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Penance
by Tim Delaney (hollywood_td@yahoo.com)

Rated: R   Genre: Comedy   User Review:
NOT YET
RATED

Logline: "No one is exempt from having to pay for their sins....not even the police!" This is a black comedy about two throwback cops who had been thrown off of the force a year prior to the start of the story. They are trying to solve a serial murder case, thinking that if they solve it, they will get their jobs back. After harassing, assaulting, and abusing the residents of a tenement building, they get their just rewards.


This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



PENANCE

FADE IN:

EXT. ALLEY BEHIND THE SANDSTONE APARTMENTS - DAY
                                                            
The setting is an apartment building on a windy fall night.
MONDE & VILDE are standing outside the SANDSTONE APARTMENTS
in the back alley. The two men are wearing overcoats &
fedora's. Both men are in their late 40's, stand about
5'7"-5'9", and they have an odd sheen to their faces. In
fact, one might even say they look plastic. The two men are
rummaging through the garbage dumpsters as well as moving
the dumpsters away from the building to get a look behind
them. As MONDE moves a dumpster away from the building, a
black and white bobtail cat jumps out at him.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Aaah SHIT! You little bastard
                                                            
MONDE tries to kick the cat and misses badly.
                                                            
 
EXT. ALLEY BEHIND THE SANDSTONE APARTMENTS - DAY
                                                            
As the two men continue their search, the faces of BILLY RAY
SAPP and PETEY JOE-BOB SAPP appear in separate windows,
looking out at the two men. The windows are located on the
bottom floor. BILLY RAY SAPP is yelling and gesturing to
PETEY JOE-BOB.
                                                            
 
EXT. ALLEY BEHIND THE SANDSTONE APARTMENTS - DAY
                                                            
MONDE & VILDE continue to search for something. VILDE makes
his way over to another dumpster and looks in. He begins to
rummage through the dumpster. He pulls himself up and leans
into the dumpster.
                                                            
 
INT. DUMPSTER, BEHIND THE SANDSTONE APARTMENTS - DAY
                                                            
VILDE continues to rummage through the debris. He finds
something that interests him. He leans in further to reach
for it. We see a newspaper. The headline of the newpaper
reads: "Sunnyside Slayer Claims 11th Victim!" The paper has
blood smeared on it. VILDE pulls the paper out of the
dumpster.
                                                            
                       VILDE
Monde over here!
                                                            

2.

MONDE makes his way over to VILDE. The two men look the
story over and MONDE touches the blood.
                                                            
 
EXT. ALLEY BEHIND THE SANDSTONE APARTMENTS - DAY
                                                            
BILLY RAY SAPP ENTERS. A balding man with a keg for a
belly, he is wearing slippers, t-shirt with countless food
stains, an old manky pair of boxers, and a bathrobe that has
acquired a certain life of it's own. He is eating a bowl
of cereal. He catches the men off guard as he is behind
them.
                                                            
                       SAPP
Can I help you gentlemen?
                                                            
MONDE & VILDE are quite startled. They draw their guns,
MONDES' is a handgun, VILDE'S is a shotgun.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Freeze creep!
                                                            
                       VILDE
Move and we'll turn your head into
cottage cheese.
                                                            
                       SAPP
Holy fucking shit!
                                                            
(A LONG PAUSE AS EVERYONE ASSESSES THE SITUATION.)
                                                            
                       MONDE
Who are you?
                                                            
                       VILDE
What the hell you doing here?
                                                            
                       SAPP
Aahh, my name is Sapp. Billy Ray
Sapp. I'm the manager here.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Sapp you say?
                                                            
                       VILDE
Did you say Sapp?
                                                            
                       SAPP
Yes! Billy Ray Sapp!
                                                            
                       MONDE
You the manager of this dump?
                                                            

3.

                       SAPP
Yes I am.
                                                            
                       VILDE
      (referring to the
       newspaper)
Can you explain this Sapp?
                                                            
                       SAPP
Excuse me?
                                                            
                       MONDE
Can you explain what the hell is
going on around here Sapp!
                                                            
                       SAPP
Ahhh...not sure what yer talkin'
bout fellas?
                                                            
                       MONDE
Don't play stupid with us Sapp.
                                                            
                       VILDE
We don't like playing stupid Sapp.
                                                            
                       SAPP
Uhh...I ain't playin' nuthin'.
                                                            
                       MONDE
We come out here to have a quick
look around.
                                                            
                       VILDE
We find a newspaper in your
dumpster with blood on it.
                                                            
                       SAPP
I don't know what you're talking
about.
                                                            
                       MONDE
The paper, the paper, the paper
Sapp!
                                                            
                       VILDE
The blood on the paper Sapp!
                                                            
                       SAPP
I'm a tellin ya, I don't know what
yer talking about.
                                                            
At this, an 8 year old boy, PETEY JOE BOB, enters the arena.
                                                            

4.

                       PETEY JOE BOB
What's going on Pa?
                                                            
                       VILDE
      (Points gun at
       Petey Joe Bob.)
Freeze shit stain!
                                                            
                       PETEY JOE BOB
Holy fucking shit!
                                                            
Long Pause. Then, Monde takes Vilde to the side.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Hey Vilde!! Get a grip. What the
hell do you think you're doing?
                                                            
                       VILDE
Back off Monde, the kid's mine!
                                                            
                       MONDE
That's not what I'm talking about
goddammit. I make the first move.
                                                            
                       VILDE
Well if you're not gonna jump on
it, then I've gotta do it.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Just take your position and do
what you're supposed to do.
                                                            
Monde and Vilde hold on each other, then resume their
positions.
                                                            
                       SAPP
Excuse me...ahhh officers...what's
going on here?
                                                            
                       MONDE
We're looking for a freak Sapp.
                                                            
                       VILDE
A freak that kills other freaks
Sapp.
                                                            
                       SAPP
So what does that have to do with
me?
                                                            
                       MONDE
There's been alot of killings in
your neighborhood Sapp.
                                                            

5.

                       VILDE
Thought we might come down and see
what kind of evidence we may find
here.
                                                            
                       MONDE
We're checking around and we see
some things.
                                                            
                       VILDE
Makes us think that maybe
somethin' out of the ordinary is
happening here.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Now, once again...what's with the
bloody paper Sapp?
                                                            
                       VILDE
Tell us now, we go light on ya.
                                                            
                       SAPP
I don't know what to tell ya,
cause yer diggin through a bunch
of people's garbage. Hell, I've
found all kinds of wonderful
things in those dumpsters. Me and
the boy here come out everyday and
we dig through this stuff. You
know what they say, "One man's
garbage is another mans...uhh, pot
of gold", or something like that.
                                                            
They look around and decide that everything is in order.
They hold for a moment, then begin to put their guns away.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Our mistake Sapp.
                                                            
                       VILDE
Honest mistake Sapp.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Thought you may have been the
Sunnyside Slayer Sapp.
                                                            
                       VILDE
Better safe than sorry Sapp.
                                                            

6.

                       PETEY JOE BOB
Hey you know what? You guys look
like those two cops we seen on
t.v. last year beatin' the hell
outta that coon. Don't they pa?
                                                            
                       SAPP
You know Petey Joe Bob, I think
you're right. You two the boys
that beat that nigger boy like a
piņata?
                                                            
                       MONDE
We'd rather not talk about that
Sapp.
                                                            
                       VILDE
Just trying to defend ourselves
Sapp.
                                                            
                       SAPP
Hey, you don't have to tell me.
Well I'll be a donkey's dick on
gay pride day. You boys thought I
was that Sunnyside slayer? Ain't
that somethin' boy? These two
thought I been out killin' folks.
If that ain't the damndest thing.
Hey Petey Joe Bob, why don't you
go grab that video camera and get
some movies of me and these here
officers. Hell, maybe I'll get us
on that show America's home
videos.
                                                            
                       PETEY JOE BOB
Hey pa, if you win first prize,
can I get me another cat?
                                                            
                       SAPP
Why the hell not, we'll get you
another pet boy. An we'll have
ourselves a big ol' celebration.
How does that sound Junior?
                                                            
                       PETEY JOE BOB
That sounds good pa.
                                                            
                       SAPP
Now quit with the goddam yappin'
and fetch that video camera thing
before I open up a can'a
whoop-ass.
                                                            

7.

