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Tropical Fever Episode 1: The Dictator is a Love Guru
by David Hofmann (HofmannDav@aol.com)

Rated: R   Genre: Comedy   User Review: 0 stars
A Sitcom about the Fascist Dictator of a Latin American Tropical Paradise who must handle with Wars, Revolutions, Drug Deals and his Family

This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.


In a Fictive Latin American Tropical Paradise which is under
Control of an Evil Facist Dictator plays this new Series:
The Evil Dictator Ernesto Salagar who wears a Military
Uniform like Fidel Castro holds a Speak on the Balustrade of
his Majestic White Palace in Front of Thousands and
Thousands of his loyal (loyal means feard of his power and
evilness) Admirers which stand on the big Salagar Place who
is made out of Cobblestone before it
Dear my abject servants. Im glad
that you my grass routs where my
wealth is built on. Zou give your
Sweat and Blood to build a Mighty
Empire. Zou fight for me and this
Empire till death and beyond of
that and you prove this in varios
bloody Battles. One day this
Honour will be granted wenn you
all walk in the Hall of Miracles
where all your Dreams get True and
you all will be swim in Lakes of
Milk and Honey with a sweet black
haired Fivitivian Girl on each
Side, A Glass of Fictivian's
finest Rum and a big one of
Fictivian's Finest Cigars in the
other Hand
They shout of Happyness and scream "Long live El Presidente"
Than the Dictator decide to sing a Song for his Folk
And now i sing for you my dear
The Dictator begin to sing real grousy
Oh beloved Fictivia you will
always be in my Heart with your
fresh Springs and green Fields,
with your Floods and Lakes
Mountains and Jungle. You will
live high until the Eternity


The Folk is tortured by this Grousy Cat Howling but they
pretend there where moved by it and cheer to the Dictator
Yeah long live the Dictator the
heart-beating Baladeer of our
Tropical Paradise
And the Dictator is leaving the Balustrade satisfied with a
smile on His Face. Walking trough the Hallways of Palace
which Walls out of Stones and where overall are Pictures of
the Dictator, Pictures of Former Dictators, Knight's Armors,
Swords, Rapiers, Sabers, Antique Greek Statues, Stuffed
Bears, Lions, Tigers, Leopards, Pumas, Zebras, Bisons, Gnus
and Antilopes and even a Elephant with his real Ivory Teeth
and the Bottom is glazed with Oriental Carpets to his
Limousine. At his left Side walks his Secretarian Kabush, A
stylish Oriental Man wearing a Black Armani Suit and on his
Right Side his Right Hand Ruben, A bully Man who wears also
a Black Armani Suit and Black Sunglasses. His Secretarian
Kabush congratulates him
It was a great Speech my Lord,
like written by a God handed to
the Mouth of a God-Like Leader. My
eyes tear of Joy. It was your best
Speech ever
And what do you think Ruben?
Yes A Great Speech from a Great
Leader. I've didn't wonder i've
you became the Nobel Prize for
Peace for that
Im always glad about your Honesty
my Servants. Everybody else is
lying too me but you are always
honest to me and for that I Love
you Fellas
Kabush and Ruben look amused in each other Faces without the
Dictator is regonizing it
They go into the Limousine. The Dictator goes in the Behind,
drink some Rum, smoke a Cigar and fall asleep while the Car


