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The Office: Prom Night
by Peter McKeown (pete.mckeown1@gmail.com)

Rated: PG   Genre: Comedy   User Review: ***
Michael throws a prom in the office.


This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



INT. COLD OPEN - OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
MICHAEL struts into the office wearing an oversized West
Scranton High School Varsity Football jacket, with "Big Mike
#1" scribbled on a piece of paper and taped over the real
owner's name. A Discman blares the opening theme to "Saved
By the Bell" from his old-school headphones. ERIN perks up.
                                                            
                       ERIN
Hi Michael, nice jack...
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
      (yelling)
Hey! Check the threads!
                                                            
Thinking he's in a whisper, he sings a line from the song.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL (cont'd)
And my dog ate all my homework
last night.
                                                            
                       ERIN
What are you listening to? I think
the volume is too lo…
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
I see your mouth moving, but I
can't hear you!
                                                            
Michael then does a spin move into his office and slams the
door shut in one motion, as the group exchanges glances.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL (OS)
It's alright, cuz I'm saved by the
bell!
                                                            
MICHAEL TALKING HEAD
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
I have compiled the opening themes
from all the major TV classics:
Cheers, Friends, 90210, Dawson's.
Full House is on here too,
phenomenal show. Dave Coulier is
the reason I got into comedy.
                                                            
The camera points down at the jacket.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL (cont'd)
Oh my jacket, that's mine? I was
just reminiscin' on my good ol'
varsity days.
                                                            
Silence. Michael is fidgety.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL (cont'd)
I chaperoned a high school prom
this weekend…and I stumbled upon
it on the way out. Someone must
have forgotten it, and I checked;
no lost and found. What kind of
man would I be if I left it
unprotected?
                                                            

2.

The silence is getting to Michael. He's now whispering.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL (cont'd)
I didn't steal it, scout's honor.
I found it, and after some due
diligence, I'll eventually return
it.
                                                            
He's very red-faced now, unable to hold his secret in.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL (cont'd)
I guess you could say…I borrowed
it…permanently.
                                                            
                       END OF COLD OPEN
                                                            
                                                            
                                                            
 
INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
Michael is smiling at his desk, still wearing his jacket.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
I went on a date last week. Her
name is Judy, she's a high school
English teacher, and she asked me
to go to a prom with her.
                                                            
 
EXT. FLASHBACK - WEST SCRANTON HIGH SCHOOL - NIGHT
                                                            
Camera spies Michael and his date, JUDY, as they walk into
the gymnasium at the high school. Michael is wearing a tux
with a powder-blue cumber bun, and Judy is seemingly
underdressed in a dinner dress.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL (V.O.)
We chaperoned the West Scranton
Junior Prom. It was awesome,
because I finally got to go to
prom. With a girl.
                                                            
Camera spies Michael dragging Judy into a prom picture. They
take one together, but Michael gets multiple solo shots,
arguing with the photographer about ridiculous choices for
poses and backgrounds.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL (V.O.)
I had some very professional
glamour pictures taken that I may
or may not submit to a model
agent.
                                                            
Camera spies Michael attempting to talk to a group of jocks;
they laugh at him. He is seen joking and getting along with
two nerdy students.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL (V.O.)
Talked for awhile with a bunch of
the cool athletic kids and made
fun of the Dwights and Tobys of
the class.
                                                            

3.

Camera spies Michael sitting on the bleachers by himself, as
Judy scowls from across the gym.
                                                            
 
INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS - DAY
                                                            
He leans back in his chair and adjusts his collar.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
It's fun being popular.
                                                            
                                         FADE OUT.
                                                            
 
INT. OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
Michael is walking from his office to the kitchen, clad in
his jacket. DWIGHT approaches immediately.
                                                            
                       DWIGHT
Michael! Phenomenal jacket!
Preserved cowhide sleeves are so
cool.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Zip it Dwight. The sleeves are
leather, not cowhide.
                                                            
                       DWIGHT
Leather is cowhide, Michael.
                                                            
ANDY seizes his opportunity to step into the conversation.
                                                            
                       ANDY
You heard QB one, Dwight. Cram it,
OK? Don't bother the BMOC
(bee-mock).
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Yeah Dwight, go study at the libes
or something.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
      (To Andy)
What exactly is a BMOC?
                                                            
                       ANDY
Big Man on Campus. Big nickname
for Big Mike.
                                                            
Michael smiles approvingly at the nickname, does an awkward
fist bump and explosion with Andy that is poorly executed,
and slides into the kitchen.
                                                            
ANDY TALKING HEAD
                                                            
                       ANDY
My nickname at Cornell was BMOC.
Pretty cool, right? Someone told
me at the five-year that it
actually stood for "Bernard,
Masturbator of Cornell," but
there's no way people could know I
did it that much.
                                                            

4.

