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by ANWAAR ZAHIR (ANWAAR.ZAHIR@GMAIL.COM)
Rated: 
Genre: Drama
User Review:  
Based on actual events. It is about a young brother who is mislead by his older brother involving infidelity, friendship, and dishonnor surrounding this young mans life known as Anthony Corbin.
This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.
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FADE IN:
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INT. ANTHONY CORBIN PAINTING A VIVID PICTURE - DAY |
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ANTHONY
To some the definition of
deception could mean justice,
revenge, or maybe love but for
one individual it was a rude
awakening to the realities of
life. For one blink of a second
put yourself in my shoes I mean
literally put yourself in my
shoes and you just may come to the
same realization that I did. Later
on you will fully understand why
I've come to this conclusion that
just because a person seems to be
honest, trustworthy, and faithful
nothing and I mean nothing is ever
what it seems……. |
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INT. AT HOME SCENE - DAY |
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ANTHONY
(It was one of
the happiest days
of my life and I
remember it just
as if it happened
yesterday.
Everything seemed
to be going just
as planned the
engagement, the
plans for the
wedding and the
honeymoon)
mom, I cant seem to find anything
in this god forsaken place. |
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2.
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THE CAMERA IS
SHOWING (ANTHONY)
LOOKING IN THE
MIRROR BRUSHING HIS
HAIR. |
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CHARLOTTE
(AS HIS MOTHER
STOOD IN THE
KITCHEN AS IF SHE
DID'T HEAR
ANTHONY SHOUTING
SHE SAID)
patience is a virtue Anthony. |
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CHARLOTTE
: what are you looking for? |
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ANTHONY
I cant find my car keys or the
original wedding invitations. |
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CHARLOTTE
(AS SHE LOOKED OUT
THE WINDOW OF HER
KITCHEN SHE
REPLIED)
what happened to the old ones? |
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ANTHONY
(FRUSTRATED,
REPLIED)
I returned them because Angelina
didn't like the way they came out. |
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ANTHONY
(Phone rings AND
ANTHONY SCRAMBLES
TO FIND THE
TELEPHONE)
HELLO? |
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ANGELINA
(SPEAKING SOFTLY
SAYS)
Hey babe how's your day going? |
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3.
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ANTHONY
(REPLIED LIKE HIS
DAY WAS ANY WORST
THAN ANYONE
ELSE'S AND SAY'S)
I thought you would never ask. |
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ANGELINA
(SOUNDING
CONCERNED SAYS)
what's wrong babe? |
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ANTHONY
(WHILE SHUFFLING
SOME PAPERS ON
HIS COMPUTER DESK
HE SAYS)
nothing really just trying to get
a few things in order before the
engagement party. |
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ANGELINA
(SOUNDING
DISATISFIED
REPLIES)
ok, well I guess I'll talk to you
later love u |
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ANGELINA
love u too babe. |
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ANTHONY
mom I'm leaving out for a while
to run a few errands |
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CHARLOTTE
ok don't forget to (front door
slams) get some milk. |
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EXT. THE CAR RIDE - DAY |
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ANTHONY
(AS SOON AS
ANTHONY GETS IN
THE CAR HIS PHONE
RINGS.)
(MORE)
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4.
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CAMERA IS SHOWING ANTHONY DRIVING INSIDE A 99 MERCEDEZ BENZ |
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JAMES
(AS HE SORTS THRU
BILLS WHILE AT
THE WORKSTATION
IN HIS HOME)
what's going on bro? |
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ANTHONY
trying not to loose my mind before
this wedding happens. |
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JAMES
(CONCERNED HE
ASKED)
how's Angelina? |
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ANTHONY
she seems to be handling
everything ok. How are you doing ? |
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JAMES
everything is everything man. You
know how it is. |
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ANTHONY
(HURRYING OFF THE
PHONE SAYS)
yeah I feel you man. Well, I got
to go. talk to you later man. |
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JAMES
don't stress yourself out ok. |
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ANTHONY
ok I wont goodbye. |
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(ANTHONY CALLS MALIK
WHO IS A CHILDHOOD
FRIEND TO GO HANGOUT
AND SMOKE) |
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5.
