Screenwriter Community |
|
|
|
by Tyler (tylercorbine@gmail.com)
Rated:
Genre: Comedy
User Review:
A mockumentary following around two kids as one tries to get a girlfriend.
This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.
THE FOUR MINUTE MILE
|
FADE IN:
|
INT. TYLER'S HOUSE, FAMILY ROOM - DAY |
|
The camera fades in on an idle Drew, sitting and playing a
video game. |
|
|
TYLER
(holding camera)
Alright, we're rolling Drew. |
|
|
|
DREW
(surprised)
Oh? Just like that? No, "Action"
or "Take 1?" |
|
|
|
TYLER
No, it's a documentary, we just
film everything... we don't need
to say take anything... |
|
|
|
DREW
Alright... that's stupid... why
are we filming again? |
|
|
|
TYLER
To establish our careers as
filmmakers so that we can become
more known to the- |
|
|
|
DREW
(interrupting)
We're not going to become famous. |
|
|
|
|
|
DREW
Because this is a documentary. No
one's going to watch this. |
|
|
|
TYLER
(pause)
I'll be right back, I have to go
to the bathroom |
|
|
Camera fades out and comes back in on Drew watching TV. |
|
|
TYLER
What are you doing? |
|
|
2.
|
|
DREW
Flipping through the channels, I
almost rented this movie from The
Playboy Channel, but it was rated
Mature Audiences for Adult
Situations... |
|
|
|
TYLER
Well... what did you expect? |
|
|
|
DREW
Mindless sex and nudity. |
|
|
|
TYLER
(pause)
What do you think Adult Situations
means? |
|
|
|
DREW
Well adult things, like working,
and paying bills... and golfing... |
|
|
|
TYLER
(awkwardly)
Oh, okay... |
|
|
|
DREW
Yeah, so I decided not to get
Backdoor Sluts 9. |
|
|
|
TYLER
You know what? I think I'm going
to completely forget any of this
happened... |
|
|
The phone rings, Drew picks it up and looks at caller ID. |
|
|
|
|
TYLER
This isn't your house! |
|
|
|
DREW
(to phone)
Yeah, it's Drew, so did you think
about my question... No? Why
not?... I'm weird and ignorant?
Alright Yeah I'm pretty weird, but
I'm not ignorant... I don't even
know what that means!
(pause)
Alright yeah... okay... I will...
(MORE)
|
|
3.
|
|
|
Drew sighs and is dissapointed. |
|
|
TYLER
(joking)
So how's your mom doing? |
|
|
|
DREW
(murmured)
That wasn't my mom... it was a
girl... |
|
|
|
TYLER
(curious)
And because it was a girl means it
couldn't have been your mom? |
|
|
|
DREW
No! I mean it was a girl I like... |
|
|
|
TYLER
So you don't like your mom? |
|
|
|
DREW
A girl I want to go out with! |
|
|
|
|
|
DREW
(sighs)
She said that if I do something
amazing for her, she'll consider
going out with me. |
|
|
|
TYLER
So what are you going to do? |
|
|
|
DREW
I dunno... I was thinking a gift
card. |
|
|
|
TYLER
(retorting)
A gift card? Really? I get my dad
a gift card for father's day. |
|
|
|
DREW
(brightly)
So you think it's a good idea? |
|
|
4.
|
|
|
|
DREW
Oh... hmm... well... I have a
friend that might be able to help
out. |
|
|
Drew picks up phone and dials, on loudspeaker. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
VOICE
(confused)
Drew? Umm, who? |
|
|
|
DREW
Remember, from the party at
Michael's? |
|
|
|
|
|
DREW
The guy with the funniest
knock-knock jokes? |
|
|
|
VOICE
(pause, then
sudden
realization)
Oh my God! How did you get this
number? |
|
|
|
|
|
VOICE
(sighs)
What do you want? |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
5.
|
|
VOICE
I'm not giving you my sister, we
already went over this. |
|
|
|
DREW
No, remember how you said that if
I needed anything just talk to
you? |
|
|
|
VOICE
Do you remember how drunk I was? |
|
|
|
DREW
Yeah... but still... |
|
|
|
VOICE
Alright, I guess I know a guy who
can help you out, he should be
over by the Villa around noon
today, he'll be in the last
alleyway, tell him I sent you and
he'll help you out. His name is
Nathan. |
|
|
|
|
|
VOICE
Yeah, alright... I'm going to go
now. |
|
|
|
DREW
Here let me tell you a joke! |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
DREW
What do you call an ugly girl?
(phone hangs up,
Drew waits for a
reply)
Hey. You still there?
(waits)
You don't!
(laughs at joke) |
|
|
6.
|
|
TYLER
I think he hung up, Drew. |
|
|
|
DREW
(sighs)
But you get the joke, right?
(puts down phone)
It was HiLOLrous... right? |
|
|
|
TYLER
For your sake... I'm not going to
say anything. |
|
|
|
DREW
Alright what time is it now? |
|
|
|
|
|
DREW
Then let's go... we'll be there
early... but we'll make a good
first impression. |
|
|
|
TYLER
This isn't a job interview, we're
going to go ask a guy how to pick
up chicks. |
|
|
|
DREW
Yeah... but still... |
|
|
|
TYLER
He doesn't even know we're coming! |
|
|
|
DREW
You think he accepts walk-ins? |
|
|
|
TYLER
(walking away)
I'm not talking to you about this. |
|
|
|
DREW
Well... you never know! |
|
|
Fade out |
|
|
EXT. TOWARDS NATHAN'S ALLEY - DAY |
|
As Drew and Tyler walk, Pinball Wizard by The Who is heard,
Drew appears to be jamming out) |
|
7.
|
|
DREW
This is a pretty rockin song.