STANLEY TALKING HEAD
                                                            
                       STANLEY
Bleeping moronic office child.
                                                            
 
INT. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS - DAY
                                                            
JIM is making himself a cup of coffee as he eats a bagel.
Michael approaches trying very hard to look cool.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Sup? I see you're having b-fast at
work…nice.
                                                            
                       JIM
Yep.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Went to West Scranton's Junior
Prom on Sat. NBD. That's no big
deal, in case you didn't know.
                                                            
                       JIM
Why are you talking like that?
More importantly, what's with the
jacket?
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
I just got an AOL screen name so
I'm getting used to the lingo, and
I found this jacket in the back of
my closet. Reminds me of the glory
days.
                                                            
                       JIM
Wow, it was in the closet all
those years? It looks so brand
new. What happened here?
                                                            
Jim reaches to touch the makeshift patch on the sleeve.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Don't touch that! The stitching
wore out. This patch is only
temporary.
                                                            
                       JIM
It's funny, I've never heard you
talk about playing football. What
position were you?
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
I was a Lineman…backer. A
linebacker.
                                                            
                       JIM
Wow, that's impressive. You must
have caught a ton of TD passes.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Not sure about the exact number,
but I'd say a good dozen or so
TD's. Lots of diving one-handers.
I'll get you the stats when I
            (MORE)

5.

                       MICHAEL (cont'd)
TTYL.
                                                            
                       JIM
Weird, because I swore linebackers
were on defense. So you must have
went both ways?
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Yeah, whatever. I GTG, I have an
office to run.
                                                            
                       JIM
So let me get this straight. You
came out of the closet, with this
jacket, and when you wear it, you
tend to go both ways?
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Yeah fine, but I don't know what
you're getting…
                                                            
His face changes mid-sentence as he realizes Jim's joke.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL (cont'd)
OMG, Jim!
                                                            
He storms out.
                                                            
                       JIM
      (to camera)
LOL.
                                                            
MICHAEL TALKING HEAD
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
I wish I had the Internet when I
was in school. My AOL screen name?
DundyStud. I'm also a proud member
of some brand new upstart called
Facebook...ladies are going to
flock to this guy.
                                                            
JIM TALKING HEAD
                                                            
                       JIM
Pam is home with the baby. We're
waiting for the first crawl, so
her days revolve around that. A
long distance prank could be just
the trick to break her monotony.
                                                            
 
INT. OFFICE - JIM'S DESK - DAY
                                                            
Jim is leaning back in his chair and eavesdropping through
Michael's door while talking to Pam on a bluetooth headset.
                                                            
                       JIM
I have good news and great news.
                                                            
                       PAM
      (from phone)
Ummm, I'll go good, then great.
                                                            

6.

                       JIM
The good news is that even though
you are on maternity leave, you're
going to help me prank Michael. He
chaperoned a prom and stole a
letterman's jacket.
                                                            
                       PAM
Oh wow. My game face is officially
on. The great news?
                                                            
                       JIM
He's on Facebook.
                                                            
                       PAM
That's amazing. Let's find his
page right now; I already have
Facebook up.
                                                            
                       JIM
      (smirking)
You spend more time on that than a
teenager. How many stranger's
pictures have you clicked today?
                                                            
PAM TALKING HEAD
                                                            
Pam is sitting on the couch at home with her laptop and the
baby.
                                                            
                       PAM
I swear I was never a big Facebook
person. I hated it. Then, poof,
I'm home all day with a baby and
super bored. Plus, I have family
on here...so I upload pictures
every now and then.
                                                            
                       JIM
      (from phone)
And video.
                                                            
                       PAM
Oh, right. And video. She's so
going to crawl, and I'll be ready.
                                                            
                       JIM
Stop stalking about it and look up
Michael's page.
                                                            
                       PAM
Haha, whatev...wow Jim! His
picture is absurd!
                                                            
Pam turns around her monitor to show Michael in the
"thinker" position with an 80's space background.
                                                            
 
INT. OFFICE - JIM'S DESK - CONTINUOUS - DAY
                                                            
                       JIM
What's his profile say?
                                                            

7.

                       PAM
      (from phone)
Interests: being the world's best
boss, ladies, Dundies, crisp
bacon. Relationship status:"It's
complicated." What a complex man.
                                                            
                       JIM
This prank needs to be epic. I
mean, Pam, he hasn't even friended
you yet.
                                                            
                       PAM
      (getting soft)
I don't know, Jim, we might
actually hurt him this time. This
sounds like a cry for help.
                                                            
Michael bursts out of his office, beaming and still wearing
the jacket. He excitedly addresses the group.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Alright, people. Corporate called
and said we need to do some team
building today.
                                                            
                       ERIN
Michael, no call came through me.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
They told me personally, in a
Facebook message. So, today we'll
be having an exercise; our very
first annual Dunder Mifflin
Scranton Branch Prom!
                                                            
                       PAM
It's on.
                                                            
KELLY TALKING HEAD
                                                            
KELLY is overexcited and clapping in the kitchen.
                                                            
                       KELLY
Yayyy! I went to two proms in my
junior year and another three my
senior year. Two formal Bah
Mitzvahs, a Debutante Ball, and
every year on Halloween, I go out
in a wedding dress. I am always
ready for this exact situation!
                                                            
She walks over to a locked cabinet under the sink and opens
it with a key from her bra, pulling out a concave mirror
with lights around the edge and a makeup kit.
                                                            
                       KELLY (cont'd)
And, I have two emergency dresses
in my car! Yayyy prom!
                                                            
 

8.