begins movin and drive on the Big Four-Lane Salagar
Boulevard who is built direcetly on the Beach and is Flanked
with Palms and lot of Casinos, Hotels, Cocktail Bars and
Taco Stands on the Sides. On the Beach are lot of Sexy Latin
Girls who play Beach Volleyball. The Audience see how a Man
get schlept in a Side Street between Two Cocktail Bars from
Gouverment Troops and get Shot in the Head.
His Secretary who is also his Driver looks behind and notice
that the Dictator sleeps and put his Hand on Rubens Leg
because they are a couple but the Dictator never should knew
Finally they arrive at the Salagar's House a big majestic
sandy Ville overgrown with wild Wine, with Gargoyle Statues
on the Front, with a big Pool and a big Garden like a
Jungle. The Dictator wakes up from his alcohol influenced
Oh im at Home allready. I wish you
a nice Weekend my inconsiderable
Abjects. Oh i wish i could go on
the Bunny Hunt on this hot Friday
Night like you young Fellas. I
wish im 25 again and Not Married
But you have a beautiful Wife
That's a good Point. Im go in to
my Wife and Kids now and don't
border you anymore from grab some
Chicks have much Fun
Of course we have some Fun tonight
right Ruben
Oh Yeah that we have surly
Im glad to hear about that. Im
leaving you now. Bye Fellas
Bye Bye Presidente
The Dictator stands up leave the Car, walk trough the Drive,
kicks the Black Cat away and get into his House


Meanwhile the Dictators Wife Beatrice a sexy blonde Woman
who wears a Military Outfit like Isla the She-Wolf of the SS
who is the Nations Chief Tourturer and also the best
Torturer worldwide hits a Communist Revolutionary. A
muscolous young Man in his 20's with black Hairs and a
three-day-growth Beard. His Shirt is open and shows his
enormous chest hair. She is hittin' him heavy with a Whip to
get the Information where the Rebel's Headquater is
Tell me where the Rebel's
Headquater is you disgusting Wimp.
I promise you it let you lose and
you can go home when you confess
She hit him hard with her Whip
I tell you nothing i am a noble
You as noble as a moldy Grub. You
better confess when you hang on
your Life
And hit him hard with her Whip again
How can i know that i can trust
I'm always holding my Word that i
give to People
And she is hitting that hard that he confess all under Big
I confess everything but please
So tell me what you knew
She is whipin him hard
The Rebel's Headquater is in


And who is the Leader of this
She whip him hard again
so her Work is done and she order his Exucution
Decontaminate this Wimp
he screams
No i done what you want i thought
you always stand by your Word
I stand to my Word but just for
People that i like you are a
stinking Piece of Shit
Her Backers who wear Sandy Uniforms take him and throw him
in a Big Pot of Salt Acid and she leaving the Torture Prison
satisfied with a Smile on her Lips
Beatrice get in her White Family Van and driving at the
Salagar Boulevard to the Kindergarten picking up her Baby
the famous Baby Sinclair as she arrive at the Kindergarten
the Kindergarten Maid is running and screaming full of Panic
to the Car Beatrice is turning down the metalized Window
                       KINDERGARTEN MAID
Finally you arrive we can stand
him any Minute longer please take
him with you
What have this little Rascal done
                       KINDERGARTEN MAID
Done? There isn't anything he
didn't done we much glad that we
have a Kindergarten own Fire
Department and most of our Kids
are save behind Bars and immunized
for the Pox and Cholera


                       KINDERGARTEN MAID (cont'd)
we can't allow to lose
more Kids there is too much Claims
right now
Allright bring him to me
                       KINDERGARTEN MAID
Im sorry to refuse but im hanging
to much on my Life
Allright i come in and take him by
Beatrice walking in the Kindergarten to bring him out as she
arrived inside there sit the Baby with Blood on his Mouth on
the Top of the mutilated Corpse of a once sweet little Boy
smiling to his Mother
Hello Mum
Hello my sweet little Baby do you
had a nice Day
It was okay
Do you had much Fun with the other
it was all in all a funny Day
Im always glad when my little Baby
had a nice Day
Do we drive to the Burger King at
the Way Home
Everything for my cute little
And so they drive to the Burger King Drive Inn where the
Clerk first think that was regular Customers