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INT. MALIK’S HOUSE THE HANGOUT - DAY |
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ANTHONY
(ANTHONY GETS OUT
OF THE CAR AND
WALKS UP THE
STAIRS BEFORE HE
COULD GET TO THE
TOP OF THE STAIRS
THE DOOR OPENS)
what's good homie? |
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ANTHONY
(FEELING SOME
SENSE OF RELIEF
WHILE SITTING
DOWN HE REPLIES)
this mother fucking wedding . I'm
about to seal the deal for real
man. |
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GERMAINE
(LAUGHING)
I never thought you would settle
down dub. |
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KEVIN
yeah, all the bitches you been
banging. |
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ANTHONY
(IN DIS BELIEF)
whatever nigga! |
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KEVIN
(EXPLAINING WHY
THE ABOVE WAS
STATED HE SAYS)
lets see Jessica with the fat ass,
Keisha from the salon and lets
not forget Alicia with them 2 bad
ass kids. |
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MALIK
(IMPATIENT he ASK)
did you bring the blunts? |
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6.
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ANTHONY
yeah, there right here. Where's
the tree's I mean the weed at
nigga? |
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MALIK
(AS HE HANDED THE
BAG OF WEED TO
ANTHONY TO
INSPECT HE SAYS
LIKE A BOSS)
Kevin roll up a couple blunts to
blow. |
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KEVIN
(AS HE SCROLLS
THRU THE CHANNELS
ON THE TELEVISION
BEFORE STOPING ON
HBO HE RESPONDS)
aight. |
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ANTHONY
(WITH A SRIOUS
LOOK)
real talk this is going to be the
last time I smoke my nigga's . |
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MALIK
(IN DISBELEIF SAYS)
you said that last time. |
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KEVIN
(TO AGREE WITH THE
ABOVE STATEMENT
HE RE ASSURES HIM)
sure did. |
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ANTHONY
(AS IF CHECKING
OFF A GROCERY
CHECKLIST HE
STATES)
all I need is weed check, blunts
check , and some Hennessey check
lets get high my niggaz |
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7.
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INT. ANGELINA AND JAMES PHONE CONVERSTION - DAY |
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ANGELINA
(WHILE SKETCHING
NEW STYLES AND
DESIGNS FOR HER
NEW PROJECT HER
PHONE RINGS)
Hello babe… whatcha doing? |
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JAMES
nothing just thinking about you? |
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ANGELINA
(WITH MUCH
CURIOSITY SHE
REPLIES)
what r u thinking about honey? |
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JAMES
trying to picture you with nothing
but panties and a bra on… |
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ANGELINA
(SHE SMILES WITH
SATISFACTION)
oh! Really… that's kind a out of
the blue don't u think… |
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JAMES
(IN DISAPPOINTMENT
REPLIES)
whatever u say… how's your health? |
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ANGELINA
(SARCASTICLLY
REPLIES WITH)
I'm ok still breathing I guess… |
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JAMES
do u need any money for anything? |
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ANGELINA
we'll since your asking I been
trying to get this shirt press
that cost around $1,250. |
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8.
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JAMES
I have a couple of connections.
I'll see what I can do. |
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ANGELINA
she's ok I guess. |
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JAMES
what is that supposed to mean? u
should know your mother babe… |
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ANGELINA
she's normally at the school
teaching and I'll be at the mall
or hanging with one of my
girlfriends… |
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ANTHONY
so are u going to call me once
you get to the airport… |
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ANGELINA
yeah! of course who else is going
to pick me up… |
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JAMES
you know I love you right…. |
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ANGELINA
ok…I love u too babe. |
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JAMES
I cant wait to see u… |
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ANGELINA
(AS SHE PUTS THE
FINISHING TOUCHES
ON HER NEW DESIGN
HER MOTHER CALLS
HER FROM
DOWNSTAIRS)
my moms is calling me I have to go
bye bye… |
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9.
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JAMES
(IN A SAD TONE AS
NOT TO HEAR HER
LEAVE SO SOON HE
REPLIES)
Bye… |
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INT. PICKING UP INVITATIONS TO THE ENGAGEMENT PARTY - DAY |
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AMANDA
(AS ANTHONY ENTERS
THE STORE A YOUNG
ATTRACTIVE BLONDE
IN NEED OF
ATTENTION ASK)
How may I help u today sir? |
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ANTHONY
(DISSATISFIED
REPLIES)
yeah, I'm here to pick up some
engagement invitations and
balloons… |
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AMANDA
who's name is it under sir? |
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ANTHONY
(SMILES AND
REPLIES)
try Corbin, Anthony Corbin. |
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AMANDA
(HER CLEVICH LOOKS
AS IF IT IS ABOUT
TO FALL OUT OF
HER TOP)
one moment please? |
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AMANDA
(EXCITED FOR
ANTHONY SHE
GRACEFULLY WALKS
TO THE COUNTER)
Ok, here are your invitations. I
do believe it was 1,000
(MORE)
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10.
