Guy. The Young Man, smoking a cigarette,
smiles at the Homeless Guy and walks away, as the Homeless
Man runs up to the Young Man.
                       HOMELESS MAN
You got an extra cigarette, playa?
The Young Man reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a pack
of Newports. He opens the cigarette box.
                       YOUNG MAN
Sorry man, only 20 came in this
pack. Besides, these Newports, not
They walk away, as the Homeless Guy sits back down and looks
at the camera.


                       HOMELESS MAN
Now I'm sure y'all have heard
'bout some white cats dat are
superheroes, the ones we used to
grow up on. You know a bat, a
spider, shit, even a super man
that wore blue Speedos that showed
the bulge of his penis. Like any
superhero, they all have origins,
or how they first became who they
claim to be. Well, this is that
story. A story of how a lawyer is
turned into a ghetto superhero,
unlike anything y'all have ever
seen be'fo. Unless you's been
watching an Eminem music video.
A blonde-haired black YOUNG PROSTITUTE, with only one
visible tooth, smiles at the Homeless Man and waves.
                       HOMELESS MAN
I don't like these young
prostitutes wavin' at me. Nowadays
you gotta look at the teeth. Damn
nasty hos, suckin' so much dick
that they teeth start rottin'
A group of teens, dressed in ski masks, walk up to the
Homeless Guy. One of the teens pulls out a gun and points it
at the Homeless Guy's head.
                       YOUNG TEEN
Give me all yo money. I ain't got
all day.
                       HOMELESS MAN
Ain't dis a bitch. A homeless guy
getting robbed. Man, I worked hard
for dis' five dollars, hustlin' my
ass and collectin' beer cans and
                       YOUNG TEEN
Nigga, if I wanted a sad story I'd
take yo ass to Oprah. Now either
give me yo five dollars or I blow


                       YOUNG TEEN (cont'd)
your head off.
The Homeless Man shakes, in fear, as his hands tremble as he
hands over the five dollar bill to the Young Teen.
                       HOMELESS MAN
Yeah, go smoke some of that crack,
you damn fool. Go waste yo life.
The teen with the gun smiles at the Homeless Guy, then the
group runs off. The Homeless Guy looks at the camera.
                       HOMELESS MAN
Dis the city of Alderon,
Massachusetts, ranked as the most
violent city in America. We beat
Atlanta's record last month and we
damn proud of that there record.
From the mother of six who can't
figure out which baby daddy is
which, to da crack whores who
start out young, it's all fucked
up. Drug dealas running drive-thru
weed houses, even giving a kid's
toy to keep those at mothafuckin'
ease. Yall sit back, relax, steal
that mothafucka's popcorn next to
you, punch they asses in the face
if yo ass have to. Dis the story
of Ghetto Man, the newest hero in
Waiting on the thruway, traffic is backed up, as ALAN, a
handsome man in his early twenties who is also a prosecuting
lawyer, waits patiently. He reaches for a Pepsi 20oz bottle
in the back seat, just as his cell phone rings.
Alan picks up his cell phone from the back seat, looking at
the tiny LCD screen display the name, DJ CRAZY. He presses
the TALK button and holds it to his ear.


                       DJ CRAZY (O.S.)
Yo Alan! You gots to come to da'
club tonight? You know they gots
the karaoke jam tonight.
I don't know DJ. It's filled with
a whole bunch of old people who
sing shitty Elvis songs and
classic shit. I heard Stacy might
be there. I've been in love with
her since grade school.
Alan is referring to his ex-girlfriend, STACY, a very
attractive blond-haired women in her late 20's, who is also
a news reporter for Channel 5 News.
                       DJ CRAZY (O.S.)
Alan, whatcha ass needs is to get
crackalatin' and let that bitch
know what the deal is. I'll tell
ya what I do fo' yo ass. I'll burn
a CD for ya, maybe a little Berry
White or R. Kelly.
R. Kelly? Man, I don't want no
song about him pissing on some
girl. What about Bruce
Springsteen? That song from "Jerry
Maguire?" That one where Renee
Zellwinger tells Tom Cruise, "You
had me at hello."
                       DJ CRAZY (O.S.)
Ah, go figure. You'd fall for that
old shit. Cuz, you need a song
that'll shake that girl's ass.
Make that ass vibrate, homes. That
Springsteen song is gonna make her


Then get me whatever. You seem to
know a lot about women, Crazy.
I'll talk to you in a bit.
Alan clicks the "off" button on his cell phone, just as
traffic begins to clear. He passes a sign that reads:
WELCOME TO ALDERON, MASSACHUSETTS, and cuts off to an exit,
which takes him to the club, Tap Dat' Ass
Alan pulls into the club, and parks his car. He grabs his
wallet out of his glove compartment and gets out of the car,
then locks it.
Alan walks to the double doors, as TWO BOUNCERS, two
muscular black men stand in the way of the entrance.
                       BOUNCER #1
Alan, another guest appearance.
What do we owe the pleasure this
evening? I believe you sounded
like a fucked up version of Elmo
trying to sing "You're Beautiful."
Bouncer #1 greets Alan with a handshake.
Oh, I'm sorry you're still
bouncing for Senior Citizens night
at that nursing home ain't you?
Bouncer #2 looks strangely in Alan's direction.
                       BOUNCER #2
Ever since "American Idol", people
honestly think they can sing. It's
a'ight Alan, we know how hard it
is to sing and be a lawyer at the
same time. Though you might make a
good prison bitch, watch out now.
Alan looks back, noticing Stacy's new car pulling in.


                       ALAN (GRINING)
Hey, words of advice. Heard the
old ladies down at that nursing
home are looking for some nice
fellas. If you lube 'em up with
WD-40, you can have them screaming
or having a heart attack. Either
way, at least you two would be
getting laid at this stage in your
Bouncer #2 rushes towards Alan, as if to fight, as Bouncer
#1 holds Bouncer #2 back.
Alan walks to the bar, where the bartender, JOE, is busy
serving customers. The club is packed with patrons, as an
elderly white woman is heard in the background singing
Can I get you anything, Alan?
I'll take an Alderon Whammer.
Alan's phone rings, he reaches into his pocket to answer it,
the LCD screen displaying his brother's name, WILLIAM.
                       WILLIAM (O.S.)
Alan, how's life treating you
there in Massachusetts?
Life is good, William. Still
trying to become an aspired
                       WILLIAM (O.S.)
I'm writing a masterpiece script
online, implementing every aspect
thanks to Scriptbuddy, and you


                       WILLIAM (cont'd)
belittle me with sarcastic humor?
Good bye!
Alan hangs up the phone, puts it into his pocket. He looks
around to see Stacy, standing at the doorway, talking to
You still never got with her, have
Joe walks over to the opposite end of the counter to grab a
glass and takes a 2-liter of bottle of Pepsi Vanilla and a
bottle of Jack Daniels and mixes them together. He brings
the drink over to Alan, who reaches into his pocket and
lights up a cigarette.
Joe, when you love someone so much
and then, Wham! Someone goes out
and cheats on you with a guy who
plays with puppets on TV. I mean
come on man, that's fucked up!
How did you find out?
Well, she just wasn't there for me
when I needed her. She lied to me
numerous times and I just couldn't
take it. I only found out because
I found a puppet in our bed.
Joe roars aloud with laughter, honking his nose while
motioning having sex.
Anyways, she said she'd never do
it again and it was a mistake.
Haven't really said much to her


Hey, don't let that shit worry you
man. You're better than that. I'll
tell you what, let's switch gears.
You see that STAR WHORES movie,
you know the one with Han So Long
and Princess Lay Me?
I don't need to see some damn STAR
WHORES movie to masturbate just to
get a lady to appreciate me. All I
have to do is show them my light
saber. Gets 'em every the time.
Hey, I got a joke for you. Why do
gay men like glowing in the dark
Alan shrugs his shoulders, unsure of the answer.
So they can play STAR WARS late at
night with their light sabers.
Alan and Joe roar with laughter.
See that's the shit that'll get
GLAD after your ass.
Listen, GLAD's been after everyone
here in the state of Massachusetts
to get legislative approval for
gay marriage and they've
succeeded. Don't tell me you're
fond of gay marriage, Alan, the
hardcore Republican you are.
I don't agree with it, much like I
don't agree with priests having
sex with young boys. Regardless of
who I voted for, and it wasn't
Kerry, the fact remains, if you


                       ALAN (cont'd)
wait a few years, organizations
like GLAD will get federal
approval because people will just
accept it.
Just one second Alan.
Joe walks over to another customer next to Alan, as Alan
turns around and sees Stacy on the dance floor.
I saw you looking at her. Why
don't you go over there and sing
that BEAUTIFUL song you're so
famous for.
You think you're funny, Joe? I was
drunker and hornier than a hooker
on a dollar night and the two
don't mix well.
Nowadays, it's either 50 Cent or
Ludacris on the radio. Whatever
happened to Aerosmith or Guns N'
Roses, man?
People just change. Mick Jagger
had to reinvent himself to compete
with today's pop stars. Joan
Rivers has to reinvent herself
with plastic surgery to look young
again. I betcha under that skin
lies Darth Vader.
Joan Rivers and Darth Vader. No,
that's giving her a compliment.
You know, I remember the days,
man, when women would wear those
extra tight jeans to where you
could see the crevice of her ass
cheeks. Now those were some good


                       JOE (cont'd)
times. Nowadays, it's all about
the ass crack.
I think it's called ass cleavage,
but anyway, why can't the music of
today just die?
A television monitor shows a Channel 5 news report about
RAYMOND "D-BALLZ" HORNMAN, on trial for the murder/rape of
six women. Alan is prosecuting the case.
How's your case coming along
against Raymond? Heard that your
in the final day tomorrow.
Alan chugs down his drink and slams it on the table.
I think we'll win, hands down. The
jury will see that Raymond is one
of the most horrific serial
murderers and rapists that
Massachusetts has seen in a long
Hey, I got other customers here.
You go out there, do your karaoke
thing. Hope you win.
Alan waves Joe off, as he heads over to the booth, where DJ
Crazy, a well-built black man in his mid 20's, is scratching
some music.
                       DJ CRAZY
Man, it's good to see ya' cuz!
Alan looks at him funny, then looks back at the dance floor.


                       DJ CRAZY
There she be Alan. Why don't ya
mothafuckas make up and get to the
fuckin'. Didn't you ever hear of
friends with benefits?
Well, I'm, uh, scared, man. She
might tell me to fuck off. What
would I do then? I don't know if I
can handle that kind of rejection.
                       DJ CRAZY
See, dats what I'm talkin' bout'.
You's the typical white man,
always trying to justify yo'
actions. Listen Alan, yo need to
get some black up in ya. She's
just a toy, and if I was yo ass,
I'd tap that ass in a minute.
DJ Crazy slaps Alan up,a "ghetto high-five", and walks up on
                       DJ CRAZY
No Alan! It's aight' not alright.
If yo ass gonna' hang wit' me then
yo ass gotta start bein' black.
Here take my hoodie.
DJ hands Alan a hoodie, as Alan puts it on over his shirt.
                       DJ CRAZY
It's off da' chain tonight. My
boy, White Power, is 'bout to do
his thing. White Power, you got 60
seconds, I'm 'bout to spin this
Alan is on stage, as Stacy climbs up on the stage next to DJ


                       DJ CRAZY
The challenger tonight is a news
reporter for Channel 5 News. Give
it up for Stacy Moyner.
Cheers, followed by boos, are heard in the background, as
Alan walks up the stage. A YOUNG WOMAN sitting in the front
row looks at Alan and throws her panties on stage.
                       ALAN (TO THE CROWD)
Aight' here we go...
Alan walks over to the booth, looks for the CD player, puts
in his instrumental CD of his song and begins.
The audience breaks out into a huge applause, as everyone
stands on their feet, as Alan sings, TAKE ON ME.
                       ALAN (singing)
We're talking away
I don't know what
I'm to say I'll say it anyway
Today's another day to find you
Shying away
I'll be coming for your love, OK?

Take on me, take me on
I'll be gone
In a day or two

So needless to say
I'm odds and ends
But that's me stumbling away
Slowly learning that life is OK.
Say after me
It's no better to be safe than

Take on me, take me on
I'll be gone
In a day or two

Oh the things that you say
Is it life or
Just a play my worries away
You're all the things I've got to


                       ALAN (cont'd)
You're shying away
I'll be coming for you anyway

Take on me, take me on
I'll be gone
In a day or two
Thank you!
As Alan walks off stage and sits down at a nearby table,
Stacy stands there and can't move. Tears begin pouring down
her eyes, as she runs off stage.
                       DJ CRAZY
The winner by default: Alan
Alan runs up to the stage, where DJ Crazy presents Alan with
a check. As Alan looks back, he notices Stacy leaving the
club. He waves goodbye to DJ Crazy and races out of the
As Alan walks out, he notices Stacy standing by her car,
smoking a cigarette. As he gets closer, he realizes she's
Stacy, you alright?
I'm fine Alan. Hey, congrats on
the win. You earned it.
Alan reaches into his jacket, and pulls out a pack of
cigarettes and a lighter. He takes out a cigarette and
lights it up, putting the pack and lighter back into his
Thanks. Hey, uh, did you maybe,
you know, uh, want to go get a cup
of coffee or something. I heard


                       ALAN (cont'd)
Denny's has great pie at this time
of night.
I don't know. I've been hearing
some shit about you.
What kind of shit?
I was told that you bought a young
woman some flowers after her
divorce, then you slept with her.
You even had sex with some girl
that works at Starbucks.
Hey, what would you do if you
could get free coffee? Besides, I
never slept with her. She got
herpes from her manager, and I
told her we couldn't have sex.
Alright, but I'm in control of the
radio. I know you're not hip with
today's music, but I have a great
CD I wanted to listen to.
So you bought a new CD?
No, actually I downloaded it. Hey,
you'd be surprised how much money
you could save by bootlegging a
CD. I got Kelis's old hit song, IN
PUBLIC. Ever heard of it?
Can't say I have. I'm more of an
'80's man.