Hello and Welcome to Burger King
your Order please
but then he see who that Customer is
Oh its you blessed are the
President's Family
and a lot of Clerks bring them hundreds of Burgers, Fries
and Drinks
Here all for the holy Family of
our magnificent Leader
Don't slime on me just bring the
Stuff in
All that you want
The Salagars also have Teenage Kids both of them go to
School Felipe he is 18 and a Geek who likes Star Trek, Lord
of the Rings and World of Warcraft and constanly goes into
Slapstick Situations and have Bad Luck with Girls but this
time he got chances by the sweet Esmeralda a beautiful Girl
with Long Black Hair and Soft Brown Skin he sits behind her
in the Class and always starring on her and dream of Love
and a Sexual Relationship with her when the Lesson is over
he grab her books for her and carry them to her locker while
she is walking graceful besides him but on the Way all Books
fall down and he must pick them up she is laughin and he
abolish them as they reached the Locker she throws not on
purpuse the Door on his Face and he is falling down she is
shocked help him up and apologize to him
Oh what i have done im so sorry
but i sweet up your Day for that
and go to Dinner with you
He is so overwhelmed that he only can say
She press her Finger against his Lips


Be Quit
and kiss him on his Lips and leaves smiling the Scene
My Class goes on
He smiles for a while than hes notice that shes left her
Pencil and ran after her
Wait your Pencil
and fall over his on Trouser who burst Esmeralda laughs and
turn back again even like the School Rowdies (The Soccer
Team) their Leader Esteban spots
Man this poor Devil would be
fucked ive he's not the Dictators
After that Felipe's Buddy Ramon comes to him and admire him
Wow not just that Esmeralda who is
defintly the hottest Girl in
School is talking to you she asked
you out for a Date man you the
luckiest Guy i now
I know i can't imagine it either
Man i hope i get some hot Chick
like her one Day
Im sure you do someday
Do you going to the World of
Warcraft Dark Moon Annual Fair
next Weekend
Sure it where a Blame i would miss


Great my Mum is driving us
Meanwhile his 16 Years Old Sister Conchita leaves the Art
Class Room with their new Drawings a Boat on the See and a
House on a Hill she thinks she is a Art Genius and their Yes
Sayers a lot of Hot and Wannabe Hot Girls Cheerleaders in
their Uniforms she is also the Cheerleader Queen and wear
such Outfit she aks the Girls ive they like their Pictures
and they pretend that they like them but in Fact their more
than lousy their truly spoken Awful but they admire her
because of her hotness and of the Fact the she is the
Daughter of the Dictator
It is good Pictures?
                       YES SAYERS
It is good Pictures! The best we
ever saw
Felipe and Conchita both get into the same Bus but Conchita
depends that shes doesen't know her brother because she
thinks that her Reputation suffers on this Situation but
everyone knows that they are Brother and Sister because they
the Dictator's Childs and everybody is feared of him and
this not without a Reason so they respect and admire them
As they reached their Suburban Home the Mother allready is
cooking Meatloaf and Sweet Potato Mash and the whole Family
sits together on the wooden Table and waiting for their
Lunch except for the Baby who plays Poker on his Poker Table
with some Desperados One named Hidalgo has Long Hairs and a
Mustache wearing a Mexican Hat a a Green Poncho Brown Jacket
brown Pants a Ammunition Belt and a Gun, one Sylvester has
Long Hairs a Mustache wearing a Mexican Hat on his Back a
Black Leather Jacket black Pants and 2 Guns, one named
Sandro is fat wearing a Mustache, a Brown Poncho, a Mexican
Hat a Ammunition Belt a Blue Jacket, Brown Pants and a Gun
and one Paco is wearing a Mexican Hat, a white Jacket, white
Pants and a Gun and shouts at his Mother who's Love is only
set to him during she is extremly sadistic to everyone else
except her Family and mostly she loves the Baby she
threatend him like a King


Mum move your cute little Ass away
from the Herd and drive to the
7/11 and buy us some Beer, Rum,
Cigars, Burgers and Chips
Allright my Little Treasure all
that you want directly after the
Meal i buy your Stuff
I said Now
Ok my little Darling i drive to
the 7/11 directly Felipe watch the
Meatloaf please when i was away
Allright Mum I'm always like to
help in the Household
Beatrice take her Keys and step into the Car and drives to
the 7/11
Meanwhile Conchita shoes her Dad her Drawings and ask him
ive he likes it
Do you like my Paintings Dad
Oh ya beautiful Paintings
and looks surreptitious than his Boy shows him his hand made
Model of the Enterprise NCC 1701-D and asks him how he likes
How do you like my Spaceship Dad
O ya beautiful Spacehip
and looks surreptitous again than Conchita goes upstairs to
her room to do some more paintings and singing loud and
grisly to the Sound of Madonna's La Isla Bonita who comes
from her Ipod
Tropical the island breeze
All of nature wild and free
This is where I long to be


