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Sick Day (Short)
by David Wells (dlwells4@gmail.com)

Rated: PG-13   Genre: Comedy   User Review: ***
Boss devises clever way to curb employee absenteeism.


This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



FADE IN:

INT. AJAY'S KITCHEN - DAY
                                                            
AJAY, late-20's sits at his kitchen table and stares out the
window in a groggy state. His hair is messed up and his
eyes are red from being sick. He dials the phone.
                                                            
 
INT. JIM'S OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
Ajay's boss, JIM, late 30's, sits at his desk and reviews
paperwork as the phone rings. It is Ajay.
                                                            
(INTER CUT PHONE SEQUENCE)
                                                            
                       JIM
      (answers phone)
Hello, this is Jim.
                                                            
                       AJAY
      (soft)
Hi Jim.
                                                            
                       JIM
Hey Ajay. What's up?
                                                            
                       AJAY
Jim, I picked up a cough and flu
over the weekend and I'm wiped
out. I need to take a sick day.
                                                            
                       JIM
Hmmm.
                                                            
                       AJAY
      (fear)
What's wrong?
                                                            
                       JIM
Let me check something.
      (looks at computer)
Okay...I got it...Ajay, this is
your third sick day this year.
                                                            
                       AJAY
I know. I had strep in February
which knocked me out for a couple
of days. I haven't had any other
sick days since then.
                                                            

2.

                       JIM
Right. Right.
      (looks at computer)
Well, this would be three sick
days in eight months.
                                                            
                       AJAY
Exactly.
                                                            
                       JIM
If you keep up at this clip,
you'll have a full week of sick
days this year.
                                                            
                       AJAY
Are you extrapolating my sick
days?
                                                            
                       JIM
The point is, based on your
history, you'll be out some more
this year.
                                                            
                       AJAY
      (irritated)
So what?
                                                            
                       JIM
Remember the senior management
meeting I attended last month?
                                                            
                       AJAY
      (suspicious)
Yeah.
                                                            
                       JIM
The entire week of meetings was
dedicated to reducing sick days
and cutting health costs corporate
wide.
                                                            
                       AJAY
Sounds exciting. And your point
is...?
                                                            
                       JIM
The company loses eight million
dollars a year in productivity due
to sick days.
                                                            
                       AJAY
      (sarcastic)
Well, maybe you guys should have
created a new policy prohibiting
            (MORE)

3.

                       AJAY (cont'd)
employees from getting sick.
                                                            
                       JIM
You're missing my point.
                                                            
                       AJAY
      (upset)
Jim, I'm sick! I'm going to the
doctor today.
                                                            
                       JIM
Well, that's another thing.
                                                            
                       AJAY
What's another thing?!!
                                                            
                       JIM
Our health care costs are
ballooning and a lot of it is due
to unnecessary doctor visits.
                                                            
                       AJAY
What's that got to do with me? I'm
on the verge of crapping my
pajamas right now!
                                                            
                       JIM
Well, going forward, we're going
to do things a little bit
differently around here to get our
healthcare costs under control.
                                                            
                       AJAY
Jim, I'm puking my guts out. I
have diarrhea and I'm sneezing and
coughing every five seconds. What
the hell is going on here?
                                                            
                       JIM
I need to personally verify your
condition.
                                                            
                       AJAY
What the ...verify my condition?
                                                            
                       JIM
The president has asked all senior
managers to personally get
involved to curb healthcare costs.
                                                            
                       AJAY
I'm getting confused here.
                                                            

4.

                       JIM
I'll be by in twenty minutes to
check you out.
                                                            
                       AJAY
No you won't because I'll be at
the doctor's office. Jim, be
reasonable! I'll get a note from
the doctor!
                                                            
                       JIM
Nope. Got to check it out myself,
president's mandate. So go shower
up.
                                                            
                       AJAY
What?
                                                            
                       JIM
See you then.
                                                            
They both hang up. Ajay gets up, rubs his eyes, shakes his
head, fluffs his hair and walks upstairs.
                                                            
                       AJAY
      (to himself)
Is this a dream?
                                                            
 
EXT. AJAY'S HOUSE - DAY
                                                            
Ajay nervously peeks out the window as he watches Jim's car
pull up in his driveway. Jim gets out out of the car, closes
the driver's door and opens the back door.

He reaches in the back seat and grabs a white Doctor's
overcoat that he slips on. He then pulls a stethoscope out
of his pocket and places it around his neck.

