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The Big Day (Short Screenplay)
by Erin N. Calhoun (Libragrl10877@msn.com)

Rated: R   Genre: Comedy   User Review: ***
William the best man, arrives in town from London for his best friend Danny's wedding. After arriving at Danny's house to pick him up for the wedding, he discovers Danny is very hungover from the bachelor party the night before. This screenplay is a hilarious look at the mishaps William encounters trying to get Danny to the church on time for the wedding.


This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



FADE IN:

INT. MOTEL ROOM - DAY
                                                            
WILLIAM BURKE, English, early 30's is standing in front of a
hotel bathroom mirror straitening his tie. He is dressed in
a tuxedo. He does a once over in the mirror and looks at his
watch. He grabs his hotel room card and walks out the door.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
 
EXT. DANNY'S HOUSE - DAY
                                                            
WILLIAM walks up the steps of the front porch. The house is
a small brick home in a neat and tidy suburban neighborhood.
WILLIAM KNOCKS on the door....No answer, He KNOCKS again and
looks at his WATCH. He KNOCKS again. He turns the door
knob. The door opens part way then comes to an abrubt stop.
He peeks in and sees that a BODY is blocking the door.
                                                            
                       WILLIAM
Bollocks!
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
 
INT. DOORWAY - DAY
                                                            
WILLIAM pushes on the door HARD, and squeezes in. The BODY
on the floor is the GROOM, DANNY WELLS, early 30's. He's
lying in front of the door in his shirt and boxer shorts.
                                                            
CLOSEUP OF DANNY'S FACE
                                                            
His face has a drawing of a PENIS on his forehead,
"DUMBASS" on one cheek, and "DICKHEAD" on the other cheek. A
UNI-BROW and LONG EYELASHES are drawn. WILLIAM looks around
the room.
                                                            
PAN ACROSS THE ROOM
                                                            
BEER CANS and BOTTLES are laying everywhere. SOMEONE is
sleeping on the couch. WILLIAM picks up a permanent black
MARKER laying next to DANNY.
                                                            
CLOSEUP OF BLACK MARKER
                                                            
                       WILLIAM
Oh, Bloody Hell!
                                                            
WILLIAM SHAKES DANNY trying to wake him.
                                                            

2.

                       WILLIAM
Danny, wake up!
                                                            
                       DANNY
Groans.
                                                            
                       WILLIAM
Wake up!
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
 
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
                                                            
GREG, late 20's, big build, is lying on the couch. Greg
wakes up and scratches himself.
                                                            
                       GREG
      (groggy, to
       William)
Who the hell are you?
                                                            
                       WILLIAM
I'm William, I'm the Best Man.
                                                            
                       GREG
Oh right, you're Danny's friend
from Ireland or some shit.
                                                            
                       WILLIAM
I'm from London, London England.
                                                            
                       GREG
Yeah, whatever.
                                                            
GREG rubs his head and looks around at the mess. He reaches
for a beer can and takes a sip. The can is empty, he CRUSHES
it and throws it on the floor.
                                                            
                       GREG
Shit!
                                                            
He takes a drink of several more cans before finding one
with some beer still in it.
                                                            
                       GREG
Top of the morning to you there
Bill, I'm Greg, one of the other
groomsman. You missed one hell of
a bachelor party last night.
                                                            

3.

                       WILLIAM
      (annoyed)
It's William, and yes I can see
that, he,s lying her totally
pissed.
                                                            
                       GREG
Really, what did he say?
                                                            
                       WILLIAM
He has said nothing, just
groaning.
                                                            
                       GREG
Well if he hasn't said anything
how do you know he's pissed?
                                                            
                       WILLIAM
      (annoyed)
Pissed means Drunk you half-wit!
                                                            
                       GREG
Well maybe in England Jack, but
over here it means mad as hell.
                                                            
                       WILLIAM
Yes, I realize it also means that.
                                                            
GREG walks over and slaps DANNY in the face.
                                                            
                       GREG
Dude! Get your drunk ass up.
You're getting married today.
                                                            
                       GREG
      (to himself)
Speaking of piss.
                                                            
GREG walks into the bathroom. We can hear sound the of him
peeing loudly.
                                                            
                       WILLIAM
      (yelling)
Did you do this to his face?
                                                            
                       GREG
      (laughing)
Yeah, me and the guys did, dumbass
passed out first.
                                                            
                       WILLIAM
      (yelling,
       sarcastic)
It's brillian by the way. You do
            (MORE)

4.