INT. OFFICE - CONTINUOUS - DAY
                                                            
                       JIM
So, you're telling me that
corporate asked you to do this on
your first day at work following a
weekend where you went to a prom?
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Yes Jim, they also said we have to
vote for an office prom king. Any
man, with the possible exception
of Oscar, is eligible to win.
                                                            
Michael sees that PHYLLIS has her hand in the air. He
angrily points to her.
                                                            
                       PHYLLIS
Do we get to vote for a prom
queen?
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Actually Phyllis, not that it
would pertain to you, but
corporate made it clear. They want
the king to handpick his queen to
be fair...to the sanctity of the
monarchy. So I will be coming
around momentarily with ballots.
                                                            
DWIGHT TALKING HEAD
                                                            
                       DWIGHT
I am always excited for a chance
to gain absolute power. Growing
up, my class had the same nine
children from kuntergarten to 12th
stage. There were originally
eleven students but two of the
weak links succumbed to typhoid
fever early on, real shame. My
Darwinian instinct let me rise to
the top like the yeast my mother
made me for snacks as a child.
                                                            
In one hand, he's holding a picture of himself wearing a
crown woven from beet plants, sitting in front of his
emotionless class. They are all wearing traditional
countryside garb. In the other hand is the beet root crown.
                                                            
                       DWIGHT (cont'd)
I was voted the Beet Root King of
my class.
                                                            
 
INT. OFFICE - CONTINUOUS - DAY
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Ok, party planning time.
                                                            
Phyllis and ANGELA perk up, then give each other evil looks.
                                                            

9.

                       MICHAEL (cont'd)
I'll be taking care of all the
arrangements, sorry ladies, but
this needs a man's touch. After
all, prom is like a wedding. I
brought some decorations, but we
need entertainment, any ideas?
Kevin, Scrantonicity up for a gig?
                                                            
                       KEVIN
It's Scrantonicity 2! And no, I'm
going to have a date so I need to
focus on getting…you know.
                                                            
He starts giggling and offers OSCAR a high-five, but is left
hanging.
                                                            
KEVIN TALKING HEAD
                                                            
                       KEVIN
I have always wanted to use
Craigslist for an escort. Now I
have the perfect legal alibi, a
prom.
                                                            
OSCAR TALKING HEAD
                                                            
                       OSCAR
I was too embarrassed about my
sexual orientation in high school
to bring a guy to prom. Now I'm
too embarrassed about my
co-workers to bring a guy here.
                                                            
 
INT. OFFICE - CONTINUOUS - DAY
                                                            
CREED stands up to offer his services, though he's looking
particularly devious.
                                                            
                       CREED
Michael, I'll be a team player and
perform; just gotta run home and
get my guitar.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Creed, ok, just don't make it old
people music.
                                                            
                       JIM
This sounds like a huge waste of
time, Michael. We've said about a
dozen times we wouldn't do things
like this during work.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Jim, this is above your pay grade.
We'll stay late if we have to.
                                                            
                       JIM
      (to Pam on phone)
I gave him his chance.
                                                            
 

10.

INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
Michael is sitting at his desk and still wearing his jacket
when Jim enters.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Hey Mr. Downer, come to be more of
a playa hata?
                                                            
                       JIM
I'm actually here to ask a quick
question about...that big plant
you have there behind you. I'm
looking to buy some shrubbery
myself, and, well I'm sure you
know, but you have impeccable
taste.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Why thank you Jim. I take pride in
my nature.
                                                            
Michael swivels around to examine the plant. As he turns,
Jim locates the thermostat on the wall and turns it up.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL (cont'd)
If I'm not mistaken Jim, I believe
this is a rather exotic plant, of
the Eucalyptus species. Now, I'm
not sure of its origin but my
botanical prowess leads me to
believe it's in the family of the
Serengeti, so…
                                                            
                       JIM
That's great, thanks so much. I'll
be sure to check it out.
                                                            
Jim backs out of the room and smiles at the camera.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
I have no idea about that plant
and he totally bought it. I am so
on! This jacket is my lucky charm.
                                                            
 
INT. OFFICE - ACCOUNTANT'S CORNER - DAY
                                                            
Kevin is looking at his computer with a phone in his hand.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
"49-year-old MILF with a wild side
…will do literally anything you
can think of, filming included."
Woah, she's the one. Please, Lord,
let her answer.
                                                            
Kevin dials the number. In the background, you can hear a
cell phone ringing. It rings for awhile and Kevin hangs up.
The camera spies MEREDITH as she goes her cell phone.
                                                            
                       MEREDITH (OS)
Hello?
                                                            

11.

                       KEVIN
I bet she was a hotty.
                                                            
 
INT. CREED'S CABIN - DAY
                                                            
Creed is in the outskirts of Scranton, deep in the woods at
a well-hidden cabin. He enters and starts rummaging around
for his guitar. One side of the room is littered with
hundreds of folders and pieces of paper. On the other side,
there are multiple bath tubs set-up to distill hard liquor.
There is a noticeable haze in the air.
                                                            
                       CREED
In case you can't tell by the set
up, I am a distiller of liquor.
Got various types of booze in
here; my concoction of the month
is a blend of distilled grapes and
rice, bringing together the
serenity of a Tuscan Villa and the
severity of a Pacific Rim POW
camp; I call it, the Time Machine.
I had a few jigs of this elixir
last week and woke up in the
middle of an Amish church, in a
15-person orgy, thinking it was
1968.
                                                            
He takes a quick shot from a flask and walks out with his
guitar and amp.
                                                            
                       CREED (cont'd)
Party time.
                                                            
                       END OF ACT ONE
                                                            
                                                            
                                                            
 
INT. RYAN'S CUBE - DAY
                                                            
Ryan is sitting at his desk, playing on the computer and
being useless. Jim walks over for a chat.
                                                            
                       JIM
Hey Ryan, did you per chance
happen to get that spreadsheet
done for me? I need to send it out
today.
                                                            
                       RYAN
Oh hey, Jim. Haven't quite
finished it. I figured with all
this prom stuff, I'd be too busy
to get it to you. How's Friday?
                                                            
                       JIM
Already gave you extra days, I
need that today ok?
                                                            
                       RYAN
That's kind of a lot to ask, Jim.
Don't you think? Plus you're not a
boss anymore, but because we're
            (MORE)

12.