Who's this by? |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
DREW
No, I was asking you. |
|
|
|
TYLER
And I was anwswering yes! |
|
|
|
DREW
Yes? Wait, YES made this? |
|
|
|
|
|
DREW
(pause)
Are you screwing with me? |
|
|
|
|
|
DREW
Alright, so it should be this next
alleyway.
(pause)
Do you think Nathan's gonna be
black? |
|
|
|
|
|
DREW
Do you think Nathan's gonna be- |
|
|
|
TYLER
(interrupting)
No! I heard you! That's racist
Drew... |
|
|
|
|
8.
|
|
TYLER
Do you always ask yourself if
someone's gonna be black before
you meet them? |
|
|
|
DREW
Yeah, if I meet them in an alley. |
|
|
|
TYLER
That's how it's racist, I'm sure
Nathan won't be black. |
|
|
They turn the corner and see Nathan listening to music,
staring off into space. |
|
|
TYLER
Alright! He just happens to be
black. |
|
|
|
DREW
(excited)
Omigod! Nathan?! |
|
|
|
NATE
(stares at camera,
scared)
Whoa hey! Is this COPS? 'Cause I'm
clean, there ain't no drugs! |
|
|
|
|
|
DREW
Michael told me to tell you that I
sent you and that you would help
us... |
|
|
|
|
|
DREW
Drew and Tyler! You're supposed to
help us with girls! |
|
|
|
NATE
Wait, oh yeah, okay. Big T!
(gestures toward
Tyler)
Big D!
(gestures toward
Drew) |
|
|
9.
|
|
|
|
NATE
Well, what's the matter? Girls not
likin the Big D? |
|
|
|
DREW
I guess not. Girls just aren't
into Big D anymore. |
|
|
|
TYLER
(disgusted)
Can we just use our real names
now? |
|
|
|
NATE
Alright Taylor, so what did you
need help with? |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
TYLER
No, I'm Tyler, Drew needs the
help. |
|
|
|
DREW
Well I'm really likin this one
girl lately. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
NATE
Oh okay, so are you gay or- |
|
|
|
TYLER
No! I've just never seen Becca! |
|
|
10.
|
|
DREW
(eyeing Tyler
wearily)
Well I have had my suspicions. |
|
|
|
|
Cuts to Nathan's 'house' which is some cardboard boxes set
up and a 13 inch TV/VCR combo. |
|
|
NATE
Make yourself at home. |
|
|
|
DREW
(looking around,
confused)
Alright... |
|
|
|
NATE
Any questions before we begin? |
|
|
Drew raises his hand and diligently waits to be called upon. |
|
|
NATE
(looks at camera)
Yes? |
|
|
|
DREW
Do you like fried chicken? |
|
|
|
TYLER
No! No! You don't have to answer
that! |
|
|
|
NATE
Why not? It's a random, but still
valid question. |
|
|
|
TYLER
No! He's being racist and you
don't have to respond to that! |
|
|
|
NATE
How is it racist? 'Cause I'm
black? |
|
|
|
TYLER
That's not what I meant. |
|
|
|
NATE
(shakes head)
I don't like racists... |
|
|
11.
|
|
DREW
Then why do you always check
Native American for job
applications? |
|
|
|
TYLER
I'm not being racist, I'm just
telling the truth. |
|
|
|
DREW
A wise man once said: 'The truth
is racist.' |
|
|
|
TYLER
No, the saying goes: 'The truth
hurts.' |
|
|
|
DREW
Well racism hurts too! So same
thing! |
|
|
Camera swings to Nathan, who shakes head in disgust. |
|
|
NATE
Okay Drew, we can get started,
Tyler you can film. We'll start by
watching a video I have: 'The Do's
And Don'ts of Dating.' |
|
|
'The Do's And Don'ts Of Dating' plays, after it finishes. |
|
|
NATE
Alright, any questions? |
|
|
|
TYLER
That wasn't very helpful, at all. |
|
|
|
|
|
DREW
Is this based on a true story? |
|
|
|
NATE
(awkwardly)
I don't know. |
|
|
|
DREW
Oh okay, anything else? |
|
|
|
NATE
Well, sometimes people write their
girls songs. |
|
|
12.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
NATE
What's the matter? You sick of The
Big D naming off brothers? |
|
|
|
TYLER
No, it's just that... nevermind... |
|
|
|
NATE
Thank you. Now if you'll excuse
me, I must go. Goodbye. |
|
|
|
DREW
Later.
(silently to Nate)
Tyler ain't a bad guy. Give him a
second chance. |
|
|
|
NATE
Well, my motto's always been: "If
you don't like my homies, then I
don't want you to know me." |
|
|
Nate leaves, Drew looks at camera in amazement. |
|
|
DREW
Wow! Did you hear that? |
|
|
|
|
They begin to walk back home. |
|
|
DREW
Wow! Why didn't I think of a motto
before? |
|
|
13.
|
|
TYLER
(under his breath)
Because they're stupid and
completely unneccessary. |
|
|
|
DREW
(ignoring him)
Alright! My motto's gonna be..."A
smile on your face, makes the
world a better place!" |
|
|
|
TYLER
And my motto is that you're an
idiot. |
|
|
|
DREW
(slightly offended)
And my other motto is that "If
your motto doesn't rhyme, it
sucks." |
|
|
|
TYLER
That motto is stupid. |
|
|
|
DREW
Exactly! Because it didn't rhyme! |
|
|
|
TYLER
No, because it sucked. |
|
|
|
DREW
Are you being racist again? |
|
|
|
TYLER
(sarcastically)
Yeah Drew, yeah, I am. |
|
|
|
|
|
INT. TYLER'S LIVING ROOM - DAY |
|
Tyler and Drew sit in chairs on opposite sides of the room. |
|
|
TYLER
Alright, so what have we learned
from Nathan? |
|
|
|
|
14.
|
|
TYLER
No.
