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Town, Town, Town (Short)
by Bob (bobthemob@sbcglobal.net)

Rated: PG-13   Genre: Comedy   User Review: ***
A new screenplay. It has characters and a plot and some dialog.


This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



FADE IN:

INT. GROCERY STORE - DAY
                                                            
The corner grocery store has the old-fashoned town feeling
to it.
                                                            
GORDON, a woman in her mid thirties, pushes an emtpy
shopping cart down the aisles looking to the left and right
at the different items on the shelf.
                                                            
Gordon stops in the middle of the aisle. There is an empty
space between the Pasta and Ravioli.
                                                            
                       GORDON
      (Yelling)
Help!
                                                            
A BALDING MANAGER comes running into the aisle.
                                                            
                       MANAGER
Is there a problem Gordon?
                                                            
                       GORDON
You bet you bottom there's a
problem! Where's the macaroni?
                                                            
                       MANAGER
I'm sorry Gordon, but we sold the
last box this morning.
                                                            
Gordon begins shaking with anger.
                                                            
                       MANAGER (CONT'D)
Now listen Gordon, I can order
some for you if you want to, but
then again, it would take about a
week.
                                                            
                       GORDON
A week!? That's too long!
                                                            
                       MANAGER
Look, I'm sorry that we don't have
any right now--
                                                            
Gorden flips her cart over and into one of the shelves.
                                                            
This starts a dominoe effect on the other shelves.
                                                            

2.

                       MANAGER
You know what, I could tell you
who bought the macaroni.
                                                            
                       GORDON
Who was it!?
                                                            
                       MANAGER
Amos Tucker. She bought it only a
few hours ago.
                                                            
Gordon storms out of the store.
                                                            
 
EXT. STREET - DAY
                                                            
Gordon is storming down the street not paying attention to
the various things she knocks over. A bike, a baby
stroller, an OLD LADY.
                                                            
SARAH, an older man, sits on his porch smoking a pipe.
                                                            
                       SARAH
How's it going Gordon?
                                                            
                       GORDON
Not now Sarah!
                                                            
Gordon storms past his house.
                                                            
 
INT. KITCHEN - DAY
                                                            
AMOS TUCKER, a woman in her late fifties, sits at a card
table playing solitaire.
                                                            
A pot is on the stove boiling macaroni.
                                                            
KNOCKS SOUND ON HER DOOR.
                                                            
Amos groans and makes her way over to the door.
                                                            
She opens the door to see a red-faced Gordon.
                                                            
                       AMOS
Oh, hello Gordon.
                                                            
                       GORDON
Don't "hello" me you rotton piece
of shrimp!
                                                            
Amos backs up surprised by her response.
                                                            

3.

                       AMOS
Gordon, are you okay?
                                                            
Gordon CACKLES INSANELY.
                                                            
                       GORDON
Am I okay, am I okay? Of course
I'm not ok!
You-bought-my-mac-ar-oni!
                                                            
Amos looks over to the stove.
                                                            
                       AMOS
I'm sorry, do you want to share it
with me?
                                                            
                       GORDON
Share!? Everyone in this stupid
town has to share! Why can't they
own anything of thier own!?
                                                            
                       AMOS
Gordon, you can have most of it.
I'm not even really that hungry.
                                                            
                       GORDON
I'm either having it all, or
having it all!
                                                            
Amos sighs.
                                                            
                       AMOS
Fine. I'll have a sandwich.
                                                            
INT. KITCHEN - LATER
                                                            
Amos sits on one side of the table eating a sandwich while
Gordon sits on the other side pigging out on her macaroni.
                                                            
                       AMOS
So, how was your day?
                                                            
                       GORDON
      (Mouth full of
       food)
Terrible!
                                                            
                       AMOS
Why is that?
                                                            
Gordon swallows her food.
                                                            

4.

