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Smash'N'Grab
by Curtis Coffey (de_cafe6914@yahoo.com)

Rated: R   Genre: Miscellaneous   User Review:
NOT YET
RATED

In the vein of Guy Richie, the convoluted plot of Smash'N'Grab revolves around a group of Irish small-timers who struggle to find a way to pay off a British mobster in the States when a gambling debt is created. Action, laughs, and plenty of twists highlight this American-ised caper tribute.


This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



FADE IN:

EXT. CITY STREET - DAY
                                                            
A hot pink van cruises down the street, drastically standing
out amidst the sea of cars in the dense traffic.

The van pulls off the main road and parks along the side of
the street, right next to a popular American bank.
                                                            
INT. VAN
                                                            
A duffel bag is unzipped.

A shotgun is loaded.

Gloves are put on hands.

A fresh magazine is slammed into a handgun.

Boots are tightened.

Arms slide into coat sleeves.

SEAMUS looks out the window of the van, at the bank. His
nose has recently been broken.

Everyone speaks with an Irish accent.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
That's the score. Inside that bank
is two million dollars. Our ticket
to freedom. Our ticket back home.
It's a simple smash an' grab job.
One simple heist, and it's all
over.
                                                            
FREEZE FRAME ON SEAMUS
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
That handsome devil is me, Seamus
Monohaghn. I'm who you would call
the brains of the group, though
that's not sayin' much.
                                                            
END FREEZE FRAME
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Right, here we are. You lads
ready?
                                                            

2.

                       GERRY
This is a shite idea, if you ask
me.
                                                            
FREEZE FRAME ON GERRY
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
That pain in the arse is Gerry. I
guess you could say he's the
"responsible one." What that
really means is, he's a pussy.
But, on the other hand, he keeps
us outta trouble most of the time,
and he's also me best mate.
                                                            
END FREEZE FRAME
                                                            
MICHAEL turns around from the driver's seat and looks back
at Gerry, scowling.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Well, no one did ask you, now did
they? Keep your fuckin' mouth
shut. You're not pussy footin'
your way outta this one.
                                                            
FREEZE FRAME ON MICHAEL
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
That chap there is Michael. He's
one hell of a driver, and
excellent with money.
                                                            
END FREEZE FRAME
                                                            
                       BOB
Nobody is pussy footin' outta
nothing. Jesus, I'll tell ya, if I
had twenty quid for every time
some fuckin' bastard tried to
cop-out of a fight with me, I'd be
a rich man, I tell ya. We're goin'
in hard and fast, and we're comin'
out the same way. No worries,
right Seamus?
                                                            
BOB's accent is so strong that it is hard to understand him.
                                                            
FREEZE FRAME ON BOB
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
And that scrappy fella is the
toughest, meanest, drunkest, most
Irish person in the States, and
            (MORE)

3.

                       SEAMUS (cont'd)
probably the most Irish person
I've ever met period: Bob.
                                                            
END FREEZE FRAME
                                                            
Seamus looks a bit nervous, but he nods his head anyway.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Right. Let's do it.
                                                            
Seamus puts on a stocking over his head, and his pals do the
same.

They get their weapons ready, and Seamus places his hand on
the handle of the back door of the van.

He turns to his pals.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Gents, there's no way this can go
wrong.
                                                            
Seamus flings open the door.
                                                            
EXT. VAN
                                                            
Seamus, Bob, and Gerry jump out of the back of the van.
                                                            
FREEZE FRAME
                                                            
                       JOHN (O.S.)
There was just no way that could
have gone right, was there?
                                                            
 
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY
                                                            
Seamus sits in the interrogation room of the police
department, handcuffed.

DETECTIVE JOHN BURTON stands on the other side of the table,
leaning over it, staring down Seamus.
                                                            
FREEZE FRAME ON JOHN
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
That arrogant American puff is
Detective John Burton, but I
usually call him Johnny-Boy, just
to piss 'im off. Probably not the
wisest choice for someone in my
situation. We go way back, me an'
            (MORE)

4.

                       SEAMUS (cont'd)
him.
                                                            
END FREEZE FRAME
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
It was a perfect plan, Johnny-Boy.
                                                            
Seamus winks.
                                                            
                       JOHN
Oh, yeah, I can see that. So
perfect that here you are, in my
custody once again. Guess what,
Seamus? This time, you're staying
in prison. We're going to have a
long chat later, you and I.
                                                            
John motions to a POLICE OFFICER, who grabs Seamus by the
arm and lifts him up out of his chair, leading him away.

Seamus looks back at John.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
You mean you're not coming to bed
with me this time, Johnny-Boy? I'm
hurt!
                                                            
                       JOHN
Oh, fuck off, Seamus.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
I'll miss you, sugar! Can't wait
to have that talk later! Honey!
Sweetie!
                                                            
Seamus is tugged through the doorway, but he manages to pop
his head back inside the room to blow John a kiss.
                                                            
 
INT. CELL - DAY
                                                            
Seamus is un-cuffed and tossed inside his cell.

The GUARD locks it and walks away.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
What, you mean you're not going to
tuck me in!?
                                                            
Seamus sits down on the cot and stares at the wall.
                                                            
FREEZE FRAME
                                                            

5.

                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
But see, the plan really was
perfect. Though, I suppose you're
wonderin' why I'm here in police
custody awaitin' me fate if the
plan was so perfect. Well, this is
where it gets interestin', so take
out a pen and paper, and get ready
to take notes, 'cause I'm gonna
school you.
                                                            
 
INT. PUB - DAY
                                                            
CAPTION: ONE WEEK EARLIER
                                                            
Cold, frothy beer fills a stein and it's slammed onto the
bar top next to three others.

The bartender, OLD MAN GARY, looks out into the bar.
                                                            
                       OLD MAN GARY
Pints are ready!
                                                            
FREEZE FRAME ON OLD MAN GARY
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
That fine chap is Old Man Gary.
He's not really relevant to our
story, but I'll tell ya, he pours
some fine drinks, and is more than
willing to put up with rowdy Irish
fucks like ourselves. He's
probably the only American I'd
have at me wedding, if I ever got
married, that is.
                                                            
END FREEZE FRAME
                                                            
Seamus, Gerry, Michael, and Bob are all sitting at a table,
eating peanuts and chatting.

Michael turns to Old Man Gary.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Then bring 'em on over here. What
kinda shite service are you
offerin' here?
                                                            

6.

                       OLD MAN GARY
The kind where you got off your
own lazy ass and get your drinks.
This isn't Burger King, so don't
expect to have it your way.
                                                            
                       GERRY
I do believe Old Man Gary just
served you, Michael!
                                                            
Everyone starts laughing, including Old Man Gary.

Michael gets up, grabs his pint, and walks back to the
table, sitting down.
                                                            
                       BOB
The fuck is that shite?
                                                            
Michael takes a swig and looks at Bob.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
What?
                                                            
                       BOB
Don't "what," me. You know what.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Yeah, where the hell's me beer?
                                                            
Michael calmly sets down his beer and looks at them.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
I'll let Old Man Gary handle this
one.
                                                            
Michael leans back towards Old Man Gery's direction.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
I do believe you say it best.
                                                            
Old Man Gary stops wiping down his bar and looks at the
table.
                                                            
                       OLD MAN GARY
You get your own fucking beer, or
you don't drink.
                                                            
Seamus, Gerry, and Bob all stand up and head towards the
bar.
                                                            
                       BOB
You're pushin' it, Old Man Gary.
You're pushin' it!
                                                            

7.

                       OLD MAN GARY
Son, I will wipe my ass with your
head if you keep it up.
                                                            
Everyone laughs, and they each grab their pints of beer.
                                                            
FREEZE FRAME
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
And that was life for us. That's
how it went. We made the best out
of our situation, but all of us
missed home, didn't have much
money, and were easily bored.
Therein lied our problem, and how
the trouble really began. It was
our own fault, really. Well, it
was more my fault than anyone
else's, but me mum said it was
rude to pass the blame onto other
people. So, I'm sharing it. But
I'm gettin' ahead of meself.
                                                            
 
EXT. GOLF COURSE - DAY
                                                            
Three men are playing golf on a lush golf course.

RICHARD "DICK" PATTERSON, CARTER WILKINS, and SMITTY, all of
whom are British.

Smitty hits his ball and it goes a nice distance, landing
smoothly on the green.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
Nice swing, Smitty, but stand
aside and let me show you how real
men golf.
                                                            
Richard sets up his shot and swings hard.
                                                            
FREEZE FRAME
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
If there's something we Irish
can't stand more than most Yanks,
it's the British. I mean honestly,
is there anyone more pig-headed
than a Brit with money? I don't
care what you say, the answer is
no. And this one in particular,
Richard "The Dick" Patterson. What
a fuck-head.
                                                            

8.

END FREEZE FRAME
                                                            
Richard has swung too hard, and misses the ball. He groans,
and quickly tries to hide his irritation.
                                                            
                       SMITTY
You missed.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
That was a practice swing, you
twat.
                                                            
Richard readies himself to take another swing.
                                                            
                       SMITTY
'Course it was, Dick.
                                                            
Richard straightens back up and looks at Smitty, angry,
nostrils flaring, gritting his teeth.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
What did you just call me?
                                                            
                       SMITTY
Nothing, Richard. It was an
accident.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
I'll bet. Carter, three wood.
                                                            
Carter takes the three wood out of the golf bag.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
Hit Smitty with it. Hard.
                                                            
Smitty puts his hands up defensively and slowly starts
backing away.
                                                            
                       SMITTY
Richard, boss, really, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean it!
                                                            
Carter advances towards Smitty.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
Aye. I'm sure you didn't. Carter,
hard. Really fucking hard!
                                                            
Smitty drops his golf club and takes off running.

Carter runs after him. Smitty starts screaming.
                                                            

9.

                       RICHARD
Cheeky fucker.
                                                            
Richard's cell phone rings -- he answers it.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
Richard Patterson.
                                                            
In the b.g., Smitty continues running and screaming, with
Carter gaining on him.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
What!? He doesn't know who he's
dealing with! I'll show him, don't
you worry about that. No, no.
                                                            
In the b.g., Smitty runs across the other side, screaming,
and Carter cracks him in the legs with the golf club,
dropping him.

Richard casually glances back and looks forward again.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
No, I'm just enjoying a game of
golf. I'll be back in town right
away.
                                                            
In the b.g., Carter raises the golf club and brings it down
repeatedly while Smitty kicks and screams at him.
                                                            
 
EXT. EMPTY BUILDING - DAY
                                                            
Richard shakes hands with a BUYER in front of am empty old
building, having just sold the property to him.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
The Dick is one of the most
powerful Brits in the States, and
one of the most influential men in
this city, period. He has his
hands in all sorts of pies here,
and not all of 'em are exactly
legal. Sure, he does real
estate...
                                                            
 
INT. CLUB - NIGHT
                                                            
The inside of the club is brimming with life.

Flashing lights, booming music, scantily clad DANCERS,
DRINKERS, the works.
                                                            

10.

                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
...and he owns a few hot spots and
night clubs.
                                                            
A MAN and WOMAN place pills into each others mouths.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
But then there was the
trafficing...
                                                            
 
INT. OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
Several MEN and WOMEN place stacks of money into counters
and tie them off.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
...the money laundering...
                                                            
 
EXT. RIVER - DAY
                                                            
POLICE pull a body out of the river and bring it to the
shore.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
...and the fact that anyone who
dares to cross him winds up in the
river or completely disappears all
together.
                                                            
 
INT. RICHARD'S OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
Richard sits behind his desk, puffing a cigar, smiling while
he's on the phone.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
He's a scam artist. A thug. No
different than the gangsters in
London. Most importantly, he's a
dick. A big, black, crooked
fuckin' dick. The kind you see in
those fetish pornos.
                                                            
Carter stands behind him, arms crossed.
                                                            
FREEZE FRAME ON CARTER
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
That big fucker is Carter, The
Dick's enforcer and right-hand.
You don't want him havin' to have
a talk with you, it usually ends
            (MORE)

11.

                       SEAMUS (cont'd)
up in bruisin' and a lot of
swellin'.
                                                            
END FREEZE FRAME
                                                            
Richard hangs up the phone triumphantly.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
Add another thirteen grand to our
profits for the week. Ventura
Apartments just broke!
                                                            
Sitting in a chair in the corner is SELINE.