(pause)
Well, yeah, but we found that we
should flatter the girl. |
|
|
|
DREW
Okay, so, I think we should have
like a banner. Umm, what did that
one banner I got for my birthday
say? |
|
|
|
TYLER
You mean the one from Chuck E.
Cheese? |
|
|
|
|
|
TYLER
It said: "Happy 16th Birthday
Drew" |
|
|
|
DREW
(excited)
Yes! That's the one! Maybe
something like that |
|
|
|
TYLER
So you want a banner that says
"Happy 16th Birtday Becca"? |
|
|
|
DREW
No... it has to say something
really special... like...
(envisioning)
"Happy... My Love, Becca" |
|
|
|
TYLER
(pause)
Maybe we shold brainstorm a little
more before we do anything...
especially that... |
|
|
|
DREW
Alright, we're going to need
streamers for sure, and maybe
fireworks... |
|
|
Segue into a later scene |
|
15.
|
|
DREW
Okay, can you read me back all my
ideas? |
|
|
|
TYLER
Yep. We have a banner, streamers,
fireworks, a hot air balloon ride- |
|
|
|
DREW
(interrupting)
Whoa! What happened to the
confetti-shooting tank? |
|
|
|
TYLER
I didn't put that down because I
don't think those exist... and
even if they did... no... |
|
|
|
DREW
(a bit
dissapointed)
Oh okay... |
|
|
|
TYLER
(continuing)
And we have: burn her a CD, slip
her a drug- |
|
|
|
DREW
(realizing it's
filmed)
That was a joke!
(quietly)
Sort of. |
|
|
|
TYLER
And last but not least, toilet
paper her house with toilet paper
that reads: "Will you go out with
me?"
(pause)
Alright... maybe that was least... |
|
|
|
DREW
That's all? That's all we have? |
|
|
|
TYLER
You're the one who's been
brainstorming for half an hour... |
|
|
16.
|
|
DREW
(sighs)
Alright, what do you think I
should do? |
|
|
|
TYLER
Personally, I would just talk to
her and get to know her and- |
|
|
|
DREW
(quickly)
No, that's a stupid idea...
that'll take too long, what if I
don't like her by the time I know
her? |
|
|
|
TYLER
Then she probably isn't right for
you. I mean- |
|
|
|
DREW
(rudely)
No. STFU... next idea! |
|
|
|
TYLER
(sighs)
You could be nice to her. |
|
|
|
DREW
I don't want her thinking I'm gay. |
|
|
|
TYLER
Then make sure she knows you're
not. |
|
|
|
DREW
Like how? Talking about how hot
some girl is? |
|
|
|
|
|
DREW
Taking advantage of her? |
|
|
|
TYLER
Definitely not. Tell her she looks
nice or that you like her jacket. |
|
|
|
DREW
(upset)
Alright! Fine! But she's gonna
think I'm gay |
|
|
17.
|
|
TYLER
Just don't give her any reason to
think you're gay and you'll be
fine. |
|
|
|
|
|
TYLER
Alirght so do you want to go with
any of these? |
|
|
|
DREW
I think I'll burn her a CD. |
|
|
|
|
Jumps to shot of Tyler walking in on Drew, intently
searching on Project Playlist |
|
|
TYLER
How's it coming along? |
|
|
|
DREW
(turning to Tyler)
Well I found a few songs that I
think could work on several
levels... |
|
|
|
TYLER
Can I hear some of them? |
|
|
|
DREW
Yeah, here you go.
(turning to
computer)
This one's by Nine Inch Nails. |
|
|
|
TYLER
Oh...
(pause)
Wait! What song? |
|
|
"Closer" begins to play |
|
|
NINE INCH NAILS
I wanna f*** you like an animal, I
wanna feel you from the inside |
|
|
"Closer" continues |
|
18.
|
|
TYLER
(shocked)
I really, really don't think you
should use that song. |
|
|
|
|
|
TYLER
(in disbelief)
Are you hearing it?! |
|
|
|
DREW
(excited)
Yeah! Doesn't it rock? I mean the
synthesizer's all like
(imitates the
sound) |
|
|
|
TYLER
Yeah... okay... umm... please tell
me you have other songs. |
|
|
|
|
"Closer" ends, and "Ignition (Remix)" begins |
|
|
R. KELLY
Cuz we off up in this Jeep, we
fogging up the windows,we got the
radio up, we all up in the back,
we got this shit bouncin, and we
going up and down, and we smoking
and we drinking, just a thugging
it out. |
|
|
|
TYLER
Hey, I don't know if Becca is into
music... at all... so... |
|
|
|
DREW
(turning towards
Tyler)
No man, everyone likes at least
some music. |
|
|
|
TYLER
Well if you make her this CD she
won't anymore... |
|
|
19.
|
|
DREW
Well if you don't think this is a
good idea, what is? |
|
|
|
TYLER
Let's shoot for that banner. |
|
|
Camera fades out and in, upon fading we find Drew creating a
banner that reads "Happy My Love Becca". Note: It is made of
markers on tinfoil. |
|
|
DREW
Alright, almost finished with the
banner. |
|
|
|
TYLER
(motioning to
banner)
Is that tinfoil? |
|
|
|
|
|
TYLER
Why did you make it out of
tinfoil? |
|
|
|
DREW
(putting cap on
marker and
turning to camera)
So that it'd be all sparkly and
bright. |
|
|
|
TYLER
(disbelieving)
You're kidding me... |
|
|
|
DREW
And I thought maybe I could
serenade her while I show her the
banner. |
|
|
|
TYLER
I'm afraid to ask, but with what? |
|
|
|
DREW
(innocently)
A song I wrote. |
|
|
|
|
20.
|
|
DREW
(to tune of "Every
Breath You Take"
by The Police)
I'll be watching you,
And all the things you do,
I'll fill in all your holes,
You'll never be alone,
I will scare away your fears,
And rub away your tears. |
|
|
|
|
|
DREW
(whiny)
I'm not finished! |
|
|
|
TYLER
Well too bad! you can't say that
to her! |
|
|
|
DREW
(not getting it)
Like which part? |
|
|
|
|
|
DREW
(pleading)
But it's sweet!