I'll tell you what. Let's go to
the H.H. Park. We can stop at
Denny's some other time.
What are going to do at the park?
Feed the birds? It's nighttime
Stacy, no one's there.
Exactly my point. Alan, you've
been staring at me ever since high
school. I think it's time we
extend our relationship further.
Do what normal white people do.
Have sex and not feel guilty about
it in the morning.
Alan escorts Stacy, arms locking together, to his car.
Stacy looks at Alan, as he unlocks the doors, and she climbs
in. A nearby blonde-haired prostitute, TRACIE, comes up to
Alan out of the shadows.
You wanna fuck? Come on, 10
minutes with me and I'll make your
shit stiff.
                       ALAN (laughing, opens car door)
I'd love to but you know my
dentist always told me never to
trust a hooker with fucked up
teeth. Look at those fuckers.
Can't tell if the fucking sun is
out or not. How much have you been
                       TRACIE (a bit annoyed)
Bout a gallon a day. Hey, it's
like milk. It's got all your daily
vitamins and minerals, and the
best part about it is that it's
low carb. It'd make that asshole
from Subway jealous.


Alan waves Tracie off, and locks the door, as he drives off,
Stacy in the passenger seat laughing.
Alan is in the driver's seat, and is driving carefully as
the rain begins to come down. Stacy sits in the passenger
seat, cigarette in hand.
What was the bitch's problem? She
probably got some disease. You
know, STD's are just like the flu.
Every month, someone's catching
Alan looks over at Stacy.
Hey, she was hot, but you're
right, I should have told her this
isn't PRETTY WOMAN and asked her
to leave me alone.
Alan looks in his rear view mirror and pulls onto the exit
to H.H. PARK. Stacy rolls down her window and throws her
cigarette out, rolling it back up after it flies out of the
Well, we're here.
Alan turns off the engine and grabs his keys and cigarette
pack, as Stacy and Alan exit the vehicle.
Alan gets out his car, as Stacy gets out of the passenger
side door. She opens up the back door and grabs a CD player
and closes the door, as Alan grabs a bottle of wine.
This is great, Stacy. I'm glad
we've decided to extend our
relationship further. I'm sure


                       STACY (cont'd)
you've been waiting for this for a
long time.
I'm not going to lie. Sometimes I
found myself masturbating to you
whenever you're delivering a news
Oh, Alan, that's the nicest thing
anyone has ever said to me.
They walk over to a dim area, under a tree. Alan takes the
blanket and spreads it over the grass. Stacy puts the CD
player on the blanket and turns the CD player on.
Oh, Stacy, I love...
Just shut up and let me do the
She presses a button to move to track to ONE (1) and it
begins to play LIKE A VIRGIN.
Sorry, wrong song. I think it's
the third one. See what happens
when you download music? You fuck
everything up!
She presses the button again, and moves it to THREE (3)
which begins to play IN PUBLIC. As the beat of the song
begins, they begin to strip away their clothing, with Stacy
singing while they strip.
                       STACY (Singing)
He was next to me
I thought I was suppose to leave
around 2:53
All I wanted to see
Is what would he do if I drop down
to my knees
I wanna play a game


                       STACY (cont'd)
I saw someone coming it don't
matter all the same
Try something fun with me
Let's take our clothes off all
over the balcony
Stacy pulls her pants off, a black thong is shown, as Alan
strips down to his boxers. They kiss, passionately, as Alan
unhooks her bra. Breasts dangling, Alan sucks on her
nipples, soft moans are heard, as she continues singing the
                       STACY (singing)
Let's get it on in public
Just let it go I promise that
you'll love it
Oh Alan don't you wanna be my
Ooh let's get it on in public Ooh.
Stacy stands up, as we can see her from the back, as Alan
slides her thong off. He cups her buttocks and pulls her
down, pulling the blanket over them, as movement is shown
and moans heard, as the camera fades out.
Sweat is shown on Alan and Stacy's faces, as they lie on the
ground with the blanket folded over them.
That was great, Alan. You are a
Alan reaches behind him, and reaches into his pants pocket
to pull out a cigar. He grabs his lighter and lights it.
So, this is what rap music does
when you're having sex. Maybe I
should listen to it more often.


Well the '80's music is fine Alan,
but to quote a line from THE
JEFFERSONS, you have to move on
Ever since BET, all I ever hear is
"pop that coochie", "rub that
clit", "shake ya tailfeather", and
"too much junk in the truck." What
we need is real music. Maybe I
should create WET, or White
Entertainment Television.
Why are you hating? Besides, White
Entertainment Television is
already in place. You have ABC,
NBC, and all the others stations
besides BET.
I'm sorry, maybe I should've
worded it differently.
Alan pulls the covers over their heads.
Oh, you beast! Whatcha going to do
with that cigar? Ohhh-h-h-h Alan!
Outside the courtroom, protesters gather, holding signs up
in support of Alan. Stacy stands outside, delivering a news
This is the final day in the trial
of Raymond "D-Ballz" Hornman, a
alleged murderer/rapist who is on
trial for the Alderon College
murders six months ago. Will the
jury see the evidence that truly
convicts Raymond, or will they


                       STACY (cont'd)
side with the defense? Prosecutor
Alan Bermbe told me that he has
faith in the jury system and that
they know what the right decision
is. This is Stacy Moyner,
reporting live from the Alderon
The camera is cut off, as Stacy walks inside the courtroom.
Inside the courtroom of JUDGE MOOTY, the proceedings begin,
as Alan and RICHARD, Raymond's public defender, state their
final argument to the jury.
                       JUDGE MOOTY
Any closing remarks before the
jury deliberates their verdict?
Richard stands up, and walks to the center of the courtroom,
and looks directly at the jury members as he speaks.
Your honor and members of the
jury, my client is a respected
citizen and has done numerous
deeds for the community. He's
caught with being at the wrong
place at the wrong time, and is
innocent of murdering the young
women in question.
Someone yells out in the background, "BULLSHIT!"
Raymond isn't a gang leader, he's
a follower of Christ and is quite
active in his church.
Judge Mooty shifts a couple papers,then looks at Richard.


Members of the jury, my client,
Raymond Hornman, is an innocent
man and a community leader. He's
raised money for the homeless,
providing them free meals and
care. He's gone to the schools and
talked to kids about the dangers
of gang violence. Does that sound
like a killer or rapist to you?
Mr.Bermbe would have you believe
that. Don't put an innocent man
behind bars.
Alan waits as Richard sits down, and proceeds to the center
of the courtroom and glances at Raymond before speaking.
Ladies and gentlemen of this fine
jury, Raymond Hornman would like
you to believe that he's innocent
of the charges he's up against. As
the leader of the "D-Ballz", he's
committed numerous acts of crime
and has been in monitored by the
FBI numerous times. Is he a
reformed believer? I doubt it. The
DNA samples we found, Exhibit 2A,
in these women's vagina are an
exact match of Raymond's. DNA
doesn't lie and it's up to you to
put a man behind bars and show
that the justice system doesn't
fail. To quote a line from A FEW
GOOD MEN, Raymond doesn't think
you can handle the truth.
Alan walks back ,sits down, and waits as Judge Mooty looks
over the paperwork.
                       JUDGE MOOTY
We'll break and let the jury take
their time to decide the verdict.
Alan walks out of the courtroom and into the break room to
get a Pepsi Vanilla. After putting his money into the


machine, he presses the button and the bottle comes out.
Stacy is right behind him as he bends down to pick up his
I wanted to thank you again for
last night. I think Kelis finally
opened you up.
Alan looks over at Stacy and laughs.
I doubt it, but let me head back
so I can find out the verdict.
Hey, good luck. I think you did
great. Don't you?
                       ALAN (SMILING)
I think I have said what needed to
be said. Raymond wants the entire
city to feel sorry for him, but
yet he didn't feel pity when he
raped and killed those three young
women. I was hoping the State of
Massachusetts would've recommended
the death penalty, but they told
me, "No!"
Alan heads back into the courtroom, as the jury members walk
back to their seats. The JURY SPOKESPERSON hands a piece of
paper to the bailiff, who hands the paper to Judge Mooty.
                       JURY SPOKESPERSON
We the jury find the defendant,
Raymond Monroe Hornman, guilty of
all charges.
Cheers and applauds are heard from the courtroom, as an
officer handcuffs Raymond, who puts up a struggle. They get
him to his feet, and walk Raymond to the side door, as
Raymond gives Alan the finger.


Watcha' back Alan. You's a dead
Alan laughs, as he picks up his briefcase and walks out of
the courtroom.
As Alan exits from the courthouse, hundreds of news
reporters rush him to get a comment. Alan walks to his car,
where Stacy waits.
Did you win your case? There's so
much emotion outside, it seems
like you got him put away.
Alan reaches his arms to Stacy, and gives her a hug. His
right hand extends to her right butt cheek, as the two share
a passionate kiss.
This case was big, Stacy, and I
couldn't have done it with out.
Just think, if we didn't have sex,
I would've been so tense, I might
have lost the case.
                       STACY (SMILING)
Well, after two months of
bullshit, it's nice to see Raymond
behind bars. Now that he's out of
the way, how about me and you go
out for lunch.
Alan nods his head, as the two of them walk across the
street, to have lunch at REC-TUM's DINER.
Since I won, I'm treating.
Tomorrow, you pay for breakfast.


Hey, that's fine with me! Isn't
this where we used to eat when we
were going out?
It was called FRANK'S DINER but
when the homosexual couple took
over they changed the name. I
don't know. They still have good
Alan opens up the door to the diner, holding it for Stacy.
As she enters the hallway, Alan closes the door.
Inside the Mayor's Office, city contractor, BRIAN TURNER, a
long dark-haired man with a tattoo of a scorpion on his
right arm, and MAYOR REAPER, a gray-haired overweight man
who appears to be in his late 50's, are talking. Brian's
wife, INEDA, waits outside in the hallway.
Dennis, for ten years I have done
a great service to the city. This
morning, I was notified that
Andrew Morganhall is taking my
position. Why?
                       MAYOR REAPER
Ever since "9/11" Brian, our
government is always making
changes and it's very unfortunate
situation that you're in. With a
month left in your contract, the
City Council and I, thought it
would best to part ways and pay
someone else at a cheaper wage.
Come on, Mayor. I can take a pay
cut and make the same amount that
you are going to pay Andrew. I
cannot afford to be unemployed at


                       BRIAN (cont'd)
this time, Mayor.
                       MAYOR REAPER
Brian, to be honest, I never
really liked you. Your breath
smells and you wear that Old Spice
deodorant that smells terrible.
You have taken every Friday off
and create excuses as to why you
cannot work. Last week, you said
you have genital herpes.
Brian pounds his fists on the Mayor's desk.
My wife has been sleeping around,
long story.
                       MAYOR REAPER
Why don't you work back with
Bermbe? You and him were partners
ten years ago, until they found
out you were accepting sex for
legal services.
                       BRIAN (LOUDLY)
That's the fucking past, man. It
was years ago and Bermbe isn't
going to hire me back. Shit, do
you think the motherfucker even
cares about me putting bread on
the table for my family. No, and
it seems neither do you. I'll have
to work at some kids place like
Chuck E. Cheese and become some
cashier and still not even make
enough to pay for rent or the
fucking bills, Dennis.
                       MAYOR REAPER
Well if that's your attitude then
why should I reconsider your
employment? It's the life of all
businesses, Brian. You don't
always get to keep the job you
want, sometimes you have to move


                       MAYOR REAPER (cont'd)
on and accept it.
Accept it? This is bullshit,
Mayor, and you know it. I've been
honest, so maybe I've taken every
Friday off. Who gives a shit? You
take taxpayer money and go on
private vacations. Now, who's the
                       MAYOR REAPER
The taxpayers don't know shit and
will never know shit. How I spend
my relaxation time is my business
and none of yours. I have family
in the Western New York area and
so what, I love to gamble. You see
that door right behind you? Get
your ass out of my office or I'll
have security physically remove
you from the premises. You make
your choice, Turner.
Brian stares cold into Mayor Reaper's eyes, as he turns
around and walks out of the office, slamming the door behind
Brian sits on a bench along the wall, and waits for his wife
to come back. Tears run down his eyes, and wipes them away
quickly, in case anyone is watching.
Ineda comes back from the break room, where she had gotten a
Pepsi Vanilla. She notices the expression on her husband's
face, which shows he's frustrated, as he looks down.
So what happened in there, Brian?
You wanted to leave so early this
morning to meet with Mayor Reaper.