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AMANDA (cont'd)
invitations correct. |
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AMANDA
and 250 assorted white , red, and
black balloons? |
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ANTHONY
yes that's correct… |
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AMANDA
cash, check, or credit? |
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AMANDA
the total for that is… $256.38. |
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ANTHONY
here u go exactly $256.38.. |
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ANTHONY
(IN A HURRY)
thank you and have a good day… |
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AMANDA
(WITH A SEDUCTIVE
SMILE RETURNS THE
FAVOR)
you have a good day as well sir. |
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EXT. ANTHONY GET’S STOPPED FOR SPEEDING BY A STATE T - DAY |
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ANTHONY
(As I was
pondering
everything that
was happening
around me I
didn't notice
that I was
speeding thru
(MORE)
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11.
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ANTHONY (cont'd)
traffic trying to
rush to make it
back home
forgetting my mom
was cooking.
Wait… what was it
that I forgot?
Think? Think?
Think? That's
what it was
milk. Got milk?
Oh shit! Here we
go again fucking
cops. Damn! Damn!
Damn!) |
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OFFICER WILLIAMS
(AS THE STATE
TROOPER
APPROACHED THE
VEHICLE HE SPIT
TOBACCO BEFORE
STATING)
Excuse me sir ! Did u realize you
were speeding thru traffic doing
65 to 70 miles per hour in 55
zone? |
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ANTHONY
(AS IF NOTHING
EVER HAPPENED
WHILE TRYING TO
READ THE TROOPERS
BADGE HE REPLIES)
Officerrr… Williams.. I am so
sorry for speeding.. I didn't even
notice how fast I was going I mean
this is a Mercedes. |
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ANTHONY
(IN AN IRRITATED
MANNER)
I don't mean to rush you officer
but I'm really late for a meeting
sir. |
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12.
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OFFICER WILLIAMS
(FED UP WITH HIS
SARCASIM)
well I tell you what I'm going to
do. I'm going to write you a
ticket for speeding and wreck less
driving. |
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ANTHONY
sure or whatever. |
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OFFICER WILLIAMS
sign here please? |
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ANTHONY
(unaware)
what is this? |
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OFFICER WILLIAMS
This is basically stating that you
fully understand the citation
that's being given to you. |
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ANTHONY
ok, can I go now? |
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OFFICER WILLIAMS
alright! your free to go just Slow
down a bit on these roads boy. |
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INT. ROOM SCENE AFTER RETURNING HOME - NIGHT |
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ANTHONY
I know what ya'll must be
thinking. How can I make sixty
thousand dollars per year drive a
Mercedes Benz and a Sport utility
vehicle on rims and live with my
mother. Well to further explain
it's kind of simple. My mother
needed my help and I was trying to
save for this wedding so one hand
helped out the other if you know
(MORE)
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13.
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ANTHONY (cont'd)
what I mean. For a person that
never graduated from high school
or got a college degree I'd say
damn! That's really good).
( I really regret not listening to
my mother for all those years I
was running the street life I
could've graduated from high
school or went to college but no.
I had to hustle with my nigga's
rob with my nigga's and smoke weed
with my nigga's. it was like a
ritual .like we were under some
kind of trance. shit was crazy. |
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INT. KEVIN , GERMAINE , AND MALIK PLAN A ROBBERY - NIGHT |
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GERMAINE
(In a manner as to
discredit himself
and others he)
pulls on a blunt. Niggaz is
getting married, niggaz is getting
money, and niggaz is bullshitting. |
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MALIK
(to exclude
himself replies)
Who's bullshitting? |
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GERMAINE
you , me , and Kevin. |
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KEVIN
(With a look of
confidence)
whatchu mean nigga. I'm getting
money ..whether it be stock,
robbing niggas, gambling, and
hustling drugs. I'm a get it.
Shit! I got to get it. |
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14.
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MALIK
Nigga! that's what we need to do.