                       PETEY JOE BOB
Yes sir.
                                                            
Petey Joe Bob exits. It is getting dark now and it is
starting to rain.
                                                            
                       SAPP
Where the hell are my manners? You
boys wanna come in to my place and
take a load off?
                                                            
                       MONDE
We don't have time for that Sapp.
                                                            
                       VILDE
Gotta find a killer Sapp.
                                                            
                       SAPP
Well you two are damn good. I bet
you'll have your man in no time.
Now come on in and get out of the
rain.
                                                            
Sapp moves to the window and looks in. Then he bellows:
                                                            
                       SAPP
Hey boy! Get your ass out here
'fore I come in there an' give you
a whollopin' you won't soon
forget.
                                                            
Sapp directs Monde and Vilde to his apartment. They exit.
                                                            
 
INT. SAPP'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
                                                            
The place is a complete mess. Cats are wandering all over
the place and there is cat shit everywhere. There is a blow
up sheep doll standing in the corner. On the bookshelf,
there are a variety of books, magazines, pictures, and one
item that seems very out of place...a shrunken head. Monde
notices the shrunken head and moves towards it.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Tell me somethin' Sapp, you got
any people living here you think
we oughtta have a talk with?
                                                            
                       VILDE
People you might consider to be
freaks.
                                                            

8.

                       SAPP
      (Yelling down the
       hall)
Don't take me there boy!!!
                                                            
                       PETEY JOE BOB
Comin' pa.
                                                            
Petey enters and starts filming the group of men. Monde is
looking intently at the shrunken head. He keeps looking at
it as if it is someone he recognizes.
                                                            
                       SAPP
Now let's see...freaks huh? Hmmm!
Well, fellas, I'll tell ya we do
got us a nigger livin' up on the
second floor
                                                            
                       PETEY JOE BOB
And the niggers' name is Rupert
Doink.
                                                            
                       SAPP
Boy...how many times I gotta tell
ya to watch yer mouth.
                                                            
Sapp hits Petey.
                                                            
                       PETEY JOE BOB
Sorry pa.
                                                            
                       SAPP
Ain't that just the dumbest
fuckin' name you ever heard?
                                                            
                       MONDE
Rupert Doink huh?
                                                            
                       SAPP
Yeah, room 220. Hey boy, get a
shot of me and the boys here.
                                                            
                       MONDE
We don't like cameras' Sapp.
                                                            
                       VILDE
Don't like our pictures taken.
                                                            
                       SAPP
Hey, you don't have to hit me over
the head with a ton'a turds. I
understand.
                                                            

9.

Petey continues to film all three men.
                                                            
                       SAPP
HEY BOY!! Didn't ya just hear what
the officer here just said?
                                                            
He hits Petey again.
                                                            
                       SAPP
Kid's dumber'n a clown ridin' a
coyote.
                                                            
                       PETEY JOE BOB
Sorry pa.
                                                            
                       SAPP
Now go get yer ass in bed...it's
gettin late.
                                                            
                       PETEY JOE BOB
Good night pa.
                                                            
(PETEY LOOKS OVER AT THE SHEEP DOLL)
                                                            
                       PETEY JOE BOB
C'mere Sassy...c'mon girl. (Beat)
C'mon girl.
                                                            
                       SAPP
Go on to bed boy. Sassy'll be
sleeping with daddy tonight, won't
ya sugar?
                                                            
                       MONDE
Doink...room 220! Thanks for your
help Sapp.
                                                            
                       VILDE
We'll just go up and have a talk
with this Doink Sapp.
                                                            
Monde and Vilde start to leave.
                                                            
                       SAPP
Just glad I could help boys. Ya'll
have a goodnight now.
                                                            
                       MONDE
By the way Sapp...what's with the
shrunken head?
                                                            

10.

                       SAPP
Oh that? Well that's just a
little trophy someone gave me
years ago. It has a special
meaning. It reminds me of someone
I used to know. Ya know what I
mean?
                                                            
                       MONDE
No Sapp I don't. Well, thanks
for your help Sapp.
                                                            
Monde & Vilde leave. Sapp goes to his recliner and order is
restored.
                                                            
 
INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT
                                                            
                       MONDE
I feel it Vilde. I think we're
getting close.
                                                            
                       VILDE
I'm with ya Monde.
                                                            
                       MONDE
If this Doink character turns out
to be our man, we get our jobs
back.
                                                            
                       VILDE
Let's go get us a murderer.
                                                            
 
INT. DOINKS' APARTMENT - NIGHT
                                                            
The set is a very modest family room. There is a couch,
love seat, coffee table, couple of end tables, recliner,
bookcase, and miscellaneous artifacts including a couple of
shrunken heads. Seated in the recliner is RUPERT DOINK, a
black man in his late 30's. The doorbell rings. Rupert is
surprised as it is 11:00.

Rupert crosses to the door.
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Wonder who that could be at this
hour.
                                                            
 

11.

INT. HALLWAY IN FRONTOF THE DOINKS APARTMENT - NIGHT
                                                            
Rupert opens the door as far as the chain lock permits. One
of the two men slips his foot in to block the door open.
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Can I help you?
                                                            
                       MONDE
Your name Doink?
                                                            
                       VILDE
Rupert Doink?
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Yes it is.
                                                            
The two men slip their badges in through the opening.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Doink, I'm Inspector Monde...
                                                            
                       VILDE
And I'm Inspector Vilde. Tell me
something Doink, do you reside at
1531 Sunnyside Lane, apartment
220?
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Well...gee! Ahh yeah!
                                                            
                       MONDE
Hey! Don't be a wise guy Doink!
                                                            
                       VILDE
He doesn't like wise guys Doink.
                                                            
                       MONDE
And quite frankly, neither does
he.
                                                            
                       VILDE
That's right Doink! Neither do I!
                                                            
                       RUPERT
I'm sorry. I just figured that
since I told you my name is Rupert
Doink and that you were standing
in front of my apartment, that it
would be fairly obvious that this
is 1531 Sunnyside Lane apartment
220.
                                                            

12.

                       MONDE
Obvious, huh Doink?
                                                            
                       VILDE
Let me tell ya something Doink, in
our world nothing is obvious.
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Well, stupid me. (Beat) See here?
Number 220. (No response) I'm
sorry. Really. (Pause) Look, is
there something I can do for you?
                                                            
                       MONDE
Yes there is Doink.
                                                            
                       VILDE
You could ask us in Doink.
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Oh I'm sorry. Where are my
manners. Won't you please come in?
                                                            
He tries to close the door to remove the chain, but Vildes'
foot is still wedged in there. Rupert looks at Vildes'
foot, then at Vilde. Vilde slides his foot back very
slowly.
                                                            
                       MONDE
'bout time Doink.
                                                            
                       VILDE
Haven't got all night!
                                                            
 
INT. DOINKS' APARTMENT - NIGHT
                                                            
Monde and Vilde enter and immediately and start scoping the
place out.
                                                            
                       RUPERT
      (Under his breath)
Goddam fascists.
                                                            
                       MONDE
      (Turning on Rupert)
You say something Doink?
                                                            
                       VILDE
Sounded like you said somethin'.
                                                            
                       RUPERT
No! I didn't say anything.
                                                            

13.