                       RYAN (cont'd)
friends, I'll meet you halfway.
Thursday would be very fair. Good
deal? Sweet.
                                                            
Kelly enters.
                                                            
                       JIM
      (glaring)
Yeah, sounds good. Hey Kelly,
Ryan's a little nervous, but he
wanted to know if you'd go to prom
with him.
                                                            
                       KELLY
Oh Ryan! Yes! Let me finish
getting ready!
                                                            
                       JIM
Enjoy the prom you two.
                                                            
Ryan has a look of utter disbelief as Kelly is screeching in
the background.
                                                            
 
INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
Michael is in his office sweating profusely in his trusty
jacket and on the phone. He hangs up and slinks into his
chair.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
No answer from Judy, uh oh! I'm
sweating like a pig; my phone
looks like it just went swimming.
I need to re-hydrate.
                                                            
He takes off the jacket, surveys the massive armpit stains
and leaves the office. As the door is closing, Jim slides in
very stealthily. He immediately checks the real name on the
jacket. He also notices an envelope on Michael's desk that
says "Prom King" on the front and looks in its contents. He
then turns the heat down, and slowly backs out. As the
door's about to close, Michael walks back in, obvlivious to
Jim's maneuvers. He puts on the jacket and shoots out the
sleeves.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL (cont'd)
Time to rock the vote!
                                                            
 
INT. OFFICE - CONTINUOUS - DAY
                                                            
Michael addresses the group again.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
I will be walking around to
distribute these pieces of
beautiful Dunder Mifflin paper.
Write down a first name, and your
voice will be heard! Anyone want
to count the votes?
                                                            
Jim raises his hand immediately.
                                                            

13.

                       JIM
I will gladly drop out of the
competition to fulfill that duty.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Seriously? Best man for the job!
The winner will be crowned at the
dance. Good luck to all, and God
bless the monarchy.
                                                            
MICHAEL TALKING HEAD
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Jim's out! I'm the king of the
world! Titanic.
                                                            
JIM TALKING HEAD
                                                            
                       JIM
I've infiltrated the monarchy's
corrupt infrastructure. I have
inside information about the
voting system and Pam will work
from home to finish the plan. The
only question is, who do I want to
win?
                                                            
 
INT. PARKING LOT - DAY
                                                            
Creed is drunk and tuning his guitar behind the building,
with a cigarette in his mouth. His appearance and tone of
voice is reminiscent of the 1960's.
                                                            
                       CREED
First real gig in some thirty
years, not since the days when I
was cruising the asphalt dream
with a half a tank of gas and a
pocket full of dust with my band,
Creed; been copywritten since '64.
Hold that thought, I gotta go sign
an autograph.
                                                            
Creed turns and walks to the wall to urinate.
                                                            
                       CREED (cont'd)
My John Hancock.
                                                            
 
INT. OFFICE - KELLY'S CUBE - DAY
                                                            
Kelly is doing her makeup at her desk. The light-up, concave
mirror magnifies every minute detail of her face. Michael
closes in to get her vote.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Hey Kelly, I was hoping we could
talk about your vo...my-God.
                                                            
Michael jumps back frightened after seeing her face in the
mirror.
                                                            

14.

                       KELLY
What?!?
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
You look…awful…ly pretty.
                                                            
                       KELLY
Michael, you're making me blush.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
I'm sure that's just the makeup.
                                                            
He reaches for her vote gingerly and backs away.
                                                            
ANDY TALKING HEAD
                                                            
                       ANDY
I learned while I was at Cornell
that pickup lines are the windows
to a girl's soul. Having been
single for the majority of my
life, they have remained the
mainstay in my arsenal of love and
are nearly as trusty as Cupid's
own arrows.
                                                            
 
INT. OFFICE - ERIN'S DESK - DAY
                                                            
Andy checks his breath and approaches Erin's desk.
                                                            
                       ANDY
Why hello there, Erin. Whatcha
doing?
                                                            
                       ERIN
Oh hi, Andy. I'm just working.
What's up?
                                                            
                       ANDY
I wanted to ask you something.
                                                            
                       ERIN
Go for it.
                                                            
                       ANDY
Do you wash your pants in Windex?
                                                            
                       ERIN
Umm, not quite sure what you mean.
I'm wearing a dress.
                                                            
                       ANDY
Well, if you were to be wearing
pants, and you had washed them in
Windex, I would be able to see
myself in them.
                                                            
                       ERIN
I'm confused, and a little
uncomfortable.
                                                            

15.