Brian picks his head up, and looks at his wife.
What else is new, honey? Like the
city of Buffalo we used to live
in, this city is fuckin' broke.
Some Andrew Morganhall took my job
and I was forced to clean out my
desk, the rotten sum bitch. This
shit ain't over for a long shot.
It'll be alright Brian. We'll come
up with something to get them
Brian and Ineda stand up, and walk out of City Hall, and
head home.
Brian and Ineda walk down the sidewalk, as Brian is
confronted by a MAN IN BLACK. The Man In Black, middle-aged,
wearing dark sunglasses asks for Brian to come over to his
hot dog stand.
                       MAN IN BLACK
You're Brian Turner, aren't you?
Brian looks puzzled, as his wife stares at the Man.
What's it to you? If you're some
goddamn city employee or some
credit agency collector, you can
get the fuck out of my face.
The Man In Black smiles.
                       MAN IN BLACK
Some people would look at success
and let it hit them right in the
ass. Some know who I am, in time
you shall learn. I am the supplier
of this great city, the kingpin of
Alderon. Any drug shipments come


                       MAN IN BLACK (cont'd)
through, it goes through me. I
want you to join me as a partner
and spread the ultimate brand of
chronic one has never smoked. It's
sure to get people fucked up. So
whatcha say?
Oh I don't know about this, Brian.
You could be arrested. And
besides, when have you ever done
drugs in your life?
Ineda, stay out of this. If they
pay good money, I'll accept, but
what kind of scheme is this?
                       MAN IN BLACK
Like all criminals of the past,
one would leave their infamous
trademark. Our plan is to get
inside the heads of drug users but
that's for a later time. We'll
keep in touch. A meeting is
planned for you to meet up with my
associate, ROGAINE. He'll provide
you with the details.
Brian and Ineda walk away, as a CUSTOMER comes up from
behind Brian and orders a hot dog from the Man's stand.
We're going to be fucking rich,
Ineda. I'll have to think of a
name for myself. Every criminal
has one. Let me see...
Brian looks around and tries to find a name that stands out.
He looks across the street at a porn shop sign that reads:


You ask God for a sign and he
points me in the right direction.
From this day forward, I shall be
known as Mr. Booty, the new
criminal mastermind of Alderon.
Ineda slaps Brian in the face, and runs off screaming out
for a taxi. A taxi comes and picks her up, as Brian stands
alone, by himself, with a smile that lights up like
Christmas lights on on tree.
Alan and Stacy sit down together in a nearby booth, as they
look over the menu while they wait for the WAITRESS.
                       ALAN (LOOKING AT STACY)
What did you want to order?
I am debating between the veggie
burger or the chicken wings.
I think I'll have a Gulp & Slurp
Special of the Day
Now that we know what we'll have
to eat, I wanted to ask you
something. I don't want to be hurt
again, Alan. The last guy I was
with wanted to masturbate to Jenna
Jameson while we were having sex.
He was very controlling and
Alan puts down his menu,and looks Stacy in the eye.
Stacy, I came this far and I'm not
going to leave you. Whatever some
guy did in the past is the past.
Let's move on and start this one


                       ALAN (cont'd)
Thanks Alan. I know you'll be
there for me.
Always have, always will be. I
remember back in high school, I
used to drop my pencil just to see
what color panties you were
wearing that day and, let me tell
you, some days were muddy days.
Muddy days?
You know, Hershey highway, the
runs, the squirts, the mudslide,
need I go any further.
Stacy begins to blush.
How long where you on the ground
for? To see detail like that, you
must have been staring awfully
hard. Anyways, ever since your
first case, you never once spoke
to me.
Come on, you work for the media.
Some reporters would screw someone
just to get an interview.
An interview...uh, hold on one
Alan's eyes widen, as Stacy reaches into her purse, as the
sound of a tape recorder being clicked off is heard.


You've been recording me? The
whole time? What kind of shit is
I'm Mrs.Exclusive. Shit, I have
sex with a lot of people just to
get the exclusive story and the
boss wanted a piece about the
mysterious Alan Bermbe. Ever since
your parents died, you've silenced
yourself. You've taken an oath to
uphold the law and become a
prosecuting lawyer. Why?
Alan sits at the table, sipping water. Through visual
descriptions, we flashback to Alderon, Massachusetts-1975,
where Alan's biological parents', TODD and EMILY, tragic
deaths are foretold.
                       ALAN (V.O.)
My parents died when a bunch of
drug dealing clowns, fucking
clowns, killed them over mistaken
identity. Someone killed them over
$50,000. Police arrested them, but
it was never the same. They got
off in '86, serving only ten years
for the horrific murder of two
people. So, I went into silence.
Damn foster parents thought it
would be beneficial to adopt me,
changing my identity.
The Waitress comes to their table. Alan explains to her what
they want.
I apologize for the inconvenience,
but we're out of the chicken wings
special. We can offer you another
special if you'd like.


Just the veggie burger special
then, no pickles.
The Waitress walks away. A THUGISH MAN ,who is wearing a
George W. Bush mask and is dressed in a suit, comes into the
diner and walks towards Alan.
                       THUGISH MAN
Are you Alan Bermbe?
                       ALAN (NERVOUSLY)
Why, yes I am! Can I-
The Thugish man reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a
9mm handgun and hides it behind him.
                       THUGISH MAN
Have you ever danced with the
devil, Mr. Bermbe? You've brought
some of the biggest bullshit in
this city by putting away the
criminals that run this fucking
city. Now we putting yo' ass away.
Let's remain calm here. I know by
the sound of that voice Raymond
sent you three down here to kill
me, but listen to yourself, is the
price you pay in jail for my
murder worth it in the very end?
                       THUGISH MAN
Now that I think about it, you
damn right ,you son of a bitch.
The Thugish Man pulls the gun in front of Alan's head, then
pulls the trigger back. The loud shot rang in Stacy's ear,
as Alan falls on the ground. The Thugish Man runs out of the
diner, as blood begins to ooze out of Alan's head.
Stacy drops to the floor, and stares into Alan's eyes, and
closes them, knowing he is dead.


                       STACY (SCREAMING)
The Waitress runs to the phone to call the police, just as
the Thugish Man drives away.
Police officers arrive at the Diner ten minutes later,as
DETECTIVE WILLIAM YUGLIN attempts to speak with Stacy.
                       DETECTIVE YUGLIN
Stacy Moyner? I'm Detective
William Yuglin for the Alderon
Police Department. Is there
anything that you can tell me that
would help us with this case?
      (Crying, tears
       streaming down
       her eyes)
Alan and I were talking, getting
reconnected, when this guy came in
and shoot him. He left this, seems
to be a calling card.
A card with a picture of a rabbit with a patch over it's eye
is shown, with the words "Los días están terminar para Alan
Bermbe. Ballz D está aquí para siempre" printed on the back.
What does it mean?
                       DETECTIVE YUGLIN
It reads, "The days are over for
Alan Bermbe. D Ballz are here
Figures the D-Ballz would show up
and murder Alan. He just put the
leader behind bars and this is the
big thanks this community gives
him. It's bullshit!


Detective Yuglin pulls out his card.
                       DETECTIVE YUGLIN
If you can think of any more
information that can help us,
please don't hesitate to give me a
I won't. Thank you, Detective, for
talking with me.
                       DETECTIVE YUGLIN
That's my job!
Detective Yuglin walks away,as paramedics transport Alan's
body into an ambulance and drive away.
The rain begins to come down hard, as the ambulance arrives
to the City Morgue. One of the PARAMEDICS knocks on the
door for their delivery. Moments later, the door is opened
A special delivery. He was picked
up about 4 hours ago and was
pronounced dead at the scene. The
law firm wants an autopsy that
shows where the bullet is.
                       MEDICAL EXAMINER
Well, thanks. Just wheel him in
and I'll do the rest.
The Paramedic walks into the morgue and leaves Alan's body
in the hallway.
Have fun, freak.
The Paramedic closes the door, as the Morgue Specialist
looks at the body.


The body is covered with a white sheet over it, as the
Medical Examiner glaces down at the toe tag that reads:
Alan Bermbe, my how you are
missing out on all the fun. Plenty
of women here, just don't know
which one to fuck.
The Morgue Specialist looks around,and begins to have an
enlightening conversation with Alan, who's dead.
While I'm busy here, don't be
going anywhere.
The Medical Examiner heads over to a table tray, where a
blonde-haired woman, in her mid-20's, lays naked. A gun shot
wound to the head is visible. The Medical Examiner pulls his
pants off and begins to perform a sexual act with the dead
corpse, before he starts intercourse.
                       MEDICAL EXAMINER (to the dead woman)
Damn, your shit's tight there,
girl. Let me flip ya over and I'll
fuck you in the ass.
As the Medical Examiner turns her over, a shadow illuminates
the room and motions forward. The body of an overweight man
                       MEDICAL EXAMINER (LOUDLY)
Who the fuck are you?
The shadow comes into the light, as a black man steps
forward, calling himself CHEESECAKE.
                       CHEESECAKE (SMILING)
I'm da one they call Cheesecake
fo'. I'm here to get Alan back to
HQ, so backs the fuck up fo' I
gots to put muh size 13's up yo


The Medical Examiner grabs a knife and comes after
Be asleep, bizatch!
A burst of LIGHT shoots from Cheesecake's right hand as the
Morgue Specialist drops to the ground.
Dumb ass muthafucka! Prouncin'
around like yo' ass Michael Mya's
o'some shit.
Cheesecake walks over to Alan's body.He holds up a CRYSTAL
and places it on Alan's chest.
Dis 'il bring yo ass back.
Cheesecake pours the 40oz down Alan's throat. Within
seconds, Alan awakens.
                       ALAN (NERVOUSLY)
Where the fuck am I? How did I get
Name's Jim "Tiny Tim" Dublin, but
most mothafuckas call me
Cheesecake. I was sent here to
revive yo ass cause you was shot
earlier. Some dude from the
D-Ballz gang, if I remember
Alan hops out of the metal sheet and looks down to realize
he's naked.
Revived? You mean I was dead? How
the fuck did you bring me back?
Alan runs to a nearby cabinet to put a sheet over his


Dis here 40oz is what gives you yo
powers. Within time yo ass will
learn to utilize yo abilities and
get da mothafucka who's causin an
uproar in town.
Alan walks over to the window, as Cheesecake exits. Alan
grabs his clothes, puts them on, and heads out.
Brian walks in and looks around for a man in a trench coat,
known as Rogaine. As he walks to the back, he spots him from
a distance and proceeds to the table. Two people stand in
Turner, I presume?
That'll be me.
Well, sit your ass down.
Brian sits down in a chair.
The reason I called you into this
meeting is that we have some
business we need to discuss. I
have a new drug I'm flooding the
market with. A drug that will have
every druggie begging for more.
What would that be?
It's called Whack. The active
ingredient is what'll have 'em
comin' back for more. And this
will make us rich and we will own
this fucking city. Now I know the
shit that went down with the mayor


                       ROGAINE (cont'd)
didn't sit to well with you so
we're going to have his ass
killed, so we can start
infiltrating Whack to every drug
dealer and eventually open a drug
What about the police? What if
motherfuckers die? Then we're both
Rogaine reaches for his glass of Diet Pepsi and takes a sip
before putting the glass down.
Are you that fucking blind, Brian?
I own the police. We give them the
money they want and they keep
everything on the DL. I don't
worry about anyone.
Then I'm in. We'll run this
fucking city and ain't no
motherfuckers out there going to
be able to stop us.
What are you, some fucking
comedian? You don't say "I'm in."
Makes it sound like your ass don't
give me that respect I deserve. If
your ass wants the job, I want you
to get down on your hands and
knees and say, "Yes, fucking
master, I want the opportunity to
serve you, my Lord!"
Brian, a bit perplexed, gets down on his hands and knees.
Yes, fucking master, I-


                       ROGAINE (roaring with laughter)
You fell for that shit? Listen,
you're going to have to step up to
the fucking plate here. What if I
was Ghetto Man and he was
controlling what the fuck you're
doing? You'd be the shittest
Now I want you to meet some good
friends of mine. They own this
restaurant and also own a share in
the Drug-In. Meet the Chronic
Two Middle-Eastern men come out of the shadows dressed in
clad business suits with marijuana chains dangling from
their necks. HU ABU CHRONIC and his brother, GU MUHAMMOD
CHRONIC, sit down at the table.
                       HU ABU CHRONIC
We are in a transaction of this
size to ensure that the
infiltration of Whack is a
success. Seems that you've gained
some attention from Lord Obsidion,
the drug kingpin.
Who's Lord Obsidion?
                       GU MOHAMMAD CHRONIC
We only know him by name, not by
face. No one has ever seen the
drug kingpin. He is the reason
for our success. Anyone who wants
to sell drugs in this city has to
go through Lord Obsidion's
So is everything all set to go or
will I be required to meet with
this Lord Obsidion and his


                       HU ABU CHRONIC
We operate the Drug-In, thanks to
the funding provided by Lord
Obsidion. He trusts our judgment
and rest assured, you are the man
for the job.
Brian stands up, extends his hand, and shakes the hands of
Hu and Gu, and looks down at Rogaine.
I will not let you down, Rog.
Before you go, your wife will soon
have a role that will help get
Whack into the hands of area drug
users. Her job will be to sell it
on the street corners, getting
people hooked. One flash of pussy
and you've got'em cornered.
They'll buy Whack in large
quantities. If she doesn't, we're
going to have to kill her.
The two share a sinister laugh, as the camera backs away,
and focuses on an old abounded Burger King restaurant, where
Alan is at.
Cheesecake and Alan step out of the car, as Alan looks
around, a bit nervous. Cheesecake motions towards him.
What's the matta', fo'? You act
like you never been in the hood
Alan reaches into his pocket and pulls out a pack of
cigarettes, blood stains still on the pack, and lights one


Man, I've always tried to avoid
it. I mean you got drug dealers,
hookers, blind pimps, and even
transvestites. It's some messed up
stuff man.
Listen, if yo ass is gonna try to
come close to black, finish yo
sentence like dis': It's some
messed up shit, yo, nah mean?
Cheesecake walks up to the door and presses a yellow button,
which turns the front porch into a dance floor.
It's our security system. You have
to know da moves to "Milkshake"
and you'll be aight.
Alan looks at Cheesecake funny.
What the hell is "Milkshake?"
Man, yo ass really is white. Ever
heard of Kelis? Man, crank up the
tunes and stop listening to dat'
80's shit. No wonder yo ass was
shot. That music died out years
ago. That's why it's 2K6 not no 19
mothafuckin' 80. Aight?
Cheesecake begins a dance number, as sweat pours down his
face. A minute later the doors open.
Man, you've got some style.
Yeah, and you don't. We're going
to take you through the warp zone.
We're going to make you the
blackest white mothafucka eva'