                       MONDE
You have something you would like
to tell us Doink?
                                                            
                       VILDE
You best just come right out with
it.
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Excuse me...I'm a little confused
here.
                                                            
                       MONDE
You're confused, huh Doink?
                                                            
                       VILDE
That the case, Rupert?
                                                            
                       MONDE
Kinda name is Rupert, Doink?
                                                            
                       VILDE
Dumb name if you ask me.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Me too. What is that...one of
them family names?
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Yes it is. My mothers' fathers
name.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Oh? Where is he now?
                                                            
                       VILDE
Can we talk to him?
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Who?
                                                            
                       MONDE
Don't play games with us Doink.
You know damn well who!
                                                            
                       VILDE
This...mothers'... fathers guy.
Where is he Doink?
                                                            
                       MONDE
We'd like to talk to him.
                                                            

14.

                       VILDE
Couple'a questions we'd like to
ask this guy.
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Well, I'm sorry but he's been dead
about 8 years. What does this--
                                                            
                       MONDE
Night of his death Doink, where
were you?
                                                            
                       VILDE
Where were you the night of his
death Doink?
                                                            
                       RUPERT
What?
                                                            
                       MONDE
What, do we need to spell it out
for you?
                                                            
                       VILDE
      (Approaching Doink)
Night of his death...where the
hell were you?
                                                            
                       RUPERT
I was away on a trip.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Away on a trip.
                                                            
                       VILDE
Likely story Doink.
                                                            
                       MONDE
What kinda trip Doink?
                                                            
                       RUPERT
What do you mean?
                                                            
                       VILDE
Quit trying to evade the question
Doink. Business or pleasure?
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Geez. Ahh...business I guess.
                                                            
                       MONDE
You guess?
                                                            

15.

                       VILDE
You're not sure, Doink?
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Look, it was a business trip,
okay?
                                                            
                       MONDE
Sure it was Doink.
                                                            
                       VILDE
You got someone who can support
that story, Doink?
                                                            
                       RUPERT
      (After a pause)
Are you guys for real?
                                                            
                       MONDE
As real as curdled milk Doink!
                                                            
                       VILDE
As real as a morning hard-on
Doink!
                                                            
                       MONDE
As real as hemorrhoids on a truck
driver Doink!
                                                            
                       VILDE
As real as a carbuncle on a
teenagers butt Doink!
                                                            
                       MONDE
As real as--
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Okay, okay...you guys are for
real. I just don't understand
what you're doing here, and why
you are inquiring about my
grandfathers death.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Just trying to get an idea where
you're coming from Doink.
                                                            
                       VILDE
Or going to. Now, answer the damn
question.
                                                            

16.

                       RUPERT
Jesus! I was away on a business
trip in South Africa, okay?
                                                            
                       MONDE
      (After a long
       pause)
Kinda business you into Doink?
                                                            
                       VILDE
Kinda business you into that takes
you down to South Africa Doink?
                                                            
                       VILDE
I'm in the import business.
                                                            
Monde and Vilde look at each other.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Imports huh Doink?
                                                            
                       VILDE
What exactly is it that you import
Doink?
                                                            
                       MONDE
Drugs Doink? Hookers Doink?
Illegal aliens Doink?
                                                            
                       VILDE
      (Shaking his head)
Doink Doink Doink Doink Doink!!
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Oh for Crissakes...I import
African artifacts. Listen, why
are you guys here? Surely you must
be here for some particular reason
that has something to do with---
something, other than my
grandfathers' death. I mean, that
happened over eight years ago.
                                                            
                       MONDE
You got somethin' to hide Doink?
                                                            
                       VILDE
You divulge it now, we'll go light
on ya.
                                                            
                       RUPERT
No! I have nothing to hide!
                                                            

17.

                       MONDE
So that means you have something
to divulge then.
                                                            
                       RUPERT
No! I do not! I have nothing to
divulge.
                                                            
                       VILDE
Then you do have something to
hide.
                                                            
                       RUPERT
No. Look, I just want to know why
you guys are here.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Do we make you nervous Doink?
                                                            
                       VILDE
You got somethin' to be nervous
about Doink?
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Yes...No....yes....I mean.....
                                                            
                       MONDE
I don't like what I'm hearing here
Doink.
                                                            
                       VILDE
Not one bit Doink!
                                                            
Monde moves over to where Vilde is standing and grabs the
notepad out of Vilde's hand, and looks over he notes.
                                                            
                       MONDE
First you tell us you have nothing
to hide---
                                                            
                       VILDE
Then you tell us you have nothing
to divulge-
                                                            
                       MONDE
You trying to confuse us Doink?
                                                            
                       VILDE
We don't like to be confused
Doink!
                                                            

18.

                       RUPERT
No! Look, I'm not trying to
confuse you. All I was saying
was that I haven't done anything
illegal. Therefore, I have
nothing to hide. And since I
haven't done anything llegal, I
have nothing to divulge either. I
was just trying to get an
understanding of what prompted you
to come into my house at eleven
o'clock at night, and interrogate
me about a matter that happened
over eight years ago.
                                                            
                       VILDE
      (After long pause)
So you've done nothing illegal huh
Doink?
                                                            
                       MONDE
What about immoral Doink?
                                                            
                       VILDE
You look like the kind of shit
eating choatball who thrives on
immorality Doink!
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Jesus!
                                                            
On this they lunge at him, grab him, and slam him up against
the wall. Monde pulls out a set of handcuffs and slaps them
on Ruperts wrists.
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Owww!!
                                                            
                       MONDE
That's what we're talkin' about
Doink!
                                                            
                       VILDE
Using the good Lord's name in
vain...
                                                            
                       MONDE
You immoral bastard Doink!
                                                            
                       VILDE
Yep, we knew it Doink.
                                                            

19.

                       MONDE
Could smell it on ya Doink.
                                                            
                       VILDE
Your immorality is stinkin' up the
room Doink.
                                                            
                       MONDE
It's stinkin' up the city!
                                                            
                       VILDE
It's making me stink Doink!
                                                            
                       MONDE
And he doesn't like stink Doink.
                                                            
                       VILDE
That's right Doink. And quite
frankly, neither does he.
                                                            
They throw Rupert down into a chair.
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Okay that's it. I've had about
enough of this bullshit. Either
you tell me what you're doing
here, or you can direct all future
questions at my lawyer.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Gotta lawyer do ya Doink?
                                                            
                       VILDE
Get a lotta use out of him don't
ya Doink?
                                                            
                       RUPERT
You could say that as I happen to
be married to my lawyer.
                                                            
                       MONDE
      (After a short
       pause)
So you're one of them too, huh
Doink?
                                                            
                       VILDE
You...sick...bastard...Doink!
                                                            
                       MONDE
One of them gay boys, huh Doink?
                                                            

20.

                       VILDE

You...sick...immoral...bastard...Doink.
                                                            
                       MONDE
We can't help you Doink.
                                                            
                       VILDE
You're rottin' in hell pal.
                                                            
                       MONDE
And you know what Doink?
                                                            
                       VILDE
We don't give a hot damn Doink!
                                                            
                       MONDE
Know why Doink?
                                                            
                       VILDE
Wanna know why?
                                                            
                       MONDE
We don't like you Doink.
                                                            
                       VILDE
Not one bit Doink!
                                                            
                       MONDE
In fact, if it weren't for these
badges, we'd cut your nards off
and feed 'em to your cat.
                                                            
                       VILDE
You gotta cat Doink?
                                                            
                       RUPERT
No.
                                                            
                       MONDE
You're damn lucky Doink.
                                                            
                       VILDE
Damn lucky.
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Look man, what the hell is going
on here? I mean, what did I do
huh? Just what the hell am I
accused of doing?
                                                            

21.