                       ANDY
Forget that, new question. Ok, are
those space pants?
                                                            
                       ERIN
Umm, still wearing a dress, Andy.
What are you getting at?
                                                            
                       ANDY
Damnit! It's because your butt is
out of this world.
                                                            
                       ERIN
Well, thanks, I guess.
                                                            
                       ANDY
No, it was the second half to that
pick up line, you heard that out
of context! I'm such an idiot.
                                                            
Andy sulks away, leaving Erin confused.
                                                            
 
INT. OFFICE - JIM'S DESK - DAY
                                                            
Jim is on his bluetooth with Pam, pretending to read a memo.
                                                            
                       JIM
How's operation "Find A.C. Slater"
coming?
                                                            
                       PAM
I sent a facebook message to our
friend, still no reply. Have you
finished the project that will
overthrow the monarchy?
                                                            
                       JIM
Almost there. It's all falling
into place. Remember, the end
justifies the means.
                                                            
                       PAM
Yeah. Also, please pick up ice
cream on the way home, I'm dying
for some.
                                                            
                       JIM
The conversation was so Mission
Impossible until that, but, for my
own safety, I'll get the ice
cream.
                                                            
 
INT. OFFICE - ACCOUNTANT'S CORNER - DAY
                                                            
Michael makes his way to the corner of the room to get the
votes of Oscar, Angela and Kevin.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Accountants! The best, most
coolest of us all, I've always
said. We got Crazy Kev over here;
how's my big stud doing?
                                                            

16.

                       KEVIN
I called an escort for the prom
tonight…it's going to be the best
night ever. Her name is Roxxxy,
with three X's.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
That sounds fantastic, and highly
illegal. I won't tell anyone if
you give me your vote. Great!
                                                            
Michael hands Kevin the paper, turns his attention to Oscar.
                                                            
                       OSCAR
Don't even bother with me, this is
exactly why Dunder Mifflin went
under before Sabre.
                                                            
Michael crumples up the piece of paper, drops it next to
Oscar and looks to Angela.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Angela, you look not half bad
today...You're not going to vote
for me, are you?
                                                            
                       ANGELA
I'm not voting at all. If we can't
vote for a woman, I'm not voting
for a man.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Fine, I'll win without you!
                                                            
Dwight sprints over to Michael with his vote in hand.
                                                            
                       DWIGHT
You have my allegiance Michael!
Now, and forever.
                                                            
Michael ignores Dwight's gesture and runs into his office.
The camera spies him through a crack in the window shade as
he puts the envelope with the collected votes into his
drawer and picks up the one Jim saw.
                                                            
DWIGHT TALKING HEAD
                                                            
                       DWIGHT
Of course I voted for Michael.
Sure, being the king would be
great, but in today's age,
monarchs are nothing more than
hand puppets, needing the wisdom
of advisors for those meat and
potatoes decisions. I will be the
lifeblood of the monarchy, the
puppet-master of Dunder Mifflin.
                                                            
 
INT. OFFICE - JIM'S DESK - CONTINUOUS - DAY
                                                            
Michael walks briskly out of his office with his head down
before talking to Jim.
                                                            

17.

                       MICHAEL
Jim, in this envelope is the king
of the office, chosen completely
legitimately by our humble
community. I now bestow this unto
you, to be announced at prom.
                                                            
Jim is stone-faced for a moment, then smirks.
                                                            
JIM TALKING HEAD
                                                            
                       JIM
Michael wanted to cheat to win,
but he didn't even do that well.
It was actually a close race too.
But seriously, winning 11-1? Not
in my electoral college.
                                                            
 
INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
Michael is sitting at his desk with his phone ringing on
speaker.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Please pick up! I am going to
leave such a hurtful message…
                                                            
                       JUDY
      (on speaker)
Hello?
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Judy! Thank God you're there; you
had me so worried!
                                                            
                       JUDY
Sorry, I was at the hospital. My
father took a bad fall.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Oh no, that's the worst. Do you
need directions here from the
hospital? Pulling up Google maps,
hold on. Judy? Sweetie?
                                                            
He clicks off the phone and takes a few deep breaths.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL (cont'd)
She hung up. So, I'm dateless, but
there's no need to panic.
Something tells me the crown is
well within my reach. I'm going to
head to the store.
                                                            
 
INT. PARKING LOT - DAY
                                                            
Dwight is in the parking lot, standing next to a pile of
decorations that will adorn the office for prom.
                                                            
                       DWIGHT
Michael has asked me to set up for
the party while he goes to the
store. We have Kool-Aid mix to
            (MORE)

18.

                       DWIGHT (cont'd)
drink; Michael said it was
Stanley's favorite. He also left
me fifty dollars in quarters to
buy various snacks from the
vending machine, and these
decorations will surely set the
mood. Once he's king, I'm sure
I'll be moving up to tasks like
assassinations played off as
suicides, or black ops
kidnappings.
                                                            
He picks up the bag of decorations and walks into the
building. Stanley leaves right as Dwight's going in, but
Dwight doesn't notice.
                                                            
                       END OF ACT TWO
                                                            
                                                            
                                                            
 
INT. BREAK ROOM - DAY
                                                            
Dwight has already put up the decorations; a Mike's Hard
Lemonade sign with the "lemonade" part of the sign blacked
out; a Michelob Ultra sign with the –ob part blacked out; a
Hooter's sign; and a disco ball set up on Pam's vacant desk.
Dwight is in the break room, buying snacks from the vending
machine. Creed enters, staring blankly at Dwight.
                                                            
                       DWIGHT
Set up over there. The
refreshments and snacks will be in
that conference room so I want the
dancing and entertainment to
funnel in that direction. Simple
crowd control maneuvers.
                                                            
                       CREED
Sounds like a stone groove, man.
I'm ready to light this joint.
                                                            
Creed wanders off-balance into the conference room, and the
camera spies him spiking the Kool-Aid with the rest of his
flask. Dwight doesn't see him do it but he sniffs the air.
                                                            
                       DWIGHT
      (to camera)
Why does it smell like turpentine?
                                                            
 
INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
Michael is holding up a king costume. It's complete with a
crown, robe and scepter.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
It's important that the new king
looks the part. Got this from a
costume shop. I know whoever wins
will be very happy with it.
                                                            
He smiles and switches gears to impersonate kings.
                                                            

19.