Hit a lick. |
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GERMAINE
Hit a lick where? |
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MALIK
either a club or a gas station. |
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KEVIN
(like he found the
right answer he
states)
A gas station. I smell money, mo
money & mo money. |
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MALIK
I got a hammer and I got a couple
of bandannas. |
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MALIK
I'll be the driver. I got a old
school Cadillac 4 door . |
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MALIK
no! nah, nigga keep dub out of
this. The dude trying to get
married. we got this man. |
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KEVIN
I just want to ask 1 question.
What happened to the blunt and the
movie? |
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MALIK
we was just talking bout some real
shit nigga. Here's the blunt dude. |
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KEVIN
thank you! Turn the television up. |
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15.
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MALIK
Is that better. Damn nigga! Hah! |
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INT. THE SECRET VACATION - DAY |
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ANGELINA
(while sitting
waiting to board
her plane stares
at her cell phone
as if becoming
impatient on a
phone call or
text that she is
waiting on.)
Hello! babe are you there? |
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JAMES
(answers the phone
in a calm voice.)
Hey! Babe. Did u get my message? |
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ANGELINA
(pauses then
answers as if it
wasn't possible
she could've
missed a call.)
what message? |
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JAMES
(QUICKLY THE
CONVERSTION IS
CHANGED)
umm… please! don't tell my
brother about us |
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JAMES
(speaks in a real
romantic tone)
I got you some bra and panties to
try on for me.. |
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16.
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ANGELINA
(laughs as to say
( yeah right
)then replies)
is that so? |
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ANGELINA
I have a suprise for you. wanna
know what it is? |
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JAMES
(sounding not so
suprised)
yeah, what is it? |
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ANGELINA
check your piture messages. |
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JAMES
wow! this is what you sent me. you
look beautiful naked. send me some
more. |
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JAMES
(THE SOUND OF THE
PLANES BREAKS)
MY PLANE JUST LANDED SO I GUESS
JUST CALL ME AS SOON AS YOU GET
HERE. I LOVE U BABE. YA MY HEART. |
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ANGELINA
(SHE LAUGHS)
OKAY LOVE YOU TOO. |
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INT. MALIK , GERMAINE, AND KEVIN ( ROBING SPREE) - NIGHT |
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MALIK
(THERE IN THE
GORAGE PLOTTING
ON HOW THERE
GOING TO ROB GAS
STATIONS)
everybody be quite. this is what
we bout to do right here... i'm
staying in the car i'm the
lookout. germaine you and kevin go
(MORE)
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17.
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MALIK (cont'd)
in there and demand for the money
and if they dont give THAT
cash....then just take that shit! |
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GERMAINE
(germaine walks to
the opposite side
passenger door.
with a smirk on
his face)
really i'm hungry right now, not
like literally but like i need
this cash really bad nigga. let's
do this man. |
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KEVIN
(camera changes
direction as he
looked like he
was really ready
to go to war. all
black army
fatigues on.)
let's rock and roll nigga! you
hear that.... .that's the sound of
my bank account cha-ching. |
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VOICE OVER IS DONE
BY THE MAIN
CHARACTER(ANTHONY) |
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ANTHONY (V.O.)
Really i tried to call my cousin
before he made one on the biggest
mistakes of his life but he never
answered the phone.Damn! |
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ANTHONY (V.O)
Hold on stop the movie. See this
goes all the way back before
niggaz even new how to rob this
was like 1998 to 2001.Me and my
cousins ran this city inside out
i'm talking about from dope deals
in hotels to coke deals in the
suburbs with rich ass redneck
(MORE)
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18.
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ANTHONY (cont'd)
republicans daughters believe me
we was some crazy ass niggaz. |
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ANTHONY
(ok! lets get back
to the movie...) |
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MALIK
(as he starts the
engine his facial
expressions
change from happy
to sad.)
We gotta do this? |
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KEVIN
(he opens the door
as if to get out
of the car)
Come on man. this is some bullshit
man. we really need to just get
this money man. my daughters
diapers is depending on this shit. |
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GERMAINE
(reaching over he
shoves the
driver. pushing
his body towards
the steering
wheel.)
Lets Go nigga! I AINT TRYING TO
HEAR NOTHING RIGHT NOW HOMIE. YO
KEVIN CLOSE THE DOOR LETS GO. DAMN
NIGGA! |
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MALIK
(TAKING A DEEP
BREATH HE LEENS
FORWARD TO SHIFT
GEARS)
aight! lets go. |
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19.
