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by Thom Compton (thomascompton@hotmail.com)

Rated: R   Genre: Horror   User Review: 1/2
Every year over 100,000 people will attempt to quit smoking. Some will succeed, most will relapse. Of course, there is one alternative.

This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



Rose is leening against her car, smoking her last cigarette
and waiting for Rebecca to show up. As she sits inhaling,
apparently taking great joy from it, her husband walks out
through the car port door. Rose remains oblivious to this
and becomes startled when he sets his hand on her shoulder.
She jumps.
Holy fuck. You scared the crap
out of me.
Michael calously chuckles and smiles, rubbing her shoulder.
His eyes wonder towards the cigarette.
I'm sorry sweetie. (Pause)That
Rose takes a drag and nods.
Last one before total lock down
When the hell is she getting here?
Any minute now.
Rose throws the cigarette to the ground, and as she is
stomping it out, Michael grabs her face and kisses her
forehead. They embrace in a long hug.
      (as he rubs Rose's
I'm so proud of you. And you know
I love you so much.
Rose blushes, and smiles as her eyes flutter.
I love you too.


The two lean in to kiss, and just before their lips meet,
Rebecca pulls up in her car. Michael pulls away very
quickly, and Rebecca's face smiles as they look at each
other. Marlena wears a look of discontent and anger.
      (As he turns to
       look at Rose)
Saved by the bell huh?
What's that supposed to mean?
Michael ignores her and walks over to Rebecca, where he hugs
her, and kisses her cheeks. Rebecca remains very angry, and
Rebecca wears a look of pure anger at the event. Michael
then climbs in his car.
I'll call you when I get to my
mom's, ok sweetie?
Before Rose can yell that she loves him, he pulls out, and
speeds off. Rebecca, looking very angry, sees the pain in
her best friends eyes. She walks over, and slaps her on the
We ready, I smoked my last one on
the way over here.
Yeah. You got all your shit. Once
the doors get locked, you don't go
back in.
Rebecca gives her a big thumbs up.
      (Waving her to
       come in)
Let's do it.
The two of them walk towards the door, and as Marlena opens
it, she waves Rebecca in.
      (stopping before
       entering the door)
Wait, I need to go get something.


Why the fuck didn't you get it on
the way over here?
Well I wanted you to come with me.
I can't go to south end alone.
Rebecca pulls half a cigarette out of her back pocket, and
then lights it up. Rose stares, dumb founded at Rebecca.
Why in the deepest abyss that is
hell would we be going to south
Because there is no way I'm going
to sit through the next 3 days
with nothing to keep myself fixed
up and edged out.
Rose sighs, and the wo head back to Rebecca's car, and head
for south end.
                                         CUT TO: SOUTH END
A large man is lying on his couch, when a knock is heard at
his door. He begrudingly gets up and moves toward his door,
opening it sluggishly. Rose and Rebecca are standing
outside of the door, and in the luight, the man's physical
image is quite radiant;. He is large, tall, and riddled
with bed sores.
How the fuck's it going, Josh?
Josh allows his eyes to adjust, and puts on his glasses. He
smiles at Rebecca.
You know it's going pretty good.
Like it's not bad, but it's good.
Good shit equals good shit. So
what can I do for? You need
something good, cause I got me
some good shit. So, what's good?
You didn't say he was this bad.


      (Shoshing rose)
Yeah, I need a box.
A box?! You want a box. I swear
you best not be fucking wit me, or
I'll be boxing you.
Not fucking with you, I want a
Josh shrugs his shoulders, and then goes inside momentarily.
He then comes out with a box, which has a lock and a key on
it. He places it in front of him, and then puts his hand
out to Rebecca, gesturing for payment.
That'll be 900.
Awwwe. Why so cheap? You know
what, never mind. Here's 1100.
Keep the extra.
Rebecca hands the money to Josh, and then picks up the box,
handing it to Rose.
Why thank you. You need any help,
I'll pay this back I swear to you.
(Looking over at Rose) You know
what I'd like to get into.
      (Shrugs, obviously
Josh laughs very hard, and then grabs at Rose's breast. Rose
punches him in the mouth, and Rebecca grabs Rose, pulling
her down the steps of the house.
Thanks again Josh. Sorry,
she's.....she's new to this whole