She scoffs, rolling her eyes, and puffs on her cigarette.
She exhales.
                                                            
FREEZE FRAME
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
And that sexy little minx is
Seline. Don't let her looks fool
you, she's as dangerous with a gun
as a cornered junkie. She's got a
black heart, and I'm not sure
where her loyalties exactly lie,
but I do know this: She absolutely
fuckin' hates her boss. Jesus,
look at her. The things I'd do to
her... Moving on!
                                                            
 
EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING - DAY
                                                            
A limo pulls up in front of an apartment building.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
Anyways, I suppose I'm tellin' you
all this because I want to make
one point very, very clear:
                                                            
Carter gets out of the limo, walks up the apartment building
steps, and lets himself in.

A moment later, two muzzle flashes appear in one of the
windows, accompanied by the sound of silenced shots.

Carter calmly exits the apartment building, walks down the
steps, and gets back into the limo.
                                                            
INT. LIMO
                                                            

12.

Carter gets situated and takes off his black gloves.

Richard is sitting next to him, looking irritated by the
fact that he had to come out at all.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
Everything go all right?
                                                            
                       CARTER
Not a problem.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
Good. I want a drink.
                                                            
FREEZE FRAME
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
You do not want to owe him money.
Period.
                                                            
 
INT. CELL - DAY
                                                            
Seamus sits in his cell, looking extremely bored.

The Guard walks over to his cell, peering inside.
                                                            
                       GUARD
Hey, Irish boy. Detective Burton
wants to know if you're ready to
chat.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
I'm rather comfortable at the
moment, but if you leave a
message, I'll be sure to get back
to him.
                                                            
The Guard chuckles, walking away from the cell.

A moment later, John appears in front of the cell and
unlocks it.
                                                            
                       JOHN
Come on, sunshine. Let's get this
over with.
                                                            
Seamus stands up, beaming at John.
                                                            

13.

                       SEAMUS
Only if you promise to be gentle
with me, Johnny-Boy. Me arse is
still tender, you know. You
haven't broken me in yet.
                                                            
                       JOHN
Cute.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
You think so? I tried to look my
best just for you, sweet cheeks!
                                                            
                       JOHN
Come on, asshole. You're wasting
time.
                                                            
Seamus chuckles, stepping out of his cell.
                                                            
INT. POLICE STATION
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
I see it's still strictly business
with you, Johnny-Boy. You like
that with your wife, too?
                                                            
John ignores him and continues walking with him through the
station.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
How's life between the sheets
these days? You keepin' her
satisfied? 'Cause, you know, if
she needed some spark between her
legs, I'll show her a good time.
                                                            
John throws Seamus inside the interrogation room and closes
the door behind them.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (O.S.)
Rape!
                                                            
 
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY
                                                            
Seamus is bent over the table and he looks back at John,
licking his lips seductively.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
I'm ready for you, baby.
                                                            
                       DAVID (O.S.)
Sit down, Seamus.
                                                            

14.

Seamus turns his head to see DETECTIVE DAVID SKAGGS standing
in the corner of the room.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Okay, I don't do gang-bangs.
Sorry, fellas.
                                                            
                       JOHN
Seamus, you of course remember my
partner, Detective Skaggs.
                                                            
Seamus straightens up.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Of course I do. I remember his
wife a bit better, though.
                                                            
Seamus purrs like a cat.

David takes a quick step towards Seamus, who puts his fists
up, mock-swinging.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Come on! Put 'em up, put 'em up!
                                                            
                       DAVID
I'm going to knock that stupid
fucking grin off your drunken
Irish face.
                                                            
                       JOHN
David, that's enough.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Yeah, David. That's enough. You
better settle down now. You heard
daddy.
                                                            
                       JOHN
Seamus, shut the fuck up and sit
down.
                                                            
Seamus chuckles and sits down.

David and John sit down across the table in front of him.
They stare him down.

Seamus lifts his leg and imitates a fart.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
I'm bored. What d'you want?
                                                            

15.

                       DAVID
We want to know how it all went
down, Seamus.
                                                            
Seamus looks at David.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
That might be what you want, but
it's not what John wants.
                                                            
                       JOHN
Oh? And tell me, Seamus, what do I
want?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
      (gay accent)
You don't have to pretend anymore.
It's okay, I want you, too.
                                                            
                       JOHN
Stop fucking around, Seamus. The
longer you dick around, the longer
this is going to take, and we can
be here all night. We're getting
paid, so it's all the same to us.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
What a coincidence! So am I.
                                                            
                       DAVID
I don't know if you noticed, but
you're in custody with us. We got
the money. We've got your boys.
You've got shit.
                                                            
Seamus chuckles.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
If only it were that simple,
fellas.
                                                            
                       DAVID
What do you mean?
                                                            
                       JOHN
He doesn't mean anything. He's
talking out of his ass and trying
to get you to buy in to it. Don't.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Well look at you, Mr. Detective.
Aren't we the smarty-pants?
                                                            

16.

                       JOHN
That's right, Seamus. So tell me,
what's a small-timer like you
doing trying to handle something
as big as a bank heist?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Hey! What are you trying to say?
                                                            
                       JOHN
You're a shitty crook, that's
what.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
I resent that. Where's my lawyer!
I won't hear these slanderous
comments!
                                                            
                       JOHN
Just look at your track record.
Like that liquor store you tried
to rob?
                                                            
 
INT. LIQUOR STORE - NIGHT
                                                            
Seamus bursts into a liquor store, a hoodie pulled tight
over his head, obscuring his face.

His hand is in his hoodie pocket, pointed like he has a gun.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Give me all your fuckin' money!
Empty the register! Now!
                                                            
The CLERK looks at him, smirking, and flips him off.
                                                            
                       CLERK
Fuck you, mother bitch!
                                                            
Seamus is taken aback.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
What? The fuck you say to me? Do
you want me to put a bullet in
your fuckin' head?
                                                            
                       CLERK
Yeah? You gonna shove your finger
through my skull?
                                                            
Seamus reaches over the counter and opens the register.


17.

The Clerk grabs onto Seamus' arms, and the two get into a
headlock.

The Clerk grabs a bottle of wine and cracks Seamus over the
head with it.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Ow! Fuckin' bastard!
                                                            
                       CLERK
Come on, punk bitch!
                                                            
The Clerk hits Seamus again and Seamus lets him go and backs
up.

The Clerk throws the bottle at his head, and hits him dead
on.

Seamus stumbles back.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Ow! Fucker! Stop!
                                                            
The Clerk grabs another bottle and chucks it at Seamus.

The bottle smashes against a shelf, spraying Seamus with
wine.

Seamus turns around to leave, and runs right into a display
rack, knocking it over, tripping him to the ground.

Seamus gets up and runs for the door, only the be hit in the
back with another bottle.
                                                            
                       CLERK
Come back and have some more
medicine, you punk bitch!
                                                            
 
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY
                                                            
Seamus shifts in his chair uncomfortably.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
That was...That wasn't me. It was
someone else.
                                                            
                       DAVID
Uh huh. Or how about that time you
tried to mug that couple? We
busted you for that one.
                                                            
 

18.

EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT
                                                            
A MAN and WOMAN walk down an alley, arms linked.

Seamus jumps out from behind a dumpster, a pipe in his hand.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Your wallet and purse! Hand them
over! Now!
                                                            
The Woman screams, pulls mace out of her purse, and sprays
Seamus in the face with it.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Ah! Fuckin' hell!
                                                            
The Woman then kicks Seamus in the balls, dropping him to
his knees.

The Man grabs a trash can lid and whacks Seamus over the
head with it, dropping him to the ground, clutching his head
and moaning in pain.
                                                            
 
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
But I still managed to get out of
serving time for that one, didn't
I?
                                                            
                       JOHN
You charged them with aggravated
assault. I couldn't believe you
won.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
That's why I love America.
                                                            
                       DAVID
There's no "Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free"
card for you this time.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
I never said there was. Can I go
back to my cell now?
                                                            
                       JOHN
No. I want to know how it all
happened. From the beginning.
                                                            
Seamus leans in close.
                                                            

19.

                       SEAMUS
Do you really, really want to
know?
                                                            
                       DAVID
Yes.
                                                            
Seamus leans back in his chair, smiling.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
I'll tell you in the morning.
                                                            
David stands up, pissed off.
                                                            
                       DAVID
Son of a bitch, I swear to God -
                                                            
                       JOHN
Stop. If he wants to go back to
his cell, that's fine. The longer
this takes, the longer he's in our
custody, and the more his jail
time will go up for not
cooperating with us.
                                                            
Seamus beams.
                                                            
 
INT. CELL - DAY
                                                            
Seamus is locked back in his cell, and he lays down on his
cot, looking up at the ceiling.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
Stupid Yanks. They always think
they're so smart. Most don't know
their arse from their elbow. I
planned to tell them everything,
but, it's in me nature to be a
pain in the arse, so I was doing
it to the max. Now, where were we?
Right, oweing The Dick money.
                                                            
 
INT. HOUSE, BATHROOM - DAY
                                                            
Seamus and Gerry are inside a bathroom, messing around with
the plumbing.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
For us, honest work was hard to
come by. Not only because there
was very little to be had, but
also because we're not very good
            (MORE)

20.

                       SEAMUS (cont'd)
at anythin'.
                                                            
Gerry ruptures a pipe and water starts gushing out of it,
drenching the floor, with no end in sight.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Hurry! Tighten the thing!
                                                            
Gerry begins tightening another section of the pipe,
rupturing it more.

The toilet begins to overflow now.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
The fuck you doin'?
                                                            
                       GERRY
You told me to tighten the thing!
I tightened the thing!
                                                            
Seamus wraps his hands around the pipe, trying desperately
to stop the leak.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Not that thing! The other thing!
                                                            
Gerry throws down his wrench.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Why don't you fuckin' do it then,
Mr. Know-It-All!
                                                            
 
EXT. HOUSE - DAY
                                                            
Hours and every cleaning and plumbing crew in the city
later, the PLUMBING BOSS walks out of the front door of the
flooded house, meeting Gerry and Seamus in the street by
their work van.
                                                            
                       PLUMBING BOSS
You boys are fired.
                                                            
Seamus and Gerry look at each other.
                                                            
 
EXT. APARTMENT - DAY
                                                            
Michael walks up the steps of an apartment complex and steps
inside.
                                                            

21.

                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
Now, that's not to say that all of
us were completely useless.
Michael usually managed to come up
with schemes that generally
brought in money. For a while.
                                                            
INT. APARTMENT - DAY
                                                            
Michael sits in the living room of an apartment, an ELDERLY
COUPLE sitting across from him.

He's got a briefcase open and is holding up a sheet of
paper, going over it with the couple.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
At the moment, he's working on an
insurance scam. Now, if the
candidate qualified, then for the
low price of one hundred dollars
down, they got a claim number and
a phone number to call, where a
representative would set it up for
them.
                                                            
EXT. APARTMENT - DAY
                                                            
Michael steps out of the apartment, shaking the hands of the
couple.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
He'd hand them a fake business
card with a fake name, and be on
his way. I don't know how on God's
green Earth he pulled it off.
Jesus knows I couldn't. Michael
just had a way with words.
                                                            
Michael walks away from the apartment complex, smiling.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
I gave his current venture a week
before it was found out to be a
scam.
                                                            
 
INT. PUB - DAY
                                                            
Bob sits at the bar, downing a beer.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
And Bob, well, Bob was good for
two things. Gettin' shit-faced...
                                                            
 

22.

EXT. ALLEY - DAY
                                                            
Bob gets slugged in the face in an alley, shakes it off, and
knocks the hell out of his OPPONENT.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
And back-alley brawling.
                                                            
A group of SPECTATORS throw down their money, apparently
very unhappy that Bob has won the fight.

Bob picks up the money, laughing and jeering at them.

He takes out a cigarette and lights it.
                                                            
 
EXT. TOMMY'S DEN - NIGHT
                                                            
Seamus, Gerry, Michael, and Bob all make their way up to the
doors of Tommy's Den.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
Now, the one thing we all could do
relatively well was gamble, and
there were two places to really do
it in the city. The dog tracks,
and Tommy's Den.
                                                            
The group enters the joint.
                                                            
 
INT. TOMMY'S DEN - NIGHT
                                                            
Inside Tommy's Den is all sorts of ways to gamble. Slots.
Craps. Poker. Black Jack. Roulette. Baccarat. The works.