                       MONDE
You ever hear of the Sunnyside
Slayings Doink?
                                                            
                       VILDE
'S been in all of the papers
Doink.
                                                            
                       MONDE
You capable of reading Doink?
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Yes I am very aware of the
Sunnyside slayings. I mean, this
is my neighborhood goddammit. But
what the hell does that have to do
with me?
                                                            
                       MONDE
Let's just say we have reason to
believe that you may be involved
with said slayings.
                                                            
                       VILDE
You reek involvement pal.
                                                            
                       RUPERT
You've gotta be fucking kidding
me.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Hey! Clean up the language Doink.
                                                            
                       VILDE
You kiss your mother with that
mouth Doink?
                                                            
                       RUPERT
No...but yours sure likes it.
                                                            
                       VILDE
Okay....that's it garbage mouth.
                                                            
Vilde again lunges at Rupert. Monde manages to contain him.
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Look! I have nothing to do with
those murders goddammit. Why don't
you go and talk to that psycho
Hack next door? Huh? I mean if
there's anyone around here who is
capable of killing a person it
would have to be that freak. All
the guy talks about is those
            (MORE)

22.

                       RUPERT (cont'd)
murders. Now I want these
handcuffs off, I want to talk to
my lawyer, and I want you two
fascists out of my house!
                                                            
                       MONDE
Hack huh Doink?
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Yeah, Carl Hack.
                                                            
                       VILDE
Next door huh Doink?
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Yeah, room 222.
                                                            
                       MONDE
      (After a beat)
Hack my ass Doink.
                                                            
                       VILDE
You're not impressing me Doink.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Think we're stupid Doink?
                                                            
                       VILDE
Notice that I'm not writing
anything down Doink.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Hack my ass.
                                                            
                       VILDE
Trying to throw suspicion pal?
                                                            
                       MONDE
Sounds to me like the ol' Doinker
here has something to hide.
                                                            
                       VILDE
That the case Doink?
                                                            
                       MONDE
Feel like talking now buddy boy?
                                                            
                       VILDE
Talk now Doink....we go light on
ya.
                                                            

23.

                       RUPERT
I've got nothin' to say to you.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Mind if we ah...look around Doink?
Seeing that you have nothing to
hide.
                                                            
                       VILDE
Ha-ha-ha.
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Do I have a choice---by all means
look around, but I swear, if you
break anything, so help me God!
                                                            
Monde and Vilde laugh, and start casing the place. In the
process, they are dropping things and knocking things over.
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Hey goddammit I mean it. Those
are very expensive artifacts.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Artifacts are they Doink?
                                                            
                       VILDE
What kind of artifacts do you
collect Doink?
                                                            
                       MONDE
Dead chickens Doink? Eye of newt
Doink? Zombie salt Doink?
                                                            
                       VILDE
Doink Doink Doink Doink Doink!
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Tell me something...how do you
guys function without a manual? As
a matter of fact I collect
shrunken heads, Zulu Warrior
masks, things that you two
couldn't possibly comprehend.
                                                            
                       MONDE
      (Not interested)
You know Doink...all over the
neighborhood we've been finding
bodies missing a few parts.
                                                            

24.

                       MONDE
You know Doink...all over the
neighborhood we've been finding
bodies missing a few parts.
                                                            
                       VILDE
Hearts Doink...heads Doink.
                                                            
                       MONDE
That gives us reason to believe
that the perp is into cannibalism.
                                                            
                       VILDE
People eating people Doink.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Aren't there tribes in Africa
Doink, who eat people?
                                                            
                       VILDE
You a chief of one of those tribes
Doink?
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Jesus H. Christ what century are
you two from? Don't you think I
know what's going on here? Don't
you think I know that I am the
only black man in this
neighborhood? What's the matter
boys...don't you have anything to
go on? You have to try to pin
this on the scary "black man?"
Yes, I am a cannibal. I eat whitey
brains for breakfast. Don't
really know why though, seems the
more I eat, the stupider I get.
                                                            
Rupert is starting to toy with them.
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Have you ever dined on a man's
liver, served with a favre bean
and a nice Chianti?
                                                            
                       MONDE
You are one sick fuck Doink!
                                                            
Vilde has made his way into the kitchen and is looking in a
cupboard.
                                                            
 

25.

INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT
                                                            
                       VILDE
You poor dumb bastard Doink!
Monde, over here!
                                                            
Monde moves to the kitchen. Vilde has found a plastic bag
full of a white substance.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Well, well, well...what have we
here?
                                                            
                       VILDE
Looks to me like ol' Doinker here
likes to powder his noise.
                                                            
                       RUPERT
What??? What the hell're you
talking about?
                                                            
                       MONDE
You know damn well what we're
talking about Doink!
                                                            
                       VILDE
Blow Doink, nose candy Doink,
cocaine Doink!
                                                            
                       RUPERT
You've gotta be fucking kidding
me!
                                                            
                       MONDE
You just bought yourself a one-way
ticket Doink!
                                                            
                       VILDE
One-way to hell pal!
                                                            
                       MONDE
You give a new meaning to the word
degenerate Doink.
                                                            
                       VILDE
You give a new meaning to the word
stench Doink.
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Listen to me you fu--look, you two
throwbacks couldn't find your
asses with both hands tied behind
your backs, you know that? That
shit you're holding is baking
            (MORE)

26.

                       RUPERT (cont'd)
soda.
                                                            
                       MONDE
What do you do Doink, season your
victims with this stuff?
                                                            
                       VILDE
Expensive habit Doink.
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Well, you got me there. I
sprinkle that "coke" all over my
whitey's. The new breakfast of
champions. It's baking soda. Read
my lips you morons....BAKING SODA.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Baking soda my ass Doink.
                                                            
                       VILDE
We'll just see about that Doink.
                                                            
They pour some onto the table. Monde pulls out a leather
carrying case equipped with drug testing paraphernalia.
                                                            
                       MONDE
You know something Doink? You're
nothin' but a fungus.
                                                            
                       VILDE
fungus whose spores are filled
with poison.
                                                            
                       MONDE
You're a disease Doink!
                                                            
                       VILDE
Spreading your ugliness into our
streets.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Baking soda.....my ass Doink!
                                                            
                       VILDE
Gotta be kidding me Doink.
                                                            
                       MONDE
You know Doink...we run into scum
like you everyday.
                                                            
                       VILDE
We don't like scum Doink.
                                                            

27.

                       RUPERT
Well thank God I have you two to
protect me.
                                                            
                       MONDE
We don't protect trash Doink...
                                                            
                       VILDE
You're dog vomit Doink!
                                                            
                       MONDE
Once we prove this coke is real
pal...
                                                            
                       VILDE
We're gonna take a little trip
downtown.
                                                            
                       MONDE
You're a maggot Doink!
                                                            
                       VILDE
You're snake piss Doink!
                                                            
                       MONDE
You're nothin' but a nugget
dangling from the rim of a moose's
ass Doink!
                                                            
                       VILDE
And you know what Doink?
                                                            
                       MONDE
You wanna know what?
                                                            
                       VILDE
He doesn't like dangling nuggets.
                                                            
                       MONDE
That's right Doink...and quite
frankly, neither does he.
                                                            
They both snort a line. The men realize it is in fact
baking soda.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Baking soda!
                                                            
                       VILDE
Friggin' baking soda!
                                                            

28.

                       MONDE
What the hell you trying to do to
Doink?
                                                            
                       VILDE
Think you're a funny man don't cha
Doink.
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Jesus, you guys cannot be for
real.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Ohhhh we're real Doink.
                                                            
                       VILDE
We're as real as messy diapers
Doink!
                                                            
                       MONDE
As real as cellulite on a fat
lady's leg Doink!
                                                            
                       VILDE
As real as a tick on a new puppy's
butt Doink!
                                                            
                       MONDE
As real as---
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Yes okay. We've gone through this
already. You guys are for real.
But let me enlighten you to what
the reality of this situation is.
Reality is a man, a black man,
sitting in his own home, being
harassed by two racist, fascist
fucks. You come into my home, and
handcuff me, all because I am a
black person in a white
neighborhood---
                                                            
                       MONDE
Get off your soapbox Doink!
                                                            
                       VILDE
He doesn't like soapboxes Doink!
                                                            
                       MONDE
That's right Doink. And Quite
frankly---
                                                            

29.

