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Dramatre (Revised Short)
by Jamar Black (jamar_black23@hotmail.com)

Rated: R   Genre: Drama   User Review: ***
A combination of three drama's that tie together at the end of the story in one huge event. This is my third (And hopefully final) time re-editing this movie. It was written by me (Jamar Black) an eighteen year old African-American hoping to someday pursuit film and screenwriting as a profession. Support me by reading this scripts and posting feedback.

This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.

We see a poverty-stricken, broken-down neighborhood. It
thrives with crime, drugs and prostitution. Police scan the
streets every ten minutes but right now the road is

Suddenly a car, very modern and luxurious, screeches to a
haul in the middle of the road. The back door opens and a
body is violently thrown out of the back of the car. The car
suddenly speeds away down the street leaving the body alone
                                         CUT TO:
We see "TULIPS" in white simple letter embedded in a
background full of beautiful colorful tulips gently moving
from a blowing soft breeze.
                                         CUT BACK TO:
We hear a moan. As the body gets up and comes into frame it
reveals a boy, no older than eight-teen. This is JUSTIN. He
rubs his head trying to sink in the pain. We cut to Justin's
POV revealing the thugs and prostitutes who were walking the
streets now have all their attention focused on him,
scanning him like a hawk. JUSTIN'S eyes tremble in fear. He
is helpless and unprotected.
                       THUG 1
      (From distance)
Who the fuck going to throw some
dude in the middle of the hood?
                       THUG 2
      (From distance)
We should give that nigga a very
special greeting card.
THUG 1 and THUG 2 burst out in laughter. JUSTIN checks his
pockets for his phone. He turns his pockets inside out only
to discover his only lifeline is nowhere to be found.
Shit, Shit, Where the fuck is my
JUSTIN starts to jog down the sidewalk on an attempt to find
the nearest pay phone.


                                         CUT TO:
JUSTIN is sits on the curb, constantly rubbing his head, in
wonderment to how he got into this situation.

The front door opens of a very rigid house in the
background. A very distressed and rough looking woman, but
attractive, exits through the house equipped with a trash
bag. This is Emily. The door slams. JUSTIN is startled.
JUSTIN realizes he is sitting next to her trashcan and gets
up. As EMILY is dumping her trash she notices JUSTIN trying
to be invisible as much as possible. She immediately feels
the obligation to start a conversation. EMILY turns to
Yo...Hey Kid?
Oh. Sorry lady. Didn't mean to
bother you...I'll...I'll be
leaving now.
Didn't mean to bother whom? You
ain't bothering nobody. Hell, you
were only standing next to my
trashcan. Ya ain't peepin' through
my window or nothin'
Since you put it that way...I
guess I take that back.
EMILY scans Justin's clothes
Ed Hardy. American Eagle. Hell
with clothes like that I know
damn sure you ain't from around
here. What, ya one of those "Frat
Boys" from the local college.
No...well yes...In a way, I guess
your right.


So what the fuck ya doing on
I'm here against my own will.
You here aganis...Why the hell
haven't ya called anybody?
I left my phone in the car as I
was being thrown out of it.
Damn, ya must had some day?
EMILY pauses and thinks for a second.
Well, if ya need to use a phone I
have one in the crib.
No problem. This isn't ya hood
anyways so might as well help ya
JUSTIN and EMILY smile.
Emily's House-Living room.

We see a very trashy lower-class living-room. Roaches and
broken beer bottles lay scattered on the floor. Pictures are
framed crookedly on the walls.
We see EMILY and JUSTIN enter the house. EMILY motions
towards the phone.
The phone is by the refrigerator.
Hopefully yo call is not long
distance 'cause I don't want to
raise up my got damn phone bill. I


                       EMILY (cont'd)
have the house to worry about
JUSTIN pauses. He turns to EMILY.
So what do you do?
EMILY takes a seat on the couch.
Me? I do a lot of things. I braid
hair. I go to the movies. You
know, normal stuff. Come to think
of it, I don't get asked that
question quite often. I...
I mean career wise.
Suddenly EMILY pauses. You feel a long awkward pause.
Oh, sorry...I got too comfortable.
She turns to Justin and immediately changes to a different
You want to see my pictures? I
love showing people my pictures.
On the cover you see "Clover High School, Class of 05-06"

EMILY opens the book.
                                         CUT BACK TO:
EMILY and JUSTIN are glancing through the yearbook. Emily
points at her picture.


