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Hall of Duty - Short
by Brett Medeiros (clhayden5@cox.net)

Rated: PG   Genre: Mockumentary   User Review: 1/2
A Canadian documentary about the daily life of a High School hallmonitor in Oceanside, CA. A strange, zany, hilarious, piece of work that Borat and Spinal Tap fans would enjoy.


This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



FADE IN:

INT. INTRO-CLASSROOM - DAY
                                                            
Kevin is sitting in a chair behind a desk in a classroom.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
Hello, I'm Kevin Feely and welcome
to my movie.. uh... whats this
thing called again?
                                                            
The title "Hall of Duty" appears on the screen as Kevin
looks around the camera and Mac yells,
                                                            
                       MAC
Hall of Duty
                                                            
                       KEVIN
      (looking back
       towards the
       camera)
Hall of Duty and its about my
daily life as a hall monitor.
                                                            
On the screen as Kevin speaks the words "A University of
Toronto Film Production, With Assistance from Oceanside High
School" appear on camera.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
      (gawlking says)
Okay so now what do I do,just like
talk or something.
                                                            
                       MAC
      (behind the camera)
Just talk about yourself and what
you do.
                                                            
while your hearing this there are examples of brute examples
of brutality
                                                            
                       KEVIN
Oh yeah,that was my second guess.
Well I was born in Panama City,
Florida on June 7th, 1992. In the
year 2000 I took a summer trip to
Panama with my parents Dan and
Laura, and then one day at the
Panama City Zoo, in Panama not
Florida. The gorillas broke out of
their cage and killed my parents
and others and I was in an
emotional shock. So the U.S.
            (MORE)

2.

                       KEVIN (cont'd)
Government wanted to put me in a
fosterhome, but my half-brother
Jay Kelly who lived in Texarkana,
Texas. Won custody of me.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
      (continuing)
So then I had to live with him,
and the guy was 22 and fresh out
college. So while I lived in
Texarkana, I was not what you
would call a people person and I
sucked at school. Jay tried
psychology and medication, but it
really didn't help. In 6th and 7th
Grade I was doing well and was
kind of out of my whole depression
phase, and at the time, uh..2005
Jay married this girl Shannon. Who
he was dating for a while, the
wedding was about 2 months before
Katrina hit. We were ok, but man
the things I saw down south, uh it
was a terrifying experience.
Anyway in 8th Grade I went back
into another depression after
having nightmares about my
parents. So after I finished
Middle School Jay, Shannon, and I
moved out here to Oceanside,
Califorina because Jay got a good
job offer out here and also
Shannon was pregnant with their
first kid. Little Sean Kelly, born
in early 2007. So I was in a new
town, a new school. But things
were pretty much the same until
last spring when Principal
Sizemore made me the hallmonitor.
At first it was kinda stupid, but
uh... this motivational speaker
really helped me out and I started
to take pride in what I did. But
some people started to hate me for
arresting them and turning them in
to the principal. So they tried to
fire me, but Principal Sizemore
decieded to let me keep the job,
and so about a year later here I
am. Then these traveling Canadian
college students came out here a
week ago and wanted to make this
movie about me. I agreed, and here
            (MORE)

3.

                       KEVIN (cont'd)
we are.
                                                            
Kevin then gets out of his chair and starts walking towards
the door.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
Alright, well thats enough about
me. Let me take you on patrol and
show you where the real action is.
                                                            
Kevin exits the room as the scene fades.
                                                            
 
EXT. ON PATROL-QUAD - DAY
                                                            
The scene opens with Kevin walking around the school and the
camera and crew(not seen) following him.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
      (while walking)
So this is my daily patrol of the
campus and right now its kind of a
quiet day. But we've got some real
sick scum out here.
                                                            
Kevin stops and looks toward the camera.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
We got loitterers,
                                                            
