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Company (Short) Revised, New Ending
by Taylor (movieman9302@yahoo.com)

Rated: PG   Genre: Comedy   User Review: ***
My goal in this script was to write an odd, and humorous short, sort of in the same vein as movies such as The Royal Tenenbaums and Punch-Drunk Love in terms of atmosphere. The main gripe I heard about the previous draft was that the ending wasn't very fulfilling, so I changed it so it has more energy. Thanks for the tips guys! Be completely honest in your reviews! I'm writing this for myself because I am a high school student that's trying to start making short films on my own.


This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



COMPANY (SHORT) REVISED, NEW ENDING

EXT. OUTSIDE THE HOUSE - DAY
                                                            
The door opens and a boy of about 16 years walks out. He
makes his way to the mailbox and gets the mail. He sorts
through the letters, and stops at one with the name SAM
LUDLOW inscribed in large letters and opens it. He then
walks to the newspaper and bends down to pick it up. Upon
arising he pauses and eyes his surroundings. He then walks
back up the lawn to the door. While opening the door, he
notices a car parked outside his house that was not there
before.

The car contains a driver and a passenger. It sits in park
for a few seconds before the passenger door opens and a
small Asian boy is dumped out. The car then speeds off.

The boy gets up and stands at the edge of Sam's lawn. The
two boys stare at each other with neutral expressions. Sam
then walks into the house and closes the door.
                                                            
 
INT. INSIDE HOUSE - DAY
                                                            
Sam places the newspaper and mail on the kitchen counter. He
pours himself a glass of water and takes a sip before
walking back to the door and peeking out the window.

He sees the Asian boy sitting on the curb, facing the house,
with a neutral expression on his face.

Sam opens the door and walks outside.
                                                            
 
EXT. OUTSIDE THE HOUSE - DAY
                                                            
Sam stands on the porch and looks curiously at the Asian boy
who is still sitting on the curb. The Asian boy stares back
with the same blank expression.

Sam begins to approach him with a cautious look on his face.

The boy's position and demeanor does not change.

Sam then gets within a few feet of the boy. All of the
sudden the Asian boy jolts up and sprints down the road,
for a long while, without looking back. Sam stares at the
boy in the distance, dumbfounded. He walks back inside.
                                                            
 

2.

INT. HOUSE - DAY
                                                            
Sam walks in and picks up the phone. He dials a number and
puts it to his ear.
                                                            
                       SAM
Hey Dad?
...
Hey...I was just wondering, should
I be expecting anybody today? Like
the cable guy, or delivery,
or...something?
...
Oh, no reason, just thought I saw
someone at the door.
...
Ya, they're gone now. What time
are you getting home again?
...
5 o'clock?
...
Ya. Ok.
...
Ya. Bye.
                                                            
Sam pauses for a second in contemplation. Then he walks back
to the door and takes a look at the window.

He sees the Asian boy in the same place as before, with the
same look on his face.

Sam walks outside.
                                                            
 
EXT. OUTSIDE HOUSE. - DAY
                                                            
Sam approaches, slower this time. He gets about halfway
between the door and the boy before speaking.
                                                            
                       SAM
What do you want?
                                                            
                       ASIAN BOY
Do you have any pretzels?
                                                            
Sam stares at him with a stupid look on his face.
                                                            
                       SAM
Ya, uh, I think I have some in the
house. One sec.
                                                            
Sam walks into the house and reappears quickly with a single
portion bag of pretzels.
                                                            

3.

                       SAM
Here.
                                                            
                       ASIAN BOY
Thanks.
                                                            
The boy eats one pretzel.
                                                            
                       ASIAN BOY
Can I use your toilet?
                                                            
Sam pauses to think for a moment, still staring at the boy,
still with a stupid look on his face. He replies
reluctantly.
                                                            
                       SAM
Ya. Sure.
                                                            
They walk inside.
                                                            
 
INT. HOUSE - DAY
                                                            
Sam leads the boy to the bathroom. He points to the door.
                                                            
                       SAM
It's right in here.
                                                            
The boy walks in and Sam waits with a sense of uneasiness.
You hear the boy do his business and the toilet flushes,
after which the door immediately flies open.