                       MICHAEL (cont'd)
Hear ye, hear ye. I decree thoust
must be mine date to prom whilst
being the queen in mine office, or
tis off with ye head! LOVE king
speak.
                                                            
 
INT. OFFICE - ERIN'S DESK - DAY
                                                            
ROXXXY, wearing a ton of makeup and a large overcoat, walks
into the office. Erin jumps when she sees her. In the
background, Creed is warming up his guitar.
                                                            
                       ROXXXY
      (chewing gum)
Hi, I'm here to party.
                                                            
                       ERIN
Yeah, you're in the right place.
Drinks and food are over there.
                                                            
                       ROXXXY
Cool. I'll make myself at home.
                                                            
Roxxxy takes off her jacket and is wearing a very revealing
outfit. Andy approaches, wanting to make Erin jealous.
                                                            
                       ANDY
Hey, gorgeous. What does a
thousand pound polar bear do?
                                                            
                       ROXXXY
What?
                                                            
                       ANDY
It breaks the ice. Hi, I'm Andy.
                                                            
                       ROXXXY
Awesome, I'm here to meet a guy.
Is...
                                                            
She pauses to read a name off her palm.
                                                            
                       ROXXXY (cont'd)
...Kevin around?
                                                            
                       ANDY
He's over there. Are you a Pisces
perhaps? I'm getting that vibe.
                                                            
                       ROXXXY
I'm an atheist.
                                                            
Roxxxy pops a bubble and pushes by Andy to Kevin. Kevin hugs
her and high fives Oscar behind her back.
                                                            
 
INT. OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
Michael is at the microphone, ready to address the office.
Meredith is drinking; Kevin is flirting with Roxxxy; Jim is
chatting on his bluetooth; Phyllis is swaying with Bob
Vance; Dwight is ogling Michael; Kelly is looking in a

20.

mirror as Ryan is texting; Erin is alone at her desk and
makes eye contact with Andy.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Welcome, men and women of the
office to the Dunder Mifflin Prom!
Looks like we have Shrek and Fiona
as well, perfect!
                                                            
He points to Bob Vance and Phyllis, then waits for applause
but only Dwight's clapping.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL (cont'd)
The prom king will be announced
after some songs from Creed.
                                                            
Creed has a tie around his head and his shirt is open.
                                                            
                       CREED
How's everybody doin' tonight?
This is Creed and I'm gonna start
you off with one you may know.
                                                            
                       JIM
      (mouths to camera)
With Arms Wide Open?
                                                            
He starts playing "Satisfaction" by the Rolling Stones, and
he's very good. Bob Vance and Phyllis start the dancing.
Michael walks to his office, and signals Dwight to follow.
                                                            
 
INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS - DAY
                                                            
Michael grabs the scepter and Dwight looks confused.
                                                            
                       DWIGHT
Michael, you wanted to see me?
Awesome scepter!
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Yes, Dwight, it's ornate. Please,
close the door. Time is of the
essence, especially for a knight.
                                                            
                       DWIGHT
      (overwhelmed)
I, I don't know what to say.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
As you know, the king will be
decided today. I can't tell you
how I know, but I will be that
man. I need a loyal right-hand
man; neigh, right-hand knight.
Someone who can be there, for
better, or worse, in sickness or
in health, 'til death do us part.
                                                            
Michael brings the scepter over Dwight's left shoulder.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL (cont'd)
My friend, Dwight.
                                                            

21.

Michael raises the scepter over his head, to the other
shoulder.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL (cont'd)
Now, you are a knight.
                                                            
                       DWIGHT
It doesn't count if you use a
scepter; you need a sword. And you
need to say I dub thee knight, Sir
Dwight Schrute. I think you were
reading wedding vows.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Dwight, you ruin everything.
                                                            
                       DWIGHT
Sir Dwight. I'm a knight now. My
name is to be preceded by sir.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
I make the rules, and nobody is
calling you sir. This should be an
honor. Now, leave me while I think
of a way to properly address my
soon-to-be subjects.
                                                            
                       DWIGHT
I apologize, your majesty. I
shall be loyal and true.
                                                            
DWIGHT TALKING HEAD
                                                            
                       DWIGHT
That ceremony did not befit a
knight of my caliber. A scepter? I
deserve Excalibur itself; or any
sword that has felled many men.
Luckily for me, I have my patents
of nobility. In 1054 A.D, my
ancestor, Otto von Schruttle, was
a knight and aristocrat under the
great king Heinrich IV, making my
bloodline worthy of a knighting.
My motto remains: always carry
proper medieval documentation.
                                                            
 
INT. OFFICE - JIM'S DESK - DAY
                                                            
Jim is counting the votes while talking to Pam on his
bluetooth.
                                                            
                       PAM
So who'd you pick to win?
                                                            
Kevin hurriedly approaches Jim from the dance floor as
Roxxxy goes to get more booze.
                                                            
                       JIM
Kevin!
                                                            
Pam is on the phone and can't see Kevin.
                                                            

22.

