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The Four of Us
by Rene Garcia Jr. (xpsm400@gmail.com)

Rated: R   Genre: Comedy   User Review: **1/2


This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



THE FOUR OF US

FADE IN:

INT. TARGMART - DAY
                                                            
Manager Lee and Tim are standing in front of the electronic
department. Tim is explaining the trailers that he had seen
the night before. While Lee is impatiently waiting around
for his subordinates to show up for work.
                                                            
                       TIM
      (leaning against
       the counter
       opening a can of
       fanta)
Acutally, I wasn't sure what to
make of it. It was terrible. I
would probably rather go watch a
shitty movie like The Economist
before I even think about droppin
some coin to watch Half-beard.
                                                            
                       LEE
      (not listening
       looking at his
       clipboard)
yea...
                                                            
                       NARRATOR (vo)
      (scene pause)
This is Tim. He's one of my
roomates. I liked to think I know
what he's talking about but
sometimes I believe that his
mother just drank too much while
continually punching her self in
stomach but then again I don't
know.
      (still shot on Lee)
This sexy beast of a man is Lee
Pervert, er, Peavert. He been
running this pathetic sweat shop
since before i was born and he is
probably gonna die here. Look at
those arms! Bleh! I can't tell if
that is just hair or if his father
was a furry lumberjack who raped
sasquatch and then, thbp (fart
noise), Lee was created. I kinda
wanna shave'em, stuff and
mount'em. okay back to the story.
                                                            

2.

                       TIM
I mean, who the hell thinks up
this garbage? it's suppose to be
an action movie and yet, there is
more action going on in Driving
Mrs. Daisy than this poor excuse
of a bath tub meth piece of crap
for a movie. I'm telling ya, they
should just boot out that
Fernandez director and the studio
should go ahead just Michael Bay
it up.
                                                            
                       LEE
      (checking his
       watch)
Right. Totally.
                                                            
                       LEE (VO)
      (thinking at
       clipboard)
Where the hell are those two? I'm
going to have their asses for
lunch! Why won't this guy stop
talking?
                                                            
                       TIM (VO)
      (talking backround
       of boss thinking)
.. it was amazing cuz' i finally
got my lvl 80 elf through its 32nd
25 man raid run. i've collected
OVER 275 emblems of awesomeness!
Yea, I think I'll finally get that
promo from my guild tonight. Wanna
know my guild name is? You'll
never guess? I'll tell ya anyways.
The Light of the Forsaken! I know
what you're thinking...
                                                            
                       LEE (vo)
jesus man!
                                                            
                       TIM
...and of course I'll get you
totally invited to my guild but
you're gonna want to make sure
that your toon is all spec'd out
cuz these runs are intense. I
think we finished the one last
night in 3 hours.
      (drinks fanta)
God, this Fanta is f'n fantastic.
Have you seen those commercials? I
            (MORE)

3.

                       TIM (cont'd)
can never get that song out of my
head! It's all like
      (sings)
FANTA! FANTA! c'mon on and drink
some FANTA! FANTA! boom tst boom
tst. FANTA!
                                                            
                       LEE
      (looks up)
About freakin time!
                                                            
John and Keven coming walking up to electronic department
from the entrance of the store. Both of their shirts are
torn. Kevin has the early stages of a black eye while John
has a cut lip and tissue in his nose. The boss has his hand
at his hip looking irrated and with the clipboard still in
on hand. He begins to point his clipboard at them.
                                                            
                       LEE
Where in dear sweet baby jeebus'
name have you two been?
                                                            
                       KEVEN
Well, you see...
                                                            
                       LEE
      (interupts)
You're both nearly two hours late
and were you two in a fight?
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (stuffing more
       tissue in his
       nose)
um...
                                                            
Kevin's thinks back to what happen earlier that day as he
looks at john for an excuse
                                                            
 
INT. KEVINS AND JOHN'S APARTMENT - DAY
                                                            
both of the guys are playing G3 and have their guitars on.
Kevin is standng up and trying to initiate the star power
ability with evergrowing frustration because John is not
really giving a crap about what is going on with song. John
is sitting on the couch lazily playing.
                                                            
                       KEVEN
      (swiping his
       guitar up and
       down)
You gotta strum up. Strum up!
            (MORE)

4.