We cut to a scene of two guys hanging around a building, one
of them steps away from the building to stretch. Then we see
Kevin running towards to him in an isolated shot, as he runs
out of the camera shot. Then jump to a shot of him arresting
the loiterer he tackled off camera. The loiterer is on the
ground in handcuffs.
                                                            
We then cut back to Kevin in the Quad.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
your iPod junkies,
                                                            
We then cut to a kid running in quad listening to his iPod,
while being chased by Kevin. Kevin then grabs the back of
his shirt and slams him into a wall. Puts him in hand cuffs,
grabs his iPod, listens to it and says.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
Wow, Celine Dion's Greatest Hits
you are one sick.. well I can't
say this infront on camera but,
                                                            

4.

Kevin then whispers in to his ear. As the kid gets a
disgusting look on his face and pulls his head away from
Kevin.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
Yep! your that screwed up.
                                                            
Then cut back to Kevin in the Quad.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
and of course religious fanatics.
                                                            
We cut to Kevin Walking around campus with a kid in custody
dressed like a clown, they have a conversation while
walking.
                                                            
                       CLOWN
      (crazily)
You can't hold me my lord and
master Dr. Rockso the Rock N' Roll
Clown will save me.
                                                            
He then yells.
                                                            
                       CLOWN
      (insanly)
All hail Rockso!!!
                                                            
                       KEVIN
Tell it to the judge, or in this
case Principal.
                                                            
Then pan back to Kevin in the Quad.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
But I've managaged to put most of
them away. This place is a ghost
town.
                                                            
Then jump to Kevin Back in the classroom in a sort of
confession shot.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
Yeah well, once I graduate I don't
really know where I'll go from
here. But I have many dream jobs
to fall back on like: Norwegian
Death Metal guitarist, rock n'
roll clown, um... hillbilly,
cop,short order cook, hospital
janitor, world class cock fighting
trainer. But I'd have to say that
career wise my goal would be Head
of Security at the University of
            (MORE)

5.

                       KEVIN (cont'd)
Harvard.
                                                            
 
INT. PLOT OF REVENGE-CLASSROOM - DAY
                                                            
EARLIER THAT DAY.
                                                            
An establishing shot of a classroom building.
                                                            
The scene opens in a classroom, this scene is not being
filmed by the Canadians, and Kevin doesn't know this is
going on. It is a group of kids all gathered around and one
of the kids steps up on a podium and begins to speak.
                                                            
                       JASON
Hello my name is Jason and its
time for another meeting of the
Anti Kevin Club to get under way.
Now I've nailed down our choices
and have decided on which plan we
should use to get Kevin fired.
                                                            
A guy in the crowd raises his hand.
                                                            
                       JASON
Yes.
                                                            
                       GUY IN CROWD
Yeah, is this club just about
Kevin Feely or all Kevins in
general?
                                                            
                       JASON
Just Kevin Feely, anyway the
winner of this year's plan is
Jacob Bernsowitz a.k.a. the
Religious Clown.
                                                            
The Clown then jumps up out of the crowd.
                                                            
                       CLOWN
      (yelling)
Ku kuk kuk ku yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhh,
break out the spandex! In your
face Guy.
                                                            
Jacob points at Guy.
                                                            
                       JASON
Okay so the plan is we make Kevin
believe we are going to ditch
school and meet at the entrance of
the school. We will hide in the
            (MORE)

6.

                       JASON (cont'd)
bushes or behind a wall and
videotape Kevin leaving the
school, then show it to my mom,
who is the head of the PTA and
he'll be fired.
I'll leave a note on campus today
in a place he'd look, he finds it
and we let Kevin do the rest. And
as an added bonus I'm like the
most popular kid in school, so
anyone will believe me.
                                                            
                       GUY IN CROWD
What makes you think Kevin will
fall for this anyway?
                                                            
                       JASON
Two simple reasons. 1. Kevin has
been a little on the edge lately,
and when he goes off the deep end
he'll believe anything. And 2.
Kevin can't resist a challenge.
                                                            