Jim then grabs a black medical bag and a box from the
backseat, closes the back door and walks up the sidewalk to
Ajay's front door. Jim rings the DOORBELL. Ajay closes his
eyes briefly, opens the door and lets Jim in.
                                                            
 
INT. AJAY'S LIVING ROOM - DAY
                                                            
Ajay and Jim both sit down in the living room facing each
other. Ajay looks at Jim's outfit suspiciously.
                                                            
                       AJAY
Jim, please, is this a joke? What
the hell's going on here?
                                                            

5.

                       JIM
I'm demonstrating my commitment to
you and the company by looking
after your well being. We believe
this personal touch will greatly
reduce our health care costs.
                                                            
                       AJAY
You're not a doctor!
                                                            
                       JIM
True, but I received special
training at the conference last
month. I am now equipped to do
rough diagnostics.
                                                            
                       AJAY
Rough diagnostics? What kind of
bullshit is that?
                                                            
                       JIM
Ajay, I need to examine you. You
know, to verify your condition.
                                                            
                       AJAY
No, I don't know.
                                                            
                       JIM
You need to relax. I'm certified
to do this. Three days of my
training last month was dedicated
to conducting on-site medical
visits. Down the road, I will be
sending some middle managers for
training so we can get more
coverage. And guess what? You're
on the list!
                                                            
                       AJAY
I don't want any...
                                                            
                       JIM
      (ignoring Dave)
Now open your mouth, stick out
your damn tongue and quit
resisting!
                                                            
                       AJAY
I'm not...
                                                            
                       JIM
Open your mouth!
                                                            

6.

Ajay reluctantly opens his mouth. Jim immediately places a
tongue depressor in his mouth and shines a small flashlight
at the back of his throat.
                                                            
                       JIM
Oh yeah. Throat's real red. Let
me check your glands.
                                                            
Ajay starts shaking his head to resist but Jim grabs both
sides of Ajay's neck with his hands and moves his fingers up
and down the length of the neck.
                                                            
                       JIM
Swollen glands too.
      (joking)
Bet you're feeling sick too, huh?
                                                            
                       AJAY
Okay, enough. You've verified my
condition so I can go to the
doctor, right?
                                                            
                       JIM
Not yet. I have a couple more
things I have to do before I sign
off. Lift up your shirt.
                                                            
Ajay reluctantly lifts up his shirt. Jim places a
stethoscope on his chest and looks at his watch.
                                                            
                       JIM
Your heartbeat is high. You a
little anxious?
                                                            
Ajay's face turns red.
                                                            
                       JIM
Turn your head to the side and
breath in and out slowly, real
deep.
                                                            
Ajay reluctantly does so.
                                                            
                       JIM
Major League congestion. You
really are sick.
                                                            
Ajay gives Jim a look that would kill.
                                                            
                       JIM
Okay, let's get a look at your
blood pressure.
                                                            

7.

Jim, places the blood pressure pad on Ajay's arm and listens
on his stethoscope while pumping the pad.
                                                            
                       JIM
Wow, your blood pressure is high.
Why is that?
                                                            
                       AJAY
      (angry)
You almost done?
                                                            
                       JIM
Just two more things and I'm out
of here. You did shower before I
got here, right?
                                                            
                       AJAY
Yes!
                                                            
                       JIM
Okay then, drop your drawers.
                                                            
                       AJAY
No way! I'm about two seconds away
from kicking your ass and I don't
even care that you're my boss.
                                                            
                       JIM
Drop your drawers! I need to see
if you have any ruptures?
                                                            
                       AJAY
You mean hernias?
                                                            
                       JIM
Ruptures, hernias, same thing...
                                                            
                       AJAY
      (angry)
They're not the same thing.
                                                            
                       JIM
You're right Ajay. You really do
have an aptitude for this. I'll
see if I can move you up on the
training list...Anyway, I need to
check for ruptures, check that,
hernias.
                                                            
                       AJAY
      (frustrated and
       confused)
Plural? Like multiple
hernias?...I'm sick here, not
            (MORE)

8.

                       AJAY (cont'd)
injured.
                                                            
                       JIM
      (reassuring)
Since the company is no longer
covering the cost of annual
physicals, I thought I'd do a
hernia check while I'm here,
saving you some money and killing
two birds with one stone.
                                                            
                       AJAY
You mean two balls with one hand?
                                                            
                       JIM
Huh?
                                                            
                       AJAY
I'm not letting you touch my
balls!
                                                            
                       JIM
It'll be real quick and then one
more thing and I'm out of here.
Come on Ajay. Drop your drawers,
turn your head left and cough.
Just once. Come on.
                                                            
Ajay drops his shorts. Jim reaches down and Ajay turns his
head and coughs.
                                                            
                       JIM
Whoaaa.
                                                            
                       AJAY
What?
                                                            
                       JIM
I didn't realize you had such a...
                                                            
                       AJAY
      (angry)
Stop! What if I were female? This
would be sexual harassment!
                                                            
                       JIM
      (matter of fact)
No. Our female employees will only
be examined by female
managers...Darn! Okay, last thing,
bend over.
                                                            

9.