                       CHEESECAKE (cont'd)
known to man.
                       ALAN (WITH A SMILE)
Ok, I guess.
Alan and Cheesecake enter in, as the door shuts behind them.
The poorly lit room is filled with TV sets, radios, and a
computer. Alan walks around the room, noticing a Pepsi
machine in the back, lighting up a hallway.
Dis here is the mothafuckin'
reason we are what we is today.
The Warp Room redefines what the
Ghetto Circle be bringin to the
mothafuckin table.
All I heard was motherfucking this
and motherfucking that.
I'm the leader of this group. Back
in the '70's, we were in prison
for crimes committed when we was
in the Black Panthers.
Twenty-seven years later, we were
released and we setup a task force
to stop the imports of drugs, thus
called the Ghetto Boys.
                       ALAN (LAUGHING)
I'm still confused.
After our release, we were sent to
Texas to stop illegal Mexicans
from entering the U.S. and to
prevent the smuggling of drugs. Yo
ass understand now? We's founded
the Ghetto Circle, given by the
powers of Quiver, the leader of


                       CHEESECAKE (cont'd)
our elite squad, who gave us a
powerful crystal, a sky blue
color, that illuminates the
mothafuckin' room.
So now you have this SUPERMAN
ability? Let me guess, you can
Cheesecake looks out the window,and pulls the curtain back
to allow Alan to see out of it.
We have the abilities to think of
future events befo' they even
happen. When we all combine our
powers together, you will have the
strength and muscles you might not
have ever seen befo'. You have
talents that in time, will be
told. But befo' we do all that,
let's sit you in the chair. It's
slang time!
As Alan sits on a Lazy-Boy recliner, the chair straps Alan
in. The TV's begin to turn on, showing clips of every black
show ever created. From THE JEFFERSONS, SANFORD and SON,
COSBY, FRESH PRINCE OF BEL-AIR, 106 & PARK, and rap videos
from rappers such as LUDACRIS, JAY-Z, and others.
                       ALAN (SCREAMING)
Alan's mouth hangs open, saliva dripping from the right
corner, as Cheesecake unstraps Alan out of his seat.
Yo aight playa?
Alan sits there motionless, mouth still open wide.
Alan, get yo mothafuckin' ass up.


Yo Cheese Z, would yo ass shut the
fuck up. Tryin' to collect my
mothafuckin' thoughts and yo ass
callin' my name like I'm yo bitch.
Who da' fuck-
Well let's meet the mothafuckin'
Alan and Cheesecake exit the Warp Room and head to the
garage, where the other members are waiting.
Hundreds of cars are parked in the parking lot of P.Kelly's
Funeral Home. The funeral director, P.KELLY, an Asian man in
his mid-30's, stands at the door to greet the mourners of
Alan Bermbe.
Come in quickly, the service is
about to begin.
Stacy, Joe, DJ Crazy, even Alan's foster mother, TRISH, run
inside as the service begins. FATHER O'BANNON, a priest,
leads the funeral.
                       FATHER O'BANNON
My sisters and brothers, we are
gathered here to mourn the loss of
a man, a good man, that had
dedicated his life to putting away
Alderon's most threatening
criminals. That man is Alan
Bermbe. For ten years, he's been
the man behind the man, profiled
on FOX News and other
organizations to let people know
what type of criminals that are
out there. As a result, Alan
Bermbe was shot two days ago
inside the Gulp and Slurp


                       FATHER O'BANNON (cont'd)
A closeup of Trish, as tears begin to pour down from her
eyes. Stacy, sitting next to Trish, reaches for her hand and
cry together, clutching one another's fists.
                       FATHER O'BANNON
Mr. Bermbe had one final request
so we are going to play a message
videotaped three years ago in the
privacy of Alan's own bathroom.
You can follow along with the
words on the bottom of the screen.
A screen drops behind Father O'Bannon, who hits the PLAY
button on the VHS player. Alan appears on the screen.
Chances are, if you're watching
this, I'm probably dead. I believe
that songs carry the legacies that
we want to leave behind and one
song to leave my own legacy comes
to mind. So please, join me, one
last time, singing I'LL BE MISSING
The mourners stand up, as they glue their eyes to the
screen, as Alan presses the PLAY button to his CD player,
and the music begins to play, with the words being displayed
on the bottom of screen with a bouncing ball to follow the
Yeah... this right here (tell me
why). Goes out, to everyone, that
has lost someone that they truly
loved (c'mon, check it out).
EVERYONE in the entire crowd begins to sing, as Alan follows
the bouncing ball with his finger.
                       EVERYONE (singing)
Seems like yesterday we used to
rock the show. I laced the track,
you locked the flow. So far from


                       EVERYONE (cont'd)
hangin on the block for dough.
Notorious, they got to know that
life ain't always what it seem to
be (uh-uh). Words can't express
what you mean to me. Even though
you're gone, we still a team.
Through your family, I'll fulfill
your dream (that's right). In the
future, can't wait to see if
you'll open up the gates for me.
Reminisce some time, the night
they took my friend (uh-huh)
Try to black it out, but it plays
again. When it's real, feelings
hard to conceal. Can't imagine all
the pain I feel give anything to
hear half your breath (half your
breath). I know you still living
your life, after death.
The real Alan Bermbe comes inside through the back door,
tears streaming down his eyes, as people continue singing to
the videotape.
                       EVERYONE (singing)
Every step I take, every move I
make. Every single day, every time
I pray. I'll be missing you.
Thinkin of the day, when you went
away. What a life to take, what a
bond to break. I'll be missing
The tape cuts out, fades to black, as Alan's voice is heard
The final hours of my life were
great. I've been able to help
people I would've never thought
possible. In the end, I will
survive and so shall you.
The screen rises back up, slowly. Father O'Bannon proceeds
to the stage and walks over to Alan's coffin. He speaks


softly, motioning with hand signals of the cross, then opens
up Alan's coffin and gasps.
                       FATHER O'BANNON
What the hell happened to Alan's
body? Who took-
Alan walks on stage, as the crowd gasps, and hits the OFF
button on the VCR.
There's been some sorta mistake
people. I ain't dead, my ass is
still mothafuckin' alive.
                       FATHER O'BANNON (TO THE CROWD)
It's a miracle. By golly, the Lord
works in mysterious ways.
Father, it wasn't a miracle. I've
been in recovery, hiding from the
D-Ballz gang, in fear they might
come after my ass again. But fear
not, cause beginning tomorrow
mornin, my ass is heading to work
and I'm a gonna get those sum
bitches if I have tah kill 'em
all. To think, in just a few more
minutes, y'all would be seeing
that Paris Hilton sex tape.
The crowd of mourners run out of the funeral home. Stacy is
still seated, along with Trish.
Oh, Alan. They said you were dead.
My son, I prayed for your
Nice to see that you're back,
Alan. I thought for sure you were
a goner.


Alan walks off stage, and walks over to their seats. Alan
looks Stacy in the eye, and reaches for her hand, as she
stands up. He embraces her with a hug, then a passionate
kiss. Trish looks up, then quietly leaves the funeral home,
as the two continue their kiss.
Alan walks into the abandoned Burger King, and scans his eye
through a scanning device. A COMPUTER VOICE is heard.
                       COMPUTER VOICE
What up, Alan? Hope yo ass has a
shitty day.
The doors slide open, as Alan walks in. Inside, the members
of the Ghetto Circle: TWIGS, X-CON, STD, BIGGEMS, and
Cheesecake, are watching 106 & PARK.
What's crackalatin, Alan?
Twigs, a skinny, young black male, walks over to Alan, as
well as X-Con, an overweight black male with a beard and a
tattoo of a snake that goes from his right arm, below his
neck, to his left arm and ends up as a plug with sockets at
the end.
How's yo ass doing? Name's
mothafuckin Twigs, how you be? Dis
here is X-Con, the name needn't
any explainin'
Alan slaps Twigs and X-Con up, and heads over to the couch,
where the rest of them are sitting.
Our only female member in the
group, her name is STD. But she'll
explain why we's call her dat
lata. Sittin' next to her we's got
Biggems, the fattest mothafucka
known to man. Weighin' in at 650
pounds, ain't no stoppin dis man,


                       CHEESECAKE (cont'd)
except Jenny Craig.
STD, a young black female with blond highlighted weave,
greets Alan with a gentle kiss on the cheek. Biggems,
wearing a "What Happens In My Stomach, Stays In My Stomach"
T-Shirt, looks at Alan, then slaps him up, and sits back
I'd do more man, but if I'm on my
feet for more than 10 seconds, I
start gettin sweaty and shit.
It's coo'. So y'all gots any news
I can use?
Word on the street is that there's
a new drug dealer in town and
everyone wants 'em. Crack, Wet,
Chronic, you name it, he's got it.
Thing is, it's run by members of
the D-Ballz gang. Our sources tell
us that Raymond is giving
instructions inside the prison
walls to his peoples and from
there, who knows what's going to
What abouts the po-po? What the
fuck they doing bout it?
Alan, you should know as a lawyer,
that the police ain't doing shit.
Every city in America has one drug
house the police never touch. It
don't matter if yo ass is the
Donald Trump of drug dealing, you
pay them off and that's what the
D-Ballz gang has been doing. They
pay to keep the police off their


                       STD (cont'd)
So what does dis mean for me?
Cheesecake gets off the couch, and grabs a file, then walks
over to Alan.
Do you know dis person?
A picture of Stacy, naked, is shown.
Hey, where did you-
                       GHETTO MAN
Sorry, wrong photo. Dis one here.
A picture of Brian Turner is shown.
Dat there is Brian Turner. Used to
work wit his ass.
We know, but we also know the
Mayor fired his ass. He's been the
city contractor for the past 7
years, three years afta yo ass
fired him from your firm. We've
got inside information he's taking
revenge on the Mayor.
What dis inside information? Yall
be sayin you gots dis from here,
dis from there. Who's the source?
Let me take this one CC. Alan,
remember the show CAPTAIN PLANET.
The kids used to have these rings
and to quote the infamous line,
"By our powers combined". We have
rings just like dat, cept our


                       X-CON (cont'd)
powers come from a crystal. A
powerful source that, let's just
say, isn't man made.
The "X-Files" theme is heard in the background, as X-Con is
dressed in a suit and tie. STD is dressed with red weave,
and a white dress shirt, black suit jacket, and a black
skirt with heels.
What X-Con is tryin' to say is dat
we were part of a government group
to analyze extraterrestrial
origins and find out whether or
not aliens truly exist.
Alan backs up a bit.
Y'all serious? Man, if I didn't
know any better, I swear that this
reminds me of "The X-"
X-Con tears off the suit, STD tears off the dress, as they
switch back to their street clothes.
We's fuckin' with ya. The crystal
was actually found in an
archeology dig, think the opening
scene of "Jurassic Park," where
they're digging for dinosaur
bones. The crystal dates back from
what we were told as the A.D. era.
Some believe it may have come from
God, but that we're not sure.
Wait, I read something about this
when I used to live in D.C. An
ancient crystal that was stolen,
some believed it was the
birthstone of Christ.


See, now you taking it to the
religious stance. We took it, yes,
but for it's sole purpose to end
crime and remain faithful to
serving the city for what it's
worth, even our lives.
Cheesecake walks over, grabs Alan's hand, and walks him over
to a bookshelf.
Let's stop talking bout it. Let me
show you the crystal that will
grant you the powers you desire.
Cheesecake pulls LEARN HOW TO BE GHETTO FOR DUMMIES off the
shelf, as the bookcase begins to turn, leading to a
All this new technology shit up
here. The eye scanner, the
bookshelf, y'all moving up in the
Actually, the eye scanner is
really just a laser we attached to
the door. Wanted to make it more
"007" ish.
Alan nods his head, as they walk down the stairs, as the
other members stay on the couch.
Beneath the city of Alderon, the sewers are home to
America's new evil villain, Mr.Booty.
The joke has been on us for years,
Meatball. Brian Turner, the part
time lawyer turned city assistant
and now criminal mastermind. We
have to think of a plan that would


                       MR.BOOTY (cont'd)
strike fear into the hearts of
Meatball, Mr.Booty's assistant, comes in.
What did you have in mind, boss?
                       MR.BOOTY (WITH A SINISTER LAUGH)
What does this city like more of
than any other city in America?
Chocolate! They love chocolate. If
you ever go to Krispie Kreme...
Mr.Booty slaps Meatball in the back of the head.
Weed. Chronic. Marijuana. You get
it yet? In order to beat the
system, you gotta smoke 'em out.
We'll get every drug dealer to buy
our shit and see that in the end,
you don't fuck with the one called
Mr.Booty walks over to a projection screen, and turns it on.
A slide on current drug habits of Alderon residents is
shown, as well as the "Plan."
Over the years, millions have
experimented with mixing
ingredients to make new drugs. For
instance, according to this chart,
Wet, a mix of marijuana with
embalming fluid, is known to cause
hallucinogenic results, causing
permanent schizophrenia if given
the appropriate dosage. Now what
if we were to take this formula
but mix another drug with it?
Crack cocaine.


A smile forms on Meatballs face.
That sounds great boss, but who
are we going to get to make this
new drug and what are we going to
call it?
We'll give out the idea to area
drug labs to see if they're
interested in marketing our drug,
which shall be known as Whack.
Oh boss, what a great-
Stop being a kiss ass. We've got
lives to kill and we have don't
time to waste. In less than two
weeks, the city will be mine and
no one will be there to stand in
my way. This is the rein of Booty
and in the end, we shall overcome.
The two of them race out of the facility and head outside.
A young African-American male, nicknamed SNIPER, in his
mid-20's sporting a "Chronic Is My Life" tattoo on his right
arm, sits outside, awaiting the arrival of ROGAINE, a bald,
muscular Japanese man who's the most powerful drug dealer of
all time.
                       SNIPER (TO HIMSELF)
Come on, mothafucka. Hurry yo ass
A white Cadilac Escalade pulls up to the Drug-In, as Rogaine
steps out.