The group walk through the place, branching off at the
various tables and games they want to play.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
Tommy's Den was a gambler's wet
dream, and the closest any of us
would get to Vegas. Sure, it was
sleazy, but it got the job done.
                                                            
Seamus goes and gets chips, and sits down at the Black Jack
table.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
I was feelin' good, and fared
pretty well at Black jack, so
Black Jack is where I stayed.
                                                            

23.

Seamus plays for a while, doing pretty well.

Bob plays the Craps table and is getting pretty rowdy.

Michael enjoys Roulette.

Gerry, well, he plays it safe with the slots, right next to
an OLD LADY.
                                                            
CU - DEN DOOR
                                                            
Richard walks through the door, with Carter on his right
side.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
And who should walk in but The
Dick himself, honoring us all with
his presence. The Dick didn't like
a lot of things, if any at all,
but if it involved earning money,
he was all for it. What a stupid
chisler.
                                                            
Richard and Carter make their way through the Den, all eyes
on them.

Richard sits himself down at the Black Jack table, right by
Seamus.

The other PLAYER at the table cashes out and walks away.

Richard looks at Seamus, grinning.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
Care to play?
                                                            
Richard looks at Seamus' chips, then back at him, smiling
even wider.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
I see you're a big winner tonight.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Well, I wouldn't exactly say I'm a
BIG winner -
                                                            
Carter smacks Seamus across the back of the head.
                                                            
                       CARTER
The Guv'na says you're a big
winner, you're a big winner! Got
it?
                                                            

24.

                       RICHARD
Carter, relax.
                                                            
Seamus rubs the back of his head and looks at Richard.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
How much does a lap dog like that
cost? I've been lookin' for a
monkey to slap people for me.
                                                            
Richard chuckles, as does Seamus, but then Richard suddenly
stops and is completely serious.

Seamus stops laughing too, and clears his throat, apparently
now very uncomfortable.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
Do you know who I am, Irishman?
                                                            
Seamus nods his head.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Aye.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
Then show some fucking respect and
watch what you say.
                                                            
Seamus nods his head, then looks to the Dealer.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
I'm gonna go cash out.
                                                            
Seamus starts to stand up.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
Sit. Play a few rounds. You might
win something.
                                                            
Seamus looks around for his friends, all of whom are
distracted.

He sits back down, nodding his head.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Yeah. Okay. We'll play.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
What a fuckin' retard.
                                                            
And the two play. Hand after hand, they play.

For the most part, they're evenly matched. They exchange

25.

wins and losses.

Eventually, they come to a final hand.

Seamus looks at his cards, smiles, and drops three one
hundred dollar pieces down.
                                                            
                       DEALER
Host bets three hundred dollars.
                                                            
Richard looks at his cards, a blank look on his face.

He sets three one hundred dollar pieces down, then throws a
five hundred dollar piece down, and another.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
I see your three hundred, and I
raise you to one thousand.
                                                            
Seamus sits there a moment, grinding his teeth.

He reaches across to the dealer and takes some chips from
the Dealer.
                                                            
                       DEALER
Sir, unless you have the money,
you can't take these chips.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Relax, I got it.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
I didn't have it, but there's no
way I could lose.
                                                            
Seamus raises Richard to two thousand.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
You seem very confident in your
hand, Irishman.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
What can I say?
                                                            
                       RICHARD
Or you're bluffing. Do you expect
me to fold?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to die.
                                                            
Seamus chuckles and Richard just looks at him.
                                                            

26.

                       RICHARD
I don't follow. Are you
threatening me?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
What? No! Of course not. It's from
a movie. You know, James Bond?
                                                            
A look of confusion spreads across Richard's face.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
You're jokin'!
                                                            
Seamus looks to Carter.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
He's jokin', right?
                                                            
Carter looks just as confused as Richard.

Seamus looks back at Richard, laughing.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
You're serious? This is hilarious.
How can an Irishman know more
about British pop culture than a
Brit? Don't you watch the telly?
                                                            
                       RICHARD
No. I prefer to keep myself in
reality, not off in some fantasy
land like a child.
                                                            
Seamus stops smiling, surprised.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Oh. Well, never mind, then. Let's
just play.
                                                            
Richard takes out a check and writes out a number onto it.
                                                            
                       DEALER
Sir, you have to use the house
chips.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
Don't tell me what to use.
                                                            
Richard sets the check down. Ten thousand dollars.

He looks at Seamus, as does the Dealer.
                                                            

27.

                       DEALER
Sir?
                                                            
Seamus thinks for a moment, stressed.

After a bit, he nods his head.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
It's all right. I'll accept it,
and I'll match it.
                                                            
                       DEALER
Very good, sir. Gentlemen, if you
will show your cards, then.
                                                            
Seamus flips his cards. Twenty.

He smiles, triumphantly.

Richard looks apparently dismayed.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
Wow. Twenty. I wasn't expecting
that. That's really good.
                                                            
Seamus reaches over to grab the check, but Richard grabs his
wrist to stop him.

He looks at Seamus and smiles a cruel smile.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
Unfortunately, it's not good
enough.
                                                            
Richard flips his cards over. Twenty one.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
Fuckin' hell.
                                                            
Richard starts laughing.

Seamus rests his hands on his head, suddenly dizzy.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
There's no way I could've lost.
Where the hell was I goin' to come
up with twelve thousand dollars?
He'd kill me.
                                                            
Richard lights a cigar and stands up.

He shakes Seamus' hand, who still looks very disoriented.
                                                            

28.

                       RICHARD
Not bad, old fellow. Not bad.
What's your name, Irishman?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Seamus.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
Well, Seamus. You play a good game
of Black Jack, I'll give you that.
I'll just take my money and be on
my way.
                                                            
Seamus releases Richard's hand and looks at the floor.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
I don't - I don't have that kind
of money.
                                                            
The smile quickly fades from Richard's face and is replaced
with anger.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
What!?
                                                            
The Dealer picks up a radio.
                                                            
                       DEALER
We have a situation on the floor.
Tommy, we need you out here. Now.
                                                            
Richard stands there staring at Seamus in shock.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
Carter, break this cock sucker's
neck.
                                                            
                       CARTER
Right away, Guv'na.
                                                            
Carter takes a step towards Seamus.
                                                            
                       TOMMY (O.S.)
Just a moment! Hold on!
                                                            
 
INT. TOMMY'S DEN, OFFICE - NIGHT
                                                            
Richard and Seamus sit in front of TOMMY, who is behind a
desk.

Carter stands just behind Richard.
                                                            

29.

                       TOMMY
I know that he owes you money, but
you can't kill him.
                                                            
FREEZE FRAME ON TOMMY
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
That sheister is Tommy. If you
guessed that he owns Tommy's Den,
my hat is off to you. If you
didn't have a clue, get the fuck
outta here.
                                                            
END FREEZE FRAME
                                                            
Relief spreads across Seamus' face.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Thank you.
                                                            
                       TOMMY
Not in my joint. It's too messy,
then there's clean up, and
paperwork. It's just ugly.
                                                            
The relief fades from Seamus' face.

Richard points at Seamus.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
You're a fucking dead man.
                                                            
                       TOMMY
Mr. Patterson, if I may interject
for a moment.
                                                            
Richard snaps his attention to Tommy.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
What?
                                                            
                       TOMMY
Well, if you just kill him
tonight, then you have no hope of
ever seeing that money, you know
what I mean?
                                                            
                       RICHARD
I'm listening.
                                                            
                       TOMMY
Well, nobody wants to be out
money, and as a man of your
stature, I would like to think
            (MORE)

30.

                       TOMMY (cont'd)
that you pride yourself on being
as efficient as possible in all
aspects. Correct?
                                                            
                       RICHARD
Uh huh.
                                                            
                       TOMMY
So, give him some time to come up
with the money. If he doesn't come
up with it, you can kill him.
Hell, I'll help you kill him right
here in the den if need be. See,
if there's one thing I've learned
in all my years of running casinos
and gambling dens, it's that
people always come through with
the payment if you put the squeeze
on them. Isn't that right, Seamus?
                                                            
Seamus clears his throat.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Uh, yeah, right. Just give me some
time, I'll get you the money.
                                                            
                       TOMMY
See what I mean? I know a thing or
two about this, Mr. Patterson. I'm
sorta like you, in a way.
                                                            
Richard points at Tommy.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
You're nothing like me. You're not
even on the same fucking block as
me, all right? You've done your
share of talking, now shut up, or
I'll be on you next, you bloody
wanker!
                                                            
Tommy clears his throat and nods his head, looking down at
his desk.

Richard turns his attention to Seamus.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
You've got a week to get my money.
Don't think about running, cos
I'll find you. It's the money, or
your life. I don't care how you
get it, just get it. Got it?
                                                            

31.

Seamus nods his head.
                                                            
                       CARTER
You're lucky the Guv'na's such a
generous man, cos if he wasn't,
I'd gladly have broken your neck
earlier. I don't like you. Nobody
gets to call me a monkey.
                                                            
Richard gets up and he and Carter begin to leave.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Don't forget lap dog!
                                                            
Carter turns around.
                                                            
                       CARTER
What?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
I also called you a lap dog.
                                                            
                       CARTER
If I knew what that meant, I might
be inclined to take offense.
                                                            
Richard and Carter leave the room, slamming the door behind
them.

Seamus exhales loudly.

Tommy looks at him.
                                                            
                       TOMMY
You better get that money. They
mean business.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Yeah, I will.
                                                            
                       TOMMY
Those are some heavy dudes. I
mean, I really wouldn't want to be
in your shoes right now.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Yeah, that's great, thanks. I
don't need any comments from the
Peanut Gallery.
                                                            
                       TOMMY
Okay, okay. That's all I'm going
to say.
                                                            

32.

Tommy sits there a moment, thinking.
                                                            
                       TOMMY
Man that was really rotten luck,
though. I mean, what are the odds
of -
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Oh, fuck off!
                                                            
Seamus gets up and walks away.
                                                            
 
INT. TOMMY'S DEN - NIGHT
                                                            
Seamus steps out of the office and makes his way through the
Den.

On his way through he notices Seline watching him, smoking a
cigarette, looking very seductive.

She seems to know exactly what's going on.

Seamus looks away from her and gathers his friends.
                                                            
 
INT. UNCLE TOM'S HOUSE - NIGHT
                                                            
Seamus, Gerry, Bob, and Michael sit around a kitchen table
along with another man, UNCLE TOM.
                                                            
                       UNCLE TOM
That's rotten luck. What are you
going to do?
                                                            
FREEZE FRAME ON UNCLE TOM
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
That's Uncle Tom. Tom's not his
real name, but since he was
willing to take in an Irish
immigrant such as meself, the name
seemed kind of appropriate. He
keeps a roof over me head for
cheap, and his wife's a decent
cook.
                                                            
END FREEZE FRAME
                                                            
                       GERRY
Rotten luck seems to be a bit of
an understatement, there Uncle
Tom. I think it's safe to say that
you are completely fucked, without
            (MORE)

33.

                       GERRY (cont'd)
a shadow of a doubt.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
You guys are me mates, shouldn't
you be tryin' to cheer me up?
You're doing a shite job, if you
are.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
As much as I don't like the ugly
bastard, Gerry's got a point, bud.
Where in all of God's green Earth
are you goin' to get twelve
thousand dollars in a week? You
currently have no job, and last
time I checked, your savings are
nearin' on empty.
                                                            
                       BOB
I could fight for it.
                                                            
Everyone looks at Bob.
                                                            
                       BOB
      (Not decipherable)
What? It's a good idea, if you ask
me. I could go round for round in
the ring, all day every day. I
don't give a fuck. Show me me
opponent and I'll knock 'em flat
for you. Don't you worry about a
thing, Seamus me boy, I'll set you
right.
                                                            
                       UNCLE TOM
Bob, you really need to work on
your English, boy. I didn't
understand a word you just said.
                                                            
                       BOB
I'm just sayin' I kick arse, you
know? I'll be in the den watchin'
the telly.
                                                            
Bob gets up and walks out of the kitchen.