                       RUPERT
No--quite frankly you shut the
fuck up.
                                                            
Vilde lunges at him again. A struggle ensues. At this we
hear someone at the front door trying to make their way in.
During this, Monde places a gag into Rupert's mouth. Then
he and Vilde both pull their weapons and assume their
positions on either side of the door.
                                                            
 
INT. DOINKS' APARTMENT - NIGHT
                                                            
MIRANDA walks in and screams as she assesses Ruperts'
position. She is white, attractive, and very well-dressed.
Monde and Vilde point their guns at her head.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Freeze lady!
                                                            
                       VILDE
Make one move and we'll blow your
fuckin' brains out.
                                                            
                       MIRANDA
Oh my God! Oh my God! Please don't
hurt us.
                                                            
Monde moves to her, turns her so she's facing the wall and
proceeds to frisk her. As he does this, Vilde closes the
door.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Well well well Doink!
                                                            
                       VILDE
A little afternoon delight Doink?
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Mmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!
                                                            
                       MIRANDA
What's going on here Rupert?
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Mmmmmmmm.....
                                                            
                       MONDE
What's that Doink?
                                                            
                       VILDE
I think he likes being handcuffed.
                                                            

30.

                       RUPERT
Mmmmmmmmmmm!!!!
                                                            
                       MONDE
Well sweetheart...breaking and
entering, solicitation, and we got
you dead to rights sweet tits.
                                                            
                       VILDE
That oughtta buy you 2 to 4 sweet
cakes.
                                                            
                       MIRANDA
Excuse me! You two sound as if
your some form of public
servants...and if that is indeed
the case, would you like to
explain to me why my husband is
bound and gagged and why you are
pointing guns at us?
                                                            
                       MONDE
Your husband my ass sweet tits.
                                                            
                       VILDE
You mean trick dont'cha sweet
tits.
                                                            
                       MIRANDA
What??? What did you just say to
me?
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Mmmmmmm....
                                                            
                       MONDE
You know what we're saying sweet
tits.
                                                            
                       VILDE
Breaking and entering is illegal,
even if he is your John.
                                                            
                       MIRANDA
What in the hell...are you two for
real?
                                                            
                       RUPERT
      (Shaking his head)
Mmmmmmmmmmmm.......
                                                            
                       MONDE
Ohhh we're real alright...
                                                            

31.

                       VILDE
As real as mother's milk!
                                                            
                       MONDE
As real as a tattoo on Madonna's
butt!
                                                            
                       VILDE
As real as a jock strap on a Sumo
wrestler!
                                                            
                       MONDE
As real as a mustache on a fifty
year old Jewish woman!
                                                            
                       VILDE
As real as----
                                                            
                       MIRANDA
Okay, okay! You guys are for
real. Now answer my damn
question.....why is my husband
bound and gagged?
                                                            
                       MONDE
Why do you keep claiming that this
tapeworm is your husband?
                                                            
                       VILDE
You got some sort of proof there
sweet tits.
                                                            
                       MIRANDA
If either one of you ever refer to
me as sweet tits again, you will
understand, first hand, the wrath
of one pissed off woman. And, if
you don't answer my question right
now, you will understand first
hand the wrath of one pissed off
lawyer. Now...for the last time,
why is my husband being subdued?
                                                            
                       MONDE
You got some sort of proof that
this maggot is your husband?
                                                            
                       VILDE
All we need is a little bit of
proof there sweet...ahhhhh, ma'am!
                                                            

32.

                       MIRANDA
If I hear one more derogatory
remark directed at my husband or
myself, I will take your badges
and shove them so far up your
asses that you will need a magnet
to shit...make no mistake about
it. As far as my producing proof
as to the relationship of this man
and myself, a child playing
detective would have enough sense
to at least look around the room
at the plethora of wedding
pictures hanging on the walls. At
least the fact that I had a key to
the front door should have tipped
you off somewhat. Now, please tell
me what you are doing in our
house.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Following up on a lead ma'am.
                                                            
                       VILDE
Looking for a killer ma'am.
                                                            
                       MONDE
There's been alot of murders in
this neighborhood.
                                                            
                       VILDE
Thought we would come down and see
what we could find.
                                                            
                       MIRANDA
Wait a minute....let me get this
straight. You guys are looking
for a killer so you come to our
house, accuse my husband of
murder, then tie him up and gag
him. Based on what evidence?
                                                            
                       MONDE
No hard evidence ma'am. We're
interviewing everybody in the
building.
                                                            
                       VILDE
A man downstairs said we may want
to have a talk with Doink
here....aahh, your husband.
                                                            

33.

                       MIRANDA
Let me guess...is it because my
husband is black? This is
unbelievable. A man downstairs?
Who was it, that insipid cretin of
a manager Sapp? The man is a
certifiable moron. You have
absolutely no right to come in
here and terrorize my husband.
                                                            
Miranda stops talking and takes a closer look at Monde and
Vilde.
                                                            
                       MIRANDA
Wait a minute...oh no no no no. I
know who you two are!?! You're the
two cops that were thrown off of
the force last year for
maliciously assaulting that man
Juwon Spencer. Oh this is
unbelievable. Unfucking
believable. What the hell are you
doing in our house?
                                                            
                       MONDE
Following up on a lead ma'am.
                                                            
                       VILDE
Looking for a killer ma'am.
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Mmmmmmmmm......
                                                            
                       MIRANDA
Well well well gentlemen! Isn't
this an interesting situation? You
wouldn't mind showing me your
badges would you?
                                                            
                       MONDE
Not necessary ma'am.
                                                            
                       VILDE
We'll just be on our way ma'am.
                                                            
                       MIRANDA
That's what I thought. I don't
believe your services will be
needed here any longer. That is,
after you uncuff my husband and
remove that gag from his mouth.
                                                            

34.

                       MONDE
Just trying to do our jobs ma'am.
                                                            
                       VILDE
Just trying to make the
neighborhood a safer place to live
ma'am.
                                                            
Monde and Vilde disregard her orders to uncuff Rupert. They
start to make their way to the front door.
                                                            
                       MIRANDA
A safer place to live? I think
you may want to reconsider your
position on that point. In my
opinion, the killer is making the
neighborhood a safer place to
live. After all, he is wiping
out the ilk of our society. These
men are pure evil. They are the
lowest forms of life who have no
chance at redemption and our idea
of rehabilitation is a joke.
Anybody who rapes, kills, molests
children, or forces children into
pornography deserve to die.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Excuse me? I thought you were a
lawyer ma'am.
                                                            
                       MIRANDA
That doesn't mean I'm inhuman.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Well whatta know...a lawyer with a
conscience.
                                                            
                       VILDE
Two wrongs don't make a right
ma'am.
                                                            
                       MIRANDA
Please!! Don't say another word.
Just untie my husband as quickly
and as quietly as you possibly
can.
                                                            
Monde and Vilde move to Rupert and begin to remove the
handcuffs. As soon as they get the handcuffs off, Rupert
jumps up and pulls the gag out of his mouth.
                                                            

35.