                                         CUT TO, REBECCA AND
Rose sits scrubbing her chest in the front seat, while
Rebecca screams at near-by drivers.
Is there such thing as tit lice?
Cause I mean I really think I have
tit lice.
You don't have tit lice. I mean
Josh barely even got ahold of that
They stop at another red light, and Rose puts the rag she is
using to clean her chest off down.
What the fuck was that guys damage
anyway? Looked like the king of
Obseity Retard land.
Well, my best guess would be....
Rose turns to look at the motel next to them, and sees
Michael with a young, brown haired girl. Rebecca's words
are completely muffled, and Rose watches in horror as
Michael kisses the girl, picks her up, and enters a hotel
room. The car speeds out of the red light, and Rose looks
back to see a pair of ass cheeks shoved up against the
window. She turns and faces the front window, and releases
a single tear.
                                         ROSE AND REBECCA GET
As Rebecca and Rose pull up to the house, Rose practically
leaps out of the car, with the box in her hands. Rebecca
slowly gets out of the car, and then follows her sister
inside the house.


      (spinning around
       in Rebecca's face)
Are you ready for this?
Let's do it girl.
Rose sets the trigger on the door, which is nothing more
then a makeshift alarm clock, and the two look at each
other. They hug, and then seperate only to slam the door
Night has fallen, and the two ladies are drinking a heavy
excess of beer. They stumble between each other, and Rose
leans against the counter. Rebecca sits on a step in the
living room, and the two look at each.
      (Obviously drunk)
Me....men are the problem with our
country. You know that right. You
know...you know men are just
fucking......well fucking fucks.
      (standing up
That reminds me (falls back down,
then silence for about 10 seconds)
thaty reminds me, I have the best
story to tell you.
      (Very excited)
Wait. We need more beer. I'm
gonna skip to the fridge.
Rose skips to the fridge, singing "The Sun Will Come Out
Tommorow" from Annie, as Rebecca remains on the floor,
laughing hysterically. She soon returns with two beers.
      (handing the beer
       to Rebecca)
So you were saying you had a
story. If I listen to this story,
will my life be enriched? Tell me
that. Wait no, don't tell me that.
I want to make a toast.


To trading our nicotine addiction
for alcoholism.
The two begin to laugh uncontrollably.
                                         CUT TO: SCENE 6
Rose pours whisky from an almost empty bottle into a glass,
and hands it to Rebecca.
So you just left him on the side
of the road. That's fucking rich.
Rebecca is just laughing hysterically, to the point where
the whiskey is coming out of her mouth.
Yeah, his pants around his ankles
and all.
The two girls continue chuckling, and Rose knocks her glass
off of the table, sending Jack Daniels all over the floor.
Both women jump to get the broom, and Rebecca lays her hand
on Rose's.
I got it hun.
Rose smiles, and walks over to check the timer on the door,
while Rebecca cleans up the broken glass.
God I want one.
Rebecca turns to look at Rose, and they give each other a
very sympathetic look. Rose looks at her watch, which has
stopped moving.
How long have we been in here?
Rebecca flips open her cellphone, but it won't turn on.
Rebecca shrugs her shoulders.


Feels like forever. Like the
house has eaten time or something.
Rose chuckles and walks over to the phone. She picks it up,
and quickly drops it. She remembers that her husband is
with the other girl, and begins to laugh hysterically.
Rose? You alright?
Rose mumbles incoherently, and then smiles at Rebecca.
Where's that box at?
Rebecca smiles.
Right where it's always been.
                                         CUT TO: DRUG
Chloe lays in bed, about to light a cigarette, and Michael
is getting dressed at the end of the bed. Chloe picks up
Michaels cell phone, and flips it open. Putting the
cigarette in a near by ashtray, she eyes Michael, and tosses
the phone to him.
You missed a call.
Michael flips open his phone, and drops it on the floor. His
expression changes quickly to fear.
That was...um....my wife.
So what?
So what?! My answering machine
message says I'm fucking you.
Wow that was fucking dumb.