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MUSIC PLAYS IN THE
BACKGROUND...2PAC
AMBITIONZ AZ A
RIDER. |
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MALIK
(The car pulls up
slowly along side
the road. In the
distance you can
see a apco
sign.the camera
glares in and
out.)
yo! look aint nobody in there
right nowbut some stupid ass
lookin dickhead.see look for
yourself. |
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KEVIN
(he snatches the
binaculars from
the other person.)
let me see! yeah, he's right. come
on germaine lets go! |
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GERMAINE
(all you can hear
is faint
breathing here
and there. one
after the other.
a few cars pass
in the distance
going opposite
ways. the two
people go
unoticed.
germaine enters
the store raising
out of his dickie
khaki's a p 89
ruger.)
DONT FUCKING MOVE! PUT YAH HANDS
UP STUPID MUTHAFUCKA! PUT'EM UP. |
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20.
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KEVIN
(his partner in
crime leens over
the counter
reaching for the
cash register.)
HURRY UP AND OPEN THE DAMN
REGISTER. |
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STORE CLERK
(you can hear. the
woman behind the
counter on the
floor crying
screaming...)
please dont kill me take the
money. just take the money please
dont kill me. please |
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INT. ANTHONY GETS A CALL WHILE LYING IN BED - NIGHT |
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MALIK
(The phone rings.
the other person
is very un easy.
looking left then
looking right
over his
shoulder.)
HELLO! HELLO! |
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ANTHONY
(Just waking up.
his voice barely
there sounds like
it's cracking)
yeahhhh! i'm up whats up man. |
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MALIK
come have a drink with us and
celebrate nigga. get yo ass up
man. |
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21.
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ANTHONY
(The clock on the
counter reads
2:30 am. the t.v.
is on showing the
history channel.
the room is lit
up dim.)
I cant dude i have to work in the
morning. anyway , why are you so
hype and shit? |
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MALIK
(parked behind a
hotel hanging
over the banaster
of the hotel
stair case.)
don't worry about all that. It's a
good thing because if i'm happy
then guess what?everyone else is
happy. (he laughs) |
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ANTHONY
Only you would say some grimey
shit like that man. where's
germaine and kevin because i know
there with you. I can hear them in
the background. |
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MALIK
(he turns and
looks in the half
opened hotel
door. There two
men are counting
the robery money.)
yeah, there chillin over here were
you should be right now. |
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ANTHONY
(his phone beeps
notifying him of
another caller.
(MORE)
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22.
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ANTHONY (cont'd)
The Caller id
reads Angelina.
he stands staring
at the phone
phone a few
seconds.)
This party ya'll having sounds
good and all that but i have a lot
to do in the morning. i'm a holla
atchu tomorrow. Holla! |
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MALIK
aight nigga! Holla back. |
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ANTHONY
(The phone
vibrates and a
text message
appears on the
phone from
Angelina)
the text reads why arent you
answering the phone babe? |
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FADE OUT. |
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| Feedback |
| From Jeremy Goodlander |
Date 8/7/2008 |
|
| I hate to leave any score like this, but I have to. Your structure is something to be worked on. I would suggest picking up the "Screenwriter's Bible", I have it and it works. Also you need to tighten up your dialogue, I feel as if we have heard this all before somewhere. I know this is only twenty pages but I'm having a hard time figuring out where your going with this. Keep working man, it'll come to you. |
| From Chad Hansen |
Date 8/6/2008 |
|
| I agree with the feedback before me. You need to learn screenplay structure before you do anything else. Once you reformat the structure you can pay attention to how the story is set up and decide where you're going with it and what you want to accomplish, then it can be a good screenplay. |
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| From Kevin Mitchell |
Date 8/6/2008 |
|
| OK first off you need to read a book on structure. VO is meant to go in beside the name (transition) is strictly for camera angles such as CU (close up) and so on and should be used sparingly. Parenthasis are not done in capitals and they do not include action, simply how the line is delivered such as; sarcasticly, frowning, etc... Also the dialogue is bland, Please go over it again before doing more. Honestly if an agent was to read the first 2 lines he or she would have tossed it in the garbage. There are some great books on format such as Screenplay writing for dummies (not sarcasim, I have this and I think it's awesome)and I hear the Scriptwriters bible is good. Pick them both up and keep working on it, you'll get it no problem. |
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