                       GORDON
Every day is terrible! I hate
this town!
                                                            
                       AMOS
Why do you hate this town Gordon?
                                                            
                       GORDON
It's all messed up! All the men
have female names and all the
women have male names. There are
8 days in a week. Our legal
tender is Crayola Crayons! Do you
think any other town is this
strange?
                                                            
Amos takes a bite of her sandwich.
                                                            
                       GORDON
What, you don't think our town is
strange?
                                                            
Amos shakes her head.
                                                            
                       GORDON
We are a town and we have a
national anthem and it's even
worse that the song is "Oops, I
did it again."
                                                            
                       AMOS
What is so bad about that? We are
unique! There is no other town
like ours.
                                                            
                       GORDON
Well, I'm sick of this town. I've
decided to leave.
                                                            
Amos finishes her sandwich.
                                                            
                       AMOS
I really wouldn't do that.
                                                            
                       GORDON
And just why not?
                                                            
                       AMOS
You're used to the way things are
done here. When you go to other
towns, you'll be shocked at how
different things are.
                                                            

5.

Gordon stands up and walks over to the door.
                                                            
                       GORDON
I've made up my mind. I'm leaving
tommarow.
                                                            
Gordon opens the door, welks out, and slams it shut.
                                                            
 
EXT. MAIN STREET - DAY
                                                            
No car travel down main street. Only people crawling on
their stomaches making car noises. Gordan stands in the
center of main street holding a suitcase. Amos stands next
to her holding a small handbag.
                                                            
                       AMOS
Are you sure you want to do this?
                                                            
                       GORDON
Sure as Sherman.
                                                            
Amos and Gordan walk out of town.
                                                            
There are various shots of them walking through a desert.
                                                            
 
EXT. REST STOP - DAY
                                                            
Amos comes out of the Lady's Room and meets up with Gordan,
who is holding a map.
                                                            
                       GORDON
According to the map, there is a
small town called Bic up ahead one
half of a mile.
                                                            
                       AMOS
Sounds grand! Let us continue!
                                                            
 
EXT. TOWN OF BIC - DAY
                                                            
Gordan and Amos stand in front of a sign that says "Welcome
to Bic! A good ol' town with good 'ol people!" Behind the
sign is an old Western style town. No one is out side.
                                                            
                       AMOS
Maybe it's a ghost town.
                                                            

6.

                       GORDON
It's not a ghost town you smelly
clothes pin! Ghosts aren't
invisible. They look like Casper.
                                                            
Amos and Gordan head for main street.
                                                            
As they approach, they notice a purple line drawn across the
start of main street.
                                                            
                       GORDON
That must be the town limits.
                                                            
Gordan and Amos slowly step across the line.
                                                            
For a few moments, all is silent, until a quit FART breaks
the stillness. Gordan gasps.
                                                            
                       GORDON
      (Whispering)
Did you hear that poot poot?
                                                            
                       AMOS
      (Whispering)
Yes. Yes, I heard that poot poot.
                                                            
                       GORDON
      (Whsipering)
Who do you think did that poot
poot?
                                                            
                       AMOS
      (Whsipering)
Well, it was not I who did the
poot poot and you didn't do the
poot poot either. It was a cute
little poot poot, don't you think?
                                                            
                       GORDON
      (Whispering)
If it wasn't in this situation, I
would think that the poot poot
would be cute, but right now I am
to scared to be thinking about
cute poot poots.
                                                            
A door of a nearby building bursts open and a MAN in a
sparkling red spandex suit comes running out whistling "It's
a Small World After All," really loudly. A tag on his suit
reads "Mayor."
                                                            

7.

The mayor almost runs into Gordan and Amos, skidding to a
halt just in time. There is a long awkward silence as the
mayor continues to whistle the song.
                                                            
                       GORDON
Hi. My name is Gordan.
                                                            
Gordan sticks out her hand for the mayor to shake it, but he
continues to whistle the song.
                                                            
                       AMOS
And my name is Amos.
                                                            
Amos also sticks out her hand, but gets the same results.
                                                            
                       GORDON
We are visitors.
                                                            
At these words, the mayor stops whistling. He looks down at
the two women's hands. He very slowly begin extending his
hand.
                                                            
The mayor quickly touches Gorden's breasts and runs back
into the building whistling "Hooray for Hollywood."
                                                            
Gordan covers her breasts.
                                                            