Seamus sighs.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
There's gotta be somethin' I can
do to raise that kinda cash.
                                                            

34.

Uncle Tom stands up.
                                                            
                       UNCLE TOM
Well you fellas have fun trying to
figure that out, but I've got to
get to bed. Some of us have jobs
to go to in the morning. I'll let
you know if I come up with
anything. Good night.
                                                            
Uncle Tom exits the kitchen.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Well, I suppose there is one thing
we could do...
                                                            
 
EXT. DOG TRACKS - DAY
                                                            
Seamus, Gerry, Michael, Bob, and a pretty woman, AMY, walk
up to the entrance of the Dog Tracks.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
When you lose a lot of money while
gambling, the only logical way to
get it back is to gamble some
more. It makes perfect sense, just
ask anyone at Gambler's
Annonymous.
                                                            
 
INT. BENNY'S PLACE - DAY
                                                            
Seamus and Michael sit in BENNY's office.

Benny is currently counting some money. He wraps a rubber
band around it.
                                                            
                       BENNY
You're sure you're good for this?
                                                            
FREEZE FRAME ON BENNY
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
That fat ass loan shark is Benny.
I was introduced to him courtesy
of Michael. I should kick his arse
for it.
                                                            
END FREEZE FRAME
                                                            
Seamus and Michael both nod their heads.
                                                            

35.

                       BENNY
Good. Remember, it's a grand plus
ten percent interest. If you don't
come up with it in a week, I break
your legs and give you another
week. If you still don't have it,
guess what happens?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
You break our arms?
                                                            
Benny looks at Michael.
                                                            
                       BENNY
This guy is funny, Michael. I
don't like wise-asses, you know
that. You willing for vouch for
this fuck-head?
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
No worries, Benny. You'll get your
money back.
                                                            
                       BENNY
Plus ten percent!
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Plus ten percent. It's a sure
thing.
                                                            
 
INT. DOG TRACKS - DAY
                                                            
Seamus walks up to the betting window at the Dog Tracks.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
A thousand large on number 4,
Atlantic Thunder.
                                                            
                       GERRY
I don't know about that, Seamus.
It's twelve-to-one odds. I think
you'd be safer going with -
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
      (to Gerry)
Shut up, I know what I'm doing.
                                                            
Seamus turns his attention back to the BOOKIE.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Number 4.
                                                            
 

36.

EXT. DOG TRACKS, STANDS - DAY
                                                            
Seamus and the group are in the stands, waiting for the race
to start.

And who should walk behind Seamus but Richard himself,
followed closely by Carter and Seline.

Richard grabs onto Seamus' shoulder, surprising him.

He turns around.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
What a coincidence it is, finding
you here.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Richard. Yes, indeed.
                                                            
Richard looks out to the track and then back at Seamus.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
I hope you're not here betting to
get me my money. I'd hate for you
to be in even further.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
No. Of course not. I'm just here
for fun.
                                                            
Richard squeezes his shoulder and walks away.

Carter bumps his shoulder into Seamus and Seline leans in
close to him.
                                                            
                       SELINE
Good luck.
                                                            
Seamus watches Seline walk away, she turns and looks at him
a moment, and then turns around.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Well, this should be fun, huh Amy?
                                                            
Amy looks at Gerry, not amused.
                                                            
                       AMY
I don't know why you asked me to
come. I hate the dog tracks. I
think the way they treat those
dogs is just absolutely cruel. If
it hadn't been for Seamus, I
wouldn't have come at all.
                                                            

37.

FREEZE FRAME ON AMY
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
That's Amy. Gerry's had the hots
for her for months, but has gotten
absolutely nowhere. It's kinda
sad, really. But it's not his
fault, exactly.
                                                            
END FREEZE FRAME
                                                            
 
INT. SEAMUS' BEDROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
Seamus and Amy are against his bedroom wall, having sex
quite aggressively.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
She's got a thing for me, and I'm
happy to oblige. Over. And over.
And over again. I feel bad cos
Gerry's me best mate an' all, but
what he doesn't know won't hurt
him, I suppose, and I don't have
the heart to tell him.
                                                            
 
EXT. DOG TRACKS, STANDS - DAY
                                                            
Gerry looks out at the field, somewhat uncomfortably.
                                                            
                       BOB
What's cruel about it? They make
the dogs run. It's what dogs do.
Next thing you know you're goin'
to be bitchin' bout the way they
milk cows, or how I scratch me
balls. It's nature. Get over it.
Goddamn woman.
                                                            
                       ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to
the Dog Tracks. We've got an
exciting race for you today, and
if you'll direct your attention to
the tracks, the race is about to
begin.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
All right, here we go.
                                                            

38.

                       AMY
I'm telling you, Seamus, you
should've gone with Petunia.
                                                            
A pistol is shot and the race begins.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
What kind of fairy fuckin' name is
Petunia? You'd have to be off your
rocker to bet on a dog like that.
There's no way in hell she's
winnin'. It's number 4. I'm
tellin' you.
                                                            
                       ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
And the winner is Petunia!
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Son of a fuckin' bitch!
                                                            
                       AMY
I told you.
                                                            
Seamus begins kicking the railing of the stands and storms
away.

Seline watches him go.
                                                            
 
EXT. DOG TRACKS - DAY
                                                            
Seamus stands out front of the dog tracks, fuming.

A moment later, Richard, Carter, and Seline walk out to meet
him.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
You'll never guess what I just
heard, Seamus.
                                                            
Seamus rolls his eyes and turns to face Richard.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
You're right, I won't. What?
                                                            
                       RICHARD
It seems you borrowed some money
from a friend of mine.
                                                            
 
INT. BENNY'S PLACE - DAY
                                                            
Richard shakes Benny's hand and hands him a bag of cash.
                                                            

39.

                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
The bastards were in bed together.
Richard bought him out years ago
for a share of his profits.
Un-fuckin'-believable.
                                                            
 
EXT. DOG TRACKS - DAY
                                                            
Seamus looks down at the ground, not believing his luck.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
And here you are, down at the
tracks. Betting, no doubt about
that. Unlucky, mate. You just keep
digging a deeper grave for
yourself, don't you? You bloody
git. You just don't learn, do you?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
It looks that way.
                                                            
Seamus looks at Seline, who has pity in her eyes. She
quickly looks away.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
Well guess what? Me an' old Benny
had a chat. You not only now owe
the original twelve thousand for
me and the grand for him, but
because of your situation and how
unreliable you are, your debt has
now just more than doubled.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
What!?
                                                            
                       RICHARD
That's right, sunshine. $25,000
large. Six days. Have a nice day.
                                                            
Richard and Carter walk away.

Seline brushes into Seamus and puts something in his hand.

She walks away, without looking back.

Carter opens up the limo door for Richard, who gets in.

Carter then gets in, as does Seline.

Seamus looks at the small piece of paper in his hand and
watches the limo drive away.
                                                            

40.

                       SEAMUS
FUCK!
                                                            
Gerry, Bob, Michael, and Amy walk outside to meet Seamus.
                                                            
                       GERRY
What was that about?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
My debt just got increased.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Shite. How much are we talkin'
now?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
25 large.
                                                            
                       BOB
Fuck me.
                                                            
                       AMY
Wait, what are you guys talking
about? What debt?
                                                            
Gerry takes Amy by the arm and starts to lead her away.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Nothing at all, sweetheart. It was
just a little wager, is all.
                                                            
                       AMY
Bullshit. I hate it when you guys
lie to me.
                                                            
The two walk further away, out of visible range and out of
ear shot.

Seamus sighs.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
It'll be all right, man. We'll
figure somethin' out. I'm still
bringin' in money with my
insurance deal.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
It's not goin' to be all right.
I'm fucked. Hard. In the arse.
                                                            
                       BOB
Makes me think of prison.
                                                            

41.

Seamus and Michael look at Bob curiously.
                                                            
                       BOB
Don't go there.
                                                            
Seamus looks at Michael.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
She gave me her number.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Who? Amy?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
No, dumb ass. we all have Amy's
number. That skirt that works for
Richard.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
The hot one?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
No, the big one in the suit that
looks exactly like a man. Yes, the
hot one.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
What for? She wanna fuck you
before you die?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Get serious.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Just sayin'. Maybe she fancies
you.
                                                            
                       BOB
I'd fancy her against the wall
with her legs spread.
                                                            
Again, Seamus and Michael look at Bob.
                                                            
                       BOB
It's been a while, all right?
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Maybe she wants to help.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Yeah. Maybe.
                                                            

42.

                       MICHAEL
You gonna call her?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
No I'm not gonna call her. A girl
like that...she's the last thing I
wanna get mixed up with.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
All right, just makin' sure. Damn.
                                                            
                       GERRY (O.S.)
Oi! Move your arses! Amy wants to
know when we're shoppin'!
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Nobody is fuckin' shoppin'!
                                                            
                       AMY (O.S.)
You said we were, you asshole!
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
I lied! Shut it!
                                                            
Seamus, Michael, and Bob begin walking.
                                                            
                       BOB
I could kill 'em.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Bob?
                                                            
                       BOB
Yeah?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Keep it shut.
                                                            
 
INT. CLUB - DAY
                                                            
Seamus and Michael walk through the empty club and head up
the stairs.
                                                            
INT. CLUB OFFICE
                                                            
Leaning over the table, snorting a line of cocaine, is MARK,
the club's manager.

Sitting beside him is TRISHA, who looks like nothing more
than a common tart.
                                                            

43.

                       MARK
Oh, yeah. That's good. That's
good.
                                                            
FREEZE FRAME ON MARK
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
And that, me friends, is Mark. He
manages this little club, and does
a piss-poor job of it too, if you
ask me. He's a bit of a poof, and
as you can see, he's quite the
junkie.
                                                            
END FREEZE FRAME
                                                            
Trisha rubs his back, smiling.
                                                            
                       TRISHA
Take it easy, big guy. You're
going to give yourself a heart
attack.
                                                            
FREEZE FRAME ON TRISHA
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
That's Trisha. She's
Mark's...well, I don't really know
what she is. I just know she's
supposed to be good in the sack,
and if she's associated with Mark,
she's probably got every venereal
disease known to man, and maybe
even a couple not known.
                                                            
END FREEZE FRAME
                                                            
Mark rubs his nose, inhales, and then exhales.
                                                            
                       MARK
It's all good, baby. We're good.
                                                            
The office door opens up and Seamus and Michael step inside.

Mark looks at them, beaming.
                                                            
                       MARK
Fellas! Haven't seen you in a
while. What brings you to my
humble abode?
                                                            
Michael looks around at the lavishly decorated office.
                                                            

44.

                       MICHAEL
There's nothing humble about this
place, Mark.
                                                            
Mark looks around his office, shrugging.

He points at the coke on his desk.
                                                            
                       MARK
Care for some?
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
No, thanks. I've been keeping my
nose clean these days.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
This isn't a social call, Mark.
                                                            
Mark looks at Trisha.
                                                            
                       MARK
Get this stuff cleaned up and put
away, would you, doll?
                                                            
                       TRISHA
What do I look like?
                                                            
                       MARK
You look like the fuckin whore
that you are. Now, do what I pay
you to do, and clean this shit up.
This ain't no free ride, bitch.
                                                            
Trisha gets up, fuming.
                                                            
                       TRISHA
You're such an asshole in front of
your friends, Mark. I don't know
why I put up with your shit.
                                                            
                       MARK
You put up with my shit because I
pay you to. Without me, you'd be
just like any other crack whore on
the streets.
                                                            
In anger, Trisha wipes the cocaine off his desk, right onto
the floor and on Mark's lap.

Mark stands up in surprise and anger.
                                                            
                       MARK
What the hell?
                                                            

45.

                       TRISHA
You pick it up, dickhead. I'm
going out.
                                                            
Trisha storms past Seamus and Michael, who watch her leave.
                                                            
                       MARK
Yeah go back out to the streets
where you belong!
                                                            
Mark wipes off his lap and sits back down.