                       CONCHITA (cont'd)
La isla bonita...
Felipe takes the Chance and asks his Dad about a Thing he
thinks about
Dad you say always when i have a
Problem i can come to you
As long it didn't have anything to
do with Star Trek
No nothing with Star Trek
Than Move On
Dad thats that cute Girl who goes
out for Dinner with me
Hell Yeah i know you got less a
little bit of Me inside you
But i didn't know how to lay her
can you help me with that Dad who
you lay Mum?
Well Son that was back in the late
70's where Alfonso Gonzalez was
the Dictator
Isn't that our dead Grandfather
Yeah Right Son that was your
Grandfather, your Mum was a sweet
little Lady but her Dad want let
her lose so i must get rid of him
and so i cut his throat and let
him bleed out so i get your mums
love and as a nice outgrowth i
went Dictator up this Moment


But her Dad is a nice liberal
Piano Player thers no Reason for
killing him and i don't think that
shes liked ive i kill him
Well i think you right Son that
was other Times maybe it depends
some other Solution in this Case
how a about a nice gift for her?
Thats always good
Thats a brilliant Idea Dad but
what Kind of Gift?
How about some Cangaroo Balls
What Cangaroo Balls why that? I
can't imagine it that this is a
good Present
Because Women love Things like
that it represent Raw Man Power
believe me Son i know what i
talking about
In this Moment the one long-Haired Desperados at the Poker
Table screams "Beguiler" and shots the other long-Haired
Desperado in the Face who fall dead from his Chair Ernesto
and Felipe looks shortly up but fastly they fall back in
their talking again
So Son do this and this will be
the happiest Evening of your short
Dad your a real Love Guru what's
with the Idead that you join uns
and hide in the bushes and give me
I love to do that my Son that
reminds me of my Teenage


You often hides in bushes to give
love Advices when you were young
I do that all the time
You borrow me your Ferrari
Testarossa right?
Of sure i do nothing attract a
Woman more than a Ferrari
Meanwhile Beatrice arrives at Home and Hand the Stuff to the
Poker Table where they are much enjoin this and the Fat
Desperado hit her on her Butt she turn back press him with
his Chair against the Wall holding her Whip on his Neck and
Watch out your Hands youve lucky
that you are a Companero of my
sweet little Baby unless i would
kill you unhesitatingly
then she sit down on the Couch and try to relax and watch a
little bit TV her Favourite Soap Opera Forced Love but her
daughter comes up to her and ask for their Advice in Love
Mum you been a Slut once can you
help me with my Love Affairs
Ok get on with that
There is that cute Boy in School
Alessandro and he says that he
loves me and would do everything
That's Nice Truly Everything?
Yes he said that he also said that
he would kill somebody for me
isn't that sweet


O yeah very sweet
So do you think i should go with
Do what ever your Heart is telling
Thanks Mum
Beatrice said that but in her Head she had allready a Plan
to fix the Situation in the Next Moment the Baby screams
You forgotten the Tequilla
No Worry Baby i get up, drive to
the 7/11 again and buy them for
She gets into her Car again and drives to the Liqour Store
where some Boys stand in the Front she aks them
Is one of you Alessandro
A Big and Slim Guy with Curls wearing a Tight Black Shirt
and a Blue Jeans responds
I am Alessandro
Get In Alessandro i have to talk
with you
he get in and she drive on and drives with him to the
Torture Prison over what he is confused and asks her
What we doing here?