                       RUPERT
Ohhhh...that's it man. You two
blew smoke up the wrong asshole.
Now get your slimy, red-necked,
chunky, smelly, fucking Nazi asses
out of my house. If either one of
you ever comes near me or my wife
again, I'll rip your fucking
heart----
                                                            
                       MIRANDA
Rupert! That will be enough. I'm
sure we will never have a problem
with these two men again. Isn't
that right gentlemen?
                                                            
Monde and Vilde begin to move towards the door. The phone
rings and Miranda moves to answer it.
                                                            
                       MONDE
No ma'am. Ah....that is yes
ma'am.
                                                            
                       VILDE
You won't be having any more
trouble with us.
                                                            
                       MIRANDA
By the way gentlemen, have you had
a talk with our neighbor Dr. Hack
yet? He is a disturbed man who is
strangely interested in these
killings. I would be willing to
bet he could give you some insight
into the case.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Hack huh?
                                                            
                       VILDE
We'll just be going over to this
Hack fella's place and have a
little talk with him.
                                                            
                       MIRANDA
      (Picks up the
       phone)
Hello? Oh hello mother.
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Go!! Get the hell out of my house.
                                                            

36.

                       MONDE
Watch your step Doink!
                                                            
                       VILDE
You're not off the hook yet Doink!
                                                            
                       MONDE
You screw up once, we're on you
like flies on a bum Doink!
                                                            
                       VILDE
Like chancres on a whore Doink!
                                                            
                       MONDE
Like leeches on a leper Doink!
                                                            
                       VILDE
Like a hobo on a hot dog Doink!
                                                            
                       MONDE
Like---
                                                            
                       RUPERT
GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!
                                                            
They leave. Rupert slams the door. Short pause as he
settles down.
                                                            
 
INT. HALLWAY IN FRONT OF THE DOINKS APARTMENT - NIGHT
                                                            
                       MONDE
Nice going Vilde.
                                                            
                       VILDE
Goddam shitbags. I'm telling ya,
they're lying. Something's not
right.
                                                            
                       MONDE
No shit Vilde!
                                                            
 
INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT
                                                            
After a couple of beats a cat comes strolling by and sits in
front of the Doinks door. The feline looks up at Monde and
Vilde.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Goddam cat!
                                                            
Monde kicks the cat and we hear the cat yelp.
                                                            
 

37.

INT. CARL HACKS APARTMENT - NIGHT
                                                            
CARL HACK, a man in his 50's, is found seated on the floor,
sitting in between 5 candles. It is dark inside except for
the light given off by the candles. He is meditating and
appears to be in a trance. At the sound of the knock on the
front door, he is awakened. He gets up and claps his hands
twice. The lights turn on and he slowly moves to the door
and opens it.
                                                            
 
INT. HALLWAY IN FRONT OF HACKS APARTMENT - NIGHT
                                                            
Monde and Vilde are standing in front of Hacks door. From
down the hallway we see that a lightening storm is
approaching as there are sporadic flashes of lightning.
                                                            
                       HACK
May I help you?
                                                            
                       MONDE
Your name Hack?
                                                            
                       VILDE
Carl Hack?
                                                            
                       HACK
Yes it is.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Hack, I'm inspector Monde.
                                                            
                       VILDE
And I'm inspector Vilde.
                                                            
                       MONDE
You got a couple minutes Hack?
                                                            
                       VILDE
Couple'a questions we'd like to
ask you.
                                                            
                       HACK
Of course. Please come in. I
would be more than happy to answer
any of your questions.
                                                            
 
INT. CARL HACKS APARTMENT - NIGHT
                                                            
Monde and Vilde enter the apartment. They take a minute to
absorb the surroundings.
                                                            

38.

                       MONDE
What's with the candles Hack?
                                                            
                       VILDE
Ya got a thing about candles do ya
Hack?
                                                            
                       HACK
Actually Inspectors, you caught me
as I was meditating. I just got
home and I wanted to relax.
Meditation can be quite soothing
and tranquil don't you think?
                                                            
                       MONDE
I wouldn't know about that Hack.
                                                            
                       VILDE
Never tried it Hack. Always
thought it was for fruitcakes and
butt-knots.
                                                            
                       HACK
Of course you did.
                                                            
The phone rings and Hack moves to answer it.
                                                            
                       HACK
Excuse me gentlemen.
                                                            
Hack picks up the phone.
                                                            
                       HACK
Hello!? Oh hello. Yes...uh huh!
Uh huh! Okay. Yes I will. And
thank you.
                                                            
Hangs up the phone, turns and smiles at Monde and Vilde.
                                                            
                       HACK
Sorry about that. You had some
questions you wanted to ask me?
                                                            
                       MONDE
Tell me what you know about Doink
Hack.
                                                            
                       VILDE
Doink and his so called wife.
                                                            
                       HACK
Rupert and Miranda? A delicious
looking couple wouldn't you say?
                                                            

39.

                       MONDE
No Hack...I wouldn't say that.
                                                            
                       VILDE
Wouldn't say anything close to
that Hack
                                                            
                       MONDE
Kind a thing is that to say Hack?
                                                            
                       VILDE
Delicious my ass Hack.
                                                            
                       HACK
      (Beat)
What is it you would like to know?
                                                            
                       MONDE
Anything you can tell us Hack.
                                                            
                       VILDE
Every little bit helps Hack.
                                                            
                       HACK
Are they in some sort of trouble?
                                                            
                       MONDE
Could be, we don't know yet Hack.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Should they be Hack?
                                                            
                       HACK
I'm sorry, but I'm not very good
at this sort of thing. If you
could give me a more direct
question, it would make it much
easier for me to answer.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Are you familiar with the
Sunnyside slayings Hack?
                                                            
                       VILDE
's been in all the papers Hack.
                                                            
                       HACK
Why yes...I am very aware of those

murders. In fact, you could
probably say that I am fascinated
by the killings as I am a
therapist.
                                                            

40.

                       MONDE
Fascinated? Tell me something
Hack...what do you find
fascinating about a psycho who
kills people?
                                                            
                       VILDE
Cuts their heads off and eats
their organs?
                                                            
                       HACK
What I mean, gentlemen, is that I
find it fascinating that the
killers' subjects are admittedly
child molesters, rapists, and
murderers. Although I abhor
violence, I find it ironic that
the killer is actually doing
society a service.
                                                            
Pause as Monde and Vilde contemplate this.
                                                            
                       HACK
Now, you don't think the Doinks
have anything to do with those
murders do you?
                                                            
                       MONDE
Don't know for sure Hack.
                                                            
                       VILDE
That's what we're trying to find
out.
                                                            
                       HACK
I just can't imagine the Doinks
having anything to do with those
killings. However, I do find it
interesting that every one of the
murdered subjects, were defended
by Miranda's firm.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Say what Hack?
                                                            
                       VILDE
What'd you say Hack?
                                                            
                       HACK
I said that I thought it was
coincidental that all of the
murdered subjects were defended by
Miranda Doinks' law firm.
                                                            

41.

                       MONDE
How do you know that Hack?
                                                            
                       HACK
It's a matter of public record.
Also, since she is my neighbor, I
take an interest in her affairs.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Let me ask you something
Hack...who owns that cat out in
the hallway?
                                                            
                       VILDE
The black and white one with the
fuzzy ass and the stump for a
tail.
                                                            
                       HACK
Well, if I'm not mistaken, that
cat belongs to the Doinks'.
                                                            
                       MONDE
I knew it.
                                                            
                       VILDE
That lying bastard.
                                                            
                       MONDE
I don't understand...what does
that have to do with anything?
                                                            
                       MONDE
I'm gonna nail that bastard.
                                                            
                       VILDE
I knew he was hiding something.
                                                            
                       MONDE
We asked him if he had a cat and
he flat out said no!
                                                            
                       VILDE
That damn Doink is nothing but
head lice.
                                                            
                       HACK
I'm sorry, but what could Ruperts'
cat have to do with those brutal
slayings?
                                                            
                       MONDE
You don't get it do ya Hack?
                                                            

42.