He motions for Seamus and Michael to sit down as well.
                                                            
                       MARK
Make yourself comfortable. What's
mine is yours, and all that shit.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
No, we're not staying. We just
need a favor.
                                                            
                       MARK
Yeah, I know. I uh, got off the
phone with Richard not long ago.
                                                            
Confusion spreads across their faces.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
What the hell, man?
                                                            
                       MARK
What? He bought me out a while
ago. You'd know that if you came
by once in a while.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
So, what? You answer to him now?
                                                            
Mark chuckles.
                                                            
                       MARK
Uh, yeah. He keeps the place
operating. It's just business,
guys. Don't take it personal. You
guys are still my buds.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
We need money.
                                                            
                       MARK
No can do. I'm under strict
instructions to not loan out any
money to an Irishman by the name
            (MORE)

46.

                       MARK (cont'd)
of Seamus, or any of his
affiliates.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Then don't tell him.
                                                            
                       MARK
Ha. He keeps track of all the
money. He's in charge of my books.
There's nothing I can do.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Give us a gig, then. Something
that we receive the profits for.
                                                            
Mark looks at them.
                                                            
                       MARK
Can you play any instruments?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Does beat-boxin' count?
                                                            
                       MARK
No.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
No.
                                                            
                       MARK
Can you sing?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
No.
                                                            
                       MARK
Do you have any special skills at
all?
                                                            
Seamus opens his mouth to answer -
                                                            
                       MARK
Not drinking or fighting?
                                                            
Seamus closes his mouth and shakes his head, as does
Michael.
                                                            
                       MARK
I can't do it, guys. I'm sorry. I
wish I could help, but The Dick is
really gunning for you.
                                                            

47.

                       MICHAEL
Yeah. Thanks anyway, Mark.
                                                            
The two turn around and begin walking out of the office.
                                                            
                       MARK
Good luck, Seamus. It's been nice
knowing you.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Get fucked, Mark!
                                                            
Mark starts laughing. He then stops, thinking.
                                                            
                       MARK
Good idea.
                                                            
Mark picks up his phone and dials a number.
                                                            
INT. CLUB
                                                            
Seamus and Michael walk through the empty club, heading for
the door.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Don't worry, boy-o. We'll figure
somethin' out. We just have to
explore all avenues, is all.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Yeah. I plan on it.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
That doesn't mean you should call
that woman. She's trouble, mate.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
I'm not gonna fuckin' call her,
all right? Get off me back about
it.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
All right, all right.
                                                            
 
INT. UNCLE TOM'S HOUSE, LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
Seamus sits in his living room, a beer in his hand -- and
who should be sitting there with him, smoking a cigarette,
but Seline.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
Yeah, I called her. I know.
                                                            

48.

                       SELINE
I'm glad you decided to call.
                                                            
Seamus nods his head.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Yeah, me mates didn't think it was
a good idea, but I figured I'm all
ready fucked, so what the hell,
you know?
                                                            
                       SELINE
That's certainly one way to look
at it.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
I don't normally associate with
Brits. They can't be trusted.
                                                            
Seline puts out her cigarette and leans in towards Seamus.
                                                            
                       SELINE
I feel the same way about the
Irish. My parents were killed in a
bombing back home. I resent you
and your people more than anyone,
but this is business, and we do
have at least one thing in common.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
What's that?
                                                            
Seline leans back.
                                                            
                       SELINE
We both hate Dick.
                                                            
Seamus sits there a moment, thinking. He hesitates.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
You - you are talking about
Richard, yeah?
                                                            
                       SELINE
I'm not a lesbian, Seamus.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Right. No, yeah, of course not. I
was just - I wanted to make sure
we were on the same page, you
know?
                                                            
Seline smiles.
                                                            

49.

                       SELINE
You need to relax. I'm not here to
fuck you, and I'm never going to.
Once you get that notion out of
your head, we can start.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Pft. That's...not even in the same
plane as me head. Hadn't even
crossed me mind.
                                                            
                       SELINE
Good.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
I was lyin' out me arse. I wanted
to fuck her three ways from
Sunday, and she knew it. Probably
turned her on. Christ, what a fox.
                                                            
Seline looks at Seamus' beer and sighs.
                                                            
                       SELINE
It's rude to drink in front of a
guest and not offer them anything.
                                                            
Seamus sets his beer down and stands up.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
You want anythin'? What can I get
you? A beer? You want a beer.
                                                            
Seline smiles wider.
                                                            
                       SELINE
I don't want anything, thank you.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
But, you just said -
                                                            
                       SELINE
It was for future reference.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Reference. Right.
                                                            
Seamus sits back down.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
She was playin' with me. What a
bitch. God, it made me horny.
                                                            

50.

                       SELINE
Let's get serious, then.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Okay.
                                                            
                       SELINE
Realistically, there's no way you
can get Richard his money in time.
You know it, I know it, and he
knows it. He's not expecting you
to. He's playing with you, You're
running around like a chicken with
his head cut off, and he's
enjoying every minute of it.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Why?
                                                            
                       SELINE
He's bored. It's not about the
money. He has more money than
he'll ever spend in his lifetime.
And he's untouchable. So when
you're loaded, bored, and
untouchable, making things
interesting become a real
challenge. He likes feeling like
God. He's in control, and he loves
it.
                                                            
Seamus nods his head.
                                                            
                       SELINE
So you're going to surprise him by
taking away that control.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Sounds great. How?
                                                            
 
INT. UNCLE TOM'S HOUSE, KITCHEN - DAY
                                                            
Seamus, Michael, Gerry, and Bob are sitting around the
kitchen table.

Seamus has a busted lip and a black eye.

Bob's leg is wrapped in gauze.

Michael's arm is in a sling and he has a gash in his head.

Gerry is unscathed.
                                                            

51.

                       GERRY
I told you it was a shite plan.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Shut up! It's your fuckin' fault!
                                                            
AUNT NANCY enters the kitchen.
                                                            
                       AUNT NANCY
Good morning, guys.
                                                            
FREEZE FRAME ON AUNT NANCY
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
That's Aunt Nancy, and yes, it's
her real name. She's a hell of a
cook, and a real sweet peach of a
lady.
                                                            
END FREEZE FRAME
                                                            
She actually gets a look at the guys and her eyes become
wide with concern.
                                                            
                       AUNT NANCY
Oh, my! What happened to you guys?
Did you get into another fight
last night at the pub?
                                                            
                       GERRY
They only wish, my dear lady.
                                                            
Aunt Nancy looks at Gerry, who doesn't have a scratch on
him.
                                                            
                       AUNT NANCY
How come they look like they went
through a meat grinder and you
don't have a single mark on you?
                                                            
                       GERRY
I'm the smart one, I guess.
                                                            
                       BOB
He's a fuckin' pussy, is what he
is.
                                                            
Aunt Nancy gives Bob a sharp look.
                                                            
                       AUNT NANCY
I've told you before I don't like
you using that kind of language at
the kitchen table. Don't make me
tell you again, or I'll raise my
            (MORE)

52.

                       AUNT NANCY (cont'd)
voice, young man.
                                                            
Bob shifts uncomfortably in his seat and looks down at the
table.
                                                            
Aunt Nancy goes to the fridge and pulls out some orange
juice.
                                                            
                       AUNT NANCY
So, which one of you is going to
tell me what happened?
                                                            
She is met by silence and turns around.

Everyone is pointing at Seamus, who is completely oblivious
because his face is in his hand.

He looks up and sees everyone pointing at him.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Oh, piss off.
                                                            
                       AUNT NANCY
Seamus?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Ma'am?
                                                            
                       AUNT NANCY
Tell.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
There's nothin' to tell, ma'am.
You guessed it. Bar fight.
                                                            
Aunt Nancy takes her glass of OJ and begins to leave the
kitchen.
                                                            
                       AUNT NANCY
The next time you boys decide to
pick a fight, make sure it's
against somebody smaller than you.
                                                            
As she exits the kitchen, Uncle Tom enters the kitchen.

He takes one look at the guys and starts laughing.
                                                            
                       UNCLE TOM
I'm not going to ask what
happened. I don't even want to
know.
                                                            

53.

He turns around and exits the kitchen.

Seamus kicks Gerry's leg under the table.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Ow! What the hell?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
It was your fault. Bastard.
                                                            
 
EXT. HIGH-END RETAIL STORE - DAY
                                                            
INT. CAR
                                                            
Seamus, Gerry, Michael, and Bob all sit in a car in the
parking lot, just by the entrance of a high-end retail store
such as Target or Kohl's.
                                                            
                       SELINE (O.S.)
You're going to get him his money.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (O.S.)
How?
                                                            
                       SELINE (O.S.)
Ever pulled off any big jobs?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (O.S.)
Nothin' I would conside real big.
                                                            
Inside the car, Bob is getting antsy.
                                                            
                       BOB
Where is it? It's not here. I
think she's playin' with us,
Seamus. I don't like it. I'm
tellin' you, I hate it.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Relax, Bob. It's goin' to be here.
Just give it a minute.
                                                            
                       GERRY
For the record, I think this is
fuckin' stupid, and I don't very
much care for it at all.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
What's your problem?
                                                            
Gerry looks at Seamus, anger in his eyes.
                                                            

54.

                       MICHAEL
Yeah, mate. You've been pissy all
mornin'. Amy turn you down again
last night?
                                                            
Seamus, Michael, and Bob start laughing.

Gerry mock laughs.
                                                            
                       GERRY
The fuck you laughin' at, Seamus?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Seriously, what's your deal?
                                                            
Gerry looks out the window of the car.
                                                            
                       GERRY
It's comin'.
                                                            
Outside, an Armored Truck is slowly cruising through the
parking lot.
                                                            
                       SELINE (O.S.)
I've seen an armored car around
town. I've been watching it,
actually. I know where it stops
and when.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (O.S.)
What are you gettin' at, here?
                                                            
                       SELINE (O.S.)
You're going to hit it. There's
usually quite a score to be found
in them. To make sure, you're
going to hit it at its last stop.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (O.S.)
Why you helpin' me? What's in it
for you?
                                                            
Seamus puts on his gloves, as does everyone else.

They put stockings over their heads.

The Armored Truck parks itself in front of the store.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Get ready, gents.
                                                            
Seamus looks at his watch.
                                                            

55.

                       SEAMUS
One minute.
                                                            
                       SELINE (O.S.)
The satisfaction of watching the
disappointment on his face. And I
want thirty percent of your
takings. I want out.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (O.S.)
So why don't you just leave?
                                                            
                       SELINE (O.S.)
I don't have the money to get far
enough away. He'd find me and kill
me if I just up and left. He's
smart, he doesn't pay us enough
for us to ever be out of his
reach.
                                                            
Seamus continues looking at his watch and then at his mates.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
It's time. Let's do it.
                                                            
EXT. PARKING LOT
                                                            
The four run out of the car, leaving it running.

They make it to the armored truck just as the back door
opens, and ARMORED GUARD #1 is about to step out.

Seamus runs up to him and grabs him by his collar,
brandishing a knife.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Give us the fuckin' money!
                                                            
Armored Guard #1 punches Seamus in the face twice, causing
Seamus to stumble back, dazed.

Armored Guard #1 then grabs his shotgun and pumps it.
                                                            
                       ARMORED GUARD #1
Eat this, shithead!
                                                            
Seamus quickly moves out of the way of the open door.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
He's got a fuckin' shotgun!
                                                            
BOOM! Armored Guard #1 fires a shot and pumps again.


56.

By now, ARMORED GUARD #2 has gotten out of the driver's side
door, his handgun out and ready to do some damage.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Hit 'em with the mace!
                                                            
Gerry begins spraying mace all over the place, hardly
getting any inside the door of the truck, but saturating
Seamus with it.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Ah! Son of a bitch! Fuckin' watch
what you're doin'!
                                                            
Armored Guard #1 fires again from inside the truck.

Bob has gotten into a scuffle with Armored Guard #2, and is
trying the wrestle the handgun out of his hand.

Gerry starts running for the car.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Where the fuck you goin'?!
                                                            
Armored Guard #1 leans out of the truck and fires at Seamus,
who jumps behind a newspaper dispenser.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Break for it!
                                                            
Seamus takes off running back to the parking lot.

Armored Guard #1 jumps out of the back of the truck, aims at
him, and fires, narrowly missing.

Gerry speeds away in the car.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Fuckin' motherfucker!
                                                            
Bob knees Armored Guard #2 in the groin and takes off
running.