                       GUY IN CROWD
But what about...
                                                            
                       JASON
Shut up Guy I don't want to hear
another word out of you. No matter
how important or reverent it
maybe.
                                                            
                       JASON
      (insanly)
And by now some new people may be
asking "Why are we donig this?" we
do it because Kevin is a jerk, he
abuses his power, and he is a
racist, steriotypical, foul
mouthed, manipulative, sociopath.
                                                            
Jason walks off and pounds a desk, with a fist of rage.
                                                            
Camera closes out.
                                                            
 
EXT. DISCOVERY-QUAD - DAY
                                                            
Kevin is monitoring campus.
                                                            

7.

                       KEVIN
Well the job doesn't pay but I got
a part time job making deliveries
in and around Oceanside for Jay's
company.
                                                            
                       MAC
      (behind the camera)
How do you feel about the nickname
Psycho Cop that most people around
here call you.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
I like it because I kind of think
of myself as Dirty Harry meets Dog
the Bounty Hunter meets Reno 911.
Its a perceft title, you use that
for this movie.
                                                            
                       MAC
The title is Hall of Duty.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
      (realizing)
Oh yeah I forgot, good title
though.
                                                            
Kevin then discovers a balled piece of paper on the ground
(that Jason planted) and rushes toward it. He crawls to the
ground and closes up to the paper. The camera gets a good
close up of him, he picks up the paper, gets up, smells it,
and then licks it.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
Still fresh!
                                                            
Kevin opens it up and reads it.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
Oh man I got to go see Principal
Sizemore. This is big!
                                                            
Kevin runs off camera to the principal's office.
                                                            
 
INT. REJECTED BY THE MAN-PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
Kevin is sitting in front of the principal's desk as
Principal Sizemore walk into the room and sits down.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
      (paranoid)
So what did you think. You send me
some back up, we go out tomorrow
            (MORE)

8.

                       KEVIN (cont'd)
and catch these guys.
                                                            
                       PRINCIPAL
      (calmly)
Kevin look this idea is too
farfetched to believe. I like you
and you've saved my butt on many
occasions but I can't risk this.
You see parents are too involved
in school these days and if this
note you found is a hoax, it would
make you, me, and the school look
bad. I can't afford to take this
risk, I'm sorry. Plus the whole
story itself sounds rediculous,
sounds like some jerks are trying
to mess with you.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
Fine, I'll do this all on my own,
I don't need your help or anyone's
help. I mean I'm Kevin Freakin
Feely I can do anything.I'm out of
here, come on Manuel.
                                                            
Kevin storms out of the room.
                                                            
                       MANUEL
      (behind the camera)
Kevin wait for me and Mac.
                                                            
 
EXT. THE PLOT THINKENS-QUAD - DAY
                                                            
The scene starts out with Kevin in a confessional.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
      (to the camera)
I can catch these perps, I got no
problem doing this on my own. I
tangled with kids like this back
in Texarkana, I know how to deal
with these types.
                                                            
Transitions to Kevin back in the quad standing by a
building, as a group of kids walk by him. Kevin confronts
them.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
Any of you got a hallpass?
                                                            

9.

                       BUD
Hey man right here no troubles.
                                                            
Bud pulls out the hallpass and they begin to walk away from
Kevin.
                                                            
Kevin then verbaly attacks Bud.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
      (snappingly)
You're on thin ice Macchiato,
don't think I forgot about what
you did at tolerence assembly last
fall.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
      (whispering to the
       camera)
He threw some raw meat at one of
the speakers. I tried to step in
and stop him but Bud here slugged
me in the face, been keeping an
eye on him ever since.
                                                            
Bud turns to Kevin.
                                                            
                       BUD
Hick!
                                                            
Bud walks off as Kevin snaps back.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
Yeah go ahead walk away, just
remember Bud I know where you
live.
                                                            
Kevin turns to the camera.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
      (proudly)
I like to think I've made an
inportant political statement just
now.
                                                            
After they make it around the building (the Canadians are
not filminig this part) out of Kevin's sight they huddle
together.
                                                            
                       BUD
Okay so here's the plan tomorrow
after lunch we hide in the
bathroom and don't come out until
10 minutes after the bell has
passed. Then we make our way up
            (MORE)

10.