(pause)
Well, actually it's salty because
of the tears. |
|
|
|
TYLER
Don't sing to her, just use the
banner.
(begins to walk
away) |
|
|
|
DREW
Don't you want to hear my title
for it?
(camera zooms in
on Drew)
Love's Blissful Embrace. |
|
|
Tyler begins to leave again, when going to get a drink of
water from the kitchen, the phone rings. Tyler answers. |
|
21.
|
|
|
|
|
|
TYLER
(sighs)
Yeah.
(calling to Drew)
Drew! Someone's calling for you! |
|
|
|
DREW
(calling)
Who is it? |
|
|
|
TYLER
May I ask who's calling? |
|
|
|
DAVID
(Tyler turns phone
on speakerphone)
David. |
|
|
|
DREW
(walking into
kitchen)
Oh God, David is so stupid. |
|
|
|
TYLER
He's on loudspeaker. |
|
|
|
DREW
(flustered)
I mean that like he's stupid and
fat! Like you know, p-h fat, not
like overweight like you, Tyler.
(whispering to
Tyler)
Nice save?
(pause)
Can I just have the phone?
(taking phone into
family room)
Hey Dave, wassup? |
|
|
|
DAVID
First off, don't call me Dave,
second, not much. I just called
because word on the street is that
you're up to something. |
|
|
22.
|
|
DREW
(curious)
Which street? |
|
|
|
DAVID
It's a figure of speech. |
|
|
|
DREW
No, it's an oxymoron. |
|
|
|
TYLER
(matter of factly)
No, it's a figure of speech. |
|
|
|
DREW
But an oxymoron IS a figure of
speech! |
|
|
|
DAVID
(fed up)
Alright! It doesn't matter, I was
just saying that someone told me
that you were up to something. |
|
|
|
|
|
DAVID
That doesn't matter either... I
want you to meet me at the church
in one hour. |
|
|
|
DREW
Which street is that on? |
|
|
|
|
|
DREW
Is that the one the word was on? |
|
|
|
DAVID
No! There are no words on any
streets! |
|
|
|
DREW
I disagree, the other day I saw
STOP written on the road, just
hangin out there. |
|
|
|
DAVID
Just meet me at the church. We
have to talk about something. |
|
|
23.
|
|
DREW
Can't we just talk now? |
|
|
|
|
|
DREW
Well what's so important that you
have to tell me in person? Unless
you're going to ask me out, but
don't do that, I'm only 10% gay. I
wouldn't go out with you.
(David hangs up)
Okay? David? You there?
(turns and see
Tyler)
Hey, let's go meet David! |
|
|
|
|
|
EXT. NEAR CHURCH PARKING LOT - DAY |
|
Tyler and Drew on opposite side of road from church parking
lot. |
|
|
TYLER
So I'm pretty sure this is where
David wanted you to meet him. |
|
|
|
|
|
TYLER
Did you want me to come with you? |
|
|
|
DREW
Nah, I should be fine. Just kind
of watch and help me if I'm in
trouble. |
|
|
|
TYLER
How will I know when? |
|
|
|
DREW
How about when I yell 'help'? |
|
|
|
|
|
|
24.
|
As Drew crosses the street the camera fades out, when fades
back in, a car carrying David, pumping heavy metal rolls in,
David walks out. Drew is on the ground, playing in the dirt. |
|
|
DAVID
(angry)
Hey! I heard you were making moves
on my girlfriend, Drew! |
|
|
|
DREW
(looks up)
Sure... wait... which one is your
girlfriend? |
|
|
|
|
|
DREW
(pause)
Oh... yeah... I'm doing that... |
|
|
|
DAVID
What the hell?
(Drew stands up)
Do you want to fight? |
|
|
|
DREW
Is that a trick question? |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
DAVID
Then leave Becca alone! Or I'll
kick your ass! |
|
|
|
DREW
(defensively)
Oh yeah? Well leave my ass alone
or I'll kick Becca! |
|
|
|
|
|
DREW
That's right! You should be
scared! |
|
|
|
DAVID
That didn't make sense! |
|
|
25.
|
|
DREW
(nodding and
letting a pause
happen)
Uh huh. |
|
|
David is confused. |
|
|
DAVID
I don't know what you're doing,
but you'd better stop playing
these mind games with me. |
|
|
|
DREW
Fine, you get out of here and I'll
play with myself. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
DAVID
(freaked out)
Alright, I'm going to leave now.
And if I ever get word that you're
going to ask out Becca... you'll
regret it! |
|
|
David gets back into car and drives off as Drew looks at
camera scared. Fades to Drew and Tyler walking away. |
|
|
DREW
Where were you? I said 'help' like
3 times! |
|
|
|
|
|
DREW
Well, I wasn't going to yell it, I
didn't want him knowing that I was
scared. |
|
|
|
TYLER
But then how was I supposed to
hear it? |
|
|
|
DREW
(looking at
camera, mocking
Tyler)
How was I supposed hear it? Eh,
(MORE)
|
|
26.
|
|
DREW (cont'd)
I'm a douchebag cos I'm Tyler and
I'm deaf. |
|
|
|
TYLER
That's not what I said. |
|
|
|
DREW
Well you might as well have. |
|
|
|
TYLER
Whatever, so what are you going to
do? |
|
|
|
DREW
(clueless)
About what? |
|
|
|
|
|
DREW
Oh, I dunno, maybe just ignore
him. |
|
|
|
TYLER
But he even said he was going to
kick your ass... |
|
|
|
DREW
And I can't ignore that? |
|
|
|
TYLER
Not really, I mean, it's a
physical beatdown, it's not like
verbal abuse. |
|
|
|
DREW
(blank stare)
Why can't I just ask out Becca? |
|
|
|
TYLER
Well, I wouldn't recommend it. |
|
|
|
DREW
You're just jealous that I like a
girl and you don't! |
|
|
|
TYLER
No I'm not... and that doesn't
make any sense, I can like a girl
if I want to... |
|
|
27.