There I am with braces.
You went to Clover High your
senior year?
No. I went their my whole high
school years.
I went their my whole high school
career too.
They make eye contact. Pause.
So at this point I think it is
appropriate to ask me what my name
JUSTIN pauses. He looks into EMILY'S eyes.
What is your name?
JUSTIN recognizes the name.
Not the Philosophy and Debate club
president and not to mention prom
queen of '06, EMILY ROBINSON
EMILY nods modestly.
I heard you went to Georgetown.
I did, I did.
JUSTIN'S excitement wears off when he finally realizes where
he is.


You had everything going for you.
You had a full ride, you had
beauty...What happened?
I got caught up...I was
overwhelmed with work and everyone
kept on expecting the best out of
me...I mean...I just, I just...
EMILY stops.
EMILY looks at the clock. Suddenly she remembers what she is
supposed to do. She turns to Justin.
Can you excuse me for a minute?
                                         CUT TO:
EMILY is sitting in her bed room with the phone beside her.
She seems as if something concerns her. The phone rings. She
answers slowly.
If your ready...Say "Strawberry".
There is a silent pause.
Be careful, Bub-be. Be care...
The voice hangs up. Justin walks into the room.
Is everything okay, all i heard
was be careful and
"Strawberry"...Who has to be
careful and who is "Strawberry"


EMILY pauses starting to regret what she just did. She turns
to JUSTIN with a phony smile.
So...What about that phone call?
                                         CUT TO BLACK:
Coffee Shop. Day. We see a normal day at the coffee shop.
Employees are brewing freshly grown coffee beans. People are
constantly making and canceling orders. People are sitting
around drinking coffee and talking about what people talk
                                         CUT TO:
We see a man, late forties, sitting near the entrance with a
laptop in front of him but instead of typing he is intensely
pondering. This is JAKE.

He takes a sip of his coffee. From the way he looks he seems
very depressed and belittled. He starts typing. He types
"What is Happiness" but immediately erases it right after.

Suddenly a waitress approaches him. This is THE WAITRESS.
She is very joyful and charismatic. She is what JAKE has
been searching for.
                       THE WAITRESS
Hard work, isn't it?
JAKE immediately turns his attention to THE WAITRESS.
                                         CUT TO:
We see "Roses" in simple white letters embedded in a
background full of beautiful roses gently moving.
                                         CUT BACK TO:
JAKE focuses his attention to THE WAITRESS.
What's hard work?
                       THE WAITRESS
You know...Being a writer and
everything...I tried it once but
most of the time my pages were


                       THE WAITRESS (cont'd)
blank and I had a serious case of
"Writer's Block"
I hate to be rude but shouldn't
you be pouring my coffee instead
of being my therapist.
THE WAITRESS immediately reacts to this comment.
                       THE WAITRESS
I'm just trying to make
THE WAITRESS walks away. Jake turns to her.
THE WAITRESS turns back to Jake.
                       THE WAITRESS
More coffee?
How did you know I was a writer?
                       THE WAITRESS
Well, what'cha think everyone does
with a laptop in a coffee shop?
THE WAITRESS takes a seat near Jake.
                       THE WAITRESS
I never really understood it but I
think coffee shops are the
cornerstone of creativity and the
force behind inspiration...It's
also kind of an unofficial cliche
I would go as far as to say that,
but it is really comfortable.
                       THE WAITRESS
I agree, I mean...
Jake phone rings.
Excuse me.