                       BUD (cont'd)
campus where my brother will meet
us in his car. We make it out
scott free and get to the premire
in downtown San Diego on time.
                                                            
                       GUY IN CROWD
      (from behind)
But what about Kevin?
                                                            
                       BUD
      (startled)
Guy in Crowd.
                                                            
                       GUY IN CROWD
Its just Guy actually.
                                                            
                       BUD
What are you doing where?
                                                            
                       GUY IN CROWD
Well I came to warn you, you see
Jason is...
                                                            
Bud pushes him to the side.
                                                            
                       BUD
Yeah that's great see you later.
                                                            
                       BUD
      (reashuringly)
Kevin won't be a problem, what he
doesn't know is tomorrow he has a
surprise Algebra test and this
test is about 45% of his grade.
                                                            
Then cut to Kevin in another one of his confessionals.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
      (to the camera)
Just because I have to come here
doesn't mean I like school, I
personally dispise everyone here
with every last bone in my body.
And as for school spirit, well
that belongs in the trash along
with censorship and chivalry.
                                                            
 
INT. THE DARK MONTAGE - CLASSROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
The scene opens with Kevin in a dark classroom, in a chair
by a desk at night.
                                                            

11.

                       KEVIN
Well, the crew went home for the
night their staying at my house
with Jay, Shannon, and little
Sean. I decided to spend the night
here and clear my head, because
man I'm just stressed out with
this whole kids ditching school
case. Unfortunatly for me the
power is out, something about
wires being disconnected, it'll be
back on in the morning. Earlier
today I found out I've got an
Algebra test tomorrow, which I
will skip and take after school so
I try and catch the perps. It's
times like this I wish I still
lived in the South.
                                                            
Kevin then jumps out of his chair, and moves away from the
camera waving his hands around and looking up in a state of
disaray. He then runs his hands through his hair.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
Oh mam I'm freaking out, it feels
like my darker side is taking me
over. It's times likes this when I
remember what that 32-year-old
High School dropout driving a
black 1978 El Camino told at a gas
station just out side of
Albuquerque back in 2006. He said,
"Son what you got here is a dark
montage and their are only two
things you can do. Vent out your
rage and play some metal." and
that's just what I'm going to do.
                                                            
Kevin then plays heavy music and runs around the room
slamming into walls, throughing chairs, and screaming like a
maniac. He eventually runs out of energy and collapses on
the floor.
                                                            
 
INT. A NEW DAY IN OCEANSIDE - CLASSROOM - DAY
                                                            
It is morning, Kevin is on the floor asleep, in the fettle
position. Manuel pokes his a couple times.
                                                            
                       MANUEL
Kevin man, wake up.
                                                            
Manuel nuges Kevin, Kevin then wakes up startled.
                                                            

12.

                       KEVIN
      (waking up with
       quick reaction)
Aw reggae zombies!
                                                            
                       KEVIN
      (realizing what's
       going on)
Oh, hey Manuel. What's up me
compadre.
                                                            
Manuel holds his hand and out to Kevin, he takes it and
Manuel, gets him back on his feet.
                                                            
                       MAC
      (off camera)
Manuel, can you take the camera
back.
                                                            
                       MANUEL
Oh, sure Mac.
                                                            
Manuel then takes the camera and begins filming Kevin. Mac
then steps in.
                                                            
                       MAC
Kevin man, what happened here.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
Well Mac last night I had a battle
with my demons, and my demons won.
And I feel great.
                                                            
                       MAC
Kevin man, I like talking about
dark forces as much as the next
guy, but your crazy.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
Oh really would a crazy person
call his psychic best friend from
Kindergarden who he hadn't seen in
years to come out here and help
him on this case.
                                                            
                       MAC
Yes.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
Well I didn't, so their. I'm going
out for some fresh air, see ya.
                                                            
Kevin then walks out the door.
                                                            
 

13.