                       PAM
Nobody would ever vote for
Kevin...oh, he's right there.
                                                            
                       KEVIN
Man, I'm having an awesome time.
My date is freaking hot.
                                                            
                       JIM
Yeah, you're really showing off
the moves. Impressive stuff.
You'll have to teach me some…
                                                            
                       KEVIN
Sorry Jim, gotta go; I need to
carb up for the next songs,
dancing is a lot of exercise.
                                                            
Kevin then hustles into the conference room to get a snack.
                                                            
                       JIM
Ahh, young love. So innocent.
                                                            
                       PAM
Yeah...so who did you pick?
                                                            
                       JIM
Michael's worst fear.
                                                            
 
INT. OFFICE - CONTINUOUS - DAY
                                                            
Creed rips a power chord, ending a song.
                                                            
                       CREED
Alright people, I need to grease
the wheels. Back in a flash.
                                                            
Creed stumbles into the refreshment room and Meredith
follows and flashes him. Jim speaks.
                                                            
                       JIM
Ok, everybody, the vote is in!
                                                            
Michael bursts out of his office, king costume in hand.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Great! Let's announce this winner.
Andy, would you do the honors?
                                                            
                       ANDY
Sure, but won't it be weird if I
win and have to announce myself?
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Well that's a very super minimal
risk I'm willing to take. Did
anyone vote for Andy?
                                                            
Nobody raises their hand; Andy drops his head.
                                                            
                       ANDY
Then announce I shall.
                                                            

23.

He sprints up to the stage with gusto.
                                                            
                       ANDY (cont'd)
Helloooo Scraaantooon! How's
everybody doing?
                                                            
The squeaking of the amps makes everyone cringe.
                                                            
                       JIM
We'd be doing a lot better if you
used your inside voice.
                                                            
                       ANDY
Back off Tuna, I'm heralding.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Ok! Announce the winner already!
The suspense is killing me!
                                                            
                       ANDY
Without further ado, the king of
the Scranton Branch is...Oh wow!
My regal friend, your new leader,
Dwiiight Schrute!
                                                            
Michael stops dead in his tracks and a scowl grows on his
face. Dwight is also shocked. Jim's smile is ear to ear.
Michael turns to face Dwight. He is visibly mad but Dwight
quickly asserts himself in his newfound position of power.
                                                            
                       DWIGHT
The people, and the divinities,
have spoken. Hail to your prom
king.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
I demand a recount; there's
predicate for this!
                                                            
                       PAM
      (on phone)
Verb?
                                                            
                       JIM
I counted it multiple times;
Dwight won handily. How can you be
so confident?
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Ahh, I, umm, guess I couldn't
possibly know for sure.
                                                            
The realization that there is nothing he can do without
incriminating himself hits him, and he speaks.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL (cont'd)
Congratulations, Dwight...King
Dwight.
                                                            
                       DWIGHT
Thank you, kind serf.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
You son of...the Gods.
                                                            

24.

Dwight takes the king costume from a reluctant Michael, who
dejectedly goes into his office. Dwight then marches to the
stage where Andy is already singing "The King of Wishful
Thinking".
                                                            
MICHAEL TALKING HEAD
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Betrayed by one of my subjects. I
really don't care who it was. It
could have been Dwight, or Jim, or
maybe that hooker. It doesn't
matter; I'm not mad I lost. I just
wanted a date.
                                                            
He chuckles a little, then sighs and looks at the camera.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL (cont'd)
Plus, that king outfit cost me
like, four hundred dollars.
                                                            
 
INT. OFFICE - CONTINUOUS - DAY
                                                            
Dwight is now fully dressed in the king outfit.
                                                            
                       DWIGHT
People of the Scranton Branch, I
am now your absolute superior by
divine right, and you all must
abide by my many decrees and
edicts. This circus is over! And
now, by the law of ancient laws of
the office, I shall pick a queen.
                                                            
Dwight walks over to an emotionless Angela.
                                                            
                       DWIGHT (cont'd)
Angela, in the name of Dunder and
Mifflin, dost thou want to be my
ice queen?
                                                            
                       ANGELA
      (giddy)
If it is the law, then...I accept.
                                                            
Dwight takes her hand, and the office claps for the eerily
happy couple. Creed goes on stage to play a song.
                                                            
                       CREED
Time to slow it down.
                                                            
Creed starts playing "Stairway to Heaven". Dwight pairs with
Angela, Phyllis with Bob Vance, Kelly with Ryan, and a
groping Kevin with Roxxxy. Jim is chatting away with Pam.
Meredith is in a trance in front of Creed, holding up a
lighter and swaying back and forth. Michael is still in his
office. Andy psyches himself up and walks across the room to
talk to Erin.
                                                            

25.