Michael throws chloes clothes at her, and buttons his pants.
I'm going to go back to my house.
Call me in like 2 hours so you
know whats going on.
A baby, sitting in the corner, begins waling.
And for fucks sake, take care of
your damn baby.
Before Chloes can say I love you, Michael opens the door,
and slams it behind him. Angry, Chloe climbs out of bed,
and puts her clothes on. Just then she hears a knock at her
door. She opens her door, but only finds a pamphlet to quit
smoking. She runs to the window, and stares down, wearing a
large smile on her face. She grabs her coat and runs out of
the room, leaving the baby to cry alone, in the dark hotel
                                         CUT TO: PARKING LOT
An older woman is getting into her car, when Chloe grabs
the door to her car.
      (smacking the
       woman in the face
       with the pamphlet)
What is this shit?
The woman appears very scared, and Chloe wipes a ring of
coke off of her nose.
      (lighting her
You know what? I'll make you a
deal. I'll quit smoking, if you
do me a favor.
The elderly woman slowly slinks into her car.
      (Pulling the woman
       up by her hair)
I'll quit smoking if you quit
breating. One person's air for


                       CHLOE (cont'd)
another I suppose.
Just then, Chloe slams her cigarette in the womans forehead,
and the woman lets out a painful scream.
See, you people fight so hard for
your cause, and yet you aren't
willing to die for it.
Chloe slams the girl onto her seat, and then repeatedly
slams the car door into her head. After the womans dead,
Chloe walks away, leaving us to see the womans mangaled
head. Then, several civilians walk by, and see it, and they
all begin screaming.Chloe walks off through a nearby street,
where she steals a car and drives off..
                                         CUT TO: MICHAEL AND
A young man is standing on the side of the road. His shoes
are tattered and for the most part destroyed, and blood is
convassed on the back of his foot. He looks incredibly
tired and pale, as he flags down cars. No one is stoping
for him, that is until Michael's car pulls up.
      (rolling down the
       passenger side
Where ya going man?
      (shaking violently)
Ocala....can you take me there?
      (reaching over to
       open his door)
Yeah, I'm going there too?
Andy climbs into the car. Michael notices his finger tips
look like they have been eaten away partially. Andy sees
him starring.
Haven't eaten in two days.


      (Starting to drive
We'll get you something. You
smoke partner?
Michael reaches to open the glove box, and pulls out a pack
of Djarums. He then reaches into his packet and pulls out a
lighter, as he nonchalantly tosses the pack to Andy.
      (tearing open the
Oh my god thank you. You have no
idea what kind of life saver you
      (holding out his
       hand to ask for
Don't worry about it. Hey we got
to stop off at my house real quick
before I can take you were you
need to go, so if you meet my
wife, I'm not smoking these. Hell,
I'm not smoking.
All right man. Button my lip shut
They drive for about another minute, pulling into a rest
area. Michael gets out of the car.
      (turning to andy)
You like honey buns.
Michael smiles, and shuts the door. Andy leans back, and
Michael heads towards the restroom. Andy sifts through the
radio stations, and turns it off after finding nothing good.
Andy spots Michaels cell phone, and flips it open. As he
sifts through the contents of the phone, he finds something
that highly catches his eye.


Chloe. So that's where you go?
Well no matter. We'll play along
for now.
Michael walks back to the car, and throws 5 or 6 honey buns
on Andy's lap. He opens up a Nutty Buddy and slowly starts
to eat it.
       violently at
Thanks man. Thanks.
      (putting the car
       into reverse)
Don't mention it.
The car pulls out of the rest stop, and drives off.
      (with nutty buddy
       in his mouth)
So if you don't mind me asking,
what were you doing on the side of
the road, all the way out here,
for two days?
I met this girl at a bar couple of
days back. She promised me a good
time. So we were driving to her
house in Ormond Beach, and she
ripped my pants off of me, and
then kicked me out of the car.
Was she a strong bitch?
Andy pulls another cigarette out of his pack, and lights it.
You could say that.
The two laugh, and Michael turns the A/C on in the car.