EXT. THE FINAL SHOWDOWN - OUTSIDE OF THE SCHOOL - DAY
                                                            
The scene opens with Kevin sitting down on a bench outside.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
Its close to 10 about minutes past
lunch, so I'm going to try and
catches guys who think they can
walk out of here under my nose.
I'm ready you're ready, moment o
truth, oh and lets keep the
talking to a minimum for the sake
of the element of surprise. Also
this may get a little extreme, so
do not question my methods.
                                                            
Kevin gets up and starts walking, he walks through campus
passing buildings then going through the parking lot. He
then starts walking up the entrance road. When the shot cuts
to Jason and the Anti Kevin Club (not being filmed by the
Canadians) hiding behind a brick wall/fence with a camera.
                                                            
                       JASON
Lets get this started, Guy start
filming Kevin get everything you
can.
                                                            
The Religious Clown junps in.
                                                            
                       CLOWN
      (hyper)
What should I do Jason.
                                                            
                       JASON
Just sit down and like calm
yourself.
                                                            
                       JASON
      (secretly to Guy)
Man I tell that boy is a nut case,
we should kick him out, although
he does provide 85% of our
funding. Quite a pickle, but
that's life.
                                                            
Cutting back to Kevin, he his walking strait down the road
(not noticing he is being filmed by the Anti Kevin Club).
Until he looks behind him and sees the the kids who are
actually ditching school, walking up the road having a
conversating. They don't even notice Kevin. Kevin then turns
around and runs up to them.
                                                            
Cut to Jason and the AKC.
                                                            

14.

                       JASON
What the, where did these guys
come from. This wasn't part of the
plan.
                                                            
                       GUY IN CROWD
Well Jason I tryed to...
                                                            
                       JASON
      (interupting)
Shut up Guy let me handle this.
                                                            
Cut back to Kevin and the crew as they confront the
ditchers.
                                                            
                       BUD
What's the prolbem "officer".
                                                            
                       KEVIN
Game over Bud, your little plan
back fired.
                                                            
                       BUD
What plan we're just out for an
afternoon walk is all.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
Please, your going to have to
think of something better than
that. I know who all of your are,
you're being filmed right now.
Just give up and maybe we can
think of a nice way to end this.
                                                            
Jason and the AKC enter the scene.
                                                            
                       JASON
Hold Kevin, no one's going
anywhere.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
Well it seems the Screaming Eagle
has met up with the Proud Chief in
order to capture the Gold Buddha.
                                                            
                       BUD
That doesn't make sense.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
Niether does your face.
                                                            
                       BUD
Are you stupid or something.
                                                            

15.

                       JASON
Oh this is news to you, the guy's
off his handle. He's a loonatic.
                                                            
Jason regains his composire.
                                                            
                       JASON
You see Kevin your way out
numbered, its 3 of you against. Oh
I'd say... uh more than 3 of us.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
Please these guys will all roll
over after I cut off the head,
metaphorically spaeking.
                                                            
                       JASON
      (Sarcstically)
Let me guess Kevin your going to
end this Clint Eastwood style,
call me a punk and shoot me. You
can't bring guns to school idiot.
                                                            
                       BUD
Or anything that looks like a gun.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
Well my methods are traditionally
more Rastafarian.
                                                            
                       JASON
      (Confused)
What the... I don't even know how
to respond to that. I don't know
what your damage is, but I'm just
flabbergasted by the things that
come out of your mouth.
                                                            
Jason points to Manuel.
                                                            
                       JASON
      (Yelling)
Hey cameraman! Yeah I'm talking to
you Rico Suave. You been feeding
him these idiotic lines.
                                                            
                       MANUEL
      (off camera)
Que? No habla ingles.
                                                            
                       JASON
Jake you speak Spanish?
                                                            

16.