                       WILLIAM (cont'd)
realize you used a permanent black
marker.
                                                            
                       GREG
      (laughing)
No shit.
                                                            
                       WILLIAM
      (to himself)
Idiot.
                                                            
                       WILLIAM
Danny, wake up!
                                                            
                       DANNY
      (confused)
William is that you?
                                                            
                       WILLIAM
Yes Danny, you must get up and get
ready.
                                                            
                       DANNY
Please don't talk so loud.
                                                            
WILLIAM helps DANNY to his feet. DANNY hugs WILLIAM.
                                                            
                       DANNY
It's good to see ya man. I gotta
get some water.
                                                            
WILLIAM wipes off a chair and sits in it.
                                                            
                       WILLIAM
      (to himself)
What a nightmare.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
 
INT. KITCHEN - DAY
                                                            
GREG walks into the kitchen tucking in his wing tip tuxedo
shirt. The shirt is full of wrinkles, as if its been lying
crumpled on the floor. He is drinking PEPTO BISMOL directly
from the bottle.
                                                            
                       GREG
Don't go in the bathroom. I just
tore it up in there.
                                                            
GREG claps his hands.
                                                            

5.

                       GREG
Are we having a wedding today or
what?
                                                            
DANNY turns to face GREGG, he looks like death.
                                                            
                       GREG
      (laughing at Danny)
Dude you look like a dried up dog
turd, Christy's gonna frizz out
for sure.
                                                            
                       DANNY
Don't laugh, it's not funny, I
don't know if I'm gonna make it.
                                                            
                       GREG
Yeah, you'll be alright, here just
drink some of this.
                                                            
GREG hands the bottle of Pepto Bismol to DANNY. DANNY takes
a big drink, and immediately vomits all over the front of
GREG.
                                                            
                       GREG
      (yelling)
Oh my God!
                                                            
GREG shoves DANNY and he goes FLYING into the kitchen table
KNOCKING DOWN chairs and beer cans and bottles before
falling to the floor.
                                                            
                       GREG
What the fuck dude.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
 
INT. KITCHEN - DAY
                                                            
WILLIAM runs into the kitchen.
                                                            
                       WILLIAM
What have you done?
                                                            
                       GREG
He just barfed all over me.
                                                            
                       WILLIAM
So you hit him?
                                                            

6.

                       GREG
I didn't hit him, I just shoved
him.
                                                            
                       GREG
Look at me. I don't have another
one of these gay-ass shirts.
                                                            
                       WILLIAM
Go look for another in Danny's
closet.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
 
INT. BATHROOM - DAY
                                                            
WILLIAM is helping DANNY into the bathroom
                                                            
                       WILLIAM
We have to get you cleaned up, you
have to be at the chapel in one
hour.
                                                            
                       WILLIAM
Oh my God, the smell is retched.
                                                            
DANNY is dry heaving at the horrible smell.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
 
INT. BEDROOM CLOSET - DAY
                                                            
GREG is standing in front of DANNY's closet bare chested
with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth.
                                                            
                       GREG
      (laughing)
I told you I blew it up in there.
                                                            
GREG pulls an off-white silk shirt off a hanger in DANNY'S
closet.
                                                            
                       GREG
      (to himself)
I guess this'll have to do.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
 

7.