                       GORDON
How!? HOW DARE HE!?
                                                            
                       AMOS
Well, you know dear, people of
different cultures have different
ways of doing things.
                                                            
                       GORDON
Our towns are 2 and a half miles
away! And he grabbed my booby!
                                                            
All at once, all of the doors of all of the buildings open
and once.
                                                            
                       AMOS
Oh look! They're all going to
come greet us!
                                                            
2-7 people march out of each building. All the men are
wearing sparkling green spandex suits, while all the women
wear sparkling yellow spandex suits. There are no children.
The entire town is whistling "Oh My Darling Clementine" in
unison.
                                                            

8.

                       AMOS
      (CONT'D)
This is just wonderful!
                                                            
The townsfolk all line up in four even horizontal lines
facing Gordan and Amos. The townsfolk continue to march in
place.
                                                            
The mayor sprints our of his building and stands to face the
citizens of Bic.
                                                            
                       MAYOR
Shut up! Shut up all you buggers!
                                                            
The people stop matching and whistling and begin clapping
and chanting "Mayor! Mayor! Mayor!"
                                                            
The mayor taps his head twice and the people stop clapping
and chanting.
                                                            
                       MAYOR
People! These people are new!
They are new HERE! They are from
another place and now they are
here and they will live here
forever!
                                                            
The crowd bursts into cheer. They begin jumping up and down
franticly and giving each other hugs and kisses.
                                                            
Gordan and Amos looks at each other.
                                                            
The mayor takes out a gun and shoots to women in the head.
The crowed cheers even more. The people are absolutely
ecstatic.
                                                            
Gordan and Amos are in shock of the events taking place
before them.
                                                            
The people make a circle around the two dead women still
cheering wildly.
                                                            
                       GORDON
Oh my star beams! Stop! You
don't understand!
                                                            
Two men come out of the crowd with 2 sparkling yellow
spandex suits.
                                                            
As soon as the men hand the suits to the mayor, the entire
town goes silent again. The townsfolk line up again, the
two dead women lay on the ground only in their underwear.
                                                            

9.

                       MAYOR
You put these on. They will fit
nice. They are spandex and they
will fit nice. Put. Put. Put
them on.
                                                            
He throws the suits at Gordan and Amos who are both to
shocked to react.
                                                            
                       MAYOR
Why you not put them on?
                                                            
Amos clears her throat.
                                                            
                       AMOS
Sir, you don't understand! We
don't want to live here. We just
came to visit!
                                                            
Every person in town sits down cross legged. The mayor
remain standing.
                                                            
                       MAYOR
Now you listen to me! Here we
follow laws of poop!
                                                            
The crowd chants "Laws of poop," twice and then is silent.
                                                            
                       AMOS
What are the laws of poop?
                                                            
The mayor points to the purple line.
                                                            
                       MAYOR
Once you cross poopy line, you are
permanent citizen! Forever! Until
you die, or we hate you and kill
when the next citizens come!
                                                            
Gordan and Amos look at each other again.
                                                            
                       MAYOR
If you not put spandex yellow
sparkle on, we will kill you
brain!
                                                            
Gordan and Amos look down at the yellow suits.
                                                            
The crowd all click their tongues simultaneously.
                                                            
With tears in her eyes, Gordan slowly bends over and picks
up the yellow suit.
                                                            

10.

Amos follows suit and they put the yellow suits on.
                                                            
Once Amos zips up the back, the crowd begins burping and
farting at at once.
                                                            
The mayor stands in the middle of the people sniffing
loudly. He sucks in the putrid air and runs over to Gordan
and Amos. He blows the air in their face.
                                                            
                       MAYOR
People of Bic. I give you...
Light Bulb and Legal Pad! The
newest citizens of Bic!
                                                            
Everybody in town, including the mayor begin jumping up and
down without saying a word.
                                                            
 
INT. SALOON - DAY
                                                            
Amos and Gordan both sit strapped to chairs with two giant
machines over their heads.
                                                            
A MAN with long brown hair, glasses, and big mole under his
eye sits at a computer in his green spandex suit and a white
lab coat.
                                                            