|
|
DREW
Do you not like girls? |
|
|
|
TYLER
Girls are expensive... |
|
|
|
DREW
(hanging head)
Yeah, I hear ya, like $100 an
hour. |
|
|
|
TYLER
Wait, are you talking about a
prostitute? |
|
|
|
|
|
TYLER
Did you pay a woman to have sex
with you? |
|
|
|
DREW
(slaps forehead)
Dangit! I could've had sex with
her! |
|
|
|
TYLER
Oh, wow... let's move on, I think
we should go talk to Nathan about
David. |
|
|
Segue to Nathan's Alley. |
|
|
NATE
(upon seeing Tyler
and Drew)
Hey, wassup? |
|
|
|
DREW
Nate, I have a problem. |
|
|
|
|
|
DREW
Alright, so the girl I told you
about has a boyfriend. |
|
|
|
NATE
Could he beat you up? |
|
|
28.
|
At this point, Drew trips over his own feet and falls over. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
DREW
(getting up)
Well, yeah. I dunno, he doesn't
seem too violent. I mean he'll
defeat me, but I mean I don't know
how much of it I would call a
beating. More of a tap. |
|
|
|
TYLER
So you're saying that David would
tap your ass? |
|
|
|
DREW
(oblivious)
Yeah, that sounds about right. |
|
|
|
|
|
NATE
Alright, umm, let's weigh the pros
and cons of this. |
|
|
|
DREW
Well she's... okay... looking. |
|
|
|
|
|
DREW
Umm, I dunno how I'd rate her. |
|
|
|
NATE
Well she has a pussy, so she's at
least a five. |
|
|
|
DREW
(thinking it a
stroke of genius)
Which would round up to a ten. |
|
|
|
TYLER
No! That's not how it works! |
|
|
29.
|
|
DREW
(ignoring Tyler)
On the other hand, David's gonna
kill me. |
|
|
|
NATE
(regretfully)
I'd say go for a different girl,
man. |
|
|
|
DREW
But I already pu so much time into
this relationship! |
|
|
|
TYLER
You made her a sign that says:
"Happy My Love, Becca." |
|
|
|
DREW
(in agreement)
My point exactly. |
|
|
|
TYLER
That's not how I meant it... |
|
|
|
NATE
How well do you know her? |
|
|
|
|
|
NATE
Do you know her middle name? |
|
|
|
DREW
(drawn out)
Noooo... |
|
|
|
TYLER
You at least know her last name...
right? |
|
|
|
DREW
Leuo? (prounounced Lou-O) |
|
|
|
TYLER
That sounds exactly like your last
name... |
|
|
|
DREW
No! Mine's Leui! Her's is Leuo!
It's different! |
|
|
30.
|
|
NATE
So I don't think you should ask
her out. |
|
|
|
DREW
(dissapointed)
Why not? |
|
|
|
NATE
You don't know anything about her! |
|
|
|
TYLER
She HAS a boyfriend. |
|
|
|
NATE
And she's only a five. |
|
|
|
|
|
TYLER
You can't round up from a five in
this scenario! |
|
|
|
DREW
Hey! I'm only rounding from a six
now! You know what? Screw you
guys!
(walks off) |
|
|
|
TYLER
Where are you going? |
|
|
|
DREW
(yelling back)
To go ask out Becca! |
|
|
|
NATE
You're going to get killed! |
|
|
|
DREW
I don't care! Afterwards, I'll
live happily ever after with
Becca! |
|
|
|
TYLER
No, actually, you won't! You'll be
dead! |
|
|
Drew continues to walk off, flipping off camera |
|
31.
|
|
NATE
(turns to camera)
I'm sorry. |
|
|
|
EXT. OUTSIDE TYLER'S HOUSE - DAY |
|
Tyler approaches house as Drew is on roof trying to set up
banner, with difficulty |
|
|
TYLER
Oh God, Drew! No! Stop! |
|
|
Drew continues to try to hang up the sign... it rips in half |
|
|
DREW
(looks at sign)
Dammit... |
|
|
|
TYLER
Drew! If you hang the sign here...
Becca won't see it! |
|
|
|
DREW
(looking at Tyler)
How do you know? |
|
|
|
TYLER
Because nobody ever comes down
this street... |
|
|
|
DREW
(looks down the
street)
Then who's that? |
|
|
Tyler looks and David's car comes around the corner. |
|
|
|
|
DREW
Maybe Becca's with him! |
|
|
|
TYLER
Hey! That's the worst logic I've
ever heard of... and I watched an
Inconvenient Truth! You need to
get that sign down! |
|
|
32.
|
|
DREW
Actually, I need some tape! Can
you get me some... I think I
dropped it down there! |
|
|
|
TYLER
Drew! No! David's gonna see you
and then he'll kill you! |
|
|
|
DREW
I'm sure David will be
understanding! Now are you going
to pass me the tape or not? |
|
|
|
|
|
DREW
Then I guess I'll just jump down
and get it. |
|
|
At this time, David emerges from his car and sees the sees
the two. |
|
|
DAVID
(to Tyler)
What's he doing? |
|
|
|
TYLER
(nervously)
I... umm... uh... |
|
|
|
DREW
Alright! I'm going to jump now! |
|
|
|
DAVID
(alarmed)
Whoa! He's going to try and kill
himself? |
|
|
|
TYLER
(stuttering)
S-Sure... yeah... |
|
|
|
DAVID
(to Drew)
Don't jump! |
|
|
|
DREW
Well are YOU going to get me what
I want, David? |
|
|
33.
|
|
DAVID
Man, I'll help you with
whatever... just don't jump! |
|
|
|
DREW
Alright, then just pass me the t- |
|
|
|
TYLER
(cutting him off)
Don't jump Drew! |
|
|
|
DREW
(pointing at Tyler)
Now that... that was just rude. |
|
|
|
DAVID
(to Tyler)
Let me handle this.