We have just a little Talk
The Gatekeeper let them in and they walk to the Torture
As they arrive inside she give the Commando to her Helpers
to pack him they bound him on a Chair and she is
elektroshocking him and warn him
I tell you this Don't think even
far to Kill my Husband, Stay away
as far as you can from Conchita
and leave the Town permanently or
we will meet us here again do you
He acclaim unter Tears
Im doing everything of that when
you let me stay alive
Ok that's all i wanna hear
Beatrice lose him from his Bounding and go with him to her
Car and drive him home then she drive to the 7/11 again buy
the Tequila and drive home to give to the Baby
Beatrice arrive at home and Handle the Tequila to the Baby
Here is your Tequila Baby
That will be in Time scratch along
come on Muchachos we drink another
Glas of fine Tequilla and then i
rip of your Pants Mum pour us all
Beatrice pour them big Glass full of Tequilla and they all
take them and they all pump them down and continue their
Game while Beatrice fall and the Couch, turn on the TV and
can finally relax


Meanwhile its evening and Felipe goes on his Date with
Esmeralda he picking her up with the Ferrari Testarossa at
the beatiful marble Ville of their Parents She is even
prettier than in school she is wearing a sharp black dress
her Hair is shiny and glazed they go to in Ferrari
Testarossa he bought from his Daddy and drive to a fine
french restaurant
In the Restaurant he reversed a exclusive Table under the
Moonlight where the Waiter is sitting them
Hello i reserved the Moonshine
Table for Salagar
Oh thats a nice Table i will sit
Esmeralda who is looking very good in the Moonlight is very
glad and thanks Felipe for the Innovation
Thanks for the Innovation thats a
wonderful Table in a wonderful
The best Table in the best
Restaurant in the whole City for
the prettiest Woman in the whole
City you looking wonderful in the
Oh you are a Chameur
Do you ready to Order yet
Yes we take Oysters as Starter
Lobster for the Main Dish and to
trink Champange
Oh a rich Boy i awaiting happily
your generous Tip
You can count on it


After short Time the Waiter who wears a tailcoat and a bow
tie comes with their Order
Here our best Oysters, Lobster and
Champange for the generous Rich
Thank you you didn't do that
without Gratification
The enjoy their Lobster and Oysters under the beautiful
Moonlight and drinking Champange and how is agreed his
Father hiding in the Bush Everything is perfect she smiles
and he found its the right Time to hand her the Present
I have a Surprise for you
O Yeah I like Surprise Gifts
So he give her the Kangaroo Balls shes looking confused
Whats this?
Kangaroo Balls i thought you like
How can you think that i like
something like that
Say because you are a Slut
and this Idiot don't think and say this truly
Because you are a Slut
I thought you love me
Say i dont love you i only wanna
fuck with you Bitch


and this idiot responds again say out loud his evil father
whispers to him
I don't love you i only wanna fuck
with you Bitch
I excepted more of you
Say Yes my Dick in ya Mouth
Yes my dick in ya Mouth
and ran crying away now the Boy realizes what he's done and
confront his Father
Dad why you let me say such things
Because you wanna get laid with
her in my Teenage Time that work
all the Time
Dad first time ive it really
worked alltime
Well sometimes
Dad be honest
Allright it never worked but i
think this time it was different
And Dad i didn't want only lay
this Girl i love her and she love
me but now she hates me and its
all your fault
Allright Son i get her back for


I wish you could that
I could that i have a Secret
Weapon lets go to the Basement and
get the old violine Ruben play on
her and you sing a Song for her
that Kabush wrote
They goes to Kabush's and Ruben's Bachelor Apparment Ernesto
knocks on their Door
Hey Ruben Kabush I know that you
have Girls inside im sorry that I
disturb your Love Affairs but open
up we need your Help
He never will realize that they have a Love Affair with
themself they are in Sex at this Moment but they are that
loyal and abjected that they stop with that and go the Door
Im glad to see you Boys where are
you Hot Love Affairs
The Dictator take a short Look inside but Ruben close the
Ah you don't want that your Girls
see your Boss i understand that
but I have more important Things
to do anyway my Son love this Girl
and i blew it and we
need you to fix it Kabush write a
Love Song and Ruben you play the
Of course we do everything for you
my Führer
and so wrote Kabush the Song in a few Minutes and they go
all to Conchitas Window where Felipe starts singing under
her Window while Ruben is playing the Violine
Oh Esmeralda your the Sun of my
Heart your the Cream on my Soda
and the Choclate Topping on my Ice
i did'nt mean the Words i say its
my Fathers Words not