                       KEVEN (cont'd)
You're playing bass! Strum UP!!
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (indifferent)
what are you talking about?
                                                            
                       NARRATOR (VO)
      (still scene)
These two respectable gentlemen
are my other two roomates. They
have been friends since the 1st
grade.
                                                            
                       KEVEN
      (still swiping
       guitar)
You're going to fail us asshole!
move your guitar like this!
      (song is failing)
argh! God dammit!
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (looks up at kevin)
huh?
                                                            
                       KEVEN
      (song fails turns
       to john)
What the hell John!?
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (begins to swipe)
what?
                                                            
                       KEVEN
Everytime time you do this!
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (put guitar down
       next to him)
what am i..
                                                            
                       KEVEN
      (interupts)
Can we please pass one F'n song
without you sucking it up so hard?
You're on medium for crying out
loud!
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (irritated)
dude... relax, it's just a game
bro. No need to get sand all up in
            (MORE)

5.

                       JOHN (cont'd)
your vagina.
                                                            
                       KEVEN
      (points at john)
No, you relax bro!
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (confused)
that doesn't even make any sense.
      (gets up and
       starts to walks
       away)
i'm not even yelling you lunatic.
                                                            
                       KEVEN
      (throws his hand
       up)
You know what doesn't make sense?
How you can be such a fucking
noob!
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (turns around
       horrified)
what? what did you call me?
                                                            
                       KEVEN
      (relaxed)
you heard me
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (walks up to kev)
what did you call me?
                                                            
                       KEVEN
      (gets back in
       john's face)
you're a noob. a N-O-oob. NOOB!
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (shoves kev)
take it back!
                                                            
                       KEVEN
      (shoves back)
you're too wussy to beat me!
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (readying himself)
screw this! i'm goig to kick your
ass woman!
                                                            

6.

                       KEVEN
      (fists up)
WOMAN!? I am so much a man my
blood type is STEAK and my fists
puches things and your a face is a
thing therefore i will punch your
face!
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (confused)
WHAT!?
                                                            
                       KEVEN
I'MA CHILI PECK YOUR BALLS!
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (lunges at kev)
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT
MEANS!?
                                                            
The two start grappling on the floor in the middle of the
living room. Not so much punching but more like slap hitting
rather and knocking things over.
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (winded)
What is that!? what is THAT!?
OWOWOW!! What are you doing? are
you pinching me!?
                                                            
                       KEVEN
      (frantically)
Mommy pinches woman! they hurt
like a mutha.. ARGH! stop pulling
my hair!!
                                                            
                       NARRATOR
      (scene pause)
As you can see they love each
other very much
                                                            
                       JOHN
You damn woman!
                                                            
                       KEVEN
You're fat!
                                                            
                       JOHN
doesn't make any sense!
                                                            
                       KEVEN
You're fat!
                                                            

7.

                       JOHN
No! you're fat!
                                                            
Two continue to grapple, pinch and hair pull as they repeat
"you're fat" "no, you're fat!".
                                                            
 
INT. TARGMART - DAY
                                                            
Scene cuts back to lee point clipboard at keven and john
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (shrugs)
We ran into a door knob?
                                                            
                       LEE
      (not amused)
Listen. I don't know what kinda
hoopla you two are in but..
                                                            
                       KEVEN
      (whispers to john)
he said hoopla
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (snickers)
                                                            
                       LEE
Now God dammit Teske! you're the
head of this department and as
such i expect you to start acting
like one. Take some pride is your
work performance and this attitude
of your is not helping.
                                                            
lee begins to put his arm around john walks away from the
group.
                                                            
                       LEE
now listen, i expect to see some
improvement from you or i will
fire you ass faster than an (ARAB
JOKE HERE HA!).
                                                            
Rene had been walking up with some sort of electric cable in
his fully dressed in his emt uniform, radio squawking in the
backround.
                                                            
                       LEE
      (looks at rene)
Speaking of the devil. Hey Achmed
don't blow the place up.
      (walks away)
                                                            

8.