                       CLOWN
      (Hyper)
No, but I speak Spanglish.
                                                            
                       JASON
Forget it.
                                                            
Jason pauses to gather his thoughts.
                                                            
                       JASON
I've come too far to end it like
this.
                                                            
Jason then takes off running down the road.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
Mac, watch these guys. Manuel come
on lets get him.
                                                            
Kevin then takes off, following Jason, as Manuel follows him
wih the camera. During the chase Jason gradually slows down,
as Kevin catches up to him. Kevin them tackles Jason into
the planter, and Manuel makes his way up to Kevin.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
      (panting)
We got him.
                                                            
 
INT. A TIME OF CELEBRATION - PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
Scene opens with Kevin sitting in Principal Sizemore's
office, as the principal walks in and sits down.
                                                            
                       PRINCIPAL
Well Kevin I didn't even believe
you but you did it. And I'd like
to let you know that all the
students involved in that incident
are being transfered to new
schools. So they can't cause
anymore problems,and I personally
destroied Jason's tape. Also Kevin
I'd like to show my grattitude by
making you Hall Monitor for the
rest of High School and recomend
you to a good college. Now if you
could just sign this contract
everythnig will be all set.
                                                            
Principal Sizemore hands Kevin the contract.
                                                            

17.

                       KEVIN
      (While reviewing
       the contract)
Well thank you sir, oh hold on
paragraph two sentences three and
four the language is a little
merky, that's going to have to be
rewritten.I'm seeing other
revisions too, but we can hammer
out the details latter. Anyway
like I was saying I couldn't have
done it without my crew. Guys come
on out here.
                                                            
Mac and Manuel all walk out in front of the camera, as Kevin
turns around and thanks them.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
I'd like to than Mac my
director/producer, and Manuel the
camera man and sound tech guy.
                                                            
 
INT. GOODBYE - CLASSROOM - DAY
                                                            
Scene starts with Kevin sitting alone in a classroom, just
like in the opening scene.
                                                            
                       MAC
      (off camera)
So Kevin would you say you learned
anything from this expeience.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
Yeah I'd say I learned that it
doesn't matter whether people
respect or not you. Because
respect can only get you so far.
What matters is that people fear
you because fears stays with you
until you over come it. Facing
your fears is just part of life.
Oh and I want to give props to the
band Acrassicauda and their own
Canadian documentary Heavy metal
In Baghdad, you guys are an
inspiration.
                                                            
                       MAC
      (off camera)
Okay one last thing, would you say
that besides doing it for the
glory and doing the right thing.
Do you also do it for the thrills
            (MORE)

18.

                       MAC (cont'd)
and for the sake of living on the
edge.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
      (quick pause)
"Adventure, excitement a Jedi
craves not these things." Kevin
Smith, Mallrats, 1995.
                                                            
The screen then freezes on Kevin, and the following
subheading apears.
                                                            
Pyscho Cop became a hit at the University of Toronto, and
opened at the 2008 Toronto International Film Festival to
rave reviews.
                                                            
the subheading fades and another one appears.
                                                            
As for Kevin, he has become somewhat of a celebrity and is
taking sometime off school. He is currently in Winnipeg
Beach, Manitoba starring in Mac, Mac's sister Paige, and
Manuel's next project.
                                                            
Subheading fades as another subheading appears.
                                                            
Manitoba Run
Coming Soon
                                                            


FADE OUT.


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From Josh A. Echevarria Date 4/7/2008 1/2
This is a boring script. There is no humor here. If you tried to make this funny you failed. I read the first 5 pages and could read no more because I knew that it would be boring. A documentary about a hall moniter? Although original, it's really not something that people want to spend about 18 minutes watching. Shorten it up to a 5 minute short for school or something and then maybe it could be somewhat interesting.


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