                       MAN
In a moment, everything will be
fine.
                                                            
The man presses a button on the computer and the machines
begin humming.
                                                            
                       MAN
Spoon! Spindle! Get in here!
                                                            
SPOON, wearing dark sunglasses and sporting a broken jaw,
and SPINDLE, a young man with black hair, come into the
room.
                                                            
                       MAN
Press the bacon buttons. Why you
always forget?
                                                            
Spoon and Spindle each press a button on the machines with a
picture of bacon on it.
                                                            
A green yellow beam shoots into Gordan and Amos's heads.
                                                            
                                         FDAE TO BLACK
                                                            
 

11.

INT. BUILDING - DAY
                                                            
Amos and Gordon are laying on the floor of the room with
Spindle, Spoon, and the other man from the saloon. In the
center of the room are 5 television sets playing reruns of
The Munsters, each pointed toward each person.
                                                            
                       MAN
Spindle, speak to Legal Pad and
speak her to not eat so much of
the foods.
                                                            
                       SPINDLE
Hey! Legal Pad! Stop hogging
foods!
                                                            
Gordan, now Legal Pad, lifts up her head and takes a straw
out of her eat that is coming out of the floor.
                                                            
Everyone in the room begin chanting, "Yummy! Yummy!"
                                                            
A small fart noise is heard.
                                                            
Everyone stops and sits up.
                                                            
The all begin quietly clapping and mouthing, "Visitors,"
over and over as we hear the mayor whistling "It's a Small
World After All."
                                                            


FADE OUT.


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From Nick Hanks Date 4/13/2008 ***1/2
Brilliant. It kinda reminded me of an old 60's Beatles movie with all this surrealistic stuff going on and cheap jokes. My points are for originality, creativity, and good format. But let's be honest, this would never be made into a film. You know what though, I get the humor. It's very off-the-wall, "The Kids In The Hall", kind of stuff. Comedy is very hard to write so I have to give you props for the effort. The poot poot is cute bro. P.s. I like the synopsis more than the script, what a smart ass.

From Sylvester Date 12/20/2007 ***1/2
What a bizarre tale! I don't think it should have ended so violently though.

From Ian Dunstan Date 12/12/2007 **1/2
Erm, not sure on this one, it's a very unusual little story. I think the dialogue needs work, Amos's dialogue in particular doesn't work for me. On the other hand I actually enjoyed the Bic towns folk dialogue. Not sure it worked for me over all though, a bit too unusual but thats just my opinion?!

From J.J Date 12/3/2007 ****
4 stars! That was really funny! I don't know what Adrea Miklos is talking about. Who cares why macaroni is important to her. Amos is a nice old woman and wanted to accompany Gordan, and it was EXPLICITLY clear why Gordon wanted to leave. She was tired of the town. Don't listen to him/her, he/she doesn't know what she's talking about. Awesome job.

From Jackson Date 11/30/2007 ****
Wow. That was very strange. Almost like a David Lynch short or something. It was written very well. It was funny too. I don't know if you intended it to be funny, but it was. I think I another script by you. The Funny Guy? What's up with you and Poop? Anyway, I enjoyed it and I think I got the message, intentional or not.

From charlotte Date 11/29/2007 ****
this is cute and funny, I liked the part where Gordon goes to the grocery store and she can't find any macaroni, then she goes to Amos house and falls out with him/her.

From Andrea Miklos Date 11/28/2007 *
I hate to write bad critic, mainly if it's my first one on a site. But I bumped into this script and doing so, I'd like to give my honest opinion. Sorry for that in advance. - I don't think it's a comedy. I didn't laugh or even smiled once. (My 11 year-old did though on the farting stuff.) - I don't understand why Gordon (sometimes written as Gordan) wanted to leave. Why macaroni was so important to her. Why Amos went with her. These all the things you have to explain in a story. - At the end, I also didn't get the eating part: why was it so important? - The describing parts were quite ok despite of all the mistakes in the story and despite of some grammar mistakes I recognized. The dialogs were also quite real - these are the things that you can rely upon when writing the next one.


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