Armored Guard #2 steadies himself and then takes off after
him.
                                                            
                       ARMORED GUARD #2
Son of a bitch!
                                                            
Armored Guard #1 fires at Seamus again, who takes cover
behind a car, and then turns to his partner, who is chasing
after Bob.
                                                            

57.

                       ARMORED GUARD #1
Where the hell are you going? You
can't leave the truck like that!
Goddamn it!
                                                            
And suddenly, Michael is on Armored Guard #1, trying to
wrestle the shotgun away from him.

Michael pins him against the side of the truck, knees him a
few times, pries the gun away, and cracks him across the
face with the butt of the weapon, knocking him to the
ground.

Michael aims the weapon, and pulls the trigger. Click.

Michael looks at the gun.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Son of a bitch. Empty.
                                                            
From out of nowhere, a MAN cracks Michael's arm with a bat,
hard, causing him to drop the weapon.

Michael looks at the man, shocked.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Where the fuck did you come from?
                                                            
The Man cracks Michael across the head, sending him to the
ground.

Seamus runs up and shoulder tackles the Man, sending him to
the ground.

He lifts Michael up and the two begin running away.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
C'mon, we gotta go, mate.
                                                            
Sirens can be heard in the distance.

Armored Guard #1 stands up and grabs his shotgun.
                                                            
                       ARMORED GUARD #1
Yeah you better run! Pussies!
                                                            
Seamus flips him off, not stopping.
                                                            
 
EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY
                                                            
Bob runs through a neighborhood, Armored Guard #2 in hot
pursuit.
                                                            

58.

                       ARMORED GUARD #2
There's no escape! Stop running!
                                                            
                       BOB
Get fucked!
                                                            
Armored Guard #2 fires a shot at Bob, but it goes wide.

Bob cuts across a lawn, and hops a fence into someones
backyard.

As he lands, a bulldog comes charging out at him, and begins
tearing at his leg.
                                                            
                       BOB
Ah! Stupid fuckin' mutt!
                                                            
Bob thrashes his legs and kicks at it, trying to break free.

Meanwhile, Armored Guard #2 has made it to the fence, and is
starting to climb over it.

He looks over the fence and sees Bob struggling with the
dog.
                                                            
                       ARMORED GUARD #2
Gotcha, sucker!
                                                            
Armored Guard #2 takes aim, but loses balance just as he
shoots.

The dog whines, and suddenly is no longer attacking Bob.

Bob looks at the fence and Armored Guard #2 pops his head
up, looking at the yard.

Bob stands up.
                                                            
                       BOB
Nice shootin', ace!
                                                            
Bob stumbles away as fast as he can with his wounded leg,
and Armored Guard #2 jumps over the fence.

He continues shooting at Bob, who is soon gone from sight.

He glances at the dead dog.
                                                            
                       ARMORED GUARD #2
Shit. Not again.
                                                            
 

59.

EXT. ALLEY - DAY
                                                            
Seamus and Michael continue slowly running through an alley.

A car suddenly pulls up to the entrance of the alley and the
passenger door opens.

It's Gerry.
                                                            
                       GERRY
C'mon. Haven't got all day.
                                                            
A wave of relief crashes across Seamus' face, and he and
Michael run to the car.

They get in and Gerry speeds away.
                                                            
 
INT. CAR - DAY
                                                            
Michael lays down in the back seat, clutching his arm.

Gerry looks ahead, not saying anything.

Seamus looks at Gerry, then out his window, and then back at
Gerry.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
You mind tellin' me what the fuck
happened back there? What was that
all about?
                                                            
                       GERRY
It was fucked, so I bailed.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
You don't leave your friends
behind like that, you bastard!
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
I've got half a mind to kill you,
if you weren't me best mate.
                                                            
Frustration crosses Gerry's face and he slams on his breaks,
suddenly stopping the car.

He looks at Seamus.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Your best mate? Yeah, we're real
buds. Cos real mates fuck each
others women!
                                                            

60.

                       SEAMUS
What the fuck are you talkin'
about?
                                                            
                       GERRY
Amy, you prick!
                                                            
Seamus looks down at his feet.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Oh.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Yeah. Oh.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
How'd you find out?
                                                            
 
EXT. CLUB - DAY
                                                            
Seamus and Michael get out of the car and head for the club
doors.
                                                            
INT. CLUB
                                                            
Gerry sits in the driver's seat, Amy is in the passenger
seat, and Bob is in the back.
                                                            
                       AMY
What are we doing here? It's
closed during the day.
                                                            
                       GERRY
We know the owner, Mark. They're
gonna ask him for a favor or two.
                                                            
Bob chuckles.
                                                            
                       BOB
Don't worry love, it's not the
same kind of favors Seamus gives
you.
                                                            
Amy's jaw drops and Gerry's eyes widen.

He turns to Bob, whose smile suddenly disappears. He clears
his throat.
                                                            
                       GERRY
What did you just say?
                                                            

61.

                       BOB
Nothin'.
                                                            
Gerry turns to Amy.

She looks at him with remorse in her eyes.
                                                            
                       AMY
I'm sorry Ger, you weren't
supposed to find out.
                                                            
 
INT. CAR - DAY
                                                            
Seamus shifts in his seat, uncomfortably.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Sorry, mate.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Sod off. I don't want your fuckin'
apologies.
                                                            
 
INT. UNCLE TOM'S HOUSE, KITCHEN - DAY
                                                            
The four are still sitting around the kitchen table.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Well, since that fell through,
what's left?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
No clue.
                                                            
Bob stands up.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Where you goin'?
                                                            
                       BOB
Down to the pub.
                                                            
Seamus looks at his watch.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
It's eleven thirty.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
What are you, an alcoholic?
                                                            
                       BOB
What are you? Me mum?
                                                            
 

62.

INT. PUB - DAY
                                                            
An empty mug of is slammed down onto the table.

Bob swallows a mouthful of beer.
                                                            
                       BOB
Much better.
                                                            
It is now clear that he is not alone. In fact, everyone has
joined him, even Gerry.

Old Man Gary looks at them from behind the bar.
                                                            
                       OLD MAN GARY
You pussies want another round?
                                                            
                       BOB
Keep 'em comin'!
                                                            
                       OLD MAN GARY
I told you I ain't your fucking
servant. Bring your empty mugs
back up here.
                                                            
Everyone looks at Gerry.
                                                            
                       GERRY
What?
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Go get 'em, junior.
                                                            
                       GERRY
What makes you think I'm gonna be
bitch?
                                                            
                       BOB
Cos you left us behind. Now go get
'em or I'll kick your arse.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
I second that notion.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Indeed.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Right. I'll do it, then.
                                                            
Gerry picks up all four mugs and takes them over to the bar.

Michael looks at Seamus.
                                                            

63.

                       MICHAEL
Have you told Seline?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
I'm sure she has seen the news.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
I hate to say I told you so, but I
told you not to call her.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Piss off. It woulda worked if we
coulda pulled it off.
                                                            
The pub door opens up.

Carter and Seline step through the door and spot Seamus.
                                                            
                       CARTER
Quickest way to find an Irishman?
Hit the bars.
                                                            
The two make their way over towards the table.

Seamus looks at Carter.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
I don't much care for stereotypes.
                                                            
                       CARTER
It's not a stereotype when it's
true.
                                                            
Bob stands up and looks Carter up and down.
                                                            
                       BOB
Your kind isn't welcome here. Fuck
off, fairy boy.
                                                            
Carter looks at Seamus.
                                                            
                       CARTER
What'd your friend just say to me?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
He told you to fuck off. Are you
deaf?
                                                            
Carter turns and looks at Bob.
                                                            
                       BOB
Whatcha starin' at, sugar pie?
Want a kiss?
                                                            

64.

Carter suddenly grabs Bob by his shirt and flings him across
the pub, crashing onto another table, breaking it.

Seamus and Michael immediately stand up, on the defensive.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
The fuck you think you're doin'?
                                                            
A shotgun is heard getting pumped and Carter looks towards
the bar.

Old Man Gary has it pointed at Carter.
                                                            
                       OLD MAN GARY
I don't put up with that kind of
bullshit. Get out now, or I'll
blast a hole through you.
                                                            
                       CARTER
Stay out of this, old man.
                                                            
                       SELINE
Cool it, Carter.
                                                            
Carter turns and looks at Seline, who has a "don't say a
word back to me" look on her face.

Carter stands down and Seline looks at Seamus.
                                                            
                       SELINE
Mr. Patterson wants to see you.
So, if you please, come with us.
                                                            
Seamus composes himself.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Yeah, sure, okay. Why not?
                                                            
Seline and Carter motion for Seamus to start walking and he
does.

The three exit the bar and Bob slowly gets up off the
ground, groaning.
                                                            
                       BOB
What you runnin' away for!? Huh!?
                                                            
Bob stumbles a bit and falls back down.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Take it easy, Bob.
                                                            

65.

                       BOB
I'll kick his arse!
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Shut up, Bob.
                                                            
 
INT. RICHARD'S OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
Richard sits behind his desk, puffing a cigar, and counting
a large stack of money.

The door to his office opens and Seline steps in, followed
by Seamus, and finally, Carter.
                                                            
                       CARTER
Look what we found in the gutter.
                                                            
Richard smiles and sets the money down.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
Ah, Seamus, my boy! Good to see
you, lad. Have a seat.
                                                            
Seamus shakes his head.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
I'd rather not sit.
                                                            
Richard's smile fades.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
It wasn't an offer.
                                                            
Carter shoves him towards a seat.
                                                            
                       CARTER
Sit down.
                                                            
Seamus sits down in a chair and looks at Richard.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
Funny thing happened today,
Seamus. I didn't get my newspaper
today for some reason, and well,
my day just isn't complete without
the news, so on a whim, I turned
on the telly. Guess what I saw?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Your mum naked?
                                                            

66.

                       RICHARD
Carter?
                                                            
                       CARTER
Guv'na?
                                                            
                       RICHARD
Hit him. Really fucking hard.
                                                            
Seamus turns towards Carter's direction.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Now, hold -
                                                            
CRACK! Carter clocks him in the face. Hard. Breaking his
nose.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Ah! Fuckin' shite!
                                                            
Seamus pinches his nose to try to stop the bleeding.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Seline, get him a tissue before he
bleeds all over my carpet.
                                                            
Seline walks out of the office and returns a moment later,
handing him a tissue.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Thanks doll.
                                                            
Seamus puts the tissue to his nose, mopping up the blood as
best as he can.

Seline smacks Seamus across the back of his head.
                                                            
                       SELINE
Smart ass.
                                                            
Richard looks at Seamus, who glares back.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
You ready to be serious?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Never.
                                                            
Richard takes a puff on a cigar.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
Let me give you some advice,
Seamus. If you're going to hold up
an armored truck, bring weapons.
            (MORE)

67.

                       RICHARD (cont'd)
Now, I know these are desperate
times for you, but really, come
on. You're just being sloppy.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
That's just my style.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
Well, it's not mine. Quit fucking
around, you hear? The last thing I
need is for you to get nabbed and
then you start pointing fingers at
me. Not that I'd ever be arrested,
but it's bad press none the less.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
I'll do my best to not hurt your
image.
                                                            
Richard puts out his cigar.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
Be sure that you do. Next time, I
won't be so nice.
                                                            
Seamus stands up and heads for the door.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
Oh, and Seamus?
                                                            
Seamus turns and looks at Richard.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
I do appreciate the effort. You're
a pretty stand-up guy. It'll be a
shame when I kill you.
                                                            
Seamus walks out the door and Richard chuckles.
                                                            
 
INT. UNCLE TOM'S HOUSE, LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
Seamus sits on the couch, watching TV.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
And so I sat and watched the clock
tick away the minutes I had left
in my life. I was fucked.
                                                            
There's a knock on the door.

Seamus gets up and answers it. It's Seline.
                                                            

68.

                       SEAMUS
Hello there.
                                                            
                       SELINE
Are you going to stand there and
stare at me all night, or are you
going to invite me in?
                                                            
Seamus stands away from the door and motions for her to come
inside.

The two go into the kitchen.
                                                            
INT. KITCHEN
                                                            
Seamus goes to the fridge and pulls out two beers.

He hands one to Seline, pops his open, and sits down at the
kitchen table.