                       VILDE
A bit on the slow side aren't ya
Hack?
                                                            
                       HACK
I must be. Please indulge me.
                                                            
                       MONDE
What, we gotta spell it out for ya
Hack?
                                                            
                       VILDE
If he's lying about the cat, he's
lying about everything else.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Tell us something Hack...have you
ever seen Doink engaged in any
sort of deviant behavior?
                                                            
                       HACK
Such as...?
                                                            
                       VILDE
Bondage Hack, taxidermy Hack,
bestiality Hack.
                                                            
                       HACK
To be quite honest gentlemen, I
must say that I have never seen
either one of them act in an odd
way.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Let me ask you something else
Hack. You say you're a therapist
right? What kind of sick freak do
you think someone has to be to
kill a human being, and then eat
their remains?
                                                            
                       VILDE
What kind of a weak, spineless
reptile do you think could do that
Hack?
                                                            
                       HACK
If I may be so bold gentlemen, I
would have to say that I beg to
differ on your opinion of this
person. I believe that this man,
or woman, must have the inner
strength of 10 men.
                                                            

43.

                       MONDE
Come again Hack?
                                                            
                       VILDE
What the hell are you saying Hack?
                                                            
                       HACK
First off, we are not sure that
the killer is actually eating
their remains are we?
                                                            
                       MONDE
What the hell else would he do
with a head and a heart Hack?
                                                            
                       VILDE
Make luggage and tie rack Hack?
                                                            
                       HACK
Actually gentlemen, you'd be
surprised at what applications
human parts can be used for. What
our culture may find grotesque,
others' may find commonplace. For
instance, there are some cultures
that honor human heads as
trophies. Now, to western
civilization, that is hardly an
acceptable act.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Yeah?? And what about the missing
hearts Hack?
                                                            
                       VILDE
What kind of lame brain story you
got about the missing hearts Hack?
                                                            
                       HACK
Once again, we need to look at
what may be acceptable in other
cultures. I have read about an
Aboriginal tribe that believes the
only way to keep an evil spirit
from being reincarnated, is to
destroy the heart of that evil
spirit while it is in human form.
(BEAT) On the other hand, if the
killer is a cannibal, then we are
dealing with someone very special.
                                                            
                       MONDE
What are you saying Hack?
                                                            

44.

                       MONDE
You gotta be kidding me Hack,
someone special?
                                                            
                       HACK
What I am saying is this
gentlemen, we are all capable of
killing. History books romanticize
and applaud killers. Why, look at
Pontius Pilot, Napoleon, Hitler,
FDR...the list is endless. These
people were all killers at some
level, and are revered today. In
fact, if I were a betting man, I
would wager that the two of you
have had your bouts with killing.
                                                            
                       MONDE
In the line of duty Hack.
                                                            
                       VILDE
Protecting people like you Hack.
                                                            
                       HACK
However you want or need to
justify it. My point is, any one
man can kill another at any given
time. But it takes a special
breed of person to not only
destroy one's enemy, but to devour
and consume them. Can you imagine
how alive the senses must be? Or
the power he must feel when he
cuts them open and sees their
lifeless carcass fall to the
ground. To stand tall and tower
over this warrior, and to dance in
honor of his trophy. And then,
for the ultimate show of respect
to his combatant, he leans down,
reaches into the opened furrow,
pulls out the heart...the very
organ that makes us human, and
puts it to his lips. He kisses
the succulent prize, then begins
the ancient ritual of nourishment.
This is not a man to fear
gentlemen. This is a man to be
admired.
                                                            
                       MONDE
What are you saying Hack?
                                                            

45.

                       VILDE
You're talking about scum Hack.
                                                            
                       MONDE
I wouldn't piss on that scum if he
were on fire.
                                                            
                       VILDE
I'd pour gasoline on him Hack.
                                                            
                       HACK
You know...you just can't help
everyone. And I try. I offer my
love and support and get no
results. All I needed when I
was troubled, was love and
affection. But that doesn't seem
to work anymore. People just
don't respond to human caring.
(BEAT) When I was a young boy, my
father bought me a tackle box.
                                                            
 
INT. FLASHBACK - CARL HACK IS 10 YEARS OLD - DAY
                                                            
The flashback takes place in Carl Hacks childhood bedroom.
He is seen playing with his tackle box.
                                                            
                       MONDE
      (off camera)
Oh how I loved that little box.
Instead of putting the usual
knickknacks into it, I kept an
insect farm. I had ants, aphids,
caterpillars, slugs, oh all kinds
of Gods' marvelous creatures. I
would feed them everyday. My
father thought I was strange
because I was keeping my little
friends alive in a box where he
believed I should store inanimate
objects. One day he came home in
a drunken stupor and was ripping
up the house. As was customary, I
was hiding in my closet clinging
to my tackle box. I could hear
him making his way into my room.
He was very angry that I wasn't
answering when he called out my
name. Then, he opened up the
closet door, and there I was. A
scared little boy holding on to
the only thing that I ever truly
loved. He got a hold of my tackle
            (MORE)

46.

                       MONDE (cont'd)
box and began to shake it
ferociously. I started to cry,
which just made him deranged. Then
all of a sudden, he just stopped.
A calmness came over his face. He
gently placed my tackle box on my
bed, smiled at me, then he picked
a baseball bat and proceeded to
smash it up. (BEAT) He destroyed
my farm. I remember feeling at
that precise moment an emotion
that I had never experienced
before.
                                                            
 
INT. CARL HACKS APARTMENT - NIGHT
                                                            
                       HACK
I felt rage for the first time in
my life. Pure, instinctual,
savaged rage. God it was
beautiful. Since then, I have
many times wondered what it would
feel like to kill another human
being.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Excuse me Hack...I don't mean to
spit giblets on your little story
here, but where's the head?
                                                            
                       HACK
Oh! Ah down the hall, second door
on the left.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Great. Vilde, I'm gonna go
release the hounds. When I'm
done, we'll go and have another
talk with our friend Doink.
                                                            
                       VILDE
You got it partner.
                                                            
Monde starts to leave the room but stops at the bookcase. He
looks at the shrunken heads.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Vilde...over here!
                                                            
Vilde crosses over to where Monde is standing.
                                                            

47.

                       VILDE
What the hell?
                                                            
                       MONDE
Doesn't this look like Chester the
molester? The scum who was
released 6 months ago and then was
found about 2 blocks from here
sans the head?
                                                            
                       VILDE
Yeah! I'd know that mug anywhere.
Amazing.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Where'd you get this Hack?
                                                            
                       HACK
Oh, that was a gift from Rupert
and Miranda.
                                                            
                       MONDE
No kidding? Huh! Amazing.
                                                            
Monde leaves the room. Hack picks up the shrunken head of
his father. He is holding it in his hands.
                                                            
                       HACK
Officer Vilde...don't you find the
human mind a wondrous entity?
                                                            
Hack is looking intently at the shrunken head and begins to
hum for a few beats. Then:
                                                            
                       HACK
My pulse as yours doth temperately
keep time and makes as healthful
music. It is not madness That I
have utt'red. Bring me to the
test, And I the matter will
reword; which madness Would gambol
from. Mother, for love of grace,
Lay not that flattering unction to
your soul, That not your trespass
but my madness speaks. Confess
yourself to heaven; Repent what's
past; avoid what is to come; And
do not spread the compost on the
weeds To make them ranker.
                                                            
                       VILDE
Yeah....that's real interesting
Hack. You friggin' nutcase.
                                                            

48.