                       ANDY
You're awesome. I was an idiot
before, and, are you tired?
Because you've been running
through my mind all day.
                                                            
                       ERIN
Let's dance.
                                                            
She drags him to the dance floor.
                                                            
                       ANDY
Good, because I was kidding about
being tired.
                                                            
 
INT. OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
Creed finishes belting out "Stairway" and Dwight, with
Angela in tow wearing his beetroot crown, steals the
microphone from Creed.
                                                            
                       DWIGHT
Former equals, blood alone moves
the wheels of time. With that in
mind, it is time for my first
decrees. If you do not heed them,
an ancient Shaolin paper cut
torture will befall you and where
we work, there is no shortage of
paper. From the mind your queen:
no daughters of Eve shall bear
skin below the neck or above the
ankle.
                                                            
Angela looks in the direction of Kelly, Roxxxy, then Erin,
lips pursed.
                                                            
                       DWIGHT (cont'd)
Also, I will be giving personal
performance reviews for everyone
in the office, starting tomorrow.
Do not be alarmed, you won't be
fired...as long as you are
absolutely flawless...
                                                            
Michael bursts out of his office and interrupts.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
King speak is so dumb! Boo the
monarchy!
                                                            
Angela and Dwight whisper together intently.
                                                            
                       DWIGHT
There's another decree; no
interrupting the king!
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Whatever, I'm still the boss, and
this work day is over!
                                                            

26.

                       DWIGHT
Wait, I'm not finished! The first
edict of Scranton: No more direct
questions to the king. All
inquiries must be placed in a box,
which will then be ceremoniously
burnt every Friday.
                                                            
The group has already begun filing out so Dwight speaks very
quickly now.
                                                            
                       DWIGHT (cont'd)
That concludes tonight's
festivities. Tomorrow dawns a new
era. God Bless Dunder and Mifflin.
                                                            
 
INT. PARKING LOT - NIGHT
                                                            
Everyone is now in the parking lot and it's dusk. Kevin has
his arm around Roxxxy. Erin and Andy are walking slowly
together. Meredith and Creed are holding each other up,
stumbling blindly to her car. Dwight and Angela peel out in
Dwight's car. Michael is sulking.
                                                            
                       ANDY
So everyone's going to Poor
Richard's Pub for some adult
sodas?
                                                            
                       KEVIN
Yeah, Roxxxy and I are totally in.
Gotta keep the booze flowing.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
I'll see you later guys, not in
the mood.
                                                            
                       ERIN
Who cares, you're still the number
one boss to us!
                                                            
The rest of them cheer in agreement, lifting his spirit.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Yeah you're right! I forgot my
lucky jacket, I'll meet you there.
                                                            
Camera spies Creed and Meredith talking at her car.
                                                            
                       MEREDITH
So, rock star, you want to shack
up with me?
                                                            
                       CREED
My path leads elsewhere my little
turtledove. Maybe another time,
another life. It's time for me to
get back to the roads.
Destination? Unknown.
                                                            
He walks out of the parking lot, leaving a bewildered
Meredith at her car. She gets in and immediately passes out
onto her steering wheel, hitting the horn. Creed hitchhikes.
                                                            
 

27.

INT. OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
Jim is gathering his things and talking to Pam on his
bluetooth.
                                                            
                       JIM
This was a great showing, we rock.
                                                            
                       PAM
      (on phone)
Yeah we do, though phase two never
panned out.
                                                            
                       JIM
Ohh right, no A.C. Slater.
                                                            
Michael comes jogging in to find his jacket.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Forgot the good luck charm!
                                                            
As Michael runs into his office, a large black football
player walks in.
                                                            
                       TAYLOR
Hey, I'm Taylor Wellington. I got
a Facebook message saying to come
here for my football jacket.
                                                            
Jim gives a blank stare, realizing the last phase of their
plan has just arrived. Michael hops out of his office.
                                                            
                       PAM
Oh God, he sounds big. Is he big?
                                                            
                       JIM
Huge.
                                                            
                       TAYLOR
You Michael Scott?
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Couldn't be anyone else!
                                                            
Jim shuffles out of the office very fast.
                                                            
                       TAYLOR
I believe you stole my jacket.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
You're Taylor Wellington? I
figured you'd be like the kicker
with a name like that.
                                                            
                       TAYLOR
A racist too. This is mine!
                                                            
Taylor strips Michael of the jacket, who is still
struggling. Taylor then lifts him up in a wedgie, and puts
him on his office's doorknob.
                                                            
                       TAYLOR
Goodnight, Big Mike.
                                                            

28.

He tears the makeshift patch off of his arm, and slams the
door shut with Michael still hoisted onto the knob.
                                                            
                       END OF ACT THREE
                                                            
                                                            
 
INT. JIM AND PAM'S HOUSE - NIGHT
                                                            
Jim hurries in with an deer-in-the-headlights look on his
face.
                                                            
                       JIM
I think we went too far, Michael
may be hurt.
                                                            
                       PAM
I'm just glad you're ok, Michael
can fend for himself. Real
question is, did you remember the
ice cream?
                                                            
In one motion without speaking, Jim backs out of the house.
Pam starts to look back at the baby, who isn't there.
                                                            
                       PAM (cont'd)
The one thing I tell him to do he
forgets. Wait, where'd I put my
baby!?!
                                                            
Pam sprints to the kitchen to look for her baby, who is on
the on the other side of the couch that she didn't check, in
the midst of crawling for the first time.
                                                            


THE END


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From Kevin Mitchell Date 10/18/2008 ***
I thought there were some very funny parts. Try not to reference the camera, in comedies it can be used as a tool but not when you are transisioning from a scene. I would try to tighten up the dialogue and descriptions. I enjoyed it though.


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