Word on the street is you've got
some new shit. What is it?
Its the shit, playa. Folks call it
"Whack," but its the shit that if
yo ass wanna get fucked up, you
will get fucked up.
If I wanted commentary, I'd buy
the DVD. Don't be bullshitting me,
I assume you don't know who I am,
do you? Let me say it aloud so you
can hear me. ROGAINE. Learn it.
Sniper looks at Rogaine, and grabs a cigarette out of his
pocket, as Rogaine pulls out a lighter and lights it for
This new drug, let me take a taste
test. If it's good, I'll buy all
your shit in stock and sell it. If
it's not, you might as well kiss
your ass goodbye for wasting my
fucking time.
Lord Obsidion sends his regards.
He's inspected every bit of this
drug and gave it da clear tah go.
Whack isn't some bullshit drug,
it's da shit that'll get yo ass
Sniper pulls out a dime bag, and gives it to Rogaine, who
pulls out a rolling paper and pours the contents onto the
paper. He seals it up by licking the sides to make it
Let's do this.


Rogaine lights the blunt up, as Sniper throws his cigarette
away. After a few puffs, Rogaine passes the blunt to Sniper,
who inhales a few puffs, and gives it back to Rogaine, and
the process continues.
Yo ass was right. This is good
shit. Who's the guy making this
shit? Whoever he is, he's a fuckin
Sniper takes a puff of the blunt.
Some fellas in Boston is makin'
the shit with funding from by Lord
Obsidion. Seems he was quite happy
with the results of our new drug
so he's putting his money into the
pot to help put the area dealers
outta business. Brian Booty is the
salesman for the job, getting the
shit out there.
You tell this Booty character I
want to schedule a meeting with
him. See what else he's got that
could get me the sales I deserve
and the respect he wants. Think of
it as a tag team.
Rogaine takes the blunt, inhales the last remaining bits,
and tosses the blunt into the street, as he waves goodbye to
Sniper and hops into his Escalade and rides off.
Meatball walks back to the Underground Facility,where an
irate Mr.Booty sits.


Meatball, how the hell are we
supposed to listen to a drug
kingpin by the name of Rogaine?
How the fuck are we going to even
operate our plan with this asshole
in the mix?
That asshole is the reason why
Alderon has become part of a
multi-million establishment for
the shipment of drugs. We get high
grade marijuana shipped from
Mexico and is transported to
Boston in teddy bears. Cocaine is
imported from Cuba, and is
transported in action figures.
So this Rogaine character has the
U.S. Customs believe he's working
for a legitimate toy company? Now
that's some funny shit.
Well since 9/11, he's had to
change the way he imports his
drugs. By setting up a legitimate
toy company, he's been able to
smuggle millions of pounds of
marijuana and cocaine without U.S.
Customs even knowing about it.
I was told by a source he wants to
partner with us to get his drugs
into the streets. A drug that will
forever change Alderon residents
With this new drug, we'll finally
control the city and take over
this city faster than a hooker
giving head to a john.


A smile forms on Mr.Booty's face, almost sinister.
And the best part is, no one can
stop us.
A sinister laugh comes out of the mouth of Mr.Booty, who
walks out of the room. Meatball follows him.
Alan sits in a car, along with Cheesecake, who is holding a
pair of binoculars. In stakeout fashion, they are on the
hunt for a prostitute named IRIS.
What the fuck are we even doing
here? Haven't I caused enough
problems at the funeral home?
Chill, Alan. We's on a
mothafuckin' mission to get
information. Word on the street is
someone is trying to take over
this town and we's gotta be on it
like butt'a on bread.
But what is the point? Why is
y'all so uptight about a hooker
named Iris?
Cheesecake looks through the binoculars, as we see a
blonde-haired woman in a pink halter top with a pink
glittery dress in high heels.
That's Iris, right across the
street. That's Rogaine's main
squeeze, 'cept he don't know that
she's not what she says she is.
Well, who the fuck is she?


Iris is a transvestite, a man.
He's been helping Rogaine put his
drugs on the market. The
interesting thing about this
hooker is that she carries around
a boombox with Madonna's LIKE A
PRAYER playing. Listen, you'll see
what I mean.
Iris is dancing on the corner, singing LIKE A PRAYER, as
johns line up.
Y'all got yo mothafuckin' coupons?
It's Buy One, Get One Free night.
That's right. Buy one blow, get
another one on the hissle fo'
Inside the car, Alan looks at Iris, then back at Cheesecake.
So what is it that I have to do?
We're going to give you one
hundred dollars. Your job is to
get all the information you can on
Rogaine and his hideout, any
business partners he's with, or
anything on Rogaine, period. This
is the last training mission,
Alan, before we turn you loose.
You down, cracka?
You damn right, mothafucka.
Cheesecake hands Alan a hundred dollar bill. Alan steps out
of the car, slams the door, and walks over to Iris.
How you doing tonight, sexy?


Uh, fine. Where you wanna do this?
You's a new comer? Get it, comer?
Anyways, I love my newbies. We'll
use my apartment upstairs. Then
I'll show how loose I can get.
Iris grabs Alan's hand, then takes him through the door
behind them. They ride the elevator up.
As they get off the elevator, Iris and Alan walk through a
long hallway until they get to ROOM 69. Iris reaches into
the pockets in her skirt, and grabs the key and opens the
Room 69, don't you just love it?
Come on in, make yourself at home.
Want a Pepsi? I got some semen, I
mean ice, if you'd like.
Uh, sure.
Alan walks in, and sits down on the couch, as Iris walks
into the kitchen and opens up the refrigerator to grab a can
of Pepsi. Iris walks back to the living room and sits down
next to Alan.
You got any coupons today? All day
and all night, it's my annual All
You Can Shoot special. Now I'm
negotiable for prices. One hundred
dollars is my special price for my
special event.
Yeah, uh, what's with that Adam's
apple thing hanging down from your


Alan points to Iris's Adams apple, as Iris reaches for her
I assume you must know I'm a man.
Still waiting on the doctor to
remove my penis, but in the mean
time, you can fuck me in the ass.
Alan reaches into his pocket and hands Iris the hundred
dollar bill.
I'm not a rectum stretcher, at
least not for some man, that is.
What I came here for is for some
information and I was told you can
help me out.
Depends on what you need to know.
I need you to tell me all you know
about this Rogaine kingpin.
Rogaine is the facilitator of the
drugs on the streets. From crack
to Whack, he's the mothafucka to
see. I know he works closely with
some drug kingpin, you'd have to
ask Who Daddy for that
What about his business partner? I
assume he has one.
Newbie on the street, calls
himself Booty. Aside from that, I
don't know what their relationship
is together.


Can you give me the address of
where I can find Rogaine?
Go where everyone else goes. The
Drug-In. It's on the corner of 5th
and 5.
5th and 5? There's no streets that
It's in an alleyway, to keep the
cops off their backs.
Alright, hey, you've been very
helpful Iris. Your secret is safe
with me.
Iris stands up, and stretches, only to pull out a gun on
Did you honestly think I'd let you
just walk away after telling you
what I've just told you?
I thought so. Is it something I
said? I'm sorry, I just don't hit
it from the back for some dude.
Once you hit from the back, I'll
have you coming back.
You're a sick fuck. That's the
problem with you fuckers. That
"Queer Eye For The Straight Guy"
shit goes through the brain and
you think you can do whatever you
want to people. Fuck this! Iris, I
hope you realize you are making a


                       ALAN (cont'd)
big mistake.
Iris pulls the trigger back, pointing it right at Alan.
The only mistake is you coming
here. It's been fun, and now I've
gots to keep it real.
Alan reaches for her gun, pulling it away before she can
fire. He takes the gun and hits Iris in the back of the
head, knocking her out, as blood begins to drip from her
                       ALAN (SCREAMING AT IRIS)
Once I pop yo ass from the back,
be aware I ain't never coming
Alan runs out of the apartment and presses the button for
the elevator. The elevator door opens, as Alan steps in, and
heads down to the first floor, where he races out of the
building and into his car.
Alan, a bit nervous, walks around as the members of the
Ghetto Circle surround him.
Alan, you've successfully
completed your training and in
return we's gonna hook yo ass up.
Now in order for you to fully
understand the powers you shall be
given, let me introduce yo ass to
the mothafuckin' leada' of dis
here shit. The man who hides
behind the shadows and does all
the work sitting on his ass at
home. Give it up for Mr.H.
MR.H, dressed in all black with a black Superman-like cape,
carrying a package, awalks down the stairs and greets Alan.


Thank you for those kind words
Cheesecake. Alan, for years,
you've been the backbone of
Alderon, putting away the
criminals and ensuring that crime
doesn't pay. The D-Ballz, headed
by Raymond Hornman, thought it
would be different to take a page
from some novel and murder you out
in cold blood. We brought you back
thanks to the power of the Light
of Quiver.
And this Light of Quiver does what
for me?
The Light of Quiver is a powerful
crystal we obtained from a
reliable source. Some believed
that if someone evil were to use
it, the powers that are entrusted
in the crystal could end mankind
forever. When it's used for the
good side, we can end crime
forever. At least that's our plan.
For instance, I can shoot
something from a distance and kill
someone, without ever having fired
a gun. Put your hands together
like a gun and bam! You've got a
weapon that is more lethal than a
Dirty Harry movie.
Alan looks at Mr.H, puzzled, then paces back and forth,
pulling a cigarette out, and lighting it up. Mr.H
demonstrates his lesson by putting his hands together like a
gun, then shooting at an apple that lay on a table nearby.
Now that's fuckin' off the chain.


By entrusting in the crystal, it
shall give you powers that you
must learn to use. Aside from
that, you'll need to think of a
catchy name. Something that really
How about Genitial Man? All the
rest are taken.
I was thinking something more of
the lines of Ghetto Man. It shows
that even in the hood, someone
always has your back.
Ghetto Man, I, uh, really like dat
name. It sounds great as it rolls
off yo tongue.
Mr.H opens up the package, consisting of a football jersey
with the number "69" etched on the back and right and left
shoulders, with a Superman-like symbol etched with a "G",
with black leather pants and black Nike sneakers.
The suit is yours to keep, and is
then essential part of protecting
the Ghetto Circle and yourself. If
Clark Kent can be a news reporter,
you can certainly come back as a
lawyer and still protect the city
against the evil that tries to
take over.
I don't get a mask?
Oh shit, that's right. Well I have
it here in my pocket. We took a
black wifebeater, cut it into size
to make you a mask that will


                       MR.H (cont'd)
surely kick ass.
Okay, let's get that Quiver thing
going on here. I'm a bit nervous,
but hey, what the fuck? It's for
the city.
Mr.H walks Alan over to a room, filled with electronic
equipment that holds the Light of Quiver. The big diamond,
being held by numerous lasers, shines brightly. Mr.H takes
two pairs of sunglasses and hands one pair over to Alan.
You'll need these.
Alan puts on the sunglasses, as Mr.H presses a button nearby
that illuminates the diamond and makes it shine even
Below here is a place where you
put your hands through. They're
like handcuffs and the diamond
does the rest. In minutes, you
will be an official member of the
Ghetto Circle.
Before I put my hands in, I just
have one question. Why is that
you're called Mr.H?
Mr.H begins to scratch in his genital region then looks
calmly at Alan.
One must never reveal one's story.
It is a private matter, but a
worthy nickname.
Alan gives Mr.H a smirk, then puts his hands thru the cuffs.
Alan's eyes light up. Streaks of light flow thru the
sunglasses and a warm feeling begins at the tips of his
fingers, as the rays of light crawl from the tips of his


fingers to over his body. A sharp pain sends Alan screaming,
as the crystal's light fades to black, and Alan lays there
on the table motionless.
Everything alright?
Mr.H slaps Alan in the face, then removes Alan's sunglasses.
A stream of blood trickles down Alan's ear, as Alan awakens
and stares at Mr.H.
Man, I saw my life flash before my
eyes and man, I was an asshole. I
remember sucking on my mother's
nipple, then it went to Stacy,
then my mother again, then back to
Stacy, then to the murder, and now
We have a mission Alan, and with
you as Ghetto Man, we can bring
Rogaine and this guy they call
Mr.Booty down and restore the
sanity here in Alderon. Let's make
it happen.
Alan removes his hands from the cuffs and grabs the open
package of his suit, and heads into a room to try his new
suit on.
                       MR.H (SCREAMING TO ALAN)
You go with Cheesecake and we're
going to look into this new
restuarant that just opened up.
It's called Chronic Brothers,
serving Italian and
African-American foods, like ribs
and chitlins.
Alan walks out of the room, wearing the Ghetto Man costume.
Well, is it off the hizzle fo'


It's off the hook. Come on Alan.
Let's go. Mr.H has a date with the
Chronic Brothers, but first, let's
pay tribute to a house party being
hosted by Greg Bunyins. Heard some
info on the 114-
You mean 411.
Nah, 114 it's code for the Ghetto
Circle. Means a cracker is having
a party and we weren't invited.
Well let's go then.
Alan and Cheesecake take off out of the door.
An overweight young teen, GREG BUNYINS, is hosting a party.
Numerous PEOPLE are dancing, as a DJ is spinning music. Greg
pulls out a joint and walks to the center of the room, as
people stop dancing and gather around him.
I'd like to welcome y'all to this
off the hook party. Y'all
contributed to the Give Me Weed
Foundation and I respect y'all for
doin' dis here. As a token of my
appreciation for y'all showin' up,
I gotz a new flava for y'all. The
name says it all, it's called
Greg takes out a fish butane lighter and lights the joint.
It makes a crackling sound, as Greg takes a drag and
inhales. The crowd goes wild, as Greg throws several dime
bags of Whack into the air, people scramble to get a bag.


