Home Screenwriting Products Screenwriter Community Screenwriting Store
ScriptBuddy - Screenwriting Software for the Web

Screenwriter Community

Back to List of Published Screenplays
View/Leave Feedback

Mystery
by Johnathan (lyonsjo@wsdmail.net)

Rated: PG   Genre: Comedy   User Review: 1/2
First Script wrote it for my Video class tell me what you think.


This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



FADE IN:

INT. DETECTIVE OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
In a Dimly lit office with stacks of papers everywhere
newspaper clippings about old achievements on the walls Sits
a Detective he is a tall bulky man. he is determined to
solve this case. His hair is rugged and he hasn't shaved in
weeks.
                                                            
                       DETECTIVE
So Where were you the night of the
murder?
                                                            
                       SUSPECT 1
I was sitting at home Enjoying
T.V.
                                                            
                       DETECTIVE
Well your finger prints prove
otherwise
                                                            
                       SUSPECT 1
Ok so I might have gone to the
party.. but I had a drink and went
home.. I had nothing to do with
his death.
                                                            
                       DETECTIVE
Well.. Don't leave town we might
need to ask you questions.
                                                            
Suspect leaves the Office and goes home.
                                                            
 
INT. DETECTIVES OFFICE - NIGHT
                                                            
Thinking about the murder and who may be the next to
interrogate or even the next victim. Going over what he has
heard so far he trys putting things together.He ask himself
questions..
                                                            
                       DETECTIVE
      (In head)
Well he seems that either he is
hiding something or he is telling
the truth.
                                                            

2.

                       DETECTIVE
      (In head)
I think I'm gunna check up on
Taylor the host of the party.
Tomorrow.
                                                            
 
INT. TAYLORS HOTEL - DAY
                                                            
Taylor is staying in a hotel they say it was "made of gold"
The detective gets a weird vibe from how could Taylor afford
this..He just keeps it to him self and goes in.Taylor is
staying in the presidential sweet.He has a nice suite on and
the view is great with a big bed and a big window looking
out across the world.
                                                            
                       DETECTIVE
Well so what is your story behind
what you saw at your party how did
this accident Occur
                                                            
                       SUSPECT 2
Well.. I was just hanging out in
my room with all the ladies. Then
I heard a gun shot and I walked
out to find Joe on the ground he
had a bullet through his head I
had nothing to do with it I have
witnesses that place me in my room
ask the ladies.. YEAH!
                                                            
                       DETECTIVE
Well I think I will. Just don't go
anywhere. we will need you.
                                                            
 
INT. TIFFANY'S HOUSE - DAY
                                                            
Detective enters Tiffany's house. It is very Big and Clean
her dad is in the army there is guns on the mantel under the
fire place. and on the walls. There are guns in the draws
everywhere in the house.
                                                            
                       SUSPECT 3
What are you doing here..?
                                                            
                       DETECTIVE
Why are there so many guns?
                                                            
                       SUSPECT 3
Why is any consern of yours.
                                                            

3.

                       DETECTIVE
Well I'm investigating your Ex
boyfriends case and I heard you
were in the room with Taylor when
he was shot.
                                                            
                       SUSPECT 3
That is true. I was we were just
talking. About everything that is
going on between me and Joe we
were having a rough relationship..
                                                            
                       DETECTIVE
Yeah I'm sure you were just
"talking" so you never answered my
question why are there so many
guns?
                                                            
                       SUSPECT 3
Um. We were just talking. My dad
is in the army he collects guns.
                                                            
                       DETECTIVE
So then you have motive to kill
Joe don't you. You told me you
were having a rough relationship.
                                                            
                       SUSPECT 3
Well that doesn't mean I would
want to kill him. Why don't you go
ask the random Hobo at the party
he wasn't even supposed to be
there he just walked in and
started eating Taylors food and
stuff we just left him and went
into Taylors room.
                                                            
                       DETECTIVE
I think I will. Thank you for your
help don't leave town either
                                                            
Tiffany scuzzes him off and walks to her room and slams the
door.
                                                            
 
INT. DETECTIVE OFFICE - NIGHT
                                                            
The dim light sways over head.. The detective is literally
banging his head on the desk trying to figure this case
out.. The clues just are not coming together.. He is
starting to give up hope until he remembers what Tiffany
said about the hobo..
                                                            

4.