What about you?
      (looking concerned)
What about me?
Well I'm just thinking? You said
you have a girl. You don't look
like the buisness type.
And how would you know?
Cause I am one of the buisness
Michael looks as if he has been busted.
I'm a salesman. Cars to be
Silence perferates the car.
Now you see I find that kind of
funny. Car salesman don't travel
alot. And espiceally not this far
out for their impaticular type of
employment. So the question is,
why ya out here?
The two stare at each other, and Michael slowly brings the
car to a stop.
What are we doing?
Look, if you don't wanna ride, I
don't have to give you a ride.
No I wanna ride.
Well then stop asking so many
fucking questions.


The two stare at each other, and Andy finally gives in.
I apologize. I'm sorry.
It's fine
No I insist....
The car begins to drive away, as the two remain sitting in
                                         CUT TO: MICHAEL AND
Rebecca is running around the house, pretending to be
Superman, as Sarah grabs an ashtray off of the counter. She
dumps the contents of the ashtray into a bowl, and pours
milk into the bowl. She then grabs a spoon, and starts to
eat the bowl of ashtrays. "Build me up Buttercup" begins to
play, and a long dance scene between Rose and Rebecca
insues. They suddenly stop when a clown steps into the
living room, dancing wildly.
      (clearing her
Do you see that?
You mean Ronald McDonald? Dancing
to the Foundations. Yes I do.
Rose punches Rebecca in the arm.
Ow! What the fuck, Rose?
I did it because that's not
Rebecca punches Rose back.


That's Ronald McDonald bitch.
(falling on the floor crying) I
don't know who it is?
It's not Ronald McDonald. It's a
Rebecca and Rose looks back, and a tree is standing in the
living room.
I uh. I don't see it.
Rose turns to yell at her sister, when something outside of
the window causes her to start screaming.
Whats wrong?
      (Pointing out the
He's out there...with that brown
haired slut.
The camera pans to find Michael outside of the house. He is
violently making out with Rebecca, and she starts to undress
him. Rose freaks out and runs over to the fro0nt door,
trying to escape onto their lawn.
      (Pulling on the
       door knob)
I don't know how your doing that,
but you better not fuck him
Who?(Pause) Oh. My god.
Rose runs frantically back to the window, and looks all over
outside, while Rebecca stares at her toe nails.
I have 10 of your nails. And 10 of
my own.


I don't see any(Pause)thing.
Just then, Michaels face appears just outside the window. He
wears a horrifying smile, and he is soon joined by Rebecca's
face. The two begin to make out, in a very robotic fashion.
Rose begins to start crying, and punches Rebecca in the
arm. Rebecca snaps out of her toe nail glorification, and
stares angrily at her friend.
What that was for?
You were outside, sucking face,
with my husband.
Rebecca sits in a daze for about 30 seconds, and then starts
to cry hysterically.
Oh my god I'm so sorry Rose. I'm
so sorry.
Rose begins to walk away from Rebecca.
No Rose, I'll make this up to you.
      (spinning around
       to look at her
You can't fix this Becca. My very
own sister is fucking my husband.
Our children would be sisters and
cousin you sick fuck.
I'm so sorry, I don't know how to
make this up to you. I um...I
Rose looks at her, and then nods. Then, as White Rabbit
begins to play, Rebecca begins to cut large chunks out of
her head, which are seen falling on the ground. Rose smiles
and nods.