Too all of you who aren't
fortunate enough to get yo ass a
bag, me and the fellas is having a
Wonka vision: We gonna place
golden tickets inside dime bags.
The winner of the gold tickets
gets a lifetime supply of Whack
and a tour of the facilities, so
if you down, the contest be off
and runnin' bout midnight tonight.
A Mexican midget, LIL' MO, stands in front of Greg, and
looks him in the face.
Holy shit y'all. It's Lil' Mo. I
remember yo ass back in high
school. You still was short.
                       LIL' MO
I ain't here for your comedy tour,
Greg. I want to buy some of your
Whack. If it's some good shit, you
got yourself a customer.
If it's Whack you want, Whack you
will get. Take him out in back
boys, I don't like snitches.
Three black men, resembling bouncers, grab Lil' Mo and take
him outside.
                       LIL' MO (LOUDLY)
That's fucked up, man!
A sound of a door slamming is heard, as Greg walks over to
the DJ booth.
Listen y'all, if you's ready for
Whack, let me here y'all say, Fuck


                       EVERYONE IN CROWD
The front door opens, as a man stands in the shadows. The
crowd is quiet, as Greg looks on nervously.
Man, who in da fuck is you? Some
cracka who's lost? Might be best
to go up the street to Hokeyville
and be with your own peoples.
The man in the shadows steps inside, revealing himself, as
                       GHETTO MAN
Mah name is Ghetto Man punk. Sorry
to crash yo party but it's time to
go. Whack ain't cool, if y'all
knew the side effects.
See, this is what I'm talkin bout,
folks. Someone always tryin to be
black, but if Michael can do it,
this white mothafucka could as
                       GHETTO MAN
Greg, your ass is part of a setup.
You sell dis shit here and you a
part of it.
Part of what?
                       GHETTO MAN
You don't know much about
anything. Rogaine plans on taking
over the streets and with you as
his pawn, you take the heat for
his shit. He also has a partner.
Greg reaches underneath the booth and pulls out a gun.
Pulling the trigger back, he aims it at Ghetto Man.


You don't know shit. You crossed
the line, Mr.Hero and it's time
for you...to go.
Greg fires. The bullet flys through the air and lands in
the chest of Ghetto Man. Ghetto Man flys backwards, and lies
on the ground motionless.
See y'all, don't ever let someone
tell you crime don't pay. Cause it
does. Some wannabe wanksta shows
up, tryin' to throw down our
party, and dis here is what
happens. Dats why your ass dead
now foo', whassup?
Ghetto Man jumps to his feet, as Greg stands there, looking
at Ghetto Man. He tries to fire his gun again but nothing
comes out. Greg looks into the chamber and brings the gun
close to his eye to see if something is jammed.
                       GHETTO MAN
I wouldn't do that if I was you.
Yo ass might get hurt.
Shut yo ass up foo'. I know what
the fuck I'm doin'.
Ghetto Man stands back, and motions his fingers as if he was
pulling a gun. Greg, looking into the chamber, is sent
flying back, as the gun shoots off. On the ground, a bullet
ripped through Greg's right eye, as blood pools out.
                       GHETTO MAN
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, you
said you knew what yo ass was
doin', and you as dead as fuck.
Greg lies there motionless, as the crowd runs out of the
house, in a panic. Ghetto Man grabs his cell phone.


                       GHETTO MAN
Cheesecake, what up? First night
on the job and someone's aleady
dead. Got to excited when I
mentioned Rogaine.
                       CHEESECAKE (O.S.)
Greg was the fallout man. He
wasn't the dealer. That's the way
Rogaine and Mr.Booty set it up.
Make it seem as if he was the man.
He's not even selling the shit.
Open up one of those dime bags and
taste it.
Ghetto Man presses the cell phone against his ear, shoulder
holding it up. He bends down and picks up a dime bag, opens
it up, and sticks his finger inside. He opens his mouth, and
spits the stuff out.
                       GHETTO MAN
Tastes like Oregeno. Some shit my
mother uses on her spaghetti.
                       CHEESECAKE (O.S.)
Exactly. Rogaine's been doing this
shit for years. Now what we need
to do is talk to Who Daddy, a man
you once put away. Tomorrow
morning, I want you to be
yourself, Alan Bermbe, the lawyer.
We have an interview tomorrow at
A.E.M. Correctional Facility. Best
of luck.
                       GHETTO MAN
What does Who Daddy have to do
with Rogaine or Mr.Booty?
                       CHEESECAKE (O.S.)
Who Daddy was the biggest drug
kingpin before Rogaine. He fucked
up on a drug deal between Rogaine
and shot Who Daddy. In turn,
Rogaine stole Who Daddys's assets
and shit, and before you knew it,


                       CHEESECAKE (cont'd)
people turned on Daddy.
                       GHETTO MAN
So by interviewing Who Daddy as
Bermbe, you think he'll tell me
what I need to know about
Rogaine's secret hideaway?
                       CHEESECAKE (O.S.)
It's what we hope. I'll call ya
ass tamarrah to see how the shit
went down. Peace my brotha.
Ghetto Man flips the phone back and hangs up. Police sirens
are heard, as Ghetto Man runs out of the house and escapes
into the darkness.
Alan walks in, suit and tie, with a briefcase in hand. A
black, overweight PRISON GUARD escorts Alan to Cell 2B,
where they are holding WHO DADDY.
                       PRISON GUARD
Who Daddy has been talking about
you since you put him away. Even
created a special section where he
plays imaginary darts by throwing
them at your head.
Uh, yeah. I guess that makes him a
fan, I suppose.
                       PRISON GUARD
Well, here we are, cell 2B. You
have fifteen minutes to get your
ass in and do your interview then
get the fuck out my prison. Is
that clear?
Alan gives him a salute.


Yes, information understood, sir.
The prison guard opens the cell, as Who Daddy, sitting on
his bunk, looks at Alan.
                       WHO DADDY
Well, holy shit. Look what the cat
dragged home. If it isn't Alan
Bermbe, the backstabbing sum
bitchin' lawyer. Thought yo ass
was dead, nigga?
Hello to you too. You'd be
surprised what that Subway diet
can do to yo ass, bring yo ass
back from da mothafuckin' dead.
The prison guard closes the cell door, as Alan sits down on
a toilet seat.
                       WHO DADDY
So, what brings you to my crib?
I'm sure you ain't here for a
family reunion.
What I need from you is some help.
I have a solid case and all I need
is some information. You scratch
my back, I'll scratch yours.
Who Daddy sits up and looks Alan in the eye.
                       WHO DADDY
I don't cut deals with assholes
like you.
Not even for early prison release
for good behavior? I guess I'll
Who Daddy stands up, cuts Alan off.


                       WHO DADDY
You got me interested. What is it
that you need to know?
Word on the street is that Whack
has become a new drug hit. Problem
is we know who's dealing but don't
know exactly where he's at.
                       WHO DADDY
That's Rogaine's new drug. Few the
fellas here tried the shit, passed
out and died right on the floor.
What I was told is dat as soon as
I was taken out, a new drug
kingpin took over. Calls himself
Lord Obsidion.
And who is this Lord Obsidion?
                       WHO DADDY
Well Obsidion has never been seen
and no one knows where he be
stayin' or even who da mothafucka
is. He's got a lotta connections
and will fund money or contribute
to anyone's cause as long as it's
Do you know where Rogaine keeps
the shipment?
                       WHO DADDY
Shit, everyone knows where it's
at. The Drug-In. It's got an
underground facility. Remember the
Bat Cave in the old "Batman"
series. Think of it that way
except for the car and funny suit.


Hey, if your spot proves to be the
place, you're outta here. You got
my word, aight.
                       WHO DADDY
You better not fuck me over, Alan,
or you're ass will be mine.
The prison guard unlocks the cell and Alan walks out. The
prison guard closes the cell again, as Alan walks down the
walkway, whistling.
A young black TEEN is seen locking the doors, as Ghetto Man
hides behind a bush. The black teen walks to his car,
presses a button to open it, then gets inside to drive off.
Ghetto Man looks around, reaches into his pocket for a
cigarette, and walks to the front enterence. Ghetto Man
pulls out a walkie talkie.
                       GHETTO MAN
Cheesecake, can you hear me now?
Yeah, loud and clear.
                       GHETTO MAN
Good. Listen, I'm heading inside
this shit here to see what I can
get. If I need help I'll page yo
Aight, dats coo'. Holla if you
need me, playa and be careful.
Ghetto Man takes a glass cutter and cuts a small hole,
allowing him to reach inside to unlock the door and go


Ghetto Man looks around and notices a counter. He walks over
to it, looks carefully at the cash register, picks it up,
then smashes it on the ground. Hundred dollar bills fly
everywhere, as well as change, as a tiny little key is seen
on the floor.
                       GHETTO MAN (WHISPERING TO HIMSELF)
With all the fuckin' heightened
sercurity, why the hell would they
put a key in a cash register?
He picks up the key and puts it into his pocket. A car
outside pulls up in front of the store and Ghetto Man hides
behind the counter as the TEEN heads inside.
What da fuck!
The Teen rushes to the cash register to see it all smashed,
with money resting on the floor.
                       TEEN (ALOUD TO HIMSELF)
Ah, shit man. Rogaine is gonna be
fuckin pissed when he finds out I
lost the key. Man, I should've
never went to McDonald's for that
Go Active Happy Meal.
The Teen pulls out a cell phone and calls Rogaine.
Rog, what's poppin'?
                       ROGAINE (V.O.)
I told you never to call me. Don't
you realize that the FBI is
probably tapping into this call?
The reason why I called is I lost
the key.


                       ROGAINE (V.O.)
The key? The Escalade?
No, not that key, sir.
                       ROGAINE (V.O.)
The store key? I mean, shit, I
lose that all the time.
No, not that one either. I'm
talking about the other key, the
most important key.
                       ROGAINE (V.O.)
How the fuck did you lose the key?
Let me guess, your fat ass got
hungry, went to McDonald's for
your Go Active Happy Meal with the
itty bitty tossed salad and went
back to the store to find out the
fuckin' key was missing.
Man, you must be psychic man. I
would've never thought someone-
Ghetto Man walks up behind the Teen and knocks him in the
head with a frying pan he found nearby. Ghetto Man picks up
the cell phone.
                       ROGAINE (V.O.)
Hey, yo ass there or what? If you
ain't gonna speak-
                       GHETTO MAN
Rogaine, Rogaine, Rogaine. Did yo
ass think I wouldn't catch on?
                       ROGAINE (V.O.)
Who dat fuck dis?
                       GHETTO MAN
Word on the street has it you and
some queer guy named Booty trying
to run the streets with your Whack


                       GHETTO MAN (cont'd)
                       ROGAINE (V.O.)
I ain't explainin' shit to you.
You probably the mothafuckin'
po-po or somethin'.
                       GHETTO MAN
No, ain't them. Name's Ghetto Man
and I've got your mothafuckin'
key. The key that opens up your
underground drug lab so you can
produce mass quantites.
                       ROGAINE (V.O.)
I need that key Mr.Ghetto Man. If
I don't get my key innocent people
will die. I have a shipment that I
have to send and if that shipment
does not happen, bodies will be
seen on Channel 5.
                       GHETTO MAN
That's what your problem is
Rogaine: can't ever talk to you
cause yo ass always thinkin' bout
drugs. Whack is killing people,
ain't that enough?
                       ROGAINE (V.O.)
I'd love to sit here and chat wit
yo ass but time is killin'. Whack
is a remarkable breakthrough in
the drug market and I'm proud to
say I've put drug dealers, some of
them veterns who've put in 30 plus
years in, out of business. Whack
will forever be available and
there ain't shit you can do about
it. Meet me at the Alderon City
Fair next week with my key. You
have 7 days. No key, people die.
A sound of a click is heard, as Rogaine hangs up. Ghetto Man
drops the cell phone and heads out of the store.


The members of the Ghetto Circle are sitting around and
watching television. Alan comes through the door as
Cheesecake stands up.
What's poppin', Cheese?
Well, your hot ass news reporter
called your apartment earlier.
Wants to know what's up, maybe go
on a date.
You talkin' bout Stacy?
No, Jennifer Lopez, you dumb ass.
Says she heard about your recovery
and wants to chat.
Alan walks over to the kitchen, opens up the refrigerator,
and grabs a 2-liter bottle of Pepsi Vanilla out of the
You think I should talk to her?
You know, holla at her one time?
It's up to you, Mack Daddy, but if
you do, don't reveal yo self as
Ghetto Man. She'd have that shit
on Channel 5.
Oh, I know. I'll just see what she
wants and maybe find out where
this Rogaine guy actually lives.
101 Toyler Road.


Alan takes the 2-liter, guzzles a few sips, then puts the
bottle back in the fridge and closes the door.
Aight, I'm gone.
Alan rushes out the door and closes it behind him.
Alan pulls up in his car and steps out. A raised ranch home
is seen displayed with the numbers: 101. Alan pulls out a
cigarette and lights it up, then walks to the front door and
Come on, I know yo ass is fuckin'
Alan knocks again, this time Stacy opens up the door. Sleepy
eyed, she gasps when she sees Alan.
Holy shit! Alan, do you know what
time it is?
Stacy looks at her watch, as Alan looks forward.
It's 3AM. What the hell are you
doing here?
A friend of mine, uh, said you
called. I suppose I could just
leave and-
No, no. Come inside. We have a lot
of catching up to do.
Alan steps inside, as the door is closed behind him.