Everyone walks to their respective places, expect for john
and rene.
                                                            
                       RENE
      (confused)
what was that about?
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (waves his hand)
He thinks you're arab. what's up?
Are you working?
                                                            
                       RENE
      (holds up device)
Yea. We're posted in your area so
i came in to see if you had this
kinda of car charger for my phone.
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (takes the item)
Yea. I'm sure we do.
                                                            
john turns around and hands this item to keven.
                                                            
                       JOHN
Hey! check to see if we have one
of these on the rack over there.
                                                            
                       KEVEN
      (irritated)
why do i have to do it?
      (sighs heavily)
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (shove the item at
       keven)
Just do it!
      (turns back to
       rene)
How's work so far?
                                                            
                       KEVEN (VO)
      (background of
       talking)
Gah... lazy ass
                                                            
rene looks up and reflects on what happpened to him that
day.
                                                            
Rene flashes back to a 8 year old girl screaming in his
face, then some dude puking on him in the back of the
ambulance, then an old lady screaming that he's killing her
as he's trying to take her blood pressure.
                                                            

9.

                       RENE
just a normal day at work.
anyways, Alice and i have tickets
to go see halfbeard if you're
interest?
                                                            
                       JOHN
ah jesus. you too? what the hell
is so appealing about it. Honestly
it sounds a whole waste of my
time.
      (pauses)
yea i guess.
                                                            
                       RENE
Do i need to pick you up after
work or is Tim gonna give you a
ride to the showing?
                                                            
                       TIM (VO)
      (Over hearing)
What's that?
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (turns his head to
       the side)
"F" off Tim
      (looks back at
       Rene)
Yea probably
                                                            
radio start sqwaking in the background about guy being
punched in the face at a local bar. Having breathing issues.
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (glance at the
       radio)
Sounds like that guy's in trouble.
                                                            
                       RENE
      (sighs then starts
       walking away)
God willing. that's us. i'll grab
charger later. see you at home.
                                                            
 
INT. THE GUYS HOUSE - NIGHT
                                                            
down comes alice from upstairs while putting on her hoody.
Rene is sitting on the couch playing the xbox while waiting
for everyone to show up.
                                                            

10.

                       ALICE
      (now digging deep
       in her purse)
so when does everyone else plan on
showing up?
                                                            
                       RENE
      (unattentive)
uh dunno..
                                                            
                       ALICE
are you still playing that damn
game? don't you ever get tired of
sitting in front of the tv
mindlessly wasting away?
                                                            
                       RENE
nope. distracts me from the pain.
                                                            
                       ALICE
what pain?
                                                            
Rene turns around and points at Alice. then sorta chuckles
to himself
                                                            
                       ALICE
      (rolls her eyes)
nice. why do i even love you?
      (starts walking
       for the kitchen)
                                                            
                       RENE
it's probably cuz i'm really good
in bed!
                                                            
                       ALICE (VO)
if good you mean crying to me
saying, "i'm sorry!" then yes
you're amazing.
                                                            
                       RENE
oh i love it when you talk dirty
to me!
                                                            
in comes kevin, john, and tim. tim brougt someone with him
to go to the movies.
                                                            
                       RENE
      (still playing
       xbox)
hey guys!
                                                            

11.

                       GROUP
      (strolling in)
hey!
                                                            
                       RENE
      (sniffing)
what smells like bacon grease? did
you stop at piggly wiggly's tim?
                                                            
kevin and john giggle
                                                            
                       TIM
      (looking at
       kathryn)
he's just joking. He doesn't
really mean it
                                                            
                       RENE
      (smiling)
sure i do!
                                                            
                       KATHRYN
      (irritated)
that's pretty funny rene. where's
Alice? did she finally off herself
'cause she came to the realization
that her parents would never
accept her daughter dating and
illegal cuban?
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (whispers at kevin)
Rene's cuban?
      (kevin shrugs)
                                                            
                       RENE
      (puts down the
       controller then
       turns to kathryn)
Sorry Cobbles, i can't understand
you. all i hear is "oink, oink,
oink, oink. oink"
                                                            