INT. BATHROOM - DAY
                                                            
WILLIAM is trying to scrub the marker off DANNY'S face.
                                                            
                       WILLIAM
      (yelling)
I can't get these markings off his
face.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
 
INT. BEDROOM - DAY
                                                            
GREG is standing in front of a dresser mirror. He has put on
the silk shirt. It is extremely tight. He's buttoning the
shirt, he can't fasten the top button.
                                                            
                       GREG
      (yelling)
Just scrub real hard.
                                                            
                       GREG
      (to himself)
Pencil neck mofo.
                                                            
GREG puts on his tie even though he cannot fasten the top
button. He looks ridiculous.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
 
INT. BATHROOM - DAY
                                                            
DANNY and WILLIAM are both scrubbing DANNY's face trying to
remove the marker. His face is now very red and raw.
                                                            
                       DANNY
Shit! You can still see it.
                                                            
                       WILLIAM
Just brush your teeth.
                                                            
DANNY brushes his teeth. WILLIAM grabs spray deodorant and
sprays DANNY down.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
 
INT. BEDROOM - DAY
                                                            
WILLIAM walks into DANNY's bedroom and notices that GREG has
DANNY's tuxedo shirt laying on the bed. GREG is spraying the

8.

shirt with hairspray and he's using a curling iron to iron
out the wrinkles in the shirt.
                                                            
                       WILLIAM
What in the bloody hell are you
doing?
                                                            
                       GREG
I'm ironing Danny's shirt. I
guess I slept on it on the couch.
                                                            
                       WILLIAM
      (aggrivated)
With a curling iron?
                                                            
                       GREG
Dude, quit bust'n my balls, its
all I could find.
                                                            
                       WILLIAM
And the hair spray?
                                                            
GREGG holds up the shirt.
                                                            
                       GREG
Makes a good starch, it's stiff
ain't it?
                                                            
                       WILLIAM
What are you wearing?
                                                            
                       GREG
This is the only shirt I could
find.
                                                            
                       WILLIAM
Well it looks hideous.
                                                            
                       GREG
Don't freak out Hugh Grant. I'll
have a jacket over it. You'll
barely notice.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
 
EXT. PORCH - DAY
                                                            
DANNY, WILLIAM, and GREG are HURRYING down the porch steps
to WILLIAM's car. DANNY's face is still red, and you can
faintly see the outlines of the marker on his face.
                                                            

9.

                       GREG
Hey can I ride with you guys, I'm
outta gas.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
 
EXT. CHURCH PARKING LOT - DAY
                                                            
WILLIAM, DANNY, and GREG POUR out of the car and RUN towards
the Church entrance.
                                                            
                       WILLIAM
Hurry, we're late!
                                                            
                       DANNY
Wait, stop, I'm gonna throw up.
                                                            
DANNY bends over and throws up on the church lawn. GREG
grabs DANNY's arm and pulls him.
                                                            
                       GREG
Dude, there's no time!
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
 
EXT. CHURCH ENTRANCE - DAY
                                                            
Two other GROOMSMEN meet them at the church entrance door.
                                                            
                       GROOMSMAN #1
Where the hell have you guys been?
                                                            
                       WILLIAM
Don't ask.
                                                            
                       GROOMSMAN #2
      (laughing)
Danny, your face, Christy's gonna
shit.
                                                            
GREGG lights a cigarette and takes a drag.
                                                            
                       GREG
      (laughing)
I know, right.
                                                            
                       GROOMSMAN #2
G, What are you wearing?
                                                            

10.

                       GREG
      (pointing at Danny)
Jack-nuts here decided to hose me
down in Pepto Bismol.
                                                            
GREGG takes another drag off his cigarette.
                                                            
                       GREG
Best I could do short notice. It
was either this shirt or wear the
other one that looked like
Strawberry Shortcake had the
squirts on my shirt.
                                                            
                       GROOMSMAN #1
Okay, get it together fellas, time
to line up.
                                                            
GREG puts out his cigarette on the bottom of his shoe and
places the cigarette in his pocket.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
 
INT. CHURCH ALTER - DAY
                                                            
DANNY and the GROOMSMAN line up at the alter beside the
MINISTER. The MINISTER does a double take at DANNY's face.
DANNY appears pale, as if he could be sick at any moment.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
 
INT. CHURCH - DAY
                                                            
DANNY's PARENTS sitting in the first pew look horrified at
the sight of the GROOMSMAN.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
 
INT. CHURCH ALTER - DAY
                                                            
DANNY'S P.O.V.
                                                            
MUSIC starts to play, and the CROWD stands up. The doors
open, and CRISTY, Bride, late 20's, and her FATHER slowly
make their way down the isle.
                                                            
CHRISTY's FATHER leads CHRISTY to the ALTER, and has a
horrible expression on his face at the sight of DANNY's
face.
                                                            

11.