Rebecca walks over to the kitchen, and pulls a large knife
from the drawer. She holds it to her scalp.
      (walking to her
That'll do Becca. That will do.
The two sit on the couch, and continue to watch Rebecca
making out with Michael. A third girl, Chloe, enter the
frame, and rebecca slowly slides away. Chloe slowly touches
Michael's face, and slides down, as Michael let's out a
groan, and Rose begins weeping.
Chloe is seen driving down the road, while cop sirens are
heard. Chloe looks back, but sees no one.
      (Wiping her eyes)
Shit. That motherfucker musta
given bad shit.
Chloe's eyes begin to close, and she slumps onto the wheel.
When she wakes up, she is in a ditch, Surrounding her is a
barren area, next to the road. She turns around
Where the fuck am I?
As Chloe begins to stumble around, she spots a man standing
far away. The man is Andy. He is seen starring at her
Shit. What the fuck are you doing
Chloe begins walking towards him.
Hey there hun. What are doing out
The screen flashes, breifly showing Andy making out with
Rebecca, and then returning to Andy standing alone.


What the fuck was that Andy?
Andy remains standing silent.
      (Starting to get
       teary eyed)
Who the fuck was she?!
What the fuck did you say?
Suddenly, Chloe shoots up in her car, stopped at a small
intersection, and a man knocking on the window. She spots
the man, who is mouthing "Are you ok?", to her. She mouthes
back, after realizing where she is, "I'm fine." She starts
up her car, and drives off. Inside of the car, she is
panting relentlessly.
Damn shit coke.
The car drives off, passed a sign that reads, "Entering
                                         CUT TO: MICHAEL AND
Michael's car pulls up to his house, and he steps out,
turning around and looking at Andy.
I'll be right out. I just need to
check on my wife.
Andy nods, and slowly turns to face his window. Michael
shuts the door, and walks up to his house. As he opens the
door, the time lock clock on the floor clicks off, and he
picks it up. Shaking it, he tosses it on the couch and
walks through his house.


Hunny, you home. How'd the whole
quitting thing go?
Michael steps into the kitchen, and gazes around for a
little bit, before noticing the chunks of blood and meat on
the floor. His eyes get wide, and he walks over to the
kitchen table, where the bloody knife is still lying on the
Hunny, where are you?
Michael begins to search through each room, tearing it
apart. He walks into what appears to be the master bedroom,
and tears it apart too, although it is already in dismay. As
he walks out, a figure from behind him comes up and hits him
on the head with a shovel.
                                         CUT TO:
As Michael begins to wake up, he slips in some of the blood
from the top of his head. He manages to pull himself up
with the refrigerator handle next to him, and he makes his
way into the kitchen, as Rebecca and Rose walk from the
shadows behind him.
Hi there Mike.
Michael spins around, as Rebecca walks behind. He turns to
eye her, and she smiles.
Hey....hey Rosie. Look we need to
leave. I think someones in the
Michael realizes Rebecca has chunks of hair missing from her
scalp, and he stares at the two, wide eyed.
      (pointing at
You....you hit. You fucking
bitch. You hit me didn't you?
      (raising her hand)
No actually that was me.


      (walking towards
       the two women)
       Michael's cheek)
Get the fuck back.
Michael falls back onto the floor, now in absolute fear.
I did it, because I got your
little message.
Michael steps away even more quickly, knocking over chairs
in his path, right before falling down.
What the fuck are you talking
Pretty fucking stupid for an
answering machine message, Mike.
Rose continues looking at Mike, smiling wide at her husbands
      (picking up a
Tell me Michael, what did she
taste like? Did it taste good
I don't know...
Did she taste like me Michael?
      (beginning to cry)
What....are you going to do to me
Rose? It's me baby. It's
Michael. What are you going to


Oh you wouldn't believe it. The
things we will do.
Rose laughs, puts down the gun, and picks up the knife, as
she slightly pulls up her skirt.
Did she taste like this?
As Michael sits, watching in horror, Rose reaches the knife
into her skirt, and slowly begins cutting off the lips of
her vagina. Blood leaks down her thighs at a very quick
rate. Michael begins to scream no, but can't speak because
of absolute horror. As Rose finishes, she pulls the lips
away, ripping still attached skin from between her thighs.
She then holds out the vagina lips to Michael.
Eat it.
Michael lays on his back quivering.
      (crying and
Rebeeca comes around the corner with the pussy lips in her
hand, and shoves them into Michaels mouth, punching him in
the throat, causing him to swallow them. The two women
laugh, and Michael quickly gets up
      (Crying still)
Oh my god!!! OH MY GOD!!!
As the two women laugh, Michael gets up, and quickly runs
for the door, as the two women just stare at him. As he
explodes through the front door, he runs up the front side
walk. He trips, and from no where, the two women jump on
him, and begin to eat Michael, ripping large pieces of meat
from his bones. As they do this, the camera pans to Andy,
who is still in the car, shocked beyond all belief. As
Rebecca stands up, she spots Andy, who looks enraged at what
he is seeing, and even more enraged that Rebecca is there.