(to Drew)
What can I do to help you Drew? |
|
|
|
DREW
You can start by handing me the
tape. |
|
|
|
DAVID
Sure.
(attempts to throw
tape up, it falls)
Sorry! |
|
|
|
DREW
Nah, forget it... I'll just jump. |
|
|
|
|
|
DREW
Settle down, David... it's not
that big of a deal... I'll just
jump down and be right back up. |
|
|
|
DAVID
Nah, man! You won't! Suicides
don't go to heaven! |
|
|
|
DREW
(puzzled)
Suicides? I don't think we're on
the same page. |
|
|
34.
|
|
DAVID
Yeah man. We are on the same page!
I know what it's like to feel like
you do right now. |
|
|
|
DREW
(to self)
He probably did have to ask out
Becca at one time or another, huh?
(to David)
Alright... so what should I do
first? |
|
|
|
DAVID
First, come off the roof. |
|
|
|
DREW
(looks around)
I dunno... I guess you're right. |
|
|
|
DAVID
(to Tyler)
Who's the man? |
|
|
|
TYLER
(to self,
sarcastically)
Good job... you talked a guy who
wants to date your girlfriend out
of commiting a fake suicide. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Drew finally gets off roof, with some difficulty. |
|
|
DAVID
(helping Drew)
Alright, so can we go into this
house? Finish the talking? |
|
|
|
DREW
(encouraging)
Yeah, just come on inside. My
house is your house. |
|
|
|
TYLER
This isn't your house, though! |
|
|
35.
|
They all go into the house. |
|
|
DAVID
(looking around)
Alright, hey, I've gotta go to the
bathroom. Can I use it real quick
before we begin the session? |
|
|
|
DREW
(pointing down
hall)
Down the hall, last door. |
|
|
|
|
David leaves, Tyler confers with Drew who has plopped
himself down in the chair. |
|
|
TYLER
(whispering, til
further notice)
Drew! |
|
|
|
DREW
(not whispering)
What? |
|
|
|
TYLER
David thinks that you're trying to
kill yourself. |
|
|
|
|
|
TYLER
No, he thinks you were on the roof
trying to commit suicide! |
|
|
|
DREW
But I was there to ask out Becca. |
|
|
|
TYLER
Exactly! And if he finds that out,
he's gonna beat you up. |
|
|
|
DREW
(pause)
Maybe... maybe he'll understand. |
|
|
|
|
36.
|
|
DREW
(growing worried,
whispering too)
What should I do then? |
|
|
|
|
Toilet flushes and David leaves the bathroom. |
|
|
DREW
(raising voice)
I didn't hear any hand washing! |
|
|
David stops, turns, and goes back into the bathroom. |
|
|
DREW
(Whispering again)
Alright, you know what? I'm going
to ask him what he thinks I was
doing up there and then if he
thinks I was trying to kill
myself, tell him to leave. |
|
|
|
TYLER
That is a horrible plan! |
|
|
David walks back, notices that they're whispering. |
|
|
DAVID
(peppy)
Whatcha guy's talking about? |
|
|
At this point Tyler and Drew are no longer whispering. |
|
|
DREW
(quickly)
Nothing! We were talking about
nothing!
(pause)
Yeah!
(turns to Tyler
and winks) |
|
|
|
TYLER
(in disbelief)
Oh my God... |
|
|
|
DAVID
(estranged)
Oookay... |
|
|
37.
|
|
DREW
So David, what do you think I was
doing on the roof? |
|
|
|
DAVID
Well you were obviously just
trying to express yourself the
only way you could. |
|
|
|
DREW
(looks at Tyler)
Exactly, with my sign! |
|
|
|
DAVID
Wait. You had a sign? Go get it,
and we can look at it! Maybe it'll
helps us see why you wanted to do
this. |
|
|
|
|
Drew excitedly jumps up and runs outside. Leaves David and
Tyler alone. |
|
|
TYLER
(nervous)
So... you and Becca... how's that
going for you? |
|
|
|
DAVID
Umm... funny you should bring that
up. We're doing okay. |
|
|
|
|
|
DAVID
(serious)
I don't know, it just sounded like
a good thing to say. |
|
|
|
TYLER
(nervously
laughing)
Oh.... that is funny. |
|
|
|
DAVID
(looks at Tyler)
So, how are things with you and
the lady folk? Got any girls? |
|
|
38.
|
|
|
|
|
|
TYLER
(nervously)
I'm pretty single right now. |
|
|
|
DAVID
Yeah, I had that problem once, you
know what you need? |
|
|
|
|
|
DAVID
(serious)
A girlfriend. |
|
|
|
TYLER
(deadpan)
That's frickin brilliant David. |
|
|
|
DAVID
Was that sarcasm?
(pause)
What is taking Drew so long? |
|
|
|
TYLER
I don't know... so back to you and
Becca, you guys are going strong
then? |
|
|
|
DAVID
Yeah, I guess so... I don't talk
to her about that kind of thing,
though. |
|
|
|
TYLER
(jokingly)
Oh, you mean your thoughts and
feelings? |
|
|
|
|
|
TYLER
(stunned)
Oh... I was kidding... |
|
|
39.
|
|
DAVID
I figure dating is easier when we
don't worry about that kind of
thing.