Seline does the same.
                                                            
                       SELINE
You're pretty much useless, aren't
you?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Thanks for the self-esteem boost,
doll.
                                                            
                       SELINE
I'm sorry, but I mean, c'mon. I
all but did the whole operation
for you. I couldn't have spelled
it out for you any simpler.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
I don't much care for guns.
                                                            
                       SELINE
You were going up against an
armored truck. Did you really
think any other way would've
worked?
                                                            
Seamus throws his beer across the kitchen.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
I don't care how it worked, all
right? I've been stressin' about
this since it happened, and you
know what I realized? No matter
what I do, he's goin' to kill me.
Why am I goin' to bust me arse and
            (MORE)

69.

                       SEAMUS (cont'd)
worry meself into a bloody heart
attack when the outcome is the
same either way? No matter what,
I'm a dead man. I've accepted
that, and I'm goin' to enjoy the
time I have left. That all right
with you?
                                                            
Seline sets her beer down, stands up, and heads for the
fridge.
                                                            
                       SELINE
As a matter of fact, it's not all
right with me.
                                                            
She pulls another beer out of the fridge, cracks it open,
and hands it to Seamus.

She sits back down.
                                                            
                       SELINE
You're my ticket out.
                                                            
Seamus looks at her a moment and takes a drink from his
beer.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Why don't you just knock off a
truck or bank, then?
                                                            
                       SELINE
With what free time? Every waking
hour of my life, I'm with The
Dick.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Why'd you start workin' for him?
                                                            
                       SELINE
I grew up on the streets, became a
tart. He found me, took me under
his wing. That's all you need to
know.
                                                            
Seamus nods his head.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
I'm guessin' you've got another
job in mind me for me?
                                                            
                       SELINE
What makes you say that?
                                                            

70.

                       SEAMUS
Cos you're here again, and you're
certainly not usin' me for me sexy
body.
                                                            
                       SELINE
Not yet.
                                                            
Seline winks at Seamus, who beams.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Easier than the armored truck?
                                                            
                       SELINE
Depends on how you look at it.
Ever seen Point Break or Heat?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Get the fuck outta here.
                                                            
Seline smiles at him seductively.
                                                            
                       SELINE
You're going to kick me out before
dessert?
                                                            
Seamus goes to respond, but can't find the words.
                                                            
                       SELINE
Calm down, sugar. You're getting
all flustered on me again.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
I just, I don't know if I should
even attempt another job. What's
the point?
                                                            
                       SELINE
What if I told you I knew how to
get you the money and get rid of
The Dick for good?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Well then maybe I'd be interested.
                                                            
Seline stands up.
                                                            
                       SELINE
Good. Let's talk in a more private
setting, then.
                                                            

71.

Seline walks out of the kitchen.

Seamus gets up and begins to follow her.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Hold on a sec, where do you think
you're goin'?
                                                            
INT. LIVING ROOM
                                                            
Seline unbuttons her pants, and unzips them.

She heads for the stairs.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Hang on a minute, you can't just -
                                                            
Seline walks up a few steps, pulls down her pants some,
exposing some very sexy panties that show off her excellent
ass, and turns towards Seamus, who looks up at her in
amazement.
                                                            
                       SELINE
Come on, pilgrim. You'll like what
I have in mind.
                                                            
Seline continues to walk up the stairs.

Seamus watches her for a moment, shakes his head, and runs
up the stairs after her.
                                                            
INT. SEAMUS' BEDROOM - TEN MINUTES LATER
                                                            
Seamus and Seline are under the covers of his bed, Seline
smoking a cigarette.

Both are naked, sweating, and out of breath.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
I tell you, it was the greatest
ten minutes of me life. What a
minx. The fire. The passion.
                                                            
                       SELINE
You remember everything I told
you?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Yep.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
In truth, I had no clue what the
fuck was goin' on. I was so amazed
I couldn't even tell you me own
            (MORE)

72.

                       SEAMUS (cont'd)
name.
                                                            
Seline gets up.
                                                            
                       SELINE
'k good. I'm going to get a shower
and leave.
                                                            
Seline heads for the bathroom.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Want me to join you?
                                                            
                       SELINE
Easy, tiger. Wouldn't want you
exploding all over yourself again.
                                                            
Seline closes the door and Seamus lays back down, laughing
to himself.
                                                            
 
INT. CELL - NIGHT
                                                            
Seamus sits there, staring out into the station.

The Guard walks in front of the cell.
                                                            
                       GUARD
Lights out. Sweet dreams,
jailbird. See you in the morning.
                                                            
The Guard turns off the light to his cell and walks away.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
I'm scared of the dark! Won't you
come cuddle with me and keep me
safe, big boy!?
                                                            
                       GUARD (O.S.)
No talking!
                                                            
Seamus smiles and lays down, pleased with himself.
                                                            
TIME LAPSE - THE NEXT MORNING
                                                            
The Guard comes and whacks the bars with his nightstick.
                                                            
                       GUARD
Wake up! Time to talk.
                                                            
Seamus sits up in his cell.
                                                            

73.

                       SEAMUS
I told you we didn't need to talk
about it. It was just a one night
thing. You agreed that you
wouldn't get attached, and we'd
move on.
                                                            
The Guard opens the cell door and looks at Seamus.
                                                            
                       GUARD
What do you tell someone with two
black eyes?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
What's that?
                                                            
                       GUARD
Nothing they haven't already been
told twice. Keep your mouth shut.
Let's go.
                                                            
 
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY
                                                            
Seamus sits in the interrogation room, twiddling his thumbs.

A moment later, the door opens and John walks, as does a new
face.

CAPTAIN STEVENSON, a pudgy, balding man.

Seamus looks at the captain.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
It's always nice to see a fresh
face. How do you do?
                                                            
Cpt. Stevenson looks at Seamus and doesn't return his warm
smile.
                                                            
                       CPT. STEVENSON
Are you always a smart ass?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
What ever do you mean?
                                                            
Cpt. Stevenson looks at John, who shrugs, sighing.
                                                            
                       JOHN
This is what he does.
                                                            

74.

                       SEAMUS
Is this your new partner,
Johnny-Boy? David get replaced?
                                                            
Cpt. Stevenson looks at Seamus.
                                                            
                       CPT. STEVENSON
I'm the captain of this police
station, Seamus. I am personally
overseeing this investigation
myself, starting with our little
chat right now.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Ah, you're the big cheese, eh?
                                                            
                       CPT. STEVENSON
If that's how you want to put it,
yeah.
                                                            
Seamus looks at John.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Why is it always that the fat ones
are in charge, Johnny-Boy? Is it
cos they can't get out there and
do the running around themselves?
                                                            
John stifles a chuckle with a cough and looks away.

Cpt. Stevenson pulls out his chair and sits down across from
Seamus.
                                                            
                       CPT. STEVENSON
John here might fall into your
little distractions, but they
won't work on me.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
I guess I better stop trying then,
huh?
                                                            
                       CPT. STEVENSON
That's the first smart thing I've
heard come out of your mouth.
                                                            
Again, Seamus looks back at John.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
I don't like him, Johnny-Boy. He
hurts me feelins. Send him away or
I'm not sayin' shite.
                                                            

75.

                       CPT. STEVENSON
It doesn't work that way, I'm
afraid.
                                                            
Seamus leans back in his chair, crossing his arms, looking
smugly at Cpt. Stevenson.
                                                            
                       JOHN
Sir, maybe you should just let me
talk to him one-on-one.
                                                            
Cpt. Stevenson sits there a moment, fuming, and then stands
up.

He looks at John.
                                                            
                       CPT. STEVENSON
You have an hour. If you don't
make him sing like a canary, I
take over, and you're off the
case.
                                                            
                       JOHN
Yes, sir.
                                                            
Cpt. Stevenson steps out of the room, slamming the door
behind him.

John sits down and Seamus chuckles.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
It sure is easy to get him goin'.
                                                            
                       JOHN
Yeah, try working with him. Now,
let's get started, shall we?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
David's gettin' ready to transfer
me boys, ain't he?
                                                            
                       JOHN
That's right. You'll be joining
them at the state prison tonight.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
How long have we known each other,
John?
                                                            
John stops to think for a moment.
                                                            

76.

                       JOHN
Four years now, I suppose. Back
when I was still a uniform.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Yeah, that's right. You broke up
that bar fight.
                                                            
                       JOHN
And was there for the attempted
liquor store robbery, your DUI,
your drug posession -
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
I told you that wasn't mine!
                                                            
                       JOHN
Yeah, yeah, whatever you say,
Seamus. What's your point?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Me point is, you've known me for a
long time, and you know I'm not as
dumb as I seem.
                                                            
                       JOHN
Okay?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Then you know tonight isn't going
to be as simple as you say.
                                                            
John loosens his tie.
                                                            
                       JOHN
Just tell me about the robbery.
                                                            
Seamus looks at John and smiles.
                                                            
 
EXT. UNCLE TOM'S HOUSE - DAY
                                                            
Seamus, Michael, and Gerry wait outside Uncle Tom's house.
It's early morning.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
So I'll entertain the copper.
What's the harm in that? The
reality of the situation is this,
though: It was fucked from the
very beginnin'.
                                                            
A bright pink van cruises down the street towards the house.
                                                            

77.

                       MICHAEL
The fuck is that?
                                                            
                       GERRY
Oh, no. No. Please, don't tell
me...
                                                            
The van pulls up into the driveway, and Bob leans out the
window honking the horn, laughing.

Everyone looks at it, awe-struck.

Bob gets out of the van and looks back at the van.
                                                            
                       BOB
Have you ever seen anythin' so
pretty in your whole life?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Bob. What. The. Fuck.
                                                            
Bob looks at Seamus, confused.
                                                            
                       BOB
What's your problem? You said get
a van that won't draw any
attention, so I did.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Bob, it's hot pink. How the bloody
fuck is that not goin' to draw
attention?!
                                                            
Bob looks back at the van.
                                                            
                       BOB
The hell you talkin' 'bout? That's
not pink. D'you think I'd get a
pink van for fuck's sake?
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
You did get a pink van! Jesus
Christ, Bob. Whose bright fuckin'
idea was it to let Bob go? You
know he's color blind.
                                                            
                       BOB
The guy said it was paisley!
                                                            
                       GERRY
What shade do you think paisley
is!?!
                                                            

78.

                       SEAMUS
All right, that's enough. We'll
make do with what we have. It's
done. No use bitchin' 'bout it
now.
                                                            
                       BOB
      (under his breath)
Assholes.
                                                            
Seamus stands there, looking at the van.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
      (to himself)
It'll be all right.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
All right me arse! It was a pink
van. Pink. Bright, hot, vibrant
pink. We'd stick out like a gay
black man at a Jewish convention.
                                                            
 
INT. UNCLE TOM'S HOUSE, KITCHEN - DAY
                                                            
The four stand around the kitchen table, looking at drawings
and blueprints of a bank.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
The guys and I went over the plan
one last time, just in case there
was any confusion. Naturally,
there was confusion.
                                                            
                       BOB
The fuck you talkin' 'bout,
Seamus?
                                                            
Seamus looks at Bob in frustration and then back down at the
table. He explains everything.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
It really wasn't too difficult.
The first floor of the bank was
the terminals, the tellers, and
the vault. The remaining floors of
the building were for offices,
accounting, maintenance,
conference rooms, and the like. We
only needed to stay on the ground
floor. Three security guards in
the whole place. It was goin' to
be a cake walk.
                                                            

79.

Gerry looks at Seamus.
                                                            
                       GERRY
And all this came from Seline?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Yep.
                                                            
                       GERRY
And she got all this from who?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
An insider.
                                                            
                       GERRY
And you trust this?
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Oh, shut up, Gerry. For Christ's
sake just go with it.
                                                            
Gerry puts his hands up defensively.
                                                            
                       GERRY
I'm just sayin'.
                                                            
Seamus looks at Gerry, annoyed.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
He and I had a talk the night
before and patched things up. I
told him I wouldn't see Amy
anymore and he told me he wouldn't
get jealous anymore.
                                                            
 
EXT. AMY'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
                                                            
Seamus knocks on an apartment door and Amy answers it.

She sees Seamus and immediately her face lights up.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
So, I went and told Amy. I figured
it was best to do it face-to-face.
                                                            
 
INT. AMY'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
                                                            
Amy sits on the couch, sobbing, Seamus trying to comfort
her.
                                                            

80.