      (Opening the car
What the fuck are you doing here?
Rebecca stands wide eyed, and begins running for the door.
Andy follows, and Rose jumps in front of him. He throws her
to the side, but she bites his ankle, latching on. He kicks
her, and she falls on a rock. Andy leans down, pulls her
hair back, and slams her teeth into the rock. HE then
raises up his foot up, and slams it down on her head,
causing blood to spray from her ears.
Now for that fucking whore.
Andy runs into the house, and grabs Rebecca by the back of
the hair. He pulls her close to his face.
You just left me there. On the
side of the fucking road.
Andy shoves Rebecca on her knees, and back hands her across
the face.
      (Shoving part of
       his boxers in her
Remember. Where are my fucking
pants? You know. I really can't
stand little cunts like you, who
think they can do, well, just
about anything you please.
Andy drags Rebecca into the kitchen, where he shoves her
hand into a blender, ripping it to pieces and spraying blood
all over his face. He then drags her to the sliding glass
doors, and tosses her outside the house.
      (picking up a
       large concrete
       block lying in
       the side of the
I believe I owe you something.
Something very important. You
see, you're fucking brother in law
knocks up my wife, and then you,
well you just take it a little
further don't you. TWO FUCKING
DAYS I was out there you stupid


                       ANDY (cont'd)
fucking cunt. And now, I'll
return the favor.
Andy raises the cinder block over his head, and drops it on
Rebecca's face, and then quickly stomps on it. He takes a
cigarette out of his pocket, sits down, and begins smoking.
      (breathing deeply)
Fuck you.
As he sits and inhales his cigarette, facing away from
Rebecca, she rises off of the floor, and picks up the cinder
block. She spins it into Andy's face, causing him to
swallow his cigarette. She then runs inside the house, into
the bathroom. Andy soon follows, where the two fight for
awhile. Rebecca grabs a bottle of spray on hair gel, and
shoots it right into Andy's eyes. He stumbles back into a
bedroom, and Rebecca runs back out to the pool. Andy
Come on you fucking whore. Maybe
you can let my dick like you
Andy walks out passed the pool, and Rebecca quickly knocks
in into the water. She follows into the dirty pool water,
while holding a bottle of pool shock. She rips his head
back, and pours the solution into his mouth, punching him in
the neck to force him to swallow it. She then slams his
head repeatedly in the side of the pool, as blood and vomit
pour from his mouth. Eventually, she lets go, and he sinks
to the bottom. Rebecca gets out, and walks through the
fence into the car port.
Who the fuck are you?
      (spinning around)
I'm Rebecca. How ya doing?
Have you seen Michael St. Clair?
Rebecca stares at Chloe, and then gestures her to go into
the back yard. As chloe walks back, she sees a body
floating in the pool, and recognizes it as Andy. She begins
screaming, and quickly begins to run away, before being cut
off by Rebecca.