The phone rings once then stops ringing. Vilde gets up.
                                                            
                       VILDE
Excuse me Hack, I'm gonna go out
in the hall and light up a nail.
                                                            
                       HACK
Oh, by all means. Enjoy yourself.
                                                            
Vilde goes out into the hall, turns and looks at Hack. Just
then, a flash of lightening. When the lightening stops,
Hack claps his hands twice and the lights go off. It is
completely black in the room.
                                                            
 
INT. HALLWAY IN FRONT OF HACKS APARTMENT - NIGHT
                                                            
                       VILDE
Great!!! Hey Hack....what's with
the lights? (No answer)
Great...just friggin' great. Hack,
why don't you get those candles
out?
                                                            
Again, no response. Vilde claps his hands trying to figure
out the code...to no avail.
                                                            
                       VILDE
Friggin' fruitcake.
                                                            
 
INT. CARL HACKS APARTMENT - NIGHT
                                                            
Hack makes his way to the stereo and turns the music up. It
is Tools' song #69.
                                                            
 
INT. HALLWAY IN FRONT OF HACKS APARTMENT - NIGHT
                                                            
                       VILDE
      (Yelling from
       hallway)
Turn that crap down Hack!
                                                            
 
INT. CARL HACKS APARTMENT - NIGHT
                                                            
Monde enters the room, which is still in black out. He is
stumbling and knocking things over.
                                                            

49.

                       MONDE
Hey Hack...don't you believe in
toilet paper? And what the hell's
with the lights?
                                                            
                       VILDE
      (Still in the hall)
Monde...over here.
                                                            
 
INT. HALLWAY IN FRONT OF HACKS APARTMENT - NIGHT
                                                            
                       MONDE
What the hell's with the lights?
Where's Hack?
                                                            
                       VILDE
Beats the hell outta me. He was
mumbling about something, clapped
his hands, the lights went out,
and then he turned that crap up.
                                                            
                       MONDE
      (Yelling from
       hallway)
Hack! Hey Hack!
                                                            
 
INT. CARL HACKS APARTMENT - NIGHT
                                                            
No answer. The two men seem to be a bit confused. They
pull their guns out. The only lights we see is the light
from the hallway and the occasional flash of lightening.
Monde and Vilde slowly enter Hack's apartment.
                                                            
 
INT. MONDE'S POV - NIGHT
                                                            
A flash of lightening exposes a man moving past the window.
As Monde and Vilde turn their attention to the figure, we
hear a woman screaming from down the hall. The two men
instinctively turn and move towards the scream.
                                                            
 
INT. HALLWAY IN FRONT OF HACKS APARTMENT - NIGHT
                                                            
The two men are now standing in the hallway. A big flash of
lightening hits, a pause, then a ball comes rolling down the
hall towards the two men. Monde grabs the ball and
acknowledges it has blood on it. He looks at Vilde. From
behind them we see a figure dashing down the hall. Then the
hall lights go out. They are in complete darkness. The
music is still coming from Hacks' apartment.
                                                            
 

50.

INT. HALLWAY IN FRONT OF HACKS APARTMENT - NIGHT
                                                            
Another big flash of lightening. From the men's POV, we see
a woman and a man struggling at the end of the hall. The
woman screams as the man has a knife.
                                                            
                       MONDE
What the hell?
                                                            
                       VILDE
Freeze!
                                                            
The two men wait for the lightening to resume. Finally
another flash. We see the woman being dragged out. She is
lifeless.
                                                            
                       MONDE
Oh shit!
                                                            
                       VILDE
Freeze creep!
                                                            
                       MONDE
That's gotta be our man.
                                                            
                       VILDE
Let's get that psycho.
                                                            
They run down to the end of the hall. Once they get there,
they become very cautious. They make a few gestures at each
other, take a deep breath, and turn the corner. A brief
flash of lightening reveals two people dressed as Warriors
are standing in front of Monde and Vilde, wielding
machete's. As their arms begin to come down, we go to
complete darkness.
                                                            
 
INT. DOINKS' APARTMENT - SEVERAL DAYS LATER - DAY
                                                            
We are back in Rupert's and Miranda's apartment. There are
very elaborate packages stacked up in the corner. We see
Miranda and Rupert and preparing to wrap things in crepe
paper then packing them in the beautiful boxes. Billy Ray
Sapp is seated watching tv. They are drinking wine.
                                                            
                       RUPERT
This has turned out to be a pretty
good week.
                                                            
                       MIRANDA
Well, an interesting week to say
the least.
                                                            

51.

                       RUPERT
Interesting yes...but very
lucrative.
                                                            
Miranda and Rupert move to the dining room table where we
see the shrunken heads of Monde and Vilde. They place them
on silver platters, and begin to wrap them up.
                                                            
                       MIRANDA
Do you think we will be able to
sell the set? I mean this is out
of the ordinary. We haven't had
contact with the buyer yet.
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Yes, after that beating he took. I
think once Juwon Spencer sees the
set, he'll be more than happy to
pay the meager service fee.
                                                            
There's a knock on the door. Miranda crosses to open the
door.
                                                            
                       MIRANDA
I hope so.
                                                            
                       RUPERT
I owe all of my success to you
babe.
                                                            
                       MIRANDA
Well I can't take all the credit
for all of it. Carl has been a
wonderful resource for us.
                                                            
Miranda opens the door. It is Hack.
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Ahhh speak of the devil. Hello
Carl.
                                                            
                       HACK
Greetings. So, how'd they come
out?
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Excellent. Take a look for
yourself.
                                                            
They move to the shrunken heads.
                                                            

52.

                       MIRANDA
Carl, would you like a glass of
wine?
                                                            
                       HACK
Please. Oh my, nice work. Really
well done. This is a fine set.
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Well thank you for the help. That
was an absolutely inspired plan of
escape you devised.
                                                            
                       SAPP
Well what about me? Don't forget
about me!
                                                            
                       MIRANDA
You were simply brilliant Billy
Ray.
                                                            
                       HACK
Just glad I could help. I have
some good news. I have just been
assigned by the State to evaluate
the progress of one Andrew
Whittaker. He is that 18 year old
boy who maliciously killed that
beautiful 12 year-old girl Lisa
Gibney with his car two years ago.
He is eligible for parole next
month.
                                                            
                       MIRANDA
Oh yes, I remember that case. He
three times admitted to killing
her, and said he felt no remorse
whatsoever.
                                                            
                       HACK
Exactly. After reviewing his case,
I called Mr. Hudson. He was very
distraught at the prospect of
Whittaker being released. I
explained our services to him, and
he became very excited.
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Well how does it look Carl?
                                                            
                       HACK
It's pretty cut and dry. I'm
going to interview some of
Whittakers' doctors' and I think
            (MORE)

53.

                       HACK (cont'd)
to keep their names clean, they
will collaborate with my
prognosis. With a good defense
lawyer, I am pretty confident that
we will be able to get him off.
                                                            
Miranda hands Hack the glass of wine.
                                                            
                       HACK
So what do you say Miranda?
                                                            
                       RUPERT
If anyone can get him off
sweetheart...
                                                            
                       MIRANDA
It would be a pleasure to set that
monster free.
                                                            
                       HACK
Good. It's done then. Mr. Hudson
said he would be willing to pay
$1,000,000.00 for that bastards'
head. I told him that wouldn't be
necessary. He asked that we not
let the rest of his family know
about our arrangement.
                                                            
                       MIRANDA
Hmmm...a teen-age killer. You
know, on the black market we could
get alot more.
                                                            
                       RUPERT
Now let's not be greedy
sweetheart. If they decide they
don't want him, then we'll go
black market. It will all work
out for the best.
                                                            
                       HACK
It always does. Something tells
me this is going to be a very good
year. (They toast) Yes...a very
good year indeed.
                                                            
At this, the cat enters the room.
                                                            
                       MIRANDA
Oh sweetheart I'm sorry. Did I
forget to feed you?
                                                            

54.

She picks up the cat.
                                                            
                       MIRANDA
Gentlemen.
                                                            
 
INT. KITCHEN - DOINKS APARTMENT - DAY
                                                            
Maranda sets the cat down, opens up the refrigerator to
reveal two human hearts. She grabs one, places it into a
dish, and sets the dish on the floor. The cat immediately
begins to consume its meal.
                                                            


FADE OUT.


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