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Sick Day (Short)
by David Wells (dlwells4@gmail.com)

Rated: PG-13   Genre: Comedy   User Review: ***
Boss devises clever way to curb employee absenteeism.

This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.


AJAY, late-20's sits at his kitchen table and stares out the
window in a groggy state. His hair is messed up and his
eyes are red from being sick. He dials the phone.
Ajay's boss, JIM, late 30's, sits at his desk and reviews
paperwork as the phone rings. It is Ajay.
      (answers phone)
Hello, this is Jim.
Hi Jim.
Hey Ajay. What's up?
Jim, I picked up a cough and flu
over the weekend and I'm wiped
out. I need to take a sick day.
What's wrong?
Let me check something.
      (looks at computer)
Okay...I got it...Ajay, this is
your third sick day this year.
I know. I had strep in February
which knocked me out for a couple
of days. I haven't had any other
sick days since then.


Right. Right.
      (looks at computer)
Well, this would be three sick
days in eight months.
If you keep up at this clip,
you'll have a full week of sick
days this year.
Are you extrapolating my sick
The point is, based on your
history, you'll be out some more
this year.
So what?
Remember the senior management
meeting I attended last month?
The entire week of meetings was
dedicated to reducing sick days
and cutting health costs corporate
Sounds exciting. And your point
The company loses eight million
dollars a year in productivity due
to sick days.
Well, maybe you guys should have
created a new policy prohibiting


                       AJAY (cont'd)
employees from getting sick.
You're missing my point.
Jim, I'm sick! I'm going to the
doctor today.
Well, that's another thing.
What's another thing?!!
Our health care costs are
ballooning and a lot of it is due
to unnecessary doctor visits.
What's that got to do with me? I'm
on the verge of crapping my
pajamas right now!
Well, going forward, we're going
to do things a little bit
differently around here to get our
healthcare costs under control.
Jim, I'm puking my guts out. I
have diarrhea and I'm sneezing and
coughing every five seconds. What
the hell is going on here?
I need to personally verify your
What the ...verify my condition?
The president has asked all senior
managers to personally get
involved to curb healthcare costs.
I'm getting confused here.


I'll be by in twenty minutes to
check you out.
No you won't because I'll be at
the doctor's office. Jim, be
reasonable! I'll get a note from
the doctor!
Nope. Got to check it out myself,
president's mandate. So go shower
See you then.
They both hang up. Ajay gets up, rubs his eyes, shakes his
head, fluffs his hair and walks upstairs.
      (to himself)
Is this a dream?
Ajay nervously peeks out the window as he watches Jim's car
pull up in his driveway. Jim gets out out of the car, closes
the driver's door and opens the back door.

He reaches in the back seat and grabs a white Doctor's
overcoat that he slips on. He then pulls a stethoscope out
of his pocket and places it around his neck.

Jim then grabs a black medical bag and a box from the
backseat, closes the back door and walks up the sidewalk to
Ajay's front door. Jim rings the DOORBELL. Ajay closes his
eyes briefly, opens the door and lets Jim in.
Ajay and Jim both sit down in the living room facing each
other. Ajay looks at Jim's outfit suspiciously.
Jim, please, is this a joke? What
the hell's going on here?


I'm demonstrating my commitment to
you and the company by looking
after your well being. We believe
this personal touch will greatly
reduce our health care costs.
You're not a doctor!
True, but I received special
training at the conference last
month. I am now equipped to do
rough diagnostics.
Rough diagnostics? What kind of
bullshit is that?
Ajay, I need to examine you. You
know, to verify your condition.
No, I don't know.
You need to relax. I'm certified
to do this. Three days of my
training last month was dedicated
to conducting on-site medical
visits. Down the road, I will be
sending some middle managers for
training so we can get more
coverage. And guess what? You're
on the list!
I don't want any...
      (ignoring Dave)
Now open your mouth, stick out
your damn tongue and quit
I'm not...
Open your mouth!


Ajay reluctantly opens his mouth. Jim immediately places a
tongue depressor in his mouth and shines a small flashlight
at the back of his throat.
Oh yeah. Throat's real red. Let
me check your glands.
Ajay starts shaking his head to resist but Jim grabs both
sides of Ajay's neck with his hands and moves his fingers up
and down the length of the neck.
Swollen glands too.
Bet you're feeling sick too, huh?
Okay, enough. You've verified my
condition so I can go to the
doctor, right?
Not yet. I have a couple more
things I have to do before I sign
off. Lift up your shirt.
Ajay reluctantly lifts up his shirt. Jim places a
stethoscope on his chest and looks at his watch.
Your heartbeat is high. You a
little anxious?
Ajay's face turns red.
Turn your head to the side and
breath in and out slowly, real
Ajay reluctantly does so.
Major League congestion. You
really are sick.
Ajay gives Jim a look that would kill.
Okay, let's get a look at your
blood pressure.