                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
I tried me best to comfort her.
                                                            
INT. BEDROOM
                                                            
Seamus climbs off of Amy and pulls up his pants.

She lays there, smiling.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
I did a pretty good job,
apparently. I won't mention that
to Ger, though.
                                                            
 
EXT. CITY STREET - DAY
                                                            
And we're back to square one.

The hot pink van cruises down the city street, sticking out
like a sore thumb amidst the heavy city traffic.

The van pulls off the main street and parks beside the bank.
                                                            
INT. VAN
                                                            
Seamus places his hand on the handle of the back door of the
van.

He turns to his pals.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Gents, there's no way this can go
wrong.
                                                            
EXT. VAN
                                                            
The three jump out of the back of the van, run for the bank
doors, and dart inside.
                                                            
 
INT. BANK - DAY
                                                            
The four charge into the bank.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Nobody move!
                                                            
                       GERRY
Hands up, heads down!
                                                            

81.

                       BOB
Get your fuckin' hands up where we
can see 'em!
                                                            
A SECURITY GUARD attempts to move on them, but Bob spots him
immediately and points the shotgun at him.
                                                            
                       BOB
Don't think 'bout playin' hero,
pal. I'll blow a big fuckin' hole
where your head used to be.
Understand?
                                                            
The Security Guard puts hands up, nodding his head.
                                                            
                       BOB
On the ground.
                                                            
The Security Guard does as he's told and the three move
through the bank.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Empty the drawers. Now.
                                                            
Seamus throws a duffel bag onto the counter and a TELLER
opens the drawers and begins stuffing money into the bag.

Gerry looks around the bank and points at a man in a suit.
The MANAGER.
                                                            
                       GERRY
You! Open the vault. Now!
                                                            
 
EXT. BANK - DAY
                                                            
The alarm suddenly sounds, blaring loudly into the streets.

A moment later, Seamus, Bob, and Gerry come running out the
front of the bank and jump into the back of the van.

Seamus no longer has his mask on.

A Security Guard runs out after them, shooting at them with
his pistol.

The van speeds away, leaving the Security Guard in the dust.
                                                            
INT. VAN
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
What the fuck happened in there?
                                                            

82.

                       BOB
Just fuckin' keep goin'!
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
I thought you guys had it under
control?!
                                                            
                       GERRY
We did until Bob lost his cool and
Seamus fucked up!
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Don't even point the blame on me!
I didn't see that desk there, all
right?!
                                                            
Sirens can be heard in the distance.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Shite. Great, it's the filth!
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
We're fine. Slow down up here and
merge into traffic.
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Do you want to be the driver?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Well, no, but -
                                                            
                       MICHAEL
Then shut the fuck up!
                                                            
EXT. CITY STREET
                                                            
The van swerves in and out of traffic, and with a very sharp
turn, pulls off a main road and into a parking garage.
                                                            
                       GERRY (O.S.)
The Dick is not goin' to like
this!
                                                            
                       JOHN (O.S.)
Hold it. The Dick?
                                                            
 
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY
                                                            
Seamus looks at John.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
You know him?
                                                            

83.

                       JOHN
You are talking about Richard
Patterson, right?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Johnny-Boy, I'm impressed. You've
got the intelligence of at least a
third grader.
                                                            
                       JOHN
What's he got to do with this?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Where do you suppose that money
was goin'?
                                                            
John sits there a moment, stunned at this revelation.

A moment later, Cpt. Stevenson enters the interrogation
room.
                                                            
                       CPT. STEVENSON
I just got word there's been a
shootout downtown. I'm going to
investigate.
                                                            
                       JOHN
Yes, sir.
                                                            
Cpt. Stevenson exits the room and John looks at Seamus, who
is smiling.
                                                            
                       JOHN
What's going on, Seamus?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
I have no idea. You're the
detective.
                                                            
 
INT. PARKING GARAGE - DAY
                                                            
The four get out of the van and make their way to a car.
                                                            
                       GERRY
Now what?
                                                            
 
INT. BENNY'S PLACE - DAY
                                                            
The four enter Benny's Place with a bag of money.
                                                            

84.

                       SELINE (O.S.)
Once you get the money, you're
going to go to Benny's and give
him the money you owe him, with
interest.
                                                            
Seamus sets the bag down on Benny's table.

Benny opens it, looks inside, and looks back at Seamus,
laughing.

The two shake hands.
                                                            
 
EXT. RICHARD'S OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
The four walk up the steps to Richard's office.
                                                            
                       SELINE (O.S.)
Then you're going to pop by The
Dick's place. He'll be happy to
see you, I'm sure.
                                                            
INT. RICHARD'S OFFICE
                                                            
Richard is leaned over his desk, apparently shouting, and
extremely pissed off.
                                                            
                       SELINE (O.S.)
You're going to tell him that
under Benny's guidance, you left
all the money with him.
                                                            
 
EXT. UNCLE TOM'S HOUSE - DAY
                                                            
The four pull up into Uncle Tom's house, a squad car is
there waiting for them.

John and David are standing beside it, waiting for them,
smiling smugly.
                                                            
 
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY
                                                            
John looks at Seamus, waiting to hear more.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Now, as to what happened at
Benny's Place today, well, your
guess is as good as mine. I guess
Richard went to go get his money.
                                                            
 

85.

INT. BENNY'S PLACE - DAY
                                                            
Richard, Carter, and Seline walk through Benny's Place and
approach him.

Benny isn't alone, however. He's got two other THUGS
counting money with him.

Benny looks up at Richard.
                                                            
                       BENNY
Hey! Richard! Look what I got?
Turns out your Irish friend came
through after all. I got all my
money back, plus interest. How
about that, huh?
                                                            
                       RICHARD
Yeah, that sure is something. I'm
here to collect my share of it.
                                                            
Benny looks at Richard, confused.
                                                            
                       BENNY
What the fuck are you talking
about, Richard? I ain't got your
cut. This is all my money.
                                                            
Richard chuckles.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
That's real cute, Benny. Now,
please cut the bullshit, you
stupid fucking wanker. Give me my
money. Now.
                                                            
Benny is now clearly getting irritated, and his Thugs are no
longer counting money. They're on the defensive.
                                                            
                       BENNY
And I told you, this ain't your
money. It's mine.
                                                            
Richard turns to Carter.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
Carter, will you please knock this
cock sucking git around and get my
money for me?
                                                            
                       CARTER
Sure thing, guv.
                                                            

86.

Carter takes a step towards Benny and his two thugs draw
weapons.

Seline immediately draws her pistol, as does Carter.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
Looks like we have a situation
here.
                                                            
                       BENNY
No. There ain't no situation here,
Dick.
                                                            
Benny reaches under his table and grabs a shotgun, setting
it onto the table, smiling.
                                                            
                       BENNY
See, you might have your hand in
my business, but you don't own it.
This is my money. I don't know
anything about where your money
is. You're going to turn around
and leave right now. You got a
problem, take it up with your
Irish friend.
                                                            
The two sides stare each other down, the tension rising.

Finally, Richard looks at Carter.
                                                            
                       RICHARD
It's all right, Carter. Relax.
                                                            
Richard slowly reaches for Carter's wrist and it looks like
he's going to make him lower his weapon.

However, in a flash, Richard takes the gun from Carter and
shoots Benny a couple times.

All hell breaks loose.

Benny's side opens fire. Richard's side opens fire.

Carter takes out another weapon.

Seline drops to the ground and a moment later, the shooting
stops.

Carter stands there, shot up and bleeding, but alive.

Richard is on the ground, dead.
                                                            

87.

                       CARTER
Sons of bitches.
                                                            
Carter looks at Seline, who is on the ground, looking at
him, weapon pointed at him.
                                                            
                       CARTER
The fuck were you doing?
                                                            
BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

Carter falls to the ground, dead.

Seline stands up and looks around at the carnage.

She then grabs the bag and stuffs the money back into it.

She walks past Richard's body, stops, and spits on it.
                                                            
 
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY
                                                            
John sits down on the table, leans close to Seamus, and
looks him in the eyes.
                                                            
                       JOHN
Where's the rest of the money,
then?
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
Ask your partner.
                                                            
John looks at Seamus, confused.
                                                            
                       JOHN
What do you mean?
                                                            
Seamus leans back in his chair, smiling.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS
I told you, Johnny-Boy. It's not
as simple as you thought.
                                                            
 
EXT. CITY STREET - DAY
                                                            
A Prisoner Transport Vehicle cruises down the street.
                                                            
INT. TRANSPORT VAN
                                                            
Gerry, Bob, and Michael sit in the back, handcuffed and in
orange jumpsuits.


88.

The three look at each other, smiling.

David sits in the passenger seat of the vehicle, with
another cop driving.

David looks out the window and then at the driver.
                                                            
                       DAVID
Stop the van.
                                                            
                       COP
What?
                                                            
                       COP
Stop the van! Look!
                                                            
The cop slams on the breaks and the van stops suddenly.

The Cop looks around.
                                                            
                       COP
I don't see anything.
                                                            
David turns and looks back at the prisoners.
                                                            
                       DAVID
Hold on, boys.
                                                            
The Cop turns to David.
                                                            
                       COP
What?
                                                            
EXT. CITY STREET
                                                            
A semi comes barreling out of a side street and slams right
into the side of the transport van, knocking it onto its
side.

The impact pops open the back doors of the van.

Michael, Gerry, and Bob slowly climb out of the van,
sputtering and gasping.

The three look at the semi.

The door opens and Seline jumps out of the cab.
                                                            
                       SELINE
I figured you fellas would like
this ride better.
                                                            
The three smile and runs towards the semi.
                                                            
 

89.

INT. CELL - DAY
                                                            
Seamus stands in his cell as he's locked in.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
See? I told you. It wasn't exactly
what Johnny-Boy thought at all. I
suppose, like him, you're
wondering what the hell just
happened. It's quite simple,
really.
                                                            
 
EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT
                                                            
Seline walks through an alley and meets up with David.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
Unknown to The Dick, Seline had
continued her skin trade to save
more money so she could eventually
leave. It just so happened that
David was one of her customers,
and a good one at that.
                                                            
 
EXT. BANK - DAY
                                                            
John and David stand outside the bank, getting statements.

All around them is a slew of COPS going about their jobs.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
Once I got into my little
predicament, Seline saw the
perfect opportunity to recruit
him, just in case someone fucked
up and we got caught.
                                                            
 
INT. POLICE STATION, EVIDENCE ROOM - DAY
                                                            
David is in the evidence room, counting the confiscated
money.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
David was responsible for checking
in the money and entering it as
evidence, and he did just that.
                                                            
David puts a duffel bag of money into a locker and then
drops the other duffel bag out the open window to Seline,
who is waiting for him.
                                                            

90.

                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
Just not all of it.
                                                            
 
EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY
                                                            
The semi truck barrels down the highway.
                                                            
INT. SEMI TRUCK
                                                            
Seline, Gerry, Michael, and Bob are all in, smiling. The
duffel bag of money in the cab behind them.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
Then I'd provide the distraction
at the station so David could help
me buds get away.
                                                            
 
EXT. CITY STREET - DAY
                                                            
David and the other Cop stand beside the wrecked transport
van, while Cpt. Stevenson stands there chewing them out.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
David would take the heat from the
captain. He'd surely get
suspended, and then he could meet
everyone Fiji, for an overdue
vacation.
                                                            
 
INT. CELL - DAY
                                                            
Seamus lays down in his cot, looking up at the ceiling.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
And that's the way it went down.
                                                            
 
EXT. TROPICAL BEACH - DAY
                                                            
Michael, Gerry, Bob, Seline, and David all splash around in
the water at a beautiful tropical beach in Fiji.

The group is having an excellent time and views are
breathtaking.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
And if you thought that I've been
telling this story from a prison
cell...
                                                            

91.

Seamus sits in a beach chair, under an umbrella, drinking
out of a coconut.

He sets it down, as well as a laptop.

He looks out at his friends in the water, who motion for him
to join them.
                                                            
                       SEAMUS (V.O.)
...then you haven't been payin'
attention, have you?
                                                            
Seamus gets up from his chair, takes his shirt off, and runs
towards the water to join his friends.
                                                            


THE END


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