(jumping up)
You know what Tyler? I like you,
can you put your number into my
phone so I can call you sometime? |
|
|
|
|
|
DAVID
And Drew's too while you're at it,
I mean I've given him a tough time
so far, but he really is a good
guy, and as long as he doesn't ask
out Becca, I think we could be
really good friends. |
|
|
At this point Drew rushes in with the sign, Tyler finishes
putting his number in. |
|
|
|
|
TYLER
(seeing Drew)
Oh, shit... |
|
|
|
DAVID
What does that sign say? |
|
|
|
DREW
(awkwardly)
Happy My Love Becca. |
|
|
|
DAVID
(to Tyler)
I thought he was trying to kill
himself! What does 'Happy My Love
Becca' to do with killing himself? |
|
|
|
TYLER
(nervously)
I... never... uh... yeah... here's
your phone back. |
|
|
|
DAVID
(takes his phone,
pissed)
Alright, fine! I see how it is!
Drew, meet me at the church
(MORE)
|
|
40.
|
|
DAVID (cont'd)
parking lot in one hour! |
|
|
|
DREW
(blocking door)
Wait! Weren't you going to help
me? |
|
|
|
DAVID
I was going to stop you from
committing suicide! I wasn't going
to help you ask out my girlfriend! |
|
|
|
TYLER
(sarcastically)
There is a small difference. |
|
|
|
DAVID
(pushing Drew out
of the way)
Church parking lot! One hour! Be
there or else! |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
DAVID
Or else I'm going to kick your
ass! |
|
|
|
DREW
Isn't that what you're going to do
even if I do go to the church? |
|
|
|
|
|
TYLER
We'll meet you at the church! |
|
|
David storms out. |
|
|
DREW
(disappointed)
David's angry at me. |
|
|
|
TYLER
David's not just angry... he's
pissed! He's gonna kill you! |
|
|
41.
|
|
DREW
(sighs,
disappointed)
And if I'm dead, I can't ask out
Becca.... |
|
|
|
TYLER
You realize the big problem now? |
|
|
|
DREW
So do I really have to go to
church? |
|
|
|
TYLER
Yes, either way you're in trouble.
You mind as well man up. |
|
|
|
DREW
God, I hate going to church... If
I don't go, I'm going to hell...
if I do go I'm TOLD I'm going to
hell. |
|
|
|
EXT. NEAR CHURCH PARKING LOT - DAY |
|
Drew and Tyler are walking towards the church |
|
|
DREW
So what do you think's gonna
happen? |
|
|
|
TYLER
David's probably gonna kill you. |
|
|
|
DREW
Maybe he's just going to yell at
me. Like call me an idiot or
something. |
|
|
|
TYLER
Somehow, I don't think- |
|
|
|
DREW
(interrupting)
What if he calls me a pussy? I'll
just say "Hey, David, you are what
you eat." Won't that be brilliant? |
|
|
|
TYLER
I have a feeling this is going to
be more than just name calling. |
|
|
42.
|
|
DREW
Like name calling and a heated
converstion or what? |
|
|
|
TYLER
No, like name calling, a one sided
fight, and then more name calling. |
|
|
|
DREW
So The Cold War in a sense. |
|
|
|
TYLER
There was no fighting in The Cold
War! |
|
|
By now they are in the parking lot, with David coming in his
car right behind them. David is ticked. |
|
|
DAVID
Heh, so you showed up? |
|
|
|
|
|
DREW
(simultaneous with
David)
Aren't you- |
|
|
|
DAVID
(simultaneous with
Drew)
So then- |
|
|
|
DREW
(after quick
awkward pause, no
hostility in
either one)
Go ahead. |
|
|
|
DAVID
Well what were you going to say? |
|
|
|
DREW
Well, I was just going to ask a
question, but it might be answered
by what you say. |
|
|
|
DAVID
Oh, no... I was just going to ask
how you wanted me to kick your
ass. |
|
|
43.
|
|
DREW
Then no, it wasn't going to answer
my question. But it's- |
|
|
|
DAVID
No, no. Go ahead and ask, I mean- |
|
|
|
DREW
Okay, umm, aren't you going to
call me some names? Or, something? |
|
|
|
DAVID
Nah, that seems too third gradish,
you know? |
|
|
|
DREW
(disappointed)
Oh, alright, you sure? |
|
|
|
DAVID
Yeah, well, I suppose I could..
umm... let's see, umm...
(without
conviction)
You're a dick. |
|
|
|
DREW
(overeager)
You are what you eat!
(pauses)
Wait... dammit... |
|
|
|
DAVID
(awkward)
Alrighty then. |
|
|
|
DREW
No, I thought you were going to
call me a pussy, so if I said
that, you know... |
|
|
|
|
A quick pause, David then punches Drew in the face |
|
|
DREW
(holding face)
Aw, what the hell?! |
|
|
44.
|
|
DAVID
I'm sorry! I came down here,
telling Becca I was going to beat
you up! Now hold still! |
|
|
David takes another swing at Drew, missing as Drew is moving
around in pain |
|
|
DREW
(still holding
face)
Aw God! |
|
|
|
TYLER
Drew! Punch him back! |
|
|
Drew lowers his head and runs toward David, as if to
headbutt, but trips over own feet and hits the ground. David
takes a glance at the camera, bewildered |
|
|
|
|
|
|
DAVID
This is embarrasing. |
|
|
David lifts his leg, getting ready to kick Drew, Tyler puts
down the camera and charges at David, tackling him |
|
|
|
|
|
The rest of the scene, until further noted, is captured
because the camera is on the ground |
|
|
DAVID
(pushing Tyler off
and looking up)
Becca! |
|
|
|
BECCA
(only feet visible)
David! I told you not to hurt
Drew! |
|
|
|
DAVID
No! He's fine! I didn't hurt him! |
|
|
45.