The boy walks out and stands there silently with a neutral
expression on his face.

Sam stares at him, obviously at a loss as to what to do
next.
                                                            
                       SAM
So...what are you doing here?
                                                            
                       ASIAN BOY
My dad dropped me off on the way
to work. My name's Paul.
                                                            
                       SAM
Oh, I'm Sam.
                                                            
Sam holds out a hand to shake. Paul ignores him and instead
starts walking around the house, sizing it up.
                                                            
                       SAM
Right here on my doorstep...
                                                            

4.

                       PAUL
That's right.
                                                            
                       SAM
On his way to work at 2:45 in the
afternoon?
                                                            
                       PAUL
Exactly.
                                                            
They are both still standing in the same place. Sam looks
rather awkward, and Paul's smile turns into the same neutral
expression.

A few seconds pass.
                                                            
                       PAUL
So...what do you want to do?
                                                            
Sam is momentarily taken aback by Paul's inquiry.
                                                            
                       SAM
Well...We could...uh...watch TV.
Or maybe we can get on the
computer or something.
                                                            
                       PAUL
You know, I'm kind of beat. Let's
just watch TV.
                                                            
                       SAM
OK, well the living room is this
way...
                                                            
Sam leads Paul to the TV room. Sam sits down on the couch
and Paul walks up to a chair, and then sits on the floor.
They watch for a few seconds.

Sam gets up.
                                                            
                       SAM
Do you want me to get you anything
to drink? I've got water, Coke,
Gatorade.
                                                            
                       PAUL
No thanks, I'm pretty stuffed.
                                                            
Sam walks into the back room to fetch himself a drink.
                                                            
                       SAM
So what does your dad do exactly?
                                                            

5.

                       PAUL
Oh, he's a business man.
                                                            
Sam pauses to ponder the many possible jobs that title might
entail.
                                                            
                       SAM
Where do you live?
                                                            
                       PAUL
Oh, I live around here.
                                                            
                       SAM
Can you be more specific?
                                                            
                       PAUL
You know...this general area.
                                                            
Sam sits back down on the couch, obviously put off by the
vagueness of Paul's answers.

Paul then looks at his wrist to tell the time, only he has
no watch.
                                                            
                       PAUL
You know, it's getting kind of
late. I should really get going.
                                                            
Sam looks at the clock. It reads 3:07.
                                                            
                       SAM
OK...
                                                            
                       PAUL
Think I can get a lift home?
                                                            
Sam stares at Paul, once again dumbfounded.
                                                            
                       SAM
I can't drive.
                                                            
                       PAUL
That's ok. I'll walk.
                                                            
They both stand up. At that exact moment they hear a
pounding on the door.
                                                            
                       PAUL
Don't answer it.
                                                            
Paul's neutral expression turns into something a bit
worrisome.


6.

They wait a couple of seconds and there is another pounding
on the door.

Sam looks at Paul, then walks to the door.
                                                            
                       PAUL
Don't answer it!
                                                            
Ignoring Paul, Sam opens the door, and is surprised to see a
20 something white male standing uneasily close to the door
frame.
                                                            
                       STRANGE MAN
Paul. Get in the car.
                                                            
Paul looks at Sam, then looks at the man.
                                                            
                       STRANGE MAN
Son, get in the car now.
                                                            
He is obviously agitated.
                                                            
                       SAM
I'm sorry, who are you?
                                                            
                       MR. GOODFELLOW
I'm Justin Goodfellow, and I am
here to pick up my son.
                                                            
Sam is now completely at a loss as to what is going on. He
looks at Paul.
                                                            
                       SAM
What are you 15?!? How old is he?
                                                            
                       PAUL
Older than me.
                                                            
                       SAM
But he's...and you're...well
you're not even the same race!
                                                            
Mr. Goodfellow now looks to Paul.
                                                            
                       MR. GOODFELLOW
Paul, I'm sure Sam doesn't want to
deal with this right now.
                                                            
                       SAM
Wait wait wait. How do you know my
name?
                                                            
Sam looks puzzled.
                                                            

7.