He answers the phone.
Hello...Justin....Where are
you?...In "C-What"?....I'll be
there in thirty son.
Jake hangs up the phone.
THE WAITRESS suddenly looks curious.
                       THE WAITRESS
Why, What?
                       THE WAITRESS
Why do you seem so depressed when
you have a family to go to every
I wouldn't go so far as to calling
it a family. You have to
understand it is just me and my
son...I'm a widower.
                       THE WAITRESS
So you go to the coffee shop and
write your heart out to mourn your
wife. The pieces finally come
Basically...Don't you have to
                       THE WAITRESS
Between me and you, I just gave
myself a break.
JAKE and JANET softly laugh.
                       THE WAITRESS
So friend, and I'm sure we're
friends by now, right?


Of course.
                       THE WAITRESS
So tell me, what is your name?
Jake. Jake Briggs
                       THE WAITRESS
Well, Jake. I think it is an
appropriate time to ask me what my
name is.
And what is your name, angel?
They laugh softly.
                       THE WAITRESS
Far from it...I'm
Boom. THE WAITRESS is hit in the chest by the impact of the
shells of a shotgun. Blood spats everywhere covering JAKE'S
face with drops of blood. Jake is caught off guard not
comprehending what just happened. Everyone is screaming.
Everyone panics.
                                         CUT TO:
                       MASKED MAN 1
Shut up, Shut up, Shut the fuck
We see two MASKED MEN at the entrance equipped with
shotguns. They are both dressed in black hidden by ski masks
on their faces.
MASKED MAN 1 motions towards the register and MASKED MAN 2
moves to the register. The cashier has his hands up
trembling in fear.
Please. Please. I have kids.
We see through the cashiers POV revealing MASKED MAN 2
pointing his gun straight at him. BOOM. He shoots the
cashier in the chest. The cashier falls to the ground dead.
                                         CUT TO:


                       MASKED MAN 1
Get the cash and lets get the fuck
out of here!
Masked man 2 opens the cash register. He fills his pocket
with cash.
                       MASKED MAN 1
Come on, hurry up!
JAKE is under his table caressing THE WAITRESS'S lifeless
body. He gently touches her face.
JAKE suddenly is overcome with anger. A feeling of
invincibility comes over him. He stands and charges at
MASKED MAN 1. MASKED MAN 1 hits JAKE with the bunt of the
shotgun. JAKE falls to the ground in pain. MASKED MAN 1
points his gun at JAKE. Pause.
                       MAKSED MAN 2
Shit man, all we wanted was the
                       MASKED MAN 1
But this dude right here was
trying to be a fucking hero.
                       MAKSED MAN 2
Fuck him! Let's just dip out of
here before the cops come!
There is a long pause between JAKE and MASKED MAN 1. MASKED
MAN 1 turns toward MASKED MAN 2.
                       MASKED MAN 1
Let's get the fuck out of here.
The masked men escape with the cash. Leaving JAKE alone in
the coffee shop bleeding on the ground. You hear the getaway
car wheel's screech in the distance as it speeds away.
                                         CUT TO BLACK:
                       VOICE 1
VOICE 2 interrupts.


                       VOICE 2
Look! I dun told yo bitch-ass for
the last time, it's MARKIE THE
                                         CUT TO:
We see two boys dressed in urban clothing. They are DECEMBER
and MARKIE THE GREAT. They are posted up on a wall beside a
beautiful park centered in a middle class neighborhood.
Why call you MARKIE THE GREAT when
you far from it?
                       MARKIE THE GREAT
Shit nigga, I accomplished more
than yo "trifflin" ass
well, At least this nigga gets
more booty than you.
                       MARKIE THE GREAT
Why worry about booty when there
are so many diseases going
around...Mainly with all these
dirty ass hood rats.
So your actually admitting I get
more booty than you bringing me to
the assumption that your saying
I'm better than you.
                       MARKIE THE GREAT
Please. Fuck that O' bullshit. Now
you just putting words in my
mouth. Anyways, I know I'm better
than you.
And why is that, nigga
                       MARKIE THE GREAT
For one, I'm going to college this