Stacy turns on the lights and takes Alan into her living
room. Alan notices several awards displayed on her wall, as
well as toys all over the floor in the living room.
Kinda messy, don't you think?
My nieces and nephews were over,
so I took a few days off and
thought I'd watch them while their
parents went away. Thank God they
were picked up a few hours ago.
So what's new with you?
Alan, ain't nothing much happening
here. I've been worrying a lot
that I'd never be able to see you
again. I was at your funeral,
music started playing, and that's
when you told people it was a
mistake. I saw you die, right in
my arms.
Technically, I'm not supposed to
say anything, but I figured we
have a trust thing between us, so
here it goes: A group, who call
themselves the Ghetto Circle,
revived me and brought me back to
help stop two criminal masterminds
from taking over the city with
their drug rein. These people want
to kill people buy making them buy
these drugs that will make you
look like some cracked out wannabe
version of Cher.


Who are these so-called
Rogaine and a man who uses the
name Mr.Booty as an alias.
I heard of those two names before.
In fact, we were supposed to run a
story on them before our cameraman
was killed. Had his head cut off
and then mailed to the newsroom.
Any chance you might have a copy
of that tape?
Well, the news director has it in
his office. I'd have to ask him if
he can pull it out and air it.
Nah, we'll have to take it from
his office. I need to know what's
on that tape.
Rogaine reveals himself as Gerald
Hornman, the brother of Raymond.
Mr.Booty is actually an old
partner of your's, Brian Turner.
Son of a bitch. Two people are out
to get me. I should've known, but
how could I have? Brian bitched
because it was found out that he
stole thousands of dollars from
the firm and we fired him. I
should've pressed charges against


Listen, it's late. It's not your
fault. They act on impulse like al
Quida. They have an agenda and
they've done well. I'll dub you a
copy of the tape and together
we'll put away them sons of
Thanks Stacy, I'm glad-
Stacy pushes her finger to Alan's lips, as she slowly
loosens her robe. As the robe falls to the ground, Stacy
stands there in her bra and panties. Alan moves towards her,
as Stacy sits h on the couch. Alan drops his pants to
reveal a pair of SpongeBob boxers.
My God, Alan! You have changed!
Alan kisses her gently on her stomach and moves down to her
womanly spot and carefully removes her panties. Alan throws
them to the other side of the room, as they recache back and
hit him in the head.
Did you get one of them new
boomerang panties?
Just for you, Alan.
Alan claps his hands, as the lights go out. As we fade out,
soft moans are heard.
Alan is lying in bed, Stacy beside him, when the sound of an
alarm clock is heard. Alan's eyes open wide as he rushes out
of bed and heads to Stacy's living room to make a call.
Cheesecake, want yo ass to round
up da boys. We heading to News 5
to get a tape that will lead us to


                       ALAN (cont'd)
the whereabouts of Rogaine and
                       CHEESECAKE (V.O.)
Aight' playa, I be there in bout
fifteen minutes. What am I
supposed to dress up as?
A business man concerned about his
community and the crime that has
overtaken it. News media people
always love dat shit.
Cheesecake hangs up, Alan puts the phone back on the hook.
Stacy comes into the living room.
Hey, who were you talking to?
Thought maybe there was black man
in here.
                       ALAN (IN HIS NORMAL VOICE)
A friend of mine is concerned that
without this tape, Rogaine and
Turner will run the streets dry
and there'd be no money left for
him. I assured him that, as a
lawyer, drugs will forever be in
the community. He was pleased.
Well, let me get my shit together
and we'll both head out to News 5.
Now I can get fired for this,
Alan, so I hope it's worth it.
Stacy walks into her bedroom, as Alan sits and waits on the
couch. He pulls out a cigarette and lights it, as Stacy
comes out five minutes later and they head out the door.


Stacy pulls up with Alan, as they drive into the News 5 lot.
Cheesecake and the others are already waiting, just as the
two of them step out of the car.
Stacy, these are a few of my
homeboys. You got the fat
motherfucka, Cheesecake, the
criminal mastermind, X-Con,
disease infected, STD, and
Cheesecake's girl, Biggems.
Stacy waves nervously, as the guys greet her with a hug.
Aight', so how dis shit here gonna
Dis what we have here: Stacy is
going to distract her boss with a
bogus news story on the possible
whereabouts of Rogaine and
Mr.Booty, a.k.a. Brian Turner, an
old partner of mine. Her boss will
then step out of the office. The
tape could be anywhere: in a safe,
in his desk, whatever. You go
inside and I'll sit out here and
puff on a cigarette. Now hurry, we
ain't got all mothafuckin' day.
Stacy walks into her boss, GREG MOULDER's, office. Greg is
an overweight man with tight rolls that wrap around him.
Greg is sitting in his chair, puffing away at a Newport. He
glances at Stacy, who smiles at him.


I was told from a reliable source
that Rogaine and Booty may be
residing in the Alderon Homeless
                       GREGGORY MOULDER
Who is this source that you've
gotten the information from?
Well, to be honest, the only man I
could trust, a homeless man who
says he lives with them. They hide
out there and do some shitty crime
and then all of a sudden, bam!
They're someone else.
                       GREGGORY MOULDER
Well, let me take a ride out there
and see what I can find out before
you go doing a news story about
As Greg gets out of his chair the sound of him farting is
heard. A strong bitter odor travels through the air, as
Stacy holds her nose. Greg picks up a pad of paper and heads
out the door. Stacy reaches into his desk to grab the tape.
As she turns around, she gasps as her boss is standing right
in the doorway.
                       GREGGORY MOULDER
Forgot my pen! I'll be on my way.
Stacy waits for the sound of the front door to close, as she
exits his office and runs outside to the parking lot.
Ghetto Man is sitting near a concrete block, as he sees
Stacy running out, tape in hand.
                       GHETTO MAN
Good work, Stacy! Do you know what
is actually on this tape? This
tape will prove and incriminate


                       GHETTO MAN (cont'd)
them sons of bitches who think
dey' can control this mothafuckin'
Yeah, but that doesn't prove
anything. How are we going to get
the message out? I mean, where
would two criminals be at this
time of the day?
Ghetto Man looks at his Solex, a watch.
                       GHETTO MAN
The Booty Shake.
The what?
                       GHETTO MAN
It's a strip club, topless women
running around in g-strings.
How are you going to go in there?
You can't go in as the infamous
Ghetto Man.
                       GHETTO MAN
I know. I'm going in as a white
business man, spend a few dollars
and when I have the chance, pop in
dat tape, and let Alderon see da'
truth for what it be.
Very original, Alan, a white guy.
So, let's do this, once and for
The both of them hop into Ghetto Man's car, and ride off,
headed to the Booty Shake.


Ghetto Man takes off his mask, and gets into a tie and suit,
revealing himself as his true self, Alan Bermbe. He's
greeted at the door by a brown-haired stripper, KAYLA.
Welcome to the Booty Shake Strip
Club. I'm your dancer, Kayla.
Today's specials are 10 lap dances
for ten dollars, one blow job for
eighty, and one cop a feel for one
hundred dollars.
No thanks! Not interested, just
here to see the show there, Kayla.
Alan walks ahead, and looks at Stacy.
It's going to be the worst day of
my life. I plan on making sure
they not only get humiliated, but
end up being on the most wanted
list and as Ghetto Man, kick their
ass and make sure they never set
foot in this town again.
Stacy is seen walking behind Alan, as he spots the two
criminals. Rogaine and Mr.Booty are sitting close to the
stage, where a STRIPPER is bending over, as Rogaine inserts
a dollar bill in her G-String.
See that stripper over there? I'm
going to go to talk to her and see
if I can get some information out
of her.
The stripper, CARA, walks away from Rogaine, as dollar bills
are seen all around her G-String. She looks at Alan, as he
approaches her.


Can I offer you some pleasurable
fun, mister? We have-
Not interested in some 2 for one
deal. That man you just gave a lap
dance to, did he mention to you
anything about some secret drug he
See, now that's some weird shit,
that he'd ask you too. Says it was
only for women in the heat of
passion. Called it wet, like when
a woman during sexual intercourse
gets aroused and-
Yeah, that's, uh, too much info
right there that I already know
about. Anyways, did he sell you
any of this Wet?
Cara sits down at an open table, as Alan sits right next to
her. She looks around then whispers in his ear.
Sold me a lot of it for less than
what I'd pay a regular drug
dealer. Told me that he's bought
every drug dealer out in this city
and that he's become everyone's
supply man. The scary thing is he
wants to hit the entire U.S. and
control the entire drug market.
Can you imagine a world where you
don't have a drug dealer but a
drug kingpin who undermines and
has more power than the President
of the United States?
Since 1993, Rogaine has been
secretly recruiting members of his
family and friends to help in his


                       ALAN (cont'd)
fight to take over this city.
Remember the murder of Mayor
Bloomington back in '96? That was
orchestrated by Rogaine in a
failed attempt to get into
I remember the event like it was
yesterday. It happened at the
same time I was giving birth to my
first daughter. Didn't realize it
was the same man.
Well, is there any other names he
gave you that you can think of
that might help me put this son of
a bitch away for good?
Well, he mentioned a former
associate who was put away in
jail. He said some guy named
D-Ballz was his front runner until
some lawyer put his ass away and
told me that if someone ever
questioned me about it, it would
probably be the sum bitchin'
Well, you're right. I am that sum
bitchin' lawyer, who was left for
dead because I put justice into
the hands of the jury and they saw
my point of view. I died and
somehow was brought back, only to
find out that evil has conquered
Alderon and I'm the only one that
can stop it. Thanks Cara, you've
been one of the best informants
I've ever had. Here, more reason
to celebrate.


You might want to talk to her over
there. Name's Becca, and she's
slept with Rogaine to get the
inside, uh, truth so to speak.
Alan slides two one hundred dollar bills into her G-string.
He gets up from the table and walks towards Stacy.
I'm going to talk to this Becca
woman and see if she has any
additional information.
Alan walks over to BECCA, a petite stripper with brown-hair
with blonde highlights , and talks with her directly.
Are you Becca? The woman-
You're gonna have to move to the
left side there, hun. Can't see so
good out my right eye.
Why is that?
Rogaine missed my hole. We was
fucking one night and he must've
been hornier than a motherfucker
cause let me tell you, my right
eye was sorer than a bitch. Kept
thinking my head was my pussy and
I let his ass know. Now I'm
permantly blind in my right eye.
Anyways, what is it that you want
to know about Rogaine?
Where does the drug money he makes


Like any other motherfucker, he
puts it into an account but does
it smartly. See, the police are
looking for him so when his social
security number pops up in a bank,
they can bust his ass then and
there by the deposits he makes.
Instead, he sets up bogus account
names, Chuck B. Gone, Chris
Kringle, Martin Stewart, Ben
Dover, or whatever seems to be the
name of the week. The police can't
catch him, period.
Thank you Becca. I'm sure we'll
see, well, I mean we'll-
Don't worry bout it. Hope all goes
Alan waves off to Becca, then walks back over to Stacy, who
seems impatient.
Seems Rogaine offers more than
tips. He gave information that I
wasn't even aware of to that
stripper. Paid her well for the
information she provided.
Don't you think they'll get
suspicious? With you talking to
that stripper, you don't think
she's going to tell them you're
looking for him? You're supposed
to be dead, remember?
Listen, we talk to them, and when
the moment is right, we get dem
sons of bitches. A lot's at stake
but tonight is their last night.
Come on, let's go introduce


                       ALAN (cont'd)
An elderly man, ELMO, dressed in war fatigues and missing
his right hand, approaches Alan.
You that damn lawyer, ain't you?
Well, not that damn lawyer, but
yes, I'm a lawyer.
You're the reason why my life
sucks. Do you know what the hell
war does to you?
You're fighting the war on terror?
'Nam, you son of a bitch. Wait,
did ya hear that?
Elmo looks around, begins to act nervously, as a glass that
has dropped on the ground is heard.
                       ELMO (Shouting)
Yeah, well, uh, you take it easy
there, old timer. Hope the Army is
still providing you with health
care cause your ass needs it.
Elmo runs of the strip club, in commando, as Mr.Booty turns
around in his chair, looking at Alan and Stacy, who are
seated a few rows in front of them.
Well, holy shit, Rogaine, the
infamous Alan Bermbe. I thought
you was dead.


I went out in hiding. I figured if
2Pac can fake his death, why not
me, right? I can make millions off
myself dead.
So, to what do I owe the pleasure
of your company?
Well it's simple. I know of your
plot to control this city. Shit,
you've already killed the mayor.
So what else do you want? As a
friend, Brian, I am asking you to
Mr.Booty laughs aloud, tears streaming down his eyes, as
Rogaine looks up at Alan and smiles.
You see, Mr.Bermbe, we're not
going to stop doing what we do
best. Why should we? With the
welfare system unbalanced and a
town out of control, who are the
people going to look up to?
Certainly not the piss poor mayor.
On top of that, Alan, we're
planning on incorporating a new
breed of chronic. We'll control
people's minds and they'll never
think twice about court systems,
lawyers, or thier government.
We'll be their antidote, the cure
of all cures.
Stacy comes from behind Alan and looks at Mr.Booty.
You motherfuckers are sick. Just
how do you think you'll pull all
of this off?