                       PAUL
Dad! I don't want to go yet!
                                                            
                       SAM
How do you know my name, Mr.
Goodfellow?
                                                            
Mr. Goodfellow is still looking at Paul.
                                                            
                       MR. GOODFELLOW
Tough luck buddy, we've got to go.
I gotta get up early for work
tomorrow.
                                                            
                       SAM
HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?
                                                            
Mr. Goodfellow now looks at Sam, slightly annoyed.
                                                            
                       MR. GOODFELLOW
I live around here. Of course I
know your name.
                                                            
                       SAM
I've never seen you in my life!
And what is it that you do for a
living again?
                                                            
                       MR. GOODFELLOW
I am a business man!
                                                            
Mr. Goodfellow says this proudly.
                                                            
                       SAM
You just dropped Paul off on your
way to work, only to pick him up
minutes later. Now you've got to
get up early tomorrow morning?
What the hell kind of hours do you
work?
                                                            
Mr. Goodfellow once again looks annoyed.
                                                            
                       MR. GOODFELLOW
The usual. I'm just a business
man.
                                                            
                       SAM
What does that even mean?!?
                                                            
Mr. Goodfellow looks to Paul again.
                                                            

8.

                       MR. GOODFELLOW
Paul, for the last time we need to
go. Sam's dad is getting home at 5
o'clock and it simply won't do for
you to be here by then.
                                                            
                       SAM
How did you know what time my dad
was getting home!? Who are you
people?!
                                                            
                       PAUL
I'm not leaving.
                                                            
Sam looks to Mr. Goodfellow.
                                                            
                       SAM
Get out of my house.
                                                            
                       MR. GOODFELLOW
I can't leave without my son.
                                                            
Sam now looks to Paul.
                                                            
                       SAM
Get. Out. Of. My. House. Both of
you get out of my house!
                                                            
Paul looks at Sam. Sam looks at Paul. Paul looks to Mr.
Goodfellow who looks back, and then Mr. Goodfellow looks to
Sam. Sam looks at Mr. Goodfellow.
                                                            
                       SAM
OUT! NOW!
                                                            
Sam points to the door angrily.
                                                            
                       PAUL
But--
                                                            
                       SAM
OUT!
                                                            
Sam stomps his foot on the ground and points to the door
again.
                                                            
                       PAUL
I thought--
                                                            
                       SAM
OOOUT!
                                                            

9.

Sam finally grabs Paul by the arm and shoves him at Mr.
Goodfellow.

The two take a step back.
                                                            
                       SAM
Jesus Christ, who are you people!?
                                                            
Mr. Goodfellow, now looking genuinely surprised by Sam's
reaction, replies.
                                                            
                       MR. GOODFELLOW
Why, we're the Goodfellows!
                                                            
Sam looks at them in a combination of anger and puzzlement,
and slams the door in their face.

Cut to black.
                                                            


FADE OUT.


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From Justin Date 7/6/2008 ***
I really enjoyed reading it and was pleased with the feeling of forward progress the story presented; I had a feeling of "what is going on?" (in a good way) the whole time. However, the ending is still far too ambiguous and a little corny ("why were the goodfellows of course...) and the characters could be given some defining characteristics or ticks to make them less 1-D. You need to take the story further and explain the "cookiness" of the invaders or again, change the ending. You could end by having sam follow the goodfellows home and shocking us there with something: just dont end with a slammed door.

From Patsy Fullwood Date 6/30/2008 ****
I didn't want it to end... wanted to read more of it..

From Tim Kotchetov Date 6/29/2008 ***1/2
Well in terms of desciptions and actions very well done But Im not sure if there was suposed to be a point or were you just writing for the hell of it. So im really not sure how to rate this

From Juliana Date 6/29/2008 **1/2
This is silly but very cute.

From David Chase Date 6/29/2008 **
I'm giving this a 2 because it's pretty well written, and it seems like a good hook. The problem is, there's no resolution. Without a payoff at the end, it just seems like a scene from a longer work. Even though it's a short, it should still follow some of the same rules as any script, including having some type of point to the action. I would also recommend avoiding references to cameras and any type of camera direction. Simply tell the story, and it will come across better. Add a payoff at the end and I would gladly revise my rating.


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