                       KATHRYN
      (points at Rene)
my last name is kuebler asshole!
                                                            
                       RENE
      (puts his hand to
       his ear)
oink! oink! oink! SQUEEEE!
                                                            

12.

kathryn storms off into the kitchen leaving tim chasing
after her while the three left start laughing.
                                                            
                       JOHN
What time does the movie start?
                                                            
                       RENE
uh.. i believe it starts in about
45 minutes.
                                                            
                       KEVEN
then we should probably take off
now then.
                                                            
                       RENE
Why?
                                                            
                       KEVEN
cuz the line is going to being to
be long and i'll be damned if i
have to sit in the front of the
theater plus i love seeing the
previews.
                                                            
                       JOHN
it doesn't really matter if we
miss the previews. now they filled
with commercials anyways.
                                                            
                       KEVEN
yes it does! that's part of the
whole movie experience.
                                                            
                       JOHN
it a shitty movie therefore it
will have shitty previews
                                                            
                       KEVEN
the don't go i'm sure no one will
miss you.
                                                            
                       JOHN
no, i'ma go just so i can give you
so much shit when you're
disappointed.
                                                            
                       KEVEN
you're fat.
                                                            
                       JOHN
you're fucking fat!
                                                            

13.

kevin and john get in each other faces while amusing rene.
Rene puts down his controller to watch the slap fight that
has began. Alice, kathryn and tim walk back in the scene.
                                                            
                       ALICE
      (looking down at
       kevin and john)
again!? Rene do something!
                                                            
                       RENE
What and miss the battle of epic
proportion that is unfolding?
                                                            
                       ALICE
Rene!
                                                            
                       RENE
      (breaking up the
       fight)
alright! it's time to go!
                                                            
 
EXT. OUTSTIDE OF THE THEATRE - NIGHT
                                                            
The whole group John, Kevin, Tim, kathryn are standing in a
long for half bear, while Rene and Alice are standing off to
the side since they have had their tickets already.
                                                            
                       KEVEN
      (growing in
       frustration)
Oh man! We're never going to get
in at this rate. I wish this line
would hurry up.
                                                            
John is starring at the back of the head of an old man that
is now next in line to get tickets. John is getting very
angry as the old man is moving exponentially slower.
                                                            
                       TICKET LADY
      (not caring)
What can I get you sir?
                                                            
                       OLD MAN
      (putting is hand
       to his ear.)
What's that? ma'am?
                                                            
                       TICKET LADY
      (leans into her
       mic)
What can I get ya hun? What
tickets do you want?
                                                            

14.

                       OLD MAN
      (slighty confused)
Uh.. What? Umm... oh! I need
tickets. What? For the movie.
What's that? oh I need 6.
                                                            
John crossing his arms and now glaring at the old man.
                                                            
                       OLD MAN
      (reaching for his
       wallet)
Yes, that's it. I need 6 tickets
to uh.. Half bird.
                                                            
                       TICKET LADY
So that's six tickets to half
"Beard"?
                                                            
old man pauses and stares at the ticket lady.
                                                            
                       OLD MAN
Huh? Yes, six to half bleed. What?
                                                            
                       OLD MAN
      (unamussed)
Okay six tickets for half beard
that'll be 51 dollars.
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (behind the old
       man mummbles)
about damn time
                                                            
                       OLD MAN
51? Okay. What? No. That's too
much. How much is a single ticket?
                                                            
                       TICKET LADY
8 dollars and fifty cents sir.
                                                            
                       OLD MAN
No.
                                                            
                       TICKET LADY
      (confused)
No what?
                                                            
                       OLD MAN
      (handing an AARP
       card)
Huh...? No. I don't pay that much.
                                                            

15.

kevin now listening on to this conversation next to john
amazed that this is actually happening.
                                                            
                       TICKET LADY
well i apologize if you think that
the prices are different than what
you have expected sir
                                                            
                       OLD MAN
Twenty
                                                            
                       TICKET LADY
      (irritated and
       confused)
What?
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (leaning forward)
what!?
                                                            
                       KEVEN
      (throws his hand
       up)
what!?
                                                            
                       OLD MAN
Huh? Twenty
                                                            
                       TICKET LADY
I"m sorry sir but it will 51
dollars
                                                            
                       OLD MAN
I've never paid that much, twenty.
                                                            
                       JOHN
You have got to be kidding me?
                                                            
                       TICKET LADY
Um... the prices are not
negotiable sir. 51 dollars please.
                                                            
                       OLD MAN
What? That's ridiculous I remember
when movie prices use to be fifty
cents...
                                                            
                       KEVEN (vo)
WHO CARES!?
                                                            
                       TICKET LADY
I can't do that sir. The price is
51 dollars for 6 tickets please.
                                                            

16.