                       MINISTER
Who gives this woman in marriage?
                                                            
                       CHRISTY'S FATHER
Her mother and I.
                                                            
CHRISTY'S FATHER turns to her and lifts her veil.
                                                            
CLOSEUP OF CHRISTY'S FACE
                                                            
We notice CHRISTY appears pale and sick and one of her
EYEBROWS has been shaved off.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
 
INT. CHURCH - DAY
                                                            
CHRISTY's FATHER takes his seat in the first pew next to
CHRISTY's MOTHER.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
 
INT. CHURCH ALTER - DAY
                                                            
                       CHRISTY
Danny, your face.
                                                            
                       DANNY
I'm so sorry, I guess I passed out
first.
                                                            
                       DANNY
Baby, what happened to your
eyebrow?
                                                            
                       CHRISTY
      (smiling)
I passed out first.
                                                            
                       DANNY
      (smiling)
I love you sweetie.
                                                            
                       CHRISTY
I love you.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
 

12.

EXT. CHURCH - DAY
                                                            
The WEDDING PARTY is lined up on the church steps to have
their picture taken. DANNY and CHRISTY both look as if they
could be sick any moment. WILLIAM is looking at his watch.
GREG is lighting a cigarette.
                                                            
WE HEAR THE SOUND OF A CAMERA CLICK. WEDDING PARTY PHOTO IS
TAKEN.
                                                            


THE END


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From Michael Milazzo Date 9/28/2008 **
Proofread the script, there are some spelling and grammatical errors. Also, I am not sure you need "CUT TO:" for every scene change. More importantly, the story is cute. I was not sure where the story was going until you see the bride, so that was a nice surprise. But on the other side, I was not WOWed by the story. I found the dialogue was a little tired and was unsure why William was from London, not sure why that was important to the story. I think you have a nice foundation to work with here. Maybe some original pranks, the magic marker and eyebrow shave seem kind of old. Reread your story and try to find some ways to excite the reader some more.

From Corinne Date 9/27/2008 ***
I enjoyed this. It is great writing. I love the writing style. I would love to see this filmed. It would be a funny episode of a series. It kind of reminds me of How I Met Your Mother, in a way.

From Kevin Mitchell Date 9/27/2008 ***1/2
I loved the humor but felt it was too short. I liked it when Greg gets hoved after he throws up on Danny. Good banter between the characters that resulted in some humerous dialogue. It would have been better if it was longer. Structuraly I would stay away from the camera jargon, it only detracts the reader from the story. No need to put Cut to> When you start a new scene you're essentially cutting to so no need to TELL it. Also watch the parenthasis. Allow for subtext, the meaning behind the words. Overall it was terrific.

From Fish Stark Date 9/26/2008 ***
This was a good short that earned a few chuckles. I liked the ending as well. You've got some nice characters and a hilarious plot. You should try and develop it a little more, maybe add some more joke in....especially about William being English. I took off .5 star because it's good but not AMAZING, there's still some improvement you could do here, and .5 for some errors, both format and grammatical, that you made. But all in all, this is an enjoyable short that I would like to see. It could even be the opening scene for a movie.

From David Chase Date 9/26/2008 ***
Another example of how the payoff at the end can make or break a script. I kept hoping all along that the gag at the end would materialize, and I was pleased to see it did. There's a few structural issues, such as having the speaker's name show up multiple times for the same speech. Stick to the rule of one block of dialogue for each time that character speaks, then move on to the next speaker. You'll avoid any confusion that way. Otherwise, I thought it was pretty funny.


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