      (raising the
       cinder block from
       behind her back)
What's the hurry hunny? You
haven't even begin to have fun.
Rebecca now has the cinder block in full view of Chloe, and
pulls a cigarette from her pocket, reaching out to gesture
to Chloe to take it.
No he didn't taste like that.
Well you know that's a pretty damn
good thing that his cum doesn't
take like chopped up meat. But I
wonder. Does he taste like this?
Just then, Andy repeatedly slams her head into the bowl
until it breaks, then he lets her blood and vomit soaked
body fall to the floor. He then walks back outside, picks
his cigarette up, re lights it, and keeps smoking.
Just as Rebecca throws the cinder block down, Chloe rolls
out of the way. She runs across the back yard, and grabs
ahold of a shovel, spinning it around just in time to catch
Rebecca in the face. She grabs the cigarettes out of
Rebecca;s pocket, and looks at the logo on the pack. It
reads Linen Smokes.
      (teary voiced)
Andy? Why did she do this to you?
Chloe lights the cigarette, and spits in Rebecca's blood
soaked face.
You wanna have fun bitch. You
wanna taste the fucking love in


Rebecca screams as Chloe takes the shovel handel, and jams
it into her mouth, shoving the handle as far down her throat
as she can. Chloe then stands on her neck, and jumps on it,
killing Rebecca almost instantly.
                                         CUT TO: CHLOE INSIDE
Chloe walks inside the house, digs through the ruins of the
fight with Rebecca and Chloe, and finds Michael's car keys.
He wouldn't have her.
Chloe then runs back out and grabs Rebecca's keys from her
You might though.
Chloe walks out to Rebecca's car, and opens up the front
door, as she tears through the car, she becomes very
obviously frustrated.
Where is she? Where the fuck is
Just then, Chloe realizes she hasn't checked the trunk. She
walks back towards it slowly, eyeing the cavernous metal
death trap, and slowly opens the trunk. She screams and
cries, as she finds her baby inside of the trunk, just
barely still breathing. She picks up the baby, and hugs
her, crying hysterically. Just as she embraces the baby,
who is crying loudly, Rose runs towards her, wielding a
baseball bat. She hits Chloe in the head, beating her until
blood explodes from her brain. Rose picks the baby up, and
walks away with her, climbing into her car, and driving off
with it. From inside the car, Rose pats the babies head.
      (grabbing her
Ow, what the fuck?
During the confusion with Chloe, Rose tore her vagina cuts
open even deeper, and is now bleeding all over the seat. As
she looses more blood, she slowly starts to pass out. The
car crashes into a fence as the camera fades to black.


In a daze, Rose starts to wake up.
Where the hell am I?
Rose stands up and gets out of the car, lights a smoke. She
turns around to find herself starring down the barrel of a
gun, and a loud bang rings out. A shadowy figure is holding
the gun, and he quickly jumps into the car, holding onto the


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From Josh Echevarria Date 11/23/2008 1/2
I was so lost. The violence was excessive and extremely graphic. It just seemed like you were looking for shock value. I recommend you re-write this. It needs a lot of work.

From Tony Date 11/15/2008 1/2
This was very hard to follow, almost as if different people took turns writing. Were you trying for shock value on the feedback or were you serious with the extremely graphic violence? On a positive note, the setup on some scenes showed promise.

From David Chase Date 11/3/2008 *
I'll give this a 1 because it takes some discipline to finish any script, but the problem I had was that it was just as difficult for me to finish reading it. I found the story pretty convoluted, and it just lapsed into an exercise in graphic violence. There were also a lot of issues with structure. For instance, "Drug Scene" and "Chloe Driving" are not locations. I'd recommend doing some reading on proper screenplay formatting. I'd also recommend looking at this from a different angle. I like the premise of what happens with people trying to kick the craving, and I think there's a lot of really interesting angles you could take without it getting so violent and confusing.

From Curtis Coffey Date 11/1/2008 1/2
I started reading this with optimism, despite the many grammar and punctuation errors that are, in most casses, forgivable. However, it was the lack of a coherrent story and clear writing that destroyed this. I really couldn't tell who was who, and what was going on in each scene. The dialogue is phony, the language atrocious, and graphic violence is something that would never be shootable. I suggest you re-write it, flesh out the characters, tone down the language and graphic nature of the violence, and be more clear and descriptive as to the events that are unfolding. Nothing about this was realistic or plausible. Not even how the whole thing unfolded. It just seemed to be one graphic event after another. I think there's a possibility you could have something here, it just needs A LOT of work. Not trying to be mean or anything. =)

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