                       OLD MAN
      (confused)
What? no twenty. I wan't your
manager.
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (looks at kevin)
Okay old man needs to die now!
                                                            
Kevin nodding in agreement.
                                                            
                       TIM
What is taking so long?
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (sametime as kevin)
Shut up Tim!
                                                            
                       KATHRYN
      (mad)
You need to stop talking to Tim
like that!
                                                            
                       KEVEN
      (turns to kathryn)
Oink! Oink! Oink!
                                                            
The ticket lady goes to find the managaer. Rene and alice
have enter the theater leaving behind Kevin, John, Tim and
Kathryn.
                                                            
 
EXT. INSIDE THE THEATER - NIGHT
                                                            
Rene opening the door for Alice and then handing the tickets
to the taker.
                                                            
                       TICKET TAKER
thank you and theater six will be
the fifth on the right?
                                                            
                       RENE
Theater six is the fifth one on
the right?
                                                            
                       TICKET TAKER
      (straight face)
Yes sir.
                                                            
                       RENE
The fifth one?
                                                            

17.

                       ALICE
Come on Rene.
                                                            
                       TICKET TAKER
Yes.
                                                            
                       RENE
      (shrugs)
Okay?
                                                            
Alice and Rene start walking to the consession stand.
                                                            
                       RENE
Does that not make any sense to
you?
                                                            
                       ALICE
      (looking at the
       menu)
I think I want popcorn
                                                            
                       RENE
I mean one would think that
theater six would be the six one
in order instead of five.
                                                            
snack person walks up to the register,
                                                            
                       SNACK PERSON
      (smiling)
What can i get for you folks?
                                                            
                       ALICE
May I have a medium popcorn with
no butter and a large Dr. Pepper.
                                                            
                       RENE
I'm sorry?
                                                            
                       ALICE
What?
                                                            
                       RENE
Who the hell eats popcorn with no
butter? At that point you're just
eating stale puffs of nothingness.
                                                            
                       ALICE
um... I don't. They don't even
serve real butter, I mean, c'mon,
it's so over processed not to
mention that it's an artery
clogging death trap.
                                                            

18.

                       RENE
      (not listening
       looking at the
       snack guy)
I'll take a large popcorn with
extra death trap
                                                            
 
EXT. OUTSIDE OF THEATRE - NIGHT
                                                            
John is still standing in line with Kevin and Tim in the
background watch the old man beginning to talk to manager.
                                                            
                       JOHN
Is this seriously happening right
now?
                                                            
                       KEVEN
Maybe you should go say something
to him
                                                            
                       JOHN
I will.
                                                            
                       TIM
      (concerned)
That doesn't sound like a good
idea...
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (with kevin)
Shut up Tim.
                                                            
John leaves the line and begins to walk towards to the old
man.
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (puts his hand on
       the old man's arm)
What the hell is the hold up?
                                                            
                       OLD MAN
      (startled)
what!?
                                                            
The old man sees John and begins to stroke to the ground.
John lets go as everyone around begins to look at the
situation horrified.
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (looks around
       quickly)
I didn't mean to!
                                                            
 

19.