Jim, places the blood pressure pad on Ajay's arm and listens
on his stethoscope while pumping the pad.
Wow, your blood pressure is high.
Why is that?
You almost done?
Just two more things and I'm out
of here. You did shower before I
got here, right?
Okay then, drop your drawers.
No way! I'm about two seconds away
from kicking your ass and I don't
even care that you're my boss.
Drop your drawers! I need to see
if you have any ruptures?
You mean hernias?
Ruptures, hernias, same thing...
They're not the same thing.
You're right Ajay. You really do
have an aptitude for this. I'll
see if I can move you up on the
training list...Anyway, I need to
check for ruptures, check that,
      (frustrated and
Plural? Like multiple
hernias?...I'm sick here, not


                       AJAY (cont'd)
Since the company is no longer
covering the cost of annual
physicals, I thought I'd do a
hernia check while I'm here,
saving you some money and killing
two birds with one stone.
You mean two balls with one hand?
I'm not letting you touch my
It'll be real quick and then one
more thing and I'm out of here.
Come on Ajay. Drop your drawers,
turn your head left and cough.
Just once. Come on.
Ajay drops his shorts. Jim reaches down and Ajay turns his
head and coughs.
I didn't realize you had such a...
Stop! What if I were female? This
would be sexual harassment!
      (matter of fact)
No. Our female employees will only
be examined by female
managers...Darn! Okay, last thing,
bend over.


Again, we're cutting costs and
rectal exams aren't covered
anymore. You need to get a rectal
twice a month.
Yeah, check that. Rectal exams are
required at least every two years,
not twice a month. What was I
thinking? Either way, you're due.
So bend over and crack a smile.
Ajay abruptly pulls up his shorts.
Ajay, what are you doing...
Good news Jim.
Really? What?
No need for you to fiddle my
rectum because I'm starting to
feel better now. In fact, I don't
think I even need to go to the
doctors. How about I finish
getting dressed and meet you in
the office in thirty minutes or
Yeah. I don't need a sick day
today. It must have been a twenty
four hour bug.


      (under his breath)
Yeah, super.
Jim sits on Ajay's couch and stares at Ajay.
Well then.
Is there something else on your
mind Jim? I've got to get
In fact there is. Since things
turned out so well today, I have
something very special for you.
Jim gives Ajay the box he brought in.
What's this?
A surprise. Open it.
Jim opens the box. Inside are scrubs, a strap and a pair of
What the hell...
Congratulations Ajay! Effective
immediately, you will now be my
medical assistant.
Not going to happen Jim!
Sure it is. I'm even going to
give you some O-J-T today.


I don't want any on the job
training. I'm head of I-T! I fix
network problems Jim! If I wanted
to be in medicine, I would have
gone to medical school. No way am
I doing this!
Be open minded Ajay. You're going
to accompany me to Big Lou's
Lou from accounting? Why?
He scheduled out patient surgery
today and I cancelled it. We're
going to do it instead.
He's very unhealthy Jim. He
weighs over four hundred pounds.
Right Ajay. Exactly my point.
Boy, you are good. And with that
unhealthy lifestyle of his, he has
developed oids the size of
Manhattan. Human icebergs inside
that guy's anal canal.
And I'm supposed to do what?
Strap him down of course, while I
do all the snipping.
No fucking way!
Jim grabs the scissors and starts walking towards Ajay who
stares at Jim with horror.
Snip snip Ajay. Snip snip.
      (walks closer)
Snip snip Ajay. Snip snip.
      (even closer)
Snip snip Ajay. Snip snip.


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From Nick Hanks Date 1/13/2009 ***
I thought the idea was very clever but the overall execution kind of waned but for what it is, it's kinda funny, I gotta admit, but let's be honest, this isn't exactly gonna light Hollywood on fire.

From Steven Date 6/1/2008 **
Although the dialogue is very funny, this script is bascially just a one-trick pony. There's a few things that you could fix to make it better. First, add more visuals. Short films are meant to be visuals. Pages and pages of just dialogue in a short film seems too much like a sitcom. Second, there a few formating problems that need to be addressed (i.e., don't write that Jim is the boss, show it). Finally, get a better ending.

From Abbey Markey Date 5/25/2008 ***
I did like this, but from a female's pov maybe make the character of Ajay's boss Jim a little more strange and eccentric? ( if that's the angle you were going for)

From Chris Setten Date 5/25/2008 ****
Very funny. I had no problem suspending my disbelief. Effective.

From David Chase Date 5/23/2008 ***1/2
This premise is really funny. The employees in Office Space would relate well to this kind of treatment. Well done.

From Josh Echevarria Date 5/19/2008 ****
I liked this alot. It was funny and the dialogue was realistic and believable. Great job.

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