Just because your going to state
doesn't mean your better than
                       MARKIE THE GREAT
Not only am I going to state, I
got a full ride, and not only do I
have a full ride, I'm not even
playing sports. Nigga, that's why
they call me MARKIE THE GREAT
because I accomplished what our
racially profiled and oppressed
ancestors couldn't. And that's
December pulls out a phone and starts to dial. The phone
                       EMILY (V.O)
If your ready...Say "Strawberry".
                       EMILY (V.O)
Be careful Bub-be. Be care...
December hangs up the phone. MARKIE THE GREAT notices a car
approaching from down the street.
                       MARKIE THE GREAT
Here he comes...Here he comes
A car pulls up beside the wall.
                                         CUT TO:
We see DECEMBER and MARKIE THE GREAT sitting in the back
seat. They are both dressed in all black. They are both
looking out there separate window. MARKIE THE GREAT turns to
make conversation.


                       MARKIE THE GREAT
So, do ya want to know what I'm
going to study?
No. But I have a strong feeling ya
bitch-ass is going to tell me.
                       MARKIE THE GREAT
Psychology...I'm going to study
Psychology, nigga.
Why the hell ya going to study
that useless major.
                       MARKIE THE GREAT
I don't know it may work out in
the long run, ya know, maybe get
my own show and shit...You know,
shit like that.
You mean like Dr. Phil and Oprah,
shit like that.
                       MARKIE THE GREAT
Naw, not that old sympathetic
shit. I was thinking more like
Jerry Springer, ya know. But there
all cool.
We see DECEMBER and MARKIE THE GREAT get out of the car and
walk to the trunk.
So what are you going to major...
December open the trunk revealing an artillery of weapons.
                       DECEMBER (cont'd)
...If you don't like Psychology
MARKIE THE GREAT pulls out a shotgun from the trunk. He
cocks it.
                       MARKIE THE GREAT
I was thinking of going into
writing...Maybe becoming a
political annalyst.


DECEMBER grabs his shotgun and cocks it.
How the fuck ya go from a writer
to a political analyst.
MARKIE THE GREAT thinks about it for a second.
                       MARKIE THE GREAT
It will work out.
MARKIE THE GREAT shuts the trunk.
                                         CUT TO:
We see DECEMBER and MARKIE THE GREAT walk towards the coffee
shop. They are both equipped with shotguns.
So, why a coffee shop?
                       MARKIE THE GREAT
From my research, a coffee shop is
not only the most profitable
heist, it is the most Non-secure
place for "nigga's like us".
"Nigga's like us"?
They pause at the entrance. They make eye contact.
                       MARKIE THE GREAT
      (Making a Point)
They put on there masks. We hear the first gunshot as the
scene from earlier in the movie repeats itself. We see
people run out of the coffee shop in a frantic panic. Later
we see DECEMBER and MARKIE THE GREAT sprint out of the
coffee shop with there pockets full of money. They hop in
the car and it screeches leaving the parking lot filled
                                         CUT TO: TITLE SHOT


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From David Chase Date 6/10/2008 ***
I'm giving this a 3 because I thought, for an 18 year old, you tied the story together nicely. There are some things I would consider working on. First is dialogue. Read it aloud and you'll find that it doesn't always sound the way real people talk. For example, "I think it is an appropriate time to ask me what my name is" would sound more natural as "Don't you wanna know what my name is" or something like that. Also, avoid all of the camera direction and saying things like "we see". Simply tell the story and the director will worry about shooting it. This is a good start, and you have plenty of time to learn the finer points by either reading or taking classes on screenwriting, which will help you build on what you've started.

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