                       AJAY
Why?
                                                            
                       JIM
Again, we're cutting costs and
rectal exams aren't covered
anymore. You need to get a rectal
twice a month.
                                                            
                       AJAY
Bullshit!
                                                            
                       JIM
Yeah, check that. Rectal exams are
required at least every two years,
not twice a month. What was I
thinking? Either way, you're due.
So bend over and crack a smile.
                                                            
Ajay abruptly pulls up his shorts.
                                                            
                       JIM
Ajay, what are you doing...
                                                            
                       AJAY
Good news Jim.
                                                            
                       JIM
Really? What?
                                                            
                       AJAY
No need for you to fiddle my
rectum because I'm starting to
feel better now. In fact, I don't
think I even need to go to the
doctors. How about I finish
getting dressed and meet you in
the office in thirty minutes or
so?
                                                            
                       JIM
Really?
                                                            
                       AJAY
Yeah. I don't need a sick day
today. It must have been a twenty
four hour bug.
                                                            
                       JIM
      (smiles)
Super!
                                                            

10.

                       AJAY
      (under his breath)
Yeah, super.
                                                            
Jim sits on Ajay's couch and stares at Ajay.
                                                            
                       JIM
Well then.
                                                            
                       AJAY
Yes.
                                                            
                       JIM
Hmmmm
                                                            
                       AJAY
Is there something else on your
mind Jim? I've got to get
dressed.
                                                            
                       JIM
In fact there is. Since things
turned out so well today, I have
something very special for you.
                                                            
Jim gives Ajay the box he brought in.
                                                            
                       AJAY
What's this?
                                                            
                       JIM
A surprise. Open it.
                                                            
Jim opens the box. Inside are scrubs, a strap and a pair of
scissors.
                                                            
                       AJAY
What the hell...
                                                            
                       JIM
Congratulations Ajay! Effective
immediately, you will now be my
medical assistant.
                                                            
                       AJAY
Not going to happen Jim!
                                                            
                       JIM
Sure it is. I'm even going to
give you some O-J-T today.
                                                            

11.

                       AJAY
I don't want any on the job
training. I'm head of I-T! I fix
network problems Jim! If I wanted
to be in medicine, I would have
gone to medical school. No way am
I doing this!
                                                            
                       JIM
Be open minded Ajay. You're going
to accompany me to Big Lou's
house.
                                                            
                       AJAY
Lou from accounting? Why?
                                                            
                       JIM
He scheduled out patient surgery
today and I cancelled it. We're
going to do it instead.
                                                            
                       AJAY
He's very unhealthy Jim. He
weighs over four hundred pounds.
                                                            
                       JIM
Right Ajay. Exactly my point.
Boy, you are good. And with that
unhealthy lifestyle of his, he has
developed oids the size of
Manhattan. Human icebergs inside
that guy's anal canal.
                                                            
                       AJAY
And I'm supposed to do what?
                                                            
                       JIM
Strap him down of course, while I
do all the snipping.
                                                            
                       AJAY
No fucking way!
                                                            
Jim grabs the scissors and starts walking towards Ajay who
stares at Jim with horror.
                                                            
                       JIM
Snip snip Ajay. Snip snip.
      (walks closer)
Snip snip Ajay. Snip snip.
      (even closer)
Snip snip Ajay. Snip snip.
                                                            


FADE OUT.


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From Nick Hanks Date 1/13/2009 ***
I thought the idea was very clever but the overall execution kind of waned but for what it is, it's kinda funny, I gotta admit, but let's be honest, this isn't exactly gonna light Hollywood on fire.

From Steven Date 6/1/2008 **
Although the dialogue is very funny, this script is bascially just a one-trick pony. There's a few things that you could fix to make it better. First, add more visuals. Short films are meant to be visuals. Pages and pages of just dialogue in a short film seems too much like a sitcom. Second, there a few formating problems that need to be addressed (i.e., don't write that Jim is the boss, show it). Finally, get a better ending.

From Abbey Markey Date 5/25/2008 ***
I did like this, but from a female's pov maybe make the character of Ajay's boss Jim a little more strange and eccentric? ( if that's the angle you were going for)

From Chris Setten Date 5/25/2008 ****
Very funny. I had no problem suspending my disbelief. Effective.

From David Chase Date 5/23/2008 ***1/2
This premise is really funny. The employees in Office Space would relate well to this kind of treatment. Well done.

From Josh Echevarria Date 5/19/2008 ****
I liked this alot. It was funny and the dialogue was realistic and believable. Great job.


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