INT. WAITING ROOM OF A HOSPITAL - NIGHT
                                                            
John and Tim are sitting next to each other in the waiting
room of the hospital. John is looking stressed out with
Kevin sitting in the sit across form shaking his head with a
slight grin on his face.
                                                            
                       KEVEN
I can't believe you hit an old
man.
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (appauld)
I didn't hit him!
                                                            
                       KEVEN
Poor guy just wanted some tickets
to a movie and you hit him.
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (crossing his arms
       looking down)
shut up.
                                                            
                       KEVEN
      (leans foward)
Seriously. I mean, what kind of
animal does that to another human
being.
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (irrated)
err
                                                            
In comes the doctor. John walks up to her concerned.
                                                            
                       DOCTOR
      (patient file in
       hand)
Well, your grandfather is going to
be fine. Turns out that he had a
minor stroke and with some bed
rest he'll be back to himself in
no time.
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (relieved)
oh thank God
                                                            
                       DOCTOR
      (trying to hand
       file to john)
We just want to keep him over
night for some observation. Just
            (MORE)

20.

                       DOCTOR (cont'd)
need you sign these for approval.
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (with is hands up)
Well you see we're not his family
                                                            
                       DOCTOR
      (confused)
Who exactly are you?
                                                            
                       KEVEN (vo)
      (in the background)
He's the guy who hit him!
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (whips around to
       kevin)
dude!?
                                                            
As John is looking at Kevin the grandson of the old and his
wife approach the doctor concerned. Confused begins to talk
to couple about what had happened. Kevin walks up to John.
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (pissed)
what the hell is your problem?
                                                            
                       KEVEN
      (smiling)
Whoa careful, you gonna hit me
too?
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (putting his
       finger on kevin's
       chest)
You're such a dick
                                                            
As john puts his puts his kevin pretends to start having a
stroke and falls to ground. meanwhile, behind john the
doctor talking to the couple pointing at john. the grandson
looking upset walks over to john.
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (looking down a
       kevin)
You're really messed up... what
the!?
                                                            
The grandson grabs john by the shoulder, spins him around
and then knocks john out in one punch. The scene ends with a
blackout.
                                                            
 

21.

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY
                                                            
The scene begin from the point of John's eye opening up.
Only to find the whole gang at the foot of his bed looking
back at him. Kevin is smiling and slightly bouncing up and
down.
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (groggy)
what happened?
                                                            
                       RENE
      (concered)
hey. are you feeling alright?
                                                            
                       ALICE
      (put off)
I can't believe you hit an old
man!
                                                            
John's sets his head back on pillow
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (closing his eyes)
I really hate you guys.
                                                            
 
INT. BACK IN THE LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
The gang walks in the apartment tim carrying John's stuff.
John looks at Rene and Alice.
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (ribbing his head)
So how was the movie?
                                                            
                       RENE
We didn't get to see it when Kevin
told us that you assaulted that
old guy
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (turns to kevin
       and grabs him)
You son of a bitch!
                                                            
Laughing at John, Kevin pretends to stroke again and falls
to the ground. turns around to Rene for assistance and
accidently touches him. Rene pretends to stroke and falls to
the ground. Pissed, john jumps on top of the two.
                                                            

22.

                       JOHN
      (slap hitting the
       two)
MOMMY PINCHES BTICH!
                                                            
                       KEVEN
      (slapping back)
YOU'RE FAT!
                                                            
                       RENE
      (Pulling john's
       hair)
YOU'RE FAT!
                                                            
                       JOHN
YOU'RE F'N FAT!
                                                            
                       ALICE
      (walks away)
you three are pathetic
                                                            
                       TIM
      (looking down not
       knowing what to
       do)
guys cut it out!
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (at the sametime
       as kevin and rene)
Shut the hell up Tim!
                                                            


FADE OUT.


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From Ryan Date 3/7/2010 *1/2
I like the humor, but only the humor. This would be funnier if condensed down and made into a comedy skit at a comedy club. Way too much swearing. It has a lot of potential but you need to fix all the grammar errors. These errors will keep anyone major from taking your script seriously. A lot of small errors. You do get a star and a half, because i laughed out loud once. Keep working on it.

From ive Date 1/13/2010 ****
good good

From Steven Cooper Date 1/12/2010 **
Good first script but maybe a bit too much swearing

From Reed Coverdale Date 1/11/2010 *1/2
not very well developed, and constant swearing just shows you know not what to write about.-

From April Bagley Date 1/8/2010 ****
Good first attempt, but you need to be careful about capitalizing some of the words.


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