                       DETECTIVE
      (In head)
Well all the suspects seem to have
a good story.. I guess I'll have
to check up on that Hobo she
mentioned before..
                                                            
                       DETECTIVE
      (In head)
But I'm not so sure on Tiffany's
attitude I'm keeping her as my
number one suspect because of the
guns on the mantel also
                                                            
 
INT. THE STREETS - DAY
                                                            
The bad side of town where you don't want to catch yourself
alone. Homeless people doing anything for a quick buck. With
little shanties that people are living in.The constant sound
of gun shot.. It's chilly.. The Detective has on a leather
jacket with the collar popped He walks Up to the hobo that
has been seen in the suburbs before.
                                                            
                       DETECTIVE
were you at a party within the
last few days?
                                                            
                       HOBO
I might have been I do wander a
lot why is it important
                                                            
                       DETECTIVE
Because at that party a high
school student named Joe died and
we want to find out who did it so
either you come clean or I'll have
to use force
                                                            
                       HOBO
Hang on let me get my things.. And
I'll answer any of your
questions..
                                                            
Well the hobo is getting his things out of his box. The
Detective notices a gun on the bottom of the box.
                                                            
                       DETECTIVE
Do you have a warrant for that?
                                                            
                       HOBO
Um a warrant for what Officer?
                                                            

5.

                       DETECTIVE
That gun on the ground!
                                                            
                       HOBO
I don't see a gun
                                                            
Detective puts on rubber gloves and picks up the gun. Which
is fully loaded.
                                                            
                       DETECTIVE
You mean you don't see this?
                                                            
                       HOBO
OH that old thing.. Yeah I found
that..
                                                            
                       DETECTIVE
Alright lets go down town I'm
gonna send this to the lab with
the bullet and see if they match
                                                            
The hobo starts getting sweaty and nervous and starts to
stumble with his words.
                                                            
                       HOBO
Well uh uh alright then..Lets go..
                                                            
 
INT. DETECTIVE OFFICE - NIGHT
                                                            
All light is blocked off from the office the door is shut
the cracks on the walls seem to be leaking.. It's raining
outside the clatter of rain hits the dark windows and the
light flickers as he interrogates the hobo..
                                                            
                       DETECTIVE
So what were you doing there?
                                                            
                       HOBO
Well I just wanted some food.. I
was hungry the streets are a bad
place no food for a hobo..
                                                            
                       DETECTIVE
Well then what were you doing in
the suburbs..
                                                            
                       HOBO
I told you I was looking for some
food.. Is there any harm in that?
                                                            

6.

                       DETECTIVE
So did the party get out of hand..
because when the murder occurred..
you were no where to be found..
                                                            
                       HOBO
Maybe.. someone yelled at me then
I left I didn't do anything..
                                                            
                       DETECTIVE
well I have wittinesses! that say
other wise I'm taking you down
town you killed him didn't you!
                                                            
                       HOBO
Don't give me that I told you
someone hit me and I left...
                                                            
                       DETECTIVE
I know you shot him. you can see
the gun residue on your shirt..
                                                            
                       HOBO
I only have one shirt.. so what if
theres gun powder and blood I
didn't do it!
                                                            
                       DETECTIVE
Well I'm arresting you anyway.
                                                            
That day the Detective took him to jail he was given the
death penalty a few days later. The murders kept occurring
tho and the Detective quit his job.... Taylor moved out of
the country with Tiffany and they were never heard from
again..The murders stopped at there leaving.
                                                            


THE END


Back to Top of Page
Leave Feedback
Feedback
From Fish Stark Date 2/13/2008 1/2
OK....I'm just going to say it up front, there is a LOT of work you need to do on this thing. However, it is not so horrible that you deserve 0 stars. First of all, JJ was right.....everything was cliche except the ending, which was just stupid...you need to watch your spelling and grammar, you need to develop your characters, you need to HAVE characters, real ones, and you have to have your dialogue flow. It's your first script, so I understand...my first script was pretty bad too. But you need to work harder and do better. I see potential. Use it. PS: How can you call that a comedy?

From Jeff Helton Date 2/11/2008 *
Yeah, what he said. I wont be as brutal, but I will recomend you pick up several copies of screenwriting books, take a break from bad habits and read. Read. Read. Good luck and keep writing.

From J.J Date 2/8/2008 0 stars
I'm going to shorten this the best I can, because I could write pages and pages of what is wrong with this. First off - The title. Sounds like a lazy writer couldn't come up with a title, so he/she just put the genre there. Second - The sluglines. INT. means interior. INT. THE STREETS - DAY - That slugline is not possible. You should have wrote EXT. STREETS - DAY. EXT. means exterior. Now, the action is all wrong too. A screenplay isn't written like a book where we know what characters are thinking or details about character's past. A script shows what is seen on screen. We can't see what the detective is thinking unless you do a voiceover (like you did once) instead of writing something like "he trys putting things together" which you did. Also - at the end you wrote in past tense. Scripts are always written in present tense. As far as the story goes - way to cliche. You didn't add anything new to the detective/mystery genre. The dialog was okay, but I don't think you know the procedure of what detectives really do. I'll stop now. I could go on and on, but I think what I told you is a good starting point.


Back to Top of Page
Leave Feedback
You must be logged in to leave feedback.
Home    My Account    Products    Screenwriter Community    Screenwriter's Corner    Help
Forgot Your Password?    Privacy Policy    Copyright 2018, ScriptBuddy LLC.    Email help@scriptbuddy.com