                       FELIPE (cont'd)
mine i please you to forgive all
my Sins and be my little Angel on
this beautiful Night
Yes my brave Boy i wanna be your
and so their fall in love but Felipe falls also over some
Tricycle and Esmeralda laughs again
You so funny that's one of the
Reasons i love you that much come
climb the Ladder up to my Window
and come in my Room than we share
a little Bit of Love
Felipe try to climb down the Ladder but the whole Ladder
falls with him onside down but Ernesto, Kabush and Ruben
catch him up stand the Ladder up and hold it as Felipe climb
it again and this Time he make it and get into the Room to
have some Fun with the beautiful Esmeralda
So our Work is done you can go
home now to your Girlfriends and i
go home to my beautiful Wife and
sleep with her too so everybody is
happy today
Yes we will very happy too
and blink to Ruben
And now i sing for you as
Gratification for your Help
No that's really not nescessary El
Come on i do it for you Guys that
isn't really a Problem


No you don't must do that working
for you Excellency is
Gratification enough for us El
When i say that i am Singing i am
But when you now sing you disturb
your Son and his Love Interest
You absolutely right now i
understand the Wink thanx Kabush i
can always trust in your Point of
View you realize the Things that
sink in my shaked Waterhead and
get drown by the Brain Eaters that
eat trough my Brain
Kabush looks shortly irritated but then looks straight again
because he don't wonder anymore about the President's
strange Personality and his Fucked Up Brain
Meanwhile at Home Conchita is wondering
Mum i tried to call Alessandro but
there was next tenant on the phone
and says his family moves to
Argentinia there is one time a boy
that i liked and than he
leaves me i am that awful?
No your not you my little sweet
daugther and you will ever be and
someday the right man comes and
will marry you maybe a Prince
Oh that where fantastic than i am
Princess Conchita the Rich and
Beautiful i look forward to this


Meanwhile Ernesto arrive at Home and say to his Wife totally
Beatrice my Darling come on let's
go upstairs in the Bedroom and
have some dirty Sex like in the
Old Days
Oh that's great im looking forward
for this since a long Time you
pick the right Time i just read a
lot in the Kamasutra
and so they go upstairs and have a little Fun
In the Last Scene the Poker Game ends and the Guy with the
Long Hairs, the Big Mustache and the Black Leatherjacket
wins and sream loud "Arriba" where the other Desperados
bangs their Cards hardly on the Table and leaves angry the
House and the Baby cries "No No No" and bangs his Had on the
In the Bedroom Ernesto powers himself totally out he fuck
Beatrice over and over again from all Sides and in all
Oh Ernesto don't stop bang me hard
After that Ernesto want to fall asleep but he can't because
of the Mosquitios biting him over and over again he stand up
and hit after them but they are faster and more intelligent
than him
This goddamn Mosquitos but i know
how i get you you little
bloodsucking Bastards
Ernesto walk to the Garage in his Pyama turn on the Blue
Neon Light and take some Insect Spray with him turn of the
Blue Neon Light than he goes back to the Bedroom


Ernesto come back to the Bedroom and try to kill the
Mosquitos with his Insect Spray
Now you skrewd soon you can see
your mighty Insect Creator take
Ernesto use the Spray but in the wrong Direction so he spray
it into his own Face it burns terrible and he scream
Because his Face is burning Ernesto can't sleep finally


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From Reed Coverdale Date 1/4/2010 0 stars
This has terrible punctuation, spelling, and unity. It definitely needs to be rewritten.

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