|
Drew is rolling around this whole time, freaking out |
|
|
BECCA
I can't believe you! |
|
|
|
|
|
BECCA
We're through! I can't be with you
if you're gonna always do this! |
|
|
Tyler goes to pick up camera as David stands up, they watch
Becca begin to walk away |
|
|
DAVID
(under his breath)
Dammit... |
|
|
|
TYLER
(swings to David)
I'm sorry... |
|
|
|
DAVID
(blankly)
Nah, it's my own fault. She's
right. |
|
|
|
TYLER
(swings to Drew)
Drew, just get up now. |
|
|
|
DREW
(standing up)
Yeah I guess I'm not hurt too bad
(to David)
Are you going to be okay? |
|
|
|
DAVID
(nodding)
Yeah
(a pause and sigh)
Drew, I'm sorry if I was a little
out of line. Sometimes I make the
biggest deals of the smallest
things. I was just- |
|
|
Sirens are heard |
|
|
DAVID
(alerted)
I gotta go! |
|
|
46.
|
|
|
|
DAVID
The legality of my car don't sit
well with the police! |
|
|
Tyler and Drew to the long grass to hide, David to his car |
|
|
TYLER
(swings to David,
having trouble
staring car)
David! |
|
|
|
|
Camera fades as sirens grow louder |
|
|
EXT. CHURCH PARKING LOT - NIGHT |
|
The sun is setting, Drew and Tyler emerge from grass.
David's car is gone, the lot is empty with the exception of
Becca, depressed by side of building |
|
|
TYLER
You think David made it? |
|
|
|
DREW
Maybe. Or maybe he was undercover
to find an illegal drug deal. |
|
|
|
TYLER
I doubt it.
(shot of Becca)
You should go comfort her. |
|
|
|
|
|
TYLER
I dunno, ask her what's wrong and
just be there for her and all that
stuff... |
|
|
|
DREW
Okay...
(begins to walk,
turns around)
You coming? |
|
|
47.
|
|
TYLER
No, if you go by yourself, it'll
mean more... |
|
|
|
DREW
Alright.
(walks to Becca)
Hey Becca. |
|
|
|
BECCA
(sobbing)
Hey Drew. |
|
|
|
|
|
BECCA
(inaudible whining) |
|
|
|
DREW
(pretending to
have understood)
Yeah, I hate bears too. |
|
|
|
BECCA
I said David's a jerk... |
|
|
|
DREW
(dumbfounded)
Oh. I almost know what you mean.
(pause)
Are you going to be okay? |
|
|
|
|
An awkward silence in which Drew tries to come up with
something to say as Becca continues to sob. |
|
|
DREW
So the weather's-
(cut off as Becca
hugs him, he's
confused.)
good. |
|
|
|
BECCA
You're a really good friend, Drew. |
|
|
|
DREW
(trying to find a
compliment)
You're a really good... |
|
|
48.
|
|
TYLER
(whispering)
C'mon Drew, don't screw this up... |
|
|
|
DREW
girl...
(pats Becca on
head as if he
were petting dog) |
|
|
|
TYLER
Wow... that was stu- |
|
|
|
BECCA
(looks up)
Thank you, that was nice of you. |
|
|
Becca goes back to crying on his shoulder, Drew looks at
camera and arm thrusts, mouthing "I'm in!" |
|
|
DREW
So you and David are broken up? |
|
|
|
|
|
DREW
(awkwardly
implying)
You know... I'm single too... |
|
|
|
BECCA
(not hearing it)
What? |
|
|
|
DREW
Nothing...
(quick pause)
Can I pick you up on the rebound? |
|
|
|
BECCA
(looking up at
Drew, with a
'What The Hell?'
look on)
Sure. |
|
|
|
DREW
(under his breath)
Yes! |
|
|
Tyler's cellphone goes off, Tyler answers it. |
|
49.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
DAVID
It's David... are you and Drew
okay? |
|
|
|
TYLER
Yeah, did you make it? |
|
|
|
DAVID
Mmhmm, but I think I'm going to
lay low for a little bit, you
know? Can you do me a favor? |
|
|
|
|
|
DAVID
The next time you see Becca, tell
her, I'm sorry, and I love her.
(getting emotional)
You and Drew keep an eye on her
for me. |
|
|
|
TYLER
(camera zooms on
Becca and Drew,
dismal)
Yeah no problem. |
|
|
|
DAVID
Alright, I've gotta go. See ya.
Thanks, and about Drew, he's not a
bad guy. |
|
|
|
TYLER
Yeah, see ya
(hangs up as
walking towards
Drew)
So... yeah... |
|
|
|
|
50.
|
|
|
|
BECCA
Who was on the phone? |
|
|
|
TYLER
Umm, you wouldn't like him... |
|
|
|
BECCA
That's really subjective, how
would you know? |
|
|
|
|
|
DREW
Oh, you're little brother isn't
that bad. |
|
|
|
TYLER
That wasn't my little brother. |
|
|
|
DREW
Whatever, Tyler, you wanna make
like a baby and head out? |
|
|
|
TYLER
Yeah I guess... wait... what did
you say? |
|
|
|
|
Drew and Becca get up and walk away, Tyler follows, as he
does, the camera slows down. |
|
|
TYLER
(voice over, as
video continues
from scene)
I wasn't exactly sure how it was
all gonna work at the beginning of
the day. I'm still not sure how it
all did work out. Or even what's
going to happen when David comes
back.
(cuts to Tyler in
talking head)
Will David become an old friend?
Or a new enemy?
(sighs)
(MORE)
|
|
51.
|
|
TYLER (cont'd)
Well, I've gotta look at this from
an optimist's point of view. When
this shit hits the fan, it'll give
me something to write home about. |
|
|
FADE OUT. |
|
|
|
|
Feedback |
From Claire S |
Date 12/2/2008 |
|
It started off really well. I was hoping for a longer, more in depth story though. The characters are really funny all kind of one-sided. |
|
|
|
Leave Feedback |
You must be logged in to leave feedback. |
|
|