Mr.Booty stands up and looks Stacy in the eye.
Ms. Moyner, I know you reporters
like to get the first scoop, but
let me be blunt. Who can stop us?
The mayors dead, the drug dealers
are working overtime getting our
new drug out there and soon every
city in America will be under our
control. Think of it as total
domination. We're setting new
standards and no one will be able
to stop us, not even Ghetto Man.
Alan turns around and takes out his Ghetto Man mask.
Are you sure about that?
A gasp comes from Mr.Booty's mouth.
Alan, you're Ghetto Man? But how?
Since when did you become so hip?
Don't worry about that, Brian.
Your agenda is the weakening point
for all Americans. You may as well
call yourselves anti-Americans.
There is no antidote, there is no
cure. The only cure this city
needs is to see you two
mothafuckas gone.
A brown-haired stripper, STEPHANIE, walks by, just as
Rogaine grabs her by the arm and holds a gun up to her head.
Ghetto Man! Help!
Don't come any closer or else this
bitch dies. You wouldn't want that
on your mind now, do you? A lone,
crazed criminal turned killer


                       ROGAINE (cont'd)
shoots an innocent bystander.
Rogaine, let her go. She's not the
solution to your problem. This
girl represents the need of your
sexual desire and does so every
night here at your club by
flashing a boob at a few of the
patrons. Let her go and let's see
you talk that shit to me.
Stephanie grabs her bag, then runs out of the club.
Now bring it, bitch.
Rogaine throws his gun away and runs towards Alan, with a
knife in hand. Alan takes his fist and lands a punch right
in Rogaine's face, sending the knife flying up in the air
and then landing back down, hitting Rogaine in the chest.
You son of a bitch. Rogaine,
Rogaine, get up, you fool.
Blood begins to pool out of Rogaine's chest.
Was...never...much of a fighter.
Take him down, Brian and
Rogaine is dead, lifeless. Mr.Booty looks at Alan, and pulls
out a gun. He grabs Stacy by the arm and pulls her over to
him. He puts the gun to her head, just as the strippers and
patrons run out of the club.
You killed my partner, Alan, now
it's time for your's to die as
Out of the shadows, a shot is heard, but not from Booty's
gun. Alan looks at Mr. Booty, who falls to the ground. A


hole rests in his head, brains scattered everywhere. Stacy
begins to cry, picking the brain matter off of herself.
That was a lucky shot.
Cheesecake emerges from the shadows, as Alan runs over and
gives his friend a hug.
Man, you got his ass good. Point
blank, execution style.
The worst is over, Stacy. At least
these two assholes are gone and
this city can go back to the way
it used to be.
A smile forms on Stacy's face.
I'm just glad it's all over.
Ghetto Man and the Ghetto Circle
saved the day. but I'll tell you
guys this, you're paying to have
these brain bits cleaned off my
shirt here. The shit is just
Well, let's go.
All three walk forward and out of the door.
Alan reaches into his tux and pulls out a blunt. The patrons
from the strip club are outside, cheering them. Alan motions
for the crowd to be quiet and speaks.
Today brings the end of two
criminal masterminds, who, for
some dumb ass reason, thought
they'd control your minds with


                       ALAN (cont'd)
some drug. Ghetto Man is here for
this city and the Ghetto Circle
are here to protect the lives of
each of you. Give us a call when
you are in trouble.
Stephanie emerges from the crowd, tears stream down her eyes
as a smile emerges from her face.
Thanks, Ghetto Man! If it hadn't
been for you, I would've been a
First of all, girl, yo ass need
tah stop cryin'. Second, I
wouldn't want you to go home in a
body bag. As a hero, it's my job
to protect you and the rest of the
fine citizens of Alderon. If the
police can't, at least I will.
Stephanie gives Alan a kiss on the cheek, then runs back
into the crowd. The crowd roars to an applause, as Alan gets
into his car, Stacy following behind. As they get in, Stacy
looks Alan in the eye.
If everyday is a ghetto day, I
want to spend the rest of my life
with you. You're the only one I
want Alan, or should I say, Ghetto
Alan looks at Stacy, who is glowing with excitement over
Alan. A cell phone in Alan's car is ringing, to the tune of
a Ghetto Boyz song. The LCD screen reads: FAT MOTHAFUCKA, in
other words Cheesecake. Alan clicks the GREEN Talk button to
Yo what crackalatin', Cheesecake?


                       CHEESECAKE (V.O.)
Yo dis here shit ain't
mothafuckin' ova. Come find out
dat Brian's father is very pissed
off bout dat shit what happened.
Heard it on da' news. Now he
Who he plottin' Cheese? Have we
meet this mothafucka?
                       CHEESECAKE (V.O.)
He's gone hiding and vowed that he
killed yo ass fo' killing his son.
Now dat the shit has hit the fan,
what we gonna do, Alan?
I don't know, Cheesecake but I
will tell you this. Anytime,
anywhere, any place, Ghetto Man
will be ready. No bullshit playa
hatin' up in here. If he wants to
protect his mothafuckin' son, 'den
so be it. Ghetto Man is 24/7. You
tell dat mothafucka to bring it.
Bring whateva' his ass can bring
cause Ghetto Man only rests on
Alan clicks the RED button to turn the phone off. Stacy
looks at Alan.
Are you sure this is what you want
to do?
If the police can't do their job
who else is going to look after
this city? Ghetto Man has a job to
do and if this mothafucka wants to
play then so be it. I'll be
waitin' fo' his ass, fo' sho'.


Alan starts the car up, turns the radio on, as the song
GOODIES is heard, as we pan out as Alan drives off.
Lord Obsidion sits in a chair surrounded by darkness, as his
wife, HOOCHIE COOCHIE, looks down at him. Obsidion clutches
his fist and pounds the arm of the chair.
                       HOOCHIE COOCHIE
Honey, I know da shit with Brian
and Rogaine fell through,
especially now that they dead, but
get over it and we'll get that sum
bitch Ghetto Man and make his ass
pay for what he did.
                       LORD OBSIDION
That's not how it works babygirl.
Dis the time we take this shit to
the streets. Might not be now,
might not be within the next few
months, or even within the year.
Think of it as a ghetto war, where
rival gang leaders run the streets
and control every aspect of the
government of Alderon. Never befo'
have I had to question my role of
Kingpin, but this Ghetto Man
doesn't help out the business.
Hoochie Coochie reaches for a blunt and hands it to Lord
                       HOOCHIE COOCHIE
Yo ass know that a war would
cripple Alderon, even death for
either yo'self or even me, boo.
Maybe we should stick to a more
modern method and just kill Ghetto
Man. Only den can we be
Lord Obsidion lights the blunt and begins to smoke it,
exhaling a cloud of thick grey smoke.


                       LORD OBSIDION
It's not that simple. Once Brian's
father learns of his son's murder,
he'll want payback. That's when we
take the weakened Bootyfather and
hunt down this mothafucka. It's
non-negotiable, Ghetto Man is
coming home in a fucking box and
I'll be there sipping on a 40,
urinating on his lifeless carcase
and laughing my ass off. Only den
can I be mayor of this great town
and Ghetto Man won't even be there
to stop me.
Lord Obsidion exhales another puff of thick grey smoke, with
a closeup of Lord Obsidion's sinister smile, as we pull
Alan sits on the couch, watching television as the news
reports of the events of the evening. A Hispanic NEWS ANCHOR
is seen on the air, with clips of the Booty Shake Strip club
being shown.
                       NEWS ANCHOR
Two of Alderon's most ruthless
criminals, Brian "Booty" Turner
and his partner, Rogaine, were
found murdered, with a new hero,
Ghetto Man, saving the day. We
have Rebecca Cuntworth standing by
with a live report, Rebecca.
A side-by-side split image of the two appear on screen, as
an attractive brunette stands, as a display is shown
underneath bearing her name: REBECCA CUNTWORTH.
Seems as if trouble is brewing in
Alderon. Local gangs are rioting
in the streets, stabbing innocent
victims. It's panic room here on
Main Street, where residents are
being forced out of their homes.


                       REBECCA (cont'd)
Picket signs are calling for the
death of Ghetto Man and want to
know who the man behind the mask
really is. Is Ghetto Man the
villain in this case or a hero?
Alan shuts the TV off, as Stacy comes into the room and sits
on Alan's lap.
You know what you did out there
and maybe it's time to tell the
Ghetto Circle that you've served
your time. Gangs are rioting
because they're pissed that their
drug supply was shut down. I'd be
shitting bricks too. I say it's
time to end Ghetto Man and be the
lawyer you once were.
I can't just come back to society,
Stacy. I was shot, murdered, left
for dead. In fact, I'm supposed to
be buried. Aside from you and the
Ghetto Circle, ain't no one else
know my ass is still alive and I
have to keep it that way. Protect
myself from any other harm.
Stacy gets off Alan's lap, and reaches for Alan's hands.
Alan stands up and looks at Stacy directly face to face.
I love you, Stacy and in the end,
whether I'm Ghetto Man or Alan, I
will always be there for you, no
A loud explosion rips through Stacy's house, as the two hit
the floor. A cloud of smoke fills the room, as Alan gets up
to see an entire wall knocked down, the outside world in
full view. A car pulls up, as a SHADOW MAN appears at the
blasted wall and lifts Stacy and walks right out.


Bring Stacy back, you son of a
The Shadow Man gives Alan the finger, as the car pulls off.
Blood trickles down Alan's face, which is covered in dust.
Alan gets down on his knees and cries.
Two Overweight men throw Stacy into the office of the Shadow
Man. Stacy, with a few cuts on her face, looks at the
elderly man.
Where the fuck am I and who the
fuck are you?
                       SHADOW MAN
In time you shall know my real
name but for now let's keep it a
secret. You see, I know that
Ghetto Man killed Mr.Booty. I also
know that Mr.Booty is my son.
You're the BootyFather?
                       SHADOW MAN
I like the ring to that. Kinda
seems more "Godfather"-ish, but I
know you are holding onto a secret
that I need to know.
What may that be?
                       SHADOW MAN
I know you know who Ghetto Man is,
as do I. I need you to help me
kill this self-proclaimed hero
who's fucking up our drug supply.
Obsidion is pissed and wants
Ghetto Man, or should I say Alan
Bermbe, dead.


Alan Bermbe is dead, haven't you
read the papers?
                       SHADOW MAN
You see, I do read the papers, but
I also look at pictures and as you
can clearly see, the front page
photo shows the image of Alan
The Shadow Man hands Stacy the newspaper article, which
shows Alan's face, circled.
                       SHADOW MAN
You're either going to help us or
we kill your family, from that
bitch dog to the people you love
the most. If you still don't
cooperate when we're done killing
your loved ones, we'll kill you
and you'll be the news story
everyone wants to see.
We close-up on Stacy's face, as tears stream down her eyes.
                       SHADOW MAN
Good. Glad to see you're adapting
to how we roll.
A sinister smile forms on the Shadow Man's face, as we pull
A black screen. Narrator speaks.
And so, the city of Alderon,
Massachusetts was safe, for now.
Mothafuckas are dancing in the
street, glad that the criminal
masterminds of Brian Booty and
Rogaine are no more and-


The Homeless Man cuts the black screen and he appears
outside the Booty Shake Club, where a crew is cleaning up
the mess.
                       HOMELESS MAN
What the fuck is up, people? Y'all
leaving already? You honestly
think da movie is fuckin' ova? I
don't think so! Where the movie
ends, we begin a new chapter. A
lot of people believe-
A car passes by, the sound of tires SCREECHING are heard, as
the Homeless Man spins around and is face to face with THE
                       THE BOOTYFATHER
I want you to give Ghetto Man a
message there, Homeless Man. I
want you to tell Ghetto Man that
this shit ain't over. Once you
fuck with my family, you fuck with
                       HOMELESS MAN
I'm not sure anyone wants to fuck
you. Yo ass ain't that good
lookin'. You an old cracka,
lookin' like a broke down George
Burns, well, minus the cigar.
A sinister smile forms on the face of the BootyFather.
                       THE BOOTYFATHER
You've got jokes there, homeless
fellow. I like that, it humors me.
You're going to need that, bitch.
I'll be back to this shitty town
and neither you or Ghetto Man will
be there to bear witness the
city's destruction. I will run
this city like a toothless whore
running her john. I will fuck this
town so hard I will need mere
gallons of KY to keep me moist. I
am the one they call The
BootyFather and my revenge will be


                       THE BOOTYFATHER (cont'd)
the head of Ghetto Man on my desk.
The BootyFather rolls his window up, then speeds off down
the street. The Homeless Man looks at the camera.
                       HOMELESS MAN
And so it begins, mothafuckas. Da'
BootyFatha' wanting revenge on our
hero, Ghetto Man. It may be months
or a year, but I knows fo' a fact
that Ghetto Man ain't backin'
down. So see y'all mothafuckas
lata'. And remember, kids, don't
play with guns. If yo ass play
wit' one and it goes off, you one
dead mothafucka.
The Homeless Man opens a pack of cigarettes, then pulls a
cigarette out and lights it.
The BootyFather sits at his office desk, reading the
headlines. An article on "illegal immigration" is seen,
which puts a smile on the face of the head boss. His
bodyguard, MOHAMMAD GOTTA, is seen watching a porn movie of
Osama with an older woman, ticking her vagina with his
Dis some funny shit Father. Osama
had his sex tape leaked and I just
downloaded it off the net here.
                       THE BOOTYFATHER
You stupid motherfucker. Don't you
realize the government has us
tapped since the Patriot Act II
and you're downloading Osama bin
Laden's secret sex tape.
Mohammad gets out of the chair, walks over to the
BootyFather's desk.


It's funny because as he's fucking
her, he's saying "Death To
                       THE BOOTYFATHER
We have other issues to look ahead
of us, Mohammad. Ghetto Man will
soon learn of who I am and in
time, we have to be prepared.
There's a new war we must fight
and we will be victorious. The war
on the streets, with illegals and
the family, we will claim victory
and be holding the head of Ghetto
Man. There is no one that can stop
us now, not one single soul.
And that, sir, is why you don't
fuck with the Booties!
They laugh, in an evil manner, as we pull away from the
desk. End credits.


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